Pain of love (Severus Snape love story)
by DracoTatzeSnape
Summary: Arya Jackson is the daughter of Tom Riddle and fairy Leyanne. The true burden of her blood begins with a magical journey in Hogwarts. Torn between her Gryffindor friends and Slytherin family, Arya desperately fights the house rivalry. Her secret connection with Severus Snape grows stronger and even more complicated. Yet it turns into a powerful weapon in the upcoming wizarding war.
1. Chapter 1, Year 1 - The Hogwarts-Express

1\. The Hogwarts-Express

The wall came nearer and nearer but I wasn't scared. I just closed my eyes and then... I heard a train whistle and knew I was through. I could hear screams and voices from many people and suddenly my fear came back. I was not like all the others there. I had a secret for which they would surely hate me except maybe the Slytherins. Stop it!, I thought to myself. Nobody knows your secret except HIM, Draco, his parents. Well, and my parents. Just thinking about my father made me angry and filled myself with rage. I shook my head to free me from my thoughts which would only make me angry or sad. I opened my eyes and walked around the corner to see the most beautiful train I have ever seen. Not that I'd seen many... Just like he had described it, I thought just to mentally slap myself thereupon. I had forbidden myself to think about HIM years ago, but until now I haven't really succeeded in doing so. It always made me sad and angry at the same time. Once more I shook my head and was about to go to the train when suddenly somebody tapped my shoulder.

I turned around and faced a very known boy with platinum hair and a wide, cocky smile. In an instant I became happier than I hadn't been for a long time and returned the smile. Before we could hug each other Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy appeared behind Draco.

"Na na Draco. You won't forget your manners, won't you? Stop your childish behavior!" Draco's smile froze immediately and his eyes turned cold.

Lucius then looked in my direction with his cold grey-blue eyes, which were identical to Draco's. But for his are warm, I thought when Mr. Malfoy started speaking to me in his usual smugly, ice cold voice: "Pleasure to see you again Ms. Jackson" but I knew that he didn't mean it at all. At the same time I was surprised he addressing me with Ms. Jackson. He never had the urge before to show me some respect.

"It seems that you still have this effect on my son" His look went quickly to Draco who gazed the floor and back to me.

"I hope you won't do anything together at Hogwarts. Anyway, you won't be in the same house I think except you changed but from your attitude I see you haven't. So, do me a favour and stay away from my son or your little secret will come out by coincidence! Come Draco, you have to go on the train."

With that he turned around and walked away with Narcissa. Draco just glanced in my direction, muttered "Sorry! Gonna talk later" and quickly followed his parents.

I sighted and slowly made my way to the nearest traindoor. So long I had dreamed about seeing Draco again after two years and then his father had to ruin this moment. With a little help of magic I lifted my trunk easily and walked through the wagon, searching for an empty compartment. Soon I found one and pushed my trunk under the seat. I sat down and starred out of the window. My thoughts went back to the moment when Mr. Malfoy had threatened me. He was the only person who had ever threatened me. I've never had many friends. Until now I have only two. Nala, a cat which lived near the orphanage, came every day and accompanied me. I talked a lot with her and she was the only one who could make me forget what the doctor did to me every time I had to go to inspection. He knew that I liked Nala a lot, so he threatened me to kill her if I would ever tell somebody that he hurt me. I thought of Draco, with whom I had lived with for four years. He had always tried to protect me from his father who wanted to change myself into the same person my father was. But I would never be like my father. He had killed my mother. She could do magic without a wand, just like me.

Nobody knew about my parents or my abilities except from some people. I didn't want anybody to know about it, because then I wouldn't be accepted in Gryffindor, where my mother had been for her last two years at school - the place where she had met her fairy love. Fairy love was like Ying and Yang, to one fairy belonged another person with whom he or she would fall in love with. It was not very often that the other person didn't fall in love too, but it happened. I didn't think that I had found my fairy love yet but I had sworn myself that I wouldn't accept it like my mother did if it was somebody from my father's followers. I would prefer to suicide myself than to make the same mistake my mother had done. I would never understand how she could have done this. She was surely blinded by love otherwise she would have seen the bad heart my father had, anyway I had seen the monster in him when I lived nearly my first two years with him and my mum. Then he had killed her when he had burned his mark in her arm. The dark mark had been against the pure nature of a fairy. She couldn't heal any wounds he would cause with dark magic.

That was the moment when Severus Snape came into my life. Albus Dumbledore, the only wizard who was strong enough to beat my father, had taken me that night to a little house near the sea. Then he had called after him with whom I had had the best years in my life. The first time I had been completely happy and loved. With him I hadn't to fear my father even if he had been his follower long time ago, but just because he had cared about my mum and had wanted to protect her from my father. But then, after several beautiful years with him, he had gone back with me to the house near the sea and Dumbledore had taken me to the Malfoys at night. Severus had told me all this years that he would never let me alone, never allow somebody to hurt me and always protect me. When he had gone through the door and left me with Dumbledore he had made me felt the worst pain somebody could feel. He had broken his promises, every single one I had believed in. Without looking back he had make me lose my trust. Until today I felt more hurt about what he had done than all the physical pain Lucius Malfoy had done. The only thing that had hurt more was to see Draco in pain of the punishments his father had given him for protecting me. I could have helped Draco with magic but I had made a promise. Even if it was Severus I had given it, about whom I was very angry, I had never broken it. I couldn't explain why but I had never used my magic in front of other people. Not even Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy had seen my magic. Draco was the only one I had shown it because I knew that he would never tell anybody.

Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by the compartment door being burst open. A boy who seemed to be of my age with messy black hair asked: „Do you mind if I sit here with you?"

"Not at all." I said and invited him to take a seat. He smiled at me and sat down.

"My name is Harry, Harry Potter." I didn't know why but his name seemed familiar.

"I'm Arya. Well my full name is Aryanna Jackson but I prefer Arya. It's easier to remind of, given that Aryanna is an ancient name."

He grinned at my explanation "Nice to meet you Arya. Is this your first year at Hogwarts?"

"Yeah it is. And yours too isn't it?"

"Yes. Until a few days ago I didn't even know that magic existed" he laughed at his words and I joined in.

Excited that he surely wouldn't know my parents, especially my father; we started talking about our lives we had until our letters had come. Harry was nice and funny to be with, even if I sometimes wished I could speak with Draco. With him I wouldn't have to pay attention on what I was saying. Then again the door burst open and a boy with red hair asked if he could join us. After introducing each other we started talking about the magical world. The red haired boy called Ron explained us everything about it because his whole family were wizards and witches. Soon he started to talk about Hogwarts where two of his brothers had already done their exams and three others went at the moment. He talked about the teachers but one name caught my attention. Severus Snape, head of Slytherin house and potions teacher.

"Arya, you're alright?" Harry asked when I gazed on the floor and didn't say anything.

"Yeah, I'm fine..."

"Are you sure? You look pale"

"Nah, I'm fine" I gave him a smile and he returned to his conversation with Ron about the magical sport Quidditch.

Again I drifted away in my thoughts. Since he had left me alone, since he had abandoned me, since he had pointed his wand at me and said "obliviate" I had tried so much to come over him and the pain he has caused me. But all I could do was being angry and sad at the same time. And now he would be my potions teacher for seven years at Hogwarts. He who hadn't wanted me anymore would be my teacher. The person, who took care of me until he didn't want to do it anymore and had preferred other business, would give me marks...

I was this lost in my thought that I didn't even realize when the train stopped. Harry and Ron had to call my name several times to get my attention. With a mixed feeling of happiness to see Draco and horror seeing Severus again I walked behind Harry and Ron. When we saw Hogwarts the first time from our boats we were all stunned and some of the jaws fell down. It was so beautiful just like Severus had told me. Then my fear of seeing him turned back and I searched for Draco in one of the other boats. When I found him our eyes locked and he gave me a reassuring smile, well knowing what was troubling me. Feeling a bit better I turned my gaze back to the beautiful castle which would be my home for one year. When we arrived I wanted to back out but I stumbled because I stepped on my cloak and fell down. Because I was one of the last nobody saw me but suddenly a hand appeared in front of my face. I looked up and saw Draco grinning down at me.

"Didn't know you were clumsy Jackson."

"I'm not. I just-"

"-am too stupid to walk. Well this is the first time that I've seen a cat stumble and fall to the ground" he interrupted me laughing.

He was the only one except Severus who knew that my favorite animals were cats. I glared at him but it didn't last long because I started laughing too.

"Shut it Malfoy and just for you to know: I'm still better than you because this is the first time in my life that I stumbled. You however did many times" I grinned at my comeback but he wasn't at all impressed.

"Yeah sure. And just for you to know: if you want to have dinner today you should stand up"

His grin turned into the warm smile I loved so much. This was Draco's side nobody knew because he had to hide it from his parents. Nobody, except me. It was a shame.

I took his hand and before I stood steady on my feet he hugged me.

"I've missed you so much Arya, you know. Even if I hoped for you that you would be at a better place where nobody would hurt you anymore."

"I've missed you too Draco, so much. Every single day was boring without you"

"Can't live without me, can't you?" He chuckled.

"If I couldn't, I wouldn't be here now, wouldn't I?" I started to follow the others when he came after me.

"I'm very happy to be here with you even if we will be sorted in different houses."

"Me too." I answered and together we walked towards the castle.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Sorting Hat

2\. The Sorting Hat

When we arrived inside the castle a strict old woman introduced herself as professor McGonagall, head of Gryffindor house and deputy headmistress. While we waited Draco tried to make friend with Harry, but he was a bit to arrogant, so Harry refused. I knew he had to play the Malfoy part, but I really hated it to see him as such an annoying idiot. Then McGonagall tapped on his shoulder and he walked back to his friends who seemed like his bodyguards. He glanced apologetic in my direction to see if I was angry, but I just had pity for him because I knew that he wasn't happy with playing like he had to. So, I just smiled, and he looked relieved, answering with a wink that no one could see.

When we entered the big hall, we were all stunned by its size, besides there were thousands of candles flying under the ceiling which seemed like the sky. The four house tables were arranged and at the end of the hall was a table with the professors of Hogwarts. My fear came back, stronger than before and I pulled my head down not knowing what to do. I thought I couldn't bear to see Severus now, not if I tried to forget the pain. I felt my heart racing and I was about to collapse, I could feel it. _You shouldn't do this Arya!_ I told myself. _You are half fairy and stronger than all this students here. Your father is the worst of all wizards and you wouldn't mind fighting him. So, don't walk like a shy little girl. Show the others that you are strong; show the teachers that you are confident. Don't be weak!_

With these thoughts I sighted one more time and lifted my head. Then professor McGonagall signed us to stop and we stood in front of some steps. I kept my look at her, too afraid to see one special person and losing my self-control. An old hut, called the sorting hut sang a song then the sorting began. A few people were sorted to Huffelpuff, Ravenclaw. When Draco's name was called he stepped forwards and the hut barely touched his head as it shouted "_Slytherin_". The table on the right cheered loudly and he passed me, without looking, to the snakes, the house where I wouldn't want to be sorted in at all. Then it was Ron's turn who was sorted in Gryffindor, he was very relieved. Some redheads clapped in their hands and I thought that they should be his older brothers he mentioned on the train. Harrys sorting lasted about five minutes because the hut wanted to put him in Slytherin but Harry was against it so he was put in Gryffindor. He smiled at me as he walked to his table. I hoped to be placed in Gryffindor too because I wanted to be with Harry and Ron as I knew no one of the other houses and didn't want to be sorted in Slytherin.

"_Aryanna Jackson_" called professor McGonagall.

I stepped forwards, keeping my head up and walking confidently, surely I avoided looking at the teachers table. The hall full of students watching me was the last thing I saw before the hut was put on my head and over my eyes.

"_Oh who do we have here?! The second time a fairy, but a stronger one than last time. Yes I know I placed your mother in Gryffindor and your father in Slytherin. Both of them were stronger than anybody but you seem even stronger. You look like your mother, not like your father. And your heart is like hers but again stronger. You have your father's stubbornness, yes. But where do I put you? I see you love Gryffindor's symbol, you are brave and selfless. Then again you are crafty like a Slytherin but more loyal than every Hufflepuff. Wise and smart, just like your parents were but more your mothers way. You have a good heart and I could put you everywhere. Difficult, very hard choice..."_

"_Please don't put me in Slytherin. If you do so I will go home! Let me be a Gryffindor, please just put me in Gryffindor with Harry and Ron!"_, I whispered in horror to be sorted in Slytherin. I didn't want to be in the same house like my father and to have Severus as my house teacher.

"_Well then, I know what house you belong to. GRYFFINDOR!"_

I sighted relieved and grinned while I walked to Harry and Ron. They congratulated me and I sat down beside them. My gaze turned to the teachers table and before I knew it my eyes were locked with a warm and black pair of very familiar eyes. I couldn't turn my head away at this moment and just starred at Severus when all my pain and memories floated in my thoughts. I was about to cry, I could feel it but didn't want to.

_Oh really Arya. He is just an old git who isn't interested in yourself. He didn't want you at all so stop your childish manner. He left you without turning back, he broke every single promise he had given. He doesn't care about you anymore, if he ever did... _

I could fight back my tears and managed to glare at him before I looked to the Slytherin table right into Draco's grey-blue eyes which seemed worried. He rose asking an eyebrow but I just shook my head and smiled as an answer. Our eyes were locked and we enjoyed being together again when suddenly food appeared on the tables. We turned our gaze away from each other and started eating. I thought I had never eaten such a delicious dinner, not even with the Malfoys who were very rich. When I couldn't eat more the headmaster professor Dumbledore sent us to bed and the prefects lead the first years to their rooms. Percy, Ron's older brother and prefect, lead us upstairs on moving staircases which changed their directions to the portrait of a fat lady. He said a password and the portrait opened and revealed a nice, warm place with Gryffindor colors everywhere. Percy showed us were we could find our bedrooms and together with a girl called Hermione who seemed a bit know-it-all but nice and friendly I went in my bedroom. Tired from the train ride we went to bed, excited what our first school day at Hogwarts would be like. I fall asleep before I could think about potions with Severus, I just thought about being with Draco in class tomorrow...


	3. Chapter 3 - Confusing encounter

3\. Confusing encounter

The next morning, I went to breakfast with Hermione who would not stop speaking about classes and things she had already learned. If I ignored her know-it-all-side she could be very nice. Harry and Ron managed funnily to lose their way to transfiguration class. Professor McGonagall wasn't happy at all and when she asked if they wouldn't again if she transformed one of them into a map I had to suppress a laugh, but couldn't prevent snickering.

"_Is there anything amusing, Miss Jackson?" _Professor McGonagall turned in my direction.

"_Emm…no…" _I tried hard to stop laughing but wasn't successful. I could feel Draco's smirk; I knew that boy to well.

"_Sit down you two." _She said to Harry and Ron who quickly took their seats. Then she faced me with a stern look which didn't help me at all. I couldn't help it anymore and burst out laughing. At the latest now, I got the attention from everybody in the classroom.

"_Miss Jackson, I suggest you go either outside and come back if you have calmed down or you control yourself. You are in a classroom! Don't behave like an uncontrolled baboon."_

"I'm sorry professor! I… I really am, but your comments are hilarious. I mean…" I couldn't stop laughing and tears streamed already down my face.

"_That is enough Miss Jackson. Go outside and wait until you have calmed down. You can call yourself happy that I don't give you a detention as it is your first day. "_

I was still snickering pretty hard and could barely speak. _"I… Thank you… professor…"_

I gave up and staggered outside, shaking with laugher. The sound of the slamming door behind me resounded in the corridor. I leaned against the wall and slide down until I sat on the floor still shaking slightly. After a moment I calmed down and groaned, holding my head with my hands.

_Wow, now I'm already known as a crazy student who can't control herself. Well done Aryanna, well done! You made a good impression on your first day. _

Suddenly I sensed that someone was coming and looked up. Around the corner turned a certain professor with raven black hair and his blowing black cloak. When he saw me sitting on the floor against the wall he stopped dead in his steps and stared right in my eyes. His face showed no emotions. I was shocked and stopped thinking. My whole body was rigid and I just stared at him. Realizing that he had acted un-Snape-like he frowned at me and turned round the corner he had come from.

I just sat there, still looking at where he had disappeared. I couldn't think clearly and felt no emotions at all. Abruptly, I heard the door banging against the wall and jumped.

"_McGonagall said that I should…"_ Draco said looking for me in the corridor. When he found me behind the door he closed it again and looked at me with worry.

"_Arya are you alright? You're pale like a ghost!" _He crouched in front of me until he was at eye level. I refused to look at him and stared at his feet. I felt a warm thumb lifting my hand softly and was forced to look in his grey-blue eyes.

"What happened? I know that you are not in this state 'cause of McGonagall. You wouldn't let her making you down. So what is it?" I turned my head when I felt tears prickling my eyes. He did not miss it.

"_I… He was right there. He turned round the corner and… and he just stared at me and then he turned around and walked away. I had thought that I would feel angry or betrayed or-"_

"_Who are you- …You mean Snape_?"

"_Yes" _I whispered.

He took my hands and lifted me on my feet. When I felt his hands taking me in an embrace I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. The confusion took over me and made me feel lost and empty. I didn't know what to think. He had abandoned me but was shocked seeing me. That made no sense at all. I felt anger coming and pushed Draco away. He just looked at me when I started pacing. _I will have to face him again in potions after transfiguration. Time that you control yourself Arya. You can't let him go to you. Don't let him take control over you. You are strong and can go to this bloody school without him disturbing your thoughts._

I persuaded myself that it was the best if I just acted like this had never happened. I was angry and determined to show it. I would make his lessons hell and treat him like he deserved it. Starched with my decision I wiped away my few tears and turned to Draco.

"_Let's go back inside before we get detention_."

"_You're really alright_?

"_More than ever" _I grinned at him whilst he looked doubtfully at me.

I ignored it and opened the door to the classroom. We sat down and Professor McGonagall gave me a strange look as if she knew something wasn't right at all but didn't ask.

At the start-of-term banquet Harry had got the idea that Professor Snape disliked him. I can't deny that, but neither that he seemed to hate me more by the end of the lesson.

Potions lessons took place down in one of the dungeons. The other students got cold therefore they wrapped their cloaks tightly around them. I on the contrary felt nothing except a rising fear of facing Severus properly the first time. When we entered the classroom I was close-by panic but relaxed a little because our teacher wasn't there. I had liked to sit with Draco but the hatred between Slytherin and the other houses made it impossible. So I sat down between Hermione and Harry. The others chatted and laughed while I massaged my temples in attempt to calm my fear. I had sworn to control myself and I hadn't the intention in doing otherwise.

The door banging suddenly against the wall made everyone jump. Our precious teacher stepped in front of us and glared at everybody. I tried my best to glare back with such intensity but wasn't quite successful. _God has he become cold. _I thought as I inspected him. His hair wasn't greasy so I didn't understand why others said this about him. He had dark circles under his eyes and cavernous cheek. _Seems like I'm not the only one who hasn't slept enough. But I must admit you have looked better Snape. _I didn't want to care about him but I was concerned about him looking much older than he really was. He snapped me out of my thoughts when he started the class by taking the register and reading every name. Like Flitwick had done before he paused at Harry's name and I sensed that it wasn't out of excitement like the charms professor. Damn I was right.

"_Ah yes" _he said softly "_Harry Potter. Our new – celebrity." _I couldn't do otherwise than frown at his words. I knew that he disliked Harry but I wouldn't allow him to mess around with my friend. Before I could say something he had already called my name. I sat straight and glared at him when his eyes met mine. Resting his gaze longer on me than the other students he finished calling the names. He looked up at the class and started talking. I had the impression that he avoided looking at me.

In a voice that kept the class silent even if it wasn't loud, rather a whisper he started talking. I had difficulties obtaining my control when I started to lose myself in his voice.

"_You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making. As there is no foolish wand-waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses…"_

I knew his love for potions. He always started talking with more passion if he explained about it. I concentrated hard not to lose control over my mind. I couldn't help myself from falling for his passion. It was the most emotions I had seen in him at Hogwarts.

"_Potter!"_ he said suddenly and snapped me out of my thoughts again. _"What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"_

I could feel how Hermione lifted her hand but Severus ignored her. Harry on the other side looked as if he didn't have a clue about what Snape was talking and I couldn't blame him. My anger against Severus came back and grew with every question and mean comments he did.

"_Let's try again. Potter, where would you look if I told you to find a bezoar?" _Again Hermione lifted her hand and Harry didn't know the answer. Meanwhile I had to control myself from shouting at Snape.

"_What is the difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"_ Before Harry could tell him that he didn't know the answer my anger took control.

"_Excuse me, SIR"_ I emphasized the last word in a mocking way to annoy him. His head snapped in my direction, he couldn't avoid me any longer.

"_I think I can read good enough that I couldn't find anything in our letter what obligates us to already learn or to open our books before coming. I mean… we came here to LEARN from YOU. We are after all first years. I can say that I already read in my books but I guess about half the class didn't."_

The class fell silent at my outburst and Snape glared at me. I could see the anger in his face. Never had a student interrupted his class before. No one dared it, but my father was worst so…

"_I didn't ask for your opinion Miss Jackson. And if you interrupt my class again you will serve detention with me tonight." _His voice was cold and his eyes emotionless but I knew him: his slight frown and curled lips showed his anger. But for me it wasn't enough, I wanted to make him really angry. He turned his gaze back to Harry and started talking again but not with me.

"_I think you do know that no professor has the right to insult students. That's exactly what you are doing right now. Just wanted to remind you."_

I saw him frowning and when he looked at me his eyes were full of anger. I couldn't help myself from smirking. It just made him angrier but I didn't care.

"_I think you do know Miss Jackson that you will have to serve detention with me tonight?!" _He said in a mocking way, his lip was curled. "_And don't think you could threat me. You are nothing more than an insolent child and like you said a FIRST year." _His mocking voice was now replaced by a dangerous one but his lips turned into a smirk. I couldn't ignore the twinge in my heart. He saw me as a little child. My own smirk disappeared and was replaced with an emotionless mask.

"_Do you really think I care? I give a damn about detentions. You are nothing more than an unequable failure who likes to take out his anger and bad temper on students. You may know something about potions but that doesn't make you a proper teacher."_

During my words my emotionless mask changed into pure anger and hatred against Snape. Years of fighting back my emotions made them blurt out. I wanted to make him suffer like he did to me.

Snape on the other side became rigid and his expression turned dead cold. Now I REALLY got him angry.

"_How dare you talk to me like that? You accuse me of insulting students; well you just insulted me, your TEACHER." _His voice became louder and colder. His eyes seemed to lose every emotion; not even anger could be seen. "_It seems like your parents didn't taught you manners. And I AM your teacher so if you have a problem with me teaching you go and meet the headmaster. You can be sure that he won't even listen to your whining. Because that is what you are doing right now: whining about injustice."_

I stood up so fast that my chair fell down but I didn't realize. My fists shook with anger. I just saw Snape facing me. Neither did I notice Harry and Hermione twitching my sleeve with intent to calm me down, nor Draco's pleading look to calm down.

"_Do. Not. Ever. Say. Something. About. My. Parents. Again. My shitty father didn't teach me anything except that physical pain isn't the worst pain. And my mother was murdered before she could teach me anything. Therefore, I treat everybody like I think it's appropriate. And for your information: I won't go to the headmaster because I doubt some of his decision makings."_

"_Then I will teach you that you have to show SOME RESPECT. I am after all your PROFESSOR, whether you like it or not. The SAME applies for your HEADMASTER!"_

"_Like I said PROFESSOR, I treat everybody like he or she deserves it and I don't understand why I should show respect towards a death eater, nor towards an old man who employs one."_

Snape stood now right in front of me so I had to look up what wasn't great at all but I wouldn't give him any satisfaction nor would I give in. Snape's reaction was strange. I had intended to make him angry but he just stared at me, stared. Not glared or frowned. His expression was emotionless again but without any sign of anger.

"_Every other student would get a week or month of detention but I don't want to waste my time with you, Miss Jackson." _He said in a calm and controlled voice. I on the other side was confused and angry. _He considered me as a waste of time?! _

"_You don't want to mess with me Sir?! Afraid of givin' in first?! Understandable because I would win anyway." _I sounded rather proud and mocking but it hadn't the wished effect. Surprisingly it was the opposite. Snape turned around and walked back to his desk. With his back to me he said:

"_I don't want to have you in detention because I would like to work in silence and not with an annoying brat like yourself. It's already enough to have to teach you twice a week."_

I didn't know if it was just my impression but he sounded tired. I didn't know what I could say because he had caught me off guards with his reaction which was nothing like I had expected. He had now arrived at his desk and turned around again. Completely ignoring me still standing and staring at him he started talking.

"_I want you to read Chapter 1 to 4 in your books until Wednesday and to be able to answer my already asked questions." _ He sat down and the bell rang. Everybody hurried outside the fastest it was possible. I was still very confused about his reaction and packed my things slowly.

"_I suggest you go now Miss Jackson before I give you a detention with Mr. Filch." _I heard him say and looked up. But he just wrote something down and didn't bother looking at me. His voice seemed more tired than before. I took my bag and left. However before I closed the door I turned back and saw him holding his head in his hands. Even if I didn't want to feel that way I wondered if I had gone too far. He didn't look strong anymore, rather vulnerable. When I closed the door I shook my head and reminded myself of my plan to make him feel my pain.


	4. Chapter 4 - Halloween

4\. Halloween

Until the end of the following week Harry had managed to become Gryffindor's seeker thanks to Draco's provocation. I was happy for Harry, he really was very good. Hermione and I, we went to several Quidditch practice to watch him. Sadly, I hadn't managed to befriend her with Harry and Ron because Ron, the tactless person he was sometimes, had made a rude remark about her knowledge when she tried to help him in Charms class.

I went after her when she ran crying. I found her in the girls' toilets, locked-in.

"_Hermione don't listen to him! Ron's just being stupid. You know how he is."_ I could hear her sobbing and knocked gently on the door.

"_Go away and leave me alone! Please." _I sighted and sat down, my back leaning on the door. _"I won't go anywhere until you come out!"_ After a while she stopped crying and I could hear her robes rustling. "_Come on Hermione! I will sit with you at the feast and enjoy the good food. Do you honestly want to miss the feast just because he made some remark about you? You may know much and be addicted to what the teachers say but you don't have to listen to everything."_

"_Says the one who can't stop arguing with Professor Snape and can't let him make some remark without shouting back…" _Replied her quiet voice. I sighted again and banged my head on the door. The lessons with Severus weren't getting better. I didn't want him to get away with his betrayal but nearly each time we had potions I had a detention. They were always the same: I came, he ordered me to clean the tables or to arrange some potions, we didn't talk or ague if he didn't start and few hours later he would let me go. I had make Gryffindor lose at least fifty points after the second week which earned me another detention with Professor McGonagall and a very severe warning to behave properly. Not that I had not listened to it but Severus unfair behavior made me angry. I wanted to make him suffer so I nearly always referred to him as death eater. Strangely, he never gave away my secret about me being the Dark Lord's daughter which surprised me. Often he would catch me off guards if he just ignored me. He treated me different than the other students. It seemed almost as if he tried to take away least points possible. I got more detention than Fred and George which was difficult to do. They even called me "Snape's rival" because I managed to make him angry and to win some arguments with him. Can't say that I am proud…

"_Could you leave me for some minutes please? _Interrupted Hermione my thoughts. _"Go down to the feast and I'll come later." _I decided to let her go with it and said: _"If you aren't down in fifteen minutes I will come and drag you down by myself. Do you understand?"_ I heard a gentle humming and stood up. _"See you in the Great Hall."_ Again a humming as an answer. Leaving her alone I walked to the Great Hall and sat down besides Harry. Before I could decide whether to tell Ron about what he did or not Harry said: _"You know, Hermione is crying in the girls' toilets?" "I do. I just was with her. She told me she would be here any minute. I hope you are going to apologize." _I said with a warning look to Ron who shrank a little in his seat.

Suddenly the door to the Great Hall banged open and in came a very distressed and panicked Professor Quirrel. "_TROLL! TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS! I tried to… wanted to… Thought, I should warn you." _And he fainted and fell on the floor. All the students panicked and a chaos developed until Dumbledore ordered the prefects to guide the students into their houses. As we jostled our way through a crowd of Hufflepuffs, Harry grabbed my arm. "_I've just thought – Hermione."_

"_Damn, you are right. She doesn't know about the troll, we have to warn her."_

Together with Ron we ran down into the dungeons and saw the troll entering the girls' toilets. We were a little too late. Running after him I screamed Hermione to stay inside. When we finally reached the toilets we saw the troll striking the cabins down. We heard Hermione scream. Together Ron and Harry managed to finish him off by using his own mace against him.

It was Hermione who spoke first: _"Is it dead?"_

"_I don't think so," _Harry said._ "I think it's just been knocked out."_

A sudden slamming and loud footsteps made us look up. Not realizing what noise we had made the teacher were coming, with them Severus. _Great! _Fortunately, we got away with awarded house points.

"_I believe you three should go to the hospital wing,"_ said Professor Dumbledore, inspecting our bruises. _"As for you Ms. Jackson, I'm afraid you need to go with Professor Snape seeing that normal potions don't help you."_

Hermione, Harry and Ron gave me a reassuring smile whilst they followed a stern looking Professor McGonagall. I just stood there, trying to get my emotions under control and not to let him see my pain I could feel rising in my arm. I had hit the wall pretty hard when the troll had dashed me with his mace.

"_Ms. Jackson, I do not have all day," _Severus said with an impatient voice. I looked at him but he had already turned around to leave so I just watched his back. _The cloak bellowing behind him really makes him looking like a bat._ _Wonder what has changed him from an honorable man to such a cold person._ I was still lost in thought when he turned to me again, clearly recognizing that I wasn't following like he had ordered. I couldn't see his face in the dark of the corridor but his voice reflected the rising anger. _" Come. Now. Or I will have to drag you with me." _With these words he went on again and I didn't know why but his words made me smile. The thought of him not leaving me but taking me with him to take care of my arm made me happy - at least for a short moment. _Dumbledore gave him the order. If he would do the same without it? _Not wanting to be shouted at again I followed him quickly into the dungeons. I could just make out his silhouette in the dim light. He banged open the door to his office and closed it using magic after I had stepped in. _"Sit," _he ordered without looking at me. I sat down whilst he was taking something out of his shelf behind the desk. When he turned around to me again I was startled about his anger. My anger and plan not to let him see my pain vanished. Not knowing what to expect from him when he came to me, I just looked at him. Guess my eyes showed my fear. He kneeled down in front of me and inspected my arm. It really didn't look well. The sleeve of my forearm was tattered and soaked with blood. A cut was the reason for my pain and loss of blood. Severus' look got darker and I winced when he took my arm. Gently he cut of my sleeve at the elbow using his wand. _"Why you headless, insolent child haven't you used magic?" _He said more to himself. I however was astonished. I had expected an insulting remark. Not thinking I answered quietly: "_I don't know." _ He sighted and for the first time he didn't look angry or emotionless. Whilst he put some paste on the cut I could only stare at him. I took the time to inspect his face. His eyes seemed worried but I wasn't sure - could be the effect of the light. The dark circles around them and the slightly sunken face showed that something was really troubling him. He looked not very healthy. I felt a tingle in my heart. Never had I seen him so distressed before. As if he had felt my gaze he looked me in the eyes, my arm still resting in his hands. I couldn't help myself but to stare at him. _"Try not to get hurt again. I don't want to have to fix you again." _ The indeterminable look changed in less than a second, he blinked one time and suddenly I looked in the emotionless eyes again. He gazed back to the now healed arm and let go of me. _"Leave now. I have some work to do." _He said standing up. I was brought back to reality by the change to his old self again and sighted. Without looking back I left his office - not seeing the helpless gaze he was looking at me with.

That night I couldn't sleep so I decided to sit on the couch near the fire in the common room. I couldn't forget his look. I wanted to forget it and to be angry at him but for this few seconds he had been the old Severus again, the one who took care of me like I was his own child. When he had looked at me I had wanted him to embrace me again – to feel save and strong again. I started crying silently. Waking up the next day I made a decision: I would never let myself go that way and show my feelings.


	5. Chapter 5 - Discomfort

5\. Discomfort

The next week passed by and before one could notice it was already December. Classes got more difficult but nevertheless, I had no problems with keeping up. On the contrary, I got bored sometimes. My favorite class was potions even if I hated the way Severus treated his students. I took every chance I got to bring him on edge. After nearly every lesson I had earned a detention and a loss of house points for Gryffindor. Some Gryffindor's didn't want to speak with me anymore because they thought I would do it on purpose, well maybe they were right.

It was Friday, the last day before the weekend in December. Snow had started falling and transformed Hogwarts into a beautiful and fantastic place. The class was busy trying to get the hiccoughing solution right whilst the head of Slytherin slide from one table to the next, giving rude remarks from time to time. I had put my book on the ground to have more space for ingredients.

"_Is there a reason why you aren't using your book Jackson?" _I heard him saying in his bored voice. _"If not I suggest you put it back on the table because I don't want to have a second Finnigan in here_ _who blows up my classroom."_ I could hear some snickering; turning to the source I looked at the Slytherins with Draco in the middle. _"I need the space for my ingredients, Sir. I can't work with disorder on the table."_ I told him whilst turning my attention back to the potion. I didn't mean to be rude but as always he wouldn't accept it as an answer. _"I ordered you to put your book back on the table. Don't dare to talk back and now do what I ordered!"_ He sounded slightly angry and impatient.

_Great, now he's pissed already. Well git, you're not the only one who can be annoying. I swear if you weren't my teacher I would throw that potion at you! _My sanity tried to control myself but the anger was stronger. _"Fine, Sir." _I answered looking him in the eyes. I expected him to continue his walk but he just stood there, stared and watched every move as I put the book on the empty space near the angle. Not caring about him I turned to my potion again. I had a slight grin on my lips, wondering what would come next. If he was being a dick then I would behave the same way. _"Jackson!" _He said angrily, still with his quiet voice. _"You're getting on my nerves. Open your book or you will have to-" _

"_Serve detention with you." _I finished his sentence not looking at him. Of the corners of my eyes I could see Hermione sending me warning glares. I didn't care. I was already to angry and to amused to let it go. Whilst I stirred the potion with my left hand I opened the book but didn't cast a look at it.

I could sense when he passed by not looking at me again. _"It's a pity Jackson, your remark costs Gryffindor five points." _Not sounding pitying at all._ "Whatever"_ I said to myself. I had underestimated the distance so I was surprised when he turned slowly in my direction again. _"Do you want to make it fifty points?" _I looked him straight in the eyes, provoking him with a slight grin on my lips. _"Whatever."_ Suddenly, there was movement in his body. He walked directly to my table, based his hands in a swift move on the table. Now he was so close that I could see his eyes getting darker of anger. _"This is the second times you dare to talk back insolent girl. You think you can speak to me like that?! Well, let me tell you something, you just earned yourself detention for tonight and the weekend. I have had enough of your arrogant attitude."_

I didn't allow myself to show any sign of emotions. I waited for him to continue his rant, staring at him whilst the tension was getting more and more perceptible in the classroom. While I continued looking him in the eyes I remembered some moments I had at his house. I managed to block them out but the emotions overwhelmed me and I got angrier than I had ever allowed myself. Never before had I remembered moments of my past out of anger and his presence. My whole body shook with anger. I clenched my fists in attempt to hold myself together as long as possible. I could feel that I would say all the things I had hold back if I would lose control. I closed my eyes but had to open them again when Severus started speaking. He hadn't moved an inch except that he had taken his hands of the table and that he was looking around the room. _"I suggest you control yourself and make the fire disappear, Jackson." _I look to the left and saw several flames on the walls. The students watched them with fear and interest. Some were looking at me, surprised that I was the reason for the fire. Others were looking rather gloomy in my direction. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I really wanted to make them disappear but I couldn't calm myself down. I had to open my eyes when I felt tears starting to fall down. I saw only a black figure in front of me. I looked in his face. _"Go to hell!" _I said quietly and with controlled voice. My body kept shaking and I could feel my nails cutting in my clenched fists. _I need to leave! _I was losing it, I felt it. I grabbed my bag and my book as quickly as possible and turned in direction of the open door. Before I could reach it however, it moved and closed with the noise of a canon. Startled I sprung back and turned around. I could see clear again, Severus stood there with the wand in his hand and a lethal look on his face.

"_You'll go to the headmaster with me right now and fifty points from Gryffindor. I've had enough of your behavior. May someone else teach you, I don't need you in my class!" _He was rigid and I was sure if he had been standing right in front of me he would have slapped me. I could hear the other Gryffindors grumble but I wasn't in a state to care about anything. I felt my last part of control slipping away. _"I don't care about what you do or what you say. Give me as much detentions as you want, I don't care. And I speak with you like I think you deserve it. I respect only those who deserve it."_ Severus lowered his wand and stared at me, attempted to interrupt me but I couldn't stop. _"I don't know what makes you think that you are normal, no other teacher is like you. You are cruel and evil. I hate you! I hate you and your damn kin of death eaters. Dumbledore must have been insane to let a death eater teach his students. But then again he's never been right in his mind, hasn't he?"_

While I was speaking Severus expression had changed from anger to his emotionless mask but I could see that he had difficulties to maintain it. _"You disgust me. You think I'm arrogant, well look at yourself before speaking. I understand why there's no evolution of Slytherins in this school. How should a Gryffindor find friends in Slytherin if the house teacher is already representing the perfect evil Slytherin. You and all these Slytherins make me sick! I thought I could forget about my father in Hogwarts but you are making it impossible death eater. I hate you so damn much!" _I was so angry I couldn't see anything or anyone else than Severus standing there, showing no emotions. The tension was at its maximum. If looks could kill he would have been dead already. My eyes started prickling, I would start crying. I turned to leave, grabbed my bag, opened the door and stormed out of the classroom.

Stumbling I run down to the black lake. The trees, the forest and the lake were blurred. I went into a hidden spot where no-one would find me. Breaking down crying I embraced my knees. My whole body shook with each wave of new tears. I tilted over, hands covering my wet face. I didn't know how long I stayed in this position. Sometime, all the tears were dried. I looked up and saw that the sun had wandered; it had to be in the afternoon now. Numbly, I walked the few steps to the water and knelt down. The cold splash brought me back to my senses. I could think clearly again. The anger, pain and sorrow were gone. Thoughtfully, I sat down. I thought about what I had said in the classroom. It was true, no Slytherin seemed to change and those who wanted to couldn't without putting themselves into danger. Draco belonged to one of the most known Slytherin families. He was a member of the Malfoy family even if he didn't want to be like the rest. If his father or his mother or any Slytherin knew about his connection with me he would be in great danger if my father returned. And Tom Riddle would return one day, I could feel that the war hadn't ended. Time would come when it would start all over again and this time it would be more dangerous and crucial. _I can't continue befriending Draco. Maybe he would manage to keep it a secret from his mates and his family but once he stands in front of my father he would read Draco's face immediately. He would use Draco to get me; he would surely take advantage of him. I have to end it with Draco, for his sake! _I thought about it but couldn't find any other solution. I was sure if I had any tears left I would cry more. Thinking about Draco and the reunion had saved my years at the orphanage. And now that I had met him again I would end it with him. I had to do it. I needed to protect him!

At sunset I made my way to the dungeons. I hadn't eaten since breakfast so while my stomach was grumbling in protest my mind was focused on the task. From now on I would ignore Draco or say some rude remarks. And I would start the task by training with Severus. I would serve my detention in silence without letting him getting on my nerves. I would just ignore him.

I knocked on the door and entered without caring about the door banging against the wall. He didn't even look up from his paper work. _"On the table are ingredients that need to be arranged in alphabetical order on the shelves. You will serve detention until you have finished the task. If I see one bit of magic, you will serve detention next weekend too."_

Like usual he sounded bored while he looked at me with his piercing look. I didn't show any sign of annoyance or anger. Slightly surprised, showed by his raised eyebrow, he watched me walking toward the ingredients. I started with my task without saying anything.

"_It seems like detention at weekend is finally getting on your nerves. Otherwise you wouldn't be so quiet."_ I was interrupted by his voice. I ignored him like I had planned on doing. _"Decided to ignore me, have you. We'll see how long it lasts." _I could hear his smirk but continued arranging ingredients.

At midnight, I had just started with the letter "L", he interrupted me again. We had both worked in silence and I had caught myself several times relaxing into the stress-free time. _"It's midnight now, you may leave. Come back tomorrow at seven pm."_

I made my way to the door but before I closed it I said:_ "If I'm not being insulted or shouted at without a reason I am not saying anything. We'll see how long it lasts until you start arguing again!"_

Like he had done I grinned slightly. I allowed him to see a gentle smile for a split second before I finally shut the door. My smile vanished as soon as I started my way back to the dorm. I would get out of Draco's way for the weekend and continue practicing in detention. On Monday I would start my task with Draco. I had to do it.


	6. Chapter 6 - Christmas

6\. Christmas

Since the encounter with the troll Hermione was Harry's and Ron's friend too. Harry had found out that somebody had broken into the vault he was in with Hagrid in Diagon Alley. Not knowing what it was we found out that it was at Hogwarts. Thanks to Hagrid's imprudence we got the name Nicolas Flamel. So we searched the whole library for a book about him, unfortunately we couldn't find anything. When the Christmas holidays arrived and Hermione was about to leave she told us to continue searching but in the forbidden section. So the evening before Christmas I decided to go to the library alone. Ron and Harry wanted to play chess but I wasn't so much into it. I made my way down the stairs when I had the sudden feeling of being watched. I could feel the presence of another person and I let my instinct search the person – I knew who it was. I went on to the library. There was only the librarian and two students working on something that had surely not to do with schoolwork. Still feeling the presence of the person following me I changed my mind and wandered down to the lake. I went to the hidden spot which you could only reach if you pushed some branches to the side. It really wasn't possible to see the person being here nor could you hear it because it was far away from the usual places students would be. I loved the spot because you had a great size over the lake and the forest in the background. I sat down, gazing the lake.

"_You can come out now. I know you're there!"_

"_Damn, and I thought I could startle you," _came the voice of Draco through the bushes. Grinning he came beside me. _"May I accompany you young lady?"_

I didn't react. _"You should leave."_

"_Oh really?!" _he said with a played disappointed face. "_Is that why you're avoiding me?"_

"_I just don't want to have to deal with you any longer"_ I answered emotionless. He was watching the lake now and seemed absent-minded. _"This place is beautiful." _I looked at him. He was like some years ago, except his appearance of course. I had made everything I could to not have to have this conversation. I had insulted him as much as possible and avoided him. I turned my gaze back to the lake. Again it was Draco who started speaking.

"_Well. What are you doing here anyway? I thought you wanted to go to the library."_

"_And why did you follow me?" _

"_Just wanted to talk." _He looked down, took some grass and threw it into the water. _" You're avoiding me Arya, why? I mean what have I done wrong? And why are you so angry that you are taking every remark I make personally?"_ Draco looked at me but I refused to watch him so I gazed at the lake. I prepared myself for what I was going to tell him. _"Something's definitely wrong. I'm not stupid."_ He knew me to well just like I knew him. _"Is it something with Snape?"_

I didn't say anything but slightly shook my head. _"Look it's all simple. I don't want to have to do with you. If you would get my hints you would have understood earlier. But it seems as if I have to tell you directly. You are no-one I want to have to deal with. You decided to go your way by being sorted in Slytherin. You and your idiotic friends are insulting my friends every day…"_

I didn't know how to tell him. I watched a bug climbing on a stone near my foot. After a while I turned my head in his direction and said coldly and without showing any emotions: _"I don't want you in my life Draco! I don't want to have a connection with any Slytherin"._

He stared at me with disbelief. Draco was speechless. And my heart was starting to break. I had said it. I had finally done it.

"_You know I don't care about my family or my father even if I say so all the time." _He said carefully. _"They can never come between us. We swore it each other years ago when you came to us." _Now he seemed rather pleading and I couldn't bear hearing that tone in his voice. His eyes were begging me to take it all back, to tell him that it wasn't the truth. I could feel his pain.

"_It was the mistake of a naïve young girl. I understand now Malfoy. I understand things now. I love my friends and if you ever insult them the slightest again I'll make you pay for it!"_

I stood up and left. Feeling numb I walked without paying attention to where I was going. Suddenly I found myself in front of a door I knew very well from my detentions – the door to Severus' classroom. I could have hit myself for letting me go that far. _Damn you Aryanna! You just managed to finally end the contact with Draco so that you can concentrate on keeping you under control and now you're here. Forgive me Draco but I had to do this to keep you safe. I can't risk you getting hurt because of me._

My thoughts were interrupted by the sudden noise of an opening door. Instead of the door I found myself in front of a dark haired wizard with a perfectly emotionless expression. I forgot about all my troubles and imitated his mask. My eyes weren't quite successful I think. I didn't manage to hide all my feelings.

"_Is there a problem Ms. Jackson? If not I want you to leave now because I have important business to look after." _He sneered at me what made me feel small again. I stood completely in his shadow because his room had the only light in the corridor. I gulped and tried to stand up for myself… but I failed. _"I don't have any problems except you PROFESSOR and…"_

His dark angry look silenced me and I didn't manage to finish my sentence. Strangely, he didn't use my mistake to his advantage. His expression changed to a rather annoyed and bored one. _"Yes right. We went through this already. So if you would just leave now."_ Without bothering about me standing right in front of him he passed by, almost knocking me down.

"_Idiot," _I said to myself. _"Likewise,"_ answered surprisingly his bored voice. I couldn't help myself so I grinned slightly. Turning around I saw that he stood several meters away. _"Do not think I did not notice your interest in Nicolas Flamel. I saw you and your friends in the library and heard you talking. Stop whatever you are doing. It is none of your business!" _With that he turned around and vanished in the darkness leaving me speechless behind. We always had paid attention not to speak in front of anyone else about Flamel. Still wondering how Severus could know about that I walked back to the Gryffindor tower.

"_So, did you find something?" _asked Ron as I entered the common room.

"_No, got disturbed so I couldn't. Guys, I'm going to sleep. It's nearly midnight and I'm tired. Good night."_

"_Alright. Good night!" _said Harry absent-minded, still concentrated on their game. With that I climbed the stairs to the dorm. Nobody was there; the other girls had gone home.

One hour later, I still couldn't sleep. My mind was occupied with Draco's face when I had told him and the question how Severus knew about our research about Nicolas Flamel. Harry was under the impression that whatever it was stolen from Gringotts and hidden at Hogwarts, Snape had to do with it. I wasn't sure yet if it was true. _Damn you bastard Severus! I wanted to stay away from you and nonetheless I keep running into you. Maybe you've even become a thief. How the hell can you be that person without regrets?! _Thinking about my wish to make him that angry that he would do something illegal and be fired, I fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning I saw a pile of presents on my bed. I pushed away the bad feeling I had about Draco. I enclosed the pain in the back of my mind. Given the fact that Harry, Ron and I were the only first-year Gryffindor's staying over Christmas I decided to take my presents in the common room, hoping for the boys to be there too – I was right. Already unwrapping their presents, they sat in the armchairs by the fire.

"_Merry Christmas you two!" _I wished plopping in the third armchair. Over a pile of presents in my arms I grinned, it was more faked than ever but they didn't realise. _"Merry Christmas," _said Ron whilst eating a chocolate frog.

"_Thank you Arya for this book about Quidditch!" _said Harry brightly. _"See you haven't unpacked yet."_

Not waiting any longer I unwrapped them. From Hermione I got an advanced book about potions, from Ron chocolate frogs, a sweater from his mum and from Harry a box with candies. There were still two presents left but suddenly I heard Ron getting excited so I looked up.

"_Wow, that's an Invisibility Cloak! They're really rare and really valuable." _Harry tried it and really, he disappeared. "_Wonder who sent you the cloak_." I asked them. "_I've read about it, it makes you invisible but others can still hear you."_ Harry and Ron beamed and started to make fun of one another whilst one of them had the cloak on. Not interested in their childish game I turned my attention back to the last two presents. They were both small, not bigger than the palm of a hand. I opened first the one wrapped in red with a silver bow. It was heavy for its sight. Inside was a bronze emblem with the Gryffindor lion and the Slytherin Snake. Unlike on every other picture they seemed peaceful with one another. The long body of the snake lay half curled under the standing lion. Their heads were at same level, piercing eyes of little diamonds looking in my direction. I stared at the emblem. Turning it around I saw a note pinned on the back. A neat writing said: **Love is nothing to be reserved or afraid of. Time will come when you'll realize that there can't be life without love, nor love without hate. Never underestimate love! Merry Christmas to you. Sincerely Albus Dumbledore**

I didn't understand what he meant or why he would send me something at all. After all, he was the one who had made me live at the Malfoy's and the orphanage. My grip hardened around the emblem and with a quick move I threw the note in the fire. Reluctant I put the emblem to the other presents. The last present was even smaller and wrapped in navy blue also with a silver ribbon. _Who would send me a present? I got something from my friends and even Dumbledore. Let's just hope that it isn't from my father, _I thought while unwrapping the present. Inside was a little black box. Curious I opened it and gasped. On black velvet lay a silver ring, formed like flames ranked at one another or like ranks of Devil's snare. I had always wanted such a ring because it represented the circle of life and the importance of every life. The circle wouldn't be complete if one part would miss. Carefully, I took it out of the box and put it on my right ring finger. It didn't fit well but suddenly the ring shrank until the size was perfect. It gleamed almost white in the light of the fire. _It's beautiful! _I wondered who could have sent me, no, who could have known about it. _I never told anyone about it so who is it from?!_ Still thinking about the riddle I threw the wrapping paper in the flames and turned my attention back to Ron and Harry. They were still busy with the cloak, trying to figure out who could have sent it.

"_You know you could go in the restricted section without anyone seeing you?" _I asked mischievously. _"True! I'll try it if we can't find anything until Hermione's back."_

So we searched but the day before school started again we hadn't found anything so Harry decided to go to the library. Because Ron had to finish some homework he stayed in the common room with Hermione whilst Harry and I slipped in the library under the cloak. Not knowing where to search we opened several books hoping to find the name. Suddenly one book let out a scream which made us jump. We could hear the rattling breath of the caretaker Filch so we slipped under the cloak and run. We ended up in an empty room with nothing but a huge mirror – the mirror of Erised. Standing in front of it we felt small. _"Look, do you see those two persons behind me? They are my parents." _exclaimed Harry suddenly. _"I'm sorry but I just see us." _I said with a frown. There was something strange about that mirror. _"You have to stand in the middle, come here."_ And so I stood right in the middle in front of the mirror but I couldn't see them. I watched my reflection – it was an older me I noticed. There was a person stepping beside me. Just when it arrived by my side I could make out who it was – Severus Snape. He looked at me and smiled, genuinely and warmly. Watching my reflection again I saw that he had slipped his hand around my waist and I was leaning into him. Appalled by that scene I stumbled back, horror written on my face. _That can't be! I would never be with him. He's not my fairy love. I would never put him in such danger._ There was a second person arriving now, it was Draco. Happy too he smiled in Severus' direction who kissed my head. That was too much for me to bear. Turning around and ignoring Harry's calls I ran with tears streaming down my face. I ended in an empty classroom and broke down crying. _Why would I love him? And why would I put Draco in danger? _That were questions I couldn't find the answer to but the picture of me and Severus… It made me feel how much I missed him and how angry I was at the same time. If this mirror showed the future than I should be happy but Harry's parents were dead so it couldn't be. I felt anger rising in me. Never would I allow Severus to be forgiven, never would I allow my heart to forgive him! He had abandoned me, broke his promise and left me alone, not caring about my wellbeing. And I would never put Draco in danger. He was part of the Malfoy family. My father would use him. When all the tears were dried on my face I walked numbly to the dorm.


	7. Chapter 7 - The Philosopher's Stone

7\. The Philosopher's Stone

By the help of some chocolate frogs we found out about Nicolas Flamel and the Philosopher's Stone. Harry was under the impression that Snape would steal the stone because he saw him threatening Professor Quirrel when he came back from the mirror. Besides Snape was injured from Fluffy, Hagrid's three headed dog. By passing there we found out about it guarding a trap door. Unfortunately, Hagrid had told a dark cloaked person how to pass Fluffy so we went to Professor McGonagall.

"_What are you three doing inside?" _It was Professor McGonagall.

"_We want to see Professor Dumbledore." _Said Hermione, rather bravely.

"_Professor Dumbledore left ten minutes ago. He received an urgent owl from the Ministry of Magic." _She said coldly.

"_He's gone?" _Said Harry frantically.

"_He is a very great wizard, Potter, he has many demands on this time-"_

"_But this is important! It is about the Philosopher's Stone. Someone is going to try to steal it."_

She eyed him with a mixture of shock and suspicion:_" I don't know how you found out about the stone, but you can be assured that the stone is well protected." _ With those words she left us standing rather astonished.

"_He knows how to pass, Snape will go tonight! That's for sure." _Harry said, his gaze following Professor McGonagall's back.

"_Harry what if she is right? What if we are wrong about… Snape being the one to steal the stone?" _I said carefully, well knowing his hatred for Snape. Ron and Hermione looked at me with disbelief.

"_You're serious?! We know he's the one. Besides, why would you defend him if he's being a git to you – to us all? And supposed he isn't the thief than it would be Voldemort. But I believe that he is sending his servant than to go by himself."_ Harry said with emphasis.

"_Well, I'm not so sure anymore that Snape is his servant," _I said whilst having the picture of Severus and myself in mind.

"_Whatever. Someone is going to steal it and we have to prevent him. We're going through the trap door tonight!"_ Hermione said certainly.

So we did. After curfew we slipped under the Invisibility Cloak and found Fluffy already deep asleep.

"_Damn, we are too late. Snape was here already." _Harry said eying the harp playing by itself.

We jumped through the door just to find ourselves in Devil's Snare. Thanks to Hermione we managed to pass it more or less unhurt. The next task was Harry's because he had to catch a flying key on a broomstick. The next task was a chess game. By Ron's talent for chess we managed to pass it too. Walking through a door we were in a nearly empty room. On a table were some potions.

"_What do we have to do?" _asked Harry.

Hermione seized the roll of paper lying next to the bottles. We looked over her shoulder to read it:

**Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,**

**Two of us will help you, whichever you would find,**

**One among us seven will let you move ahead,**

**Another will transport the drinker back instead,**

**Two among our number hold only nettle wine,**

**Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line.**

**Choose, unless you wish to stay here for evermore,**

**To help you in your choice, we give you these clues four:**

**First, however slyly the poison tries to hide**

**You will always find some on nettle wine's left side;**

**Second, different are those who stand at either end,**

**But if you would move onwards, neither is your friend;**

**Third, as you see clearly, all are different size,**

**Neither dwarf nor giant holds death in their insides;**

**Fourth, the second left and the second on the right**

**Are twins once you taste them, though different at first sight.**

(J.K. Rowling "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone")

I smiled and let out a great sigh. _"That's easy." _I exclaimed happily. That surely was my task.

"_That is logic. Everything we need is this paper." _Hermione said excited.

"_Hermione, I can figure it out quicker by analyzing the potions." _I told her.

"_And what if you're wrong?"_ she asked warningly. _"Someone of us could get killed."_

"_Trust me. I can do it. Potions are easy for me." _I said reassuringly. Not waiting for an answer, I opened each bottle and smelled. After the second round I turned around.

"_The smallest bottle will get us through the black fire. The rounded bottle at the right end of line will get us back through the fire and out of here." _I said pointing at the two bottles.

"_You are absolutely sure Arya?" _asked Harry.

"_Positive."_

"_Hermione and Ron, you are drinking the second one. Ron you need to get to the hospital wing and Hermione you need to tell Professor McGonagall. Arya and I will share the small bottle and prevent Voldemort or Snape from stealing the Stone."_ Harry said giving Hermione the rounded bottle.

"_Please be careful you two." _Hermione said.

"_We will. I promise." _I assured her smiling slightly.

So Harry and I watched them going back through the purple fire. Then we drank the potion and passed the black fire - we were in the last chamber. But there was already someone – neither Snape nor Voldemort. It was Professor Quirrell. He told us about him being the one to release the troll as distraction. Snape had tried to find out how far Quirrell had found out about the Stone.

"_Snape tried to prevent you from getting the Stone?" _Harry asked stunned.

"_Yes he certainly did. That did not please my master. He is a great wizard and I am weak. He is with me all the time and he wishes to speak with you. I can't get the stone even though I see myself holding it in the mirror."_

He asked Harry to come and tell him what he sees. He lied about it, I could sense it. And so did Quirrell.

"_Let me speak to him… face to face…" _came a high voice from somewhere. I was paralyzed, I knew the voice. Quirrell started to take off his turban.

"_Voldemort is here. It's him Harry." _I warned him. Harry stumbled back to my side, but it was too late. When Quirrell turned his back to us we could see the face on his back of the head – or at least where it should be. I stood there, staring at my father's face.

"_Harry Potter…" _He whispered. He threatened him to join the death eaters if he didn't want to die like his parents, but Harry refused.

"_You know that you won't survive tonight. Quirrell and Arya, they are both stronger than you. She is even the strongest in this room." _Harry looked at me questioningly.

"_If you are talking about her being a fairy's daughter then I know about it, equally about her wandless magic." _Harry said confidently, looking at my father again.

"_You came here with my daughter. It seems like you didn't tell the-boy-who-lived who you truly are Aryanna. I want you to take the stone from his pocket NOW." _He commanded. Harry was shocked but tried to contain the surprise.

"_I won't do anything you say. I hate you! You killed her, you killed my mother. You're a killer." _I said enraged. With a pleading look I turned to Harry. _"You know me Harry. You know that I am not like him. I'm a Gryffindor, I wanted to be. I would never kill anybody. I'm not like him, please!" _I begged for his understanding.

I don't know if he was convinced. Nevertheless, he faced Voldemort again. _"You won't get me or her in your ranks. We are not like you, we are Gryffindors!" _

"_How touching," _my father hissed. _"I always value bravery, but you must know everybody who does not wish to join me has to be killed. SEIZE HIM!" _He screamed and suddenly Quirrell lunged at Harry. Because I was standing behind him, they fell on me which caused me to bounce my head on the stone floor and I could feel my arm getting hurt. Quirrell wanted to seize Harry but as he did so his hands got burned.

"_Kill him you fool!" _ screeched Voldemort but Quirrell couldn't stop the burning. He rolled of Harry who tried to help me up, but I couldn't feel my body. Quirrell was on Harry again and started strangling him. I tried to move but I could feel the darkness coming over me… I couldn't hear the screams… nor the burning fire anymore…


	8. Chapter 8 - True conciliation

8\. True conciliation

Next thing I heard was Harry's voice - so he was alive. Slowly I opened my eyes to see the three worried faces of my best friends. I tried to sit up but a hand forced me down, it was Madame Pomfrey.

"_You need to lie down Jackson. You got pretty hurt down there." _She said accusingly.

I couldn't say anything, just focus on the three faces at the side of my bed.

"_How are you?" _I asked to say something.

"_We are fine Arya…compared to you." _Hermione said.

"_Look, I'm sorry for not telling you who I was. I couldn't because I thought I would be hated. I…" _I said with fainting voice. I tried to turn my head but only got a strong pain as result.

"_It's alright even if you should have told us. I mean we are your friends and we know you for one year now. You aren't the slightest evil. You couldn't even hurt a fly so…" _said Harry with a slight smile.

"_I know it's much to bear but… Thank you! You can't imagine how important you are for me." _I told them truthfully. I smiled and shifted under the blanket. I felt not very good but alright. On my left arm I could feel a pressure and I discovered a bright white bandage.

"_Harry, what happened down there?"_

"_Well, Quirrell vanished strangely and I got the stone. You however, you hit your head pretty hard on the floor when we fell on you and crushed your arm. There was a huge cut and a lot of blood everywhere." _ Harry said with a guilty expression.

"_I'll come around. It's not your fault."_ I assured him smiling.

Suddenly the door to the hospital wing opened and in stepped Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and Severus. I gulped at his sight and turned my face not to look at him. I did not want him to look for my bruises.

"_It is good to see you awake, Ms. Jackson. Your friends were quite worried." _Said Dumbledore smiling.

"_Professor Snape and I arrived in time to save you and Harry from your father." _I looked embarrassed on the blanket. If because of the fact that he spoke openly about my father or that Severus came to my rescue, I didn't know. My thoughts were interrupted by a sudden hand on my arm. I jumped and looked up – Severus.

"_I need to take off the bandage to look if your arm has healed." _He said looking me in the eyes wearing his expressionless mask. Again I tried to copy it so that he could not see any emotion in my eyes. Surprisingly it seemed to work because he asked: _"Do you feel alright Ms. Jackson? You don't seem like you would be." _

"_I'm fine. And I'm sure my arm is well." _I answered taking my arm out of his gentle grip. A slight trace of anger and impatience could be seen in his action as he took my arm again and wanted to start taking off the bandage. _"I told you Professor, I'm completely fine." _This time I did not even look at him.

"_If you wish to argue with me then I will have to disappoint you. You aren't healthy at all so you can only lose." _The anger was obvious now. And with that he was taking my arm again and took the bandage off. I let him do it without looking at him. I could see Professor Dumbledore smiling slightly about our conversation so I watched the blankets again as I did not wanted to watch my friends. Severus inspected my arm. The only mark of the cut was the scab.

"_You can call yourself lucky for having the healing of fairies." _He said with a cold voice. _"Nonetheless, you will have to wear the bandage for one or two days so that it can heal properly. Otherwise, you will have a scar." _Gently he put a new bandage on my arm. _"If you have headaches you should stay in bed. You hit the floor very hard."_ Now he was inspecting my head but I felt fine. _"You can't get hurt with your bullhead anyway." _He muttered in a bored voice. I decided to ignore the remark and just looked at him. We stared at each other with emotionless faces. _Git! You may have saved me but it doesn't change anything in the slightest. _I tried to express my anger and hate through my eyes but Severus did not show any change. With a last warning look he turned around, leaving the hospital wing. I could just stare at him. _Did he saw my anger and left because of me?_ I wished he had.

"_I believe we should give you some rest Aryanna."_ Said Professor Dumbledore smiling. _"Come everyone, Poppy will take care of her." _

With a last look on my friends the door closed and I was left alone. Not long and I was sleeping again.

When I woke up for the second time, I felt refreshed and healthy again. Madame Pomfrey came in smiling. _"How do you feel now?"_

"_I feel completely healthy. Do you think I'm allowed to go?"_ I asked hoping for her to let me go.

"_I don't know. Let me take a look at your head. Do you have any headaches?" _ She asked professionally.

"_No, I am fine. And I'm hungry."_ I said as my stomach grumbled.

"_You may go but don't overstrain yourself. And for the bandage you go and see Professor Snape today."_

And with a last warning look she let me go down to breakfast. When I entered the Great Hall I didn't even need to search for Hermione, Harry or Ron because they ran to me. I could feel Draco's eyes on me and his wish to speak with me but I tried to ignore him. After breakfast we enjoyed the good weather outside. Later in the afternoon I couldn't longer defer going to him.

"_Guys, I'm sorry but I need to meet Snape. Nobody except him is allowed to take off the bandage – the headmaster's command." _I told them bumptious.

"_Alright. Good luck! Try not to get detention this time." _Warned me Hermione, I just mumbled.

I was walking down the stairs to the dungeons when somebody suddenly took my arm and dragged me into a room. I turned around and saw Draco with a worried expression.

"_Do you know how worried I was?! I don't know what game you're playing with me but I still care about you. How do you feel? I heard you got injured pretty hard."_

Wearing the emotionless mask again I stepped back. _"I'm completely fine. I was just going… Doesn't matter. If you don't mind, I have to go." _I tried to pass him but he blocked my way.

"_I want you to tell me now why the hell you would ignore me?" _

"_And I want you to let me go. I'm not interested in anything you have to say. I don't care about you. Get out of my way. Now." _It hurt to say such things but I needed to. With a last glare I passed him, bumping his shoulder.

I continued my way but now I was distracted. I couldn't stop here in the dungeons because I didn't know if Draco would pass on his way to the Slytherin common room. Focusing my mind on the way I tried to forget the encounter. Arriving at his classroom I knocked and entered. I didn't say a word but he seemed to know why I had come. In silence he took off the bandage and inspected the arm. There was nothing left of the cut.

"_At least you listen if it is concerning your health." _He said cleaning the bandage with a charm and coiling it up neatly.

"_As if you would care about my health." _I muttered under my breath but he heard it anyway.

"_As a matter of fact I do because I am the only one who can help you." _He stated coldly.

I became angry and faced him properly:_ "Now you are feeling special, are you? I can help myself better than you can."_

He sighted and walked to his desk. _"You are just an eleven-years-old girl. You have to develop your abilities. I'm an adult who knows more than you do. Now leave you ungrateful girl." _He did not even bother to look at me when he sat down and continued his paperwork.

"_Let me guess, I am bothering you again Professor." _I didn't want to leave. I wanted to make him angry and I couldn't stop myself from doing so. The nasty Professor looked up and looked me in the eyes. _"Yes, you are. If you want a detention stay another minute…" _In the belief that I would leave he concentrated on his work again. I stood, shaking with anger, in the room. _He really has the nerve to ignore me like that! _I didn't even do it on purpose but I didn't really care about it either. Suddenly, the ink pot flew through the room and smashed on the wall, ink splattering everywhere on the wall and on the floor. Snape jumped up and looked at me with a really angry expression.

"_JACKSON, you can prepare yourself for at least a week of detention." _Saying it he came closer until he stood right in front of me. _"Why you annoying girl do you have to get on my nerves like that?" _

His expression was rigid but I didn't move an inch. _"I hate you!" _I spat with all the anger I could master.

"_Your behavior is disrespectful. I do not care about your feelings Jackson. Not in the slightest. Never have I met such an insolent student like yourself. If I'm informed correctly you've said down there that you were not like your father. The other teacher may just see the Gryffindor in you. The Aryanna Jackson I am teaching is a Slytherin." _He spat back with the same anger.

"_How dare you, you damn git!"_ I wanted to control myself so I pressed my fingernails in my hands until I felt the pain. Threatening and in a low, controlled voice I said: _"What the hell happened to you, bastard? When did you become that cold, nasty person? I feel sorry for that insufferable life you are living but don't take it out on others."_

His expression changed to the emotionless mask and he straightened up. _"You. Don't. Know. Anything. About. My. Life! And you know nothing about me! Now leave or I swear I will drag you out of this classroom."_

"_I don't care. Do whatever you want with me but I won't go by myself!" _I didn't even know why I was being that stubborn. I felt hurt and all the anger I had hidden for all those years was emerging. My eyes were prickling – I would start crying.

"_You really want to have detention until the end of the year and make Gryffindor lose all the points. Why do you keep on getting on my nerves like that?" _He had gripped my arms firmly and looked at me with the angriest expression I had ever seen on his face. I finally started crying and lowered my gaze to the floor. _"Look at me girl… I take you to the headmaster now. I've had enough of you." _I looked him in the eyes and forced my arms out of his hurting grip. Suddenly he had his wand in his hands but not pointed in my direction. I knew the look with which he was staring at me. I had seen it in the past. _"What do you want to do?" _I asked gazing the wand and then back at his cold eyes. _"Do you want to erase my mind? Make me forget?" _ I stared at him with tears streaming down my face. I was so angry; I could punch him right in the face.

"_I won't go to the headmaster. You think I don't know anything about you. Well, you are wrong." _I spoke clearly, full of hate and anger but in a low voice. _"I knew once a Severus Snape. He was a kind, honorable man who would laugh a lot." _Severus expression changed to disbelief and helplessness._ "Yes, I remember everything. You pointed your wand at me being a nearly six-year-old child and wanted to erase my mind." _My voice switched between anger and accusation. _"I'd lived with you since my father killed my mother. Dumbledore asked you to take me and you did. I lived nearly five years with you. You were the father I never had and always wished to have. You promised to protect me, to never let me get hurt! You broke every single promise. You brought me back to Dumbledore when you didn't want me anymore and thought you could get rid of me by erasing my mind. It did not work." _Whilst talking I had stepped closer to Severus who wore an expression of agony.

"_I. Remember. Every. Damn. Day!"_ I didn't even try to control myself so I hit him on the chest with every word. I was crying so hard that I couldn't speak anymore. I broke down crying.

After some time I wanted to get up but I was too weak. My eyes were swollen and I couldn't see much through the tears. Severus was kneeling on the floor near me, rigid like a statue, and wearing an expression of being in great pain. I moved and his gaze fell on me. His emotionless mask had vanished completely. I didn't want to look at him but I couldn't prevent myself from not doing so.

"_Arya…" _I heard his low voice. I tried to stand up and leave but he was quicker and blocked my way. _"Arya, you have to listen to me. I'm sorry! You need to-"_

I hadn't any strength left in me. _"Don't you dare telling me what I need Severus Tobias Snape! Just let me go."_

"_I can explain this. I want you to know what happened. Please! I beg you." _He pleaded looking at me.

"_I don't want to hear excuses. I want you to leave me alone. Go to hell Severus." _He looked hurt but I didn't care - but I couldn't move either. I didn't feel anything anymore. I was numb.

"_Aryanna, I beg you! Just listen to me. You can hate me, never talk to me ever again but please listen to what I need to tell you!" _I didn't know what to do. I felt more vulnerable and lost than ever before. Not really paying attention to what I was doing I sat down on the nearest chair, gazing the table. I could hear the rustling of his robes and a chair being moved on the other side of the table in front of me. _"Thank you!"_ It was barely audible. I could feel his stare but I refused to look up. He took a deep breath and started talking in a slightly pleading voice.

"_I never meant to hurt you or to give you away. I wanted you to be safe. When Albus asked me to take care of you, I agreed because you were Leyanne's daughter. I loved your mother. I always will. The time with you made me love you and I saw you as my daughter. I liked having you around. I changed into the person I thought I could never be again after your mother died. I had promised her to protect you with my life but when I met you I considered you as my only family even if you weren't not of my flesh nor my blood. I wanted to be the father you should have had. I did it for Leyanne and for you. I had always wished that Leyanne would love me, that we would have you. And because of my love for your mother I forgot about Tom Riddle and considered you as my and Leyanne's daughter._

_Four years after I took you Albus started to say that it was time for you to go somewhere else. I got letters which I answered always with requests to give you more time with me. You were five-years-old at this time. Luckily, he agreed and you lived longer with me. But then he came to me one evening. He said that he knew where to take you so that you would be safe. Refusing to tell me where that place would be he ordered me to come to the old house on the beach again where I picked you up. I did not want to do it but I had to. If it was for me I would have taken you back to my place but you were the first person I really felt love for since your mother died so I did what was best for you. I didn't know that he took you to the Malfoy's. Albus would not tell me until he sent you to the orphanage where every security possible was arranged. Countless protection charms are on the ground of the orphanage to protect you from your father. I was not happy to hear that he moved you away again. I wanted you to be in one place where you could live in. I don't know how your time with the Malfoy's has been but in that case I'm happy he did. I only wished that you wouldn't have to go to the Malfoy's in the first place._

_Honestly Arya, I only wanted to protect you. I don't know until today why Albus wanted me to erase your mind. He always tells me that it was necessary… Whatever his reasons were, I always thought of it being a big mistake. I'm truly sorry! When you came to Hogwarts I hoped to find you in a happy state but on the contrary you seemed rather withdrawn and not at all the open girl I had in mind. That scared me to hell -even more when I had the first lesson with you! Your anger, hate and disinterest were shocking and I hated to have to give you all these detentions. I barely saw you laughing all the time. I knew… I know something isn't right at all so I asked Albus to let me talk to you but he wouldn't allow me. For the case that I would do, I would have to pack my things and quit Hogwarts. So I bore seeing you like that and getting hurt because of Quirrell and the Potter boy who implicated you in all the trouble-"_

"_It wasn't Harry's fault. The first time we needed to help Hermione and the second time it was my father…" _I interrupted him quietly still not looking at him. I started to feel my body again now. My mind was processing all the new information. _He really did care about me? He still does?_

As if he read my mind Severus searched my gaze. _"I always cared for you otherwise I wouldn't even be here at Hogwarts." _That surprised me and I lifted my gaze. His face was warm and he was smiling slightly. He was the old Severus again; the one I had lived with for five years.

"_What do you mean?" _I asked astonished.

"_The day you were gone Albus visited me in the evening." _ Severus face became darker as if he remembered a bad time. _"He found me with several empty bottles of Whisky knocked out on my couch. The morning after that I woke up with a great headache and Albus sitting in the armchair. I must admit that I didn't behave at all. I screamed at him, insulted him and cursed him. I got angrier because he didn't even react. Instead, he offered me the post as Potions Master. Said it would occupy myself and make me use my talent. I decided to accept it especially since I could be here at Hogwarts when you would arrive." _He inspected my face as if to analyze my reaction. I was amazed! My corner of the mouth formed a slight smile and I think my eyes showed my true happiness because Severus smiled genuinely. Then, he became serious again.

"_Look Arya, I meant what I said before. If you are still angry it is alright - even if I wished it to be different – you have every right to be. I won't press you to do anything. I'm here if you are ready to forgive me or if you need help." _Severus stood up and knelt beside me. _"Whatever you think of me now, it won't keep me from protecting you. I hope you do understand."_

I didn't know what to say. I was sure if I had had any tears left I would have cried again, I was so happy. Everything made sense now. Not knowing what to say I stood up what made Severus stand up as well, looking at me with a hopeful expression. Suddenly, I couldn't hold back any longer. I took a step towards Severus and hugged him as firmly possible, burying my face in his black cloak. Gratefully, he embraced me making me feel safe and happy. I had grown since when I had been a six-year-old but I still didn't reach his chest what made me only feel safer and warmer. He led me to his desk, sat down in the chair and took me to sit on his lap. Laying down my head on his chest again I felt like in the past. Slowly, the regular breath lulled me to sleep. When my eyes closed Severus let go of me. _"Arya you need to go. It's already nearly time for dinner and you need to eat before you go to sleep especially if you still have to recover from your injuries."_ He said with a gentle warning look. I sighted and stood up. Turning around I embraced him again. _"You know… I never hated you. I know I said so many times but I never truly did… I tried but I couldn't. Everytime I tried there was the picture of you being nice and careful." _I told him looking him in the eyes.

"_I'm happy to hear that. Well, you are not annoying or stupid like I kept saying – maybe sometimes insolent but in a lovely way. You will always be my little girl." _Severus assured smiling. I laughed and turned around to leave. At the door I stopped to ask him a question. _"If I'm going to the Great Hall now for dinner would you come with me? Please!" _When I turned around towards him I got startled by Severus already standing right in front of me. _"Of course. I have to make sure you are going to eat, haven't I?" _He laughed along with me but quickly became serious again. _"Follow me Ms. Jackson or I will drag you to the Great Hall." _He said being the normal stoic teacher even if I could see the warmth in his eyes. He opened the door and let me pass first; I grinned. I couldn't get the grin and happiness out of my face so whilst we entered the great hall along with some other students Severus said: _"Stop your foolish grinning or people will imagine that you are getting along with me."_

Without a gaze at me he passed sneering at all the students in his way. I still wore my grin and when I found Hermione, Harry and Ron I couldn't prevent myself from running passed Severus and to them what earned me one of his famous glares which I identified now as fake. I told them about my healed arm and some little cover story that would explain why I was in the dungeons that long. That night I slept better than I had for many years. I had gotten Severus back.


	9. Chapter 9 - Goodbye…for now

9\. Goodbye…for now

The day of the last feast at Hogwarts had arrived. Along with Hermione, Harry and Ron I walked into the great hall. We wore our black hats and I did my best to hide myself under it. Since the encounter with Quirrel and our loss of house points there weren't many Gryffindors speaking with us. The last days we had kept away from our classmates. Fred and George were more or less the only one who wanted to hang out with us. They had tried to console us but without luck.

The day of the house cup awarding we walked rather quickly to our seats. Nevertheless, some Slytherins were thanking us for making Gryffindor lose. The winner was already set: Slytherin. Therefore, all the banners wore Slytherin's snake and the great hall was decorated with silver and green. Suddenly, Professor McGonagall stood up to get the student's attention. Whilst she sat down again Dumbledore started speaking.

_"__Another year has gone. And now as I understand it the house cup needs to be awarded. The score reads as follows: In fourth place Gryffindor with 262 points."_ A few Slytherins, among them Draco, were looking at the Gryffindor table with smug faces, others were laughing silently. Dumbledore waited until the students were silent again until he continued.

_"__Third place: Hufflepuff with 352 points." _The clapping was louder now.

_"__On second place: Ravenclaw with 426 points." _Some students of the Ravenclaw table cheered. Harry, Hermione and Ron however were disappointed just like many others. Like the last six years Slytherin would win the house cup again and it was only because of us. We couldn't understand why we should lose the house cup although we had saved many people.

_"__And in first place with 472 points: Slytherin house." _The Slytherins cheered and whistled. All the others were rather reserved. If we hadn't made lose Gryffindor so many points we would have won. I looked at the teachers table and had to suppress a laugh. Severus was clapping along but I saw that he couldn't care less about the house cup. I guessed if it was for him he would have abolished the awarding. He looked into my direction and our eyes locked. His raising eyebrow only confirmed the opinion I had interpreted.

_"__Yes, yes. Well done, Slytherin, well done! However…recent events must be taken into account. And I have a few last-minute points to award. To Ms. Hermione Granger, the cool use of intellect while others were in great peril: fifty points. Second, to Ms. Aryanna Jackson for the great use of knowledge far beyond the Z.A.G. standarts: fifty points." _Students were cheering and many Gryffindors were looking in our direction now. Hermione and I were looking on the table while Ron and Harry congratulated us. I looked up at the teacher's table and could see the slight smile on Severus' face. He nodded his head in agreement. I couldn't hold back my smile and focused quickly on the other students.

_"__Thirdly, to Mr. Ronald Weasley for the best played game of chess that Hogwarts has seen these many years: fifty points. And fourth to Mr. Harry Potter for pure nerve and outstanding courage I award Gryffindor house sixty points."_

Now all the tables- except Slytherin- were cheering. Many had noticed that Gryffindor had as many points as Slytherin. Now it was Dumbledore who decided about the winner of the house cup.

_"__And finally, it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up against your enemies but a great deal more to stand up against your friends. I award ten points to Neville Longbottom."_

The whole Gryffindor table exploded cheering and congratulating Neville who couldn't understand his luck. He had made Gryffindor win the house cup. Therefore, Dumbledore redecorated the banners and suddenly the great hall shone red and gold everywhere. Everyone except the Slytherins cheered. Even Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff celebrated Gryffindor. I had never seen so many happy people in one place. After dinner every Gryffindor celebrated in the Gryffindor tower. For the first time in six years another house had won the house cup. I couldn't remember when I went to bed that night…

The next morning I woke up early. Everyone else was still asleep after all it had been a long night. I, however, wanted to see Severus before I had to leave Hogwarts over summer. I quickly put on my clothes and wandered silently through the castle. I had to take some detours because Peeves was looking out for victims. Nevertheless, I arrived at his office and knocked on the door. I could sense his presence in the office even if I was a little surprised that he was working. Instead of his usual "enter" Severus opened the door. When he saw me standing there shivering of coldness he stepped aside and let me in. I had underestimated the cold in the morning. I walked directly to his fire place and cast him an apologetic look.

_"__A little early, don't you think?"_ He asked with a smile while walking to the back of his office.

_"__I wanted to see you before I leave. To be honest, I thought I would disturb you in your sleep."_

_"__Well, as you can see I'm wide awake."_ He laughed a little and came back with a blanket in his hands. Gently, he put it around my shoulders.

"_Thanks. I guess I underestimated the cold." _I assured with a grin. I sat down on his chair behind his desk while he leaned on the table, folded his arms and watched me with an amused expression.

_"__So I take it you haven't have breakfast yet?" _He asked raising one eyebrow. _"But on the other hand you've never been one to eat early."_

_Damn, I had always wanted to know how to do that. _"_No, I haven't but I'm not hungry yet. What's so funny?"_ I asked because he was chuckling now.

_"__At the beginning of this year I had wondered how much you had changed but you haven't changed that much actually. I mean you are older, you have more knowledge and you understand everything now but you are still you."_ We both started laughing.

_"__And you are still you."_ I told him grinning.

_"__Glad to hear that. Now… Do you still like hot chocolat?"_ He asked chuckling. Since I had lived with him I had discovered my love for hot chocolate, or rather for Severus' hot chocolate. I didn't like the one at Hogwarts or at the orphanage.

_"__Are you kidding? All those years I missed it a lot. Nobody can make it as good as you do."_ I assured him with a serious expression.

_"__Good. You can eat later at breakfast but I'll make you one to warm up, all right?" _I didn't even bother saying anything and only shook my head at his question. I would never refuse his cooking or his hot chocolate. He on the other hand understood me and left smiling. I assumed the door he went through lead to his personal chambers. While waiting I looked around the office. It was rather dark and the shelves were filled with potions or books. When Severus came back he was being followed by a flying cup which landed smoothly on the desk in front of me. I smiled to Severus who wore an expression I hadn't seen in a while. He leaned against the frame of a window, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was smiling, more to himself, and watched every move. I sipped on the hot beverage and enjoyed the great taste. _I have missed this so much!_ While I was drinking slowly Severus turned around and went to a book shelf. He took out several books and placed them on the desk.

_"__If you still like potions you can have these books over the summer. They'll save you from boredom." _He said laughing a little but became serious again. I knew what was troubling him. I also wished I could stay with him over the holidays but we both knew that we had nothing to say in that matter. I stood up and hugged him tightly. He embraced me and placed a small kiss on my head.

_"__Thank you Severus."_ I gulped. I didn't want to go back in the orphanage.

_"__If something's wrong you can owl me any time, remember that. Write me if you need something or if you are bored." _He looked at me with a meaningful expression and smiled warmly.

_"__I will…Sir!" _I joked and grinned to break the uncomfortable tension. It worked because Severus smile turned into a laugh. He lifted me up, sat me on his desk and sat down on his chair. I climbed on his lap and made myself comfortable. He laughed and embraced me in his arms. We talked about everything that came into our minds. It was about one hour later when we were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. Immediately, Severus froze but before I could stand up the door opened and in came Dumbledore. He wasn't wearing a smile as usual but a very serious expression. I stood up, so did Severus. I attempted to leave but Severus stood quickly in front of me in a protective manner.

_"__I thought I had forbidden you to speak with Aryanna in order to protect her." _Dumbledore said while focusing on Severus.

_"__And I abided by our agreement until it wasn't possible anymore."_ Severus answered coolly.

_"__Until it wasn't possible anymore?"_

I decided to interfere because I didn't like the accusation Dumbledore was using in his voice. I stepped aside and for the first time he looked at me.

_"__It wasn't his fault. He didn't say anything. The oblivion charm hadn't worked so I remember everything. I told him first."_ I stated slightly angry. He was the one who had made all the decisions. Dumbledore looked from me to Severus and back again.

_"__I should have expected that possibility. You are a fairy after all... Forgive me Severus for my mistake." _He was smiling again but seemed to think about the charm.

_"__You are quick with accusation and forgiving! Do you really think it's that easy?" _I asked, my anger clearly noticeable. Dumbledore watched with an expression of amusement.

_"__Aryanna."_ Severus said warningly. I ignored him completely.

_"__Don't expect me to forgive you that quickly. You have made all these decisions about me without me. You have pushed me from one place to another. You are the one who wanted Severus to erase my mind. You are the reason why I was so angry at Severus and why I'm angry at you. I had forgiven that you had brought me to the Malfoys but then again you didn't let me live there but moved me again to the orphanage where my father had lived. But most importantly, you took me away from Severus, you made me curse him. You-"_ I had become angrier during my rant so I was speechless when Severus interrupted me again.

_"__Aryanna I understand your anger but it was in agreement with me. I knew he moved you but didn't know where. I agreed with his decisions in order to protect you. I don't know why it was necessary but I guess we will have to trust Albus on that." _He assured me looking me deep in the eyes. I felt confused but didn't know why. The fact that Severus had known about it made me see it in another light. I knew he would only do things which would help me.

_"__But…Why did you do that?" _I asked, suddenly calmed down again. Dumbledore had been watching Severus and me smiling.

_"__One day you will get the answer, both of you. But this day isn't today." _He assured blinking. I thought about it and decided to relax and calm down. I knew Dumbledore was a good man even if some of his decisions weren't the best. I smiled slightly at him as sign of peace. Severus on the other hand didn't relax at all. He was still very tense. Again he stepped in front of me and his voice was cold when he spoke.

_"__If you ask me again to erase her mind or if you want forbid me to take care of her I will refuse. I will never ever leave her alone whatever you say!"_

_"__Oh I know that Severus. And I can assure you that I won't ask you something like that again." _Dumbledore assured smiling. "_From now on I'll leave you to. I have only one request: Nobody can find out about you being her legal guardian. Don't let someone caught you together. It is essential that nobody knows about your connection." _Severus nodded and relaxed a bit.

_"__Well… Now that we have discussed that matter I suggest you go to breakfast now Aryanna. I saw your friends in the great hall." _I turned to Severus who nodded encouraging. He embraced me in his arms.

_"__Remember what I told you Arya, owl me if anything's wrong. Anytime."_

_"__All right."_ I looked up and met his dark warm eyes. He smiled warmly.

_"__I love you. Never forget that." _

"_Love you too Severus."_ I smiled one last time at him and turned to leave when he called me back.

_"__Don't forget the books!"_

_"__Yeah, right. Thanks again. I guess I'll know them by heart when I come back." _I said laughing. _"It's so boring at the orphanage." _He chuckled deeply.

"_I'm sure your friends will help you out too." _He assured laughing. _"I'll see you in seven weeks Arya."_

_"__Yep, see you then."_ I turned around and left. I could still hear his laugh when he closed the door behind me. Sighting I walked to the great hall. These seven weeks would be very boring.

When I arrived at the great hall I stopped and searched my friends. When I found them I didn't walk straight to them. They hadn't seen me yet so I only watched them. They were laughing about something and looked very happy. I smiled slightly. I had managed to get friends who were kind and brave. They hadn't judged me for who I was and that made me love them even more. At least something had worked out well this year… I still did my best to avoid Draco. Nevertheless, he would try to catch me alone. Therefore, I controlled every place I went to. Every encounter with him was horrible and very exhausting. I hated myself for what I had to do but I needed to protect Draco at any costs. Being Tom Riddle's daughter isn't really favorable.


	10. Chapter 10, Year 2 - Diagon Alley

10\. Diagon Alley

As expected the summer holidays weren't fun at all. Most of the time I would hang out alone in the huge garden of the orphanage. I couldn't stand the muggle children in here; neither could they stand me so we would just leave each other alone. Right now, I was resting under a tree and enjoying the sun shining on my face. The warm sunrays stroke my face and made me sleepy. I could feel the slight weight of Nala on my stomach. She was sleeping with her little head on my breast, snoring slightly every now and then. The sun made her raven black fur shine dark blue. She was the only friend I had in the orphanage but I was fine with it. At night I would smuggle her into my bedroom so that she could sleep in my bed. I didn't have to worry about food; she caught mice and birds in the garden.

Suddenly, I could hear someone walk beside me and calling my name in a rather annoyed voice. Nala, disturbed in her peaceful sleep, jumped up and run away. I sighted and looked after her while standing up. When I turned around I faced an angry looking Maria. She was one of the carer.

"_I have called for you at least ten times Arya. Why can't you come the first time?_"

_"__I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."_

_"__Well, the doctor is here and now it's your turn. He wants to make the routine control." _With that she turned around and marched in direction of the building.

_Crap,_ I thought. I had completely forgotten about that. Every day I was waiting for letters from Hermione, Harry and Ron but only Hermione and Ron had sent me some letters. It was annoying because they had to send them in the night so that no-one would see the owls arrive. I hated the doctor. He was unpleasant, gross and mean.

Slowly I made my way to his office. He was already waiting behind his desk. With a dark glimpse and furred eyebrows he made a slight gesture with his hand. With my heart beating louder and faster now I sat on his doctor's couch. Grumpily he came over to me, the instruments in his hands. I tried not to jerk back but I couldn't prevent myself from doing so when he started taking of my t-shirt roughly.

_"__God, stop moving girl!"_ He told me angrily. "_You know what I have to do and now don't move and let me do my work."_ He threw my shirt on the ground and started his procedure. He measured my blood pressure, my pulse and tested my body reflex. I winced every time he touched my bare skin with his ice cold hands.

_"__Damn it child"_ he growled when I twitched again and made one of his instruments fall down. He raised his hand and slapped me right on my cheek. I was surprised and didn't feel the pain. Feeling my tears coming up I jumped up and tried to push him away but he was much taller than me. He grinned nasty at me.

_"__Don't think you could beat me girl! Keep still or I will skin this bloody cat of yours. Don't think I hadn't noticed." _He wanted to sit me down again but I couldn't hold my hate anymore. I lost control over myself and suddenly the lamp on his desk exploded with a loud clanging noise. He turned around in a split second and I used his distraction to grab my shirt and slip out the door. Panting I arrived in my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I broke down crying, my back slipping down the door. I wanted to get out of here so badly! I wanted to go back to Hogwarts and I wanted to take Nala with me because I knew when he caught her he would hurt her. When I was away I couldn't watch over her and he knew it.

I was fast asleep when an owl landed in my room. I slept with open windows because of the heat but also because of the letters written by Hermione, Ron and Severus. Strangely enough, I didn't get any from Harry. I got awaken by the slight tug on my hair. When I raised my head I saw Omega looking at me with his piercing eyes. He was Severus' owl but I often used him to send letters to my friends because I had none. When I sat up smiling he was already holding out his left leg.

_"__Thanks! Do you want something to drink?" _I asked while climbing out of bed and filling a glass with water. With a thankful chirp Omega placed himself on the chair back to drink. I searched for parchment and ink and then I made myself comfortable on the bed. Omega had two letters: one from Hermione and one from Severus. I opened first Hermione's.

**Dear Arya,**

**How are you? I hope everything is ok. I know how it upsets you to be stuck in the orphanage so I wrote you as often as possible. However, I have news for you: Harry is fine; he's with the Weasley's now. I don't know how they've gotten him out but I hope it's nothing illegal…**

**By the way, I'm still wondering where you've got this owl from. It's gentle but also very independent and clever.**

**I'm very busy with school work, of course, and we're going to London next week to buy my new books. Do you think we could meet in Diagon Alley? I'm looking forward to seeing you again!**

**Lots of love, Hermione**

I shook my head smiling when I read about her working for school. _Hermione, we are on holiday! _Next I opened Severus' letter. It was longer and very neat.

**Dear Arya, **

**As you see your friend Hermione has written you a letter. I think Omega has taken a huge liking to you! He was eager to leave. I hope you are fine and things are going well.**

**However, as you know, Albus has taken you to Diagon Alley last year for your supplies. I have asked him to let you go to Diagon Alley and he agreed. Next Wednesday an auror will pick you up and bring to Diagon Alley. You'll meet with the Weasley family, Potter and Granger.**

**I have seen last time that Draco has sent you some letters. I know you don't want to be in contact with him but I think he's really trying. You should talk to him in Hogwarts or at least telling him the truth… I think you owe him an explanation don't you think?**

**Now, have you read all the books yet? I guess you are the most advanced student in Hogwarts concerning potions. By the way, if I could I would take you in a higher class. I know how bored you are in class.**

**Well, Omega is impatient so I'll leave this letter as it is. I wish you the best and remember: in two weeks you will be back in Hogwarts. I can't wait to see you again! And believe me if I could take you out of the orphanage I would come right way!**

**Severus**

I finished reading with mixed feelings. On one hand I was very happy that he managed for me to go to Diagon Alley with my friends. But on the other hand I tried to forget about Draco. Surely, it was impossible because he sent me letters every now and then. Additionally, I had not told Severus about my problem with the doctor. I knew if I told him he would freak out and maybe do something rash.

I sighted and took a piece of parchment. Quickly I wrote a letter to the both of them. Soon Omega was stretching his wings again and flying into the darkness of the night. When I laid back in bed I couldn't sleep. I could not await Wednesday!

Finally, a few days later it was Wednesday morning. I was awake since sunrise and very eager to leave. The auror came at 9 o'clock. He presented himself as John Dawlish. He was wearing a trench coat and an unreadable expression. His piercing blue eyes made me uncomfortable and I was glad when we left the orphanage. In a dark spot he apparated us into Tom's bar. After we had passed the stone wall we walked straight to Gringotts. Like last year I was overwhelmed by the feeling of magical presence. I could feel magic in every person, every object and even in every animal.

I took out my book list I would need for my second year. All except one were from Gilderoy Lockhart and very expensive but money wasn't a problem for me. Arriving at my vault I entered alone, taking a pocket full of galleons. The auror, John Dawlish, didn't say a word while we walked to Flourish and Blotts. We were by no means the only ones making our way to the bookshop. I got more and more excited and started running when I could see the red of Weasley's hair. When I crashed into Hermione I almost knocked her down but she only laughed and hugged me tightly.

_"__God Arya, I've missed you so much! I'm glad you're fine and finally with us now."_

_"__Believe me, I feel the same. I'm so glad that I got out of there…" _I said laughing. Then I hugged Ron and Harry who smelled a bit strange.

_"__What happened to you Harry?" _I asked astonished. _"Did you get burned?!"_, grinning slightly.

"Well…"_, _he pinched his nose in discomfort whilst Ron was laughing "_I got lost on my way here, travelling by Floo powder." _

"_Wow, well I must admit it's very strange the first time so I guess it's okay. Where did you got out instead?" _I asked not able to contain myself from grinning. I earned a dark look from Hermione.

_"__In a creepy shop in Knockturn Alley." _

"_Oh crap." _I was astonished. _"However, positive site, we're all here now." _I jumped around childishly making them laugh.

We made our way through Diagon Alley and finally went to Flourish and Blotts. On our way, Harry told me about an encounter with Draco and his father in Knockturn Alley. I got thoughtful and almost stumbled over my feet. Why would Lucius Malfoy want to sell something. _Maybe he's got to hide some dark stuff. _That wouldn't surprise me seeing as the Malfoys were supporters of the dark magic. I got disturbed in my thoughts when we arrived at the book shop, bursting at the seams because of a new celebrity called Gilderoy Lockhart. He would be signing copies of his autobiography. Mrs. Weasley and Hermione were highly doting on him. When I got sight of him I couldn't resist from laughing out of astonishment. Gilderoy Lockhart felt like a stupid guy who was only famous because of his books. Unfortunately, he saw Harry and pulled him to the front. It was clear for everyone who wasn't dazzled by Lockharts charm that Harry wasn't having fun at all. I smiled sympathetically at him. After he got an extra signed edition from Lockhart and many photos later we made our way through the crowd to the exit.

_"__Bet you loved that, didn't you Potter?" _said a voice I had no trouble recognising. I turned around slowly and found myself face to face with Draco, wearing his usual Draco Malfoy sneer. _"Famous Harry Potter, can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page." _He wasn't looking at me but fixing his eyes on Harry. To our surprise Ginny attacked him verbally but Draco only raised one eyebrow in amusement. _Damn, I always wanted to know how to do that. _I got distracted for a second before I concentrated again. I got angry and sad at the same time. I knew I would have trouble with him again this year. Draco was still trying to get me to talk with him but I couldn't let myself go. I needed to push him away from me to keep him safe. So I stood a little in front of Harry and shot Draco the darkest look I could manage. I was quite proud actually because I didn't show any sign of weakness.

_"__Leave him alone Malfoy. We don't need you here." _His head turned into my direction and he raised his eyebrow again. Then he grinned nastily staring at me. I knew something bad was coming and I was right. Without our eyes losing contact he insulted Ron and Ginny what made him start towards Draco. Before he could pass me however I held him in place by raising an invisible magic wall between them. Ron shot me a dark look when he felt that he couldn't move any further to Draco.

_"__Lovely Jackson, protecting me. Never thought that would happen._" He laughed coldly.

_"__Idiot! I'm not protecting you, why should I. I would rather let you rot in hell than moving one finger for your protection." _I countered grinning devilishly. Before I could say something else Mr. Weasley, Fred and George came, asking what was going on.

_"__Well, well, well, Arthur Weasley." _Lucius Malfoy appeared behind Draco with his usual cold sneer on his face. My feeling didn't deceive me. He managed as easily as Draco to made Mr. Weasley start towards Lucius Malfoy. I would have loved to see that fight but luckily my magic wall was still raised so nothing happened except that both of them were killing each other with looks. Suddenly, Lucius turned his head and stared me in the eyes, totally knowing what I was doing.

_"__Jackson, you really are some stupid girl. Protecting this traitors and muggle lovers. What would your father say…" _I wanted to stay calm but I could feel Harry's and the Weasley's anger by my side.

_"__My father", _I imitated him _"isn't here so think wisely about insulting my friends. Threaten them and I will make you pay for it." _I said watching him deeply in the eyes. Draco stepped forward again.

"_And you think carefully about threatening my family. Touch them once and I will never leave you alone in school." _He grinned again and winked with one eye. I understood what he wanted to say but the fact that he said it the way he did made me only angrier. Slowly he took a step in my direction. _"Tell me Jackson, how is living without a family?" _He asked with his usual cold stare and typical Draco Malfoy voice. I pinched my eyes together but didn't move. I knew he wanted to make me angry, didn't want to give him the satisfaction though. Again he moved forward very slowly. Suddenly he started grinning and when I found myself face to face with him I realized my mistake. I had raised the protective wall to keep the Weasley's, Harry and Lucius Malfoy from attacking each other. It was useful for everybody, except Draco. _Damn it Arya, _I said to myself, _you shouldn't let your emotions control your action. _It was out of habit that I hadn't include Draco in the protective magic because it was usually enough telling him off. Our noses were almost touching now. He grinned nastily when he saw my anger on my fault.

_"__Now Jackson, looks as if your magic is not so effective, isn't it?" _He laughed and I could feel his breath on my face. I felt Hermione and Harry move behind my back but I ignored them. _"Now again, how is your life in the orphanage? Is it fun?" _he asked coldly. My anger was now clearly visible as I spoke in a controlled voice.

"_Screw you Draco Malfoy for being that evil little brat. I don't care what you say."_ My control left me, I could feel it.

_"__Oh really, doesn't look like that to me. I mean you just raised your magic around the two of us." _

Surprised I controlled it and he was right again. The others were watching me with a concerned look. I could see Hermione and Mr. Weasley slightly shaking their heads but I ignored them. I turned my gaze to Draco again. He was grinning because he knew that he had won that round but I wouldn't leave it now.

_"__Well, Malfoy tell me how is living with that crazy family of yours? Is it fun being pushed around all the time?" _I asked emotionless, knowing that I would struck a nerve. _You want a fight Draco? I can give you one. _I hated pushing him away but I knew that I had really gotten him now. I almost lost control over my cold mask when I saw him flinch slightly. He swallowed and I could see the pain in his eyes. Then he straightened, wiping every emotion out of his face.

_"__At least I am not befriended with such blood traitors and mudbloods." _My shot had gone in the wrong direction! Before I could think about anything I started forwards, slapping Draco right across the face. At least that was my intention I guess. He, knowing me to well, managed to dodge my hand. With my outburst the magic wall around the two of us had faded because of my lack of concentration. Suddenly, I was hold by some hands and stared at a grinning Draco Malfoy. Damn, even if I loved him as brother I would have loved to wipe that grin out of his face.

_"__Come Draco, we leave now."_ Said Lucius and left the shop. Draco, raising one eyebrow in my direction, turned around and followed his father.

_"__Arya calm down." _I heard Hermione's voice in my ear but I didn't manage to come over the fact that he had won two of two rounds in less than 5 minutes. I was angry at myself for letting myself go like that.

_"__I cannot calm down Hermione. Now let go of my arms."_

Without another word I passed all the starring people and left the bookshop. Outside I shook my head to free myself from Draco but it didn't work. For the rest of the day I was quiet, not wanting to talk about what happened. In the evening John Dawlish brought me back to the orphanage.

_"__You know I will have to report what happened to Professor Dumbledore?" _he asked, staring at me with his piercing eyes.

_"__I don't care. Do whatever you have to do…" _with that I turned around and laid on my bed. I could hear the door closing when he left. My eyes started prickling. I cried for almost an hour. I hated how I had to threat Draco, that I had to live in the orphanage, I missed Severus and Hogwarts. The only comfort was that I would be back in Hogwarts soon.


	11. Chapter 11 - Back at Hogwarts

11\. Back at Hogwarts

The day finally arrived. John Dawlish appeared again and brought me to the Hogwarts Express. With Hermione, Ginny and Neville in a compartment we travelled to Hogwarts. Strangely, Harry and Ron were nowhere to be seen. They weren't even in the great hall, missed the sorting and dinner. Severus wasn't there either and I had the feeling that it had to do with Harry and Ron. On the other hand, that Gilderoy Lockhart guy sat at the teacher's table. Hermione and many other girls were only staring at him, not caring about eating. Honestly, I didn't understand their behaviour. I mean he wasn't good looking and something was just wrong with him.

After the feast, Hermione and I made our way to the Gryffindor tower wondering about Harry and Ron. I wanted to talk to Severus but could only go if it wouldn't look suspicious. We met them in front of the portrait of the fat lady, not knowing the password to enter.

_"__There you are! Where have you been? The most ridiculous rumours – someone said you had been expelled for crashing a flying car." _Surprised I looked at Hermione. I didn't know where she had heard that from.

They old us what happened and as expected Hermione wasn't pleased at all. The other Gryffindors however where celebrating them. Able to leave the tower without anyone seeing me I made my way down to the Dungeons to see Severus. Standing in front of the door to his classroom I let my magic check the room if there was somebody in there. I didn't feel anyone so I went on to his office. I had to hide once because some Slytherins were sneaking around. When I turned around the last corner and saw the door I would have loved to run and burst into the room. I had missed him so much. He was the father I had always dreamed of. I couldn't contain myself from grinning as I checked his office for other persons. Suddenly, the door opened and there he stood, his robes rippling in a cold breeze. When he saw that it was me his cold gaze turned warm.

"_Well, look who's here" _he said laughing whilst I entered and he closed the door. He hadn't come to a stop from turning into my direction when I already crashed into him, embracing him with all my energy. He put his arms around me and hugged me warmly.

_"__I missed you." _I spoke quietly into his robes inhaling the scent of potions in his robes. He only smiled and sat down on his chair, taking me on his lap.

_"__Why weren't you at the feast?" _I asked, wanting to know what happened exactly when Harry and Ron had been in here. Tiredly, he rubbed his eyes with one hand, breathing deeply.

_"__I had to take care of your friends but I guess you already know that, don't you?" _He looked at me and I nodded. _"And I guess you want to know what happened when they were in here…" _I nodded again, grinning now. It faded when Severus told me everything.

_"__Why the hell would you want my friends to be expelled?" _I asked outraged.

_"__There are rules Aryanna, rules that even your friends have to follow. They put our world in danger." _He tried to explain but I jumped up and stared at him. _"Well, they couldn't go through the wall so it's not their fault."_

"_But they had an owl they could have used it to inform us."_

"_Yes okay they should have done that but what I don't get is that you would be responsible for them being expelled." _I said angrily.

_"__Oh really?! What would they think if I hadn't asked for them being expelled? I have to keep up my reputation even if none of us likes it. And for your information, Albus would have never let it happen."_

I knew he was right but continued looking at him darkly. _"To me it sounds like you would enjoy your reputation." _He only laughed, I couldn't be angry anymore. I sat down on his table.

_"__My reputation saved me from sitting next to Gilderoy Lockhart. Albus told me about your encounter with him in Diagon Alley." _Severus grinned when he saw me wrinkling my nose in disgust.

_"__He's nothing else than a loudmouthed man searching for attention." _I said gloomy.

_"__And I was afraid you would admire him like every stupid girl in this school does. Happy that you are immune to his charm." _He said with raised eyebrows. I had to laugh at his helpless expression.

_"__He might be an idiot but I have to say he really does look good, especially once he smiles." _I put on a faked admiring gaze, earning a sniff from Severus.

_"__Stop it please. Every time he is smiling – and he is doing it whenever he is making himself important what is like all day long – I would love to punch him." _I started laughing loudly whilst Severus only stared at me.

"_Don't take that as an offense but I would love to see that! You are not the one being physically aggressive. You are good with words but I don't think you would really do that." _I couldn't stop laughing, I had tears in my eyes.

_"__You definitely underestimate me Aryanna Jackson." _He stated raising one hand warningly. _"And I would have said the same about you but since your encounter with Draco I think otherwise..." _he grinned and started shuffling some papers. I immediately stopped laughing.

_"__How do you- Wait, Dumbledore told you right?" _I asked sadly, breathing out loudly. Severus only nodded, looking at me again. His grin had been replaced by a worried expression.

_"__Strictly speaking it was Dawlish. Arya I know you don't want to hear this but I think you should stop pushing him away. You have told me so often that Draco is like a twin brother for you. You shouldn't throw that away. You love him, he loves you." _He looked me deeply in the eyes but I turned my gaze.

_"__I need to protect him Severus." _I said quietly. _"If my father comes back – and he will soon, I can feel it – he will turn to his followers. And Draco is right in the middle of this. If he finds out about Draco and me he will be in mortal danger. And losing Draco is one of the worst things that could happen."_

Severus took my hand and bend forward searching my gaze. _"Arya, I am here too. I wouldn't leave you alone. I would help protecting him, as would Albus and Minerva."_

_"__I can't. I cannot risk his life for my happiness." _I stated helplessly.

_"__And what about Draco? He knows why you are pushing him away but he is willing to take the risk. You have your friends, the Weasley family and the teachers but Draco only has Blaze Zabini as real friend. He cannot count on any other classmate or his parents. I am there for him as good as possible but it's difficult if you don't want to deal with him." _I could feel my eyes prickling again. _Damn, Arya stop crying all the time. _I took my hand out of his and stared at the shelves behind him.

_"__Don't you think I haven't thought about this already? Don't you think I haven't thought about any possible solution that would keep him safe? No matter what I think of the risk is always to high in my opinion." _I swallowed. Severus stood up and gently pushed my head up with one finger so that I couldn't avoid his gaze any longer. _"I won't force you to do anything but I see how it's tormenting you so I won't stop telling what I told you now." _Then he put his arms around me and hugged me tightly. I felt so comfortable and wrong at the same time. I loved Draco so much but I had to hurt him and myself to keep him safe. That wasn't fair at all. All because of my damn father and his stupid family.

When I went to bed this evening I fall asleep right away. The next morning, Ron got a howler from his mother because of what happened with the car. When we went outside to Herbology Gilderoy Lockhart was there, talking to a very irritated Professor Sprout. Professor McGonagall gave us more work to do than any other teacher completely ignoring the fact that it was our first day back. Colin Creevey, a first year Gryffindor, asked Harry for a photograph. He was sweet but very agitated.

"_You're giving out signed photos Potter?" _Draco's voice echoed loudly around the courtyard. As always he was flanked by Crabbe and Goyle.

_"__Eat slugs, Malfoy" _said a very angry Ron, taking out his spellotaped wand. Before he could use it however, I took a step forwards and fixed Draco with my gaze.

_"__Get off! And take your morons with you." _Calmly I took another step closer.

_"__Sweet how you're always interfering for your little friends Jackson. But do I need to remember you what happened last time you tried to help them?" _He grinned evilly and his two bodyguards snickered. Before Ron could use his wand Hermione came over. Draco stopped grinning when Gilderoy Lockhart appeared asking for what happened here. He took Harry with him even if he didn't want to go. When we arrived at his classroom for the test of Defence against the Dark Arts Ron joked about Harry's reaction to Colin Creevey. Once everybody had sat down we started the test. Every question was about Lockhart himself. I couldn't prevent myself from snorting. I earned a dark look from Hermione and Lockhart but I didn't care. The others were writing when I looked around the room. I met no other gaze than Draco's. He took a quick look through the room then stared at me again. Pointing discreetly at the test he rolled his eyes. At that moment, I react before I could think about it. I grinned and looked on my test again. I could hear him cough but ignored it. Then I decided to answer the questions but by relating them to Draco.

**1.****What is Draco's favourite colour?**

_That's too easy _I thought grinning. _Blue, just like mine._

**2.****What is Draco's secret ambition?**

_Well, I remember you saying becoming a quidditch star when you were 8 years old._

**3.****What, in your opinion, is Draco's greatest achievement to date?**

_Definitely becoming seeker of the Slytherin quidditch team._

After 53 questions I finally arrived at the last one: **When is Draco's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?**

_I would give you a Firebolt Draco and it's the 5. June 1980._

When I had written the last answer I leaned back in my chair grinning wildly. I could see Draco grinning as well, just like Blaze next to him but I ignored them. Lockhart collected in the papers and rifled through them in front of the class. One moment he stopped in his work and looked at two papers with pinched eyebrows. Then he laid them on the side and continued rambling about himself. Hermione got full mark for answering right every question. Then he took out a cage with wild Cornish pixies and freed them. He asked us to restrain them and fled as the bell rang after some time.

When we sat at lunch this day some owls came flown in. One landed right in front of me and I took its letter. It was a school owl I could see it.

**Dear Ms. Jackson, please come to my office today at 7 pm. There is something to discuss.**

**G. Lockhart**

Wondering what that was about – Hermione got very excited about it – I went to meet Lockhart in the evening. Before I reached the classroom I almost run into Draco as I turned around a corner.

_"__What the hell are you doing here?" _I asked astonished.

_"__I could ask you the same question. Well, I'm meeting up with Lockhart." _He then turned around and left me speechless in the corridor. _Why is Lockhart asking for the both of us?_ I wondered. Then I quickly followed him. When he heard that I came after him he stopped and turned around with one eyebrow raised. _"Can I help you Jackson?"_

_"__Actually, Lockhart asked me to come too." _I let my magic check the nearby corridor for any students or teachers but there was only Lockhart in his office. _"Do you think he knows something about what's going on between us?"_ I asked him worried and quietly.

_"__Tell me, Arya, is there something going on between us?_" he asked coldly, looking me dead in the eyes.

"_I just mean-"_ before I could finish my sentence he turned around again and knocked on the door.

Whilst he entered I was thinking about what just happened. I hadn't insulted him once and spoken with like I talked to my friends. I didn't understand why I had changed my behavior towards him. _I shouldn't have done that! But it feels good being normal with him…_

_"__Ah there you are Ms. Jackson and Mr. Malfoy. I thought I had to fetch you, you are 10 minutes late." _Lockhart laughed loudly.

"_Excuse me Sir but why am I here?" _Draco asked emotionlessly, completely ignoring me.

"_Well, I ordered the two of you here because I want to know what you thought filling out the test like you did."_ With that he gave each of us our paper back with no mark or comment on it. _"You have the same answer written everywhere. As for you Mr. Malfoy I understand it, I mean you answered them referring to you. Ms. Jackson however has exact the same answers as you. Ms. Jackson can you give me an explanation to why you have the exact same answers without sitting next to Mr. Malfoy?" _I was speechless and didn't know what to say seeing as my head seemed empty. _Crap, that really ended in a complete cock-up. _I stood there like frozen whilst Lockhart stared at me. I could feel Draco gazing at me. How should I explain this?!

"_It's my fault Professor."_ Surprised I turned to Draco who was looking at Lockhart. _"Jackson annoyed me to death the other day and forgot her books in the library. To get back on her I changed some statements about you. So she learned the wrong facts." _My jaw fell down as I stared at Draco in surprise.

_"__I must admit I am disappointed of your childish behavior Mr. Malfoy."_ Lockhart rambled. He said some other things I didn't realize, still in awe of Draco's help. _"Well, seeing as she has answered every question right about you I guess she would have had every answer right about me if you hadn't changed the books. Therefore, I give you Ms. Jackson full mark. Mr. Malfoy, you get a __**T**__ for wrong answers. In addition, you will come tomorrow evening at 7pm for detention." _Draco didn't react, only stared at the Professor in front of him. Lockhart went to his desk and scribbled something on a paper. Then he turned around again.

_"__Take that paper to Severus please. And now you may leave. Oh and Mr. Malfoy, don't be late tomorrow." _Lockhart smiled his awful smile. Draco turned around and left quickly. When I had closed the door behind me I ran after Draco who had just reached the corner.

_"__Wait!"_ I called. He ignored me and continued his way. _"Damn it Draco, please wait. You cannot run away from me." _Now Draco stopped but didn't turn around. _"What do you want Jackson?"_

_"__Oh come on nobody's here. No need to call me Jackson_." I finally stepped in front of him. He stared at me emotionlessly. _"Oh really Jackson?" _He passed me walking away taking big steps. I followed him again and stopped him by holding his arm tightly. _"Come on, I only want to thank you Draco. You really saved my ass because I had no idea how to explain this. Thanks!"_

_"__Don't do anything like that again. Next time it won't be with someone as peasant and selfish as Lockhart." _With that he left again leaving me alone in the corridor. I couldn't prevent myself from grinning as his silhouette faded. It felt so good talking normally with Draco again.

_Come on Aryanna, you cannot keep this going and you know it. You have to push him away! _I said to myself. I couldn't let it happen again. I could feel that something was coming, something that had to do with my father. Therefore, I needed to protect Draco at any costs. Sighting, I made my way to the Gryffindor tower. Tomorrow I would have to face a surely angry Severus because of my recklessness.


	12. Chapter 12 - Complications

12\. Complications

Unfortunately, the next day started with Potions. I wasn't really looking forward meeting Severus or Draco after what happened yesterday. Severus would be angry and Draco… I had thought about it in bed before falling asleep but didn't really know what I could do except ignoring him. Or at least giving my best to do so. I shouldn't do something like with Lockhart yesterday again, would only get me a lot of trouble. Therefore, I wasn't eager arriving at the classroom.

_"__Come on Arya, we're late. Hurry up!" _Hermione called when I walked slowly through the corridors. I had been thinking about everything that could happen now. Severus wouldn't talk to me in class about it but due to my magic I would have to feel his disapproval for 1,5 hours. When I looked up now Hermione was already taking my arm and dragged me forwards. I stumbled almost over my feet.

_"__Hermione, come on we have ten minutes left."_ I whined.

_"__Yes but we have to get there first, find a seat and prepare our things. If you hadn't taken so much time in the bathroom this morning, we would be down there already."_ She stated. I only rumbled. When we arrived in the right corridor we could see that the last one's had just walked through the door. _Crap, _I thought, _that means that Severus is already inside. _Hermione wouldn't let go of my arm so she pulled me into the classroom. I turned my head down and walked quickly after her when she went straight to two seats left beside in the second row.

_"__You can be lucky that he isn't here yet."_ Hermione said warningly. I looked up and she was right, Severus wasn't there. I felt relieved for a second and breathed out. _"What is wrong with you today?_" Hermione asked with furred eyebrows. _"Normally, you love Potions but today it seems as if you are scared or absentminded."_

Thankfully, Seamus spared me to give an answer by turning into our direction. He sat before us with a terrified Neville sitting next to him. _"Well, Snape was here to let us in but rushed away because he had to take care of something."_

_"__Did he tell you what he had to take care of?" _I asked silently.

"_No, he didn't but he seems to be very angry today. I mean even more than normally. Wonder what's the reason…"_ With that he turned around again. Whilst he had said that I had sunk in my chair. Now I was sure that I would get in a lot of trouble and only because of this stupid test of Lockhart's. Before Hermione could say anything more about my strange behavior we could hear the door closing with a loud noise. The second afterwards, before I saw Severus walking to the front, I felt his anger.

Sometimes I really hated my magic. Without it I wouldn't have to remark things like this. Strong emotions really can be disturbing. To be fair with everybody around me I had learned my best to be able to ignore them if it wasn't important or necessary. But strong emotions were penetrating my mind like daggers in someone's chest. So I winced slightly when I felt Severus emotion entering the room. When he stood in front of us his piercing gaze went through the class. He didn't look at me though but I could see that his face was emotionless, even his eyes didn't show any emotions. That really was a bad sign because normally he would give himself away by his eyes but there was nothing except the cold mask. Without any explanation to why he was late he gave us the ingredients for a cough potion. Then he sat down at his desk writing down something. Trying to ignore his anger I started by cutting some roots. I was so distracted that I cut myself earning a warning look from Hermione. _"Damn it" _I said to myself and healed the cut before someone would notice. Then I looked around to see if someone had noticed but nobody was watching except one person. He looked at me with a mix of pity and malicious joy. Draco knew exactly what was going through my head and what was making Severus so angry. Grinning now he pointed to Severus, hold his knife to his throat and finally pointed to me. I gulped and tried to ignore him but I knew what he wanted to tell me. I was dead. If Severus was truly angry than it was with me. No other student was so important to him and I had made a dangerous mistake yesterday.

I turned my gaze to the potion in front of me which was almost spilling over the edge of the cauldron. Quickly I continued by adding the roots. I concentrated myself to stir the potion the right times. Unfortunately, my hands were shaking. My mind could ignore the anger that flooded this room but my body couldn't. Furthermore, Severus was walking around now and controlling our progress. The nearest he came the less I could concentrate on my potion. So it was no surprise to me when I was so agitated from this strong emotion that the potion finally spilled around everywhere. Hermione and Ron sitting next to me were squealing and stepping back quickly. It took Severus no time to appear in front of me and when I dared to look him in the eyes I could see that I had been mistaken. He wasn't angry, he was furious! His eyes showed the emotion as strong as I could feel it. I couldn't move.

_"__Jackson!" _He called coldly. I avoided looking him in the eyes and only stepped back from the mess in front of me. I could feel everybody watching me. _"That makes Gryffindor lose 10 points and a bad mark for you."_ A swipe with his wand and all the mess was gone. Severus turned around walking towards his desk, his cloak breezing behind him. _"As for the rest of you, time's up. Bring me your potions. Jackson you stay behind."_ Whilst everybody hurried to go out as quickly as possible I got a lot of pity looks. Hermione, Ron and Harry smiled encouraging in my direction but I only continued starring at the table in front of me. I stood there frozen until the loud bang of the door ripped me out of my rigor. Slowly, I lifted my head, facing a furious Severus. He stared at me, I knew he was waiting for me to step forward seeing as I was the one who had made the mistake. Trying not to make any noise I walked in front of the classroom until I stood only two steps away from him. I couldn't do anything else than standing there looking crestfallen and feeling even worse of remorse.

_"__I am more than disappointed, Aryanna. I never thought you would do something like that after you told me how important it is to protect Draco." _His voice was calm and cold. It would be a lot better if he screamed at me._ "I want you to tell me how you got this stupid idea. I hope you had a very good reason." _I gulped and looked up, meeting his gaze.

_"__I…" _my voice broke after the first word. Gulping again I started a second time. _"I don't really know how I got the idea but… I was annoyed by Lockhart and had no clue about the answers. And to annoy him I thought about a person I would know every answer to. So I chose Draco, thinking that he wouldn't notice." _I finished my short explanation hoping it would decrease Severus' anger but as I looked him in the eyes I saw that it hadn't – in contrary.

_"__I think you didn't think at all!" _His voice was getting louder and showing his anger now. "_I know you couldn't have known that Draco would do the same about himself but what I'm angry about is the fact that you involved him. I mean you gave the written prove that you know something about him, that you know a lot about him."_

_"__It turned out well."_ I tried to calm him down but I saw that it was the wrong thing to say. His face was distorted with rage now.

_"__It turned out well?! Do you know what you are saying? What is wrong with you Aryanna Jackson?! What you are doing here is not acceptable nor safe. You want to keep Draco safe but now you gave 54 proves that you know Draco Malfoy in person. IN PERSON ARYA. The Gryffindor Aryanna Jackson, daughter of Tom Vorlost Riddle knows the son of the Malfoy family. If anyone finds that out Draco is right in the firing line. And that is – just to remind you – exactly what you wanted to prevent! To put him there just because you DIDN'T THINK is pure stupidity and egoism."_

I could feel tears on my face. I hadn't even noticed that I had started crying. I was so overwhelmed with guilt and anger at myself. My body started shaking now and I couldn't stand on my feet anymore. I fell on the floor and buried my hands in my hair clenching it. I sobbed uncontrollably now. Suddenly, I could feel two arms going around me taking me in a strong hug.

_"__I'm sorry… So sorry… It's all my fault!" _I whispered again and again. Severus only rocked me slightly not saying anything. After what seemed to be hours I stopped crying and wound myself out of his embrace. Wordless, Severus gave me a handkerchief and I tried to make myself look normal again. When I watched myself in the mirror in one corner of the room I saw that my eyes looked puffy and red. By help of magic I made it go away, not feeling any better. Slowly, I packed my books in my bag, Severus watching me.

_"__Arya?" _ I heard him say when I turned to leave. Looking him in the eyes for the last time I said: _"I swear on Nala's life that I won't do anything reckless like this again. I will find the test papers and make them disappear. And I won't talk to Draco anymore, never!" _I could see in his eyes that it wasn't what he had wanted to hear but I left anyway. I wouldn't let Draco come near to me again. Severus was right, my action had been very dangerous. Tonight, I would break into Lockhart's office and destroy the tests of the whole class. Taking a deep breath, I made my way to Transfigurations.

Arriving at the classroom I took a deep breath and knocked on the door before entering. Professor McGonagall was explaining a spell but stopped when I opened the door. The whole class turned around to see who it was. Draco and Blaze were watching me with slightly worried expressions but I ignored them.

_"__I'm sorry Professor but Professor Snape wanted to talk to me." _

_"__Yes, I know. I wish a word with you too after this class. Now take a seat please." _She said pointing to the empty chair next to Hermione. Quickly I took a seat, taking out my books. Hermione looked at me smiling comforting and I returned it to show her that everything was alright even if nothing was.

After class everybody packed their things, eager to have lunch.

_"__Hey guys, can you reserve me a seat? I'll come as soon as possible."_ I asked them before they left. Sighting I waited until the door closed after the last one. Then I looked up only to see a stern looking Professor watching me closely.

_"__Jackson tell me what happened." _She ordered. I felt very uneasy and played with my fingers.

_"__Well… I was very distracted today so my potion spilled everywhere and Professor Snape was… he was furious." _I said determined hoping that she would drop it now.

_"__Are you sure?" _Professor McGonagall asked.

_"__Yes!"_ I hadn't expected this question. _"Why?"_

_"__I remember last year." _She looked me straight in the eyes. Asking, I raised my eyebrows. _"Last year you were fighting with Professor Snape whenever you had a chance to. Then it stopped from one day to another but now I'm afraid it's coming back again." _

I stood up taking my bag. _"Don't worry Professor, I won't do that again. I'm only having a bad day today, that's all." _She watched me closely not really satisfied with my answer.

_"__I will keep an eye on you. Now go and have dinner." _With that I turned around and left. I could feel her looking after me. I really would have to be careful with her. Professor McGonagall wasn't stupid.


	13. Chapter 13 - The Chamber of Secrets

13\. The Chamber of Secrets

Time went on, nothing changing much. Draco had managed to make the Quidditch team, being Slytherin's new seeker. He had tried some times to talk to me but I would only ignore him. Lockhart had forgot about the test, additionally, I had destroyed them. Severus and I were on good terms again even if it had taken some time. One evening, Harry, Hermione, Ron and I were walking back from the Hallowe'en feast. Suddenly, Harry heard that voice. It was speaking about killing and ripping apart something. I checked the corridors for any sign of wizardry with my magic.

_"__Harry there is nothing or no one her."_ I tried to calm him down as he started walking slowly in one direction.

_"__No, there is! I can hear it." _He said turning around and watching us. Hermione and Ron were looking at him with horrified expressions, I furrowed my eyebrows. Then Harry watched at the ceiling.

_"__This way." _He shouted and sprinted up a marble staircase. We clattered behind him, trying not to lose him.

_"__Harry, what are we…"_

_"__Shh."_ He raised one hand. "_It's going to kill someone!" _He shouted and ignored us again. When we turned around a corner – completely out of breath – we stopped horrified staring at the wall in front of us. Between two windows was written something with red colour.

_"__Is this blood?"_ Hermione asked shocked. Nobody answered her trying to realize what was happening. The words were shining on the wall.

**THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED.**

**ENEMIES OF THE HEIR, BEWARE.**

**"**_What's that thing hanging underneath?"_ said Ron, a slight quiver in his voice. We approached the plushy thing, Harry almost slipping in the large puddle of water on the floor. It was Mrs. Norris, the caretaker's cat. No one said a word, to shocked of what we saw.

_"__Let's get out of here!" _Ron said. _"We don't want to be found here."_

Before we could make one step however we heard a rumble. From either end of the corridor where we stood came the sound of hundreds of feet climbing the stairs and crashing into the passage. The chatter died when they saw us and Mrs. Norris. We stood there in the middle, surrounded by shocked faces.

_"__Enemies of the heir, beware!" _Someone shouted from behind us and I knew exactly who it was. In a split second I spun around. Draco had pushed to the front of the crowd, his cold eyes alive, as he grinned at the sight of the hanging, immobile cat. Then he watched us.

_"__You'll be next Mudbloods!" _I looked at him gloomy and he returned my gaze grinning maliciously.

_"__You damn bastard Draco Malfoy!"_ I screamed and started going towards him. Before I could reach him however I was stopped by a shrieking Argus Filch.

_"__My cat! You have murdered my cat!" _He screeched pointing at Harry who had the bad luck standing the closest to Mrs. Norris.

"_Argus!"_ Dumbledore interfered who was followed by a number of teachers. Whilst Dumbledore tried to calm him down Severus scanned the students. He quickly saw my situation with Draco and stepped in front of him looking at me warningly. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Professor McGonagall staring at us for his reaction. I glared at Severus but before I could do or say something Professor Dumbledore spoke to us.

_"__Come with me, Argus. You too, Mr. Potter, Ms. Jackson, Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley." _Lockhart offered his office as it was the nearest. When we arrived there Dumbledore inspected Mrs. Norris closely with Lockhart commenting. I felt so angry! Draco had gone to far with his comment and additionally Lockhart was going on my nerves with his stupid behavior. I hated him and I could feel that Severus was on the edge of exploding. He stood in shadow, wearing a most peculiar expression. Besides, I could sense something dark coming from the stiff cat. It remembered me of my father or better his dark wizardry. Mrs. Norris had been petrified and Filch blamed Harry for it even though Dumbledore tried to calm him down a second time.

_"__I never touched Mrs. Norris." _Harry said loudly. Everybody was watching him, even the portraits of Lockhart. I, however, couldn't take my gaze of Mrs. Norris, trying to find out why I thought of my father looking at her.

I was snapped out of my thought when Severus spoke. _"If I might speak, Headmaster," _he said out of the shadow and I could see Harry flinch. _"Potter and his friends may have simply been in the wrong place the wrong time."_ He said, a slight sneer curling his mouth to hide the fact that he wanted me out of trouble. _"Question is why were they in the upstairs corridor at all?" _His eyes were glittering in the candle light as he pierced me with his gaze. Harry stuttered.

_"__We weren't hungry so we left the feast." _Ron lied as his stomach gave a huge rumble. I was the only one who could see Severus' smile and bit my lip not to start grinning. As I watched the teachers again I could see Professor McGonagall looking between me and Severus with pinched eyebrows before turning her attention back to Dumbledore.

_"__We will be able to cure her, Argus."_ He said patiently. "_Professor Sprout recently managed to procure some Mandrakes. As soon as they have reached their full size, I will have a potion made which will revive Mrs. Norris."_

_"__I'll make it!"_ Lockhart butted in. I snorted earning a warning look from Professor McGonagall.

_"__Excuse me,"_ said Severus icily _"but I believe I am the Potions master at this school." _I couldn't suppress a grin as there was a very awkward pause, earning another look from McGonagall. Sadly, Dumbledore told us to leave. I would have loved to see how Severus took Lockhart down. On our way to the Gryffindor tower I couldn't stop grinning whilst Harry, Hermione and Ron were discussing the Chamber of Secrets.

_"__Arya what are you thinking? You didn't stop grinning since we got out of there." _Harry asked smiling slightly.

_"__Oh I loved that scene in there."_ I said laughing now earning only questioning looks from my friends. _"Well, okay that with Mrs. Norris isn't funny and I have the bad feeling that it has to do with my father but it was hilarious how Snape attacked Lockhart. Haven't you seen his face?"_ I laughed hearty. The others were only raising their eyebrows, not really understanding how I could laugh after this serious situation.

_"__Come on guys, I understand your depression but that was just more than funny. I love him for how he can push Lockhart around."_

_"__Well you definitely are for 1% Slytherin if you can laugh because of Snape being Snape." _Ron mumbled making Hermione and Harry snicker but I only laughed louder.

The next days, no one would talk about anything else. Ginny was surprisingly very disturbed by the recent events even if Georg and Fred were trying to cheer her up. According to Ron, she was a great cat-lover. It had an effect on Hermione as well. She did nothing else except reading, annoying me to death because I couldn't talk to her properly anymore. She wanted to find something about the Chamber of Secrets. I helped her as much as I could but also tried it in another way. I went to Severus several times and interrogated him. Irritatingly, he wouldn't tell me anything even if I could sense that he knew something. One day, we went to Transfigurations, meeting a very severe looking Professor McGonagall. We started the lesson and as always Hermione pulled up her hand.

_"__Yes, Ms. Granger?"_ Professor McGonagall asked.

"_I was wondering if you could tell us anything about the Chamber of Secrets." _She said in a clear voice. Suddenly, everybody was paying attention and watching Professor McGonagall eagerly. Even Draco was looking at her pinching his eyebrows. Professor McGonagall watched us and took a deep breath.

_"__As you all know, of course, Hogwarts was founded by the four greatest witches and wizards of the age: Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw and Salazar Slytherin. Three of the coexisted quite harmoniously, one did not."_ She was walking around the room slowly whilst telling. _"Salazar Slytherin wished to be more selective over the students admitted to Hogwarts. He believed magical learning should be kept within all magic families." _I couldn't prevent myself from snorting making the class looking at me.

_"__Sorry." _I said. _"I just think that's the most stupid thing to say. Aside from the fact that it's not true magic what they were doing or what everybody is doing with a wand." _I could feel Hermione pounding me with her elbow. I looked up to Professor McGonagall who was watching me shaking slightly her head. _"I'm sorry for interrupting Professor."_ I gazed on the table in front of me.

_"__Well, as I said, Salazar Slytherin thought magical learning should be kept within all magic families. In other words, purebloods."_ Out of the corner of my eyes I could see Draco and Blaze exchanging dark looks. Then Hermione looked at them. By turning my head in their direction I wanted to prevent them from doing or saying something stupid. When they realized that I was looking too they grinned provocative. Before I could say something again Professor McGonagall continued.

_"__Unable to sway the others he decided to leave the school. Now, according to legend Slytherin had built a hidden chamber in this castle, known as the Chamber of Secrets. And shortly before departing he sealed it until that time when his own true heir returned to this school. The heir alone would be able to open the Chamber and unleash the horror within and by so doing purge the school of all those who – in Slytherin's view- were unworthy to study magic."_

_"__Muggleborns."_ Hermione said.

_"__Exactly. Well, naturally the school has been searched many times. No such chamber has been found."_

_"__Professor, what exactly does legend tell us lies within the chamber?" _Hermione asked.

"_The Chamber, is said, to be home to something that only the heir of Slytherin can control. It is said to be the home of a monster." _The class was speechless when Professor McGonagall finished speaking. Ron, his face horrified, turned around to Draco - who couldn't resist another chance to provoke me -only grinned at him coldly.

For the rest of the lesson I was deep in thought. The Chamber was the result of Salazar Slytherin and he had an heir who had opened the Chamber today. That meant that a very strong Slytherin was in Hogwarts right now. I thought about Mrs. Norris who had remind me of my father. _It can't be my __father,_ I thought. _He is dead!_

On our way to dinner we spoke about what McGonagall had told us.

_"__I always knew Salazar Slytherin was a twisted old looney." _Ron told us whilst we fought our way through the teeming corridors. As we were shunted along in the throng, Colin Creevey went past.

_"__Hey Harry! Harry – Harry, a boy in my class has been saying you're-" _But Colin was so small that he couldn't fight against the tide of people.

_"__What's a boy in his class saying about you?" _Hermione wondered.

_"__That I'm Slytherin's heir, I expect." _Said Harry.

_"__Yeah right."_ I claimed. _"If anyone should be designated as Slytherin's heir then it's me. To be honest, I don't envy you Harry. I guess the rumor will spread quickly in this school."_

Continuing our way, we suddenly found ourselves in a deserted corridor. Strangely, spiders were climbing out of the window and vanishing in the dark of the night. Back in the Gryffindor tower we sat in a corner, away from the others. We spoke about the heir again.

_"__Who can it be though?"_ Hermione said thoughtfully.

_"__Well, let's see."_ Ron said looking around the room. _"Who do we know who thinks that Muggleborns are scum?"_ I knew exactly where he was going with this.

_"__If you think it's Malfoy then you're definitely on the wrong path."_ I commented leaning back in my chair.

_"__Of course I do. You heard what he said. I mean you almost punched him Arya, I saw you back there. You've got the bad feeling that he has something to do with it right?" _He said convinced.

Hermione remained skeptical._ "Well, it makes sense._" Harry said. _"Look at his family. The whole lot of them have been in Slytherin. And they are evil enough."_

_"__Evil enough yes but not strong enough."_ I interfered. _"We are talking about Salazar Slytherin; a very powerful wizard. He would never have an heir that's not strong enough."_

_"__Do you have another proposal?"_ Ron leaned forwards.

_"__I've thought about it the whole evening and the only person I can think of is my father. Riddle is definitely strong enough and worth being chosen by Salazar Slytherin."_ I said watching the pouring rain outside.

_"__Yes but he is dead Aryanna."_ Hermione tried to reassure me. I turned and watched her in the eyes.

_"__He is not dead. I can feel him. One day he will come back."_ Absentminded, I touched my left arm. _"I need to tell you something. When Dumbledore inspected Mrs. Norris I could feel something dark in the room. It was coming from her. I'm sure it has to do with my father."_ I said helplessly. My friends were speechless.

_"__Well,"_ Hermione spoke slowly, dropping her voice further across the room at Percy. "_There is a way to find out if Malfoy or his family has something to do with it. Of course it would be very dangerous and difficult. Besides, we would be breaking about fifty school rules, I expect."_

Hermione told us about her plan to use Polyjuice Potion. For this, we needed a book from the Restricted Section and special ingredients which we would only get out of Severus' private store. That would be difficult.


	14. Chapter 14 - Preparing the Polyjuice Pot

14\. Preparing the Polyjuice Potion

The next few days we spent thinking of a way to get the book from the Restricted Section. Finally, we decided that Hermione would ask Lockhart. The evening before the awaited day, I made my way down to Severus' office. I took a deep breath before I knocked on the door. I needed to seem as normal as always.

_"__Well, long time no see."_ Severus claimed laughing as I entered.

_"__Sorry, I had school work to do."_ I said sitting down on his chair. Severus, knowing me to well, grinned.

_"__Yeah, right. You - who is so gifted that you don't even need to learn - are doing school work. If you haven't noticed I'm living under the same roof as you." _Severus fold his arms sitting on his desk. I grinned.

_"__Okay I was busy with the Chamber of Secrets. Something you didn't want to tell me about by the way."_ I watched him gloomy making him sight.

_"__Well, I'm trying to keep you out of trouble. But my efforts seemed to be for nothing. I heard Professor McGonagall told you everything there is to know." _He raised one eyebrow.

_"__Yes she did. But she didn't tell us one thing. Who opened it before?"_ I faked lack of interest and lowered my gaze on his desk, spotting some student papers. I knew the potion it was about. _"Hey, I can help you correct those papers so you will have less work to do." _I smiled brightly at Severus who laughed shaking his head.

_"__Oh merlin. I know exactly what you are trying to do Aryanna and it won't work."_

"_What?"_ I asked surprised. Severus stood up walking to his bookshelves. _"When you were small and didn't want to go to sleep you always tried to convince me to read you another chapter."_ He was looking one book after another, his hand following his eyes. "_Mostly, I would fulfil your wish and I will never forget how you weren't able yet to hide the joy that you thought you had succeeded. But…" _He stopped his doing and took a book out of the shelf, watching it. "_you never managed to fool me." _Severus turned around smiling and through the book in front of me. _"I always know when you are trying to."_ I watched the book **History of Potions**. When I looked up at him again I couldn't suppress a grin. _"You still have it?!" _I awed and opened it. Severus laughed.

_"__Of course. With this book I learned to know you better. As I said I learned to recognize your attempts to fool me. And over the years they haven't change. So I won't tell you who opened the Chamber before." _Sitting on his desk again he watched me.

_"__Well, it was worth trying." _We both started laughed, more and more. After a while we managed to calm down and he watched me absentminded, his lips turned in a smile. I couldn't resist looking at him as he sat there. His face was soft but looked not older than when I had first met him. His dark hair framed the well-shaped face. Even if his body was relaxed and his hands folded he radiated strength. I had always been amazed by how he was able to make me feel safe and how he would protect what he loved by becoming - doubtless - frightening. But even if he was frightening he never seemed evil to me. He was my Severus. I mean I often wished that other people would see the good side in him too but sometimes I was proud that I was the only one who saw this side. I was the most important person to him. I smiled too and lowered my head playing with my fingers. I felt overwhelmed by the feeling I got of his aura.

_"__Arya?"_ As I looked up again I saw that his expression was serious. _"Do you remember last year when you told me that the spell hadn't worked and you never forgot me?_" I nodded wondering where he was going with this. _"You told me about the orphanage. I always had the feeling that you didn't tell me everything. Tell me now, are you really keeping something from me?"_ His piercing look made me looking down again. I gulped and thought of Nala. I had left her at the orphanage. _If you ever tell someone about me then I will kill that damn cat of yours, remember that girl, _I remembered the voice of the doctor.

_"__I can't tell you Severus. Not today." _I spoke quietly.

_"__So there is something. Why can't you tell me?" _His demanding voice hurt me. He was only worrying about me and wanted to help. I shook my head but he didn't stop. I heard him taking a deep breath. _"When we had this argument after Lockhart's test you swore on Nala that you wouldn't let Draco come near you again. You never told me who Nala is." _He waited for an answer but I couldn't.

_"__Listen,"_ I said angrily. I wanted him to let it drop. _"It doesn't matter who she is okay?"_ I had stood up facing Severus now. _"No need to become angry, Arya. It was only a question."_ But I could see that he had understood that something was definitely wrong. Before he could ask something else however I passed him and run out. Why was everything so hard?

The next day, after Lockhart's class, Hermione made him sign the permission for **Most Potent Potions**. Afterwards we went to the library and luckily we got it. When we had locked us in Moaning Myrtle's out-of-order bathroom we read about the Polyjuice Potion. It was very complicated and would take one month to complete.

_"__We will have to break into Snape's private store if we want to do this." _Hermione said looking at each of us. Ron gulped and Harry nodded.

_"__Okay guys, you remember that I can't drink any potion because I'm half fairy right?" _ I asked them. _"That means that I can't come with you. But I can help you with the preparation."_

_"__Yes I wouldn't mind someone watching me while I prepare this potion. It's the most complicated one I've ever seen." _Hermione stated and I reassured her with a smile.

_"__Okay so Hermione will prepare the potion with my help. I can get the ingredients. Due to my magic I can walk through the castle unnoticed." _Harry nodded in agreement. I just hoped that Severus wouldn't recognize my magic inside his store. After my departure yesterday he would definitely be angry if he caught me by stealing ingredients for such a potion. I knew that he would have an eye on me now so I decided to ease our situation and went to see him again.

When I entered the office he was sitting behind his desk, correcting papers. He looked up for a second before he continued. I sat on the other chair, facing him.

_"__Here to tell me what's going on?"_ He asked whilst writing.

_"__No, I'm still meaning what I said. I will tell you one day but not now."_ With that he looked up breathing deeply.

_"__You know I only want to help you. It's annoying me to see you like this."_

_"__I know, Severus. And I promise if I'm ready to speak about it I will come to you."_ I said pleading.

He stood up and walked around his desk. _"Stand up, please."_ I stood up and he embraced me warmly, one hand stroking my hair. I pressed my head in his chest and inhaled his scent. _"I just can't bear the thought of someone hurting you." _He whispered. I smiled in his chest.

_"__Would you mind me helping you correcting papers?" _I asked watching him closely. He smiled deeply, let go of me and sat down again. _"Don't you have something else to do? I mean I could imagine plenty of other things to have fun with." _He laughed but pushed a stack of papers in my direction. Happily, I took a seat again and started going through the essays. I was more than relieved.

_"__So,"_ He started. _"Who do you think will win the quidditch match this weekend?"_ I had completely forgotten about it. The big match between Gryffindor and Slytherin was the most important one of the year.

_"__Gryffindor of course!"_ I stated matter of factly. _"We have the better people in our team."_ I didn't even look up.

_"__As house teacher of Slytherin I'm supporting my house so I'm sure they'll win. After all they have better brooms I've been told and a talented seeker."_ That made me snort and I could literally hear his grin. _"Yeah right, try to tell you that. WE. Will. Win!" _I retorted. _"By the way, it's not about the brooms but the people. And Gryffindor has doubtlessly the best!"_ Now it was Severus' turn to snort. I had finished the last paper now and looked up. Severus was laying down his feather and leaning back, a gloomy grin in his face. _"I tell you, Slytherin will win."_

_"__No you won't."_ I said leaning forwards provocative. Severus did the same and our noses were almost touching. There was a tension between us as we were this close, both of us grinning evilly.

_"__How about a bet?"_ Severus asked quietly. _"I'm in!" _I pinched my eyebrows.

_"__If Slytherin wins – and we will – you will correct my papers of next week."_ Severus said looking me dead in the eyes. _"You will have to give me access to your store next week so that I can practice rarer potions we are not learning in school."_ I stated. _"Deal!" _Severus grinned.

So next Saturday the whole school was down on the Quidditch pitch to see the match. I had walked down with Hermione and Ron. The first part of the match Slytherin was ahead, definitely in advantage with their brooms. Strangely, a very penetrating Bludger was following Harry everywhere and tried to knock him of his broom. I tried to control it with my magic but it wouldn't react to me. I could feel Severus stare as I let my magic flood over the pitch. _Damn it._ I thought as I realized that I wasn't able to concentrate it on the fast moving ball. I hadn't enough practice because I always used wizardry. Therefore, it was no surprise as the Bludger caught Harry and he fell on the ground. Luckily, not very deep. We ran onto the pitch and in direction of Harry. Before we reached however the teachers were faster and with them Lockhart. I knew that something bad was about to happen and I was right. When we reached there Lockhart had managed to make Harry's bones vanish in his arm. Madame Pomfrey wasn't at all pleased. Harry needed to spent the night in the hospital wing.

The next morning, a very excited Harry scared us to death as he burst in Myrtle's bathroom where we were brewing the Polyjuice Potion.

_"__Gosh Harry! You scared me"_ Hermione squealed as Harry squeezed himself inside the cabin.

_"__Hey. I've got something important to tell you. Something happened tonight. There was a new attack on a student, Colin Creevey. He has been petrified as well." _With that message he really got us. We had decided to start on the Potion today because we had the ingredients we would need in the beginning. He also told us about Dobby and the Bludger he had sabotaged.

The news that Colin Creevey had been attacked and was now lying as dead in the hospital wing had spread through the entire school by Monday morning. Ginny Weasley was very distracted but Georg' and Fred's attempt to cheer her up were not helping. In the second week of December Professor McGonagall collected in the names of those who would stay over Christmas and we wrote us in. Draco and Blaze would stay too which seemed strange to me. I just hoped that it didn't had to do with me. Unfortunately, the potion was only half finished.

_"__We still need the Bicorn horn and Boomslang skin, and the only place where we can get them is Snape's private store." _Hermione said briskly after we had double Potions lesson. But until now I had stalled Severus to gain access to it. Seeing as Gryffindor had won the match he owed me however.

_"__Remember what I told you guys? I will get the last ingredients to finish the potion." _I assured them as we walked out the classroom.

_"__Just don't let him catch you or you will have detention for the rest of the year and lose Gryffindor more points than end of last year." _Ron warned me. So whilst they made their way to the great hall for dinner I went to the bathroom and locked myself in a cabin. I closed my eyes and let my magic flood the corridors. I could feel the last student leaving the Dungeons and when I could feel that Severus was making his ways to his office I left. Quietly, and with my magic still controlling the corridors I followed him. When I turned around the corner I was suddenly grabbed by the arm and dragged in an empty classroom. When the candles were lighting up I could see that there stood a stern looking Severus.

_"__What are you doing Arya?" _He asked strictly.

_"__Well I needed to talk to you."_ I told him smiling. _"I wanted to remind you of the bet." _I grinned now and he groaned slightly.

_"__And you couldn't have done that when I was still in the classroom? Now I need to walk all the way back to my store just because you need one thing or what?!" _He faked being annoyed by crossing his arms.

_"__Actually, I need two things and I couldn't come earlier because there were still students in the corridors. But you don't have to go back with me. I know where your store is and I can read so I can take the ingredients by myself."_ I explained him. Severus face was half in the shadows but I could see that he was thinking about it because he stood still.

_"__Aryanna, you wouldn't fool me, right?"_ Severus asked with furrowed eyebrows.

_"__Euhm, no I wouldn't. Why?"_ I asked surprised.

_"__Promise me you won't brew anything dangerous just because you have the skill to do so!" _He stepped out of the shadow now and looked me dead in the eyes. I raised my head a bit higher.

_"__I promise Severus!"_ I told him by holding his gaze. Then he smiled. _"Good girl."_ I had to force a little laugh. I hadn't wanted it to turn out like this but I had what I needed and we were brewing the potion out of good reasons. The potion would convince my friends that Draco had nothing to do with the Chamber of Secrets.

I hurried back to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom as I had taken the ingredients. Harry, Hermione and Ron were already waiting for me.

_„__There you go guys."_ I said breathless and gave them to Hermione. She threw the new ingredients into the cauldron and began to stir feverishly

_„__It'll be ready in a fortnight." _She said happily and the potion started bubbling.


	15. Chapter 15 - Christmas holiday

15\. Christmas holiday

A week later, we were walking across the entrance hall when we saw some people gathered in front of the noticeboard. We approached and Seamus told us that there would be a Duelling Club. We were all for going so later in the evening we returned to the great hall. The four tables had vanished, there was only one large stage lit by candles. We made our way right in front.

_"__I wonder who is going to be our teacher." _Hermione said as the chattering ended suddenly.

_"__I'm fine with everyone except- ",_ I stopped groaning when I saw Lockhart walking up the stage, a huge smile on his face. Harry next to me was as happy as I was. I couldn't suppress a gleeful grin as I saw Severus walking up on the other side of the stage. The Slytherin's were cheering as they saw their house teacher. On the other side of the stage I could see Draco talking with Blaze. They were laughing and pointing at Lockhart. Lockhart started talking now so I turned my attention back to him.

_"__Dumbledore granted me the permission to start a duelling club in case you need to defend yourself." _I could see every girl hanging on his words and couldn't stop myself from turning my eyes. _"Let me introduce my assistant, Professor Snape. He has sportingly agreed to help me with a short demonstration. Now, there's no need to worry youngsters, you'll still have your potions master when I'm through with it."_ I snickered earning a dark look from Hermione who was definitely admiring Lockhart.

_"__What?!"_ I exclaimed. _"Come on, Snape is going to finish him off!" _Now, I got more dark looks from the girls who had heard me from the other side of the stage. Ignoring them I looked up at the teacher again. They had started their demonstration now and when Severus fired a spell against Lockhart, he was blown backwards and landed on his back.

_"__Do you think he's all right?"_ Hermione worried. _"Who cares?" _Ron said amused and Harry and I couldn't suppress a laugher.

_"__Excellent Professor Snape, you see if I had wanted to defend myself it would have been easy."_ Lockhart beamed but I could only laugh.

_"__Perhaps it would be prudent to first teach your students how to block a spell."_ Severus suggested with clenched teeth. He was definitely annoyed by Lockhart and I couldn't blame him at all.

_"__An excellent suggestion Professor Snape. How about two students coming up…"_ He called for Harry and Ron but Severus interfered. He made Draco come up the stage. When his gaze met mine for a second I returned it darkly but he only raised one eyebrow.

_"__Don't you dare hurting him" _I whispered for myself and didn't even know who I was talking to. They started and as expected it didn't go well. Draco, completely playing the git Draco Malfoy, attacked Harry who let his hate get the better of him. Suddenly, Draco made appear a snake on the stage which was gliding towards Harry. I was feeling the same horror I saw in everyone's face. Shocked, I looked up at Draco who was only staring at the snake. Some people were screaming. Harry was staring at it too. I made attempts to climb up the stage but before I did Severus spotted me and stepped forwards.

_"__Allow me, Professor Snape." _Lockhart said and made the snake fly into the air and fall back down. That was only making it angrier… It raised its head and hissed louder than before. Harry stepped forward all the sudden and stared at it. Then I could hear him. He hissed something and I realized it was Parselmouth. Horror flooded my mind. Harry spoke the same language as my father. He could talk to snakes. I stood still, not able to move one finger. The snake moved towards Justin Fletcher but I think Harry made it leave him alone. Then the snake vanished and everybody was ripped out of his trance. When I looked up I saw Severus watching Harry with a shrewd and calculating look. Poor Harry stood there and everybody was watching him strangely. Fletcher screamed at him and run out the hall. To help Harry I tugged his robe and made him sign to come down of the stage. By his arm I dragged him out of the great hall, followed by Hermione and Ron. We hurried up to Gryffindor tower and luckily no one else was there.

_"__You're a Parselmouth, Harry. Why didn't you tell us?"_ I asked him by pushing him into an armchair. Harry looked surprised. _"I'm a what?"_

_"__A Parselmouth." _Said Ron._ "You can talk to snakes."_

_"__Yeah so? I bet a lot of people can do so."_ Harry tried to explain.

_"__Harry,"_ I said quietly. "_This is not a common gift. It's Salazar Slytherin's tongue."_ Harry looked at me quizzical. _"Salazar Slytherin was famous for being able to talk to snakes. That's why the symbol of Slytherin house is a snake."_ I explained him. Harry's mouth fell open.

"_And now the whole school thinks you're his great-great-great-great-grandson or something…"_ Ron stated. Harry seemed overstrained with this information.

The next morning, snow had covered every tiniest spot. Harry was very unhappy about everything he found out yesterday. Because Herbology was cancelled he wanted to talk to Fletcher to explain him what happened yesterday. I decided to go and talk to Severus.

_"__Ms. Jackson." _I heard the voice of Professor McGonagall as I had just passed the great hall. I turned around. _"Professor?"_

_"__Where is your friend, Potter?"_ She seemed worried.

_"__Oh I don't know. He wanted to talk to someone." _I told her.

"_Fine. Tell him please that he can come in my office if he feels the need to talk. And you Ms. Jackson, are you alright?" _I furrowed my eyebrows in surprise then I looked around the corridor. Luckily, there were not many students passing so no one would hear us. _"I'm completely fine, Professor! And… I don't want to sound rude but… If you want to talk to me again I would prefer if it was in your office."_ I said quietly and she nodded. Before I left I noticed that she watched me closely as if she was searching something. On my way through the dungeons I quivered and folded my arms to warm myself a little. Then I reached his office.

_"__Hey there." _I said smiling slightly. He was correcting papers again but looked up when I entered.

_"__Everything alright?" _He asked watching me closely. Exhaling loudly, I let myself fall down in a chair.

_"__Have you noticed that Professor McGonagall is acting strange?"_ I furrowed my eyebrows absentminded. _"I mean, I think she might have seen us exchanging looks now and then." _

_"__You really worry about that now? I've other things in my mind right now."_ Severus took out his wand and with a swipe the parchments vanished. _"Your friend Potter for example. I have hoped until yesterday that I wouldn't have to hear this… language again."_ He sounded disgusted and crossed his arms.

_"__Guess what, it wasn't nice for me either. I still remember his voice and I was only a baby but because I'm a fairy I remember more than any human in this age."_ Anger had raised in me. I had been able to forget my father but since yesterday he was in my mind all the time.

_"__Tell me about Professor McGonagall, maybe that'll distract you a little."_ Severus said sitting on his desk in front of me. I exhaled again, shook my head to free me from my thoughts.

_"__Well, she noticed you protecting Draco by stepping between us when we found Mrs. Norris. Then when Ron made the comment and we both laughed. And then afterwards we were in Lockhart's office: you reminded him that you were the Potion's master of this school and I grinned. I mean she's not stupid. Five minutes ago she stopped me in the corridor to ask me if everything was alright."_

Severus was thinking now. _"We need to be careful, Arya. I mean I trust Minerva, she wouldn't tell anyone if she knew. But we should keep it secret as long as we can." _I nodded.

_"__I know, I trust her too. I just mean that she isn't stupid. If we don't tell her she will find out one day."_

_"__Yes and that would be fine. But for now we try to be more careful." _With that he smiled and stood up. _"Well, I'm really sorry Aryanna but I think we need to go to class now. A potion interested class is waiting for me." _He said laughing and I stood up as well. _"I have Transfigurations, talking of Professor McGonagall." _Now it was my turn to laugh and he pulled me in a hug.

_"__See you then I guess."_ He said looking me deeply in the eyes. I smiled brightly. _"Yep."_ With that I turned around and left, suddenly feeling all good and happy. Back in the dungeons my good feeling vanished somehow. Instead there was a bad feeling that told me that something bad was going on. I tried to ignore it.

Later in Transfigurations, Harry wasn't there. The lesson was disturbed by a screaming Peeves so McGonagall left to see what was going on. When she came back she told us that class was over. I had the bad feeling that it had to do with Harry. And I was right. Justin Fletcher and Nearly Headless Nick had been petrified. Now every student wanted to leave over Christmas, everyone except the four of us, Draco, Blaze, his two morons and some others.

The evening before Christmas I walked down to the black lake, enjoying the peace in Hogwarts. I went to my special spot where nobody would find me. Sadly, there was already someone. That someone was sitting with his back to me but I recognized him anyway. I thought about whether leaving or not but it was already too late.

_"__I know you're there, Arya."_ The quiet voice of Draco came to my ear. Sighting I stepped forwards against my sanity which told me to keep away from him. Sitting down next to him I looked at the lake. We didn't say a word for a while. _"It reminds me of former times. At Malfoy manor we spent hours sitting and talking hiding from my parents." _I could see that he smiled still watching the lake. I was torn inwardly. Part of me wanted to leave because I needed to stay away from him but another part wished to get him back as brother. _"I came here to think about things that happened and not to talk about what has been._" I told him.

"_Oh yeah I forgot, you don't want to deal with me, the evil Draco Malfoy." _Anger had raised in his voice. _"You know that's selfish right? You told me that you only want to protect me but I'm willing to take the risk. I think it's my decision Arya!" _He was looking at me now. _"You have no idea how it is to be in my place…"_ His cold voice shocked me.

_"__Oh don't you dare playing that card, Draco Malfoy. Don't try to make me pity you." _I couldn't hold back my anger.

_"__Why not? Afraid that you give in?"_ Provocative he grinned gloomy now. Then it vanished suddenly and he stood up. In a scary cold voice, he spat:_ "And I don't want your pity. I want to tell you how it feels to be in my place so that you know what you're doing to me in your egoism!" _Now I couldn't stay sitting on the ground anymore. In a split second I stood up and faced him.

_"__Oh yeah, I'm keeping you away from me out of egoism. Because it's so fun! Don't think it's easy, I'm just trying to protect you!_" My voice had raised as well.

_"__But I don't want to be protected, Aryanna!" _He was screaming now his face distorted with rage. _"You DON'T KNOW how this feels! You have plenty of friends to distract you but I've got only Blaze who was your best friend too if I may remind you! WE'RE ALONE ALL THE TIME BECAUSE NO SLYTHERIN IS TRUSTWORTHY. DO YOU HAVE TO DO AS IF YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE? I DON'T THINK SO! So DON'T YOU DARE telling me that it's difficult for you!"_

I hadn't expected such an outburst but before I could retort something he turned around and left shaking. I felt as if I was in trance, I couldn't think. Then suddenly, I was overwhelmed by my emotions and broke down sobbing uncontrollably. I hate this so much! I loved Draco but I needed to protect him. Nonetheless, I kept running into him which made me only more depressed. I really needed to sort things out somehow. I couldn't let every encounter with him make me break down.

Christmas morning, Hermione woke us up announcing that the Polyjuice Potion was finished. They could go on our mission. Locked-in Moarning Myrtle's bathroom they drank the Potion and Ron and Harry transformed into Crabbe and Goyle. It really was scary to see them like this when they were still talking like Harry and Ron. Hermione however had locked herself inside a cabin, refusing to come out. So Harry and Ron left alone.

_"__Hermione, come on what's wrong?"_ I asked impatiently. _"Come out now or I'll open that door with magic!"_ I heard the lock slide back and Hermione emerged, sobbing, her robes pulled up over her head. I could feel that something was more than wrong. Gently, I pulled off the robes and I backed in shock. Her face was covered in black fur and her eyes had gone yellow.

_"__It was a cat hair!" _She howled. It took me some time to persuade her to go see Madame Pomfrey. But when Harry and Ron came back after one hour - not satisfied at all – they helped me so we could finally accompany her there.


	16. Chapter 16 - TM Riddle's Diary

16\. T.M. Riddle's Diary

_"__Can't you do anything, Arya?"_ A very helpless Hermione asked me when she sat in the hospital wing whilst Madame Pomfrey rushed around. She had just told Hermione that she couldn't do anything else than waiting until the effect stopped.

_"__I don't know; I mean I never had to transform somebody in an animal or back." _Apologetic I looked at her. _"Please, try it. How worse can it become?!"_ I could feel Hermione's desperation and sighted.

_"__Fine but I must warn you not to expect too much, I've never done something like that." _She nodded. _"Lay down and close your eyes. Try not to move okay?" _I took her hand in mine and closed my eyes as well. I let my magic flood my whole body until I could literally feel it pulsate everywhere. Then I concentrated it on my hands, controlled by my mind. When I let it pass into Hermione's hands I became my magic. In my mind I could see what was going on in her body, I felt the blood in her veins pulsate and every movement of her muscles. Making my way through her system I could see what was wrong. Polyjuice Potion had an effect on muscles, fatty tissue and the skin – only the upper layer – but not on the bones, the organs or the DNA of a human. The cat hair, however, had effected everything. Her DNA felt like Nala. Hermione had really transformed into a cat. But I could also see that the DNA was fading very slowly and changing its structure back to normal. There was nothing I could do to let it happen quicker. I concentrated my magic on flooding back in my own hands and suddenly I felt myself again. Opening my eyes, I realized that everything was blurred and I swayed slightly. All of the sudden, there was a firm grip holding me. I turned my head and looked into the emotionless mask of Severus.

_"__You silly girl, what did you think?"_ He seemed angry but I didn't understand why.

_"__What?"_ I exclaimed weakly. It seemed as if this had exhausted me more than I had thought. Harry, Hermione and Ron were watching me carefully.

_"__Arya, you have been standing there for more than an hour." _Harry told me and I could feel my mouth fall open.

_"__And obviously, you haven't been thinking about the effect on you. I came because I felt you using a huge amount of magic at once." _He let go of me now still watching me closely.

_"__Well thanks but I'm fine Professor. No need to worry there."_ I joked but he wasn't on for fun now. _"Careful Jackson, or do you want to have detention?"_ He looked me straight in the eyes but I wasn't impressed at all. Turning my attention back to Hermione I said: _"I'm sorry Hermione but like Madame Pomfrey said we can't do anything than wait. I could feel that the effect was going away but very slowly so it'll take some time."_ Apologetic I smiled at her and she nodded sadly. I realized that the bunch of anger behind me had gone so when I turned around I saw that Severus had left. _Great, _I hoped he hadn't realized why Hermione had transformed.

Hermione had to stay in the hospital wing for two months. In the meantime, we found a diary in Myrtle's bathroom signed by T.M. Riddle. Strangely, there wasn't written anything in it. I knew that it was my father's, something dark was hanging above the diary. I decided to keep it for myself for the moment. Ron remembered from a detention that a T.M. Riddle had gotten an award for special services to the school fifty years ago. When Hermione left the hospital wing in February we showed her the diary. Whilst they discussed its hidden powers I remained silent and thought about it. _Why would a diary from my father appear all of the sudden? Why now?_

_"__Arya, you've been quiet all the time now."_ Hermione stated and Harry and Ron looked at me as well. I snapped out of my thoughts and felt very uneasy. _"Well I was just thinking…"_

_"__If you have this look it means normally that it has to do with your father."_ Hermione knew me too well! So I sighted and started. _"T.M. Riddle. Thomas or Tom – like he preferred – Marvolo Riddle is the real name of my father."_ Their mouths fell open._ "I've been thinking about this for a while now. I'm wondering why it appeared from one day to another. All the time back in Hogwarts I have this feeling that something is going on and now there's the diary."_ Hermione was thinking now as well. _"Wait Ron, you said he got an award for special services fifty years ago."_

_"__Yeah so?"_ Ron, Harry and I were clueless but Hermione looked at us excitedly. _"Oh wake up you three! The diary is fifty years old. And the Chamber of Secrets has been opened fifty years ago."_

"_You're right Hermione! Like I said, I've been thinking about this and I think that Voldemort is the heir of Slytherin. He's strong enough and definitely Slytherin through and through. He might have written everything in his diary."_

_"__That's a brilliant theory,"_ Ron exclaimed. _"There's only one problem: there's nothing written in this diary."_

The next days, we tried to make something appear in the diary, without success. Hermione spent more time in the Library, trying to find a spell to reveal hidden messages. But then – one morning – Harry and Ron awaited us eagerly in the Gryffindor tower. In an empty classroom Harry told us about how he had written in the diary and Tom Riddle had answered. In addition, he had shown him who had opened the Chamber of Secrets fifty years ago: Hagrid.

_"__Harry, you know that it's Voldemort you've been written to!" _I exclaimed with pinched eyebrows.

_"__Yes so?"_ He asked astonished.

_"__Do you really believe that? Hagrid opened the Chamber of Secrets? Hagrid, the heir of Slytherin?" _I tried to persuade him.

_"__No not the heir but he had Aragog, a huge spider, who killed students. I think he opened the chamber."_ I could only laugh.

_"__Gosh, you really believe that crap! Harry, you have been writing with my father who is the master of manipulating."_

Despite our differences of opinion, we decided not to talk with Hagrid. At least, I had managed that. During Easter holidays we - second years - had to choose our subjects for the third year, a matter Hermione took very seriously. Luckily, I was gifted with the fairy-ability to memorize everything I heard or read. Therefore, I could learn very fast and easily. I had always been interested in healing that was why I loved Potions and Herbology so much. So I decided to go for Care of Magical Creatures as well. Hermione tried to get me into Arithmancy and Ancient Runes but I refused because I saw no use.

_"__Looks like I can't get rid of you, Jackson!"_ I heard Draco's voice next to me. Hermione and I turned around, she looking rather darkly in his direction.

_"__What do you mean, Malfoy?"_ I emphasized his name, hoping that he wouldn't start a fight now. Draco grinned evilly and spoke up, drawing attention from everybody around us.

_"__We'll be in the same classes next year. Wonderful!"_ I screwed up my eyes, not really getting where he was going with this. _"That'll give me more time to annoy you. Watch out, Jackson."_ He laughed along with his group of Slytherin's and left. Not before stepping right in front of me and grinning evilly again.

_"__Why is he always coming back to you?"_ Hermione wondered loudly and I felt shocked inwardly. _Has she realized something?_ _"I mean he never lets a possible situation slip to annoy you."_ Luckily, she didn't insist on talking about it.

The evening before Gryffindor's match against Hufflepuff, someone stole the diary out of Harry's trunk. It could only have been a Gryffindor, nobody else would know our password. When Hermione and I were on our way to the Quidditch pitch she suddenly rushed away to the library. Before it could start however, Professor McGonagall announced that the match had been cancelled.

_"__Potter, Weasley, Jackson you better come with me." _She told us and lead us back into the castle.

_"__This will be a bit of a shock,"_ she said gently, leading us to the hospital wing.

_"__What do you mean Professor?"_ I asked in a low voice. Professor McGonagall was shocked, I could feel it and this made me only more nervous. I had never seen her like this.

_"__There has been another attack."_ As we saw who had been attacked we stiffened. Hermione lay on a bed with open eyes but utterly still. _"She was found before the library with a mirror in her hand."_

After what only seemed like minutes a hand on my shoulder tried to lead me away from her bed but I refused. When I turned around I could see Professor McGonagall looking at me worried.

_"__You need to go back to your dormitory, Ms. Jackson."_ I shook my head.

_"__I shouldn't have let her go alone to the library."_ I said angry, more to myself.

_"__There's nothing you can do at the moment, Jackson. Professor Sprout will be able to help her as soon as the Mandrakes are ready."_

_"__I won't leave her!"_ I exclaimed coldly. I could hear her sighting. _"Mr. Potter and Mr. Weasley, please go back to your dormitory."_ Slowly, they left. Then she turned in my direction again. _"Ms. Jackson, I know there is something bothering you for quite a long time now. I think it's time to tell the truth."_ She looked sternly and worried at the same time but I couldn't really concentrate on what she was saying.

_"__I should have prevented the attacks! There have been attacks like this fifty years ago."_

_"__How do you know this?"_ She sounded very surprised but I ignored her.

_"__I should have seen the connections right away. It has all to do with my father!" _Suddenly, there was a loud bang as the door opened and in rushed Severus and Dumbledore. He closed the door behind him again and nodded at Madame Pomfrey who sat in a corner at her desk.

_"__Ms. Jackson, I must ask you to go to your common room now." _I'd never heard Dumbledore so worried.

_"__I will not leave her. She's in danger!"_ I exclaimed angrily. Dumbledore watched me closely with an unreadable expression. _"Severus, I think you need to talk to her."_

_"__Why should she listen to him?"_ Professor McGonagall was mustered now.

_"__Because he's my dad."_ I spoke quietly but very clear so that Dumbledore understood me. I looked at him gloomy. I could see that Professor McGonagall looked confused and I earned a warning look from Severus but I ignored him.

_"__That's enough, Jackson."_ He tried to warn me again but I continued ignoring him, still starring at Dumbledore.

_"__I. Will. Not. Leave. Her!"_ I emphasized every word.

_"__Arya, I have the feeling that you know more than you are willing to say."_ Dumbledore stated and I laughed shortly.

"_Really?! How surprising."_ I rolled my eyes provocative. Now Severus stepped forward, earning a strange look from Professor McGonagall again.

_"__Ms. Jackson, I think it's time to calm down. I will escort you back to your common room now." _He looked stern and I returned his gaze darkly.

_"__I told you, I won't leave Hermione. She's a muggleborn and as we know muggleborns aren't really safe these days. Whoever did this might come back."_

_"__Jackson, I can assure you that she will be protected by Madame Pomfrey." _He tried to convince me.

_"__You don't understand! I have to be the one to protect her."_ I sounded slightly helpless now whilst they looked surprised.

_"__Why do you think that?"_ Dumbledore asked me with furrowed eyebrows. I didn't answer him.

_"__You are feeling remorse."_ Severus stated surprised and I raised my head slightly in surprise. _"You think she's here because of you."_ Now the three Professors were watching me carefully and I gulped.

_"__Tell me, what have you been doing with your friends?" _Severus asked strictly now, watching me very closely. Professor McGonagall interfered however and spared me an answer.

_"__That's enough Severus, however you know this! Ms. Jackson, this is not your fault. I understand your urge to protect your friend but by staying here you cannot help Ms. Granger."_ She said gently. I remained still, starring at Hermione.

_"__Ms. Jackson, whatever you know, it's important that you tell us now." _Dumbledore insisted.

_"__I'm sorry, but I can't"_ I told them quietly.

_"__You are protecting your friends again right? You have been doing things you are not allowed to do."_ Severus said matter of fact, he knew me too well. _"She's here because of you, you didn't protect her."_ He said provocative and snapped me out of my stiffness.

_"__Oh don't you dare, Severus Snape!"_ I spat angrily, Professor McGonagall looking at us sternly.

_"__Well, it's true, isn't it?"_ His lack of emotions made me only angrier.

_"__That's enough Severus!_" Professor McGonagall said with raised voice but he ignored her so she turned to Dumbledore who remained silent. Now she was speechless.

"_Fine, I think it's my fault that she is here. And you know why? All because of my bloody father!" _I almost screamed and I felt tears of anger making their way down my face.

_"__Your father? What does he have to do with all this?" _Asked Severus quietly.

_"__He's the heir of Slytherin, he opened the Chamber of Secrets fifty years ago even if everybody thinks otherwise, he's behind the attacks this year! It's my damn father who is back in Hogwarts this year!"_ I fumed.

_"__How did you find out about all this?" _I remained silent and tried to gain control over myself. My whole body was shaking from anger.

_"__Arya, listen to me."_ Severus spoke gently now but I was in a state of trance, trying to calm down. Blurred, I could see him kneel in front of me and felt my hands in his. _"Aryanna Jackson." _He emphasized pressing slightly my hands, trying to make me look at him. Slowly, I lowered my head and met his gaze. He was worried.

_"__Tell me what's going on, please. I only want to help you."_ Gulping I looked up and saw Professor McGonagall with a flustered expression and Dumbledore watching me closely.

_"__Tell me."_ Severus insisted again. I remained silent for a while trying to concentrate myself.

"_Ron found out that T.M. Riddle hat gotten an award fifty years ago for special services to the school. When Professor McGonagall told us that the Chamber of Secrets has been opened at the same time it was clear for me that my father is the true heir of Slytherin."_ I couldn't look Severus in the eyes so I stared at Hermione whilst he still held my hands. _"Furthermore, I could feel him since I'm back this year. I sense him everywhere every time and I hate it!"_ Desperation dominated my voice now and I lowered it even more. _"I wanted it to stop so I tried to find out where it was coming from… In Myrtle's bathroom it's very strong, I can sense death and dark magic there. Professor,"_ I looked at Professor Dumbledore now. _"Did Mourning Myrtle died in this bathroom fifty years ago?"_ He didn't react at first but then he glanced at Severus shortly and I knew I was right.

_"__Aryanna, I want you to go to your common room now!" _He said with a stern look and I nodded slightly. Severus stood up now, releasing my hands and nodding once in agreement. _"But first, I need to ask you if there is anything else you need to tell us. Anything."_ Dumbledore looked me straight in the eyes._ Oh if you knew!_ I shook my head. _"No Sir, nothing more."_ He kept his gaze a little longer than necessary and I knew he didn't believe me but let me leave anyway. On my way out I avoided Severus' gaze. I could hear Professor McGonagall speak to Dumbledore.

_"__I must ask you not to tell anyone Minerva. If Aryanna is ready, she and Severus will tell you the truth but until now I must ask you to trust me."_

Some days later, Ron and Harry snuck out to go and talk with Hagrid about the Chamber of Secrets. I refused to go because I didn't want him to think that we had the same opinion. It took them a few hours and when they came back they looked awful. They told me that Cornelius Fudge and Lucius Malfoy had taken Hagrid to Azkaban and that Dumbledore had lost his post as headmaster. Then they had followed some spiders into the Forbidden Forest where they had met Aragog. They told me what he had told them. Hagrid hadn't opened the Chamber of Secrets and Aragog hadn't killed the students fifty years ago. They knew now that Mourning Myrtle was the one who had been killed.


	17. Chapter 17 - The heir of Slytherin

17\. The heir of Slytherin

Three days before our first exam – they were still taking place – Professor McGonagall told us that the Mandrakes were ready for cutting. So Madame Pomfrey would be able to revive those people who had been petrified. We knew that the mystery of the attacks would be solved but, nevertheless, we wanted to speak with Myrtle. I had been thinking about it often because I wondered in which form my father managed to petrify people without being seen. Luckily, we got the chance to go and see Myrtle the next day. It was difficult because every teacher would escort us to the next class but Lockhart – completely convinced that we were safe – let us leave alone. Carefully, we made our way in direction of Myrtle's bathroom.

_"__Potter, Weasley, Jackson!"_ an angry voice shouted suddenly, scaring us to death. _"What do you think you're doing here?"_ When we turned around we saw a very angry Professor McGonagall. Brilliantly, Harry came up with the idea that we were trying to sneak into the hospital wing to see Hermione. Luckily, she let us leave so we had no other choice than going there. So when we sat next to Hermione's bed we realized something. Hermione had a piece of paper crumpled in her hand. It was a page torn out of an old book. It was something about a creature who killed people with direct eye contact. The people and Hermione had been petrified because they hadn't looked in its eyes directly. The creature moving around Hogwarts was a basilisk which moved in pipes.

_"__That's why no one else could hear it! I understand parseltongue!"_ Harry exclaimed excitedly.

_"__It's moving around in pipes."_ Ron said thoughtful. Suddenly, he grabbed my arm. _"What if the Chamber of Secrets is where the first attack took place?! It would be in-"_

_"__\- in Myrtle's bathroom! Ron you're brilliant!" _I whispered eagerly.

"_We should go and see Professor McGonagall." _So we made our way to the staff room to go and talk with her. Suddenly we heard her voice echoing through the corridors. _"All students return to their house dormitories immediately. All teachers return to the staff room." _We hid just in time before the first teachers turned around the corner. I could feel surprise and concern flooding the corridor from where they were standing now. "_It has happened!" _A very concerned Professor McGonagall said quietly. _"A student has been taken into the Chamber of Secrets." _We could hear Flitwick squeal, Sprout clapped her hands over her mouth and I could see Severus gripping the back of a chair very hard. His face was tense and emotionless. _"Who?"_ He asked with clenched teeth, his knuckled turning white from his hard grip. Professor McGonagall looked at him worried. _"Are you sure?" _he asked again.

She turned white._ "The heir of Slytherin has left another message. 'Her skeleton will lie in the Chamber forever'." _Professor Flitwick's squeal was drowned out by the noise of the breaking chair Severus had thrown against the wall. The teachers were watching him surprised, forgetting the situation for a split second. _"Who. Has. Been. Taken?"_ Severus asked furious, trying to keep control. His fists were clenched at either side and I had never seen him as tensed as now.

_"__Ginny Weasley."_ Professor McGonagall said slowly in a low voice and I could feel Ron slide down on the floor beside us. Severus however looked relieved. Then Lockhart burst in the room and due to his statements he had made about the Chamber the teachers asked him to go and safe Ginny. We were all shocked about Ginny's disappearing and what she had to do with all this that the three of us decided to go and tell him everything we knew. He tried to erase our minds but Harry took his wand before he got a chance. Then we went to Myrtle's bathroom where Harry managed to open a passage by using parseltongue. Now there was a whole in front of us, to dark to see anything. So we just jumped and suddenly I could feel myself sliding through the dark. My discomfort grew when I landed on the ground and came to a halt.

_"__Arya what's wrong? Do you feel something?"_ Harry asked pointing his lighting wand right in my face. Annoyed I pushed it away. _"I hate being under earth. I need fresh air and natural light!"_ I stated and started walking into the darkness, my wand in front of me lighting my way. Suddenly, Lockhart fell down and didn't get up again. Then he launched at Ron quickly and grabbed his wand. He had a gleaming smile on his face as he said something which made me shiver. He shouted _obliviate_ and the wand exploded like a small bomb. I was thrown backwards and hit hard against a rock. For a moment I blacked out. Then I could hear Harry screaming for Ron and I stumbled in his direction.

_"__Ron is on the other side of this rocks."_ He told me. We could hear Ron shout, telling us that they were okay. _"I can move them away,"_ I said pointing at the rocks in front of me. _"I can use my magic."_

_"__Go and find Ginny, I try to make your way out."_ Ron shouted. So we decided to search Ginny. The tunnel was long and we turned many times. I could feel Harry's discomfort. When we turned the last time we stood in front of a door, decorated with glittering snakes, their eyes made off emeralds.

_"__I think you need to talk parseltongue, Harry."_ I said staring at the snakes. Suddenly, I heard a hiss next to me and a shiver went through my whole body. Then the serpents parted and the wall cracked open. I looked at Harry who returned my look and together we stepped through. We reached into a huge chamber. Towering stone pillars entwined with more serpents rose to support the ceiling. Right when I had stepped through the door there was the feeling of dark magic flooding my body. I tensed and felt my heart beating even faster. Watching every corner of this place I send my magic over the place. I could feel one heartbeat at the other end of this chamber. Completely forgetting about Harry, I stepped forward. _"Arya wait!"_ I heard Harry saying quietly but I didn't stop. After what seemed like an hour we stood in front of a giant stone face. Its neck sunk in water which flooded the floor in front of us. And in the water lay – faced down - a black-robed figure with flaming red hair.

_"__Ginny"_ I could hear Harry mutter before he sprinted towards her. He flung his wand aside and turned her around. I didn't hear what he was saying anymore because I was suddenly paralyzed by the strong feeling of darkness and evil.

_"__She won't wake."_ Said a soft voice. Harry and I whirled around and saw a dark-robed young man making his way to us. He was strangely blurred around the edges. His face was emotionless. He didn't look older than sixteen years. On his robe was the emblem of Slytherin.

_"__Tom Riddle."_ Harry whispered and the boy nodded. I still couldn't move or say anything but Riddle kept his gaze on Harry. He told her that Ginny wouldn't wake up.

_"__Are you a ghost?" _He asked now and as an answer Riddle pointed to something lying next to Ginny, the diary. _"I'm a memory. Preserved in a diary for fifty years."_ Then suddenly it was as if my brain and body had been turned on again.

_"__You used her! You used Ginny for your actions!"_ I stated stepping forward and for the first time Riddle turned his cold gaze in my direction. He only stared at me, then his emotionless mask vanished and he smiled coldly.

"_Aryanna Leyanne Riddle." _He whispered and I flinched when he said it. Looking at him darkly I spat:_ "I am Arya Jackson."_ I emphasized every word but he wasn't impressed at all. Grinning now he bent down and picked up Harry's wand, twirling it between his long fingers. I didn't know what to do. Turning my palm up I concentrated my magic to a flame. I let it grow a little whilst Riddle watched me closely, a slight smile on his lips. Then with a look of hatred I looked at him again. A second we were watching each other. Then, in a split moment, I stepped forwards and attacked Riddle by throwing the fire ball in his direction. It went right through him and he laughed coldly making Harry look up.

_"__Where's my wand? Arya have you seen-" _He stopped in his sentence as he saw his wand in Riddle's hands.

_"__You're just like your mother after she changed her mind about me. But I must disappoint you, you cannot harm me." _He stated coldly again. I couldn't hold myself back when he mentioned my mother. I got furious. _"DON'T YOU DARE! YOU'RE A MONSTER RIDDLE!"_ I screamed now but he didn't react. _"You killed her!"_ I spat coldly.

_"__Arya, come we need to get her out of here."_ Harry interfered standing between Ginny and Riddle. He was looking at his wand in Riddle's hands.

_"__Harry Potter, the boy who lives." _He said matter of fact, staring at Harry. He, however, furrowed his eyebrows, looking at my father with hate. _"You killed my parents!"_ Riddle seemed surprised for a second then he seemed to understand something. He turned his gaze back to me.

_"__You told him about me."_ I only continued staring at him coldly. _"Well, I guess my daughter didn't tell you about the origin of my name, Harry. It was a name I was using in school for my friends. I didn't want to keep my filthy muggle father's name! So I fashioned myself a new name, a name I knew every witch and wizard would fear to speak one day, when I had become the greatest wizard of all times!"_

I hated his appearance, his self-conviction, just everything about him! But before I could do something Harry spoke up. _"You're not."_

"_Not what?" _Riddle snapped angily.

_"__The greatest wizard of all times. You think you are but it's Albus Dumbledore. He's the greatest wizard of all times. Dumbledore saw through you when you were in school and he still frightens you, wherever you are."_ I couldn't suppress an evil grin now, feeling proud of my best friend. Riddle however wasn't pleased at all. I stepped next to Harry my wand and magic ready to be used if necessary.

_"__Dumbledore's been driving out of this castle by the mere memory of me!"_ He hissed.

_"__Albus Dumbledore is not gone as you think, Riddle."_ I spat his name with hate and his face distorted with rage. Before he could say anything Fawkes, Dumbledore's phoenix, appeared with the sorting hut in its claws. It landed right next to Harry. Riddle started laughing now.

_"__So that's what Dumbledore sends his two defenders: a bird and the sorting hut. Miserable!"_ None of us answered, whilst he continued laughing. I thought hardly now about Dumbledore's message. _What does he want us to do?_

"_To business Harry,"_ Riddle was still smiling. "_Twice we have met and twice I failed to kill you. How did you survive? Tell me! The longer you talk, the longer you stay alive."_

_"__You won't kill him!"_ I shouted and took a step forward. I had wanted to use my wand seeing as my magic didn't do anything to him but suddenly I was paralysed and couldn't move anymore. Riddle had used Harry's wand and stood now in front of me, grinning slightly. Then without paying me any more attention he turned to Harry again. I couldn't see his face but I felt his rage.

_"__My mother protected me. She wanted to die for me."_ I heard Harry.

_"__Oh yes, love. Dumbledore's secret weapon. Well, so I think there's nothing special about you after all. I wondered, you know…"_ I stopped listening to what he was saying and closed my eyes. I concentrated on my body which was paralyzed by my father's spell. I tried to free myself by using magic against it. It worked for my arms, I could move them again but suddenly I heard someone speaking parseltongue. A cold wave rushed through my body when I heard my younger father hissing.

_"__Let's match the powers of Lord Voldemort, heir of Salazar Slytherin, against famous Harry Potter, and the best weapons Dumbledore can give him!"_ I heard Riddle shout from somewhere behind me. Then, after a moment of silence, I felt something huge hit the floor of the Chamber and I heard a hiss again. It was louder now and I knew that it was the Basilisk. Riddle hissed again and I didn't need to understand parselmouth to know what he was commanding. I hoped Harry run fast! Then suddenly, someone touched my hair and I flinched back. I could feel evil right next to me. Riddle took a step forward so that I could see him. I watched him with hate.

_"__Now, your friend is busy so nobody will disturb us."_ He grinned ugly. _"You know, Aryanna, I will come back. I will be back when young Ginny here dies. And then you will be at my side and together we'll gain control over this world. I will show you the feeling of real power! I will show you what you're capable of with your magic."_ He smiled now and his nose almost touched mine.

_"__I would rather die!"_ I spat angrily then I spit in his face. A hard strike made me fall on the floor and I could feel the spell lifting. I turned around but only saw black robes before the next strike threw me down again. Not giving him another possibility, I made a light ball of magic right in front of me light up so strong that he was blinded. Quickly, I stood up and run towards Ginny, kneeling next to her. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Riddle coming near. I could feel that Ginny was losing more and more energy. Riddle used her life to come back to life himself. Desperately, I connected her body with mine and let my energy flood into her. _"Come on, Ginny! You need to wake up!"_ I shouted at the stiff girl in front of me, tears starting to blur my vision. I heard Riddle laugh next to me. _"As I told you before, she won't wake up!" _I turned around and saw Harry, fighting against the Basilisk. It was not really a fight, I mean the Basilisk attacked and Harry dodged. It was obvious, that sooner or later he wouldn't be able to run away any longer and I didn't know what I could do against such a monster. Desperately, I turned towards Riddle again and looked at him gulping.

_"__I beg you, take my life instead of hers!" _I spoke quietly. Riddle raised his eyebrows in surprise. _"Spare her life, she's innocent. I can give you even more energy. Please, let her live!"_ I begged, tears streaming down my face. Never had I felt so helpless before. Riddle stared at me for a long time, then he grinned. _"No! You're way to valuable and important to me. That girl is useless for me and a bloodtraitor." _With that he turned around and hissed something to the Basilisk. Suddenly, Fawkes appeared again, attacking its eyes. By the scream of the snake and Riddle I knew that the bird had managed to blind it completely. Suddenly, I saw Harry running towards the sorting hut which lay in the water. He pulled out a sort, the sort of Gryffindor and Riddle screamed again, raged now. I didn't see clearly but the Basilisk was attacking Harry again and again in its pain. I felt Harry losing his energy more and more. I closed my eyes and concentrated all my will power I had on my magic and Harry. I tried to give him my energy but it didn't work. I needed physical contact. In desperation I screamed out and stood up. Riddle turned to me and I raised one hand, palm faced toward the Basilisk. Then I closed my eyes again concentrating all my magic in the palm of my hand. I felt it pulsate and imagined how the magic would attack the snake. Then I released it in a flesh of electric power. The light blinded me but I kept my eyes open. Then, like a lightning strike, I felt it attacking the Basilisk. Suddenly, my legs gave away and I fell on the floor, horrified by the scene in front of me I watched it. The monster moved slightly from one side to another and seemed dazed. Slowly, it attacked Harry again and I screamed as the huge fangs were right above him. Then the Basilisk keeled over sideways and fell, twitching to the floor. Harry slide on the floor, his arm drenched with blood. I could see him wince in pain as he walked to us unsteady. Carefully, I took his arm and tried to heal the wound but it didn't work again.

_"__It's fine Arya."_ Harry told me but I shook my head. Before I could say something Fawkes and Riddle came. _"You're dead Harry Potter!"_ Riddle said pleased._ "Even Dumbledore's bird knows it. It's crying."_ Surprised, Harry and I looked up and he was right. Thick tears were trickling down the glossy feathers. Then he let it drop on Harry's wound. In a few seconds, it healed completely. I laughed whilst tears were still streaming down my face. _"Ah yes. The healing tears of a Phoenix." _

Riddle roared and raised Harry's wand. _"So it's you and me again. I prefer it this way!"_ Before he could do anything Fawkes threw the Diary into Harry's lap and left again. Harry, however, opened the book and took the Basilisk's fang. _"NO!"_ Riddle screamed but it was too late. Harry had plunged it deeply in the book. There was a long, dreadful, piercing scream as Riddle started to vanish. Ink was spilling out of the Diary. Then there was a moan from behind us and astonished we turned around. Ginny was moving and trying to get up. Quickly, we run in her direction and embraced her strongly.

_"__You're alive!" _Harry shouted happily. Ginny, however, started crying and tried to explain herself.

_"__Shh, Ginny, it's okay. Nothing is your fault!" _I tried to soothe her but she continued sobbing.

_"__Come, we need to get out of here!"_ Harry helped her getting up and together we walked all the way back to where we had left Ron and Lockhart.

_"__Ron we're back. Ginny is with us and fine."_ Harry shouted and Ron climbed through a small whole he had managed to make through the rocks. He hugged her tightly before he helped her through the whole. _"Where's Lockhart?"_ Harry asked looking around. Ron's expression was half amused and half worried. _"He's in a bad condition. I think the spell backfired so he doesn't remember anything. He doesn't even know who he is." _At this he chuckled slightly as we followed Fawkes all the way back. Luckily, Fawkes was a Phoenix so he could fly us out of the pipe system. I felt weak and exhausted as we walked through the corridors, on our way to Professor McGonagall's office.


	18. Chapter 18 - Trustworthy Professor

18\. Trustworthy Professor

When Harry pushed the door open we were facing Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Mrs. and Mr. Weasley. As they took sight of Ginny they run towards her and embraced her strongly. Mrs. Weasley was crying whilst Mr. Weasley didn't say anything.

_"__I think we all want to know what happened!"_ Dumbledore stated so Harry told them everything whilst Ron and I stood next to him. I didn't really listen to his words, I felt so exhausted. But stronger than my weakness was the feeling of disappointment. I had failed my magic! I hadn't been able to defend my friends. I was so angry at myself, at the same time I would have loved to get away from here. I wanted to be alone to deal with myself.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when the Weasley's left to the hospital wing, taking Lockhart in tow. Professor McGonagall turned to look at us when she had closed the door behind them.

_"__Well… Professor Sprout told me that Madame Pomfrey is giving out Mandrake juice, so your friend Ms. Granger will be waking up any moment." _She said smiling but I couldn't return it. Harry, however, got excited. _"Do you think we can go and-"._

Suddenly, the door burst open and in rushed Severus. His expression was a mix of anger and worry. He glanced at Harry before his gaze turned on me. Watching me closely, Severus took a step forwards. I wasn't able to look at him so I lowered my head.

_"__Harry, I think you should go to your friend. I'd like a word with Aryanna."_ Dumbledore said smiling gently. Harry nodded and looked at me. _"See you later."_ And with that he left, not without casting a strange look at Severus who was still standing there staring at me. When the door locked behind him there was a long silence. I was gazing at the floor, Severus was staring at me, Professor McGonagall looked at Severus and Dumbledore watched the scene with amusement.

_"__Who wants to speak first?"_ Dumbledore asked happily, looking at each of us. Professor McGonagall seemed irritated for a second before she spoke. _"I think you owe me an explanation, Severus."_

Her expression was stern as Severus looked up and sighted. Then he looked at me again.

_"__Aryanna needs to rest first."_ He stated in return. That made me look up at him.

_"__I don't need rest!" _I said quietly.

_"__Yes, you do, stubborn girl!"_ I heard a slight trace of anger in his voice. I furrowed my eyebrows looking him in the eyes.

_"__Stop patronizing me, please!" _I exclaimed annoyed. _"I can speak for myself!"_

_"__Why so sharp?"_ Severus asked, eyebrows raised. I gulped and looked down again. Feeling my eyes prickling, I turned away.

_"__Arya."_ I heard him saying softly. This made me lose the last control I had left.

_"__Please," _I said whimpering, not really knowing what I wanted anymore. My feelings where overwhelming me. Disappointment because I hadn't been able to protect my friends, anger because of my father, sorry because of Draco and Severus and my friends. I was lying to Draco and my friends – and worse – even to Severus. Severus arms were suddenly around me and I started crying in his robe. Comforting, he stroked my hair softly, again and again.

_"__I think the explanation can wait until tomorrow." _Professor McGonagall said after a while. Realizing what she was saying I freed myself from Severus' strong embrace. _"NO!"_ I shouted desperate. She watched me strangely and exchanged a look with Severus behind me.

_"__Are you sure you want to do this now?" _He asked quietly, laying one hand on my shoulder in comfort. Not turning around, I nodded. _"Fine" _I heard him sighting. _"But be warned, Minerva, it'll take some time."_

_"__I have time." _She stated matter of factly. There was a silence until I had managed to dry my face and make myself look presentable. Glancing at Severus I saw him smiling at me. Then he started in a low voice.

_"__Well, it starts before Arya was born. Leyanne - her mother - and I were like brother and sister. When I was in fifth year she came to Hogwarts. She thought she needed to learn wizardry even if she was a fairy with magic. When she fell in love with Tom Riddle, I tried to convince her that he wasn't good but she didn't want to listen." _His voice was traced by sadness and he gulped before continuing. Comforting, I took his hand and he squeezed it slightly. _"We had several arguments until we managed to spend time with each other again without arguing. We kept our friendship in secret, she didn't want him to know about me."_ Severus made a short break, staring at the wall absentmindly. _"I was with her when she died… She asked me to protect Arya from her father and I swore with my life…" _He looked at me now and I could see all the sadness in his life. Losing my mother had hurt him so much. I took a step closer in his direction so my shoulder touched his arm, our hands still entangled._ "She had contacted Albus so that he would take Aryanna with him. Two weeks after Leyanne's death he wrote me and asked to come to the old Weasley house on the beach. So I came. And when I saw Aryanna it was like… my whole life changed!"_ Severus was smiling now and his eyes were shining bright as he told the story. _"There was this little girl who tried to climb on my lap. When she saw that I was looking at her smiling she watched me sternly so I took her up. Then she laughed and played with my robes. Albus told me that I needed to take care of her. That was in the night when the Dark Lord had killed the Potter's and had been destroyed. So I took her with me and changed my whole apartment for this little bunch of energy." _As I looked around I could see that everyone was smiling, even Professor McGonagall who was lost in Severus' narration.

_"__My whole day was filled out with Aryanna."_ Now he chuckled. Indignantly, but gently, I exclaimed: _"That's not true!" _That only made him laugh so I took my hand out of his and stepped back a little.

_"__So I wasn't busy with you from the minute I woke up until the minute you fall asleep?"_ Raising his eyebrows he was still laughing. Professor McGonagall watched us smiling slightly, Dumbledore was amused. I exhaled loudly and couldn't suppress a laugh. _"Well, no you weren't!"_ I stated but he only shook his head in amusement. Looking at Professor McGonagall he continued grinning.

_"__I would dare to say that she was the most pampered child in the world! But she was also very sweet. I don't know how she knew but she always knew when I had woken up. Therefore, she started babbling in her bed which grew louder in minutes."_ Remembering it, I started laughing and Severus turned to me grinning. _"Yes, I remember."_ I said grinning wildly. _"I did it so that you would come to me."_ I looked at Professor McGonagall, still smiling. _"And he did. Always!"_ Then I laughed again and Professor McGonagall smiled looking at Severus and me. Severus and Dumbledore chuckled.

_"__So I did it every morning and every morning he would come and take me to his room where he laid me in his bed whilst he was in the bathroom. When I grew older I dressed myself and the minute he had woken up I walked to his room and sneaked in his bed."_

_"__Aryanna wasn't able to do anything if I wasn't in the same room."_ Severus continued smiling. _"But I think it's also my fault. I enjoyed her every minute. Together we would cook and go outside. She loved when I told her about Potions and healing. She wanted to learn everything I knew so I sort of taught her."_

_"__So she knows everything about Potions and Herbology because of you?"_ Professor McGonagall asked him.

_"__Yes, she does!"_ He answered and sounded proud. I smiled looking at him and he returned it. _"She was insatiable. She learned reading and from the date she carried always a book about Potions or Healing with her. When I made my paperwork she was either sitting under my desk and playing or reading. When she thought that I had had enough she climbed on my lap and tried to make me stop. Either she managed to do it or she fall asleep."_ He laughed again and now even Professor McGonagall chuckled. Then Severus' look got dark as he glanced at Dumbeldore.

_"__Then, one day, a letter arrived from Albus… Telling me that Arya had to leave – that she needed to grow up somewhere else. He wouldn't tell me where though. So I wrote letter after letter convincing him to give her more time with me."_

_"__I gave you the maximum time but it was essential that she left you before she would grow to strong. The forgetting spell needed to work, for her and your sake." _Dumbeldore explained sternly but Severus only stared at him angrily. I understood his anger, I hadn't been pleased about it too.

_"__So where did you took her?" _Professor McGonagall asked, curiosity in her voice. There was silence as Severus stood there, still kind of fuming and I left speechless because I didn't know if I should tell her about Draco. She looked between the two of us, then watched Severus with raised eyebrows.

_"__Oh don't look at me Minerva! That's something I have no right to tell you about." _Severus explained coldly. She looked taken aback by his tone.

_"__Severus."_ I said warningly, stepping forward. Angrily, he turned to me.

_"__I have every right to be angry, Aryanna!"_

_"__I know."_ Trying to calm him down. _"I was angry too but something good turned out of it."_

_"__Something good?"_ He asked ironically. _"I needed to erase your mind, or so I should have done. You grew up in that insane family because your dying mother told Albus you needed to! I don't see anything good in you being hurt!"_ I didn't need to listen to my magic to know that Severus was upset with a mix of emotions. His eyes showed me everything. I sighted and turned to Professor McGonagall again.

_"__I…"_ I felt uneasy speaking about the Malfoy's. That was something I never told anyone before. _"He brought me to the Malfoy's."_ I saw as she took a step back, looking at Dumbledore in surprise. He only nodded at her and her mouth fell open.

_"__You… you lived with the Malfoy family because your mother wished it?"_ Horror struck her voice. I think she was talking to everyone but mostly to Dumbledore.

_"__It's not the time to reveal Leyanne's reasons of why she asked me to do it. But I can assure you that she always wanted Aryanna's best!"_ Dumbeldore assured her but Professor McGonagall didn't look the slightest comforted.

_"__Yes, I lived with the Malfoy's. And it wasn't that bad." _Severus snorted in disagreement. _"I mean Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were enjoying the fact that I – the Dark Lord's daughter – was living in their house. They tried to educate me like they did with Draco. Well, you can say that I was completely disappointing them." _I laughed heartlessly, Severus looked glum. _"I had lots of lessons with Narcissa in 'how a lady should behave'. She tried to make another person out of me, just like Lucius. I was 'too soft and hearty'." _I mocked Lucius jokingly. _"So I learned how I should behave when I was in company, how I should eat, walk, talk and all this nonsense. Lucius tried to beat all the good out of me. I got punished for the slightest 'good things' I did, starting with my contact to the house elves. I can't remember a day on which I wasn't being punished for anything…"_

_"__What did they do to punish you?"_ Professor McGonagall asked, her voice thick with horror. I managed to keep control over my emotions. For now, I had managed to keep Draco out of this. I still wasn't sure if I should tell her or not.

_"__They grounded me because they knew that I loved being outside. I always loved being outside but at that time it was even more because I could escape from them. They forbid me entering the library so they thought I wasn't able to read. To be honest, it was funny how they thought they could punish me."_ I said laughing. _"Well, and then Dumbledore took me to the orphanage." _My laugher had gone away in a second._ "I hate it there."_ I said seriously, also staring at Dumbledore emotionless. He returned my stare with his blue eyes.

_"__It was necessary!"_ The calm in his voice raised my irritation.

_"__That's what you say to everything!"_ I spat coldly. Then there was a very uncomfortable silence in which Severus and I were glaring at Dumbledore. Professor McGonagall, however, seemed lost in thoughts. After a while she spoke up.

_"__How could your time with the Malfoy's be 'not that bad' if they were treating you badly all the time?"_ A cold chill run up my spine and I looked at her speechless, my mouth falling open. I had been dreading this question because I couldn't answer it without mentioning Draco. _What if she knew about us? She is trustworthy! _There was this feeling of trust in me. I think I could trust her. She wouldn't condemn me even if she didn't understand. I was snapped out of my thoughts as I felt Severus' hand on my shoulder. Suddenly, I felt myself relaxing under his soothing touch. I knew what I had to do.

_"__I want you to promise me, Professor, that you won't tell anybody!"_ I said determined. _"Nobody can know!"_ I emphasized again and she nodded but that wasn't enough.

_"__No, I need you to tell me that you won't!"_

_"__I promise, Ms. Jackson!"_ Her voice was stern but I knew she meant it. So I nodded slightly in return before I started, taking a deep breath.

_"__Draco Malfoy and I… we grew close like brother and sister. After short time, we knew each other better than anyone else did."_ Now she was listening quietly, her mouth slightly open giving away her surprise. _"In the beginning, I thought he was – well – an idiot like you see him strutting around here. But he wasn't. He is a smart, funny and sensitive guy. Sadly, nobody knows except Blaise, Derek and I."_

_"__Blaise like in Blaise Zabini, I guess. But who is Derek?"_ Professor McGonagall interrupted. I grinned thinking of him.

_"__Derek is the son of a death eater and a muggle. His muggle-father got killed by Voldemort as he found out and his mother died by hand of death eaters after she run away to protect Derek. Mrs. Zabini was a good friend of Derek's mother so she adopted him. But because his father had gone to Durmstrang and to protect Derek she wanted him to attend Durmstrang. So during the holidays he was at home with Blaise. I never met her but Mrs. Zabini seems to be very open about educating her children. She doesn't really care about Blaise or Zabini so they are free to do whatever they want. The four of us – Draco, Blaise, Derek, I – we became very close friends. We spent a lot of time together at Malfoy Manor. Draco has always been influenced by Blaise and Derek who had always been very kind. So Draco early learned to fool his parents by playing a typical Malfoy. Together, we did so much bullsh- sorry Professor," _I laughed awkwardly as Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore were watching me warningly and I could hear a low chuckle from Severus. _"We did so much nonsense together! That annoyed the Malfoy's pretty much! Lucius soon found out how to punish us seriously."_ My voice got darker at the thought of all the pain he had caused.

_"__First, he only separated us. That was the most harmless punishment. But then he got harder. He used the Cruciatus Curse on one of us whilst the other had to watch."_ Professor McGonagall threw one hand on her mouth in shock and gasped loudly. _"One day – Draco and I were playing in the gardens with a young cat we had found – Lucius showed up very angry. We had completely forgotten about dinner time. Draco tried to tell him that it was his fault but he believed that it was mine because I was the one who had a strong bond with animals. So he pushed him aside and…_" I gulped, remembering the horrifying scene. _"He used the Cruciatus Curse on the cat. Draco tried to stop him but he couldn't. I got angry and used my magic for the first time against a person. I wasn't strong back then so I only burned his arm a little but that was enough to make him furious. In a second he had the cat killed."_ I stopped and lowered my head. Severus squeezed my shoulder slightly but it didn't help much. I forced myself not to start crying.

_"__I'm sorry for what happened, Ms. Jackson." _The sympathy was true in her voice and I heard her robes as she took a step forward. So I looked up. _"But I have another question." _I nodded for her to go on. _"Why do you treat Mr. Malfoy so badly if he is like a brother to you?"_ Now, I regretted letting her ask the question. Feeling uncomfortable, I took a step back.

_"__Good question, Minerva."_ That made me turn with a dark look towards Severus. He only raised one eyebrow what annoyed me even more. _"What?"_ He exclaimed. _"You always seem to avoid this question."_

_"__Yes, because I have a reason!"_ I stated angrily.

_"__But your reason isn't really logical, Arya."_ In annoyance I exhaled out loudly.

_"__We've discussed this already! And to answer your question Professor, I need to protect Draco. My father will come back one day and if he finds out about Draco he will be right in the firing line."_

My voice had become louder than I had wanted to so I bit my lip and watched at the wall behind Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore.

_"__One last question. Why did I had the feeling that you hated Severus last year?"_ She asked and I felt Severus moving next to me. Protecting, he took a step forward so that he stood a little in front of me. Astonished, Professor McGonagall looked up at him. His hands were entangled behind his back strongly, I saw his knuckles turning white. His face was blank but his shoulders showed his tension. In a low voice he started speaking.

_"__It's my fault! Albus wanted me to erase her mind when I brought her to him but it didn't work. She remembered everything but thought that I hadn't wanted her anymore."_ The self-loathing in his voice made me shiver. Also Professor McGonagall noticed it. _"I don't think you're to blame, Severus." _She tried to calm him down gently but he stayed tense. I stepped in front of him and raised my head to look him in the eyes. He had his gaze fixed on the wall. Gently, I put my small hands on either side of his face. That seemed to snap him out of his thoughts and he looked me deeply in the eyes. _"It's not your fault, Severus!"_ I whispered and I could see the fight of emotions in his eyes. We stayed like this for a moment. Suddenly, I saw kind of a snap in his eyes and he put his arms around me. _"Forgive me."_ He whispered in my hair and I only hugged him tighter.

_"__Well, I think I know enough now." _I could literally hear the smile in Professor McGonagall's voice. We parted and I looked up in hope that Severus would smile again but he wasn't. Instead, he was watching me sternly. Something was still bothering him.

_"__Arya, remember when you told me that you would tell me about the orphanage?"_ His voice was determined and I knew he wouldn't give in letting me leave. I gulped and looked away.

_"__Severus, I-"_ He cut me off before I could start an excuse.

_"__No! Aryanna I won't let you leave from here until you've told me what's going on!"_ I really wouldn't be able to so I sighted surrendering. My voice was quiet as I spoke. The three of them were watching me closely. _"Well, there's this cat, Nala. She's my only friend there so I spend my whole day with her. At night I'm sneaking her inside to my room..."_

_"__So?" _Severus asked as I stopped.

_"__There's also this doctor. He's responsible for the children of the orphanage. So he comes regularly – to me normally twice, sometimes more, during the summer holidays – to check on us. He's very rude verbally and physically."_ Severus' jaw tensed and his eyes pinched together. _"No child from there has somebody to talk to but as I'm leaving the orphanage regularly he threatens me."_

_"__What does he want from you?" _Severus asked furious. Helpless, I gazed at him. He must have seen it because his glance softened. _"Severus, you need to promise me not to freak out."_ In a split second, the softness had been replaced by anger again. _"You want me to stay calm if somebody hurts you?" _The hardness in his voice made me flinch but I didn't give in.

_"__Severus, if you go and face him he'll kill her!" _I whimpered tears filling my eyes now. _"If he knows that I've been telling somebody he's going to kill Nala!" _My voice broke and I started sobbing. Then I felt his strong arms pulling me against his body. He embraced me whilst stroking my hair soothingly. His body was still tense and radiating anger but, nevertheless, it was comforting. I couldn't stop crying thinking of Nala, the Malfoy's and all the pain I had experienced in my short life.

_"__He will never hurt you again and-"_ He told me as he pushed me back a little to look me in the eyes. As I made attempts to interrupt him he continued quickly. _"And I promise that Nala won't happen anything! I swear on my love for Leyanne!" _I knew he was telling the truth so I was left speechless, not knowing what to say anymore. I started crying again so he pushed me gently to a chair and sat down. Pulling me on his lap he hugged me warmly. I didn't know how long we remained like this but when I looked up Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore were gone.


	19. Chapter 19 - The last days

19\. The last days

I closed my eyes as I stood there, enjoying the sun on my face. As I opened them again I smiled at the sight I had from up here. The black lake looked so beautiful with the orange sunrays being reflected. I loved it here. From the Astronomy Tower you had such an awesome view over the nature around Hogwarts. Right now I was enjoying the sunset and piece.

The day we returned from the Chamber of Secrets was one month ago. Time had passed so quickly. Since then there had only been a few changes. Dumbledore had come back as headmaster of Hogwarts. The minister of magic had excused himself for this mistake. Lockhart had been brought to St. Mungo's because he seemed to have lost his mind. Most of the students didn't know what he had done so they were missing him but none of the four of us were missing him the slightest. And most importantly, Hagrid had come back from Azkaban. He was so happy to be back and had tears in his eyes. Hermione was completely fine again just like all the other people who had been petrified. Professor McGonagall has kept her promise and I knew I could trust her.

Everything could be fine now if there wasn't the thought of Draco nagging in the back of my mind. I sighted. My piece was gone for now. Slowly, I made my way down the stairs hoping that no teacher would see me on my way to the great hall.

_"__Arya, there you are!" _Someone exclaimed. When I turned around I saw my three best friends walking up to me smiling brightly. _"Where have you been?"_ Hermione asked.

_"__Sorry, guys. I was on the astronomy tower and lost track of time."_ Apologetically, I smiled at them.

_"__Enjoying the piece in Hogwarts?"_ Harry playfully closed his eyes breathing deeply in and out. I laughed.

_"__Well, yes I was. And I was thinking about how I didn't want to leave."_

_"__I understand what you mean."_ Harry said seriously. _"I wish I could stay here instead of going back to the Dursley's."_ Disgust and sadness traced his voice.

_"__Maybe you can come over to my place again. And you too Arya!"_ Ron stated excited.

_"__Oh yes, that would be great!"_ Hermione exclaimed joyfully.

_"__Hey Arya," _Harry interrupted grinning. _"By the way, why did Snape burst into the office like a lunatic when we got back from the Chamber? I've never seen him like this."_

_"__Oh that,"_ I started laughing. _"Like a lunatic, oh Harry. He wasn't being crazy. He was furious!"_ I couldn't stop laughing about Harry's expression. _"He was angry because we did what we did and because he would have thought of me being more reasonable. His words not mine!"_ Now, the three of them laughed too as we made our way to the great hall. Before we could step inside, however, somebody stopped us.

_"__Ms. Jackson!"_ The stern voice of Professor McGonagall made us turn around. I wondered if I had done something wrong. Surprisingly, she was smiling at me.

_"__Ms. Jackson, the headmaster wishes to see you. He asked me to escort you to his office."_

_"__Euhm, yes Professor but have I done something wrong?" _I asked her with furrowed eyebrows.

_"__No, not at all. He only wishes to see you now."_ Her smile started to creep me out. I mean, I had never seen her smile so much whilst she was talking to a student.

_"__Reserve me a seat guys! I'll come later."_ I said to my friends who nodded. In their faces I could see the question marks. Showing that I had no idea either I shrugged my shoulders. Then I quickly followed Professor McGonagall who was already walking towards the stairs. We walked in silence until we reached the last stairs to the headmaster's office. She said the password and we climbed up the stairs.

_"__He really loves you!" _She said into the silence between us. When I looked up quizzical I saw that she was smiling warmly at me.

_"__Honestly Professor, I don't mean to insult you but your smile is creeping me out. I mean it's a very beautiful warm smile but I've never seen you smile so much at a student." _Her laugh next to me made me smile too. Then I realised what she had said before. _"Wait, who loves me? And why?" _Enquiring I watched her again but now she was looking straight, still wearing a bright smile. Reaching the top of the stairs she pushed open the door and stepped in, closing it behind me.

Dumbledore was standing behind his desk, his blue eyes sparkling in the light.

_"__Ah, there you are Aryanna. We awaited you, well Severus and especially your little friend."_ Smiling he pointed to something next to me – or somebody. Severus stepped forward carrying something in his arms, smiling brightly. Before I could say something, however, something small and black jumped out of his arms and run practically against my legs.

_"__NALA!" _I shouted. The little black furred cat purred loudly as I took it up in my arms. Laughing, I buried my head in its fur. _"You're alright! You're here!"_ I whispered in its ear. Tears of joy were running down my face and the little pink tongue tried to catch them.

As I looked up I saw the three Professor's watching me smiling. Severus was gazing at me thoughtfully. When he realised that I was looking at him he smiled. I let Nala jump down and she sat right next to myself, examining me closely. In a split second I crashed into Severus' arms, hugging him tightly. He returned it chuckling.

_"__Thank you, thank you, thank you!" _I spoke into his robes._ "I love you so much Severus, you know that right?"_

_"__As much as I love you, little Aryanna!"_ He told me smiling. I stepped back and looked up at him. With his robes he dried my tears and I laughed again.

_"__Now, I guess she will have to stay here over summer."_ Severus said watching me closely. I shrugged it off smiling. _"Well, the benefits are clearly outweighing here. I mean here it's paradise for a cat. I will spend more time with her and she is safe. I won't have to worry about her anymore."_ I chuckled as Nala passed between my feet, her tail raised straight.

_"__How did you manage to get her?"_ I asked Severus and I could see his look going a little dark.

_"__Well I asked for the cat that would always be with you and one of the women working in the orphanage showed me. When I had taken it I went to the doctor's office. I had a little chat with him so you won't ever see him again."_ He grinned evilly. I tried to look at him sternly, failed completely however. My pleasure was overwhelming.

_"__What did you do, Severus?"_ I asked him grinning too.

_"__Well, I made him terminate his career. He realised that he was unsuitable for the work with children."_ He stated matter of fact. I knew he wasn't regretting anything of what he had done. And I trusted him that he hadn't broken any law.

_"__Such a pity."_ I exclaimed ironically. Then I couldn't waste any more thoughts at this man and turned my attention back to Nala. She was laying on Dumbledore's desk now, enjoying the scene.

_"__Thanks again!" _I didn't know where the urge came from but I embraced Severus again. I smiled into his arms as he sneaked them around my back. Before he let go of me he kissed the top of my head.

_"__Always!"_ He looked me deeply in the eyes and smiled the smile I loved so much. Then he straightened and looked around.

_"__Well, I guess your friends are waiting for you, Arya."_ Severus gazed at Nala on the desk. _"Did you tell them about that little bunch of energy?"_ We chuckled and I nodded.

_"__Yes, they know about her but I don't know how to explain that she's here now." _Helpless, I watched Severus who seemed to be thinking about it. Then he sighted.

_"__What if you don't tell them? You have the right to have secrets and how bad could this one be."_ He winked slightly and watched me expectantly. _"So you wouldn't have to lie."_

_"__You're right, I guess. I mean it's not that important how she got here."_ I smiled at him.

_"__Well, I guess I need to go. Thank you, for everything, Severus!" _He nodded smiling in return. With one last glance at the smiling Professor's I turned towards Nala. _"You coming?"_ And in a split second she was up on her feet and by my side. When I looked in her eyes I saw them sparkle vigorously. I could feel her happiness and grinned.

As I made my way to the great hall Nala strutted by my side as if she had been in Hogwarts forever. _"You're impossible, Nala!"_ I laughed at her and she passed me, tail pointing straight upwards. Quickly, I grabbed her and took her on my arms at which I earned an indignant meow. _"Stop strutting around like Draco Malfoy or people will think you belong to him!"_ I told her warningly.

_"__Who struts around like me?"_ Draco's echoing voice scared me to death and I jumped a little.

_"__Damn it! Do you have to scare me like this?"_ I exclaimed angrily turning around. There, in the deserted corridor, stood Draco leaning against the wall, arms crossed. If I wouldn't know him like I did I would say that the smirk he was wearing was making him look sexy or like a typical bad boy.

_"__Never knew you're talking to animals. Is that your new little friend?" _He asked nodding at Nala in my arms.

_"__Yes, she is and I'm speaking with animals like I talk to you, not that it matters to you anyway!" _I turned around to leave but I could hear him walk next to me.

_"__Honestly, why can't you leave me alone?"_ I exhaled annoyed.

_"__Because I won't." _Draco stated matter of fact, the smirk still evident in his voice. "_And before you start rambling now, yes I know I'm annoying you because you know that you will give in one day. So I keep going with not leaving you alone!"_

_"__Don't you think that you have a little too much confidence in your self-confidence?" _I asked sarcastically.

_"__Nope, I'm great and irresistible!_"

_"__I would love to wipe that smirk out of your face!" _I starred darkly in front of me and he chuckled.

_"__Feel free." _He said stretching his arms playfully.

_"__Nah, thanks. Not in the mood for a fight." _I told him, whilst I caressed Nala's head.

_"__Told you, I'm too irresistible. You don't want to damage this beautiful sight!" _He smirked again. And I rolled my eyes in return but couldn't suppress a small laugher.

_"__You'll be fun if you're older…" _I mumbled. That made him start laughing. The sound of his laugh echoed in the whole corridor. When we turned around the last corner we had reached the hallway. Draco was still shaking with laugher and earned some strange looks from students on their way to dinner.

_"__Draco, mate, there you are!"_ Blaise shouted out of a crowd of Slytherins. He had always been taller than others of his age, so we saw him walking straight to us.

_"__What's so funny?"_ He asked as he had reached us. Draco was grinning wildly now putting one arm around my shoulder. Trying to get away I walked towards the entrance to the great hall. As expected he didn't give up and his arm was on my shoulder again. As I entered the hall he was walking on my right side and Blaise flanked my left side. Quickly, I scanned the Gryffindor table for my friends and saw them waving. They lowered their arms the moment they realised who was walking by my side. Draco and Blaise had spotted them too and pushed me in their direction.

_"__Well,"_ Draco shouted smirking and I could see the first people staring at us. I didn't even try to make him stop. He wouldn't listen anyway. _"Jackson, said that I was irresistible" _Blaise started laughing and now there were even more people watching. Not only students, teachers from the teacher's table were starring too. Severus and Professor McGonagall were standing next to each other – seeming to be interrupted in their conversation – and watching us. I could see Severus's smirk as well and shot him a dark look.

_"__And she said that I was a beautiful sight!"_ Draco spoke in direction of the Slytherin's who started roaring with laugher.

_"__And that your parents valued the 'self' in 'self-confidence' too much!"_ I added grinning evilly. _"Seems to run in your family, Malfoy."_ Now there were more laughers but Draco didn't stop smirking. We had reached my friends now so I stopped, trying to push his arm away. Pulling me even closer and smirking provocative at the Gryffindor's he lowered his head a little.

"_Watch out, Aryanna Jackson, that's only the beginning."_ I could literally hear his smirk. Before he left with Blaise he whispered discreetly: _"You'll give in!"_

Not caring about all the people staring at me I sat down, exhaling loudly. My friends were watching me closely.

_"__What did he want?"_ Harry asked with furrowed eyebrows.

_"__Oh, he's just being Malfoy. Don't worry, I can deal with him perfectly!" _I assured him smiling.

_"__ARYA!" _Hermione screamed suddenly, giving me another heart attack and more audience.

_"__Merlin! Why does everybody need to scare me to death?!" _I exclaimed enraged.

_"__Arya, what is this in your arms?" _Hermione asked pointing at the black furred ball that had tried to hide in my robes. I looked at Nala and smiled, pulling her on my lap properly.

_"__Guys, that's Nala. My cat I told you about."_ Hermione seemed charmed as Nala looked around the great hall. I could see that she loved cats.

_"__How about a cat for you, Hermione?" _I asked her smiling. Grinning she nodded.

_"__Yes, I've been thinking about it for some time now. But I never talked with my parents about it."_

_"__Well, I'm sure they'll agree. If it comes to the worst, you can leave it with Hagrid. I'm sure he'll take care of it over the summer." _I assured her.

_"__I think one cat is enough!"_ Ron exclaimed loudly. _"Poor Scabbers, he's not the youngest and cats are known to eat birds, mice and rats."_

_"__Oh, don't worry! Nala knows the difference between wild and domestic animals."_ I told him but he scoffed as an answer. Then our conversation was interrupted by the food coming on the tables.

Sadly, the day of returning to the orphanage came too fast. All the students were eager to see their families again but Harry and I weren't. I had talked to Hagrid about Nala and he had agreed to take care of her. I had said my goodbyes to Hagrid, Nala and Severus. He had given me new books about Potions and Healing, saying that it would occupy me for some time. Sighting, I entered the train, thinking about the long boring summer.


	20. Chapter 20, Year 3 - A long summer

20\. A long summer

**MINISTRY OF MAGIC EMPLOYEE SCOOPS GRAND PRIZE**

**Arthur Weasley, Head of Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office at the Ministry of Magic, has won the annual Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw. A delighted Mr. Weasley told the Prophet, 'We will be spending the gold on a summer holiday in Egypt, where our eldest son, Bill, works as a curse breaker for Gringotts Wizarding Bank.'**

**The Weasley family will be spending a month in Egypt, returning for the start of the new school year at Hogwarts, which five of the Weasley children currently attend.**

(Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, J.K. Rowling)

I smiled as I scanned the photo of nine Weasley's waving furiously, standing in front of a large pyramid. Then I opened the letter Harry had sent me.

**Dear Arya,**

**How are you? I'm bored to death here, Aunt Marge is coming next week. I'm already dreading her arrival day.**

**Have you seen the article about the Weasley's in Egypt? I think nobody deserves it more than they do. They seem to have a really nice time!**

**Ron and Hermione were thinking about meeting up in Diagon Alley the last week of holiday to buy our new stuff. I don't know if I can make it but I would be happy to meet you there.**

**Don't let boredom get you!**

**Harry**

I grinned as I read the letter. Poor Harry would be stuck with this horrible woman for two weeks. Sighting I put his letter aside and opened the next one.

**Dear Arya,**

**I know how bored you are, staying at the orphanage all summer. I do hope you're all right. I'm on holiday in France at the moment and I love it here! When I heard of the Weasley's in Egypt I read everything I found about ancient history. I'm jealous of Ronald, surely he learns so much there!**

**Ron says he's going to be in London the last week of the holidays. Do you think you can make it? I really hope you can, I'm missing you! If not, I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express on September the first.**

**Lots of love**

**Hermione**

Exhaling loudly, I laid back in bed, starring at the ceiling. Time passed so slowly! Even if Hermione, Harry, Ron and Severus were writing me often I had nothing to do except waiting. I had read every book Severus had borrowed me. I don't know I had been laying in bed but suddenly a gust of wind woke me up. I looked around the dark and could make out an owl sitting on the chair back. Its eyes sparkled in the dark and I recognised it. Smiling, I jumped on my feet and turned on the light with magic. Omega, Severus' owl, was staring at me with piercing eyes.

_"__Haven't seen you in a while."_ I spoke softly to the bird and it clicked its beak as I took the letter. Eagerly, I tore it open and started reading, sitting down again.

**Dear Aryanna,**

**How are you doing so far? You have only two more weeks left until school starts again. I heard you decided to go for Care of Magical Creatures and Herbology. The last one will surely be essential for you if you still want to become a healer. I'm sure you will be doing great!**

**Now, I have some bad news for you. Did you hear of Sirius Black? He was a Death Eater and escaped from Azkaban two weeks ago. The Ministry hasn't been able to catch him until now. I know how much you've been looking forward to meeting your friends in Diagon Alley but I think it's too dangerous. It's not safe for you to walk around on your own. I'm really sorry, I know how much you hate it in the orphanage but it's for your safety, trust me. Your new school books and everything else you need will be send next week. If you need something else just owl me or Albus and it will be taken care of.**

**Please, don't be mad at me. See you on September the first!**

**Severus**

My smile had vanished as I finished reading the letter. Angrily, I threw it on my bed. He didn't want me to be angry?! Roughly, I searched my drawer for ink and on a piece of parchment I started scribbling furiously.

**Severus, you don't want me to be mad at you but what you're doing is ridiculous. I know you want to protect me but I can take care of my own. Remember when I told you not to patronize me before summer? I meant it. And besides, I won't be on my own. I will be with my friends, the Weasley's and many other wizards, I mean it's Diagon Alley. So don't bother with my school stuff, I will buy it myself! See you in two weeks! Arya**

I folded it and put it in the envelope Severus' letter had been in. When I tried to attach it at Omega's leg, however, he chirped and flew on my wardrobe.

_"__Stupid bird, now get down there!"_ I exclaimed angrily. Omega only started cleaning his feathers and ignored me completely. _"Damn it."_ So I stood on my chair trying to reach the owl. I hadn't been paying attention to how much noise I had done until I heard steps outside of my room. Cursing, I stood on my tiptoes but Omega only jumped back. I could hear the footsteps stopping at my door and suddenly everything became blurred. Omega spread his wings, touching my face. In surprise I took a step back and fell of the chair. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw the owl flying into the dark. With a banging noise the door to my room burst open revealing an angry looking guardian. When he saw me laying on the floor, gasping for air he hurried forward.

_"__Aryanna, what happened?" _Quickly, he scanned the room and saw what had caused the mess. _"What are you climbing on a chair?"_ He asked more to himself, shaking his head.

_"__I'm okay. Sorry for disturbing."_ I croaked, trying to get up but he hold me down.

_"__You don't sound alright. Stay on the floor for some more minutes." _He tried to convince me but I didn't listen. Groaning, I stood up.

_"__Really, I'm fine." _My voice was steadier now and even traced with some anger. He watched me closely and I stared. Sighting, he put my chair in front of my table again.

_"__Now, go to bed and sleep. It's almost 2 in the morning." _With a last warning look he turned around and closed the door behind him.

Exhaling loudly, I let myself plop on my bed only to moan as I felt a sharp pain running down my back. I saw the letter on the floor and concentrated. In a few seconds, flames were destroying it. _Guess, Severus isn't getting an answer, _I thought gloomy. And holidays weren't over for two more weeks.

Somehow, first of September finally arrived and I was eager to leave. I was still angry at Severus for not letting me go to Diagon Alley. As last year, John Dawlish, picked me up and apparated me to King's cross. Eagerly, I run through the wall and found myself face to face with the Hogwarts Express. I was late, I had two minutes left until the train left. Quickly, I made my way to the luggage rank, then I entered the train as it started moving. Smiling, I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. Summer was finally over! I was on my way to Hogwarts.


	21. Chapter 21 - Eventful train ride

21\. Eventful train ride

When London disappeared out of my sight I started to look for my friends. I had passed the first car – greeting people I knew with a smile – when I found myself at the door to the Slytherin car. As expected, they were rude enough to throw everybody out who wasn't a Slytherin so nobody even tried or wanted to sit with them. This car was filled with the worst of them like the Flint brother's, Crabbe, Goyle, the whole Quidditch team and some I didn't know. At a table in the middle of the car sat Pansy Parkinson with her back to me. Opposite sat Draco with Blaise next to him. She was holding Draco's right hand he had put on the table. I think she tried to make him talk to her but he was laughing about something Blaise had said. He was being himself, no sneer or any sign for Draco playing the Malfoy part. I enjoyed watching him when he was like this. Blaise and Draco had always been best friends and been there for each other.

Suddenly, I found myself staring at Blaise dark eyes and his laugher turned into a grin. I saw true happiness on his face – Blaise had always been the one who made us laugh even in the worst situations – and he punched Draco slightly with his elbow. He, still shaking with laugher, turned to him and followed his gaze. I straightened up as his eyes met mine. In a second his laugher died and he stared at me. I don't know how long we stared at each other but I guess it were only a few seconds because Draco and Blaise were both staring at me openly so Slytherin around them noticed. Therefore, it was no surprise as the younger of the Flint brother's – who was in my year by the way - stood up and faced me with a nasty grin.

_"__Well, look who's here guys!" _The chatter had died now and I could see people grinning. Unimpressed, I turned my gaze to him and started in a mocking bored voice: _"Aryanna Jackson, Gryffindor, unfortunate to meet you, now let me pass!"_ Provocative, I put on an uninterested expression and glanced around. I sensed that I was annoying him as I wasn't showing any sign of worry. When I watched him again his grin had turned into an uglier one.

_"__You really believe you can threaten me? Here? Are you really that stupid?"_ He spat in my face but I remained calm.

I raised a hand showing around the car and smiled coldly. _"You really believe I'm scared because I'm surrounded by Slytherins?"_

The slight tone of mockery seemed to make him angry so I dropped my faked boredom and chuckled. That gave him the rest and he built up and took a step forward so that I had to look up.

_"__Don't you dare threatening me, Jackson. I can crush you as easily as a bug!" _

_"__A bug, really? You are even more dumb than I thought, Flint."_ He squinted his eyes angrily and I could see some muscles flinch. Before he could say something however – his mouth had already opened – I straightened up and my voice turned cold. _"Now, let me tell you something. I warn you not to threaten me ever again! If you do, you'll regret it! Now, get out of my way, please."_

Suddenly, my arms were in his strong grip. It hurt but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction to show it.

Angrily, I hissed slowly:_ "Let go of me or you will regret it!"_

Flint only laughed cruelly and I could see Slytherins grinning and chuckling. _"Look around you, Jackson. None of your stupid friends is here to help you. I can do whatever I want, maybe some of my friends want to help me."_ He had raised his voice and I could hear cheers.

_"__I don't need help to finish you off. And I mean everybody in this car, starting with you!" _I had enough of this so I concentrated and sent a strong wave of electricity through my body. I only felt a prickle but Flint flinched as if he had been burned and let go of me in a split second.

_"__Damn it!"_ He roared and some Slytherin laughed making him only angrier. I didn't bother to laugh, only glanced around. Some were watching me hatefully, others were whispering and chuckling darkly. If looks could kill I would be dead by the look Parkinson gave me. Draco and Blaise, however, had stopped laughing and sat there tensed. Blaise' expression was slightly amused but Draco's was emotionless. Only his eyes showed the slight anger.

Flint made my attention turn back to him as he moved faster than I had expected. In a second he had me gripped tightly on my throat with one hand and whirled me around so that I stood with my back to him, facing every Slytherin. In the other hand, he held his wand, which was pointed at my throat.

_"__What do you say now, Jackson?" _He hissed in my ear, loud enough so that everybody could hear it. Many Slytherin's were snickering and laughing.

_"__Break her! I hate that Gryffindor!"_ Screamed Parkinson laughing shrilly. I heard Flint laugh next to my ear.

_"__I think she learned her lesson, don't you think? Or do you want to risk getting expelled on your first day back?" _I was surprised to hear Blaise speaking up in such a serious tone. Honestly, I had expected it to be Draco but as I lowered my gaze I saw that Draco was sitting completely rigid, staring at the scene in front of him as if he didn't bother. Suddenly, I didn't know what to do anymore. The only way for me to get out of this mess was either by using magic or by Draco's help. The last option would have been way better as I didn't want anybody to find out about my magic but it seemed as if I couldn't expect any help from Draco.

'_Don't do anything like that again. Next time it won't be with someone as peasant and selfish as Lockhart.' _ I remembered his voice when he had helped me out with Lockhart's test. He wouldn't help me now! _Draco has made his decision, _I realized. He had chosen to leave me alone, to forget everything we had together. After two years of pushing him away I had finally managed to make him leave me alone. But at this moment, when he looked me in the eyes as if I was just some Gryffindor, I didn't feel the slightest happy or relieved. I felt lonelier than ever.

_"__You know you're such a wimp sometimes, Blaise!" _Flint's laugh snapped me out of my numbness. My eyes had watered up so I winked several times looking at the ceiling.

_"__I'll ask you a last time, Flint: Let. Go. Of. Me. NOW!"_ I emphasized every word, not able to keep my anger out of my voice.

_"__Sorry, what did you say?" _Flint mocked and I heard laugher around me.

_"__Screw you!" _And with a blast of magic his wand flew out of his hand and vanished under a table. The grip on my throat tightened and I could barely breath. I pulled my head back with as much force as I could apply and felt as if my head exploded as it smashed against his jaw. He screamed and let go of me so I used this second to pass him but I hadn't hurt him that much. A firm grip on my arm made me turn around to face him - his face distorted with rage - but I managed to release it. He stormed forward and suddenly I felt his weight on me as we fell on the ground. My vision blurred as my head hit the ground even harder than it had hit Flint and I felt a sharp pain running down my spine. I saw his silhouette above me and felt him pressing me down with his knee. Then, suddenly, a sharp pain on my jaw made my vision go black. My head was throbbing; I didn't see or hear anything anymore. I couldn't even hear myself thinking.

After some moments - I guess it was a minute or two – I could see a blurred, dark shadow above me, his mouth was moving but his voice was muted, Flint.

_"…__as if Jackson isn't so strong at all."_

_"__Oh look, she's waking up."_ I made out Parkinson's voice and groaned.

_"__Jackson, good, now you hear me again. I'm going to destroy you, your bloody mudblood friends and every blood traitor you care for."_

I hardly heard what he said with this pounding in my head. The slightest movements of my head made me feel as if everything was moving around me. I tried to concentrate to use my magic but I was on the edge of passing out.

_"__You won't touch them, I'll protect them."_ My voice came out as a whisper and at first I thought he hadn't heard me but as the laugher around me made my head burst even more I knew they had. I closed my eyes but I couldn't escape the noise and the painful rattling of the train that penetrated my head.

_"__Oh no, you won't get away so easily, Jackson!"_ I heard Flint's voice muffled. I opened my eyes and saw him raising his fist again, then I closed them again.

_"__That's enough!"_ A sharp voice managed to made its way into my brain, even if it seemed to take a moment. _"Let go of her, NOW!"_ As I opened my eyes I saw that Flint's arm, his hand still in a fist, was in the grip of another person. I couldn't see who it was but I guessed it was the person who had told him to let go. I knew the voice but couldn't make out whose it was.

_"__What do you care?" _Flint asked angrily, putting even more weight on his knee and for the first time I winced. Luckily, nobody seemed to have noticed. _"I want to have some fun with her! But if you want her, take her. Just save me something."_ Even with my head bursting and my body aching I could hear the grin in his voice.

_"__I'm doing you a favour. And now let go of her!"_ I heard the male voice again and I saw Flint tearing his arm out of the person's grip.

_"__No! You think you're special because you're a Malfoy but the truth is I'm not afraid of you, Draco. So, I won't let go of her."_ With that he turned his gaze back to me and I thought he was going to punch me again. Suddenly, there was movement next to me. I saw a person with very blond hair pass and pulling Flint of me. That person held him by his shirt and spat in his face.

_"__Listen scumbag, I am a Malfoy, so show some respect. I know things you wouldn't even dream of, I know spells you can't imagine. So, if you don't want to get into troubles with my whole family back off. As I said, I'm doing you a favour by warning you!"_ He let go of Flint who glared at him and took a step back. As the blond person turned around and kneeled next to him I realized that it was in fact Draco. Well, I was feeling so bad that I hadn't realized what Flint had said before. I felt so exhausted that I couldn't even thank him, I guess it would have been strange anyway. He gripped my hand to help me sit up but my head wasn't really into it. Everything around me was moving as if I was on a ship and the throbbing made my vision go darker and become even more blurred. Suddenly, there were hands on my shoulders that hold me. Draco helped me getting up and I stumbled, trying to find my balance. His strong grip on my arms stabilized me and as I turned around I saw that Blaise was the one who had helped me. He didn't grin or laugh as he nodded slightly, telling me that it was okay. I understood. If I didn't want to start another fight with Flint or any Slytherin I should do or say nothing now.

Draco let go of me and slowly I made my way out of the Slytherin's car. I shut the door close behind me, leaning against the wall. The rattling of the train wasn't helping my sharp headache or my aching body. I still saw everything around me blurred and darker than it should be.

With my hands supporting the wall on either side I made my way slowly through the next car. Students looked at me strangely when I passed their compartment. I looked like a drunken lunatic stumbling and stopping after every two or three steps. Finally, what felt like hours, I found my friends in a compartment with a man sleeping against the window. They didn't saw me until I opened the compartment door slowly, clinging at the door frame and with closed eyes. My vision was worse now. If I had to take another step I would black out again. My head was bursting and my spine aching.

_"__Arya, what the hell happened to you?"_ I heard Hermione almost screaming, her expression worried.

_"__Please," _I raised a hand. _"Shut up, my head is bursting!" _With that I stumbled into the compartment and fell in a seat. I winced as the pain shot sharply from the bottom of my spine in my head and I saw black again.

_"__ARYA!"_ Harry said loudly, making me open my eyes again. Just like Hermione he looked worried.

_"__What happened to you? Your nose is bleeding, you have blood all over your face and on your jacket."_

Surprised, I raised a hand to my face and he was right. When I looked at it, it was covered with fresh blood. _"Oh, damn it." _I muttered. I didn't remember my noise being broken. _Flint only hit my jaw, didn't he?_

Hermione handed me something to wipe my face. Pointing her wand at me she performed a spell to clean my face of the blood. _"Thanks."_ I said leaning back in my seat. I cursed the train for its rackling.

_"__Would you care to tell us now what happened to you? We thought you were maybe just talking with some of our friends or I don't know. But it's only twenty minutes ago that the train left London and you have managed to look as if you needed a few days rest." _Hermione stated.

_"__I wasn't planning on getting into a fight. I was completely peaceful as I entered the train."_

_"__You got into a fight? With Malfoy?" _Harry asked with raised eyebrows.

_"__Well, I was late so I entered in the front car. I was looking for you but the second car was filled with Slytherins. Flint didn't want to let me pass so I used some magic so that he would let go of me. That made him furious and he caught me off guard as I was trying to pass. He threw me on the ground, falling on top of me and punched me right in my face. And now my spine is aching, my head feels as if it would burst and my vision goes black now and then. And this train and its noise is driving me insane!"_ I ranted annoyed and winced as the train made a harder movement.

_"__My story so far. Now tell me how was your summer?" _I asked just so that they would stop asking me questions. They started telling me about Sirius Black and how Mr. Weasley had warned Harry not to go after him. I felt too exhausted to think about it and somehow I fell asleep.

I woke up because somebody stepped on my foot. First I thought I was dreaming because I was surrounded by total darkness. Then I heard the voices of my friends, Neville and Ginny. Besides, my whole body was still aching and my head throbbing painfully.

_"__Guys, what the hell is going on here?" _I asked loudly. It was Hermione who told me that they had no idea as to why the train had stopped somewhere. It was out of habit that I closed my eyes to concentrate and ignored the voices around me. I couldn't suppress a grin as I felt my magic rushing through my body. Finally, I was well enough to use my magic again. Flint had really knocked me out with his punch. Nevertheless, I felt still a little dizzy so instead of using magic to heal myself I used it to check the train for anything. My magic had just spread in the whole train car where we were sitting when I opened my eyes all the sudden. I didn't feel any pain or dizziness anymore, only a cold wave of fear. I knew what had stopped the train and I was terrified!

_"__Guys, shut up NOW!"_

At the same time, there was a hoarse voice suddenly:_ "Quiet!" _Professor Lupin had finally woken up. He made some light and looked around. _"Stay here, all of you!"_

_"__Professor, they're here!"_ Terrified I whispered looking at the compartment door. Professor Lupin's alerted gaze turned to me and he furrowed his eyebrows. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw my friends exchanging looks. Never had they seen me that terrified. I felt darkness and coldness in our compartment. Before Professor Lupin could say something, however, the compartment door slid open. There it was, the creature I feared the most. A dementor with its face hidden beneath its hood and the black cloak covering its frame. I was petrified by fear. I couldn't think clearly anymore. I knew they fed on happy memories but I didn't know how to block them. I remembered the first time I had seen one.

_I was very young when I was playing outside with my mum. Or I was sitting on the ground playing with my toys and my mum sat on a bench some meters away and watched me. Then suddenly the sun disappeared and the sky turned black._

_"__Arya!" I heard my mum screaming and rushing to me. Normally, I would feel safe and warm in her arms but for the first time in my life I didn't. I started crying and she tried to sooth me but I could hear how terrified she was. Before we could get into the house my father stepped into her way. He was looking worriedly at her but as he tried to touch her face she took a step back._

_"__What have you done this time, Tom?" She spat almost crying. "Let me go inside!"_

_"__You can go but I will take Aryanna with me." He said coldly._

_"__Don't you dare using her! Do with me whatever you want but please, please keep our daughter out of this." Now she was pleading but he didn't give in. Then suddenly, a dark cloaked figure appeared in front of us, paralyzing my mum. My father however grinned and said something in parsel tongue. At the same time I heard my mum muttering something under her breath, I knew it was the elvish language. Then the dark cloaked figure took a sharp breath and suddenly she released her grip around me and I fell on the ground. I took her hand and wanted her to run away with me but she wouldn't look at me. Instead, she fell on her knees, a terrified expression on her face. I cried even harder. "MUM! Mummy!" Then my father took me in his arms and I felt even more scared than I had before. "Listen, Aryanna. This will teach your mother a lesson. Next time, it's your turn."_

_"__ARYA!"_ I felt a burning on my cheek and a moment later I realized that somebody hat slapped me.

_"__You need to wake up." _I opened my eyes and found myself staring at Hermione in front of me. I was leaning against the compartment wall next to me, still sitting in my seat. _"You fainted. And so did Harry." _She told me looking around. Slowly, I sat up feeling exhausted again. Everybody, was looking from me to Harry who seemed absentmindedly. Professor Lupin was watching me closely, then he handed me a big piece of chocolate.

_"__Eat, you'll feel better."_ His voice sounded strange. I did as he said but didn't feel much better.

_"__Why was it here?"_ My voice was a whisper and I looked at him.

_"__Well, it was a dementor from Azkaban looking for Sirius Black." _I shivered and he watched me closely, obviously evaluating if he should say something else. Carefully he said then: _"You knew that it was a dementor?" _Slowly, I nodded the thought of the dementor still penetrating my mind.

_"__Well, I'm Professor Remus Lupin, your new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. And you are…?"_ He smiled warmly and I felt a sense of trust. I could trust him, he was a good man.

_"__Aryanna Jackson."_ As he heard my name his smile turned into a thoughtful expression and I knew that he knew who I was.

_"__Aryanna, have you ever met a dementor before?" _He spoke carefully again, watching me closely. I could feel everyone's stare on me. I gulped and looked down. My eyes watered up and I bit my lip. Trying not to cry I blinked several times, then I nodded. _"It was horrible." _My voice came out as a whisper again and I stared at my hands in my lap. Obviously, he didn't know what to say so we remained silent for the rest of the ride.

As we entered the Great Hall we couldn't barely glimpse at the enchanted ceiling when the voice of Professor McGonagall called us back, she wanted to talk to Harry and Hermione in her office. So Ron and I went to save them a seat. Before the feast could start however they were back.

_"__Arya, Professor McGonagall wants you to come to her office after the feast." _Hermione told me quietly when she sat down. Then it was Dumbledore's turn for his welcome speech. He told us about dementors guarding the school. At that I shivered again and realized that I hadn't warmed up since the dementor had come into our compartment. I was freezing, my body was aching and I felt exhausted. Additionally, he told us about two new teachers: Professor Lupin for Defence against the Dark Arts and Hagrid for Care of Magical Creatures.

After the feast, I went, as requested, to Professor McGonagall's office. I took my time however in getting there seeing as I felt my whole body aching at each step and feeling dizzy again. Therefore, I wasn't surprised when the door opened after my first knock. I faced a worried looking Professor McGonagall who led me to a chair.

_"__Ms. Jackson, as he did with your friend Potter Professor Lupin owled me about the incident with the dementor on the train. He said that-"_ She was cut off by the sound of the door opening, banging against the wall.

_"__Merlin! Severus, do you need to startle me like this?" _She had jumped. When I turned around I saw Severus and Dumbledore standing behind me. Severus didn't even bother to answer her and was by my side in a split second. He scanned me worriedly, from my eyes… down to my robes. His eyes narrowed and I could hear his anger.

_"__I heard about the incident with the dementor. Wait… is that blood on your robes?" _Professor McGonagall looked at my robes closely now and gasped as she realized that I, in fact, had blood on my robes. I was playing with my hands in my lap nervously.

_"__That's nothing, really. My nose was bleeding, that's all." _I said quietly, not looking at Severus. He moved so that he was in front of me now, kneeling on the ground so that he could look at me properly.

_"__Aryanna," _His voice was soft. _"I know you're angry with me but please let me- let us help you."_

At that I looked up in surprise. Why did he think I was angry with him? It took me several moments to understand what he was referring to: he had forbidden me to go to Diagon Alley.

_"__I'm not angry at you, Severus. I mean I was but that's not important right now." _My voice broke and I looked down again. Then he took my hands in his and flinched.

_"__Your hands are ice cold." _Gently, he caressed my cheek and lifted my head. Looking in his eyes made me feel even worse. I could see confusion, anger and worry, he tried to understand what had happened to me.

_"__Whatever happened, I need to know. Tell us what happened on the train. Dementors don't make people bleed." _Severus pleaded looking me deeply in the eyes. Exhausted, I sighted and smiled slightly. I knew he could see right through me so I nodded slowly. Before I could start, however, he flicked his wand and made appear a blanket, putting it around my shoulders.

_"__Thank you."_ I wrapped it tighter around me and felt dizziness coming over me again, my hands started shaking. Severus took my hands in his again and watched me very closely, then suddenly his gaze turned dark.

_"__Does Lupin have to do with this?"_ Surprised, as to where he got this from I looked up and regretted it right away. Severus' frame was blurred and the edges of my vision had turned black again. Quickly, I grabbed Severus' arm in support. He opened his mouth to say something but I interrupted him.

_"__No, not Lupin."_ I whispered with closed eyes. Then I cleared my throat and started again, speaking louder now. _"When I was looking for my friends in the train I had to pass the Slytherin compartment. I got into a fight, I was thrown on the ground and got punched in the face. I blacked out for some minutes and now my body is aching and I see blurred most of the time."_

Severus' face was blank but I saw the burning anger in his eyes. _"Who?" _He demanded but I shook my head.

_"__I'm not going to tell you, I can deal with it."_

_"__Obviously!" _His jaw was clenched.

_"__Severus, please. It's-"_

_"__Don't. Tell. Me. It's okay. This is not okay, Aryanna!" _In a second he had stood up and was pacing with his back to me. Suddenly, he came to a stop and turned around furiously. _"You have no right not to tell me! I'm supposed to protect you!" _

_"__Severus." _Dumbledore said warningly from behind me but Severus ignored him. I sighted and put my head in my hands. When I looked up again he was still staring at me angrily.

_"__I understand you, Severus. I really do." _I started carefully. _"Believe me, if I would see you hurt I would be angry as well but this is my decision. I want to deal with it! I cannot always be protected by you. Not every problem I have is your concern. You cannot interfere every time I'm in trouble. I have to learn how to solve my own problems!"_

Severus expression had softened and now he was looking pleadingly at me. His whole tension had left him and he looked nothing but vulnerable and broken. _"Arya!"_ He pleaded softly and it broke my heart to see him like this.

_"__No, Severus."_ I didn't know what to say anymore so I remained silent. Severus, however, stood rigid and stared at me. It remembered me so much of Draco's look he had cast me today and I glanced away.

_"__I believe Aryanna made her decision about that incident. Would you care to tell us what happened exactly with the dementor?" _Dumbledore was as cheerful as always looking from Severus back to me. It took me a moment to realize what he had just said so when I glanced in his direction I saw him and Professor McGonagall watching me curiously. I wrapped the blanket tighter around me, suddenly feeling cold.

_"__I… When I was in the compartment I fell asleep and woke up in total darkness. I used my magic to see what was going on and suddenly I knew that they were in the train. I told Professor Lupin but it was to late. A dementor came in and I was… I felt terrified!" _My voice broke and I gulped. _"I tried to think about how I could block it but then the feeling of death and cold made it impossible. Then I had a flashback of how I first met a dementor and I don't know… When I woke up again the train was moving and it was gone."_

Professor Dumbledore was watching me absentminded, McGonagall looked at me with pity and Severus… Well he stood with his back to me and watched out the window, his arms crossed. I felt so exhausted and tired but at the same time the horrible pictures were still in my head.

_"__When have you met a dementor before?" _Dumbledore asked after a while. Playing with my fingers nervously to prevent them from shaking I bit my lip. I felt my eyes watering up again and shook my head.

_"__I can't. I cannot go through it again."_

_"__I know it's difficult for you to tell us but it is important. Harry fainted because the dementor attacked him but you fainted because you were terrified. We need to understand what is terrifying you otherwise we cannot help you." _Dumbledore explained softly.

_"__I don't want your help!"_ I exclaimed loudly. _"I just want to sleep now and never meet one of them again!"_ I knew I was behaving childish but I was at the edge of breaking down.

_"__Your father… He called them to your house, right?" _Severus was still standing with his back to us but he had turned his head slightly so that I could see him in profile.

_"__Mum told you." _I stated in surprise. Severus turned his head towards the window again.

_"__Wait, but you were not even two years old when Severus took care of you."_ Professor McGonagall stated thoughtful.

Before I could say something, Severus turned around, his face distorted with disgust and hands turned into fists. _"Yes, she was a bit over one year old when Tom Riddle made her meet her first dementor. Leyanne told me about it. He believed he could make Arya stronger if she faced it as early as possible. Leyanne told me she protected her." _Severus' hate was obvious. Professor McGonagall shook her head in horror whilst Dumbledore seemed speechless.

_"__She protected me, right." _I laughed coldly and Severus narrowed his eyes in confusion. _"She 'protected' me, as you say it, by standing in front of me so that the dementor attacked her."_

_"__She didn't fight it?"_ Professor McGonagall asked.

_"__She couldn't."_ I whispered. _"She never learned how to fight them of with spells so she tried with magic. Dementors are the only creatures we cannot fight with magic. No magic is as effective as a spell."_ There was a long silence until I spoke again. _"I hate them! I hate dementors because there's nothing I can do to keep them away. But even more I hate the fact that this memory of the day I met it for the first time is burned in my head. I cannot forget it. Whenever I think of it I feel my mother's arms around me again. But she is not helping or comforting me because the feeling of the dementor is to strong. Instead of protected I feel it's coldness and my mom's fear."_ I hadn't realized that I had raised my voice angrily as some tears made their way down my face. _"Why do I remember everything horrible my father did to us and nothing good of my mother? It's not fair not to remember her properly!"_

_"__Arya."_ Severus said nothing but my name as he came and kneeled in front of me again. He had tears in his eyes as he took my hands. _"I'm so sorry! It's cruel that I had so much time with her and you didn't. I never spoke much about her, I know, but only because I thought you hated her. I could tell you so much about her, about everything she's done for me and for you."_

_"__I never hated her. I was angry, I'm still angry because I don't understand her love. But she's my mum and even if I don't remember much, I remember her protecting me all the time. Whenever my father was around she didn't leave me out of sight. I'm angry because it's not fair that I lost the only good part of my family I had. I have to live at the exact same place where my father lived before and I hate every second there! I miss my mum."_ I sobbed uncontrollably now and Severus took me in his arms.

_"__I'm so incredibly sorry, Arya. I'm so sorry for everything you have to go through. You don't deserve any of it. And I miss her too, every day!"_ Severus whispered in my ear. We stayed like this for quite some time. If I hadn't been in his arms I would have seen the tears that were streaming down his face.


	22. Chapter 22 - Buckbeat

22\. Buckbeat

The next morning – I was feeling alright again after Severus had taken care of me – we went down for breakfast. I let myself plop down next to Fred as George passed us our timetables.

_"__It seems as if you're having luck today, Arya." _Fred told me grinning and pointed to my first period. I followed his finger with my gaze and saw that I had a free period.

_"__We can spend it together if you like." _He said smiling. Wondering I furrowed my eyebrows.

_"__You don't have classes now?"_

_"__Nope."_ He grinned mischievously at his brother. _"We're supposed to learn for our Z.A.G. but it's our first day."_

_"__Great, I would love to spend time with you!" _I exclaimed happily.

_"__Awesome."_ George's thoughtful tone made me look up at him and I saw that he was watching at something behind me. Fred had turned around too.

_"__That little git!" _He said calmly. At that we all turned around and saw Draco and his friends joking around. It was obvious that he was making fun of Harry because he had fainted in the train as every Slytherin was looking at him. Ron glared at them.

_"__Just ignore them, Harry."_ Hermione told him but Harry continued staring darkly at Draco. I couldn't avert my gaze. I wondered what would happen if I went over to him and told him to let it drop. Would he insult me? Or ignore me? If he really had chosen to treat me like any other Gryffindor he would surely insult me, wouldn't he? Blinking I turned around again. I knew I was way too coward to talk to him after what happened in the train. I was afraid he really had abandoned me.

The weight of an arm around my shoulder made me look up at Fred's amused face. His eyebrows were raised quizzical. I answered with a smile and shook my head.

_"__Sorry. Was thinking of something else."_

_"__Like, punching Malfoy in the face?" _He asked laughing, pulling me in his arms. I tried to glare at him but didn't suppress a laugh.

_"__No!"_ I faked indignation. _"But I was wondering what to do with my free time now."_

_"__You didn't take Divination?" _Ron asked enviously. Grinning I shook my head and he groaned.

_"__I'm not interested in someone's future, not even mine. And by the way, I don't think you can learn how to do prophecies. Either you're born with the ability or not." _I explained.

_"__You should use your free time to study!"_ Hermione suggested sternly. _"However, we need to go now. Divination is at the top of the North tower."_

_"__Okay, so I'll see you in Transfiguration. Have fun!"_ I waved as they left the table.

_"__How about going down to the lake and we'll show you something?"_ George asked me grinning mischievously.

Later, in the morning I made my way to Transfiguration class. Fred and George had shown me their newest candy experiments. It had been a while since I had laughed that hard about something. Some candy really made you look so bad that you definitely needed to visit the hospital wing. They had tried them on themselves to show me.

When I arrived at the classroom Hermione, Harry and Ron weren't there yet so I chose to sit in the middle of the room. Strictly speaking, I was the first to be there because last period ended not until five minutes. Professor McGonagall was sitting behind her desk and writing something. As I pulled my chair back, making some noise, she looked up and with a flick of a wand the parchment she was writing on vanished.

_"__Good morning, Ms. Jackson." _She greeted me with a smile. Politely, I returned it.

_"__Morning, Professor." _As I took out my books she was still watching me.

_"__How are you?"_ Furrowing my eyebrows in surprise I looked up again.

_"__I'm… fine." _I stated shortly. I hadn't expected her to be concerned about me. The day I had told her my story had been the longest time I had spent in the same room with her. If knowing about my relation with Severus and my past made her worry about me every time something happened it would be exhausting and embarrassing. Right now, I felt awkward under her gaze.

_"__I want you to know that you can talk to me if you need somebody to talk to. I know you have… Severus… and he really cares about you… but he's a man and maybe you'll need a woman one day."_ She finished seriously and I had to concentrate not to start grinning.

_"__Thank you, Professor. But for the time being I'm completely fine with having Severus to talk to."_

She nodded in agreement and walked back to her desk. I picked up a book and opened it, hiding my grin from her.

As I heard the other people coming in I was still looking amused. My grin faded however as I saw Draco and Blaise sitting down on the table diagonal to mine so that I would have to see them during the lesson. Annoyed, I dropped my book as Hermione plopped down next to me.

_"__Hey." _She said cheerfully.

_"__Hi."_ I answered gloomy.

_"__What's wrong?" _She wondered whilst unpacking her – strangely with books crowded – bag.

_"__Nothing."_ I looked around the room, then turned back to Hermione.

_"__Why is everybody glancing at Harry?"_ At that Hermione laughed a short laugh.

_"__Oh, Professor Trelawney saw Harry's death in close future." _I snickered.

_"__Did she? Well, I told you Divination is of no use. It's bullshit."_

Before Hermione could say something, Professor McGonagall started her lesson. She told us about Animagi – wizards who could transform at will into an animal. I could see that the class was hardly paying attention even when she transformed herself into a cat in front of our eyes. The rest of the lesson Professor McGonagall spoke about Trelawney's prediction. I liked her a little more for not believing in Divination.

After lunch we made our way down to Hagrid's hut for Care of Magical Creatures. Hermione and Ron weren't speaking with each other since they had a little argument about the Grim Trelawney had predicted Harry. Therefore, I gave my best to cheer up Harry and as we had almost reached Hagrid's he was laughing again. It died, however, when we spotted the only-too-familiar blond hair of none other than Draco Malfoy. As usual, he was being the biggest idiot by laughing and sneering about other classmates.

_"__Alright, class. Gather 'round! I've prepared a special lesson for today. Now, follow me everyone."_ And with that Hagrid left in direction of the forest, the whole class following him reluctantly.

_"__Hey, Jackson!" _I immediately recognized the voice and made a face.

_"__Ignore him!" _Hermione warned me whispering but I couldn't. I needed to know if he hated me now.

_"__What?"_ I asked not bothering to slow down or turn around.

_"__Is it true that you fainted too? I mean there've been rumours going around and I was wondering if they were true."_ I could literally hear his nasty grin and shivered. Only too well, I remembered the Dementor in the train and seeing them around Hogwarts didn't make me feel any better.

_"__What's it to you, Malfoy?"_ I asked coldly. _"So you believe in rumours now. Then you have a lot of work to do if you want to nail every person on the rumours going around this school."_

_"__Oh, not every person." _He said laughing mischievously. _"Only those who are worth of my presence."_

_"__That makes me feel special." _I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes and not able to suppress a small smile.

"_You're special enough to punch you right in the face." _The laughing voice of Flint made me finally turn around. I hadn't seen him before. Draco, to my surprise, joined in. I felt a sudden sting in my heart. Never had I expected him to pair up with Flint.

_"__Go to hell, Flint!" _I spat through clenched teeth but he only grinned ugly.

_"__Definitely not! I'm having too much fun with you. I need to get the hottest girl in this school in my bed."_ He grinned eyeing me up and down. I snored in disgust and hurried up to catch up with Hermione. My fists were clenched at my sides so I exhaled loudly to calm down. I really hated this guy!

Hagrid finally came to a stop as we arrived at a clearing and asked us to open our books. Of course, Draco didn't miss a chance to annoy me - or everybody. _I guess now he's not trying anymore to get me to talk to him, he's just really being a Malfoy, _I thought sadly.

_"__How are we supposed to open them?" _He sneered coldly in Hagrid's direction.

Hagrid, however, seemed crestfallen. _"You need to stroke them!"_ And with that he turned around again.

_"__Of course, why didn't I think of that?" _He replied sarcastically and I glared at him. Then he turned to his friends._ "If my father hears that we're being taught by that oaf he'll speak with the Minister of Magic." _Draco boasted loud enough that everybody could hear it. Luckily, Hagrid was far enough not to hear it.

_"__Shut the hell up!" _I glared at him and he raised one eyebrow in annoyance. Before he could say anything, however, a strange creature appeared next to Hagrid: a Hippogriff. We all backed away a little as its piercing eyes turned to us.

_"__Now, the first thing you need to know about Buckbeat is that Hippogriffs are very proud creatures. Insult them and it will surely be the last thing you're doing. They're very easily offended. If you approach you bow and wait. If it bows too you can touch it. If not, you leave slowly and carefully because it can hurt you pretty much. Alright, so who wants to go first?" _Hagrid clapped in his hands and looked around for a volunteer. I understood as nobody moved forward, to afraid of Buckbeat.

Harry suddenly moved forward but by his composure I knew that he was only doing it because he wanted to help Hagrid. Slowly, he stepped in front of the Hippogriff who watched every move. I was amazed as it bowed after Harry had bowed. Hagrid had been right, it was a proud and at the same time beautiful creature. Now, Harry was touching Buckbeat who seemed to enjoy it.

_"__Good Harry, I think he'll let you ride him!" _By the astonished look on Harry's face I saw that he wasn't looking forward to sit on Buckbeat. With a slap on its hindquarters huge wings flapped open. It started running forward and soared upwards. Quickly, it disappeared out of sight and everybody watched the sky in search for Harry and Buckbeat. After five minutes, they appeared again and Buckbeat landed on the clearing. Everybody started cheering – well, except the Slytherins - and seemed to be encouraged to come nearer. Hagrid had stopped for a moment to talk to Harry.

Suddenly, I felt somebody pushing me and wasn't surprised to see Draco strutting in Buckbeat's direction. I sensed what he wanted to do and had a really bad feeling about it.

_"__Yeah, you're not dangerous at all, aren't you? You great, ugly brut."_ In a flash Buckbeat had turned in his direction and let out an angry, terrifying noise. I couldn't watch it so I ran towards Draco, pushing him to the side with the strength I had.

The sharp pain in my right arm made me wince and fall on the ground. I lay there curled up holding my arm which was bleeding. I saw a long, deep gash and blood everywhere. The pain was strong and I gripped my arm even harder whilst tears streamed down my face.

_"__ARYA!"_ I heard my friends terrified voices.

_"__Hagrid, she needs to go to the hospital wing!"_ Hermione stated frantically.

I felt strong arms lifting me of the ground and carrying me. People were laughing, I think they were Slytherins. The rocking in Hagrid's arm made my arm hurt even more so I couldn't concentrate on healing myself. When we arrived in the castle he brought me straight to the hospital wing.

_"__Oh, merlin." _Madame Pomfrey exclaimed as Hagrid had laid me down in bed and saw all the blood on me. _"We'll need Severus to heal you. If any student had been hurt I could do something but with you… complicated."_

_"__It's okay, really."_ I said through clenched teeth. _"I can heal that by myself."_ I assured them looking around. Then I furrowed my eyebrows. _"Where is Hermione?" _I asked, hoping she hadn't done what I thought.

_"__She left to get Snape when we entered the castle."_ Harry said and I groaned letting my head fall back on the pillow.

_"__Great!" _Closing my eyes and ignoring the pain I concentrated on my magic. I felt it pulsate in my body. Slowly, I let more magic flow in my arm. I sensed the unpleasant prickling as the wound started to heal itself. Smiling slightly, I opened my eyes and saw the blood being drawn back into the open wound. It would take some minutes for the wound to heal completely and even some hours for the muscles and veins to form again.

I looked up as I heard hurrying footsteps walking in the room. My smile vanished as I saw Severus, his cloak bellowing behind him. He was being followed by Hermione who shook her head as I glared at her. In a second Severus was by my side, wearing a very grim expression. After examining my arm, he looked at me with raised eyebrows.

_"__A hippogriff did this?"_ I only nodded in response and his gaze returned to the slowly healing wound.

_"__Seems as if you have everything under control. How did it happen? Don't tell me you've been stupid enough to insult a hippogriff." _Severus voice was calm but sharp and I winced.

_"__I didn't." _I answered quietly, looking at the ceiling. Severus' grim expression turned to one of anger and he raised his voice.

_"__Don't take me for a fool! Who did it then?" _I didn't answer, seeing as I didn't want to make him even angrier than he was. I had promised to keep Draco out of everything and now I had taken an injury for him. Severus definitely wouldn't like this.

_"__It was Malfoy, Professor."_ Hagrid answered accusingly. Carefully, I glanced back at Severus and was surprised to see that his anger had vanished. Instead, his body relaxed slightly and he sighted. Harry and Ron were exchanging looks in confusion.

_"__I see." _He said absentminded. _"You stay in the hospital wing until dinner!"_ Severus commanded strictly, looking me in the eyes. _"Be careful with your arm and come to see me tomorrow." _I nodded and he surprised me again as he turned around and left after he had nodded in Madame Pomfrey's direction.

_"__Good, you heard him, Jackson. You need to rest and stay in bed until dinner. And the three of you leave now. Your friend will join you in a few hours but for now she needs rest."_ She made a dismissing gesture and left in direction of her office.

_"__Okay, if you need us we're coming right away." _Harry told me smiling and I nodded.

_"__Yes, thanks. And Hermione, thank you for getting Snape even if I thought it to be a bad idea." _Apologetically, I looked at her but she shrugged it off with a grin.

_"__Don't worry. Well, we'll see you later then."_ They left with a last smile in my direction.

Sighting, I closed my eyes and fall asleep somehow. When I woke up I didn't remember at first where I was.

_"__You're awake." _I heard Madame Pomfrey's voice from somewhere. I sat up and saw her fussing around another bed.

_"__How's your arm?" _I looked down at it and saw a white bandage. It didn't hurt but felt a bit numb.

_"__It's not hurting anymore but still healing on the inside." _I told her. She came to my bed and examined it then she sighted.

_"__Fine, you may leave now. But remember, rest your arm until you go and see Professor Snape tomorrow. No writing, no wand using, nothing!" _She told me strictly and I nodded.

Then I made my way down to the Great Hall for dinner. When I entered, many heads turned in my direction. _Yeah, right. I hadn't been supposed to help out a Slytherin and especially not Draco Malfoy. _I needed a moment before I had gained my composure and walked straight to my friends.

_"__Arya, how are you?"_ Hermione asked worried. I smiled whilst sitting down.

_"__I'm completely fine, don't worry about me. I shouldn't use my arm until tomorrow evening but it doesn't hurt anymore." _Becoming serious I asked in a lower voice: _"Do you know something about Hagrid? He didn't get into trouble because of this, didn't he?"_

_"__We went to visit him before dinner and he was very down. He said that the school governors have been told and they're not happy about it. But until now nothing has been decided yet."_

Harry said quietly and I gasped. Quizzical, he raised his eyebrow. I looked around if we had any listeners before speaking. _"Lucius Malfoy, he's a school governor." _I didn't need to say more, they opened their eyes in shock.

_"__Crap!" _Ron murmured and I nodded in response.

Automatically, my gaze drifted of to the Slytherin table but I couldn't spot Draco or Blaise anywhere. Hopefully, they weren't talking to Draco's father right now. I knew my wish was useless because Lucius Malfoy would do anything to punish Hagrid.

A punch on my side made me look up in confusion. Across from me sat Harry with raised eyebrows as if he had asked something. I shook my head to concentrate again. _"Sorry, what?"_

_"__I asked why did you do it? Why did you help HIM?" _Slight anger traced his voice as he fixed me with his gaze. Nervously, I traced my jaw with my thumb.

_"__Honestly, Harry, I don't know." _Sighting, I filled my plate randomly with some food that stood on the table. As I glanced up again I saw that he was watching me in confusion as if he was thinking about me. Annoyed, I slammed my fork down on the table. _"Really, I don't know why I did it but I can tell you that whatever happens now, Hagrid would be punished far worse if his son had been injured."_

_"__You can't tell me that you thought of that in the second you decided to help Malfoy!" _Harry exclaimed loudly, attracting attention of our neighbours.

_"__No, I haven't! And by the way I didn't 'decide' to help him. I would have done it for anybody. Now excuse me, please, I have homework to do."_

_"__Well, done Harry."_ I heard Hermione whisper. Not looking at him again I stood up and left quickly. I felt many eyes on me as I passed the great hall. I didn't even know where I was going until I found myself in the dungeon, facing Severus' office to be precise. My anger had vanished completely as I starred at the wooden door so I lifted my hand and knocked softly.

The door opened almost the second I had touched it and I found myself starring at some dark blue robes and black shoes. _"Good evening, Aryanna." _The amused voice of none other than Albus Dumbledore made me look up in surprise.

_"__What are you doing here?"_ I asked accusingly. Of course, he didn't become angry but winked at me with a bright smile, his eyes sparkling.

_"__I happened to be the headmaster of this school so I suppose I'm allowed to speak with my colleagues." _He had raised his eyebrows and I felt uncomfortable looking him in the eyes. Before I had to break the gaze, he continued. _"But you're not here to talk to me. Severus, you have a visitor."_ And with that he left smiling happily, vanishing in the dark of the corridor. Slowly, I entered the office which wasn't illuminated as always. I couldn't spot Severus anywhere. The only light came from a door that laid to his private chamber, he had told me once. I had never been in there. Suddenly, a tall, dark silhouette appeared in the door frame and all the lights came on.

"_I asked you to see me tomorrow and not to skip dinner."_ Severus' amused voice made the corner of my mouth twitch. Slowly, he approached crossing his arms. His amusement changed as I bit my lip and looked down.

_"__Something wrong?" _He asked softly.

I hadn't even known that everything was bothering me so much until I felt a wall break down inside of me. Helpless, I threw up my arms and could feel my eyes water up.

_"__I don't know. I mean I just woke up and went down for dinner. Everybody was staring at me and then Harry asked me accusingly why I had helped Draco. And I heard that the school governors have gathered to discuss the case and Hagrid will definitely be in trouble seeing as Lucius Malfoy is one of them. And I just don't know what to do with Draco. I need to protect him but I ruined it with what I did today. Then again, I don't regret it the slightest. I wish so much to talk to him, to spend time with him and Blaise but I can't. And I hate it! I hate that I have to do this, Severus!" _

Severus hadn't move an inch closer. He was staring at me with furrowed eyebrows, deep in thoughts. Angrily, I wiped my tears away and turned my gaze back at him. _"And I have the feeling as if I'm always crying when I'm talking to you and I hate it too. And I hate if you're looking at me like this."_ At this the corner of his mouth twitched but he became serious again as my gaze turned gloomy.

Sighting, he stepped forward taking my hand in his and leading me to a chair. He squeezed my shoulder to sit down and kneeled in front of me, looking deeply into my eyes. His gaze was so intense, I felt goose bumps all over my body. I wanted to look away but his warm dark eyes fixed me somehow. Where my hand lay still in his I felt a burning feeling.

_"__Aryanna, I want you to listen closely now. I know you since you were a young, little girl. The reason you come to me to talk about everything is because I know you better than anyone else. I'm not judging you for anything, I understand you. And as I said, I know you. Most of the times you were here crying wasn't because of your father, or your friends – because you must keep secrets from them even if you don't want to – or Hagrid, or yourself… You were crying because of Draco. For two years now you're pushing him away and I can see how much it's bothering and hurting you. You try to ignore your feeling but - believe me if I tell you – it doesn't help, it's only making things worse. Therefore, I'm asking you to stop this… Talk to him like you talk to me, he loves you as much as you love him, he will understand you, I'm sure of it! Stop pushing him away, I beg you! … The one thing I'm caring about is you and I hate seeing you crying so I'm doing everything I can to help you. You are afraid for Draco's safety? I can keep him safe, I can protect him. But you have to let me. And Draco is strong, he knows how to protect himself. He's proven it every time he tried to talk to you. And after what you did today he knows not to give up on you... Please, Arya, promise me to think about what I told you now!"_

For a long time, we sat in silence. Severus was still holding my hand watching me closely and I couldn't break the gaze. I knew he was right, everything had been about Draco, always. I loved and missed my brother so much. I wanted to see him so badly every day and I would have no problem keeping this secret from my friends if we were on speaking terms again if there wasn't my-

_"__I promise, Severus."_ There it was again. I was lying to myself and, even worse, to Severus. His pleading gaze turned into sadness and he took his hand away from mine. Sighting, he stood up and backed away. I didn't feel comforted anymore as I watched at his eyes that seemed so distant all the sudden.

_"__Severus…"_ My voice sounded frightened. As if something had snapped inside of him he turned cool and turned away. The slight tingle of tears running down my face made the twinging pain in my heart only worse.

_"__Severus!"_ I pleaded, sobbing quietly. In a second, he whirled around, his cold eyes pierced me aggressively.

_"__Don't, just don't! Honestly, I don't understand why you're coming here if you don't want my help." _This outburst took me by surprise. Before I could stop myself, I started for some excuse but that was the wrong move, not with Severus. _"I'm ALWAYS listening to you and telling you what I'm thinking and you dare lying to me? What am I? Just some douchebag who comforts you if you're not feeling well? When will you understand that I CARE ABOUT YOU? I'm trying to help you!-"_

It seemed as if he wanted to say more but he stopped himself, his gaze fixed on the bookshelf behind me. I felt so terrible but I didn't dare to say anything. I was afraid of making things worse. I had seen Severus angry so many times but never had he been so…

_"__I'm sorry… I wasn't being fair."_ He seemed desperate. I had never heard him speaking like this. It was as if he was angry with himself and if he had lost hope. _"I think it's best if you leave now!"_ Massaging his temples, he went to his desk and sat down. I was smart enough not to try to talk to him again so I left shaking. I don't even remember how I got to my dorm or how long I took but when I fell in my bed everybody was sleeping around me.


	23. Chapter 23 - Fear, horror, shock, terror

23\. Fear, horror, shock, terror

_"__Aryanna, you need to wake up!"_ I was greeted by Hermione's agitated voice.

_"__What's wrong?"_ I slurred with closed eyes.

_"__Class starts in 20 minutes! I woke you half an hour ago and you said you'd come down for breakfast and now you're still in bed."_

A vague memory of Hermione waking me earlier came to my mind and I groaned.

_"__Leave me here, I'm ill! I need to rest."_

_"__Oh no, you're fine! Your injury was two days ago. Honestly, I don't know what's gotten into you this morning. You've never overslept." _Commanding she grabbed my blanket and pulled it away from me.

_"__Hey!" _I exclaimed loudly, leaving her unimpressed.

_"__Get up, now! I'm waiting downstairs."_ And with that she left, leaving me freezing in bed. Groaning and cursing I took a quick shower, threw some clothes on and run downstairs. I wasn't looking forward to Potions after Herbology this morning. Yesterday, I had spent my day after classes in the Gryffindor tower, avoiding Severus and Draco. I hadn't slept well, corresponding, I was tired now.

A frantic Hermione awaited me and dragged me wordlessly to Herbology class. I didn't really listen to what Professor Sprout was saying and made Gryffindor lose five points for repeatedly not paying attention. Sadly, time passed to quickly however and suddenly I found myself down in the Dungeons, waiting for our Potions teacher.

_"__Arya."_ Harry's call made me look in his direction.

_"__What?"_ It came out harsher than I had intended. Apologetically, I smiled slightly but Harry didn't seem offended. Instead he nodded to something behind me and I turned to see where he was looking. I found myself looking at none other than Draco and Blaise. They were talking and glancing at me now and then. Draco was leaning against the wall with crossed arms and when he noticed that I was looking at them he raised his eyebrows in my direction.

_"__Need something, Jackson?"_ He asked grinning. I gulped as I turned my gaze away and Harry gave me a reassuring smile. He had apologized to me and had accepted my lie that I hadn't planned on helping Draco.

_"__Ignore him."_ He told me now, casting Draco and Blaise a dark look. Before I could reply anything, Severus rushed past us and we entered the classroom. Biting my lip nervously, I entered keeping my head down. How much I wished this class to be over already!

The first half an hour passed surprisingly smooth. I hadn't looked anywhere else than my potion and Severus hadn't passed our table yet. The one thing annoying me was that Draco was at our table too. For now, I had managed to ignore him. Suddenly, however, he grinned broadly and I sensed something bad coming.

_"__Seen you pal Hagrid lately?" _He asked us quietly.

_"__None of your business!"_ Ron snapped aggressively.

_"__Well, I'm afraid he won't be a teacher much longer. My father has influence, you know, and the fact that I've almost been injured isn't helping your oaf friend."_ My knife fell out of my shaking hands and Draco turned his gaze to me.

_"__Shut the fuck up, Malfoy!"_ I emphasized every word angrily.

_"__Sorry, did I insult your friend?"_ He said in a tone of mock sorrow. Then the corner of his mouth turned into a cold grin again. _"I could talk to him, my father, you know. He could drop the case and your friend would be off the hook."_

_"__I bet he'd do it."_ I stated ironically.

_"__Oh, he would if I asked him." _I turned my attention back to my potion, hands still shaking. I knew what Draco wanted from me. He would talk to his father if I asked him to do it but that meant to reveal my feelings for him.

_"__Your father gives a shit about you!"_ I said laughing coldly and I could hear Ron and Harry snicker quietly. Draco knew that he had lost this round and turned to his potion, killing it with his gaze. I looked up grinning to myself and spotted Severus in a corner, standing behind the table of Pansy Parkinson, Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle. His face was slightly blurred of the steaming potions but he was starring at our table with an unreadable expression. As he noticed that I had caught his gaze he blinked and continued walking through the classroom.

After some time, Seamus told us about an article in the Daily Prophet: Sirius Black had been sighted not so far from here. Severus had decided to go on Neville again which left him standing shaking with fear. I hated if he acted like this. Luckily, Hermione had helped him with his potion so it wasn't to bad. I was happy, however, as I could leave the classroom.

When we arrived at Professor Lupin's classroom after lunch we found ourselves in an almost empty room. Chairs and tables had vanished, there was only a huge wardrobe left. Several people were whispering in surprise.

_"__Look at his robes." _To my annoyance, Draco and his false friends had chosen to stand right behind us. I ignored him, knowing that he only wanted to provoke me once again.

Professor Lupin had entered the room and smiled warmly at us. _"Good afternoon, everybody. Welcome to your first Defence against the Dark Arts lesson. I'm Professor Lupin and have the pleasure to lead you through your third year. Now, I see some books out, you won't need them. Today is a practical lesson."_ And with that he knocked with his wand against the wardrobe. The first row jumped back in surprise as it started rumpling.

_"__Nothing to worry about! It's a boggart in there."_

A boggart. A creature that showed what you feared the most. A cold shiver run down my back as I stood rigid, starring at the wardrobe fearfully. I didn't know what was terrifying me the most.

_"__Now can anybody tell me what a boggart is?" _Professor Lupin looked around for an answer.

_"__It's a shape-shifter."_ Hermione answered. _"It takes the form of what fears us most."_ At that, many where exchanging looks with their neighbour. I knew what they were thinking. They didn't want to confront their biggest fear. _I don't even know what I fear the most! _I thought horrified. In my mind, I had a memory of my father but I knew that I wasn't afraid of him.

Lupin called for Neville to assist him and he made him face a boggart-Severus, transforming him into a confused Severus wearing clothes of Neville's grandmother. The whole class, except myself, roared with laughter.

_"__Right, that's it, Neville. See, you need to make a laugh out of your fear." _Lupin exclaimed cheerfully. _"I want all of you to think what you scare the most. Think of how you can make it turn into something comical."_ The room went silent and people started thinking and muttering under their breath. I tried hard to think of what I feared most but nothing came to my mind.

_"__Everyone ready?"_ Professor Lupin asked and most people nodded. Harry and I exchanged looks and I could see that he was as ready as I was. The class formed a line and I found myself in fourth position. I was shaking, I didn't know what I would face. Nervously, I looked around and saw that the boggart had transformed into a mummy. Parvati made it entangle its foot in a bandage and it fell. Next, was Seamus turn and he faced a banshee. Then it was Ron's turn and a giant spider appeared. I was on the edge of panicking now. I didn't know what to do and I would be next.

Stumbling, I walked backwards watching the spider horrified. _"Arya."_ Harry called worried from behind me. I couldn't. I met the worried gaze of Professor Lupin but before he could say anything I turned around and left the room running.

I didn't stop running until I had arrived at the black lake. I let myself plop down in the grass and put my arms tightly around my legs, resting my head on my knees. It bothered me that I didn't know what I feared the most and I didn't want to face something I didn't know. Not in front of a whole class. Not in front of my friends. What if it really was my father? What if I only thought that I wasn't afraid of him? Surely, people would have panicked if they had seen Lord Voldemort in the classroom.

I stayed down by the lake until sunset, thinking about what the boggart may have shown me. After hours of thinking I wasn't slier than before. Walking slowly, I made my decision. I would go back to Lupin's classroom and face the boggart alone when nobody was there.

When I entered the castle the corridors were deserted. Dinner had ended twenty minutes ago so students were in their common rooms seeing as curfew would start in ten minutes. Quietly, I made my way up to our Defence against the Dark Arts class room. No light was on as I opened the locked door with magic. In the moonlight I saw that the wardrobe was still there. Gulping, I stepped closer and took out my wand. I concentrated and exhaled deeply with closed eyes. Determined, I raised my wand, fixing the wardrobe's handle with my gaze. Then I opened it with a bit of magic.

As a whirling something flew out through the gap I stumbled backwards in fear. _I shouldn't have done it,_ I thought horrified but it was too late. Suddenly, my gaze was fixed at something that laid on the floor. As I approached slowly, I recognised what it was… and froze horrified. All of the sudden, all the air seemed to have vanished out of my body and a limp in my throat prevented me from breathing.

_"__No!"_ I whispered shocked and fell on my knees, not even feeling the pain as my knees collapsed hard on the wooden floor.

Severus' beautiful eyes were staring lifeless and coldly in my direction. All the blood had vanished out of his face and body. He was dead. I felt an invisible force squeezing my heart more and more.

_"__No."_ It was barely a whisper now and I started sobbing without taking my eyes of Severus. Slowly, I approached crawling and stretched out my arm to touch his face. My hand shook so badly as I put my hand on his cheek. Tears were streaming down my face now. I raised my right hand to put it on the other side on his face when I froze staring at it…

I held my wand in it… This wasn't real… Severus wasn't dead… It was a boggart…

In a second, I had backed away from the false body and raised my wand with a shaking hand. Still sobbing, I needed some attempts to speak the spell. _"R..r…riddikulus."_

_CRACK! _Where Severus' body had been lay now Hermione's. _"No, no, no, no."_ I almost screamed sobbing. _"Riddikulus."_ I said more determined.

_CRACK! _I stared at Draco's platin blond hair and his ice blue eyes. New tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't stop sobbing and my body wouldn't stop shaking in horror.

_CRACK!_ Harry's dead body.

_CRACK! _Severus again.

_CRACK! _Blaise.

_CRACK! _Draco.

_CRACK! _Severus.

_CRACK! _Ron.

_CRACK! _Derek.

_CRACK! _Fred.

_CRACK! _Severus…

A soft hand on my shoulder made me scream up in fear.

_"__Arya, shh it's okay."_ It took me some moments to recognize Severus kneeling next to me through my blurred vision. As I looked around I saw that where the lifeless bodies had been stood now a very vivid Professor Lupin staring at me with furrowed eyebrows.

_"__Arya, look at me."_ I turned my gaze back to Severus. His dark eyes were warm. I could see the slight trace of red, blood, under his skin. I started sobbing again and new tears made their way down my face.

_"__Severus, I…You… I saw you dead."_ I said with trembling voice through my sobbing. Comfortingly, he pulled me in a strong embrace, pressing my head on his chest. I could feel his heart beating.

_"__Everything is fine, Arya. Everybody is okay."_ His soft voice made me cry even more. The shock was still in every inch of my body. Suddenly, reality hit me, causing another wave of horror making its way down my spine. Shaking, I lifted my head looking at Severus with fear. Then I turned my head staring at Professor Lupin who was watching us now with a curious expression.

Severus' arms had left my body and suddenly he was standing face to face with Lupin who was calm as always.

_"__Lupin,"_ he said in a threatening voice. _"You won't talk to anybody about this! Do you understand me? It is essential that nobody ever finds out about this." _

Lupin watched him with an unreadable expression. Then he looked at me and back at Severus. _"I swear."_

_"__You better keep your promise!"_ Severus had already kneeled next to me again and helped me up now.

_"__Aryanna-" _Lupin started but was cut off by Severus' harsh voice.

_"__Leave her alone! I don't want you near her. It's already enough that you're her teacher!"_ He was angry and I didn't understand why. Lupin hadn't done anything wrong.

_"__Severus, please." _I begged with tears in my eyes. Protective, Severus took a step to the side, standing between Lupin and me.

_"__I see you still don't trust me." _Professor Lupin said in a hopeless tone. _"Albus has-"_

_"__He has made a mistake by letting you come here! You're dangerous."_ I saw a flash of hurt crossing Lupin's eyes and I felt pity. I grabbed Severus' arm and he looked down at me, his gaze softening in less than a second. He watched me thoughtful then returned his gaze toward Lupin. Trying to control himself he clenched his jaw as he spoke again.

_"__For Aryanna's sake, I'll give you a chance. As long as you don't hurt her I'm not going to hurt you and try to be somewhat civil."_ Surprisingly, his voice was soft and Lupin nodded in respond.

_"__Before you leave: how comes that one girl made you become so protective, Severus?" _Lupin asked, choosing his words carefully. A long silence followed at this in which Severus and Lupin stared at each other without moving. Then Severus sighted annoyed making Lupin's corner of the mouth twitch upwards.

_"__I'll answer you that one question but that's it! She's not just 'one girl'. Her mother asked me to protect her so I raised her for several years."_ Severus sounded exhausted and his tension left. Lupin seemed surprised to see such vulnerability in him. In a tone pleading for understanding he continued.

_"__Lupin, I know you were the most reasonable of the four of you so for her safety I'm asking you never to tell anybody what you saw here. Only Albus and Minerva know. I cannot have her hurt so I want you to stay away from here. I mean it! This is my first and last warning!" _Now his voice was dangerous again.

_"__As I said, I won't tell anyone, Severus."_ Lupin wasn't scared of Severus but I could see that he seemed uncomfortable. Without another word in his direction Severus turned back to me.

"_Come with me."_ I nodded and he made his way down to his office with me following him.

When we arrived at his office I was shaking again but out of coldness. I sat down on his chair and stared at the floor. Severus disappeared for a moment and I was left alone. The horrifying picture of all my dead friends flooded back into my mind and my eyes watered up again. Suddenly, a thick blanket was around my shoulders. Lifting my head, I was looking at Severus' dark eyes but they were lifeless and cold. Not able to watch at them any longer I turned my head away sobbing strongly.

_"__Aryanna, look at me."_ Severus said softly. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw that he had sat down in a chair facing me. He was leaning forward and had taken my hands in his. Crying, I shook my head.

_"__I can't." _My voice broke.

_"__You have to look at me!"_ Severus repeated determining but again I shook my head. The burning feeling of his hand against my cheek forced my head up so I closed my eyes. I could hear him sighting. _"I know why you don't want to look at me but you have to forget what you've seen."_

_"__Forget?" _I laughed sadly. _"I will never ever forget it, Severus. I saw everybody dead. I saw you dead." _I opened my eyes and watched him helpless. My voice turned into a whisper. _"I don't know what I would do if one of my friend died, or Draco. But I do know that I couldn't live without you. You've always been there for me and I need you in my live. And today, I saw you dead over and over again and now you tell me to forget? I will never forget it because seeing that boggart made me realize how much I depend on all the people around me. Without them I'm nobody. And because you've been the first good thing in my life I can remember I need you the most. So forgive me if I won't be able to forget because of love."_

Severus watched me with this unreadable expression again I had seen during Potions class today. Then he moved forward and pulled me on his lap, embracing me tightly.

_"__I swear, I'll do my best to protect your friends and your brother." _At this, I lifted my head to look him in the eyes.

_"__And who is going to protect you? Who is making sure that I'm not losing you either, Severus?"_

_"__I can protect myself."_ He said determined but I knew him better than that.

_"__If it comes down to it you would do the exact same thing I would do to protect my friends. You and I, we both know it. You would put the life of another over yours." _Severus smiled warmly at me, giving me goose bumps all over my body again.

_"__I can assure you, I would not risk my life for somebody who doesn't deserve it. I'm not that heroic." _The amusement in his voice made me smile too and I gazed down at my hands.

_"__I don't want you to be heroic, I just want you to be alive. After all, it's well known that most heroes die." _I told him seriously.

_"__Well, I'm definitely not a hero so don't worry about me."_ He pulled my head up again. _"Hey, look at me, Arya. You won't lose me, I promise. I'm certainly not leaving you alone with Black on the run and Lupin as your teacher."_ Severus' tone had turned gloomy and I furrowed my eyebrows.

_"__What's your problem with Professor Lupin by the way? I mean you weren't acting fair before. He didn't do anything."_

Severus laughed shortly but it didn't reach his eyes. Now it was my turn to make him look at me.

_"__You know him, don't you?" _Severus clenched his jaw as he nodded.

_"__Oh yes, I know him. He, Black, Potter and Pettigrew were close friends." _The disgust in his voice alarmed me. Never had he spoken of anyone like this.

_"__Wait… Potter as in Harry Potter?"_ Severus nodded again.

_"__His father. A spoiled kid and arrogant just like Sirius Black." _He spat and I gasped.

_"__Sirius Black? How did he end up in Azkaban?" _

_"__His whole family was in Slytherin. In fact, Bellatrix Lestrange and Narcissa Malfoy are his cousins. Nevertheless, Black was sorted in Gryffindor along with Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew. As the Potter's went into hiding they put their trust in Black and he betrayed them. He killed Pettigrew along with twelve muggles but luckily he got caught. And now he managed to break out of Azkaban. Something, no wizard ever managed before. The ministry's fear is that he might be after Harry to end his work for the Dark Lord."_

Severus closed his story and stared absentminded at his left forearm. Gentle, I took his left hand in mine and he smiled half-heartedly.

_"__You will never have to go back to him, Severus. Even when the time comes that Tom Riddle rises again you will fight with me." _Now, his smile turned into a true smile, the one I loved so much.

_"__What would I do without you?"_ He chuckled deeply and I could feel it vibrate through my body.

_"__Well… you still didn't tell me why you hate Lupin."_ As fast as his happiness had come up it vanished.

_"__Oh, Potter and his friends used to make fun of me all the time in Hogwarts. I was their personal target. And even if Lupin didn't do anything to me he never did anything to make them stop." _

There was a long moment of silence in which I didn't know what to say to help him. It had all happened many years ago.

_"__Leyanne was the first person to help me as she started in fifth year and that's how we became friends in the first place. Even if Lilly - Harry's mother – warned her to stay away from me she didn't listen and like you she preferred to make her own decision about people." _He explained to me.

_"__Why did you tell Lupin that I'm in danger in your proximity, Severus?" _I asked quizzical and he shook his head.

_"__No matter how much I would like you to know I can't tell you. Albus would know where you got this information from and I don't want you to get into trouble."_ Warningly, he looked me deep in the eyes and I flushed. I had managed to get into so much trouble already in only two years.

_"__Fine, now… I think it's time for you to go to bed now. It's already way past curfew and you have classes tomorrow."_ Smiling, he took me by my waist and lifted me off his lap.

_"__But I don't want to sleep now."_ I whined but he noticed my slight yawning.

_"__No discussion. I'm escorting you back to Gryffindor tower and then you're going to sleep." _He commanded and I groaned in agreement. As I turned around Severus was already holding the door open for me and I passed under his arm grinning happily.

_"__Quit the grin, please!"_ Severus said ironically but I heard the amusement in his tone.

_"__Definitely not, professor!"_ At that he snorted and my grin grew even bigger.


	24. Chapter 24 - One problem after another

24\. One problem after another

Slowly, autumn came over Hogwarts and it rained most of the time. October had started and excitement was spreading between third years.

_"__First Hogsmeade weekend on Hallowe'en."_ Ron said happily, pointing at the noticeboard. I was eager to see Hogsmeade as it was one of the rare pure wizardry towns.

That day, I made my way to Severus' office to tell him about it. I had to hide several times so that some Slytherins wouldn't notice me. As I arrived, I knocked on the door and waited but nobody opened the door. Surely, he was in the classroom and correcting some papers seeing as classes were over. Therefore, I walked the way back I had come from and turned in direction of his classroom.

Before I entered, I checked if somebody was inside but I sensed only Severus. Smiling to myself slightly I pushed the door open. I was surprised not to see him anywhere. With furrowed eyebrows, I looked around and saw some light shining through an open doorway I had never noticed before. Walking firmly towards the door I slowed down as I saw Severus working on a potion that steamed strongly. His body was tense and I saw that he was fully concentrated as he cut some roots and stirred the potion now and then.

_"__Hey, there." _I greeted him, leaning against the door frame smiling. I loved his passion for Potions. He was very talented for this subtle subject.

Severus didn't turn around or stopped in his doing. The only sign that showed that he had heard me was the short pause whilst he was cutting the next plant I couldn't identify.

_"__What are you brewing, maybe I can-"_

_"__Not now, Aryanna, please!" _His sharp tone took me by surprise and I flinched. I knew I shouldn't take it personally. He was only being concentrated and obviously couldn't need any distraction right now. Nevertheless, I felt a slight pang in my heart as I left his classroom quietly.

The next few days, passed very slowly. I tried to avoid Draco as much as I could and spent more time with my friends. Severus, however, seemed to avoid me. In class, he would not even look at me once and when he did it was with this strange unreadable expression I didn't understand. The few times I caught him in his office without any work he was distant and cold. But most of the times, I wanted to talk to him or just come by for a visit he wasn't there or told me he was busy. I was worried because I knew something was wrong but on the other hand I was afraid that it was my fault. And it annoyed me to death that I couldn't even talk to him about it.

_"__Well, well, well. If that isn't my beloved sister!"_ Somebody exclaimed loudly and I jumped in surprise. I was down by the lake again and had tried to think of something else than Severus but I couldn't. My thoughts were turning around him, making me crazy. It was a wonder that my friends hadn't noticed yet that something was bothering me.

As I looked around I spotted the person I wanted to see the least: Draco. He and Blaise stood a few meters away from me, watching me closely. Then they made their way over to me and I sighted. My peace was gone, war was coming!

_"__Leave me alone!"_ I told them facing the lake again.

_"__Definitely not!" _Draco said as Blaise replied _"Nope!"._

_Damn it! _I thought. If Blaise had decided to help Draco it would be even harder.

_"__Don't bother to start a conversation, I'm leaving!" _I said attempting to stand up. Before I could do so, however, a firm push on either side of me made me stay where I was. Groaning, I felt that they were sitting down on either side of me.

_"__Would you please just look at me, Arya?" _Draco's annoyed voice came from my left. I fixed my gaze on the lake and clenched my jaw.

_"__Definitely not!"_ I mimicked him half-heartedly and now it was his turn to sight.

_"__Come on, I know you. You're eager to talk and spend some of your time with us."_ Literally, I heard Blaise' grin. I decided to ignore him and didn't answer. Draco tried it a second time.

_"__We're here to talk to you, nothing more, nothing less." _He sounded determined and if he wouldn't let me get away so easily this time. Clenching my jaw even tighter I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Pushing him away became from time to time harder and more painful.

I count to ten and opened my eyes again. All my emotions we're wiped away as I starred distantly on the lake. They took that as a sign to speak.

_"__We know why you're doing this. You're trying to protect Draco and I understand you, honestly." _It was rare that Blaise was being totally serious and it scared me. It showed that this matter was very important to him. _"If I would put my best friend in danger by hanging out with him I would push him away too. After Draco told me about you only trying to protect him I've been thinking about it a lot. And at first I thought you were right to do it, I understood what you thought. But then I thought about Derek. He's my brother and I love him as such even if we're not sharing the same blood but neither of us cares. We've been raised together so we belong together._

_Over summer I've spoken with him about you and he wishes nothing more than coming here and seeing you. He and I, we've both been thinking about your reason separately and came to the same conclusion. Derek may be in danger by living with us, a Slytherin family. If the Dark Lord comes back he'll turn to every Slytherin. My mother has talked to him about it several times and once she even pleaded him to leave us so that he would be safe but he wouldn't. He said he'd never abandon his family, with us he'd be stronger, he'd have something to fight for…_

_Arya, I decided to come here on my own but Draco insisted on coming and he had to promise not to interrupt me. You and Draco, what you have is special! I know you love your friends but I know you love him in another way."_ I gulped and turned my head to him, trying desperately to keep my composure. _"He's your brother. He knows you better than your friends do. I bet he knows you even better than Snape does even if you're on speaking terms again. Remember the feeling you had back at Malfoy Mannor. You could speak with him about everything and I really mean everything. Your brother's the person you can turn to if you can talk to nobody else or if you don't want to talk. He'll be there for you and you feel safe and trusted. He's your true family! Don't throw that away, Arya! And remember that you're his only family too. Like Derek he doesn't want to abandon his family. Don't make it harder than it is…"_

Blaise turned his gaze toward the lake and he smiled slightly thoughtfully. _"You know, when I asked Derek why he wanted to put himself in danger by staying with us he answered: 'And what if one day something happened to you or your mother… or to me? I know I'm putting myself in danger by staying but if really something happened I would hate myself for not having spent every second I'd have had with the people I care about.'_" Now he turned to me again and looked me deeply in the eyes.

_"__What I mean to tell you with this is that you don't know when your father comes back. You don't know if it's tomorrow, in one year or in ten. Do you seriously want to waste your time and energy with pushing your brother away? I know you Aryanna and I cannot believe that you wouldn't regret having pushed Draco away all this time if something happened…"_

I gulped again and fidgeted nervously with my hands. Blaise sighted and glanced shortly at Draco and then back at me. _"Just think about what I said in Derek's and my name, okay?"_

Shortly, I nodded staring at my hands. I felt both standing up. _"You know where to find us."_ Blaise said in his usual light voice but I couldn't reply anything. A huge lump in my throat made it impossible.

A squeeze on my shoulder made me look up and I stared at Draco's calm light blue eyes. _"Don't let your father do what mine tried to do with me. Don't let him control your life! He's not worth it!"_ He whispered me as if he didn't want Blaise to listen. Then he turned around and left.

My body started shaking, I was sobbing quietly. Everything was sinking in. It was all too much. First Severus acting strange and now Blaise and Draco. As tears streamed down my face I lay down and curled up, pressing my hands and knees against my chest.

When I opened my eyes again I felt a sharp pain in my whole body. I didn't know where I was. There were trees around me and I lay on grass. I groaned in pain as I sat up… The lake… I had fallen asleep. I felt so cold and shivered with clattering teeth.

_"__Crap!"_ My voice sounded raspy and I sighted. I decided not to use any magic to heal my body from the effects of the unusual sleeping place.

_Wait,_ I thought._ The sun. _Surely, classes had already started. It took me several moments to remember what subjects I had today. Magical History, Potions and subsequently Transfigurations in the afternoon.

As fast as I could run with my aching body I made my way up to Gryffindor tower to get my books. As I entered the common room I realized that Magical History would end in half an hour and decided not to go. So I let myself plop down on one of the couches, rubbed my arms to warm up and stared into the flames. Luckily, the common room was empty. I decided to skip the rest of this class seeing at is would be over soon. I was still freezing and shivering. The pain in my body didn't help but I didn't want to heal my body, punishing myself for my stupidity and recklessness.

_"__Oh, you know what, screw Potions."_ I spoke to myself in annoyance. Severus hadn't bothered to be nice to me so why should I come in time for Potions. _Today, I don't care!_

Therefore, I made my way up to my dorm's bathroom and stayed under a hot shower until I didn't feel cold or pain anymore. Feeling more relaxed now I dressed myself slowly and packed everything I would need for Potions and Transfigurations.

I glanced at the watch before leaving the dorm and grinned inwardly. _Almost twenty minutes late for Potions. That'll definitely seem like a provocation._

Taking my time walking down to Potions I arrived half an hour late. Not bothering to knock I pushed the door open and walked in. Every head turn to me as the door closed with the sound of a gunshot. Severus was moving quietly in my direction, anger written all over his face. _Good! _

_"__Jackson, you're half an hour late. Any excuse as to why I shouldn't make Gryffindor lose thirty points and give you detention for the rest of the week for strutting in my classroom like this?"_

He fixed me with his piercing gaze and I noticed the burning in his eyes.

_"__Nope."_ I mimicked Blaise seriously and let the 'p' plop.

His whole attitude changed in rage now but it didn't affect me. Crossing his arms threatening with a deadly calm he came closer but I didn't even blink. Acting as if he had intimidated me all the sudden I lowered my head and bowed my shoulders slightly, looking embarrassed.

_"__Sit down and don't make a sound or you'll regret it, Jackson!"_ Severus threatened coldly.

Now, I straightened up again and copied his cold, bored attitude. _"Obviously."_

_"__That makes thirty points from Gryffindor and detention. Now, sit down!"_ Severus voice was quiet but it was like the calm before the storm.

_"__Of course, Sir!"_ I exclaimed provoking making him only more furious. Not caring that he wanted to say something I made my way to my friends table. Putting my bag on the empty spot I looked over at Severus again who had moved swiftly towards me.

_"__Don't you dare turn your back on me, Jackson!"_ Severus spat with curled lips. That blew away my calm in less than a second and I shot him an ice cold threatening reply.

_"__BE CAREFUL NOT TO TURN YOUR BACK ON ME or you will regret it one day… Sir!" _I emphasized the last word sarcastically. That brought him on the edge but I didn't care. He didn't want to talk to me at all so he would have to deal with me during detention.

_"__That makes Gryffindor loose twenty points again and detention for the rest of the week!" _I heard the Gryffindor's groan in annoyance.

_"__Good."_ I replied grinning slyly.

_"__One more word and Gryffindor loses another fifty points."_ Severus said wiping off my grin. Now it was his turn to grin. _"Too afraid your classmates wouldn't like you anymore, aren't you?"_

I didn't say anything, killing my bag with my look. What the hell was wrong with him?

At the end of the class, Severus gave me a note to pass to Professor McGonagall and even if I didn't show any sign of annoyance I groaned inwardly. I hated lying to her and I couldn't tell her what was bothering me now. Definitely not!

I run away from my friends during the short break, telling them I needed to use the loo. I locked myself in until I had only a few minutes left so that I would arrive just in time so that Hermione couldn't ask me about Potions right now. I knew I would have to face them later but I just didn't want to do it now.

Professor McGonagall gave me a stern look as I entered just as the bell rang and I sat down quickly, earning a quizzical look from Hermione. Class passed smooth as always. I liked Transfigurations, it made me practice my wand using. Sadly, it ended to early. I had dreaded its end. So when the bell rang I didn't leave with my friends but stayed behind.

_"__Do you need something, Ms. Jackson?" _She asked not looking at me as she wrote something down.

_"__Well,"_ I said nervously. That made her look up in surprise. _"Professor Snape gave me this note for you."_ I told her and handed her the paper. With her typical stern look, she glanced at me then at the paper. I bit my tongue nervously as she read it through and when she looked up again I watched her closely.

_"__He asks me to take care of your detention for the rest of the week."_ She looked at me accusingly.

I, however, was shocked. High pitched, I exclaimed:_ "What?". _He dared to avoid me again?!

_"__But,"_ she emphasized. _"He didn't say as to why I should put you in detention… Tell me what happened and I might talk to him if it was out of a bad mood. Obviously, you thought he'd take care of it." _She smiled but it vanished quickly.

_"__I was late half an hour and obviously both of us in a bad mood so one thing laid to another and I made lose Gryffindor fifty points."_ I said quietly. I shifted nervously. _"And I skipped Magical History this morning."_ I added staring at her desk.

After a long silence, she spoke: _"You will have detention with me. Whatever it is that's between you and Severus now, it's private. You cannot take out your problems in class. In this classroom, he's your teacher, Jackson. Do you understand me? I don't want to hear about private problems during Potions class again!"_

_"__But it's not entirely my fault!" _I exclaimed annoyed, throwing my hands up. _"I tried to talk to him so many times but either he pretends to be busy or he's nowhere to be found. I know it's wrong what I did but he's avoiding me, professor."_ Anger and sadness traced my voice and I could see pity in her eyes as she sighted.

_"__You'll come to me for detentions at seven pm until Sunday. You promise me not to bring up your problems in class again and I'll have a word with him too, that's what I can promise you." _She said determined but her corner of the mouth twitched slightly upwards.

Thankfully, I nodded. _"I promise and thank you."_

With that she dismissed me and I steeled myself for lying to my friends again for what happened yesterday and today.

The morning of Hallowe'en, I prepared myself along with Hermione and Ron to go to Hogsmeade. Sadly, Harry couldn't come because his aunt hadn't signed the permission. Corresponding was his mood as we parted from him. We went everywhere we could possibly go: the wizarding equipment shop, Zonko's Joke Shop, the Three Broomsticks, the post office, Honeydukes.

As we walked back to Gryffindor tower that night, we noticed that a crowd had formed in front of the Fat Lady's portrait. We caught a glimpse at the portrait and were shocked. The Fat Lady was gone and the portrait had been slashed. Sirius Black had tried to break in our tower.

Dumbledore sent every Gryffindor back to the Great Hall where the tables had vanished. Instead the floor was covered with hundreds of sleeping bags. Even after hours of turning in my sleeping bag I couldn't fall asleep and neither could Hermione, Harry or Ron. As I heard Severus' voice near me I listened attentively with closed eyes. His behaviour hadn't changed much after Professor McGonagall had talked to him but I knew it was something we had to discuss on our own. If only Severus was willing to…

_"__I've searched the whole of third floor and Mr. Filch has done the Dungeons. There's no sign of Black."_

_"__To be honest, I didn't expect Black to linger anywhere." _Dumbledore's calm voice seemed to come nearer.

_"__Have you any theory as to how he got in?" _Severus asked him now.

_"__Plenty, one more unlike as the other, Severus." _There was a long silence. _"I know what you're thinking but I don't believe somebody from the inside would have helped Black to enter the castle."_

Now I knew what he was talking about: he thought Lupin helped Black seeing as they were old friends.

_"__You told me that she would be safe here." _I heard Severus' quiet voice as if he tried to speak as silently as possible. There was the slight trace of anger in his tone.

_"__She's safe if she stays inside this castle."_ There was a warning undertone as Dumbledore seemed to have arrived near our sleeping bags.

_"__No, she's not! Black managed to break inside the castle and now he tried to enter the Gryffindor tower. I told you, I didn't trust… him! I don't want her near him."_ Severus continued.

_"__As long as I'm headmaster, Black is not going to hurt any student in here."_ His tone made it clear that the subject was closed so Severus didn't dare to reply anything. I heard footsteps leaving and knew that Severus was still standing next to me. I could feel anger and worry around him and wished I could get up and speak with him.

The next few days, Sirius Black was the only thing people were talking about. Gryffindor had gotten a new guardian as replacement for the Fat Lady, Sir Cadogan who spent most of his time with challenging people. The school was preparing for Gryffindor's match against Slytherin but they cancelled it so we played against Hufflepuff. A day before the match, I made my way to Defence against the Dark Arts with Harry and Ron.

We decided to sit in the middle row and I took my books out. Professor Lupin wasn't there yet so there was chattering around us. Harry and Ron sat at one table next to me, Hermione hadn't arrived yet. It was odd as she normally was the first in a classroom. My thoughts of Hermione were suddenly interrupted by a loud noise like a canon. And there it was again. The room became darker. As I looked to the side I saw that the folding shudders were banging shut one after another. Looking around in surprise I saw Severus walking to the front with big steps. I could see confusion on everybody's face.

_"__Excuse me, Sir, but where is Professor Lupin?"_ Harry asked the question we all wanted to know the answer to. Severus turned dramatically slow in his direction and fixed him with a piercing gaze.

_"__Professor Lupin is in no state to teach a class for the moment. Now, open your books and turn to page three hundred and ninety-four." _The rustling noise of paper filled the room.

_"__Werwolves?"_ Ron exclaimed surprised. Before Severus could say anything Hermione – who had appeared all the sudden next to me – spoke up.

_"__But Sir, we're not supposed to do werewolves yet. We're just about to start Hinkypunks-"_

_"__Quiet!" _Severus said in dead calm. _"Now, which one of you can tell me the difference between an animagus and a werewolf?" _Hermione's hand shot up immediately. I knew the answer but I also knew that Severus wouldn't ask either of us to answer the question so my hands stayed on the table.

_"__No one?" _He ignored Hermione and looked around the room with a sharp gaze.

_"__Please, Sir. An animagus is a wizard who decides willingly to turn into an animal. A werewolf has no choice."_

At that Draco started to howl and I turned in his direction with furrowed eyebrows. He only grinned provoking.

_"__Thank you, Mr. Malfoy. This is the second time that you've spoken up out of turn, Ms. Granger. Are you incapable of restraining yourself or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?"_ Horrified, I looked up at Severus who stood now right in front of our desk glaring at Hermione. I became angry, I didn't know what had gotten into him.

_"__You have no right to talk to a student like that, professor!" _I spat furious. In a second his gaze went to me and I saw a warning in his eyes. But I didn't care. _"You asked a question and she knew the answer, end of story!"_

Slowly, Severus leaned slightly forward putting on an unreadable expression. _"Detention, Ms. Jackson! And if you don't want Gryffindor to lose points I suggest you sit down again."_

Right, I hadn't even noticed that I had jumped up. I remembered the promise I had made to Professor McGonagall. Staring at Severus angrily, I sat down again and he nodded slightly.

Nobody made a sound throughout the rest of the lesson. We made notes about werewolves whilst Severus ranted on about how bad Lupin had taught us before. I was on the edge of screaming at him. I couldn't even write properly because my hands were shaking so badly of anger. When he had told me where he knew Lupin from I had understood why he disliked him but now he was going too far!

_"__By Monday morning I want an essay about how you recognise and kill werewolves, two rolls of parchment. And Ms. Jackson, stay behind." _Severus said at the end of the class and everybody hurried to get out of the classroom as fast as possible. Aggressively, I stuffed my things in my bag. When the door closed after the last student I let it drop on the floor.

_"__What the hell is wrong with you?" _I exclaimed loudly. Severus sighted and turned in my direction.

_"__Arya, I-"_

_"__Oh no! You don't say anything now, Severus Snape. Until today I thought you disliked Lupin but it seems as if you hated him. However, that gives you no right to treat anybody like you talked to Hermione before."_ I had stepped forward and stood now face to face with him. _"Honestly, I don't understand what's wrong with you lately. If you got a problem, you can tell me and I'll help you. But why are you avoiding me? I tried to talk to you so many times but you just pretended to be busy. I even tried with detention but you would make Professor McGonagall deal with me, that's not fair! She's got nothing to do with this, Severus, so don't you dare involving her another time! This is between you and me!... You know what, I've had enough for now. If you're ready to explain what's going on you can call for me but right now I'll leave and believe me I won't bother you any time soon!"_

And with a last angry look over my shoulder I grabbed my bag and left not stopping as he called after me.


	25. Chapter 25 - Brother and Sister - Family

25\. Brother and Sister - Family

Since they had talked to me down by the lake Blaise and Draco had left me alone to think about everything. Honestly, I had often been at the point that I really thought about sending them a note to meet but for now I hadn't.

Gryffindor's match against Hufflepuff turned into a disaster. Dementors showed up und Harry fell off his broom. It had destroyed his Nimbus 2000, accordingly was his mood.

Severus hadn't made a move to talk so I hadn't visited him since that disastrous Defence against the Dark Arts class with him. I wasn't feeling well with our situation but I hated his behaviour and needed an explanation.

The weekend before Christmas holidays started there was another Hogsmeade weekend. I decided to go separately from Hermione and Ron.

_"__But why don't you want to come with us?" _Hermione asked quizzical and I laughed.

_"__How am I supposed to buy you Christmas gifts if you're with me? We can meet up later to drink a butter beer, okay?"_

So we agreed to meet up in the afternoon and they left whilst I was still sitting on the couch in the common room. After I had dressed I followed them down and saw that the last people were walking towards the carriages that brought us to Hogsmeade.

I waited until everybody had climbed and entered the last one alone. Smiling, I watched out of the small window and enjoyed the beautiful sight. The black lake looked awesome in winter, almost like described in those corny muggle stories. I jumped as the door to the carriage got pulled open loudly but didn't turn my head. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw that some blond was sitting down across from me. I felt the person's gaze on me as the carriage started moving. Sighting annoyed I turned my head ready to snap at the person.

Draco's storm-grey eyes were watching me intensely. He didn't say anything as we stared at each other openly now. Nobody else would have understood what we were doing but we were challenging each other who would look away first. It was kind of a 'who was stronger' game we had played since the first day back at Hogwarts. At the same time, it was provoking the other and we just couldn't ignore the other that way.

Turning my eyes, I looked away and he grinned.

_"__Got you!" _Draco exclaimed grinning.

"_Quit it!" _I told him angrily but that made his grin only grow bigger.

_"__You don't want me to 'quit it'!"_ The light tone annoyed me even more. He was so damn right and he knew it. Then he became serious and leaned in my direction, watching me deeply in the eyes.

_"__Six weeks, we gave you six weeks to think about what we- or mostly Blaise explained. I know you, Arya, I know you're starting to give in even if you don't want to."_ He stated matter of fact.

Groaning and with furrowed eyebrows I tried to ignore him but I couldn't. I bit on my lip in nervousness. Annoyed, I sighted and threw my hands up helpless. _"FINE! I've been thinking about meeting up with you."_

His goofy smile made me regret it but I couldn't take it back. _"I knew it!"_ He exclaimed happily and I turned my eyes again.

_"__Until now I haven't, remember that!" _Now it was his turn to turn his eyes, his stupid grin not leaving his face.

_"__Come on, just stop fighting. We both know you'll give in soon and you don't really want this. Come on, you're my sister!" _He exclaimed joking, punching my arm.

I glared at him but I knew in my heart that I didn't mean it. There he was sitting across from me. My brother. The one person that made the trouble I've had with Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy worth it. My one and only family I had. I couldn't push him away any longer. I had thought about what Blaise had told me and he was right. I would regret not having spent every second of the time I could have with Draco.

My father shouldn't control my life!... I wouldn't let him!... Together we could protect us!

Slowly, my glare vanished and was replaced by a faked blank expression. _"I'm not going to invite you or Blaise on a butter beer when we arrive at Hogsmeade!"_ I told him seriously and he grinned the biggest grin I'd ever seen on his face.

Jokingly, he made a face of disgust. _"Please, I've to think of my reputation!"_

That made me laugh and he joined in. Once we had started laughing we couldn't stop. Soon, we were laughing without any reason, just out of happiness because we were together again. Our bond had never had a scratch!

As we arrived at Hogsmeade I wanted to get out of the carriage but a firm grip on my arm hold me back. Draco looked at me thoughtfully.

_"__You'll hopefully not go back to that 'I only want to protect you'-thing if I leave you now!"_ I knew him well enough to hear that he was afraid and I smiled reassuring.

_"__Oh don't worry, I'm not planning on doing it again any time soon."_ With that he pulled me in a strong hug and I smiled burying my head in his shoulder.

_"__Good."_ He let go of me smiling brightly and I chuckled. _"Oh and you need to meet up with Blaise as soon as possible." _Draco informed me before opening me the door of the carriage.

_"__You can tell him that I will send him a note. I wanted to speak with him anyway."_ I jumped out of the carriage and started making my way towards Hogsmeade.

_"__Jackson!" _Draco called in his faked provocative voice. As there were students around us I only raised my eyebrows as I turned around.

_"__What, Malfoy?"_ I was concentrating on not starting to grin. _Damn, that will definitely be difficult! _I thought amused.

_"__You shouldn't forget what I told you!" _Some people were watching us as a grinning Blaise stepped next to Draco, who was smiling slyly. I guess they were all staring because Draco meant trouble but I seemed to be the only one who had never been afraid of him.

Blaise' and Draco's happiness behind their grins was only noticeable for me seeing as I knew them better than anyone else here. I couldn't prevent myself from smiling but managed to disguise it as a sign of amusement.

_"__Whatever, Malfoy! Whatever." _And with that I continued my way to Hogsmeade with light steps, wearing a huge smile.

As I entered the Three Broomsticks I was still smiling happily. I had bought gifts for my friends, Severus, Draco and Blaise. It had taken me a while to think about something I could buy them but then I decided to go for something neutral, not to special but not to normal either.

I looked around searching my three friends and found them sitting in the last corner. I spotted Draco and Blaise with Parkinson and other Slytherins. They were laughing about something and I couldn't prevent myself from chuckling. Parkinson tried so desperately to get Draco that she was blind to the fact that he wasn't interested in her at all.

Arriving at my friends' table I was still chuckling. Hermione, Ron and Harry were greeting me with waves.

_"__There you are, we thought you'd never come."_ Ron stated gloomy. Apologetically, I hunched my shoulders with an excusing smile.

_"__Sorry, but it took me longer as expected. I had a very interesting meeting."_ I laughed again and took off my jacket. Then I sat down next to Harry.

_"__Wow, where's your more than good mood coming from? Had a secret date or something?"_ Harry asked with a bright grin and I chuckled punching him slightly in the ribs.

_"__No, I hadn't. But I had an amusing carriage ride with- ",_ in a second my bright mood had changed into confusion. With furrowed eyebrows and whispering I leaned closer to Harry who was watching me with worry.

_"__What are YOU doing here? I thought you weren't allowed to go to Hogsmeade?!"_

Hermione's expression turned in her typical disapproving one. Harry and Ron on the contrary were exchanging grins.

_"__Well, Fred and George gave me a map that shows all the secret passages out of Hogwarts. I snuck out with the invisibility cloak." _

_"__Aha." _I didn't know what to think of this. Then I waved to the servant and ordered a butter beer. Grinning I looked at my friends with a beer in one hand.

_"__So, to Harry and my good mood!"_ I exclaimed laughing, earning a dark look from Hermione. She had thought I would approve with her about Harry's idea to sneak to Hogsmeade.

Harry and Ron laughed too and we said our cheers before drinking.

As the sky turned darker we returned to Hogwarts and I hided the Christmas gifts under my bed warning Hermione chuckling not to touch them. I felt so jittery! I was thinking about either meeting up with Blaise now or visiting Severus. I wanted to do both but I hadn't the time until dinner.

_"__Where are you going, Arya? Dinner starts in half an hour!" _Hermione called loudly as I jumped off my bed and rushed to the door.

_"__Have to talk to someone." _I said over my shoulder and run down the stairs taking every second step.

In the common room I grabbed a small piece of parchment, scribbled a short note and hurried to the owlery. If anyone would have seen me they would have thought me to be crazy. I was smiling so madly.

After I had attached the note at his owl I didn't watch it as it vanished in the night, I was already running down the steps again. I hurried through the Dungeons until I arrived at Severus' office. I didn't even bother to check if somebody was in there with him.

With a loud banging noise the door crashed against the wall as I strutted in the room. A gloomy looking Severus watched up to see who dared to dash in like that. As he noticed that it was me he sighted and closed the door behind me with the flick of his wand.

_"__Arya, to what do I earn the pleasure?" _He asked half-heartedly. I answered by smiling even more. Crossing my arms, I stepped closer to his desk and he watched me closely. Sighting he put the feather and parchment aside he was writing on and raised his eyebrows. He crossed his fingers and looked at me with a quizzical expression.

Chuckling he said: _"Fine, I suppose you want me to ask you so I'll ask: What happened?"_

Jittery I uncrossed my arms again and fidget with my fingers.

_"__You'll never guess!"_ I said grinning madly. Severus groaned and turned his eyes.

_"__I don't want to guess." _He warned me.

Happily, I walked closer, my smile growing even bigger with each step. _"Draco and I, we're on speaking terms again!"_ I exclaimed grinning.

_"__You are?" _He asked as if to make sure he had heard me correctly. Happily, I nodded.

_"__Good."_ He smiled thoughtfully and I furrowed my eyebrows.

_"__Is it? Because you're acting as if you're thinking about something else and not really caring. And after all your talk about how I should give him a chance I thought you'd be as happy as I am!"_

Sighting, he stood up and stepped around his desk. Looking me deeply in the eyes he put his hands on my arms. _"Please, don't understand me wrong, Arya. I'm happy for you, honestly."_

My smile had vanished now. Sadly and desperately I stated: _"Then why can't you show it? Since that day you through me out of your classroom when you were brewing this potion you're different, Severus. I'm trying to get to you but you're avoiding me. And now that I have my brother again I've lost you? That's not fair-"_

I was cut off as Severus crushed me against his chest, pulling me in a strong embrace.

_"__You haven't lost me, Arya! Don't ever dare thinking that!" _He told me, his voice thick with emotions.

_"__What's going on with you, Severus?" _I asked pleadingly shutting my eyes to keep them from watering up. My voice sounded muffled against his robes.

_"__I'm sorry but I can't tell you. Believe me I would if I could!"_

Angrily, I freed myself from his embrace. _"Then stop avoiding me! Stop pushing me away, Severus!"_

He stared at me again with this unreadable expression for quite a long time. Then he gulped and turned serious. _"I promise, Aryanna!"_

Now it was my turn to stare at him. _"You swear?"_

He approached me and took my hands in his. _"I swear not to push you away ever again."_

I nodded thoughtfully, then I glanced at him again. _"Can you promise me something else?"_

He nodded and I continued:_ "Protect Draco."_

There was a long silence and he let go of my hands. His body became tense and he looked to the side before turning to me with a blank expression but I didn't care at the moment. I needed to be sure that he would protect him as I would.

_"__I swear on my life to protect him."_ I couldn't explain myself why he acted so distant but I felt relieve rushing over my body. Draco was safe, I knew Severus would keep his word.

I crashed in his arms again and I felt him sneaking his arms around my back, resting his head on mine.

_"__Thank you." _I whispered

_"__Whatever you ask, Aryanna. Always." _He muffled quietly in my hair but I heard it anyway and smiled.

Wandering through the dark of the Dungeons I couldn't stop thinking about how Severus had acted earlier. I was still upset that he preferred not telling me the truth but I was even more bothered by the fact that he hadn't seemed very happy about my news. I thought, stop pushing Draco away would make him open up to me again after all he had wanted me so badly to talk to him. But now…

The next morning, after Harry had told us that he'd overheard a conversation in Hogsmeade – Sirius Black was his godfather and a murderer – the three decided to go down to see Hagrid.

_"__I'm sorry guys but I'm not coming." _I said, apologetic hunching my shoulders. Hermione furrowed her eyebrows.

_"__Why not? Not finished with your Christmas preparation?"_ She wanted me to come so that we could take Harry's mind off hunting Black for being the cause of his parent's death.

I smiled thinking of who I was going to meet down by the lake. _"Euhm, yes I am but I haven't done my potions essay yet."_

Hermione stared at me a bit too long and I knew she didn't buy my lie. Harry and Ron however didn't seem to notice.

_"__Fine then. See you later!"_

The warning undernote in her voice made clear that I would have to give her an explanation later and I nodded in response. Happily, I rushed down the stairs, leaving my friends behind.

_"…__library, I guess…" _Was the last thing I heard and felt relieve inwardly. I could count on Hermione!

As I arrived down by the lake he wasn't there yet so I sat down and waited. I watched the Black lake as it shone in the sun. _Almost like Severus' eyes, _I smiled thoughtfully. _They're black as the lake and have the same deepness and mystery. But his eyes are warmer… Or at least they have been before this whole crap with this potion has begun…_

I had sunken so much into my thoughts and worries about Severus that I let out a little scream as a hand squeezed my shoulder. Twitching, I looked up and saw a grinning Blaise.

Putting one hand on my rapidly beating heart I stood up. _"Merlin, do you have to give me a heart attack?"_

_"__Sorry. I called you several times, you know." _He chuckled deeply and I smiled in return. Then he put his arms around me, hugging me strongly.

_"__It's been a while that something made me as happy as your message yesterday. And Draco's."_ Blaise chuckled sitting down on the grass, patting on the spot next to him.

_"__You should've seen him. The whole day he was as if he sat on glowing coals. Couldn't stop grinning and walking around." _He laughed at the memory. I grinned slightly remembering how jittery I had been afterwards.

_"__Believe me, I was the same yesterday."_ Blaise watched me for a long time and I turned my gaze back to the lake. _"I wanted to thank you, Blaise. You changed my point of view on some things."_

_"__You're my best friend just like Draco so I'd do anything for the two of you. And I know how much you love and need each other, like Derek and I are family, you're too… But I didn't only do it for the two of you."_ His serious expression was replaced by a grin. _"I did it out of egoism too, after all I'm still a Slytherin! I missed you."_

I laughed and punched his arm playfully but that made him only chuckle deeply.

_"__Well, you are!"_ I raised my eyebrows provocative.

_"__Ouch! You touched me there!"_ He stated laughing now.

_"__I missed you too, Blaise. And I'm missing Derek. By the way, how is he?" _Curiously, I glanced at Blaise.

_"__As usual. Still the same reliable, funny, trouble-seeking, girl-compelling boy." _Blaise waved his hand to emphasize and I laughed.

_"__Did he got himself a boyfriend yet?"_ I asked and he turned his eyes.

_"__Don't ask! You can't imagine what I had to endure all summer!"_ Blaise whined and now it was my turn to turn my eyes.

_"__So bad, huh?"_ I chuckled and he glared in return.

_"__He's telling me about every boy he's ever met in Durmstrang he likes. And seeing that he's going to an all boys' school, the list is veeeery long! But none of them seemed to be interesting enough to go out with... So, we're both still single and desperate."_

I smiled warmly. _"You could change that if you'd make a move on that Asian Ravenclaw girl you're always staring at."_

Blaise seemed to have swallowed air and coughed badly. _"Excuse me?"_ He said between coughs and I grinned.

_"__Oh, please, Blaise. I've seen the way you look at her. She's in our year so you should ask her out."_

Growling at me, he said quietly:_ "Her name's Cho, Cho Chang."_

_"__There you go. Ask her out. You definitely should because I saw her looking at you too."_

_"__Liar!"_ Blaise mumbled but I didn't miss it.

_"__It's true!"_ I stated loudly. It really was true.

_"__Whatever, Jackson. Whatever."_ He started laughing gloomy and I punched him again.

_"__Fine, do nothing and see how she'll go out with another boy one day, how she'll marry that guy, become pregn- OUCH!"_

Blaise had pushed me hard so that I tilt back. _"Idiot!", _I exclaimed joking.

_"__I wanna see you if…" _Blaise clenched his jaw to suppress a grin but he had woken my interest._ "Forget what I just said."_

_"__What was that?" _I approached sliding, fixing him with my gaze but sadly he wasn't one of those people that were easily impressed.

With raised eyebrows and a very provocative serious expression he answered. _"Whatever, Jackson. Whatever."_ He ducked away laughing as I lunged out.

_"__Be careful, Zabini!" _But I couldn't suppress a laugh myself.

_"__So that's what you mean if you're- what was it again? 'Going to the library'?"_ Draco's voice made us turn around but he was grinning wildly. Seeing him like this made my heart skip a beat.

_"__Yeah, well, I wanted to talk to her alone and yesterday you told me that you wanted to come, so I had to improvise."_ Blaise said still laughing.

Draco let himself plop down next to me. _"So what was so funny?"_

_"__We just discussed Arya's love life."_ Blaise exclaimed grinning mischievously in my direction. Draco's grin turned in the exact same expression and I glared at them.

_"__Interesting!"_ He stated thoughtfully and I huffed. _"You can talk openly with us, you know. I'm your brother after all."_ His grin made me want to punch him but I didn't. Instead I concentrated and made two small balls of water come out of the lake.

_"__Stop grinning or I will throw those two balls on you!"_ I threatened and their grins vanished rapidly.

_"__Okay, okay. No need to become aggressive!"_ Draco exclaimed putting his hands up in defence. I grinned and let the water splash back down into the lake.

_"__Can I ask you something?" _Draco asked after a long silence. I nodded and he continued.

_"__You and Snape, are you on speaking terms again? Because in our first year you were insulting each other all the time. Last year it seemed to have calmed down and now he's acting strange around you, almost ignoring you."_ He chose his words carefully.

I looked down at my hands. _"It's complicate."_ My whisper was loud enough for them to hear.

_"__What happened?"_ Blaise asked sympathetic.

So, I told them. I told them everything that had happened to me since I had left Malfoy Manor. They didn't interrupt me once and when I finished my story there was another long moment of silence.

_"__Come here."_ Draco scooped closer to me and took me in his arms. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. Suddenly, my body was shaking with sobs and he caressed my hair comfortingly.

_"__I think I should leave you two alone now."_ I heard Blaise warm voice and then he left.

_"__Shh, it's okay, Aryanna."_ Draco tried to sooth me.

_"__But I hate it! I hate that he's acting like this. It's not fair! He's asking me to tell him everything and now he doesn't want to tell me what's troubling him."_ I said between sobs. Draco embraced me only stronger and after a while I calmed down.

_"__Want me to talk to him?"_ Draco asked smiling gently. I chuckled half-hearted.

_"__Definitely, not. This is between the two of us, Draco. But thank you."_

_"__Apropos, I think I owe you a 'thank you'."_ Draco said thoughtfully. _"For saving me from that Hippogriff."_ I groaned and he grinned.

_"__It's not funny. Hagrid's got into trouble because of this."_ I said gloomy and Draco's gaze turned dark.

_"__I know. My father told me about what he wanted to do. I'm really sorry!"_ Pleadingly, he looked at me and I smiled slightly.

_"__It was only a matter of time 'til he interfered in one way or another. He hates Dumbledore!... Nevertheless, it was stupid what you did."_

_"__I know."_

We sat in silence for some time until my rumbling stomach disturbed the piece. Draco chuckled.

_"__We should go inside. It's getting cold anyway."_ I sighted and he helped me up.

_"__You go first. I'll go back inside in five or ten minutes."_ Draco said looking me deeply in the eyes.

I pulled him in a strong hug, then I turned around and left.

As I entered the Great Hall for lunch I found my friends sitting together and discussing wildly something. They told me that Hagrid would have a hearing together with Buckbeat. They wanted to help him so I agreed to help too. After all it was kind of my fault.

_"__Now tell me, where were you really going this morning?"_ Hermione asked me as we were preparing for going to bed.

_"__You have to swear not to tell anyone, Hermione!"_ I emphasized seriously and she nodded.

_"__Before I lived at the orphanage I was living with a family. They had a son and we grew close, like brother and sister. Now, I consider him as my only family I have. I was meeting up with him."_

_"__At Hogsmeade you met him too?"_ Hermione asked thoughtfully and I nodded. After a silence:_ "Who is he?"_

_"__I'm sorry, Hermione but I can't tell you. You need to understand that I'm trying to protect him. My father will return one day and then he'll be in terrible danger; even more if you know who he is." _Pleadingly, I looked her in the eyes, hoping for her to understand me.

To my relieve she smiled. _"Fine, just promise me in return that you won't lie to me. Never!"_

_"__As long as you don't ask me questions I can't answer for his safety. I promise."_

Laying down in bed my thoughts wandered through the day again. _You solved your problems with your brother, with Blaise and Derek, even with Hermione. So why are you letting the thought of Severus pulling you down, Arya? _I wondered for myself.


	26. Chapter 26 - Almost as in old times

26\. Almost as in old times

Christmas passed uneventfully. I got more presents than the years before because Draco, Blaise and Derek had sent me something. I had bought them something too as I had been in Hogsmeade.

_"__Don't you think, you should be with your friends now?"_ Severus greeted me Christmas morning, when I entered his office. As usual he was doing paperwork.

Sighting, I shook my head in disbelief. _"Don't you think, you should make a break over Christmas? I mean, it's Christmas, Severus. You're supposed to enjoy today."_

Severus huffed amused, putting down his feather. _"Essays aren't correcting themselves, Arya!" _Thoughtfully, he stared at me. All the sudden, he became serious and continued correcting his essays.

Annoyed, I sighted again stepping forward, letting myself plop down on a chair. _"Severus."_

_"__What?"_ He didn't look up from his paper, he didn't even stop reading.

_"__Can you please look at me?"_ Accusingly, I raised my voice.

Exhaling loudly, Severus lifted his head and watched me with a blank expression. _"I'm working, Aryanna. Can't you see that?"_

In defence, I raised my hands. _"I'm not here to annoy you. I'm just asking for five minutes of your time! I wanted to thank you for your present. Those books about Potions and Healing are awesome!"_ Beaming, I returned his gaze and his eyes turned warmer.

Going back to his essay he smiled… obviously to himself, thinking that I wouldn't see it. _"I saw them in Diagon Alley and thought you might like them... They're advanced stuff so if you have questions you can ask anytime."_

_"__Thank you!"_ I said smiling warmly and he raised one eyebrow in amusement.

_"__So…"_ Severus said after a long silence. _"What else did you got for Christmas?"_ And again, he was completely serious. I wasn't sure but I thought he was clenching his jaw as he asked in a colder voice.

_"__Well, I got some very interesting books about Herbology from Hermione. Harry got me a very high-quality feather. And Ron gave me sort of a plush blanket for Nala, chocolate and a jumper from his mum."_ I finished grinning but to my surprise Severus was still staring at this essay.

_"__And Draco? What did you get from him and Blaise?"_ His grip on the feather had strengthened and I glanced at him with furrowed eyebrows.

_"__Oh, they bought me a book about Quidditch."_

Severus seemed to relax. _"I see."_

Not really listening, a grin spread on my face making his look turn gloomy. _"I think they wanted to tell me something."_ I said laughing and he glanced up for the second time. _"They put an old picture of me playing Quidditch in it with a note on the backside: 'Get your butt on a broom!'."_

_"__Nice."_ Severus mumbled ironically and I grinned.

_"__We used to play a lot of Quidditch at Malfoy Manor. Derek and Blaise against Draco and me most of the times. By the way, Derek got me a brand-new Potions set. Now I've a high-quality cauldron, resistant against heat and magic."_

_"__At least one of them got you something decent."_ Severus grumbled and I snorted.

_"__Oh, come on. Don't be such a poor sport, Severus! Quidditch is fun!"_

He turned his eyes. _"Quidditch is dangerous, I won't support you if you decided to make the team."_

_"__Why are you so boring?"_ I asked sighting and he chuckled. _"You are spending Christmas in your office, you prefer correcting your stupid essays instead of spending time with me and now you're even criticising my presents."_

_"__As I said before, they're not correctin-"._

_"__They're not correcting themselves. I know."_ Annoyed, I pushed back the chair and stood up. _"You know, I thought you would like if I came here but obviously, I was wrong."_

_"__Arya, I didn't- "_, Severus stood up as well, remorse written on his face.

I looked at him sadly and cut him off. _"Just tell me right away next time if you don't want to see me, Severus. Whatever reasons you have."_

His gaze turned cold. _"You're not fair. I told you, I can't tell you."_

_"__And I said that I wouldn't ask about your reasons but now you're acting strange. Honestly, it's bothering me that I don't know why you're acting like this but I promised not to ask you so I won't."_

_"__I have every right to keep things from you, Aryanna. You don't have to know everything!"_

A sharp sting in my heart made me rigid. I knew he was right, nevertheless, it hurt to hear it from him. Severus sighted annoyed and sat down again.

_"__I suppose you go now. We can talk again if you accept that we both have our secrets. Go and spend time with your friends or Draco."_ He spat coldly and I stumbled back horrified.

_"__Severus- ",_ I asked pleading.

_"__Leave!"_ He ordered turning his attention back to his essays.

Slowly, I left his office, angry at myself. Severus was right, I didn't need to know everything. I didn't tell him everything either. Nevertheless, it hurt so much and bothered me any minute I spend with Severus so I couldn't enjoy the time I had with him.

Harry started lessons with Professor Lupin to learn how to repel dementors. Ron and Hermione got into a big fight over Scabbers and Crookshank. Draco, Blaise and I grew even closer than we ever had been before and I wished so much to see Derek again. I had started writing letters and to my relieve Derek understood me. He told me he wasn't angry for cutting him out of my life like this.

**Dear Arya,**

**I don't know what Blaise told you but I'm NOT seeing anyone here. Nothing against the boys in my school… but definitely not! If my brother's behind all this rumours, we'll have a little chat next time I see him! Maybe you could annoy him for me with the Chang girl he's fancying so much? Just kidding…**

**So, Draco told me that you won't start Quidditch until next year. Don't tell him that I told you that or he's going to kill me. Sometimes, his temper is frightening… Well not really! If you know how to handle your brother... However, I would love to hear that you're using your talent on the broom to show our beloved brothers that they're not the best Quidditch players! You can't imagine what I've to endure all summer…**

**Have to stop now, History of Magic is almost over and I don't want THIS teacher to find out that I've been writing a letter. I would have detention for a month…**

**All my love, Derek**

**(I changed my mind, you have every right to annoy Blaise in my name!)**

The last sentence was scribbled hurriedly under the letter. I tried to suppress a grin as I read it. Carefully, so that nobody would notice, I glanced in Blaise' direction. Draco had been watching me, however, and raised his eyebrow quizzical now. Discreetly, I tapped on the letter I had laid in my opened book and he understood. He knew I had Derek's letter in my book and seeing as I had been watching Blaise like this it could only be about one thing.

Grinning, he turned back to his own book, writing something down on a small piece of parchment. Then he pushed it towards Blaise who read it with furrowed eyebrows. All the sudden, his look turned dark and he glared at Draco first and then at me. Now, I couldn't hold back my grin any longer.

_"__Ms. Jackson, are you done already?"_ The stern voice of Professor McGonagall made me flinch and I saw Blaise grinning out of the corner of my eyes.

_"__No, I'm not."_ I watched at the exercises we had to do. I had done three of four. Hermione, sitting next to me, was writing furiously without glancing once in her book.

_"__Then I suggest to turn your attention back to your work."_ Biting on my lip, to suppress the grin I nodded and took the feather in my hand but I couldn't concentrate.

So… Draco had told Derek that I would start Quidditch next year. He would hear something from me later. _How about throwing him in the lake, _I thought smiling to myself again. But I was more amused by Derek's request. He wanted me to pay Blaise back for him. I knew Derek would make him pay for it if he was here and I wished so much I could see him doing it. It would definitely be funny to watch! It had always been that way. When Derek and Blaise were annoying each other jokingly Draco and I loved to watch them and it was the same the other way around.

Sighting, I put the feather aside as I had finished the last exercise as fast as I could. I glanced back at the letter and grinned again. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Draco leaning back in his chair and knew that he was done too.

I looked around the room, everybody was still writing and concentrating. Even Professor McGonagall was writing something down. So, I turned to Draco and raised my eyebrows in amusement. His eyes were sparkling in the sunlight and lightening up his grin. Blaise punched him with his elbow and he flinched, his grin only growing bigger.

I snorted and earned some strange looks. Professor McGonagall, however, wasn't pleased. _"Ms. Jackson, I won't ask again to turn back to your exercises."_

Apologetically, I exclaimed still smiling:_ "I'm done, Professor."_

_"__Then stay quiet and stop disturbing your classmates."_ She shot me a warning look. I tried to look ashamed but I wasn't successful. Shaking her head in annoyance at my behaviour she returned to her writing.

Grinning, I took another piece of parchment and wrote in big letters **PAY BACK = CHANG** Then I held it upwards, not high but enough so that Draco could read it. By his attitude I could see that he had difficulties in maintaining his composure. We were both on the edge of laughing now. Sadly, Transfigurations wouldn't stop for another forty minutes.

Now it was Draco who punched Blaise, nodding in my direction. Blaise watched around if anybody was watching us, then he looked at me and clenched his jaw. Slowly, he shook his head and turned his eyes. Provocative, I raised my eyebrows quickly and grinned. As he turned back to his book I couldn't resist the chance. Smiling, I concentrated and let a small flame appear in front of him.

He flinched back in surprise, then glanced at me gloomy. Draco, sitting next to him had difficulties in not laughing out loudly. His body was shaking slightly with suppressed laugher. I was surprised that nobody had noticed until now but they were all still writing.

A sudden burning feeling on my leg made me wince. As I looked to Blaise and Draco in reflex I saw that Blaise had his wand pointed discreetly in my direction with a mischievous grin on his face. Warningly, I shook my head so that he wouldn't send another spell, attiring attention. But of course, he didn't listen. Both were watching me now as Blaise fired another harmless spell. The electric wave that went through my body made me groan in surprise.

_"__Ms. Jackson!" _A very angry Professor McGonagall exclaimed and I groaned again inwardly. _Great!_ _"Detention today!"_

_"__What?!"_ I exclaimed loudly in a high-pitched voice. She, however, was piercing me with her stern look.

_"__I warned you and I'm not favouring you because you're in my house."_ Astonished, my mouth fell open. Draco smirked wildly and I would have loved to wipe it out of his face!

_"__Mr. Malfoy, you will join Jackson in her detention."_ In less than a second his smirk had vanished and been replaced by a quizzical expression.

_"__But I didn't do anything, Professor!"_

_"__Obviously."_ Professor McGonagall said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. Now it was my turn to smirk. Blaise, looked smugly to the both of us, his wand put safely back in his pocket.

At the end of the lesson, Blaise left the classroom with all the others, wearing a very smug grin on his face. Draco and I stayed behind and as soon as we were alone with Professor McGonagall he started.

_"__Professor, I swear I didn't do anything!"_ She turned her stern gaze to him but he wasn't impressed.

_"__Your childish behaviour is enough to put both of you in detention... And I won't change my mind." _She added emphasizing every word as Draco opened his mouth again. Gloomy he closed it again and I grinned looking down.

_"__Hand that note to Professor Snape. I expect both of you here today at seven o'clock. Now leave."_ And with that she dismissed us.

As Draco grabbed his back grumpy, I couldn't hold back. _"What's up, Malfoy? Got your wand in a twist?"_

_"__This is your fault!"_ His gaze turned darker as he saw me snickering.

Professor McGonagall watched our little squabble with a disapproving expression.

_"__Nope."_ I said smiling broadly. _"Consider yourself lucky that we're not having detention with Snape."_ I emphasized ironically.

_"__Whatever, Jackson. Whatever."_ Grinning he left the classroom and I followed him.

Later at lunch I was sitting with my friends.

_"__What has gotten into you in Transfigurations?"_ Hermione asked with a stern look in my direction but I couldn't hold back a slight smile.

_"__Well… I got a letter from an old friend of mine."_ Absentminded, I filled my plate.

_"__You never told us that you had a friend in the orphanage."_ Harry said carefully and I shook my head.

_"__No, I knew him before…"_ I watched around if anybody was listening but they were all chattering with friends. _"I didn't always live in the orphanage. His name's Derek and he's three years older. I had three best friends before I moved. I didn't tell you because nobody should know about them but I guess you deserve to know this at least."_ Carefully, I watched each of them, waiting for a reaction.

_"__You want to protect them."_ Harry stated blankly and I nodded. _"Looks as if we'll never know the whole story, won't we?"_

I gulped and a cold wave rushed over my body. _"Harry, I'm trying to protect them. When we met up in Hogsmeade before Christmas you wondered why I had been in such a good mood. Well, until that day I had pushed them away because I thought I could protect them that way. I would tell you but it's not safe!"_ I tried to explain and Hermione gave me a reassuring smile, shooting Harry and Ron a quick warning look.

_"__Don't worry, we're fine with it. Remember, tell us right away if you can't tell us instead of lying. That's the only thing we're asking."_ Sighting, I felt my body relax and I nodded again.

_"__We trust you."_ Harry said seriously and I couldn't turn away from his gaze.

_"__Thank you."_ I whispered and turned my attention back to my plate in front of me.

_"__By the way, it was brilliant how you managed to get Malfoy in detention with you. What did he do again?"_ Ron asked grinning and Hermione and Harry chuckled.

Ten minutes before seven I left the common room, on my way to Professor McGonagall's classroom. When I entered the only person in there was sitting with his back to me staring into space.

_"__I hope you're feeling remorse because I shouldn't be sitting here."_ Draco exclaimed bored not turning around and I grinned.

_"__Not the slightest."_ I chose the table next to his and let myself plop down in the chair, leaning my elbows on the desk and resting my head in my hands. _"Don't be so fretful, Draco! We're having a detention together, it's a premiere."_ My grin was obvious in my voice and I could see him turn his eyes.

_"__Want to celebrate now?"_ His expression gave the amusement away. The corner of his mouth were twitching upwards and he had raised his eyebrows. I knew him! As I watched him I couldn't hold back my grin, I was still overwhelmed by the fact that we were close again.

_"__Good to see that you can have a civil conversation."_ The calm voice of Professor McGonagall made us both flinch in surprise. With a loud noise the door closed behind her.

_"__We're always civil, Professor."_ I stated seriously and Draco snorted.

_"__Can't argue with that."_ I heard him mumble and tried to suppress my grin.

_"__Seeing as you're both having an 'Outstanding' as average grade you'll be correcting first and second year's essays."_ Professor McGonagall ignored our comments and handed each of us a huge stack of parchment.

_"__Excuse me but when are we allowed to leave?"_ Draco asked with a trace of annoyance in his voice. Professor McGonagall, however, smiled her stern smile and we both knew the answer to the question before she answered.

_"__You'll stay here until you've finished, Mr. Malfoy. Therefore, I suggest you go to work."_

Groaning, we both turned to our stack and started with the first page. _"This is your fault."_ I heard Draco's accusing whisper in my direction. I hummed absentminded whilst I read the essay.

_"__You're the one who involved him."_ I stated matter of fact. _"We both wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. You cannot blame me!"_ I didn't even look up from the piece of parchment but I knew he had heard me.

_"__Would you both please drop this childish behaviour! It's nerve-wrecking."_ Professor McGonagall commanded annoyed and I lowered my head, biting my lip to hold back a grin.

_"__Sorry."_ I gave my best to sound serious but wasn't successful. She shook her head in utter disbelieve and exhaled loudly.

The following silence didn't last long. Suddenly, the door was pushed open banging loudly against the wall. In rushed a very grim looking Severus. His gaze softened as he saw Draco and me now both staring at him.

_"__Severus, what is it?"_ Professor McGonagall asked standing up. Severus, however, waved his hand in her direction for her to stay where she was.

_"__I just visited Lupin."_ The corner of his mouth twitched upwards to a grin and his eyes sparkled._ "And I decided to come by and see if they're behaving."_ Now, Draco and I both glared at him, making Professor McGonagall smile.

_"__We're not ripping each other to shreds, if that's what you mean."_ I said with raised eyebrows and his grin grew bigger.

_"__Oh, I mean if you're respecting your Professor's presence. Your bickering can be very exhausting."_ He emphasized every word chuckling.

_"__You have to talk…"_ Draco stated ironically to himself, nevertheless, we all heard it.

_"__Sorry, but did you just accused our gloomy Potions Professor of 'bickering'?" _I asked in faked astonishment and Draco turned to me grinning. Then he looked at Severus with raised eyebrows who returned his gaze with the typical 'dare me' expression.

_"__Yes, I did."_ Professor McGonagall's gaze went from one to another in pure confusion.

_"__Careful, Malfoy."_ Severus said darkly but he only continued grinning.

_"__You don't scare me. As long as you're not in your classroom you're not my teacher."_

_"__Would someone please explain me what's going on here?"_ Professor McGonagall loudly interrupted their conversation.

Grinning Draco turned back to his stack of parchment, glancing shortly in my direction. I returned it and gave Severus a reassuring smile.

_"__He got you there, Severus."_ Severus watched me annoyed before looking at Professor McGonagall.

_"__I came here to tell you that they're only bickering because that's their way of having a conversation if somebody is with them who doesn't know about them."_ At her quizzical expression, he sighted. _"They're on speaking terms again, deeply lost in their brother-sister relationship."_ Severus said ironically and crossed his arms.

_"__Very funny, Severus."_ I exclaimed loudly.

_"__Anytime."_ Now, it was his turn to grin. Then he turned to her again. _"I'm leaving. If you can't handle the two of them, send me a note."_ Followed by our glares he left the classroom with a smirk on his face.

_"__Idiot!"_ Draco and I said at the same time. We looked at each other, then we started laughing.

_"__May I remind you that you'll have to stay here until you finished correcting the papers?"_ Professor McGonagall interrupted us sternly and we turned our attention back on the essays, still shaking with laugher.


	27. Chapter 27 - Werewolf

27\. Werewolf

Hagrid had lost the hearing and Buckbeat was supposed to be executed at sunset so we went to see him. On our way, we met Draco and Blaise sneaking around as it wasn't allowed for any student to be out at this time.

_"__Ah, come to see the show?"_ Draco couldn't hold back himself as he welcomed us grinning wildly. I became angry. This wasn't his fault but my friends thought it was. And he was supposed to show at least a little empathy towards me.

Before I could reply anything, Hermione dashed forward and smashed his jaw hard, making him step back in cold surprise.

_"__Now, leave!"_ I commanded coldly and he listened for once. He didn't dare casting me an apologetic look in front of my friends but I wouldn't have shown mercy right now. I was to angry for the moment.

As we arrived at Hagrid's we found him crying in his hut. He told us about every day he'd had with Buckbeat until he stood up suddenly, a horrified expression on his face.

_"__They're coming. You need to leave. If they find you here at this time you'll be in huge troubles, especially you Harry!"_ Hagrid told us worried.

Like in trance we made our way back up the hill. Horrified, we watched as Buckbeat was executed. Hagrid broke down next to him and I felt my eyes water up too. This was all my fault!

_"__Scabbers!"_ Ron exclaimed suddenly and we all turned around.

_"__Ron!"_ Hermione shouted out in a high-pitched voice. Ron had run towards the Whomping Willow.

_"__Ron, come back, quickly!"_ I shouted wide-eyed but he was looking in our direction as if he saw death himself.

_"__Hermione, Harry, Arya, RUN! It's the grim!"_ With a shaking hand, he pointed to something behind us and we whirled around. There it was. The grim existed! A huge black dog with dirty fur and big fangs was standing there growling.

Before we could move it run towards Ron and grabbed him by his leg, tearing him under earth through a small whole between the roots of the Whomping Willow. Ron let out a petrifying scream, then he vanished.

_"__RON!"_ Hermione screamed and Harry moved forwards but one of the roots blocked his way.

_"__Stay where you are!"_ I told them holding Hermione by her arm. _"I can do this."_ My voice was shaking and I closed my eyes trying to concentrate. I felt Hermione and Harry shift nervously next to me.

_"__Stop it, please. I can't concentrate and we need to help Ron!"_ I snapped.

Then I closed my eyes again and let my magic rush through my body. I knew I couldn't make it stop moving with using magic on the Willow itself so I tried it by influencing the nature around it. In the old elvish language, I started singing. I hadn't known that I could sing like this but right now I didn't even listen to myself. I was listening to the nature around me. I let the magic flood out through my voice and it affected every plant near me. The Whomping Willow slowed down in its movement and finally stopped striking out wildly in our direction.

The tunnel we entered after jumping through the whole was dark. Illuminating it with our wands we moved forward. After some minutes of walking in silence we arrived in an old, shabby hut. Hermione stopped dead in her tracks.

_"__We're in the Shrieking Shack!"_ She whispered. Slowly we climbed up some stairs, wands firmly in our hands. I preferred my wand now because I felt slightly tired after I had sung for the Whomping Willow.

We found Ron in a room with a four-poster-bed, laying on it holding his leg in pain. We rushed forward.

_"__Ron, where is it? Where's the dog?"_ Harry asked as Hermione exclaimed:_ "Your leg! You need to see Madame Pomfrey!"_

_"__No dog, it's a trap. He's an animagus!"_ Ron said through clenched teeth.

Wide eyed we whirled around following his gaze. Sirius Black.

_"__Expelliarmus."_ He shouted with Ron's wand in his hands and Harry's and my wands flew through the room. Rage overwhelmed me as I stared at this man with dark hair and even darker eyes. His clothes were torn and his body covered with dirt. I remembered the hate Severus had felt when he had spoken about how Black had treated him when they'd been younger.

_ "__Black, I'm warning you. You don't know who I am or what I can do!"_ I growled threating and his dark eyes turned to me. Suddenly, a strong feeling of sadness and loneliness rushed over me like cold water. I stumbled back and he grinned.

_"__I don't think I should know you and if so I'm sorry but I spent the last twelve years in Azkaban."_ The amusement in his voice made me angry enough to gain back my composure.

I concentrated on my hands, keeping my eyes open this time. It was harder with open eyes because I was distracted by the man facing me. Nevertheless, I managed to let a flame grow bigger and bigger in my hand until it was the sight of a bludger. Black didn't seem impressed so I let it turn into a crackling electric lightening.

_"__I am Aryanna Jackson."_ I said and intensified my gaze. Black wanted to say something but I cut him off. _"I am the daughter of Leyanne Jackson, Queen of the Elvish folk."_

_"__Impressive."_ Black exclaimed grinning wildly. Slowly he came closer. _Severus was right, he's arrogant, _I thought.

_"__If you want to kill him, you'll have to kill us first!"_ Ron shouted whilst Hermione and I stood in front of Harry.

_"__Only one will die tonight."_ Black stated fixing Ron with his gaze.

Harry however dashed forward and lunched himself at Black. He wringed Ron's wand out of his dirty hands and pointed it at Black. Before anyone could do something Professor Lupin entered and disarmed Harry.

Relieve let me relax a little but I became horrified as I saw Professor Lupin helping up Black in a friendly manner.

_"__NO!"_ Hermione screamed as horrified as we all were. _"I trusted you!... He's a werewolf!"_

I didn't feel my body anymore. Horror, anger and fear made me rigid. I didn't even hear what they were saying next. Suddenly, I understood how Severus could be so cold towards Lupin. He wanted me to stay away from him because he was afraid he would hurt me, as a werewolf.

_"…__just wait one more minute, Harry has the right to know why, Sirius."_ Professor Lupin said, handing Black his wand who glared in return.

_"__Who did it then? Who killed my parents if not him?"_ Harry shouted out furiously.

_"__Peter Pettigrew!"_ Black called out loudly.

_"__He's dead!"_ Harry stated angrily.

_"__Oh no, he's not. Come out, Peter!"_ Black screamed madly. _"Show yourself!"_

All the sudden, someone else shouted: _"Expelliarmus!"_

Black's wand flew towards the door and I recognized who it was…

Severus…

His face was distorted with rage like I'd never seen him before. Black however seemed to be unimpressed and grinned.

_"__Always coming to the wrong place at the wrong time, don't you Snape?!"_ Severus pointed his wand at Black's throat gazing quickly towards Lupin who stood a few steps away.

_"__The Dementors are waiting for you, dog!"_ Severus spat hatefully.

_"__Severus, listen."_ Lupin tried to emphasize but Severus silenced him with one look.

"_I'll bring you both to Dumbledore."_ With that Severus nodded in our direction but Harry hadn't planned on going.

Somehow, he held Hermione's wand in his hands and pointed it at Severus. In less than a second, he crashed against the wall and was buried with pieces of wood and old furniture.

_"__Harry!"_ I squeaked.

_"__You attacked a teacher!"_ Hermione's shocked voice wasn't helping.

He had attacked Severus and I couldn't go and see if he was alright because my friends were there. Again, my body was totally rigid as I watched the scene in front of me absentminded. Ron's rat Scabbers turned into an ugly, little, rat-like man after Lupin and Black had chased him through the room. Apparently, Black hadn't killed anyone and it hadn't been him who had betrayed Harry's parents. It was all Peter Pettigrew.

And then, suddenly, they were all attempting to leave. Harry and Black- Sirius helping Ron who couldn't walk properly and Hermione next to Professor Lupin. I couldn't stay back without anybody seeing me so I had to follow them reluctantly.

_"__Don't worry, he'll be fine."_ Lupin whispered as he had slowed down a little to walk next to me. Darkly, I looked at him and he sighted.

As we climbed out of the tunnel I realized that it was already dark. Harry and Sirius stood a few meters away from us talking. Hermione was leaning over Ron's leg and Lupin was completely rigid. Something was wrong!

We all turned around as Lupin let out a loud petrifying scream.

_"__REMUS!"_ Sirius shouted and run over to his old friend.

Harry run back to us as Lupin transformed into a wolf-like creature. In a second, Sirius had transformed into the black dog and was facing a now howling Lupin-werewolf. They started fighting and Sirius got thrown on top off the hill, disappearing in bushes.

_"__Potter, Jackson, stay back!"_ I jumped as Severus appeared, protecting us by standing right in front of the werewolf. He pushed me back even further, making me stumble. The werewolf however came closer. Suddenly, all my fear vanished and calm flooded my body. I knew what to do!

I passed under Severus' arm and neared the werewolf.

_"__JACKSON!"_ I felt Severus' scream through my whole body but I didn't turn around. Standing only a few meters away from the werewolf I closed my eyes, letting all my magic flood my body. Then like before I formed it into words and started singing more powerful than before.

No magic of one elf would have been strong enough to turn a werewolf back into its human shape but I let it fall into a state of trance. It wasn't angry anymore and not moving closer. We held each other's gaze.

I didn't feel the wind in my hair or the cold, I didn't hear or see the leaves moving. The only thing I felt was my magic leaving my body and the werewolf's heartbeat slowing down…

But suddenly, all hell broke loose in one second.

Above us, on the hill, a twig broke loudly in the calm. Something snapped in the werewolf's eyes and out of the corner of my eyes I saw a black dog prowl along the top of the hill, ready to jump on the creature. The werewolf attacked again…

A sharp pain on my chest and my stomach made me scream out as I fell on the ground. My body was on fire. My vision was blurred… turning black… blurred again.

The pain was too strong...

I didn't feel myself anymore…

I didn't remember where I was, what happened. My vision turned black…

**[Neutral POV]**

Arya laid motionless on the wet ground. Severus dashed forward standing between her body and the werewolf, attacking it furiously with spell after spell. Suddenly, the black dog jumped down on it and they disappeared running.

_"__SIRIUS!"_ Harry screamed out horrified and followed them.

_"__Harry!"_ Hermione exclaimed high-pitched but he had already vanished in the dark.

Severus turned towards the two of them making appear a stretcher with a single flick of his wand. Roughly, he helped Ron lay down on it. _"Go to the hospital wing, I'll take care of your friends!"_ Severus roared and they didn't dare speaking back. With a second wand flick the stretcher was lifted off the ground and followed Hermione who was almost running.

In a split second, Severus was kneeling next to Arya. Her eyes were shut but she was still breathing.

_"__Arya."_ He whispered shocked. There was blood everywhere. From the right shoulder to her left side there was a deep, bleeding scratch.

With shaking hands Severus caressed her cheek gently, worry and fear in every inch of his body.

_"__Arya, wake up!"_ His voice broke as he shook her head slightly. His hands were covered with blood but he didn't care. His gaze was resting on the beautiful girl's face. Her hazel brown hair was wet but still shining. Pulling out his wand again he whispered every healing spell he knew over the wound but it didn't help.

Helpless, he threw his wand aside and pulled her into his arms. _"WAKE UP!"_ He screamed as his eyes started to water up. No! He wouldn't cry! If he started crying now, he couldn't think clearly. He needed to bring her to the Hospital wing.

_"__Severus…"_ It was only a whisper but he laughed in relieve as he saw that her bright blue eyes had opened. Gently, he put a hand on Arya's cheek and she smiled slightly.

_"__Harry… Hermione…R-"_

_"__Shh, your two friends are already in Hogwarts."_ He tried to calm her. She would need all the energy she had to stay awake.

_"__Harry…"_ Severus clenched his jaw and was lost in those beautiful eyes. If he lied to her she would never forgive him for leaving her friend with a werewolf.

_"__He followed them."_ He couldn't keep his anger or hate out of his voice.

Arya closed her eye shortly._ "Safe them! Please, Severus!... Sirius… innocent…"_

Severus winced slightly as suddenly a bright green fire light up next to him. He looked around for his wand but a small hand on his arm made him stop.

_"__Go!"_ Again, it was a whisper but very determined.

_"__Arya, I need to bring you-"_

_"__Please, Severus!"_ He couldn't stand hearing her plead like this. Looking her deeply in the eyes for the last time he laid her down gently.

_"__Don't you dare falling asleep, Aryanna Jackson!"_ Severus stated begging slightly.

_"__Don't worry…"_ Her voice faded and he rushed towards the flame, thinking of where he wanted to go.

…

When he stepped out of the flame again it vanished. He didn't cast a glance at the two stretchers that where following him, carrying an unconscious Harry and Sirius.

In a split second he was kneeling next to Arya again. Her eyes were closed and her breathing even slower than before.

_"__ARYA!"_ He called, shaking her slightly. A cold wave rushed through his body and he started shaking. Severus clenched his jaw to keep his lips from trembling nevertheless he had difficulties forming words.

_"__Arya, I cannot lose you!"_ Severus voice was thick with emotions. _"I can't!... I need you!... Please… I didn't tell you the truth… you wanted to hear it…"_ His voice broke as he caressed her hair, her cheek, her hands with such gentleness as if she would break at his touch.

_"__I love you!... I love you so much, Aryanna Jackson!... And because we can never be together I pushed you away and it tore me apart. And it tore me apart to realize that you'd never love me the way I love you... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for pushing you away! Just stay alive, stay with me now!"_

The words blurted out of him as if he had wanted to say them for a long time. Then suddenly reality seemed to strike him and he looked at the wound on her chest. It had stopped bleeding now and her skin was pale.

Carefully, he lifted her off the ground, carrying her in his arms. Her head laid against his chest. As fast as possible he hurried to the Hospital Wing. Severus had never been so fast in his life, nevertheless, it seemed like hours until he crashed the door to the Hospital wing open.

**[Arya's POV]**

As I opened my eyes it took me some moments to understand where I was. And it took me several minutes to remember what had happened.

_"__Oh, thank Merlin. You're awake!"_ I heard the muffled voice of Madame Pomfrey. I tried to sit up but a sharp pain in my chest made me fall back wincing.

_"__Your wound hasn't healed completely, girl. You're lucky that Severus got you here in time."_ The stern face of the nurse appeared in my field of vision.

_Severus._

_"__Are my friends safe?" _I had difficulties with speaking, my voice sounded very raspy.

Madame Pomfrey smiled slightly. _"They're fine, now. After I patched them up."_ Disapproval of what had happened traced her voice.

_"__And what about Professor Lupin? And Sirius?"_ I asked worried but she only shook her head.

_"__The Professor is fine. Concerning Sirius Black… he escaped again."_ I sighted relieved.

I jerked as the door opened. In stepped my three friends, hurrying to my side.

_"__How're you feeling?"_ Harry asked with furrowed eyebrows.

_"__As if a train knocked me over."_ I stated and they laughed.

_"__We've been worried!"_ Hermione said quietly. _"It's been four days since Professor Snape brought you here."_

_"__Four days?!"_ I exclaimed surprised.

_"__Excuse me, I'll go and inform the headmaster that she's awake. You can stay here 'til I return. And Jackson, stay in bed!"_ Madame Pomfrey said sternly and left.

The second the door closed I asked:_ "What happened after I blacked out? Madame Pomfrey said Sirius escaped again?"_

The three of them exchanged looks. It was Hermione who answered. _"Well, approximately ten minutes after Ron and I arrived here, Snape burst inside carrying you in his arms. He had Harry and Sirius on two stretchers with him. Madame Pomfrey took care of Harry whilst Dumbledore and the minister of magic put Sirius in a cell on the north tower."_

She halted and glanced at Harry who continued for her. _"You remember that we wondered how Hermione could take so many classes, right?"_

I nodded.

_"__She had a time turner to go back in time this year. We used it to go back to the time we went down to visit Hagrid. We managed to save Buckbeat and Sirius."_ He grinned. _"Only Dumbledore and the four of us know about this and he wants it to stay this way, okay?"_

Smiling in return I nodded. _"No word!"_

_"__You should have seen Snape as he heard that Sirius escaped. He was far beyond furious!" _Ron exclaimed laughing and Harry joined in.

_"__He's the one who took care of you."_ Hermione said, glancing warningly at Harry and Ron. _"When he entered with you in his arms he was behaving strange. For the first time in these three years I've seen him worried. Dumbledore had to drag him out when he had finished bandaging your wound so that we could sleep. Well, we didn't. And when he heard that Sirius escaped he burst in here and screamed at Harry that he had something to do with it. It's like Ron said, he was more than furious! He really was frightening!"_ Hermione shivered slightly.

A cold wave of fear rushed through my body as I tried to envision Severus being that mad but I couldn't.

_"__Don't worry, he won't scream at you. Dumbledore wouldn't allow it. By the way, he has no reason to be angry at you. I've always been the one he hates, not you."_ Harry said reassuringly but it didn't help. Ironically, I laughed shortly, looking at Harry with raised eyebrows.

_"__Oh, I can assure you, he won't be impressed by the fact that 'Dumbledore wouldn't allow it'. Sometimes he doesn't care what Dumbledore or anybody else wants him to do, Harry."_

Right at that moment, the door burst open banging loudly against the wall. My friends whirled around in surprise and I sighted with closed eyes. Madame Pomfrey was walking next to Dumbledore who was followed by Professor McGonagall and a very tense looking Severus.

_"__Now, get out, the three of you. You can come back tomorrow. Your friend needs to rest!" _Madame Pomfrey shooed my friends out of the Hospital wing after they had told me that they would come back afterwards. The door closed with a loud noise.

_"__I assume you don't need me, Headmaster. I'm in my office."_ And with that she left through another door that lead to her office and private medicine store.

_"__How are you feeling, Jackson?"_ Professor McGonagall asked with a slight undertone of worry.

Carefully avoiding Severus' gaze, I looked at her. _"I'm fine. Tired but okay."_

_"__You do remember everything that happened?"_ Dumbledore asked seriously and I nodded.

_"__Perfect. You see Severus, nothing to worry about."_ And with that he released Severus' obviously withhold anger.

_"'__Nothing to worry about?'" _Severus repeated growling, startling me even more. Ron had been right; he was beyond furious. _"Black almost KILLED HER!"_

_"__Severus! You're frightening her!"_ Professor McGonagall tried to protect me but that made him finally turn to me.

Wordless he came closer and examined the bandage. _"Does it hurt?" _He asked not looking at me.

Not daring to say more than necessary I gulped. _"Only if I move too quickly."_

Severus didn't say anything whilst he carefully inspected the wound and bandaged it again. _"It takes longer than normal wounds because it was caused by a werewolf. Wounds caused by the children of the moon are different."_ Severus explained coldly still refusing to look me in the eyes.

_"__It'll heal completely but it needs some time."_ With shaking hands Severus mixed some bright white potion with water and poured it in a glass. _"Drink."_ He commanded, handing me the glass.

I did as he told and handed him the glass back. Sighting he put it on the small table next to the bed and stared at it darkly.

_"__Severus, please look at me."_ I pleaded with breaking voice but he didn't turn to me. Instead his hands turned into tight fists until his knuckles turned white.

_"__Severus!"_ I begged again.

Very slowly, his head turned but his gaze rested on the bandage on my chest. His expression was hard and cold and frightening.

_"__Severus…"_ I whispered, then I started again louder. _"If you're angry with me, please tell me! You can scream at me as much as you want, I deserve it! I almost killed myself with my magic and I'm sorry. But don't ignore me again, Severus. Please!"_

Severus turned around and grabbed the chair, turning it in my direction and sat down. Sighting deeply, he buried the face in his hands. _"Don't! Don't say anything, please."_

As he lifted his head again all the anger had vanished. Instead I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and all the vulnerability, worry and fear he had endured the last days.

_"__I'm so sorry, Severus!"_ My eyes watered up as the anger returned in less than a second.

_"__Stop apologizing, Arya!"_ He exclaimed furiously and jumped up, pacing up and down.

_"__Then stop ignoring me!"_ Helpless, I closed my eyes not to start crying. _"Tell me how angry you are, tell me that I was reckless and stupid and-"_

_"__I'm not angry at you!"_ Severus had stopped dead in his track and was staring at me coldly now. _"Yes, you've been reckless and stupid but it's not your fault that you almost died."_ He spat at me.

My mouth fell open in surprise. _"But… But why are you angry then?"_

Sighting desperately, he sat down again. Then he crossed his fingers, burying his nails deep into his skin. When he looked up again all the vulnerability had returned and his eyes showed helplessness.

_"__I almost lost you, Arya. For a few seconds, I thought you would die."_ Motionless, he sat on the chair and looked me deeply in the eyes.

I didn't know what to say. What do you say to something like this? _"I'm sorry."_ I whispered.

Severus caught me by surprise again as he laughed coldly, becoming tense again. _"It's not you who has to apologize!"_

_"__What?"_ I asked confused. Severus look came back to me but now it was filled with hate and anger again.

_"__It's Black. Black and Lupin ought to apologize to you even if it wouldn't change anything_!" He spat with clenched jaw.

Suddenly, I understood what this was all about. _"You think it's Sirius' fault? Or Lupin's?"_

Furiously, he furrowed his eyebrows. _"I know, it's their fault! And I hate them so much more for bringing you to the edge of death!... But Arya, please tell me you don't believe the story Black told you to convince you! He's a liar and an arrogant pureblood, like the rest of his family!"_

Angrily, I grabbed the blanket harder. _"Severus, you cannot blame Lupin for being a werewolf and you're only angry at Sirius because you hate him. And I know he told the truth so I decide where to go with it! This is MY decision, Severus."_ I stated warningly.

There was a long silence in which Severus stared at me angrily and I was watching him stubbornly. I knew he would never stop hating Sirius but then he had to accept that I believed in his innocence.

Severus sighted annoyed and turned to Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall who were watching us amused and worried.

_"__I think you can go now."_ Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows at his commanding tone but didn't say anything whilst Dumbledore returned his gaze happily.

_"__Just remember Severus, listen to your heart!"_

Severus growled something under his breath but they were already leaving. Still looking gloomy, he turned back to me. _"Fine, I won't tell you what to believe. But I will never forget that this filthy pooch almost killed you."_ He stated darkly as compromise.

I sighted tiredly. That would be difficult. _"That's good. For now… But only because I'm too tired to argue any further."_ I smiled in his direction and he moved his chair closer.

Gently, he took my small hands in his and looked me deeply in the eyes. _"You need to rest, Arya." _His voice was warm and loving as he smiled.

_"__Severus?"_ I asked turning serious.

_"__What?"_ Worried, his gaze went over my face. I entangled our hands and he stared at me waiting.

_"__I promise I won't ask you again why you pushed me away. But can you promise me that you won't push me away when I wake up next time?"_

Severus seemed to relax and smiled, squeezing my hands softly. _"Never again will I do it, Aryanna."_

I looked him in the eyes and knew that he said the truth. Smiling, I closed my eyes. I felt how Severus pulled the blanket around my shoulders. He planted a soft kiss on my forehead and took his hands out of mine.

_"__Sleep tight! You'll feel better when you wake up again."_


	28. Chapter 28 - Time to leave

28\. Time to leave

I woke up in total darkness. My eyes needed some time to adjust to the bit of moonlight that shone through the windows into the Hospital wing. I felt more relaxed than ever. As I watched at my stomach I saw that the bandage was still there. It didn't hurt, however, as I sat up very slowly. Smiling to myself, I turned my head to the nightstand, looking for something to drink. A glass filled with water waited for me to be drunken up, so I did. Quietly, I made my way to the bathroom. I don't know how long I laid in my bed with opened eyes. I watched as the first sunbeams shone through the windows.

_"__Ms. Jackson, I have some breakfast for you."_ I turned my head towards the door. Madame Pomfrey hurried inside smiling slightly, followed by a flying tray. Carefully, it landed on the bed in front of me.

_"__You need to eat. You haven't eaten for almost a week now."_ Sternly she watched me as I took some toast.

_"__I slept for another three days?"_ My mouth fell open in surprise and she smiled again.

_"__Well, your wound was deep dear. It needed some time to heal completely."_

_"__Thank you."_ I returned her smile but she shook her head.

_"__It was Severus, I didn't do anything except keeping an eye on you."_

I put the toast back on the plate and became determined. _"I have to talk to him!"_

_"__You stay here until he comes to you. Now eat."_ And with that she left, leaving me glaring at her back. Sighting, I started eating and my stomach started rumbling as I took the first bite.

I waited and waited until the door opened again. Madame Pomfrey was in her office, watching me sternly from time to time. She knew I wanted to leave.

"_Severus, thank Merlin! I want to get out of here."_ I desperately welcomed a warmly smiling Severus. Now, he raised his eyebrows and sat down on the chair again.

_"__I'm glad you're awake. Did you sleep well?"_ Annoyed, I turned my eyes making him chuckle.

_"__So bad, huh?"_

_"__I'm feeling better than ever and the wound doesn't hurt anymore. Please, tell me I can leave."_ I whined but he only raised one eyebrow.

_"__Calm down, will you? I came here right away every morning to see if you'd woken up. Have you eaten anything?"_ He was even worse than Madame Pomfrey! I sighted annoyed and showed him the empty plate.

_"__I ate everything and it wasn't little. I drank more than enough. I'm feeling rested and completely healed."_

Severus nodded grinning slightly. _"Your wound has healed so you can take off the bandage. But please don't decide to play Quidditch or another sport the next days. You still need to cover up."_ With a stern look he fixed me until I nodded. His serious expression turned to one of amusement.

Eagerly, I jumped out of bed, stumbling slightly as the surrounding needed a moment to stop moving. Severus grabbed my arms firmly. _"Careful, I told you. Or I'll tie you at this bed until you've covered up completely!"_

_"__I'm fine."_ I assured him seriously and he nodded.

_"__Of course."_ I crashed into him and put my arms around his back. Chuckling deeply – I felt it vibrate through my whole body and got goose bumps – he pulled me even closer to himself and rested his head on mine.

_"__Thank you so much for everything, Severus!"_ I told him loud enough so that he would hear it. _"I know it's been a while since I last said it but I love you."_

I could feel him sighting deeply and after a silence: _"I love you too."_

As I pulled back I was surprised to see that his expression had become serious again.

_"__What's wrong?"_ I asked carefully. Fear was growing inside of me. I was afraid he would push me away again but to my relieve he smiled.

_"__I'm glad you're fine, Aryanna."_ Slowly, I returned his smile, then something came into my mind.

_"__Can I ask you something and you promise me not to freak out?"_ Severus' smile vanished and was replaced by a quizzical expression.

_"__Go on."_ I sat down on the bed cross-legged and he followed my move by sitting down too.

_"__No, I want you to tell me not to become angry."_ I emphasized determined and his gaze turned colder in annoyance.

_"__If you're starting like this it cannot be good, therefore, I won't, Arya."_ Severus answered distant and my shoulders fell as all the tension left my body.

_"__What happened with Lupin?"_ Immediately, his expression turned darker. He clenched his jaw and looked away. I could see that he was trying not to lose the last self-control he had left. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, each was a problem for itself…

_"__He resigned."_ He said through clenched teeth and I furrowed my eyebrows.

_"__What?"_ Surprise dominated my voice. Annoyed, Severus turned his gaze back to me, hate and anger written all over his face.

_"__He didn't want to risk other students getting hurt because of him so he resigned and left a few days ago."_ Somewhat, smugly he stared at me and I sighted.

I exhaled deeply before continuing in a desperate, slightly pleading voice. _"Please, tell me you have nothing to do with it!"_

_"__I haven't."_ Severus stated blankly. His answer came quickly… too quickly.

_"__You're lying..."_ Annoyed, I sighted again. _"What happened?"_ I asked groaning quietly.

_"__Fine, I kind of forced him to resign."_ Severus mumbled gloomy. _At least he's feeling a bit of remorse_, I thought.

_"__What happened, Severus?" _I demanded more threatening. Again, he looked away, avoiding my angry stare.

_"__I let slip towards the Minister of Magic that he's a werewolf."_

Astonished my mouth fell open. I didn't even know what to say. There was a long silence which seemed to penetrate Severus more and more. Nervously, he had buried his fingernails in his palms, waiting for me to say something. He knew he would only make me angrier if he said anything else. But to my own surprise I wasn't angry. I was disappointed because I had never thought him behaving like this even if he hated the person.

Slowly, I looked him in the eyes, a very stern expression on my face. _"Honestly, I don't know what to say, Severus. I'm not even angry, only disappointed."_ He watched me with furrowed eyebrows and I knew he was worried what I would do next.

_"__I'm not asking you to apologize to him for this because you wouldn't mean it. But I'm asking you to draw a line under everything that happened between you, Remus and Sirius."_ As he attempted to say something I cut him off by raising one hand. _"No, let me finish speaking, Severus! You hate them and I accept that but I'm asking you to give your best so that your fight doesn't last forever. You're all adults so behave appropriate. I know Remus will accept it gladly. Sirius probably won't but try, nevertheless, to act civil. We're all on the same side, correspondingly, I want you to behave."_

Severus had closed his mouth again and remained quiet to my surprise. Then after a long break he spoke up. _"You accept that I hate them?"_

_"__Yes, Severus. I do because nobody can control what he feels. But it's up to you how you deal with your emotions."_

He stared at me for a long time, not saying anything. All the sudden, something seemed to snap in his eyes and he shook his head, a small smile on his lips. _"What did I do to deserve you?"_

I couldn't suppress a smile and chuckled. _"Well, you're a very good person, Severus."_

And suddenly, the unreadable expression I had seen during Potions class for the first time was back. The only difference was that the smile he wore now was his true, heartfelt smile and sending shivers up and down my spine. The gaze was so intense that I had difficulties in holding it. Not knowing what to do or say I returned his smile, feeling shy around him for the first time in my life.

_"__I think you should go to your friends now. They've spent a lot of time here and your brother asked me several times per day if you'd woken up already."_ Severus said then softly, snapping me out of my trance.

_"__Euh, yes I probably should." _Smiling nervously, I jumped out of bed.

_"__I'll accompany you down to the Great hall if you like."_ He offered, watching me closely, the smile still playing on his lips.

_"__I'd love that but I think I should take a quick shower first and get dressed. I'm just wearing a pyjama…" _I laughed but he didn't. _"You can go on. I'm down in twenty minutes."_

_"__I'm not moving until you're ready!"_ Severus crossed his fingers and returned my quizzical expression with a stubborn smile.

I sighted grinning. _"Fine."_ And with that I grabbed the pile of clothes Hermione had brought me and disappeared in the bathroom.

As I came out after almost twenty minutes I felt a wave of relieve and happiness to see Severus standing in front of the window, obviously staring into space. His expression was thoughtful and distant.

_"__I'm ready."_ I exclaimed cheerfully and he turned around smirking.

_"__Let's go then."_

As we entered the Great Hall several heads turned in our direction. The story of me being injured by a werewolf had spread quickly in Hogwarts. I was looking for my friends and met instead the gaze of Draco. As soon as he spotted me his face light up and he punched Blaise discreetly in the side. None of them dared to smile at me in front of everybody but I could feel their happiness through the hall.

_"__Arya!"_ Hermione's voice made me turn around as she'd already almost crashed me down. Laughing, I returned her embrace.

_"__I'm fine, I'm fine."_ I answered the silent question. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Severus pass, smirking in my direction with a raised eyebrow. I returned it with a big grin sitting down with my friends.

_"__Thank merlin, you're okay!"_ Harry said grinning broadly.

Suddenly, our attention was drawn by Gryffindors screaming out as a black something rushed over the table in our direction. Plates clattered loudly and pumpkin juice was spilled everywhere. I laughed as I recognized what- or better who it was.

Nala literally jumped into my arms, purring the loudest I'd ever heard from her. She didn't care that a lot of people were watching me angrily or annoyed as she started to curl up in my lap. I couldn't suppress a grin as I stroke her head gently.

_"__I missed you too, Nala. Glad to see that you're okay."_ I whispered and she snuggled even further into my robe.

_"__She spent every night and day on your bed waiting for you to come back."_ Hermione said smiling. _"I tried to take her to the hospital wing but she scratched me as I touched her and continued sleeping."_

_"__Oh, sorry."_ I exclaimed thoughtfully. I was lost in the sight of this little black beauty. I loved her so much!

Food appeared and even if I had just eaten breakfast I felt as if I hadn't eaten for a week. After lunch, I excused myself and told my friends that I needed some time alone. Hermione gave me an amused look before turning around and I couldn't hold back a bright smile.

Carefully, I snuck up to the Astronomy tower. I leaned myself on the railing and enjoyed the sight of the huge valley that lay before me. The sun reflected in the lake and made it look less dangerous. I would have loved to go swimming now but sadly it was forbidden.

_"__I still don't know if I should scream at you or hug you 'til your bones are breaking."_ I flinched and whirled around in a second; I wasn't supposed to be here. My heart was still pounding as I realised that it was Draco who was watching me thoughtfully. Blaise, standing next to him with crossed arms, was – as usual – wearing a light, happy expression.

Now he approached, a smile playing on his lips as he pulled me in a strong hug. _"We've been worried when we heard what happened."_ Still holding me by my arms Blaise look became serious and his voice lower. _"We tried to visit you at least once a day but your friends were always with you. Draco was furious about it! I had to hold him back several times from walking in the Hospital Wing like this."_

_"__Thank you, Blaise."_ My voice came out as a whisper. Since I had woken up I hadn't thought about what they had to go through. My Gryffindor friends could visit me anytime and Severus too, seeing as he was my healer along with Madame Pomfrey. But Draco and Blaise, my brother and my best friend couldn't because they were officially something like enemies, Slytherins.

Slowly, my gaze wandered to Draco who was still staring at me as if he didn't know me. Blaise took a step to the side awkwardly, his look going from me to Draco.

Fidgeting nervously with my hands I took some steps towards Draco. _"Draco, I-"_

_"__Oh, to hell with you!"_ His words made me stop dead in my move. But not a second later he surprised me as he crashed into me, pulling me strongly in a warm embrace. _"You are the most stupid person I've ever known, Aryanna Jackson!"_ Nevertheless, his tone was filled with nothing but worry and slight fear.

I buried my head in his shoulder and he hugged me stronger still whispering in my hair. _"I'm so glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done if you had died- if I had lost my sister."_

_"__I'm sorry, Draco. I'm so sorry."_ I pulled away and gulped at Draco's expressionless face. Suddenly, he sighted and looked down.

_"__I'm still more than angry that you did what you did. It was stupid and unnecessary. With your and your friend's help Sirius Black escaped and you put yourself in immense danger."_ He clenched his jaw and turned his gaze back up to me.

Embarrassed, I returned it. _"Sirius is innocent. He's Harry's uncle, he loved Harry's parents, he didn't betray them. It was all Peter Pettigrew."_ I explained quietly. I honestly didn't know how Draco would react now. The silence that followed made me even more nervous and jittery.

_"__And you trust him?"_ Draco asked with one raised eyebrow.

I answered, nodding slightly. _"Yes, I felt he's trustworthy."_

_"__Fine."_

_That's it already? _Draco's short response let me become more attentive.

_"__You're fine?!"_ I asked carefully and he sighted annoyed.

_"__No, I'm not fine!"_ Draco snapped angrily. His eyes sparkled dangerously. _"I trust in your magic, so I trust Black if you do. But that's it! It doesn't change the fact that I was afraid of losing you for more than a week. If it hadn't been for Blaise, I would have walked into the Hospital Wing to see you, not caring that your friends were in there too. It sucks that I'm not allowed to see you, I AM your family, not them!"_

_"__Draco."_ My voice broke as his words sunk in. And they hurt in the deepest place of my heart.

_"__I know, I'm not allowed to say it and I know nothing is going to change but I hate it!"_ The desperation and coldness at the same time made my heart only sting more.

With trembling lips, I pulled him in a warm and hopefully comforting hug. Draco and I were holding each other as if somebody was trying to separate us violently. I didn't need to say anything, we understood each other and knew that we couldn't change anything for the moment.

After a few moments Draco pulled away, his expression suddenly all happy and slightly mischievous. Quizzical, I took another step back but his grin turned bigger. He raised an eyebrow in Blaise' direction who returned it with the happiest I'd seen him in a long time… a very long time.

_"__What's going on with you two?"_ I asked warningly and looked from one to another.

_"__Well,"_ Blaise exclaimed smugly. _"We've got a surprise for you."_

_"__A surprise?"_ I asked dumbly and he chuckled.

_"__Yes, you heard him correctly. But you won't know what it is until next year."_ Draco warned me laughing and I groaned.

_"__And you told me now so that I'll rack my brain over the holidays until there's nothing left?"_

Even though, I had been worried about my brother a few minutes ago I was completely annoyed now. That's how it was with him and Blaise. They could make me sad and in the next moment they annoyed me again.

_"__That was the idea. Making you sit on glowing coals."_ Blaise joined Draco's laughing and I glared at them. But it didn't last long.

_"__It's worth it, I hope. Otherwise…"_ Grinning myself now, I raised my eyebrows provoking.

_"__Totally!"_ Draco assured me smiling.

"_Good."_ And with that I couldn't hold back my amusement anymore and joined in their laughing.

A few days later, I made my way to Severus office in the early morning. I was depressed and not feeling so well. Today, everybody would return to London.

Not bothering to knock, I opened the door only to find the office deserted and without any light. Slowly, I closed the door again and called into the dark. _"Severus?"_ _Maybe it was too early…_

The sound of an opening door made me flinch and I blinked as the room light up all the sudden. _"Good morning. Don't you think it's a bit early?"_ Severus amused voice made me turn towards the door to his private chamber and I grinned half-hearted.

_"__I woke up early and couldn't sleep anymore."_ I said excusing and he nodded thoughtfully. Then he sat down on the chair behind his desk and gestured for me to come closer. I sat down on his desk facing him and we watched each other in silence. The dark circles under his eyes hadn't disappeared. In fact, they were worse than before the disastrous night. _It seems as if I'm not the only one with sleeping problems…_

_"__You look as if you could need some sleep yourself, Severus."_ I told him quietly and he sighted, avoiding my gaze. I wasn't sure – it was hard to see in the dim light – but I thought he clenched his jaw.

_"__You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."_ His deep voice seemed so desperate, it gave me goose bumps all over my body.

_"__Are you? Because it doesn't look like it."_ Worried, I furrowed my eyebrows and bent my head a little to find his gaze.

Severus laughed shortly. _"I'm not the one who had to stay in the Hospital Wing for a week because of a werewolf's scratch."_

_"__Severus!"_ I sighted and raised my hands in annoyance. _"Would you please stop this nonsense and tell me what's going on?"_

_"__Certainly not!"_ Provoking, he raised his eyebrows, staring at me with wide opened eyes. I sighted again making his expression become serious again. _"Arya, I'm sorry but I can't tell you. I know you want to help me but this is something I need to take care of on my own."_

Gently, he had taken my hands in his, squeezing them comfortingly. The look he gave me was so deep and mixed with emotions that I had to break it. The desperation I felt radiating from him like heat from fire was overwhelming. I shivered as a burning wave rushed through my whole body.

_"__Fine. Just please don't ever push me away again!"_ I insisted quietly and Severus chuckled turning his eyes. Angrily, I glared at him and was surprised to find him staring at me again with nothing but sadness.

_"__Don't you understand that I cannot push you away? No matter what happens I'm always worried about you. I want to protect you even if I'm angry with you, even if I would love to scream at you like the day you got injured. So even if I tried to push you away I wouldn't be able to."_

His pleading and desperation made me feel so bad and happy at the same time. Never had I felt this strong urge to embrace him, that he held me in his arms until every negative feeling had vanished...

I was lost in his intense gaze… A long silence followed until Severus stood up exhaling loudly, snapping me out of my trance.

_"__I think it's time for breakfast."_ He said lightly. Luckily, he didn't see my sad expression I quickly replaced by a faked smile. _"And to say goodbye."_

Severus pulled me in a strong embrace and I buried my head in his robes, inhaling deeply the scent of Potions and Severus.

_"__I love you. And please write me."_ I told him and he nodded.

_"__I will. Take care, Aryanna!"_ I didn't know where it came from but suddenly I felt a slight pang in my heart as he dismissed me without another word, only wearing his thoughtful smile again.

After breakfast, the Hogwarts Express back to London waited for every student to enter. Sighting, I sat down in a compartment with my friends who were discussing if Sirius should write Harry letters or if it would be safer if he didn't.

_"__Arya, would you please tell Harry that's safer if he tells Sirius not to write?" _Hermione snapped me out of my thoughts. Confused, I turned in their direction and smiled apologetically at her.

_"__I think he should write him. You don't know how it is if you can't see somebody even if you miss him more than anything. As long as Sirius doesn't use his real name it's okay I guess."_ And with that the discussion was over.

_"__Did I already tell you that my dad got tickets for the Quidditch World Cup for all of you this summer?"_ Ron asked eagerly. _"The three of you need to come to my house so that we can go there together."_

And with that a new discussion about Quidditch and culture started, keeping us busy for the rest of the ride.


	29. Chapter 29, Year 4 - Penetrating dreams

29\. Penetrating dreams

_"__Love is nothing to be reserved or afraid of. Time will come when you'll realize that there can't be life without love, nor love without hate. Never underestimate love!" The light voice of Albus Dumbledore made me turn around but I was surrounded by nothing but darkness._

_Suddenly, I found myself in an empty classroom... Severus' classroom. Confused, I looked around and froze as I saw an older me face to face with Severus. Smiling he had pulled me closer by slipping a hand around my waist. Gently, he placed a kiss on my forehead and the older me leaned into him…_

_"__The Mirror of Erised shows us nothing more or less than the deepest and most desperate desires of our hearts." Again, I was standing in the dark, surrounded by Dumbledore's voice that seemed to come from everywhere. I started running…_

_"__Come to me, Aryanna. Come and join me. You cannot run away. It's your destiny to fight on my side…"_

Out of breath and shivering I opened my eyes. The cold voice of my father was still in my ears. It was chilly in the room. I sighted staring at the ceiling. The moon shone into the room and a light breeze came through the open window. I was lying on my bed in the orphanage and waiting for Draco's owl. Almost every evening, after sunset, I spent my time lying in bed and reading or doing nothing. It was so boring and I wished this holidays to be over soon so that I could go to the Burrows and see my friends again. I was so excited at the thought to see the Quidditch World Cup.

Exhaling deeply, I swung my legs out of bed and went over to my desk, sitting down. From here I had a perfect view out of the window. The rustling of paper made me look down and I noticed that I had sat down on my letters. It had only ben two weeks since I'd come from Hogwarts but it felt like eternity. Therefore, my brother, my friends and Severus had sent me several letters to keep me busy.

_Severus…_ I had had more and more strange dreams. Most of the times it was always the same. I saw an older me with Severus and I woke up when one of us was leaning in for a kiss. But the strange thing was that I never felt appalled in my dream. In contrary, I felt desire and a burning sensation rushing through my body. And the moment I woke up I was so confused that I didn't know what to think anymore. Sometimes I dreamt stupid things such as how Severus gave me the beautiful ring I had always wanted as first Christmas present in Hogwarts, how he had always taken care of me, how he tells me that he loves me. And then I dream of every time he had pushed me away or when he had been angry with me. I felt so confused about everything!

The shadow of an owl appeared in the darkness and snapped me out of my thoughts. Sighting, I shook my head and jumped of the desk.

_"__Hey there, I've been waiting for you!"_ I spoke gently to Draco's owl, who had a piece of parchment attached at its leg. Carefully, I took it and sat down on my bed.

**Dear Arya,**

**How are you doing? I hope it's not too boring alone so we write as much as we can. Your surprise is still waiting by the way. You'll love it! Derek wants me to tell you that he misses you, he and Blaise are with me in my room right now. Sadly, they didn't get tickets for the World Cup otherwise we could've gone together and arrange an 'accidental meet' with you…**

**Tell me more about those dreams you have! What are they about? Do you think they're just random or carrying a message for you? Did you tell Snape about it? Maybe he can help you…**

**I've got to go now. All the best from Blaise and Derek! Hope to see you at the Quidditch World Cup, would be great!**

**Love from your brother, Draco**

Smiling, I hold the letter in my hands for a little while. It would be awesome if I met Draco accidentally! Then again, he would definitely ask me about my dreams if we had enough time together. That wouldn't be so good after all. I hadn't told him yet what my dreams were about. How could I if I didn't even understand them myself.

Sighting annoyed, I stood up again. Those dreams were penetrating my mind! No matter what I did to keep myself busy, I couldn't forget them. Again and again, like a movie that repeated itself, I saw Severus leaning in to kiss me.

_Oh stop it, Aryanna! Stop thinking about it or it'll only become worse. _But why was I dreaming about being in love with Severus? That was the question I was asking myself every day… I didn't love him that way. I mean I enjoyed being with him, spending time with him. I loved our conversations, if we laughed together and I surely loved how good he knew me. And every time I thought about it I was overwhelmed by the fact that I was the only person who really knew him. Severus was being himself with me but no one else. With me he laughed, joked and showed his feelings. And I missed him! I missed him so much that a cold shiver rushed through my body every time I thought about him.

But I had never felt the urge to kiss him. _Why would I kiss him? He's the man who raised me. _

I groaned as I caught myself thinking about Severus again. _Those dreams are nonsense! And this mirror is too. _I told myself and searched my desk for an empty piece of parchment to write an answer.

**Dear Draco,**

**I'm fine and you? As fine as one can be here… Tell Derek that I'm missing him too! I'm so desperate to see him again, better sooner than later. And it would be great to meet at the World Cup, maybe our ways will cross…**

**Those dreams don't mean anything. I mean they're complete rubbish. So, don't worry about me, I can deal with it. In fact, they keep me busy because I'm trying to understand them. Seeing as I've nothing else to do here…**

**I wish you, Blaise and Derek my best and hope to see you soon, all of you!**

**All my love,**

**Arya**

With shaking hands, I attached the letter at the owl's leg and it took off into the night, leaving me alone in my room. Groaning, I let myself plop down on my bed and thought about the dream… again.

_Damn it, damn it. "Damn it!"_ I said to myself, punching the blanket aggressively. _Why the hell can't I forget anything? Why do I have those dreams?_ Restless, I turned around, laying on my stomach and burying my head in the pillow until I felt the lack of oxygen. Slowly, scene per scene I repeated the dream in my head.

_What will it be like if I kiss my fairy love? _I wondered, staring at the wall in front of me. _Not Severus, but my fairy love. I cannot kiss Severus after all. He's my… _

What was Severus? My father? My dad? I'd never called him 'dad' or 'father', not even as a child. No, my father was and will always be Tom Riddle, whether I liked it or not. But Severus?

_Wow and again I'm thinking about Severus._ Mentally, I slapped myself as hard as I could but nothing changed. I was still thinking about Severus. What if I really kissed him? What would happen?

_Oh come on, I'm being stupid again!_ _Severus doesn't even like me like that, end of story! And why would I kiss the guy who'd raised me?_

But I knew I couldn't turn my thoughts off so easily. Severus surely wasn't just 'the guy who'd raised me'. He meant so much more and it bothered me that I didn't even know what exactly he meant to me. Losing myself in my thoughts about Severus I finally fell asleep.

_"__Aryanna Jackson, I love you!... I love you so much!... And because we can never be together I pushed you away and it tore me apart… Please, stay with me… I cannot lose you!"_

_Severus desperation and fear filled my whole being, it surrounded me in the darkness. I didn't even see my own body in the utter, mind-penetrating blackness._

_"__Severus?!" I screamed out but there was no response._

_"__Stay alive! Please! Arya, I cannot lose you!_ _I can't!... I need you!"_ _Severus voice was thick with emotions. My heart felt as if a knife was stabbing it repeatedly. I wanted to tell him that I was alive but I didn't know where I was._

_"__I almost lost you, Arya. For a few seconds, I thought you would die." That had been his words when I had been in the hospital wing._

_"__I love you, Severus."_ _I heard my own voice quietly in the darkness._

_"__I love you too."_

I woke up sobbing this time. I still felt the desperation in Severus' voice in every inch of my body. Shivering, I pulled the blanket tighter around me. My body shook with uncontrollable sobs and I buried my head in my arms.

_Why, why, why? What did I do to have these dreams? _I didn't manage to fall asleep again so I cried into the blanket, hugging myself tightly.


	30. Chapter 30 - The Quidditch World Cup

30\. The Quidditch World Cup

The day before the Quidditch World Cup an auror picked me up and apparated me to the Burrows. Harry and Hermione were there already and I felt so excited to meet my friends again.

_"__Oh, hello Aryanna."_ Mrs. Weasley surprised me as she pulled me in a warm motherly hug.

_"__Please, I prefer Arya."_ I replied smiling and she laughed nervously.

_"__Oh, right. I forgot."_ And with that she returned into the kitchen, leaving me with Harry, Ron and Hermione outside. Suddenly, a very loud bang made us flinch and turn around in less than a second.

_"__Arya!"_

_"__You're here!"_

Some firecrackers were still burning as Fred and George hurried in our direction, huge grins on their faces. Laughing, I embraced them.

_"__New experiments? What are you doing this time?"_ George grin grew bigger but it was Fred who answered.

_"__You'll see in time."_

_"__So, do you guys want to play Quidditch?"_ George asked with raised eyebrows and Harry cheered.

_"__I've waited all summer! Who wants to play?"_ Eagerly, he looked around and Ron and I grinned.

_"__We're in. Do you want to play Hermione?"_ I asked but she shook her head and mumbled something about reading a book.

_"__Five… hmm."_ Fred furrowed his eyebrows. _"Hey, Charlie do you want to play Quidditch with us?"_ He shouted as he spotted his older brother coming around the house.

_"__I'd love to!"_ He replied smiling so we spent the rest of the day playing Quidditch.

_"__Arya, you have to wake up. It's almost time to leave the house."_ Hermione's voice woke me early the next morning. It was still dark outside. Groaning, I freed myself from the blanket and rubbed my eyes.

_"__Everything okay?"_ Hermione sat down on my bed, watching me closely. Quizzical, I furrowed my eyebrows and she fidget nervously with her hands. _"You've tossed around in your sleep, you've been dreaming. I heard you waking up several times. I didn't sleep much."_

_"__Sorry."_ I sighted and turned away but Hermione knew me better than this.

_"__Arya, what's wrong?"_ I felt her hand on my shoulder and sighted again. Aggressively, I dressed myself.

_"__I have dreams, Hermione. Strange dreams that penetrate me if I'm sleeping and keeping me busy if I'm awake. And I have nightmares about my father. Something is going to happen. I can feel that he's coming. My father will return soon!"_ Annoyed, I packed the rest of my things in the bag I would take with me.

_"__What strange dreams?"_ She asked carefully, I let myself plop down next to her.

_"__I dream I'm kissing somebody. He tells me he loves me and then we're kissing. Honestly, I don't know what it means."_

_"__Do you know him? Do you think he's your fairy-love?"_ Hermione asked with furrowed eyebrows. I had told her everything about fairy-love and everything she could know about fairies.

I laughed shortly. _"Oh, I don't think so. I mean I know him but I'm not sure how I feel about him."_

Thankfully, Mrs. Weasley entered the room that moment so that Hermione couldn't ask further. Still feeling very tired we started our walk to the place where we would find the portkey.

_"__Tell me about your nightmares."_ Hermione appeared next to me with Ginny by her side.

I remained silent for a while. _"Well, I can hear my father's voice. He tells me to join him. And then suddenly, I see dead bodies and Death Eaters. I cannot see his face but I feel it's him. I see a graveyard. There are Death Eaters everywhere. And Harry's there too. And then I wake up."_ Clenching my jaw, I walked faster. I could handle the dreams about Severus but the nightmares were horrible…

_"__Over here, Arthur."_ We all turned around as we arrived on top of a small hill. Two silhouettes appeared in the darkness.

_"__This is Amos Diggory everyone. He works at the Ministry too. He's here with his son, Cedric."_

Cedric, seeing him closer for the first time, appeared to be a very handsome boy of seventeen years- nevertheless, something told me that he wasn't my type. He was Hufflepuff's Quidditch Captain and Seeker. Hermione and Ginny exchanged short looks as Cedric greeted them smiling.

_"__Fine, now gather around. Everybody has to touch the portkey!"_ Mr. Weasley stated loudly.

Suddenly, we whirled up in the air. Around us the world was exploding and we sunk in the colourful lightening. I fell hard as my feet slammed into the ground. It took us some time to find our tent. We met several people we knew, we passed the corner of the Irish fans. The Bulgarian fans had their tents decorated with red banners.

In the afternoon, we made our way to the stadium. We walked through a small forest until we arrived on the largest opening I'd ever seen. A huge stadium appeared in front of us and my mouth fell open.

_"__The Ministry task force has worked here all year. Every muggle-repelling spell has been put in every inch of this stadium so that no muggle can come near it."_ Mr. Weasley explained us.

I didn't know where to look as we entered the stadium, climbing up to the priority rank, getting higher and higher. Never had I felt so small as I leaned forward to the railing and looked down. The stadium was huge and we were seated right in the middle between the two goal sides.

_"__This is awesome!"_ George exclaimed grinning next to me. Beaming, I stood up and leaned myself on the railing, feeling amazed at all the waving flags and the colourful battle between the green Irish fans and the red Bulgarians.

_"__Oh, there comes Lucius."_ At the words of the Minister of Magic I whirled around in a second. There they were: Lucius, Narcissa and Draco. They were edging through the second row to three empty seats right behind us. Lucius greeted the Weasley's, Harry and Hermione with a very cold expression and of course they returned it. When his cold gaze met mine, I raised my head a little and watched him provoking. My hands had gripped the railing tightly and I clenched my jaw. Nobody here knew who I was – Tom Riddle's daughter - and Lucius surely could be so cruel to tell everybody.

Luckily, he decided to go with a nod, nevertheless I didn't return it. Narcissa watched me up and down, a disapproving expression on her face and I answered by turning my eyes. Draco, sitting next to her, raised one eyebrow and I knew it was his way of showing his amusement and happiness. The corner of my mouth twitched slightly. Provoking, I stared at the three of them as I sat down slowly, not breaking the gaze. Seeing as Lucius was talking to the Minister of Magic now, I grinned smugly in Narcissa's direction, earning a dark look from her. Draco, however, kept a straight face, making me grin even more. By the twitching muscle around his jaw I saw that he had difficulties keeping his face blank and I decided to be fair today.

I turned towards Hermione who looked at me with a quizzical expression. Chuckling, I shook my head and she nodded thoughtfully as if to say I was being crazy. Luckily, Ludo Bagman and Cornelius Fudge announced the start of the Quidditch match so that she couldn't ask further.

It was a very impressive match! I loved Quidditch but the matches at Hogwarts were nothing compared to this one. Every player had a firebolt so it was way faster than any match I'd ever seen. Krum, Bulgaria's seeker, and Lynch, the Irish seeker, fought a bitter battle until Krum finally caught the snitch. Nevertheless, Ireland won. Every Irish fan screamed and shouted out in surprise and happiness as the Irish Quidditch team flew around the stadium.

With all this noise around our tent it was impossible to sleep. The Irish fans were celebrating all night. In the early morning hours, I finally managed to fall asleep but not for long…

_"__Look who decided to join us tonight!" My father walked smoothly in my direction. My body was numb and cold... I had lost my magic… Desperate and helpless I was kneeling on the wet grass. As I raised my head slowly I realized that I was on a graveyard. The moonlight made the gravestone shadow's grow bigger and bigger. Between the shadows stood Death Eaters. They were all staring at me through their hideous masks._

_I didn't even flinch as a cold finger forced my head up and I stared in two lifeless snake eyes. "You won't get away this time."_

_Disgusted, I pulled my head out of his grip and spat:" I'll never help you! I'd rather die!"_

_He laughed coldly and pushed me on the ground. "You will." Tom Riddle raised his wand grinning ugly. "Crucio!"_

_A sharp burning pain rushed through my whole body but I forced myself to keep my mouth closed. I wouldn't scream out in pain... The pain felt unbearable... I couldn't give in… Far away I heard somebody screaming…_

I woke up shaking and drenched in sweat. My heart was still pounding rapidly in my chest.

_"__Arya!" _I heard Hermione's worried voice and raised my head like in trance, not really realizing what was happening. Screams and the sound of fire penetrated my ears and I jumped out of bed, feeling all awake all the sudden.

_"__Get dressed!"_ Never had I heard Mr. Weasley so worried and I exchanged a short look with Hermione. _"HURRY!"_ He emphasized.

As we all got out of our tent people were running in one direction: they fled the camp. Some tents were burning, the bright light blinding in the dark night. _"George, Fred, you take Ginny. The four of you stay together. We meet back at the Portkey if we lose each other. Now RUN!" _Mr. Weasley shouted and pushed Ginny in direction of the forest.

As soon as he had finished speaking we run. After a few meters, we had already lost sight of Fred, George and Ginny. Suddenly, a tent next to us caught fire and we jumped away in surprise. I fell on the ground hitting it painfully.

_"__Come on!" _Harry urged and helped me up roughly. We started running again. I looked behind us and froze right where I was… People in black robes were walking between the tents. They put every tent on fire and attacked the few muggles who were in the camp. Their faces were hidden behind hideous masks. I had seen them in my dreams… Death Eaters.

A firm grip on my arm pulled me away from them and I followed stumbling. _What if my dreams aren't just dreams? If Death Eaters dare to attack people in front of the whole Ministry my father must have something to do with it, _I thought whilst we passed tents after tents.

_"__Damn it, Aryanna!"_ We had reached the small forest and I was pushed behind a hedge. The thorns made their way through my thin jacket and I flinched. As I looked up I was surprised to find myself staring in ice blue eyes.

_"__Draco?"_ I whispered with furrowed eyebrows. _"What the hell are you doing here? Where are my friends?"_

Draco pushed me even further into the hedge and squeezed himself in front of me. _"I saw you with your friends but you stopped suddenly. So I pulled you away."_ He answered angrily and my expression became worried.

_"__Draco, Death Eaters. They're here! We have to leave."_ But instead of making an effort to leave he took of his jacket and helped me putting it on.

_"__I know, my father's with them. I saw him leaving when he thought I was sleeping. My mother told me that he had some business to take care of." _Draco clenched his jaw and exhaled deeply.

_"__Draco, I need to find my friends. We cannot stay here. Somebody will find us."_ I urged, watching him worried and he sighted.

_"__Fine. I'll help you."_ He pulled me on my feet.

_"__No, you stay here."_

Angrily, he shook his head. _"I'm NOT leaving you, Arya!"_ Draco started walking but I made him turn around.

_"__I'm leaving! End of story."_ I told him seriously. Suddenly he opened his eyes in shock and pulled me behind a tree.

_"__Crap!"_ Quizzical, I watched him closely. His jaw was clenched and he was looking around alerted.

_"__What is it?"_ He remained silent. Annoyed, I tried to get out of his grip but he had pinned me against the tree, holding my arms firmly and pushing his weight against me.

_"__Draco!"_ I whined but he didn't look at me.

_"__Shut up!"_ I closed my mouth again and stared at him annoyed. Suddenly, he released my grip and pushed me in the other direction we had come from. _"Leave. Some Slytherins are coming. Find your friends!"_ He urged whispering and left in the opposite direction.

_"__Glad to see you too."_ I groaned to myself, shaking my head in disbelieve. Then I started running again. I couldn't use my magic whilst I run. I wasn't good enough. There were easy things I could do without thinking but this was beyond my abilities.

Angrily, I clenched my jaw and ignored the sharp stitch in my side. I screamed and stopped dead in my track as I reached a clearing facing three people with wands pointed in my direction.

_"__Thank Merlin, you're here!"_ Ron exclaimed and lowered his wand.

_"__What happened to you? You were with us and then suddenly we had lost you." _Hermione asked frantically and I grabbed my side, completely out of breath.

_"__I… saw Death Eaters… Somebody pulled me away and I found myself alone in the woods… So… I went looking for you."_ I said panting.

_"__Shht."_ Hermione whirled around in less than a second and we all looked around alerted. We heard somebody staggering towards our clearing.

_"__MORSMORDRE!"_ Somebody shouted into the silence and we flinched as a flashing green light made its way towards the sky. A colossal skull, composed of emerald green stars, with a serpent protruding out of its mouth like a tongue rose higher and higher until it looked like a drawn picture against the dark sky. The Dark Mark.

For the second time this night a cold wave of fear rushed through my whole body. My father would return soon.

_"__We need to leave."_ Hermione dragged us towards the forest. We hadn't moved more than a few metres when the series of popping noises announced the arrival of several wizards. Every wizard had its wand pointed in our direction and we ducked just right in time before the first spells crashed against each other above our heads.

_"__Stop! That's my son!"_ A voice I recognized shouted between the spells. _"Are you okay?"_ A very worried Mr. Weasley asked and we nodded.

_"__Who of you did it?"_ Mr. Crouch asked, all the other wizards stared at him in disbelief. Did he thought we had conjured the Dark Mark?

_"__This is insane, they're just kids."_ A witch said in our defence and luckily Mr. Crouch decided to let it drop.

Feeling very shaken and cold Mr. Weasley walked us to the place where we had arrived with the portkey. Fred and George greeted us relieved whilst Ginny run towards her father. Together, we walked back to our tent and found Bill, Charlie and Percy inside.

As soon as we had woken up later in the morning we took the portkey back to the Burrows. Mrs. Weasley awaited us already, her whole composure showing her worry.

_"__Mrs. Weasley, Hedwig hasn't come back, hasn't she?" _Harry asked all the sudden and the three of us turned quizzical in his direction.

_"__No, she hasn't." _Mrs. Weasley answered distractedly. Harry, Ron, Hermione and I left to Ron's room. He told us about a nightmare he had had a few times in which he had seen how Riddle had killed somebody.

_"__It was only a nightmare."_ Ron stated matter of fact.

_"__I don't think it was."_ I said thoughtfully and Harry looked at me curiously. _"I had dreams too. I'm on a graveyard with a lot of Death Eaters and my father. He asks me to join him but I refuse. It ends always the same: I suffer under the Cruciatus Curse."_

_"__You shouldn't take them seriously! Or you won't be able to sleep anymore one day."_ Hermione said in a tone that said that this discussion was over.

A few days later we were all busy with packing our things for Hogwarts. Hermione and I had been sleeping with Ginny in her room and because we were eager to return to Hogwarts we were in a very good mood.

_"__I wonder why you need dress robes this year…"_ Ginny exclaimed whilst putting her robes in the suitcase.

_"__I don't know. I mean your parents seem to know why but they don't want to tell us."_ Hermione said laughing. Then she became serious and turned to me. _"You don't have a dress yet, have you?"_

_"__No, I mean we agreed on going to Hogsmeade together, didn't we?"_ Raising my eyebrows, I nervously bit on my lip.

Hermione seemed relieved and grinned. _"We did and I'm looking forward to it! Shopping together for the first time."_

Ironically, I turned my eyes but couldn't suppress a grin. _"I only hope I'll find something to wear."_

_"__I read that Hogsmeade opened a special shop just for Hogwarts this year. We'll find something!"_ Hermione assured me.

_"__Shouldn't you rather be worried about who you're going with? I mean I guess it's something where you'll have to go with a partner." _Ginny asked grinning mischievously and I exchanged a look with Hermione.

_"__If so I'm going alone!"_ I stated determined, ignoring their giggling.

_"__Is there nobody you would like to go with?"_ Ginny asked watching me carefully. Suddenly, feeling lost and alone I plugged my last books into my suitcase a bit to aggressively.

_"__No, there isn't."_ I mumbled making them grin even more.

_"__Hm, whatever you say."_ Ginny returned her attention to Hermione who shrugged and I felt relieved. I trusted Ginny but I didn't think she would understand it. She didn't even know who my father was; Ron was the only Weasley who knew about me. The rest of them only knew that I was half a fairy.

That night I couldn't sleep. Ginny's question was penetrating my mind. _Who would I want to go with if it's a real ball? _The picture of me and Severus kissing came to my mind and I sighted in annoyance. Tomorrow I would be seeing him again… At that thought my lips turned into a smile and a strong wave of anticipation rushed through my body, giving me goose bumps and making my heart pound faster in my chest.


	31. Chapter 31 - The Triwizard Tournament

31\. The Triwizard Tournament

Mrs. Weasley, Charlie and Bill brought us to London the next morning. They acted strange but didn't want to tell us why. Annoyed, the four of us parted from Ginny, Fred and George as we entered the train. We found an empty compartment but were soon joined by Seamus and Neville. Of course, we talked about the Quidditch World Cup. Hermione preferred to read a book, commenting something from time to time. We all looked up as the door to our compartment opened loudly.

_"__What do you want, Malfoy?"_ Harry asked angrily but Draco was staring at me, his serious expression turning into a smug grin.

_"__Jackson."_ I saw right through his mask. He had come to see if I was alright after what happened at the World Cup. Playing the same game, I returned his stare with raised eyebrows.

_"__Malfoy?"_ I asked, emphasizing every letter. His grin only grew bigger.

_"__Tell me Weasley, are you going to enter? Win some money for your family?"_ Ron – looking totally confused – turned towards Draco. _"Or are you too afraid?"_

_"__What the hell are you talking about?"_ Ron asked through clenched teeth and I shot a warning look towards Draco.

_"__You don't know? Your father and your brother work for the Ministry but they didn't tell you?"_

He was about to say more but I cut him off. _"If you're not here to tell us something decent, Malfoy, you should leave now."_ I said in an uninterested tone, not even looking at him. I was amazed at how easy it was to keep our games on going in front of my friends. They thought we were hating each other but it was the complete opposite. We couldn't talk to each other normally so we had to find another way. We provoked and challenged us all the time and people around us believed we were insulting each other. And right now, I was annoyed by the fact that Draco knew what was happening in Hogwarts this year and I didn't…

Draco wasn't impressed, instead he turned his gaze back to me, his expression amused. _"Whatever, Jackson. Whatever. Just don't forget what I told you!"_ And with that he left, followed by a smugly looking Blaise who grinned in my direction before he closed the door shut.

_"__What was that?"_ Harry mumbled and I shook my head chuckling. _"Bloody Malfoy."_

It was raining cats and dogs as we entered the castle. We were all happy to enter the warm, familiar corridors we knew too well. I couldn't stop grinning as I entered the Great Hall, nor could I prevent myself from looking up at the teacher's table automatically. I found Severus in less than a second and felt the all too familiar comforting wave rushing through my body. Our gazes met and the corner of his mouth twitched. He couldn't smile openly so he nodded discreetly and I returned it. Feeling light and carefree all the sudden I raised my head a little and smiled the happiest smile I had. Never before had I felt that happy! My stupid dreams about Severus and me kissing were forgotten, right now I was just happy to see him again.

_"__Oh, come on. Hurry up! I'm starving!"_ Ron groaned as the huge doors opened again and Professor McGonagall entered, followed by first years. They all got sorted and the feast appeared. When we had finished eating Dumbledore stood up and the Great Hall fell silent. As usual he welcomed us back and warned us to enter the Forest.

_"__Furthermore, I have to inform you that the inter-house Quidditch Cup won't take place this year."_ A lot of people shouted out in protest but he silenced them by raising his hand. _"I can assure you that the reason for it is totally worth it."_ At this he smiled and winked. _"There's an event that will take place during this year. It'll start in October. I have great pleasure in announcing-"_

He was cut off by the banging noise of the huge door to the Great Hall. A man stood in the doorway right as the bewitched ceiling started to rumble and shooting lightnings everywhere. People started screaming but I couldn't turn my gaze away from the man who had now taken out his wand. The ceiling calmed down again. The man limped towards Dumbledore, leaning on a walking stick seeing as one leg seemed to be a prosthesis.

_"__That's Mad-Eye Moody."_ Ron said baffled.

_"__Alastor Moody? The auror?" _Hermione asked impressed and I exchanged a short look with Harry.

_"__May I introduce our new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Moody."_ Dumbledore exclaimed cheerfully into the silence.

Professor Moody had reached him now and they greeted each other, then he sat down next to Severus. Dumbledore turned everyone's attention back to him before he continued. _"Now, as I was saying I've great pleasure in announcing the Triwizard Tournament!"_

Along with a handful people I cheered and grinned brightly in George' direction whose brother had jumped up, looking like a child at Christmas.

_"__You're joking!"_ Fred shouted out loudly, making everybody laugh. Dumbledore seemed amused and smiled with sparkling eyes.

_"__No, Mr. Weasley, I'm not joking…"_ A long explanation followed, nevertheless, everybody was listening interested. I knew what a Triwizard Tournament was, Severus had told me when I had lived with him. The newest rule they had added this year was that only students of age could enter the Tournament. It didn't bother me; I didn't want to enter but I had always wanted to meet other schools. In a month, Beauxbatons and Durmstrang would come to Hogwarts.

_"__Go without me guys, I'll catch up later." _I told them as we left the Great Hall and entered the next bathroom. I waited until I couldn't feel anybody left in the corridors. Quietly, I made my way towards the dungeons, heading to Severus' office. My good mood was more than enough to make the darkness and coldness appear more comfortable. With a bright smile, I pushed the door open.

_"__Arya."_ Severus was seated behind his desk but as he realized that it was me he stood up. Severus greeted me with the warmest smile I'd ever seen. Chuckling he pulled me towards his chest and I returned his embrace. Sighting deeply, I inhaled his all too familiar scent.

_"__You've grown over summer."_ Severus determined amused, not letting go of me.

_"__Well, I can't look up to you for the rest of my life."_ I replied into his robes. Goose bumps appeared on my body, making me shiver, as Severus deep chuckle made his chest vibrate against me. In a second he had pushed me back gently.

_"__Are you cold?"_ He watched me closely and I shook my head smiling.

_"__Don't worry, I'm fine."_ He remained silent, only raised one eyebrow. I couldn't hold back my laugher as he looked at me with this expression. _Oh, how much I wish I knew how to do this…_

_"__If you say so."_ With that he turned around and sat down behind his desk again. Turning the empty chair in my direction with a flick of his wand he leaned back and crossed his arms grinning.

I ignored the chair and sat down on his desk with folded legs. _"So… The Triwizard Tournament. You couldn't tell me about it?"_

_"__Oh, I could have. But I didn't want to."_ Severus grinned mischievously and I exhaled loudly.

_"__Draco knew about it and kind of rubbed it in my face during the train ride." _I glared as Severus started laughing. _"Oh, quit it."_ I mumbled annoyed making him only laugh harder. I couldn't stay angry, on the contrary, I started laughing too. _It feels so good!_

_"__Honestly, I didn't think you'd be so relaxed; with the Tournament, I mean. After all, it's dangerous."_ I said still chuckling.

Severus shook his shoulders and stared at a piece of parchment on his desk. _"You cannot enter, that's fine by me. It's way better than you making the Quidditch team."_

His words touched me, I couldn't say why. Maybe it was because he had said it so incidentally. _He's always looking out for my safety…_

As I remained silent, Severus raised his head looking at me intensely. _"I didn't mean to insult you if I did. But you know how I think about Quidditch."_

_"__I'm not insulted…"_ I reassured him and he sighted. _"Hey, I guess you know what we need the dress for! It was written on our list." _Quizzical, I raised my eyebrows as Severus smiled.

_"__It's a tradition of the Triwizard Tournament that there's a Yule Ball at Christmas."_

_"__Oh, Merlin. You mean with dancing and music and everything?"_ I awed with an open mouth.

Severus shook his head in disbelief, groaning: _"Merlin… Yes, it's a real Ball where you have to go with a date."_

Feeling amazed, I smiled brightly. As his words sunk in I furrowed my eyebrows and bit my lip nervously. _"Wait. Did you just say I have to find a date?"_ _Where do I find a proper date?_

Now he turned his eyes in annoyance. _"Yes, that's what I said. Honestly, I didn't think you'd react so… girlish… otherwise I wouldn't have told you…"_

_"__Oh, shut up."_ I told him thoughtfully.

_"__Excuse me?"_ Severus asked grinning smugly now and I glared in return.

_"__Where am I supposed to find a date?"_ I asked desperately as if he hadn't said anything.

_"__Oh, there are enough boys in Hogwarts that look at you more than they should…"_ For the first time this evening Severus' good mood seemed to have vanished. Gloomy he stared into space, obviously thinking about bad mannered boys. And I didn't like it!

I snapped my fingers in front of his face making him look at me again with a dark expression. "_Oh, please don't play my dad who doesn't want me to go out with boys."_ Suddenly, feeling annoyed I took a deep breath, playing with my fingers.

Through clenched teeth, he replied: _"I'm not. I just don't want you to go with somebody who's only interested in y-"._

_"__No, no, no, no, no, Severus. Just NO!"_ I raised my hands and watched him angrily.

_"__What?"_ Quizzical, he looked at me with furrowed eyebrows.

_"__I'm not talking with you about boys."_ Determined, I crossed my arms.

_"__Fine."_ Severus clenched his jaw and folded his fingers tightly.

_"__Fine."_ I stated matter of fact.

There was a long silence…

_"__Do you have any idea who you would like to go with?"_ Severus asked looking at me through his eyelashes. Now it was my turn to shake my head in disbelief. I opened my mouth to answer him but then I realized that I didn't have an answer.

_"__Well, I'd love to go with Draco, Blaise or Derek."_ I said quietly after a moment. "_But they're out of range. Officially, I hate Draco and Blaise… and Derek's not here. And- "._

I stopped midsentence as I realized what I had just thought. _I would go with Severus... But I can't. _The picture of me and Severus kissing formed in my head. _No! I'm being stupid._ I clenched my jaw and lowered my gaze.

_"__Arya?"_ Severus leaned forward, watching me closely.

I smiled nervously, feeling suddenly uncomfortable and awkward. _"It's nothing."_ My voice broke, of course, Severus saw through me.

Gently, he took my hands in his making them burn under his touch. _"I'm sorry I asked…"_ To my utter annoyance he was trying to suppress a grin. Before I could say something, however, he continued quickly. _"Do you trust me?"_

_"__Of course."_ I replied confused.

_"__Then believe me if I say that you'll go with somebody you like."_ Mischievously, he grinned at me and I took my hands out of his.

_"__If you say so."_ I wasn't convinced at all but Severus truly seemed to believe it. Annoyed, I let my gaze wander around the room. I felt him staring at me but I refused to look at him, I couldn't look at him without thinking about my dreams.

My gaze stopped on a piece of parchment that lay next to me on the table, the one Severus had looked at before. _Wait… I know the writing…_

_"__Why do you have a letter from Draco?"_ Confused, I finally looked at Severus who sighted. I sensed he being nervous.

_"__He wrote me about what happened the night of the Quidditch World Cup."_

I buried my head in my hands. _"He had no right to tell you! You're always too worried about everything and I guess you're angry now but you don't have the right to be. After all, you cannot always flip out if you're imagining a 'what if'-situation. –"_

Severus tried to interrupt my rant by raising one hand but I ignored him. So, he cut me off loudly. _"Aryanna!"_

Taken by surprise, I stopped staring at him. Severus took a deep breath, obviously thinking about what to say. He knew if he used the wrong words I would continue going on about him.

_"__I'm not angry. I mean, I was when I heard what happened and I wanted nothing more than making sure you're okay. But before you went to the Weasley's Albus sent a letter in which he asked them to tell him if something happened to you. And the morning you came back to the Burrows Mrs. Weasley wrote a letter to tell him that you were completely fine. And to tell you something about me being worried: I'm always worried about you but I trust that you could have handled one or two Death Eaters. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't help you if you would find yourself in such a situation."_

Severus was being completely serious what left me totally speechless. He continued gentler than before. _"By the way, I trust the Weasley family. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley know who you are so they know how important it is to keep you safe."_

_"__They know who I am?... You mean they know I'm his daughter?"_ My quiet voice showed how taken aback I felt. Severus nodded smiling and I needed a moment until the meaning of his words had sunken in.

The corner of my mouth twitched slightly upwards. I couldn't believe what he had just told me. _"They don't hate me! I mean they like me as much as Harry and Hermione."_

Severus chuckled as I desperately tried to understand it. _"Yes, they do and that's why I trust them. Albus told them who you are when you and your friends saved Ginny."_ He looked me deeply in the eyes. _"The first thing they've said after a short silence was 'Somebody who doesn't know wouldn't guess. She's nothing but a true Gryffindor'."_

I couldn't suppress a small grin as Severus said it. I could see in his eyes that he knew how happy I was. Relief flooded my whole body and I felt how the tension left every muscle. _"Do you think the rest of the family knows it too?"_

_"__I don't know but I know they would never condemn you for who you are. I mean you just need to look at these nerve-wracking twins, they love you." _I laughed and Severus grinned.

_"__Thank you."_ I told him softly and he answered with a quizzical look. _"You said you trusted me; that I could take care of my own. It's the first time you said it."_

Severus gazed at his hands, his voice suddenly serious. _"It's the truth even if I always act opposite."_

Smiling, I jumped off the table, making him look up.

_"__Maybe it's time for you to go."_ He told me reluctantly, giving me goose bumps again. _He didn't want me to go…_

_"__Yes, I think I should."_ Severus sighted deeply and stood up as well. We embraced us warmly, I inhaled his scent with closed eyes before pulling away.

_"__Good night, Severus."_ He smiled and nodded in return. Suppressing a yawn, I left the office making my way towards Gryffindor tower.


	32. Chapter 32 - Professor Moody

32\. Professor Moody

Classes started the next morning. Almost everybody was speaking about the Triwizard Tournament. The morning began with Transfigurations and Herbology. In the afternoon, I had a free period. My friends went to Care for Magical Creatures whilst I went down to the lake. After what had happened with the hippogriff last year I had decided to drop the subject. It wasn't of great use anyway but of course I didn't tell Hagrid. I used the excuse that I had enough to do with my other subjects. It sort of was true, my dreams kept me busy almost every free minute I had.

Sighting, I sat down and smiled at the awesome sight in front of me. The sound of a breaking twig made me whirl around in less than a second. Slowly and with a very arrogant posture Nala strutted in my direction.

_"__You couldn't have shown up yesterday, couldn't you?"_ I laughed as she rubbed her small head against my leg. Carefully, she climbed on my lap and made herself comfortable, purring loudly.

Slowly, I lay down in the grass after some time. Since I had the strange dreams I hadn't managed to sleep properly. Therefore, I was feeling tired whenever I had nothing to do.

_"__You're too late!"_ _I said through clenched teeth. My father curled his lip in anger as I resisted his torture. "I've already found my fairy-love."_

_"__Who is he?" He spat in my face raising his wand threating._

_I laughed provocative. "Do you honestly believe I would tell you? I'd rather die than betraying him."_

_"__Crucio!" My father screamed out and I fell back on the wet ground, doubling over with pain. I forbade myself to scream out, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I wouldn't!_

_"__You will tell me who he is, Aryanna." Slowly, he walked around me and smiled ugly. "Nobody has ever resisted the Cruciatus Curse. Don't think that you can."_

_"__Arya." That was it. I started hallucinating. I heard Severus calling my name. But he wasn't here._

_"__Aryanna!" Severus called louder and more determined now. As the pain diminished I looked up at my father but he didn't seem to have heard him._

_"__ARYA!" What if he really was here? What if he had followed me here somehow? If he continued screaming my name my father would find him._

_A sharp pain on my forearm made me flinch…_

Screaming, I opened my eyes and sat up.

_"__Calm down, it's okay. It was just a dream."_ I heard Draco's voice to my left. As I turned I realized that he had a firm grip on my arm.

_"__Arya!"_ Draco snapped me out of my trance and I looked around. My face felt cold and as I touched it, it was wet. I had been crying…

_"__Hey, it was just a dream."_ Worried, he tried to embrace me but I pulled back. Tightly, I put my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knee.

_"__I'm used to having these dreams, Draco. Nothing to worry about."_ I stared into space in front of me. Draco let himself plop down next to me now, obviously annoyed.

_"__Nothing to worry about. Right. You tossed and turned, crying and whimpering. I wouldn't say it's nothing to worry about!" _Angrily, he threw his hands up whilst staring at me. _"Tell me what you're dreaming. Obviously, they're penetrating you since summer holidays."_

A long silence followed in which I gulped several times…

_"__Promise me not to tell anyone, especially not Severus. Not like the Quidditch match…"_ Accusingly, I lowered my voice and glared at Draco.

Draco – being Draco – never felt awkward or ashamed of something. Therefore, he shrugged his shoulders and answered in a bored voice. _"I knew you wouldn't tell him so I did instead."_

_"__You're incredible!"_ I couldn't suppress a short laugh and he chuckled.

_"__I know."_ I raised my eyebrows as he grinned self-consciously.

_"__Don't flutter yourself!"_ That made him laugh and I grinned in return.

_"__So, tell me about your dreams."_ Annoyed, I exhaled loudly. I knew he wouldn't let it drop, especially not after what had happened a few moments ago.

_"__I have nightmares."_ I started quietly. _"I see myself on a graveyard with my father and Death Eaters. He uses the Cruciatus Curse because he wants to know who my fairy-love is. I resist him and he tortures me again."_

Draco watched me thoughtfully. _"What do you think they mean?"_

Helpless, I shrugged my shoulders. _"If I knew… I'm always dreaming, every night and it's annoying. Hermione has already asked me about it because she noticed that I'm not sleeping well."_

_"__And if you asked Snape for a sleeping potion? Maybe it would help you."_ Draco suggested.

I laughed shortly and shook my head quickly. _"Oh no, definitely not!"_

Confused, my brother furrowed his eyebrows, gazing at me with a quizzical expression. _"Why not? Did something happen?"_

_No, nothing happened. _I gulped as the thought popped into my head. What was happening to me?

_"__He won't give it to me until he knows why I want it. So, I'd have no choice except telling him."_ I mumbled, nevertheless he heard it and started grinning to my annoyance.

_"__You would get it if you really wanted it. The reason you tell him everything is because you're always giving in. But if you insisted on not telling him you would get your sleeping potion without revealing your dark dreams."_ Draco said provocative ironically and I groaned.

_"__Who of us lived with him again?"_

_"__Don't start like this. Everybody else would have to give a precise reason as to why he needs a sleeping potion but you… Snape would give you everything."_ Draco finished matter of fact.

_"__You have no idea what you're talking about."_ My glare didn't impress him. On the contrary, he started laughing smugly.

_"__I know more than you do, beloved sister. I know things you wouldn't dream of."_ I pushed him and he fell back, still laughing.

_"__Shut up, you bloody nag! You know what, I think I should go now. My friends are maybe already wondering where I am." _Grinning at him, I stood up.

_"__Wait, wait. You do remember what I told you in the train right?"_ Draco had stood up as well.

_"__Yes, you told me to remember what you told me before. Whatever it means…"_ I put on a fake confused expression and to my amusement he bought it.

_"__You forgot? Blaise and I told you that we had a surprise for you and you'll have it soon."_

_"__Of course, I didn't forget, Draco. By the way, it annoyed me all summer that you wouldn't tell me what it is. Technically, it's still annoying me…"_ I couldn't suppress a grin as he started chuckling.

_"__You'll love it!"_ He assured me. Then he pulled me in an embrace. _"This year will be awesome!"_ Draco's happiness confused me. I mean the Triwizard Tournament was awesome but seeing as he couldn't enter it would only be something we could watch.

With that he left me standing there alone, ignoring my question I called after him. _"When will I get it?" _He only raised one hand before he disappeared around the corner.

Everybody, was eager for Defence Against the Dark Arts on Wednesday. According to Fred and George he was the best teacher they'd ever had. Therefore, it was no surprise that we were all waiting to enter the classroom even before the bell had rang.

_"__Good morning, class. I'm Professor Moody and your teacher for this year. I'm here because Dumbledore asked me too. End of story, goodbye, the end. Any questions?"_ Professor Moody's welcome speech took many by surprise, me as well. But not because of what he had said rather of the feeling he made me feel. My magic told me that he was lying, something dark came from him and flooded the whole room.

_"__Jackson!"_ I flinched in surprise as he snapped me out of my thoughts.

_"__Sorry, professor."_ I replied automatically making his scary eye turn to me. He watched me closely with both eyes now as a sudden sharp pain erupted in my left forearm. I flinched and groaned with a clenched jaw. Then as fast as it had come the pain subsided until I felt nothing anymore but a throbbing sensation. Something was undoubtedly wrong here! It felt all so incredibly strange… Hermione watched me with furrowed eyebrows but I ignored her.

Moody's eye wandered to my forearm and his lips twitched._ "I didn't ask anything; I'm just reading out your names. But I don't want to find you stare into space again in my class!"_ Warningly, he gave me one last stare then he continued. I pulled up my sleeve but there was nothing on my arm. _Perhaps my body is reacting to the darkness I feel in him…_

Maybe it was because he was an auror. Alastor Moody had been the greatest auror of his time, he had brought more Death Eaters to Azkaban than anyone else. Maybe the feeling of darkness didn't leave you if you had spent too much time with it.

_But Severus doesn't feel like him even if he has been a Death Eaters back then. _Annoyed, I sighted and turned my attention back to Professor Moody who was now asking about the unforgivable Curses.

To my disgust he was taking out a spider and pointing his wand at it. Ron had just named the Imperius Curse. Did he really wanted to use it on the spider?

_"__Imperio!"_ Moody growled and the spider flinched before becoming rigid. I folded my fingers and pressed my nails deeply into my hands. My body had tensed up as I watched the spider horrified.

Moody let it jump from one student to another, some laughed, others screamed. I clenched my jaw and had difficulties in keeping my mouth close. Hermione, sitting next to me, had the same feelings.

_"__Who knows another one?"_ Moody asked as the spider had returned into his hand. To my surprise, Neville raised a shaking hand so Moody turned to him.

_"__There's the Cruciatus."_ Neville said in a determined and slightly shaking voice.

A cold wave rushed over my body. He wouldn't! _Not the Cruciatus Curse!_ I pressed my hands together as hard as I could to prevent them from shaking.

_"__Crucio!"_ At once, the spider's legs bent in upon its body. It rolled over and twitched horribly, rocking from side to side.

Now, I couldn't stop my whole body from shaking. The pain the spider felt was unbearable! I knew if it could it would scream. Suddenly, the scene in front of my eyes changed. I was on the graveyard again and my father pointed his wand at me. He laughed as he used the Curse over and over again until I couldn't stop whining and doubling over in agony.

_"__STOP IT! Can't you see it's bothering him, stop it!"_ Hermione shouted and in a second I was back in the classroom, watching the spider being in great pain; but it wasn't the only one. Neville had turned to the side, a tight grip on the desk next to him. His body was tense and his expression horrified. I understood how he felt.

Moody lowered his wand and the spider stopped moving. _"Maybe you want to tell us the last Curse, Ms. Granger?"_

For the first time, Hermione refused to give an answer. Moody, put the spider in front of us on the desk and I pushed my chair back as fast as I could, watching the scene in front of me disgusted.

_"__Avada Kedavra!"_ A green flash light and the spider was dead.

_"__The Killing Curse. There's no counter curse. And there's only one person who's ever survived it."_ The whole class glanced at Harry who tried to avoid them. Any other day I would have smiled at him to comfort him but I was still too shocked at what had just happened; How Professor Moody had tortured and killed the spiders so easily.

_"__You need to be prepared for the real world!"_ He continued as if nothing had happened. Slowly, I approached my chair towards the table. The spider had vanished, with a flick of his wand Moody had made it disappear. _"You need to know what you're facing. Dark Magic is very subtle and dangerous. If you don't know what you're up against you'll die. That's the reason why so many witches and wizards died facing You-Know-Who's Death Eaters. They didn't know anything about the dark."_

Moody had stopped in his pacing and fixed me with his gaze. A cold wave rushed down my spine. The dark I felt radiating from him was scary! I wished nothing more than to look away and avoid his piercing, cold and uncomfortable gaze but I didn't want to show him my fear. My forearm was stitching again but not as strongly as before…

_"__How should they've known about it, Sir?"_ To my great relief, Blaise had come up with a distraction. Moody blinked and I felt weight being lifted off my body as he turned towards Blaise. Slowly, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Whilst I observed Moody answering Blaise' question I couldn't ignore the strong feeling that something was wrong here.

_"__I'm here to prepare you against the Dark. Now, I want you to open your books and take notes on the Unforgivable Curses!"_

And so, we spent the rest of the lesson in silence, working on the Curses. I couldn't concentrate however… My gaze drifted off to our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher who scribbled something down. Moody looked like… well, like an auror might look after passing his whole life chasing Death Eaters. Thoughtfully, I chewed on the tip of my feather.

_Something's wrong here!_ The rest of the time I racked my brain to find out what was it that bothered me so much but as the bell rang I hadn't made any progress. Annoyed, I stuffed my things in my bag and threw it aggressively over my shoulder. I felt someone watching me but I wanted to get out of here so badly that I didn't turn around again.

_"__Arya, wait."_ Hermione called after me as I walked quickly through the corridors. I didn't slow down or turn around until a hand on my shoulder stopped me. With a cold expression, I turned around and yanked myself out of Hermione's grip. Annoyed, I sighted and continued my way towards the Dungeons for Potions class.

_"__I just want to get away from that man."_ I said through clenched teeth, walking at full speed. _"Something's wrong with him."_

_"__What do you mean 'wrong'?"_ Harry asked quizzical. _"Because he showed us the Unforgivable Curses?"_

_"__Yes… No…"_ Helpless, I threw my hands up and looked around to see if anybody was with us. In a lower voice, I continued. _"It's difficult to explain. On one hand, he's himself but then on the other hand he's lying and something dark is coming from him."_

_"__He's an auror, Arya. He spent his whole life fighting Death Eaters. Of course, he cannot tell us everything." _Hermione tried to reason but I shook my head._ "Besides, what was that with your arm?"_

_"__He's on our side, he wouldn't hurt innocent people. I mean Dumbledore made him come back because he trusts him."_ Harry said as we turned around the last corner.

Annoyed, I exclaimed: _"You cannot understand it. It's what I feel and my magic never betrayed me before. And I don't know why my arm was hurting all the sudden, Hermione."_

With that the discussion was over and we waited for Severus to enter the classroom. Gloomy, I stared into space. _I shouldn't be so angry!_ I told myself. _What I told them doesn't really make sense, I don't understand it myself…_

_"__Enter, class."_ Severus snapped me out of my thoughts and I followed Hermione in silence as she chose a table on the other side of the classroom.

_"__I want you to open your books on page 216. You'll find the instruction for a Shrinking Solution."_ Severus instructed, his gaze wandering around the room. With a flick of his wand the needed ingredients appeared on the tables and I light up the fire under my boiler, the one Derek had sent me for Christmas last year. I smiled at the thought of him but it vanished quickly as I started working. The Potion was tricky but nothing I couldn't handle.

The only problem was that I couldn't really concentrate on Potions right now. My thoughts were still in Moody's classroom. Repeatedly, I felt the feeling he made me feel or the ones I'd had when I'd watched each spider being tortured.

Tears came to my eyes and I cut my roots more aggressively, clenching my jaw. Never had I thought a teacher would use the Unforgivable Curses. Absentminded, I threw the roots in the boiler and stirred. Now, I needed to wait a few minutes to put in the next ingredient.

I let my gaze wander around the room and found myself staring in Severus eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed with worry. He knew something was wrong…

_How comes that he doesn't look older than when I first met him…_ Deep in thoughts I noticed for the first time that he – indeed – didn't look older than thirty. _Strange!_

Severus snapped me out of my thoughts as he nodded towards my table. I didn't understand at first but when he turned away, I looked around remembered the potion I had to brew. Sighting, I turned my attention back to my boiler.

_"__Time's up. Bring me a flask with your potion."_ Defiance my lack of concentration I had finished the solution just in time.

_"__I want to ask Professor Snape something. I'll come to the common room right away."_ I told my friends as I slowly packed my things. They agreed to meet me later and I waited until everybody had left the room and closed the door.

Severus stood with his back to me, leaning over his desk and writing something. I stepped forward making him turn around with a confused expression. As he realized it was me his face softened and he came nearer.

_"__Arya, what happened?"_ He crossed his arm, facing me with a very serious expression. I laughed nervously.

_"__Is it really that obvious?"_ Severus didn't laugh only nodded shortly before intensifying his gaze.

I lowered my head and sighted. _"It's Professor Moody."_

_"__What did he do?"_

Angrily, I clenched my jaw and looked him dead in the eyes. _"He showed us the Unforgivable Curses. He USED them, Severus. Did Dumbledore wanted him to do this when he asked him to teach in Hogwarts?"_

Severus seemed taken by surprise. After a second, however, he had hidden it successfully, leaving me questioning myself if I had maybe only imagined it. Severus' expression was blank now and he wasn't looking at me anymore. The tension in his whole body, the clenched jaw and the tightly crossed arms showed his anger.

_"__That was to be expected."_ Severus voice was surprisingly calm. With a cool expression, he gazed down at me and I opened my mouth in disbelief.

_"__You mean it's okay?"_ Astonishment was dominating my voice, the anger had disappeared.

Something snapped in Severus' eyes and his gaze turned dark. _"Of course not but Albus needs him here this year."_

_"__That's no reason, Severus."_ I glared at him, doing my best not to show my confusion. Absentminded, I scratched my forearm where it had started burning before. Severus sighted and relaxed. His voice was softer as he continued.

_"__I cannot tell you but he has a good reason. I thought it being a good idea seeing as the other schools would come here. Moody can keep an eye on everybody."_

Now, I couldn't hold back my confusion any longer. "_You agreed to have him here?"_

Severus furrowed his eyebrows, alarmed and confused by my appalled voice. _"Yes, why?"_

I threw my hands up helpless, never had I felt so misunderstood from Severus. _"I don't like him. He's not a good person, Severus! Something's wrong with him!"_ I decided not to tell him about my arm though. It was just something unimportant anyway.

Severus stepped closer, resting his warm hands on my shoulders to comfort me… it didn't. He searched my gaze worriedly. _"This is not about the Unforgivable Curses. What happened, Arya?"_

I had closed my eyes not to freak out. As I opened them again Severus was still watching me closely. Embarrassed, I lowered my look and stared on the floor. _"I cannot explain it."_

I didn't know how to explain. Severus forced me to look at him and I gulped. _"Try."_

A silence followed in which I tried to think clearly. _"I have a bad feeling with him. Whenever he says something he seems to be himself but he's lying most of the time. Dark is radiating from him like… he reminds me of my father. I don't like him, Severus!"_ I finished, desperately for him to understand or at least not telling me that I was being ridiculous. Severus took me by surprise as he pulled me in a comforting, warm hug.

_"__I don't like him either. I always feel watched if he's around. You know, one reason I agreed to Albus' idea was that he couldn't see you with his eye. You're a fairy, therefore, he cannot see us in here. Or to put it in another way, he cannot see in any room you're in, whether you're alone or not."_

His words did comfort me and I relaxed in his arms. _"I'm sorry what you had to go through today. I didn't wish it to happen. I'll speak with Albus about it, I promise. Hopefully, he won't do something like it again." _Severus voice was thick with sadness and it gave me goose bumps.

Determined, I pulled away and watched him warningly. _"This is not your fault!"_

Severus sighted, his mouth twitching. _"I know, nevertheless, I feel responsible."_

_"__Well, you're not…"_ I told matter of fact and he smiled. _"I think I should go now. My friends are waiting."_

_"__And I have to correct papers."_ Bored, he turned his eyes making me chuckle.

_"__Have fun!"_ I stated grinning and he turned around groaning.

_"__Oh, shut up."_ I heard him mumble and couldn't suppress a laugh as I left.


	33. Chapter 33 - A huge surprise

33\. A huge surprise

Severus' conversation with Dumbledore wasn't of great use. To my horror, Professor Moody wanted us to experience the Imperius Curse in the next Defence against the Dark Arts lesson… I've got to say that it didn't work on me, much to Severus' relief. Instead, my arm kept burning and stitching now and then in his lessons but I was not paying it much attention.

Draco and Blaise were becoming more and more secretive. Nothing could stop them from being in a – strangely – very good mood all the time. Whenever I asked them what it was all about they grinned and left me standing alone. Boys…

_"__Arya, would you please stop jumping around!"_ Hermione said annoyed.

Today was the day Durmstrang and Beauxbatons would arrive. Every student and every teacher was outside to await their arrival. I was waiting with my friends. The excitement to see the students from other magical schools had made me jittery. Like a child at Christmas, I was jumping up and down grinning madly.

_"__Sorry."_ I wasn't… Hermione shook her head laughing as I didn't stop fidgeting around.

_"__Look, there!"_ Somebody, called and we all turned towards the Forbidden Forest. Very slowly, a huge carriage approached flying. It was pulled by huge winged, elegant white horses. As they had landed safely on the ground it came to a halt. The door opened and out stepped the tallest woman I'd ever seen: Madame Maxime.

The Beauxbatons students – all girls – had climbed out the carriage and stood now shivering behind their headmistress. Many boys stared at them, Ron and Harry too, whilst Hermione and I exchanged looks. Those girls looked spoilt and arrogant.

Madame Maxime lead her students inside to warm them up. We, Hogwarts, stayed outside, eagerly awaiting Durmstrang's arrival. Suddenly, something moved on the lake and a moment later the tip of a mast appeared in the middle of it. A huge, beautiful ship emerged out of the lake.

We watched as silhouettes disembarked the ship and disappeared out of sight for a few moments. Finally, they had arrived in the entrance hall. Durmstrang was an all-boys school. The students were muscular and seemed very athletic attiring many girls looks. They wore all the same grim expression. Dumbledore greeted their headmaster Igor Karkaroff with a hug. Together they entered the great hall, followed by the boys of Durmstrang and the Hogwarts students.

_"__Harry, have you seen him? That was Viktor Krum!"_ A very excited Ron exclaimed. He wasn't the only one who had noticed the famous Quidditch player. Many girls were discussing Krum whilst we searched a place at the Gryffindor table.

_"__Why did he have to sit down next to Malfoy?"_ Ron groaned and I turned around in my seat to find Draco sitting in my direction with Krum next to him. Blaise was with his back to me, obviously in a deep conversation with the black haired Durmstrang sitting next to him. I could barely suppress a smile as I saw them all laughing and joking around as if they knew each other for years. I wished nothing more than joining them!

As Dumbledore started his welcome speech I turned sighting. Afterwards, food appeared and everybody started eating. Ron was still overwhelmed by the fact that Viktor Krum was here and convinced the Beauxbatons girls being Veelas. He wasn't the only boy staring at them, not bothered by the fact that they were three years older. Hermione seemed very annoyed by his behaviour and I smiled to myself; she liked him…

When I had finished eating, I started observing the new students a little closer seeing as most people were still eating. The Beauxbatons girls were beautiful, no doubt, but they seemed a little unnatural. My gaze wandered from one to another and I stopped as I caught one staring up at the teacher's table. She smiled slightly then whispered something to the girl sitting next to her and they giggled. Now, they were both staring up. Feeling annoyed by their stupid behaviour I followed their gaze.

_Severus._

In less than a second, I returned my furious glare to the two girls who were talking again. Did they really just watch Severus? I felt my heart beating faster as I tried to control my annoyance. _Why am I angry all the sudden? They looked at him… so? _Shaking my head, I tried to forget what just happened but I couldn't._ You don't like it!_ The thought popped up out of nowhere.

_"__You okay?"_ Hermione asked with raised eyebrows.

I turned to her and smiled. I caressed my forearm absentminded as it prickled slightly. _"Yes, don't worry. Just had something in my eye."_

_"__And I was afraid you tried to kill somebody with your look."_ Hermione laughed and I groaned. Grinning, she leaned closer and whispered: _"So you did!"_ Grinning smugly, she turned towards Harry and Ron.

_"__Just don't ask further because then I couldn't answer you."_ I mumbled loud enough so that she could hear it.

_"__Don't worry, I won't."_ I didn't like her grin…

Dumbledore spoke up again and officially opened the Triwizard Tournament. Every student of age had to throw his or her name into the goblet of fire. After the whole ceremony had finished we left along with all the others. In the entrance hall, we stepped aside to let Karkaroff and his students pass.

Karkaroff, however, stopped dead in his track, blocking the way, staring at Harry. I turned my eyes and decided to go quickly to the bathroom. As I was washing my hands two Beauxbatons came in talking to each other. They ignored me completely. I raised my head and saw the reflections of the two girls I had watched earlier.

_Severus…_

A sharp pain in my chest made me flinch. Suddenly, feeling angry and more than confused, I literally fled out of the bathroom. My friends had already left to Gryffindor tower, maybe it was better that way. I couldn't have been able to explain anything… I didn't even understand it myself!

Students were still in the corridors so I walked as fast as I could, my fists clenched tightly. The picture of Severus being watched by the two Beauxbatons girls didn't leave my mind. I clenched my jaw and passed the portrait of the fat lady in a deserted corridor. Aggressively, I opened the first door I saw and found myself in an empty, very dusty room. With a loud banging noise the door closed behind me but I didn't care.

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying desperately to calm down. I felt so angry and confused. When I had realized that the girls had been the ones who had watched Severus I had been close to scream at them. I had wanted to tell them that Severus was nothing of their concern, that they had to leave him alone!

_"__Crap!"_ I cried out and let myself fall down on my knees. _What's happening to me? Why do I have such a strong fixation?_

The picture of me and Severus kissing came into my mind and I squeezed my eyes close. I took a very deep breath, filling every inch of my lungs with air and screamed…

In the silence of the room it sounded earsplitting, nevertheless, it felt good… sadly, only for a few moments. So when I walked back to the common room I was already thinking about Severus again. Feeling tired and annoyed by myself, I went to bed right away.

_Everything will be better tomorrow, _I told myself before closing my eyes.

The next morning was a Saturday, therefore we had no classes today. I wanted to enjoy the short time I had left alone until I went down for breakfast so I took a long shower. Under the hot water I felt my whole body relax and managed to shake of my nightmare and the problems I'd had yesterday.

_"__Arya, we're hungry, come on!"_ Hermione banged against the bathroom door and I groaned inwardly. That was it, my day started… and I would have to face my problems again. Those two Beauxbatons and Severus…

_"__You missed something yesterday evening! Ron couldn't stop talking about Viktor Krum. He was beyond annoying me…"_ Hermione told me as we went down the stairs. Ron and Harry awaited us in the common room and together we made our way to the great hall.

_"__Do you think they'll stay in the castle the whole day and do nothing?" _Ron wondered thoughtfully as a few Beauxbatons passed us. Giggling, they sat down at the Ravenclaw table and I glared at them.

_"__Don't know. Let's find a seat. I'm starving!"_ Harry exclaimed to Hermione's relief. _"I wished I could play some Quidditch now. It's unfair that we aren't allowed to play just for fun."_

I grabbed a piece of toast. _"I'm sure Fred and George would play if you asked them. I'd be in too."_ Mischievously, I grinned in his direction and he laughed.

_"__You're kidding! Fred and George are more than busy with finding a way how to enter the Tournament."_ Harry replied and I shrugged my shoulders.

_"__True. But you can ask them afterwards when they realised that there's no way. If they're not too depressed …"_ I chuckled as Fred and George passed us, obviously, arguing quietly about something.

_"__Their behaviour is stupid. I mean they won't be able to fool Dumbledore's age line."_ Hermione said in her typically stern voice from behind the Daily Prophet.

_"__Something exciting happened?"_ Harry asked. Hermione never got to answer, however, because Ron interrupted her as a group of Durmstrangs entered the great hall.

_"__Do you think Krum will play Quidditch while he's here in Hogwarts? I mean he has to practice after all."_ Ron's gaze was fixed on the grim looking Quidditch player who was surrounded by his friends.

Again, they sat down at the Slytherin table, next to Draco and Blaise who seemed to be looking for someone. _I guess he's looking for Cho Chang,_ I thought grinning. He couldn't keep his eyes of her every time she entered the same room.

_"__You're a slimy git, Malfoy. Krum's not stupid, he'll see through you!"_ Ron glared at the Slytherins. Hermione and I exchanged a short look and turned our eyes.

_"__Oh, come on, Ronald. You're acting like a jealous girlfriend here!"_ Hermione snapped annoyed, making Harry and me laugh.

_"__Yeah, look there's another Durmstrang looking at you!"_ Harry said between laugher and nodded towards the door. Hermione rustled provocative with her newspaper – definitely annoyed - as I couldn't stop laughing.

_"__Very funny!"_ Ron glared at Harry and watched around. _"Crap, he's really looking in our direction."_

Now, Hermione closed the Daily Prophet and raised her head as well. A punch in my side made me spill the marmalade I had wanted to spread on the toast everywhere on my plate.

_"__Hey, what was that for?"_ I exclaimed indignantly, furrowing my eyebrows.

_"__That guy is staring at you, not at us."_ Confused, I followed Hermione's gaze.

In the passage between the Slytherin and the Gryffindor tables stood indeed a Durmstrang staring in our direction. The boy was tall but not as muscular as most of his friends. He had short, raven black hair that matched his very fine facial features and his green eyes.

_I know this face…_ I furrowed my eyebrows, racking my brain. The boy's lips turned into an incredibly wide grin.

_"__Oh merlin!"_ The piece of toast I was still holding in my hand fell on the floor but I didn't notice. The boy's eyes kept me fixed as my surprise turned into pure happiness and excitement. Returning his grin, I stood up, completely forgotten where I was.

_"__DEREK!"_ Laughing, I crashed into him, almost knocking him down. His laugh was deeper than when I had last seen him.

_"__I missed you too, Arya!"_ His hug was close to bone crashing but I didn't care. I felt so happy that he was here!

Still holding him by his arms, I pulled away. _"What the hell are you doing here?"_

Derek's heartily laugh, however, hadn't changed the slightest. He was the most honest and direct person I'd ever met. Chuckling he shook his head in disbelief.

_"__Well, I'm here with my class. Did you really forget that I'm going to Durmstrang?"_

Realization hit me and I bit my lip feeling remorse all the sudden. _"Oh… no… but I didn't think properly I guess."_

Derek wasn't angry, in contrary, he laughed again resting one arm on my shoulder and pulling me closer. _"Doesn't matter, I'm here now!"_

With his green eyes, he looked me deeply in the eyes and I couldn't suppress a chuckle. _"Well, you being here explains Draco's and Blaise' secretive behaviour."_ I told him quietly, making him grin.

_"__I wanted to surprise you and I think I did quite well."_ Raising my eyebrows provocative I came even closer so that nobody could hear us.

_"__I missed you so much!... And I can't wait spending time together, our brothers and the two of us, like in old times."_

Amused, Derek raised one eyebrow, grinning at the people – mostly girls - that were watching us. _"Always and forever, that's what we said."_

We both started laughing and I saw Blaise and Draco grinning in our direction. Still laughing, Derek turned back to me. _"So, where are your friends who kept a close eye on you while I wasn't around?"_

Smiling brightly, I led him towards my three best friends who were watching me amused.

_"__Guys, this is my old friend Derek. Derek, my best friends Hermione, Harry and Ron."_ I introduced them to each other and to my relief they greeted him nicely, inviting him to sit down with us.

_"__Harry Potter, huh?"_ Derek grinned in Harry's direction who turned his eyes and I punched him in the side warningly. Chuckling, Derek raised his hand in a 'don't worry' manner, his gaze wandering from me to Harry again. _"Just kidding. I'm immune to celebrities. Nice to meet you, Harry!"_

Smiling, he offered his hand to Harry who grinned in return and shook it. _"Nice to meet you too, Derek. You seem to attract some girls, by the way."_

Derek didn't even look up, only turned his eyes. _"To bad I'm not interested in girls."_

I couldn't suppress myself from snickering as my friends exchanged short looks. Derek ignored them and wasn't offended to my relief. Grinning, he turned in my direction handing me some toast with marmalade.

_"__I think you should eat this. After all, I made you throw your previous breakfast on the floor."_ I blushed furiously whilst Hermione, Ron and Harry started laughing. With a mischievous grin Derek took out his wand and with a flick the mess I had created before disappeared. Groaning, I started eating, leaving Derek staring at me smiling thoughtfully.

_"__Viktor Krum, is he your friend?"_ Ron asked all the sudden and I glared at him but he kept his gaze fixed on Derek.

Derek shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows. _"Yes, he is even if he's the strangest person I've ever met!"_

_"__What do you mean?"_ Ron seemed to have forgotten his breakfast, hanging at Derek's lips.

Derek chuckled. _"Well, I think you should go and talk to him then you'll find out yourself. The one thing I can tell you without having a guilty conscience is that Quidditch and loyalty towards our friends are the only things we have in common. Otherwise, we're completely different."_

_"__Do you speak Bulgarian?"_ Hermione asked interested and I raised my head as well. I'd never thought about the fact that Derek was going to a school where they didn't speak English all the time.

_"__Yep, I do."_ Again, he grinned. _"Way better then Viktor speaks English, I might add. I tried to teach him but it's nerve-wracking. Either we end up laughing or in a scuffle."_

_"__And you're always losing I guess?"_ Grinning smugly, I pushed my plate away and glanced at him. Derek mumbled something that sounded like a 'yes', glaring at the table.

I punched him in the side and he flinched, raising his hands. _"It's not my fault he's stronger."_

I laughed, making him glare at me but I only laughed harder. Suddenly, Derek's gloomy expression vanished and light up. _"Hey, what are you doing this afternoon?"_

As I looked quizzical to my three friends, they smiled in return. _"Well, nothing. I guess."_

_"__Great, so we'll meet up. It'll be fun!"_ He winked with one eye and I understood. The four of us would spend some time together like in old days. I smiled at the thought, a warm, comfortable wave rushing through my body.

_"__I've got to go now. They're already waiting."_ He looked towards the entrance door where a handful Durmstrang boys stood there, obviously uncomfortable as girls passed giggling or laughing.

_"__Okay, see you later then."_ I stood up as well and pulled him in an embrace. _"I'm so happy you're here!"_

Seriously, he looked me in the eyes._ "Blaise told me everything and I always wanted to see you. I'm glad to have this year with you."_

With a last typical grin, he turned around and left with his friends who glanced curiously in my direction. Thoughtfully, I sat back down with my friends.

_"__Well, he's nice."_ Hermione said smiling and I nodded happily. _"You really missed him, didn't you?"_

_"__Oh yes. I haven't seen him for five years. And now he's here for one year. I still cannot believe it!"_

Laughing, Hermione and I turned towards Ron and Harry who were in a discussion about Quidditch again. We exchanged looks, only laughing more. Boys…

Later, after lunch, I didn't go with my friends back to the common room.

_"__Ready to have some fun?"_ Derek showed up behind me, scaring me to death.

_"__Merlin! You don't need to startle me like this."_ I replied but he grinned.

_"__So, where are we going? I was told you knew where to go…"_ Quizzical he looked at me and now it was my turn to grin.

_"__Come."_

Together, we went out of the castle and down to the hidden place at the black lake. Derek was amazed by the sight so we sat down.

_"__The weather's nice here. In the north, it's way colder. Very boring actually!"_ I chuckled, watching him closely. Derek had grown into a really handsome guy. His hair, face and whole build was masculine but matched perfectly together.

_"__Did I change much?"_ Derek asked smiling, not looking in my direction. I smiled to myself, amazed by the fact that he was still able to see through me that easily.

_"__You're still you."_ At this he chuckled and turned to me.

_"__And you're still you."_ He became serious suddenly. _"Well, not quite… You seem a lot more troubled and thoughtful."_ Thoughtfully, he watched me and I fidgeted nervously with my hands. I hadn't thought that it was that obvious. After all, I gave my best so that my brother wouldn't notice and therefore neither Blaise nor Derek.

_"__I'm fine."_ I said quietly.

_"__Whenever you're ready to tell me, I'm here."_ Of course, I couldn't fool him…

_"__Sorry, we're late. Parkinson didn't want to let go of Draco…"_ Blaise' voice made us whirl around surprised. A smirking Draco and a now laughing Blaise were watching us.

Derek helped me up, a curious look in Blaise' direction. _"Who's Parkinson?"_

The three of us exchanged smug grins, making Derek look very confused. Laughing, I felt pity and gave an explanation. _"Oh, she's a Slytherin girl who's convinced that Draco's in love with her…"_

Draco contorted his face in disgust. _"She's a very annoying nag!"_

_"__You're a Malfoy, the best she can get."_ Blaise chuckled and Draco shot him a dark look but he was unimpressed. Then he turned towards Derek. _"You managed to surprise Arya quite well."_

Derek and I exchanged a smile and he nodded. _"Yeah, but only with your help."_

_"__It was definitely worth it! I mean I was annoyed when nobody wanted to tell me what's going on."_ A thought popped into my head and I looked at Draco quizzical. _"Did you tell Severus that Derek was coming? Because I think he knew about it…"_

Draco grinned, obviously to himself, then gazed at me. _"No, I didn't. But I think you told him about Derek and that he's going to Durmstrang?"_

Confused, I nodded, not really understanding where he was going with this.

_"__He's not stupid, Arya. I guess he found out somehow. I'm not telling him everything after all. He's your friend, not mine."_

I blushed as he said it like this. Nervously, I lowered my head, not knowing what to say now.

_"__Wait… Severus as in Severus Snape? The guy who raised and then dropped you?"_ Derek asked with furrowed eyebrows looking from Blaise to Draco who nodded.

_"__Yep, that's him. They're on speaking terms again."_

Derek beamed happily in my direction._ "Why didn't you tell me? That's awesome."_

I snorted quietly but they all heard it. Annoyed, I looked at them. _"I wouldn't say we're on speaking terms. It's more than strange now because we have some disputes."_

Whilst Blaise and Derek exchanged a look, Draco watched me closely and I realized he knew something was definitely wrong. Luckily, he decided not to start arguing in front of Blaise and Derek.

_"__I would say that's normal, isn't it? I mean Blaise has some disputes too with his girlfriend."_ Grinning, he turned towards Blaise whose expression was near to killing him.

Slowly, he stepped forward, one hand raised making Draco's smirk only grow bigger._ "One more word about Cho and you're doomed, Draco!"_

Obviously, it had taken me some time to realize what Draco had indicated before. Accusingly, I turned towards my brother who tried to calm Blaise down. Derek in the background was doubling over with laughter, watching the scene in front of him.

_Severus, my boyfriend? _Thoughtfully, I shook my head. Surely, Draco hadn't meant it… The thought of Severus and me kissing came into my mind. The only person one's supposed to kiss was girlfriend or boyfriend…

_"__Arya!"_ Draco's voice snapped me out of my thought. Derek and Blaise were sitting on the ground, shuffling some cards. Draco was watching me intensely, making me shiver. _"Do you want to play a card game?"_

I nodded and sat down with them ignoring Draco's curious and worried gaze. We played a few games until the setting sun coloured the sky orange. We arrived just in time before dinner started, Derek sitting with me and my friends again.


	34. Chapter 34 - What is love?

34\. What is love?

The next morning, I woke up early. It was still dark outside. It was a dream about Severus and me that had woken me up somehow. The last time I had seen him was two days ago and I already started to miss him… Well, until I thought about the disastrous minutes the Beauxbatons girls had decided to keep an eye on Severus.

Sighting, I stood up, making myself ready for the day. Breakfast wouldn't start for another three hours. Quietly, I made my way through the castle, enjoying the calm. As I reached the entrance hall I didn't know where to go so I climbed all the stairs up to the astronomy tower. Students weren't allowed to be here but I didn't think a teacher would come and control so early in the morning. The sight into the huge valley made my thoughts drift away into the dark…

_Gently, Severus snuck his arms around my waist from behind me, pulling me close to his chest. I smiled as he trailed soft kisses from the top of my head towards my left ear and down my neck._

_'__I love you so much', he whispered into my ear._

_'__I'll never leave you.' I said in a soft voice but his smile against my neck showed that he had heard me._

_"__Shouldn't you still be in bed?"_ I flinched and my heart beat faster as Severus' voice appeared right next to me.

When I turned to the left I found Severus staring at me intensely. _I love you, Aryanna, _his voice resounded in my mind repeatedly. His gaze was the same as in my dreams.

_I love you too, Severus Snape, _that was what I answered in my dreams. And then it was always the same; we kissed. Automatically, I looked down at his lips desire rushing through my whole body. _He pulled me closer and I leaned into him…_

_"__Everything okay?"_ Severus asked with furrowed eyebrows, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Shaking my head, I looked down to the black lake, blushing furiously. My eyes watered up in anger. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me, to tell me he loved me so that I could tell him that I loved him too…

_"__Arya?"_ Severus standing next to me didn't help me to calm down inwardly.

_"__No, I'm not okay!"_ _What happened to me? I wanted to kiss him?! Severus is my teacher, for Merlin's sake! _Angrily, I turned around. I needed to leave or I would break down.

A firm grip on my arm stopped me however. Severus whirled me around in a second but I refused to look at him.

_"__Would you please tell me what's going on here?"_ He growled annoyed. _"I saw you yesterday with your friend Derek. After lunch I saw you leaving with him and not coming back until dinner. I guess you spent your day with him, Draco and Blaise. I haven't seen you that happy for a while."_

I bit my lip and concentrated on whipping my emotions out of my face. I didn't want him to see that it was him who troubled me so much.

Coldly, I looked up. _"Let go of me!"_ My reaction seemed to confuse Severus even more, nevertheless, he let go of my arm.

Obviously, searching for the reason of my behaviour in my eyes he stared at me wordlessly. _"What happened?"_

He sounded so helpless, it hurt but I couldn't tell him. I shook my head and attempted to leave but not with Severus. In less than a second he moved standing in my way and watching me with a blank, demanding expression now.

_"__Severus, remember when you told me that we both have our secrets. Well, this is not something I'll tell you, therefore, you don't need to try."_ I stated matter of fact but he stayed where he was.

The corner of his mouth twitched. _"I have my reasons but I have everything under control. You, however, seem to be desperately lost in whatever problems you have."_

I laughed shortly, speaking very slowly: _"This is nothing of your concern, Severus. Do you understand me? Nothing!" _I emphasized the last word, almost spatting, and passed him.

This time he didn't hold me back. As I had almost reached the stairs I heard his equally cold voice. _"Is this about your fairy-love?"_

I stopped dead in my tracks, my back still turned towards Severus. This was about Severus, not my fairy-love! _Is it? Logically, Severus is your fairy-love if you're dreaming about him…_ The thought popped into my head as I stood at the staircase rigidly. I felt my eyes water up again as a strong wave of desperation filled my mind. I wanted to tell him the truth so badly but what if he didn't like it? He wouldn't like it! After all the truth was wrong!

Slowly, I turned around. Severus was watching me, his fists and jaw clenched tightly. I opened my mouth to tell him what was troubling me…

_What if he'll hate me? What if he'll never talk to me again?_

_"__This is not of your concern, Severus."_ With that I turned around and left as fast as I could, not wanting to see his reaction.

I run to the only place where he couldn't follow me, tears streaming down my face. Sobbing quietly, I lay down in my bed, the blanket pulled tightly around me. I fell asleep when there were no tears left.

Until Wednesday, I managed to act normal even if I was lost in thoughts most of the time. In Potions, I kept my head down and didn't say a word. I avoided Severus completely, therefore, I never spent my time alone whenever I left the common room. Of course, my change didn't go unnoticed. My Gryffindor friends were often talking about me or casting worried glances in my direction when they thought I wouldn't notice. They thought that this was all about my nightmares. Draco, Derek and Blaise on the contrary were asking me openly about it several times.

On the said Wednesday, I was down by the lake with Draco and Derek. Blaise had to finish some homework and wanted to meet up later.

_"__So tell me, why is there no guy you like in Durmstrang?"_ I asked a gloomy looking Derek.

_"__They're not my type."_ Draco and I chuckled, making him glare at us. His face light up as he started staring into space, obviously lost in thoughts. Draco and I exchanged an amused look.

_"__What are you thinking now?"_ Draco asked with raised eyebrows and a very smug expression. Derek, snapped out of his thoughts, shrugged his shoulders.

_"__Don't look at me that way, Draco."_ My brother didn't turn away so Derek sighted ironically and grinned.

_"__Well, there's one guy in Hogwarts that's a real eyecatcher. And from what I've seen he seems to be very nice."_ He had an admiring look on his face and I smiled to myself.

Draco – totally being Draco – ignored Derek's behaviour. _"Who is he?"_

Derek turned to my brother who watched him curiously. Right at that moment, Blaise rushed in our direction, totally out of breath. The three of us turned to him, confusion written all over our faces.

_"__What's wrong?"_ Derek asked concerned and Blaise gasped for air.

_"__Karkaroff… he's looking for you… a friend of yours told me to get you."_ Derek furrowed his eyebrows as he went towards his brother.

_"__Thank you, Blaise. See you later!"_ He turned to leave but Blaise followed him.

_"__I come with you. I need to drink something."_

Draco and I were left alone, exchanging confused looks.

_"__That was strange!"_ I told him and he nodded thoughtfully. There was a long silence until he turned to me.

_"__Arya, I think you didn't tell me everything last time."_ Surprised, I glanced at Draco who was watching me closely with a determined look. I gulped and lowered my head. _"I saw you change during the short time we're back in Hogwarts…"_

Another silence followed in which I tried to find a way to start. I knew I couldn't hold back any longer, I needed to tell somebody. I needed to tell somebody who wouldn't judge me… I needed to tell my brother.

I opened my mouth and blurted out with everything he didn't know yet. _"I lied to you last time. The nightmares aren't the reason I'm acting like this. I'm dreaming about Severus. I dream about him and me being together. In my dreams, we're kissing and he tells me he loves me."_

Tears were streaming down my face and I didn't dare looking at Draco's face. I was afraid I'd see anger or disgust.

_"__You didn't tell him?"_ He asked surprisingly soft and I shook my head. Through a blurred vision, I looked up, raising my hands helpless.

_"__The dreams started this summer. At first I was disgusted and angry at myself. I mean he's my teacher after all… And then I came back to Hogwarts and everything changed. The dreams confused me and I started feeling uncomfortable and awkward around him. A few days ago, I was on the astronomy tower early in the morning and Severus came too. For the first time, I wanted to kiss him… I felt desire, Draco. I wanted to kiss Severus…"_ My voice was a whisper now until it broke completely. Horror and anger rushed through my whole body. Saying it out loud, made it only worse.

Draco took my hands in his. _"You love him."_

It wasn't a question but it felt right. Draco stayed quiet, giving me time to think about it. For the first time, I allowed myself to think about the feelings I had. I thought about the times I had been with Severus, how he had made me feel.

_"__I love him."_ I said with every inch of my heart. I really meant and realized it as I spoke it out. I raised my head to look Draco in the eyes and repeated it stronger this time. _"I love Severus. He's my fairy-love."_

Draco watched me, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards in a warm smile. _"That makes sense."_

_"__No, it doesn't." _I replied weakly. _"Severus is my teacher, Draco. And he raised me…" _Sadness traced my voice now but my brother didn't seem to understand my point. _"This is sick!" _I tried to make him understand but Draco shook his head.

_"__This is right, Arya!" _He stated matter of fact.

_"__Why do you think that? I mean Severus and I… we don't match together. He's much older, he's my teacher, he raised me… I'm nothing but a child in his eyes."_ Desperately, I tried him to see reason but he didn't stop.

_"__Your feelings are right! I won't argue about this or change my mind, Arya."_ Draco said in a tone that indicated that this discussion was over. He stood up, giving me a hand to stand up. Smiling, he kept my hand a little longer in his and looked me deep in the eyes. _"Trust me."_

I groaned and he pushed me gently in direction of the way that lead back up to the castle. I only wished I could believe what he'd told me…

As I arrived at the castle I went directly to the common room where I found my friends learning.

_"__Arya, there you are. I wanted to ask you-… What happened?"_ Hermione stood up with a worried expression as she noticed my red, puffy eyes.

I tried to hide it by lowering my head but it was too late. _"It's nothing. I'm not feeling so good. See you later at dinner."_ I fled into the girl's dormitory before they could say anything.

I wasn't surprised as the door opened a few moments later. Hermione entered, sitting next to me on the bed. _"What happened, Arya?"_

I felt so tired and weak, as if I had shed every tear during the short time I was back in Hogwarts. My voice sounded raspy and broken as I explained her everything.

_"__Remember when I told you that I had dreams about a guy I'm kissing?"_ Hermione nodded. _"They're the reason I started to become so absentminded. And today I realized that I love him… that he's my fairy-love."_

Hermione watched me carefully with a quizzical expression. _"Isn't that good?"_

I bit my lip, shaking my head desperately. _"He'll never love me, Hermione. We'll never be together."_

My voice broke and a single tear made its way down my face. Speaking out the truth hurt so much. I couldn't cry anymore so I started shivering. _"I have to face him every day, nevertheless, he doesn't see me."_

Hermione pulled me in a warm hug, trying to comfort me. _"I'm so sorry, Arya… I think I know how you feel, you know…"_ I understood her.

We stayed like this until it was time for dinner. I felt better after spending some time with somebody who seemed to feel the same pain. Along with Ron and Harry we made our way to the great hall.

_"__You okay?"_ Harry asked quietly and I nodded smiling reassuringly.

_"__Yeah, don't worry."_

Just as we had sat down Karkaroff entered with his students following him.

_"__Where's Derek?"_ Ron asked looking around quizzical. Since Derek had arrived, Ron hadn't missed a single opportunity to pester him about Krum.

I shrugged my shoulders. _"Maybe he decided that he needs a break from your questions."_

Ron glared as I smirked. Then suddenly, his gaze was fixed at something behind me. His expression turned to one of anger. _"Look at this, Arya!"_

Confused, I turned around. I didn't understand what was bothering him so much until I realized that my friends didn't know that Derek, Draco and Blaise were best friends. And right now, Derek had sat down with Draco and Blaise at the Slytherin table. The three were doubling over with laughter…

Awkwardly, I turned around again, trying to act as if nothing had happened I filled my plate. I felt three persons looks on me.

_"__Aren't you angry that he's befriending Malfoy?"_ Harry asked with furrowed eyebrows and glared in his direction.

Annoyed, I put my plate noisily back on the table. _"No, I'm not. Actually, I don't tell him what he has to do. Derek can do whatever he wants."_

_"__But he's befriending Malfoy! The worst Slytherin in this school."_ Ron explained furiously but I only shrugged my shoulders.

_"__For Merlin's sake, Ron. I don't care who he's talking to. He takes care of himself."_

_"__But-"_

Annoyed, I interrupted him, my patience vanished all the sudden. _"Stop it! Derek's a good guy and he knows what he's doing. I wouldn't befriend anyone who's believing the crap Slytherin said. I trust Derek with my life."_

Ron and I exchanged angry looks. _"Fine but then I don't want him sitting with us again."_

That was enough! _"Oh, you know what, I'm not hungry anymore."_ I snapped and stood up. If he was acting so childish I wouldn't stay any longer.

I had just passed a corner when a firm grip on my arm made me flinch. The person dragged me through a door, closing it with a loud noise. As I came to a halt I whirled around, my wand in my hand.

_"__Severus?"_ Confused, I lowered my hand and tried to see through the dim light. Severus was facing me with a grim expression.

Sighting, he took a step closer so that I could see his face properly. _"I wanted to talk to you."_

Annoyed, I put my wand back in the pocket and shook my head with raised eyebrows. _"That's why you have to drag me in an empty classroom?"_

_"__Hm… yes."_ It had been a while that I had last seen him so uncomfortable and nervous. I couldn't stop myself from giggling, making him glare.

I walked a few steps towards the middle of the room. Hogwarts had so many rooms that weren't used. I had never realized before. _Plenty of possibilities to make out._ The thought came into my mind before I could stop it. _How am I supposed to go on with my life here?_

Sighting, I crossed my arms and turned in Severus' direction. _"So… what do you want to talk about?"_

As I looked at him our situation on the astronomy tower popped into my head. Severus looked tired and as if he wasn't doing well. The dark circles under his eyes were clearly visible against his pale skin. Obviously, I wasn't the only one having troubles…

_"__Are we doing this forever? Fighting, ignoring each other and pretending to get along again until the next fight is on?"_ The lack of any noticeable emotions in his voice took me by surprise. It reminded me of the day he'd left me with Dumbledore as a child. Back then he had whipped out every emotion so that I'd buy it.

I bore my fingers deeply into my forearm to distract my emotions a little. I felt unsure of how to react so I decided to answer with a question. "_Are you already having enough?"_

I seemed to have struck a nerve seeing as Severus became angry. _"Yes, I'm having enough of this. I have enough of you pushing me away and not telling me what's bothering you. I want to help you but you don't let me."_

He had come closer and stood now right in front of me so that I had to raise my head a little to hold his gaze. I looked in his dark eyes and felt suddenly carefree and lost. My heart beat faster whilst I did nothing except staring at his dark eyes. I didn't understand how he couldn't notice the tension between us. I felt it as good as I felt my heart beating in my chest.

_"__Arya?"_ Severus had furrowed his eyebrows in annoyance.

I blinked, snapping me out of my trance and the tension had vanished. Reality struck me and with it came back my uncomfortableness. _"Sorry. I didn't mean to push you away."_ Automatically, I said what I thought he wanted me to say.

Severus sighted again. I had taken a step back to bring some space between us. I couldn't bare standing close to him. It hurt too much…

_"__Why are you so complicated?"_ He seemed to ask himself so I didn't answer. I didn't know what to answer anyway.

Suddenly, he smiled warmly, making my stomach prickle. A warm wave rushed through my whole body and I sighted. _"Can we stop this, please? It's annoying. Can we just agree that we both have secrets and that we'll tell each other if something's wrong?"_

I took a moment to think about it. It sounded fair and I really missed spending time with Severus even if I didn't know yet if that would be good or only hurt more.

_"__Sounds good."_ I replied quietly making his smile grow bigger. Not able to ignore his happiness I smiled too.

_"__Come here." _He pulled me in the safe embrace I had missed so much. I buried my head in his robes, inhaling the scent of Potions and… Severus.

_"__What happened in the great hall by the way?"_ Severus asked as he had pulled away watching me with a quizzical expression.

Exhaling loudly, I turned my eyes. _"Ron doesn't like the fact that Derek's spending time with Draco and Blaise. He hates that I'm not saying anything."_

Severus crossed his arms sternly. _"It's nothing of his concern. He should trust you in that matter. After all you know Derek better than he does."_

I chuckled and he raised his eyebrow in a quizzical manner.

_"__I missed you."_ I told him seriously, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. _Damn feelings!_

"_I hope we'll spend more time together now. But I think you should go back to your common room. It's getting late and I don't want you wandering around the castle."_ I hadn't expected him being that direct but I shrugged it off. He just wanted me to be safe, nothing else.

With a last smile, he opened the door for me and I left towards Gryffindor tower with a wide grin plastered on my face.


	35. Chapter 35 - Emotions

35\. Emotions

The Champion's election took place after the Hallowe'en feast. Many students of age had put their names into the goblet of fire. The tension and excitement in the Great Hall was almost touchable as we all gathered for the election. Every student was waiting eagerly that Dumbledore finished eating who seemed to take more time than necessary…

_"__Oh, come on, hurry up!"_ Harry groaned and exchanged an annoyed look with Ron.

_"__Did Derek put his name in the goblet?"_ Hermione asked staring at the Durmstrangs who were sitting together this evening.

Absentminded, I nodded. Once again, holding my forearm as it pulsated strongly. _Bloody arm!_ _"Yes, he did." _

My gaze was fixed on Professor Moody who hadn't touched his food. Instead, his cold gaze was wandering around the great hall, the magical eye whirling around. Suddenly, his look rested on the goblet of fire and his lips turned into a very ugly grin. I furrowed my eyebrows, watching him closely. I didn't like his smile… he looked to self-satisfied and smug.

A cold wave rushed down my spine as our gazed met. Moody's face became emotionless and I returned his gaze with a glare. My arm itched unpleasantly. I didn't know why but I didn't like this man…

All the sudden, he broke the gaze, looking at Severus who seemed to have asked him something. I wasn't sure but I thought Severus glanced shortly in my direction.

_"__Well, the Goblet seems ready to make its decision!"_ Dumbledore exclaimed cheerfully and the great hall fell silent at once. He had dimmed the lights and the Goblet's fire burned brightly in a strong green. The next moment, a red tongue of flames shot into the air and a small piece of parchment flew out of it.

_"__The Durmstrang champion is Viktor Krum."_ Cheers erupted and a grim looking Viktor made his way towards Dumbledore. Then another parchment was spilled out by the flames.

_"__The champion for Beauxbatons is Fleur Delacour." _There were less cheers and more admirable looks now. Almost every boy watched her as she walked smiling brightly to her headmistress. Hermione and I exchanged annoyed looks then the Goblet drew our attention again as it started to shoot sparks.

_"__The Hogwarts champion is Cedric Diggory."_ Every single Hufflepuff jumped up screaming as their champion made his way to the staff. Smiling slightly, I glanced towards the Slytherin table. Draco and Blaise were both cheering loudly. Obviously, they shared my opinion that Diggory would be a challenge for the other two. My gaze wandered to the Durmstrang who were sitting right next to Draco and his bunch of people. I couldn't prevent myself from grinning as I saw Derek watching Cedric closely with a sort of admirable look on his face. A small smile played around his lips and I smirked. Like Fleur and Viktor before, Cedric disappeared through the small door.

_"__Excellent! Well, we have now our three champions who-" _Dumbledore stopped mid-sentence and fell silent. The Goblet started shooting sparks for the fourth time and another red tongue of flames shot a piece of parchment into the air. The silence in the great hall was penetrating. Everybody knew something was wrong…

Dumbledore stared at the parchment for a long time. Then suddenly, his look turned dark and he raised his head. Never before had I seen him that cold or angry. His gaze wandered to the Gryffindor table. _"Harry Potter."_

My heart seemed to skip a beat. Confused, I turned towards my best friend who looked as if someone had struck him. Everybody in the great hall looked in our direction… looked at Harry.

_"__Harry Potter!"_ Dumbledore roared louder making me flinch.

_This cannot be! This isn't right! _My mind screamed at me whilst Harry made his way slowly towards Dumbledore. I looked up at the teacher's table but Severus sat there frozen, his gaze following Harry. Before Harry left through the small door I noticed Ron shooting him a dark look. Anger and pain was written all over his face.

Dumbledore interrupted the teachers in their discussions. He left with Ludo Bagman, Professor McGonagall, Severus and Moody, following the champions. Madame Maxime and Karkaroff followed on the heels. A sudden wave of pain rushed from my arm to my chest and reflexively I held it tightly to my chest. I winced and closed my eyes as another wave erupted. My whole arm was pulsating now and I tried to hide it by gripping my robes tightly. Very slowly, the throbbing finally diminished until I felt nothing except for a numb feeling.

Almost every student was talking now, some more friendly, others rather hateful. Professor Sprout and Professor Flitwick ended the feast with a short word, asking everybody to go back to their common rooms. Numbly and deep in thoughts, I followed Ron and Hermione.

Harry hadn't put his name in it, that was for sure. But who did it then? Why would somebody want Harry in the tournament?

_Tom Riddle. _The thought popped up and another cold wave rushed through my body. No student would have been able to fool Dumbledore's age line so it wasn't meant as a joke. People had died in those tournaments. There was a reason why the ministry had decided to forbid it for students under seventeen. Surely a teacher could easily get through the line and fool the cup but nobody had any reason to.

_No teacher of Hogwarts would do this… They would never allow one student getting harmed on purpose… And Karkaroff and Maxime… another Hogwarts champion means more chances for Hogwarts to win. They wouldn't do it even if Karkaroff had been a Death eater once._

I shook my head as we reached the common room. In comparison to the other houses, the Gryffindors seemed happy that one of them had made it into the tournament.

_At least they won't give Harry a hard time. _Sighting loudly, I let myself plop down on the armchair in front of the fire place. Worried, my gaze drifted into the flames, my thoughts still turning around the election.

As Harry entered after a while he was greeted happily by Fred and George. I shot him a reassuring smile and he returned it weakly. Annoyed, I put my head in my hands. I wasn't in the mood for celebrating. This wasn't something to celebrate, this was serious. Aggressively, I made my way through the crowd of Gryffindors and went to bed.

The next days were hard for Harry. Everybody, except the Gryffindor's, hated him and showed him the cold shoulder. Ron was angry because he thought Harry had betrayed him. Hermione and I did our best to make them talk to each other but it didn't work.

One afternoon, Harry and I made our way down to the Dungeons. Hermione had decided to go with Ron and as we arrived she was already there. The cold between the boys annoyed us but they were both acting stubbornly childish.

Draco was leaning against the wall with Blaise and the rest of the Slytherins. The smirks on their faces alarmed me but I didn't need to ask. They wore badges to support Cedric Diggory.

_"__Like them, Potter?"_ Draco grinned smugly and crossed his arms. I raised my eyebrows and returned a cold look as he let his gaze wander from Harry to Hermione – who tried to calm him down – and finally stopped on me.

_"__Very funny, really."_ Hermione spat emotionless and I sighted annoyed.

Grinning brightly, Draco held out a badge to Hermione. _"Want one, Granger?"_

_Why did he do this?_ Exhaling deeply, I crossed my arms as well and turned my eyes. Blaise watched me amused, staying silent. Then he leaned to Draco and whispered something, suddenly smirking.

_"__Hey, Jackson!"_ Draco turned his head to look at me, provocative ignoring my glare that was supposed to make him shut his mouth. But Draco being himself wasn't impressed. In fact, his grin only grew bigger. _"How do you feel with your best friend being Hogwarts champion? Does this make him more interesting?"_ His expression turned into one of faked care. _"Would you like to have a date with him? I'm sure he'd love it."_

Blaise started snickering and Draco joined, still watching me. The other Slytherins were doubling over with laughter. With a quick move my brother threw something in my direction and I caught it out of reflex. It was the badge.

"_Or maybe you prefer Diggory. In my opinion he's far better looking and older is always better, isn't it?"_

A cold wave of surprise rushed down my spine and my head shot up the same second Draco had finished his sentence. He and Blaise were roaring with laughter now. They knew how to push me. I wasn't angry, nevertheless, I wanted to make them shut up.

_"__He wouldn't go out with you, however. You're way to ugly."_ Parkinson said grinning darkly and her friends started giggling. Before I could reply that she was the ugliest girl I had ever seen in my life Hermione squeezed my shoulder.

_"__Just ignore them, Arya. They just want to provoke you. They're not worth a detention!"_ The warning undertone in her voice was enough for me to hold back my remark. Sometimes, she would still remind me not to go back to the times when I had provoked Severus whenever I had the chance too. She believed I would do it with every Slytherin I disliked.

To my surprise Draco smirked at Parkinson who seemed to enjoy his attention. It didn't last long however. _"Oh, he would. Jackson's far from ugly."_

For the first time in Hogwarts, everybody seemed speechless because of Draco. Never before had he made a compliment to someone who wasn't a Slytherin. They all stared at him in confusion – except Parkinson. She had a look of strong hurt on her face and I couldn't hold back a satisfied grin.

_"__Come on. You must have noticed how boys look at her."_ Draco smirked and the Slytherin boys grinned ugly, eyeing me up and down. My grin vanished as rapidly as it had appeared.

_"__I guess she could get every male teacher in this school if she wanted to so why should she stuck with a student?"_ Blaise spoke up, casting me a provocative sneer. His expression told me that this was his comeback for when I had messed with him during Transfiguration lesson. I clenched my hands into fists, trying to control the anger that started to rise.

Draco and the rest of the Slytherins were laughing again. Again, I was cut off as I wanted to say something. Draco stepped forward so that we stood face to face. The smirk on his face was more than annoying. He pointed on the badge in my hands.

_"__If you want I can work on that badge so that it shows whoever-you-want-to-go-out-with's name."_

Suddenly, I exploded with anger. With a swift move of my hand and a little use of magic I made him fly back and pinned him against the wall. Student's around us screamed but I ignored them. I didn't understand why it scarred them that much.

Draco didn't stop grinning to my annoyance as he looked down on me. _"Something wrong, Jackson?"_

I saw the satisfaction in his eyes and all the anger vanished. We were staring into each other's eyes deeply. Draco didn't move as he continued grinning at me with way too much self-satisfaction. At first, I glared at him darkly but as his grin grew wider I had difficulties not starting laughing. We both knew he and Blaise had won this round.

_"__If you want to keep him pinned on the wall that's fine by me. But if you're done I could introduce you to... Who can I introduce you to you'd like?" _Blaise faked to be thinking hard and I shot him a warning look. I knew who he was about to suggest.

_"__Oh, yes. I know."_ He smirked and exchanged a look with Draco who chuckled. _"How about I introduce you to Professor Moody?"_

Now, I couldn't hold back my laughter. I was surprised he hadn't said Severus but obviously, he didn't dare it. _Good for him…_

Amused, I looked at him. _"Really? That's the best you can come up? How disappointing, Zabini. But you know what? I'm bored. I think I'm done with you and Malfoy."_

I turned my attention back to Draco, ready to release him but Blaise interrupted me. The smug grin on his face said it all.

_"__Oh no. I have someone else. How about I introduce you to our Potions' teacher? Would you like to go out with-"_

It all happened at once. Suddenly, spells were flying around and everybody screamed. Somebody pulled me to the ground. As I looked up again it was almost quiet. Blaise stood next to me, staring at my friends. I followed his gaze and saw Harry fuming with anger, wand in his hands. Ron stood next to Hermione who whimpered.

I stood up and whirled around. Parkinson let her wand slip back into her pocket, grinning smugly. Her spell had hit Hermione and Harry's had hit Goyle. Angrily, I looked from Parkinson to Blaise who shrugged his shoulders.

_"__What is going on here?"_ I froze as Severus moved swiftly through the small crowd. With a cold expression on his face his gaze wandered quickly from Harry to Hermione and then to the Slytherins. As he saw Draco still pinned against the wall the corner of his mouth twitched. I had difficulties not to smirk at my brother as I saw Severus' expression.

A cold wave rushed through my whole body, however, as Severus turned to me in less than a second. I had been mistaken. He wasn't amused, not at all…

_"__Release him!"_ The anger in his demanding voice made me flinch. His face was contorted with anger as he stared at me with a very dangerous sparkle in his eyes.

I felt everybody's gaze on me as I turned towards Draco. With a small gesture of my hand I released him from my magic and he landed graceful on his feet again. Slowly I looked back at Severus, my head lowered. My hands were shaking of shame and fear. I was afraid what Severus would think of me now. After all I had used magic in front of everybody. I wasn't supposed to expose myself to any student…

_"__Goyle and Granger, go to the hospital wing. Potter, Weasley, Jackson detention today."_ With that he entered the classroom and everybody followed in silence. Some were whispering and looking at me but I didn't care right now.

I felt as if I was on the edge of passing out. My legs felt jittery and my whole body was shaking as I followed my friends. If Severus looked at me again with such anger I didn't know if I could stop myself from start crying.

Severus didn't look at me once during the lesson but I didn't know if this was good or bad. I knew I couldn't bare another angry look but he ignoring me completely made my heart aching on the other hand. It was horrible…

When the bell rang, everybody hurried out of the room as quickly as possible. Severus' anger hadn't diminished the slightest, in fact he had acted worse than ever to almost every student. And it was all because of me.

So, when the bell rang I literally fled out of the classroom, my eyes watering up. I felt cold and so ashamed. I knew I shouldn't have used my magic but it was too late now. I had done a huge mistake and Severus wouldn't forgive me that easily this time.

Sobbing and with a blurred vision I ran. My friends called after me but I ignored them. I didn't know where I was going until I found myself down by the lake. My whole body shook with sobs. Tightly, I put my arms around my legs and cried.

_"__Arya!"_ I flinched as Derek walked noisily in my direction. _"I heard what happened." _ Slowly, he sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulder comfortingly.

_"__Draco and Blaise want me to tell you that they're sorry for pushing you. They wanted to skip class to see you but I told them I would look out for you."_

With my sleeves, I did my best to dry my face. I didn't want him to see me like this. _"It's not their fault. It's mine."_ My voice broke as I remembered Severus look. Desperately, I looked up at Derek. _"Severus is furious… I broke his trust and made every single protection become useless. I destroyed everything he did for me…"_

My hands started shaking again and Derek sighted tiredly. _"It was supposed to happen one day anyway. He couldn't have hidden your magic forever. You both know that."_

With a small smiled he looked out at the lake. He was right but it didn't change the fact that Severus was nevertheless very angry.

As I watched Derek thoughtfully I noticed the dark circles under his eyes. His cheeks were sunken, not much but enough for me to notice. I furrowed my eyebrows as I took a closer look at him. He looked very tired and troubled.

Gently, I gave him a light push with my elbow and he turned his head to look at me. _"What's wrong?"_

Derek sighted and rubbed his face. _"Don't worry. I just didn't get much sleep the last days."_ He tried a reassuring smile but it was more of a grimace and I raised my eyebrows.

_"__You look horrible, Derek."_ A cold wave rushed through my body as he shrugged my comment off. Normally, he would have laughed or at least smiled. A long silence followed in which I stared at him stubbornly.

Derek leaned back on his hands and his gaze turned dark. "_I'm worried."_

_"__About what? Did something happen?"_ To my surprise he laughed coldly in response. _"Is this about Cedric Diggory?"_

His expression became grim. _"Why do you think that?"_

_"__Oh please, Derek. I see how you're looking at him."_ A small smile played around my lips but Derek wasn't smiling.

_"__I wasn't worried until your friend Harry got elected for the tournament. I have complete faith in Cedric that he can do this. But now Harry Potter is in the tournament too. That has to mean something."_

_"__Please. You cannot blame Harry for what happened. He didn't want to be in the tournament." _I replied a little too harsh. Derek sighted loudly.

_"__I know. It's just after everything what happened to you and your friends it's obvious he's your father's target. And that puts everybody around him in danger. And Cedric…"_ Derek shifted around nervously and I couldn't suppress a grin. _"Well, for the first time I really like a boy even if I don't know him… I mean… Could you please stop grinning?!"_

Annoyed he glared in my direction but I only started laughing.

_"__Sorry, it's not funny, I know. But I think it's cute how you're already worrying about him so much. No means to offend you."_ Apologetic I raised my hands in a defensive manner what he shook off with a smile on his lips.

_"__I've seen you when the Beauxbatons arrived. Two of them were staring at that teacher you like so much and even if you were sitting with your back to me I could see your anger."_ Now it was my turn to glare in his direction.

_"__Shut up."_ I mumbled making him laugh. To my surprise Derek jumped on his feet and hold out a hand for me.

_"__However, I guess it's almost time for dinner. The last class has ended a few minutes ago."_ Quizzical, I watched him with raised eyebrows. Derek sighted again.

_"__I promised Draco and Blaise to meet up with them. With you."_ He emphasized the last part.

_"__And if I don't want to?"_ Suddenly feeling annoyed, I refused to look at him.

_"__Then they'll meet us here."_ I could literally hear his grin so now it was my turn to sight. I grabbed his hand and he pulled me up, smiling wildly.

_"__Everything is going to be alright, trust me!"_ And with that he put an arm on my shoulder making it impossible for me to leave him.

With each step back to the castle I felt heavier. The guilt started to come back and I only saw Severus in front of my eyes.

_"__Arya, there you are! Your detention starts in ten minutes."_ Hermione exclaimed worried as we entered the entrance hall.

In a second I had shaken off Derek's arm and felt even worse than before. With a firm grip on my arms he turned me in his direction and watched me with an intense look. I couldn't look at him however, I only saw Severus angrier than ever before. My body shook with fear and worry. _Severus is never going to forgive me…_

_"__Arya, look at me!"_ Never had I heard Derek so serious or worried. Slowly, I raised my head. _"You can do this. Everything is going to be alright."_

My eyes started watering up and I blinked several times to prevent them from falling. Nervously, I shook my head. _"No, Derek. Nothing is going to be okay… I cannot… I can't do this!"_

_"__You can and you will! Now hurry or you'll be late."_ And with that he pushed me in direction of the Dungeons. Slowly and like in trance I made my way down the stairs.

Before I turned around the corner I heard Hermione's voice. _"What happened Derek?"_

So many times the way to his classroom had felt so long but now it was way too short. When I arrived, the door was open and I could see Harry and Ron already inside waiting. For the second time today I felt like I was on the edge of passing out.

_"__Ms. Jackson, you finally decided to show up…"_ A cold shiver run down my spine as I heard Severus' voice.

_Okay, Arya. You can do this. Don't look at him and get over with it. In front of Harry and Ron he cannot do anything._ I told myself but I couldn't fool myself. I knew I wouldn't be able to relax.

I chose a seat behind Harry and Ron who were sitting as far away from each other as possible in this room. Ron was obviously still jealous and angry. For one second my thoughts drifted off to what Hermione would say to this.

_"__Seeing as my supply of pickled rat brains is almost empty you'll be making new one's during this detention. You have everything you need. If I hear one word you'll all stay longer."_ With a smirk that didn't reach his eyes Severus stared at us provocative.

Well, he looked at Ron and Harry and acted as if I wasn't in the room. Gulping and disgusted I started my work. If I only saw the rat brains it made me almost vomit.

During the whole detention, I looked up from time to time but Severus was stubbornly correcting his papers, not glancing in our direction once. I knew he wanted to show me how angry he was but I hated this. It was unfair.

When we were close to working for two hours, I felt inwardly so desperate and my hands were shaking very badly. I made a short break and lifted my gaze. Severus was still correcting papers with his typical emotionless expression, the feather tightly in his hand. While I had wanted nothing more than leave when I had entered the classroom, I wanted nothing more than speaking with Severus. I wanted to tell him that I was sorry, that I hated this…

_"__You may leave now!"_ I flinched at the coldness in his voice. Harry and Ron sighted in relieve and left the room as quickly as possible. I hadn't moved, however.

My eyes started watering up as Severus continued ignoring me. He wasn't fair!

_"__Severus…"_ I pleaded quietly. He took his time to put down his feather and raised his head in my direction without saying a word.

Annoyed, I sighted. He wouldn't make it easy. Slowly, I stepped forward, my bag tightly in my hands. I was so nervous that I didn't know where to look.

_"__I'm sorry for what I did! I promise it won't happen again."_ The knuckles of my hands turned white as I tightened my grip even more. Severus remained rigid for a while.

Suddenly, he laughed shortly and I stepped back in surprise. He stood up and walked around his desk. The black cloak rustled as he came to an abrupt halt in front of me. Sternly, he crossed his arms and all the sudden I wasn't so sure anymore if this was a good idea.

_"__You are sorry for what happened?!"_ Severus spat aggressively slow. Goose bumps appeared on my whole body at his voice. _"You don't know what you've done, Aryanna."_

Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked in his dark eyes that seemed so distant and harmed. _"I know I shouldn't have done it, Severus. It was a mistake-"_

_"__Oh yes, it was. You decided to throw everything away I did for your safety. Do you even know what I did for you? I kept you hidden so that no Death Eater would know about you or lay a hand on you. I made it possible that you could come to Hogwarts without every Slytherin knowing who you really are!"_

I needed all my strength to keep myself from crying but I didn't want to cry anymore. I wanted Severus to see that I wasn't a child, that I could deal with hard words. I wanted him to see me on his level and not as his student.

_"__I'm sorry."_ My voice broke and I couldn't say anything anymore. I watched him pleadingly but he didn't give in. The cold expression on his face remained.

_"__I don't want to see you right now, I want you to leave." _With that he turned around and walked back to his desk. He placed his hands on it and lowered his head.

My heart shattered into pieces as his words sunk in. Horrified, I stared at him. I didn't notice as my bag slipped out of my numb hands. _"Severus please…"_ I said in a whisper.

Severus groaned but I could only see his back. _"Why did you do it?"_

_"__I… I don't know. I was annoyed and angry… Draco said some things… He made fun of- somebody I care about."_ Nervously, I bit my lip. I had almost said that he had made fun of Severus. I wished I could tell him the truth but of course I couldn't. I never would…

Severus raised his head a little at this. _"Oh Aryanna… You cannot attack everyone who makes fun of your fairy-love._"

_"__I never said- "_

_"__Enough!"_ Severus made me flinch as he suddenly roared. In a split second, he had turned around, watching me angrily. His jaw was clenched and his hands had turned into fists. _"I've had enough of you! I'm trying to protect you and your fairy-love but obviously, you don't want my help. I raised you, I gave you everything you wanted, nevertheless, I'm not trustworthy enough! I loved you every day since I know you! I did everything for you and you still play games with me…"_

Severus sighted and rubbed his face tiredly. I felt a cold wave running down my spine as I tried to understand his words. _He didn't love me anymore?_

_"__I want you to leave my classroom, Arya. I don't want you to come back until you decide to tell me the truth…"_

I don't know how but somehow, I managed to leave. I felt so cold and alone like never before…


	36. Chapter 36 - I love you… (Part 1)

36\. I love you… (Part 1)

Since that disastrous day, I felt lonely and horrible. Severus and I weren't speaking, on the contrary he didn't look at me anymore and it was killing me. During Potions lesson I worked in silence not even listening to Draco's attempts to cheer me up with provocations.

The first task of the tournament had taken place one month ago, and in 6 weeks would be the Yule ball. Harry and Ron were desperately looking for dates but at the same time they acted like shy dunderheads.

_"__Come on, wake up sleepyhead!"_ Hermione woke me up one morning. Outside it was snowing and I would have loved staying in bed but not today.

_"__You said we'd go to Hogsmeade together to buy our dresses."_ Grinning she grabbed my blanket and threw it away. I glared at her but she only put her hands on her hips. _"You won't guess what happened…"_

_"__Ron asked you for the Yule ball?"_ Her happiness vanished for a few seconds and I immediately regretted asking. She and Ron were a subtle topic…

_"__Well, no. But Neville asked Ginny out."_

In a split second, I was standing up feeling completely irritated and sad at the same time. _"What?"_ I got dressed while Hermione explained me the situation.

After breakfast, the three of us made our way to Hogsmeade. Ginny was beaming and talking to Hermione about what dress she would like to have. Hermione and I had agreed on buying her dress as Christmas present.

_"__Keep up or do you want all the dresses to be sold out?"_ Hermione linked my arm with hers. I had been lost in thought… again about Severus. Of course, Hermione had noticed my change of mood since that day. I kind of told her the truth: it had to do with my fairy-love.

_"__I told you, I don't think I'm going to the ball. I mean I have no date and I don't want to go with one of those idiots. By the way there's nobody I want to go with."_ I groaned but Hermione didn't let me say more. Glaring and feeling frustrated, I scratched my arm absentminded.

_"__Nonsense! Somebody you like will ask you and you'll say yes. Therefore, you'll need a dress."_ Determined she and Ginny dragged me into a dress store.

After two hours, the three of us finally found our dresses. It had been a while since I last had so much fun doing something. I didn't think about Severus once which I found odd when we made our way to the three broomsticks. After all, I would have to see him during the whole evening of the ball if I really was going.

The evening of the Yule ball couldn't come quick enough to most students. Everybody who had gotten himself a date was happy and excited. It was a week before the Yule ball when I was in the great hall with Hermione, Ron, Harry, Fred and George. We were supposed to do our homework but the boys were talking about who they were going to the ball with. To my annoyance, Severus was walking up and down between the tables to make sure everybody stayed silent. Every time he passed us I couldn't prevent myself from staring at him. I missed him so much! My heart speeded up when he passed behind me and I bit my lip to keep myself from turning around. My heart ached to tell him the truth. I wanted to tell him that he was my fairy-love, that I loved him more than anyone in this world. Sighting, I turned my attention back to my friends. Ron was talking with Fred about his date. Meanwhile, Severus had approached behind my friends and was reading a parchment. As he heard Ron talking he smacked him and Harry on their head. I quickly lowered my head to hide my snicker and glanced at Ron provocative, raising my eyebrows.

_"__You should maybe not speak now."_ I whispered ironically and Fred grinned in my direction whilst Ron glared. Then he turned back to Hermione.

_"__So, would you like to come with one of us?"_

I smirked to myself as I thought about the conversation I'd had with her when she came back from the library the other day. Viktor Krum had asked her out.

_ "__Well, believe it or not but somebody asked me." _Angrily, Hermione stood up and handed her homework to Severus. He didn't even watch her as he snatched it out of her hands. Whilst grabbing her book from the table, she whispered in Ron's direction: _"And I said yes."_ With that she left, leaving Ron and Harry behind exchanging surprised looks.

They started whispering and I tried to concentrate on my essay. The same minute I got disturbed by Severus who pushed their heads down forcefully. As quick as my good mood had come it vanished. I stared at him but he continued ignoring me. My eyes watered up as a strong wave of helplessness washed over my body. I wanted to get up and scream that I was sorry for everything. I wanted him to forgive me, to know how lost I felt without him…

_"__Hey Arya."_ I flinched as Derek's voice appeared next to me. Quickly, I rubbed my eyes but he noticed anyway. He watched from me to Severus who was still standing behind Ron and Harry.

To my surprise, he was watching in our direction. Severus' eyes were cold and emotionless as he stared at Derek who returned an angry glare. Provocative, Derek ignored the teacher's silent warning and turned back to me.

_"__You okay? We can leave if you want."_ I shook my head and forced a smile. I needed to get my mind of Severus!

_"__No, it's fine. Why did you come by the way?"_ At that Derek grinned and glanced quickly in Severus' direction. He hadn't moved an inch.

_"__Do you already have a date for the ball?"_

_"__Euh… no…"_ I managed to stutter. Honestly, I had rejected every boy who had dared to ask me. The thought about not going at all was still playing in my head.

_"__Well, I thought we could go together maybe, as best friends. Seeing as none of us can go with whom we'd really like to… What do you think?"_ Derek was smirking now but not at me. He and Severus were staring daggers at each other but Derek didn't look impressed.

I was irritated by his behaviour. I didn't get it. _"Yes. I'd love to."_

_"__Great. So, we'll meet in the entrance hall in one week."_ And with that he smiled at me and turned around. And again, he looked provocative in Severus' direction who followed Derek with his eyes.

Suddenly, our eyes locked and I drunk in the relieve I felt as Severus looked at me for the first time in a long time. He didn't show any emotion but it was enough for me that he was looking at me. Even this look was more than enough to give me goose bumps all over my body. It was over, however, in less than a second. Severus turned around as well and left in direction of the teacher's table. The black cloak bellowed behind him.

_What did just happen? _I couldn't prevent myself from staring at his retreating figure hoping that this was the first step of him forgiving me.

The said Saturday evening before Christmas Hermione and I prepared ourselves for the yule ball. We were both very excited and nervous at the same time. I was worried a little about Ron's reaction if he saw Hermione with Viktor, a Durmstrang. He already hadn't liked the idea me going with Derek. He believed Durmstrang was supposed to be our enemy. Until now I had managed to keep it from Hermione. I didn't want to upset her and really hoped Ron wouldn't ruin the evening with his jealousy. Hermione deserved to be happy.

_"__You ready?"_ I asked Hermione who just came out of the bathroom, looking more than gorgeous. She smiled confidently.

_"__Yes, and you? You look awesome by the way."_ I returned the smile and the compliment.

We made our way down to the entrance hall. Before we turned around the last corner we stopped and exchanged short looks. _"We can do this."_ It was supposed to be a reassuring sentence but even I could feel that it wasn't convincing. Hermione took my hand and squeezed it lightly while I stared at the wall biting my lip nervously.

_"__I know what you're thinking, Arya. Me and Ron, it's something that will come around eventually. You and your fairy-love, however, it's way bigger. Nevertheless, you can go down there and show him what a beautiful and incredible person you are. This evening is for the both of us! Today we don't care about our boys, don't we?!"_

I chuckled. _"No, we don't! This is our evening."_ I inhaled and exhaled deeply, then nodded in her direction.

Together we walked around the corner and down the few stairs. Heads turned in our direction and I could hear whispering.

_This is my evening! _With this thought I straightened even more and ignored the looks and whistling. I looked for Derek and found him next to Viktor Krum, waiting for us. They were talking and laughing. As Viktor's gaze fell on Hermione he immediately fell silent. Derek on the other hand grinned his so well-known widest grin possible.

_"__Wow, you look gorgeous Arya."_ Derek said smiling as I linked my Arm with his. I smirked in his direction.

_"__Hermione told me that this is our evening and I think she's right. This is my evening!"_ He laughed at this and I joined in.

He lowered his head to my ear and whispered: _"Draco's jealous by the way. He wanted nothing more than being able to ask you out for the Yule ball, to spend some time with his beloved sister but I'm glad he couldn't. Does that make me a bad person now?"_

When I looked in his face I noticed that he was smirking in Draco's and Blaise' direction who were both smirking back. I raised my eyebrows as I noticed Pansy Parkinson clinging to Draco's arm. I had difficulties hiding my amusement about Draco's helpless situation. Maybe we could get a minute later when most people were gone.

As I entered the Great Hall at Derek's side my eyes automatically searched everywhere for the dark-haired Potions master. As it happens, I spotted him standing next to Dumbledore. They couldn't have looked more different. Dumbledore was smiling and wearing a bright blue dress robe whilst Severus wore his usual black cloak and a very emotionless expression. His eyes wandered absentminded over the crowd of students until he had found me. As he laid eyes on me he straightened up and literally stared at me. His intense gaze gave me goose bumps all over my body and butterflies started to erupt in my stomach. I felt my cheeks heating up and quickly looked away. Luckily, Derek nor anyone else had noticed.

The ball started with the Champions dancing. Harry had asked out one of the Partil twins, they looked good together but I could see Harry glancing at Cho Chang now and then. Derek next to me was staring at Cedric Diggory, his eyes never left him. I could see the desire and love on his face and sighted. My gaze wandered through the hall and landed on Draco and Blaise. Draco was looking from Cedric to Derek whilst I noticed Blaise staring at his crush Cho Chang. I smiled at my brother who turned his eyes in my direction. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

_We all love people we can never have. Derek loves Cedric. Blaise loves Cho... And I love my professor…_

Sighting, I shook my head to get my mind of Severus. It seemed that I wasn't able to think clearly anymore. My mind was drifting off more than ever. Nothing was more frustrating than thinking about Severus, his voice that made me shiver, his embrace that made me feel warm and safe.

Suddenly, I found my gaze locked with dark mysterious eyes. Now and then our gaze was broken by the Champions dancing but we never stopped looking at each other… Severus and I still hadn't talked about what had happened. On the contrary, the one look he had given me in the great hall had been the only one. I had the feeling that he had even tried to ignore me more…

I broke the gaze as the song ended and the new one started. More students started dancing and I turned towards Derek. I took his hand in mine and smiled as he looked down on me.

_"__Do you want to dance?"_ The sad look on his face vanished and was replaced by a grin. He took my hand and kissed it. I couldn't prevent myself from chuckling at his embarrassing act.

_"__May I ask for this dance?"_ I played along and linked our arms laughing.

The dancing was so much fun. I had learned dancing when I had lived with the Malfoy's. I loved it! The only things that mattered were the music and Derek. We danced, laughed and joked around for several hours. Now and then I spotted Severus staring at me but every time I forced myself to ignore him. This was my evening after all! I shouldn't be thinking about me dancing with him or even kissing him.

_"__I need something to drink!"_ Derek stated out of breath as a rapid song ended. I was out of breath too but laughing at the same time.

_"__This was so much fun! We should do this for ourselves sometimes. Only the four of us."_

Laughing, Derek led me to the bar and ordered two drinks. I felt so carefree and light with all this dancing. I had totally forgotten about my dreams, my father and Severus. I was brought back to earth, however, as I noticed Severus standing on the other side of the hall watching in our direction. I wasn't sure but I think he was frowning and maybe even glaring. Honestly, we needed to get things sorted out. I missed him so much!

_"__Well, well. Isn't that my brother!"_

I jumped as I heard Blaise' voice from behind me. Quickly, I glanced around and noticed Ron and Harry sitting at a table and staring into the crowd of students.

_"__What the hell are you doing here?"_ I whispered horrified as I checked the people around us for any listeners. If somebody saw me talking with Blaise and Draco we would get problems.

Draco being himself didn't seem to care. He smirked and to my annoyance Derek and Blaise did too. _"Well, Derek's our friend and we'll tell people we were drunk so don't worry."_

And with that my brother put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in his direction. I raised my eyebrows angrily and pushed his arm away.

_"__Fine, I'm in but no touching. That's to much to explain, Draco."_

_"__Whatever."_ He turned his eyes ironically and I started laughing. Draco grinned at my reaction. Playfully, I punched him in the ribs making him laugh too. Now it was Blaise' turn to turn his eyes.

_"__Seriously, you two need to spend more time together."_ Blaise stated whilst handing us our drinks.

_"__Hey, Derek. Have you spotted Cedric somewhere?"_ Draco and Blaise started laughing at Derek who was staring in another direction. In a second he was watching us again with a very dark expression.

_"__No."_ His lips turned into a smirk. "_I just wondered what you were going to tell your date when she comes here…"_

Draco's laugh died in a short moment and he whirled around horrified. As he realized that Derek had made a joke he raised one hand in a threatening manner but wasn't successful in hiding his good mood.

_"__Idiot." _Derek returned his grin with a raised eyebrow as Blaise and I smirked at my brother.

_"__He got you there. But you totally deserve it sometimes!"_ I told my brother smiling and he nodded theatrical.

_"__Yes, I know. I'm such a bad boy."_ His smirk made me wanted to punch him again but this time he dodged my elbow laughing. Snickering, I tried to catch him but seeing as he was a boy he was way stronger than I was. Besides, chasing somebody in heels wasn't that easy.

_"__Hey, you two. Careful or people start looking."_ Blaise hissed in our direction and Draco let go of me immediately. Worried, he gazed around but luckily the only students who had noticed us were Durmstrang boys. Derek and Blaise were discussing something. Their not so subtle glances in Cedric's direction made me guess what they were talking about.

_"__So what are we going to do now? I would love to dance but then we'll expose us." _I stated a little sad and watched all the dancing students.

Suddenly, I spotted a dark cloak passing on the other side of the Great Hall. Severus was taller than most students so my eyes could follow the black-haired man as he walked very quickly in direction of the door. I frowned as I noticed Igor Karkaroff following him outside. What did he want from Severus?

A light squeeze of my hand made me flinch again. Draco was following my gaze and he gulped absentminded. Then he turned to me smiling reassuringly.

_"__You two haven't talked yet?"_

I started fidgeting with my hands nervously as I tried to hide the strong emotions that had rushed through my whole body a few seconds ago.

_"__No. I tried but I guess he's still very angry with me. I can't blame him though. I screwed everything up."_

Draco faced me properly now and looked me deeply in the eyes.

_"__He'll forgive you. He loves you, Arya."_

Now my good mood had vanished completely. My eyes started watering up and I desperately threw my hands up.

_"__And when?"_ My voice cracked and I gulped. _"I don't know how long I can stand this, Draco. I-"_

A sob escaped my throat and I turned away to hide my few tears. Draco wanted to pull me in a comforting hug but I pushed him away. I let my hand wander in front of my face using magic that dried my tears that had started to fall. Then I turned in his direction, shaking my head excusing.

_"__I'm sorry, Draco but I'm done for today. I need some air before going to sleep."_

To my relief, he nodded. I knew my brother understood me and I loved him for it. Draco's lips turned into a grin and as always, he managed to light me up a little. I chuckled turning in Blaise and Derek's direction who were still watching at Cedric. I approached Derek and put a hand on his arm, making him turn around.

_"__I want to thank you, Derek. This evening was awesome! It's been a while that I've had that much fun."_ His face became soft as he took my hand in his.

_"__I totally loved it too and I'm glad you wanted to be my date."_ He pulled me into a bone crashing hug, making me snickering and coughing. With his usual wide grin, he let go of me again.

I looked at Blaise who nodded smiling. _"See you tomorrow then."_

_"__Good night, Arya."_ Draco said smiling and I returned it.

Before I left through the door I turned around again, looking for my friends. I spotted Hermione dancing with Viktor, obviously having a good time. I smiled absentminded.

_This is our evening!_


	37. Chapter 37 - I love you… (Part 2)

37\. I love you… (Part 2)

I decided to go up on the Astronomy Tower. Every student was down in the Great Hall so no teacher would be up there. It took me some time to reach the top and as I finally arrived I was cursing my heels.

As I leaned on the railing my mind wandered off into the dark night. I couldn't keep myself from thinking about Severus. My mind replayed my dreams over and over again. I could hear Severus' voice telling me how much he loved me.

For the second time this evening, my eyes started watering up. Angrily, I grabbed the railing tightly and bit my lip to keep tears from falling. To my surprise, it worked. Nevertheless, I couldn't stop my butterflies from whirling around in my stomach. I pictured me and Severus kissing right here whilst the warm prickling sensation of love rushed through my whole body…

Suddenly, I felt somebody's presence behind me. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took a deep breath before turning my head.

Severus' cloak bellowed behind him in the light wind. I only saw his frame in the shadow, his face not visible in the dark.

He stepped forward in the light of the moon that shone brightly over the black lake. His eyes shone more mysterious and beautiful than I had ever seen before. The light made his cheek bones stand out and gave his face a soft touch. The raven black hair framed his face just right…

A painful sting in my heart made me gulp and turn around again. I couldn't bare seeing him here like this. It reminded me to much of my dreams.

_"__Don't worry. I'm leaving soon. I just needed some air before going to sleep."_ My voice was quiet and I didn't even know if he had heard me.

I felt him approaching and bit my lip. My hands started shaking slightly as I imagined him being angry again. I would break down this time…

_"__Arya, I'm sorry."_

It took some time for my brain to understand those few words. But when it did I felt my whole body relax a little. The tears I had managed to hold back until now made their way down my face.

_"__Would you please look at me?"_

The softness and vulnerability in his voice surprised and scared me at the same time.

Slowly, I turned around, facing him now. He had dropped his emotionless mask and I saw what nobody else could see. His eyes were warm. His face was relaxed and his lips slightly open in worry. As he saw my tears he frowned and made a step forward, one hand raised as if to touch my face. Every possible emotion I had ever felt rushed through my body and I couldn't do anything else than staring at him.

Something stopped him however from coming any closer and he lowered his hand again. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. The intensity of his gaze gave me goose bumps all over my body.

_"__What happened?"_

His voice was mixed with worry and something I had never heard before.

_"__Did Derek hurt you?"_

_"__If he hurt me?"_

My voice sounded raspy and surprised. Severus confused me with his behaviour. My own feelings obviously confused my brain…

_"__Derek would never hurt me…"_ I added almost whispering.

Severus snapped out of his stare somehow and put his hands behind his back. He broke the gaze, nervously looking down.

It wasn't often that Severus was nervous or feeling awkward about something and it scared me. I wasn't used to it. Normally, he was the one calming me down in any situation but right now it was the opposite.

When he looked me in the eyes again he had composed himself but I wanted nothing more than telling him the truth about everything. I couldn't stand this any longer. I wanted to tell him about my feelings. I needed to tell him that he was my fairy-love. I needed to tell him how much I loved him so that I could at least ease my feelings a little.

Aggressively, I wiped my tears away and dried my face. My heart was racing now and I couldn't feel my body anymore. The only thing I felt was the love for the man who was looking down at me.

_"__I need to tell you something, Arya."_ Severus started as I was just about to open my mouth.

I raised a shaking hand to stop him and watched him desperately. Again, my voice wasn't much more than a pleading whisper.

_"__Please, let me tell you the truth first, Severus."_

Severus shook his head slightly, looking away. As he turned back to me the last of his control seemed to have vanished and he was watching me with the saddest look I had ever seen.

_"__No, please. I don't want you to tell me."_

_That's it! _I thought._ He wants to end everything. _It was as if my heart stopped beating. I couldn't breathe anymore.

_"__I need to tell you something, Aryanna. I wanted to tell you for a very long time."_ Severus shifted nervously before continuing. _"If you don't want to tell me who your fairy-love is then that's fine. You have every right to especially after my stupid behaviour. But if you want to tell me I want you to know that I'd protect him with my life just like I'm protecting you because-"_

Again, he stopped and gulped. For the first time since I had met him he bit his lip. Nervously, he fidgeted with his fingers and I could see how deep he pressed the nails in his skin. Before I could say anything, he opened his mouth again but no sound came out. The last self-control he had left disappeared. Never before had I seen him watching someone with such pure desperation. It made my heart only sting more…

_"__I… I know you'll probably hate me or be disgusted but I need to tell you."_ He cleared his throat again and continued a little louder. _"You remember last year when the werewolf attacked you."_

I nodded as if in trance, totally lost in his voice and emotions.

_"__When I saw you laying there on the ground I thought you were going to die and I realized… I realized that I don't know what I'd do without you in my life… And when I saw you again after this summer I hated myself for my feelings. I tried to stay away from you but I couldn't."_

Severus's nervousness had completely disappeared now. He was watching me with a hopeful and scared expression at the same time. My heart on the contrary was racing and tried to process what he was telling me.

_"__I love you, Arya! I've always loved you but until last year I didn't realize it. I thought I loved you like a father loves his daughter but I realized that it's much more. I know how disgusting it sounds. I mean I'm your teacher, I'm older than you and I raised you… And I know you love somebody else but I swear I'll protect whoever he is... I'm only begging you not to hate me now!"_

His voice cracked. I couldn't feel my body anymore. _Severus loved me? He truly loved me?_

_"__I love you, Aryanna Jackson, with all my heart!"_

Slowly, my lips turned into a small smile and a few tears made their way down my cheeks. A warm prickling feeling rushed through my whole body and I stepped forward until my forehead was almost touching his chin.

_"__Severus I-"_, my voice cracked and I gulped to start again. Happily and with tears in my eyes, I looked him deeply in the eyes.

_"__Severus Tobias Snape."_ It was as if my voice was about to disappear. I couldn't say more than a few words.

_"__You're my fairy-love…"_

Severus looked more than taken aback. His hands fell to his sides and his mouth slightly opened. He had obviously expected anything except this.

_"__Me?"_ He asked surprised in a whisper and I nodded laughing shortly.

_"__I love you, Severus."_ For a split moment, I was afraid he would turn away or leave, believing all of this being a dream. I didn't really believe it myself.

Slowly, he raised one hand and placed it gently on my cheek, his thumb caressing it softly. His lips had turned into an absentminded smile and his gaze wandered over my face.

_"__I love you."_ I whispered more to myself as if to make sure this wasn't a dream.

Severus lowered his head and gently placed his lips on mine. Butterflies erupted more wildly in my stomach and I melted into this kiss as his other hand held me close to him. I leaned into him with my hands on his chest, slowly wandering towards his neck. Severus let his tongue run over my lips begging for entrance so I opened my mouth. With my hands entangled in his hair I pulled him even closer.

Slowly and out of breath I finally pulled away and he placed another soft kiss on my lips. His nose brushed mine in a loving manner, making my whole body feel shaky again. His lips came to a rest on my forehead then he looked me in the eyes again with more love than even possible.

_"__I love you so much."_

Severus' lips turned into a smile as I didn't react. Well, I couldn't do anything. My body didn't seem to belong to me anymore. The only thing I felt was the overwhelming happiness that blurred my mind.

Suddenly, he pulled away with an amused glint in his eyes. As his touch left me I snapped out of my trance and frowned. _Please don't let this be a dream again_…

With a very serious expression Severus straightened up, his left arm behind his back. My jaw fell as he bowed elegantly, holding out his right hand. His intense gaze never left my eyes.

_"__May I ask for this dance?"_

Now, I couldn't suppress a nervous chuckle any longer. Severus' expression relaxed as he started smirking, making my stomach explode with butterflies again. Oh, how I loved this typical smirk! Grinning, I placed my hand in his and approached him.

_"__With great pleasure."_

He led me to the middle of the Astronomy tower. I looked up just in time to catch the quick self-confident smile that rushed over his lips. The happiness radiating from him really was contagious so I allowed myself a short smile before I turned to face him properly.

No student would have believed Severus Snape being a gentleman or a good dancer. But as he turned in my direction his expression became serious again. Gently, he placed his other hand on my waist, not breaking the gaze for one second. The warmth of his hand made me shiver so I automatically stepped closer until our bodies were almost touching.

As we started dancing I totally forgot about where we were and about everything else going on at the moment. The only thing I saw were Severus' eyes that held nothing but love and warmth as our bodies moved in perfect harmony together.

When we ended this dance, Severus didn't let go of me. Under his gaze, I became nervous again and looked down, biting my lip.

_"__You're so beautiful."_ Severus started caressing my hand with his thumb. This made my nervousness fly away in a split moment. I had no reason to be nervous. I completely loved and trusted him!

A smile spread on my lips as I lifted my head again. I saw the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. Laughing, I shook my head and raised my eyebrows provocative.

_"__Oh, I know."_

Now, it was Severus' turn to chuckle deeply. The sound of it gave me goose bumps all over my body and I felt a wave of pride rushing through my body. Only I could make him laugh like this.

_"__Are you cold?"_ Severus asked as a cold wind on my bare skin made me shiver. He had started frowning in worry and I returned a reassuring smile.

_"__I'm fine, don't worry."_

But Severus had already taken off his black cloak and placed around my shoulders. The strong scent of potions and Severus engulfed me and I closed my eyes to inhale it. Strong arms pulled me closer to his chest so I rested my arms against him. Smiling, I laid my head on his shoulder. Immediately, I felt Severus placing his cheek against my forehead.

His hands traced small circles on my back and I sighted in contentment. Slowly, I put my arms around his torso as I had done dozens of times before. But this time it was so much more, it was different to all our embraces. I was embracing Severus without having to hold back my love, without lying to him about my true feelings. I didn't remember when I had felt so light the last time. The weight of my lies had finally been lifted of my shoulders. I loved this man with all my heart!

The warmth and overwhelming feeling of Severus' body embracing me made me sleepy, therefore I started yawning. This time, I felt his chest vibrate as a low chuckle escaped his mouth. He brushed my forehead with his nose making me sight deeply.

_"__We should go. I don't want you to start freezing, Arya."_

My lips turned into a smile but I refused to open my eyes or let go of him. To make my point I placed my head closer towards his chin.

_"__I'm completely fine here. And I'm not cold. Not anymore."_

More determined now, Severus placed both his hands on my shoulders and gently pushed me back. To protect me from the cold wind I wrapped his cloak tighter around myself. As I looked back up at him he had his typical stern expression on his face. I knew it to well and sighted…

_"__I don't want to leave you."_ I mumbled, making his lips twitch upwards.

_"__Neither do I. What do you think about a hot chocolate?" _Severus asked smiling.

_"__Oh, I'd love that!"_ I cheered like a child at Christmas and he turned his eyes in annoyance.

_"__Do you think you can make it to my office without anyone seeing you?"_

Now it was my turn to turn my eyes.

_"__I've done it dozens of times. Nevertheless, you're worried about me getting caught?"_ I smirked at him but he didn't laugh.

In fact, he answered rather darkly and with a frown. _"I'm always worried about you getting yourself into troubles, Aryanna Jackson."_

I took another step closer and he watched me closely. I had taken his hands in mine and hold them tightly. Then I looked him deeply in the eyes.

_"__I know. But I promise I'll always be careful."_

Severus stayed silent for a while and I wondered if I had said something wrong. After a moment, he blinked and sighted loudly. His lips turned back into that beautiful smile and he nodded.

_"__We should go now."_

I nodded, then looked down at his hand. Feeling confident all the sudden, I took it and entwined our fingers. My hand was way smaller than his but it felt more than right. The corner of my mouth twitched slightly as Severus squeezed it so I looked up only to find him staring at me. We looked at each other for quite some time until another cold wind snapped me out of my trance.

_"__We should really go now." _

Severus said smirking and I chuckled. Hand in hand we made our way towards the stairs. Before I could go down the first step, however, Severus hold me back and I turned with a quizzical expression.

_"__What's wrong?"_

A wave of relief and amusement rushed through my whole body as I faced a smug looking Severus. He had taken his hand out of mine and raised one eyebrow provocative. He wasn't looking into my eyes but glancing down at my dress. Strictly speaking, his glance was on his cloak that was still wrapped around my shoulders to keep me a little warmer.

Chuckling, I shook my head as he started smirking.

_"__I suppose this is yours."_ Grinning now, I handed him back the cloak and in a second he had dressed himself again.

I couldn't suppress a smirk as he cast me a short arrogant sneer. After all, Severus was still a Slytherin... and I loved him for who he was.

_"__I think you should go first Professor or I'll have to wait in the Dungeons where Slytherins might be lurking around."_

I told him with raised eyebrows and a provocative smirk. Severus only nodded and his face went back to his usual emotionless expression. Before he disappeared out of my sight he turned around again and spoke in a stern voice.

_"__Don't let me wait too long, Ms. Jackson."_

I turned my eyes in annoyance. I had really started shivering now without his cloak and wanted nothing more than going inside.

_"__Just go, I'm freezing."_

Chuckling deeply, Severus turned around in a swift move and left. Trying to warm me up a little, I rubbed my arms. Groaning, I waited for another two minutes until I started walking down the stairs.

Nobody was in the corridors but to my annoyance the heels sounded as if small bombs were exploding every step. As I passed the Great Hall I saw that only a few students were left to dance. I realized that I didn't even know what time it was. The time up on the Astronomy tower hadn't felt that long…

I smiled at the thought of what had just happened. I had finally told Severus that I loved him… and he loved me too. Never would I have believed it if somebody would have told me!

As I continued my way to the Dungeons a smile stayed plastered on my face. Luckily, no student was sneaking around except one pair that was too busy snogging in a dark corner to notice me pass.

A wave of excitement rushed through my body as I neared Severus' office. It seemed as if he had been waiting right behind the door, seeing as I didn't even wait two seconds until the door opened. With a small smile to myself I passed a stern looking Severus who was glancing into the dark corridor before closing the door. Awkwardly and slightly amused, I turned around to face him, biting my lip. Severus' stern expression was quickly replaced by the warm smile I loved so much and my uncomfortableness vanished as quickly as it has come.

_"__Come. You look as if you needed to warm up a little."_

With that he led me through a door in the back of his office into his private quarters. He closed the door behind me as I stepped in a small and cosy living room.

Severus walked over to his armchair and grabbed the blanket, only to put it around my shoulders. Thankfully, I smiled at him and wrapped it tightly around myself.

_"__Thank you, Severus."_

He caressed my cheek gently with his thumb, then placed a long kiss on my forehead.

_"__Make yourself comfortable."_

I nodded in return and Severus walked over to an old cupboard to take off his cloak and jacket. Strangely, I was incapable of moving so I was standing in the middle of the living room and watching how Severus hung them into the cupboard. To my surprise, he wore a simple white chemise which fitted his dark eyes perfectly.

As Severus turned back around and caught me staring his lips turned into an amused smirk. Blushing furiously, I quickly lowered my gaze. I felt my head heating up in less than a second and tried to suppress the annoyed groan. Gently, Severus cupped my face in both of his hands, making me glance up nervously.

_"__I want you to know that I'll never force you to do anything, nor will I ever hurt you, Aryanna. I'll protect you and stay by your side no matter what."_

The intense, serious look gave me goose bumps all over my body but I felt the nervousness slowly fading. Again, I nodded and smiled reassuringly. Severus relaxed as I approached and gave him a peck on the lips. I let my lips stay a little longer on his than necessary but I felt so thankful and happy.

_"__I'm right back."_ Severus told me as I released him and left through another door on the left with a small smile playing around his lips.

Smiling to myself too, I walked over to the couch and sat near the fireplace. I took off my heels and covered my legs with the blanket. Whilst Severus was busy making a hot chocolate I used the time to take a closer look at his living room. Seeing as it was in the Dungeons it had no windows but was lighten up by the fireplace and many candles. The right wall was hidden behind book shelves that let only enough space for another door. Next to the wardrobe was the last door of the living room that seemed to lead to the bathroom. As I turned my head back to the door that lead to his office I noticed a small bar with glasses and some bottles.

Chuckling, I shook my head. Severus had always had a thing for good and strong drinks, nevertheless, I had never seen him drunk. I knew he was careful about not drinking too much. He wanted to be able to defend himself at any time.

I got interrupted in my thoughts as Severus came back, a steaming cup with hot chocolate in one hand.

_"__There you go."_

He handed me the cup over the back of the couch and turned towards his bar. I watched as he poured himself a drink, then took a seat next to me. I leaned back against his chest, his left arm holding me close to him. Carefully, I placed my legs on his, trying not to spill the chocolate.

As I had made myself comfortable I looked up only to see Severus staring down on me absentminded. Quizzical, I raised my eyebrows.

_"__What?"_

Severus snapped out of his trance and shook his head grinning.

_"__Oh, I just thought about what your mother would say when she could see us right now."_

I looked down on the cup in my hands and tried to figure her in my head but I couldn't. I didn't remember her enough to know what she would have said now.

_"__Do you think she would be angry with us?"_

I asked quietly and to my surprise Severus started laughing. Honestly, I didn't understand what was so funny right now. Still chuckling, he looked at me and shook his head.

_"__Everything she told me makes sense now. She knew all along that we'd end up together so the answer's definitely no…"_

I couldn't suppress a laugh myself as Severus tried to calm down. He emptied his glass at once and placed it on the table. Smirking wildly, he looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

_"__Well, maybe she would've been angry too but only because we've both been to stubborn to admit our feelings right away. I can still picture her lecturing me about how annoyingly stubborn I am."_

Severus' expression had become distant and I knew he was thinking about my mother who had been as close to him as I was to Draco. They had been more than just best friends, they had been like brother and sister.

Gently, I took his hand and entwined our fingers. He looked me deeply in the eyes.

"_To be honest, I can't imagine anyone lecturing you and getting away with it."_

I grinned and he was back to his old self. Laughing he took the empty cup out of my hands and placed it next to his glass. Automatically, I snuggled closer and he put his arms around me.

_"__She was the only one who would get away with it, except you of course. We would always end up laughing or screaming at each other."_

Severus' expression turned warm and serious as he started caressing my hand with his thumb.

_"__Your mother would be happy to see us together. She always wanted you to be happy."_

I was lost in his dark eyes. My heart started racing as Severus leaned closer and his lips brushed mine. Slowly, he brought his hand up to my hair and pulled me closer as I deepened the kiss. A strong wave of love and excitement rushed through my whole body.

As his lips left mine, Severus rested with his forehead against mine. I felt him breathing against my face and smiled with closed eyes. Gently, Severus took me in a loving embrace and I rested my head on his shoulder.

We stayed like this for a while until I felt myself becoming sleepy. This evening had been long…

_"__Severus?"_

_"__Yes?"_

I lifted my head to look into his eyes. They were full of happiness and love and I couldn't look away.

_"__Can I stay here with you?"_

At this Severus' gaze wandered off to the fireplace. I felt nervous all the sudden. Maybe he didn't want me here over night? As he spoke up his voice was quiet.

_"__When you arrived in Hogwarts for your first year Albus made me read my whole contract again. He wanted me to understand that I wouldn't be allowed to take you into my private chambers, no matter what."_

Severus watched me now and I noticed the trace of fear in his eyes.

_"__It's against the law for a teacher being in a relationship with his student. You need to know this if you really want to be with me."_

I didn't know where this came from but I laughed shortly, shaking my head in disbelief. I took his hand in mine and held it tightly.

_"__Nobody can ever take me away from you, not even the minister himself, Severus. And what could Dumbledore possibly do about me being here for one evening? He always favoured you and he won't fire you because of us."_

Severus remained silent for a while, then started grinning all the sudden.

_"__Gryffindors and Slytherins are known for breaking the rules, aren't they?"_

I laughed and he grinned arrogantly in my direction, obviously pleased with himself about making me laugh.

_"__By the way, I won't leave and tell every soul I meet that I've been in here with you. So how should Dumbledore know?"_

Severus became serious, he almost looked annoyed.

_"__Albus always seems to know everything most of the time…"_ He replied grumpy and I couldn't suppress a smile.

_"__Well, this time he won't."_

Severus sighted deeply and I turned my eyes at his act. Suddenly, he smiled at me, giving me goose bumps again.

_"__So, would you really like to stay here with me?"_

_"__I'd love to!"_

Severus took out his wand and with a flick the empty glass and cup disappeared. As he stood up I sighted loudly. It had been so comfortable on the couch together…

Severus gave me one hand to help me up and entwined our fingers. Smiling, he led me through the door under his book shelves and we arrived in a small bedroom with a king-sized bed. One wall was covered with book shelves, whilst the other only had one door.

_"__This door leads to my bathroom. I suppose you need something to sleep in?"_

Severus didn't wait for me to answer. He turned around to a big wardrobe and took something out. I smiled to myself as Severus turned again. With an apologetic look on his face he offered me something that looked like a shirt.

_"__I hope this fits you. I'm afraid my pyjama trousers won't so I can only offer you a shirt."_

I took it out of his hands and returned my gaze to him with a smile.

_"__Don't worry. That's perfect."_

Severus chuckled and I left to use the bathroom. Exhaling deeply, I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised at how happy I seemed to be. If people saw me they would definitely know something had happened to me.

_Well, Severus has happened to me. _I thought with a grin and started to undress myself. I decided to keep my panties on with the shirt. It only reached the middle of my thighs so I wouldn't feel so undressed.

With a last glance in the mirror I took a deep breath and opened the door to the bedroom. Severus was already in bed and waiting for me. Confidently, I walked over to the other side of his bed and climbed in. Luckily, Severus didn't see my face as I noticed that he had no shirt on, only pyjama trousers. Quickly, I hid my grin and lay down with my head on his chest. He held me close to him with one hand whilst the other played with my fingers.

_"__Thank you for letting me stay."_

I said with closed eyes and I could literally hear his grin. I knew him only too well…

_"__I'm glad you asked because I didn't dare. I didn't want to pressure you."_

That made me grin too and I lifted my head to look him in the eyes.

_"__Nobody can pressure me, Severus. Especially not you."_

Severus chuckled and I felt a cold shiver running down my spine. His laugh gave me goose bumps all over my body. I laid my head back down and yawned all the sudden.

_"__Maybe we should discuss this tomorrow."_

I hummed as an answer and with one flick of his wand, Severus turned off the lights and I snuggled closer. Severus' arms were around my body and kept me warm. I felt Severus lips against my forehead and smiled into his chest.

_"__I love you, Arya."_

Severus whispered and I felt my butterflies waking up in my stomach again. I lifted my head only to place my lips on his for a short kiss.

_"__I love you too."_

With a smile on my lips I laid my head back down and closed my eyes, falling asleep right away.


	38. Chapter 38 - I love you… (Part 3)

38\. I love you (Part 3)

Something was different… My bed smelled not like my bed. In fact, it smelled better than mine. And the blanket was so warm and cosy. I sighted in content and snuggled closer to the warmth. I wanted to fall asleep again, it was too comfortable to get up now. But instead of getting tired my brain started to wake up. I took a deep breath and inhaled the unusual scent around me. I liked it! A smile crept on my lips…

I opened my eyes and found myself staring at a men's chest. _What the hell am I dreaming, _I wondered. Confused I furrowed my eyebrows and realized that I was not even laying in my own bed. And I wore a men's shirt…

I heard a light chuckle and sensed something moving in front of me. Slowly, my head moved a little and my eyes started to wander upwards. Severus… I was staring at Severus' face. In the blink of an eye I remembered what had happened yesterday. _I kissed him. I told him I love him. _My brain tried to process everything. _He loves me too! _I realized suddenly. During that short moment I woke up completely.

_"__Good morning."_ Severus greeted me, a small smile playing around his lips. His beautiful dark eyes shone warmly and send a shiver through my whole body. Blushing lightly, I returned his gaze. Now, I was completely aware of the fact that he had no shirt on. I was in bed with him…

_"__Morning." _My voice only came out as a whisper. One look in his eyes and I melted away. I could not think straight anymore. Now I realized that the heat came from his body. I laid facing him, our bodies almost touching. One of his hands rested relaxed in between our bodies. The sudden strong feeling of love and care for the man in front of me overwhelmed me. A smile crept on my lips and for the first time since I woke up I returned his look intensely.

He raised his hand to my face and caressed my cheek gently. I watched him as his eyes followed his fingers. _I need to touch him! I want to be as close as possible! To make sure he's real. That we are real_. Before I could move however, he moved his head a bit closer and brushed my nose with his, making my smile grow bigger. His look softened even more, and I could read the love he felt in his twinkling eyes. Butterflies erupted in my stomach and heat rose through my whole body. My gaze wandered from his eyes down to his soft lips. I lifted my hand and placed it carefully on his cheek. Afraid of being rejected I glanced up again, but Severus was still watching me intensely. I couldn't suppress a happy grin as I raised my head a little and closed the gap between our lips.

The kiss was slow and loving. The tension was incredibly strong and making me dizzy. I felt completely lost under his lips. My hand wandered to his neck and played with his hair. The smile on his lips made him only more compelling so I let my tongue run over his lips. At this Severus let his hand glide into my hair and hold me closer to him. Slowly, he turned his body and was over me. Laying on my back now I lifted my other hand to his neck and pulled him closer to me. Becoming more confident by my lead Severus let his tongue explore my mouth. I felt him moving his other arm so that it laid under my head and caressed my shoulder.

Our kiss became slower. But I didn't want him to leave me, so I let my lips linger on his a little longer. Gently, Severus gave me one last peck on the lips before smiling the happiest smile I had ever seen. I couldn't take my eyes of him and smiled overwhelmed of my love and happiness. But it wasn't enough to express my feelings. Therefore, my smile turned into a grin. I placed my hands on either side of his face and looked him deeply in the eyes.

_"__I love you, Severus."_ His eyes sparkled as he turned his head a little to kiss my wrist.

_"__I love you so much, Aryanna Jackson." _I didn't know if it was this intense look or the words, but I had the feeling as if all the air had vanished in my lungs. At the same time, I couldn't suppress my lips to turn into a genuine loving smile.

Severus looked away, grabbed the blanket and pulled it up to my chest again. Then he took his arm from under my head and propped up his head. The other hand lay on the blanket and played with my hair. Smiling absentminded, his gaze wandered all over my face. The light touch gave me goose bumps all over my body. He watched me as if I could break under his look. I enjoyed the love in his touch and gaze. It was perfect! Sighting contented, I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to his chest. I felt his lips on my hair and his nose brushing my head. Then he opened his arms for me to come even closer. I smiled as his arms embraced me, pulling me close to his chest.

_"__You will never leave me, right Severus?" _I said quietly, my voice shaking with emotions. I was afraid all of this being a dream. That maybe if he was alone the next time he would realize that he was about to have a relationship with one of his students. Severus turned on his back, pulling me on top of him. I laid my arms on his chest, resting my chin on my hands so that I could look into his eyes. The smile had vanished from his face. His voice sounded raspy and serious as he spoke.

_"__Never. Until death I will never leave you. I want to be there for you Arya and I want to be with you! No matter what." _All the sudden, my whole body shivered at his emotional words. Blushing, I buried my face in his chest as I heard him chuckle. _"There's no need to be ashamed, love."_

Confused and forgetting my struggle, I looked up and watched him with raised eyebrows. _"Love?"_

Severus smile turned into an amused grin. _"I knew that would distract you."_ His grin grew wider.

Groaning, I let my head fall on his chest again making Severus laugh. _"You're incredible…"_

That made him only laugh louder. I couldn't hold back the grin that was forming on my lips. I loved hearing his laugh. And I loved it even more because I was the reason for him to be happy and without any worries… at least for now. As his laugh died down I was smiling madly again. Absentminded, Severus traced circles on my back with his fingers. I felt so secure and relaxed that I sighted deeply in content. The following silence was suddenly interrupted by a growling stomach. Now it was my turn to chuckle.

_"__I guess you're hungry, Severus…?" _But Severus only mumbled something I couldn't understand. Mocking and with raised eyebrows I looked him in the eyes. _"What did you say? I didn't catch that."_

To my surprise a small blush showed itself on Severus' cheeks. Warmth rushed through my whole body and I tried to hide my smile by biting on my lip. Typically being Severus, he tried to cover up his visible affection by turning his eyes in annoyance and growled. Again, he avoided my gaze by looking right over my head. _"I said I'm not leaving my bed right now."_

Smiling to myself and blushing as well I gave him a short peck on the lips. _"I don't want to leave it either." _Our eyes locked and slowly a smile crept on his lips.

_"__But I'm afraid we will have to at some point." _He added worried.

I groaned again casting him a short glare and mumbled loud enough for him to hear. _"You're a mood killer, Severus!"_

His deep laugh distracted me a little. But slowly my head processed what he had said earlier. With a jerk, I lifted my head looking at Severus with big eyes. As I spoke my voice sounded almost like shrieking. I felt a little confused too.

_"__I'm lying in your bed…"_

Severus frowned and stopped the circling on my back. Raising one eyebrow as well worry became noticeable in his dark eyes.

_"__Yes, you are… Is that a problem, Arya?"_

In the blink of an eye his emotions changed from happiness and amusement to his emotionless mask. It felt as if Severus' body had been bound by a binding spell. As if he couldn't move anymore. The only movements coming from him were his chest slowly raising up and down and the blinking of his eyes. I felt worry and regret around him.

_"__Do you want to leave?"_

He could have fooled everyone else, but I knew him better. He was nervous. Obviously, he didn't know how to handle me in this state seeing as it was as new to him as it was to me. It took me some time to be able to think again. And the moment I did, I started smiling madly at Severus. Now he looked even more confused.

_"__I'm lying in your bed…" _My smile turned into a huge grin as the whole meaning of those words overwhelmed me. _"I mean I'm here in your bed in Hogwarts… with you."_

Severus laid still without moving. Only the corner of his mouth twitched slightly. I couldn't tell if it was out of worry, fear, confusion or all together. Reassuringly, I moved my head closer to his, smiling like a lunatic. I would have loved to jump around and scream it out to the whole world. Instead, I looked him deeply in the eyes and put all my love and happiness in my voice.

_"__I'm lying in bed with my fairy-love! I finally told you the truth about my feelings and now we're together. Now, I have everything I ever wished to have in my life. I have very good friends. I got my brother back. Derek is here in Hogwarts. And now the yule ball turned from a fun and upsetting evening to the best night of my life... I have everything I ever wanted!"_

We stared at each other for a moment. Then suddenly, Severus switched our position by turning me on my back and lying the closest to me possible. Where my side was pressed against his chest I felt a burning sensation and butterflies erupted in my stomach. I was unable to move as he was looking down at me with a piercing, undefinable look. I was deeply lost in his dark and mysterious eyes.

Snapped out of my rant, I suddenly became aware of our situation. I felt shy and nervous all the sudden. I broke the gaze and looked at his chest feeling completely ashamed. I didn't dare to look up again. So, I shortly glanced at Severus' face through my eyelashes. I was afraid! Afraid that I had said too much. Afraid that the whole weight of my feelings for him was too much for him to deal with.

My thoughts got interrupted as Severus gently traced my jaw and let his finger rest under my chin. I was relieved he didn't kiss or embrace me. Right now, no touch could take away my fear of being rejected. As Severus finally started speaking his voice sounded raspy and incredibly sad. As quickly as he had put on his emotionless mask he had removed it again.

_"__You cannot imagine how often I have thought about where my emotions for you would lead our previous relationship... I felt so disgusted with myself. I was convinced you would be better off without me and that your mother would be disappointed if she would still be alive. Until I realized that I cannot live with myself either by pushing you away. So, I tried to be the person again I had always been for you. But my emotions already held to much control over myself. I got jealous over the smallest things. When your friend Derek asked you to be his date for the evening I loathed him so much. I wanted to be in his place. He represented everything I wasn't._

_Yesterday, as I saw you dancing in the great hall I felt so ashamed of myself and decided to give my life in your hands. I couldn't continue as it had been before. I would have done anything you would have wanted me to do. So, when you said that you loved me I swore to myself to never hurt you ever again. I may have to play my role in Hogwarts as teacher, but I knew in this precise moment that I am living for you. I always have and always will."_

Carefully, Severus looked into my eyes. I understood how hard it had been for him to admit all this to himself and to tell me now. It was rare that he was speaking openly about his feelings. He hated making himself vulnerable. At the same time, my whole body heated up and the butterflies were whirling more wildly now. Softly, I started speaking.

_"__Severus, I swear that you will never lose me. I will always be by your side and I will always love you…No matter what!"_ Nervously, my fingers started playing with the seam of the blanket. Taking a deep breath, I continued. _"But I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I don't know what is going to happen now. I'm afraid of rushing into this relationship because I never had one before. I'm afraid that we move on to fast because we know that this is a special – a serious - relationship. I mean, despite everything I'm still a student, going to school and trying to pass my exams. You're an adult but I'm not."_

The last part only came out as a mumble. I had stared at the blanket the whole time. I felt so young and childish all the sudden. _How can a man twice my age be in love with me and not see me as a child?_

_"__Arya, are you afraid that I expect to skip the first steps of a relationship because ours has been predicted as fairy-love?"_ Severus asked carefully and searched my gaze.

Ashamed, I looked into his eyes and nodded slightly. Again, I averted my eyes to the blanket. I heard him taking a deep breath and as I glanced up I saw that his eyes were closed. Now, I felt even more stupid. I didn't know what to do or say anymore to ease this awkward tension. I was just about to apologize for everything I had said when Severus moved away. To my surprise he got out of bed and walked towards his wardrobe. _Is he going to leave me now?_ I thought to myself and stared at his back. I felt myself struggling with our situation. I was so helpless and confused right now. Had I just ruined the starting relationship?

Carefully, not to make the blanket rustle too loud I sat up and leaned against the headboard. As I had made myself comfortable again Severus climbed back in bed. Now he wore a simple black shirt with his pyjama trousers. Confused, I watched him as he sat next to me, a slight smile playing around his lips. Then he turned his head in my direction. To my surprise he seemed completely relaxed now.

_"__I can assure you that I feel unsure too. Having you here with me makes me happy. On the other hand, I feel extremely nervous about this – us - and around you."_ Severus smiled what ought to be a reassuring smile. But I couldn't stop myself from chuckling. Questioning he raised one eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching. I refused to look him in the eyes as I mumbled something.

_"__You are nervous? You seem pretty controlled and confident about everything!"_ I got goose bumps on my arms as I felt his deep chuckle where our arms were touching.

_"__I'm just good at hiding it. However, I want you to know that I'm not expecting us to have a special relationship. What I see is an incredible young woman I have strong feelings for and who I would like to be with. As for the rest, it will develop itself. But we start at the very beginning."_

I thought about his words. They did comfort me and took off the pressure I had created. My lips turned into a smile as I locked eyes with Severus.

_"__Thank you. It sounds perfect."_

Severus was obviously trying to suppress a grin but didn't succeed. Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows questioning. With a mischievous gaze he let his arm rest on the headboard behind my head.

_"__Now, I'm not sure if people still ask for it but would you like to be my girlfriend, Aryanna?"_

Taken aback, I started laughing. The tension was leaving my body immediately. Severus started laughing too, still trying to keep his composure to keep it serious. He was obviously failing horribly. As I looked into his eyes I couldn't stop laughing. The whole situation seemed so unreal.

_"__Was that a serious question?"_ I asked still chuckling, watching as Severus was fighting to control himself again. With big eyes and raised eyebrows he gazed at me.

_"__Yes, it was actually."_

I scooted a little closer and laid my legs over his. I was still grinning as I looked into his sparkling eyes.

_"__Well then… Severus Snape, I would love to be your girlfriend."_

My butterflies awoke again as Severus lips turned into the most genuine and honest smile. The mischievous spark was gone now. He looked so happy and relaxed, it amazed me once again to see him like this. My lips turned into a smile as well as he pulled me closer to close the gap between our bodies. His arms were embracing me, his forehead leaned gently against mine. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the scent I loved so much.

_"__I love you."_ I felt the breathing of his words on my skin. My whole body reacted, making me shiver slightly.

_"__I love you too."_ It was just a whisper, but I knew he had heard it. Loving, he brushed his nose against mine, then placed a long kiss on my forehead. I sighted in content and leaned my head against his chest. It was so relaxing and comfortable…

_"__Severus?" _He hummed as an answer. _"Why did you put a shirt on?" _Now I felt his deep laugh all over my body. It felt incredibly distracting!

_"__I thought if we start at the beginning I should at least wear a shirt for cuddling."_

A deep blush crept on my cheeks. Severus seemed to sense something because he leaned back revealing my face to his eyes. Ashamed, I lowered my head but he had already seen it. Again, my body was overstrained as another laughter vibrated through it. Reassuringly, Severus caressed my back and placed a kiss on my head.

_"__Damn Slytherin!"_ I groaned into his chest. Seeing as he had his head resting on mine I could feel the grin on his face. Annoyed, I poked him in the stomach provoking another loud rumble. I snorted and lifted my head to look into his eyes. His expression had changed to a glare, making me grin as an answer.

_"__How about we have breakfast now?"_ Severus asked not looking at me as his stomach growled again. Grinning, I nodded but couldn't take my eyes off his. Those mysterious black eyes locked with mine again, fixing me completely. Our heads moved slowly closer. Our noses were almost touching now. I could see his lips turning into a grin. _"Do you still like pancakes?"_

It was so typical Severus. He really could be a tease if he wanted. I rolled my eyes and shook my head grinning as well.

_"__Where is your bathroom again?"_ I asked, getting off his lap.

_"__The door right in front of you. You can take whatever you need. Oh, and take your time. I will prepare breakfast."_ Smiling to myself I got out of bed and grabbed the dress I had worn for the yule ball. I would have preferred normal clothing in case people saw me walking back to Gryffindor tower. It would look quite suspicious if I was still wearing my dress. Nevertheless, I decided to take a shower. People would come to wrong conclusions anyway so why trying to hide if it was not even possible. _Well, it isn't as if they wouldn't be right…_The thought made me chuckle and sent a shiver through my body. _I do have a boyfriend now!_

As I stepped into the kitchen, I watched Severus moving around and preparing breakfast. He hadn't heard me yet, so I stood, leaning against the doorframe. He was wearing his usual black leather shoes, the buttoned-up trousers and - to my surprise - only the simple white chemise he wore under his cloak. Its sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. It suited him very well I realized biting my lip to keep myself from smiling. As he turned with a plate full of pancakes towards the table he noticed me. I straightened up and walked towards the scent of the fresh made pancakes. Now my stomach started rumbling too.

_"__Do you need help?"_ I asked stepping to the kitchen counter as well. Slowly, Severus turned around with two cups in his hands.

_"__No, don't worry. It's all prepared anyway. Just take a seat and enjoy my pancakes." _Grinning, he placed a cup of hot chocolate next to my plate. He chuckled as I awed openly at it. It had been a while since I last had Severus' hot chocolate… Not to mention his pancakes... After some bites – I enjoyed every single piece – we started a conversation. We had found back to our old way of joking and talking during a meal.

_"__These pancakes are awesome, Severus!" _I saw the head of Slytherin grinning proudly to himself. I frowned, pointing with my fork in his direction. _"However, no reason to be smug."_ Severus' grin only grew wider making me roll my eyes. With sparkling eyes, he chuckled.

_"__Just because we're together now doesn't mean you can become an arrogant Slytherin!" _I warned him playfully. In the blink of an eye, he glared in my direction.

_"__I will never become one of these idiotic pureblood fanatics!" _Now it was my turn to laugh again, making his glare only turn darker. _"Talking of purebloods; it gave me some satisfaction to see Longbottom getting himself a better date than Crabbe and Goyle. My hope in this boy isn't lost after all."_

I almost spilled my chocolate and swallowed with difficulties as he said it. Trying to get some air in my lungs I coughed still staring at him. _"You are actually saying something positive about him. If you prefer him to your two stupid primates then why do you treat him that badly?"_

Severus shot me the one famous look he gave students who asked stupid questions. Obviously, he wanted me to answer it myself, but I wasn't impressed by his theatrical behaviour. _"Because he is a failure in Potions. And if I may remind you that is the subject I'm teaching here."_

I dismissed his tone casually by waving one hand in his direction. _"What do you have for hopes in Neville? I mean he's just one normal student here…"_

Questioning, I looked at Severus who had just finished his pancake. Thoughtful, he laid his fork down and took a sip of pumpkin juice.

_"__Not many people in Hogwarts know about this so don't speak with anyone, not even your friends."_ I nodded in agreement and he continued. _"His parents were aurors. They fought in the wizarding war and saved many lives. Many Death Eaters had been captured thanks to the Longbottom's. But then on one mission something went terribly wrong. Obviously, someone from the inside had betrayed them to the Dark Lord. They got caught by Bellatrix Lestrange."_

Severus look turned dark. I on the other hand, tried to remember where I had heard that name before. Severus pushed his plate to the side and leaned his arms on the table watching me closely.

_"__Bellatrix Lestrange was one of the worst Death Eaters. She was one of the favourite and most loyal to the Dark Lord. And always begging for attention. She was reckless and cruel."_

_"__Did you meet her?"_ I interrupted him but Severus seemed lost in thoughts. Suddenly, he snapped out of his trance and hate darkened his black eyes dangerously. In such moments, I was glad not to be the one who got that glare. Severus could be very frightening…

_"__I met her once and hope I won't have to see her ever again... Lestrange used the Cruciatus Curse repeatedly and drove them both into madness. Until they lost their minds they never gave away any secrets. Longbottom is the son of two incredibly strong and great aurors. I expect him to get the turn in his magical education here. His parents were skilled but that boy is afraid of himself."_

Severus seemed lost in thoughts again. I realized that he was stroking over the dark mark on his left arm. It had been a while since I had last seen it and I couldn't suppress a wave of hate and sadness washing over my body. Obviously, my emotions were confusing my body seeing as my arm decided to start stitching in that very moment but I ignored it. Severus was way more important than my stupid arm…

I raised my hand but Severus didn't react to it. Gently, I released his hand from the mark, taking his hands in mine what made him snap out of his thoughts. Darkly, Severus gaze wandered over my hands to the horrible black mark on his arm. I tried to lock eyes with him but his stare was fixed on the mark.

_"__Severus."_ I spoke softly. I knew the mark was a difficult subject. Severus was a self-confident man but whenever it came to the dark mark he broke down inwardly. I had gone through it with him several times already. _"Severus, please look at me."_

Suddenly, I found myself looking into nothing but black self-loathing and remorse. Then Severus took his hands out of mine and grabbed the plates roughly. As he brought them to the sink I could see his hands shaking and I took a deep breath. I stepped next to him but he turned away, letting his hands rest on the counter, his head held down. Carefully, I walked to his side and tried to look in his face but his hair was hiding it. Gently, I placed my hand on his left arm to ease his internal struggle. To my relief he didn't pull away and lifted his head a little. I saw that he was staring at his left arm disgusted. His jaw was clenched tightly.

Slowly, I released first the left and then his right hand that were clenched to the counter. His hands in mine again I made him turn a little in my direction so that we were facing each other now. Severus still refused to meet my gaze. If looks could kill he would have already burned the mark out of his arm. Whilst I held his left hand still in my hand I placed the other one gently on his cheek. I let my thumb caress it softly.

_"__Severus."_

I whispered his name. After a moment he lifted his eyes a little and our eyes locked. It hurt so much to see all the self-hatred in his eyes. Something snapped in it and he started relaxing his arms and jaw. I leaned against his chest, not breaking our gaze. All the sudden, he lifted his arms and pulled me in an embrace. I put my arms around his torso and rested my head against his chest. Severus let his head rest on top of mine and I could hear him inhaling deeply. His arms around my body pulled me even closer and I felt his strong overwhelming desperation.

_"__I'm sorry."_ He mumbled into my hair._ "I shouldn't impose you my burden."_

I lifted my head and took a step backwards, my hands still resting on his chest. _"Your burden is my burden!"_ I tried to lock eyes but Severus kept his gaze fixed on my hands. Gently, I lifted his head by placing one hand under his chin to make him look at me. _"This mark is the evidence that you fought with all your heart for the good."_ I looked him deeply in the eyes as I took his left arm and turned it to expose the dark mark. Slowly, I traced it with my finger. _"This mark symbolizes your love and passion for my mother. This mark shows your strength and courage. Whenever I see it I see what a good person you are, Severus! You sacrificed more than anyone else! Even as a child, I always felt deeply impressed about everything you did for my mother. And I wished to be like you! To have the courage and love to sacrifice so much for the greater good. I have always been proud to know you like no one else does! I love you, Severus. I've always loved you. You are not a bad person! And if my mother were here she would tell you the same thing. She would tell you that we all make mistakes. You are the most loyal person I've ever known in my whole life! And that makes you a good person who deserves to be loved and happy."_

Severus had listened without moving. I couldn't tell what he was thinking now. He was just staring into my eyes intensely. So, I waited for him to say something. I wanted him to understand that he was a good person! That all the sacrifices hadn't been for nothing... Breaking our gaze, Severus gently released his arm out of my hand. Slowly, he raised his hands and cupped my face. His intense look gave me goose bumps all over my body.

_"__You truly are the best thing in my life, Arya!" _His voice sounded raspy and thick with emotions. A cold shiver rushed down my spine and I felt my heart beating faster. _"Thank you for reminding me."_

I felt a small blush creep on my cheeks but I refused to let it break our gaze. I didn't care if Severus saw it. His lips turned into a warm smile and suddenly all the sadness vanished out of his eyes.

_"__But don't compare yourself with me. You are an incredibly good person and I envy your ability to express your emotions like you do. Especially if it comes to feelings like hate and anger. You never get physically aggressive. If I wouldn't have my emotionless facade I would have… lashed out sometimes."_

His smile turned into a grin as my blush got deeper. I broke the gaze and looked down on my hands which were still resting on his chest. Happiness and proud rushed through my whole body. _He envies me…_ I tried to suppress a grin myself by biting on my lip. Now it was Severus' turn to lift my head up. I met a twinkling pair of mysterious dark eyes. He pulled me closer again and embraced me warmly.

_"__Thank you…" _I mumbled.

Not taking away his hand under my chin Severus lowered his head to my face. I felt his lips placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. His nose brushed my face loving. I rested my forehead against his. Suddenly, my nervousness was gone and replaced by wildly whirling butterflies in my stomach. Severus had his eyes closed and held me close to him. Slowly, I closed the gap and placed my lips on his soft ones. It felt perfect! The kiss was slow but full of love and passion. I let my hands wander to his neck. Severus' hands wandered down to my hips. Where I felt them on my body a heat wave erupted. Suddenly, he lifted me up and I found myself sitting on the table. I grinned into the kiss whilst Severus' hand wandered in my hair. The other held me tightly, placed on my back. I refused to let his tongue into my mouth. Severus started kissing me a little rougher now and used my short gasp of surprise to enter his tongue. The kiss heated up as our tongues fought for dominance. I let my hand wander into his hair as well, grabbing a fistful of it. The other was safely placed in his neck but pulled him close to me. Finally, giving in and letting him dominate the kiss we slowed down. His grip on the back of my head loosened a little and his hand wandered to my back again. Resting his lips a little longer on mine I finally pulled away. Our noses were almost touching as we were both trying to regain our breath. I locked my eyes with his and smiled wildly. He responded with a teasing smirk.

_"__Maybe you might want to brush your hair before leaving. It looks a little… messy."_

I chuckled and Severus lifted me off the kitchen table. Trying to fix my hair with my hands I looked up at him.

_"__I probably should go soon. Before my friends start wondering or worrying where I am."_ Severus sighted and pulled me closer to his chest.

_"__You really should. Just give me one more minute with you." _Smiling to myself, I snuggled closer and buried my face in his neck. Severus rested his head on mine holding me tightly.

_"__Are you going to tell your brother about us?"_ Severus asked grinning to himself. I chuckled and blushed again.

_"__I think I won't have to say anything. He'll most likely know taking one closer look at me. And he will tell Blaise and Derek if I don't see them before he does. That leaves me to tell Hermione. Because she will realize immediately that something changed."_

I ended grinning madly and raised my head. Severus' smirk confused my brain completely. It was difficult to think clear if our eyes were locked. Shaking my head slightly, I broke our gaze and took a step back, freeing myself. I wanted nothing more than going back into his arms. I could stay in his embrace forever!

_"__Alright, I really have to go now. Otherwise, I'll never get out of here." _

Severus looked at me with a smug expression, raising one eyebrow and motioned towards the door. _"After you, Ms. Jackson."_

I chuckled and walked past him. I cast one last glance at the couch on which we had spent the evening together yesterday. Before I reached the door however, Severus laid one hand on my shoulder. Smiling, I turned around and faced him. Gently, he placed one hand on my cheek and caressed it with his thumb. His expression was serious now. His beautiful dark eyes looked deeply in mine. Slowly, he leaned down and placed one last kiss on my head. I stood a little on my tiptoes and placed my lips on his. We shared another short and loving kiss. Now it was Severus who pulled back straightening up. The corner of his mouth twitched and his eyes sparkled. I smiled happily and amused in his direction.

_"__Don't let yourself get caught. Albus would rip my head off."_ I chuckled and nodded reassuringly as Severus put one hand on the doorknob. Before he opened it, he cast an intense look in my eyes.

_"__I'll see you later, Severus."_

One last smile and he opened the door, his face wiped of any visible emotion. I heard the door close with an exploding sound, making me chuckle and rolling my eyes. _Typical Severus!_ I thought to myself. The coldness in the dungeons made me shiver so I walked faster through the dim lighted corridors. I didn't know what time it was but as I passed the great hall I saw many students eating their breakfast. I tried to pass the other students who were in the corridors without drawing any attention to myself. I kept my head down and walked as fast as possible. Grinning madly, I finally climbed up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower. I felt more alive than ever!


	39. Chapter 39 - An eventful morning

39\. An eventful morning

_"__Where have you been?"_ An angry looking Hermione welcomed me back in our dorms. She was already changed and stood next to her trunk. Her hands rested on her hips, making her look like Mrs. Weasley.

I cast a quick glance through the room to see if anyone else was with us but to my relief we were alone. Smirking, I closed the door behind me and stared at my best friend. Her eyes travelled over my dress making her frown deeper.

_"__And why are you still wearing your dress?"_ But as soon as she asked realization erupted on her face. Baffled, her mouth fell open. I couldn't suppress a small chuckle as I walked over to my bed. _"Where did you sleep, Aryanna?"_

As I kneeled next to my trunk to get something I could change into, Hermione followed slowly. With a demanding questioning look she sat down on my bed. I felt incredibly happy. I was about to tell Hermione the truth. I just didn't know how to break it to her…

_"__Well?"_ She pushed further. I felt myself blushing furiously and lifted my head in her direction. Nervously, I stroke my forearm. Nevertheless, a huge grin plastered on my lips, I stood up. The sudden overwhelming sensation of happiness shut my brain off so that I couldn't do anything than to blurt it out.

_"__I have a boyfriend, Hermione! I told him the truth and he loves me back! He LOVES ME, can you imagine… And I was so worried the whole time that he wouldn't want to talk to me ever again if I tell him the truth. I really thought he wanted to end whatever relationship we had before but instead he said that he has always loved me. I mean he -"_

_"__Woah, slow down a little. Are you talking about your fairy-love?"_ Hermione asked confused.

Beaming brightly, I nodded. Hermione looked astonished and surprised. Then a grin formed on her lips making me only feel lighter and happier. I felt so jittery and excited that I couldn't stand still anymore. Laughing, I practically threw myself on Hermione and embraced her with all I had. I didn't really notice that I was almost crushing her completely.

_"__Aryanna Jackson, let go of me now. You're breaking my bones."_ Hermione pushed on my shoulders and I let go of her immediately casting her a rueful smile. It didn't last long though making Hermione shook her head grinning as well. With sparkling eyes, she stood up and pulled me in for another proper embrace. Now we were both laughing and I did my best not to crush her again.

_"__So, tell me what happened yesterday? How did you find out? And when and where did it happen? I mean the last time I saw you before going to bed you were with Derek..."_ Hermione was curious but now her questioning look turned into a light scowl. _"And with Malfoy and Zabini. Consider yourself lucky that neither Harry nor Ron saw you with them…"_

I decided to not discuss this now and concentrated on her previous questions. I couldn't find the slightest rueful spark in myself anyway. Beaming and smiling more than happy I started telling her everything.

_"__Well, short after we stopped dancing I decided to go to bed. But I was so confused and hurt seeing him – well, now my boyfriend - the whole evening that I wanted to get some fresh air. I wanted to be alone therefore I climbed up on the astronomy tower. And he had followed me apparently. I first believed a teacher had found me and was more than shocked to see him there wearing his usual-"_

I cut myself off before I could say it. Inwardly, I groaned at my own stupidity and recklessness. I had to be more careful. As I returned Hermione's gaze again she looked questioning and curious wanting me to go on. I shook my head slightly and continued. More attentive now, nevertheless still glowing and beaming.

_"__Well, he looked perfect. And as he came closer I found myself incapable of lying anymore. I wanted to tell him the truth. But then he started before I could say something. He looked so incredibly sad and broken, Hermione. I was so afraid and numb at the same time. And then he told me that he loved me! He loves me, Hermione! He told me when he did fall in love with me and how hard it was for him to keep that from me. I told him then the truth. I said that he was my fairy-love. I told him everything. I mean really everything! It felt so incredibly, bloody overwhelming to say it out loud."_

Jittery again, I jumped up and grinned wildly at Hermione. She was smirking in my direction but I ignored it. A chuckle erupted my mouth before I could stop it. Throwing my arms up I started laughing and squealing. Completely unaware to Hermione's amused expression I started whirling around in my dress.

_"__I'm happy for you, Arya. Honestly, I really am!" _Hermione said laughing as well. Stopping my madness, I stared at her grinning from ear to ear. She raised her eyebrows and asked sounding rather accusing now. _"So you spent the night together?"_

A deep blush made its way on my cheeks. My face was burning now and I became jittery again. Nervously, I played with my fingers, a shy grin on my lips.

_"__Yes. But we didn't… you know... do it. If that's what you meant."_ Awkwardly, I stopped my rambling. Hermione snorted making me chuckle nervously as well. Then she looked at me as if I was stupid. And I honestly felt dumb now under her look.

_"__I know you didn't. I mean even if you're half a Slytherin I just know you wouldn't do it the first night you spend together. You're too Gryffindor to do that."_ Hermione's smirk made me feel so incredibly uncomfortable. I tried to hide it by glaring at her but of course she was immune and not the slightest impressed. In fact, she was smirking rather smugly.

_"__Oh, shut up."_ I growled but she dismissed it by shaking her head.

_"__So, where did you sleep? Obviously, you had to stay hidden."_ Thankful for her change of subject, I grinned mischievously.

_"__Honestly Hermione, you aren't thinking I would tell you. After all, we need to stay hidden whenever we're together. And I don't want anyone to know where we're meeting up."_

If Hermione was disappointed she didn't show it. Instead, she grinned in return._ "Did you sleep on the floor in some old classroom? Cuddled together to keep from freezing?"_

Again, I shot a glare in her direction and turned my eyes. _"Yes, we slept in McGonagall's classroom behind her desk… Of course, we didn't. We slept in a normal bed in a perfectly normal bedroom._" My lips turned into a provoking grin and I crossed my arms. _"But… I'm not going to tell you where though."_

And with that I turned to my trunk and took out some clothes. Before Hermione could ask me further questions I rushed towards the bathroom to change myself. Through the closed door I heard her shouting after me.

_"__One day, you will! I will make sure of that! The latest on your wedding day!"_

As we left Gryffindor tower and walked down the stairs I couldn't erase that stupid grin out of my face. Every step that brought me closer to the great hall made my steps become more bouncing. As we entered I automatically looked up at the teacher's table. Severus was nowhere to be seen but that didn't change anything in my excellent mood. Humming and grinning wildly, I turned around to Hermione and walked backwards in front of her.

_"__Oh, come on Hermione. Cheer up a little, will you? After all it's the best day of my life! You could be a little more joyful for me."_ To be honest, I only tried to make some conversation. I had to much energy… way too much! Hermione turned her eyes in annoyance. But the small smirk on her lips showed her amusement and something else I couldn't identify. Quickly, she took one step forward and pushed me a little. Not very elegantly I fell on my behind with a shout of surprise. Hermione passed me laughing and didn't look back once.

_"__Hermione Jean Granger!"_ I shouted astonished after her as I stood up. She had just sat down next to Ginny and from her laughter and pointing I guessed that she was explaining everything. I could have walked quietly to her and sit down as well. And on any other day I would have reacted that way… but not today. Today was my day!

_"__You bloody Gryffindor are not going to ignore me!"_ I shouted whilst trying to contain my laughter, putting my hands on my hips. I saw every Weasley and Harry laughing in my direction. As I heard snickering from behind I turned around and saw Seamus, Dean and Neville. I wasn't known for cursing my friends. Actually, I wasn't cursing much in front of others. Well, first year was totally an exception. Putting on a playful severe expression I casted them a glare that challenged Severus'. I pointed with one finger in their direction making them only laugh more.

_"__You three, shut it immediately."_ And with one last glare I whirled around and stomped to my friends. Roughly, I squeezed myself between Ginny and Hermione totally ignoring their complaints. Harry shot me one of his goofy grins and I couldn't resist. My lips formed once again the biggest smile possible. Ron was – as always – busy eating. Nevertheless, I got one short grin from him as well.

I had my difficulties during breakfast. Well, for one I wasn't hungry. Not after Severus' great pancakes and chocolate. And I felt completely jittery, so I couldn't sit still. Luckily, my friends didn't mind at all. Either they were smirking or ignoring me. I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder and spilled pumpkin juice on my lap. Groaning, I turned around and stared in bright green eyes.

_"__Sorry."_ Derek's smirk made me forgive him in the blink of an eye. _"I came to congratulate you!"_ Now it was my turn to look confused. I stood up and watched him curiously.

_"__What the hell, Derek?"_

He laughed and gave me a look which asked if I was joking.

_"__Your entrance wasn't very subtle, Jackson. Therefore, congratulations!"_ Derek's smirk made me laugh and again I was beaming.

_"__Thank y-"_ I was cut off when he pulled me into a bone crushing embrace. Breathing became suddenly very difficult.

_"__I'm waiting for details."_ He whispered next to my ear. I pulled away smirking, a blush creeping on my cheeks. Derek laughed with sparkling eyes and my blush deepened. Groaning again, I cast him a glare. Immune to my mood change he put one arm on my shoulder and pulled me close.

_"__At least I do have a relationship now. How about you, Derek?"_ I glanced up smirking mischievously. He chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.

_"__You're incredible. But I won't let you off the hook. We're going to have such a great day today."_ And with that he turned to my friends completely oblivious to the fact that he made me stumble with his arm still around my shoulders pulling me with him.

_"__Do you mind if I borrow Arya for one or two hours today? I'll bring her back afterwards."_ I glared but he ignored me smiling his most genuine – and attractive and winning – smile. If they fell to his charm I wouldn't know. With a pleading look towards Hermione I tried to make her understand that I didn't want to spend time with Derek. She returned my gaze and her lips turned into her most innocent smile and I knew I would have to have a serious talk with her today.

_"__Of course not. How about you take her before lunch?"_ Hermione asked as if I were a small child who needed supervision.

_"__Brilliant! Thank you, Hermione."_ With a bright smile he looked down on me again and caught me glaring at Hermione. _"Don't even try to hide yourself."_

I cast him a sneer making him chuckle amused. Suddenly, his sweet chuckle turned into the widest and mischievous sneer possible. With twinkling eyes, he pulled me in one last embrace. That caught me completely by surprise but before I could realize properly what was going on he pulled back again. His expression hadn't changed and I felt more than suspicious now.

_"__See you later, I suppose."_ He turned around to leave – or at least he intended to do so. Obviously, he had underestimated how close we were still standing next to each other after the embrace. As he turned around his shoulder hit me full force on my own, making me stumble. Trying to regain my balance I took a few steps back and crushed right into something else. Now, that caught me completely off guard and I fell – for the second time this morning – on my behind.

As I tried to sort out in my brain what just happened I realized that nobody was talking. It was quiet, nobody was laughing. I could only hear some snorts, suppressed chuckles and voices. Derek had disappeared somehow.

_"__Are you done examining the floor, Ms. Jackson?"_ A deep voice dripping with sarcasm and coldness asked from above. My head snapped up and I flashed as I locked eyes with none other than Severus. His dark orbs bore into my eyes as he glared coldly in my direction. In the blink of an eye a deep – really deep – blush crept on my cheeks and my brain shut itself off once again.

_"__Yes… I mean, no. I mean I wasn't examining the floor, Sir. I tripped and-"_

I knew he didn't mean it. But nevertheless, I felt sort of intimidated. Strange seeing as I had been kissing him earlier this morning and had always loved challenging him openly. The awkward tension between us made it even more distracting. His glare turned into an incredibly convincing snarky sneer. _He really does find this amusing, _I thought for myself. The corner of his lips twitched upwards provocative. His eyes remained cold and emotionless though. It was his turn to challenge me now. And I saw that he was enjoying himself immensely being on the winning side.

_"__I don't care if you're incapable of walking unless you're disturbing my peace."_ He spat down, making me realize once more that I was practically sitting on his feet… almost.

Trying to regain some dignity I stood up and locked eyes with him again. For a moment I got caught by those beautiful dark eyes of his. A brief memory of him staring at me intensely before leaning in to kiss flashed in front of my eyes. I blinked and cast him a wide smile. The butterflies in my stomach and my warm cheeks weren't really helping my concentration but I tried.

_"__Well, I owe you an apology for disturbing your peace then, Sir."_ I stopped and watched him. He raised one eyebrow waiting for me to go on. Merlin, it looked perfect on him! I had always envied him for being able to do it.

_"__Get out of my way, Jackson before Gryffindor will pay for your stupidity."_ Severus snarled deeply. Mocking but keeping a straight face I stepped back and motioned with my hand for him to pass.

_"__After you, Professor."_

In a swift movement he whirled around and took a step in my direction. He glared darkly with furrowed eyebrows. The corner of his mouth twitched dangerously. I could feel his breath on my skin even if we weren't standing that close. I had difficulties holding his glare but I refused to look away. I knew he didn't mean it… And I wouldn't allow him to win the challenge I had started due to my mistake earlier.

Suddenly, his expression changed to a snarky smirk making me shiver slightly in confusion. Too late I realised my mistake. I had taken a step back to get some space between us trying to escape the tension. It was confusing and irritating to have him standing close to me after all. It had always been since I had discovered my true feelings but now, being his girlfriend, it felt even worse. At least in public… Annoyed, I cursed myself quietly breaking our gaze. I didn't want to see his smug expression which I was sure he was looking at me with.

_"__Five points from Gryffindor for your insolent behaviour."_ A sharp voice cut through my thoughts. I jerked my head up and – of course – he didn't disappoint me. Severus' eyes were quite emotionless except for a slight sparkle. But his lips… they were forming a smug and arrogant sneer.

_It's surprising how exact I can read him…_ I thought to myself. Furrowing my eyebrows, I tried to glare at him. It was quite difficult seeing as I felt a wave of amusement rushing through my body and felt the urge to laugh. Therefore, I only managed a half-hearted dark gaze and bit my lip to keep myself from smirking. Severus seemed to read the struggle on my face because his sneer deepened even more. Then, with a last warning look he whirled around again, making his cloak brush my legs. With long and aggressive strides, oblivious of his surroundings he made his way to the teacher's table.

I let out a deep breath I didn't even know I had been holding. Then I groaned loudly as I glared at Severus' back. It turned to a growl however when I remembered something… someone… being the reason for this mess and making me lose a serious challenge. Slowly, a dark look in my eyes, I turned around. Derek was nowhere to be seen.

_"__I'm so going to make you pay for it, Derek Hale." _I muttered gloomy under my breath.

I whirled around the moment I heard chuckles behind my back. Fred and George were obviously enjoying what just happened. My Gryffindor best friends however were mixed with emotions. Harry looked slightly confused, Ron seemed more disturbed and Hermione was trying to suppress a grin. Trying as in she had never been good at it, nor at lying as a matter of fact.

Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of white blond hair from the corner of my eyes. Looking closely, I realised that it wasn't Draco but some Ravenclaw girl. Slowly, I made my way back to my friends and sat down, my back towards the table.

_"__Are you alright, Arya?"_ Hermione asked trying to sound concerned. But remorse was obviously dominating her voice. My look started wandering over the Slytherin table. Absentminded, I answered.

_"__Don't worry, I'm completely fine. But it's up to you to regain Gryffindor five points."_ She scoffed and mumbled something under her breath.

_"__What are you looking for anyway? The git left to the teacher's table if you're looking for Snape. Your gaze is practically cursing every Slytherin. Not that they wouldn't deserve it." _Harry asked curious from the other side of the table. I turned my head a little in his direction, still observing the Slytherin's.

_"__I'm looking for someone."_ I replied lost in thoughts. There was a short pause.

_"__Derek?" _Harry was grinning now. _"Do you think he's going to apologize for making Gryffindor lose five points?"_

I spotted Crabbe and Goyle in the middle of the table stuffing food into their mouths. But the blonde hair was nowhere near them. Still concentrated on the ocean of talking and laughing students I only noticed the first part of the questions.

_"__No, not Derek… I mean yes… But he isn't here anymore. I'm looking for someone who knows where to find him."_

_"__And who might that be?"_ Hermione chirped in. _"You do realise he probably left to the Durmstrang ship?"_

_"__Yes, I do."_ I replied slowly. _"Actually, I'm looking for a Slytherin…" _

If my friends were surprised or confused I didn't realise. In a heartbeat annoyance overwhelmed me once more and my face muscles tensed angrily as I found said person. I jumped up and walked straight towards a dark-skinned student who had his back turned in my direction.

_"__Zabini!"_ I snapped loud enough so that he couldn't possibly ignore me. Several pair of eyes looked in my direction either in astonishment, disgusted or provocative. There were even a few challenging gazes warning me not to come any closer to their table. Unimpressed, I kept my gaze firmly fixed on the surprised and undeniably amused face.

_"__Do you need something, Jackson?"_ Blaise replied calmly while the others around were anything but relaxed. Except for one bleach blonde sitting across from Blaise. He had been laughing about something when I had called for Blaise. Now however, he was still smirking smugly in my direction. With a look of expectancy waiting for an entertaining show, he crossed his arms and leaned them on the table. I shot him a short warning glare before boring my eyes into Blaise' dark ones. My annoyance almost bubbling over as I came to a halt in front of him.

_"__Where is he?"_ I snapped again, my eyes not leaving his.

Blaise – completely unimpressed – raised one eyebrow questioning. I supposed to others it looked questioning, but I knew better. I glared at this reaction. He knew exactly how much I wished to know how to do that.

_"__Where is who, Jackson?"_

Blaise asked slowly in his most innocent and bored voice. His eyes on the other hand, were sparkling mischievously. Obviously, they had seen the whole encounter with Derek and Severus. I realised that he played with me. He knew exactly where to find him of course. But, as always, he decided to make a challenge out of it. _Typically Slytherin, _I thought to myself._ But two can play the game, Blaise. _The upcoming annoyance wasn't fake now.

_"__Where is that poor excuse of what you call brother, Zabini?" _I growled darkly.

For the effect, I let out my Slytherin side that not many people got to witness. Even if I felt extremely annoyed, I enjoyed our game. I loved to show my impulsive and snappy side now and then. Having grown under Severus' watch had taught me one or two things…

While everyone believed it to be real these two Slytherins could tell the difference between game and serious. Therefore, Blaise knew not to worry about my outburst. Much to my irritation… In fact, Draco's expression had changed into an amused smirk. Honestly, his demeanour set me almost even more on edge and of course he knew. Blaise on the other hand chuckled and looked at me with disbelief. For the second time today, I was being watched at as if I were stupid. His eyebrow moved even a little higher towards his hair. Waving one hand dismissingly in my direction he answered provocative amused.

_"__I don't have a brother. Everybody here can assure you that. My mother could tell you the same thing. I suppose she would know if she had two sons."_

_"__Don't play dumb with me. Where is he?"_ I demanded harshly.

Blaise exhaled deeply and his grin grew wider. _"Who are you even talking about?"_

I stepped closer so that he had to turn his head in an awfully uncomfortable looking position to return my gaze. Now it was my turn to smirk_. With Slytherins it's always the same_, I thought amused. _One challenge after the other. If they are bored, amused, annoyed they come up with a challenge to cover up. _I couldn't deny that I had grown fond of it. It was fun!

_"__Derek Hale."_ I bluffed back. Blaise shrugged his shoulders with a smirk. Running out of patience I turned my eyes and looked him dead in the black ones.

_"__Durmstrang, utterly attractive apparently, black hair, bright green eyes, either laughing or whimpering about his love life the whole time, twisted and messed up demeanour and annoying as hell." _Blaise turned helplessly to Draco who returned a smug smirk.

_"__Do you have a problem with his love life, Jackson?"_ Draco's eyes sparkled brightly.

_"__I bet she's jealous because she doesn't have one of her own."_

To my utter displeasure Parkinson decided to involve herself in our… conversation. I cast her a glance along with a provocative innocent smile. In a soft voice – as if talking to a child – I replied.

_"__I bet you don't even know what a love life is, don't you? I mean do you have a boyfriend? Because I do and my love life is excellent by the way, thank you."_ I ended smirking. Parkinson glared the hell out of me but I was unimpressed. That stupid pig wasn't even close to a real threat.

As I noticed Blaise and Draco exchanging a wide grin I realised that I had lost a challenge - again. I had just confirmed that Severus and I had sorted things out. I had called him my boyfriend… in public. And by their reaction I guess they had wanted to get me to the point sooner or later. Parkinson had accidentally played along and made me say what they had wanted to know from the very beginning.

A deep blush crept on my cheeks and I bit my lip in frustration. A heat wave rushed through my whole body making me feel as if every part was blushing. Draco's smirk widened as he watched my face and soon he was laughing along with Blaise. I groaned to myself and turned my eyes at my brother and best friend.

_"__Well, well. Look at that! Jackson is embarrassed." _Draco's wide grin made me sight in annoyance. Honestly, I didn't know how to get out of this mess without losing my dignity. _"Tell me, what would your boyfriend do if he saw you now?"_

_"__He'd probably laugh about you being defeated by some Slytherins."_ Blaise pointed out sneering in my direction.

I made the mistake to open my mouth to remark something snappy but it was right in this moment that it dawned upon myself. Severus was indeed sitting in the great hall at the teacher's table… and he was probably – no, surely watching us right now. Horrified, I bore my fingers into the skin of my unpleasantly throbbing forearm. Trying to distract myself from growing embarassement…

It took all my will power to not whirl around and look for him. My blush however, deepened even more if possible. I had lost. _I've made a complete fool of myself!_ _What the hell am I supposed to do now? _I knew if I left now I would back down openly in front of everyone. And a part of myself didn't want to give in in such a shameful way. But if I stayed I would have to make an incredible verbal comeback to not embarrass myself even more… And I was at a loss of words. The awkward thought of Severus witnessing blurred my mind.

Taking a deep, shaking breath I locked eyes again. Sparkling grey eyes were piercing me triumphantly. The corner of Draco's lips twitched slightly into an arrogant smirk.

_"__Don't bother. I'm going to find him myself."_ I muttered, feeling extremely uncomfortable, before I could stop myself.

As I turned away I would have loved to slap myself… very hard. That was the dumbest answer I could have chosen to reply. _Stupid, dumb, awkward, awful, embarrassing! First you make a fool of yourself and now you're acting like some intimidated shy girl, _I cursed myself.

Trying to keep at least some of my dignity I walked upright towards my friends who were watching us closely. To my annoyance they were not standing far from us. By their expressions I knew they had witnessed everything.

_"__Please, somebody kill me right now!"_ I whined as we made our way out of the great hall.

Desperately, I clung to Hermione's arm. Chuckling, she shook her head. Harry – to my surprise – was laughing too. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows looking back and forth between the two of them.

_"__I almost don't want to admit it but it was fun how Malfoy and Zabini manoeuvred you right into it."_ Hermione couldn't stop grinning. _"Sometimes you do remind me of a Slytherin, you know."_

_"__Still, I cannot stop wondering why they are always so persisting and provocative with you."_ Harry mumbled thoughtfully. _"And why you let them push you. I mean normally you would just snap something in reply."_

Growling, I turned my eyes again. _"Harry, this thoughtful expression doesn't suit you. It gives you wrinkles. And we don't want your scar to look wrinkled now." _The three of them laughed loudly and I couldn't suppress a smirk myself.

_"__Listen, I think I need to cool down a little. That was incredibly embarrassing in there. You go ahead, I'll follow you in a bit."_ I said as we passed the entrance hall.

_"__Don't sulk too long, Arya."_ Harry couldn't hold back grinning.

Dismissively, I waved my hand in their direction smirking arrogantly. Waving a short goodbye, I made my way through the snow and down to the lake. It was really cold and I mentally slapped myself for not thinking to bring my jacket. With a little bit of magic, I helped myself and created a heat bubble enclosing my whole body. I sat down on a rock near the lake. I felt way to confused to enjoy the beautiful view though. Groaning, I buried my face in my hands. _That was awkward and embarrassing!_

I had no time however to drown myself in my self-pity. I whirled around as I heard the grinding noise of people walking in the snow. _Of course_… My blush deepened once again and I cursed under my breath.

_"__If this isn't my beloved – not single – sister!"_ Draco exclaimed cheerfully.

Blaise and Derek were following him at his heels. They were both grinning wildly and with true joy. I was tempted to stay annoyed but I just couldn't suppress the overwhelming happiness and excitement. Smiling brightly, I stood up and fidgeted nervously with my hands. All the sudden, I felt jittery again. With a squeal, I practically threw myself into Draco's arms and he embraced me warmly. His chuckle tickled my cheek. Finally, he pulled away and smiled loving.

_"__Congratulations, Arya! Honestly, I would have embraced you right then and there when you entered the great hall. I'm so happy for you! You out of all persons deserve it the most to be happy."_ A shiver rushed down my spine and I smiled shyly at my brother. The soft chuckle that escaped his mouth made me realise how much I loved this boy – how much I loved my brother.

_"__Thank you, Draco."_ I replied quietly, a small smile playing on my lips. Draco looked me deeply in the eyes.

_"__Well, enough of your sibling cuddle. It's my turn now."_ Blaise intervened and grinned confidently. Draco turned his eyes while it was my turn to chuckle now. Grinning, I embraced Blaise as well.

_"__I'm glad you finally got what you so desperately wanted. What you both wanted actually. I mean it was unbearable, almost even painful, to see how you and Snape were quarrelling all the time over of nothing... I must admit, I played with the idea dragging both of you into one room and lock you in until you would have had a decent conversation."_

I laughed at this and raised my hand pointing at Blaise. _"Maybe I would have come with you voluntarily but I highly doubt Severus would have let himself being dragged somewhere."_

_"__Oh, he would have. I mean in his classroom I would back down seeing that he's still my teacher. But if it's for you I wouldn't care about his sarcastic remarks or furious glares."_

We started laughing and when I noticed a movement next to us I remembered that there was a fourth person. I straightened up again, trying to put on a serious face. I stepped in Derek's direction and placed one pointing finger warningly on his chest.

_"__You! Derek Hale! You are the most annoying, dumbest, sneaky, mischievous person I've ever met."_ Smirking, I threw my arms around him and he caught me easily in a steady tight embrace. _"How could you embarrass me so much in front of everybody?!"_

Derek's eyes sparkled amused as we pulled away. _"You mean in front of your boyfriend?"_

I blushed again and shoved him playfully on the chest. _"Whatever." _His deep laugh was so incredibly contagious.

_"__I can assure you I feel a little bit guilty... But it's almost non-existent."_

_"__And sadly, I still love you…"_ I groaned grinning to myself.

_"__I know and I love you too. Which is precisely the reason why I allowed myself to provoke Severus now and then."_ Derek smirked down at me and I raised my eyebrows curiously.

_"__Actually, it was my idea but neither Draco nor myself could go through with it."_ Blaise chuckled and Draco grinned mischievously.

_"Nonsense. They were just being cowards._" Derek returned smugly. _"Anyway, I didn't like seeing you hurt and tormented so I allowed myself a payback. And I had the slight hope as well that it might encourage him to tell you the truth. I provoked him a little now and then. For example, I wanted to ask you to be my date when he was within earshot. I wanted him to hear it and get jealous. By the killing glares he bombarded me with I think I succeeded quite well."_

Derek grinned proudly but I could only shake my head. _"Unbelievable. That's so childish, Derek."_

_"__But it worked and that's everything I care about. And earlier I just couldn't resist. I wanted to make sure I had interpreted your expression right. But from now on – I promise - I'm going to keep a close eye on him. No more pranks or jokes. Now it's my duty to make sure my best friend's boyfriend is treating her well."_ Derek ended with a small smirk but I saw in his eyes that he was being serious about it.

_"__Thank you, honestly. I can assure you that he treats me well and always will."_ I replied smiling warmly and feeling indescribable thankful.

As we turned to the others again, I noticed that Draco was watching me with a thoughtful expression. A soft smile played on his lips. Snapping out of his trance he took a step closer and looked me deeply in the eyes. Gently, he took my hands in his.

_"__Arya, I want you to know I'll always be there for you. I know it might be difficile sometimes with Severus being a teacher here. So, if you ever need/ someone to talk to I'm here…"_ I nodded, fixed by Draco's gaze. I couldn't feel my body anymore, only my beating and love filled heart. _"You deeply care about him, I can see it. But does he make you truly happy?" _His question wasn't a doubt or accusation. It was a simple way to make sure I was sure about Severus.

_"__Yes, he makes me happy, Draco. So incredibly and overwhelmingly. I do care about him because I love him."_ My voice was thick with emotions as I squeezed my brother's hands.

Draco raised his hands and cupped my face not breaking our intense gaze. _"I'm truly happy for you, Arya. I'm glad you found the love you've always been looking for. It gives me hope for the future."_

He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on my forehead as I closed my eyes. I felt his arms encircling me and I returned the embrace. I smiled with my head resting on his shoulder. I loved my brother so much and never wanted to lose him. I would make sure of it!


	40. Chapter 40 - In the afternoon

40\. In the afternoon

Later this afternoon I slowly made my way down to the dungeons. A small smile was plastered on my lips. I had spent an amazing day with all my friends. We have had a change of plan seeing as I had met up with Derek, Blaise and Draco before lunch. Until a few minutes ago I had been in Gryffindor tower with my best friends.

To my dismay there were quite a lot of Slytherins walking around now. Apparently, as there had been the yule ball certainly every student from fourth year up stayed over Christmas holidays. So, after a lot of hiding and waiting I finally arrived at wished place: Severus' office. Taking one last deep breath I knocked gently on the door.

The door opened by itself and revealed an empty office. Surprised, I entered and closed the door. I was sure I had felt him inside… Before I could call out for him Severus stepped through the door from his private chambers… where I had left from this morning. The moment he realised it was me his scowling expression turned soft and his body relaxed a little. Nevertheless, he didn't look any less elegant and prideful. _Oh, how I'm utterly in love with his whole being and behaviour. For nothing in the world, I would want him to change! Not for me, not for anyone else. Never!_ I returned a warm smile and took a step closer.

_"__Back already?" _He asked with one raised eyebrow. I tilted my head a little confused and felt suddenly shy and timid. My smile faltered and by the smirk on his lips I guessed that he was able to see right through me.

_"__Uhm… yes. Is that a problem?"_ I asked with a cracking voice. Now a small chuckle erupted his beautiful lips making me blush. _Damn, this man!_ He could do things to me no-one else was capable doing just by looking at me.

He closed the gap between us and encircled me with his long arms. Sighting, I lay my head on his chest and he rested his cheek on top of it. Inhaling his scent deeply, I felt every awkwardness and shyness wash away in the blink of an eye.

_"__Not at all, Arya. I just didn't think you would show up here before dinner. Well, you know… With the encounter in the great hall…" _My head snapped up and collided roughly with his jaw. I rested my hands on his chest as his arms were still firmly around my back refraining me from making a step back. Glaring down, Severus rubbed his jaw with one hand.

_"__Now, this wasn't necessary, was it?"_ He growled. I returned a sheepish grin and shrugged my shoulders.

_"__Sorry about that."_ Seeing my chance to free myself from his hold I wriggled my body out of his arm.

Just as I had turned away successfully my lips turned into a smug grin. It did not last long however as two strong arms encircled me from behind and pulled me tightly against his chest. The warmth of his body pressed against my back felt incredibly good. I shivered as I felt Severus' breath next to my ear.

_"__Where do you think you are going?" _He asked quietly with his velvet voice.

Butterflies erupted wildly in my stomach as his breath caressed my ear and neck at the same time. His arms tightened on my stomach – pressing my back even closer against him – as I inhaled sharply.

_"__So?" _Goose bumps crept up upon my skin. Shaking, I took shallow breaths. _Why did I want to get out of his arms again? I don't remember._ My brain had turned itself off. I closed my eyes in embarrassment and… comfort.

_"__Well… uhm…"_ My voice cracked. _Well done! That was very smart._

Severus' laugher filled the office and vibrated through my body like an earth quake. In a heartbeat my brain worked again and I whirled around in his arms, glaring really annoyed now. What could I say? I did have a Slytherin part in me which wasn't shrugging embarrassment off lightly.

_"__Oh, bloody hell, Severus."_ I growled darkly.

But the perfect self-controlled man he was he managed quite easily to stop laughing and put on a – even more annoying and provoking – smug smirk. His eyes were sparkling with amusement and I knew on the inside he was still laughing. I crossed my arms and clenched my jaw tightly. I tried to glare him down like he did every day with his students. _But who am I kidding? He's the master of intimidating glares…_

_"__So, I guess you saw everything afterwards…" _Severus' smirk only grew wider making my glare intensify even more. _"… Yes, Draco and Blaise got me way to easily into their trap… And yes, it was the most embarrassing situation in my entire life! Now stop laughing and grinning. It wasn't even my fault. Not the slightest."_

By the end of my short confession I had averted my eyes blushing furiously. Groaning, I turned away and glided a hand frustrated through my hazel brown hair. After a while and several deep breaths later, I felt the burning sensation cool down in my cheeks. Feeling slightly awkward, I glanced through my eyelashes, keeping my head low. Severus was leaning against his desk, arms – and to my surprise legs as well crossed gracefully. He had his head tilted a little and was watching me closely with an amused expression. His lips turned into a gentle and warm smile. We locked eyes and along with his forming smirk I started chuckling.

_"__Honestly Severus, it wasn't funny at all in the moment."_ I laughed openly now.

Severus chuckled and pushed himself off his desk. I took a few steps closer and rested my hands on his chest. Playing with the buttons of his cloak, I was still chuckling slightly to myself. Severus raised an eyebrow casting me a questioning look.

_"__You are not going to flee from my arms again, aren't you?"_

I shook my head. _"Only if you behave."_ Trying to suppress a smirk I bit my bottom lip. Sighting, Severus pulled me closer with one hand placed on my lower back. He looked down at me with furrowed eyebrows and a dark gaze.

_"__Don't do this. You'll hurt your lip seriously one day if it becomes a habit."_ With his thumb he freed my lip from my gentle bite. His fingers traced my face and stopped on my chin. His dark eyes bore deeply into my blue ones, making me incapable of looking away. _"And I happen to like your lips uninjured."_

A blush crept on my cheeks and I smiled nervously. _"You do?"_

Now Severus let his hand wander to cup my cheek, his thumb caressing gently my skin. Where it touched it left a burning sensation. His dark orbs came closer and closer. Our noses were touching lightly before I felt his soft lips on mine. A shiver run down my whole body when Severus started kissing me gently. I brought up my hands to his neck and grabbed a fistful of his hair pulling him closer to me. His tongue caressed my lips and I deepened our kiss by granting it entrance. I let out a small gasp as Severus hand wandered into my hair and pulled a little. I felt his smirk against my lips so I stood on my tiptoes to hold him tighter, preventing him from pulling back. Severus' hand loosened its grip on my hair and wandered back to hold my neck. As I started feeling out of breath I pulled back, not before giving him another light peck on his now swollen lips. Severus rested his forehead against mine and we both breathed louder than normally.

_"__I do."_ His hoarse voice was enough to erupt another shiver to flash through my body. I chuckled and raised my head to look him in the eyes. Severus placed one last kiss on my forehead. When he pulled back the smirk was back on his lips. His hands found their way on my back and held me close. _"Very much indeed."_

Grinning, I shook my head and placed my hands on his chest. Severus suddenly pulled back and took my small hands in his. He led me behind the table and lifted me up to sit on his desk. Then he took a seat, his knees almost touching my dangling feet. Now I didn't know what to do as he watched me closely with his hands folded neatly in his lap. He was still smirking and I couldn't help the happy chuckle that erupted my mouth. It felt so strange and right at the same time. Only yesterday, I had been desperate about my love for the man sitting in front of me and now we were flirting and kissing in his office.

_"__So, what do you expect to get for Christmas tomorrow?" _Severus interrupted my thoughts watching me intensely. Of course, one of his eyebrows was raised questioning. I thought about it as I had not once thought about it before. I had only cared about buying gifts and not what I could possibly wish for.

I smiled shyly in his direction scared of his possible reaction. _"Well, honestly I didn't think about it. But I always had a wish in mind which I didn't dare speaking out loudly to anyone. Not even to you. It always seemed impossible."_

Severus' lips formed a small smile and his eyes sparkled with curiosity. He tilted his head as he waited for me to go on. I grinned wildly and returned his asking gaze.

_"__You."_

Surprise, joy and realization flickered visibly over his face. However, his expression became distant and peaceful all the sudden. Nevertheless, I didn't feel nervous or afraid. On the contrary, I felt incredibly relieved to have spoken it out to him. Or aloud at that matter for the first time ever.

In my overwhelming feeling of happiness and comfortable warmth I let my gaze wander over every single part of him. His face looked relaxed and calm. The only movement was the blinking of his eyes now and then. Those beautiful almost black eyes making me get lost so easily. They were fixed on me but I didn't think he was really watching me. Severus seemed deeply lost in thoughts. I noticed his cheeks holding a bit more colour than normally making me smile loving. His pink lips were still a little swollen and looked incredibly inviting. The corner of his lips were tilted upwards into a small genuine smile. The raven black hair framed his face perfectly making his beautiful face stand out even more.

As my eyes travelled down, I realized that for once he had left the four top buttons open revealing the collar of his white chemise under it. Now, this was new to me. Severus had always used his formal and impersonal clothes to hide any possibly visible information about liking and emotions. After a lot of questions and slowly pushing him to get an answer for the past three years I had found out that his clothes had helped him to deeply burry all his emotions and build an untouchable mask. Whilst he had raised me I had known him wearing clothes with a personal touch. Like a perfectly normal pair of trousers with a shirt or chemise. Whenever he had felt the need to he would roll up the sleeves. In winter he had worn a simple black coat with a scarf. I had known him back then wearing clothes like any other wizard did. But he had pulled the dark attire out once again as he had started teaching in Hogwarts after leaving me. He had used those robes back then when he had first joined my father. Along with his cold and impersonal demeanour. And now he didn't want to put it all aside because he knew that my father would return one day. He would return and Severus would have to face him again seeing as he bore the dark mark. Last year, I had tried to make him promise to stay out of it as long as he could but every time he would change the subject or find any other way to distract me.

My gaze wandered to his elegantly folded hands. Those slim and skilled hands were incredibly good with everything. Severus was a well-known potions master in Great Britain, one of the best I had read somewhere. And he was very good in the kitchen, preparing every dish with enviably deceptive ease and great passion. I had always loved watching him cooking! But it was nothing compared to him brewing a potion. While he was moving around relaxed and carefree in his kitchen he was filled with so much passion, working admirably concentrated and precise whilst brewing a potion. Even if he was under pressure he worked extremely calm and seemed as if not even a troll could distract him. I had always admired his incredible self-control during work… even if it was annoying sometimes.

Severus' cloak covered half of his thighs but nevertheless one could make out the long and slim legs. He had his feet crossed. Even in this relaxed position it did not diminish his elegance in the slightest. Severus Snape was undoubtedly an impressive person –if he was not scowling, glaring or throwing insults at one of his students. His whole demeanour seemed as if he came from another world, as if he really had been a prince in the past. I knew it had only been his mother's last name, nevertheless I couldn't stop thinking sometimes about the reason for his almost aristocratic bearing. It made him different from everybody else. Not that I minded though. It was Severus' natural being and I loved him even more for being the gentleman, caring and passionate person. It made him the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I knew if others would ever get to know the Severus I knew some women would definitely describe him as handsome and alluring… Lately, I had been incredibly glad however that I was the only women who got the luck to see him like this. Call me selfish but I just love him too much.

As my eyes travelled slowly back up to Severus' face I tried to take in every detail about him. I never wanted to forget the smallest thing about him. As I looked back at his eyes I noticed that he was watching me intensely now. His piercing gaze never left my eyes and seemed to bore itself deeply into my soul. To my own surprise, I did not feel uncomfortable. It felt right. It felt as if he was the only – the right person to look at me like he did now. I did not move or said anything. I only watched his mysterious beautiful dark eyes which seemed closed up to me but at the same time they were seeing right through me.

Suddenly, Severus broke the gaze and looked down at his hands, a small genuine smile growing on his lips. Half out of amazement and half out of curiosity I smiled as well. I did not want to break the comfortable silence so I continued watching his face. The shadow of his hair caressing his cheeks made his face only look softer and gentler. Once again, he seemed lost in thoughts smiling to himself.

After a while, he looked up again. As our eyes locked I felt a heatwave rush through my whole body making my heart pound faster. A tingling sensation in my stomach made it hard to think rationally. Severus leaned forward and rested his elbows next to my knees on the desk, his fingers crossed. He was watching me deeply with a beautiful smile still lingering on his lips. I raised my hands and placed one gently on his. With my other hand, I traced slowly his skin from the end of his sleeve to his wrist and over the back of his hand. Then I took both his hands in mine and squeezed them gently. Enwrapping one of my hands with his it was his turn to caress my skin letting his fingers wander over my hand to my wrist and down my bare arm. The touch was soft and slow, giving me goose bumps all over my arm. His thumb still caressing my skin Severus raised my other hand and brought it to his lips. This gesture and his gaze were enough to make my heart beat stronger. It felt as if my heartbeat was visible from the outside.

_"__I love you."_ Severus watched me intensely and with such vulnerability it made me shiver. It was rare for him to open completely and I knew how much trust he needed into a person to allow himself to lower every guard to the bottom of his being. I knew Dumbledore was the only other person who he trusted with his life. Such moments felt more intimate than anything else he did or said. Except for those three words. They were another way of showing how much he trusted me. In fact, I was the only person he admitted his feelings to. And I felt honoured every time I realized it once again even if I could never forget about it.

I interlaced our fingers while I raised my other hand. Slowly, I caressed his face from his forehead over his temple to his cheek. I cupped it and he closed his eyes for a short moment before locking eyes again with an almost desperate look.

_"__I love you too, Severus."_ My voice was not more than a whisper but I knew he had heard me anyway. None of us was able to move. Both of us were fixed by our gaze holding so much emotions between us.

_"__Always."_ Severus' velvet voice cracked. He placed his hand over mine and held it firmly on his cheek. I raised my free hand to cup his face completely.

_"__Always and forever."_ I whispered back and leaned forward. With my eyes closed, I placed a long loving kiss on his forehead. I heard him sighting deeply and as I pulled back I saw that he had closed his eyes as well.

So, I leaned my forehead against his and enjoyed the loving and deep running tension which was about so much more than just being in love with each other. We knew each other better than anyone else did. We may be at the beginning of our relationship but we had long passed the state of getting to know each other.

Finally, Severus leaned back, his hands still holding mine. I could literally see how he built up his guard again but I did not mind. I knew it was necessary for him. I smiled reassuringly and squeezed his hands once again. As he sighted deeply he let go of my hands and leaned back in his chair. I folded my hands in my lap as they suddenly felt cold without Severus' touch. Staring at me thoughtfully he crossed his arms. Something seemed to bother him, I could see it in his face.

_"__I need to tell you something, Arya." _He finally spoke up. A slight trace of annoyance resonated in his voice and I raised my eyebrows curiously. I had long got accustomed to his sudden mood changes. It was the prize and an inevitable consequence of constantly being on guard and keeping emotions at bay. Nevertheless, I wished that there would come a time in which Severus could be free and himself…

_"__Albus came by this morning. Not long after you left."_ His jaw clenched and he averted his gaze.

_"__Oh."_ Was all I managed to respond. I had a slight idea where this was going. I felt my whole body tense, preparing myself for the worse. _What if he found out and sacked Severus? What if Severus has to face the ministry now? _My hands fidgeted nervously in my lap at first, and then reflexively started scratching my stitching forearm.

_"__Yes."_ Severus growled, his look turning darker. _"He knew you had been in my private chambers tonight. This man is insufferable irritating and nerve-racking!"_

I turned my eyes at his insult before I could stop myself. Luckily, Severus had not noticed. I knew he deeply respected Dumbledore but of course he would never admit it to anyone. Therefore, I was used to his rambling about other people who were his friends even if he would sadly never say so.

_"__So… what did he say? Are you getting problems now because of me?"_ It felt as if a cold hand was enwrapping my heart and squeezing it tightly. I had difficulties breathing and felt extremely frightened all the sudden. Nervously, I jumped off the table staring down at Severus with worry. I was truly afraid… _"Because if you do I'm going to tell him that it was on my own accord. That I came to talk to you and fell asleep or something. I'm not letting him sack you because of me. And before you have to face a trial I would rather like to be expelled. I mean I-"_

Severus cut me off by standing up as well, glaring down at me darkly. He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then he suddenly dropped his hand and exhaled deeply. He looked tired as he opened his eyes again.

_"__No, don't worry it wasn't that bad. It's just… He scowled at me and wouldn't stop with his rant." _Severus let himself fall untypically clumsy on his chair. With one movement of his hand he mentioned me to sit down as well. So I sat down in his lap and he encircled my waist, folding his hands. I could feel the tension in his whole body. As we locked eyes again he was watching me with a reserved hint. He took a deep breath before speaking again.

_"__Well, Albus was happy to hear that we… that I finally told you about my feelings and that we sorted things out. However, he was visibly annoyed, not to say he even - by his standards sounded angry… I had to promise him not to let you sleep in my chambers again and that you would never again set foot in my private chambers… And as painful it is for me to admit but he is right. This cannot happen again, Arya. It shouldn't even have happened in the first place. I won't allow that we put ourselves in such risk. It was the first and last time!"_

His annoyed voice had ended in a tone which confirmed that he would not change his mind about it anymore. Biting my cheek, I nodded slowly. I felt cold and angry all the sudden and didn't know what to say. _Is he seriously regretting tonight? Even if nothing really happened?! _ I glared gloomy at my fidgeting hands in my lap.

_"__We will still see each other daily. You can come to my office or classroom anytime but you must understand that I don't have as much flexibility as you have. I'm head of the house and a teacher after all."_

Again, I nodded my jaw clenched. Sighting, Severus placed a hand on my chin and made me turn my head. His gaze only strengthened his opinion and it stung in my heart. The lump in my throat made it almost impossible for me to speak loud enough. Nevertheless, I managed somehow.

_"__I got your point, Severus. And I'm sorry that you had to face him alone. I should have been there too." _Annoyed, I tried standing up but Severus refused to let go of my waist. His gaze hardened as his eyes bore deeply into mine.

_"__Don't do this, Arya. You know as well as I do that it is the right decision."_

Angrily, I pushed his hands away, jumped off his lap and took a few steps to get some space between us. But not with Severus Snape. He hated whenever somebody turned their back on him before having finished the conversation - or in our case the argument. Before I had turned back around completely he was already on his feet. With two long strides he was standing one armlength in front of me and piercing me with a very grim gaze.

_"__Use your brain girl!"_ He spat aggressively, making my blood boil in my veins. It felt as if he had just slapped me right in the face. _"This is my final decision!" _My glare turned cold and suddenly my body felt calm. Like the calm before a storm…

_"__How. Dare. You?!"_ I said quietly through gritted teeth._ "You do not speak to me as if I was one of your students, Severus! You have absolutely no right to talk to me like that!"_

_"__Then stop acting like a child!"_

_"__Stop acting like a child?!"_ Feeling incredibly outraged I took another step back and watched him with furrowed eyebrows. _"Then why can't you say openly that you regret inviting me to your private chambers or letting me sleep in your bed? Instead of just mentioning it incidentally as if it wasn't important at all!"_

In a heartbeat, Severus' anger vanished as surprise and realization flickered over his face. He watched me with wide eyes. This made me only angrier and I decided to give it a rest. It was time for dinner soon anyway. I turned around to leave.

_"__You know what?! Never mind."_

I was fuming as I reached for the door knob. I felt already the prickle in my eyes, I knew I would start crying if I had to look at Severus any longer. Just as I had opened the door a crack however, it banged shut again making me jump. Severus kept his hand placed on the door and looked down at me with a pained expression.

_"__What?!"_ I snapped, keeping my gaze fixed on the door knob in front of me.

_"__Arya, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!"_ Severus removed my firm grip on the knob and turned me to face him. I clenched my jaw and shot him a glare. Sighting, he cupped my face and his gaze turned soft.

_"__How could I ever possibly regret the best evening, night and morning of my life?! I don't and never will! I want to keep you safe but yesterday I was selfish. And I could never forgive myself if you ever got hurt because of my egoism. We cannot become imprudent, Arya. No one can know about us!"_

With every word my anger faded more and more until there was nothing left except a huge wave of guilt crushing down on me.

_"__I'm sorry."_ I managed to say silently, my voice almost cracking. Severus pulled me to his chest and enwrapped me in a warm hug. I buried my face in his chest and placed my hands around his torso. I felt Severus placing a kiss on my head and burying his face in my hair.

_"__You have nothing to apologize for... I never meant to hurt you."_

I raised my head and locked eyes. Severus tried to hide it but I could see pain and guilt in his eyes. I placed my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes looking deeply into his dark orbs. I placed a gentle kiss on his lips and felt him relax under my touch.

_"__I know." _Severus lowered his head and leaned his forehead against mine. I couldn't help the smile forming on my lips as I closed my eyes. I loved inhaling his scent, making me only smile wider. Slowly, I placed another kiss between his eyes making them open wide. I chuckled at his raised eyebrow, obviously questioning my doing. As I pulled back, I happily noticed a small smile playing around his lips.

_"__We should probably go to dinner now."_ I said, burying my face once again in his chest. I heard and felt Severus disapproving growl in his chest.

_"__I'm afraid we have no choice."_ I chuckled and pulled back facing a smirking Severus. _"Go, I'll come in a moment."_ He placed one last kiss on my forehead. With his thumb he caressed my cheek before stepping back, releasing me.

Casting one last glance at Severus' retreating back I left his office and made my way towards the great hall for dinner.


	41. Chapter 41 - Old lies

41\. Old lies

_"__Come on Arya, you need to tell them!"_ Hermione whispered excited. She wasn't really catching on the fact that whispering usually meant not speaking so loudly. Instead she was fidgeting nervously, sitting on the couch next to me in front of the fire place in the Gryffindor common room.

_"__Need to tell us what exactly?"_ Harry asked absentminded. He and Ron were currently playing wizarding chess and Harry was losing pitiful.

I scowled at Hermione over the new potions book Severus had gotten me for Christmas. It was about more advanced healing potions every auror had in store for emergencies. The last hour, I had plunged into the strangest of potions I had never even heard of, sitting comfortingly on the couch with my legs pulled closely to my chest. Until Hermione decided it was, once again, the perfect time to tell the truth to Harry and Ron.

Hermione was obviously completely blind to my sudden discomfort. Instead, she nudged me in the side and nodded encouraging. Annoyed, I rolled my eyes and went back to my reading. Suddenly, an idea popped into my head and I sneered to myself.

_"__Hermione wants me to tell you that I've actually gotten more 'Outstanding' in Potions than she has. Meaning, I'm better at Potions."_

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw a quick movement and jerked as a book collided roughly with my shin._ "Ouch, Hermione! What was that for?"_

She didn't even look at me. _"You know damn well."_

_"__I'm actually better in Potions. Our Professor could confirm it…"_ I mumbled to myself but obviously I had not spoken quiet enough. Another painful hit on my shin.

_"__Anyway, that was not what Arya wanted to tell you."_ Hermione ignored my horrified expression and waited until Ron had finally checkmated a gloomy looking Harry.

To my surprise, I then found myself face to face with two staring boys. Green eyes were watching me curiously while brown eyes were sparkling with proud. Again, I glared at Hermione and again she ignored it and smiled to herself. I snapped my book shut and exhaled loudly. How was I supposed to say this? They were boys after all and sometimes not acting like the brightest too…

_"__Well… euhm…"_ I started everything but smoothly and self-confident. Hermione sighed impatiently. I cast her another glare, the boys were still just watching me. _"Alright, euhm… I've got a boyfriend..."_

There was a long pause. Hermione's beaming gaze was wandering from me to Harry, Ron and back. Harry blinked, visibly speechless and Ron furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

_"__A boyfriend?"_ He asked dumbly and I rolled my eyes at him.

_"__Yes, a boyfriend. You see, as in having a relationship."_ I added unnecessarily.

_"__Brilliant."_ Harry replied with a grin. His voice however, said that he didn't know what to do with my information. _"Who is it?"_ He asked curiously.

I kept our eyes locked and stared at him, my brain suddenly blank. _"I cannot tell you."_ Harry nodded shortly, obviously having expected my answer.

I snapped out of my trance like state soon enough. _"You asked me to simply tell you if I couldn't tell you something. And it is for his safety that no one can know, Harry. You see it's not like any relationship. Fairies can only fall in love with the person who is sort of their soulmate. Well, and apparently he does love me too so…"_ I ended smiling slightly.

_"__I think I get it." _Harry said after a while and returned my smile.

And that was it already. Ron suddenly asked for another chess game and soon enough both of them were deeply concentrated on their match. I glanced over to Hermione and both of us rolled our eyes at them. _Boys… _Nevertheless, I felt extremely relieved even if it hadn't been my idea in the first place to tell them so soon.

The new year started and soon also our new term. Ron and Hermione had somehow quietly agreed to not speak about Viktor Krum. It made things a lot easier for Harry and me. But sometimes I got also a little annoyed by Harry and his sulking concerning Cho Chang. Who was I to judge him for his feelings? Hadn't I been the same with Severus? But it was incredibly nerve-wracking to see my friends unhappiness and not being able to help. Hermione liked Ron and Ron liked her, Ginny liked Harry, Harry liked Cho, Cho liked Cedric and Derek liked Cedric…

Besides sulking about Cho, Harry had started working on the the champion's egg now and then. Cedric had obviously given him a hint but it had taken another few weeks for him to shelve his pride and see if it was worth something. The morning after he had taken the egg to the prefect's bathroom, he was excitedly waiting for an opportunity to tell us about his night stroll adventure.

_"__Snape was furious about someone breaking into his office last night. I saw it on the map and the intruder was Bartemius Crouch. But when Moody showed up he suddenly wanted to keep quiet about it. Apparently, Moody has searched Snape's office at the beginning of this year and Snape wasn't approving to it at all. Snape clearly hates Moody. By the way, he said Dumbledore only lets Snape stay here because he's giving him a second chance. What do you think Snape did with his first chance?"_

Currently, we were sitting in the last row in Charms and had a perfect possibility to speak without anyone listening in or noticing seeing as everybody was having too much fun. And to my utter annoyance, my arm was once again tortured by sudden waves of burning pain. Hermione had wanted me to go and see Madame Pomfrey about it but I had refused. How stupid would I seem if I claimed that my arm was hurting now and then? Safe way to make her think I was being paranoid or worse - a hypochondriac… And Severus, well I didn't know what he would do only that I didn't want to tell him.

_"__Maybe Moody thinks Snape put your name into the goblet, Harry."_ Ron said with widening eyes.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. _"I don't care what Moody says. I mean Dumbledore's not stupid. He was right to trust Hagrid and Professor Lupin. And just to remind you, Ron, Professor Snape did save our lives. Dumbledore trusted all of them even though no one else did and he was right. So why shouldn't he be right with Snape? And I trust him too by the way… ten times more than I could ever possibly trust Moody."_ I added the last part growling under my breath.

_"__Yes, but Moody has never done anything bad. Snape however was a Death Eater once and probably still is. He's evil!"_ Ron argued further.

Deciding to ignore his emotion clouded judgement, I turned back to my own thinking. I was trying to find a reason for Moody to help Harry the way he did. I certainly was glad for my best friend not getting in troubles but still, it was suspicious. _Why the hell did he keep the Marauder's Map? What could he possibly want with it? And why was Bartemius Crouch in Severus' office at one in the morning?_ Sadly, I couldn't ask Severus if something had been stolen or he would easily put two and two together…

The next day, I decided to pay Severus a visit in the afternoon. I was extremely tired today. Until late in the night I had been racking my brain to find a solution and when I had finally managed to fall asleep I had been dreaming again…

I found Severus sitting at his desk in the Potions classroom. He was starring at a book with furrowed eyebrows and thin lips. As he realized it was me who had entered, he leaned back in his chair sighing and pinched the bridge of his nose.

_"__Something wrong, Severus?"_ I looked at him worried and leaned against his desk. I sensed the unusual feeling of insecurity around him but also hidden anger. Absentminded, I rubbed my left forearm as a prickling feeling rushed through it. My heart pounded faster as fear and worry clouded my brain.

Severus stared at me for a long time. His expression was stern and his eyes unreadable. Now that was a bad sign. It usually meant something very serious was troubling him. Slowly, I stepped closer to his chair and intended to take one of his hands in mine. Severus, watching every move, did not let me however. Instead, he stood up and engulfed me in a lose hug. Confused, I laid my head against his chest and put my arms around his torso. Severus rested his cheek on top of my head and I heard him inhaling deeply.

Suddenly, he let go of me again and pushed me back by my shoulders. A sudden sharp sting in my heart made it difficult to breath for a moment. As I looked up, he wasn't looking at me but at the book on his desk. No, he wasn't just looking at it – he was glaring at it, his expression thoughtful. As his gaze finally wandered down to me, his eyes were distant and cold. His lips were pressed in a thin line again. His demeanour had become the usual emotionless mask, making my heart beat faster in my chest.

_"__Severus, what is going on?"_ I pleaded quietly. I did not dare stepping closer again. His action had told me that he did not want me close right now and so did his composure as well.

Distancing himself even more by taking a step back he crossed his arms tightly and observed me with his piercing look. Then, when I thought I couldn't handle his cool behaviour anymore, he finally started speaking in a calm and emotionless voice.

_"__Arya did you and your friends stole ingredients for a Polyjuice potion from my store?"_

Heat rushed through my whole body, immediately followed by coldness. Ashamed, I bit my lip and averted my gaze. Stealing from his store in second year was by far the worst thing I had ever done in my whole life.

_"__What for?"_ Severus snapped sharply, making me wince. His body became stiff with repressed, but visibly growing irritation in his eyes. I needed a few breaths and gulps to be able to answer.

_"__Harry, Hermione and Ron were thinking Draco was the heir of Slytherin and wanted to know if their guess was right."_ I forced myself to look up in his face. Severus' eye twitched slightly as I noticed a hint of confusion in his sparkling eyes.

_"__The heir of Slytherin? But you found out about-" _His eyes turned to slits. Realization dawning on him the same second. Dryly, he asked loud enough for me to hear: _"You mean you stole it two years ago?"_

Speechless, I nodded. My brain was way too clouded with shame and fear to wonder about his strange questions. A very uncomfortable silence followed. I averted my gaze from his eyes and looked at the buttons on his cloak. Even if I would have wanted to, I would not have been able to move my body. Alternating, freezing coldness and burning heat rushed through every single muscle. Nevertheless, I felt Severus' piercing gaze shooting daggers at me.

_"__What about this year?"_ The mistakenly calm voice cut through the silence like a sharp knife.

_"__This year?"_ I asked confused. Severus' look turned even colder if possible. He straightened up even more, his whole body tensed, the grip on his arms tightened. My heart clenched tightly at his rapidly changing expression.

_"__Twice… Ingredients for a Polyjuice potion have been stolen twice this year. Last time was two nights ago... So, did you or did you not steal from me?"_ He spat with great disdain.

I fidgeted with my hands and tried to process what he had just said. Somebody was brewing Polyjuice potion in secret… Annoyed, Severus unfolded his arms and roughly pushed the open book in my direction so that I could read it. He placed one finger on it and his raging eyes bore deeply into mine, his lips were curled with anger now. Severus rarely ever raised his voice. He had learned a long time ago that the opposite was way more effective. But right now, I whished nothing more than for him to scream at me or throw insults at my head. His suppressed rage infiltrated my heart agonizingly slow, leaving a throbbing and excruciating pain.

Oblivious to my inner state, Severus continued hissing dangerously slow._ "As you see, I keep a register with every single ingredient there is in my store. Lacewing flies and boomslang skin are missing. Did. You. Steal. It?"_

_"__No!"_ I exclaimed louder in defence. Anger bubbled inside my body. _"Why do you think I would steal something from you?"_

Not even one heartbeat later, something snapped in Severus' eyes and I saw his current emotions. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest, my body paralyzed in shock. His expression contorted in pure rage now and before I could react he was standing right in front of me, his face awfully close to mine. Fury, disdain and disappointment were dominating his roaring. _"Because, apparently, you've stolen from my store once already."_

In the blink of an eye, shame and a petrifying coldness rushed through my whole body once again. My shoulders dropped and my head felt so incredibly heavy that I lowered it. _"I'm sorry."_ I cracked out somehow.

Severus sneered repulsively at me before pulling back and snapping his register close aggressively. I could see how he was fighting to get back control over his emotions. Failing miserably, he clenched his jaw and glared furiously at me. I sensed his anger and disappointment washing over me like pouring rain. My trembling hand pressed itself tightly on my left forearm to keep it from shaking in pain. It couldn't distract me from my emotional torture though. I felt so incredibly stupid and small right now. It took me all I had not to start crying in front of him. I would not cry like the stupid, little child I obviously was in his eyes right now.

_"__When?" _He hissed snidely, making my heart sting even more. _"Did you sneak around behind my back or did you lie to my face?" _I gulped and clenched my jaw a few times. It hurt so much to return his gaze but nevertheless I tried to keep our eyes locked.

_"__It was the bet."_ I spoke up quietly. Severus stood still, piercing me with the angriest and most burning look possible. _"The bet about the Quidditch match Slytherin against Gryffindor. You allowed me access to your store."_

There was a long pause in which his intense gaze bore into my eyes. I saw him furrow his eyebrows deeper as he tried to remember. His look clouded with darkness. _"You gave me your word not to brew something dangerous… And yet your friend Granger spent two months in the hospital wing."_

I winced as he straightened up again and crossed his arms firmly. _"I'm sorry about everything."_

Severus sneered ugly and his eyes twinkled dangerously as he lowered his head to mine. The ice cold low hiss reached my heart painfully in less than a second. _"You. Lied. To. Me! You didn't even have the courage to tell me the truth when the damage was already done."_

I averted my gaze and looked down on my shoes. I bore my fingernails deeply into the palm of my hands to keep myself from crying or pleading for forgiveness. I had no right to do either. I had disappointed and hurt him…

_"__You weren't there when they were accusing Draco. They were saying the most awful things about him, Severus. I agreed to it because it was the only way to make them see reason."_ I pleaded softly, locking our eyes again. His expression turned stone cold and was quickly whipped of every emotion that would show a hint of affection. Never had he looked at me like that… as if I was nothing but a meaningless object.

In a heartbeat, realization hit my whole body forcefully. In horror, I widened my eyes and fear spread through my whole body. I felt numb all the sudden. My empty gaze was fixed on Severus' face.

_"__I'm like my father."_ I whispered shocked to nobody in particular. Coldness spread rapidly in my heart, my arms and my chest.

_"__What do you mean?"_ Severus' sharp voice cut through my paralyzed brain.

_"__I knew the risk… I agreed to it… I was selfish. I wanted them to stop talking badly about Draco so desperately that I put them in danger…"_ I whispered panicked._ "I'm like him. I'm putting others at risk for my comfort. I'm selfish and reckless and-"_

Severus cut me off by crashing his lips on mine hard. He moved them unexpectedly gentle for his recent outburst, nevertheless the kiss was aggressive and rough. A gasp of surprise escaped my mouth, then I kissed him back. I felt one hand firmly holding my neck to keep me from pulling away. However, the kiss ended as fast as it had begun. Just as I was about to lay my hands on his chest, he pulled back forcefully.

I watched as his soft, worried glance changed to coldness and annoyance in less than a second. He glared at me again and I expected him to throw me out of his room. If I was him, I certainly wouldn't want to see me now. Self-hatred crushed down on me, making it impossible to think clearly.

_"__You. Are. Not. Like. Him!"_ Suddenly, my chin was forced up painfully and I looked into angry black orbs. _"You made a great and incredibly stupid mistake, undoubtedly. But you do have a sense for moral somewhere inside that thick head of yours."_

A sob escaped my mouth and I closed my eyes, not bearing another second facing his anger. I was already burdened enough with my self-loathing. Severus released my chin and pulled me roughly against his chest. I wanted to give in, I wanted to be comforted, I wanted to be near Severus… But I couldn't. I had no right to. Angrily, I stepped back and turned away. I forced myself not to let any tears fall.

_"__Aryanna."_ Severus said irritated. I heard him moving closer and whirled around.

_"__Don't touch me, Severus. Please."_ I snapped more aggressively than I had intended to.

Severus sighed frustrated and clenched his jaw. _"I want to help you."_

With one last glare, I made my way to the closest student's desk and sat down. I leaned my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands. My hands wandered in my hair, grabbing a fistful of it in each hand and pulled until I felt the throbbing pain.

_"__You should be violent, scream at me or throw me out of your classroom for what I did. But I certainly don't deserve your help right now. I don't want your help." _I spoke muffled into my arms but his growl showed me that he had heard me.

_"__I would drag you out of my room and shut the door in your face with great pleasure."_ Severus growled spiteful._ "And as much as I enjoy the thought of getting you out of my sight and not having to look at you anymore, I won't throw you out. I would gladly let you deal with your remorse by yourself."_ He replied coldly.

_"__Then why can't you just leave me alone now?!"_ I raised my head and glared darkly in his direction. It took Severus only three long strides to stand on the other side of my desk. Swiftly, he placed his hands on the table and leaned closer to me. He struggled to keep his voice calm, nevertheless I saw the burning anger in his eyes showing his real feelings.

_"__Because I won't allow you to drown yourself in self-loathing. I know better than anyone else that it won't change anything."_ Severus drawled with curled lips. A mixture of anger and worry bore deeply into my eyes. His words though cut in my heart like painful, sharp knives, making it only bleed more. _"And as soon as you're done with your utterly annoying trait to pity yourself, then – and only then I will make you leave my classroom."_

My last inner resistance broke at his words and slowly the first tears started to escape my eyes. Helpless, I looked him in the eyes and tried to make him understand. His expression softened a little. He took a chair and sat, still on the other side of the desk. He knew, I wouldn't tolerate him near me right now. But he didn't know why though…

_"__I don't know what is happening to me, Severus… I cannot sleep properly. I have so many nightmares and they get only worse. Every time Moody is close, I sense darkness radiating from him. He's evil and not the good everybody sees in him… All of this is just too much! I hate him and I hate that I have to face him every day... I'm afraid, Severus… I'm afraid I might do something bad! I'm afraid I'll do something that will make me become evil like my father because of Moody!"_

Severus watched me with an unreadable expression. I felt so broken and vulnerable at the moment like never before. Desperation and helplessness clouded my mind…

_"__I want to help you."_ Severus repeated gently. As our eyes locked, I saw nothing but care, love and worry in his eyes. I averted my gaze again. I couldn't look in the eyes of the man I could hurt the most of all people. _"No, look at me, Arya... Look at me! …You are not alone! No matter if I'm angry or not, you will always have me by your side. I would never let you do something bad because I know who you really are. You are not bad and you could never be!"_

I released my shaking hands from my hair and placed them slowly on the desk. With a tear strained face, I looked at him with nothing but pure desperation. _"Promise me."_ I pleaded. _"Promise that you will not ever let me do bad things… I would rather be dead than hurting anyone. Promise that you will do whatever is necessary to hold me back!"_

Severus was rigid now. I knew he understood the whole meaning of my plead. Knowing him better than anyone else, I knew he was thinking about what it would mean for him to give me his word. Severus was a man of his word…

_"__I promise."_ He replied dryly.

With shaking legs, I stood up. I wanted to walk around the desk but my body said something else. I placed one hand on the wood for support as fresh tears started streaming down my face again, blurring my vision. Pain rushed through my whole body as my arm felt as if somebody cut deeply into my flesh. My legs gave away and I fell on the floor. Emotions overwhelmed me so strongly that I could barely breath. Instead, I was kneeling on the floor and bending over, my mouth open as if I intended to sob but I couldn't. My hands were shaking badly… Desperation… Fear… Sadness…

I don't know how long I had been crying. I couldn't feel anything anymore except repeated waves of pain, fear and desperation. I was imprisoned in my own emotions, torturing me worse than any nightmare… Finally, darkness engulfed me…


	42. Chapter 42 - My brother – the Slytherin

42\. My brother – the Slytherin

I had difficulties opening my eyes again. They felt so incredibly heavy but there was also a bright light, burning in my eyes. Blinking, I opened and closed them several times. After a few moments, my vision became sharper again. As my eyes adjusted to the shining, I looked around. I wasn't in Severus's classroom anymore… I was in the infirmary. _Why am I here?_

Slowly, I sat up and spotted a glass with water on the nightstand. I attempted to take it with my left hand but as I closed my fingers around it a sharp pain erupted in my forearm. I yelped and water splashed on my hand as I dropped it again. _"Bloody hell!" _Cursing, I took a closer look at my arm but there was nothing…

Taking the glass carefully with my other hand now, I downed it and moved further to sit on the edge of the bed. My shoes were standing next to it. I looked around again but no one was in sight. Sighing, I carefully stood on my feet and found myself standing quite steady. I needed to see Severus!

When I had put them on, I made my way towards the door which was wide open. I jumped as Madame Pomfrey rushed around the corner suddenly. The moment she saw me, her look turned to a glare and she walked even faster.

_"__Ms. Jackson, how are you feeling? You should have waited for me before you get out of bed. Come, you need to sit down."_

And with that she dragged me to the nearest chair for me to sit down. Confused, still trying to remember what had happened, I turned to her. My voice sounded raspy and my throat stung a little.

_"__What happened? Why am I here?"_

She pressed another glass with water in my hand and under her stern watch I obediently drank it. _"We had hoped you could tell us. Professor Snape brought you in here yesterday near to unconsciousness. He said he found you in the Dungeons in a deserted corridor."_

My eyes widened in surprise. Now, I was really confused… Crying in Severus' classroom was the last thing I remembered. But I couldn't tell her that of course.

_"__I don't remember…"_ She looked thoughtful at my reply. _"Madame Pomfrey, did you just say he brought me here yesterday?"_

_"__Yes, I did. Professor Snape gave you a sleeping draught so that you would be able to rest. You were shaking badly and not reacting to any address." _She gave me an intense, meaningful look.

I needed to speak with Severus now. I needed to know what had happened… despite him being angry of course. _"I need to speak with Professor Snape."_ I blurted out and stood up but a hand on my shoulder stopped me.

_"__He is most certainly already in class. I just came back from breakfast. Besides, you do not leave this room before you haven't had breakfast. So, get back to your bed and wait for a house elf to bring you something."_

She pushed me off towards my bed and I sighed in defeat. Nevertheless, curiosity and nervousness were throbbing in my chest. I needed to speak with him, I needed to know what had happened!

Half an hour later, I was finally allowed to leave the infirmary. But not without a severe warning to take it slow and to pay Severus a visit. I rolled my eyes as I left the infirmary.

_"__Oh and Ms. Jackson."_ Madame Pomfrey called after me. I turned back to her. _"I hope I don't have to tell you not to skip your classes today…"_ With that she left me standing in the hallway as she entered her office.

_"__Of course not…"_ I mumbled sarcastically to myself. Enjoying the piece and calm in the corridors, I made my way to my common room to get my bag.

_"__No! No, no, no. Merlin, please no…"_ I whined when I cast a quick glance at my watch. Defence against the Dark Arts had just started. Which meant that I couldn't possibly skip it without getting in trouble. If I would have known what time it was when I had woken up in the infirmary I had surely wasted more time there…

Reluctant and as slowly as possible, I walked to the classroom I hated the most this year. I wished I would never reach it but of course I did anyway. As I arrived in the corridor of Moody's classroom, I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the cold wall. My hands automatically found their way into my hair. I couldn't go in there… I couldn't face him again and play nice.

After a few deep breaths and several growls, I pushed myself from the wall and made the last remaining step until I was finally facing the door. _I am the daughter of the most feared wizard of this century for Merlin's sake!_ I cursed myself. _If you can face him you can face that bloody auror in there as well._

Reluctantly, I raised my hand and knocked. I jumped as the door opened suddenly by itself. Every student's face was turned in my direction. But I did not return their stares though. A brown and bright blue eye let me freeze in my spot.

_"__Ah, Ms. Jackson. Professor McGonagall informed me about your stay in the hospital wing."_

Gulping, I forced my flabby legs to bring me to the usual desk. And stopped dead in my tracks a few heartbeats later. The seat next to Hermione was already taken… I felt utterly overtaxed now. I was already troubled enough with my inner fight to keep myself from running out of the room.

_"__Sit down, Jackson. Malfoy has no partner yet."_ With that he averted his gaze to go back to whatever he had been doing before I had interrupted. I felt better right away and let out a sigh of relief. Looking for the striking bleach blond hair of my brother, I quickly found him seated in the middle of the classroom. _Great! I hate sitting in the centre…_

I felt his eyes on me as I pulled my book out and prepared some parchment. Draco just stared at me. _Look away, you idiot. People will notice._ The constant and direct gaze told me however that he wouldn't look away anytime soon. After all, he had managed to take the art of multitasking to perfection. I started to take notes about what Moody was saying. Even if I would never tell Draco that but I was kind of glad to be distracted by his fixing pierce.

Seconds became minutes and Draco was still watching me most of the time. His look only left me when he wrote something down as well but other than that he soon felt incredibly… pesky. My brother was a thick-headed person who would get his way sooner or later. It was his talent to find the one right way to make people do exactly what he wanted. Even if it meant to spend days, weeks or months with subtle and well guised manipulation. The sorting hat had been right to place him in Slytherin…

Well, it would have been easy for me if he was acting like that to me as well. But seeing as I knew his character almost as well as mine, he knew he couldn't fool me. Besides, he would never dare manipulating those he cared for! Hence, he used another way with me – direct confrontation because he hated being left in the dark. Therefore, he would surely manage to corner me after this class even if I tried to hide. After all, he always got what he wanted in the end.

As deeply as I loved Draco and admired his urge for his loved ones to be safe and happy, the problem was that he was too much of a bullhead to have the patience to wait for a discreet moment sometimes. Like right now, when he did not stop staring daggers at me openly in class. People would notice sooner or later or worse – Moody.

I let out a deep breath and growled irritated under my breath. Draco shifted next to me, knowing that I was about to give in. I simply couldn't resist and ignore him any longer. I finally returned his gaze subtly and showed him a small smile. _I'm fine! _Draco only raised one eyebrow in return, making me roll my eyes. Smirking, Draco returned his attention back to his notes. Trying to disguise my amusement, I blew out my cheeks and started drawing on my parchment. I got interrupted as a small piece of parchment landed on my notes.

**_What happened?_**

**_Nothing! Don't worry._** I watched around but nobody was paying us any attention. Moody was still speaking about defensive spells and how they can be used effectively. Quickly, I pushed the scribbled note back to my brother who barely cast a glance at it before he wrote something else. Before I could even go back to my drawing the paper was back.

**_Sneaky liar. _****_What happened? _**

I furrowed my eyebrows and clenched my jaw. Scowling at Draco, I slowly shook my head in his direction. My thoughts weren't focused on our lesson or Draco anymore. Instead, I was thinking about the fight Severus and I had had yesterday. Could I even call it a fight? I really was a sneaky liar… Once again, guilt crashed down on me with full force. I blinked away the stinging in my eyes. Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair and bit my bottom lip. Surely, Severus wouldn't want to talk to me again anytime soon. He had said so after all. And to be honest, I deserved and understood his anger and disappointment. I had stolen something… I had stolen from him…

_Hold on, he accused me of stealing ingredients for Polyjuice Potion this year. Somebody is brewing Polyjuice Potion. _I racked my brain about a realistic solution but found none. _Why should someone brew Polyjuice Potion in the first place? Severus did mention it happened twice… In the beginning of the year and now again… _

I was snapped out of my thoughts again when my brother nudged my arm. Annoyed, I cast him a questioning look. Of course, he did not like being ignored. The small piece of parchment had something new written on it. Draco's sneer warned me that I most likely wouldn't like it.

**_Had a row with your boyfriend?_**

Again, I scowled darkly in his direction, making his sneer only grow wider. _Damn, Slytherins!_ I thought to myself. Now he would definitely corner me after class and I couldn't even run away. We had Transfigurations together afterwards. Sighing, I concentrated on my doodling again, my thoughts soon drifting away again.

_It has to be the same person who's stealing it otherwise it would be an incredibly unrealistic coincidence if two persons were brewing it in secret. But what for? Academic purpose? Surely not. Who would like to turn into another person?_

Defeated, I exhaled deeply. There were way too many new people in Hogwarts this year to check on all of them. _And what if it's just some stupid fangirl who wants to get close to Viktor Krum…?_ My tired brain concluded in a final attempt. Smirking to myself, I quickly dismissed the idea._ That would be one hell of a crush…_

_"__Jackson!"_ I jumped as the growling voice of Mad-Eye Moody cut sharply through my thoughts.

To my horror, he stood next to my desk and was firmly looking at me. Slowly, darkness radiating from every single of his pores engulfed me and I shuttered. I clenched my jaw tightly as my whole body tensed in reflex. Pain erupted in my forearm once again, making me flinch. As subtle as possible, I grabbed it with my hand and bore my nails deeply into my sleeve. Moody's fake eye whirled rapidly to my sudden movement and his lips turned into an ugly grin.

_"__I know you spent the night in the hospital wing. None the less, I want you to pay attention at all times! I'll let it slip only this time Jackson, got it?"_ And with that he turned around and limped back to his desk.

I glared hatefully at his retreating back, earning a confused look from Draco and Blaise who had turned around as well. Ignoring them, I scowled down at my notes. I hated that man so much! But nobody could understand it. Nobody knew what I meant when I was speaking about him feeling evil because no one else could sense it…

And then realization hit me, whipping my brain of every other thought. My head snapped up rapidly to Moody. _What if someone is walking around freely, disguised as another person?_

_"__Question, Jackson?"_ Moody asked, looking straight into my eyes.

It took me a moment to realize what he had said. And when it finally sank in, I couldn't speak properly anymore. _"No."_ I said barely more than a whisper. With wide eyes, I was staring at him horrified by my sudden realization. Moody growled annoyed in response and turned away.

_What reason could that person possibly have? Can it be a student who desperately wants to enter the tournament? No, surely the Triwizard cup would recognize it anyway. And furthermore, there's no guaranty that the student would be elected anyway. So why? Who would profit from being in Hogwarts this year?_

My thoughts got interrupted once again as the bell rang, ending our lesson. Obviously, my thinking had lasted longer than I would have guessed. Still lost in thoughts, I packed my bag and left the classroom. I needed to speak with Severus even if he did not want to see me. A firm grip on my arm made me wince once again and I turned around. I expected to see my brother but found myself looking at Hermione instead.

_"__Arya, are you okay? What happened to you? You never came back from your… walk yesterday. And Snape said he found you in the Dungeons when we visited you in the hospital wing." _She watched me closely with worry in her eyes. Ron and Harry had reached my side as well.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I started climbing the stairs. _"I don't know what happened… I mean I don't know how I ended up in the Dungeons to be honest."_ I glanced around if there were students close and turned around to my friends. _"I went to see… well, him… but that's all I remember. I don't know what happened or how I ended up in the Dungeons though."_

Harry watched me curiously while Ron looked rather dumbfounded. I could see Hermione's brain working quickly about reasonable solutions. Suddenly, I spotted bleach blonde hair coming up the stairs and I cursed under my breath. Before I could turn away however, I found my eyes locked with determined looking grey ones.

_"__Bloody hell! We have to go now or we'll be late for Transfigurations."_ Not waiting for an answer, I whirled around and continued my way hastily. I heard the sound of following steps behind me.

_"__You're not really worried about Transfigurations, are you?"_ Hermione said suspiciously, walking next to me. I cast her a quick glance and knew immediately that she knew something was wrong. _"Look, does this has to do with Malfoy? Because you were practically running from him down there. And I saw him staring at you during class. By the way, you should try passing notes less conspicuously. What is going on between the two of you?"_

I stopped horrified and watched her with wide eyes. Before the boys could catch up, I quickly started walking again. I felt Hermione's questioning look on me the whole time. I clenched my jaw and tightened the grip on my bag.

_"__And don't tell me it's nothing because I know there's something. You are acting strange around him but Malfoy as well whenever he's with you... Now, that I think about it, you've always been acting weird around him..."_

I quickly turned to her and pleaded her to stop talking with an intense look. I answered her in a quiet voice to keep unwanted listeners away. _"Please, Hermione don't speak so loudly about this!"_ I let out a deep breath and glanced nervously around the corridor. My brother was nowhere to be seen for the moment. Then I turned back to look desperately at my best friend. _"You're right. Something is going on. I swear I'll tell you but not here and not now! And please, do not tell anyone. Not Harry, nor Ron. No one can know!"_

Hermione nodded enthusiastically, satisfied for now to get an answer. If my bookworm friend hated something, then it were unanswered questions. Nodding back, we finally continued our way to Professor McGonagall's classroom.

When we entered, our head of house cast me a stern look and I quickly made my way to my seat. Groaning, I laid my head on the desk and closed my eyes. I had a headache and felt terribly tired. The fight with Severus and all the thinking this morning had already been enough for the whole day. I was actually very worried about the Polyjuice Potion situation. If someone stole twice it means that said person is using a lot of it…

_"__Not running from me, are you Arya?"_ Draco's quiet voice next to my ear made me jump. He chuckled as I watched him shocked. I looked around the room and saw that Hermione was sitting at the desk in front of me and watching us pointedly. Her gaze flickered to Draco and she raised her eyebrows questioning at me. Professor McGonagall was casting a short, surprised glance in our direction, making me turn to my brother and scowl at him darkly.

_"__What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"_ I whisper yelled at him. The more than self-confident and big-headed Slytherin of a brother however, unpacked his bag without ruffle or excitement.

Then, when he had prepared everything for our lesson, he finally looked at me with the most annoying smirk possible. I glared in response but of course it did not affect him at all. _"I think I'm taking my class in Transfigurations."_

I snorted and averted my gaze. Now it was the poor raven sitting on Professor McGonagall's desk I was shooting daggers at. _"Git…" _I spat angrily.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Draco turning around to the desk behind us. After a few moments, he had still not turned around again and curiosity got the best of me so I turned around as well. Blaise was looking from Draco to me and smirking wildly. Annoyed, I rolled my eyes and concentrated back on Professor McGonagall who was just starting our lesson. At least Draco wouldn't bother me in this class or in my thinking…

Like presumed, my brother could not annoy me under the stern watch of our Professor. Neither could I return to my thoughts unnoticed. In fact, I was called out twice for staring into space. Luckily, my multitasking was on such a high level that I could answer the questions without any problems.

After double Transfigurations, I rushed out of the room and left my friends telling them that I needed to talk to Professor Snape. The closer I came to his classroom however the faster my heart pounded in my chest. Guilt and shame had come back the second I had left the classroom. My legs felt flabby once again and I felt utterly reluctant suddenly…

A firm grip on my arm stopped me and dragged me in a nearby empty room. Surprised, I whirled around and found myself face to face with Blaise and Draco. My shoulders dropped and I exhaled loudly. Draco's smirk had left his face, instead he was watching me with a stern expression. Blaise had crossed his arms and was looking serious for once.

_"__What happened?"_ Draco repeated once again with furrowed eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes and returned an annoyed gaze. _"I told you, Draco. Nothing."_

Blaise scoffed and I glanced at him. _"People don't skip dinner or spend the night in the infirmary for nothing. So, what happened yesterday?"_

I sighed again and stared at my brother who scowled deeply at me. Defeated, I finally raised my hands, not in the mood for another fight. _"Fine. I went to see Severus and we had… he got furious with me."_

Draco raised his head at that and his gaze became worried. Blaise shifted from one leg to the other, eyebrows in a deep frown. _"Why?"_

I lowered my head and scratched my arm absentminded. _"I did a huge mistake… I don't want to talk about it though. He has every right to be angry."_ Hurt and guilt traced my quiet voice.

_"__So how did you end up in the hospital wing then?"_ Blaise asked softly. I bit my bottom lip nervously. _"He… didn't hurt you, did he?"_ My head snapped back up and I stared at him with great confusion.

_"__No!"_ I shouted in response and winced at my own aggressive exclamation. _"Of course not! It's not his fault I blacked out without any reason."_

_"__You blacked out?"_ Draco looked confused. _"Why would you faint just like that?"_

I bit the inside of my cheek and stared at the stormy eyes of my brother. I wondered whether I should tell them or not…

_"__It's my arm…"_ The grip around my left forearm tightened. _"It hurts sometimes since the beginning of this school year. It first started in Moody's class and happened again since then. Sometimes, it's only stinging a bit and then it's burning as if it was on fire. Yesterday, I was already so overwhelmed by our fight and then there was the sudden unbearable pain in my arm. That's the last thing I remember. But Madame Pomfrey told me this morning that Severus found me in the Dungeons. I have no idea how I got there though…"_ I ended thoughtfully.

As I looked up, Draco and Blaise were watching me confused. My brother cast a quick glance at my tensed arm while Blaise furrowed his eyebrows, deeply lost in thoughts.

_"__Don't you think, Snape said that to cover up that you were actually with him when it happened?"_ Blaise interrupted the following silence. I squinted my eyes and then mentally scowled myself.

_"__Of course! …I'm so stupid."_ I groaned annoyed at my own stupidity.

_"__I'll remind you of that in time…"_ Obviously, my brother had no decency or manners at all. I intended to glare at Draco but when I saw him chuckling to himself I could not suppress a smirk.

It changed quickly in a scowl however, as I remembered something. Accusingly, I raised my hand and pointed at his chest with one finger. _"You bloody idiot have to stop running after me. Hermione did notice your behaviour in Defence against the dark arts and Transfigurations."_

Draco sneered arrogantly. _"If you'd stop running from me I wouldn't have to run after you!"_

I scoffed and glared warningly at my brother who tilted his head provocative. _"You don't get it, do you? Damn it, Draco, she's not stupid. She knows something is going on since she saw us all together during the Yule Ball. I practically gave her my word to tell her the truth."_

_"__Well, sorry for caring about you!"_ Draco snapped angrily and took a step closer. _"And nobody forced you to give her your word. So, don't you dare blaming me!"_

I clenched my jaw in disbelief and turned away before I would say something I could regret later. My blood was boiling inside my whole body. _"She's my best friend!" _I shouted frustrated, whirling around again._ "You don't know how it feels to lie to her or Harry or Ron. You don't have to keep secrets from Blaise or Derek!"_

Draco's face turned blank and he raised his head a little. His dark glare told me that he would most certainly not give in anytime soon. _"Oh, please."_ Draco laughed coldly. _"Don't give me that shit, Arya! Your friends should be happy that they can spend time with you, that they can visit you in the infirmary, that they can speak with you whenever they like. I'm your brother but cannot even sit with you in class for once? Your excuse is pathetic!"_

_"__Pathetic?!" _I yelled, not believing what he had said. My voice raised with every sentence. "_Do you think it's easy for me to ignore you? Do you think I like that my friends hate you? Don't you think, I know how this feels?"_

My brother's face contorted with anger as he started shouting as well. _"You don't know how this feels! You don't have to pretend to be someone else! And if you really mean so much to your friends, then they should accept the whole truth. Otherwise, they don't deserve you or-"_

_"__Draco!"_ Blaise interrupted him sharply. Unimpressed, he returned Draco's glare and shook his head warningly. My brother furrowed his eyebrows and scowled intensely at his best friend before finally breaking the gaze and crossing his arms. Blaise let out a deep breath and looked from him to me with a calculating expression. Draco and I were shooting daggers at each other, neither wanted to be the one to break the gaze.

_"__I understand you're both frustrated. But shouting at each other is not going to change anything. So, if you could take a break for a minute and think about everything I'm sure you'll find this argument being pretty useless as well."_ Blaise crossed his arms patiently as both glares were now boring into his eyes. Instead, he only raised one eyebrow questioning.

_"__Shut up or I'll make you, Blaise!"_ Draco growled in return the same time I answered: _"Safe your peace crap!"_

Blaise chuckled and rolled his eyes at us. _"Fine but only if you give it a rest."_ He cast Draco a piercing look. _"Draco you know damn well that she's protecting you from your own family. She considers you her brother. And you know her way better than her Gryffindor friends by the way so quit your jealousy."_ My brother's look darkened but Blaise had already turned his annoyed gaze to me. _"And you, don't forget that you're part of Draco's real family. Maybe it's good for your friend Granger to know about us so that Draco can at least be himself in font of one of your friends."_ I scoffed and scowled at my dark-skinned friend.

With that he ended his lecture and smirked proudly at us. Then he strutted to the nearest chair and let himself flop down, resting his crossed legs on the desk. _"Now, feel free to do whatever you like. Resume your completely unnecessary argument or waste your time glaring at each other."_ Blaise pulled out his wand and started exercising spells, leaving Draco and me to ourselves.

A long silence followed in which I looked everywhere but at my brother. Stubbornly, I crossed my arms and clenched my jaw. I could wait this out as long as we needed to, so I patiently stood still. My anger had almost vanished now and I started feeling uncomfortable about our fight. But nevertheless, I refused to admit it just yet. If Draco wanted peace, then he would have to swallow his Slytherin pride for once and make the first step. After all, he had started the whole situation today…

I wanted to walk around to make my legs feel more comfortable. I hated standing without being able to move. I didn't want to move though or Draco would take it as a sign of impatience and I definitely wasn't. Therefore, I concentrated on my breathing to keep myself occupied. I tried to lower my heart rate by breathing regularly and slowly.

I got interrupted by an annoyed exhale of breath from my brother. He mumbled something under his breath and I turned my attention to him. Inwardly, I felt relieved that he had given in first and felt a wave of pride rush through my body. I wanted to smirk but forced myself to stare at Draco emotionless. _"What was that?"_

My brother growled and glared half-heartedly at me. Arrogantly, he unfolded his tense arms and raised his head. _"I'm sorry." _I ignored his snappy tone and concentrated on the annoyance in his voice.

I frowned in faked confusion as it took all my willpower to keep myself from smirking smugly. _"Sorry but I didn't catch that. What did you mumble?"_

Draco's glare darkened as his expression contorted in an undeniably annoyed expression of defeat. _"I said, I'm sorry!"_ He almost yelled now.

All the tension left my body when I finally allowed my lips to turn into a wide, arrogant smirk. Laughing inwardly, I watched as the expression on his face changed as he realized that I had just played with him. Growling, my brother clenched his jaw and averted his gaze.

I started chuckling and earned another dark look, so I tried to refrain myself from laughing. I took a few deep breaths to become serious again. Then I returned a sheepish look at my brother who was still glaring at me.

_"__I'm sorry too. I really shouldn't have blamed you for Hermione's smart brain. I suppose it was our fault that she became suspicious though."_ I fidgeted nervously with my hands and glanced up through my eyelashes. Draco stared at me for a while, making the last hint of amusement leave my body and being replaced with nervousness instead.

_"__Well, you don't have another choice now than telling her, have you."_ He stated sarcastically.

I shook my head in response and raised my head. _"No, obviously not."_

Draco sighed and let his gaze wander around thoughtfully until it finally landed on me again_. "And you really trust her to understand… us?"_

_"__Yes, I do. I trust her with my life. And even if she shouldn't understand it, she would never tell anyone if I asked her not to."_ I replied firmly and Draco seemed satisfied.

_"__Then I agree to it."_ He said after a while and looked at me intensely. _"Just make sure you don't expect her to like me or Blaise afterwards."_

I rolled my eyes and nodded. _"Of course not."_ I smirked suddenly. _"Although, it would be great! Do you think you could like her?"_

Now it was Draco's turn to roll his eyes. But his lips twitched upwards in a mischievous grin. _"Like her? I reckon I could… I'm sure I could love her too. Maybe Weasley would find the guts to make his move then."_

Blaise snorted, trying to suppress a laugh but as soon as Draco started laughing he couldn't hold back any longer. My mouth fell open and I watched them in disbelief. After a moment, I composed myself again however, and glared warningly at my brother. I took a step closer and placed one finger on his chest.

_"__You, Draco Malfoy, careful there! That's my best friend you're talking about. I don't care who you play around with as long as you don't break hearts or end relationships. But my best friend is out of reach unless she should suddenly declare her dying love for you. Clear?"_

Draco chuckled, trying to hold back his laugher, and cast me a very smug smirk. _"Crystal."_

I returned a satisfied smile as pride warmed my heart. _"Great."_

Draco raised his eyebrow at me as we kept our gaze locked. His eyes sparkled in amusement and the smirk on his lips grew wider. As I kept staring at him, my previous excitement and happiness returned. Suddenly, I found myself chuckling whilst shaking my head in disbelief. Blaise' laughing in the background wasn't helping either so the three of us were soon laughing loudly together.

_"__Well then. I believe you were on your way to see your boyfriend before, weren't you?"_ Blaise was the first to be able to speak again.

In less than a second, my amusement had died down and I was scowling. _"If he wants to see me..."_ I mumbled under my breath.

_"__Why wouldn't he? He's desperately in love with you. He'll forgive you the second he sees you again."_ Draco reassured me chuckling and pulled me in a tight embrace.

I rested my chin on his shoulder and closed my eyes in content. _What if he really throws me out of his room this time? What if he's acting cold and careless again? _Whimpering, I buried my face in the crook of Draco's neck.

_"__You'll be fine, I promise."_ My brother spoke softly into my ear and I sighed.

After one last deep breath, I pulled back and cast them a half-hearted smile. _"If you think so…"_

_"__We know so!"_ Blaise confirmed me with a warm smile and opened the door.

With a last thankful glance, I left and continued my way to Severus' classroom. With every step my fear of rejection grew until I found myself standing in the corridor, starring at the open door. My legs felt incredibly flabby and my hands were trembling badly now. I gulped for the tenth time now and forced my legs to move to the doorway.

Severus was obviously just done cleaning up after his last class. With a flick of his wand, several roles of parchment vanished from his desk and he turned to the door. As he saw me standing in the doorway however, he stopped dead in his track and stared at me with a cold expression.

I knew, Severus would never do the first step if he believed to be right in an argument. He would rather give up on a person than letting it pass without an apology. Therefore, I had mentally braced myself for several possible reactions to my apology. What I did not expect however, was him turning his back to me and making his way to the store room where he kept the ingredients for classes.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I closed the door and stepped further into the classroom. My whole body felt as if I would faint again soon. My brain had difficulties forming sentences and my body seemed to betray me seeing as I could not follow Severus.

Then Severus rushed out of the store room again and the door closed with a loud noise behind him. He crossed his arms and pierced me with his look. My heart jumped at the emotionless and distant expression in his eyes. I gulped again as a wave of coldness rushed through my body and squeezed tightly on my heart.

_"__Severus, I'm so sorry for lying and stealing from you!"_ I said into the uncomfortable silence and mentally cursed my shaking voice "_I know… You have every right to be angry. I broke your trust and I hurt you and for that I'm so incredibly sorry… I'm not here to beg for your forgiveness… I just want to know what happened yesterday…"_ My voice broke and I lowered my gaze again as heat rushed to my face. I shouldn't have come here. I didn't know if I could bare another of his outbursts.

_"__I don't know."_ Severus' cold voice cut through the dungeon's room. _"You suddenly clutched your arm tightly and seemed to be in great pain. But then you were crying and looked more as if your emotions got the best of you. You hadn't fainted yet but didn't react to me either. Your body was trembling, so I gave you a calming draught and you fell asleep. I immediately brought you to Madame Pomfrey then."_

My heart warmed up a little and my heartbeat slowed down. I let out a breath of relief as I nervously fidgeted with my fingers. _"Thank you."_ I spoke quietly and shortly returned his gaze. Pain overwhelmed me once again all the sudden but not from my arm. All my feelings about what I had done to Severus returned in the blink of an eye. I had hurt him, I had betrayed him, I had broken his trust… I blinked several times and gulped to be able to do what I needed to do.

_"__I'll be going then, I guess."_ My head lowered heavily and my hand clutched tightly on my bag, I walked towards the door.

_"__Arya, wait."_ I stopped dead in my tracks, shocked about his unexpected reaction. Was he going to scream at me now? Slowly, I turned around again and shyly lifted my head to meet his gaze. To my surprise his eyes held a very small trace of care and warmth in them, but also great pain.

_"__I'm still angry and I refuse to forget what you did."_ My heart froze almost painfully at his determined words and I dropped my tensed shoulders. _"But I apologize for leaving you alone with your current problems. I should have been by your side."_

Confused and surprised, I locked eyes again and saw regret in Severus' dark eyes. Then, suddenly, he moved closer and stopped right in front of me. I drunk in the warmth in his eyes and instantly my whole body seemed to relax. Slowly, Severus raised his fist and opened it. I saw a small flask, filled with a bright, white liquid.

_"__It's a sleeping draught specifically for you. A small sip should be sufficient for a restful sleep."_ Severus' expression turned softer and his eyes bore deeply into mine. Warmth spread through my heart and my lips lifted in a thankful smile.

_"__Thank you, Severus."_ I felt amazed and surprised. Maybe he would forgive me anytime soon… _"Well… uhm, I should go now."_ With a last small smile in his direction, I left towards the door. A part of me wished for him to call me back again but my brain knew he would not do that. Nevertheless, the fear in my heart had vanished and was replaced by great relief.

It was only when the door closed noisily behind me that I thought about the Polyjuice Potion again. I had wanted to speak with him about it. Groaning deeply, I thought about going back inside but my heart told me not to do it. Perhaps Severus would not welcome me back inside to speak about exactly what had made him angry in the first place.

Sighing, I slowly made my way to lunch, once again racking my brain about Polyjuice Potion. Obviously, that was all I could think about today…


	43. Chapter 43 - The second task

43\. The second task

The second task was in a less than a week from now. Severus had refused to talk to me for a few weeks now. At first, I had tried approaching him despite knowing about his obstinate temper. Naturally, it had not been useful and only resolved in more anger and curt words, so I had left him alone since then. But with each day that passed without him trying to talk to me made me feel only more annoyed. To distract myself, I spent most of my time with Harry, Ron and Hermione to solve the riddle for the second task. Apparently, Harry needed to find something in the Black Lake and had one hour to do so.

Hermione had agreed to wait until the end of the second task for me to tell her about what was going on between Draco and myself. I was not really looking forward to it and avoided the subject completely. Honestly, it scared me to tell her about us. It was a serious matter after all and I couldn't even ask Severus for help. Well, I could and he would surely give me some advice but I didn't want to face him with our current situation.

Derek and I met as often as possible and tried not talking about Severus or Diggory. Draco and Blaise would join us now and then. I actually enjoyed the time with them seeing as it was somehow different with them than with my Gryffindor friends. If it was because they had known me first or knew more about me, I couldn't say.

_"__Oh, honestly Blaise. You're such a bloody git sometimes!"_ Derek lay on his back on the grass and was shaking with laughter.

_"__Yeah, one could start believing you're everything but a Slytherin."_ Draco smirked at his best friend, earning a dark glare in return.

At the moment, I was down by the Black Lake with a certain Durmstrang and two Slytherins. It was in the late afternoon. Blaise had just gotten in the middle of a joke Draco and Derek had started eagerly.

I chuckled and lazily adjusted my head resting on Draco's thigh. _"Aren't Slytherins supposed to be sneaky and determined about what they want to have?"_ I threw in with a sly smirk on my lips, my eyes closed in comfort.

I heard a growl which I immediately recognized as Blaise'. _"Aren't Gryffindors supposed to be brave? I still remember your whining about your feelings for Snape. You were crying pathetically like some Hufflepuff."_ Blaise snapped in response and I could literally hear the proud sneer in his voice.

I lifted my head and raised my eyebrows at him. Derek, sitting next to him, was still chuckling to himself and looking between Blaise and me. _"I was but at least I did something about it and see where it got me. I've got a boyfriend. Honestly, you should make a move on Chang before she really falls in love with Derek's lover."_

Draco's laugher vibrated through his whole body, even down to his legs. I cast my brother an arrogant grin and he looked down at me proudly. He was sitting comfortably on the grass as well, supporting his upper body easily with his arms. I had decided to lay down as my night had not been the best again. I had fallen asleep before, but Derek's and Draco's joke had woken me up at some point and I was completely enjoying myself right now.

_"__He's not my lover…"_ Derek mumbled and scowled in my direction. I laughed and closed my eyes again.

_"__Well, if Blaise is to much of a coward to make a move, you could just go straight forward and show Diggory what you want then."_ Draco replied in a provocative, careless voice and I grinned to myself. I knew my brother to well.

_"__Hey! I'm not a coward."_ Blaise exclaimed angrily. A sudden object hit me hard on my stomach and I flinched. Opening my eyes, I saw a small rock on my stomach. Glaring at Derek, I threw the stone back in his direction. He only laughed and dodged it.

_"__So enlighten me ferret, how am I supposed to make a move?"_ Derek demanded then and my lips turned into a smirk but not only because of that hideous nickname.

_"__You don't want to know that."_ Draco grinned mischievously and raised one eyebrow. I beamed up at my brother and he returned a short glance. I knew what he was going to say.

_"__You really don't want to know, Derek. Spare yourself some blood pressure and give it a rest."_ I warned him half-heartedly as my smirk grew wider.

But Derek needed to know. He was incredibly desperate when it came to Diggory. It was cute but of course we just had to tease him with it. Just like he had loved making fun of me until the Yule Ball.

_"__Come on, Arya. Draco's without exception obviously THE male Slytherin. So, I want to know what he suggests."_ Derek cut in loudly.

_"__Oh Merlin. Draco's got already a huge ego."_ Blaise groaned annoyed. _"Do you really have to boost it even more? You're not the one who has to endure him all day…"_ Draco grinned satisfied and I chuckled quietly.

_"__Just answer my bloody question already." _Derek growled impatiently.

_"__Well then, even if I've never been with a man before I think there's no real difference, is there?" _My brother smirked arrogantly and looked Derek straight in the eyes now. _"Just pin him down to his bloody Hufflepuff table and do him."_

Derek's eyes widened in horror first but immediately turned to a very dark glare. Draco laughed and even Blaise couldn't hold back a sly grin.

_"__Damn, Draco. You're unbelievable."_ I managed to say between laugher and chuckles. _"I really don't envy your future girlfriend… If you manage to get one of course but with your current flirting course it won't be anytime soon, I guess."_

A hard slap on my head took me by surprise and I scowled up at my brother who returned a smug smirk. I rolled my eyes and tiredly closed them again. _Bloody Slytherins… _Slowly, my brain stopped processing what they were talking about. Draco's love life wasn't really worth my attention, to say the least. Not that I wasn't interested, I would gladly give him some advice or help him anytime with a serious relationship. The thing was that he simply didn't want close links to anyone. Mostly, because he enjoyed having shallow flings with girls without being bound to any expectations or feelings. But I knew that a major part of him was scared opening to foreign people, not to mention trust them enough to show them who he really was. We had never talked about the reason for his mistrust but personally I thought it had to do with his childhood. Whilst I had been raised by Severus with love and care, Draco had been taught considering himself superior to everyone else as a pure-blooded Malfoy. However, I had always felt incredibly thankful that he had Blaise, Derek and Mrs. Zabini. Even if Draco absolutely hated being pitied for his family, I had mentioned that to him once during my time at Malfoy manor. As a result, he had refused to speak to me for several days until Mrs. Zabini finally had had enough and used her motherly care to force the reason out of us. Even if this one hour with her had been everything but a pleasant time, I had only loved her more for caring so much about Draco. Despite her changing boyfriends as often as I changed my clothes, Mrs. Zabini was a lovable woman who deeply cared for her son, Derek and Draco, she considered her sons as well…

My slumber got interrupted once again when Draco gently rubbed my shoulder. Confused, I opened my eyes and blinked a few times. Carefully, my brother pushed some strains out of my face and smiled warmly at me.

_"__We should go now. It's almost time for dinner."_ Derek explained smirking. With that he took a step forward and offered a hand. I gladly grabbed it but as I was about to pull, Derek let go, making me fall back.

A raised eyebrow and sparkling green eyes returned my questioning expression. _"Got a problem there, Jackson?"_

Blaise and Derek smirked at my cursing as a pale hand appeared in front of my face. _"Come on. You can leave first. I stay behind with those idiots."_ Draco offered chuckling and helped me up.

After a few more curses, hugs and goodbyes, I finally made my way up to the castle. Sighing, I entered the great hall. _Another day and Severus made no move to talk to me…_

The remaining week before the second task passed quickly. I spent every free time with Harry, Hermione and Ron in the library to find a way to breath under water for one hour. The riddle in the egg said that Harry would have to get something back that had been stolen from him. We didn't bother about the last part however and focused completely about the breathing part instead – not that we were really successful though. By the evening before the task, Harry and I both looked as if we had been caught by a train. At least I felt like it but less because of the actual lack of sleep, than rather the few hours of sleep I got being penetrated with nightmares again…

_"__What are you two doing here?"_ Ron asked Fred and George who had just emerged from behind some bookshelves.

_"__Looking for you." _Said George. _"McGonagall wants you, Ron. And you Hermione."_

I furrowed my tired eyebrows half-heartedly in confusion. _"Why?"_

_"__Don't know. She was looking a bit grim though."_ Replied Fred, shrugging his shoulders.

_"__Come on. We're supposed to take you down to her office now."_ George added firmly.

And so they left Harry and me alone in the library until the stern looking librarian practically threw us out at midnight. In the common room, we continued reading book after book, hoping to find a solution. My brain felt heavier and heavier as I forced my eyes to stay open.

_"__Who is he?" My father hissed, kneeling in front of me. I gritted my teeth and lifted my tired head. It needed all my willpower to keep my body from trembling. Somehow, I managed a short, arrogant laugh which was enough though to provoke him._

_"__As if I would EVER tell you!" I spat slowly, my voice dripping with hate and disgust. My father bared his yellow teeth and tightened the grip on his wand visibly. Then he lifted it and placed it under my chin, its tip bore deeply in my throat. Ugly, slitted eyes pierced emotionless in mine and I forced myself to keep his gaze._

_"__Oh, you will and then I'm going to kill him." He said in his slow, soft voice. "You'll watch him being tortured until you accept your place by my side. And only then shall I grant your lover the release in death."_

_Pain erupted in my lower jaw as Riddle pressed his wand deeply into my skin, making me raise my head higher. Hatred and great anger gave me the strength to keep fighting. I already wanted to kill him for threatening Severus. I clenched my jaw and curled my lips. _

_"__You'll never know who he is..."_ _My voice was shaking with pain, anger and hatred. Nevertheless, I leaned closer to him and pierced him with burning eyes. My desperation surfaced as some tears rolled down my cheeks. Angry with myself now, I hissed in a threatening and low voice, hoping my father would understand the amount of my overwhelming hate. "…until the day of your death! Because I'll be the one to destroy you, I'll release this earth from your miserable existence!... But before I kill you, I'll tell you his name… and I'll laugh at your face for ever believing I'd chose MY life over HIS…" My lips twitched into a wicked smile. "And then I'm going to destroy you and your body because no place on this earth deserves to be contaminated with yo-"_

_A sharp pain on my cheek made me fall on the wet grass. Surprised, I raised one hand to my cheek and turned my head slowly. Gritting my teeth, I cast my father a hateful look. I wanted to get up, I wanted to spit at him, to hit him. But before I could even take my next breath, overwhelming pain filled my whole body. It was burning, bones were breaking, my skin was torn of my flesh. I didn't even realize when I bit my lip but suddenly I tasted blood in my mouth. Groaning and growling, I endured the pain of the Cruciatus Curse once more… _

Breathing heavily, I opened my eyes again and blinked in confusion. Still shocked from my nightmare, I looked around and saw that sunlight was streaming through the windows. In a heartbeat, I remembered everything. Horrified, I jumped up from my chair and shook Harry roughly. He obviously needed some time to realize what day it was and what we had been doing the whole night. After a moment, his eyes widened with fear.

_"__What time is it?"_ Harry asked frantically when he adjusted his glasses. I sighed and scratched my forearm absentminded.

_"__Around seven, don't worry."_ As I closed my mouth, I realized how stupid my answer was. How was he not supposed to worry when he didn't know how to do the task.

Harry groaned and let his head fall down on the open book he had been sleeping on. I looked around and noticed for the first time that a few students were already awake and making their way down to breakfast. Some of them cast us curious glances, probably wondering what we were doing surrounded by so many books.

Exhaling deeply, I turned back to my best friend and pushed some books aside to sit on the table. I lowered my voice to keep others from eavesdropping. _"We'll find something, Harry. I mean it has to be of some use being a fairy…"_

Harry lazily raised his head and watched me with a quizzical expression. _"Can you hold your breath for an hour or breathe under water?"_

I dropped my shoulders and sighed. _"Well… no."_ Harry scowled and rested his head back on the book. My tired thoughts drifted away and I wondered if perhaps Severus would help Harry out if I asked him nicely and honest. _Is he even allowed to help a champion? Saying he is, why should he help me? _Harry was my friend and the bloody chosen one but that certainly didn't mean that he had to like Harry. Actually, Severus had never liked him. He had never told me why though…

I shrieked embarrassingly as a loud crack erupted the comfortable silence. Harry almost fell from his chair. With a pounding heart, I looked around and saw Dobby standing next to our table. Harry and I changed confused looks before Dobby started talking. Somehow, he must have found out about Harry's desperate situation because he had brought a plant I had never heard of - called Gillyweed. Apparently, it's supposed to let him breath under water for one hour. After Dobby had left, Harry and I exchanged a look and agreed to trust him.

Whilst Harry went up to his dorm to sleep for another hour, I took a cold shower to wake myself up and changed clothes. Wondering about Ron and Hermione's absence – they had never come back from McGonagall's visit – I made my way to breakfast.

I chewed on my breakfast carelessly. My thoughts were busy with the nightmare I had had during my few hours of sleep. It had felt so real again – just like my other dreams. Shuddering, I forced myself to concentrate on the great hall. Sighing, my gaze wandered over the students. They were all obviously pretty excited about the second task. _Ts, if you knew…_ I shook my head at their stupidity. How could it be fun to watch people endanger themselves…

My look rested on the teacher's table. Almost every chair was taken – either by Hogwarts' staff or guests from the Ministry, Durmstrang or Beauxbatons. My tired brain realized that Severus' chair was empty however. I kept staring whilst my fingers nervously tapped on the table. Nervously, I bit the inner side of my cheek repeatedly. Should I go and ask Severus if Harry's Gillyweed was safe to use? _What if he thinks I'm just using it as a poor excuse to see him? I just want to make sure that my best friend's safe… As safe as one can be in this tournament… What if he's still angry? Then I'll just ask about the Gillyweed and leave… Listen to yourself, Arya. Pathetic how much of a coward you are whenever it comes to Severus…_

Groaning, I threw the long-forgotten toast on my plate. One last glance back to the teacher's table and I had made my decision. I would go and see Severus now and if he didn't want to talk to me then I would just leave him alone. Over the last days, I had started feeling more and more annoyed whenever I thought about his obstinacy. I understood and respected his anger but he had rarely managed to say more than his usual 'get out' or 'not now'.

Determined, I made my way down to the dungeons and Severus' office where I expected him to be. When I stood right in front of his office door I hesitated. I didn't know if he was in there or not. Since he had repeatedly thrown me out, I had started not using my magic to check the room anymore before entering his classroom or office. I had been afraid, that he wouldn't have opened the door anymore at all. Sometimes, it was pretty annoying that he could sense my use of magic obviously everywhere on school grounds…

I closed my eyes as I took one last deep breath. Then I raised my hand and knocked firmly on the door. _Why am I even here? What should be different this time? He's going to throw me out again… _My growing fear got interrupted by the office door being opened aggressively and banging against the stone wall. I suddenly found myself face to face with Karkaroff, Durmstrang's headmaster.

Paralyzed with surprise, I stared into his black, anger clouded eyes. His expression was one of pure rage as he scowled down with a look which could almost challenge Severus'. Harry had told Ron, Hermione and me that Karkaroff had been a Death Eater in the past. And somehow, I had not gotten past the belief that he still acted like one. Therefore, while I was staring calculating at him, I was expecting to sense darkness around him – but there was none…

Obviously, Karkaroff had expected me to step aside and let him pass seeing as he was a headmaster and about to leave Severus' office. I was so concentrated on his inconspicuous aura though that courtesy was the last thing on my mind right now. Growling menacingly and oblivious of me standing in the doorway, he rushed past me. His chest hit me full force, knocking my back and head hardly against the corner of the stone wall. The sharp, burning pain made me groan and I forgot where I was and who had just pushed me.

_"__Watch where you're going!"_ I snapped through gritted teeth. I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated on regaining my breath and feeling my body again. I felt an incredibly aggressive presence looming over me all the sudden.

_"__Watch your mouth brat or I'll make you shut it!"_ Karkaroff's threatening snarl made me open my eyes again. His face was only inches away from mine, if possible, looking even more furious than before. A wave of anger rushed through my whole body and I returned an unimpressed, challenging glare. Now, perhaps, he wasn't a Death Eater anymore but obviously his behaviour had not changed much since then.

_"__Watch where you're going damn Death Eater or did Riddle confuse your brain so much that you cannot see properly anymore?"_ I replied sarcastically, watching satisfied as fear, disbelief and more anger flickered over his face.

In the blink of an eye, a strong hand gripped my throat and pushed me forcefully against the corner once again. I couldn't suppress a low hiss as my back and head hit the wall almost in the exact same spot as before. Karkaroff straightened his body and it was only then that I realized how tall he really was – he was even taller than Severus and I hardly reached his chin with the top of my head. Karkaroff bared his ugly teeth and tightened the grip on my throat, making it harder to breathe. He held my body pinned firmly against the corner with the weight of his own body so that I couldn't get out of his grip. I didn't understand how many anger levels he had but he looked way beyond furious now. I clenched my jaw and scowled fiercely.

_"__One more word and you'll regret it!"_ He growled slowly under his breath and the grip on my throat tightened even more, making it barely possible to speak.

_"__Let. Go. Of. Me. Now! Or YOU'll regret it."_ I spat warningly with the remaining air I had in my lungs. I tensed my whole body in concentration, ready to release a constant but only small amount of magic to make him let go.

Karkaroff's anger clouded glare darkened even more but the grip around my throat loosened and he took a step back. I pushed my bruised body away from the corner and managed to get a few inches between my back and the wall. Before I could take advantage and fill my lungs with fresh air again, Karkaroff pushed me back with full force for the third time.

For a moment, I couldn't breath and saw nothing but darkness. The overwhelming feeling of my magic pulsating strongly in every vein and wire helped me getting back to consciousness in less than a second. I didn't feel the pain in my back, nor in my head anymore.

_"__IGOR!"_ Severus shouted dangerously, his face contorted with anger and hatred. For a second, I felt relieved that even when Severus had been mad at me, he had not looked at me like that. His look was ready to kill the man who was still clenching my throat tightly.

In the blink of an eye, Severus gripped Karkaroff's hand and released my throat whilst the other hand pointed his wand menacingly at the taller man's chest. Karkaroff was smart enough to step back and Severus moved swiftly in front of me, pressing his wand firmly against Karkaroff's own throat now.

_"__Attacking my students, Karkaroff." _Severus hissed despising. "_Do you wish to end up in Azkaban… again?"_

_"__No one talks to me like that brat there! I suggest you make sure to keep your students in line, Severus."_ Karkaroff spat through gritted teeth and cast me a dark glare. Looking over Severus' shoulder, I saw him pressing his wand even deeper into Karkaroff's throat. I heard a growl from Severus and suddenly there were only a few inches left between the two man's faces.

_"__I highly doubt your expertise as headmaster if you feel threatened by mere words of a student. However, should I find you attacking one of my students again you'll have to answer to Albus and the Minister for Magic." _Slowly, Severus lowered his wand, indicating Karkaroff to leave. With Severus' eyes surely piercing him with rage, he growled under his breath before finally turning around and leaving with long, aggressive strides.

Only then, I dared to take a few shallow breaths and relax my whole body. I winced and couldn't suppress a groan when I straightened up and a sharp, stinging pain spread through my back. Severus who had been staring at Karkaroff's retreating back, whirled around instantly. He let his gaze wander quickly over my whole body as if to make sure that I wasn't severely injured before motioning me to get into his office. With my magic still pulsating strongly through my body, I felt his anger roll over me like an avalanche. I flinched as he shut the door aggressively with a very loud bang.

Severus growled something under his breath before resting his dangerously sparkling eyes on me. His lips were curled and his eyebrows furrowed with contained rage. I still remembered why I had come here in the first place but I didn't know if the encounter with Karkaroff had reduced the chance of getting his help. It had definitely increased his anger though…

_"__Shouldn't you be with your friend and provide him emotional support?"_ Severus asked coldly.

I gulped and exhaled deeply to relax myself. At least that was my intention but a sharp pain in my back made me wince in the process. Severus' eyes turned to slits and he was standing in front of me in less than a second. I tried glaring at him but raising my head wasn't really helping with the pain.

_"__What did he do?" _Severus' furious expression had returned quickly, nevertheless his eyes were observing my face closely for an answer.

I sighed and crossed my arms stubbornly. _"I'm fine."_ I hadn't come here to be pitied or make him angrier. But his anger started to make me angry as well. While he had refused to talk to me properly these past few weeks, he had no problem arguing and shouting. If he wanted to argue than I wouldn't back away from now on.

Severus scoffed and scowled warningly at me. _"Obviously... I'm not in the mood for patience, Arya."_

I laughed shortly and stared at him incredulously. _"Oh yeah? You tell me."_

_"__Do you realize what you just did?" _Severus spat threatening. _"Have you thought about the consequences of your action?"_

Roughly, I unfolded my arms and glared angrily into his sparkling eyes. _"I don't care that he's a bloody headmaster! I don't care that he's a guest here or that I hurt his damn pride!"_

_"__Of course not."_ Severus hissed through gritted teeth, making me only more irritated. He whirled around and strode to his desk. _"You only care about your own Gryffindor pride."_

I was at a loss for words. At the same time, my blood felt as if it would boil from heat and rage. My legs moved my body rapidly to Severus until I was facing him again. _"My Gryffindor pride?! My Gryff-?! … You… Snape, you are the most annoying, infuriating, petulant, sadistic, smartass Slytherin who ever walked through these corridors!"_ I placed one finger on his chest and glared up at him to see him… smirking triumphantly. I exploded.

_"__You… you… stop smirking right now!"_ His smirk widened into a very snarky expression, making my heart jump in disbelief and anger. _"You bloody bat have no right to accuse me of only caring about my pride! How many times did I swallow my pride these past weeks to practically beg for your forgiveness? And what do you do? You throw me out every time."_

I took another step and our faces were only inches away from each other. Severus' smirk was still in place but I would change that somehow.

_"__Why do you even care what I say to Karkaroff? I had everything under control with him. I'm no helpless damsel in distress! I'm perfectly capable of defending myself, thank you very much."_

To my utter annoyance and confusion, Severus' was still watching me with an amused expression. There was no trace of anger left in his face. Instead, he had provocatively raised one eyebrow and waited calmly for me to continue ranting. But seeing him like that made me only angrier because he had ignored me for so long now – and he really had scratched my pride every time he had thrown me out carelessly.

_"__Is that so?"_ Severus dared to drawl sarcastically. I clenched my jaw and wished nothing more than hitting some sense into him. Growling furiously, I repeatedly pulled back my hand from his chest only to place my index finger back after a second or two. I didn't know how to react or what to say anymore and Severus was very well aware of that.

_"__He pinned you against the wall by your throat. Is that what you call control?"_ He continued dryly and crossed his arms, not bothering about my finger pressed firmly on his chest.

He looked me dead in the eyes now and I returned a piercing look. I knew that he saw exactly how angry I was and he totally enjoyed himself playing me. But annoyingly, I didn't manage to get the upper hand.

_"__Try me."_ I hissed warningly. He raised his eyebrow higher and I scowled intensely in his eyes.

_"__Excuse me?"_ Severus' surprised voice made me scoff shortly. Angrily, I bore my finger deeper into his chest.

_"__I said, try me and I promise you'll find yourself quicker on the dungeon floor than you can say Karkaroff."_ I spat threatening and pressed my lips together. Hoping that he would get the hint now and get back to the actual matter.

_"__You want me to pin you against a wall?"_ I finally did hit his chest half-heartedly as a wide, triumphant smirk erupted on his face once again. _"How… sensual."_

My jaw fell and I watched him incredulously, my reaction obviously only increasing his amusement. I felt ready to murder him now for not taking me seriously at all. I wanted to scream at him so badly.

_"__I swear if you don't stop talking now, I'll make you!"_ I snarled coldly and turned around to get away from him. He was so incredibly infuriating and annoying sometimes…

I heard him sighing and then the rustling of his robes. _"Now, that you're done with your useless rambling… It might come as a surprise, but I wasn't referring to your pride – or Karkaroff's for that matter."_ To my relief, Severus sounded stern and almost annoyed. That made him more predictable and easier to argue with. I turned again and furiously shot daggers at him. Severus scowled back intimidatingly but I refused to look away.

"_You were acting incredibly reckless and stupid out there!"_ Severus spat threatening, his eyes boring merciless into mine. In a second, the burning wave of rage overwhelmed me once again but just as I was opening my mouth, Severus' look turned menacing. His eyes were sparkling dangerously and I knew he was about to lose his patience.

_"__No, you listen to me now!"_ He growled furiously and I clenched my jaw._ "Your encounter wasn't a game, it was serious! You were about to release your magic at him. You're supposed to keep it hidden along with your true identity, Arya!"_ With just few long strides Severus was standing only inches away from me and glaring down intensely. His lips curled with anger and his eyebrows were in a very deep frown. _"You realize if he should find out about you, he won't keep it to himself, do you?"_

My fists were shaking as I tried to keep myself from shouting in his face. Venomously, I yelled at him. _"You can't imagine how pissed I'm at you right now! Why do you think you have the right to ignore me and then suddenly be angry at me again? I'm not your damn emotional punching bag to release your temper on! You want to lecture me? Fine, I'll listen. But then stop talking to me as if I were some bloody villain…"_ I turned away and run a hand frustrated through my hair. In a heartbeat, I had whirled around again and was shouting once more. Some tears were rolling down my cheeks as pain, anger and desperation mixed themselves up in my heart, making it difficult to breath. And every look at a furious Severus made it even harder.

_"__What the hell do you even think of me? Do you really believe I wouldn't know all that?! …I never would have released my whole magic against him. A very small amount in form of heat or an electric impulse, yes. Other witches and wizards can do that, he wouldn't have questioned it."_

Severus glared darkly at me – he hated being yelled at - but I couldn't care less right now. I was beyond furious. _"Hell, Severus did my one lie and theft confused your bloody brain? Now, you even believe I would hurt innocents…"_ My face turned blank, I felt drained and tired all the sudden. Pain and betrayal overwhelmed me stronger than before. My yelling subsided until I was forcing my words out through clenched teeth. "_I wish… I truly wish, I could say that I don't care about what you think of me. That would make everything a hell lot easier…"_

In the blink of an eye I saw when Severus hid his emotions behind his usual cold, blank expression. His black eyes held no more warmth in them as they kept staring at me. His whole body was frozen on the spot. Tiredly, I rubbed my face and locked eyes again, my voice sounding defeated and lost.

"_You know what, I'm done now! I swallowed my pride again to come here and ask for your help but obviously you don't care. I've had enough of fighting and your obstinacy. I'll leave before you throw me out once more." _With that I turned towards the door, my heart pounding rapidly in my chest.

_"__What do you need?"_ Severus cold voice cut through the silence, making me stop dead in my tracks.

I knew he would probably help me now. And I was fighting with myself. I didn't want to seem desperate enough to give in but yet it was for Harry's safety. Either my pride would be damaged once more or possibly my best friend. Easy choice…

_"__Gillyweed… Can Harry use it safely for his task?"_ It needed all my willpower to fight the urge to just keep my back at him. But I was better than that and wouldn't allow fear getting in my way. I clenched my jaw, took a deep breath and turned my head slowly to Severus. He was still standing on the same spot with the same cold expression on his face.

_"__Yes, it won't cause him any problems."_ Severus voice sounded softer than I would have expected.

I decided that I had granted him enough courtesy and nodded curtly before finally opening the door and leaving his office. As the door closed noisily behind me, I leaned tiredly against the dungeon wall. Groaning, I rubbed my face and took a few deep breaths. Why did he have to be so incredibly stubborn and infuriating… It pained me that he acted so harshly towards me but a spark of worry started lighting up in my heart. Never before had Severus been like that – not to me anyway… I was used to his mood swings but now they were getting worse.

Blowing out my cheeks in frustration, I made my way back to the great hall. I scowled at every painting who dared looking at me for too long. _Such an incredulous, petulant bastard to laugh at me when I'm arguing with him! Bloody Slytherin to put words in my mouth!_ _How dare he laughs at me when he's been ignoring me for weeks. Twisted, sadistic, arrogant Slythe-_

_"__What's gotten your wand in a twist?"_ I shrieked as Draco's voice was next to me all the sudden and of course he started laughing. I blushed at my embarrassing sound and hit his arm before resuming to walk to the great hall. I heard his hurrying footsteps to keep up._ "Seriously, what happened?"_

I growled and didn't bother to slow down as we turned around a corner in the dim lighted dungeon corridor. Never in a million years would I tell my brother what had just happened or how Severus managed to humiliate me! I would never hear the end of it…

_"__Nothing, Draco. Nothing at all."_ I spat annoyed and stared straight ahead. A chuckle next to me made me stop dead in my tracks. Turning my gloomy scowl to my brother I saw that he was smirking and had raised one eyebrow. _Bloody hell! They're just doing it to piss me off…_

_"__Stop that bloody amused expression and quit doing that with your eyebrow."_ I demanded and continued walking again at a quicker pace. I mumbled under my breath. _"I swear you're both pissing me off!"_

_"__So… he made fun of you I take it? Does that mean you're speaking again?"_ Draco had no difficulties keeping up and fell easily in my step. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw him looking at me calculating, a small smirk playing around his lips. I ignored him, irritated by the fact how easily he could read me. But then, I read him just as easily…

_"__I suppose that means no…"_ Draco mumbled to himself and I growled aggressively. His head turned back to me and a wide grin erupted on his face annoying me even more. My glare intensified and I blew out my cheeks again. Something snapped inside me as my anger bubbled back to the surface.

_"__No, we're not speaking again and yes that bloody bastard was laughing at me." _Draco was smart enough not to chuckle or laugh now. He settled for a wide grin though.

_"__What did he say?" _Knowing that my brother wouldn't give up on that matter until we had reached the great hall, I let out a frustrated breath. Perhaps my anger would decrease if we had a laugh about it even if I doubted that I could actually laugh about our fight.

_"__I told him to try me. Karkaroff had pinned me against a wall and bloody Severus Snape was making fun of me when I said that I had everything under control."_ I snarled very annoyed, and Draco snorted amused. I cast him an angry glance. _"So I told him that he'd find himself faster on the floor than he can say Karkaroff…"_

_"__So…?"_ Draco asked after a moment. I just continued walking, we had almost reached the staircase now. _"Did I miss the point there?"_

_"__No, you didn't."_ I muttered slowly. After turning another corner and feeling my brother's gaze boring curiously in my head the whole time, I let out a frustrated cry. _"I was beyond furious and the only thing he did was smirking his infuriating… bloody Slytherin smirk! And asking if I was serious about wanting him to pin me against a wall."_ Draco stopped walking all the sudden and when I turned around with a confused expression he was trying to stifle his laughing. My mouth fell open and I watched him incredulously.

_"__Hell, you're unbelievable, Draco Malfoy!"_ I exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. I cast him a last dark look and whirled around fuming. His loud laugher motivated me to walk even faster. _"Screw you Draco Malfoy and damn you Severus Snape!" _I muttered under my breath, stomping up the stairs aggressively.

When I entered the great hall, the first thing I noticed was that Severus' chair was taken now… _How the hell did he manage to come up here faster than me?_ My annoyance grew once more and I growled as I looked around for my friends. Hermione and Ron were nowhere to be seen. Harry was sitting alone, his tired face looking around the great hall carelessly. A small spark of hope erupted in my chest when I thought back to Severus agreeing to Gillyweed. _At least one good thing came from the whole thing…_

A firm grip on my arm made me stop and when I turned I found myself staring at none other than Draco bloody Malfoy again. And with an unbelievable wide Malfoy Slytherin smirk plastered on his face._ Merlin, I hate the whole Slytherin pack!_

_"__What did he say?"_ He asked arrogantly. But before I could reply anything, a tall man appeared behind him. _Great!_ I thought and rolled my eyes. Blaise was watching us curiously, his expression becoming more amused when he saw Draco smirking and me scowling.

I pulled my arm out of his grip roughly and hissed. Looking Draco dead in the eye, I crossed my arms and clenched my jaw. After a provocative long silence, I finally opened my mouth, trying to imitate Severus dry and low voice. _"How sensual."_

Before my brother could start laughing again, I whirled around and stomped to my best friend who was watching me tiredly. _"What was that all about?"_

The loud laughter of two men behind me tortured my ears. I scowled and buried my face in my hands. _"Draco bloody Malfoy."_ I groaned. I lifted my head again and ignored the daggers he was shooting at my brother. _"Hey."_ I said quietly and leaned closer. _"I found out that Dobby's right by the way. Gillyweed's going to work."_ I smiled reassuringly and he let out a shaking breath, nodding thoughtfully.

_"__Brilliant. So I've got nothing to worry about…"_ He mumbled to himself.

_Absolutely nothing. _I thought sarcastically. _Except for everything lurking in the black lake…_

It turned out, my worries had been totally unfounded. Harry did great in the second task and ended being second place in the tournament after Diggory. Even when he had finished last, he had been rewarded for his heroic act. The Gryffindors had celebrated high-spirited in the evening while I had preferred sitting in front of the fire place. I simply couldn't enjoy it knowing Harry never should have been chosen as champion in the first place. Someone had thrown his name into the goblet of fire but surely not to give Hogwarts a second champion. Harry was the boy-who-lived and the chosen one after all. Everything bad that had happened to him these past three years had always been serious. If Hermione, Ron or I would have decided what to do, we wouldn't have crossed so many dangers. Therefore, it couldn't be a coincidence that Harry had become a Triwizard champion.


	44. Chapter 44 - The burden of old comrades

44\. The burden of old comrades

It was about a week after the second task. Harry looked healthier these days without having to worry about the tournament for a few months from now. Classes were going back to normal again now that the excitement about the second task had vanished completely. Everything could be perfect if it weren't for Severus, Moody or my nightmares. I had believed Severus had ignored me until the morning of the second task – but now it had even gotten worse somehow. It seemed as if he wasn't in Hogwarts anymore. He never was at the teacher's table whenever I was in the great hall for meals. I only saw him during Potions and then he acted as if I wasn't even in the room. His behaviour made me furious but on the other hand I became more desperate with every day. I completely hated not seeing him for a day but also hated to have to see him in Potions.

Moody set me more and more on edge. I tried to keep my glares and snappy answers at a minimum but of course my friends and brother noticed. Either they didn't want to understand my disdain when I tried reasoning or they really believed it being pure nonsense. It was incredibly frustrating.

And then there were my nightmares keeping me from a proper sleep. My lack of sleep got worse every day. Lately, I was wondering when I would finally fall asleep in class. I had managed to fall asleep during lunch and in the Library already. Almost every nightmare was followed with my forearm stinging strongly. Around Moody it was burning and almost driving me insane during classes. Inwardly, I felt like a complete wreck…

Today however, I would change something about it. During Transfigurations class this morning I had decided to speak with Severus again. I would pester him – no matter what – to make him talk to me. Today, I wouldn't back away or allow him to throw me out. I would stay in his office for as long as necessary even if it meant to stay the whole afternoon. I would patiently bother him with my presence even if he wouldn't say anything at all. I had finished lunch as fast as possible to have some time until afternoon classes began. Not that I would bother if we needed more time, but I wanted to be prepared. The other reason I had decided to see him after lunch was because the Durmstrang's left to their ship right after meals – along with Karkaroff. I didn't fancy another encounter with him. Severus hadn't been at lunch again so I was sure to find him in his office or classroom.

Since lunch had only started twenty minutes ago, I met no student in the dim lighted corridors. Nervously, I made my way to Severus' office. I had been completely determined when I had left the great hall. But with every step that brought me closer to him, my emotions surged more and more. I didn't know what to feel anymore. I felt annoyed, furious, worried, afraid and hurt. I wanted to scream at him, slap him, embrace him, run away and kiss him all at the same time…

I came to a halt when I arrived in front of his office door. My heart beat rapidly in my chest and my legs felt flabby all the sudden. For a second, I felt like a girl going on a date – feeling extremely nervous, unsure and doubtful. At least I thought I would feel like this. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. _Calm down… breath… breath… I need to be patient now. I can do it. He's my fairy-love and I'm not going to lose him. Not today, not ever. Patience Arya!_ I reminded myself, exhaling deeply. Then I finally raised my hand and knocked firmly on the door.

It opened slowly by itself, revealing Severus' office to me. Before my brain could start arguing whether this was a good idea, I stepped in and shut the door behind me. Severus was sitting behind his desk and obviously busy grading papers. He hadn't looked up yet so I walked further into his office. I decided it would probably be safer not standing to close to his desk, so I stopped a few steps in front of it. Quickly, I inwardly checked my posture to make sure I stood straight, showing self-confidence and resolution. I kept my eyes at Severus who had not stopped writing. If he knew it was me standing here I didn't know. I didn't care to be honest. I was here now and I would stay until we have had a proper talk.

Finally, Severus placed the parchment on a pile and raised his head. He looked tired and slightly annoyed. When he realised it was me he seemed to freeze instantly. Cold eyes were boring fiercely into mine. Then he blinked and seemed to realize who I was and where we were. Averting his gaze, he put away the quill he had still been holding and pulled out his wand. A swift flick and the parchments vanished from his desk. He put it away again before reluctantly lifting his head, locking eyes with me.

I crossed my arms and returned a steady look into Severus' dark eyes. While he kept piercing me with his gaze, my annoyance about him ignoring me for so long returned slowly. After a while of staring at each other, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. I furrowed my eyebrows and stepped closer when he leaned his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands.

_"__Severus?"_ I asked uncertainly, not sure if I should be annoyed or worried. My mood decided for annoyance however as Severus didn't even react. I stood still and kept scowling at him.

_"__Severus."_ I called more determined now, not bothering to move closer. He wanted to be obstinate, well I could act the same way.

_"__I heard you the first time, Arya."_ Severus snapped back curtly, making me scoff in disbelief.

_"__And decided to ignore me again?"_ I replied coldly now but my heart was beating faster with fear of being thrown out once more. A minuscule part was also worrying about Severus' unusually persistent stubbornness.

Painfully slow, Severus raised his head and glared darkly in my direction. I returned his gaze untouched and waited for him to say something – but he didn't. I sighed deeply and bit my bottom lip. I would stand my ground today…

_"__I'm not ignoring you."_ This short exclamation was more than enough to make my blood boil. Angrily, I unfolded my arms and sneered at him. Obviously, Severus started to rub off on me.

_"__Of course not!"_ I laughed sarcastically, trying not to raise my voice at him. _"You just kept throwing me out without even a second glance." _My gloomy look didn't impress him the slightest, he didn't even seem surprised about my outburst.

Severus' gaze had softened if I could describe his stare as soft. His face was whipped out of every emotion, his dark eyes fixing me. I exploded inwardly and looked at him in disbelief. Anger I had kept since he had refused to talk to me bubbled to the surface.

_"__I gave you time, Severus. Plenty of it…"_ I snapped louder now, barely able to contain my overwhelming annoyance any longer. My glare darkened even more. "_I bloody apologized repeatedly, I tried talking to you and I deeply regret what I did. Hell, I hated myself for it!"_ Furiously, I stepped forward until I was standing right in front of his desk. _"You want to be angry with me? Then snap at me or curse me. But I won't let you treat me like that any longer. You'll not ignore me, Severus! You've no bloody right to do so!"_

Severus was swiftly on his feet, his face contorted with rage. His eyes sparkled dangerously when he scowled warningly. _"Don't tell me what to do."_ He spat coldly in my face, making me flinch. Obviously, he was still beyond furious with me…

Severus seemed to have noticed because he drew back a little and clenched his jaw. Growling, he placed his hands on the table and lowered his head. My anger had vanished all the sudden. My heart jumped as I watched him leaning on his desk, his face hidden behind his black hair. _Is he really this angry about me lying to him?_ I wanted to yell at him for being so incredibly unfair but at the same time I wanted to cry and be left alone forever.

I clenched my jaw and moved away from him. My eyes stung and I blinked, trying to hold back my tears. Coldness was slowly spreading through my body, my mind felt numb with overwhelming fear. Fear of losing the man in front of me, fear of losing his love for me…

_"__I had my reasons."_ Severus' voice was soft, nevertheless it cut sharply through the deafening silence between us. A small spark of anger fought its way back into my heart as those words hurt me more than his behaviour during the last weeks.

_"__Seriously?"_ I scoffed half-heartedly. I gulped as I desperately tried to hold back my tears now. _"You ignored me for a month because you had your reasons?"_ Feeling defeated, I didn't care about showing him my pain anymore. I couldn't do anything to change what happened these past weeks anyway. I whispered painfully._ "One bloody month, Severus…"_

I couldn't bare looking at him anymore. I was breaking down inwardly so I turned away from him. Trying to hold myself together, I ran a hand through my hair, pulling at it until I felt the pain. I had missed Severus so much over the last weeks, I had wanted to talk to him because I had needed him. I had wanted to spend my time with him, to laugh together again. And now he dared giving me that pathetic excuse. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. Concentrating on my pain and sadness, I forcefully pushed it away. I would hold myself together…

_"__Forgive me."_ Severus' pained voice interrupted my thoughts. I whirled around and stared at him with wide eyes. He was standing a few feet away from me now and watching me with a reserved and calculating look. Something snapped in my heart.

_"__What for?" _I exclaimed fiercely. _"How am I supposed to forgive you if you're not even talking to me?"_ At a loss for words, I desperately raised my hands when a few tears finally rolled down my cheeks. Severus continued staring at me with a blank expression, his body confusingly still. Usually, I had no problem with his self-control but right now it hurt so much that I wanted to slap him across the face to get an answer and any emotional reaction.

_"__Damn it, Severus!_" I yelled with a cracking voice as more tears erupted from my eyes._ "I told you, I'm sorry for stealing and lying. I truly am! And I regret it more than you can imagine…"_

Desperation overwhelmed me and tears streamed down my face freely now. I didn't care anymore except for this man, who did nothing except staring blankly at me. _"What do you want from me?"_

Something snapped Severus out of his careless state and suddenly I found myself engulfed in a tight and comforting embrace. I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my head against his chest. Biting my lip, I pressed my face into his robes, trying desperately not breaking down. Severus rested his cheek on top of my head and I felt him burying his face in my hair. His grip around my small body tightened even more as one hand wandered to my hair, holding my head gently against his beating heart.

_"__Do you still love me?"_ I blurted out, my quiet voice muffled against his thick robes. Panic rose in my chest, I didn't dare moving anymore.

Severus tensed immediately and his grip loosened, making me wince inwardly. Gently but determined, he pushed me back. I didn't dare looking up so I kept my gaze fixed firmly on the buttons of his robes. My body had frozen in the spot and my heart was hammering loudly in my chest as I waited terrified for his answer.

_"__Oh, Arya."_ His cracking voice made me look up automatically. My heart broke when I saw Severus' agonized and pained expression, his eyes boring desperately right into my soul. I averted my gaze as new tears threatened to leave my eyes. It was too much to feel my pain and see his tortured expression at the same time.

Severus stepped back but I didn't move. I knew if I broke my frozen state now I wouldn't leave this office anytime soon. I would probably fall on the floor and have an emotional break down… like last time and I didn't want to go through it again. I felt nothing but numbness and my pounding heart in my chest. My mind trying to keep out every possible emotion.

_"__Please… forgive me for ever giving you the impression of not loving you."_ Slowly, I raised my head to look at him. Severus looked heartbreakingly lost and broken in this moment. _"Forgive me!"_

He seemed at a loss for words whilst my brain slowly processed what he had said. Severus' words released the warming and comforting feeling of relief. They warmed my heart and washed away my fear and panic in an instant. I felt suddenly more alive than ever…

_"__I love you."_ Severus spoke up, his voice shaking with emotions. I locked our eyes and drank in every emotion. _"I love you!"_ He repeated steadier now and I couldn't suppress the soft, relieved chuckle which escaped my mouth.

And then suddenly, he whirled around and turned his back to me. I stared at his shoulders as he stood there, not moving the slightest and obviously back in his paralyzed state. My relief was replaced by the feeling of annoyance when reality crushed down on me. _Leave it to Severus to ruin positive moments with his bloody self-reproaches and nagging conscience! _Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair and sighed deeply. Severus had made his move and now it was my turn again. Or else he would bury himself in self-loathing and refuse to talk to me again. _So much for his advice not to drown myself in self-hatred…_

But I also knew that Severus had endured so much more during his whole life than I had. His self-loathing was buried deep within since the day he had chosen to take the dark mark and give in to the dark arts. As long as there existed Death Eaters and my father, he would keep hating himself for it because he would constantly be reminded of his mistakes. And the Death Eaters' appearing during the Quidditch World Cup was a reliable proof for my father's return.

I crossed my arms and bit my bottom lip. _"Severus, please tell me why you were pushing me away."_ I demanded gently. I needed to know because if I thought too much about his useless excuse I would be angry again and I didn't want to anymore.

Slowly, Severus turned around, his hands behind his back and his look piercing me. It didn't surprise me that he had involuntarily adopted his passive, submissive attitude to keep his emotions at bay. Nevertheless, it stung in my heart to see the usually strong and proud man in such a state.

_"__Karkaroff."_ Severus snarled coldly and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

_"__What about him?"_

Severus looked at me and to my relief I saw anger and hatred flickering over his face. His body tensed and slowly his face contorted with rage. I definitely preferred him like this than emotionless…

_"__That bastard is following me around the castle."_ Severus spat furiously and I cast him a curious look. He growled and his glare intensified. _"He's desperately seeking for an adviser and believes I can or would help him."_

I waited for him to continue but Severus had clenched his jaw and was waiting for my reaction. _"I don't understand. An adviser… for what?"_

Severus only kept piercing me with his intimidating scowl and even if I knew if wasn't meant for me this time, I couldn't help myself from feeling utterly stupid. I racked my brain, trying to get his message.

_"__Oh…"_ I replied astonished as it dawned me. Severus nodded curtly in acknowledgement. Now that explained his annoyance about this man. _"And what does that have to do with me?"_ I added quietly, looking him dead in the eyes.

Severus exhaled deeply and seemed to lose all his physical tension at once. Absentminded, he folded his arms and watched me calculating.

_"__I meant it when I said that he's following me. Karkaroff corners me whenever he catches me alone, he shows up in my office and classroom unpredictably. He even disturbed my classes several times." _Severus snarled hatefully now. Then he sighed and his eyes softened. _"I was concerned he might barge in while you're here. I don't know how much he knows about you and it bothers me."_

_"__Wait," _I interrupted him nervously. _"You mean he knows about me or just that Riddle's daughter is walking around in Hogwarts?"_

_"__The latter."_ Severus confirmed and I let out a deep breath before tensing.

_"__Did he ask about me? Does he think you know who his daughter is?"_ Severus just pressed his lips in a thin line and clenched his jaw. _"Crap."_

Severus was trying to protect me and I had assumed the worst again. Just like before when he had left me with Dumbledore…

_"__Why didn't you tell me in the first place? I thought you were still angry at me and that made me… well… angry at you…" _I ended mumbling and averted my gaze.

I heard Severus shifting, his robes rustling over the floor. _"I believed it would be more discreet if you're annoyed at me than angry at Karkaroff without obvious reasons."_

I lifted my head and glared half-heartedly at him. _"I can be discreet, you know. Besides, I'm not running around telling people who I'm dating or that I'm the daughter of the darkest wizard of all times."_

To my utter confusion, Severus raised one eyebrow and smirked. I furrowed my eyebrows and cast him a questioning look. _"What?"_

He simply shook his head before unfolding his arms and becoming serious again. Severus stared at me thoughtfully then, his gaze slowly wandering over my face. _"I'm asking for your forgiveness, Arya. I should've told you about Karkaroff."_

I averted my gaze and absentmindedly rubbed my forearm. My lips twitched upwards as relief and sparks of joy were growing in my heart. When I looked back into Severus' worried eyes I sighed.

_"__You're forgiven."_ I smirked wildly and he stared at me as though I was the most fascinating thing in the world.

Then, in one swift move, he had pulled me in an embrace and held me tightly to his chest. I chuckled and inhaled his scent deeply as I felt him burying his face in my hair again. _"Thank you."_ I heard his low voice next to my ear making me smile into his chest.

I looked up at him and he returned a small, beautiful smile. Gently, Severus rested his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes. _"I love you."_ I whispered.

_"__I love you too."_ Severus replied and closed the gap between us by placing his lips softly on mine.

I relaxed into the slow and loving kiss. Severus' hand wandered to cup my cheek while mine made their way to his neck, playing with his soft hair. I caressed his lips with my tongue but paused surprised as a low growl erupted his mouth. Smirking, I traced his lips once again very slowly and Severus' hand glided into my hair now, holding me close. I stopped my teasing and entered his mouth, our tongues fighting and dancing around one another. I felt his hand on my lower back, pressing me firmly against his comfortable body. As I pulled back to catch my breath, I heard the most beautiful sound. Severus' low chuckle vibrated through his chest and I felt his breath on my face. Gently, he placed his hand on my jaw and caressed my cheek looking me deeply in the eyes.

_"__Am I allowed to say that I missed you?"_ Severus asked with sparkling eyes. Now it was my turn to chuckle and I nodded.

_"__Only because I love you saying it." _I returned a shy smile and he placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I snuggled my head to his chest while he laid his cheek on top of my head. His hands were placed on my lower back, his thumb caressing me comfortingly.

_"__Arya?"_ Severus interrupted the comfortable silence. I hummed in response and felt his smirk against my head. _"Are we really dating?"_

I opened my eyes widely, wondering where he had gotten the expression from. Questioning, I leaned back and watched his smug expression. I opened my mouth to speak… and closed it again. My face heated up as a deep blush crept on my cheeks. Groaning, I dropped my head against Severus' chest, he was chuckling quietly.

_"__Well, what would you call what we're doing?"_ I mumbled into his robes.

_"__I surely wouldn't describe it with such a hackneyed word."_ I heard him mumble and grinned into his chest. I lifted my head and raised my eyebrows.

_"__Dating isn't hackneyed. It's a very nice word to describe two people going out to spend some time together."_

Severus furrowed his eyebrows and curled his lips in slight disgust. _"At least you're putting 'dating' and 'nice' in the same category…"_ I rolled my eyes and he looked down with a satisfied expression. _"Your definition may apply for that hackneyed word every hormonal teenager uses to describe his short living relationship. However, neither are we going out, nor are we spending time together since that would require a fixed date and time."_

I laughed and shook my head. _"You're incredible… Did I ever mention how much I love your linguistic style?"_ Severus watched me with a blank expression and merely raised one eyebrow. _"You still didn't answer my question though."_

_ "__I prefer the expression 'courting'" _Severus finally answered. _"Unlike 'dating' its meaning is more explicit and serious."_

I thought about it shortly and nodded. _"Yeah, its meaning is definitely nicer than dating."_ I smirked as Severus scowled down at me. _"My Professor is courting me… How does that sound?"_

_"__Very Slytherin indeed." _Severus' lips twitched upwards into a small smirk. _"What would Minerva say if she knew you're courting your Professor."_

Repelled, I wrinkled my nose and cast him a dark look, making his smirk grew wider. _"Bloody hell, that sounds terribly sly and… bitchy!" _Severus laughed and I hit him on the chest. _"That's not funny! People make fun of these relationships."_

Smirking smugly, Severus placed a kiss on my forehead. _"I know but I don't care. Because I'll make sure that our relationship won't come out until your last day of school. And as soon as the headmaster announced your outstanding NEWTs, I'll embrace you right then and there."_

A light blush appeared on my cheeks and I bit my bottom lip in embarrassment. Severus leaned in and brushed my nose with his. Warmth spread through my body and goose bumps appeared on my skin as the deeper meaning of what he had said sank in. _My graduation's in three years_. Smiling warmly, I looked into his mysterious, dark eyes, drowning in the love they held.

_"__Sounds good to me!"_ I agreed and Severus smiled genuinely in return, making my legs flabby all the sudden. Butterflies whirled around in my stomach, giving me a tingling sensation.

_"__I planned on going through with it anyway. You just gave me a reassuring confirmation."_ I chuckled at his reply and buried my face in his chest again. Enjoying, the comfort and warmth of his arms around me, I closed my eyes and sighed in content…

My thoughts drifted away to everything I wanted to tell Severus. He didn't know about my arm hurting. I hadn't told him yet. Or about Moody, my nightmares and the Polyjuice Potion. And there was the matter of Hermione and Draco. If he would be angry to hear that I was about to tell her the truth? Probably…

_"__I'm afraid you've to go soon, Arya."_ Severus interrupted my thoughts. Confused, I opened my eyes and looked up. Severus returned a stern gaze. _"Afternoon classes." _I let out a deep breath and groaned quietly. Severus placed a kiss on my forehead and brushed his nose against it.

_"__I've got History of Magic next."_ I whined and bit the inside of my cheek in frustration.

Severus chuckled deeply and pulled me closer to his chest. He lowered his head until our cheeks were touching and his lips next to my ear. _Merlin! _His growling yet velvet voice sent shivers down my spine. _"History can be really interesting."_

I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on what he had just said. It was incredibly difficult with the whirling butterflies in my stomach and the pounding heart in my chest... And his breath on my ear. _It should be forbidden how he makes me feel with his voice…_

_"__Really?"_ I managed to squeeze out in a somewhat high-pitched voice. I felt him smirk against my skin before he hummed deeply in respond. His chest and cheek vibrated against me and I couldn't stop myself from whimpering quietly. _Merlin, help me!_

_"__Of course."_ Severus growled slowly and goose bumps appeared all over my body. I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from doing more embarrassing sounds. Did he even know what he was doing to me right now?

While one hand on my lower back held me firmly against his chest, the other wandered up and gently brushed some hair aside. A burning sensation followed where his fingers brushed my skin. I inhaled sharply when I felt him lowering his head. He placed his soft lips on my neck. Sighing deeply, all the remaining tension left my body the same instant and I relaxed in his arms, my head leaning heavily against his. Severus started kissing my neck, his lips caressing my skin and sucking gently. My body shivered when an overwhelming heat wave exploded on my neck, in my heart. Severus hold tightened and slowly his kisses wandered upwards. I moaned and clasped his robes firmly when his lips reached the spot right under my jaw. He sucked my sweet spot and run his tongue over it. My body was burning but at the same time I didn't feel anything anymore except those perfect lips on my neck. Severus sucked harder now. I moaned again when he nipped my skin with his teeth. My hands wandered to his neck and further into his hair. I heard his growl next to my ear and felt it vibrating on my skin. His hand wandered in my hair and suddenly his lips left my neck. He held my head firmly in place and pressed his cheek against it. I heard him taking a few shaking breaths. But I didn't want it to stop… not yet anyways.

I lifted my head and saw that he had his eyes closed. I looked at his lips and my body reacted instantly. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and placed my lips rather roughly on his. Severus growled and kissed me back as fiercely. He run his tongue over my lips, begging for entrance. He pressed me closer to his chest while one hand wandered from my hair down to the back of my neck. I parted my lips and the kiss slowed as his tongue explored my mouth. I sighed when our heated kiss became a softer, loving one. Severus' hold on my neck loosened and his hand wandered to cup my cheek.

I pulled back to regain my breath and Severus leaned his forehead against mine. I chuckled as I felt his fastened breathing on my face. The corner of his mouth twitched and his lips turned into a satisfied smirk. To my amazement, he hummed lowly in content, sending another shiver down my spine. I couldn't prevent myself from grinning widely with pride and great joy. Obviously, he felt completely relaxed right now and showed me his unguarded and true self. It warmed my heart and made me love him even more.

Slowly, his hands wandered to my lower back and held me gently but determined in our embrace. Absentminded, I caressed the skin of his neck with my thumbs. My heart felt light in my chest and my body more alive than ever. Where Severus' body was touching mine, I felt as if my skin was burning under my clothes. I felt so incredibly safe and loved in his arms. _This is the man I want to be with, the man I love no matter how many fights we have… He's mine… _My smile widened at my realization and butterflies woke in my stomach once again. I chuckled as another shiver of great happiness rushed through my whole body. Leaving every part of my skin tingling.

_"__I love you so much, Severus Snape!"_ I spoke quietly with a huge smile on my lips. I was rewarded with a low chuckle and another satisfied hum. My heart jumped again at this sound…

The content silence was interrupted by somebody clearing their throat.

We pulled away from each other instantly and I whirled around. Severus moved swiftly and was suddenly standing in front of me with his wand raised. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and coldness filled my whole body. Automatically, I took a step to the side to see who it was. With wide eyes, I stared at the intruder. To shocked and paralyzed to do or say anything.

_"__Am I interrupting?"_ The bright voice of none other than Albus Dumbledore asked innocently. With his hands behind his back he was watching us curiously. His eyes were sparkling over his half-moon spectacles.

As soon as Severus realized who he was facing he lowered his wand slowly. His tension decreased in a heartbeat when he straightened again. I however couldn't move. I couldn't even think. The only thing I could do was staring at the headmaster and feeling how my heart pounded loudly in my chest. The blood rushed through my ears.

_"__Are you feeling alright, Ms. Jackson?"_ Dumbledore's amused voice made its way into my brain and snapped me out of my paralyzed state.

_"__Yes… yes, I'm fine."_ My voice was quiet and shaking very badly as I was suddenly aware of our situation.

_"__When did you enter my office?"_ Severus asked, cool on the outside but his eyes showed his irritation. Nervously, I glanced up at him and back to Dumbledore.

_"__Oh, merely a few minutes ago. I saw enough however to know that Ms. Jackson is good for you, Severus." _A blush crept on my cheeks and I averted my gaze from the headmaster. I fidgeted nervously with my fingers, inwardly cursing myself for my insecurity. My brain seemed to have left me…

_"__I must admit, I'm quite surprised."_ Dumbledore said in a light voice and smiled to himself. He took his hands from behind his back and stepped closer. Severus shifted slightly in discomfort and I cast him a short, slightly panicking glance. Obviously, he had seen it because he looked reassuringly at me and nodded curtly before turning back to the elder man. Who was now merely standing a few steps away, not really helping with my lack of assurance. His piercing gaze felt as if he could see right into my mind.

_"__You successfully hid yourselves for- how long is it? About two months now? The way you've been acting around one another before Christmas…" _Dumbledore looked curiously from Severus to me and I forced myself to return his uncomfortable gaze. I didn't have a clue what he was talking about. But then, I was still feeling a little shocked and waiting for a serious lecture.

_"__I'm protecting her and our relationship. Isn't that exactly what you asked for?"_ Severus asked sounding slightly annoyed now. Dumbledore's eyes light up with amusement and he chuckled. _Merlin, he's confusing! _Somehow, hearing Severus' voice, made the wheels in my head turn again and clearing up my clouded mind.

_"__Of course, of course."_ Dumbledore replied cheerily before visibly losing himself in his thoughts. His eyes held a distant glimmer in them while his voice sounded absentminded now. _"Love... It is a beautiful and terrible thing and should therefore be treated with caution. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."_

I couldn't do anything except staring at the strange old man. Sometimes, I hated him and sometimes I didn't care about him. I was still unsure whether I liked or disliked him but I couldn't deny that he was mad. Suddenly, his look changed to a stern and determined one and he pierced us with ice blue eyes.

_"__Your bond is indeed deep and powerful and will most certainly become an essential part in the war. Hold on to it and protect each other but make sure to keep it for yourselves for now. The world is not ready yet to face your love. Men tend to fear what they cannot understand, and fear can make them do terrible things."_

I felt as if a train had knocked me over with his words. I understood the meaning of them but then again, it felt as if I didn't. Confused, I glanced up at Severus who looked down the same time with a very confused expression. Dumbledore nodded and clapped his hands cheerfully.

_"__I'm afraid, I have to leave you now. I suppose the Minister is waiting in my office and you have classes to attend and teach… Remember to be careful, Severus!"_ Another confusing wink and he left, humming to himself happily. I stared at the closing door, still racking my brain over his words.

_"__Infuriating man."_ Severus growled, back to his more relaxed self now that the headmaster was gone. I hummed and nodded absentmindedly, my gaze still fixed on the door.

After a while, I was snapped out of my thoughts when Severus placed a hand on my shoulder. I shook my head and looked up to see him smiling softly at me. I put my arms around his torso and buried my face in his chest. Severus rested his hands on my shoulder blades and placed a long kiss on the top of my head. I sighed and took a last deep breath, inhaling his scent before he pushed me away gently. His stern look almost imitated Dumbledore's perfectly.

_"__You really need to leave now."_

I watched him calculating, suddenly feeling afraid of leaving. I crossed my arms and bit the inside of my cheek. _"You're not going to throw me out or argue again next time, aren't you?"_

_"__No, I promise."_ Severus answered honestly and I nodded. I smiled to myself before unfolding my arms again and showing him my satisfied smirk. _"But…"_ Severus added smirking and stared at my neck.

I raised my eyebrows questioning. _"But what?"_

His gaze flickered back to my eyes. _"You probably might want to hide the mark on your neck."_

A blush crept on my cheeks and my hand flew to my throat. Smiling sheepishly at a smugly looking Severus, I started mumbling. _"Oh… uhm. I think to be safe I really should…"_ Hesitantly, I concentrated on the magic in my hand to… heal my skin. Severus' hand on my wrist stopped me however. Confused, I looked up and a small smile was playing around his lips.

_"__As much as I don't like to remove it, I think it's only fair if I do it. After all, I'm the one who put it there."_ That made me chuckle and my blush deepened even more. I nodded curtly at him and he pointed his wand at my neck. A short glimmer and tingling of my skin and he was done. I couldn't supress the smirk when I heard him groan quietly.

_"__Good… I'll be going then."_ Severus rolled his eyes at my unnecessary remark but the corner of his lips twitched a little. My smirk widened and I walked towards the door. _"See you around." _I chuckled as I heard his annoyed growl. I knew how to tease him…

_"__Oh, by the way. Thank you for that little help with Harry's Gillyweed. It was really reassuring and easing his nerves to know it's safe."_ I said grinning, turning back to him again.

To my surprise, his body and expression tensed and he sighed somewhat tiredly. Instantly, his face was whipped out of every emotion and he stared at me. I furrowed my eyebrows and watched him questioning. _"What?"_

Severus stood still and folded his arms thoughtfully. Confused, I racked my brain about what I had said before. If I had said something that would upset him… _There's Gillyweed… teasing… my subtle warning… Dumbledore… His behaviour changed when I mentioned the Gillyweed though… Gillyweed… What the bloody hell's wrong with Gillyweed? Dobby brought it to us. It's not illegal… Gillyweed… It came from Dobby…_

_"__Oh." _My confusion was instantly replaced by realization when it dawned me. I opened my mouth but didn't know what to say so I closed it again. Suddenly, anger rushed through my whole body, quickly followed by shame though. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. Trying to keep my emotions at bay – I didn't want to start another fight – I folded my arms and walked closer to Severus. I stared back with a hopefully calm expression.

_"__Severus, whatever you think now, I don't want to know. We've been searching in the Library for something that would help Harry but we couldn't find anything. Dobby showed up in our common room in the morning and gave it to him. I swear I didn't steal it… none of us did! I mean I don't know how Dobby got the Gillyweed - maybe he stole it but then-"_

_"__Arya."_ Severus loudly interrupted my rant and unfolded his arms. Surprised, I closed my mouth and went back to staring at him calculating. Severus averted his gaze and let out a deep breath. When he was looking at me again, he seemed incredibly tired.

_"__I never thought you'd stolen it."_ His soft voice and determined words caught me by surprise and my lips parted in astonishment.

_"__Why not?"_ I asked baffled and unfolded my arms absentminded. _"I mean you've every right to. Not that I'd like it but still."_ Severus scowled and shook his head in disbelief.

_"__I don't know if I should admire your high sense for moral or cringe at the thought of how low you estimate my trust in you. It doesn't happen often that somebody's stealing from my store. Obviously, something's happening under our noses and I intend to find out what. Three thefts in six months… Quite unusual."_ I nodded dumbly. That sounded reasonable. Severus sighed and his expression became incredibly stern all the sudden. _"If you feel the urge to discuss it further we'll do it another day. Classes are about to start."_

I nodded again and walked towards the door, deeply lost in thoughts about the thefts. Remembering something, I whirled around again with furrowed eyebrows. _"Dobby said that he overheard Moody and Professor McGonagall talking about the task and the Gillyweed in the teacher's room."_

Severus was already standing behind his desk and gathering some roles of parchment he probably needed for class. Sighing deeply, he made them vanish with a flick of his wand. Then he stepped out from behind desk and watched me with a blank face. _"I'll find out how that house elf got the Gillyweed." _I nodded and made my way to the door.

_"__Don't you think it's strange though?"_ I turned to look at him again. Severus furrowed his eyebrows and pressed his lips in a thin line. _"Dobby just happened to be in the right place at the right time? Hogwarts' house elves hardly leave the kitchen during the day." _I wondered and thought about it. _Maybe Dobby could tell us more about how he got the Gillyweed. His face really was as easy to read as an open book. If he tried to lie or hide something we would know…_

_"__Seeing that he's a house elf he can appear everywhere if need be. Now, run along! I don't want to be late and neither should you!"_ Severus answered irritated, his eyes piercing me warningly.

_"__Do you honestly believe a house elf would steal on his own accord? They've strict orders after all."_

His look became even darker if possible, clouded with annoyance now. _"I'm warning you, don't even think about talking to him. It's none of your business! Now. Run. Along!"_ He drawled threateningly.

I nodded quickly and walked to the door. Just as I was about to reach for the door handle, another horrifying thought came into my mind. Biting my lip and with wide eyes, I whirled around.

_"__But what if-" _I jumped as the door opened abruptly and banged loudly against the wall.

_"__OUT!"_ Severus shouted angrily, pointing strictly to the door with his wand.

_"__Alright, sorry."_ I shrank sheepishly under his dangerously sparkling eyes boring merciless into mine. _"See you around."_ With his growl in my ears, I whirled around and hurried out of his office.

I run all the way to Professor Binn's classroom and arrived just in time. When I entered and looked around for my friends, a huge grin was plastered on my face. My hand wandered to my neck and caressed my tingling skin where Severus' lips had been before. _I bloody hell love my boyfriend with all my heart!_


	45. Chapter 45 - The truth about Malfoy

45\. The truth about Malfoy

I walked through the castle with a new found energy. My relief and joy were overwhelming and didn't seem to decrease anytime soon. Most of the times, I was bouncing from class to class and laughing often. To my amazement, Severus had resumed to have meals in the great hall. The thought eased my tiredness in the morning and motivated me for breakfast. Of course, my change didn't go unnoticed by my friends. I would often find myself being my brother's target for his jokes but I didn't mind. In fact, it was incredibly funny to tease him and Blaise at every chance I got. To be honest, I felt more relaxed when I was with Derek, Draco and Blaise than with my Gryffindor friends. I hated lying to them and it was easier to joke and laugh if I didn't have to be careful about what I was saying.

Nevertheless, I was still thinking about the Polyjuice Potion, troubled with my nightmares and avoiding the Draco-Hermione situation. I knew Hermione was waiting for me to speak with her first but I felt uneasy every time I thought about it. I still hated Moody and his classes more than anything else. My arm was still bothering me but I refused to talk to Severus about it. I couldn't explain why though. The thought just didn't feel right at all.

The top of all were Harry and the tournament. Whoever had put his name in the goblet of fire wasn't a friend. Severus had refused to tell me what Dobby had told him concerning the Gillyweed. He had merely repeatedly implied that Moody had nothing to do with it. But I wasn't so sure about that. I couldn't believe that it came down to him again. Moody had helped Harry with the first task, he radiated darkness like my father, he had saved Harry from Filch and Severus only to discuss the egg's riddle with him and then he accidentally happened to speak with Professor McGonagall about Gillyweed when Dobby had been there? There were just to many coincidences but Severus didn't want to listen. Neither would anyone else for that matter…

_"__Earth to Arya, you there?"_ Derek interrupted my thoughts by poking my hand with his fork. I blinked repeatedly and nodded. Exhaling deeply, I pushed my empty plate away and looked up.

_"__Honestly, how much sleep did you get tonight."_ Hermione asked irritated and furrowed her eyebrows. I shrugged but couldn't suppress a yawn.

_"__Sorry… Don't know. It took hours to fall asleep but then I had another nightmare."_ Derek raised one eyebrow questioning and I sighed defeated. _"Three or four hours perhaps."_

_"__I don't understand why you're not asking for a sleeping draught. You've never been afraid of Snape so just go and ask for it."_ Hermione stated quietly but I shook my head.

_"__I don't want to take a sleeping draught for the rest of my live just because I can't sleep. As long as I'm able to attend my classes and live my life I refuse to take it."_

Hermione shook her head sternly and went back to her book. Tiredly, I rubbed my face and leaned my elbow on the table, my chin resting in my hand. Derek stared at me and grinned suddenly.

_"__Been thinking about your boyfriend again or your lunatic teacher?"_ I scoffed and lazily cast him a smirk.

_"__Both to be honest. I mean I've got an amazing boyfriend. How am I supposed to not think about him?"_ I chuckled and Derek rolled his eyes but couldn't hide his smirk.

_"__Is he the reason you don't want to take sleeping draughts by any chance?"_ Derek asked innocently and I saw Hermione looking at us curiously. I closed my eyes and growled. _"So he is!" _He stated complacently but I decided to ignore it.

Hermione chuckled to my surprise and I cast her a questioning gaze. She rolled her eyes before speaking up. _"God, you're acting so cheesy, Arya!"_ Derek laughed and Hermione grinned at me. Instantly, I opened my eyes widely to see my two friends exchanging amused looks before turning to me again.

_"__Cheesy?! I'm not cheesy, Hermione."_ Heat rushed through my whole body and washed away my tiredness in the blink of an eye. Feeling slightly offended, I scowled at them. _"Bloody hell, never in a million years would I've thought to be described as cheesy. My boyfriend would so disagree with you now. I can't believe it…"_ I ended mumbling to myself and earned another laugh from both.

_"__Seriously, you lay in bed for hours daydreaming about over your boyfriend. Does he know about it? I mean how do you explain your lack of sleep?"_ Derek exclaimed still chuckling.

I glared warningly and played with my teaspoon. _Laughing about my love for Severus… Honestly, Derek. You should know better._ I thought and froze suddenly. My lips turned into a smirk when I looked back up at him. He returned a smug expression and continued enjoying his apple. With a swift move, I threw the teaspoon at his head… but he dodged it easily and grinned arrogantly in return.

_"__Missed me."_ I groaned grumpily and my smirk faltered_. I'll get him!_ We kept our gaze locked while I used a small hint of magic to search the table for other throwable objects in reach. Determined, I forced my lips to drop the grin and Derek raised his eyebrows in mere curiosity and confusion. In a heartbeat, Hermione's spoon was flying towards his face.

_"__Missed me again."_ Derek sneered unimpressed. _"I expected better from you. It's probably the best if you never mount a broom again, don't you think?"_

Hermione grabbed my wrist when I wanted to throw my fork and pierced me with an incredulous look. _"Stop acting so childish! And drop the fork, you realize you could seriously hurt him, right?"_

I smirked provocative at her when she let go of my hand. _"That was the plan… No, don't worry though. Derek's used to it."_ I felt Derek's glare before I turned my head to him. I faked a concerned smile and gazed at him with pity in my eyes. _"Aren't you lover boy?"_

His glare darkened even more when he mumbled something under his breath. Hermione watched us with a look of disbelief and incomprehension. Inwardly, I was having a very serious laughing fit. I loved and enjoyed teasing so much! _Guess, that's my Slytherin part, _I thought amused. I lifted my head and straightened to sit properly again.

_"__Oh, wait. I forgot."_ I exclaimed and faked a dumb expression. Derek's expectant, threatening scowl made it hard not to laugh. _"You don't have a lover…!"_

I dodged swiftly when Derek threw the leftover of his apple in my direction. I died of laughter at Derek's infuriated and offended expression now. _Serves him right after all the teasing about Severus! _Clasping my stomach, I tried to calm down enough to speak but I couldn't. Hermione had given up and gone back to her book, successfully ignoring us.

_"__Honestly, Derek…"_ I said in between laughter and wiping tears from my eyes. _"I don't know… what I'm going to do when you're leaving after this year."_ Derek watched me untouched and with a blank expression.

_"__Probably, not enjoying your summer."_ He retorted dryly, diminishing my amusement in an instant. Still chuckling however, I raised one finger at a now arrogantly smirking Derek.

_"__You're an idiot."_ I tried glaring seriously at him but failed miserably. My body was still shaking from laughter now and then, making it impossible to sound severe. Derek sneered satisfied which felt incredibly pesky and provocative. _He thinks he's winning this!_ But I wouldn't let him have the upper hand in our teasing.

In the blink of an eye, I grabbed the next best object I could find – which happened to be my mug – and threw it in his direction. Chuckling ridiculously to himself, he dodged it without much effort. The mug simply was to bulky and light to throw it as fast as cutlery. Hermione raised her head again and cast us a very disapproving, stern scowl. Before she could say something however, she got distracted and started staring.

_"__Missed again."_ Derek noticed satisfied, but my attention was suddenly drawn elsewhere. I snorted loudly when a person appeared behind him.

_"__You, yes."_ Trying to supress my laughter, I pointed subtly behind him. _"But not your shadow."_ Derek furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but turned around with a curious smirk on his lips.

_"__Seriously, Jackson? Shadow's the best you can come up with?"_ Blaise raised his eyebrows and cast me a pitying look. Derek chuckled lowly and nodded. I shrugged and grinned excusing at the dark skinned Slytherin. He watched me with the most arrogant look possible, holding his head high and standing tall behind his brother. His extremely faked pureblood behaviour made me chuckle again. Blaise always acted everything but like an arrogant pureblood. He was self-confident, I couldn't deny it, but not naturally arrogant.

Suddenly, I felt Hermione shift next to me and cast her a quick glance. I realized then that she was looking between the three of us in great confusion. I could almost see her racking her brain, trying to understand why there was no tension between us – or at least between Blaise and me.

_"__I think that's yours. Try not to throw it at me again or I promise you'll find yourself quicker on the floor than you can imagine."_ Blaise smirked smugly and tossed me the cup, whipping away my amusement instantly. Embarrassment made me blush and I shifted uncomfortably. He had used my own words against me – I had challenged Severus with them. I growled under my breath and cast him a gloomy glare. That made his smirk only widen. His stiff posture and faked arrogant mask vanished all the sudden, showing his true self now.

_"__Or would you prefer being pinned against a wall?"_ He added questioning, making me scowl fiercely now. Less because I felt actually annoyed about him throwing my own words into my face. But more because I didn't know what to answer now. I mean I knew plenty of things to say but nothing I could possibly say openly in the great hall. I groaned in defeat and rolled my eyes when Derek and Blaise watched me with proud and smug expressions. Blaise grinned and placed a hand on Derek's shoulder.

_"__Actually, I came to fetch you. We wanted to do a match, remember?"_

At that, I squeezed my eyes in confusion and slight annoyance for not having been invited. _"Wait, are you playing Quidditch now?"_

Whilst Derek stood up, Blaise cast me a snarky smirk. _"Jealous?"_

I scowled again and shook my head. But before I could reply something Harry interrupted us, making me jump. I hadn't even heard when he and Ron had arrived at lunch. They were both standing behind me and Hermione and glaring angrily. Well, Ron was rather glaring hatefully and I sighed. _Will they ever be friends when the whole truth comes out…?_

_"__You're playing Quidditch? I thought, it's been forbidden this year?"_ Harry snapped darkly and Blaise stared at him for a moment. His smirk faltered slightly and I couldn't supress a small groan. Hermione cast me a strange look but I ignored it and watched my best friends staring each other down.

_"__Of course, it's not forbidden, Potter."_ Blaise replied bewildered and I rolled my eyes. I felt proud of him though when he tried to keep the light mood in his voice. _"Matches and trainings have been cancelled. But with our house teacher's permission we're allowed to play. Didn't you listen to the headmaster?"_

Harry's expression clouded with anger and I realized that Blaise's bantering remark was enough to set him on edge. As far as I had experienced, teasing and challenging had always been more of a Slytherin thing. Most students from other houses couldn't understand the true meaning behind seemingly mean remarks. Then again, meaningless remarks coming from a Slytherin were always interpreted as an insult. I knew, Blaise was giving his best to be nice but he had always hated when people judged him without really knowing him. Before he or Ron could throw insults at a scowling Blaise, I interrupted them sharply.

_"__Derek, I think it's time for you to go now."_ I cast him a stern look and he nodded in return. He turned to Blaise and placed a firm hand on his shoulder. Blaise gaze wandered to me and he nodded curtly. Frustrated, I run my hand through my hair and nodded reassuringly.

I watched as they left, completely aware of Hermione's stare. Suddenly feeling annoyed, I looked at her and answered her questioning gaze with a lazy shrug. She raised her eyebrows and shook her head slightly in disbelief. Swiftly, she turned to Ron and Harry who had just sat down, obviously still angry about Blaise. I hissed quietly and filled my mug again. _How are the houses supposed to get along if neither gives the other a chance?_

_"__We'll see us later, alright? Arya wanted to show me something about Potions."_ Hermione's voice cut through my thoughts. Surprised and confused, I watched her. _She definitely doesn't need my help in Potions! _She looked pointedly at me and stood up. Sighing, I stood up as well and followed her through the corridors. As it was a Saturday, there weren't many students walking around. Either they were outside, in the common room or the library. To my surprise, she led me to the Gryffindor tower.

_"__What are we doing here, Hermione?"_ I whined and cursed under my breath. She ignored me and dragged me up the stairs in our dorm. She walked over to her bed and grabbed her jacket.

_"__Wear something warm. It's not going to be cosy where we're going next."_ Hermione answered shortly and was impatiently waiting by the door. I sighed in defeat and put on my jacket and scarf.

I wasn't really in the mood for a girl time session to be honest. The situation just before had destroyed my good mood. I wanted to see Severus and talk to him about anything. While we were walking, I imagined being in his warm, comforting embrace. I would hear his heartbeat when I rested my head against his chest. I would inhale deeply and enjoy his unique, relaxing scent. Surely, he would bury his face in my hair and I would smile in his chest… The thought was enough to warm my body a little and the corner of my mouth twitched upwards.

I was interrupted as a door banged behind me. Confused, I looked around where Hermione had brought me. The room was about half the size of Professor McGonagall's classroom. It was completely empty though. One length side had several floor depths, unglazed windows. Each one of them had a wide ledge. It wasn't exactly a warm spring day today, so it was rather cool here.

Hermione raised her wand, casting a locking charm and silencing spell on the door. I raised my eyebrows questioning at her back. Confusion, curiosity and annoyance made me stand frozen in the spot and staring blankly at her. Then she motioned me to come and sit with her next to one window ledge. I followed slowly and sat down, my back leaning against the stone frame. Pulling my legs to my chest, I turned my head and realized that we must be in one of the upper floors. Suddenly, I felt relieved that the ledge was so wide and I sitting securely in the window arch.

Hermione was sitting up against the other side of the window arch, facing me but with her legs crossed lazily. We stared at each other now. I waited for her to explain what we were doing here, she was rather looking calculating and trying to read something in me. I raised my eyebrows and rested my hands in the warmth between my legs and stomach. Hermione exhaled loudly before finally speaking.

_"__What happened in the great hall, Arya?"_ I was caught by surprise with that question and stared at her incredulously. She cast me a piercing, slightly desperate look. _"And when you're already explaining yourself, you still owe me the truth about Malfoy."_

My body turned cold and warm at the same time. Instantly, my heart rate sped up and pounded strongly in my chest. _So, this is finally the moment… Either she'll understand or I'll lose my best friend, my only girl friend… _I lowered my head on my knees and buried my hands in my hair. I took a few deep breaths before looking up again. I pulled my legs closer to my chest and rested my fidgeting hands on my knees now. I gulped nervously, my throat suddenly feeling uncomfortably dry.

_"__I… What happened in the great hall… sort of has to do with Draco."_ I said quietly and she furrowed her eyebrows when I called him by his name. Her look darkened in disbelief so I quickly continued before she could say anything. _"I know… I know you're confused now but I want you to promise me to hear me out. My whole story. Please…! I want to tell you the whole truth."_

After a long stare, Hermione finally nodded and I sighed again. How should I start…

_"__You know that my… father killed my mother. I was about one year old at this time. I'll never understand how she could love him or be with him. I mean, I remember the feeling of his darkness even after all these years. It's hunting me in my nightmares… and with Moody… But… well, I wouldn't be here if she hadn't fallen in love… When she became pregnant with me she wanted to leave him but he wouldn't let her. I don't know how, but he had blocked her magic, so she was bound to wand magic. But she'd only practiced it for about four years and Riddle's undoubtedly always been a powerful wizard. When she almost succeeded to run away with me, he caught us and wanted to end her resistance… The dark mark allows him to detect his followers. So she gave her the mark…"_

My gaze drifted away towards the landscape but I didn't saw its beauty. I was deeply lost in the past of my life. Hermione watched me patiently, not interrupting me once. She had always been a good listener.

_"__Dark magic is lethal for us. A fairy's body is very strong and can endure much. It can fight dark magic but only to a certain extent… The mark killed her slowly and painfully. My father didn't know that she'd called Dumbledore for help but when she was dying he came and took me. He brought me to… somebody who raised and loved me for about five years. I'd dare to say that without him, I surely wouldn't be the person I'm today. I loved him…"_ I smiled absentminded. _"Dumbledore acted on my mother's wish when he took me away from the only place I'll ever call home." _I watched Hermione thoughtfully and she nodded slowly. I bit the inside of my cheek and gulped again.

_"__She wanted me to live with the Malfoy's for a few years before I'd move to the orphanage where my father grew up…"_

Hermione furrowed her eyebrows and watched me intensely. _"She… wanted you to live with the Malfoy's? Why?"_

I sighed and played with my fingers. _"I don't know… Dumbledore said he'd tell me at the right time. But I'm sure she didn't do it because the Malfoy's have always been by Riddle's side… I mean…"_ Irritated, I exhaled loudly and clenched my jaw. _"I don't know why."_

_"__Alright, I think it doesn't matter anyway. You'd no choice… So, what happened with the Malfoy's? Why the hell would you spend the evening of the yule ball with Malfoy. Or even talk to him? He's an arrogant jerk!"_

The look her eyes held was the same she had had before she had punched Draco in third year – she felt angry and hurt. A cold wave rushed through my body and I buried my hands in my hair again. Groaning, I rubbed my face and blinked away some forming tears. Her insult hurt so much more now than the pervious years…

_"__Please just let me explain! I swear, I don't expect you to stop hating him now… You… you only know the Malfoy side but the Draco I know is so much better!"_

Hermione scoffed in disbelief and crossed her arms. Her piercing, burning look was squeezing my heart painfully and I wanted to cry so badly.

_"__Fine then. Explain!"_ Hermione demanded aggressively. I nodded thankfully and tried to keep my voice from shaking. While I told my story, my heart hurt even more when I remembered everything as if I was back there.

_"__When I arrived there I was hurt, so incredibly hurt from being ripped away from the man who raised me. I was so full of anger, hate and pain… I felt so alone and unwanted... You know, I always hated Malfoy manor… The moment I set foot in the mansion, I wanted to run away. The whole house reeked of dark magic. I instantly hated Lucius and Narcissa when I first met them. They're arrogant, heartless, pureblood Slytherins. The only reason they took me in was because they knew I'm his daughter…" _

I relaxed a little and averted my gaze from my best friend. I smiled when I remembered how I had met my brother all those years ago.

_"__And then, there was Draco… When I first met him, we were both seven years old. When Narcissa explained him that I'd live with them for a few years he glared at me… and I glared back because I hated being there… Narcissa showed me to my room and left me there. And then I started crying in that huge, cold bedroom which was supposed to be mine. Until my last day there, I hated it…! When it was time for dinner I was still crying. Draco didn't even knock when he entered my room. He was confused though when he saw me crying. He sat right in front of me and asked me what I was doing… Merlin, I hated him so much for that question! And I told him so."_

I chuckled quietly but bit my lip quickly to stop myself.

_"'__I hate you too' was what he replied before standing up. Then he practically demanded to come to dinner with him but I ignored him. Well… and then that thick-headed seven-year-old took my hands and pulled me on my feet. I was so confused that I let him hold my hand and practically pull me into the dining room… We were too late though but Narcissa and Lucius didn't say anything. Then right after dinner, Lucius ordered us in the library. He warned us severely never to come late to meals again. Well… the next morning, I woke up when Draco shook me awake. He waited outside of my room while I dressed and pulled me with him again. The first few days were incredibly weird with him. I mean I've been raised with love, toys and bed time stories. Draco with nothing but expectations and coldness. He didn't know love..._

_The first day, I spent in my bedroom, except for meals of course. Draco came into my room and found me crying again on my bed. He sat beside me and simply started asking me what I liked with the typical arrogant Malfoy attitude. At some point, I stopped crying and answered his questions. I didn't tell him how I'd grown up though. But he knew who I was. I asked about him too and he told me about him and his parents. I tried explaining why I hated his parents or my father. He admired his father so deeply that he believed it to be normal."_

Some tears were rolling down my cheeks now and I whipped them away roughly. This time had hurt so much because I had seen Draco so broken as a child…

_"__At first, we spent our time together talking to each other. But still, I cried every night. But after a few days not only because of my past anymore, but also because I could feel Draco's pain. Draco had endured so much pain in these seven years that he'd automatically adjusted, shut out his emotions and learned to do what he's told. One night, I just couldn't stop crying so I went to Draco's room. He didn't understand why I wanted to stay with him but he let me. So, I lay down next to him but I needed comfort. I needed someone who took me in their arms... I scooted closer and laid my head on his chest. He tried to push me away at first but when I refused to let go of him he finally relaxed again… Narcissa was furious the next morning when she found us together in bed. And then Lucius punished us after breakfast."_

I fidgeted nervously with my hands. I didn't know where to look so I decided for my knees as some more tears escaped my eyes.

_"__I was confused and tried to explain him why I went to Draco's room and that he'd nothing to do with it…"_ I laughed coldly and scowled at my best friend. _"He shouted and insulted me. I was so shocked… and even more so when he slapped Draco right across the face then… Draco fell on the floor and Lucius threatened that he'd get another slap if he didn't stand up immediately. And that was when I lost it. I felt so angry and hurt because he punished Draco for something that was my doing… I screamed at him… Oh, he was so furious then. Draco told me to shut up, but I didn't listen. Instead, I hit Lucius on the stomach – well with the strength of a seven-year-old girl. And then he hit me and I blacked out… I woke up in my bed again. I'd a huge mark on my face. I was too young to control my healing abilities, so it needed days to heal. Draco burst in my room and shouted at me for hitting his father. I started crying again and begged him to forgive me for getting him in trouble. That confused him because he didn't know what it meant to fight for somebody. He was raised to look out for himself. But to my surprise he came on my bed and let me rest my head on his legs. He laid his arms around me and held me until I stopped crying._

_Well, from this day on I hated Lucius even more. And already back then I refused to respect a person who doesn't respect me. I got in a fight over the smallest of things. Either he didn't like if I talked back or how I was standing. Narcissa made sure I was dressing properly, she tried teaching me manners but I refused. And so, I got beaten almost every day. And Draco came to look after me every time I was crying."_

I watched Hermione with a desperate look and bit my bottom lip.

_"__We had found a kitten in the garden of the manor and I brought it in my room. I knew the Malfoy's wouldn't like it. Draco knew of course and even if he couldn't understand why I was taking care of it he stayed with me and even smuggled food from the kitchen sometimes… One day Lucius found out…_"

I hugged my legs to my chest. My eyes were strangely completely dry now, my skin cold and my heart beating slowly.

_"__He said he'd kill it. He was furious with me. For once he blamed only me and I was thankful for this one time. I wanted to lash out and release some magic, but I've made a promise years ago to keep it hidden. I cried and begged and shouted for his mercy…" _I gulped and inhaled a few shallow breaths.

_"__He used the Cruciatus Curse on the cat… I felt its pain… I could feel it in every bone, every muscle. I begged for him to stop and he did… Only to kill it then… When he walked back into the manor, I run after him. Draco tried holding me back, but he couldn't hold me. I was furious and hated him as much as I hated my father. I hated him for killing our cat, for hurting Draco all these years and for hurting me… Somehow, I made him fall on the ground and hit him wherever I could. But I was only a small girl and he threw me on the floor easily… Lucius raised his wand then – making me experience the Cruciatus for the first time in my life. I thought I was dying but then suddenly the pain stopped… Draco had pushed away his wand. Lucius barely hesitated when he raised his wand at Draco. I tried to protect him. I wanted to get up and fight but I could barely keep my eyes open."_

I stared at Hermione blankly. Her expression had softened a little now.

_"__From this day on, Draco started fighting his father. He stood up to him and tried to protect me. Since Lucius had used the Cruciatus Curse on us for the first time, I tried to fight Lucius or Narcissa only when Draco wasn't there to keep him safe. I stayed in my own bed during the nights even if it felt like torture to be so alone. I tried to push him away but Draco's not stupid. Soon, he seemed to be always by my side. Wherever I went, he followed so I quickly abandoned my plan to push him away and allowed us to become closer than ever."_

Warmth spread through my body now. I smiled absentminded and lost myself in the happier memories with Draco.

_"__Draco became really good at sneaking around. Every night, he came into my room so that I could sleep in his arms. Early in the mornings, he would get back to his own room. After half a year at Malfoy manor we're inseparable. Draco taught me flying and wizardry games. I helped him open to his own feelings. I knew he still somehow cared for his father and mother. But he'd also learned what it meant to love someone so deeply that you'd do everything for that person."_

Blinking, I was brought back to Hogwarts instantly. I looked up at my friend and saw her reserved expression. Her lips were pressed in a thin line, her brown eyes observing me closely. We stared at each other for a while before I let out a deep breath and changed my position. Cross-legged, I finally made myself comfortable again. Thoughtfully, I folded my hands and rested the elbows on my knees. I felt more self-confident now, nevertheless I was still nervous about coming to an end. I couldn't tell if Hermione would be angry or hate me or simply accept it and that scared me to death right now. By telling her the whole truth, I wanted to make her understand. I wanted her to know that my reasons weren't bad…

_"__Well, so for what happened in the great hall…"_ I gazed at Hermione and made sure to keep our eyes locked now. She shifted slightly and nodded in return. I couldn't suppress the small amused smile though. _"The Zabini's mansion is close to the Malfoy's. Since the Zabini's are also a pureblood and mostly Slytherin family, they befriended the Malfoy's. Blaise and Derek consider themselves brothers even if Marilyn's not Derek's biological mother. She adopted him when his father got killed in the first war but loves him as much as Blaise… Draco grew up with them, becoming his best friends. Once or twice a week they came over or we visited them for a few hours… I liked them from the first second I met them. You know, they're both incredibly loyal, honest, smart and fun to have around. We spent more and more time together until we're almost seeing each other daily. I could sense and see how much Draco loved them and how much they cared for him! Whenever we're alone at Zabini mansion without Draco's parents we did so much bullshit together. Marilyn may be a pureblood and Slytherin but the truth is, she couldn't care less about it. I know, she only spent time with the Malfoy's in the beginning because it was kind of her duty. But when she'd first realized how Draco was raised, she wanted him to spend time with her sons to have at least something normal in his childhood… I was scared at first but, Hermione, she's like Mrs. Weasley. I mean I met her and she immediately welcomed me warmly – I couldn't possibly not love her. The rumours about her beauty and changing her boyfriends practically every few months are true but she never brought them to her place. She loves her sons and wanted them to grow up with nothing but her love. Well, she quickly grew to love me because she loved having a girl in her house for once."_

I smirked at Hermione sheepishly and stifled my amused laugh. This was a serious conversation after all… I just couldn't help myself drowning in happy feelings and memories. Shyly, I ran a hand through my hair and bit my bottom lip. Soon, I would have to listen to what she thought about all this and most importantly about me…

_"__Hermione… Draco, Blaise, Derek and I, we love each other deeply. We're best friends, we're family! They're a main part of my family! Along with you, Harry, Ron and – well, my boyfriend of course."_

Desperately, I watched my best friend and waited for her reaction. Hermione sat still, blinking and staring at me. I waited… and waited… My heart clenched when she didn't move, only looked at me with a distant expression. Suddenly, she exhaled deeply and averted her gaze. She clenched her jaw and shook her head, obviously in disbelief. When she turned back to me, her face held a reserved expression. She furrowed her eyebrows and crossed her arms.

_"__If Malfoy's supposed to be… a good person… then why is he acting like the most arrogant, pureblood Slytherin jerk?"_ She asked snappily and I bit the inside of my cheek. Her eyes darkened and she started glaring at me. _"You're there when he insulted Harry, Ron and me repeatedly with unforgivable things. He's an ass and a bully. Yet you look over it because what? He comforted you back then? You know a side of him no one else knows? You've a good time with him? I remember you saying that you'd never possibly like someone like him and here you're telling me you're friends with bloody Malfoy?! I thought you-"_

_"__Stop!"_ I shouted angrily and jumped on my feet. I scowled at her with my heart squeezed tightly in pain. I cried out in frustration and run a hand through my hair. I tried to keep my voice down, but I couldn't stop myself when betrayal, pain and annoyance clouded my mind.

_"__This isn't easy! You've been raised in a loving and caring family. Draco's father's a damn Death Eater and Draco hates it! He knows who I am and he's on our side. But it's not easy for him to cope with everything. His parents expect him to follow in their footsteps and he's doing everything he can to fight them."_

I whirled around and started pacing. _How the bloody hell am I supposed to make her understand? She's a goddamn, perfect Gryffindor who's got no idea-_

_"__Draco… didn't chose to be born as a Malfoy. Yes, he could run away and yes he could cut ties but he's trying to protect me. He's my brother for Merlin's sake!"_

I stopped dead in my tracks when I had said the last part. Hermione, who had gotten to her feet as well, watched me with a very incredulous expression. _"Your brother? Malfoy's your brother? What the hell are you telling me, Arya?"_

I closed my mouth and raised my hands desperately. I didn't know how to continue… It was all going so wrong… Sadly and defeated, I turned towards my furious best friend and tried to explain.

_"__After a few months at Malfoy manor, Draco burst into my room one day… He looked rather agitated and very nervous. It took me almost an hour to squeeze it out of him but when he did I felt truly happy again for the first time… He asked me if I wanted to be his sister – or twin sister seeing as our birthday is the same date… Draco's my brother, Hermione. I love him so incredibly much! We know each other better than anyone else. I. Love. Him!"_

A few tears escaped my eyes and rolled down my cheeks when I saw Hermione's expression. Hurt and betrayal were masking her features. I whimpered to myself and buried my hands in my hair before dropping them powerlessly to my sides. When I opened my mouth again, I couldn't do anything anymore except begging desperately for her to understand.

_"__I know this is hard to understand… Draco's playing the Malfoy in front of everybody because he wants to keep me safe. If his parents knew that we're on speaking terms again my father would know as well, and he'd ruthlessly use Draco against me. If Draco should run away from his parents and cut ties, he'd put Blaise, Derek and Marilyn in danger… Yes, he's also not doing it because he's afraid of getting hurt himself and to protect his parents. Because even if he doesn't love them he has hope for them deep inside him. He's no murderer, Hermione! He doesn't want to have his parent's blood on his hands if my father should decide to punish them._

_Draco's parents want him to befriend me again so that my father will praise the Malfoy's. Therefore, he lies and does everything possible to convince them from the opposite. That's why he acts like he does, that's why he says all these things he knows I hate profoundly. He doesn't mean them, you know. He couldn't care less about his blood status or being a Malfoy. Draco's real family consists of Blaise, Derek, Marilyn and me. Other than us he doesn't trust anyone!_

_Draco's a bullhead, yes and he can be quite manipulative but he's using it to protect himself and those he cares for. Yes, he's a player when it comes to girls, but he promised me not to break hearts or destroy relationships. Yes, he can be the most annoying, stubborn, infuriating smartass but he has a good heart… And I know, you hate him and you'd probably never like him. That's fine by me! Really. You wanted to know the truth, Hermione. And the truth is that Draco's my brother, my family and I'd do anything to protect him!"_

My heart pounded strongly in my chest now. I stood frozen in the spot and watched Hermione blankly. Afraid of what she might think, say and do. Hermione turned away and shook her head. My shoulders dropped and I gulped, trying to keep myself from crying. We stayed like this for a while, minutes passing agonizingly slow while I waited desperately for her answer.

Sometime, she turned slowly and pierced me grimly with her gaze. I couldn't do anything else than staring, blood rushing loudly through my ears, my body paralyzed with fear and cold.

_"__I'll leave now." _Hermione spat painfully slow. _"I'm not telling anyone about this so don't worry about your highly praised bastard brother. And don't even try to follow me… or I'll hex you." _With that she passed me without a second glance, closing the door behind her with a banging noise, shattering my heart into a million pieces...

I rose a shaking hand to my mouth when new tears threatened to leave my eyes. I couldn't break down now! I needed to tell Draco that she knew everything. But he was down by the Quidditch pitch…

_Severus... Severus… I need to see him... He needs to know!_

Aggressively, I clenched my jaw and bore the nails deeply into the palm of my hands. I needed to make it to his office without raising suspicions. I needed to keep myself together.

_Control yourself… control yourself… control yourself… control yourself…_

Repeating those words over and over again in a constant rhythm in my head, I made my way to the dungeons…


	46. Chapter 46 - Losing my best friend

46\. Losing my best friend

Somehow, I managed to keep myself together all the way downstairs. I don't know how I looked like to others, but I felt nothing except the blood in my ears and the pounding heartbeat in my chest. My body felt numb and cold at the same time. Pain and fear paralyzed my brain and body.

Sometime, I stood in front of his office and raised a shaking hand to knock. I stared at the wooden door for a while, but I couldn't say if I waited merely seconds or minutes. I entered automatically when the door opened by itself. Severus came through the door from his private chambers to see who had come on a Saturday afternoon. The second he realized it was me, he relaxed a little and stepped closer.

I was in a trance like state with widely opened eyes. My ears could only hear my own body, my brain was numb and blank. Carelessly, I looked at Severus' face coming closer. I registered him furrowing his eyebrows and the small smile leaving his lips instantly.

_"__Arya, what happened?"_ Severus' voice sounded distant and demanding. He came to a halt in front of me, but I stared absentminded at the buttons of his robes. I was unable to move, think or say anything. Soft fingers under my chin forced my head up gently. _"Arya?"_

With my head lifting, my gazing eyes finally met Severus'. Seeing overwhelming worry in his eyes seemed to snap me out of my state of shock. I blinked several times and then everything came crashing down on me. Instantly, a sob escaped my mouth and my eyes started watering. Before I could realize what was happening, tears streamed freely down my face and Severus held me firmly against his chest. One arm wrapped tightly around my back while the other held my shaking shoulders. I clutched his robes desperately, trying to press myself closer to him. He rested his cheek on top of my head and whispered soothing words. My body shook badly with every new sob, but Severus held me safely in his arms…

Sometime, my sobs diminished and I was merely whimpering into his robes. A few more tears rolled down my tear strained cheeks and were soaked up by Severus' robes. I could finally feel myself again. I felt so incredibly hurt and afraid. My body felt drained of every energy, I had no strength left.

Severus placed a last kiss on top of my head before leading me to a chair in front of his desk. He sat down facing me and raised his wand to dry my tear strained face. Then leaned forward and pushed strains of hair behind my ear so that he could look into my eyes. I wished so much to be in his arms again, to sit in his lap and bury my face in his shoulder. But I knew he would never allow it, not with Karkaroff showing up whenever he felt like it.

_"__Tell me what happened."_ Severus demanded sharply and I winced inwardly. I knew he wasn't a patient man, but he was incredibly stubborn and ambitious. Sometimes though, I wished for him to be more patient and sympathetic instead of his rational self – like right now.

Gulping, I watched my hands and bit my bottom lip. Slowly, I dared to raise my gaze until I was looking in confused and worried black eyes. I had difficulties to hold back my tears when a new wave of fear threatened to overwhelm me once again. I hated showing myself so vulnerable but with Severus in the same room it had always been difficult to hold myself together. He brought my emotions to the surface even if I didn't want it to happen.

Severus then leaned back in his chair and crossed his legs, resting his interlaced fingers in his lap. He furrowed his eyebrows and observed me with a calculating expression. I knew the wheels in his head were turning rapidly, trying to find a reason for my miserable state.

_"__Something happened when… we weren't speaking."_ My voice cracked, so I gulped repeatedly. The same second, Severus' look darkened a little and his shoulders tensed. _"After lunch today, Hermione dragged me to an empty room and I…"_ New tears threatened to escape my eyes when I became suddenly afraid of Severus' reaction. _What if it makes him angry again? Then I'd lose him and Hermione. I'd be alone again and it'd all be my fault…_

_"…__I told her everything about Draco. That I've lived with the Malfoy's and that he's my brother…"_ Anxiously, I watched when Severus froze completely on his chair for a moment. Then he squinted his eyes and clenched his jaw. With every passing second, my heart seemed to speed up even more. To my surprise and horror, he exhaled deeply and closed his eyes. Either he would be angry when he opened them again or disappointed. _I deserve both… I was reckless, stupid and selfish…_

Severus opened his eyes again and pierced me with a sullen expression. Painfully slow, he unfolded his long legs and crossed his arms instead.

_"__Why?"_ His voice sounded emotionless.

_"__I gave her my word."_ I answered sheepishly, feeling intimidated all the sudden. I flinched when Severus stood up swiftly and turned to his desk. I saw him pressing his lips in a thin line and closing his eyes again.

Sighing deeply after a while, he opened them again and blinked a few times. When he turned back around he looked incredibly tired. Carefully, he leaned against his desk and turned his head away from me. I felt very jittery but didn't dare moving - to afraid to incur his rage or disappointment or whatever he was feeling now. Severus finally lifted his head again and watched me, fatigue dominating his features. I was surprised however, when his dry voice simply held a small trace of irritation.

_"__As obstinate and imprudent you can be at times…"_ I shifted embarrassed under his boring gaze. _"… you never cease to amaze me by your sincerity and caution when you make a pledge."_

A small smile played around his lips and I stared at him dumbfounded. I had expected anything, except for a compliment. With one sentence, he had blown away my fear, pain and tension, leaving me completely taken aback.

_"__So, I suppose you had a good reason to give her your word then, didn't you?"_ It sounded more like a statement than a question, but I nodded anyway. I shifted on my chair, suddenly feeling less as if I was in the dock.

_"__In the night of the yule ball, before I went up on the astronomy tower…"_ Severus raised one eyebrow in surprise. _"… Blaise and Draco joined us when we're getting drinks. Most people from our year had left already so I thought it'd be alright. I mean we're standing on the side of the hall, near to a small group of Durmstrang's. We talked and joked around a little, but Hermione told me the next morning that she'd seen us together. She didn't tell anyone though and dropped it… When I left the infirmary, the morning after our fight, I had Defence against the Dark Arts. I came a little late though and the only empty seat was next to Draco. He was worried and wanted to know what had happened, but I ignored him. So, he kept staring and passing notes until I gave him a vague answer. Hermione told me afterwards that she'd seen us again. We had Transfigurations though so she'd no time keep asking me about it. I don't know why Hermione didn't sit with me because she hadn't been mad and had entered right behind me... I lay my head on the desk and suddenly Draco was sitting next to me again. Well, she saw when Draco kept casting glances at me. And then, after class, she wouldn't stop pestering me about classes and the yule ball. So, I told her that I'd tell her the truth when she'd never ever tell anyone about it. She promised, so I gave her my word…"_

I bit my lip and averted my gaze. Suddenly, I was back in the great hall and joking around with Derek and Hermione sitting next to me. _Why was I so stupid to start the whole joke at all? I've to many secrets and now they start backfiring at me…_ Coldness filled my whole body and my eyes stitched again. I blinked a few times and fidgeted anxiously.

_"__You only told her now though."_ I nodded curtly. _"What happened before in the great hall then?"_

I gulped and looked at his chair in front of me. _"Hermione, Derek and I were at lunch. We joked around – well, mostly Derek and me. We… uhm… I…"_ I stuttered and blushed furiously in embarrassment. Lowering my head, I continued mumbling. "_He annoyed me and I started throwing things at him. But I was just joking…"_

_"__Very mature."_ Severus commented. _"Unfortunately, it sounds like something you'd do though."_ I dared to cast him a glance. My cheeks heated even more when I saw his sneer. Quickly, I averted my look again and continued in a steadier voice.

_"__Well… when I threw my mug at him he dodged it again. But Blaise had appeared behind him and caught it before it could hit him. I couldn't stop laughing and he made some very provocative, snide remarks. I guess, Hermione noticed that there was no tension at all between us. Ron and Harry came to join us for lunch then and Harry made a fuss over Blaise's harmless comment. Hermione saw how annoyed I was about it and how I nodded at Blaise to show him that we're good. She made up some excuse and dragged me out of the hall…"_

I ended mumbling again but this time not in embarrassment. My eyes prickled again when I remembered how Hermione had left me up there. How angry and betrayed she had been. I jumped up and cast Severus a desperate look.

_"__She hates me, Severus! She hates Draco! She was already angry when I started but only got more furious when I tried to explain everything. You should've seen how she looked at me before leaving. I've betrayed and hurt her. She told me to leave her alone or she'd hex me… She hates me now!"_

New tears rolled down my cheeks, but I was to worn-out to break down again. Suddenly feeling extremely angry with myself, I whirled around and started pacing slowly.

_"__I never should've told her anything. I never should've acted so recklessly around them. I shouldn't have started talking to him and Blaise again in the first place. I shouldn't have listened to you and your good intentions or else-"_

_"__Arya!"_ Severus snapped sharply and interrupted my rant. Blankly, I stared at him and he sighed before stepping closer. He squinted his eyes and watched me carefully. _"Do you trust her to keep her promise?"_ He asked shortly and I nodded before I could even think about it.

_"__But I never should've told her in the first place." _I mumbled to myself and crossed my arms stubbornly.

_"__I don't want to hear what you should've done. You can't change it anyway. Instead, you should think about what you can do now." _Severus replied calmly, setting me even more on edge. My desperation returned in the blink of an eye. I looked into his warm eyes and scoffed.

_"__She hates me now. I just lost my best friend! How the hell can you be so damn cool about this?"_ I shouted furiously at him. Biting my lip, I averted my gaze when a few tears rolled down my cheeks. _"She hates me and she'll never forgive me."_ I mumbled.

Severus stood right in front of me in an instant and placed his hand under my chin. Reluctantly, I lifted my head and looked at him. But as soon as I saw the warmth and love in his eyes, I pulled away again. I couldn't bare seeing his worry or love. It just reminded me of what I would most certainly never see in Hermione's eyes again. Before Severus could do or say anything, I walked back to my chair and let myself flop down weakly. I leaned my elbows on my thighs and roughly buried my hands in my hair. My thoughts were whirling wildly through my mind.

_"__Arya."_ Severus spoke softly and I heard him adjusting the chair in front of me. His knees touched my thighs and he started caressing my arms soothingly.

_"__You didn't see how she looked at me."_ I whimpered into my arms. _"She thinks I betrayed her, Harry and Ron. She's furious and I hurt her so much. I could see it in her eyes."_

_"__Arya, please look at me."_ He asked gently but I didn't want to be comforted. Not when I didn't really know what I wanted right now. I didn't want to hurt Severus, but I did because I was here and crying. I had hurt Hermione and now I had lost her. Even with her promise, she would have to tell Harry and Ron eventually why she hated me all the sudden. And then I would lose them too and Draco would be in even greater danger than he already was…

A firm grip on my forearms pulled my hands out of my hair and forced them down. Severus took both my hands in his and squeezed them slightly.

_"__I can't promise that she'll forgive you. But from how much I know about her after four years, I don't believe that she'd possibly judge you for something that isn't your fault. If she did she'd have turned her back on you the second she learned about your father. You've been her best friend for four years now and she always stood by your side. You need to give her some time, Arya!"_

Slowly, I lifted my head and Severus raised one hand to push strains of hair out of my face. I closed my eyes whimpering quietly and leaned into his touch. He let his hand linger on my cheek before pulling back again.

_"__I told her that Lucius is a Death Eater."_ I said sadly. _"How can she believe I'm on her side when my father is Lord Voldemort and the son of a Death Eater my brother? If she doesn't even believe in me then how could she ever trust Draco… or you?"_

I stared at our hands when a sudden wave of anger overwhelmed me again. I took my hands out of his hold and rubbed my face. Then I leaned back in my chair and looked at Severus who was watching me intensely. He furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back as well. We stared at each other for a while. Inwardly, I was fighting against my fear and anger, but anger was starting to take over. I groaned in annoyance and jumped up from my chair. I turned towards the only window in the office and stared into the light. _How can she possibly understand and accept all this when she knows nothing about darkness at all? She run away after I told her the truth. How is time supposed to help her understand?_

I whirled around to Severus who had stood up as well. He watched me with a pained expression but when we locked eyes they held nothing but love. Frustrated, I run a hand through my hair before dropping it weakly to my side. The longer I looked at Severus the angrier I got and then I couldn't keep quiet any longer. I knew he wasn't the person I was angry with, it wasn't even Hermione. I was angry with myself because I was drowning myself in self-pity. I was angry at my father and my mother, I was angry for people being so annoyingly stubborn and narrow-minded.

_"__How's time supposed to help her understand? Hermione's a muggle born and doesn't know anything about dark magic at all."_ I spat furiously. Severus raised one eyebrow and pressed his lips in a thin line. _"She's no idea what it's like to grow up without love. She doesn't know how it feels to pretend to be someone you're not, she doesn't know what it's like to be surrounded by the reek of dark magic. And she'll certainly never understand what it's like to constantly fight in her life!"_

Severus was suddenly moving and swiftly standing in front of me. Surprised, I glared up at him but he returned a worried look. He placed his hands on my shoulders.

_"__Stop talking!" _Severus demanded sternly. I scoffed and tried to push his arms away but he held my shoulders firmly now. I furrowed my eyebrows and scowled fiercely at him.

_"__Why? Because she's my best friend? Maybe it'd be better if she wasn't. I'm nothing but danger for her and a horrible friend! I'm lying, sneaking around and – as far as she thinks now, I'm a traitor. She hates Draco and now she hates me. Imagine I tell her about you, do you think she would just smile and wish us the best?"_

_"__Arya. Stop. Now!" _Severus growled, making me only angrier. Aggressively, I pushed his arms away and took a step back. When I spoke again, I was yelling furiously.

_"__Hermione's a bloody perfect Gryffindor, Severus! She doesn't know torture or pain or death. So, tell me how the bloody hell could she possibly ever understand me or my brother? Nothing I'm ever going to say will make her understand any of it!"_

I whirled around to leave, rage clouding my mind and crashing my heart at the same time. Strong hands hold me back though. Severus forcefully turned me towards him, his hands gripping my arms tightly. I started cursing and insulting him. Fiercely, I tried to free myself from his firm grip, but his painful hold didn't cease. In fact, the more I moved the more it hurt. Suddenly, there wasn't only the pain where he held me but also the one in my forearm. It burned as if someone would cut deeply into my flesh and I whimpered.

I cried out in frustration and pain, accidentally releasing a spark of magic. I felt it rushing rapidly through my body, unable to stop before it hit Severus where he was touching me. I knew he felt it as a sharp, burning sensation that would continue unless he let go.

The second he released my arms, I fell hard on my knees and the magic ceased. My eyes widened in realization about what I had done. Horrified, I stood up and stared at my shaking hands, I barely registered the throbbing in my left forearm now. Fear paralyzed my whole body. I had to leave… I needed to leave before I hurt him again... Before I continued saying unforgivable things about my best friend…

I had just turned towards the door when Severus' strong arms wrapped around my shoulders. He pressed my back firmly against his chest.

_"__Please let me go, Severus. Please, I have to go!"_ I begged whimpering, but he only tightened his grip.

_"__Arya stop! You need to calm down." _Severus spoke into my ear. With all the strength I could muster, I tried to wriggle myself out of his grasp. I pushed against his arms but he held me firmly. _"Please calm down, you didn't hurt me. Arya, shhhh, you're safe!"_

Tears erupted my eyes when I felt how my body betrayed me. I had no strength left after everything that had happened today.

_"__Severus please! Let me go! I don't want to hurt you again. Please. Let me go… Let…me… please…"_ My begging stopped and I could only whimper weakly in his arms.

Severus held me pressed against his chest with his cheek resting against my head. He didn't stop speaking with me until he felt the last tension leaving my body. Then he loosened his hold to turn me around in his arms. I buried my face in his chest and leaned myself heavily against him.

_"__I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, I'm sorry… Forgive me… Please, Severus… I'm sorry…"_ I didn't stop mumbling in his chest while he held me in a strong, warm embrace.

_"__You didn't hurt me, Arya. I promise."_ Severus said soothingly and placed a long kiss on top of my head. I shivered in his warm arms and started taking deep breaths over and over again. _Why do I've to mess everything up every time?_

I don't know how long we had been standing there but my brain started working properly again. Suddenly, I understood that my anger had come from my overwhelming fear and pain. I fully realized what I had said before about Hermione… And what I had done to Severus when he had tried to help me…

I felt all nervous and scared again. _What'll happen now with my best friend?_ _Is she going to accept Draco or will she hate me from now on?_ With wide eyes, I lifted my head but didn't dare looking in Severus' eyes. How could I after everything?

_"__Give her time and she'll understand."_ Severus said reassuringly. _"As far as I know, she's quite smart."_

I couldn't suppress the small chuckle and finally locked our eyes. His gaze wandered observingly over my face before his dark eyes bore intensely into mine. I felt the love in his look as much as I saw it in those sparkling black orbs. It was rare that he looked at me like that, without any guards to shield him. My heart and body warmed up when Severus didn't avert his gaze. The intensity of his look gave me goose bumps. My stomach started tingling and I felt nervous all the sudden.

Severus' gaze flickered down to my lips and back to my eyes. Automatically, I did the same but couldn't tear my eyes away from his lips then. Slowly, I started leaning in when he had already crashed his lips on mine. I sighed deeply in to the passionate kiss and Severus started moving his soft lips. One hand wandered roughly into my hair and pulled me closer. I raised my hands to place them around his neck, my fingers playing with the tingling tips of his hair. His tongue traced my lips demandingly, but I kept them closed. Growling deeply – the sound making me shudder in his arms – he pushed me backwards. My back collided roughly with the shelf, but I couldn't care less right now. Severus used my gasp of surprise to slip his tongue into my mouth. One of his hands cupped my cheek while the other held my wrist firmly. Fire erupted under his hands. Passionately, I buried my hands in his hair and grabbed fistfuls of it. My body felt incredibly hot and the tingling in my stomach had turned into an almost unbearable burning sensation. My legs felt weakened all the sudden so I clutched Severus tighter. I moaned when he pressed his whole body against mine, pinning me to the book shelf. His kiss was rough and passionate. Our tongues fighting for dominance.

Suddenly, his lips left mine and I whimpered in surprise. Instead, he trailed teasingly slow kisses over my jaw and to my ear. I took shallow breaths when I felt his breathing on my neck. The low growl vibrating through his chest and on my soft skin was enough to make me moan again. At that, Severus released his strong grip on my hair and placed his hand gently on my cheek. While the other wandered from my waist to my lower back and pulled me closer. His kisses wandered down and I exhaled a shaking breath when his lips met my sweet spot. Gently, he started kissing and sucking. I moaned deeply and leaned my head against his shoulder. Losing myself completely in that passionate, yet pleasant feeling of his lips on my skin.

Severus slowed his kissing and brushed his nose against my sensible skin. I heard him taking shaking breaths and shuddered slightly when I felt it on my skin. He placed a long kiss on my neck before trailing small kisses along my jaw and up to my cheek. Softly, I felt his lips on the corner of my mouth. His hair tingled in my face but I was completely lost in his sudden gentleness. Finally, he rested his forehead against mine and only then did I dare to breath deeply again. He raised his other hand and cupped my jaw on each side of my face.

_"__I love you."_ I spoke softly against his lips. I felt his smile but suddenly he pulled back a little to look into my eyes. Black, loving, mysterious eyes were gazing intensely in my blue ones.

_"__I love you too."_ Heat erupted in my heart once again and warmed my body soothingly. I laced my fingers on the back of his neck and traced small circles with my thumbs.

_"__I'm sorry, Severus!"_ I said painfully but I needed to say it now before getting back to my scared and hyperventilating self. "_For everything I did and said before. It wasn't fair to you or Hermione."_

I watched him desperately, feeling more vulnerable than ever before. Fondly, Severus caressed my cheek.

_"__Don't worry about it anymore!"_ He said in his deep, velvet voice._ "Give Granger some time to handle everything you told her."_ I nodded and sighed. Severus' caresses stopped and he furrowed his eyebrows. _"You should tell your brother and friends though. As soon as possible. They need to know about it."_

_"__I suppose I'll do it after I left. I don't want to go the common room anyway..."_ I stated miserably. I saw when Severus' expression became more reserved and guarded again. He nodded curtly before taking a step back Instantly, I felt lonely and cold when his body left mine.

I pushed myself of the shelf and run my hand through my messy hair. Severus smirked and straightened his as well. Then he crossed his arms but the amused expression didn't leave his face.

_"__What?"_ I asked confused and tilted my head. His expression became incredibly self-satisfied.

_"__I didn't pin you against a wall but for the beginning a shelf's acceptable as well."_ A wide arrogant smirk and sparkling eyes made me laugh in disbelief and embarrassment.

_"__Merlin, you're awfully sneaky sometimes."_ I replied chuckling and shook my head.

_"__You might want to add that to your list of insults." _Severus replied dryly but the challenging look gave his amusement away. "_I believe you called me an infuriating, sadistic, smartass Slytherin."_

_"__You forgot petulant and annoying, I think."_ I grinned slyly. _"But it'd be quite sloppy to use sneaky and Slytherin in one insult. I mean it's practically the same or aren't you supposed to be cunning anymore?"_

Severus' corner of the mouth twitched and he growled lowly. I smirked triumphantly and enjoyed his defeated expression. It was quite difficult to beat Severus' repartee and happened rare enough. Therefore, I felt always incredibly proud and smug when I did beat him.

_"__You should go now."_ Severus retorted calmly. I almost chuckled but then I remembered what I would have to do when I left his office. In the blink of an eye, my amusement was whipped away and I exhaled a deep breath.

_"__I guess I should…"_ I said weakly and bit the inside of my cheek. Severus stepped closer and cupped my jaw with his hand. Groaning, I dropped my head against his chest and buried my face in his robes. I felt Severus' hand wander to my neck and caress me reassuringly. He placed a kiss on top of my head before pulling away and stepping back.

He folded his arms and stared at me with a calm expression. I knew Severus wasn't a person who liked excuses or cowardice. He considered emotions in most cases secondary; loyalty and duty had priority. If someone did a mistake he expected the person to tell the truth and deal with the new situation.

Hence, I knew his posture was my cue to leave or he would most certainly throw me out. I gulped and smiled shyly at him. His gaze softened a little and he nodded back. I knew what I had to do.

_"__Bye, Severus."_ With that I turned around and left his office. Trying not to think about Hermione, I wondered where I could find Draco, Blaise and Derek. I stopped dead in my tracks and cursed when I remembered that they were down by the Quidditch pitch._ Hopefully, they're still playing!_


	47. Chapter 47 - Down by the Quidditch pitch

47\. Down by the Quidditch pitch

As fast as I could walk, I made my way down to the Quidditch pitch. When I passed the great hall, I held my head lowered, afraid to meet one of my Gryffindor friends or Hermione. As soon as I was outside, I started jogging and thanked my fairy genes to make me a little more sportive. My current fitness status could be compared to anyone who did some sport regularly._ For a fairy, my condition's more than pathetic though._ But I was to lazy to do sport – except for Quidditch of course. The last time I had been on a broom had been years though. _I really should try out for the team next year. _I thought, grinning to myself. _Sport will help me with my magic and make my body stronger. The stronger my body, the more magic I can use at once. Really, Arya. Some jogging in the morning and Quidditch and your magic would grow rapidly. Then you need simply regular magic training and boom! I'd be invincible. _I chuckled slyly and shook my head at my own thoughts.

I stopped dead in my tracks however, when I reached the stairs of the stands. _There'll be only Slytherin's. Well, except for Derek of course but still. What if Hermione hears about this? Or Harry and Ron? Think, Arya. Think!_

I started pacing, racking my brain about it but I couldn't find another solution than sitting in the stands to get their attention. I couldn't use magic or they would all see it. I could invade people's minds – I never did of course - but I couldn't speak with them. Either I waited until I found them alone or I sat in the stands. But I knew I didn't want to wait longer than necessary. They needed to know as soon as possible.

_Derek, _I thought to myself. _I'll sit in the stands and say that I need to talk to him. He'll pass on the message to Draco and Blaise then. _So, I climbed up the stairs and stood in the stands. I made sure to stay near the stairs though so it wouldn't seem stranger than it already was. I leaned my arms on the railing to make myself more comfortable.

_"__A Gryffindor watching Slytherin's training, as if that'd ever happen." _I mumbled sarcastically to myself when I looked up.

Six people were flying elegantly through the air. To my surprise, I spotted one girl moving around almost as easily as the others. With the Quaffle held close to her body, she raced towards the highest goal and threw – and missed. I sneered at her stupid mistake. _Honestly, girl! You'd free way and missed the goal. Pathetic, really!_ I averted my eyes from her and only realized then that they had split up in two teams. I grinned when I spotted a dark-skinned guy and the unmistaken blond hair of my brother. They were closely followed by two opponents, I didn't recognize, who tried to catch the Quaffle. Draco and Blaise passed it quickly between each other while flying close to the stands. But the third opponent suddenly cut their way and they dodged swiftly. Draco kept the Quaffle while Blaise changed his position and flew out of the pitch. I knew they were both excellent flyers and players, nevertheless I tapped nervously on the railing when Draco's followers slowly caught up. He was to close to the ground and the stands to make it to the goals in time. Blaise was flying close to the stands outside of the pitch.

_"__Come on, Draco. Pass the Quaffle!"_ I growled impatiently. Shortly, before Draco passed the goal bars he suddenly changed his course and flew up as fast as possible. When he reached the same height as the stands, Blaise flew over them and towards Draco. Years of training together had made them know each other's moves by heart. So, it didn't surprise me when they flew past each other very closely; Draco flying rapidly upwards while Blaise held his course towards the goals. When they passed each other though, Draco passed the Quaffle swiftly to Blaise.

The two opponents had been confused by their move and automatically continued following Draco. Only for a short moment though but it was enough for Blaise. He flew towards the goals from the back side. The third opponent flew straight towards him, so he did a great feint. Right before the opponent cut his way, he flew downwards, throwing the Quaffle high in the air in the process. I chuckled when I recognized his move. As expected, Derek was in time to catch it and threw. Goal!

I almost started cheering before I remembered where we were. I couldn't suppress the smug smirk however, when I saw Draco, Blaise and Derek giving each other high fives. _Merlin, I need a broom now! So that Draco and I can kick their asses. _I continued tapping on the railing but now because I felt incredibly excited and jittery. I wanted to play too! _No, I want to play with my brother and our best friends!_ Now that I saw them playing it wakened the urge and deep wish to be able to play together again. I bit the inside of my cheek and sighed in distress. _It sucks! Just because of this stupid fight between Slytherin and the other houses._

Annoyed, I growled at myself before turning my attention back on their game. As expected, the three were by far the better team. They knew each other by heart so it was easy for them to play together. My good mood came back while I watched them goal after goal. Clearly, they were winning easily. I was completely lost in the match, forgot where I was and why I had come in the first place.

Until, my brother suddenly flew in my direction and ripped me out of my excitement. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion when he stopped his broom and hovered a few meters before the stands.

_"__What're you doing here, Gryffindor? Lost your way?"_ The infamous Malfoy smirk matched his snide voice. _Alright, the Slytherin card. Two can play the game, Draco._

I showed him my widest smug smirk – I knew he had great difficulties keeping up his Malfoy act if I was being genuine. I kept my relaxed position, leaning my arms on the railing and watching him challenging. _"No, Malfoy. I'm right where I wanted to be."_

He sneered down at me and crossed his arms, one leg dangling carelessly. The worst about his position was that he was being completely serious. He would be sitting on his broom the same way if we were officially on good terms. _Bloody hell, Draco. You're such an arrogant twit sometimes._

_"__Oh yeah? Jealous that you've got no friends to play with?"_ Suddenly, the other players appeared next and above him. Blaise and Derek arrived side by side and grinned widely when they saw who Draco was talking to. I let my gaze wander over all of them. The girl was watching me with a disgusted expression, her team mates though sneered snidely. Provocative, I cast the three of them an amused gaze and laughed snidely.

_"__If you call these morons your friends than I'd almost feel sorry for you Malfoy. They truly suck! I mean have you seen their embarrassing moves?"_ I laughed again but this time because of the glares and very ugly expressions I received.

_"__So you think you can do better, Jackson."_ Blaise asked challenging and raised one eyebrow. _I really hate the raising-one-eyebrow thing! _I thought gloomy.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. _"Every child can play better… Next year I'll make the team so at least try to stay in the team, Zabini! Oh, and you too, Malfoy! I'm going to kick your asses then."_ I laughed and smirked proudly at Blaise and Draco. Before he could say something else, I looked at Derek and my expression faltered a little. _"I need to talk to you, Derek. It's quite… urgent."_

I bit the inside of my cheek when another taunting remark came into my mind. _"Please, don't make me watch this agonizingly lazy strolling you call Quidditch any longer and move your butt to me as soon as possible."_ I smiled sweetly and turned to the stairs before they could retort something. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I sat down and leaned my head against the wooden stand. My amusement vanished as quickly as it had come up before.

Groaning, I stretched my legs and sighed deeply. Now, any minute, Derek would come and hopefully Draco and Blaise as well. Then I would have to tell them everything. I remembered Hermione's words and expression very clearly in my head. _As if I could ever forget them!_ I scoffed half-heartedly to myself.

_"__So, how can I help you?"_ Derek's amused voice interrupted my grim thoughts. Intuitive, I jumped up and pulled him in a desperate embrace. Chuckling confused, Derek wrapped his arms around me when I buried my face in his Quidditch outfit. I pulled back immediately though.

_"__Urgh, Derek you reek!"_ I mumbled disgusted and he laughed lowly.

_"__Yeah, well we played for more than two hours. And it wasn't just some lazy strolling as you called it."_ He teased but I couldn't bring myself to smile. Helpless, I looked up at him and he furrowed his eyebrows questioning.

_"__Where're Draco and Blaise? I need them here too."_ I stated nervously and he nodded slowly.

_"__Wow, relax there sister. We can't simply meet up with a Gryffindor like this bloke here. We waited for the others to leave."_ Draco and Blaise had appeared around the corner and strolled to us. They looked relaxed and happy, making my heart squeeze tightly with twinges of remorse.

As soon as they saw the serious expression on Derek's face and the rather depressed on mine, their grins faltered. Draco stared at me worried while Blaise crossed his arms and exchanged a glance with his brother.

_"__What's wrong?"_ Draco asked sharply, and I exhaled loudly. Tiredly, I rubbed my face before looking at the three of them. One after the other before my scared look rested on my brother.

_"__Hermione. She noticed that something was going on in the great hall when Blaise came to us."_ I said desperately and Draco squinted his eyes. _"She dragged me out and I told her the truth. She knows about you Draco… she knows about the four of us now…"_ I ended quietly and run a hand through my hand. Blaise straightened up in surprise while Derek inhaled deeply.

My brother furrowed his eyebrows and watched me suspiciously. _"And? What did she say?"_

My eyes stitched and I blinked a few times. I dropped my shoulders and crossed my arms defeated. _"She's furious… She was already angry when she led me outside but got only angrier when I tried to explain everything… I think… She hates me. I mean she looked so hurt and said that I'd betray her. And Harry and Ron."_

For a while nobody moved. Scared for their reaction, I looked from one to the other to see surprise, confusion, sympathy, anger and disappointment in their eyes. Draco turned away and roughly run a hand through his hair. He lowered his head and groaned deeply. Then he turned to me again with a very sorrowful expression. His sparkling grey eyes watched me with great regret and guilt. I gulped and Draco came closer to wrap me in a comforting embrace. I clung desperately on my brother and buried my face in his shoulder. Soothingly, Draco pressed me closer and rested his chin on my shoulder as well.

_"__I'm so sorry."_ I heard him mumble sadly, against my clothes. I closed my eyes and tried to get Hermione's expression out of my head but it was burned painfully into my brain. I waited for my tears, but to my surprise they never came.

_"__Draco, somebody's coming!"_ Blaise interrupted us sharply. Instantly, I let go of Draco and watched him with great fear. He nodded curtly and turned towards Blaise to leave immediately.

Before he could do so however, somebody stomped around the corner and stopped dead in their track. My eyes widened and I inhaled sharply when I realised who it was. A fuming Hermione stood frozen on the spot, glaring at us darkly. She cast Derek an intimidating scowl and he shifted slightly. Her fierce look wandered from Blaise's face down to his feet and back up to his eyes. He didn't move and returned her scowl with an unimpressed calm expression. When she looked at Draco though her anger seemed to multiply. She squinted her eyes and her dark glare turned into a murderous expression.

Before anyone of us could do or say something, Hermione practically lunched herself at my brother who widened his eyes in shock. Draco crashed violently into the wall behind him and groaned loudly. I squealed in horror and clamped my hands to my mouth. Hermione pressed her wand awfully deep in his throat, making him wince. Then she turned her head towards the other two. She noticed that Derek held Blaise's arm firmly to keep him from rushing forward. Blaise was watching her very darkly with squinted eyes and looked from her to Draco and back.

_"__Don't you dare moving!"_ Hermione spat dangerously before turning back to my brother.

_"__Hermione, please. Don't hurt him!"_ I begged with a shaking voice but either she ignored me or hadn't heard it. Her free hand was clutching Draco's collar and pinning him firmly against the wall.

_"__Listen closely, Malfoy because I'm only saying this once! I'll never understand what she sees in you or why she'd want to be your sister. I understand that you're there for her when she needed someone, but she's got better people in her life now. She made it clear that she loves you, she cares deeply for you. So tell me, Malfoy, do you truly care for her or is that just another of your sick and twisted games?"_ Hermione asked hatefully.

Draco squinted his eyes and clenched his jaw. _"I'd die for her. So yes, I care for her. I'd ask you the same but you don't have any siblings I could compare her with."_

Hermione pressed her wand deeper in his throat and Draco groaned painfully. Automatically, I stepped closer to help him but suddenly Blaise stood next to me and intertwined our hands. I clasped his arm tightly with my other hand, but he didn't seem to notice. Helpless, I watched my best friend threatening my brother.

_"__Careful or you'll get more than a punch this time!"_ Hermione spat but Draco scowled at her.

_"__You're right, you'll never understand the bond Arya and I share."_ He forced out through gritted teeth. _"She's my sister, my twin. We're born the same day. We know each other better than anyone else… Yes, Granger, I love my sister deeply no matter how much you or your friends hate me!"_

_"__I really hope you do, Malfoy... Because if you ever hurt her, I'll kill you! If you ever betray her to your family or Voldemort, I'll kill you! If you or your family endanger her with your Death Eater business, you're dead! No one – and I mean it Malfoy, nobody hurts my best friends and gets away with it!"_ Hermione spat menacingly and Draco's scowled intensified.

She released his collar and lowered her wand. She turned away and Draco rubbed his throat, glaring at her back. Hermione glared at Blaise and pointed her wand lazily at him.

_"__I don't really know you but the same goes for you."_ She completely ignored me, still clinging to Blaise's hand with our hands intertwined. _"You, Derek. I started to like you but that won't change my threat. I wish I'd have let her throw that knife at you though!"_

Finally, she looked at me and her glare softened, much to my relief. Nevertheless, she was still watching me darkly while she put away her wand. Numbly, I let go of Blaise's arm and pulled my now badly shaking hand out of his. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest while I looked at my friend with horrified wide eyes.

_"__You… If you ever… If you ever mention Malfoy or Zabini to me again, I swear I'll hex you!"_ Hermione scowled warningly and I nodded. Obviously satisfied, she whirled around and stomped away with long, aggressive strides…

_"__Well, I'd dare to say she doesn't hate you."_ Draco stated dryly in the deafening silence. He had a very conspicuous red mark on his throat. It looked horrible against his pale skin.

His voice snapped me out of my paralyzed state and I let out a shaking breath. I run a trembling hand through my hair and chuckled relieved. I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and my mind seemed clear and sharp again. I took a few deep breaths and looked around.

Draco gently massaged the mark on his throat, only making it look worse. Derek crossed his arms and returned a warm smile. As infectious as it was, my lips twitched in a very happy smile as well. I fidgeted with my hands and chuckled to myself.

_"__And I finally start to feel my hand again."_ Blaise mumbled grimly but we all heard it anyway. I grinned sheepishly at him and shrugged excusing. He cast me a half-hearted scowl and rubbed his hand.

I stared at him and suddenly I was smirking. Derek chuckled as well but tried to hide it by clearing his throat. We exchanged a glance before breaking into fits of laughter. We only laughed harder when we saw Blaise and Draco exchange a confused look before they looked at us with the exact same expression of disbelief and frustration.

_"__Wait, what's that?"_ Draco suddenly interrupted us and exchanged a smirk with Blaise who grinned smugly to himself. Derek and I cast him half-hearted confused glances, our bodies still shaking with laugher now and then. My brother approached me and smirked slyly.

_"__What?"_ I chuckled and stiffened when he came to a halt right in front of me. What was he up to? With a very smug sneer, he suddenly reached out and pushed my hair back. _"What the hell, Draco?"_

To my utter confusion and slight annoyance, he started laughing. Turning around to Blaise and Derek he sneered arrogantly. Then he looked back at me and crossed his arms.

_"__Had a hot make out session with your boyfriend?" _My brother raised one eyebrow and smirked triumphantly at me. My hand flew up to my neck instantly when a very dark blush crept on my cheeks. The three started laughing loudly at my embarrassment. Nervously, I turned away to hide my blush but couldn't suppress the secretive smile to myself. _Merlin, I can still feel his lips on my skin!_ In fact, where Severus had kissed my neck I felt a sudden prickle. _His damn perfect lips and kisses…_

I was interrupted in my pleasant memories when Blaise laid his arm around my shoulder and took a closer look at the bite mark. _"Impressive."_ He then smirked snidely at me and I bit the inside of my cheek. _"How's snogging your professor? I bet he's good…"_

My face heated even more and I tried to get out of his hold but he pulled me firmly to his side. _"Impressive, Blaise. Simply impressive."_ I mumbled and he chuckled amused at my lame reply.

_"__Well, sounds like you had a very… sensual experience with him."_ I scowled up at him but with my red face it surely wasn't intimidating. Blaise grinned and looked over at my brother and Derek who were hardly trying not to laugh.

_"__I'd advise to check it out yourself but then I'd have to kill you…" _I replied grimly but he simply chuckled. _Damn, my replies are more than pathetic today!_

_"__Careful Blaise or she might just kick your ass."_ Draco warned him mocking and started laughing again. Embarrassed and irritated, I pushed Blaise's arm away and crossed my arms.

_"__Alright, all joking aside!"_ Derek exclaimed loudly and clapped his hands. Draco raised his eyebrow and I watched him doubtfully. _"If it's anyone's part to check out guys kissing experiences… it's definitely mine. So, quit you're pitiful mocking."_ He crossed his arms as my mouth fell open in disbelief.

_"__Did he just…?"_ Draco wondered to baffled to even complete his phrase.

Blaise smirked proudly at his adoptive brother._ "Yeah, he definitely did!"_

_"__Derek Hale…"_ I stomped towards him and placed one finger on his chest. I scowled fiercely at him but he simply looked down challenging. _"Did you just admit that you'd kiss my boyfriend if you could?"_ I asked slowly to make sure I had understood his hint.

To my surprise, Derek blushed and raised his eyebrows. _"If he weren't your boyfriend I definitely wouldn't say no. I mean he's smart and his mysterious attitude is incredibly tempting. And who wouldn't feel special if a usually reserved and mean person becom-"_

_"__If you want to make it up to the castle in one piece I suggest you shut your mouth now."_ I warned him dryly, keeping a straight face. Inwardly however, I was laughing at the thought of telling Severus about it.

_"__Alright… I was just joking. When did you lose your sense of humour?"_ Derek replied in a high-pitched voice and I couldn't suppress the snort any longer. I turned away chuckling and tried to stifle my laughter.

_"__No, you weren't!_" I pressed my fist against my lips to keep myself from laughing at Derek's lousy expression. Blaise and Draco were snickering badly now. _"But don't worry, I won't tell anyone about it. Your secret's safe with me."_ Derek scowled half-heartedly when I smirked triumphantly.

After some time, we decided to let Draco and Blaise go back to the castle first. When we finally arrived too it was almost time for dinner again. I couldn't wipe the beaming grin out of my face even if Hermione ignored me most of the time. I didn't care though. I hadn't lost my best friend!

Derek wisely chose not to sit with us for dinner or breakfast the next morning. I could handle Hermione's scowls and her cold shoulder but I didn't think it would be comfortable with Ron, Harry and Derek by our side…

_"__Could you please stop that?!"_ Hermione snapped annoyed at me. I almost grinned in excitement but tried to keep a straight face. I cleared my throat and stopped my fingers from tapping on the table.

_"__Oh yeah, sorry."_ I mumbled sheepishly. We were sitting at the breakfast table. Hermione sat across from me. I had chosen not sitting next to my incredible best friend for security reasons. Draco and Blaise sat on the other side of the Slytherin table facing me. I gave my best not glancing over at them but felt their curious looks now and then. Even if they had acted all annoyed and childish about Hermione's attack yesterday they were obviously concerned for my well-being now.

I honestly tried concentrating on anything but Hermione or these two Slytherins – I couldn't. So I kept staring at my best friend while she was reading her newspaper. Desperately trying not to grin or beam goofily.

_"__Is it true you're down by the Quidditch pitch yesterday?"_ Harry asked from across the table. He managed a disapproving and curious look at once.

_"__Oh… uhm…"_ I glanced quickly at Hermione who wrinkled her nose and I knew she was listening too. _"Yeah. Yes, I suppose I was…"_ My retort sounded embarrassing, but Harry simply nodded and looked thoughtful. Inwardly, I cursed how much our fight had affected my self-confidence. I mean I felt incredibly rueful for breaking it to her like I did, and I understood it wasn't easy for her to understand and accept. But how much influence had I had in living with the Malfoy's? None at all. So why did I feel suddenly ashamed about it?

_"__What if we asked McGonagall for a permission?"_ Harry asked excitedly, and Ron grinned widely. He turned to me with a beaming expression. _"You'd be in right?"_ I chuckled excited and started tapping on the table again.

_"__Of course! I've waited so long to play again. It's been ages since I last played Quidditch."_ I exclaimed happily and Harry nodded.

_"__Oh, really…"_ Hermione mumbled to herself and my smile faltered. She lifted her head with a disapproving look in her eyes and turned to Harry. _"You honestly don't believe she'd let you play right?"_ I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and exchanged a short glance with Harry who opened his mouth to protest.

Hermione shook her head in disbelief and turned back to her newspaper. _"You're a Triwizard champion, Harry. She'll never allow something that might get you in the hospital wing…"_ She stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. But it made sense though… _"Stop the tapping, please!"_ She emphasized the last word and rustled irritated with her newspaper. I stopped again.

Harry made a sound which sounded like a scoff and a snort at the same time. Gloomy he scowled at his toast and took a sip from his pumpkin juice. Absentminded, I let my gaze wander through the hall. Severus wasn't sitting at the teacher's table. _Probably, taking a break from the students and enjoying breakfast in his chambers. Would be nice to see him though. After all, he hasn't been at dinner. After my break-down yesterday he should know about how things are going now…_

When I looked over at the Slytherin table, I saw Blaise and Draco exchange expectant smirks before looking straight at me. I raised my eyebrows and tried to suppress the amused grin. The urge vanished immediately when Blaise subtly repeatedly tapped on his neck with one finger. Blushing, I looked down and bit my bottom lip. Absentminded, I started tapping with my fingers again while I scratched the bite mark with my other hand.

A hard thing hitting my shoulder made my head snap up in the blink of an eye. Hermione was glaring irritated in my direction and I turned my head to see that an apple was rolling on the floor.

_"__What was that for?"_ I exclaimed in disbelief. A small smile crept on her lips and she looked down at her newspaper again.

_"__Your tapping."_ She mumbled. Harry and Ron watched her curiously before turning their heads to me. I simply shrugged my shoulders in return. Then it hit me. I remembered throwing things at Derek yesterday for mocking me and now she was doing the same. My lips twitched into a beaming smile when I realised that she was perhaps already forgiving me.

_"__Ms. Jackson."_ I flinched startled only to chuckle nervously then. My friends looked up and I felt Draco's and Blaise's amused looks on us.

_"__Merlin, you scared me there."_ I replied without thinking when I turned around. Severus wasn't looking at me but scowling warningly at Hermione. She blinked a few times and a small blush coloured her cheeks. I snickered quietly to myself. _I bet he saw you throwing the apple Hermione…_

_"__Come with me."_ His piercing, cold eyes turned to me and I furrowed my eyebrows in surprise.

_"__What?" _My mouth said before my brain had time to think clearly. _"Why? … Now, Sir?"_

Severus' lips twitched and he raised one eyebrow. _"Now, daft girl." _My slight blush deepened at my very embarrassing act but obviously my brain had shut off the moment he had startled me.

_"__Yes. Of course. Now… Why?"_ I rambled ingeniously. _Where the bloody hell are all my witty remarks?_ I scowled myself and averted my gaze. Severus mouth turned into a snarky smirk and I glared gloomy. We both knew very well who was on the winning side here…

_"__I wonder how you're capable to formulate complete sentences with your monosyllabic choice of words."_ Severus replied snidely. I growled under my breath… and snapped my head up rapidly. Pathetically, I couldn't hold back my surprised sound of realization.

_"__Oh."_ Severus' smirk widened when I hissed frustrated at myself. He was trying to get back at me for beating him yesterday. _And obviously succeeding…_ I thought sarcastically.

_"__Exactly what I thought. Now, move!"_ He said coldly before turning and walking towards the door.

_"__Bloody git!"_ I exclaimed loud enough for my friends to hear. They cast me sympathetic smiles and I hurried to follow him. I felt my brother's and Blaise's burning stares on me when I had to jog to catch up with him. _Hell, you're so embarrassing me in front of everyone here, Severus! Let me jog after you, knowing that I have no other choice. _I growled thoughtfully.

I followed him down the stairs to the dungeons and to his office. He banged the door open and I rushed inside, wondering why he wanted to see me so badly. _Did I do something wrong? I never spoke to Dobby so it can't be the Gillyweed thing…_ When he came to halt he smirked down triumphantly at me. I scowled gloomy at him and crossed my arms.

_"__Bloody git!"_ I repeated mumbling under my breath but by his widening smirk I knew he had heard me.

_"__Quit your whining, sore loser. I couldn't possibly let that great opportunity slip." _Severus replied amused and I chuckled defeated.

_"__I wouldn't have in your place either, but did you have to make me run after you?"_ I asked frustrated and bit my bottom lip. Severus raised one eyebrow and looked thoughtfully at me.

_"__I like the thought of you running after me though…"_ He retorted arrogantly.

Laughing, I shook my head when Severus suddenly snuck his arms around my waist to place his hands on my lower back. Lazily, I put my arms around his torso as well and stared up questioning. His expression had become serious and his dark eyes observed me closely now.

_"__What happened between you and Granger? She's acting quite friendly towards you."_ His steady voice sounded cold but I knew he was confused. I grinned and bit the inside of my cheek.

_"__Well, I went down to the Quidditch pitch yesterday to speak with Draco, Blaise and Derek. I told them about what happened. But then suddenly Hermione showed up and… well. Let's say she made it quite clear that they should better not hurt me. Before she left she warned me to never mention Draco or Blaise to her ever again and then she left. During dinner she ignored me most of the time but kept casting short glances."_ I beamed at Severus and intertwined my hands in his neck. _"Apparently, she's not as angry as I thought she was… not at me though."_

Severus nodded curtly and watched me sceptically. _"I told you so…"_

_"__Hmpf…"_ I rolled my eyes and he smirked to himself. _"Whatever… Why did you make me come here by the way?" _I asked curiously and got a very sceptical look in return.

_"__Obviously not to discuss your monosyllabic phrases."_ Severus growled and I looked at him confused. When it suddenly dawned me, I blushed slightly. I bit my bottom lip and lowered my head while my heart beat rapidly in my chest. My stomach started prickling and goose bumps appeared all over my body. There was a short silence during which Severus stared at me with furrowed eyebrows and a questioning expression.

Suddenly, his lips turned in an infuriatingly complacent and arrogant smirk. Confused, I looked up at him through my eyelashes and blushed further. Severus snorted lowly to himself and let go of me. My heart squeezed painfully when he turned away and shook his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose and growled deeply.

_"__What?"_ I snapped annoyed and watched him with disbelief. _Is that idiot laughing at me?_

When he turned back to me, I saw that infuriating and triumphant smirk again and scowled grimly. That made him laugh and he stepped closer. Gently, he run his hand from my forehead down to my heated cheek and over my jaw. Then he locked eyes with me, the black sparkling mischievously in the dim light.

_"__You think, I brought you to my office for a…"_ His lips twitched amused. _"…a snogging session, didn't you?"_

It felt like a slap to my face. My mouth fell open in shock and my cheeks started burning pathetically. _Of course, he didn't! He simply wanted to talk about Hermione… Where did that bloody idea came from? Now he probably takes you for being like any other lovesick girl who has her first boyfriend… _More than embarrassed with myself, I stumbled back and turned away. I crossed my arms firmly and bit the inside of my cheek.

_"__Unbelievable. You did."_ Severus said dryly to himself, making me feel even more stupid. _Well done, Arya. You managed to embarrass yourself twice in less than ten minutes. Great work!_ I groaned to myself and tightened the grip on my arms. Soft fingers on my chin tried to raise my head but I pulled away by turning it. I heard a long sigh.

_"__Arya, please look at me."_ Severus said quietly but I only closed my eyes and shook my head slightly. I felt his cold hand cupping my burning cheek and slowly forcing my head to him. I winced when he placed his other hand on the other side of my face. I knew he wouldn't continue if I didn't look at him but I simply couldn't look at him right now. Never in my life had I felt that embarrassed before. I had handled all kind of meticulous situations, but this was different. This was Severus, my boyfriend…

_"__Don't hide yourself from me."_ Severus spoke softly and caressed my cheeks with his thumbs. The cold of his hand made my cheeks only seem warmer to my utter annoyance.

I took a shaking breath before finally turning my head to him. I didn't know why but I felt incredibly scared to open my eyes again. What would I find in Severus' eyes? I forced myself to open my eyes. I continued staring at his buttons that were on my height for a moment before slowly lifting my gaze. I sighed in relief. Severus looked at me with a serious expression. I don't know how I would have reacted if he had still been laughing at me.

Curiously, I felt the urge to laugh but I decided for a pathetic chuckle. I felt nervous and insecure under his gaze. Sheepishly, I smiled at Severus whose lips merely twitched. Instead, he run his fingers from my temple over my cheek and to my chin. I looked nervously at his moving arm, making him smirk slightly.

_"__I won't do anything, Arya."_ His honest gaze bore deeply into my eyes and I nodded. _"Not unless you want me to."_ I nodded again and felt more than stupid and pathetic now. _How did the idea even come up in the first place? Severus bringing you here for snogging. Seriously Arya, as if that would ever happen with us needing to stay hidden…_

_"__Out of mere curiosity,"_ Severus raised one eyebrow. _"Were you scared by your idea?"_

I squinted my eyes and my mouth fell open in surprise. Then my cheeks burned stronger and I groaned. Severus watched me expectantly and I managed to roll my eyes.

_"__What did I do that you feel the urge to embarrass me so much today?"_ I mumbled under my breath.

Severus opened his eyes wider, a quizzical expression on his face. _"I'm merely asking a few questions. There's no need to feel ashamed or embarrassed."_

Suddenly feeling extremely irritated, I glared at him. _"Well, maybe not for you. You're experienced in relationships, I'm not. You're bloody confident about everything while I feel like some lovesick and pathetic girl who's a crush on her boyfriend…"_

Severus stared at me for a while making me even more uncomfortable. Angrily, I hissed to myself and tried to turn away from him. A firm grip on my arm stopped me from doing so however. Severus looked more sympathetic and relaxed now. Then he cupped my cheeks and watched me intensely.

_"__You're neither lovesick nor pathetic and you're most certainly not some girl. I love you and you only! You're frustrated because you don't know yourself being so nervous and uncertain. I understand your struggle but I promise it'll get better in time…"_

Severus retreated one hand and placed it on my lower back. Gently, he pulled me closer to his chest and I laid my hands around his torso. Exhaling deeply, his expression changed to one of slight amusement – and embarrassment? Confused, I watched when he seemed to struggle with himself.

_"__You took me by surprise with your idea."_ Severus finally explained quietly and blinked at me. I felt even more confused now.

_"__Why? I'm well aware of the fact that you had a life without me. I'm sure you did all of it before…"_ I asked with furrowed eyebrows. My brain couldn't process one word of what he was trying to tell me. Severus growled lowly under his breath and rolled his eyes. He placed his other hand on my lower back as well and tightened the embrace a little. When our eyes locked again, he scowled darkly. Only then I finally understood that he really felt embarrassed right now. My lips twitched and by the furrowing of his eyebrows I saw my assumption confirmed.

_"__Yes, of course I did."_ He snapped irritated and I winced. "_But never with women I cared for. I may have experiences but whenever you're concerned they become useless. You may have noticed by now, I'm private with my emotions and actions, however you make it quite difficult for me. You never cease to confuse or surprise me."_

Severus admitted, the velvet voice making his words only more beautiful. My lips turned into a smile when I finally understood what he meant – and why he felt embarrassed. I knew he felt uncomfortable talking about his feelings but now I had practically forced him to do so. I didn't regret it though…

I watched his grim expression and chuckled lightly. _"You're amazing. You know that?"_ I said softly and looked deeply in these mysterious, dark eyes I loved so much. Severus growled and his expression relaxed slightly.

_"__Because I made a fool of myself?"_ He asked dryly and I chuckled again.

_"__No, you daft man. Because I love you."_ I replied, gazing loving up at him. Severus suddenly became rigid and merely stared at me. His annoyance had vanished in the blink of an eye. Instead, he watched me with a soft expression. I returned his gaze, completely satisfied and happy with being in his arms and having him looking at me like that.

Then he shifted and blinked a few times. He raised one eyebrow, his lips twitching in a small genuine smile. _"Daft man?"_ I nodded and grinned widely. Severus' eyes sparkled in amusement and he rested his forehead against mine. _"This once, Jackson. This once."_ He whispered under his breath and I chuckled with closed eyes.

I felt his breath on my face, making me suddenly aware of our closeness. Severus wrapped his arms around my small body, pulling me closer to him. My stomach tingled again and I smiled to myself. Then I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his. Immediately, I felt Severus' arms tighten around me and his face lowering. I started moving my lips gently and shivered at the explosion of sensations in my body. My heart beat rapidly in my chest and butterflies whirled wildly in my stomach.

Slowly, I brought my hands up and intertwined them in his neck. I traced his lips with my tongue and Severus parted his lips instantly. He growled lowly in his chest when our tongues fought for dominance until I finally gave in – enjoying Severus' lead too much. One of his hands wandered up into my hair and held my head. I moaned when the kiss heated up. Severus kissed me roughly now while the hand on my back wandered upwards. I buried my hands in his hair and pulled lightly. He growled in my mouth and I desperately tried to pull him even closer to me-

A knock on the door made us jump apart in less than a second. Startled, I smoothened my hair, Severus adjusted his robes and hair quickly. I blushed lightly when he turned to the door and pointed his wand at it.

_"__Good morning, Severus."_ Professor McGonagall entered his office with the usual stern expression.

_"__Minerva."_ Severus greeted curtly and nodded. I watched when Professor McGonagall turned towards him and curled her lips.

_"__Forgive me for disturbing you but it's urgent. I need to talk to you about one of your students. I cannot-"_

_"__Excuse me, Minerva but I believe we should better be left alone for this conversation."_ Severus interrupted her calmly and stepped aside. She watched him confused until she saw me standing in the darker part of the room.

_"__Ms. Jackson?"_ She stated bemused and I smiled timidly at her. I still felt the blush on my cheeks and Severus' lips on mine. Severus, standing next to her, smirked smugly at me. _You're so not helping, Severus! _I could barely hold back the chuckle and scowl. Instead, I managed a somewhat genuine smile.

_"__Professor."_ I greeted back and quickly looked at Severus who had raised a provocative eyebrow. Now I couldn't suppress the chuckle any longer, making his smirk widen satisfied. I tried to growl which ended in a quiet laughing.

_"__Excuse her, Minerva. She's impressively eloquent today."_ Severus interrupted the uncomfortable silence and crossed his arms. My head of house raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

_"__Eloquent? I'm most certainly not eloquent you daft man."_ I replied untouched and cast him a challenging glare. Professor McGonagall's lips twitched but I couldn't say if it was amusement or disapproval.

Severus chuckled to himself before pointing his wand at the door. _"If you respect your teachers you leave now."_

I laughed and waved it off in amusement. _"Yeah, sure." _I chuckled inwardly and turned towards the door.

_"__Excuse me."_ Severus drawled and I turned around, a wide smirk on my lips. His expression was calm and whipped out of every emotion – except for annoyance and curiosity. _I know how to get you, Severus. I know you!_

I smirked smugly and cast him a questioning look. _"Yes?"_

Professor McGonagall shifted and shook her head in disbelief. _"Jackson, I suggest you leave now before you disappoint me even more."_ Her stern voice made me nod automatically. Severus satisfied sneer next to her held me frozen on the spot though.

I forced my body to whirl around towards the door but stopped again and turned around provocative slowly. I cast Severus a very arrogant smirk and crossed my arms as well. _"Honestly Severus, you should reformulate your phrase."_

_"__Obviously."_ He drawled slowly.

_"__If you respect your head of house you leave now. Sounds much better."_ I retorted thoughtfully and his lips twitched in amusement.

_"__Get out, now."_ He emphasized and sneered widely. Professor McGonagall threatened to smile and I would have loved to see it but Severus' voice sounded quite warning. So, I nodded and walked to the door. Just before I reached for the handle however, another idea came into my mind and I grinned to myself.

_"__Oh, I almost forgot to tell you."_ I turned to Severus again who scowled half-heartedly at me. I smiled my most genuine smile and saw the confusion flicker over his face. _"The answer to your previous question is no by the way. I would've totally enjoyed myself!"_

I laughed inwardly when Severus shifted slightly uncomfortable. The scowl darkened and he growled in his chest. Then suddenly he smirked slyly and it was my turn to feel nervous now.

_"__Of course, you would. I suppose we can discuss the matter next time." _My mouth fell open in surprise and his smirk widened triumphantly. _"Now. Leave!"_

_"__Who's being monosyllabic now…"_ I mumbled quietly and turned to the door again. Before leaving I just needed to say one more thing. It was the perfect reply to make him flustered. I turned again, meeting the annoyed piercing gazes of two Professors now but I concentrated on Severus.

_"__Severus, do you mind if we resume our conversation after the 'daft man' part next time?"_ I asked innocently. Severus tensed in the blink of an eye. His mask threatened to falter, his emotions coming through. And then he had himself completely under control again. He glared darkly at me and pressed his lips in a thin line.

_"__I'd love to, you know. It was quite interesting, to say the least." _I added thoughtfully and smirked inwardly at his outrage. Teasing him was fun!

_"__Out!"_ He growled warningly and I nodded smirking triumphantly.

The door shut right behind me with a loud bang and I laughed quietly. With bouncing steps, I made my way back to the great hall. My lips still tingling strongly with our kiss…


	48. Chapter 48 - Troubling Moody

48\. Troubling Moody

_Mad-Eye Moody dragged my lifeless feeling body towards the only light cutting through the darkness of the night. Where his hands touched my body, I felt darkness radiate on my skin. He felt evil and powerful, almost as filled with dark magic as my father. Then suddenly, he pushed me forwards and I fell hard on the stony ground. A sharp pain rushed through my knees as I tried to keep my balance with my hands. I don't know how long I stayed on the ground like that…_

_"__Look who decided to join us tonight!" My father walked smoothly in my direction. My body was numb and cold... I had lost my magic… Desperate and helpless, I was kneeling on the wet grass. As I slowly raised my head, I realized that I was on a graveyard. The moonlight made the gravestone shadow's grow bigger and bigger. Between the shadows stood Death Eaters. They were all staring at me through their hideous masks…_

_I didn't even flinch as a cold finger forced my head up and I stared in two lifeless slit eyes. "You won't get away this time."_

_Disgusted, I pulled my head out of his grip and spat:" I'll never help you! I'd rather die!"_

_He laughed coldly and pushed me on the ground. "You will." Tom Riddle raised his wand grinning ugly. "Crucio!"_

_A sharp burning pain rushed through my whole body but I forced myself to keep my mouth closed. I wouldn't scream out in pain... The pain felt unbearable... I couldn't give in…_

_"__Arya, are you okay?"_ Hermione's voice cut through my thoughts. Automatically, I scratched my left forearm. That had become quite an irritating habit of mine…

Slowly, I shook my head and stopped pushing my breakfast around on my plate. I locked eyes with her sighting deeply. _"I had another nightmare tonight."_ Harry's head snapped up and Ron stopped eating.

_"__But this time it was different again. Moody was in the dream too. He was with me on the graveyard. It was definitely him, I'm sure of it. It felt strange though as if he wasn't a good person."_

_"__Don't you think your mind is playing tricks on you? I mean with the stress about the second task, Mr. Crouch's death and your growing dislike and doubts towards Professor Moody it would be totally understandable." _Hermione stated, going back to reading her newspaper.

_"__But think about it, Hermione. What if he spent so much time with fighting the dark arts that he turned at one point? Everyone breaks at one point or-"_

Hermione noisily closed the paper and placed it roughly on the table. Annoyed, she looked at Harry and Ron for support. _"He's an auror for Merlin's sake! So stop it, will you? Professor Moody working for the dark side is just ridiculous."_

_"__She's right though. He brought more Death Eaters to Azkaban than any other dark wizard catcher." _Ron interjected.

_"__Thank you, Ron."_ Hermione said, watching me with raised eyebrows. _"We should go now. Potions starts soon."_

Growling, I followed my friends, once again deeply lost in thoughts about my nightmares. Harry interrupted my thinking by nudging me in the side.

_"__You remember when I told you about the trial I saw in the pensieve in Dumbledore's office right?"_ I nodded absentminded and he continued almost whispering now. _"I told you about Snape and Karkaroff who were Death Eater's once. Do they feel as evil as Moody? Because if they don't it might just have to do with the fact that Moody is closer to the dark arts now than the both of them. With Voldemort gone they have no-one to go to except keep hidden in safety."_

I growled in reply and cast my best friend a dark look. _"My dreams are not just rubbish, Harry and neither are yours. And I don't believe that Professor Snape or Karkaroff are ever going back to him when he returns. They aren't evil like it feels with Moody."_

Harry pierced me with an intense look. He looked around for any listeners as we reached the end of the stairs. _"One thing I didn't tell you before. I saw another memory in the pensieve which Dumbledore allowed me to watch. Snape was in his office and saying something like 'it's coming back and Karkaroff's too, stronger and clearer than ever'. I'm positive he was speaking about the Dark Mark. I mean it makes perfectly sense. I'm sure you'll feel when they returned to him. Can you promise to tell me when you feel a change about Snape?"_

I rolled my eyes and exhaled deeply. My brain was trying to process the fact that Dumbledore would show Harry that memory. _What the hell does he think he's doing? Trying to bring Severus down? _We turned around the last corner with Ron and Hermione in a conversation walking in front of us.

Annoyed, I turned to look at him and snapped: _"He won't, Harry. Because he's not evil and I trust him."_

_"__I know but I don't. Look at it this way, if he doesn't change then you're right and I will apologize. Well, if he does we need to be on guard. Please?" _There was a quiet pause that was only filled with our steps echoing in the dark corridor.

_"__Fine, I promise."_ A goofy grin appeared on Harry's face and I couldn't do anything else than chuckle.

_"__Thanks!"_ He replied happily, making me grin as well.

_"__Yeah, whatever. But I'm still right and I'll remind you of that apology you owe me and Professor Snape."_ I warned him chuckling.

As we arrived in front of the potion's classroom the whole bunch of Slytherin's was already waiting. They were looking at something but I didn't pay much attention. Again, I was thinking about my nightmares which had penetrated my sleep more and more the last weeks. As a result, I felt tired almost every day because I didn't get enough sleep. Hence, my patience wasn't the best these days. Additionally, my arm was causing me more and more trouble. The pain had come more often and stronger the last weeks. Every time it hurt, it left a stronger numbness afterwards. Yet, I had refused to talk about it to anyone. I had even started to hide it from my friends. Or at least, I was trying to – of course Harry noticed it almost every time. I think, I did understand him with his hurting scar now. It was indescribably nerve-wracking being exposed to sudden waves of sharp, burning pain without having a possibility to stop it…

_"__Jackson, you might want to find something to interest you in there as well."_

Annoyed about being interrupted again in my thoughts, I lifted my head. I found myself looking at a giggling Pansy Parkinson and furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Hermione held a magazine in her shaking hands. Without another word, I snatched it out of her hands, ignoring her indignant protest. I found what Parkinson was referring to quickly, seeing as Hermione's photo was almost covering half of the page. The article was about Harry and his love life written by none other than Rita Skeeter. Merlin, I hated that women! I scanned over the article until I found my name under Skeeter's report about Hermione and Viktor Krum.

**(…) Little did Harry Potter know that he would be suffering not only one heart-breaking blow coming back to Hogwarts for his fourth year. Miss Jackson, an insignificant but very impulsive girl, is having a hard time coping with her feelings. Having been Harry's other steady girlfriend over the years, she seems desperate to get attention from the Boy-Who-Lives. Therefore, she found herself a replacement in one of Viktor Krum's friends - Derek Hale. Mr. Hale is an undeniably handsome British student who attends the same school as the famous Bulgarian Seeker. The strikingly physical resemblance does not leave much room for interpretations, however. Some say, that Mr. Hale is the alluring 'bad boy' version of Harry seeing as he lives in a Slytherin family and is befriended with Harry's rivalling classmates. Like Miss Granger, Miss Jackson is toying with two boy's hearts. Not many know that Miss Jackson has been deprived of love since the murder of her parents by You-Know-Who and since then been growing up in an orphanage. Hence, who can condemn her tormented soul for desperately trying to find love in her lonely life? Nevertheless, it is no excuse for her heartbreaking demeanour. In the meantime, Harry Potter's well-wishers must hope that, next time, he bestows his heart upon worthier candidates.**

My heart pounded very fast in my chest at this point. As I slowly looked up, Hermione snatched the magazine out of my hands again to read it herself. How the hell did Skeeter know all this, especially the part about my childhood. Annoyance and anger were rushing through my body alternately, dominating the constant uncomfortable throbbing in my arm.

_"__Is it true that you live in an orphanage? How is it growing up all alone and unloved?" _Parkinson's shrieking voice cut through the silence. Her laugh made me want to vomit and punch her at the same time.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I imagined all my anger leaving my body while releasing my breath again. I knew from this day on, I would have to deal with comments like hers. But I was better than that. As long as nobody knew about my father I would try to stay calm. Easy to say though…

The loud noise echoing in the corridor from the classroom's door being opened aggressively draw my attention. With a smirking Parkinson following me, I made my way to my friends. As we started brewing the requested potion, Hermione took out the magazine and continued reading it under the table. In the monotone work of cutting and crushing, my thoughts drifted away once again to my nightmares.

_How can Moody possibly be a Death Eater if he brought so many of them to Azkaban? He would be considered a treater in his own ranks. But why does he feel so horribly bad? Theoretically, Severus and Karkaroff have spent more time with Death Eaters than him. Is it really possible for an aura to change due to a person's surroundings?_

Irritated, I threw the ingredients into the cauldron and started stirring. This riddle was incredibly nerve wracking. And the nightmares…

_"__There's something funny, though."_ Hermione's voice interrupted my thoughts… again. _"How could Rita Skeeter know about all of this? I mean when Viktor asked me to visit him during the summer we were alone..."_

_"__What?"_ Ron dropped his pestle with a loud clunk. Harry smirked to himself and remained quiet. _"What did you say?"_

Now, Harry and I exchanged a glance and I smirked as well. Jealousy was in the air…

_"__Well, I was too busy seeing whether you and Harry were okay to-"_

_"__Fascinating though your private life undoubtedly is, Miss Granger I must ask you not to discuss it in my class. Ten points from Gryffindor."_ A cold voice interrupted us from right behind us.

I bit my lip to keep myself from laughing loudly at Hermione's furiously blushing face. Severus rounded our table with dangerously slow steps to inspect our progress. As I heard snickering behind me, I turned around to see Draco and Blaise watching us with a snarky grin. It took all my will power not to grin back.

_"__Is there anything you would like to share, Ms. Jackson?"_ I snapped my head around and found myself looking in dark mysterious eyes, which were deeply boring into mine. An incredibly provoking sneer was on his lips and again I had difficulties not replying anything leading to further discussions. After all, I had once promised Professor McGonagall to at least try staying out of trouble in class.

Trying to contain myself, I straightened up and did my best not to smirk. _"No, Sir."_

To my surprise, Severus did not look away. In fact, he kept our eyes locked… I couldn't tear my eyes away. Whenever I looked into his eyes, I just had to stare at him as long as possible. I enjoyed every second I got to look into his mysterious eyes. And certainly, I could stand here in the potions room forever staring at him. I loved his eyes. I loved his sneer. I loved his provocations. I loved his voice. Merlin, he had successfully turned me into a lovesick, clingy person! That man was totally blowing up my cover with his teasing… and with the feelings I had for him…

As I came back to reality, I realised that his sneer had turned into a smirk and he had one eyebrow raised provoking. A small blush crept on my cheeks to my utter annoyance. _Damn, I have just openly been staring at him!_ I mentally slapped myself as hard as I could, not breaking our gaze however. I wouldn't be the one to look away first. _Isn't that a childish game we're playing here…_ The urge to laugh had vanished in the blink of an eye, making Severus' smirk only grow wider. He knew exactly that I had just realized my mistake and was trying to cover it up now.

_"__Good because nobody is interested in any rubbish you might have to say."_ With that he turned to leave, a very arrogant expression on his face I might add. Again, I heard snickering from behind my back.

My brain shut down in an instance and my mouth fell open in shock of his reply, abruptly ending my inner awkward rapture. After a few seconds, my brain went back to work and I closed my mouth. Glaring at the innocent potion in front of me, I tried to breath regularly to relax a little. _Awkward and pathetic…_

_"__Ah… reading newspapers under the table as well."_ Severus added, snatching up the magazine from the chair next to Hermione. _Oh shit, that was going well for us today. "That makes another ten points from Gryffindor… Oh, but of course"_ Slowly, I looked up at him and didn't miss the sneer that was growing wide on his face. _This can't be good! _Everyone was looking at us now. _"Potter has to keep up with his press cutting."_

Slytherins were laughing now but Severus ignored them. Instead, he started reading the article aloud to my horror. And poor Harry seemed almost bubbling over with rage. I could understand him. It was more than embarrassing and unfair. I would have loved to lash out at Severus right now. He was definitely crossing a line here! Feeling overwhelmingly appalled, I tightened the grip on the knife I was holding and glared fiercely at Severus' robes.

Luckily, he only read several phrases, jumping over the article. As he had finished the part with Hermione and Krum he lowered the magazine in his hand. I exhaled deeply, a trace of relief rushing through my body. With shaking hands, I continued measuring some ingredients.

_"__Well well, who would have guessed?"_ I froze and didn't dare breathing. _He wouldn't. "Jackson is falling for your bad boy version, Potter. Now, that must be really heartbreaking indeed."_

In a heartbeat, all the anger vanished, and I mentally scowled myself for mistrusting Severus. I had honestly believed he would make fun of the 'lonely life' or 'desperately looking for love' part. I chuckled as I continued my work. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw almost everybody glancing at me and Harry. While Harry was still shaking with anger and trying to concentrate on his potion, I turned my head towards our teacher, a smug grin plastered on my face.

_"__Oh, yeah. I've got to admit I'm totally into bad boys."_ I heard some laughter, others were watching Severus, waiting for his reaction. As it was to be expected, Severus had himself completely under control, however. He raised one eyebrow and smirked dangerously at me. I ignored his subtle warning and continued. I wanted to get under his skin only once in class. And that article was the perfect opportunity. To my defence, I didn't start it!

_"__Even if Skeeter writes rubbish all the time, she's got a point with that. I mean, which girl wouldn't fall for someone like Derek?"_ I laughed and scanned the room before I looked back at a rigid Severus who had crossed his arms. _"I heard girls from every house talking about him – even Parkinson and girls who are in a relationship. He's smart, incredibly attractive and mysterious. I mean a Brit going to Durmstrang and speaking Bulgarian, hanging out with the most hated Slytherins in Hogwarts and their rivalling classmates? Those riddles are screaming to be solved. Which girl wouldn't be allured by someone so utterly appealing?"_

Once could hear a needle falling on the floor, the silence was only interrupted by the constant bubbling of the potions. Severus had tightened his crossed arms. Slowly, he clenched and relaxed his jaw, obviously at a loss for words. The smirk had vanished and been replaced by a cold sneer. _I got him!_

_"__Pity. It obviously didn't reach your brain before. Nobody is interested in any rubbish you have to say, Jackson… Especially, not in the rubbish concerning your love life." _His voice sounded as cold as his sneer looked like. _I totally got him!_

My smirk grew even wider. I knew I was walking on dangerous ground. With his reputation, Severus probably wouldn't have any other choice than taking points from Gryffindor. And he hated taking points because of me, seeing as he didn't want to get me in trouble with Professor McGonagall. But now, I couldn't care less… He had started it! And it was fun!

_"__Really?! If I wouldn't know better, I'd say you do have a problem with the fact that I'm falling for a smart, attractive and very alluring guy. Otherwise, you certainly would've interrupted me earlier."_ Severus strode in my direction, his glare intensifying with every step.

_"__If you don't want to get in detention, I suggest you keep. Your. Mouth. Shut!"_ Severus spat dangerously slow. I did not feel the slightest impressed or cowed.

I leaned forward a little, placing my hands on the table and watching him with a blank expression. I kept silent and just stared at him. Now it was his turn to be fixed by my gaze. I knew his brain was working rapidly about how to handle this situation in my favour. Furthermore, he was probably wondering where I was going with our quarrel. I smirked wildly and straightened up again, making him blink in surprise. In the blink of an eye however, he had guised it again behind a cold mask.

_"__Just one more thing. I really do love my boyfriend, so I suggest you stop making a fool of him."_

Severus' mouth twitched and he had obviously difficulties keeping his emotionless mask. Nevertheless, I saw everything in his eyes. Realization, surprise, joy… and then there was the Slytherin part which obviously had problems with embarrassment and losing a battle he started. I couldn't deny that I didn't know those feelings…

Severus furrowed his eyebrows and glared darkly in my direction. His lips tightened as his black eyes bore themselves deeply into my blue ones. He had been defeated and it pained him to realize it. I knew him long enough to read it in his eyes. My lips turned into a smug grin and I looked up at him rather arrogantly. Severus' lips curled very ugly in defeat - making him look insane – but that only intensified my grin. With his cloak bellowing behind him, he whirled around and made his way back to the middle of the classroom.

_"__Thirty points from Gryffindor."_ Severus velvet voice cut through the silence of the classroom. _"I suggest you all go back to work now before you lose points as well."_

Grinning, I turned back to my cauldron and continued my brewing. It was quiet for some time then. Everybody was desperately trying to get the potion right while Severus strutted around the room, spatting out rude remarks now and then. Same as always…

To my amusement, I got interrupted again. This time it was a spider's fault. Daring and haltingly, it made its way over my part of the table. I would have stopped my work just to observe where it wanted to go – but sadly the potion required the perfect timing of adding ingredients and stirring right now. Therefore, I carefully tried to push it off the table without crushing it. I chuckled as it took my hand as invitation for a climbing experience. A scanning gaze around the room and I knew I had some unwatched time now. Severus was busy scowling at a poor Ravenclaw boy. I lifted my hand in front of my eyes and reached out with my mind to touch the spider's mind. Well, what am I supposed to say. I scared it off. I scared off a spider by trying to make it understand to leave my table – by invading its mind.

_Sorry little one, _I thought as the feared little thing kind of jumped off my hand, landing violently on its back. At least it looked violent… Rocking and twisting around, it tried desperately to get back on its legs…

Heat and coldness rushed through my body as I froze right in the spot. In an instant my brain became blank. My arm was throbbing stronger and sharper by the second. The flask, I was currently holding glided out of my hands and shattered noisily into sherds, salamander blood splashing everywhere. But I didn't notice any of it. I was back in our Defence against the Dark Arts' classroom…

_"__Crucio!" At once, the spider's legs bent in upon its body. It rolled over and twitched horribly, rocking from side to side. Now, I couldn't stop my whole body from shaking. The pain the spider felt was unbearable! I knew if it could, it would scream._

Reflecting blood everywhere… It was spreading slowly on the floor – towards my shoes. Automatically, I took a step back and fixed it wide eyed. Horror had taken over my brain and body… I was deeply under water. A tight grip on my chest made it difficult to breath. My heartbeat mixed itself with the noise of the blood flow in my ears. It seemed difficult, if not impossible to force a movement from my petrified body.

The flashback of Moody's first lesson hat completely overwhelmed and paralyzed me. For the uncountable time since the beginning of this school year, I had been reminded of my nightmare being tortured by my father. I could still feel the unbearable pain of the Cruciatus Curse in every part of my body. I remembered it every time my arm started burning…

The mess I had created was ugly. Not thinking about anything – just out of reflex, I kneeled down to clean it all up. My gaze was fixed on the twinkling and incredibly hypnotizing flow of blood. Losing balance in my action made me fall forward. Everything was happening in slow-motion though. But at the same time my brain couldn't process anything.

Somehow, I managed to steady my body with my hands… by placing them right in the repulsive mixture of salamander blood and shreds. Pain rushed through my hands and up my arms. Sharp splints bore themselves deeply into the palm of my hands. Trembling very strongly now, I raised them slowly in front of my eyes. The red liquid flowed down my hands and drenched my robes…

I shut my eyes in agony and suppressed a scream. My body was shaking with fear, pain and horror. Losing my balance for the second time, I fell back. I pulled my knees tightly to my chest. My blood dripping hands were trembling, still at eye level near my face. Feeling overwhelming appalled and hypnotized, I couldn't avert my gaze. My fresh and warm blood was mixing itself with the salamander blood, running elegantly down my hands. Its equal flow was only interrupted by hideous pieces of glass bored deeply into my skin.

_"__Arya."_ I heard my name being called in the distance…

_"__Jackson!" _The voice entered through my ears, making its way right into my mind. The familiar and agreeable voice echoed through my soul leaving a trace of warmth. _"Jackson, look at me."_ It vibrated through my body, diminishing my pain a bit.

_"__He must be a Death Eater."_ I whispered to no one. _"He's on his side."_

_"__Jackson!"_ The way the person spoke my name soothed my troubled mind. It seemed to approach me. Suddenly, a throbbing pain spread from my upper arms through my whole body, almost exploding in the palms of my hands. _Was he torturing me again?_

I blinked a few times in confusion. I was sitting on the cold stone floor, knees pulled tightly to my chest. My eyes wandered to my hands… no blood… On the ground was no blood neither, nor broken pieces of a flask. My arms and sleeves were clean as well...

_"__Look at me, Jackson."_ The pleasant voice was right in front of me.

Slowly, I looked up and found myself staring at Severus. The pain on my upper arms suddenly decreased. Severus had released his tight grip. I stared at his emotionless mask, yet I saw worry in his eyes. A sudden cutting pain in my hands made me whimper softly.

_"__Don't move your hands."_

My gaze fell on my hands again and only now I fully realized that pieces of glass had cut through my skin into my flesh. I furrowed my eyebrows as another cold wave of repulsion rushed through my body. Helpless, I looked back up at Severus who was snapping something at someone else.

Finally, I noticed students watching me curiously. Well, except for my friends… Blaise and Draco. Blaise had a firm grip on Draco's arm, keeping him from rushing to my side. Anger and worry traced my brother's pale face. Hermione, Harry and Ron were watching me worried and slightly scared. Suddenly, there was movement and one student after the other left the classroom.

_"__Should we take her to the hospital wing, Sir?"_ Hermione had obviously refused to leave my side as well. Along with Harry and Ron.

Severus furrowed his eyebrows and his eyes flashed dangerously, fixing Hermione. His lips curled in disgust as he snarled: _"And how is the nurse supposed to help her?"_

_"__I'm sure she can help her with small cuts like these…"_ Hermione bravely stood her ground. I exhaled a shaking breath and averted my eyes. _"Anyway, she's probably better off in the hospital wing."_

Severus clenched his jaw and I knew he was about to say something cruel. I closed my eyes, not able to look at him or Hermione anymore. There was a pause in which – I was sure – they were glaring at each other. I dared to cast a glance after a while and found my presumption confirmed.

_"__Stop it, please. Both of you!"_ I pleaded quietly, making both turn back to me.

Severus' face was contorted in rage, his dark gaze would be frightening if it was meant for me. He blinked and looked down at my hands. Fresh blood was slowly dripping on the floor.

_"__Take your friends and leave, Ms. Granger."_ His voice was dangerously calm. I looked up at my friends and nodded shortly. I didn't want them to argue anymore.

As nobody moved, Severus sighted deeply and glared at my best friends with a furious expression. _"Leave. My. Classroom. NOW!"_ He hissed through clenched teeth.

After another glaring session, they finally decided to give in and moved slowly. They didn't get far, however.

_"__What are you doing here, Malfoy?"_ Harry's angry voice cut sharply through the calm.

Severus and my head snapped up and, indeed, Draco was still standing in the same spot with Blaise next to him. Draco's blank face contorted with anger and he took a step forward.

_"__What's it to you, Potter?"_ He spat provocative.

_"__Arya's our friend. You though, have no business here." _I saw Harry's hand clenching into fists. Of course, Draco realized it as well.

An ugly sneer contorted Draco's handsome face. _"What do you want to do? Punch me?... Well, go ahead. I dare you!"_

_"__You're nothing but a coward, Malfoy. You wouldn't dare fighting without your idiotic friends by your side."_ Hermione threw in with a deep frown on her face, stepping next to Harry.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. _"Please, stop it. Please."_ I whimpered, almost whispering. My eyes were tearing up. It was all too much…

Naturally, they couldn't hear it. Severus on the other hand did. In one swift move, he was on his feet and looming over my friends. His face was contorted in rage and his nasty glare was enough to stop their fight. _"All. Of. You. GET OUT! Or you will suffer severe consequences wishing you had never set foot in Hogwarts."_

Drop… drop… drop… Blood was constantly dripping from my hands and smudged the cold floor.

_"__Blood from the enemy" A voice shrieked, then a scream cut through the darkness…_

Next thing I knew was me sitting on a chair. Severus let go of my arms again and took a seat facing me. _"Arya."_

Slowly, I averted my eyes from my bloody hands. Severus was watching me with great concern. _"I'm cleaning and healing your hands now. It might sting. Do you understand me?"_

I nodded. Gently, he laid my hand in his and raised his wand over it. I yelped and tried pulling my hand away, but Severus only tightened his already firm grip around my wrist. Finally, tears streamed down my face as Severus magically pulled out shard after shard. Each one sending a sharp, burning wave of pain through my arm.

When he was finally done, both my arms were feeling extremely heavy and throbbing. For once not because of my forearm…

Severus held my hands in his strong but gentle ones, intensely looking at me with eyes full of concern and confusion. _"What happened, Arya?"_

I raised my tear strained face to cast him a desperate look. _"He's a Death Eater!"_ Severus furrowed his eyebrows and blinked. _"Moody. He's a Death Eater."_

The same instant, I had closed my mouth again, Severus' expression changed. He let go of my hands and pinched the bridge of his nose with closed eyes. His look was almost blank as he opened them again – only a slight trace of disbelief on his face. Annoyed, he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. _"Why?"_

He was observing my face closely now, obviously trying to understand me. Helpless, I opened and closed my mouth. I did not know how to explain all this. My gaze wandered down to my hands, then back up. With my sleeves, I rubbed over my wet face. Severus' lips twitched slightly in disgust…

_"__I just know…"_ Severus' expression turned completely cold so I continued quickly. _"I mean, he feels bad, Severus – like my father. I'm dreaming about him standing next to my father, Moody takes away my magic. How can he not be if he performed the Cruciatus Curse in front of his classes and even used it on students. They are unforgivable after all. Which auror would do that to anyone? Only a Death Eater would use them so unaffected and careless."_

Severus' lips tightened in a thin line, deepening his grim expression. Cold black orbs were piercing me untouched. _"He's an auror, Arya. Undoubtedly, one of the best there's ever been."_

Helpless, I returned his look with wide eyes, a strong wave of desperation filling my whole body. My shoulders slumped and every muscle seemed to fail keeping my body straight.

_"__But he's a bad person, Severus. I can feel it with my magic and it never betrayed me before…" _I pleaded with the last glimpse of hope I could muster._ "Please, you have to believe me!"_

Swiftly, Severus was on his feet and turned towards his desk. I jumped up quickly as well and placed a meaningless small hand on his tensed arm, holding him back. He stopped in his track but nevertheless refused to turn around. Instead he was standing rigid and staring into space, his jaw visibly clenched tightly. I stepped in front of him and searched for his gaze. Once again, he refused to look me in the eyes.

A twinge throbbed in my heart. My desperation was incredibly strong, so strong that I could easily kneel in front of him and plead for him to believe me. Instead, I just gulped to keep my radiating emotions under control. Slowly, I restrained my shaking hand from his rejecting cool form. I prepared myself to ask the one question I was dreading the most right now. It was painfully nagging inside my heart and brain.

_"__Don't you trust me?"_ I whispered softly.

Sighting deeply, Severus let his gaze wander down until our eyes were locked. His face was excruciatingly blank, catching me by surprise. Appalled, I stumbled back, fully concentrating on breathing now. In the blink of an eye, Severus' expression turned livid and he stepped closer until our bodies were almost touching. His voice sounded sharp and furious.

_"__Did I ever give you any reason to doubt my trust in you, Arya?"_

I winced inwardly, bit my lip and shook my head slowly. Severus pressed his lips together as he raised his hand, placing it on my chin. Astonishing gently, he freed my bottom lip with his thumb. Suddenly, his gaze softened and he cupped my cheek. Relief clouded my mind and released the tension I was holding inside.

_"__I trust you with my life. But what proof do you have except for a bad feeling and your nightmares? I cannot believe you while the evidences for his innocence are by far prevailing."_

I dropped my shoulders and released a shaky breath. I felt myself backing away inwardly. Severus must have notice it as he watched me sternly now. He raised his other hand as well and placed it on my lower back, his thumb caressing me soothingly.

_"__Listen, I know your dreams are penetrating you more and more. I can see your lack of sleep getting worse every week. I'll give you a sleeping draught and expect you to take it every evening. But I implore you to see reason, Arya! What you're saying is extremely unlikely and simply impossible. How could a Death Eater be able to hide under the watch of Albus, the Ministry and every single teacher here?"_

Pain and anger exploded in my heart at once. I narrowed my eyes and clenched my jaw in anger. _"That's rich coming from you, Severus. You don't want to believe me? Fine. I know I'm right and I'm going to prove it!"_

I pushed his arm away and ignored his look, sparkling dangerously with anger and hurt. With long aggressive strides, I made my way towards the door. As I grabbed my bag, I turned around again. Severus stood frozen, still at the same spot except that he was facing me. His expression was whipped of every emotion and I knew it was his way of protecting himself – or trying at least. I knew inwardly his emotions were raging.

_"__Oh, and don't bother with a sleeping draught. I don't need it!"_ I finally whirled around again and left Severus' classroom. _I'll give you the prove you need to believe me!__I'll make them all see the truth!_


	49. Chapter 49 - What did I do?

49\. What did I do?

_Bloody stubborn, smartass Slytherin you're Severus!_ I cursed inwardly. _Damn your loyalty and sense of duty!_ Roughly, I turned the page of my Transfigurations book and started reading the next chapter.

Three days it had been since the incident in the Potions class. And Severus had refused to talk to me again unless I apologized but I simply couldn't. I was convinced that Professor Moody wasn't really who he pretended to be.

_He's bloody evil! There are just to many coincidences besides the bad feeling I have around him. Moody reeks horribly of dark magic so there's no chance I'll ever trust him. Never ever will I trust that reeking, ugly, distorted man who managed to wrap everyone around his finger._

I growled under my breath and continued working on the questions Professor McGonagall had given us. Hermione was scribbling furiously next to me and I rolled my eyes. I couldn't really concentrate to be honest. Either I was thinking about Moody or trying to find a way to convince Severus. I needed to convince him or we wouldn't talk in a long time. Severus was very obstinate when it came to arguments. He needed more evidences than just a feeling – again his rational self coming through…

_"__Damn it!"_ I cursed fretful when I accidentally broke the quill in my hands. Ink had splashed everywhere on my parchment and robes. In my annoyance, I had obviously gripped it to hard.

_"__Ms. Jackson."_ Professor McGonagall stated sternly and I glared up at her. She raised her eyebrows and shook her head.

_Just leave me alone, damn it. _I cursed inwardly and focused my magic on my hand. I raised it over the two parts of the broken quill to fix it. I started feeling the prickle in my palm when I suddenly realised my mistake. Quickly, I let it subside again and pulled out my wand. Glaring darkly at the quill, I fixed it and cleaned everything. _Bloody Severus Snape, bloody Moody, bloody lies, bloody hiding!_

Again, I tried to concentrate on my work but it was worthless. When Professor McGonagall finally collected everyone's parchments I had only done half of the questions. Annoyed, I stuffed everything in my bag and spun it over my shoulder.

_"__You alright?"_ Hermione asked while I waited for her to get her books. Impatiently, I fidgeted with my fingers and scowled around the room.

_"__Yeah, peachy."_ I replied sarcastically and turned my eyes. Hermione curled her lips and raised her eyebrows half-heartedly.

_"__Don't tell me this has to do with Moody again. Your sulking becomes a bit annoying lately." _She replied untouched and watched me warningly. I rolled my eyes again and followed her to the door.

_"__Well, I don't like him and I don't trust him at all. So what?"_ I mumbled grimly and cursed about the Ravenclaw in front of me. He blocked the door by talking to his friend.

_"__Jackson, a word please!"_ Our head of house called suddenly and I groaned. Hermione nodded and left after Ron and Harry.

I exhaled deeply and strolled lazily to her desk. She waited with her hands folded and her usual stern expression. I gave my best not to glare at her. After all she hadn't done anything to me.

_"__Ms. Jackson, I've been told that you hardly follow your classes anymore. Your teachers noticed you being unconcentrated and absentminded. So I noticed today as well."_ Her piercing look bore deeply into my eyes but I tried to relax. I waited for her to go on but she didn't. I clenched my jaw and readjusted the position of my bag.

_"__I have a lot on my mind lately."_ I told her annoyed. _And I'd like to tell you but you'll just call me paranoid and stupid as well. _I added in my mind.

_"__Does this have to do with Professor Moody?"_ I squinted my eyes at her question. Anger rushed through my whole body and my heart clenched painfully.

_"__Severus told you, didn't he?"_ I asked snidely and she pressed her lips in a thin line. _"He'd no right to do so."_ I growled angrily.

_"__Ms. Jackson, you had an accident during his class. It was his duty to inform me as your head of house."_ She replied sternly and I scoffed darkly.

_"__His duty… of course."_ Irritated, I run a hand through my hair. I raised one hand but decided that it probably wasn't appropriate to point at my teacher. Instead, I growled under my breath and glared at her. _"It's not his duty to tell you things I tell him in confidence… What exactly did he tell you?"_

Professor McGonagall sighed and furrowed her eyebrows. _"He told me about the incident in class and your outrageous accusations. Ms. Jackson, do you even realize how serious this is?"_ She sounded irritated but it was nothing compared with my own rage now.

_"__Outrageous accusations?"_ I mumbled in disbelief. Then I furrowed my eyebrows and glared profoundly at my head of house. Something snapped inside me. _"You know very well who I am. And you know very well how much I hate my father and his followers. I'm the last person on this earth who'd dare to falsely accuse somebody of being a Death Eater!"_ I yelled furiously before stepping back a little.

When I looked up at her again, she watched me with a stern, but calm expression – to my utter annoyance. _"Yes, I know how serious this is but I made up my mind. You don't feel what I feel around him. You can't perceive the unbearable reek of dark magic and you most certainly never spent time with Death Eaters before." _I forced out through gritted teeth.

_"__Jackson!"_ Professor McGonagall snapped sharply. _"You're free to dislike whoever you wish but there are rules in our school. Your accusations go to far. From now on I expect you to concentrate on your studies again. I don't want to hear about any of this matter again. Did I make myself clear?"_

I clenched my jaw in frustration. I wanted to scream and cry for them not even trying to understand me. First Severus and now the teacher I respected and liked the most.

_"__I never make promises I probably can't keep."_ I replied coldly. When she opened her mouth again I interrupted her boldly. _"Professor, I have only one question."_ She raised her eyebrows and nodded curtly. I gripped my bag tighter and gulped. I felt scared now. _"Do you trust me?"_

She seemed surprised by my question because she shifted slightly. Of course, she quickly composed herself. She was very professional after all and that was the reason I had always liked and respected her. We could always count on her. Except for now, I wasn't so sure anymore. And the slowly stretching silence wasn't helping either…

_So she doesn't… _I dropped my shoulders and felt how my heart cracked a little more. I averted my gaze and bit the inside of my cheek.

_"__I see." _I said quietly. I looked back up and felt all the disappointment heavily on my shoulders. _"I guess I'm no longer needed here…"_

With that I cast her a last glance before turning around and rushing away. My heart pounded loudly in my chest and I heard the blood pulsate through my ears. I felt lost and lonely even when I walked through crowds of students. Nobody believed me obviously. They all thought, I was going crazy or paranoid. But the worst was Severus. He had the dark mark. I had seen it the morning after the yule ball. It had been darker again even though it had almost faded over the last years. Death Eater had appeared during the Quidditch world cup. But nobody believed it being strange that Harry was suddenly in the Triwizard tournament. Of all students in Hogwarts, Harry had been chosen – the boy-who-lived, the boy my father hated and feared the most…

I was ripped out of my grim thoughts when I entered the great hall and looked around for my friends. I found them sitting together and laughing about something. The seat next to Hermione wasn't taken. Not really in the mood for a bright and light mood, I strolled slowly to their places. But eventually I reached them and let myself flop down inelegantly. I clenched my jaw and took a sip from my pumpkin juice.

_"__What did McGonagall want?"_ Hermione asked chuckling. I glared at the food in front of me, not feeling hungry at all.

_"__Confronted me with my outrageous accusations and what happened during Potions."_ I answered curtly and finally chose some meat and vegetables. Hermione scoffed and gave me a pointed look. I glared darkly at her before she would say something else.

_"__Forget about her, Arya. It's not as if you did anything bad."_ Harry tried to cheer me up but I merely growled to myself. Carelessly, I started piercing my vegetables randomly before looking up at him.

_"__Yeah, tell her that. I asked her if she trusted me and her expression clearly told me that she doesn't."_ I stated irritated and sadly. Harry furrowed his eyebrows and blinked I confusion.

_"__As if she wouldn't trust you. I'm sure she's mostly disappointed."_ He reassured me but I simply shrugged. I continued torturing my food and started drifting away in my thoughts.

_Evidences, I need evidences. How the hell can I prove that I'm right? _My gaze wandered to the teacher's table and I saw Moody sitting next to Severus as usual. They weren't talking to each other but I could see that the other's presence made them uncomfortable. _How do I show everyone that you're nothing but a lying bastard, Moody?_

I was ripped out of my thoughts again when Hermione nudged my side. I flinched and turned to her.

_"__We're going back to the common room now."_ Hermione explained shortly and I nodded. She watched me expectantly and cast me a small smile.

_"__Go ahead, I'll meet you later."_ I replied quietly and she nodded. She winked before turning around and leaving with Harry and Ron. Sighing, I pushed my plate away and rested my elbows on the table. I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

Then I looked up at Severus again and my heart clenched painfully. I hated arguments but fighting with Severus was ten times worse. During this year we had argued so much more than our previous years together. I wanted to run to him and tell him what he wanted to hear to ease his anger but I knew it wasn't that easy. I couldn't apologize if I didn't mean it. I had always stood by my word – maybe not when I got really angry though.

_Well, Severus. I suppose this time's going to be worse because I'm not going to apologize._ I blew out my cheeks and exhaled loudly in frustration. _I can't apologize for my opinion! So what the hell are we doing now? He'll never believe me if he's got no prove and Moody's the only one who can give it to him… Oh yeah, go and ask him Severus. I'm sure Moody will tell you the truth. He'll gladly open to you because he's desperately lost in his lies and needs somebody he can trust. He'll most certainly admit everything!_

I thought sarcastically. I rested my chin in my hand and carelessly watched the teachers. Professor McGonagall had just arrived and sat down as well. Professor Trelawney looked extremely uncomfortable with herself. I had always wondered if she really was a true seer. Surely, Dumbledore would know. _They fit perfectly together, Dumbledore and Trelawney. Two people who aren't in their right minds._

My head snapped up and my eyes widened in realization. _That's it!_ _Moody's mind._ I straightened up and stared at the Defence against the Dark Arts' teacher. I could invade his mind and see his memories. I would know the whole truth and could prove everyone how wrong they had been. Severus mastered Occlumency and Legilimency better than anyone else in this castle. If I told him that I had seen it in his memories he would have to believe me. If he didn't he could simply look at them himself.

I exhaled deeply and shook my head._ I can do this!_ Severus had taught me everything there was to know about Occlumency and Legilimency. Understanding both had helped me understanding the extent and limit of my abilities. I could enter minds with or without people noticing. Invading someone's mind was the worse attack on privacy possible. But now I wouldn't do it for fun. It was necessary or else Moody would continue endangering everyone here. If he was gone I wouldn't have to worry about the reek of the dark arts in this school.

I changed my position a little to sit down comfortably. I rested my feet steadily on the floor and placed my arms on the table without leaning on them. I straightened up and held my head straight and steady. Then I closed my eyes.

I concentrated on the feeling of magic in my body. It pulsated everywhere, in every bone, every organ, every drop of blood. As soon as I felt every single part of my body very detailed I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Then I opened my mind to my surroundings. I reached for my magic and started letting it wander over the students towards the teachers. I felt each mind like a pulsating, brightly shining living individual. I could feel which mind belonged to whom – distinguished by the rhythm of pulses, the brightness of the shining and the power of each.

My magic covered the teacher's table now. I was surprised to notice that Professor McGonagall's mind was pulsating as strong as Severus'. I lingered on his a little longer, enjoying the feeling of his familiar and loving aura. I had trained with Severus as a child because he had wanted me to be able to control my mind. I knew everything about the feeling of his mind. I would always recognize it, no matter how many people he was surrounded with.

One after the other, I magically scanned them until I reached the unmistaken reeking aura of Professor Moody. I focused all my magic on this one mind until I was practically surrounding it from every side. His mind was pulsating strongly but the aura around it felt worse being so close to it. I wasn't surprised to sense that he knew Occlumency, but it didn't protect him against my magic. It simply built more barriers around his mind. I focused my own mind to pass his barriers. I only used a small trace of magic so that he wouldn't notice me. Very carefully, I entered further - almost passed every barrier now-

A sharp, stinging force suddenly enwrapped my mind and tore me brutally out of Moody's head. I felt the attacker bombarding my barriers merciless until I was suddenly catapulted back in my own body. Horrified about what just happened, I opened my eyes widely and took quick, shallow breaths. The attack on my mind had ended but I could still fell the immense force. Paralyzed, I stared at the table and run a shaking hand through my hair. I felt a few drops of sweat rolling down my forehead. Inwardly, I was shaking with fear. _What happened? Moody never should've become aware of me._ _Simply impossible! I didn't do anything he could've detected._

With wide eyes, I looked to the teacher's table and saw Moody still sitting at the table and eating. Nothing in his composure gave away that he had been fighting off an intruder. _How should he anyway?! Nobody can fight off a fairy, Occlumency is useless against me. Not even the dark arts can protect someone against me._

Again, I run my trembling hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. It didn't help the slightest with the flabby feeling in every part of my body. Slowly, I opened my eyes again and stood up. I almost stumbled in the process and whilst walking the first few steps. The students around me were blurred, moving shadows. The only thing I could concentrate on were my feet. Every step felt as if I was wading through a torrential river, threatening to make me fall any time.

_"__Ms. Jackson."_ I heard the unmistaken voice of my head of house from behind me. Instantly, I became fully aware of my surroundings. Suddenly, my brain was working again. Professor McGonagall watched me with a very stern expression on her face. Her eyes were piercing me angrily.

_"__Follow me."_ With that she turned around and walked at a fast pace towards the door. Worrying what could have made her so irritated, I followed quickly a few steps behind her. _Something serious must have happened! _Others seemed to have noticed it as well because suddenly I only heard the aggressive clattering of her steps. Heads turned to her and then to me. Could she know about what I did? I quickly dismissed the thought though. Nobody knew about it if Moody hadn't even noticed my attack himself. _But what the bloody hell happened then?_

To my surprise, she led me to the headmaster's office. I started feeling uncomfortable when she didn't turn or glance at me once. Not even when we were standing on the moving stairs of Dumbledore's gargoyle. She didn't bother knocking before rushing inside his office. The door banged close behind me and I flinched.

When I came to a halt in the middle of the office, I found myself being watched by Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and… Severus. His expression was deadly calm and emotionless, sending a shiver down my spine. Then I glanced at the headmaster whose sharp eyes pierced me intimidatingly. For once they held no amusement or light mood. I looked from one to the other and shrank inwardly even though I tried not to show my discomfort._ What if they found evidences that Moody's not as good as everyone assumed?_

_"__Ms. Jackson do you know why you're here?"_ Professor Dumbledore asked sternly. I gulped under his look before shaking my head curtly. A long silence followed, making me even more nervous. Something told me this wasn't about Moody…

Dumbledore looked at Severus who subtly shook his head. For a while they simply stared at each other, obviously having a wordless conversation. The headmaster sighed and returned his boring gaze to me.

_"__I heard about your doubts and accusations concerning Professor Moody."_ I gulped again but returned a hopefully steady look. So, this was about Moody after all… _"Even though I already heard the reasons for your believe, I expect an explanation from yourself."_ Blue eyes continued staring merciless in mine, so I averted my gaze.

Nervously, I started fidgeting with my hands._ So, Severus and McGonagall decided to betray me as well. Obviously, I underestimated their mistrust…_ My heart clenched painfully and a spark of anger rushed through my whole body. Clenching my jaw, I looked in the older man's eyes again. He was my last chance seeing as the other two had already set their minds.

_"__Moo- Professor Moody, he feels strange and in many ways like my father. I mean, his aura feels so incredibly like dark magic. When he's speaking it feels as if he'd be himself… but then again, he's lying so often. In our first lesson, when he introduced himself, I could sense that he was lying about who he really is. And which teacher would use the unforgivable curses in class? Who in their right mind would use them on students?... He's helping Harry with the tournament. I mean I'm glad that it's protecting him. But I simply can't understand what reasons Moody should have to help him. It's forbidden for teachers to help champions… I don't like- I hate Moody more than I can understand. His aura reeks so much of dark magic, it gives me headaches. I've had many nightmares and I see Moody in them. He's on my father's side… He's evil, Headmaster! I…"_

Desperately, I tried to find the right words but I couldn't say anything else anymore. I had said everything I held against Moody. Frustrated, I ran a hand through my hair when I realized how little I had and how pathetic it all sounded.

_"__I know this is a serious matter. I know it all sounds like rubbish, but I know for sure Moody's not a good person. He's not on our side! He's… I… Moody's a Death Eater. I'm sure of it! I've spent time around Death Eaters before and I never forget how they feel like. I never forget the disgusting reek of dark magic! I know, Severus and Professor McGonagall don't believe me, but I swear I'm telling the truth sir."_ I ended in an almost begging tone.

Dumbledore watched me with an unreadable expression. Then his look wandered to Severus and McGonagall. Anxiously, I waited for him to say something. Either destroying me more than I already was or granting me some relief.

_"__Ms. Jackson, I'm the last person to condemn somebody for their belief. But this is – as you said – a very serious matter. There's a difference between believing and acting in belief."_ His piercing, stern gaze made it impossible for me to understand the meaning of his words.

_"__Sir?"_ I dared asking confused when he didn't continue. A cold wave rushed through my whole body when I saw a flicker of irritation in his eyes. He sighed and turned towards the two Professors in the room. Professor McGonagall pressed her lips in a thin line and was watching me with great disappointment. I shrank inwardly and quickly looked at Severus who was staring at me with a blank expression. My heart beat rapidly in my chest when confusion clouded my brain. Slowly, a trace of fear started to make its way into my hearts…

_"__You wanted to invade his mind."_ Severus' cold voice cut through the silence like a knife. My eyes widened and I gulped in surprise. Instantly, a freezing coldness enwrapped my whole body.

_"__Severus, I- I just-"_

_"__Don't. You. Dare!"_ Severus interrupted me threatening slow. His expression turned livid in the blink of an eye. He unfolded his arms and bore his dangerously sparkling eyes merciless in mine. I gulped and froze right in the spot, my mouth still open. _"Don't you dare using 'just' as an explanation for your behaviour!"_

I flinched when he moved swiftly in front of me. As soon as he was looming over my short body, I stumbled back horrified. His face contorted menacingly and he curled his lips in pure disgust. Never before had he been so angry with me!

_"__You misused your abilities! You invaded his mind because your weak heart couldn't handle a simple rejection!"_ Severus' look darkened even more when his face came closer to mine. His voice was merely a hissing sound. _"I taught you Occlumency and Legilimency to protect yourself and not for your selfishness. I warned you to never invade other people's minds unless your life depends on it! You gave me your word and I trusted you!"_

I winced and whimpered quietly when Severus raised one hand. His expression contorted even more at my reaction. Roughly, he grabbed my chin and lifted my head until our eyes locked again. Dark, raging orbs pierced brutally in my blue ones.

_"__You disgust me Arya!"_ Whimpering, I closed my eyes and tried to pull my head out of his grip. I flinched again when his grip tightened painfully. _"You betrayed me... You broke your word."_

With that, Severus let go of me and whirled around. I took shallow breaths and stared horrified at the spot he had just been standing. My body felt cold and paralyzed with shock. When I lifted my head again, Severus stood rigidly in front of the window with his back turned to me. Inwardly, I was shaking very badly with fear and pain. _He'll never forgive me for this... And I'll never be able to prove that I'm right… I lost him now…_

_"__Ms. Jackson, we expect you to acquiesce the consequences for your action without opposition."_ Dumbledore spoke firmly and I reluctantly tore my gaze away from Severus' repellent posture. I nodded curtly and looked defeated in sparkling blue eyes. _"Considering the severity of your transgression I could legally suspend you from Hogwarts."_

That snapped me out of my shock immediately. Burning heat and freezing cold attacked my heart alternately. I felt blood pulsating loudly in my ears. Dumbledore cast me a long undefinable look and my anxiety grew with every passing second.

_"__You, however, are quite a special case. If I should suspend you, I'd have to give a detailed statement to the ministry. Certainly, for your own safety, nobody should know about the dimension of your abilities. Therefore, I won't inform Professor Moody about this matter. In return, I demand you pledge to not attack him in any way again and to keep your belief to yourself. You won't talk about it to anyone anymore - neither your friends nor young Mr. Malfoy."_

_"__Yes, sir."_ I replied sheepishly. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows but nodded subtly.

_"__You serve detention for four weeks, five days per week. Either you'll be under the supervision of one of your teachers or Mr. Filch."_ He stated, watching me with a pointing look.

I nodded, feeling more than confused when he didn't continue. _That's all? A month of detention?_ Dumbledore nodded satisfied and looked expectantly to Professor McGonagall. She cast me a long, stern scowl before slowly shaking her head. I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

_"__Knowing you, I know you won't change your opinion about Professor Moody. But I truly hope you understand how wrong your action has been."_ I dropped my shoulders and lowered my head. Rueful, I bit my bottom lip when I thought I couldn't bear her accusing voice any longer. _"Fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor for your horrifyingly inappropriate behaviour… And to answer your question, I do trust you Ms. Jackson."_ Surprised, I snapped my head up and watched her with great disbelief. That made her shook her head once again. _"But I'm highly disappointed in you! Never would I have expected such reckless and imprudent behaviour! I trust you'll use your intelligence in classes to regain our lost house points."_

_"__Yes, Professor."_ I said quietly and she cast me another very stern look before finally turning to Dumbledore. My gaze quickly flickered over to Severus again who was still standing by the window.

_"__With all due respect Albus, your punishment is inadequate."_ I froze right in my spot when Severus finally turned around again. He ignored me completely and watched the headmaster with a deep scowl.

_"__Well, what do you suggest, Severus?"_ Professor McGonagall asked bemused. Severus crossed his arms when his boring gaze rested on me. A shiver run down my spine when I saw the careless expression on his face. Cold eyes stared painfully at me until I averted my gaze before I could even stop myself.

_"__A severe, personal punishment to ensure she won't repeat her foolish idea…"_ He drawled threatening in my direction. Incredulously, I looked at him again when another cold wave rushed down my spine. Severus returned an untouched expression, obviously observing my reaction closely. _"Ban her from Quidditch next year."_

His lips twitched in a cold sneer when my mouth fell open in disbelief. _"What?"_ I whispered to no one in particular. Severus turned to McGonagall and Dumbledore with a cold look.

_"__If you wish to successfully penetrate the daft thickhead, you'll need more than to merely deduct house points or impose detention."_

With that he walked back to the window, watching them with a blank expression. Dumbledore stared at him thoughtfully before finally raising his eyebrows at Professor McGonagall. Obviously, he left her the decision. With every single muscle tensed, I looked at her somewhat dumbstruck. She sighed and pressed her lips in a thin line. I already saw the answer in her eyes when she looked at me.

_"__Very well, even if I'd not chose the same vocabulary I do agree with Severus, Ms. Jackson... You're hereby not permitted to try out for the Quidditch team next year."_ She added reluctantly but not less final. It took a while for me to manage a small nod in her direction.

I couldn't move and barely breath, so I stood still. My gaze flickered from her to the headmaster who was watching me intensely. Almost automatically, I found myself looking at Severus again. He was still turned towards his colleagues but he must have sensed my gaze because his eyes flickered to me. Painfully slow, he then turned away from us and continued staring out of the window. My heart jumped and felt as if it would burst any moment.

_"__Ms. Jackson, your head of house will inform you about your first detention today as soon as possible."_ Dumbledore said severely but I merely glanced at him. There was nothing left to say for me anyway. I would bear the punishment without another word.

I knew, I had been dismissed with the headmaster's words but I simply couldn't tear my gaze from Severus' back. My desperation grew with every second he refused to move. Anxiously, I took shallow breaths, waiting for him to do or say something – but he didn't. His cool rejecting posture squeezed my heart agonizingly slow…

_"__Severus…"_ I started with a cracking voice but didn't know what I could say. _"I'm sorry!"_

Slowly, Severus lowered his head. I saw him pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head as if he was in great pain. _"What for exactly?"_ His soft and tired voice hurt even more than his insults before.

_"…__Betraying you."_ I pleaded quietly. It was everything I could give him now. Agonizingly slow, he turned around and looked me dead in the eyes. I pressed my lips together when I saw nothing but disappointment in his expression.

_"__Have you no self-respect at all Arya?"_ Severus's defeated voice made me wince when I felt it cutting sharply in my heart. Slowly, he crossed his arms and watched me disdainful. _"I taught you Occlumency so you could protect yourself. I let you invade my mind because it was the only way for you to learn how to control your abilities. You gave me your word never to abuse your power. And yet you have the audacity and impudence to break it right under my nose. I can feel your use of the slightest bit of magic on the other side of the castle. Did you honestly think, I wouldn't notice what you were doing?"_

Coldness rushed through my whole body at once. Paralyzed in panic, I stared at him with wide eyes when it dawned me. _"Did you…" _I barely managed more than a whisper so I cleared my throat. _"Did you force me out of his mind?"_

_"__Yes, I did."_ He drawled provocative. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and fidgeted anxiously with my hands. Severus hissed and tightened the grip on his arms. _"Your mother invented a spell to keep your father out of her mind… She knew I'd have to let you in my mind. Hence, to prevent your uncontrolled magic from possibly causing any severe damage to my mind, Leyanne taught me her spell. However, there was no reason for me to tell you about it..." _Severus stepped closer until he stood merely a few inches away from me. He lowered his voice to a vicious snarl._ "I'm glad I didn't because I quite enjoyed your horrified and scared expression!"_

I whimpered shortly and screwed my eyes close. My heart was cracking more and more with his words – a few more words from him and it would burst. Trying to hold my tears back now, I bit my bottom lip.

_"__Severus, I believe you've said enough now."_ Professor McGonagall sternly broke the tension between us.

Carefully, I opened my eyes and dared to look back into his eyes. Severus' expression had changed back to pure incomprehension and slight disdain. Shaking strongly inwardly, I stumbled back a little. My heart beat terrified in my chest. Suddenly, Severus sighed tiredly and his body seemed to lose every tension, leaving him look more vulnerable than ever. I felt my heart crumble piece by piece – agonizing pain overwhelming me merciless.

_"__How could you Arya?"_ He mumbled defeated. I flinched when I saw his sad eyes and nothing but disappointment in his face. I wanted to reach out for him, touch him and bury my face in his chest. But I knew, he'd never allow it. I had no right to – not anymore.

Severus turned away and made a few steps towards the window. He stopped and stood suddenly very rigid, his chest raising and lowering regularly. I knew I should leave now. Staying and watching Severus was nothing but torture. My heart already felt as if it had exploded into a million shreds, my whole body felt flabby and my life seemed to have crumbled to dust in less than an hour. My selfishness had made me lose the one person I needed the most in my twisted existence…

_"__Go."_ I jerked at the sudden command. Severus had turned around again and watched me with a soft expression which was everything but reassuring. It was not the positive soft, but a very disappointed and helpless instruction. _"Don't return until you care enough for a genuine apology."_

_"__No…" _I whispered terrified and watched Severus with pleading eyes. I whimpered appalled when he swiftly drew his wand, opening the door aggressively behind me. Then he crossed his arms firmly and cast me a very pained glance.

_"__I don't want to see you any longer."_ His velvet voice sounded calm but his expression was treacherous – I had disappointed him more than anyone else possibly ever could! I stumbled back, petrified by these final and persuaded words. _"Get. Out. Of. My. Sight!"_ Severus drawled quietly, snapping me out of my paralyzed state.

Horrified, I turned away and somehow made it to the open door. My body felt numb, my heart shattered into a million pieces.

_What did I do?_


	50. Chapter 50 - Emotional confessions

50\. Emotional confessions

_"__You annoying, stubborn, sulking Gryffindor get out of bed this instant!"_ The loud voice of my best friend made its way to my bed. I groaned and pulled the blanket up to my nose.

_"__Leave me 'lone."_ I mumbled quietly and rubbed my stitching forearm. _"Hey!"_ I exclaimed irritated when Hermione ripped the warm blanket from my body. She cast me a stern look, resting her hands on her wrist in a Molly Weasley like position.

_"__I'm not leaving you alone, Arya. Not anymore. Not until you've told us the reason for your… sudden mood change. I mean one day you're casting Moody death glares and arguing with Professor McGonagall about it, the next day you act all depressed."_

She was right – of course. Since I had left Dumbledore's office, I had barely spoken a word with my friends. I had successfully avoided Draco, Blaise and to my own surprise even Derek. I barely left Gryffindor tower anymore except for classes or meals. I hurried from class to class, barely arriving on time to avoid my brother at any costs. I kept my head low and hardly laughed or argued – not even with Moody. I had successfully bottled up my emotions and avoided anything that threatened to bring them to the surface. It was the only way to keep me from having a serious emotional breakdown…

I sighed and reluctantly left my bed. Not casting Hermione even one glance, I grabbed my clothes and made my way to the bathroom. To my annoyance, the sun shone brightly in our dorm. It was late already, almost ten in the morning. Recently, I hated weekends; without my friends, my brother and Severus I had not much left to occupy my time.

To my surprise and slight annoyance, my best friend was still sitting on her bed with a book in her hands. However, when she heard me, she lifted her head and showed me a genuine smile. Eagerly, she jumped up and linked her arm with mine. I rolled my eyes but she ignored it and dragged me towards the stairs.

_"__Harry and Ron are waiting in the great hall. I told them I'd get you and they promised to wait until you've made it downstairs."_ With that she pulled me through the portrait hole.

_"__But I'm not hungry, Hermione. I'd rather prefer meeting up in the common room with them. Besides, I wanted to look something up in the library."_ I whined.

Hermione raised her eyebrows at me and chuckled. I continued whining all the way down the moving staircases. _"Honestly, Arya. A few weeks ago, you would've laughed if I would've acted like you. And now look at you…"_

I groaned and stumbled when I suddenly spotted bleach blond hair in the corridor. Quickly, I lowered my head and pushed Hermione to walk faster. I cursed under my breath when she walked slower in surprise. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw her scanning the corridor for my urge to flee all the sudden.

_"__Running from him again?"_ She asked quietly next to my ear.

If I would have been fine I would have retorted something Slytherin like – but I wasn't alright. The nearer we came to the great hall, the faster pounded my still existing heart. Every single time, I feared so much to see Severus during meals or classes. Furthermore, it increased the chance of finally running into Draco. He wouldn't let me off the hook until I had told him everything and that would surely provoke my controlled emotions.

_"__I just don't want to talk to him…"_ I mumbled but she heard it anyway.

_"__Well, he's definitely desperate to talk to you though."_ Hermione muttered and I snapped my head up, afraid he had managed to corner us. My best friend shook her head and scoffed. _"Not now."_

_"__Then what do you mean?"_ I snapped harsher than I had intended. Hermione's look turned darker and she scowled at the passing students.

_"__He cornered me twice already. Asking about your well-being."_ She growled and I raised my eyebrows at her.

_"__Bloody hell."_

She chuckled at my useless contribution. Before she could say anything though we entered the great hall. Immediately, I continued protesting again but my best friend pulled me carelessly with her. A little forced, I sat down on the seat facing Harry. He cast me one of his bright, heart-warming smiles and the corners of my mouth twitched a little in return. Even if I felt agonizingly miserable inwardly, Harry somehow managed to light up my mood.

_"__Morning!"_ He exclaimed happily and I rolled my eyes. When I looked up at him he grinned cheerfully and I shook my head chuckling as well.

_"__We already worried if Filch accidentally killed you in detention. That was until Hermione told us that you're sleeping peaceful in your bed."_ Ron laughed and my friends grinned.

Again, I rolled my eyes and carelessly bit in the piece of toast. I knew if I didn't eat, Hermione would pester me without end - to often had I refused to eat or skipped meals. The following week was the last week of detention. I didn't really care because it gave me something to do. Severus had refused to have me in detention, Professor McGonagall had told me. I didn't know if I should be glad about it or not. I missed him so much and whenever I thought back to the day we had been in Dumbledore's office, I felt as if my life had stopped making sense since then.

Several times, I had almost started crying in class and had just barely made it outside with a pathetic excuse. I couldn't bear McGonagall's presence because I knew if she decided to ask about my well-being I'd break down instantly. And the fact that she still didn't believe me wasn't making anything easier between us. Then there were Potions classes – pure nightmares. Every time, I saw Severus I felt like on the verge of passing out. I often wished I would simply faint to get away from my pain for a while. Whenever I saw him, my heart crumbled all over again. Leaving me to heal my wounds and pride as best as I could until our next encounter.

But I couldn't heal myself properly - not as long as I was convinced that Moody was a Death Eater. I needed him to heal. _I need Severus!_

A nudge in my side made me snap out of my thoughts. Lazily, I lifted my head at my friends who watched me closely. I furrowed my eyebrows and cast them a questioning look. Hermione shook her head to herself.

_"__I asked what happened, Arya. We know something's wrong. You've hardly been yourself these last weeks."_ Harry explained in a low voice and I glared at my plate.

Nervously, I bit the inside of my cheek. I ran a hand through my hair before burying my face in my hands. _I can't tell them. I can't. What if they refuse to talk to me too then? … It's not as if we're talking about anything these days anyway… Come on, Arya. They're your friends. It might help speaking with someone…_

After minutes of consideration and arguing with myself, I finally lifted my head again. My friends were talking to each other but when they saw I had moved they looked at me. Anxiously, I played with my teaspoon and watched the reflecting candles in it.

_"__Fine, I'll tell you… But you can't tell anyone about it. Ever!"_ Harry and Ron cast me a curious gaze whilst Hermione mostly looked worried. I sighed and tapped my fingers on the table. _"Remember the day when Professor McGonagall spoke to me after class? About my dislike for Moody."_ The three of them nodded so I continued quickly before I could possibly change my mind. _"Well, you left lunch while I stayed here. I wanted to find out about Moody's secrets but I completely forgot about Snape who-"_

_"__Arya, you're rambling."_ Hermione interrupted me loudly, making me close my mouth in astonishment.

_"__Sorry."_ I muttered nervously but more about what I was going to say now. _"I wanted to invade Moody's mind."_ Biting the inside of my cheek, I waited anxiously for my friends reactions.

_"__You what?"_ Hermione yelled horrified and I quickly shushed her.

_"__You can do that? With your magic?"_ Ron asked grinning and exchanged a short glance with Harry. _"That's wicked!"_

Hermione cast him a dark look. _"It's most certainly not wicked, Ronald. It's a serious attack on privacy."_

Harry rolled his eyes at their bickering and groaned. _"Could you just quit it and let Arya explain, please?"_ I cast him a short thankful glance.

_"__I didn't make it though, because before I'd passed the last barriers in his mind, somebody pulled me out of Moody's mind. Rather brutal and painful… So, I was in a bit of a shock when I tried to leave but McGonagall caught up and brought me to Dumbledore's office. I was awaited by Dumbledore and Professor Snape…"_

I blinked a few times when I felt my eyes stitching. My gaze wandered automatically to the teacher's table before I could stop myself. A part of me felt relief when Severus wasn't there – the main part of my heart squeezed painfully though. Gulping, I returned my attention back to my friends who were listening curiously.

_"__I forgot that Professor Snape knows whenever I use magic. He was the one who pulled me out of Moody's mind. They were furious…"_

_"__So they gave you detention I suppose, right?"_ Harry asked quietly and I nodded.

_"__Yes, it was Dumbledore's idea. He warned me to never try anything like that again. I had to promise not to talk to anyone about it and keep low. And Professor McGonagall took fifty points from Gryffindor."_ I added grimly and massaged my temples. For now, I had my emotions in check… but the pounding heart in my chest told me that they were on the verge of coming up again.

_"__Snape was the one to find out? What did he say?"_ Ron threw in and I closed my eyes. I cursed inwardly and took a deep breath.

_"__He… asked for a severe punishment…"_ I growled and tried not remembering Severus' disappointed face... I couldn't fool my heart. I shouldn't have told them…

_"__What do you mean 'severe punishment'? What did the git want?"_ Harry asked gloomy and when I opened my eyes, I saw him glaring at the teacher's table. As soon as he realized that his less favourite teacher wasn't there he turned back to me.

_"__He knows that I intended to try out for the Quidditch team next year. So, he suggested to ban me from the tryout next year."_ I averted my gaze when Harry's face contorted with anger.

_"__He didn't get through with it though."_ He stated incredulously. I groaned and shook my head curtly.

_"__He didn't but Dumbledore conceded the decision to Professor McGonagall."_ I stared in Harry's bright green eyes before finally speaking up again. _"And she banned me from the tryout…"_

Harry's mouth opened in astonishment when he processed the message. Then suddenly, his look turned dark and he scowled at his plate. I shrugged my shoulders and rubbed my face. I understood why Severus had asked for a more severe punishment. If I wouldn't have been convinced that Moody was the bad guy in this school, his punishment surely would have been a very good lesson to me to never invade anyone's mind ever again. But Moody was in fact evil so I knew I would do it again if it became necessary. Hence, I could never possibly apologize for having invaded his mind. Therefore, I had no other choice than sitting it out and waiting for Moody to make a mistake.

I blew out my cheeks in frustration before letting out a loud breath. I groaned and buried my face in my arms on the table. _This sucks! Moody and the tournament. Severus' stubbornness. It all sucks so damn much!_ … _Bloody hell, Severus. You're an infuriating, petulant man but I love you so much! … Why can't you simply get out of your own way for once…_

_"__I'm sorry for annoying you with my sulking."_ I muttered loud enough for them to hear. I rested my chin in my hands and cast them a sad, half-hearted smile. My heart pounded loudly in my chest and I bit the inside of my cheek.

_"__Don't worry about it…"_ Harry replied absentminded, obviously still deep in thoughts about my punishment.

My attention was drawn elsewhere instantly though when I saw Severus entering the great hall through the staff entrance. I gulped anxiously as my mouth felt completely dry. I should look away to save myself from another inward breakdown but I simply couldn't. I couldn't avert my eyes when he sat down and started eating as if nothing had ever happened. I watched him mesmerised, desperately drinking in every movement - until my vision blurred.

Snapped out of my hypnotisation, I blinked a few times and lowered my head… I felt my desperation, the strong love for this man, the pain from Severus' mistrust and words heavily in my heart… _You gave me your word and I trusted you… _My lungs seemed to squeeze, making it almost impossible to breath regularly. I wanted to tell my friends that I needed to leave, that they didn't need to worry about me. I stood up, almost stumbling over my own feet but couldn't say a word when I looked in their worried faces. I bit my bottom lip and whirled around, leaving the great hall on flabby legs..._ You disgust me! You betrayed me..._

I pressed a shaking hand to my mouth, trying to hold in the sobs I felt in my lungs. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I didn't know where I was walking, I didn't care… _How could you Arya? … _I didn't know what to do anymore. Despite my blurred vision I managed somehow to hold myself on my feet. At some point, I felt someone gripping my arm and dragging me with them. Yet I didn't care anymore… Moody was the bad guy, nonetheless everybody was convinced that I was…

Somebody pushed my shoulders so I let myself glide down on the wall behind me. I found myself sitting on the cold stone floor and I blinked several times to get all the tears out of my eyes. I was in a deserted room… Obviously, I wasn't alone though. Someone put their arm around my shoulders and pulled me in for a comforting, tight embrace… _I don't want to see you any longer…_ I whimpered and lost the last self-control I had left.

Desperately, I clung to whoever was holding me. A soft hand held my head gently to their chest. My body started shaking with sobs and tears made their way down my face. I cried out every single minute of the last weeks I had spent suppressing my emotions. I whimpered and screamed and sobbed uncontrollably… _Have you no self-respect at all Arya_… _You gave me your word never to abuse your power… _I had broken his trust…_ Get out of my sight… _He hated me… _Don't return until you care enough for a genuine apology_… I had lost Severus… I couldn't give him what he wanted…

I merely whimpered when my tears and sobs died down. I couldn't do anything anymore. I felt completely drained of my energy. Helpless, I squinted my eyes close and pressed my head against the soothing warmth. Someone rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. I lost myself in the soothing and gentle words that were murmured over my head… And froze instantly when I recognised the voice. I lifted my shaking head and looked in stormy grey eyes.

_"__Draco."_ I whispered defeated. My brother nodded slowly and moved one hand to the side of my head. Whimpering, I let my head fall back against his chest. I started taking deeper and calmer breaths now. I felt Draco rest his chin on top of my head and tightening his hold on me.

_"__What happened, Arya?"_ He murmured softly, making another vision of Severus' disappointed face arise in my mind. I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly against his chest. Draco sighed and gently rubbed my shoulder. _"You avoided us for weeks. Not even Granger knew what was going on…_" He paused and I knew that he knew the answer very well himself. _"It's Severus, right?"_

I couldn't suppress the small whimper when I heard his name... I gulped and lifted my heavy head. Numbly, I shifted to change my position a little. I leaned properly against the wall behind me, Draco's arm leaving my shoulders. Groaning, I stretched my hurting legs to rest them on his. Then I stared at the fidgeting hands in my lap which didn't really feel like my own anymore. My brother slipped to me until the remaining gap closed when our shoulders touched. As we had done as children, he placed his hand in mine and interlaced our fingers.

I continued staring at my lap as I rested my free hand on our entangled hands. I felt my brother's worried gaze on me but refused to look at him. If I would, I would most certainly start crying again and I couldn't bare going through all these emotions again. Groaning, I leaned my head against the wall and felt cold all the sudden. Each exhale seemed to ease my heart and at the same time also sharpen my mind again. I bit the inside of my cheeks before carelessly resting my exhausted gaze on our hands.

_"__After the incident in Potions we'd an argument about Moody."_ I finally spoke up with a tired and defeated voice. _"I wanted to prove being right about him. I thought if I'd get his memories I'd be able to convince Severus but he stopped me the moment I'd started invading Moody's mind. Severus was furious and so disappointed… I betrayed him, Draco. I broke my promise!"_

I lifted my head to look at my brother who watched me closely. Desperately, I was searching for the right words for him to understand me. _"But it's not just that. Nobody believes me about Moody! They all think I'm merely overreacting. They all say they're trusting me - but the truth is, they don't."_

Draco nodded slowly and averted his gaze. I furrowed my eyebrows in annoyance and bit my bottom lip. To my own surprise, it dawned me that the crying had helped after all. I felt lighter and not so troubled anymore. I finally had the feeling that I could survive the rest of the year again even if Severus would refuse to see me. I felt the very well-known spark of determination and hope burning in my heart again.

Draco squeezed my hand and when I turned to him, I found him watching me intensely. _"Well, I trust and believe you."_ His lips twitched in a small smirk. _"They're all gits, you know. But I promise they'll see the truth one day."_ The ice blue eyes sparkled mischievously and I felt the corner of my lips moving upwards as well. _"They'll beg desperately for your forgiveness on their knees. Then it's your turn to pull the strings."_

I chuckled quietly, rolling my eyes. Draco bumped my shoulder and grinned arrogantly. I let out a deep breath before a mixture of sorrow and anger overwhelmed me once again.

_"__But when, Draco? The headmaster, my head of house and Severus – they're all beyond disappointed. Severus doesn't want to see me again unless I apologize. They're all convinced, I'm the bad person here but I'm not."_

Draco had tensed at my words and watched me with a dark expression now. _"He really- He said that?"_ He asked incredulously and I nodded curtly. He run a hand through his hair and scoffed. _"Wow... Never believed he'd do something like that… Not to you at least- especially not to you!"_

_"__Not helping."_ I mumbled annoyed, making him squeeze my hand once more.

_"__Alright, I've to improve my choice of words; They're undoubtedly the worst teacher gits in Hogwarts."_ My brother exclaimed snidely in the silence of the room. I flinched when his voice sounded strangely loud in the deserted room. Draco chuckled when I punched his leg and glared half-heartedly.

_"__Despite everything… it's still my boyfriend you're talking about, Draco."_ I groaned and averted my gaze from a smugly smirking Draco. _"Merlin, that sounds so… Slytherin. My teacher's my boyfriend."_ I contorted my face in disgust, making him laugh mockingly.

_"__You dare accusing us of being sluts… yet you're the Gryffindor who's making out with my head of house."_ My brother sneered triumphantly, earning him another hard punch. _"And being physically abusive…"_ He added mumbling, washing away every single depressive emotion in my heart.

I laughed incredulously and stared at him with wide eyes. _"You're one to talk… You're being more than psychologically abusive to your own friends – and sister, I might add."_

Draco rolled his eyes and raised one eyebrow at me. _"I highly doubt that."_

_"__Oh really? How so?"_ I asked challenging and pulled my hand out of his. Childishly, I crossed my arms and waited for his answer. Draco's smirk widened at my reaction.

_"__For starters, I'm only teasing when it's appropriate. Besides, I never crossed your, Derek's or Blaise's line. Also, I'm not insulting you or causing any collateral damage with my words… not severely anyway."_ He added the last part sneering with a raised eyebrow. I scoffed and averted my gaze. As painful as it was for me to admit – he was right. I scoffed, growling lowly in my chest. Draco hummed satisfied and nodded to himself.

There was a long silence between us during which we were simply enjoying each other's proximity. At some point, I had intertwined our fingers again. Absentminded, I traced circles on the back of his hand. _What in Merlin's beard am I supposed to do now? I can't apologize and Severus won't accept the damn truth…_

_"__I've got no choice except waiting, right? Dumbledore warned me, you know. If I try anything else against Moody, I'm going to be expelled."_ I asked quietly.

_"__What?"_ Draco asked surprised and I furrowed my eyebrows at his questioning expression. _"What punishment did they impose you?"_ I blew out my cheeks and scoffed with a dark expression.

_"__Dumbledore gave me detention for a month and McGonagall deducted fifty points… Well, Severus suggested a severe punishment to make sure I wouldn't do it again."_ I growled when the suppressed frustration started to take over. _"He suggested to ban me from the tryout next year."_

Draco stared at me dumbfounded until a squeeze of his hand snapped him out of his disbelief. He blinked a few times and shook his head. I bit the inside of my cheek and leaned my head against the wall.

_"__So, McGonagall banned me… No Quidditch for me next year. Just awesome!"_ I stated sarcastically. Draco seemed shocked at first but then his expression became thoughtful.

_"__Do you think she'll retract her punishment if I tell her what an exceptional and talented chaser she's withholding her own Quidditch team?"_ Draco asked with a mischievous smirk on his lips. That made me smirk as well but I tried to hide it behind my hand. He cast me a questioning look. _"What?"_

_"__Nothing." _I retorted quickly and bit my bottom lip. My brother simply watched me with a very pitiful expression. Defeated, I chuckled and smirked smugly at him. _"I'm an exceptional and talented chaser. Sounds great actually… especially out of your mouth. I've got to tell Blaise as soon as possible."_

_"__Oh, suck it up! You're not on the team yet."_ Draco rolled his eyes in amusement before looking at me with an arrogant sneer. I cast him a dark warning glare but of course he simply had to. _"Oh, right I forgot. As it seems, you're not going to be anytime soon…"_

I pulled my hand out of his and pushed him very hard. Laughing he straightened up again and ruffled my hair.

_"__Bloody jerk." _I muttered when I straightened my hair again. Draco simply laughed and placed one arm around my shoulders, pressing me uncomfortably against his chest.

_"__Yeah, but you love that bloody jerk with his stunning good looks and incredibly charming personality."_ Draco stated matter of fact in a very frustrating satisfied tone. I rolled my eyes but couldn't suppress the chuckle. I poked in his stomach to release me again which only resulted in being pulled closer. Trying to fight of his grip, I let my legs slip on the floor.

_"__What exactly are you trying to do?"_ Draco asked astonished when I wriggled under his arm. With an annoyed growl I stopped my resistance and turned on my back. Now my head was resting in his lap and I saw confusion in his eyes. I glared up but he smirked unimpressed.

_"__Getting comfortable, bloody jerk."_ I muttered to his amusement. He smiled one of his rare, genuine smiles and I felt my heart lighten up.

_"__Alright but you still love that bloody jerk with his stunning good looks and incredibly charming personality – even very much, I'd say!"_ I chuckled and intertwined our fingers again.

_"__As much as it pains me to admit… yes, I love you very much. Concerning the rest, that's open to dispute. Nevertheless, you're still the biggest bloody jerk of a brother."_ I grinned up and he chuckled deeply.

_"__Well, despite you being unbelievably infuriating and Gryffindor at times, you're still the best Gryffindor-Slytherin little sister I'd ever have."_

_"__You do remember that our birthday's the same day?"_ I asked lazily and he shrugged.

_ "__So?"_ He asked with one raised eyebrow. I cast him a stern look, earning me an annoyingly sly grin.

_"__So! I'm not your little sister seeing as we're both born 5__th__ June 1980."_ I emphasized as if I was talking to a child. Draco showed himself unimpressed – naturally. He smirked smugly and shrugged again.

_"__Such a pity! I love my little sister! … Besides, I was born a few hours earlier. So, technically I'm older than you."_

_"__Well, technically,"_ I imitated his smartass voice with a crooked smirk. _"You're not even my brother."_

Draco laughed and looked – to my satisfaction – very sheepish. I hummed, completely enjoying his defeat. _"Touché."_ He looked down with a small smile. _"I still love you though."_

_"__Good because I'd knock you of your broom if you ever didn't. You're the only family I have."_ I replied lightly but inwardly I felt the resounding meaning of the heavy truth in my words. Even if we had met under very uncomfortable circumstances and endured a lot of pain together, we both knew we'd gladly go through all of it again if necessary…


	51. Chapter 51 - A compromise for peace

51\. A compromise for peace

Week after week passed. My detention had come to an end but I didn't care. Sometimes, I even missed it because it would keep me busy and refrain from thinking to much. I forced myself not to think to much about what had happened. It worked quite well nowadays – as long as Severus wasn't in the same room that was. I had become quieter and more serious. A true heartfelt laugh was overcoming me rarely these days. It felt as if all the mistrust others had in me, drilled deeper and deeper in my heart with each day.

Every new day, it felt more difficult to be with my friends because I knew they didn't believe me. Seeing as I never spoke about Moody again with them, they thought I'd given up on my opinion. Hence, I had to endure Harry and Ron's rapture about most of the Defence against the Dark Arts lessons either during meals or in the common room. Somehow though, I made it through each day, never thinking about the following morning.

My physical health was very affected after months of lack of sleep, unregular meals, nightmares, my burning arm and all the troubles I had with Severus, Professor McGonagall and my Gryffindor friends. I had lost some weight but I didn't really care about it. I was to busy trying to keep myself occupied at all times. Whenever I found myself drifting away with my thoughts, I forced myself to do school work or read book after book in the library. I wouldn't allow me once to think about Severus longer than necessary. Nowadays, I spent a lot of time watching Moody whenever I had the possibility. I observed his behaviour, his movements, choice of words and how he used his wand. I still tried to find a prove for my theory – which I was still one hundred percent convinced of. But he never stepped out of line or did anything suspicious to my growing frustration…

_"__Ms. Jackson, please stay behind."_ The stern voice of none other than Professor McGonagall called as the bell had rung merely seconds ago. I didn't bother asking Hermione to excuse me in Potions. Firstly, because it was Severus who wouldn't do anything that would make him spend more time with me in the same room than necessary. Furthermore, I didn't care enough about it anymore. I went to classes because I had to, I came in time because it was required, I did my homework because it kept me occupied. These days, school was nothing more than a pastime.

Lazily, I strolled to my head of house and stared absentminded at her desk. I hadn't gotten much sleep tonight again – merely four hours. I was so tired and drained of energy that my fairy healing was of no use anymore. It barely managed to ease my headaches and make me fall asleep eventually.

_"__Jackson."_ I winced and turned to look at her. She shook her head and pressed her lips in a thin line. Her expression turned softer and she watched me with troubled eyes. _"I'd like to know how you're holding up with everything. I'm quite concerned about you. Madame Pomfrey and Severus both noticed your change of health as well."_

I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. As I released it slowly, I tried to relax ever muscle in my face to show her a blank and careless expression. Inwardly, I felt my emotions raging though – pain, anger, sorrow, desperation…

_"__I'm fine. If I should feel the sudden urge for help though I'll most certainly just ignore it."_ I replied calmly and stared her dead in the eyes. McGonagall sighed and folded her hands.

_"__You aren't alone, Ms. Jackson. I know you believe you are but many people care for you and wish to help you."_ She explained warmer now but I simply didn't care about anything she said.

_"__Oh, I bet there're plenty of people…"_ I scoffed sarcastically. _"But who of them cares for me AND believes me? Well, let me count them for you. There's Draco, Blaise and Derek. Did I forget someone?"_ I cast her a challenging glare but of course she wouldn't be provoked that easily.

_"__Is that a reason for not caring for all the other people anymore?"_ She asked irritatingly calm and I gripped my bag tightly in my hands. I wouldn't lash out on her. I had had myself under control since the break down with Draco. I had shut everyone out except for my brother, Blaise and Derek. Nevertheless, her words stung and made me angrier at the same time.

_"__I still do care for my friends or you or Severus bloody Snape." _I drawled as carelessly as possible. "_But I won't let you tell me any longer how mental I'm to think that Moody's a Death Eater. I tried to explain myself and I asked for you to trust me. You chose not to so I chose not to torment myself any longer by spending more time with you than necessary."_ I bit the inside of my cheek and furrowed my eyebrows.

_"__Very well. However, if we notice your physical health getting worse you'll have no choice than seeing Severus about it. I won't allow any of my students to neglect their self-care."_ Professor McGonagall warned me sternly and I couldn't do anything else than staring blankly at her in disbelief. It was quickly replaced with annoyance though.

_"__Professor with due respect but I've got better things to do than wasting my time arguing with people. I hate fighting and I'm most certainly not keen to have Severus lash out on me again anytime soon. If you wish to help me, I'd like all of you to leave me alone."_ I raised my hands and scoffed, my heart stitching strongly._ "Look at Severus, he's mastered the art of getting out of my way."_ I looked at her with a cool expression, hoping that my struggling emotions weren't visible. She watched me for a moment before nodding.

_"__Just remember that you're welcome in my office at any time."_ My head of house sounded strangely defeated, catching me by surprise. _"You may leave now. I'm afraid your next lesson has started already."_

_"__As if I'd care."_ I mumbled when I turned around to leave. I blew out my cheeks and growled in frustration. _Such a funny day today. _I thought sarcastically. _First McGonagall scowling me and now Potions with Severus. Can't get any better!_

_"__Oh and Ms. Jackson?"_ I let out the deep breath I had been holding and stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't bother turning around. I had reached my line of patience during the last few weeks. I felt so incredibly hurt and desperate but I had swallowed my pride so often for Severus this year already that I was tired of it now. Inwardly, my heart never stopped bleeding but I simply couldn't take all the mistrust any longer.

_"__If you believe Severus is doing fine, you're highly mistaken."_ Her voice sounded sad, almost pained. My heart sped up in less than a second, my blood boiling painfully in my veins. Furiously, I whirled around and glared darkly. Not caring about any courtesy any more, I pointed at her. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest when I barely contained myself from yelling.

_"__Don't you dare appealing to my conscience! You – especially you have no right to! If Severus has a bad conscience for everything he said in the headmaster's office, I'll gladly accept his apology. But other than that, I don't want to hear another word about me being mistaken about anything, Professor."_ I spat disdainful and cast her a hateful scowl. _How dare she say that to me?!_

Before she could do or say anything, I practically run out of her classroom. I was fuming when I stomped down the stairs to the dungeons. And knowing that I'd have to face Severus now wasn't really helping either…

Annoyed, I strolled in the Potions classroom and looked for my friends. As soon as I had found them, I moved towards their table.

_"__Any pathetic excuse as to why you're late Jackson?"_ Severus' voice drawled provocative next to me - way more impressive than I ever could. Stopping dead in my tracks, I turned to find myself face to face with him. My heart pounded loudly in my chest with bubbling anger. When I looked in his extraordinary blank eyes, I felt my own stinging though. I wanted to scream and hug him at the same time…

_"__I don't know. You should ask Professor McGonagall if it's pathetic or not."_ I replied carelessly, glaring as best as I could but by my squeezing chest I knew very well that my emotions were about to overwhelm me once more.

Severus' eyes turned to slits and his lips twitched in a very ugly sneer. I clenched my jaw and lowered my gaze until I was staring at the buttons of his robes. _"Talking back to a teacher. That makes ten points, Jackson… Let's see, you're ten minutes late, therefore I'll gladly deduct another ten points from Gryffindor."_

I gulped and pressed my lips together as hard as I could. I wouldn't break down now, but most of all not in front of him! Severus crossed his arms but I refused to look up.

_"__Well…"_ He drawled icily. _"Go to work, now!"_

I stopped myself from growling when I passed him. Angry at him, myself and my friends sharing the table with me, I threw my bag on the floor and pulled out my book. The potion today wasn't complicated to my utter disappointment. I had hoped it could distract me from Severus and McGonagall…

_Who would've guessed…? _ I thought sarcastically. _Severus and I got together at Christmas and look at us now almost half a year later. Oh yes, we're great together – our love is very strong…! Dumbledore was right though. Love is a beautiful and terrible thing at once…_

While a part of me was quite annoyed, another part of me was also surprised and curious when Severus called me back at the end of the lesson. But whilst I watched the other students leaving the classroom, cold erupted in my chest and squeezed my heart almost painfully. My heartbeat fastened when I realized that I was finally alone with him – for the first time in weeks.

I gulped and clenched my jaw. With shaking hands, I dropped my bag on the table and gripped it firmly. I heard the rustling of robes when he seemed to come closer. Nervously, I raised my head and forced myself to look as self-confident as possible. A very difficult task if one's heart was almost jumping out of the chest and clouding the brain.

Blue eyes locked with cold black ones. I gulped when my mouth dried out all the sudden. It had been to long since I had last been so close to Severus and most importantly looked into his eyes. Agonizingly slow, I felt the guards I had built to protect myself from my own emotions crumble piece by piece. Luckily, Severus decided to move and cross his arms. That snapped me out of my mesmerizing state in the blink of an eye. I blinked several times and cleared my throat before watching him again.

_"__Why am I here?"_ I asked monotonous. Severus' lips twitched but other than that he looked irritatingly controlled.

_"__I suppose Professor McGonagall spoke with you."_ He replied coldly. I stared at him incredulously before scoffing.

_"__Yes, she did."_ I snapped sharply, casting a glare. _"If I'm here so that you can offer me your help, spare our time. I'll refuse it anyway… Now, if that's it then I'd like to leave."_ My heart told me to run out of here before Severus would say something that would free my buried emotions at once. I didn't want another fight, I couldn't go through it again – not with Severus at least.

_"__I believe, I'm the teacher here to dismiss you."_ He commented dryly which was enough to make me wince slightly. _Teacher, right…_ I pressed my lips in a thin line to keep myself from saying anything. My heart felt as if it was already burning.

_"__I called you back for two reasons."_ Severus stated emotionless and looked me dead in the eyes. _"You already mentioned the first one so there's not much left to discuss about it. I'm merely… suggesting that you should be aware of the facts. Despite the current circumstances, you're still a student and under your teacher's authority. If we see a serious threat to your health, we won't have any other choice than acting upon it."_

I bit the inside of my cheek when I felt annoyance forming in my heart. My blank look became a scowl but of course it wouldn't impress Severus the slightest. _As if I'd care…_

_"__And your other reason?"_ I asked forcefully. Severus shifted and sighed. Suddenly, his cold expression faltered and his body lost some tension. _Oh no, please don't…!_ I pleaded inwardly.

_"__What are we doing here Arya?"_ His voice sounded tired and his face showed true exhaustion. His skin was unusually pale, making his dark eyes only stand out more. _Obviously, McGonagall's right… He's not holding up better than me._

Frustrated, I shook my head and shifted a little to lean my hips against the desk. Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly weak and defeated. Lazily, I crossed my arms and sighed deeply.

_"__Well apparently, we're stubbornly ignoring each other."_ I muttered sarcastically and raised my eyebrows at him. Severus pressed his lips in a thin line and cast me a dark look. Irritated, I rolled my eyes and hissed incredulously.

_"__What do you expect me to say, Severus? You made it perfectly clear that you don't believe me so I interpret that as mistrust. Besides, you're the one who told me to stay away unless I apologize."_ I explained fiercely and clenched my jaw.

In a heartbeat, Severus' expression became guarded again and he watched me carelessly. I cast him a helpless look before averting my gaze.

_"__I did… but it was a mistake. Some things I said… I never should've spoken out aloud."_ Severus said quietly. Annoyed, I glared at the shelf behind him.

_"__Yet you did…"_ I replied sharply. _"And you meant every single word."_

A tormented expression flickered over Severus' face before he tried to hide it by pinching the bridge of his nose. When his gaze landed on me again, he looked incredibly worried.

_"__I did…"_ He murmured and my heart stung painfully. I bit my bottom lip and averted my gaze. _"But I hardly believe you have the right to hold my words against me."_

I snapped my head up and gulped when I saw him staring darkly at me. I opened my mouth to reply something but didn't know what to say so I closed it again. There was a long silence during which neither of us moved. Then I unfolded my arms and tiredly rubbed my face.

_"__Severus, I'm sorry for betraying you… again."_ I raised my hand in a helpless gesture. _"You probably won't believe me but I'd never invade anyone's mind recklessly. I'm perfectly aware of the extent of the act."_ I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and pushed myself of the table. I felt so nervous and scared of the outcome of our conversation. I licked my dry lips, blinking a few forming tears away.

_"__But Moody… I cannot apologize for what I did Severus. I just can't."_ I cast him a desperate look and waited for him to say anything. But Severus simply stared at me, making my heart almost jump out of my chest.

_"__We both know life isn't that simple."_ Severus stated coldly when an uncomfortable shiver run down my spine. _"But if I'd give you the choice between your unhealthy obsession with Moody and a relationship with me… would you drop your accusations?"_

My heart clenched tightly when I almost stumbled back in horror. _He won't… He can't possibly do this to me – to us! _Realizing, that he was obviously waiting for an answer, I cleared my throat and tried desperately to concentrate.

_"__I…" _I gulped nervously and fidgeted with my hands. _"I could never… No… I love you Severus, but I could never choose our relationship if it meant becoming oblivious to the danger my father causes."_

Severus nodded curtly and let his thoughtful gaze wander around the room. I bit my bottom lip until I tasted blood in my mouth but I didn't care. Taking not more than a few shallow breaths, I waited fearful for him to finally end everything we had ever had together.

_"__Being a spy… isn't simply about joining the opposing side."_ Severus said softly, more to himself though. He wasn't looking at me but staring into space. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion but didn't even dare moving. _"You have to act, speak and think like them and yet always remember your own mission. You need to become one of them… It requires a tiresome alertness and concentration at all times. You must shut out your emotions and intuition or else you would never remain discreet. Instead, you have to rely upon nothing but reliable evidences and truths to complete the task."_

Severus snapped out of his trance like state. His sharp eyes pierced me fiercely now even if his expression was still rather blank.

_"__Arya, I'm making every effort to understand your suspicions but I cannot be convinced by a mere feeling on your part. I truthfully wish I could since I'm not willing to let you go. However, given the fact how you are unconsciously acting around him, I don't doubt your intuition. It's your conclusion I cannot comprehend."_

I was dumbfounded and stared incredulously at him. I had expected him to say anything but that. A hopeful spark warmed and calmed my heart. I blinked a few times before averting my gaze, processing what he had just told me. I took a shaking breath, only to release it loudly afterwards. Relief made me run a trembling hand through my hair when I felt suddenly lighter than the last weeks.

_"__So where does that lead us?"_ I asked quietly. _"Because I'm tired, Severus. I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of everybody telling me how blinded I am. I'm trying to help but the only thing I get in return's condemnation and mistrust."_

Desperate, I bit my tongue and crossed my arms firmly. _When's this nightmare finally over? _Severus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

_"__Welcome to my world…"_ I heard him mutter under his breath before he locked eyes again. I growled in annoyance. He folded his arms and watched me with a reserved expression. _"Most people out there will never truly understand the Dark Arts, Arya. They foolishly believe their simple-minded approaches could protect them from evil. Many witches and wizards are blinded by fear since the first wizarding war. Cowards who separate the world in black and white. They are naïve enough to be convinced life being fair and simple… Don't expect them to change - they won't. Fear will make them hold on to their belief until they see the truth with their own eyes."_

I scoffed snidely and turned away, suddenly feeling irritated again. _"I'm not speaking about them, Severus… or perhaps I am, I don't know. But I meant us. What's happening with us now?"_

I watched him with wide eyes when a cold shiver run down my spine. I didn't know anymore what I really wanted – simply that I wanted our fight to come to an end. Severus' expression softened slightly as he cast me a calculating gaze.

_"__I asked for an apology but knowing you, I'll obviously never get it. Well… As I mentioned, I don't doubt your magic rather your conclusion. Therefore, I can merely provide a compromise. If you choose to accept my terms, I'm willing to put our dispute to rest and remit asked apology."_

I raised my eyebrows sceptically. _"A compromise…? You, willing to compromise to simply drop it?"_

Severus pressed his lips in a thin line and raised one eyebrow. I cleared my throat and half-heartedly waved my hand, mentioning to continue. When he raised his voice again a scowl clouded his black eyes.

_"__Most certainly not to simply drop it!"_ He drawled – his velvet voice dripping with pure disdain. I rolled my eyes at his typical teacher act. Severus glared dangerously in return. _"My terms should be simple enough for you to remember them… I want you to stop sneaking behind Alastor's back and keep your distance. Furthermore, you'll report any reliable suspicious behaviour on his part to me. Under no circumstances will you run after him yourself."_

I bit the inside of my cheek and thought about his conditions. _With other words, I've to leave him alone then… _Hissing lowly to myself, I tried to find a catch in the promise he asked of me. As I looked at Severus sceptically, his eyebrow raised even higher.

_"__Does that mean you're considering my accusation that something's wrong with him?"_ I asked carefully.

_"__Not necessarily…"_ He stated slowly and I sighed deeply. _"I don't doubt your magic hence I trust your bad feeling. Although, I refuse to believe that Alastor might be a Death Eater. The cause for your bad feeling is as yet for the moment unclear."_

Severus pierced me with a painfully blank stare. I gulped absentminded and nodded slowly. _Well… it's an oncoming start. _Thoughtfully, I let my gaze wander around the classroom. _At least, he's not dismissing my bad feeling anymore… or asking for an apology…._

_"__Alright, I agree."_ I said after a while and nodded curtly. _"I promise to stay away from him."_

Severus watched at me with a very thoughtful expression before nodding back. He unfolded his arms when his lips turned into a satisfied smirk. I averted my gaze when I felt relief wash over me. My heart suddenly pounded stronger and my lungs seemed to breath in twice as much air as before. I felt my lips twitching in a small relieved smile as well.

Gentle fingers on my chin made me raise my head. I blushed when I met Severus' unguarded gaze, his eyes glinting with warmth. Slowly, he placed one hand on my waist while the other caressed my jaw to finally cup my cheek. I beamed at him and totally lost myself in the burning feeling of our touching skin. The smirk had left Severus' lips, his expression completely guarded again but I didn't care. Seeing the love in his dark eyes was more than enough for me.

I couldn't help the chuckle to escape my mouth when Severus leaned his forehead against mine. I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes in contentment. My whole body tingled as the fire of happiness and love rushed through every single vein. When I put my arms around his torso, I got completely overwhelmed with my joy though. Growling quietly, I pulled my head back only to bury my face as deep as possible in his chest. Severus' rumbling chuckle vibrated against my chest and he snuck his arms firmly around my small body. I sighed deeply when I felt his scent relaxing every tensed muscle. Pulling me as close as possible to his chest, Severus buried his face in my hair.

_"__I missed you so much."_ I spoke quietly and tightened my grip.

Immediately, his whole body tensed at my words. I wanted to raise my head and look into his eyes but Severus was faster. One hand wandered in my hair while the other wandered down to my lower back. He clutched me almost desperately to his body, his cheek rested warmly against my forehead.

_"__I love you."_ His raspy voice sent a shiver down my spine. My stomach tingled overwhelmingly and I squeezed my eyes close to keep myself from moaning. I moved my hands to rest them next to my head on his hard chest.

_"__I love you too."_ My voice cracked.

I let out a shaking breath before inhaling deeply to ease my prickling body and slower my strongly beating heart. After a few wary breaths, I finally relaxed again and lost myself in the warmth and comfort of Severus' embrace. His steady breathing soothed me and eased my troubled mind…

It was only when Severus loosened his hold and moved his hand out of my hair that I remembered where we were. I took a deep breath and sighed. I didn't want to leave now and obviously neither did Severus. He kept me enwrapped in his arms and buried his face in my hair again. I felt his low growl against my cheek but refused to move.

_"__Your friends might start wondering if you're not returning soon."_ Severus muttered reluctantly.

I groaned in frustration and finally opened my eyes. Tiredly, I let them fall close again though when I took a slow and deep breath. Severus' hand wandered from my shoulder down to my lower back. I enjoyed the short sensation of his lips on top of my head before finally pulling away. I looked him deeply in the eyes and almost swooned seeing the strong love his dark eyes held. They seemed to make their way straight into my soul.

_"__They'll most likely worry that you finally choose to make short work of me."_ My lips turned in a grin but Severus merely raised his eyebrow.

_"__I believe I already did."_ He sneered arrogantly when my mouth fell open in disbelief. Quickly, I composed myself though and frowned darkly at him.

_"__Excuse me?! What's that supposed to mean?" _I asked incredulously. Severus chuckled lowly and my stomach tingled at the pleasant sound. Smirking, I tilted my head and watched him questioning.

Severus growled and slowly lowered his face to mine until our noses were almost touching. My smirk faltered the second I felt his breath on my skin. My heart sped up when his eyes flickered down to my lips. My stomach tingled once again, my breath not more than shallow gasps. When we locked eyes again, he hummed and pulled me closer. Gently, he brushed his nose against mine, making me shiver in his arms. Heat rushed through my whole body and my heart was almost jumping out of my chest at the moment. I couldn't look anywhere else than his warm eyes.

_"__I suggest you rack that smart brain of yours and answer the question yourself…"_ Severus said suddenly and pulled back instantly – his lips turning in a very triumphant smirk.

I blinked a few times in confusion. Then realization dawned me and I felt my cheeks heating up. Embarrassed, I groaned and averted my gaze. _"You're horrible." _

_"__I know."_ He replied sarcastically and I rolled my eyes. _"I'm the cruel dungeon bat."_

I growled in disdain and cast him a scowl. I really hated that nickname but apparently Severus couldn't care less about other people's opinion. I turned towards the desk and grabbed my bag. With a wide grin, I turned back to Severus. Raising his eyebrow, he crossed his arms and watched me with a thoughtful expression.

_"__Well, I'm leaving then. I suppose I'll see you later…?"_ Inwardly, I scowled myself for sounding so unsecure. His lips twitched in a sneer and he nodded. Casting him one last smile, I swung my bag over my shoulder and made my way towards the door. My lips split my face with a very wide, beaming smile. My heart was pounding strongly in my chest when I realized that we were finally on speaking terms again.

Suddenly, I was roughly spun around and pushed back against the wall. I gasped in surprise when my back hit the cold stone almost painfully. Looking up, I found Severus' dark eyes sparkling with an overwhelming passion. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest as I took shaky breaths. His hands held my waist pinned firmly against the wall. Before I could say anything, he had closed the gap between our bodies by pressing himself against me. I arched up into his broad chest, moaning quietly in the contact of body heat against my own. His hand wandered to my jaw and he lowered his head until our noses were almost touching. Automatically, I closed my eyes when I felt his quickened breath on my skin.

The next thing I knew, he had slammed his lips to mine and nearly knocked all air from my lungs. Severus moved them demanding, almost aggressively but I didn't mind. My arms reached up and tangled around his strong neck. My fingers gripped his hair, pulling him closer. That provoked a deep growl in Severus' chest. A cold shiver run down my spine, leaving goose bumps all the way. Moaning, I clutched the collar of his robes to keep him from pulling away. I hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of my lips and slipped it inside my mouth, gentle but demanding - it was nothing like I had ever experienced. Unable to contain us anymore, Severus held my head in his hands and pulled me into a fiery and passionate kiss.

I suddenly understood why people described kissing as melting because every square inch of my body dissolved into his. My veins throbbed and my heart exploded. I had never wanted anyone like this before. Severus felt and tasted wonderful. It didn't matter that his mouth was already on top of mine, I wanted him closer. Severus' hands worked their way around my body - feeling my cheeks, my hair, my shoulder blades, the curve of my spine, my hips. I felt his strong, muscular body pressed against me, inhaling deeply the scent of potions and that special scent that was just … him. The most delicious smell I could ever imagine.

I gasped in surprise when Severus' lips left mine only to trail soft kisses over my jaw. Warmth radiated from the spot where his lips touched my neck, slowly spreading through the rest of me. Whimpers of anticipation erupted my mouth, provoking him to press his body even closer. I moaned when his tender, smooth lips sucked my sweet spot. Taking shallow breaths, I rested my head against the wall and sighed in content. Suddenly, I felt drained of all my energy as Severus' lips travelled softly back up to my jaw. His fingers gently ran up and down my spine, coaxing shivers out of my body.

Severus' hands came to a halt on my waist, his thumbs caressing me gently. When he slowly pulled back, I exhaled shakily and opened my eyes again. My heart pounded loudly in my chest as his clouded eyes studied mine with silent intensity. My cheeks still blushing hotly, I glanced up into his captivating black eyes. I watched him with wonder and love overwhelming my heart whilst Severus' eyes were full of curiosity and passion. Taking shallow breaths, he leaned down and rested his forehead against mine. His warm breath ghosted softly across my face.

Lazily, I entangled my hands in his neck and leaned my body against the cold wall. Suddenly, coming to my senses again, I shily averted my gaze and chuckled quietly. My body felt incredibly hot and relaxed at the same time. When I glanced at Severus again he was studying me with an unreadable expression. His eyes were sparkling with warmth and love.

_"__Wow."_ I murmured weakly to myself, only blushing more. That seemed to snap Severus out of his stare. The corner of his mouth lifted into a genuine smile as he raised one hand to brush some strains of hair out of my face. His fingers caressed my cheek tenderly, leaving a burning sensation.

_"__Indeed."_ Severus smirked, all love replaced by an arrogant smugness. It was everything it needed to completely ease the heavy and passionate tension between us. Chuckling again, I rested my hands on his hard chest, my fingers anxiously tracing small circles. Severus pressed his body closer to mine, his hands placed on the wall on each side of my face.

Finding myself more than trapped and unable to move, I bit my bottom lip and raised my eyebrows questioning. But I couldn't deny the flashes of joy and passion rushing warmly through my body. Somehow, I enjoyed my helpless, but secure position. Perhaps because of Severus' intense gaze boring deeply in my blue eyes – sending shivers up and down my spine. But to my utter confusion, he squinted his eyes warningly, lowering his face to mine.

_"__Quit biting your lip."_ Severus growled slowly. My face flashed at the unexpected command, my teeth immediately letting go of my lip. He hummed satisfied, his lips turning in a snarky grin, dark eyes sparkling mischievously. I hissed under my breath and rolled my eyes at him. I couldn't stop myself from laughing though. Tilting my head, I raised my eyebrows and watched him with an expectant expression. Severus raised one eyebrow in return.

_"__Pinning you against the wall was a great decision."_ He stated amused. His lips turned in a smirk however when I snorted incredulously. _"An extraordinary breathtaking experience… Although, I still doubt you could've fought me. I was under the impression you were quite… distracted."_

_"__Is that a challenge?"_ I asked confused, making his smirk widen. Growling, he lowered his face to mine until our noses were almost touching, a sneer on his lips. A piercing stare kept my body rigid in place.

_"__Don't believe for one second you could possibly fool me, Aryanna Jackson. I know precisely how to ensnare you with my voice, how much you crave and enjoy my touch... I know you!"_ My smirk faltered in the blink of an eye as my body reacted exactly how Severus had obviously expected. My breath quickened as my heart pounded loudly in my chest.

The low chuckle vibrating against my chest pulled me out of my trance-like state. A hot blush crept on my cheeks and I cleared my throat in great embarrassment. Groaning, I averted my gaze and scowled at the buttons of Severus' robes.

_"__Stop teasing me, you bloody Slytherin."_ I mumbled frustrated, earning me another arrogant chuckle. A cool hand on my chin pushed my head up until we locked eyes again. Severus watched me with an amused expression.

_"__I'm enjoying it while I can. I'm afraid you'll grow resistant over time… But as long as I've you in my class, I'm not worrying about it. I know how to get under your skin without revealing anything about you… An ability you're obviously lacking."_ He ended with a snarky grin and I couldn't suppress a laugh.

_"__Lacking? As if. I know very well how to get under your skin so don't try me."_ I replied warningly, making Severus snort.

_"__We'll see."_ He drawled provocative.

I scoffed shortly and nodded. _"Yes, we'll see."_

We stared at each other for quite some time until Severus smirked suddenly. I raised my eyebrows in return, making him shake his head. As if snapping back to reality, a thought came into my mind and I chuckled satisfied. Now it was his turn to raise an eyebrow at me.

_"__I just realized; maybe it's not wise to have a snogging session right next to the door. I mean someone could enter any time, don't you think?"_ I couldn't suppress the sheepish grin though. _"Another place next time…?"_

_"__Next time…?"_ Severus asked teasingly, his eyebrow raising higher. I scoffed and laughed quietly.

_"__Well, we surely don't have to. You know, I'm completely fine with us not fighting all the time and simple talking."_ I patted his chest and cast him a playful serious expression. _"I'm not pushing you love. Take all the time y-"_

_"__Shut up!"_ Severus growled warningly. I snorted and started laughing at his dark expression. Teasingly, I caressed his cheek and gently brushed some hair behind his ear – knowing precisely how much he hated such gestures. To my surprise he didn't pull away though which caught me slightly off guard. Severus smirked when he sensed my hesitation.

_"__Another place next time."_ His smug velvet voice replied smoothly. Black eyes sparkled mischievously when I looked up. I hummed thoughtfully before grinning madly.

_"__Great!"_ I exclaimed joyfully, Severus rolled his eyes. _"Now that it's all settled, I should probably leave."_

My amusement washed away in the blink of an eye when Severus stared at me absentminded. His expression was blank and cold again. Questioning, I tilted my head and furrowed my eyebrows at the quick change of mood. Then, in one swift move, he pulled me away from the wall and against his chest. His hands rested on my shoulders, thumbs caressing the skin of my neck. The infamous sneer was back on his lips when he watched me with an intense gaze.

_"__You might add our… experience to your list of situations I – how did you phrase it – made short work of you?"_ Severus raised one eyebrow in provocative curiosity. Laughing, I shook my head in disbelief but cast him a sheepish look.

_"__I suppose, yeah." _I chuckled quietly to myself and bit my lip when I felt my cheeks heating up. Severus smirked and raised one hand to cup my chin. Gently, he freed my bottom lip with his thumb. Cool fingers caressing my cheek made me smile genuinely at him.

Severus leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. Sighing, I closed my eyes and felt my heart flutter with affection for this man. I smiled loving at him when Severus merely raised one eyebrow and watched me with a stern expression.

_"__I suggest you leave my classroom now."_ He stated arrogantly, his lips turning in a snarky smirk.

_"__Yes sir."_ I retorted teasingly. Reluctantly I pulled back from his pleasant touch but couldn't hold back the joyful chuckle. Energetically, I swung my bag over my shoulder. When I turned around again, Severus watched me with a blank expression, his arms crossed firmly in front of his chest.

_"__Don't forget our agreement."_ He said quietly and I shook my head reassuringly.

_"__Don't worry, I won't. Like I said before, I honestly don't like it when we're fighting."_ I cast him a small smile.

_"__And neither do I."_ Severus replied softly, his voice thick with emotions. I nodded again, a cold shiver running down my spine at this unguarded answer. He quickly covered up however by casting me a half-hearted scowl. _"Now, leave my classroom Ms. Jackson."_

My lips twitched in amusement and I nodded curtly. Satisfied, Severus whirled around and walked towards his desk. Rolling my eyes, I finally turned towards the door. With a small smirk on my lips, I made my way to Gryffindor tower; deeply lost in thoughts about Severus' and my great reunion that had led to a very intense and heated kissing session.


	52. Chapter 52 - The third task

52\. The third task

Everybody's excitement mounted as June the twenty-fourth drew closer. Harry seemed more relaxed than before the first two tasks. Hermione, Ron and I had spent as much time with him as possible to exercise spells. The task was the same day of our History of Magic exam. So, while we took our last exam of the year, Harry met up with the other champions and their families. To our surprise, Mrs. Weasley and her eldest son Bill had come to support him.

Ludo Bagman and Cornelius Fudge joined the stuff table for dinner. The evening feast had more courses than usual, giving everyone more time to get more excited – except for myself. I hadn't slept during the night; my forearm hadn't stopped hurting these last few days. In fact, the pain had gotten worse every day. Appropriate were my mood and patience. But today had been the worst day of the whole year so far. No matter what I did to distract myself, the nightmares were always on my mind. Somehow, I couldn't control my anger and hatred towards Professor Moody anymore. Whenever I saw him, it took all my willpower to leave him alone as I had promised Severus.

_"__Arya dear, are you alright?"_ Asked a worried Mrs. Weasley from across the table. She and Bill had joined us at the Gryffindor table. Reluctantly, I tore my dark gaze away from Moody and stared at her. _If only you knew… _Irritated, I threw my fork on the still filled plate. I run a trembling hand through my hair and shook my head.

_"__No."_ I snapped shortly making her furrow her eyebrows. Hermione cast me a warning look while Bill watched me with a slightly confused expression. Exhaling a deep breath, I buried my face in my hands and scowled myself for my rudeness._ Great Arya. Get yourself together for Merlin's sake! She's trying to help you._

_"__When have you slept the last time?"_ Hermione asked quietly but Mrs. Weasley heard it anyway.

_"__What's troubling you?"_ She asked concerned and I sensed how the good mood faltered slowly around us.

I snapped my head up again but couldn't prevent myself from scowling in annoyance. Frustrated about my lacking self-control, I hissed and bit the inside of my cheek.

_"__Yesterday, I think. Merely two or three hours though…"_ A sharp stitch in my left forearm made me flinch and yelp in pain. My friends and the closest sitting Weasleys looked more than confused and worried now.

_"__Should we take you to the hospital wing or do you wish to talk? We could go-"_

_"__I'm fine!"_ I coldly interrupted Mrs. Weasley and felt instantly my eyes prickling with anger at myself. Her eyes held nothing but warmth and worry when I looked at her.

Cursing myself, I threw the napkin roughly on the table and gripped my throbbing forearm tightly with my right hand. Absentminded, my head turned towards the stuff table again. I clenched my jaw painfully when I spotted the main cause for my troubles. I observed Moody with great disdain and shivered as I felt the reeking aura of dark magic around him once again.

_"__Arya."_ Harry ripped me out of my hateful thoughts.

_"__I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped."_ I said in a low voice and turned to Mrs. Weasley again. Exhaling loudly, I rubbed my face and pinched the bridge of my nose. _"It's just…"_

I bit the inside of my cheek again and averted my gaze. _How the bloody hell am I supposed to explain everything to her? It sounds more than mad actually. _Desperate, I threw my hands up and pressed my lips in a thin line.

_"__You know what… I can't stay here any longer, I'm sorry. I feel so incredibly angry and exhausted all the time now. I have a very bad feeling about the task tonight and Moody's not making things better. If you'll please excuse me... I see you at the Quidditch pitch."_

Abruptly, I stood up and cast my friends a defeated look, hoping they would understand me but of course they didn't. Pain stung in my heart at their expressions. They were looking at me with worry and – in Hermione's, Ron's and Harry's case, disappointment.

Confused, I shook my head and tried finding the right words. _"I'm sorry… I don't know what's wrong but I can't sit here and eat while everything's breaking apart. I… I cannot explain it."_

Helpless, I looked around and noticed a few glances in our direction. Understandable, after all I was the only one standing. When my glance rested on the stuff table, I locked eyes with Severus who stared at me with a subtle questioning expression. I bore my fingers deeply in my left forearm as another wave of pain intensified the throbbing to an almost unbearable pressure. I felt so confused and anxious but couldn't exactly explain why. With stinging eyes, I shook my head at Severus and looked at Moody who was watching me with his usual grim expression. Another cold shiver ran down my spine.

I pressed a hand to my mouth, trying to understand the confusing and overwhelming emotions in my heart. Then I whirled around and left the great hall briskly. I clenched and unclenched my fist, trying to ignore the pain in my forearm. Frustrated, I stormed outside and leaned against an archway. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths, enjoying the soothing fresh air filling my lungs.

_"__Moody, I swear if you're in Hogwarts next year, I'll leave."_ I muttered hatefully under my breath. _"I'd rather drop school than spending another year around your bloody, reeking, torturing aura… Damn bastard! And damn nightmares!_ _Damn you father for being who you are!"_

Screaming, I hit the wall with the palm of my hand with full force. Then I buried a hand in my hair and gripped it tightly. I cried out in frustration as a few tears rolled down my cheeks. Why did my life have to be so complicated? Groaning, I leaned against the cold stone and let myself slide down until I was sitting on the floor.

_"__What the bloody hell's wrong with you, Arya?! You're pushing everyone away with your crappy behaviour…"_ I mumbled defeated and sighed.

Absentminded, I lifted my head and stared in the darkening sky. The clouds were almost not visible anymore. I watched as birds flew through the air, nothing more than black shadows. A light breeze distracted my troubled thoughts and soon I lost myself completely in the beauty of twilight…

_"__Jackson!"_ A growling ripped me out of my thoughts and I flinched.

My eyes widened when I sensed magical darkness. Clenching my jaw painfully, I turned my head and found myself looking at Moody's contorted face. In a heartbeat, I jumped on my feet and backed away. I stared sceptical at him, wondering what he wanted from me. Moody watched me with an annoyed expression and limped closer.

_"__Everyone's down by the Quidditch pitch already. The third task has just started. Come, you wouldn't want to miss your friend's performance."_ He cast me a gloomy look and I squinted my eyes. My gut told me to run as fast as possible. Every nerve was on high alert now and I felt my heart pound rapidly in my chest.

Without another word, Moody passed me, limping heavily. Breathing deeply, I shook my head and clenched my jaw. _Come on, Arya. You dealt with him one bloody year. You're a fairy, for Merlin's sake. You're faster and stronger than that limping, reeking bastard… _Slowly, I followed Moody. He didn't look back once to see if I was following him. Careful to keep some distance between us and watching every one of his moves closely. I felt more and more nervous all the sudden. Inwardly, I cursed myself for leaving my friends earlier. _I should've walked down with them instead of being alone with the one person I mistrust the most in Hogwarts._

I stopped dead in my tracks as Moody moved slower, obviously struggling to walk down the steps. Slowly, he made his way down and I started taking deep breaths to calm myself. _What can he possibly do to me now? Bloody hell! Get yourself together, Arya! We're on school grounds… _My gaze flickered between the steps and Moody. I simply couldn't relax and ignore him somehow – not today. I finally let out a sigh of relief when we left the path in the forest, I spotted the Quidditch pitch down the hill.

Suddenly, Moody whirled around faster than I had expected for a limping man. I had barely time to open my eyes in horror before a spell hit me straight in my chest. I yelped and fell on my knees as I felt a freezing coldness rushing through my whole body. Shocked, I saw that Moody limped closer incredibly fast and I closed my eyes to concentrate on my magic. With my mind I reached out for the familiar warm, pulsating energy source – it wasn't there…

Another cold wave of great fear paralyzed my whole body. I ripped my eyes open and snapped my head back up. Moody stood right in front of me so I tried to back away. My heart pounded hard against my ribcage when I noticed the very triumphant grin on his lips. Frightened and paralyzed, I raised my hand and focused my mind again. Moody laughed cruelly.

_"__Don't bother trying girl. Your magic's gone."_ He growled evilly. My hands shook badly when I tried to pull my wand out of my pocket. _Where the bloody hell is it?_

I groaned when the painful burning of a stunning spell hit me unprepared. My vision blurred as soon as my head collided with the ground hard. Suddenly, I felt hands on my upper body and started screaming. Disgusted, I tried to push them away but a sharp sting on my cheek made me see black for a moment.

_"__Ah, got it."_ I heard a deep voice distantly and opened my eyes again. Blurred, I realized that Moody was holding my wand in his hand. Rigid and unable to move, I watched when he put it in one of his many pockets. I whimpered helpless and started crawling backwards as he crouched down.

_"__Oh, stop it princess. I've got your wand and you can't do magic anymore. In fact, there's nothing you can do. Nothing at all."_ Moody grinned ugly.

Then he straightened and came closer again. I screamed - feeling extremely helpless – when Moody grabbed my collar and lifted me off the ground with ease. Shaking, I stood on my feet but before I could try to run away he flicked his wand. A rope erupted from the tip of his wand and forcefully bound my hands on my back.

_"__Don't even think about running or screaming princess. Now move, we're walking down to the gates."_ With that, a hand on my shoulder pushed me forward, making me stumble. Horrified, I started moving, not really caring about anything anymore. My breath quickened when my brain seemed to start working again. I was desperately trying to feel my magic. I wanted to find it but it wasn't anywhere in my body anymore.

_"__What did you do to me…? Who are you…?"_ I asked with a shaking voice. A low hum behind me and another hard push made me stumble again. But other than that, he remained silent.

_"__Shut up and walk faster."_ Moody growled near my ear, making me flinch.

With a rapidly pounding heart, I felt him clutching the back of my jacket and pushing me down the path. I took shallow breaths when I desperately tried to find any magical spark in my mind, my body or my blood... But I felt… nothing... empty… vulnerable! I had lost my magic… Whatever spell he had performed, Moody had taken my magic…

I gasped when a sudden strike in the hollow of my knee made me fall painfully on my already stinging knees. A firm grip on my collar saved me from falling on my face though. Biting my lip, I looked up at Moody who had raised his wand at the towering locked gates in front of us. Panic rose in my chest when I realized that this was really happening. Nobody would know where I was, where Moody would take me.

Mortal fear made its way into my brain and made me wriggle my hands in the painfully tight ropes. The throbbing in my forearm was quickly forgotten over the burning pain in my wrists. With every second, my fear grew as it dawned me that I was completely at Moody's mercy now. I could feel sweat drench my skin, the stinging in my eyes, blood vibrating in my ears and the rapid thumping of my heart. Moody had my wand… my magic… I couldn't use magic anymore. I couldn't defend myself…

I yelped when Moody yanked me up roughly and pushed me through the now open gates. My body started shaking when I remembered that the apparating area started right outside of the school gates. Before I could make another attempt to flee though, a merciless grip on my upper arm made me wince in pain. I groaned and bit my bottom lip until I tasted blood in my mouth.

The next thing I knew everything went black. I was pressed very hard from all directions; I couldn't breathe, there were iron bands tightening around my chest. We had apparated…

When I could breathe again, I blinked a few times in confusion. My eyes needed some time to adjust to the dim light. I felt my hands fall to my sides as if they weren't a part of my body anymore. Mad-Eye Moody dragged my lifeless feeling body towards the only light cutting through the darkness of the night. I wasn't able to move anymore. I felt so lost and defeated that I couldn't think straight anymore. Then suddenly, he pushed me forwards and I fell hard on the stony ground. A sharp pain rushed through my abused knees as I tried to keep my balance with my hands. Distantly, I registered the cracking noise of apparition. My mind felt numb and cold... Desperate and helpless I was kneeling on wet ground… I had lost my magic…!

_"__Look who decided to join us tonight_!" A high, cold voice slowly made its way into my brain. Almost instantly, my insides turned ice cold.

As I slowly raised my head, I realized that I was on a graveyard. The moonlight made the gravestone shadows grow bigger and bigger. Between them stood Death Eaters. They were all staring at me, their faces freed of the hideous masks they had worn at the World Cup. My gaze rested on a black cloaked… thing. A tall man, skeletally thin, moved smoothly in my direction. He was barefoot, the skin sickly pale against the dim light of the night. With an icy surge of terror, I was staring at the one man who had haunted my nightmares for as long as I had lived.

Lord Voldemort, the darkest wizard of all times had risen again – my father had returned…

_"__Arya…!"_ My head snapped towards my best friend's shouting. My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I spotted Harry being held firmly by a stone statue. I gasped horrified and stared at him with wide eyes. _"Arya! You've to leave… RUN!"_

_"__Harry..."_ I whispered at a loss of words._ What the bloody hell are you doing here?_

A cold but still soft laugh tore my attention away from him though. My father walked slowly in my direction, a look of cruel satisfaction wandering between Harry and me. He lifted a pale hand with long, bony fingers and motioned in my direction.

_"__She can't leave, Harry Potter."_ He turned towards his followers who surrounded us in an almost perfect circle. _"Welcome Aryanna Jackson… my daughter."_ The members of the circle stirred suddenly, some muttered under their breaths. My glare wandered from one to the other, refusing to avert my gaze. Burning anger started unfreezing my body again, pushing my fear aside. A grin contorted my father's lipless mouth.

_"__Yes, my friends... She's currently attending her fourth year at Hogwarts along with some of your children. A Gryffindor like her mother, befriended with the famous Harry Potter, blood traitors… and mudbloods."_ Tom Riddle hissed repulsive and I gritted my teeth as hatred rushed through my whole body, leaving a trail of goose bumps. I lowered my head and scowled at the grass. My fingers were curled into tight fists, nails digging deeply into my palm._ "But I'll make her see reason, no doubt. Very soon my daughter will join my side and put her abilities at our disposal. She possesses great magical strength… How couldn't she if her father is the heir of Slytherin and her mother the Queen of the Elvish folk?"_

I heard his voice coming closer and the rustling of robes. Taking shallow breaths, I clenched my jaw. Suddenly, a cold finger forced my head up to look at a face whiter than a skull. I stared in two widened, livid scarlet eyes._ "You won't get away this time."_ My father whispered.

Disgusted, I pulled my head out of his grip and spat:_" I'll never help you!"_

He laughed coldly and pushed me on the ground._ "You will." _With that my father raised his wand. _"Crucio!"_

The pain was beyond anything I had ever experienced. My bones were on fire, my head was bursting, my eyes were rolling madly in my head. I wanted it to end… to black out… to die. An agonizing pain rushed through my whole body repeatedly but I forced myself to keep my mouth closed. I wouldn't scream out... The pain felt unbearable... I couldn't give in… And then suddenly it was gone… Paralyzed, I took a few deep breaths, my body shaking violently.

_"__You see, my daughter's at my mercy now. My most faithful servant at Hogwarts has prepared her on my order."_ Red, piercing eyes bore merciless in mine. I forced my trembling body to straighten up. With a cruel smile, my father watched my insecure attempts to stand up. It took me a while but I managed to stand safely on my feet. I returned his stare and snarled repulsive.

_"__What did you do to me?"_ I spat, anger overwhelming me once again. _"What did you do with my magic?"_ I shouted louder now, earning a few laughter from around us. My father moved closer until he was merely standing a few feet away from me. His soft, high voice sounded too loud in the silence of the night.

_"__How do you believe I succeeded to render your treacherous mother obedient…? I invented a spell which bound her magic. She was pathetic with her wand. Therefore, it was easy to keep her under control."_

I curled my lips in a sarcastic smirk. _"Yet she saved me from you and brought me to Albus Dumbledore. You failed… father!"_

_"__I must admit, at first I was angered."_ The hideous looking creature started pacing as he explained himself. To whom exactly, I couldn't say – I didn't care anyway. _"But when Wormtail told me this summer what he had seen you achieve in Hogwarts these past years, I knew it had been beneficial. I realized Dumbledore would do everything in his power to help you develop your strength. None of my followers could've helped you the way he did."_

With a terrifying smile, my father turned back to me. Confused, I squinted my eyes at his expression. I couldn't hear my rapid beating heart anymore but felt the oxygen flooding in and out of my lungs._ "Your mother was strong… but I've always been stronger. Dark magic is more powerful than any pure magic of a fairy! … Now, let me share a secret with you…"_ With that his mouth stretched in an arrogant grin. "_Your mother didn't fall in love with me, Aryanna. I made her believe she had…"_

My whole body froze when his words sunk in. Coldness erupted in my chest. Fear tortured my guts, churned my stomach in tense cramps. With shock widened eyes, I stared at his ugly red ones. He laughed coldly at my reaction.

_"__I heard about what you call fairy-love."_ My father laughed softly, his eyes whipped of every emotion however. _"Love… makes you weak. It bound your mother to me and I intend to do the same with you."_ With a lazy gesture towards his Death Eaters he smiled cruelly. A cold shiver ran down my spine. _"I will bind you to one of my loyal followers... You won't get away this time."_

Horrified, I watched him and stumbled backwards. Laughter erupted around me. Suddenly, my foot hit something, causing me to lose my balance. Gasping, I fell on something that felt hard and soft at the same time. I rolled on my side and lifted my head…

I screamed appalled when I stared into the lifeless eyes of the older Hogwarts champion – Cedric Diggory. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the dead corpse before me, the first person my father had killed after thirteen years. Sorrow and anger overwhelmed me as I frantically moved away from the corpse. I jumped up on my feet but couldn't avert my eyes from the sickly twisted body.

_"__You killed him?!"_ I whispered frozen in my spot. Then I turned my head towards my father and for the first time today I didn't feel my fear anymore. _"You killed him…"_ Slowly, I walked closer to the unhuman looking man and watched him with great disdain. For the first time, my heart and brain had registered the true and whole meaning of the events this evening.

_"__You…"_ I clenched my fists at my side, nails digging in my palms and literally felt all my hatred pouring out of every single pore in my skin. _"You worthless bastard. You're nothing but a monster Tom Riddle. A heartless, cruel, weak bastard! I hate you… you and your Death Eaters! I'd rather die the most painful death than helpi-"_

I groaned when the agonizing pain of the Cruciatus Curse washed through my whole body. The paralyzing hurt spread through my body like icy, liquid metal. I twisted and twitched uncontrolled, trying desperately to keep myself from screaming loudly. As long as I could fight, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction…

I inhaled sharply when the pain suddenly subsided, leaving me shaking on the grass. I closed my eyes and tried to focus my mind to calm my body. Forcefully, I tried to stop reacting to the effect of the overwhelming pain. The throbbing in my forearm remained however – stronger than ever.

_"__You will obey me, Aryanna. Whether you wish to or not…" _My father whispered crouching next to me. _"I_ _know you'll do everything to protect the man you love."_ The shaking eased now and I could lift my head again. With some difficulties, I sat up and stared him dead in the eyes. A spark of triumphant scorn light up in my heart. My lips contorted in a repulsive smirk and I chuckled mocking. My father squinted his eyes irritated.

_"__You're too late…! And you're right. I'll do everything I can to protect him."_ I said through clenched teeth. My father curled his lip in anger as I showed myself so unimpressed._ "For I've already found my fairy-love."_

There was a long silence during which we glared at each other. He bared yellow teeth in obvious rage. In one swift move he was on his feet and his face contorted in fury. Pacing, he hissed lowly to himself – I watched him, a triumphant smirk on my lips. Suddenly, something cool touched my leg and I flinched. When I looked down, I inhaled sharply. Nagini, my father's snake, was winding over the wet grass, hissing threatening. Sparkling black eyes looked at me calculating and I froze right in my spot. I knew she wouldn't do anything to me… or at least I hoped so. Nagini's poison was lethal and I honestly didn't want to find out how fairies reacted to it. But to my relief, she started moving swiftly again, back towards my father. Sceptically, I watched her when she curled next to his feet, her slim tongue darting out now and then.

_"__Who is he?" _My father snarled, making me look up at him again. He had raised his wand with bony fingers, its tip pointing straight at me.

I curled my lips disdainful. An image of Severus came into my mind and I felt determination sharpening my mind. Casting my father a dark scowl, I laughed provocative._ "Do you honestly believe I'd tell you…? I'd rather die than betraying him."_

_"__Crucio!" _My father shouted out and I fell back on the wet ground, doubling over in great pain. My body twitching and twisting once again. My forearm stitched stronger and stronger until it felt as if it was burning. I forbade myself to scream out, I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I wouldn't!

_"__You'll tell me who he is Aryanna." _Soundless, he walked around me and smiled horribly. "_Nobody has ever resisted the Cruciatus Curse."_

I laughed coldly but when I looked at him again, my voice was nothing more than a hoarse growl. _"I'll be the first one then."_

When my father crouched right in front of me, I forced myself to stay where I was. Inwardly, I shook with disgust when I saw his face so close. Red eyes were piercing me merciless as his mouth formed a cruel smile.

_"__Why do you still believe you could beat me? We both know how helpless you are right now. Given the fact you are at my mercy, I will be patient with you however. I have plenty of time to make you see reason. If not tonight then tomorrow perhaps, or in a week."_

_"__Because there's one thing you'll never understand… father!"_ I retorted disgusted. I watched when my father's face contorted in a snide expression. _"Love… You'll never understand the power of love because you never experienced it in your lonely life."_ I squinted my eyes and moved my face closer to his, ignoring my instinct to back away as fast as possible. _"Your muggle father knew right from the beginning what a pathetic and weak man you'd become."_

Feeling incredibly daring and not really registering what I was doing, I spit in his face. Immediately, my father backed away and swiftly waved his wand in front of his face. Then I suddenly found myself staring at menacing red eyes. I watched with inner fear when the tip of his wand moved slowly until it was pointing in my direction. I simply couldn't hold back the arrogant smirk on my lips. I wanted to make him angry, I wanted him to understand that he couldn't control me no matter how much he'd hurt me. _Not now – not ever!_

The next moment, my vision turned black and my body shook under another torture of the Cruciatus Curse. Once again, it felt as if somebody would skin me alive. My head was bursting; every single vein and bone in my left forearm seemed to explode at once. Desperately, I bit my tongue to keep myself from screaming as the pain increased to an unbearable agony. Blood filled my mouth and then I suddenly lost control... I screamed… and screamed louder…

Sometime, the overwhelming pain stopped. My vision was blurred, I barely saw the feature of my father in front of me. Taking shallow breaths, I felt hate flood my whole being. My body betrayed me though by shaking stronger than earlier. I wanted to fight but a glint of fear had treacherously crept in my rapid pounding heart. My heart throbbed in fear. I felt frightened about the thought of being tortured forever without a possibility to free myself…

Feeling disgusted and angry with myself, I forced my body to move. I clenched my jaw and used all the remaining strength to move myself to a kneeling position. I would have preferred standing straight, facing my father without showing any weakness. But I knew without my magic my body was as vulnerable as any human body.

_"__Now tell me his name!" _My father hissed, kneeling in front of me. I gritted my teeth and lifted my tired head. It needed all my willpower to keep my body from trembling. Somehow, I managed a quiet chuckle which was enough to provoke him.

_"__As if I would EVER tell you!" _I spat slowly, my voice dripping with hate and disgust. My father bared his yellow teeth and tightened the grip on his wand visibly. Then he lifted it and placed it under my chin; its tip bore deeply in my throat. Livid, scarlet eyes pierced emotionless in mine and I forced myself to keep his gaze. An icy shiver ran down my spine.

_"__Oh, you will… and then I'm going to kill him." _He said in his soft, high voice._ "You'll watch him being tortured until you accept your place by my side. And only then shall I grant your lover the release in death."_

Pain erupted in my lower jaw now as the snake-like wizard pressed his wand carelessly into my skin, making me raise my head higher. Hatred and great anger gave me the strength to keep fighting. I wanted to kill him for threatening Severus. I clenched my jaw and curled my lips.

_"__You'll never know who he is..."_ My snarl was shaking with pain, anger and hatred. Nevertheless, I leaned closer to him and pierced him with burning eyes. My desperation surfaced as some tears rolled down my cheeks. I hissed in a threatening voice, hoping my father would understand the amount of my endless hate. _"…until the day of your death! Because I'll be the one to destroy you, father. I'll release this earth from your miserable existence!... But before I kill you, I'll tell you his name… and I'll laugh at your face for ever believing I would choose MY life over HIS…" _My lips twitched into a wicked smile._ "Afterwards, I'm going to destroy you and your body since no place on this earth deserves to be contaminated with the-"_

A strong slap in the face made me fall on wet grass. Surprised, I raised one hand to my cheek and turned my head slowly. Gritting my teeth, I cast my father a hateful look. I wanted to get up, I wanted to spit at him, hit him. But before I could even take my next breath, overwhelming pain filled my whole body. It was burning, bones were breaking, my skin was torn of my flesh. I crunched my teeth over my lip harder than I ever had. Salty blood filled my mouth. Screaming, I endured the pain of the Cruciatus Curse once more…

_"__My daughter represents the perfect example of loyalty my friends."_

With closed eyes, I listened to my father's speech. My body felt cold and numb. My heartbeat had slowed down to an uncomfortable rate. I pressed my face in the soothing, cool grass. My brain screamed at my body to move, to continue fighting but I felt too exhausted to do anything.

_"__She believes she could protect the people she loves. But the truth is, they make her weak. These people will be her death."_

I opened my eyes again when I felt the rustling of robes coming closer. Appalled, I watched my father's feet moving in my direction. With shaking arms, I pushed my heavy body off the ground. My hatred towards this one man gave me more strength. A shiver run down my spine when I found myself in the uncomfortable position of kneeling in front of my father. I gritted my teeth and clenched my hands to tight fists. _I can do this! I have to! _Taking a deep breath, I slowly stood up on my trembling legs. Pride and relief filled my whole body when I managed to stand straight without swaying. I lifted my gaze and locked eyes with hideous red ones. My father's lips had twitched into a cruel smile. Disgusted at the contorted, inhuman creature in front of me, I scoffed.

_"__Yes, I'll gladly die for them if necessary because they're kind and honest people. My friends detest what you stand for. They hate you as much as I do! Blood purity's bullshit. A witch is a witch, a wizard is a wizard and a muggle's a muggle!" _I snarled disdainful and cast my father a menacing glare.

Suddenly, my father started laughing coldly, catching me completely off guard. My body froze right in the spot when he turned towards his followers. The terrible noise of several laughter cut the night's silence sharply. All the sudden, he whirled around again and watched me with a snarky expression.

_"__They hate me…? Tell me, my daughter, do they know who you are?"_ My father spoke softly. I squinted my eyes at the smugness of his voice. It sent ice cold shivers down my spine. I was at a loss of words now, confusion took over.

_"__Yes, of course they do."_ I whispered back. I couldn't concentrate on his words right now. My brain was working fast, trying to find a catch. My father's triumphant expression froze my heart and made me feel extremely insecure.

My father's lips twitched in an ugly and cruel smirk which made my heart throb stronger with fear. _"Do you truly believe people will still be convinced you're on their side when they saw your mark?"_

Horror washed over my body, leaving me paralyzed… Coldness clenched my heart tightly… With wide eyes, I watched the hideous creature that was my father, trying to process his words. As soon as my brain snapped back to the present, I stumbled backwards and watched him fearful.

_"__You won't give me your mark…!" _Realization dawned me and I clenched my fists at my sides. I looked at him with all the hate I could muster and felt rage growing rapidly. _"I won't let you place that ugly… thing… on my arm. I won't die because of that bloody mark of yours! I'd rather die under the Cruciatus Curse than with that awful snake on my arm!"_

My father's face contorted as he laughed again. Slowly, he moved closer and dread crept in my heart. My chest vibrated over my strong heartbeat; my insides turned ice cold. Just as I was about to walk backwards, I found myself trapped in a spell. I couldn't move my legs anymore, my feet standing forcefully on their recent place. For a moment, relief lighted in my heart – I didn't have to keep myself on my legs anymore. I snarled hatefully as my father came to a halt one step in front of me. His mouth formed a cold smile, red eyes sparkling triumphantly.

_"__Dumbledore was a fool to believe he could keep you hidden."_ Laughing, he took a few steps towards the Death Eaters and raised his arms. Others joined his laugh, making his face contort even more with satisfaction. _"I made sure nobody would ever oversee the daughter of Lord Voldemort…! I made sure you, Aryanna, would never forget your own blood!"_

My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I listened. Horrified, I stared at my father coming closer again. A wicked expression clouded his eyes as he stopped in front of me. I wanted to get away from here now! I wanted to run away as fast and far as possible to get away from this man.

_"__Tell me, did you never feel your forearm burning this year…? You're already bearing my mark since you were a new-born child. It faded but tonight I will wake it again…"_

I snarled menacing when my father reached out to take my left wrist. I wriggled my body, desperately trying to free myself from his spell. I wanted to pull my arm out of his firm grip but, obviously, he had no struggle holding me. Dread filled myself when I realized that my body was still weakened because of the tortures I had endured before.

Swiftly, my father turned my arm so that the inner side of my forearm was visible. With a swift flick of his wand, he cut my sleeve to reveal my tinted skin. He lifted his gaze and cast me a horrible smirk. Furiously, I glared at him and tried to liberate my arm again. Tears welled up in my eyes at my overwhelming desperation, vulnerability and hatred. I had lost! My father placed the tip of his wand gently on my skin. Extremely terrified, I held my breath and watched my forearm. Each second seemed to play on forever…

Then I screamed… Agonizing anguish erupted in my arm as if the Cruciatus Curse had been focused on my forearm. My skin was burning; my veins were bursting; my nerves were set on fire; every inch of my bone was breaking – and yet the pain increased more and more. I squinted my eyes close and twitched to get away from my great agony. I wanted to faint… I wanted to die to get away from the pain…

Suddenly, I found myself kneeling on the grass, my upper body bent over. Whimpering, I clutched my throbbing forearm to my chest. My whole body was shaking badly, sweat pearled down my forehead, my cheeks tear strained. Horrified, I straightened up and moved my left arm. My hand trembled strongly when I turned my palm upwards. My gaze wandered from my wrist to my forearm.

I sobbed in disgust when my eyes landed on the black ink. The enormous engulfing terror made me so sick in my mind and body. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I sobbed uncontrollably. There it was… My mark… Appalled, I whimpered and held my arm away from my chest. It rested numbly on my knees as if it weren't a part of my own body anymore.

_"__No!"_ I whispered defeated and pressed my hand against my lips to cover another sob. _"NO!"_ My scream cut through the silence but was quickly followed by laughter.

Furiously, I lifted my head and saw more than amused Death Eaters surrounding us. My glare rested on my father who stood merely a few feet away. And suddenly my pain was gone, my brain didn't register anymore how exhausted my body felt. Crying out with rage, I somehow got on my feet. Bearing my teeth, I stumbled towards my father on trembling legs. I wanted to kill him now. I wanted to destroy him! I opened my mouth to scream at him, to curse him. I knew exactly what I needed to say to make him angry and to provoke him. If he wanted to keep me as his prisoner than I would make his existence as horrible as possible!

A quick flick of his wand and I felt the uncomfortable feeling of the silencing spell in my throat. Immediately, I closed my mouth again and glared at my father. He watched me with a cold expression. His lips twitched when he took in my shaking body. I groaned and swayed on my feet. My body surrendered to the effect of the Cruciatus Curse and my legs gave away. Pearls of sweat rolled down my face.

_"__You'll not speak unless I allow you to do so…"_ The skinny, tall creature in front of me started circling me with slow, smooth steps. His gaze wandered from me to his followers. Furiously, I gritted my teeth and glared at every Death Eater I could see. I bore the nails of my trembling right hand painfully deep in the hideous mark that would declare me as his forever.

_"__You must know, my friends, even fairies fear death. My daughter may threaten and resist me now but she would never choose death over life… Death means to lose. As Aryanna so perfectly demonstrated tonight, she hates losing… Therefore, I didn't simply mark her as my own flesh and blood as a young child."_ My father came to a halt a few steps in front of me. His lipless mouth twisted in a cruel smile when he saw fear on my face. An icy shiver wandered through my whole body. My insides clenched almost painfully. With furrowed eyebrows and a rapidly pounding heart, I stared at my father. What had he done?

_"__No, I made sure she'd never want to fight me – let alone destroy me. Naturally, out of pure self-preservation even though she claims to be heroic."_

_"__What did you do?"_ I whispered hateful. The surprise of hearing my voice again was quickly covered by endless dread again. My father's triumphant expression sent new shivers down my spine and provoked goose bumps all over my body. Terrified, I pierced him with fear clouded eyes.

_"__I made sure you'd always find back to the right path in your life. You belong by my side Aryanna. My friends and allies are your true folk…__By the end of the night you'll choose us."_ With a wide gesture he motioned to the Death Eaters surrounding us. I merely took shallow breaths when my father pointed at my forearm. _"The mark you bear is my assurance that your pathetic blood traitor and mudblood friends won't ever dare to fight me…"_

Freezing coldness flooded my chest at once. My heart pounded so hard against my ribcage now that I could hear the pulse in my ears. Nevertheless, my father's soft and high voice penetrated my mind sharply. I saw nothing anymore, except for these cruel scarlet eyes in front of me.

_"__Your mark is the visible evidence of your curse. I bound your life to mine! … If I should die… you'll die as well!"_


	53. Chapter 53 - Bound for life

53\. Bound for life

_"__Your mark is the visible evidence of your curse. I bound your life to mine! Your death doesn't affect me… But if I should die… you'll die as well!"_

My heart beat heavily in my chest… Blood rushed through my ears… My brain disconnected from my senses. My feet were frozen on the spot, not registering what happened anymore…

_I'm cursed… I'm going to die if I keep fighting… I'll never have a life… I'll never be with Severus… We'll never have a life together… I'll lose everything… My friends… Draco… He's going to be devastated… I'll break Severus' heart… He'll refuse to fight… They'll all refuse to fight… I don't want them to kill me…_

A sharp pain in my knees brought me back to reality. Apparently, my legs had given away so that I was kneeling now. Paralyzed, my gaze automatically wandered to my forearm. The mark was still there. The black ink stood out hideously against my skin. _I'm followed by death wherever I go…_

It looked slightly different from the one my father and every Death Eater bore. The repulsive, wriggling snake was there, as well as the skull representing death. But the skull was smaller than normal. It was the centre of a simple star-shaped flower, each petal simply outlined like the rest of the mark. I knew the flower was my mother's symbol – representing fairies. My heart clenched appalled to see the symbol of beauty and purity mixed with the Death Eater's mark…

_"__NO!" _Slowly, I raised my head when I heard the panic dominated voice of my best friend. When our eyes locked, fierce green ones bore desperately in mine. I stared at Harry without actually looking at him. My mind had gone blank. I merely felt my throbbing heartbeat against my ribcage. My desperation had blown away every spark of hope and hate…

_"__You see I think; how foolish it was to suppose that this boy could ever have been stronger than me…" _My father's soft voice sounded muffled in my ears. My brain couldn't process what he was saying and shut off. I couldn't feel the chill of the night anymore. I didn't feel hate anymore. I didn't see all the Death Eaters. I barely remembered anything about my life anymore… My empty gaze was fixed on the wet ground but I saw nothing except for my mark.

My dream state was lifted as suddenly as though cold water had been thrown over me. Back rushed the anguish the Cruciatus Curse had left all over my body. Back rushed the realisation of where I was and what I was facing…

A firm grip on my forearms dragged me away. Before I could react however, I was pushed roughly and fell on the ground. I groaned when my weight landed on my knees for the uncountable time tonight, provoking a sharp stitch shooting up my legs. I shrieked horrified when I sat up and saw the dead corpse of Diggory next to me. Instantly, my desperation returned with full force. My hands started shaking as I reached out to close his eyes. As soon as possible, I pulled back, dread clouding my mind. An icy shiver run down my spine when I spotted the mark on my arm. My lower lip trembled so I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming out. I pressed a fist in my mouth and whimpered.

_I'm going to die and there's nothing I can do about it… My friends want to kill me… I'll die if they kill him… _Taking shallow breaths, I dug my nails painfully deep in my palms. It simply couldn't be… _He lied! He lied to convince me…! He wouldn't do that to me… Not after everything he did to get a child with fairy's blood. He can't…_ My attempts to convince myself of everything being nothing more than a cruel lie were weak. My mind didn't want – couldn't accept it but my heart throbbed painfully with the truth of my father's words. Years of training with my fairy senses by observing people had made me an excellent lying detector. My father hadn't lied about my curse. I would die as soon as he did…

Suddenly, my attention was brought back to the graveyard when a bright golden, dome-shaped web light up the entire place. With a rapidly beating heart, I watched as Harry and my father were enclosed under the light. They were duelling. My breath caught in my lungs when piercing screams of pain ringed in my ear. I couldn't move however, my body frozen on the spot. With wide eyes I stared at my best friend. I was waiting for the light to fade to reveal Harry's lifeless body. Numbly, my gaze wandered back to Diggory's corpse. Without thinking I reached out and took his hand in mine. It felt cool… dead. Then there was shouting and flashes of lights ghosted over Diggory's attractive face.

_"__Accio!" _I heard Harry shout next to me all the sudden. The next thing I knew everything went black…

I felt myself slam flat into the ground; my face was pressed in grass; its smell filled my nostrils. I shut my eyes as I felt how my heartbeat fastened anxiously. I curled my numb body, pressing my throbbing arm close to my chest. All the breath seemed to have been knocked out of me. My head was swimming so badly I felt as though the ground beneath myself was swaying. I felt as if I would slide away into the blackness gathering at the edges of my brain. I waited for my father to throw the Cruciatus Curse at me once more so that I could finally flee my consciousness. Shock and exhaustion kept me on the ground, breathing the smell of the grass, waiting… waiting for something to happen… A torrent of sound deafened and confused me. I whimpered when I heard the muffled sound of voices everywhere, footsteps, screams… I pressed my lips together, fearfully awaiting to hear his voice again, to endure another agonizing torture.

_"__Jackson. Jackson!"_ A pair of hands seized me roughly and turned me over. Terrified, I opened my eyes widely. I was looking up at the starry sky… and Severus was crouching next to me. I let out a whimper of confusion before tears sprung to my eyes. Panic rose in my chest and clenched my heart tightly. As the shockingly real looking illusion reached out for me, I screamed. Frantically, I tried to move away but his hands on my upper arms pinned me firmly on the ground.

_"__You're safe, you need to calm down. You're safe!"_ I froze with fear as Severus' illusion spoke in a surprisingly soothing voice. His eyes were filled with confusion and worry as his gaze wandered over my face. _"You're back in Hogwarts. I promise you're safe!"_

_Hogwarts… I'm back in Hogwarts… _I let out a breath of relief when I looked up at obsidian eyes. Observing me closely, Severus let go of my arms. Slowly, I lifted myself up in a sitting position. Automatically, I kept my arm close to my chest. I watched Severus with wide eyes as my shaking body snapped me back to my senses.

_"__He's back… My father… Riddle's back…"_ I whispered and saw when Severus' expression guarded to the mask of cold indifference. He nodded curtly, sending another shiver down my spine. My hand shot out and grabbed his arm. My heart clenched painfully now. Frantically, I looked around again before panic flooded my heart.

_"__Harry! Where's Harry?"_ Severus tried to say something but I cut him off as I desperately searched the surroundings. _"It was him, Severus. It was Moody who apparated me to the graveyard. He-"_

_"__Severus!"_ Dumbledore appeared behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. Severus turned his head and pressed his lips in a thin line. Dumbledore's expression looked murderous and I quickly dropped my hand from Severus' arm. His ice blue eyes flickered shortly to me. _"I need you immediately. Poppy will take Aryanna to the hospital wing."_

I cast Severus a desperate look when he turned to me again. Before I could say anything though, he and Dumbledore had whirled around and vanished in the crowd. With a helpless expression I stared at the place where Severus had been standing mere seconds ago. The screaming and voices ripped me out of my trance like state and horror washed over my body. Dread filled my heart and I heard the pulse in my ears.

_"__Ah, Jackson. Oh dear!"_ I flinched when someone laid their hand on my shoulder. My head snapped around and I saw Madame Pomfrey. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me with a very stern expression. I could see great confusion in her eyes. _"I take you to the hospital wing. You need to get away from here now."_ With that she grabbed my arms and pulled me on my feet.

_"__No, I need to find Harry. And Moody… Please! Madame Pomfrey I need to tell the headmaster. Moody's not who everyone thinks."_ Obviously deaf to my words, the nurse pulled me along, one arm around my waist to support my unsecure stumbling. When we had left the forest, I had no strength left to keep talking. I needed all my focus on the next step. My legs felt like jelly and my body started trembling. More and more, I leaned into Madame Pomfrey, taking shallow breaths. Single drops of sweat rolled down my forehead. Apparently, the repeated tortures had a graver impact on my body than I had expected…

_"__I can't go to the hospital wing. Not before I haven't found Harry and Moody!"_ I stated weakly when we entered the castle. Madame Pomfrey muttered something inaudible under her breath but continued to ignore me. A spark of anger lighted up in my heart and I pulled away from her grip. I stumbled towards the next wall and leaned against it. Breathing heavily, I turned my head to the nurse who was reaching for me again.

_"__Harry's in mortal danger. My health's not important right now but his life is! I can rest when I found Moody. Now sod off!"_ Not caring anymore, I slapped her arm away and slowly stumbled in direction of Moody's office. I needed to find him immediately! I was so wrapped up in the thought of finding both of them, I didn't even realize that Madame Pomfrey wasn't following me anymore.

_One bloody step… Just one more step… Breath… Keep walking! For Harry! Keep walking… _I pushed myself as I slowly made my way to Moody's office. The corridors were blurred and I desperately fought the darkness that edged my vision. I let out a sigh of relief when I finally – finally reached his office. I heard several voices inside and found a last spark of strength. I needed to find Harry!

I entered through the open door, leaning heavily against the door frame. My legs were about to give away but I forced my mind on the scene in front of me. _"Harry."_ I whispered weakly and stumbled into the room. Harry stood next to a sitting Dumbledore with their backs turned to me. Professor McGonagall and Severus were there as well. All four were staring at something in front of them.

_"__Harry."_ My voice cracked but this time they all heard it. I ignored the rest of them and stumbled towards my best friend. He looked very exhausted, his eyes weren't shining but observing me dully. At my sight, he let out a breath of relief and the corner of his mouth twitched slightly. _"Where's Moody?"_ I whispered, but to my confusion Harry turned his head away. My tired gaze flickered to where he was looking and I gasped horrified.

A man – straw-coloured hair all over his face, sickly pale skin, slightly freckled cheeks – was bound tightly on a chair. I had never seen him before but he wore Moody's clothes. Next to him lay the leg prothesis and wildly turning fake eye. However, it wasn't the fact this man had obviously been the reason for the stolen Polyjuice Potion ingredients or for Harry entering the tournament that terrified me so much. It was the Death Eater mark on his left forearm which left me completely frozen on the spot. Even though I had been convinced he was one of them – seeing it with my own eyes now was so much worse.

My heart beat strongly against my ribcage when I lifted my gaze to his brown eyes. Goose bumps erupted on my arms at the sinister smile on his lips. The look in his eyes was downright evil, he looked proud and arrogant despite everything he had done. Then his eyes flickered to my left arm and a low chuckle erupted his mouth. Uncomfortable under his gaze, I pressed my arm to my stomach and held it firmly in place with my free hand.

_"__No more hiding princess."_ The man said huskily. An icy shiver run down my spine and made me tremble. Then suddenly, the tip of his tongue darted out of his mouth and licked over his lips. It happened in the blink of an eye, nevertheless I felt incredibly appalled and stumbled back. Now his face contorted with a wicked expression I couldn't quite place.

Dumbledore stood up which snapped me out of my tired stare. He stared down at the man for a moment with disgust on his face. Then he turned to Professor McGonagall. _"Minerva could I ask you to stand guard here while I take Harry upstairs?"_

_"__Of course."_ She looked slightly nauseous. However, when she drew out her wand and pointed it at the man, her hand was quite steady. I sighed and closed my eyes for a brief moment when a wave of exhaustion crushed down on me. I felt my legs tremble; my body shook with cold and weakness.

_"__Severus, please bring Aryanna to the hospital wing and tell Madame Pomfrey to come down here. We need to get Alastor Moody into the infirmary as well."_ I heard Dumbledore's words, nevertheless I flinched when a hand touched my shoulder. When I turned my head, my vision blurred even more and I swayed. A firm grip on my upper arm kept me from losing my balance.

_"__Come Jackson."_ I heard Severus' quiet voice as his hand squeezed reassuring.

Suddenly, a thought came into my head. My heart squeezed painfully and my eyes widened with fear. Another shiver ran down my spine. Very slowly this time, I turned my head towards Harry. To my utter shock, Dumbledore was leading him out of Moody's office. Gritting my teeth, I stumbled after him. I swayed strongly and if it hadn't been for two hands gripping my arms I surely would have fallen this time.

_"__Harry, wait!"_ My voice was quiet but it was enough to make him turn around. On flabby legs I made a few steps in his direction. I moaned when my vision blurred again and blackened for a second. The grip on my arms was painful now. _"Please let me talk to him… Please."_ I whimpered.

A growl told me that Severus didn't agree at all but when Dumbledore nodded curtly, he reluctantly led me to the nearest wall. I leaned heavily against the cold stone and closed my eyes briefly. _Open your eyes, damn it! You can't faint now. You need to talk to Harry first. Open your eyes!_ Inwardly, I screamed at myself. It needed all my will power to force my eyes open. I felt so exhausted and simply wanted to be engulfed in darkness to get away from everything.

I stared in tired green eyes which matched precisely how I was feeling inwardly. I let out a shaky breath and cast my best friend a pleading look. _"Please, Harry don't tell them… the curse! I beg you… No one… please!"_ I barely whispered, each word draining even more energy of my weakened body. I didn't know if Dumbledore and Severus were close enough to hear it but I didn't care anymore. I had no strength left to care… _"No one… can… know!"_

_"__I promise."_ He replied quietly. A sigh of relief left my mouth. _"Thank you."_

_"__Go. You need rest."_ I closed my eyes at Harry's words but wasn't able to say anything. Carelessly, I leaned my head against the wall and exhaled a shaking breath. My whole body was shaking badly. I felt so incredibly drained.

_"__Arya."_ Severus soft voice made me open my eyes with great difficulties. I wanted to look into his eyes but I couldn't even lift my head, let alone see anything sharp. Severus placed his hands on my upper arms but suddenly my legs gave away. Gently, he helped me sitting on the floor, my back leaned against the wall. My arm throbbed strongly now, bringing back terrible memories of the graveyard.

_"__You need rest. I intend to take you to the hospital wing; do you hear me?" _Severus' worried voice made me close my eyes. How could I ever look him in the eyes again? A warm hand cupped my cheek, his thumb caressing my skin.

_"__Yes."_ I replied in a whisper. My eyes stung and I just knew I would never forgive myself for causing Severus so much pain one day. I whimpered as I felt a few tears rolling down my cheeks.

Severus snuck one arm around my back whilst the other had a firm grip on my upper arm. With ease he lifted me off the ground. As soon as I stood on my feet however, exhaustion overwhelmed me at once. My body started shaking, I couldn't feel my legs anymore; my vision blurred and darkened rapidly. Then everything went black…

When I opened my eyes again, I was staring at the ceiling of the hospital wing. I blinked a few times and groaned as my eyes adjusted to the bright light. It took me a moment to come to my senses and remember why I was here. As soon as I did however, my eyes widened horrified. Frantically, I tried to liberate myself from the blanket around my body.

_"__Arya. Hey Arya."_ I jumped when I heard Hermione's voice next to me. My head snapped around and I locked eyes with warm amber ones. As she reached to touch my arm I pulled away and sat up rapidly – a very bad idea. Instantly, my head was spinning and I blinked in confusion. Much slower this time, I scooted back until I was leaning against the head of the bed.

_"__How are you feeling?"_

Hermione sat on a chair whilst Harry and Ron were sitting on the other side of my bed. My heart pounded rapidly against my ribcage. Coldness squeezed my heart when I stared at Harry. Obviously, he realized my panic because he shook his head subtly. I let out a shaking breath, a wave of relief rushing through my whole body. As I pulled the blankets up to my stomach a bright white bandage around my arm caught my gaze – my left forearm.

Dread filled my chest, paralyzed my body, numbed my mind. I opened my eyes wide. _Please, let this be a nightmare! Please, let this be a bad dream! Tell me this is nothing but a wound!_ Frantically, I started ripping off the bandage. My eyes stung as I unwrapped my arm. Cold engulfed me as the last part of it dropped. Appalled, I pressed a hand to my mouth when the first sob erupted my mouth. I screamed and could barely breath anymore. The black ink on my skin terrified me more than anything else. It was everything I could think about. I had a Death Eater mark on my arm…

_"__Jackson."_ A calm voice made its way into my mind. I couldn't tear my eyes away though. Horror had me firmly in its grip. _"Jackson!"_ I heard more determined now.

Slowly, very slowly, I turned my head and stared blankly at Severus. His expression was one of suppressed anger and worry. Sparkling obsidian eyes brought me back to my senses and I whimpered. Automatically though, my eyes wandered down again, sending an icy shiver down my spine. I flinched as a hand appeared in my sight and rested over the mark, blocking it from my view. I tried to pull my arm away but the hand held me determined.

_"__Look at me."_ Severus' quiet voice caught my attention again. I watched as he sat on the edge of the bed, leaving an appropriate space between us. I couldn't move… I couldn't speak… Anxiously, I waited for him to show any sign of disgust or hate. Severus looked at me for a long time. I knew he had to keep his composure in front of my friends but I also knew he would always find a way to speak with me.

As a few tears of desperation rolled down my cheeks, he snapped out of his thoughtful state. Blinking he pulled his hand away from my forearm. That made me look down again and I started trembling.

_"__He marked me…" _I spat disgusted and locked eyes again. _"He marked me as if I were nothing more than cattle. I'm nothing but a shell marked as his property… marked as his own blood."_ Fresh tears fled my eyes as I pressed my lips in a thin line. Severus shook his head and cast me a pleading look.

_"__No, you are not." _He struggled keeping his voice even but his eyes were treacherous. Biting my bottom lip, I turned my head away and stared at the floor. _"This mark… DOES… NOT… define you!"_ The sharpness in his voice made me glance up. I scoffed at his irritated expression. I didn't want to hear soothing words, especially not from Severus. I would betray and hurt him if I selfishly chose to be with him…

_"__Of course not. Because my blood doesn't define me…"_ I muttered sarcastically and rolled my eyes. My heart clenched almost painfully when I heard a long sigh.

I squealed surprised when a firm grip around my wrist gripped my arm once again. I snapped my head up and glared half-heartedly in black eyes. To my utter confusion, Severus' eyes were completely calm though. His hold loosened a little but refused to let go. His intense gaze made me almost start crying. Fear and love were piercing me desperately.

_"__You… are not… a bad person, Aryanna Jackson…! You have to endure a terrible burden; yes… It was forced on you like the mark on your arm… Nevertheless… we both know it is the reason for your unhealthy obsession to fight."_

I gulped and felt my eyes stitching again. Even if I didn't want to admit it he was right. Instantly, my anger had vanished and was replaced with desperation once again. I felt a wave of dread rush through my body when Severus let go of my wrist. With tear filled eyes, I clutched the blanket tightly.

_"__I can't fight anymore…"_ I whispered and stared at Severus. He furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. Panic rose in my chest now, my heartbeat fastened and my body started trembling again. _"I'm nothing more than a human shell…"_ Severus shifted slightly. Before he could say something though, something broke inside me and I started sobbing.

_"__I'm no longer a fairy. Moody… He took my magic… When he captured me he cast a spell… I can't feel myself anymore… I'm empty and so weak…"_ I whimpered. My breathing had shortened to shallow breaths. My frozen lungs felt as if they couldn't take in more air. Desperately, I clutched Severus' arm and watched him with wide eyes. _"I'm weak and vulnerable… I've lost my magic… I'm no fairy anymore…"_

I flinched when the doors to the hospital wing banged open loudly. The noise bringing back horrible memories of the apparition sound when Moody had dragged me with him. I barely noticed Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall coming to a halt at the end of my bed. I couldn't feel anything anymore except for the overwhelming cold in my chest.

_"__Jackson, look at me."_ Severus demanded. Blood rushed through my ears as I stared at the white blankets with pure panic. _"Jackson… please."_ I squealed when his warm hand touched my bare skin. With wide eyes, I stared at him now. His expression was controlled; his eyes observing me closely.

_"__I feel so… lost. I can't… There's no magic left in my body. I-"_ I didn't realize I was muttering to myself until Severus interrupted me loudly.

_"__Aryanna!"_ Instantly, I closed my mouth and a new sort of fear filled my heart. Quickly, I looked to my friends who were watching me with worried expressions. Confused, my gaze wandered to the headmaster. That made Severus turn as well and he received a nod from the elder man. _"I might be able to help but I need your help in return."_

At a loss for words, I stared at Severus. _"You… you can help me?" _I whispered and he nodded curtly. I didn't avert my eyes from him as he stood up. When he spoke again his voice was soft, yet firm.

_"__Lay down."_ With my body still trembling slightly, I complied. With a flick of his wand, Severus made the blanket levitate to the next bed before turning back to me. If I wouldn't have been that close to a panic attack, I would have laughed at his laziness.

Taking shallow breaths and widening my eyes, I watched Severus. Frantically, my gaze wandered over his face, his body, to my friends, to my head of house and back to Severus. Sighing deeply, his eyes wandered quickly over my whole body.

_"__You need to relax. Focus on what I am saying and nothing else."_ When our eyes locked, something I couldn't define clouded his gaze. Severus was watching me with an intensity that made me incredibly anxious and calm at the same time. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on my breathing. Slowly, I took deep and even breaths until I felt my heartrate sunk again.

_"__Listen to my voice… concentrate."_ Warmth filled my body as Severus' smooth, velvet voice washed over me. When I opened my eyes again, he was slowly waving his wand over my body and muttering some unknown incantation. I watched his eyebrows furrow with great concern and felt another wave of dread fastening my pulse…

_"__What is it?"_ I asked desperately when Severus lowered his wand. He pressed his lips in a thin line and took a deep breath. I winced inwardly when he refused to look at me. _"You can't do anything, can you…?"_ Instantly, Severus hid his emotions behind the cool mask of indifference. That merely increased my panic. I felt my eyes water up and gritted my teeth.

_"__No… listen."_ I flinched at the sharpness of his tone. Black eyes were fighting with raging emotions, I could see his struggles. With trembling lips, I stared and waited for him to say something making sense. Severus' eyes were burning and bore merciless in mine. _"Close your eyes again and focus on my voice. My… voice… only…! Nothing and no one else."_ He growled almost threatening. I heard my friends shifting uncomfortably.

_"__Severus is that tone really necessary?"_ Professor McGonagall asked, her Scottish accent more prominent. She watched her younger colleague with a stern expression. Severus closed his eyes briefly and growled irritated. But when he looked at me again, his eyes had calmed and I saw cool determination. With a swift move, he had grabbed a chair and sat down next to me. As tall as he was, he was still towering over me though.

_"__Close your eyes, breathe deeply and regularly."_ Absentminded, I continued staring at him. I felt the sudden urge to throw myself into his arms. Severus sighed and suddenly all the exhaustion was visible on his face. Black orbs returned a tired gaze; worry had deepened the dark rings under his eyes, showing the lack of sleep. _"Aryanna… trust me!"_ He spoke in a soft voice. I nodded and gulped to clear my throat from the forming lump. Once again, I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. Severus stayed quiet for a while. All the sudden, I realized that we were breathing with the same rhythm.

_"__Imagine that with every breath one part of your body relaxes. First your toes… then your feet… then your ankles… Calves, knees, thighs… Let your fingers go limp… your hands, wrists, arms, your back. Relax your shoulders… rest your head heavily on the pillow." _Even though, I thought his instructions a bit strange, I did as he said. When I sensed how the tension left my limps I felt as if I was floating.

_"__Listen to the sounds in your body… The slow pounding of your heart… Feel the blood pulsing through your veins… The vibration in your ears… And now focus on your mind… Listen to the sound of your own thoughts…"_

I tried to understand what Severus was telling me. Every spark of concentration was fixed on my own mind. I felt my own mind but not as one part, but me swimming through it, drowning in it – feeling more than lost with Severus' task. How was I supposed to distance myself from my own being? Split myself from my own mind…?

_"__Imagine your mind being a room – a room with walls, a floor and a ceiling."_ Suddenly, I found myself in the middle of a room when my mind started working with Severus' instructions. It seemed familiar although I couldn't remember having seen it before. The room was empty and had no doors or windows, the walls consisting of plain stone. _"This room is the conscious part of your mind… Now, imagine a door in your room."_

A wooden door appeared in the wall in front of me. _"Open it and step through… You're standing on the upper landing. I would like you to descend the stairs. Visualize how the stairs lead you to the deepest part of your mind. With every floor you come closer to the centre of your fairy existence… Every floor represents a level of consciousness…"_

Slowly, I imagined going down the stairs. I thought about how it would feel to actually be there and not simply in my mind. _"Perceive the strength of your own mind… Consciously, you create your own reality with mind power and concentrated force of awareness… Your mind is essential. Your mind defines you… Now, you reach the bottom of the staircase… You're facing another door…"_

Suddenly, a new wooden door appeared in the empty corridor. _"Imagine your whole essential being is locked behind this door… Your vital energy is behind this door… I would like you to imagine it in form of a shining ball of white light…"_ I focused on what I would find in the room. I imagined how it would feel to open the door to my energy. _"Now open the door."_

When the door opened, I found myself on the brink of darkness. A white sphere hung in front of me and radiated a beaming light. _"You must enter the sphere. You need to feel how you step into the light. Let it overwhelm you…"_

Reluctantly, I moved towards the impressively bright light. I couldn't say in what form I was moving through my own mind. Perhaps it was simple imagination – perhaps I was really wandering through the different stages of my own mind…

Suddenly, every thought, every sound of my own body was overpowered by a prickling, warm sensation flooding my mind. The most soothing, powerful and pleasant feeling filled my whole being. I felt my body again when it rushed through every vein, every muscle and every nerve. My body felt as if it was on fire – except that it didn't burn me.

_"__Open your eyes now."_

Slowly, I opened my eyes and blinked a few times until I became aware of my surroundings again. I was in the hospital wing with my friends, the headmaster, my head of house – and Severus. I turned my head and stared in obsidian eyes. He watched me with a deep frown on his face, his expression guarded. Absentminded, he put his wand back in his sleeve and stood up.

_"__Can you sit up?"_ Severus observed me closely as I moved in a sitting position. My body was still aching from head to toes but it was bearable. The warm and throbbing feeling the white light had caused was still there. It had eased a little but remained as soothing and powerful as before. I knew the feeling!

Biting my bottom lip, I raised a shaking hand, palm upwards. A very peculiar flutter in my stomach exploded and merely increased the tension. Holding my breath, I concentrated on my hand… Relief, joy, excitement rushed through my heart at once when a small flame lighted up on the palm of my hand. Something between a sob and a chuckle erupted my mouth and my lips widened in a smile. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks. Several times, I let the flame appear and vanish again to convince myself that it was really happening. I had gotten back my magic!

_"__Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you…!"_ I whispered when I looked at Severus again. My smile faltered as he merely returned a curt nod. Not caring about my friends being here, I scooted to the edge and carefully stood on my feet. I ignored that Severus took a step back, I ignored the cold expression on his face. His hand shot forward however when I swayed slightly. I groaned as a sharp pain exploded in my head. Severus' hand held me firmly until I felt it being safe to open my eyes again.

_"__Thank you!"_ My voice sounded scratchy. Desperately, I watched into obsidian eyes. I wanted to throw my arms around Severus, I wanted to bury my face in his chest and cry… Obviously, he knew exactly what was going through my head because he crossed his arms firmly. The careless expression on his face increased when I bit my bottom lip. I lowered my head and blinked the forming tears away.

_"__Jackson?"_ It took all my willpower to keep myself from moving towards him. _"Jackson."_ I heard his velvet voice call my name. A warm finger under my chin forced my head up. Quickly, he retreated his hand to fold his arms again. Regret clouded Severus' eyes. We both hated the hiding and pretending part.

_"__You are… welcome…"_ His gaze bore in my eyes as if he was looking for something. Nervously, I averted my eyes which automatically rested on the black ink on my arm. The mark that symbolized and would be the cause for my death. This time I wasn't overwhelmed with hatred or disgust, but pure guilt and sadness.

_"__Jackson is there something you are not telling us?"_ I flinched when I heard Severus' drawling accusation. A shiver ran down my spine. I closed my eyes briefly to steel myself for the hardest task – hiding the truth from Severus.

_"__What do you want me to tell you…?"_ I replied quietly. Gulping, I lifted my head and glanced at him. _"How my father returned? How he almost killed my best friend in front of my own eyes?"_ Severus frowned thoughtfully. I knew that he saw right through me – he knew I was hiding something. He also knew I absolutely despised lying; that I would rather use distraction. I clenched my jaw painfully and scowled at the buttons of his cloak. Something snapped and I exploded. I lifted my eyes to glare at him.

_"__Should I tell you how much it hurt that nobody believed me…? Or when you and Professor McGonagall pushed me away? … Oh no wait… How about I tell you how betrayed I felt when Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore and you chose to turn your back on me? I'm sure you don't know about that seeing as you seemed so bloody disgusted having to look at me… So, please enlighten me Severus Snape. What do you want me to tell you?"_ My voice was dripping with sarcasm and pain I had bottled up over the last months.

Severus had pressed his lips in a thin line, his jaw clenched tightly. Stubbornly, I returned his hard gaze with a scowl of my own. My thoughts and emotions were raging wildly making words fall out of my mouth before I could even stop them. I wanted to scream at all of them for not believing me. At the same time, I wished nothing more than being in Severus' arms and cry out all the hurt. But more than anything, I felt immense guilt for the true meaning of the mark.

_I can't tell Severus… it'd destroy him… My friends can't know. What if they'd chose to step back from fighting…? What if they still chose to fight my father, despite killing me along with him…? My life for the death of the darkest wizard of all times… But I can't die! I don't want to die! _Thoughts were popping up randomly. With each new idea my heart picked up the pace as excruciating fear enwrapped my heart.

_"__Jackson?"_ The warm voice of my head of house forced me out of my inner fight. Biting my lip, I turned my defeated gaze to her. I didn't know what to do now. Before I accidentally spilled the huge secret, I needed to think about how to deal with it myself before forcing the decision on others.

_"__Aryanna, we need to know how exactly the imposter brought you to the graveyard."_ Dumbledore insisted somewhat gentle. _"We need to know what happened."_

I shifted slightly and sighed. Anxiously, I run a hand through my hair and looked at the headmaster. Insecurity dominated my voice, I felt myself shut them all out. There was only one thing I could do for the moment.

_"__I… I can't… Not now anyway…"_ My pleading eyes flickered to Severus. He still had his arms crossed and watched me with a calculating expression. His face showed nothing of his possible thoughts. _"Please! I want to be alone. I need to be alone now!"_

Desperately, I looked at a very tense Severus. Something in his eyes changed, turning his gaze softer. After a long moment, he nodded curtly and stepped aside. I let out a shaking breath in relief as I passed him without a second glance. Aggressively, I pulled down the sleeve of my left forearm to hide the hideous thing branding my skin until death. My hand was trembling badly with my overwhelming waves of emotions.

_"__Aryanna please wait up!"_ I heard the slightly bemused headmaster's voice. I clenched my jaw and chose to ignore him as I made my way to the door. _"I must remind you Severus you are not in charge here! You would do well to remember that!"_

I stopped dead in my tracks at the headmaster's sharp tone. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows and turned around. Irritation bubbled inwardly when I saw Dumbledore cast Severus a piercing look. Untouched, he stared at the headmaster with a deep scowl. When the older wizard turned to me, I couldn't help the glare in his direction. How dare he scowls Severus for helping me whilst he clearly didn't intend to? _To hell with your sense of superiority old man!_

With that I whirled around again – trying not to stumble when my head started pounding – and left the infirmary.


	54. Chapter 54 - Overwhelming guilt

54\. Overwhelming guilt

Absentminded, I stared at the black lake in front of me. I was completely lost in the beautiful reflection of the bright sun. The trees covering the whole area were of an eye-catching green. Several birds flew wildly in the mild summer breeze.

Sighing, I averted my gaze and snapped back to reality. As I moved my legs to stretch them out on the comfortable fluffy green, a sharp pain rushed through my whole legs. I groaned and massaged my thighs. Very slowly, the blood started circulating again, bringing back the feeling to my feet. Somehow automatically, my gaze wandered to my left forearm. Seeing as it was a warm afternoon, I was simply wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Since I had returned from the graveyard four days ago, I had fearfully cared to cover my forearm at all times. Now that I was alone down by the black lake, I had pushed the sleeves up to my elbows.

I furrowed my eyebrows when I stared at the black ink under my skin. A cold shiver run down my spine; leaving a trail of goose bumps on my arms. _My death sentence. _Biting my lip, I pushed down my sleeve as disgust filled my whole body. I hadn't told Severus yet, but I didn't plan to do so anytime soon. I was still more than confused and worried about what would happen if I chose to reveal the truth to everyone else. Severus would be devastated and more than furious. It would destroy him. He would be torn between fighting my father and protecting me. My friends would most certainly act the same way. Draco would choose to protect me from any harm. But more than that I wished for nothing more than being in peace with myself. I couldn't be with people who would watch me with pity or try to be careful about what they would be saying in my presence.

_"__Hello Arya."_ The gentle voice of my brother ripped me out of my thoughts. Turning my head, I saw that he had come alone this time. Not saying a word, he sat down next to me and observed me closely. I averted my gaze when his concerned grey eyes met mine. My heart started beating rapidly against my ribcage as I blinked several times.

_"__You haven't spoken to anyone as yet, have you?" _Draco asked carefully. My face flashed. Of course, I didn't need to explain how I was handling everything so far. My brother knew me well after all.

_"__No." _I replied quietly and pulled my knees to my chest. Draco shifted slightly and then I heard a long sigh.

_"__You know you have to at some point… Dumbledore won't let you hide forever. And Severus will corner you sooner or later."_ Annoyed, I blew out my cheeks and groaned.

_"__I'm very well aware of it, Draco. No need to remind me of the obvious."_

_"__Apparently I do or you wouldn't pull away from everybody around you. I mean you're barely speaking with your friends anymore. And by the piercing looks of your boyfriend during meals or class I guess you're not speaking with him either."_ To my utter irritation, my brother was watching me with the typical arrogance in his features.

_"__I have my reasons so if you could please simply leave me, I'd be more than grateful, Draco."_ Not impressed, he scoffed and his eyes burned with suppressed anger. I rolled my eyes at him before turning away.

_"__Unlike your friends and boyfriend, I don't really have anything to lose, have I? So… I won't leave you alone now. You need me… or someone at least… I don't care if it's me, Granger or Severus as long as you're talking about what happened."_ Stormy eyes pierced me sharply. Frustration grew in my heart; I felt suddenly restless and lost. Aggressively, I run a hand through my hair and pulled at it. When I looked at my brother again, his eyes widened at my expression – showing him my true exhaustion and desperation.

_"__There's nothing to talk about, Draco… Bloody hell… I don't want to talk about it. I just can't."_ Pleading I tried to make him understand. I let out a loud breath of frustration. Draco scowled at the grass at his feet before looking up again.

_"__Well, obviously the headmaster's getting desperate enough to ask me about you… Like your head of house and boyfriend."_ He ran a hand through his hair; his cheeks flashing lightly. _"Damn it Arya, just talk about it already! Stop being so ridiculously stubborn for once…! Do you believe you're the only one suffering? If you would've looked at Derek, you'd see that he's devastated with Diggory's death… Open your eyes and see what's in front of you for Merlin's sake."_

I jumped on my feet and glared darkly at my brother. My hands clenched to fists at my sides. I heard the blood pulsate through my ears. With my rage taking over, I couldn't prevent myself from yelling at him. _"Do you truly believe I'm hiding? Do you really think I'm blind to everything going on around me…? I SEE how Severus's looking at me. I SEE how my friends watch me all the time as if I were some pitiful creature. I SEE how Derek's suffering with Diggory's death. I SEE THIS BLOODY MARK on my arm every fucking day! I'm thinking about it every fucking day! I'm thinking about my father every bloody hour; afraid of what might happen next… I SEE VERY WELL how everybody's walking around like a frightened house elf… Because of my own damned father!"_

My eyes stung painfully. I thought he might hear my loud heartbeat. During my outburst, Draco had gotten on his feet as well. His face remained calm and controlled though. Before he could say anything however, I whirled around and left. I pointedly ignored his shouting as I stalked back to the castle. It was time for lunch anyway.

Growling, I entered the castle and let out a sigh of relief. As fast as my anger had bubbled up, it decreased again. I knew Draco wouldn't dare stopping me now. I stopped dead in my tracks though when I spotted Severus taking a seat at the staff table. A cold shiver run down my spine as my heart ached for his embrace. I hadn't seen him since I had left the hospital wing a few days ago. To my surprise and relief, he had given me some space until two days ago. He and Professor McGonagall had tried talking to me several times, but I had cowardly left before they had the chance to corner me. I had caught Dumbledore watching me now and then as well.

Suddenly, Severus looked in my direction and my eyes widened. Sadness and desperation flooded my heart rapidly, leaving me frozen in the entrance of the great hall. His face was masked with cold indifference as he turned his attention back to the meal. I blinked several times, snapping back to reality. Shaking my head, I looked half-heartedly for my friends but couldn't spot them anywhere. Slowly, I made my way to a free spot, deciding to wait for them. Surely, they would arrive soon, seeing as lunch had just started.

_"__Jackson! We're not done yet!"_

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I turned around with a cold expression. I locked eyes with my brother's burning grey ones. Instantly, anger surfaced again and I returned his gaze with equal annoyance. I gritted my teeth when I started speaking quietly. I tried to ignore the curious glances in our direction. If Draco and I were having an argument, most people found it quite interesting because neither of us liked losing or giving in.

_"__There's nothing left to discuss, Malfoy. So yes, we're in fact done! If you've anything to add, I honestly don't care." _I whirled around again and continued my way. But not with Draco Malfoy. If he was angry nobody was allowed to walk away from him. _As if I'd care right now…_

A firm grip on my upper arm forced me around again. Not even trying anymore to hold back, I glared fiercely at my brother. Ripping my arm out of his hold, I made a step back.

_"__Don't you dare turn your back on me, Jackson. I told you we aren't done yet so don't ignore me!"_

_"__Don't talk to me as if I was your bloody house elf!"_ I spat barely audible. Naturally, my brother wasn't impressed and returned a cold glare. _"Now do yourself a favour and leave me alone." _Before I could turn around however, Draco's intense scowl kept me frozen on the spot. A cold shiver run down my spine as I waited for his reply.

_"__You should do yourself a favour and open that damn mouth of yours for something useful. I swear I'll make you spill the truth sooner or later. You can't hide forever! I'll pester you 'til you-"_

_"__What the hell's going on here?" _We were interrupted by the sharp voice of none other than Harry. Instantly, Draco's glare wandered to my best friends who were watching him with hateful expressions.

_"__Merely Malfoy being an annoying git!"_ I watched my brother with a cold expression. He furrowed his eyebrows in return and his lips twitched. _"Nothing I couldn't handle myself."_

Draco came closer until our faces were mere inches from each other. His lips had turned into a snarky grin. _"Right, tell yourself whatever you need to sleep at night, Jackson… Because you haven't been avoiding me like the coward you are."_

I clenched my hands to fists when a sharp pain shot through my heart. I knew he was right but at the same time I was angry with him. Why did he have to be so annoyingly stubborn and persistent? I glared as darkly as I could when my voice changed to an icy snarl.

_"__Get the hell out of my way Draco Malfoy!"_ My anger increased as Draco's grin widened in satisfaction. He knew as well as I did that I was tired of arguing and trying to leave. Furiously, I grabbed the front of his shirt and growled lowly in his face. _"Get out of my way and leave me alone!"_

With that I pushed him back. The satisfied expression on his face made me want to punch him and cry at the same time. I was simply trying to protect him and keep immense pain from him. Why couldn't he leave me alone? Before either of us could say something however, we were interrupted once again. Immediately, Draco made a few steps back.

_"__What is the meaning of this?"_

I froze instantly when Severus appeared next to us. He was glaring at us with a dark expression. When his gaze met mine, another shiver run down my spine. Black eyes bore sharply in mine. Guilt and sadness crushed down on me once again as I saw the spark of desperation in Severus' eyes. I bit my lip to keep myself from saying something inappropriate.

_"__Nothing, Sir… Jackson and I were merely discussing her growing trait of cowardice." _Draco didn't avert his piercing angered stare from me once. While Severus watched him with an emotionless expression, mine was dominated by irritation once again. I knew exactly that he was still trying to make me talk to someone. Even if it meant to attract my anger by involving Severus or my friends. I growled lowly and curled my lips in annoyance. Unimpressed by my friends' stares or Severus' warning scowl, I shot daggers at Draco.

_"__Screw you, Malfoy!"_ I approached him again and glared as coldly as possible. I hissed lowly in his face but he showed himself unimpressed. _"Fuck… you…!"_

With that I whirled around and left with long strides before anyone could hold me back. I pointedly ignored Severus' call as I focused on my shaking body to stay in control. I felt my eyes stitching when I bore my nails deeply in my forearm. _How the hell am I supposed to live like this? As if Draco would fight if he knew it would mean my death sooner or later… As if Severus would keep fighting… I'm a bloody complication for all of them…_

Suddenly, a firm grip on my arm pulled me towards a deserted corridor. I growled and started protesting when I realized who was dragging me through the castle. I glared half-heartedly at Severus who kept his gaze firmly in front of him. His expression was wiped of every emotion, scaring off any student who dared staring for too long. I tried to pull my arm out of his tight grip but he wouldn't loosen it. Slowly, a freezing coldness enwrapped my heart when I realized that he wouldn't let me get away this time. Anxiously, I gritted my teeth and tried to keep my stitching eyes under control.

In front of an unknown door, he stopped and finally let go of me. Cursing under my breath, I rubbed my throbbing arm. Severus banged the door open but didn't enter. Instead he cast me a warning scowl which I returned merely half-heartedly. Then I slowly entered the deserted classroom. Numbly, I made my way over to the nearest window and crossed my arms. My heart felt heavy in my chest and I blinked several times to keep my eyes from watering. I heard Severus' robes rustling behind me as he cast the silencing and locking spell. A long nerve-wracking silence followed, during which I needed all my willpower not to give in to the pressure in my heart. The truth nagged painfully at my conscience though…

_"__Arya, I am sorry!"_

The great pain in Severus' voice cut sharply through my heart. And increased my guilt immensely. I bore my nails deeply in my arms and lowered my head. My lip started bleeding when I bit down hard to keep myself from releasing the torturous desperation.

_"__I apologize for not having faith in you… For the pain I caused…! I accused you of breaking your promises, I mistrusted you, I said unforgivable things… And I was wrong! I swore never to cause you any harm, yet I did… … I promise… I will do everything in my power to make it right… I will not disappoint you again!"_

My heart clenched painfully with the truth in his words. I could hear and sense his desperation and overwhelming guilt. My legs felt flabby all the sudden, my own guilt felt like ice in my gut. Breathing became almost impossible as the coldness spread in my body. I couldn't move however, as a few tears finally erupted my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

_"__Forgive me Arya…"_

_"__Stop it, please… Stop!"_ I pleaded quietly. My shoulders dropped defeated and my hands started shaking. I gulped when I felt the growing lump in my throat. My own nagging emotions turned my insides tight. Then I turned around. Severus' expression was unguarded and painful to look at. His face mirrored my own desperation. Sparkling black eyes bore deeply into my soul; the intense gaze dominated with guilt.

Desperation overwhelmed me at once. A sob escaped my mouth and my body started shaking. Absentminded, I lifted my hand and pressed it against my lips. I couldn't avert my eyes from the painful sight in front of me. I had heard Severus' apology but it didn't matter to me anymore. So long I had longed for these exact words from him, but now I could merely think about my curse. All the mistrust and pain had become unimportant in mere minutes with my father. The curse would inflict so much more harm than our dispute. But I could never tell anyone. I would never tell anyone – not even Severus; especially not him. I couldn't risk him or my friends hesitating in the proper moment to safe me. It would cause their deaths.

My mind and heart were heavy with my thoughts. The mere idea of being the cause for so much pain frightened and disgusted me. Slowly, I stepped closer whilst tears kept streaming down my face. Here he was, apologizing, when I was the one who should ask for forgiveness. Severus watched me intensely as I came to a halt. He stood frozen on the spot as he simply stared at me.

My insides were ice cold, my heart clenched painfully, my mind felt heavier than ever. Another sob escaped my mouth and suddenly I was reaching out for the man in front of me. Desperately, I clutched Severus' robes in my hands as my body started shaking. I dropped my head on his chest and finally started crying. My body trembled with each new wave of sobs. Severus pressed me tightly against his firm body.

Emotions overwhelmed me so strongly that I could barely breathe. At some point, I was kneeling on the floor and clutching Severus' robes. My whole body was shaking… Desperation clouded my mind, only leaving room for depressive thoughts… Sorrow pressed on my heart heavily… Guilt painfully nagged its way through my whole body, leaving a cold feeling of numbness…

Eventually, my crying and sobs had subsided. Severus rocked me soothing in his arms. He buried his face in my hair and held me as close as possible. At some point, I was finally able to move again. I lifted my head from Severus' chest and felt his hold loosen. As I released his robes, my hands fell somewhat lifeless in my lap. They felt cold and trembled slightly. My whole body felt more or less strange. My emotions were squeezing my heart painfully, but my body had no strength left to let them out. Slowly, I raised my head to look at Severus. He returned my helpless gaze with a guarded expression, but his eyes were treacherous. I saw nothing but pure fear in these black orbs. Severus was terrified by my decision.

_"__Don't leave me, Severus."_ I whimpered before I buried my face in the crook of his neck. I threw my arms around him and pressed me against him. _"I need you." _Severus let out a shaking breath of relief and clutched me tightly to his chest.

_"__I love you, Arya!"_ Severus murmured in my ear, pain dominating his voice. A cold shiver ran down my spine. Slowly, I pulled back and placed my hands on either side of his face. As soon as our eyes locked, a strong affection for the man in front of me warmed my body. Even though my heart was throbbing heavily with guilt, I felt grateful for having Severus.

Gently, Severus wiped away my tears and dried my face. I couldn't do anything except staring in awe. Then he placed a long kiss on my forehead. I changed my position so that I was sitting on his lap. Leaning my forehead against his, I closed my eyes and rested my arms on his shoulders. I forced myself to fully concentrate on Severus. With his scent engulfing me, his breath tickling my skin, the slight movement of his chest; my body and mind slowly calmed down.

_"__I'm sorry, Severus."_ I said quietly and averted my gaze. Nervously, I fidgeted with my fingers on my lap. _"I… I never meant to push you away. I didn't do it because I was angry with you… Honestly, our argument was the last thing on my mind… I just needed to be alone after what happened."_

Severus remained quiet so I looked up again. I cast him a sheepish gaze. His sorrowful expression made my heart pound loudly in my chest. Severus' black eyes watched me intensely, his lips pressed in a thin line. Then he sighed and shook his head. Gently, he placed one hand on my jaw and caressed my cheek with his thumb. Warmth filled my whole body when Severus watched me with love filled eyes.

_"__I know… The moment I saw you in the hospital wing, I realized for the first time how much you truly loathe him."_ Severus lowered his hands and rolled up the sleeve of his left forearm. He glanced shortly at me, and I inhaled sharply as he exposed my mark as well. I shivered at the sight of the black ink on my skin. It meant so much more than what Severus thought. He turned the palm of my hand upwards and held his marked forearm next to mine.

_"__I also noticed how you looked at the mark on your arm. It is the same look you have now."_ Confused, I lifted my gaze and watched Severus with wide eyes. He observed me closely as if he was searching for something in my eyes. _"Since you came back with the portkey, I attempt to understand you… I understand your need for solitude, for I felt the same… In the hospital wing, when you looked into my eyes, however, you seemed so terribly distant… I watched you the last days, and that expression never left until you started crying earlier… And it returns at this instant."_

A shiver of fear rushed through my whole body, leaving my insides ice cold. My heart was pounding rapidly in my chest now. I exhaled deeply and dropped my gaze to our marks. We were both bound to the darkest and most cruel wizard – until our deaths. There was no return from our curses that were so different and similar at once. Slowly, I lifted a shaking hand and traced the ink on Severus' lean forearm. I felt him flinch under my light touch, but he didn't pull back.

_"__He tortured me, Severus."_ I felt Severus tense instantly at my words. I started tracing my own mark and couldn't help the strong feeling of revulsion. Even though the ink was on my own skin; caressing it was even worse. When I raised my head again, I stared into Severus' ferocious burning eyes. _"I know Harry told you what happened, but you weren't the one who pointed his wand at me…"_

I kept staring into black eyes until I felt him exhaling a shaking breath. His gaze lost a bit of its wrath, nevertheless he had his jaw clenched. My heart stitched painfully when I could still see remorse in his eyes. As soon as I averted my gaze, my thoughts drifted away to the night that had changed my whole life.

_"__My own father tortured me." _I spat somewhat disgusted. _"I will never understand how a parent can torture their own child…" _I paused as I remembered the full impact of the Cruciatus Curse again. Severus took my hands in his and started rubbing small circles on their back. _"I didn't know myself how much I hate him until I saw him again. I hate him for torturing so carelessly! I hate him for threatening you! I hate him for killing Cedric!"_

Sighing, I looked back at Severus. The warmth in his eyes brought to the surface what I had tried to bury deep in my heart for years. Suddenly, I felt exhausted and tired. _"I… I know without him I wouldn't be here, but I despise him for being my father. I never told anyone, not even Draco. But sometimes, I selfishly wish that I'd never been born… Because, to the core of my being, I feel so… terribly ashamed to be his daughter! I may not be like him, nevertheless I feel so extremely guilty for his actions. My father is the darkest wizard of all times… My father killed dozens of innocent people… My father caused so much pain in the past and now he's back… And I'm afraid, Severus. I'm afraid because I understand the whole impact of his actions now… I mean, I feel so ashamed that I couldn't even attend Cedric's funeral. How could I have stood in front of his parents, when my own father was the one who killed him?"_

_"__You are not responsible for the crimes he commits, Arya!"_ Severus' eyes sparkled dangerously now. Coldness enwrapped my heart once again when I simply couldn't stop myself. Scoffing, I pulled back and got on my feet. In a heartbeat, I was facing a tall mass of black robes towering over me.

_"__Hell, I know that, alright?! But what about all the people outside of this room?"_ Furiously, I raised my voice at Severus, who turned more irritated by the second._ "As soon as they find out who I am, they'll fear me. Parents will tell their children to stay away from me. No matter what I do or say, people will always doubt me! And they're right!"_

Severus' lips curled aggressively, his expression livid. Black eyes bore sharply in mine as he stepped even closer; leaving mere inches between our bodies. Growling in frustration, I inclined my head forcefully. Severus' height made me realize how short I was next to him – and I didn't like it at all._ "You may not like it, but you are his daughter."_ He spat threatening slow, sending freezing shivers down my spine. I pressed my lips in a thin line and glared fiercely in black burning eyes._ "But neither are you like him, nor responsible for his decisions. So if you wish to convince these fools out there, you better start believing it."_

I squinted my eyes at him as a burning wave of rage enwrapped my whole body. I started yelling, deeply lost in my hatred for the monster. _"I will never convince them! NEVER…! My damn father made sure that I see no reason to try. I HATE HIM, I DESPISE HIM SO MUCH…! AND I WILL KILL HIM FOR WHAT HE DID…! I WILL KILL HIM FOR EVERY DAMN DEATH HE CAUSED…! … … I want to kill him, Severus! I want to kill him and every damn Death Eater who's a true follower! And if I can only kill them by using their own weapons against them, then so be it! … HE WILL PAY FOR DESTROYING MY WHOLE LIFE! HE WILL PAY FOR TURNING ME INTO A MONSTER! … I will kill every single Death Eater who dares to stand in my way! I will break every single promise I ever made! … … So look me in the eyes and tell me that I'm not like him! …TELL ME!"_

In the blink of an eye, Severus gripped my arms painfully tight and lowered his face to mine. An awful expression of revulsion I had never seen before contorted his face. I growled in protest but he kept piercing me with a hard gaze.

_"__What are you keeping from me?" _He snarled ferocious. Coldness enwrapped my heart and turned my insides to ice. Crying out in frustration, I tried to get out of his grip. Severus bared his teeth and growled daunting. _"What… are… you… keeping… from… me… Arya?! Spit it out… NOW!"_

I froze right on the spot, my anger suddenly gone. I heard a pulse in my ears; my heart pounding heavily against my ribcage. With wide eyes, I stared at Severus without really seeing him. And then, all the sudden, I was ripped out of my trance like state as the pressure on my arms subsided. A warm hand under my chin forced my head up. I blinked at surprisingly calm black orbs whilst my whole body was still fighting the overwhelming fear… Great fear – awoken by Severus' recognition.

_"__You are speaking out of hatred, Arya._" Severus watched me closely, as if he was trying to decipher my thoughts. I gritted my teeth and cast him a pleading look. What I was pleading for, I didn't know. When he spoke again, his voice had lost its sharp edge. _"Hatred and self-loathing… What aren't you telling me?"_

I gulped and stared defeated in worried dark eyes. My mind, however, was working rapidly, trying to find an answer to satisfy him without actually telling the truth. Severus sighed and gently brushed back some strands of hair. I let out a shaking breath; my skin prickling when I felt the light touch of his fingers. Then I dropped my gaze and fidgeted with my trembling fingers.

_"__He's changed…"_ I said quietly. _"The image of Tom Riddle's gone. There's nothing left except for an ugly, misshapen figure that has merely a remote resemblance to a human being… He's as pale as a bone. His skin resembles that of a snake; just like his face which has no nose or lips. He has emotionless, scarlet eyes… He looks cruel; every single part of his body is dark magic. There's no humanity left in him…"_

Absentminded, I had closed my eyes, the image of my father clearly in mind. The mere thought of it made me shiver with disgust.

_"__Look at me…" _Gently, Severus cupped my cheek and I lost myself in the soft, velvet voice. _"The creature you just described has no resemblance with what I see right now. You are the most beautiful being, Arya Jackson. You are a fairy in your heart; you might not see it now but I do. Stop worrying what others may think of you and be yourself. For you are a good person! Whoever believes otherwise is a fool."_

I couldn't do anything except staring at him in awe. His words had unfrozen my whole body. Suddenly, the pressure on my chest was gone; the heavy feeling in my heart vanished. My mind had stopped coming up with all kind of negative ideas. My fear was buried deeply again, safely stowed away for the moment. I could almost feel happy again – if there weren't the nagging feeling of guilt left. Severus cupped my face now and leaned his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. A warm feeling exploded in my chest when I felt Severus' breath tingle my skin.

_"__You will never wish for not having been born ever again, Arya. What is done, is done…" _Determined, he pulled back and pierced me with fierce eyes. Goose bumps erupted on my skin when I saw his carefully concealed expression. _"Promise me!"_

I gulped down the forming lump in my throat before I nodded. _"I promise."_

There was a long silence; finally interrupted when Severus let out a deep breath. Satisfied with whatever he had found in my eyes, he rested his forehead against mine again. Almost too quiet to hear, he murmured under his breath. _"Despite your unaccountable opinion that I am independent and unflinching… I need you."_

I tensed at his words; guilt haunting me once again. I could feel how coldness started spreading and desperately fought it back. Relief slowed my heartbeat as I managed to keep the guilt at bay. How, I wouldn't know. After a while, a thought came into my mind. Defeated to my own inner emotional fight, I sighed deeply before pulling back a little. Severus' hand wandered further in my hair, keeping me close. Softly, he brushed my nose with his before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. Only then, he released me with a blank expression.

_"__I want to speak with Dumbledore and McGonagall about what happened…"_ I stated carefully.

_"__Are you certain?"_ Severus furrowed his eyebrows. I averted my gaze and bit the inside of my cheek. Little did he know that I would lie to them as well – increasing my guilt even more. Cold black eyes stared down at me.

_"__Yes… She's the only person who knows about my past without having been a part of it. Yet she sees nothing but plain Arya in me."_ I added quietly.

Severus raised one eyebrow, his lips pressed in a thin line. Half-heartedly, I watched him questioning in return but he dismissed it smoothly. Then he stepped back, clearing his face of all emotions in the process. Absentminded, I watched as he swiftly lifted his protection spells.

_"__We should leave now."_ Severus snapped me out of my thoughts. The cold mask gave nothing away but I saw a flash of worry in the deeps of his eyes. I shook my head curtly to free my mind before following him out of the room.


	55. Chapter 55 - Truth covers the truth

55\. Truth covers the truth

The students in the corridors hurried out of the way as the feared Potions master strode through the castle; his robes billowing wildly at his fast pace. Pitiful glances accompanied me along the way; some Slytherins laughed mocking. If only they knew… My growing anxiety had soon been replaced by annoyance when I had to jog several times to keep up. Therefore, as we finally turned the last corner in an empty corridor, I walked straight into Severus.

_"__Hmpf…!"_ Without strong arms holding my body, I surely would have lost my balance. _"Bloody Slytherin git."_ I muttered under my breath before scowling up at Severus. The wide sneer on his lips merely increased my slight irritation. A firm grip on my shoulders, he pushed me back and away from him.

_"__Insulting a teacher, Jackson. Not very smart."_ He drawled and whirled around again to continue his way. _"And no-one less than the head of Slytherin house himself… On the way to the headmaster… How disappointing."_ Severus smirked and hissed with faked disappointment. I scoffed but, none the less, the corner of my mouth twitched upwards.

_"__Seeing as I'm already facing trouble…"_ I pleaded almost desperate. _"Could you please slow down? Your irreverent pace is irritating, to say the least."_

_"__That was the point."_ Drawled the snarky Slytherin, without even sparing a glance. I sighed and rolled my eyes – understanding very well that he had hoped to distract me from my own thoughts.

The gargoyle watched us carelessly as we approached it – at a much slower pace now. With each step we came closer to the headmaster's office, my anxiety grew. So, when we finally reached the bottom of the moving staircase, I had successfully bitten my lip bloody. I followed Severus, and as soon as he had muttered the password, the stairs slowly moved upwards.

Having nowhere else to look, I gazed up at Severus. To my surprise, he was staring at me with a thoughtful frown. As soon as I caught his gaze, however, he hummed absentminded. I cast him a questioning look but he merely blinked again. Pressing his lips in a thin line, he crossed his arms and turned towards the top of the moving staircase. _"Plain Arya…"_ He mumbled somewhat disapproving. _"Plain… My ass…"_

I could barely suppress the chuckle that threatened to betray me. Instead, I pressed a hand to my lips to hide my wide grin. I was sure, Severus had not meant for me to hear his words. But I was also doubting if he had realized that he had spoken them out aloud. However, I knew for sure that he would be embarrassed if I told him. For a moment, I was torn between telling him now and keeping it for another time. However, the staircase made the decision for me. We were facing the headmaster's office.

Severus reached the office door with two long strides. He turned his head and arched a black eyebrow at me – the only reaction on his expressionless face. I bit the inside of my cheek as cold eyes met mine. I took a deep breath and suddenly all my energy seemed to vanish at once. Whilst my shoulders dropped tiredly, my heart kept beating rapidly against my ribcage though. My insides felt as if they had knotted themselves together; leaving an awful tightening pression. Then I nodded curtly.

I flinched when Severus carelessly banged the door open as if he was entering his own office. Slowly, I entered the office; glancing at various portraits of former headmasters who were watching us with rather bored expressions.

_"__Ah, good afternoon Severus… Aryanna."_ Albus Dumbledore inclined his head at the both of us. A curious smile on his lips, the headmaster watched us with sparkling eyes. _"To what do I owe the pleasure?"_ Of the corner of my eyes, I saw Severus folding his arms and staring at the older man with a blank expression.

_"__I wished to come here, sir."_ I answered after an awkward moment of silence. I gulped, suddenly confused about my very unlike politeness towards the headmaster. _Bloody hell, who cares now?! Just because I'm being nice doesn't mean that I like him all the sudden. Get yourself together for Merlin's sake! _I allowed myself another short moment before steeling myself for what was about to happen now. With a calm expression, I returned the headmaster's piercing gaze with a cool look of determination. My voice betrayed me though; it was nothing more than a pained, barely controlled tone. _"I'm willing to speak about what happened… …As long as Professor McGonagall is present as well that is."_

Nervously, I licked my dry lips. Dumbledore's expression changed at once and lost some of its light traces. I received a curt nod and a long sigh in return. If my heart had been able to beat even faster, it would have jumped out of my chest by now. Brutally, it hammered against my chest, making it difficult to keep my mind focused. With the pace of an aged man, the headmaster raised from his seat and averted his boring gaze to Severus.

_"__Severus, if you could, I would like you to fetch Minerva for us. Please inform her to bring some time as well."_ Dumbledore instructed. Anxiously, my gaze wandered from him to Severus. My heart beat even faster if possible as I looked at him with fearful eyes. He would leave me alone with the headmaster. I knew I was safe here, none the less, I still disliked him. The headmaster had also the very irritating trade to sense when someone was lying or keeping something. I didn't want to be alone with him in the same room. I wanted Severus to stay… A swift nod, flashing black eyes, a rustle of robes and Severus had left the room. Instantly, the uneasy feeling of awkwardness penetrated my mind. I bit the inside of my cheek and averted my gaze. I prayed for Severus to return as fast as possible.

_"__Lemon drop?" _Dumbledore smiled encouraging at me. _"I found they have quite the calming effect."_

_Seriously? _I had difficulties not showing my annoyance as I declined politely. _As if I'd care about sweets right now… Crazy, old lunatic… _Hoping to reject every attempt to talk to me, I crossed my arms and let my gaze wander through the office. Fawkes, the phoenix, slept peacefully on the back of the headmaster's chair. With every heartbeat, my anxiety grew even more. I didn't want to lie, yet I didn't want to tell the truth either.

I squinted my eyes surprised when I spotted a bowl, filled with a sparkling liquid – a pensieve. Without my command, my legs brought me closer to it. I shuddered when I saw the unmistaken face of Barty Crouch Junior glittering on the surface. The headmaster had his own pensieve… The revelation sparked some anger… Of course, Harry had told us about it, yet it had slipped my mind.

_"__You have a pensieve…"_ Whirling around, I found the headmaster staring absentminded at me. I pointed to the basin; my burning glare fixed on the old man's face. _"You had it the whole time, and didn't tell me?"_

_"__I'm afraid, I cannot follow your train of thoughts."_ The calm voice held a slight trace of confusion. Blue eyes pierced me curiously, merely increasing my wrath.

_"__I could've shown you the truth. I would've gladly given my memories for all of you to see reason. Severus and I never would've argued so much if you hadn't-"_

My outburst got interrupted by the door opening abruptly. With trembling hands, I glared daggers at the headmaster who had turned towards the visitors – Severus and Professor McGonagall. My heart was racing as all my suppressed anger and pain overshadowed the guilt and sorrow.

_"__What… happened…?" _Severus drawled slowly, yet his tone had a dangerous edge to it. I flinched as a hand touched my shoulder. I snapped out of my inner burning rage. Hissed under my breath, I shook off Severus' hand. Then I sneered ferociously at the headmaster. Pain sparked my anger and dominated my features.

_"__Obviously, no one thought it necessary to tell me that the headmaster has a pensieve…"_ Severus appeared in my sight but stood a little apart from the other two staff members. Frustrated, I turned towards the sparkling basin again and roughly ran a hand through my hair. _Bloody old lunatic Dumbledore! Damn you and your annoying arrogance! _When I faced my professors again, my voice was barely more than a pain laced spitting. _"I could've shown you the truth right from the beginning. I could've shown you the truth about what the Death Eater was doing… If you wouldn't have been so damn ignorant about everything, you would've been able to save Diggory's life! My father never would've returned; Harry would be fine and I wouldn't have to see this fucking mark… every… fucking… day!"_

_"__Aryanna, I understand your anger."_ Dumbledore spoke calmly in the following silence.

_"__Of course you do…"_ I scoffed and pierced him with burning animosity._ "Because you always understand everything, don't you? You're always right; you're always making the decisions; you're always in charge of everything… Well, let me tell you the truth. You have no… fucking… clue… about anything!"_

The headmaster watched my outburst with an unreadable expression. When I didn't know what to say anymore Dumbledore folded his hands and smiled sadly at me. Instead of increasing my anger it, surprisingly, caught me off guard. My body trembled from my recent outburst as I scowled darkly.

_"__I can assure you, I deeply regret the mistakes I did this year. I must apologize for my ignorant behaviour and incorrect mistrust! … I see why you blame me for the current events, for they haunt me as well."_ His words were true and genuine. The old man sighed and worry flickered over his face. _"You are the last person I need to explain the extent of Lord Voldemort's return…"_

I shuddered at the last words and took a deep breath. My wildly raging emotions seemed to calm, bringing exhaustion and guilt back to the surface. Goose bumps erupted on my arms as a sudden wave of desperation overwhelmed me. I closed my eyes and took a few shaking breaths to focus my mind on the matter at hands. I knew, despite my dislike for Dumbledore, we were on the same side. Even though I questioned and disagreed with his decisions quite often, we had the same goal. I opened my eyes again and tried to swallow my anger and massive feeling of guilt.

_"__I accept your apology, but cannot forgive you…"_ Again, my politeness confused me more than ever. I shuddered at the genuine, undisguised truth in my words. I still felt the pain and anger in my heart, yet I somehow managed to control them. I shook my head to clear my mind again. _"Our dispute is irrelevant for the time being though. I didn't come here to argue anymore…"_

Defeated, I chewed my bottom lip and looked at Severus through my eyelashes. He stood rigid on the spot; arms folded; blank expression. Flashing black eyes bore intensely in mine. I couldn't avert my gaze as a comforting warmth filled my chest. Suddenly, I felt more relaxed and exhaled deeply. Severus' lips twitched and he nodded curtly.

_"__Ms. Jackson."_ I averted my gaze and looked at my head of house instead. She approached me and, to my utter bewilderment, placed a hand on my shoulder. I didn't tense but didn't feel at ease either. _"I am truly sorry for not believing you. I deeply regret having abandoned you – not only as your head of house, but as someone who cares a great deal for you as well."_

I shuddered under her intense gaze; her words thick with guilt and truth. My heart flattered excitedly when her words sank in. I didn't understand why, but in comparison to Dumbledore I wasn't angry with her – not anymore at least.

_"__Thank you."_ My voice cracked as I stared somewhat dumbstruck in her warm eyes. McGonagall smiled encouraging at me, making my lips twitch as well. _"Thank you."_ I whispered absentminded. She squeezed my shoulder before finally returning to Severus' side.

I was snapped out of my trance like state as Dumbledore cleared his throat. Instantly, my gaze flickered to Severus. A subtle amused smirk graced his lips when our eyes locked. Dark eyes cast me an intense look, causing my belly to tingle strongly. My heart almost jumped out of my chest as it beat hard against my ribcage.

_"__Aryanna, if you wish, you may place your memory in the pensieve for us to see. I must warn you, however, not to do so lightly. The memory cannot be removed." _Dumbledore interrupted our silent communication.

I shivered and opened my eyes widely. In less than a second, the comfortable warmth was gone. My insides turned ice cold. _"I… No! … I don't want to… I won't…"_ I stuttered with great difficulties. Severus' face became blank instantly. He watched me with deeply furrowed eyebrows and a very reproachful, boring gaze. _Bloody hell, get yourself together! You're acting more than suspicious right now._

_"__I don't want you to see it…"_ I smoothly covered up, my gaze fixed on my fidgeting hands. _"I don't want you to see how he tortures me… or Harry… Or how he reveals that filthy mark on my arm…"_ I added quietly and bit my lip. Absentminded, I bore my fingers deeply into the marked forearm.

_"__As you wish…"_

As Dumbledore shifted, I raised my head again. A slight smile on his lips, he motioned for me to take a seat. After a moment, I shook my head and folded my cold arms. My heart felt heavy with its burden of guilt and pain. I closed my eyes and gulped several times. Then I met their gazes again…

I told them everything about the day of the third task; rom the moment Crouch Jr. had escorted me towards the Quidditch pitch; how he took my magic and brought me to the graveyard. I found myself telling them more than I had intended to. I repeated the content of every single conversation. Deeply lost in terrible memories, I described every torture with a horrible numbness.

I told them everything – except for the truth about my mark…

_"__Arya."_

A warm hand on my cheek snapped me out of my memories. Blinking, I noticed Severus standing tall in front of me. Slowly, he retreated his hand. Black eyes burned straight into my soul. I shook my head and forced my lips in a smile. Instantly, I felt even worse. Coldness enwrapped my heart; run through my veins and I shivered. Slowly, so slowly, I crossed my arms and stepped away from him. With each step, my heart beat faster – and felt so agonizing heavy. My whole body felt heavy and so exhausted.

_"__My brother told me something rather odd." _I glanced up at the headmaster. _"During your eulogy for Cedric in the great hall… You said, the Ministry didn't want you to tell us the reason for his death… Why?"_

Dumbledore sighed and smiled warily. _"The Minister intends to protect the Diggory's from the press. Furthermore, he and the Department for Magical Defence wished to investigate further."_

I tensed and frowned at the headmaster. _"Investigate? What is there left to investigate? If he wishes to investigate, why did he allow the dementors kiss Crouch?"_

_"__Apparently, that was a rushed, imprudent decision."_

I scoffed. _"Stupid you mean."_ Dumbledore merely smiled again; his eyes sparkling irritating. _Whatever the aurors investigate now, they'll never find any traces. As if the great Lord Voldemort would leave any hints as to where he's hiding. They should rather concentrate on recruiting forces for our defence…_

_"__Aryanna."_ Blinking, I focused again. Blue eyes pierced me; causing me to shift unsettled. I tensed and bore my fingers deeply in my arms. _"Is there anything else you would like to share with us?"_

I stared bluntly at him. I didn't move. Shallow breaths made my heartbeat sound so much louder. After a moment, my burning lungs inhaled deeply again. Tiredly, I unfolded my arms and my shoulders dropped. Then I shook my head slightly. My head lowered and my eyes fell on my covered forearm. I didn't need to see the mark to know it was there. I felt the dark magic winding and twisting under my skin – like a lethal disease, waiting for the perfect moment to spread.

_Ironic… After all, that's exactly what it will do one day…_

After quick, very awkward good byes, I intended to leave but Severus stopped me. Placing a hand on the office door, his black eyes stared down at me. The careless mask was merely broken by a deep frown and flashing eyes. I fought down my urge to throw myself in his arms. His unusual cold demeaner seemed to push me away. Obviously, I wasn't the only one suffering under my father's return.

_"__I want you to talk to Draco and your friends. Tell them the truth about why you kept to yourself these last days." _Severus' velvet voice was quiet, only for me to hear. I chewed my bottom lip and dropped my gaze. Every time I looked into his eyes, my heart felt so terribly heavy.

_"__Why?"_

_"__You need them. Now more than ever."_ A heavy, thick cloud slowly penetrated my mind. My insides turned to ice. To my horror, my hands started trembling so I wringed them anxiously. I wanted to run and get away from everything and anyone I could hurt- _No, anyone I will hurt!_

_"__They don't need me…"_ I whispered and focused on taking deep breaths._"What "dkdknjkl_

A dangerous growl made me wince. Then I heard a long sigh and knew that Severus was trying to be patient – a trait he was lacking. A cool hand under my chin brought my head up. Reluctantly, I locked eyes with flashing black orbs and shuddered. _"I will not watch how you walk away from your own brother! You will tell them the truth! … You… will… tell them… before leaving Hogwarts!"_

Suddenly, Severus' eyes were gone; so was the rest of his body as well. In fact, I wasn't even in the office anymore. Instead I was lost in the feeling of my stilled heart. I was trapped in my own body. Stars appeared in my sight. I felt as if I was flying on a broom; my exhaustion had vanished. I was in the eye of the storm – the storm of guilt, pain and desperation…

_"__Arya… … … ARYA!"_

A sharp pain shot through my body like a knife. I shrieked and ripped my eyes wide open. My head throbbed and my eyes had difficulties adjusting.

_"__Look at me!"_ A sharp tone interrupted my troubles.

Slowly, I focused on Severus again. Worry was clouding his feature; jaw clenched tightly. Confused, I realized that I was leaning heavily against the door. Two sets of eyes watched me not less concerned. With great difficulties, my whole body felt strange, I pushed myself off the wooden door. With a heavy sigh, I rubbed my eyes. At once, my guilt was back; along with the numbing exhaustion.

_"__What happened?"_ He drawled.

_"__I'm tired."_ I mumbled defeated and wished to be anywhere but near Severus.

_"__Try… again…!"_

Blue eyes met dangerously flashing black. Desperately, I raised my hands and couldn't help the half-hearted scoff. _"I'm tired, Severus… I feel completely drained."_ I closed my eyes to get away from Severus' scrutinizing stare. Even my heart beat slower than usual. _"I'm tired of all these lies and secrets. I hate lies, yet I'm lying to everyone… Draco… my friends… you… everyone… I don't want to but if I wouldn't, all hell would break lose… I wish so much my father had never told me that I would have to-"_

I ripped my eyes wide open as my brain put an end to my rambling. Fear enwrapped me as sudden as freezing water; leaving my lungs burning with every single breath. Severus watched me with an almost convincing indifferent expression.

_"__Would… have… to… what?"_ Severus' quiet, yet hard tone sent a shiver down my spine. My heart jumped; I flinched the same instant. Frozen on the spot, I stared terrified at the tensed man in front of me.

I kept staring and waited… Inwardly, I desperately pleaded for him to drop it… If he didn't, I would have to lie again – a lie he would easily detect as such… Black eyes bore straight in mine…

_"__He…"_ I took a shaking breath and gulped. _Well, I'm not lying to him… not really… "He told me that… that he wants to bind me to one of his Death Eaters."_ Severus narrowed his flashing eyes. I shrunk under his gaze and glanced at the other two persons in the room. _"Instead being bound to my fairy-love, he… he wants to bind my feelings to one of his followers."_

In the blink of an eye, Severus' face contorted in alarming rage. His muscles tensed visibly and he crossed his arms firmly; fingers digging tightly in his sleeves.

_"__Impossible."_ He spat and curled his lips.

I wanted to keep as much as possible to myself – especially the part about my mother. I didn't know if Severus knew, but didn't want to give him more reasons to get even more devastated.

_"__But he spoke the truth…"_ I argued half-heartedly.

Instantly, Severus' dangerous flashing eyes flickered back and pierced me. I shuddered and felt my heart skip a beat. Hatred wiped every other emotion from his face; menacing coldness clouding his feature. He forced his words out through gritted teeth.

_"__He cannot manipulate you…! He… will… not… bind… you…!"_ My heart squeezed tightly when I heard the pain and determination in his voice.

_He already bound me, Severus…_

_"__I do not believe it is possible, Severus."_ Dumbledore attempted to calm his younger colleague. He received a furious glare in return. _"Perhaps it would have been before Aryanna found her fairy-love." _A low growl came from Severus' chest. Not knowing what to say to ease the tension, I nervously watched him scowl the headmaster.

_"__I refuse to lean back and wait for us to find out."_ Severus snarled almost threatening. Dumbledore watched him with piercing eyes; an everlasting smile on his lips.

_"__Will Jackson be safe in the orphanage, Albus?"_ Professor McGonagall's scottish accent broke the heavy silence. My annoyance grew as they shamelessly ignored my presence.

_"__Yes… I am convinced she is. I placed the wards myself, with an old friend of mine. They are not unbreachable, however, I trust they will serve their purpose."_ I couldn't hold back the quiet scoff. Dumbledore had the very irritating trait to say words of comfort and spark doubts at the very same time.

_"__Serve their purpose?"_ Severus drawled; his face contorted with rage. I could see the burning fire in his black eyes as he pierced Dumbledore brutally. _"If anything – ANYTHING happens to Arya because your wards did not serve their purpose…"_ He spat menacing. I shivered as my blood froze in my veins.

Severus was dead serious with his threat…

I couldn't help my thoughts wandering to my curse. If he was already that furious with the thought of me getting hurt, it would destroy him to know that he couldn't help me; that I would die anyway.

A pearl of sweat rolled down my neck, I could feel it. Goose bumps erupted all over my body as I stared at Severus with wide eyes. I wanted to get away from here. I needed to get away. Now! I couldn't watch him any longer. I couldn't possibly look at him one more minute when he was being so protective. It only led to more guilt and desperation.

_"__Sir?"_ I interrupted the heavy tension with a shaking voice. _"May I be excused?"_ I could barely ignore the burning desperation in my heart; the freezing guilt in my stomach.

Biting my bottom lip, I looked up at the headmaster through my eyelashes. I fidgeted with my hands when I felt Severus' penetrating gaze on me. A nod from Dumbledore made me sigh relieved. With trembling hands, I reached for the door knob but suddenly another hand appeared on it. I gulped and turned my head.

A warm hand under my chin forced my head up. Reluctantly, I locked eyes with Severus. The rage had decreased and was replaced with worry. Anxiously, I nibbled at my lip again and tried to keep my desperation under control. Severus was to observant for his own good. If I wasn't careful, he would know that I was keeping something important from him.

Gently, Severus freed my abused bottom lip with his thumb. His intense gaze held me mesmerized on the spot. It was so easy for me to get lost in his gentleness and care. His hand wandered to cup my cheek. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. Then the soothing warmth left all the sudden.

As I opened my eyes again, Severus' face had turned blank. With an undefinable hard gaze he turned towards the door and opened it. Confused at his sudden change, I simply passed him without another glance.

With trembling legs, I stumbled through the castle. My eyes stitched. Growling, I gritted my teeth with all the force I could muster. I felt so confused and lost. I wanted nothing more than this year to end. I wanted to be alone; no Severus, no Draco, no Harry… just no one.

_Damn you Tom Riddle! _I barely held in the cry of frustration. Instead, I slumped myself against the wall. I whined quietly as I leaned my forehead against the cold stone. Lazily, I rested my forearms next to my head; one hand crushing the other merciless. I barely registered the physical pain though.

_"__Fuck you! … Fuck you for destroying my life! … Damn you! … Go to hell! … Screw you!"_ Curse after curse I spat out quietly. Every word loaded heavily with pure hate. _"You… fucking… monstrous… bastard!" _I screwed my eyes up and growled lowly. _"I will kill you for this! I will kill you for sentencing me to die! I swear by my friends' lives that you will die with me!"_

In a trance like state, I raised my head and glared at my forearm; the smudged, filthy, reeking forearm… Suddenly however, as if I had just found the missing piece of a puzzle, I felt calmer. I didn't like it, but for once my heart and mind were on the same page. I knew what to do.

_Severus will never find out about this… He can't know! Nobody should know… He'll find out eventually, Arya. He knows you better than anyone else… They can't! I'll never tell them, nor will they find out! I'll keep my distance. I'm going to try staying out of Severus' way. I can only do the right thing if I know that I won't hurt anyone. Better to distance yourself sooner rather than later, Arya! Or else you'll never be able to give up your life without putting up a fight. When the proper moment has come, I won't hesitate. I can't!_

_"__I will keep my distance…"_ I muttered to myself. _"I'll keep my distance… I'll keep my distance!"_ I repeated the same words over and over again. At some point, I had pushed myself off the wall and was walking towards the library. There I could be alone… Keep my distance!

_"__Sooner rather than later… Sooner rather than later, Arya!"_


	56. Chapter 56 - Sooner rather than later

56\. Sooner rather than later

_"__There you are. We wondered where you've gone."_

I flinched as Harry rounded the bookshelf. Sighing, I shut the book I pretended to read and slumped heavily against the back of my chair. Luckily, there were only a handful of students who still came to the library. There was no need anymore; everybody would leave Hogwarts in two days.

_"__I wanted to be alone."_ I muttered but Harry heard it anyway. I bit the inside of my cheek and stared firmly at the advanced potions book in front of me. For now, I had managed quite well to keep my distance. But it merely added to my general exhaustion. Harry dropped himself on the chair next to mine and rested his elbows on the table. Bright green eyes burned in the side of my head.

_Keep your distance… Sooner rather than later!_

Absentminded, my eyes wandered over the old book cover. I couldn't do anything else. Whilst my fatigue during this year had come from the lack of sleep and burning forearm; I had almost slept as much as usual the last days. I dreamt of the terrible night over and over again – and never woke up. I had to endure the return of my father repeatedly.

It were my emotions that tormented me the most. Guilt, grief and desperation numbed my whole being. I felt so old and as if my life's purpose had vanished into thin air. Everything was difficult; getting out of bed, meals in the great hall, classes, filling my day with anything useful. To my utter relief, I felt less haunted when I didn't see Draco, Severus or any of my friends. Not even with Harry I could be honest. He didn't know about my connection with certain Slytherins – and most certainly wouldn't agree either.

_"__I know what you're doing, Arya."_ His voice was almost too quiet to hear. A thick lump formed in my throat. _"I won't say I understand what you're going through because I don't… Have you spoken to anyone about… well… it?"_

_"__No… and neither will you."_ I cleared my throat. Slowly, I raised my legs and hugged them closely to my chest. Then I rested my chin on my knees.

_"__I gave my word after all… But if you keep staying in that… depressive… state… I'll break it."_ Harry glanced awkwardly at his hands. It surprised me a little how steady his voice sounded nonetheless.

_"__What do you expect me to do, Harry? Jump around and enjoy my life?"_ I scoffed and hissed lowly to myself. Harry didn't seem offended with my sarcastic tone. Instead, he sighed and run a hand through his messy hair.

_"__I don't expect anything… Just making sure you're not running riot… You're my friend after all."_ The one advantage I enjoyed with Harry was that he knew about my curse. I didn't need to feel guilty…

_"__The boy-who-lived… befriended with his enemy's daughter."_ The corner of my lips twitched in a small smile when I turned my head. _"Strange pair we are…"_

Harry groaned but cracked a smile as well. _"True… if you think of it that way… I honestly couldn't care less though."_ Suddenly, his face darkened and I frowned half-heartedly. _"By the way, the same night… Well, Fudge was there and refused to believe me or Dumbledore. He even accused him of fighting the Ministry. Snape tried to convince him by revealing his dark mark. You should've seen how Fudge recoiled when he saw it." _A hard, absentminded look made me shudder anxiously. _"Dumbledore gave him a task… Snape, I mean. He didn't say anything about it… but I've never seen Snape so… I don't know… human. He looked exhausted and almost ill… What do you think was it that he did on Dumbledore's order? And why… why is he so convinced that Snape's truly on our side? Sirius said that no Death Eater ever stops being one… How can you be so sure? I mean what did he do to convince you?"_

I tensed in my chair. My heart pounded against my ribcage; I could even feel it with my legs. _Dumbledore gave him a task? … Voldemort… No, no it can't be! Not even Dumbledore's so cruel to send him back. Severus would never agree! _I closed my eyes and let out a long breath. I forced my body to relax; my terrible thoughts slowed. _Severus will never go back! … Bloody hell, Arya. Mum was like a sister to him; a sister that Voldemort killed… He hates him more than anything else! …And Dumbledore may be many things but no monster…! Despite everything, he protects Severus… Severus is safe!_

_"__I… I…"_ Frustrated, I played with my fingers. I felt Harry's intense stare before I saw it. _"He helped me many times… I know, he always acts as if he's annoyed when he has to fix me, but… I don't know, Harry."_ I blew out my cheeks and sighed loudly. My voice turned soft and quiet. _"He's the only one who understands me… I… I can talk to you, Hermione and Ron and I know you care about me. It's just that… You don't know what it's like to be related to a monster. You don't know… how… terrible he really is; the extent of evil inside him… … Snape does… When we fought Quirrel or my father's diary… everyone wanted an explanation what we were thinking about going after them… save Snape. While Dumbledore and McGonagall try to understand our reasons, Snape actually understands me."_

Harry clenched his jaw and turned his head. Green eyes glittered strangely. I gulped and chewed my bottom lip. On one hand, I wished for Harry to leave for good now; on the other hand, the thought of losing my best friend stung painfully.

_"__Have you…"_ Harry cleared his throat nervously. _"Have you ever considered that Snape's only helping you to get on Voldemort's good side?"_

Cold enwrapped my heart. My insides turned to ice, feeling heavy in my stomach. _"I knew right from the beginning that something was off with Moody… Crouch… whatever… Professor Snape is not like him! Has never been and never will, Harry… I know you hate him, but just because he dislikes you doesn't mean that he's a bad person… …I trust him… with my life."_

_"__But he was a Death Eater!"_ Harry exclaimed irritated. _"He was on Voldemort's side, Arya. How can you not see him for what he is?"_

_"__People can change! … And just because I wish Riddle death more than anything else, doesn't mean that I'm cold-hearted. I believe in second chances. Unlike my father, I believe in emotions; in the power of remorse. Everyone does mistakes… People… change… Harry!"_

_"__Then what was it that made you hate him so much in our first year? You despised him and never missed a chance to remind him. What the hell changed? Why are you defending him now?"_

I blew out my cheeks in annoyance and groaned lowly. Harry pierced me hard; desperately trying to understand me. _Everything would be so much easier if I could just tell him the whole truth…_

_"__Because I changed…"_ I replied bitter and scowled at the table. _"I was young and stupid and blinded by hate… Hate against my father, caused by all the pain I had to endure because of him. Hate which soon turned to anger. So I used Professor Snape's past as an excuse – but it was wrong."_

Harry let out a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. His shoulders slumped down. A long, uncomfortable silence followed. Whilst I scowled at the table in front of me, Harry fidgeted with his hands and stared into space.

_"__Sirius was here… He wishes you the best and hopes to see you soon."_ I felt relieved when Harry's light voice broke the tension. I hummed in response and looked up.

_"__Will you see him during summer?"_

Harry glanced down at his hands. _"I don't know… He said we would see each other soon. But Dumbledore refused to let me stay with the Weasley's. So I honestly don't know how or when I'll see him again."_

_"__At least he can visit you…"_ I scoffed quietly. _"If you're not allowed to leave the Dursley's, I won't leave the orphanage either; that's for sure… You know, if there was a chance for me to change your living arrangement, I would."_ I smirked half-heartedly. _"But until then, I'm sort of glad to know that I'm not the only one suffering…"_

Harry looked at me… and chuckled. The corner of his lips tugged upwards. _"You're such a Slytherin sometimes…"_

I smirked to myself. _"So I've been told…"_

_"__Well… I think we should leave. Lunch must be almost over."_ Instantly, his face lost all traces of amusement and I sighed. _"Most gawkers should be gone by now."_

He clicked his tongue in annoyance and moved his lanky body on his feet. I wasn't really hungry. More than anything, I didn't want to run in Draco or Severus. Yet, against my own will, I stood up and put the book back on the shelf.

_"__Let's go then…"_ My mind told me to stay in the library. But my heart felt so desperate to get one glimpse of my brother or Severus. I knew, I would stick to my plan but for now I needed to see them this one time to make sure they were fine – or at least doing better than me.

_Sooner rather than later…_

In the evening, I climbed up all the stairs to the astronomy tower. My hands gripped the railing tightly as my eyes started stitching. I gritted my teeth and growled in frustration. I had attended lunch and dinner – two mistakes in one day. Although, I had tried to ignore it, I had felt Draco's burning stares. Once or twice, I had looked up and found myself lost in my brother's features. I had watched him eat and conversate with Blaise but the usual easiness between them had been missing. And it clenched my heart painfully. I knew, I could protect my Gryffindor friends but Draco would always be right in the centre. My insides turned to ice whenever I thought about Draco leaving for Malfoy manor on Saturday. I wouldn't be able to watch out for him anymore…

And Severus… I had glanced up at the staff table to find him staring in my direction. His expression had been difficult to read. He had looked as sour and unpleasant as ever in public. Nevertheless, my heart almost jumped out of my chest as soon as my eyes caught him. I longed to talk to him, to bury my face in his chest and for his arms to hold me close. I wanted to sense him and his scent to engulf me until I forgot about everything else.

But I couldn't… Severus was a living lying detector. Severus and lies were simply incompatible. It had always been that way and would always be. But the truth was out of the question this time.

_Sooner rather than later…_

I flinched when I felt a looming presence next to me. My heart beat so rapid, I was sure it would explode soon. I closed my eyes briefly and exhaled a shaking breath when Severus' scent enwrapped me soothingly.

_I won't… I won't…! I won't give in! I can't!_

The longer he remained silent, the more anxious I became. Nonetheless, my body stood frozen on the spot; every muscle tensed alarming. My senses were sharper than ever. I heard the rustling of his robes in the light breeze; I felt the cruelly inviting heat radiating from his body; out of the corner of my eye, I saw him standing tall and proud as always.

Suddenly, he moved and stepped back; out of my sight. My body started trembling and I blinked several times. I felt so terribly confused and lost…

I gasped when I felt warm hands on my upper arms. Slowly, they wandered up and down; caressing me gently. I shut my eyes and gulped. I didn't know what Severus intended to do but I wanted to lean back so badly. After a while, I felt my muscles relax under his soothing touch. I couldn't help it even though I knew I shouldn't make it harder than it was.

I froze instantly again when I felt his hard chest against my back. Slowly, utterly slow, Severus' hands wandered to my shoulders before moving down to my hips. Anxiously, I waited for his next movement. I knew the moment he started speaking, I would push him away. I wished for him to remain silent, yet I couldn't enjoy his caring gesture either. A simple gesture which showed his love just as well as the right words.

I flinched as he wrapped his arms around me; his chest pressed firmly against my back now. I let out a shaking breath when I felt his jaw against my head. I felt every single breath in my hair. Closing my eyes, I finally allowed myself to lean back in Severus' chest. After a while, I dared releasing the railing and held his arms. Slowly, my muscles relaxed. Nevertheless, my body was still trembling. I knew Severus could feel it as well.

_"__I know, Arya."_ He spoke softly in my hair.

My heart skipped several beats and I ripped my eyes wide open. Severus' thumbs caressed me gently as soon as he felt my whole body tense once again. I couldn't move; I couldn't speak; I could barely breathe.

I felt a long sigh. _"I know why you distance yourself…"_

My insides turned to ice. My heart felt as heavy as a bludger. Burning cold rushed through my veins. _He knows…?!_

_"__If you desire distance… I will comply with your wish. However, I will not cease to protect you."_ Severus' voice was thick with emotions, although he tried to hide them.

_"__What…? How…?"_ My voice cracked; my mind completely blank.

_"__Because I know you… His return… You wish to protect your friends."_ His deep baritone sent a chill down my spine. _"But isolating yourself cannot possibly help them."_

At once, my muscles relaxed and I let out a sigh of relief. Briefly, I closed my eyes. _He doesn't know!_ I took a few deep breaths for the freezing coldness to vanish.

_"__I… I know."_ I whispered and stared at the glittering black lake in the valley. The castle's lights reflected beautiful on the dark surface. _"It's just that they'll never understand how much I hate him… Except for Harry, Draco, Blaise and Derek, they all act as if I were a terrible disease… They don't believe us…"_

_"__So I noticed… But if you push everyone away, you give him precisely what he wants… Don't let him control your life, Arya!"_

Waves of remorse ran suddenly through my heart. Gulping, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against his warmth. Gently, Severus brushed my hair with his lips. It needed all my willpower not to give in and let myself fall completely. If I did, there would be no return…

_"__I don't want to lose them… or you… It may not matter to you but for me it changes everything that he's back."_ I cleared my throat as a lump formed. I felt when Severus tensed more and more with my words. My heart flattered in my chest. Fear spread in my whole body. _Sooner rather than later…_

_"__I can't… I don't know how I'm supposed to live my… life… knowing that everyone I care about is in terrible danger because of me… I need to be alone, Severus. For the first time in my life I want to go to the orphanage. Where I won't have to see anyone I care about… And nobody knows who I am… … I need to figure out how to handle everything…"_

Anxiously, I opened my eyes again and waited for Severus to say something. My heart pounded loudly against my ribcage. I felt the blood rushing through my ears. Guilt kept nagging painfully in my heart and mind. I knew, I was merely giving weak excuses. Fairies couldn't lie if they used the old magical language. Therefore, the ability to give vague answers or not getting to the point was in my blood. And I felt incredibly bad for using said trait with Severus. I wasn't exactly lying but not telling the truth either.

_"__Perhaps we should, for the time being, let current events… unfold."_ Severus stated quietly after a long silence. I felt as he clenched his jaw. _"We might speak about everything in the new term…"_

I let out a shaking breath as his words sank in. I knew it would only postpone the moment I told him that I couldn't be in a relationship. But I was more than selfish enough to keep Severus as long as he was willing to stay. Once again, my heart won over my mind.

_"__Thank you."_

I closed my eyes briefly as I felt Severus placing a long kiss on top of my head. For the first time today, I felt completely relaxed. Sighing, I pushed aside my penetrating guilt and leaned heavily against Severus' firm chest. I felt his steady breathing. For a while, we both simply watched the black lake and surrounding mountains.

_"__Severus…?"_ I asked carefully but he remained silent. _"What task did Dumbledore give you?"_

Severus' breath caught in his throat before he shifted slightly. My stomach clenched painfully. Coldness enwrapped my heart when my mind started imagining horrible things.

_"__I am not allowed to tell you."_ His voice was controlled and steady. I could feel him being completely rigid. He had pulled up his wards again and was guarded.

_"__He didn't… command you to… to return to him, did he?"_ I whispered terrified and waited anxiously. My heart pounded loudly.

Severus on the other hand let out a long sigh. After another quiet moment, he finally answered. _"No… No, he did not." _I didn't move; I barely breathed. I waited for anything else; a movement or other words but Severus remained quiet.

_"__Promise?"_

_"… __I promise, Arya…"_

I let out a sigh of relief as I felt the truth in his words. Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths to calm my sprinting heart again. Slowly, Severus' body heat fought off the freezing coldness in my body. I shuddered, but not with cold, when Severus rested his cheek against the side of my head.

We stayed in our position for a long time. Although, I tried to enjoy it and relax, I simply couldn't. My own words repeated themselves over and over again in my mind. I had merely avoided the actual task tonight.

_Sooner rather than later._

It was Friday afternoon. I was down by the black lake. Lazily, I dangled my bare feet in the cold water. My eyes were absentmindedly looking around; my mind not processing anything. Whilst everyone was packing and looking forward going home, I had fled the joyful atmosphere. Since I had spoken with Harry, I hadn't really made any progress with Ron or Hermione. I was still avoiding them… like Draco, Blaise and Severus.

I flinched as someone tapped my shoulder. Snapping my head around, I stared straight in Draco's eyes. I sighed annoyed and turned towards the lake again. Quietly, he sat next to me.

_"__Aren't you going to say anything at all?"_ My brother exclaimed irritated. I scoffed to myself but refused to look at him.

_"__Nope…"_

_"__How about blackmailing you? Would you open your mouth then?"_ I gritted my teeth and frowned deeply. I felt Draco's burning glare. _"I believe your friends wouldn't be amused if they knew about me… Or I could simply tell them about your boyfriend. I'm sure-"_

_"__Shut the fuck up, Draco! Just… shut… up!"_ I snapped back, my heart pounding loudly in my chest. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to lie to him.

Draco growled aggressively. _"You can't imagine how close I am to punch you to your senses! Just open your damn mouth and talk to me!"_

I laughed coldly and turned to my fuming brother. Provocative, I opened my arms. _"Oh, please! Help yourself! If you leave me alone then… Go on! … Punch…me!"_

Draco glared menacing before hissing to himself. _"I swear I will if you don't open your fucking mouth, Arya!""""_

A cold shiver ran down my spine but I chose to ignore him. Naturally, Draco felt betrayed by my behaviour. Understandable, after all I had ignored and avoided him since the night of my father's return. I pulled my feet out of the water and roughly squeezed them in my socks and shoes again. Pointedly not looking at him, I jumped to my feet and turned to leave. Inwardly, I was shaking with anger and desperation. _Sooner rather than later_, I reminded myself over and over. A firm grip on my arm whirled me around however. Violently, I ripped my arm out of Draco's grip.

_"__You won't turn your back on me! You won't ignore me any longer!"_ Draco yelled furiously, his face contorted with pain.

Provocative, I stepped even closer until our noses were almost touching. The most spiteful sneer on my lips, I watched him challenging. _"Oh yeah? What do you want to do about it? Punch me? Yell at me? Annoy me? … There's nothing you can do, Draco. NOTHING! I don't want to talk to you! Not now, not ever! So leave me… the fucking hell… alone!"_

My brother's eyes sparkled dangerously. His pale skin turned a slight pink as he glared hateful at me. I shuddered under his intense gaze; a part of me despised myself for hurting him so much. But the other part – the cursed part – knew it was necessary to cut ties.

_"__You're nothing but a selfish bastard!_" Draco spat disgusted. _"A fucking… selfish… bastard, Arya! Instead of accepting my help, you prefer drowning yourself in self-pity… I lived with a Death Eater my whole life; everyone here knows who my father really is. But you? Nobody knows about you, yet you act as if you're the only one suffering."_

Draco's voice turned ice cold; grey eyes pierced me brutally. _"I listened to your pathetic crying for years but I'm done with it! Next time you need pity, go to your idiotic so-called friends!"_

Even with his weak insult, furious anger bubbled in my heart. With a raging cry, I pushed Draco as hard as I could. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched when my brother fell backwards in the cold water. With a loud splash he vanished under the black surface. Aggressively, I wiped my cheeks and glared at the spot where he had sunk.

A short moment later, however, a very angry Draco appeared, gasping for air. Coughing, he pushed strains of hair out of his face. Then the most genuine murderous glare I had ever seen shot daggers at me. I felt too irritated with myself, my father and Draco to feel intimidated or scared. So, I whirled around and left with long strides.

Fuming, I made my way back to the castle, glaring at everyone who dared to cross my way. I stomped up the stairs and automatically walked to the great hall. I didn't know what I wanted there but somehow my legs brought me there on their own will.

_"__JACKSON!"_

Confused heads turned in my – or better, our direction. Clenching my hands to tight fists, I turned around. With aggressive strides my brother approached quickly. He was completely dried again.

Without slowing down, he pushed me violently. Groaning, I fell on my back and gasped for air. In the blink of an eye, Draco kneeled over me and grasped my collar. A murderous expression pierced me brutally. His usually pale face was burning red with fury. Stormy eyes were squinted threatening. Before I could react, Draco pulled me back on my feet.

_"__Got a problem, Malfoy?"_ I hissed sarcastically. My brother's features turned even darker if possible. His grip on my collar tightened.

_"__I told you not to turn your back on me!"_ He snarled with great revulsion. _"I let you get away with it last time but not now." _I laughed shortly as my irritation grew even further.

_"__You're to much of a coward to do anything. We discussed this already."_ I replied ice cold. _"You're nothing but a foul… loathsome… daddy loving… coward!"_

Draco's face contorted even more as he growled loudly. With more strength I had believed possible, he pushed me back and pinned me firmly against the wall. In the background, I made out a crowd, watching us with great interest.

_"__Says the fucking, selfish, self-pitying bastard…"_ His lips twitched in a very malicious sneer. _"I suppose that's what happens if you grow up alone in a muggle orphanage without any friends or parents."_

I saw nothing anymore, except for my own blinding rage. Gathering all my strength, I pushed my brother's hands away. Before he could do anything else, I slapped him as hard as I could. Immediately, his cheek turned bright red.

But not with Draco…

Instantly, he whirled his head back to me; the angriest expression I had ever seen on his face. Grey orbs held not the slightest trace of sympathy or care anymore. Draco pierced me with pure, burning rage.

_"__You're nothing but a miserable… lonely… mudblood loving… bastard!"_ With that he threw me on the floor.

I groaned and saw black for a moment when my head collided painfully with the floor. A sharp stinging pain rushed through my whole body. I could barely breathe.

_"__MALFOY!"_ I heard Hermione's shrieking voice distantly.

I groaned again as a blurred face came into my sight. Slowly, very slowly, my vision cleared and I saw a fuming Draco again. I couldn't suppress the cold chuckle when I noticed his burning glare. Instantly, his lips curled in disgust.

_"__See?"_ I groaned out. _"A bloody coward you are!"_

_"__Shut the fuck up, Jackson!"_ He spat lowly.

Suddenly, arms pulled him back and my friends appeared in my sight. I couldn't hear what they were saying; I was pointedly sneering at my brother. Triumph filled my heart when I saw that his face turned darker and darker with my provocation.

Slowly, I got on my feet again. Blaise had a firm grip on Draco's arms and muttered quietly to him. For once, his expression was dead serious. Hard brown eyes turned to me and cast me a warning look. I chose to ignore Blaise though. I was overwhelmed with my anger and right now, I wanted to let it out on Draco for not leaving me alone – for his insults.

_"__You already had the chance to punch me, yet you didn't. So you better go home and tell your daddy what a great coward his son-"_

_"__Arya stop it!"_ Hermione gripped my arm painfully tight. With a deep frown she watched me pleading. _"You need to ignore him!"_

I growled and ripped my arm out of her grip when Draco smirked mocking at me. His eyes sparkled dangerously.

_"__Yeah. Listen to your mudblood friend, Jackson! Go home and enjoy your holidays… Oh right, how could I forget?! You have no home or family."_

_"__Draco!"_ Blaise hissed loudly but of course that wouldn't stop him.

Crying out in rage, I stormed forward. My blood was boiling in my veins. A violent pulse was audible in my ears. Draco shook off Blaise easily and came to a halt right in front of me. We glared fiercely at each other.

_"__If you call that miserable place where you live home I could almost pity you, Malfoy."_ I spat in his face. _"I rather have no living parents instead of a Death Eater father and a whore as a mother. No need to mention your psychopathic aunt… No surprise their son turns out a heartless and coward bast-"_

I barely noticed Draco's fist before it collided roughly with my jaw.

A sharp, burning pain exploded in my head. I stumbled back and lost my balance. I groaned as I fell on the floor once again. My head felt as if it was bursting. My back throbbed painfully. I rather felt than saw Draco kneeling over me. His shaking fist clenched my collar tightly whilst the other pulled back to punch me again.

I refused to close my eyes and kept them firmly locked with my brother's. His face was contorted with rage. Anger and pain sparkled in his grey orbs. My heart clenched painfully with my own anger and hurt. Even though he had hit me, I felt so terribly bad for bringing him over the edge. I knew I had provoked him to no end. Draco had merely reacted the way I had expected.

_Sooner rather than later…_

I couldn't suppress the glare, nor the provocative sneer on my lips when I noticed Draco's hesitation. Although he was still fuming, I knew he didn't want to punch me again. If it would have been the other way around, I wouldn't have either.

_"__Come on, do it!"_ I muttered spiteful. Draco's hand stopped shaking when he tightened his grip on my collar. _"We're done anyway whether you punch me again or not. You're the son of a fucking Death Eater, Draco! You're not better than your own father. Never have and never will! I never-"_

A throbbing pain erupted in my nose as his fist collided with my face. I groaned when I smelled blood. Slowly, the warmth flew out of my nose and over my lips into my mouth. Disgusted, I swallowed the metallic taste before locking eyes with my brother again. Even though he tried to disguise it with anger, I could still see glimpses of pain. With burning eyes, he raised his fist again. I shuddered at the cold expression on his face.

However, before Draco could crash down his fist again, somebody lifted him off me.

I found myself looking at a very irritated Professor McGonagall. Next to her, with Draco firmly in his grip, stood Severus. His eyes sparkled dangerously, flickering from my brother to me. Slowly, I stood up; gritting my teeth as my head pounded painfully.

Casting both of us a very stern gaze, my head of house mentioned us to follow her before turning around. Scowling at her back, I focused my magic to ease my pain and stop my nose from bleeding. With a dark expression, Severus pushed Draco in his colleague's direction. When his hard gaze landed on me, I growled annoyed but turned as well. I saw when Draco clenched his jaw. His fists were shaking at his sides. I glared straight ahead. My heart was still pounding rapidly against my ribcage.

_"__Now explain yourselves!"_ Professor McGonagall demanded as she and Severus had come to a halt in her classroom.

I crossed my arms and glared fiercely at her desk. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw that Draco was also avoiding her burning gaze. I felt terribly angry with myself and Draco. I knew I had started it but then again, my brother had just continued provoking me as well.

_"__Well…? I suppose, I don't need to say how disappointed I am. The two of you… and on your last day no less."_ We both ignored her stubbornly. _"Either you explain yourselves or you start your new term with detention. Your choice!"_

_"__I don't believe that is necessary, Minerva."_ Severus drawled coldly. I heard her incredulous scoff and saw her turning towards him.

_"__Not necessary? Severus, they had a brawl right under our noses in the middle of the school."_ With her irritation, her Scottish accent was more prominent than ever.

_"__I don't deny their stupidity."_ I tensed the same time Draco growled to himself. _"However… I believe… I know their reason. Detention won't change anything; I can assure you… I suggest you leave them be. Their fight itself is punishment enough."_

_"__And do nothing? They're your students, Severus. If they weren't Jackson and Malfoy, you would gladly impose detention or abduct house points."_

_"__Of course… Since detention would indeed teach them a lesson."_ Severus replied slightly impatient now. _"Make sure they sit in the Hogwarts Express tomorrow. Time apart will force them to see reason concerning their… imprudent… foolishness."_

I gritted my teeth when I thought about it. As if anything would change during the summer. When we returned, I would continue to ignore him. Nothing and no one could change that!

_"__Very well…"_ Professor McGonagall sighed defeated and we both turned our attention to her. _"I too have no intention to prolong the matter more than necessary. If I hear of another fight again, you will face the consequences without opposition."_

_"__Yes, Professor."_ Draco and I replied reluctantly. We both knew very well that, in such case, we would blame each other. Just as we knew that no threat would keep us from arguing again.

_"__You're dismissed."_ Her voice made it clear that we shouldn't dare testing her patience.

Draco whirled around and intended to leave as fast as possible. I could still sense his anger and frustration. I wasn't in a better state at the moment. Although, it sort of was my fault, I was incredibly irritated with his insults. They hadn't hurt less just because they had been said in a moment of injudiciousness and suppressed pain.

_"__I would like a word."_ Severus called icily.

Very slowly, Draco turned back around; eyebrows furrowed deeply, a scowl as sharp as knives. I watched as Professor McGonagall left the classroom, leaving the three of us alone. Severus' expression was one of disgust as he scowled at us. Whilst Draco returned a cold glare, I preferred avoiding him. Feeling his burning stare was already enough to send a shiver down my spine.

_"__Have you lost your mind…?"_ Severus spat angrily. Surprised, I looked up and found myself looking in dangerous burning eyes. _"Do you have any idea how foolish you acted out there…?"_

I gulped down my reply and chose to clench my jaw instead. Not even Draco dared to say a word even though I knew he was holding himself back as well. Severus growled lowly, his intimidating gaze darkened even further. Goose bumps erupted on my arms.

_"__Whatever provoked this event… you cannot flaunt your dispute like brainless fools!"_ He pointed in our direction. _"You out of all people should know better! Especially now!"_

I frowned in confusion; not following Severus' train of thoughts. Apparently, Draco had the same struggle. He scoffed before addressing him incredibly annoyed.

_"__Who cares about our fight? It merely strengthens people's belief that we hate each other. So what?"_

_"__So what?"_ Severus repeated incredulous. _"Obviously, you have no idea how serious this is…!"_

Draco's lips twitched and his usual light eyes darkened. My scowl wandered quickly between them.

_"__Obviously your feelings cloud your judgement, Snape…!"_ My brother spat disdainful._ "If this tantrum is because I punched your precious girlfriend, I highly suggest you suck it up!"_

Dumbstruck and somewhat shocked, I stared at Draco. I couldn't believe what he had said. At the same time I wondered if it was true. Then again, I knew he had crossed a line with Severus. It seemed like hours they glared at each other furiously. I could see a pulsating vein at Draco's throat. The only sound in the room was my pounding heart. Then Severus' change broke the frozen moment. In less than a heartbeat, his face contorted with rage. I could see his black eyes flashing menacing.

_"__Use your fucking brain boy or has Arya successfully slapped it out of your skull…?"_ His tone was dark, threatening and barely more than a snarl. A trace of reluctance flickered in Draco's eyes and he gulped under Severus' wrath. _"It's only a matter of time until your father tells the Dark Lord about Arya's connection with your family… Pray he keeps his twisted mouth shut…! Not simply for her sake, but yours as well! … … You're not the only child of a Death Eater wandering through these halls… Should only one of them mention your obsession for disputes with Arya to the wrong person… … … You're a Malfoy… Arya's the Dark Lord's daughter… The time for ignorant games and stupid naivety has passed! … If you mean to protect each other, you must bear responsibility for who you are! And you better start by keeping a low profile…"_

Severus paused and turned his glare to me. His expression hardened; black eyes sparkled undefinable. _"From this day for you will not be seen together! There will be no more disputes or foolish games in front of prying eyes! … Did I make myself clear?"_

_"…__Yes…"_

Severus observed us for a long time before nodding curtly. Apparently satisfied, he folded his arms across his chest.

_"__You may leave."_

With gritted teeth, Draco turned around and left the classroom. Chewing my bottom lip, I nervously gazed at Severus. With a rather bored expression, he raised an expectant eyebrow.

_"__Do you truly believe Lucius will tell him?"_ I furrowed my eyebrows in worry. Severus remained confusingly untouched with my question. Hard eyes watched me unfazed.

_"__Obviously… He's weak and a coward." _Severus drawled.

_"__But… what about Draco… and Narcissa…?"_ I bit the inside of my cheek remembering the Malfoy patriarch's wife. _"Wouldn't he choose protecting his family over… him?"_

Severus rolled his eyes. _"The man tortured his own son… I hardly think one would consider that as care or offering protection."_

My shoulders slumped and I averted my gaze. So there was nothing I could do to protect Draco… After a while, I raised my head again. Severus' face was perfectly blank, although, he was staring at me absentminded. As soon as I looked up, however, he blinked and shifted slightly before his eyes became hard once again.

_"__Anything else?"_

My heart clenched painfully with his cool behaviour. I played with my fingers as my thoughts drifted away. _Isn't this what I wanted? … Draco will most certainly stay away from me now… And Severus isn't really pressing anything either… _Nevertheless, my eyes stung with the heavily burdened heart beating slowly in my chest.

_"__No…"_ I replied quietly and squared my shoulders again. _Sooner rather than later… _

_"__Very well."_ Without another word, Severus walked briskly out of the Transfigurations classroom.

I remained frozen on the spot for a long time. I was incapable of anything anymore when a final coldness enwrapped me agonizingly slow… I had successfully avoided my friends… Draco wouldn't speak with me again any time soon… Severus seemed to avoid me as well…

Never before had I felt so lost and alone…


	57. Chapter 57, Year 5 - A lonely summer

57\. A lonely summer

Another deep wound was sliced in the flesh of my left forearm; smoothly disfiguring my skin. It was oozing out blood and slowly covering the hideous mark. My stomach clenched tightly. I was sure if I had eaten recently, my stomach would have emptied itself without my permission. I lightly pressed my index finger against the centre of the cut and suck in a sharp breath as the pain spiralled all across my arm. Colourful spots contoured my sight and I bit my lip from the sharp pain.

After a few minutes or hours – I couldn't say – I averted my gaze from the grotesque sight. With painful gritted teeth, I lifted my trembling hand and placed it on the fresh injury. The acute burning made me whimper. I waited until the pain subsided to a mere throb before focusing my magic. A light shining escaped the space where the palm of my hand touched the repelling scared skin.

Not even a minute later, I exhaled a shaking breath when I removed my hand again. Groaning, my gaze fell back on the disfigured dark mark. I contorted my face in disgust and glared with all the hatred I could muster. So desperately I wanted to burn it out of my flesh. The pain throbbed in my arm, it was deep and warm, but not in a nice way. It felt like someone was burning my flesh from the inside.

On flabby legs, I crossed my small room to the old sink squeezed in a corner. I forced myself to hold the injured arm under the cold water. A sharp stitching pain shot through my arm and I growled lowly. The fingers of my left hand bore their nails deeply into the palm. My right hand clutched the sink for dear life.

My eyes stung as I watched the last red drops cascade down my hand. I took a deep breath before clenching my jaw tightly. Then I pressed the towel on my forearm. Now my lip started bleeding as I bit down hard to keep myself from crying out loud. Nobody knew what I was doing to myself…

Dozens of scars were dug into my Dark Mark; older ones, newer ones. They parted the mark in uncountable different parts. The snake's head was cut three times. I had not even spared the star-shaped flower. Although it was a fairy emblem, I simply couldn't look at it in combination with the Death Eater mark. There were even some fresh cuts still puffy, red and bloody. But none of them was as deep or long as the last one. I had cut my flesh neatly from the centre of the skull down to the head of the snake. In fact, the mark was barely even recognizable.

Absentminded, I took the white bandage and began wrapping it around my forearm. I felt relieved when the grotesque sight was hidden. Once again, I had decreased my rage and hatred. Once again, I had kept my body from magically healing my wounds. Although I knew very well they would heal on their own. The dark magic wouldn't fail to fulfil its duty; showing the dark mark as good as new in no time…

Sighing, I removed the remaining blood on the floor with a flick of my wrist. As I lay in bed merely few minutes later, I stared numbly at the ceiling. My body felt exhausted from the latest treatment but my mind was working tireless.

I was worried – constantly worrying… Going back to Hogwarts… If Draco was fine… If Harry was fine… … … If Severus was fine … … What I should do about him… … I wanted to be with him but knew I should keep my distance… For the greater good – an expression Dumbledore loved to use; I loathed it… I didn't want to die… What if I would die a slow and painful death? … What if my father had lied after all? … What if I just told all my friends, my brother and Severus the whole truth? … Would they be willing to kill me in order to end my father's twisted wickedness? … Was I ready to fight although I knew I would never live to see peace? … Could I fake hope and optimism for my friends? … For my brother? … For Severus?

_"__Welcome Aryanna Jackson… my daughter." Red, piercing eyes bore merciless in mine…_

_"__How do you believe I succeeded to render your treacherous mother obedient…? I invented a spell to bind her magic. Your mother was strong… but I've always been stronger. Now, let me share a secret with you… Your mother didn't fall in love with me, Aryanna. I made her believe she had…"_

_My chest vibrated over my strong heartbeat; my insides turned ice cold. Just as I was about to walk backwards, I found myself trapped in a spell. I couldn't move my legs anymore, my feet standing forcefully on their recent place._

_"__I made sure nobody would ever oversee the daughter of Lord Voldemort…! I made sure you, Aryanna, would never forget your own blood! You're already bearing my mark since you were a new-born child. It faded but tonight I will wake it again…"_

_My father placed the tip of his wand gently on my skin. Then I screamed… Agonizing anguish erupted in my arm as if the Cruciatus Curse had been focused on my forearm. I squinted my eyes close and twitched to get away from my great agony. I wanted to faint… I wanted to die to get away from the pain…_

_Paralyzed, my gaze automatically wandered to my forearm… The mark was there… The black ink stood out hideously against my skin… My father came to a halt a few steps in front of me. An icy shiver wandered through my whole body. My insides clenched almost painfully._

_"__You belong by my side Aryanna. My friends and allies are your true folk! And the mark you bear is my assurance that your pathetic blood traitor and mudblood friends won't ever dare to fight me… Do you truly believe people will still be convinced you're on their side when they saw your mark? …Your mark is the visible evidence of your curse. I bound your life to mine! … If I should die you'll die as well!"_

Without truly noticing, worry and fear had taken over these last weeks. Uncountable times, I had visited the graveyard in my dreams. I had taken the mark over and over again; every time as terrible as the first. My guilt had vanished, had been pushed into the deepest corner of my consciousness… I didn't know. I was incapable of feeling guilt for my behaviour or words any longer. I preferred it this way! It was so much easier to worry than feeling overwhelming guilt and desperation…

I didn't feel guilty for not visiting Severus the Saturday of my departure. Nor for ignoring my brother and Blaise completely. Or for not saying a word to my friends during the train ride. I hadn't said goodbye to anyone… Yet, I didn't feel guilty… Sooner rather than later…

The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large houses of London. Cars that were usually gleaming stood dusty in the streets. The inhabitants living near Wool's muggle orphanage had retreated into the shade of their cool houses. The orphanage itself was a square building surrounded by high railings. It was run-down, but clean. Even if I ignored that my hated father had lived here, I still thought it was a grim place to grow up.

The one thing I despised the most about it was that it was surrounded by houses and streets and even more houses. There was not the smallest lawn anywhere. The orphanage had a garden but there wasn't one spot from which you wouldn't see either the building or the railings. And I couldn't be alone anywhere.

Therefore, I had taken it upon myself… Although I wasn't allowed to leave the orphanage – on Dumbledore's order – I snuck out almost every day. The first two weeks I had played along and stayed on the property. But when I had been informed that Dumbledore had called off the usual holidays at the seaside, it had been the final straw. In order to avoid attracting attention, I had rarely used magic and never transported me out of the building. Naturally, I had been caught sneaking out or back inside several times. After the second time, they had sent a letter to Dumbledore, promptly earning me a very serious letter in return the day after.

Trying to escape the burning heat, I was wandering through the streets. Early this morning, another owl from Hermione and Ron had arrived. Just like previous letters, I had burned it as soon as I had finished reading it without bothering to send a reply. There was no use anyway.

**We can't say much about you-know-what, obviously … We've been told not to say anything important in case our letters go astray … We're quite busy but I can't give you details here … There's a fair amount going on, we'll tell you everything when we see you …**

That was as much as I got from them. Harry sent me letters as well. Apparently, we were both being left in the dark. Again, I wouldn't reply to his letters unsure of what to say in the first place. The faithful friend he was though, he kept sending me his Daily Prophets. To my utter outrage, Dumbledore had also somehow managed to cancel my own deliveries. Not that it mattered that much. The Ministry was successfully avoiding the subject of my father. They wouldn't write anything concerning the Death Eater's appearance during the Quidditch match, the evening of the third task or the imposter in Hogwarts.

Draco had kept his word and not written a single letter. It unnerved me to no end. I needed to know he was safe! I had thought about sending Hedwig or Ron's owl but they didn't even resemble the slightest Blaise' owl to cover up. Besides, the Ministry caught more and more owls and if the wrong person would read my letter, it could get Draco in great trouble.

Severus had sent me two letters. I still didn't know if I should shout at him the next time I saw him, or simply ignore him completely. His letters were as short, vague and useless as Hermione's and Ron's. If that wasn't actually annoying enough, he had had the audacity to command me to stay on the orphanage's property. Not asked, not pleaded – commanded!

This morning, I had burned another useless Daily Prophet. Their stupidity and blindness towards the truth was the only matter making me as furious as my father's return. The Minister for Magic was successfully ignoring the truth. The Ministry didn't do anything to reinforce the safety measures. Harry and I had been claimed liars plotting against the Ministry with Dumbledore on our side.

The narrow and dark alleyway I was walking down was as empty as the surrounding streets. The streetlamps from the crossing roads were casting a misty glow. My thoughts whirled chaotical in my mind. I was so frustrated with being expected to stay locked in. Severus and my friends set me on edge with their useless messages. I knew something was going on and Harry and I were the outsiders. Therefore, I was sure it had to do with my father's return; how could it not. And then the Ministry's ignorance? I had been close to sending Hedwig to the Daily Prophet; writing about the night at the graveyard. Somehow it annoyed me to no end that Hermione and Ron were together right now; most certainly at the Burrow. As yet, I hadn't received any invitation to join them. I wasn't looking forward fooling them to believe I was actually alright. But after weeks I was desperate to get out of here.

These furious thoughts whirled around in my head. My insides writhed with anger as a sultry, velvety night fell around me. Growling, I kicked a small stone, watching as it rebounded several times. _Screw you Tom Riddle! … And screw you Dumbledore!_

_"__Screw you!"_ I spat with great disdain. I threw my hands up and raised my head to the darkening sky. _"SCREW YOU! … Merlin, I hate you both! … And I'll most certainly never cease to remind you! You bloody cruel, selfish, irritating, treachero-"_

I stopped dead in my track. Something had happened to the night. The star-strewn indigo sky was suddenly pitch black and lightless. The stars, the moon, the streetlamps at either end of the alley had vanished. I was surrounded by total, impenetrable, silent darkness.

For a split second I thought I had used magic in my anger before my reason caught up with my senses. I stood frozen on the spot. The cold was so intense I was shivering all over. Goose bumps erupted up my arms and an icy shiver run down my spine. I opened my eyes to their fullest extent, staring blankly around, unseeing.

_No! … It's impossible … they can't be here … they can't know I'm here… _My mind stopped screaming the moment I heard the one thing I had been dreading. There was something in the alleyway that was drawing long, hoarse, rattling breaths. A jolt of dread enwrapped my frozen heart as I stood trembling in the freezing air. Then suddenly I felt it… a creeping chill behind me…

A towering, hooded figure was gliding smoothly towards me, hovering over the ground, no feet or face visible beneath its robes. Stumbling backwards, I couldn't do anything except staring as panic fogged my brain.

A pair of grey, slimy hands slid from inside the Dementor's robes, reaching for me. I was instantly ripped out of my paralyzed state. My mind started working again, repeating the same thoughts over and over again.

_I can't fight it! … I can't! … I can't! … Don't know how to cast a Patronus! … Severus… HELP ME! … Please… I can't fight it!_

There was laughter inside my own head; shrill, high-pitched laughter. I could almost smell the Dementor's putrid, death-cold breath filling my own lungs. The Dementor's fingers were closing on my throat. The high-pitched laughter grew louder and louder… Then a voice spoke inside my head.

_"__Bow to Death, Aryanna… it might even be painless… I would not know… I have never died… Or you join me… and stay alive… Don't be a fool… Don't let someone like Albus Dumbledore control your life…"_

I saw my father's contorted laughing face clearly in my mind. I knew, I was never going to see Severus again…

Suddenly, the Dementor released his grip and I fell hard on the ground. My eyes ripped wide open, I took desperate, quick breaths to fill my lungs. I could see the cloud of my breaths in the freezing coldness. If my father was here I had no chance to run anymore. My panic kept me frozen on the spot, rendering me unable to move.

_"__Are you alright?"_

I screamed and snapped my head up terrified. My heart pounded loudly against my ribcage. In front of me stood a short, brown haired man watching me with great concern. As soon as he realized that my whole body was shaking he kneeled down. Brown eyes took in my whole appearance.

_"__God… What happened to you?"_

When my panic fogged mind slowly went back to work, I became aware that my long-sleeved T-shirt was sticking to me and drenched in sweat. I pulled myself on flabby legs and the man stood up as well.

_"__I… I…"_ I stuttered still shaken with dread. I could not believe what had just happened. Dementors… here… for me… I flinched when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

_"__Where do you live?"_ Warmth and worry stared softly at me. I gulped and gripped my left forearm with my trembling hand. The sudden, itching pain brought me back to my senses. Moon, stars and streetlamps were back again. A warm breeze swept the alleyway.

_"__Wool's… Wool's orphanage…"_ I said quietly. The man's lips turned into a small smile and he nodded.

_"__It's not far, just around the corner actually. I can take you if you like…?"_

I was only half listening and nodded absentminded. A light squeeze of my shoulder and my legs started moving automatically. Deeply lost in my thoughts and stormy emotions, I followed the man's lead. Had my father's voice been real? Or had my panicking mind simply fooled me? And where had they come from? Why had the Dementor left without actually hurting me?

Blinking, I took in my surroundings and found us standing right in front of the gates. The man had just rang the bell. My body was still freezing and trembling slightly. My arm throbbed uncomfortable in my tight grip. Even though it was a hot evening, I felt incredibly cold. The drenched shirt on my skin wasn't helping my body to warm up again.

_"__Aryanna! … Oh dear… What happened? … Sir?"_

_"__I don't know, Madame. I found her in the middle of a deserted street, disturbingly disorientated and frightened."_

The elder caregiver placed an arm around my shoulder and cast the man a grateful smile.

_"__Thank you very much, Sir! We've been worried when she didn't return in time."_

After short goodbyes she led me inside and upstairs to my room. Although she asked several times, I never said a word about what had happened. What was there for me to tell? She was a muggle after all. Not ceasing her fussing, she made sure I took a long hot shower to warm up again. Then she sat down with me in the now empty dining room and refused to let me leave until I had eaten up. As she had brought me into my room, she sat down on my bed. The way she was acting towards me reminded me so much of Severus when he was worried about me. With that thought only adding to my troubling mind, she finally left me alone. Not without lecturing me once again and warning me that she would have to inform Dumbledore about the incident. I didn't react and simply stared at the ceiling of my room. Whilst my body was warmed up and calm again, my mind was quite the opposite.

_What happened?_


	58. Chapter 58 - The Order of the Phoenix (P

58\. The Order of the Phoenix (Part 1)

A knock on the door made me look up from my book. Lazily, I waited for whoever it was to enter. Not many payed me a visit; especially not in the late afternoon. I had no friends here, nor did I need much supervision from the caregivers. They knew very well that I preferred keeping to myself. As far as they believed, I was an introverted and quiet person who felt content being alone.

_"__Aryanna, may I come in?"_ To my surprise, the orphanage's matron herself appeared in the doorway. I nodded so she closed the door behind her. With a warm and encouraging smile on her lips, she sat down at the end of my bed. My face didn't betray my confusion as I took in her almost joyful expression.

_"__Concerning the incident yesterday… as you know I wrote a letter to Mr. Dumbledore… Well, I received his reply half an hour ago. It has been delivered in person by a certain Mr. Remus Lupin. Mr. Dumbledore said in his letter that Mr. Lupin is a friend of yours as well… Is this true?"_

Now I actually furrowed my eyebrows. _"Yes… Yes, it's true."_

_"__Mr. Dumbledore wishes your immediate return. His worry about your state was very apparent… Therefore, he asked Mr. Lupin to take you back to school a little earlier. He's waiting downstairs to escort you."_

I couldn't help smiling to myself. Finally, I was allowed to leave this place. There was no way I would go back to school, I knew that much. So most certainly I would be taken to the Burrow. I wasn't looking forward facing my friends again. Yet it was much better than being stuck in the orphanage in the middle of London.

_"__I should start packing then."_ With that, I threw the boring muggle book on the nightstand and stepped to my wardrobe.

_"__Do you want me to bring Mr. Lupin to your room?"_

I merely nodded in return when I started moving my clothes into my trunk. As soon as she had closed the door I stopped in my track and stared at my belongings. Gathering my magic and focusing on the task at hand, I watched warily as everything levitated into the open trunk. When I finally locked it, I smirked satisfied. _I love magic!_

_"__So where are we going?"_ I asked Remus as we made our way towards the gate. He smiled tiredly at me. Though still quite young, he looked exhausted and rather ill.

_"__We've set up Headquarters somewhere undetectable… A safehouse."_

With that I followed him when we made our way down the street. Then he turned into a narrow dark alleyway. I stopped dead in my track; my insides turned to ice instantly. In front of me stood none other than Alastor Moody. With wide eyes, I stared at him whilst my heart pound anxiously against my ribcage. My mind had a hard time reminding my consciousness that he was the real Alastor Moody.

_"__Hm…"_ Moody growled thoughtful. A shiver run down my spine as he watched me, his magical eye whirling rapidly over my appearance. _"Heard you weren't as unalerted as everyone else…"_

Blinking, I returned his gaze anxiously. I didn't know what to do with him. He confused me. Most certainly because he- his appearance had blocked my magic and dragged me to my father. _"I'm… sorry… I probably should've been more persistent… to… to convince them…"_

Moody growled again but his grim scared face gave nothing away. But then his lips twitched in a contorted smile. _"Doesn't matter, girl… Albus filled me in on your repeated attempts. Quite impressive your abilities…"_

I bit the inside of my cheek at a loss of words. Moody spared me an answer by looking at Lupin with the usual grim expression again. He slipped a hand in one of his many pockets and pulled out a simple quill. I frowned at it.

_"__Portkey… Transports us in precisely three minutes."_

I nodded and held the quill between my thumb and index. Remus copied my hold and after a moment of waiting we were transported through darkness and flashing white lights…

My feet touched grass and for a moment I felt a jolt of dread enwrapping my whole body with freezing cold. Terrible images of the graveyard came into my mind. I flinched when a hand touched my shoulder. Whirling around, I faced a sheepish looking Remus. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. Then we followed Moody's lead from the patch of grass, across the road and on to the pavement. As we came to a halt, Moody gave me a piece of parchment. The narrow handwriting was vaguely familiar.

**The Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix may be found at number twelve, Grimmauld place, London.**

As soon as I looked up, out of nowhere appeared a battered door between number eleven and thirteen. My jaw fell as I watched as a new house seemed to inflate right in front of my eyes. Moody moved towards the door and we followed suit. Tapping his wand against the door provoked many metallic clicks. Then it opened smoothly.

I stepped over the threshold. Instantly, the scent of damp, dust and a sweetish rotting smell filled my nostrils. I stopped dead in my tracks, however, when I sensed the familiar reeking of dark magic. My heart fastened immediately and my eyes flickered quickly through the hall. I definitely disliked this place!

There were hurried footsteps and suddenly Mrs. Weasley emerged from a door at the far end of the hall. I hadn't the time to tear my focus from the hideous reeking when she had already pulled me in a rib-cracking, unwanted hug.

_"__Oh, Aryanna, it's lovely to see you."_ I stepped back as soon as she had let go of me again. It was already uncomfortable enough simply being here… Touching wasn't was I needed nor wanted. I noticed that she was thinner and paler than she had been last time I had seen her.

Then she turned towards Remus and Moody. _"He's just arrived. You're right on time."_ Her gaze wandered to me with a warm, sad smile. _"Aryanna, Dumbledore expects to speak with you. But I'll show you to your room first. Let me take your trunk."_

My trunk levitated with a flick of her wand and she followed it upstairs. My uneasiness mounted rapidly as I took in the dark and rather green décor. To my utter horror, heads of house-elves were mounted on plaques on the wall. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up; the Dark Mark or fresh wounds – I couldn't say – itched terribly. Although, I had stepped foot into the house for the first time mere minutes ago, I felt a deep hatred and very unsettling discomfort already. Why would Dumbledore choose a Slytherin house as Headquarters for the Order? I knew about the Order and what they had done in the first wizarding war. Severus had told me all about it years ago.

_"__There you go. Second door on the left."_ We had reached the second floor and Mrs. Weasley opened the door to my room. My trunk landed smoothly in front of the wardrobe. _"Ron and Harry share a room, Ginny and Hermione as well. So you'll have your own room."_

The décor was dark; dark brown wood with dark Slytherin green everywhere. I contorted my face in slight disgust, making sure that Mrs. Weasley couldn't see me though. There was a huge old wardrobe; the wooden desk was made of ebony as well. Through the dirty windows came barely any light. In the middle of the room stood a four poster bed; dark wood with silver and green duvet covers.

_"__Arya! You're here!"_

Startled, I whirled around and found myself in another unwanted embrace from my best friend. Hermione had a deep worried frown on her face. Ron and Harry stood next to her and greeted me with wide grins. I could merely return a small smile; the sudden confrontation with my best friends was too much.

It had all happened so fast. One moment I was in the orphanage, the next I was brought to a reeking Slytherin house with apparently more people inside than I had expected.

_"__How are you? You've come sooner than expected. Dumbledore said there was a change of plan due to an incident. Nobody would tell us what happened though? Have you been attacked by Dementors as well? Harry arrived yesterday evening. He has been exp-"_

_"__Hermione."_ Mrs. Weasley cut her rambling and she blushed lightly. My confused gaze flickered to Harry however; his grin had faltered. _"Aryanna, I'm sorry but Dumbledore wanted to speak with you as soon as you've arrived. You can all catch up later!"_

_"__Why is she allowed in the meeting?"_ Ron asked gloomy. Under his mother's stern gaze he shifted slightly. Feeling extremely uncomfortable, I averted my gaze and bore my fingers deeply into my wounded forearm. The sharp stinging pain felt relieving.

_"__She's not attending a meeting, merely reporting to Dumbledore… Come, Aryanna. We shouldn't keep him waiting." _Casting a short glance at my rather upset friends, I followed her downstairs.

I followed her into a large yet narrow room; the kitchen. A long table stood in the middle. As soon as I had stepped over the threshold, I stopped dead in my track. Apparently, there wasn't just Dumbledore but also quite a few members of the Order. Remus and Sirius sat at the head of the table, the latter casting me a warm smile. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Moody, Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and some people I didn't know. Every seat at the table was taken, some stood leaning against the counters or walls. Every head was turned in my direction. My senses were instantly alarmingly sharp, wakening the urge to flee.

_"__Good afternoon Aryanna."_ I flinched at the choice of Dumbledore's words. I wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. Gulping, I nodded in his direction, unable to speak. The old headmaster cast me an encouraging smile and motioned towards Remus and Sirius. _"Please, have a seat."_

Quietly, I took my seat facing the door. Fear enwrapped my heart coldly. Nervously, I fumbled with the sleeve of my marked forearm. Then I lifted my gaze. My heart picked up its speed; I shuddered as I spotted the person next to the door. Again, I was confronted rather sudden with a person I didn't know yet how to proceed with.

Severus. His expression sent icy shivers to the very core of my being. Never before had he looked so… hard, cold, strange. The grip on my forearm tightened as hard eyes kept piercing me merciless.

_"__Aryanna, there are several reasons why you are here with us this evening."_ Reluctantly, I tore my gaze from a terrifying Severus. Dumbledore's smile had vanished and been replaced by a serious expression. _"First of all, I would like you to inform us about yesterday's event?"_

I bit the inside of my cheek nervously. After a moment of silence, I quietly began describing my encounter with the Dementor. The memory was enough to turn my insides to ice once again. I also told them about my father's voice I had heard and how the Muggle had escorted me back to the orphanage.

Dumbledore sighed and watched me sternly. _"Harry has been attacked as well but the Dementors did not retreat. Hence, he was forced to use magic in front of his Muggle cousin…" _I simply watched him cautiously. My whole body was on high alert with all the people in the room, the house, my bottled emotions and hiding the truth at all costs.

_"__You are aware I forbade you to leave the orphanage? It was a security measure to keep you safe."_ Blue eyes as hard as ice bore in mine. A spark of annoyance broke through the surface and snapped my mind back to work. Suddenly, my emotions were back; clearer and stronger than ever.

I scoffed and glared darkly in his direction. My voice was dripping with sarcasm. _"Well… I'm sorry then for ignoring your good intentions."_ I could literally sense the disapproval in the room but didn't care as I scowled at the worn-out wooden table.

_"__I understand how frustrating it must have been. But it was essential to keep you and Harry safe."_

My head snapped up at his words. _"I don't give a damn about my safety! Nobody locks me in! Not you, not my father nor anyone else! … And don't you ever dare saying you understand me again… because you don't!"_

Remus shifted in his seat and I could see Professor McGonagall casting me a sad look across the table. Instead of feeling better with her pity, it merely increased my irritation. Dumbledore sighed and suddenly he looked as exhausted as Mrs. Weasley… and almost everyone else in the room.

_"__Would you kindly develop the reason for your anger then?"_ The calm voice made me narrow my eyes at the elder man.

_"__My anger? … My… anger…?"_ I scoffed incredulous and felt my suppressed emotions slowly starting to rage inside me. Freezing cold washed through my body, immediately followed by uncomfortable heat. Fear, worry, guilt, desperation, hate; they mixed themselves up to a single burning force… Rage.

_"__You intended to lock me in at this awful place the whole summer! You cancelled my Daily Prophet; Merlin knows why! … Obviously, it was you who forbade Hermione and Ron to tell us anything… You even cancelled my holidays to the seaside. Which are the ONLY positive thing in this awful place!"_

Gritting my teeth, I stood up and stood behind my chair with crossed arms. My glare was fixed on the seemingly calm and carefree headmaster.

_"__Whilst everyone was having a nice time here… I was locked in at this fucking orphanage!"_

_"__Jackson!"_ Severus suddenly drawled warningly. I turned my ferocious burning glare in his direction.

_"__What?" _I hissed venomous. Severus narrowed his eyes, his own annoyance finally breaking through the cold mask of indifference. I threw my hands up and slumped down on my chair again.

_"__Some respect is appropriate."_ Now it was my turn to narrow my eyes. Absentminded, I gripped my forearm painfully tight. I felt the fresh wounds throb under the bandage.

_"__I don't give a damn about respect either…"_ I looked back at the headmaster. _"Or where the hell is respect in putting me in the exact same place where my own monstrous father grew up?"_

I glared down at the table again and bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from snapping more. There were so many things I could tell them… So many things I had simply bottled up and kept to myself…

_"__I have my reasons but they are not supposed to be revealed for now."_ Dumbledore replied irritatingly mysterious. I scoffed and lifted my gaze.

_"__Of course."_ Sarcastically, I rolled my eyes. _"You always have your reasons for everything. But instead of sharing them you simply push everyone around like stupid pawns. You expect everyone to be at your service and merely bark orders disguised by your faked kindness."_

The old man sighed tiredly and watched me with an almost sorrowful expression. _"Is there another pressing issue you aren't telling us or is this rant merely about your dislike for me?"_

A cold laugh erupted my mouth before I could stop it. My glare wandered from him to my head of house and Severus. The latter watched me with a thoughtful, yet blank expression and I knew he was analysing my outburst.

_"__Another issue… Are you serious?"_ I spat disdainful and ran a hand through my hair. Shaking my head to myself, I silently kept questioning Dumbledore's sanity.

_"__Well… usually I mean what I say…"_ My heart pounded rapidly; making the rushing blood in my ears only louder. He had the audacity to reply a mocking comment. Instantly, my murderous glare was fixed on the old man again.

_"__You want to hear another issue?! Don't worry, I have plenty."_ Although sarcastic, my voice was ice cold. _"Hm… let me see… Ah, yes. Why should I even trust you? I mean I warned you about the imposter in Hogwarts, yet you chose not to trust me. You didn't believe me! … You keep so many secrets about my mother so I assumed you might know a great deal about fairies and theirs abilities. But no! Apparently not… Or is it just because Tom bloody Riddle is my father?"_

I watched him challenging and waited for his reply. Cool sparkling eyes looked back at me. Dumbledore folded his arms across his chest. _"The evidences you presented were everything but sturdy… Nonetheless, I should have listened to you. I made the mistake once and will do my best that it won't happen again."_

_"__Well, your… so called mistake… caused my father's return. It won't happen again."_ Without much thought, my fingers gripped my forearm once again. The stinging pain eased my raging emotions a little.

_"__You don't know what you did…"_ I spat lowly and stood up again. My hands gripped the back of the chair for dear life. My whole body was shaking with anger. _"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAD TO GO THROUGH BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPIDITY! … YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID!"_

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes. I was about to break down. Forcing myself to take deep breaths, I tried to control myself again. Or else I would end up spilling the truth accidentally.

_"__What are you accusing him of?"_ Severus' soft velvet voice interrupted the silence. My senses were on high alert when I noticed the calculating stare of his obsidian eyes.

_"__As if you wouldn't know…"_ I spat spiteful and opened my eyes again. There was hate in my heart when I looked at the headmaster. Severus made me furious with his presence because he scared me. He knew me to well. And I felt even more irritated with every other person in this room.

_"__You turned your back on me! … YOU TURNED YOUR FUCKING BACK ON ME!"_ I threw my chair back and glared ferociously at Dumbledore, Severus and McGonagall. Whilst the elder two watched me with saddened expressions, Severus stared at me with the undefinable hard expression.

_"__You didn't believe me! You mistrusted me! You even punished me for trying to convince you! … And now Diggory's dead! My best friend has almost been killed! I've been tortured… over… and over… again…! … You apologized… I thought it was enough but… it… isn't! Your apology is worth NOTHING… compared to the pain you caused! … I TRUSTED YOU!"_

I felt so furious with my blood boiling in my veins. I wanted to scream and hurt them to make them understand the amount of pain I had suffered. My gaze fell on my hidden Mark and disgust filled my whole being.

_"__I'm bearing a Dark Mark…"_ I spat with all the pain, disdain and desperation it provoked. My heart clenched painfully as I stared absentminded at my forearm. My voice was barely more than a hopeless whisper._ "I… hate… him… so much! And now I'm bearing a fucking Death Eater mark!"_

_"__Arya."_ Sirius spoke up to my surprise. Warm eyes looked at me when I turned to him. _"I can only imagine how you must feel… But unlike anyone else bearing the Dark Mark it has been forced upon you. You didn't choose it!"_

I hissed mocking and averted my gaze again. Severus was glaring at Sirius through narrowed eyes. Black eyes flashed spiteful. I could hear the low snarl erupting the curled lips.

_"__Easy for you to say! You're not the one who has to look at it every day! Your father isn't the darkest and most feared wizard! You're not dreaming about his return every night! Or how you get the Mark repeatedly! Every time as horrible as the first!"_ I pressed my lips in a thin line and glared pointedly at my friend's godfather. _"And you… most certainly… don't feel guilty… for every… single one of his terrible crimes…!"_

I passed him and Remus to face the fire place; my murderous glare firmly on the dancing flames. My insides writhed with rage. _I can say what I want… no one will ever understand me! They'll never understand what it's like to be in my place!_

I whirled around and automatically found myself glaring straight at Severus. My face was contorted with uncontrolled hatred. He frowned thoughtfully at my expression. I could almost see his brain working in these black orbs. Through gritted teeth my voice sounded awfully malicious.

_"__I wanted to hate you! … None of you can imagine how furious and hurt I was… and still am! … I want to make you feel how I felt! … Yet there's always… always this annoying part in my mind… stopping me… In fear, I might do something as savage and horrible as this monstrosity I have to call father!"_

I bit my bottom lip as my gaze wandered to Dumbledore. _"There you have another issue… Self-pity… I hate him! I hate being his daughter! I hate how much he controls my life! I loathe him for all the suffering he causes! There's not a day, I'm not reminded of who I am. And now he's back… and I'm terrified! … I may be against him but no matter what he does… I'll always feel terribly ashamed and appalled because of him!"_

_"__And now I'm here…"_ I spat disgusted._ "In this awful place… all Slytherin… with the reeking of dark magic everywhere almost making me vomit! … I may hate the orphanage but I'd rather be back there now than… here!"_

My head snapped around to a chuckling Remus. I narrowed my eyes as he and Sirius exchanged an amused look. The black haired wizard turned a little in his chair with a smirk plastered on his face.

_"__Well, this was my family's home. The Black residence… It's in fact an awful place. I hate it no less than you do, I can assure you."_

I folded my arms and nodded quietly. Sighing annoyed, I stared at the headmaster. He returned a calm expression with his usual infuriating smile. My gaze turned hard as I tried to control my raging emotions once again.

_"__Is there anything else, Sir? I'm tired and would appreciate some rest."_ With my tone somewhat civil, I averted my eyes. I didn't want to argue anymore. I wanted to be left alone.

_"__If there isn't anything else you wish to add… you may leave."_

I shook my head curtly. The headmaster's smile widened and he folded his hands on the table.

_"__Very well. Then we will see each other in Hogwarts."_

Without another word and avoiding everyone else's gaze, I turned towards the door.


	59. Chapter 59 - The Order of the Phoenix (P

59\. The Order of the Phoenix (Part 2)

_"__Is there anything else, Sir? I'm tired and would appreciate some rest."_ With my tone somewhat civil now, I averted my eyes. I didn't want to argue anymore. I wanted to be left alone.

_"__If there isn't anything else you wish to add… you may leave."_

I shook my head curtly. The headmaster's smile widened and he folded his hands on the table.

_"__Very well. Then we will see each other in Hogwarts."_

Without another word and avoiding everyone else's gaze, I turned towards the door. Before I could reach for the knob, however, Severus blocked it swiftly. Annoyed, I glanced up in his blank face. Hard, cold eyes bore intensely in mine.

_"__Excuse me… Sir!"_ I stated sarcastically. Black eyebrows frowned deeply. Severus folded his arms across his chest.

_"__I'm afraid we aren't done yet."_ He drawled coldly whilst staring me down. Unimpressed, I furrowed my eyebrows and glared at the Potions Professor. Inwardly however, my heart was pounding faster than ever. I knew, I needed to be more than cautious now not to give anything away.

_"__Well… I'm afraid I don't care."_ I replied provocative. Behind me, I heard an amused snort. Obsidian eyes flashed shortly as his lips turned in a snarky grin, making my blood boil.

_"__I expect the truth."_ My insides turned ice cold. I prayed my face didn't betray me.

_"__Get out of my way!"_ I commanded quietly.

_"__I believe you're still keeping something prudent to yourself."_ Severus continued stubbornly.

_"__Get out of my way or I'll hex you."_ I glared darkly at him but he merely rolled his eyes.

_"__No, you won't… The truth… Jackson!"_ A trace of impatience dominated his voice. I sighed and raised my eyebrows dismissive.

_"__I will… Out of my way… Snape!"_ I smirked when my imitation increased his anger. His lips curled in disgust as he glared down at me.

_"__The… truth…!"_ He growled dangerously but I merely rolled my eyes. Behind me, a chair scraped loudly over the floor.

_"__Let her leave, Snivellus!"_ Sirius spat as venomous as possible. I was taken aback with his tone and waited nervously for Severus' reaction. As expected their animosity seemed still as fresh and strong as it must have been when it started years ago as students. Severus curled his lips with disgust and glared at Sirius as if he were the lowest pathetic being.

_"__Mind your own business, Black!"_ I shuddered at the lethal tone. Before either could do or say anything Dumbledore interrupted the interaction quite sharply.

_"__Enough! All of you!"_ He scowled warningly at the three of us. Then his hard gaze settled on Severus who returned a dark glare. _"Severus is there any specific reason for your presumption?"_

_"__Obviously."_ He forced through gritted teeth and turned back to me. My heart turned cold under his furious expression. He knew something… I could see it in his eyes.

Dumbledore sighed deeply. _"Severus don't…"_ He watched his younger colleague with sorrow filled eyes. Confused, I looked from him to Severus who didn't bother to turn his attention to his employee. Instead, he pierced me brutally with a scrutinizing gaze.

_"__Either you lied in the headmaster's office or you didn't tell the whole truth. So what… is… it…?"_ He spat lowly in my face. Goose bumps erupted on my arms as I desperately tried to control my growing panic. Anxiously, I fidgeted with my sleeve again before glaring up at him.

_"__I've nothing to say to you."_

Anything was acceptable now to make him back away. If I had hurt him with my disdainful words, he hid it well. Instead, he took a step closer until we were mere inches away from each other. Before I could react, he had my arms in a painful tight grip. I snarled and glared spiteful at the man so much colder and distant I had ever seen before.

_"__If you think for once second I would let you leave… I must disappoint you!" _The serious notion in his words was more than enough to convince me. Coldness enwrapped my whole body as I stared fearful up at him.

_"__Severus…!"_ Dumbledore called sternly. Slowly, his glare still boring straight into my soul, Severus released my arms. Biting the inside of my cheek, I couldn't stop myself from rubbing my arms.

_"__Let… her… leave…Snivellus!"_ Sirius growled menacing from behind me. _"This is still my house! I won't allow you to harass or torment anyone, least of all my godson's friend." _I could already imagine what would happen if Severus didn't listen.

Severus' lips twitched in a malicious smirk when he looked past me. _"How touching, Black… and ironic no less… It must be jovial to spend your life here." _An icy shiver ran down my spine.

Sirius' face contorted with hatred. _"As long as you're not here. I bet Voldemort would be amused if he knew where you were now."_

Instantly, Severus tensed, his face turned to the cold mask of indifference. Something snapped in his eyes and they became cruelly hard. I shuddered as I watched the change happen in a mere heartbeat. Horrified, I took a step back. An icy chill ran down my spine once again. I had never seen this side of him and it terrified me.

My heart picked up its pace suddenly. Freezing coldness enwrapped my heart as I simply stared at him with wide eyes. Could it be…?

_"__No…"_ I whispered desperate. Suddenly, obsidian eyes bore intensely in mine, not betraying anything. _"What did you do?"_

He remained silent. Completely rigid, he merely blinked and took even breaths. I had forgotten where I was as I tried to read the man standing an armlength away from me. I pressed my lips in a thin line when the familiar feeling of mental pain made my heart become heavy in my chest.

_"__Tell me you didn't lie to me!"_ Hurt dominated my upset voice. _"Tell me you didn't go back!"_

Severus stayed quiet and kept staring at me emotionless. His indifference clenched my heart painfully. I frowned gloomy in hard black orbs. _"TELL ME!"_

Suddenly, his mask faltered and something flickered in the depths of his eyes. While his face was still cautiously blank, there was a silent plead in his eyes. My lips trembled as pain seemed to fill every part of my body; excruciating numbing pain.

Wordless, I turned towards the fireplace. I couldn't look at him if I wanted to hold myself together. Yet I couldn't stop some tears to escape my stinging eyes. Never before had I pressed my nails so deep into my wounded flesh. The pain was barely more than a throbbing, my heart overwhelming my body's hurt.

_"__Why…? How could you go back to him?"_ I turned back around. I had no strength left to keep my emotions at bay. My face was showing everything for Severus clenched his jaw and shifted slightly. Obsidian eyes watched me; mirroring my own feelings.

_"__I asked him to."_ Dumbledore's light voice ripped me out of my trance like state. My pulse sped up rapidly, the freezing cold of betrayal clouded my brain. At a loss for words, I stared at the headmaster before my mind went back to work.

_"__But… You… I asked you…"_ I stuttered, my heart aching terribly. _"You lied to me?! … After declaring me a liar for almost a year you had the audacity to lie to me?!"_

Severus frowned at my accusation, his snarl ice cold. _"I… did… not… lie…!"_ His lips twitched in a mad smirk. _"You asked if the headmaster had commanded me… Well… he did not"_

Against my will, the familiar feeling of having lost settled heavily in the pit of my stomach. Severus raised one eyebrow as my face contorted into a grim expression. I glared murderous at him; jaw clenched tightly; fingers pressing deeply in my forearm.

_"__Blasted Slytherin!"_ I muttered under my breath.

I ignored Severus' mischievous expression and Sirius' quiet chuckle to turn back to the fireplace. Somebody said something in the background but I didn't listen. I couldn't hear anything else than the rushing of blood in my ears. My heart beat stronger against my ribcage with the growing rage.

_"__Why?"_ I whirled around in the blink of an eye. My furious glare fixed on the man I so desperately tried to protect. _"WHY WOULD YOU AGREE TO GO BACK TO MY FATHER? … HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT TO BE NEAR HIM?"_

Few swift strides and I stood right in front of him again. I was fuming, my voice laced with pain and desperation. Severus, however, stared down at me with the cold mask of indifference once again.

_"__Your life must be truly miserable if you're so desperately wishing for death!"_ I snarled with disgust and Severus' eyes flashed dangerously. _"What the hell is this? Is my father some sort of fucking joke to you or do you truly don't give a damn about your life? …ANSWER ME SEVERUS SNAPE OR I-!"_

_"__ENOUGH!"_ Severus roared furiously. His burning glare shot daggers at me, his face contorted with rage. _"Think for Merlin's sake! … If you would use your brain instead of letting your unstable emotions run riot, you would find this excessive tantrum unnecessary!"_

I narrowed my eyes as my insides writhed with anger. _"Unnecessary? … My tantrum? … DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME? … MY FATHER'S KILLED ENOUGH PEOPLE ALREADY! … I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO ADD YOURSELF TO HIS KILLING LIST! … YOU WILL STAY AWAY FROM HIM! … I'M TRYING TO PROTECT YOU, YOU ANNOYINGLY PETULANT SLYTHERIN!"_

There was a short silence during which we were glaring daggers at each other. The only sounds were my heavy breathing and loudly beating heart in my chest.

_"__You… do… not… command… me… Jackson!" _He spat coldly. _"Furthermore… I didn't ask you to protect me… nor do I wish protection by anyone… least of all by one of my students!"_

My heart was cracking with his crushing words. Without thinking, I raised my hand to slap him as hard as possible.

Before it could collide with his face, however, Severus caught my wrist in an iron grip. His flashing glare was downright mortal. The same instant, my mind registered what I had done – or attempted to do. My feet stood frozen on the spot as coldness enwrapped my whole body. My insides turned to ice as I stared shocked in raging obsidian eyes. My heart was practically jumping out of my chest.

_"__Enough! Both of you!"_ The impatient headmaster interrupted our wordless interaction._ "Severus release her instantly! ... Aryanna, you would do well to restrain yourself. I will not tolerate another fight!"_

My fear hadn't diminished the slightest as Severus released my wrist. Dumbledore's interruption seemed to have had some effect on Severus. Instead of glaring, he was watching me calculating. Still with a grim expression though sparkling black orbs pierced me intensely.

Anxiously, I gripped my forearm tightly until I felt the throbbing itching pain. I averted my gaze and stared frightened at the buttons of Severus' frock coat. My blood had turned cold, my hands were trembling in shock, my body stood on flabby legs as I didn't dare making a sound. I was too shocked about how far my own rage had brought me…

_"__I believe it is best if you get your rest, Aryanna…"_ Dumbledore stated calmer now, ripping me out of my panic. Absentminded, I nodded and expected for Severus to step aside.

_"__Potter…"_ Severus muttered to my utter confusion. I looked up through my eyelashes to find him scowling at me. _"Before I brought you to the hospital wing you were desperate to speak with Potter… Why?"_

A coldness I had never felt before made me shiver visibly. Terrible fear held me merciless in its tight grip. Once again, I was unable to tear my eyes away from his. I wanted to look away, leave and get myself back under control before Severus would provoke me to tell the truth.

_"__I said, it's enough! Step aside Severus. I will not repeat myself!"_ The warning was obvious for everyone in the room. Yet my heart couldn't feel any relief as Severus' scrutinizing gaze continued wandering over my face. Obviously, he didn't intend to give in anytime soon… not even to his employee.

Suddenly, his expression turned terrifying blank except for his burning obsidian eyes. My blood froze in my veins and I ripped my eyes wide open. It was a very familiar expression; one of realization dawning him.

_"__Show me your Dark Mark!"_ Severus commanded sharply and folded his arms firmly across his chest.

_"__What?"_ I was unable to say anything else with my dread clouded mind.

Severus narrowed his eyes. _"You heard me… The mark!"_

Dumbledore spared me an answer as he suddenly appeared next to me. A chilling coldness masked the headmaster's expression as he glared at his younger colleague with eyes hard as ice. Severus looked unimpressed except for the quick flicker of discomfort in his eyes.

_"__Aryanna has been dismissed. You will step aside now." _Dumbledore's voice was hard and cold. I shuddered at the unknown frightening side of Albus Dumbledore.

For a moment, Severus didn't move as he stared gloomy in the elder man's eyes. Then he blinked again and a spark of stubborn determination flashed in his dark eyes.

_"__No… she won't get away this time."_ With that he turned his glare back to me. Impatience was obvious in his feature now.

_"__Severus, this is not the time nor the place for personal disputes."_

Severus' burning glare flickered back to the headmaster. His face contorted with anger when he had apparently reached the end of his patience.

_"__I noticed Jackson gripping her forearm repeatedly in the course of this meeting… I have seen Death Eaters taking the Dark Mark, Albus… None of them… equally whether chosen willingly or not… has been as protective of it…"_

The deep baritone drawl made me shudder. Severus' furious gaze pierced me once again. I waited frightened to death if he would convince the headmaster.

_"__Except for those who… after the Dark Lord's fall… had the foolish assumption the mark could be removed either by means of magic… or well-tried methods…"_

I closed my eyes, drawing a shaking breath. Panic filled my heart. Against my will, my fingers bore themselves even deeper into the scared and injured flesh. Freezing coldness and burning heat wandered alternate down my back.

_"__Aryanna…"_

I knew there was no escape. I opened my stitching eyes and pressed my trembling lips in a thin line. I flinched as a warm hand was placed on my shoulder.

_"__This issue, I trust you understand, is a serious matter…"_ Dumbledore spoke gentler now, yet I refused to look at anyone. _"If Severus' presumption is correct, I will assist you to the best of my abilities… As will he and Professor McGonagall… Do you understand?"_

I didn't react. I couldn't do anything with the agonizing fear clouding my mind. My body was in the unrelenting tight grip of panic. Nevertheless, I felt the overwhelming tremble in my whole body. My legs felt as if they would give away any time.

Instinctively, I moved slowly back towards my chair. I barely noticed when Remus cast me a warm, tired smile. My legs shook dangerously as I sat down. Tensed from head to toes, I fidgeted with my hands. I took a deep breath; a poor attempt to make me feel better.

With a trembling hand, I rolled up the sleeve of my left forearm. All to soon, the entire brightly white bandage was exposed. A few more tears rolled down my cheeks as I desperately fought the urge to go any further. But my numb body wouldn't listen and continued painfully slow and smooth.

Pressing my lips in a thin line, I unwrapped the bandage to reveal the bloody wound dressing. While I had renewed it this morning, the rather careless treatment tonight had obviously reopened some crusted wounds. I could hear some people shifting in the room but I saw nothing anymore except for the blood drenched gauze compress. The blood rushed loudly through my ears and my heart was beating strongly in my chest. I gritted my teeth when I finally raised a cold, shaking hand again. My teeth bit deeply into my bottom lip to keep myself from moaning in pain as I carefully removed the wound dressing.

Mrs. Weasley gasped and I could hear several sharp intakes of breath. I wasn't surprised for I saw myself how grotesque my forearm looked. I couldn't help the constant stream of tears that fell softly on the table. Although, I felt the strongest loathing about it, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the disfigured Dark Mark that was barely recognizable anymore. Some small, purple welts surrounded the fresher cuts. The most prominent of scars was the one cutting the skull in half – the first and oldest cut.

A sudden wave of revulsion made it unbearable to look at the grotesque sight any longer so I averted my gaze. I bit my bottom lip as the tears didn't seem to stop, waking a deep rooted need for Severus' comfort. But I definitely couldn't look at him. I didn't want to see more hate, disgust or shame since I felt already more than enough myself.

_"__Were you aware a Dark Mark is impossible to remove?"_ Dumbledore's gentle voice cut sharply in my troubled mind. I needed a moment to process his words but then I nodded shortly.

_"__Are there any other reasons than the ones you named earlier?"_

I remained silent. I couldn't feel worse anymore; ashamed, frightened, desperate, guilty, disgusted. I couldn't speak since I didn't know what to say. The suffering part in my heart wanted to tell the truth and was pleading for relief. The desperate, stubborn part, however, was still trying to keep the worst of my secrets to myself. But there was nothing else my mind could come up with to cover.

_"__No."_ I whispered defeated. I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

_"__Does your little chat with Potter have anything to do with your injuries?"_ Severus asked with a soft yet guarded voice.

I remained silent as my flow of tears slowed down. My empty gaze fixed on the table once again.

_"__Did you tell the entire truth concerning the events on the graveyard?"_ It was obvious that he knew the answer already.

Guilt and desperation came back to the surface – even stronger than before the holidays. I closed my eyes as it became to much. Horrible fear was the last enemy which tried to control myself to keep me from talking. Still, the mere thought of seeing the reaction of every person in here- of Severus frightened me to no end…

I flinched as a warm hand took hold of my wrist, gently pulling it. When I opened my eyes, I realised that Remus had stopped me from pressing my fingers on the wounds. His touch had ripped me out of my trance like state. Blinking several times, I slowly lifted my head in Severus' direction. Even though his expression was one of cold indifference, I could see worry in his eyes.

_"__I… I… couldn't… tell… I couldn't…"_ I could barely speak as new tears escaped my eyes. My whole body was tense with fear. My gaze wandered helpless over the table but I couldn't see anything except for the silhouettes of every person in the room.

_"__I didn't… I didn't want… anyone to know… I don't…" _I couldn't tell them the truth…

_"__Aryanna, I can assure you everything spoken in this room remains a secret…"_ Dumbledore tried to reassure me but my troubled heart wouldn't listen. _"Unless there are lives at stake your words will not leave this room."_

Frightened, my gaze shifted to Dumbledore. _"No one… No one can know about this… Just Harry…"_ I pleaded desperately as my gaze flickered to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. _"They can't know… Hermione and Ron… No one… Please…"_

They nodded in return but that didn't make me feel any better. My body started shaking as I tried to hold back my sobs. I couldn't do this…

_"__My father… he… he…"_

Against my own will, my eyes looked at a very rigid Severus. His knuckles had turned white with the tight grip he had on his folded arms. I averted my gaze and watched the headmaster desperately. I whimpered as a few sobs escaped from deep within my chest.

_"__Promise me…" _My voice cracked again. Anxious with dread, I played with my fingers. His blue eyes were filled with warmth and sympathy. _"You have to promise… that it won't… change… anything… … I will… will still fight him… You will fight him… until… until… his death… Promise me… Promise…"_

Dumbledore watched me intensely. _"You have my word… in the name of every Order member."_

I stared at the wooden table for a long time. My hands shook badly now. Never before had I ever felt so cold. I whimpered again as my body trembled with my desperate attempt to keep myself from sobbing.

_"__The Dark Mark… He…"_ I squinted my eyes close as it needed all my willpower to say the words. _"My Mark… He cursed me…"_

_"__What curse…?"_ I opened my eyes again when I heard the soft voice of Sirius next to me. My empty gaze rested on the table. More tears streamed down my cheeks, yet I didn't noticed them raining on my hands.

_"__I'll die… He bound me… to his life… … It doesn't matter… if I die… But I will die with him…"_

I couldn't say how long it had been silent… I didn't know how they reacted since I found myself incapable to look at anyone. Sorrow and dread held me in an unrelenting iron grip. My heart pounded loudly; my lungs had difficulties to take in air. My eyes could merely produce single tears for my trembling body robbed them of their entire energy.

_"__And you are absolutely sure it is the truth?"_ Dumbledore asked insistent. I nodded slowly.

There was another crushing silence… Sometime, I heard movements and quiet murmurs but I was sinking dangerously fast in my own claw-like fear. I wanted to look up. I was desperate for Severus' comfort. But there was nothing I could do trapped in my state.

_"__It is certainly for the best to postpone today's meeting…"_ Dumbledore's calm voice interrupted the deafening silence. _"I believe we all agree…"_

I didn't listen to the following exchange anymore. Since I had finally spoken the truth I had automatically focused on the ebony clad figure out of the corner of my eyes. Severus hadn't moved an inch. With his arms folded firmly across his chest, he was still blocking the door. The stirlessness was downright frightening.

My breath caught in my throat as there came suddenly movement into the tall man. Faster for my heart to process, he turned swiftly and strode out of my sight. I winced as I heard the final bang of the closing front door.

Severus was gone…

Leaving me alone with the brutal coldness of fear…

Absentminded, I realised when most people left the room. Some were looking at me as they passed, some pointedly avoided turning in my direction. Neither Remus nor Sirius had moved though. I noticed a short exchange between Mr. and Mrs. Weasley before the clattering of pots and dishes interrupted them. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw their children entering the kitchen along with Harry and Hermione. I felt their eyes on me as clear as I could see their heads turning. By their long, obviously shocked stares, I knew I looked at least as bad as I was feeling. Not to mention, the grotesque sickening sight of my disfigured Dark Mark.

Single tears were constantly rolling down my cheeks. I couldn't wipe them away, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. Words were said but I didn't process them. Someone tried to talk to me yet I ignored it. A hand tried to get my attention by squeezing my shoulder. My cold, lifeless hands on the table wouldn't react to warm hands holding them.

There was only one person I wished to see…

The clattering sound of dishes being placed on the table and chairs scraping over the floor snapped me back to my senses. I blinked before standing up, my empty gaze fixed on the ground. Someone said my name, tried to hold me back but I walked numbly towards the door. I didn't feel my body nor my consciousness. I didn't know if somebody was following me or not but my feet brought me safely to my room. As if in trance once again, I took off my shoes and replaced my jeans with pyjama trousers.

Then I laid down on the cold blanket. I didn't sleep as tears continuously dripped on the pillow…

My heart was frozen in the merciless claw-like grip of fear…


	60. Chapter 60 - Meanwhile…

60\. Meanwhile…

Hogwarts' headmaster strode down the deserted street. Most lamps were broken; the remaining few cast a misty glow in the starless night. Unaffected by his surroundings, the old man passed rows and rows of dilapidated brick houses. The blue wizarding robes couldn't have been more striking in the poor decrepit muggle village. Nevertheless, he knew not to worry about himself since most houses were empty.

Albus Dumbledore reached the last house on Spinner's End. A brief flicker of sorrow crossed his face as he stared at the house that looked just like any other. Although, Dumbledore had come here several times he had never gotten used to his younger colleague's childhood residence.

Sighing, he approached the door and pointed his wand towards the building. Unable for anyone else to hear, he muttered something under his breath. Then he tapped the doorknob with his wand. The wooden door opened quietly. Not waiting for an invitation Dumbledore stepped into the narrow dark corridor. Suddenly, his wand light up dimly, illuminating the equally narrow staircase leading upstairs and another door.

A clattering sound attracted the headmaster's attention yet he wasn't surprised. He knew already what he would find in the other room. The worried expression on the old man's face intensified as he opened the door. He stepped into a tiny sitting room. Bookshelves lined every wall, though a few were empty; a threadbare sofa, an old armchair and a rickety table stood grouped together in next to a small fireplace.

Even though Dumbledore had imagined all kind of scenarios he would walk in, it was still quite a shock to find his presumptions confirmed. The usually tidy and functional room was a mess. To his feet lay a crumpled ebony frockcoat; carelessly thrown into the corner. The rickety table had been smashed into pieces. Books were spread over the whole place. Between them lay candleholders and different undefinable objects. Dumbledore even spotted a book in the fireplace, although, it was too late to save it from hungry flames.

As the old man stepped over the frockcoat, a crunching sound made him look down. He frowned when he saw shards from a smashed glass. Dumbledore's expression clouded and reflected his sympathy as his eyes settled on the younger man.

Severus Snape sat on the floor with his body leaning heavily against the threadbare couch. His head rested lazily against the sofa's armrest. The younger man was surrounded by numerous empty bottles of firewhiskey and muggle drinks alike. The raven black hair was hiding his face from the headmaster's view. The top buttons of his white chemise were open, revealing his pale chest. The white shirt hang loose around his slim frame as it had escaped the waistband. The sleeves had been pushed up. The Dark Mark on his left forearm stood out against his pale skin, impossible to overlook. One hand clutched a half-filled bottle of firewhiskey.

_"__Severus?"_ Dumbledore called softly but he got no answer. When he stepped closer he noticed the even breathing and sighed. Careful not to step on anything, the headmaster surrounded Severus' body and sat down in the armchair. Clouded blue eyes watched the heartbroken man.

_"__Did you know?"_

Dumbledore snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Severus' voice devoid of all emotions. He knew what he was referring to. _"No… I did not."_

_"__Then fuck off and leave me alone."_ The younger man growled under his breath.

Severus raised his head from the armrest and Dumbledore got a proper look at his face. While it had been merely a few hours since the devastating meeting, Severus looked as if he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were red due to the amount of alcohol he had drunk since then. Dumbledore didn't miss Severus' tear strained face nor the ones continuously rolling down his cheeks. The dark wet spots on his white chemise were obvious.

Severus lifted a shaking hand and brought the bottle to his lips. Dumbledore watched as he drank the burning liquor as if it was nothing more than water. Patiently, he folded his hands in his lap and looked around the chaotic room.

_"__I cannot leave you alone in this state."_ The headmaster replied as a matter of fact.

A deep frown appeared on Severus' face, showing his annoyance. Slowly, he turned his head towards Dumbledore and pierced him with a spiteful glare.

_"__Leave… my… house… Albus!"_

Dumbledore showed himself unimpressed and watched him pointedly. _"We have important matters to discuss."_

Severus snarled repulsive before averting his gaze and drinking some more. _"I don't care… and now get the hell out of my house."_

Dumbledore knew better then to simply try to convince him to talk about actual matters. He sighed deeply and his face lost every trace of sympathy. It was replaced with a very serious expression as he watched Severus emptying the bottle.

_"__You need to be more careful, Severus. You didn't set up your wards. Anyone could have entered without your permission."_

Severus glared at his employee with a murderous expression. _"I… don't… care…!"_

For a moment they stared at each other. Severus was the first to look away. With some difficulties he came on his feet. Severus groaned as the effect of the amount of alcohol he had drunk hit him full force. His knuckles turned white when he gripped the empty bottle as if it could steady him. Then he staggered towards the cupboard where he kept his stocks.

_"__This is not the time for you to sink in self-pity. You must be prepared if the Dark Lord summons you."_

Faster than anticipated, Severus whirled around and threw the empty bottle at the headmaster. Dumbledore didn't even flinch as he easily deflected the attack. The bottle burst against one of the many bookshelves. Severus' face was contorted with rage now.

_"__If you believe I would return to him you're highly mistaken, old man!"_ He spat venomous. Burning obsidian eyes were filled with hate.

Dumbledore frowned slightly and cast him a stern look. _"You must and you will!"_

_"__I will not assist you killing her!"_ Severus roared. His loathing for the headmaster was evident… as was the agonizing pain the man was suffering.

Dumbledore stood up as well. He watched Severus with warm eyes and a sad smile on his lips. _"You heard her yourself, Severus. She wishes to fight and for us to destroy him."_

Severus didn't seem to realise as the new bottle of firewhiskey glided out of his hands. It shuttered at his feet; the golden liquor spilling over his shoes and drenching the dark carpet.

Severus raised a shaking hand to point at the headmaster. His rage had vanished with the headmaster's words. He barely managed a scowl as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

_"__I… will… not… kill… Arya…!"_ Severus' voice broke at the young woman's name. His body tensed when he desperately tried to hold himself together in front of the elder man.

Dumbledore's smile vanished and his face showed all the exhaustion from the last weeks' work. His voice was filled with genuine concern. _"You are not to blame, Severus… This is Voldemort's cruelty…"_

Severus closed his eyes as pain overwhelmed him. Heavily, he leaned against the bookshelf behind him. _"I… can't…"_ His voice was barely above a whisper. When he opened his eyes again Dumbledore shuddered seeing nothing but pain and despair in these dark eyes.

_"__You know how much she cares for her friends and how much she loves Draco Malfoy. You swore to protect them… for her!"_ Slowly, Dumbledore stepped closer. With pleading eyes, he tried to convince the mourning man._ "Severus, you know Aryanna better than anyone else! You know why she keeps fighting! So if not for you… fight for her! Fight for her friends' future, the Malfoy boy… for Leyanne."_

_"__Don't…!"_ Severus hissed warningly. He had closed his eyes; his face mirroring his heart's suffering.

_"__We must all make sacrifices in this war… Leyanne asked me for help all these years ago. She turned against Tom Riddle to protect her daughter and you… Aryanna's fate is indeed cruel and unfair yet she's willing to face it… We're at war, Severus! … This is for the greate-"_

_"__ENOUGH!"_

Severus' face was contorted with ferocious revulsion. His obsidian eyes looked even darker with the pure loathing raging in them. Dumbledore closed his mouth and watched the raven haired man insistently. He knew better than to say anymore with Severus' raging temper.

_"__You can say and do whatever you wish, Dumbledore…! Because you have… nothing… left… to lose…! You lived your life… you're a twisted old man… willing to sacrifice yourself!"_

Outraged, Severus spat his words into the elder man's face. Every trace of intoxication had left his body as he towered steadily over the headmaster. Dumbledore didn't miss Severus' intention to hurt him as much as possible.

_"__But Arya is still a young woman… merely a student! … She deserves a life! … Peace! … Her own family! … I SWORE TO PROTECT HER! … I SWORE TO FIGHT FOR HER LIFE! …"_

Breathing heavily, Severus closed his eyes when his body started trembling. He swayed slightly and Dumbledore stepped forward to steady him. Carefully, he led Severus to the sofa. The younger man let himself slump very uncharacteristically on the threadbare couch. He rested his elbows on his knees, his face buried in his hands. Quietly, Dumbledore chose his previous seat. Through his halfmoon spectacles, he observed the other man so full of sorrow despite his young age.

Severus' muttered words were barely audible. Never before had he sounded so lost and hopeless._ "I swore myself to give her the life she deserves… I wanted to provide for her… for as long as she allows me to…"_

_"__But who am I to get what I wish? … Of course, Riddle must destroy the only… good… aspect… in my miserable life! … And I was foolish enough to believe life would finally grant me some peace… While this is nothing more… than a new… cruel… torture… to punish me."_

Severus forced his embitterment through gritted teeth. Rage and self-loathing masked his sharp features as he glared absentminded at the empty bottles on the floor.

_"__Obviously, I don't deserve happiness… I know I don't deserve her… I'm Severus Tobias Snape… son of a violent drunken bastard… a fucking Death Eater who believed he could make up for his past mistakes…"_

With a growling cry of frustration Severus hurled another bottle against the bookshelves; helplessly lost in his stormy feelings. As if in trance he watched when new shards of glass covered the shelves and books on the floor. His features were contorted with the agonizing pain overwhelming him once more. Severus didn't notice as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks.

Dumbledore took a deep breath as he watched the broken man in front of him. _"You didn't only join Tom Riddle for your desire to protect Leyanne. Yet here you are… loathing the man you once served so eagerly… Dark times lie ahead of us and for everyone will be a time when their must choose between what is easy and what is right… We cannot protect the young from harm. Pain must and will come… Aryanna made the right choice, Severus."_

Severus remained motionless as he simply stared absentminded at the bookshelves. His tears had subsided and cold indifference masked his features. Dumbledore sighed and cast him a sad smile.

_"__You should go to Grimmauld Place. I am sure Aryanna will profit from your visit… so will you…"_ Dumbledore's features brightened suddenly, all traces of sorrow leaving the old man's face. Severus glared darkly when he noticed the usual warm smile and irritating twinkle in the headmaster's eyes.

_"__Very well then. I believe it's time to put everything back in order. You don't mind Severus, do you?"_

Dumbledore didn't wait for an answer. A long smooth wave with his wand and the room began to change. The broken glass and destroyed table began to repair themselves piece by piece. The fallen books flew back to their shelves as did the candleholders and the remaining objects. The spilled firewhiskey on the floor and empty bottles vanished. Severus' ebony frockcoat lifted off the ground and folded itself neatly to land swiftly on the sofa next to its owner.

When Dumbledore turned back to his colleague, he found himself on the receiving end of a murderous glare. Unimpressed, he folded his hands and smiled wearily.

_"__Get some rest, Severus. Save your strength for a better purpose than grief. I trust you will make the right choice… I wish you a restful sleep and expect you at the meeting."_

Ignoring the obvious annoyance of his younger colleague, Dumbledore started for the door. Severus frowned as he turned around again with a thoughtful expression.

_"__Ah… I believe it is necessary she learns the Patronus Charm. Most likely before she returns to Hogwarts."_

_"__I will see to it."_ Severus replied emotionless.

_"__Good… Good night, Severus."_

With that the headmaster shut the door behind him. He knew not to worry about his colleague. As always since he had sought out Dumbledore all these years ago, Severus would make the right choice. A small smile on his lips, he apparated in the darkness of the starless night.

As soon as the door had closed, Severus growled in frustration. He felt so terribly torn… and drained. A deep scowl set on his features, he went to the cupboard and pulled out another bottle of firewhiskey. Only when he had slumped down on the couch again he let out a shaking breath. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes and leaned heavily against the back of the threadbare sofa.

As much as Severus disliked the old headmaster, he knew Dumbledore was right. Even the mere thought to admit it to himself stung painfully. He hated whenever the headmaster came by to have an annoying timewasting chat. It always ended with another command. This time hadn't been any different. And he despised Dumbledore for his manipulative way in order for people to do his biddings. Arya seemed to be the only one who had noticed this irritating trait as well.

Tonight, Dumbledore had used Arya to disguise his own command. If it had been anyone else, Severus would have merely questioned their intellect, perhaps felt a spark of pity. But the headmaster's boldness to use Arya against him had angered him to no end.

Yet Dumbledore was right and he loathed the man even more for getting away with it once more…

Severus was a Slytherin who knew his traits. Most of all, he was a selfish possessive man. He wanted to protect Arya, to keep her alive. The mere thought of losing her made the tormenting pain in his heavy heart only worse. He wanted to run away with her, hide her, protect her. He would give his life to safe hers.

Severus knew fighting the Dark Lord was essential or else the wizarding world he knew would be destroyed. Many innocents would suffer, muggles and muggleborns would be slaughtered alike, dark magic would become a usual sight.

But he wanted nothing more than to keep her safe and alive. If the price would be to surrender to the Dark Lord he would pay it if only for her life.

Yet he couldn't.

If the Dark Lord would win, he would lose Arya as well. Since being surrounded by nothing but dark magic would kill her as well.

If they would win however she would die with the curse.

Arya would rather die than bow to her father.

She would never abandon her brother.

She would never leave her friends.

He still remembered her words. They were burned in his mind for the rest of his life. She felt responsible for her father's actions. Although, he could understand her to a certain point, he couldn't stop himself from cursing her Gryffindor traits sometimes. Yet they were – with the added Slytherin traits – the reason Severus loved her. With her bright mood and pure fairy heart she lifted his own mood. Slytherins had their own humour and he enjoyed that she shared said trait as well.

He loved her and didn't want to lose her. Yet there was nothing he could do. Arya would never stop fighting… until her death.

Severus had no strength left for anything. He couldn't even sob as fresh tears rolled down his cheeks. His insides writhed in anger; his tormented heart was cracking further and further; his mind couldn't turn off the overwhelming self-loathing with his helplessness.

With great difficulties, he kicked off his boots and moved his body. He was too tall to lay on the couch but he didn't care as his legs rested on the armrest. His head rested heavily on the other one; his gaze wandering to the ceiling. Bringing the bottle to his lips, he drank the burning liquid as if it were nothing but pumpkin juice.

Severus would assist killing the woman he loved.

He would break almost every promise he had made. It was only now when Severus sat on the couch that he understood what Arya had meant before the holidays. She had made promises as well but with her forced death she would never be able to keep them.

He would assist a monster causing immense suffering and uncountable deaths.

He would become what he loathed the most once more.

He would lose.

Yet Severus knew, the second he left his childhood home he would keep fighting.

He had begun fighting many years ago as soon as he had sobered up from losing Arya for the first time. Severus would never forget how angry and broken he had been after seemingly erasing her memories. Removing every evidence of her presence in this very house had been as difficult as pointing his wand at a seven-year-old Arya.

He had promised himself back then to find her again, protect and take care of her. Although, Severus had made these promises to an Arya whom he had almost considered his own child he had never forgotten them. He would keep them until his death.

Severus didn't like it but he would comply to her wish. He would fight for her.

As long as the alcohol was still in his system, however, he would allow himself to grief. He would drink no more though. Without any potion or magical aid, he would recover from the head bursting hangover he knew he would suffer tomorrow. Either tomorrow or the day after he would get himself back together with his exceeding self-control.

Then he would go to Grimmauld Place and help her in any way she needed.

Briefly, Severus wondered whether their corporal Patronus was the same. His had changed to a doe in his youth because he had foolishly believed to be in love with Lily Potter. He contorted his face in disgust. Rolling his eyes at the ceiling, he emptied the bottle and threw it away.

_"__Stupid… a foolish little boy you've been… only to grow into a foolish man… Believing you'd deserve peace… stupid dunderhead Death Eater."_ He didn't even notice when he started slurring to himself.

_"__Servant of the two most powerful wizards in this world… Fuck you both… And screw you Lily Potter… I never loved you… You're nothing compared to my Arya… Quite sad she's your bastard son's friend. He and your husband's friends almost killed her… One day, I'll kill your lap dog and wolf freak for this, Potter… Then I'll kill Lucius Malfoy… Tom Riddle… and then my own girlfriend… I'll kill my Arya… There's not a fucking thing I can do… She wants to die… for the greater good… That's what this is all about… the fucking greater good… with no room for silly sentiments…"_

Severus didn't realise when he drifted off into a deep slumber in the early morning. The alcohol and emotional suffering finally getting the better of him…

It was the next day, early in the afternoon when Severus came down the stairs. He wore his usual black attire. The cold mask of indifference covered his features as hard obsidian eyes took in the unobtrusive sitting room. Everything was neat and back in place. His body betrayed no sign of the heavy hangover he had endured the day before.

Severus had made his choice.

With a loud cracking noise he apparated to Grimmauld Place, headquarter of the Order of the Phoenix. Facing the front door, he allowed himself a last moment to make sure he was ready for what was about to come. Knowing that Arya was in this house, that Dumbledore had had the audacity to leave her under Black's watch made his insides writher with anger and hatred. The mere thought of his schooltime enemy was enough to set a dark scowl on his face.

Severus' eyes darkened even more when he remembered the werewolf's attack. He would never forget Arya's scream as it had cut her. Or the pool of blood around her body. He would never forget how frightened and terrified he had felt when she had not opened her eyes again. He had almost lost her. She had almost died because of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. No, he would never forget or forgive.

Trying to ignore the burning anger in his heart, Severus finally entered the Order's safehouse. His lips curled in disgust when he thought of Arya being in the house of a Death Eater family. She deserved so much more than being trapped in here with the arrogant and foolish Sirius Black.

Severus' heart clenched painfully at the mere thought of her. His lungs had difficulties breathing in fresh air. While he had never liked this place before, he definitely hated it more than anything now. An icy shiver ran down his spine when he strode to the kitchen. Clenching his jaw, he mentally prepared himself for any encounter. Silently, he was praying Arya wouldn't be in there.

The voices died down and anyone turned to the door as soon as Severus entered the room. Black eyes flickered rapidly over the few people. He barely managed to suppress a sigh of relief when he couldn't spot Arya among them. He didn't miss the chill that seemed to enter the room with him or the effect it had on the others but as always, he chose to ignore it.

The Weasley's, Harry, Hermione, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin had just finished lunch when the Potions Professor appeared in the kitchen. Oblivious to his struggles and worries, they turned to him with different expressions.

Harry watched his least favourite teacher with barely disguised hatred whilst Sirius looked as if his stomach might empty itself anytime. The Weasley children seemed quite uncomfortable around him. Mr. Weasley nodded respectively in his direction whilst his wife cast him a warm smile. She had never understood why the man was so cold and distant but she would never dare to ask. Molly Weasley knew he wouldn't tell her but she was very well aware of the fact that he was hiding himself behind this stoic mask. As mother of seven children she loved more than anything else she couldn't stop herself from worrying for the man sometimes.

They all looked quite surprised, most of all Sirius Black, as he saw his best friend casting his schooltime enemy a weary sorrowful smile. Remus had never felt comfortable in Severus' presence due to their past. But he would never forget how this very emotionless man in front of him had comforted Aryanna in his classroom. Remus hadn't missed the care and love Severus Snape had shown towards her. Therefore, he couldn't tear his eyes from the unreadable man. He knew behind his mask of indifference Severus was suffering as much as any of those who knew the truth – perhaps even more…

_"__What do you want here, Snivellus?"_ Sirius asked threating and pierced Severus with a spiteful glare.

Severus turned and watched him with an expression of great revulsion. The familiar sneer curled his mouth. _"I am here on Dumbledore's orders, Black … For Jackson."_

Though no one could see it, Severus flinched inwardly as he said her name. Clenching his jaw painfully tight, he made his way over to the cupboard where he kept some vials of various healing Potions. Without difficulties he found the ones he had brewed specifically for the young fairy. With trembling hands he glided the vials into his pocket.

_"__Why you?" _Sirius asked aggressively. _"Why can't Dumbledore look after Arya?"_

Severus felt the blood in his veins boil. He hated this man to no end especially since he had been the reason for Arya almost dying. Severus balled his fist in the pocket of his cloak over his wand. He spoke in a quiet waspish voice.

_"__Why, yes… I suppose because I am the Potions Master… and the only one who can treat her wounds… I am sure you must feel… frustrated that you can do nothing useful… in your own house."_

Sirius flushed, his face contorted with loathing. Severus curled his lip in triumph, enjoying the effect of his provocation. Ignoring the other man completely, he turned towards Mrs. Weasley with a guarded expression again. Merely his eyes sparkled dangerously when he watched her with his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

_"__Where is she?"_

The usual cold mask of indifference covered Severus' pale features once more. He didn't notice, however, as Remus watched his change rather interested. The latter had had a short conversation with his former head of house McGonagall after the meeting. Although, they hadn't spoken his name aloud they had both been worried about Severus.

Mrs. Weasley watched the younger man with great concern and fidgeted absentminded with her apron. _"Upstairs in her room. She has refused to leave it since…"_ Her voice cracked as she remembered the terrible revelation during the meeting. Her sorrow filled gaze flickered briefly to her husband. _"Arya has barely eaten anything and not spoken with anyone. I'm worrying about her… I tried talking to her but… I cannot imagine what she must go through now. We don't know how to help her…"_

Severus' heart felt heavier by the second with Mrs. Weasley's words. He noticed the woman's genuine concern for Arya yet he couldn't focus on anything anymore except his own overwhelming pain.

_"__I will see what I can do…"_

Mrs. Weasley nodded and smiled wearily. _"Second floor, second door on the left."_

With clouded eyes Severus nodded curtly. He swept back across the kitchen, his black cloak billowing behind him.

_"__Professor?"_

Mrs. Weasley didn't wait for him to turn around again. Severus tried to conceal his annoyance as he watched her arrange a plate with some fruits and snacks. He wanted nothing more than to see Arya, talk to her and hold her in his arms… for as long as he could.

Hard eyes flickered from Mrs. Weasley to the plate in her hand. _"Please tell her that she needs to eat something at least."_

The cold mask didn't betray anything when Severus took the plate out of her hands and strode quietly out of the kitchen.

_"__If you poison her Snivellus, I'll kill you!"_ Sirius glared murderous at Severus' retreating figure. The latter was to wrapped up in his own thoughts and worries to bother with a snarky reply.

Severus wasn't accustomed to the kind of fear he was feeling as he climbed up the stairs. His hand holding the plate trembled. His senses were on high alert; his body tensed more and more. With each step the coldness in his heart seemed to increase.

For the first time in his life, Severus was frightened to see Arya.


	61. Chapter 61 - Promises

61\. Promises

Once again, I ignored the knock on my door. Instead, I lay motionless on the edge of the four poster bed and stared absentminded at the dirty window. That was all I had been doing since I had revealed the truth. Laying on my bed, helplessly lost in the cold grip of fear, only disrupted by short trips to the bathroom. I felt so weak and exhausted that my mind had stopped worrying and chosen to give in to my fears. At some point, my heart had shut out the overwhelming fear and pain, leaving me in a distant and trance like state.

I knew I would have to get up sooner or later; I needed school supplies; I would keep fighting… for Severus, for Draco, for my friends… Until I returned to Hogwarts, however, I would allow myself to lay on my bed without putting on the mask of strength and happiness. Now was the right moment to wrap myself in my overwhelming emotions.

The fear of loosing Severus; to lose Draco, although I was sure I had lost him for good already; to fake being my old self when I was far from it; dread to hurt my friends; fear of facing Severus in Hogwarts again.

Distantly, I realised when somebody entered the room and closed the door again. My numb mind didn't even process the familiar rustling of robes or the unusual quiet steps. It was only when the scent of Potions filled my nostrils that my mind woke from its blank careless state.

Instantly, the ice cold feeling of fear crushed down on me. I could barely breathe as the full intensity of my pain returned in a heartbeat. Yet, I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I could merely stare and listen to the blood rushing through my ears.

Severus appeared in my sight, his movements slow and smooth. I couldn't look at him as he kneeled down next to me. I felt his gaze wander all over my face. A part of my mind screamed at my body to move but I felt too exhausted and scared.

Gentle fingers pushed strains of hair out of my face. I held my breath when Severus rested his warm hand on my cheek. Something snapped inside me yet my body tensed to keep myself from breaking down. Nevertheless, I couldn't suppress the few escaping tears and shut my eyes. Drawing in a shaking breath, I bit my bottom lip. My whole body was trembling with the desperate effort to hold myself together.

_"__Arya, please look at me."_ Severus' voice was soft and laced with hurt. I shuddered inwardly.

Slowly, I opened my eyes again. Worry masked Severus' features as obsidian eyes bore intensely in mine. For a long agonizing moment, we stared at each, completely oblivious to our surroundings. I waited for the pain to overcome me again, for Severus to tell me that he couldn't be with me anymore.

I froze as Severus leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead. My insides turned to ice in fear yet I couldn't voice my struggle. With wide eyes, I stared at the man in front of me. The one man who meant more to me than anyone else could ever imagine or understand.

Severus' gaze wandered down to my exposed forearm. Although he tried to hide it, I saw the flicker of revulsion in his eyes. Shame got the best of me and I desperately tried to cover the grotesquely wounded skin with my other hand, but Severus removed it. I shivered as his fingers gently brushed some of the elder scars. The mark was barely recognisable anymore. The freshest cuts were from the day before I came to Grimmauld place. They were still puffy, red and bloody.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. And I definitely couldn't look at Severus.

My body froze in revulsion when Severus' hands didn't break the touch once. Then something snapped inside my heart and I moved for the first time.

Pulling my arm away from his touch, I sat up with some difficulties. My body was shaking with the lack of food and sleep. Still I managed to slip my exhausted body towards the centre of the bed. I pulled my legs close to my chest and embraced them tightly. Automatically, my right hand gripped my forearm, boring my nails deeply into the flesh.

For another moment, we remained both motionless in our positions. Coldness clouded my mind. I so desperately wanted to be near Severus. But I was too afraid he would pull away. I bit my bottom lip hard when Severus sat down next to me. He kept some distance between our bodies though.

_"__Show me your arm…"_ Severus said softly, his raspy voice sending shivers down my spine.

Thoughts whirled wildly in my mind again. I felt so terribly ashamed and disgusted with myself. I knew cutting the mark didn't change anything. I knew it had been wrong and not helped me. It was why I couldn't bring myself to look at him. Severus bore the Dark Mark as well yet he had lived with it until today. I had broken because of it after a few weeks.

Slowly, I finally lifted my trembling arm and placed it on my knee. A warm hand took a hold of my wrist and turned the wounded flesh upwards. It took all my willpower not to pull it back when Severus laid it on his thigh.

I knew what he was about to do yet I moaned when the first drops of a healing potion touched my skin. A sharp itching feeling shot through my entire arm and I winced. Against my will, my head turned and watched as the fresher cuts closed themselves. With growing horror, I saw the mark return to its former gruesome form.

My heart beat loudly against my ribcage; dread gave me goose bumps; coldness filled my whole body. I couldn't do anything as I stared at my forearm with an increasing panic.

I was snapped out of my trance when Severus placed his hand on it. My heart broke agonizing painful at once. My whole body started shaking with quiet sobs. Whimpers of desperation erupted my mouth. Strong arms pulled me in a tight embrace. I buried my face in Severus' chest as tears began streaming down my face.

At some point, Severus laid down on the soft covers, our bodies facing each other. My head rested on his upper arm when I buried my face in his chest. His other arm pressed me comforting against his warm body.

I cried out all the emotions I had desperately kept to myself for weeks. All the pain my father had caused with his curse; all my fear of losing those I loved; the constant feeling of desperation by lying to everyone I cared for.

All these emotions washed over me, stronger than ever before. Severus' comfort brought even the tiniest fears to the surface. My heart could finally – finally relieve itself from the heavy burden it had kept secret from everyone for so long.

_"__Forgive me…"_ My voice was shaking, my words wobbled as I muttered them into Severus chest. _"I couldn't tell you… I couldn't… I wanted to protect you… I just…"_

Severus tightened his hold and soothingly caressed my shoulder. _"I know, love… I know…"_

My words caught in my throat when I realized what he had just said… what he had called me. I was sure he could feel my heart jumping out of my chest. For the first time in weeks I felt somewhat warmer and more comfortable.

_"__I love you."_ My voice broke as my body finally relaxed in Severus' warm embrace. _"I'm sorry Severus…"_

Severus leaned back and pushed a few strains out of my face. I moved my head a little to see his face. Goose bumps erupted on my arms when I noticed glittering tears on his cheeks. Guilt crushed my heart painfully when I stared at him with wide eyes. Never before had I seen Severus cry…

Quietly, Severus caressed my cheek. I shuddered when the intense gaze of obsidian eyes bore straight into my soul. There was so much love and pain in them.

_"__I love you."_ His voice sounded raspy with emotions.

Slowly, I raised my hand and wiped his tears away. Obviously feeling uncomfortable with my gesture, Severus scowled half-heartedly. My lips twitched upwards into an absentminded smile. Gently, he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips.

When our eyes locked again the familiar mask of indifference clouded his features once more. Merely his sparkling eyes betrayed some of his feelings.

_"__The Weasley witch asked me to ensure you would eat something."_ A black eyebrow raised insistently. I bit the inside of my cheek as my gaze flickered to Severus' collar.

_"__I'm not in the mood to pretend happiness and peace…"_

_"__Which is precisely why the woman got the silly idea to misuse me as your room service."_ Severus growled annoyed. My lips twitched slightly upwards.

_"__You know, you could've said no… I'm sure as the moodiest man alive you would've been spared from her outburst."_

Severus narrowed his eyes. _"You better watch your tongue, elb. I will not leave this house until you had a proper meal… And if I have to drag you downstairs to eat, I will do so… without… mercy…"_

Instantly, my body shot up into a sitting position. For a moment, everything was spinning around me. When my vision sharpened again, I frowned darkly at a triumphant Severus.

_"__You wouldn't dare!"_

Severus smirked before pulling himself away from me. Swiftly, he stood on his feet and faced me with a very smug expression. His arms folded across his chest, he raised a provocative eyebrow.

_"__Of course I would. Now… the only reason I agreed with the older red head was to give you the choice. Either you eat here… or I take you downstairs… Although, I would very much prefer if you ate in here. I'm not keen spending more time with Potter's lap dog than necessary…"_

I closed my eyes as a sharp headache shot suddenly through my brain. When I opened my eyes again, everything was blurred. Severus scowled down at me, irritation obvious in his features.

_"__Alright alright… fine. You won, Severus."_

Sighing, I massaged my temples with trembling hands. Apparently, the few movements and short conversation with Severus had been enough to drain my body of the last bit of energy. My lack of sleep and food hit me full force.

Strong arms helped me scooting back until I was leaning heavily against the headboard. Severus pressed a glass with water into my hands and I downed it without objections. Sighing, he sat down next to me with his long legs stretched out on the dark blanket.

_"__Eat. Or I will force you."_

Groaning darkly to myself, I took the plate out of Severus' hand. My stomach growled loudly when I took the first bites. Suddenly, I felt hungry again and if I had starved for days. The trembling in my hands ceased after a while. My whole body felt more alive and calm now.

With a weary smile, I handed Severus the empty plate. His face betrayed nothing when he watched me absentminded. Tiredly, I leaned my head against his shoulder.

_"__Is it wise for you to be here, Severus?"_ My voice was quiet and sounded awfully broken. The heavy pit in my stomach didn't help with my desperation. _"The others might question why you came here in the first place."_

_"__Dumbledore… sent me."_ Severus admitted drily.

Surprised, I lifted my head and watched him with furrowed eyebrows. His facial features were set in a blank expression but obsidian eyes glimmered with a deeply rooted agony. My heart stung painfully in my chest. It was obvious Severus was suffering as much as I was…

Gulping, I averted my gaze down to my hands. _"Why?"_

Severus took a deep breath and cleared his throat. Hesitantly, he took my hand in his and squeezed it lightly. _"I… He suggested I teach you the Patronus Charm."_

My head snapped up at his guarded tone. I narrowed my eyes as Severus returned a blank stare.

_"__And…?"_ I added when he remained silent. Annoyance flickered over his face and he clenched his jaw.

_"__And nothing. The rest concerns the Order."_ A dark scowl masked his features when he pulled his hand back.

I scoffed irritated and shot Severus a doubtful glance. _"Of course. So, I suppose that's why you look like you haven't slept for days?!"_

Black eyes flashed dangerously when his face contorted in anger. In a second, he was on his feet and snarled menacingly.

_"__Do not mock me! You are the one who spent all summer sulking and inflicting harm on yourself."_

Severus looked as if he wanted to say more but instead, he clenched his jaw and turned away. Fuming and hurt by his words I got to my feet. I felt the blood pulsate through my ears. My heart pounded loudly in my chest as I glared at his back.

_"__How dare you! You've no right to judge me… not you, Severus! Not after everything that happened with Moody."_

Severus whirled around and glared at me with ferocious burning eyes. _"When did you intend to tell me, Arya? … Did you plan to leave me in the dark about it? Or is this some sort of twisted revenge for my mistrust in you?"_

My heart felt heavy in my chest. Anger and pain were fighting for dominance. I knew my face betrayed the whole extent of my hurt. My voice was laced with bitterness as I scowled at Severus.

_"__I never wanted you or anyone else to find out because I knew how people would react. I knew how much it would hurt you… I wanted to protect you from the pain and suffering!"_

_"__By keeping the curse and your impending death from me?"_ Although his voice was laced with fury, I noticed his barely suppressed pain. _"Do you truly believe lying to me would have made your death easier for me?"_

_"__And what about you returning to Riddle?"_ I yelled as anger and agony raged wildly in my heart. _"You agreed to Dumbledore's mad plan. For what! A handful of valuable information? Have you ever thought off the risk… or how I would feel if you died without me even knowing about the dangers you're facing? Or how I will feel now every time you leave the castle… knowing you're probably being tortured or forced to hurt innocents to keep your cover. You could leave the castle and never return! Have you thought about that?"_

_"__Of course I have!"_ Severus snapped coldly. He stepped closed until our bodies were mere inches away from each other.

_"__I did it for you! …I promised your mother to protect your life. I assured her you would live to see the wizarding world in peaceful times. I agreed to this madness because it is the best way to keep you safe… However, I never intended for you to know. You don't know… what it's like… to lose someone…! You never fought in a war! You know nothing about watching someone you care for die right in front of your eyes…"_

Severus' features relaxed into a blank expression. I saw the anger vanish in his eyes and being replaced with a hard gaze. My heart flattered in my chest when coldness crept through my whole body.

_"__I am not a good person, Arya, nor am I a hero. I chose the Dark Mark willingly. I tortured and murdered innocents. All the pain and suffering I caused only to remain close to the one person I cared for… It is for the very same reason I went back to your father…"_

I shuddered at his words. Less because of their actual meaning, rather than Severus' conviction of his low self-esteem. But the shock of his words was quickly replaced with a nagging fear. For a moment, my eyes wandered over his face, searching a proof for the opposite. Severus however clenched his jaw and straightened his shoulders. Slowly, he took a step back. Obsidian eyes watched me calculating, trying to evaluate my reaction.

_"__Severus, are you…"_ My voice cracked when I fought for control over my anxiousness. I took a deep breath and started a second time. _"Are you still willing to fight him?"_

Severus remained irritatingly still. The only reaction was the clenching of his jaw. Black eyes bore intensely in mine. His face was masked with the familiar cold indifference. His soft voice was so quiet I barely heard it.

_"__If I must…"_

The words made my heart feel heavier than ever before. I needed to gulp a few times to be able to speak up again. My body ached to be near Severus but I couldn't move. I knew this needed to be discussed now. I had to know…

_"__That's not an answer…"_ I replied quietly. _"Please Severus. The truth. What do you want?"_

Another long silence followed. Never before had I seen so much pain and sorrow in Severus' eyes. Absentminded, I felt goose bumps erupt all over my body under his piercing gaze.

_"__It is irrelevant what I want."_

_"__No, it isn't. It matters to me!"_ Insistently, I stepped closer but Severus remained as rigid and his face as blank as before. Only his eyes betrayed the true feelings, flashing with sorrow, anger and overwhelming desperation.

_"__I want to keep you alive. I want to make sure you survive this war… Least of all, I wish to kill you! Yet it still doesn't matter what I want."_

I bit my bottom lip and sighed deeply. A heavy lump in my throat made it difficult to breathe. I tried not to show it but Severus' words hurt more than I had anticipated when I had asked the questions.

_"__It matters to me."_ I muttered and averted my gaze. _"And you're not killing me, Severus. It's my father who cursed me… Your reaction is exactly what he wanted to provoke."_

_"__I stand by your side. Everything else is irrelevant."_ Severus added stubbornly, his voice cool and final.

Sighing, I lifted my gaze and stared in obsidian eyes. They held so much love and care despite the terrible situation we were experiencing. My heart pounded loudly in my chest when a new wave of coldness filled my body.

_"__But what about you? I don't want you to fight blindly because you think you have to protect me…"_

Severus stared at me for a long time. The mask of cold indifference gave nothing away. Even his eyes had turned confusingly hard and emotionless. As he spoke up his quiet voice sounded awfully monotonous and careless.

_"__I am not keen to die, Arya. But I fight in this war because I am a selfish man – a Slytherin. I couldn't care less about the wellbeing of the students at Hogwarts or the muggleborns in our world. However, as long as I hold any power in this castle, I will enforce safety precautions due to the simple reason that they are advantageous for you… As I told you before… I am not a good person."_

My whole body was frozen on the spot and felt ice cold. I heard the blood rushing through my ears, felt the strong beating of my heart. My mind processed his words blazingly fast, yet they resounded uncountable times in my thoughts.

_"__You don't know what you're saying."_ I whispered in my state of shock but Severus heard me anyway. His eyes narrowed slightly but other than that he kept his composure.

_"__I gave my word to stay by your side and intend to keep this promise. Your brother is under my protection as well… Furthermore… I might be willing to help keeping your friends safe but if only one of them feels the urge to play hero, I will not run after them."_

_"__That's…"_ My voice broke and I gulped loudly. Fear held me merciless in its paralysing grip whilst anger burned fiercely in my chest _"That's not what I meant… I mean your life, Severus. You sound as if you wouldn't care… Do you even intend to fight and survive this war?"_

I was sure Severus could hear my heart by now. Fear and anger pushed it to an uncomfortable, fast rate. With all the insistence and urgency I could muster, I pierced Severus with my gaze. He however, didn't move an inch when his body turned as stiff as a statue. His face turned into the most terrifying mask of cold indifference I had ever seen. Even his eyes lost the slightest trace of emotions.

_"__Why Severus…"_

I stumbled forward on shaky legs. My heart sank lower and lower with each step. Desperation overwhelmed me at once and made it difficult to breathe. Slowly, I raised a shaking hand and placed it on Severus' ebony clad chest. Hard black eyes watched every move.

_"__Why would you do this?"_

Something snapped in Severus' eyes and suddenly they were filled with sorrow and love once more. He simply stared at me for several minutes. I felt his steady, strong heartbeat under my hand. The longer he remained silent the more I felt my own eyes stitching.

_"__You are my family, Arya. From the very first day you accepted me the way I am; you bothered to care for me."_

An icy shiver run down my spine with Severus' quiet, yet meaningful words. Helpless, I licked my dry lips and cleared my throat. I desperately tried to understand why he would ever be convinced that his life wasn't worth anything. Uncountable times I had proven him the opposite.

_"__But you're not alone, Severus."_ I pleaded insistently as a few tears escaped my eyes. _"Minerva McGonagall cares for you and I know you value your friendship with her. I saw Flitwick and Pomfrey with you, they enjoy your company more than you realise. Draco, Blaise and Derek care a great deal for you. They like, respect and partly even admire you. In fact, you're their example; especially since Blaise and Draco only have Marilyn to rely on… I know you have your differences but Remus cares for you as well. And I'm sure as soon as the Weasley's and my friends learn the truth about you, they'll-"_

_"__Arya."_ Softly, Severus interrupted my desperate rant. I shuddered under his intense gaze and bit the inside of my cheek. _"It is true, Minerva is a reliable friend; I find the company of Filius and Pomona enjoyable at times; I do not know so much off Derek Hale but Draco and Zabini are good for you and indeed the first young adults I can bear in my presence without a wish to hex them…" _

_"__However, you know better than anyone else how dangerous my work for the Order truly is. You know how unpredictable the Dark Lord and the Headmaster are… I will fight for as long as we are alive or until he has been destroyed… I swear to it… but I cannot nor will I ever make a promise concerning the time after his demise. For I have no wish to live in solitude or with foolish people who might never understand me."_

_"__But-"_

_"__But I promise you not to endanger my life recklessly…"_ Severus pierced me with a hard, pleading look. _"I want your word in return, Arya! You will not risk your life for a mere stupidity."_

I gulped and bit the inside of my cheek. My heart felt as heavy as a rock with the emotional burden. Anxiously, I lowered my head, thoughts whirling senselessly in my mind. I had actually never thought about the possibility to die before the end of the war and my father's demise. My heart had been too wrapped up in my emotional struggles about keeping the curse a secret.

Now as I was thinking about it, the answer came surprisingly fast. Involuntarily, my fingers bore themselves into the healed flesh bearing the Dark Mark. Fear spread in my heart once more when I looked up at Severus. He watched me with a deep frown. His clenched jaw accentuated the concerned and sorrowful expression. I didn't dare thinking what would happen if my word wasn't enough for him…

_"__I don't think I can promise you that, Severus… I will protect my friends, Draco and you, whether you like it or not. And I know you don't but…"_

The dark, almost spiteful look on Severus' face made me close my mouth. I saw how hard he was gritting his teeth to keep himself from saying anything. I furrowed my eyebrows and cast him a pleading gaze.

_"__But they – all of you can survive. I know this war won't be easy… I also know if – if I wasn't cursed, I'd probably be more willing to accept other people's deaths… I hate this curse, Severus! I loathe my father for condemning me to death! And I sure as hell don't want to die! … I can't return your promise but I swear I won't die a meaningless death. Just because I'm ready to fight doesn't mean I will jump in front of every Death Eater's target… I'm not fearless…! Honestly, I'm probably the most terrified person at the moment…!"_

_"__I'm afraid of this war. My death is constantly on my mind. I want all of you to survive but I know I can't protect everyone. Draco's in danger, yet I can't even write him to make sure he's alright. And now you returned to my father. What if I lose you? I know I'm being completely selfish and unfair but I can't lose you. You're powerful and a great wizard but my father is cruel and unpredictable. He could kill you out of a bad mood… I – I'm a complete mess and overwhelmed by fear… I'm too afraid to risk my life for just anyone but I can't stand back either… And that's… that's everything I can offer you, Severus… My word that I won't throw my life away…"_

The lump in my throat cut me off but I didn't know what to say anyway. My anxiety grew when Severus kept staring at me with an unreadable expression. Finally, after a long silence, he raised a hand and cupped my cheek. Almost instantly, I felt the tension leave my body. Severus' features relaxed and obsidian eyes were flashing with nothing but love and affection.

_"__It's enough." _Severus cupped my face in both hands, dark eyes burning intensely in mine. _"I will always fight to return to you!"_

I nodded wearily. Suddenly, I found myself in Severus' warm embrace. His arms wound around my back and held me firmly against his chest. Exhaling a relieved breath, I buried my face in his ebony frock coat. My lips tugged upwards into the first true smile as the scent of fresh herbs, potions and Severus filled my nostrils. Severus tightened his embrace and lowered his cheek to my forehead. I closed my eyes when I felt his warm breath caressing my skin.

It had been too long since I had last felt so happy and relaxed.

_"__Thank you…"_ I said softly. _"For understanding… and not leaving me."_

Severus' chest vibrated when he growled lowly in response. My heart almost jumped out of my chest. A comfortable heat washed away every remaining trace of fear.

_"__Severus?"_

Again, he merely answered with a quiet grumble. I couldn't suppress the beaming grin and pressed my face even closer.

_"__Will you truly teach me the Patronus Charm?"_

_"__Obviously."_

_"__What if I can't cast it? I know Death Eaters can't and neither does my father…" _I bit my lip as soon as the sentence had left my mouth. I didn't want to risk destroying the comfortable moment again.

_"__Of course you are capable."_

I was sure Severus could feel my heartbeat by now. Another heatwave rushed through my body and left my legs feeling slightly tremulous. A gentle reminder from my body that it was still lacking a great amount of sleep and food.

_"__When?"_

Severus sighed and his long breath rolled down my face. When he replied his voice sounded tired. _"Not today… You need proper rest before attempting such a powerful spell."_

I hummed and lost myself in the even movement of his chest. It could have been very relaxing if my legs weren't feeling so wobbly.

_"__Severus?"_

I felt him tense before he pulled back a little. His features almost blank, Severus raised an eyebrow with a trace of annoyance. I smiled apologetically and bit my bottom lip.

_"__What now elb?"_

_"__If we… Could we please move to the bed?"_

To my utter embarrassment, I blushed under Severus' questioning gaze. The Slytherin he was, his lips twitched instantly into a smug smirk. Obsidian eyes flashed with great amusement.

_"__Ah yes, of course… if you ask so nicely."_

The mocking voice provoked my blush to deepen. I groaned half amused and half annoyed. Rolling my eyes, I took a step back to escape his embrace.

_"__Bloody Slytherin."_ I muttered under my breath and attempted to turn towards my bed. A sudden sharp pain in my mind left me swaying however. The room blurred in front of me, the edges of my vision turning black.

_"__Arya!"_

Severus pulled me back against his chest. As soon as my body was safely standing again, my vision turned slowly back to normal. Although my head was still throbbing unpleasantly, I couldn't suppress the chuckle. Wearily, I lifted my head again.

_"__Annoying Slytherin."_

Ignoring my comment, Severus assisted me to reach the bed. I groaned and grabbed his arm tightly when everything swayed again. Apparently, my body wasn't particularly fit for fast movements. Finally, I was sitting on the edge of the bed and leaning heavily against Severus for support.

_"__You need to lay down, love."_ Severus murmured into my hair and placed a soft kiss on top of my head. I felt too drained to chuckle so I could merely cast him a weary smile.

_"__Since when do you call me love?"_

Severus raised his eyebrows and watched me with a triumphant smirk on his lips.

_"__I assume since you invited me into your bed."_

Chuckling incredulously, I let my head fall back against his shoulder. Protectively, Severus tightened his embrace. I could feel him smiling into my hair.

_"__Now move elb. You need a proper rest before dinner."_

_"__Can you stay a little longer?"_ Tiredly, I lifted my head and cast Severus a pleading glance. Warm obsidian eyes reassured me as he smirked half-heartedly.

_"__You did not truly believe I would let this opportunity slip, did you? I am after all – as you pointed out so wisely – a Slytherin."_

I grinned wearily in return. _"Well, sometimes you have an awfully strong sense of duty."_ Realising what I had just said, a wave of shame hit me and I bit my bottom lip. _"Excuse me, I shouldn't-"_

_"__Arya…"_ I had successfully destroyed the comfortable atmosphere. Severus watched me with a tired expression. _"I locked and warded your room when I arrived today. No one can enter if I do not permit it…"_

Sheepishly, I nodded and moved until I was comfortably lying on the bed. The pounding in my head lessened and my eyes became very heavy all the sudden. Nonetheless, I forced them to stay open whilst Severus was in the bathroom. With drowsy eyes, I watched when he emerged with his frock coat and white long-sleeved chemise in hand.

_"__Who would have thought the head of Slytherin house being shy…"_ I mumbled when Severus had finally laid down next to me. I snuggled closer and he wrapped his arm around my back. I felt a deep chuckle rumbling in his chest. Absentminded, he caressed my hand whilst I listened to his slow beating heart.

_"__As I recall we agreed to take things slow." _I could hear the smirk with his next words. _"If you desire to undress me further, however, I suggest we postpone this experience until we are in my private quarters."_

I chuckled quietly and snuggled closer to Severus' warm body.

_"__Please wake me before you leave, will you?"_

_"__Of course." _I couldn't reply anymore since I was already drifting off to sleep… Severus buried his face in my hair and whispered barely audible. _"I love you, Arya Jackson._


	62. Chapter 62 - The conflict of old nemeses

62\. The conflict of old nemeses

It seemed as if I had merely slept for a few minutes when Severus woke me again. Groaning, I buried my face in his chest. A warm hand wandered into my hair. Then I felt his soft breath next to my ear.

_"__Wake up, Arya. It's time for dinner soon."_

_"__I can skip dinner and have breakfast tomorrow."_ I mumbled tiredly and tried to get back to sleep. The low growl against my ear sounded awfully loud. Severus brushed strains of hair out of my face before pulling back.

_"__No, you won't!"_

Sighing, I rolled on my back and rubbed my face. _"How long did I sleep?"_

To my annoyance, Severus was already on his feet. He watched me with an absentminded smirk on his lips.

_"__Almost two hours."_

_"__Feels more like two minutes." _I muttered grumpily and moved to the edge of the bed. With a scowl on my face, I looked down at my pyjama trousers. Since I only wanted to lay back down, my motivation to change into proper clothes was quite limited. Sighing, I forced myself on my feet, searching for my shoes and sweater.

When I came out of the bathroom, Severus was standing in front of the window and staring outside. I stepped closer and instantly he turned to wrap me in his embrace. Obsidian eyes watched me intensely before he leaned his forehead against mine.

_"__When will you return?"_ I asked fearful and played with the buttons of his frock coat. Severus placed one hand on my jaw, his thumb caressing my cheek tenderly.

_"__As soon as I can this week."_ His velvet voice sounded stern when he observed me with an unreadable expression. _"You, however, need sleep and proper meals."_

Gulping, I nodded and buried my face in his chest. Severus exhaled deeply when he rested his cheek against my head. With one hand buried in my hair he held me firmly against his chest.

_"__I love you."_ I spoke into his robes.

Severus pulled back and a shiver run down my spine when I noticed his intense gaze. Slowly he lowered his head, hesitating before finally placing his lips on mine. I gripped the front of his robes tightly. His lips moved gentle and loving against mine. Our tongues caressed each other tenderly. For a short moment, I was completely lost in the warmth of his body pressed protectively against mine.

When Severus pulled back, we were both slightly out of breath. Loving, he brushed his nose against mine before placing one final kiss on my forehead. Severus stepped away and straightened his back. In the blink of an eye, the familiar emotionless expression returned.

_"__After you, Ms. Jackson."_ Severus drawled callously.

I chuckled and watched as his features turned blank instantly. The usual cold mask of indifference hid his emotions safely. Severus' lips curled into the familiar provocative sneer, obsidian eyes flashing with false malice.

I rolled my eyes and cast him a mocking smirk. _"Of course… if you ask so nicely. Who am I to refuse such a lovely offer."_

Severus narrowed his eyes. _"That wasn't a question. Therefore… if you care for your dubious reputation, I suggest you shut your mouth and move."_

_"__My dubious reputation? I have no reputation."_

Severus sneered at my confused expression before turning towards the door. A swift flick with his wand and all the protection charms lifted from the room. Playing the snarky Potions Professor again, Severus ripped the door open and let it bang loudly against the wall. With an irritatingly smug expression he turned in my direction.

_"__None you were aware of obviously." _

Without another word Severus strode out of the room. His black cloak billowed around his feet. I growled in frustration and hurried after him – only to collide with him in the hallway. Strong hands steadied me before he folded them across his ebony clad chest. I scowled up but merely received a raised eyebrow. I felt too exhausted to do anything else than looking rather grimly in obsidian eyes.

Severus smirked and turned towards the stairs at a much slower pace. My head was still pounding but not as bad as before. Nevertheless, I chose to remain close to the handrails for safety. I didn't miss Severus' concerned glances as we made our way downstairs.

As soon as we had reached the bottom of the stairs, Severus caught my elbow. His gaze flickered quickly through the corridor before he turned to look at me. Although, his face was blank, I saw the warning flicker in his eyes. Severus' soft voice had a final, commanding edge.

_"__Proper meals and rest. No more self-injuries or hiding."_ Obsidian eyes pierced me when I lowered my head shamefully. _"As much as I doubt anyone in this house might be of great use concerning… this matter, they do care for you… You are not alone!"_

When I glanced up, Severus was watching me insistently. I took a deep breath before nodding.

_"__I won't throw my life away."_

I couldn't tear my eyes away as something flickered in the depths of his black eyes. Severus nodded curtly in approval. The familiar nagging feeling of fear threatened to break through the surface once more. My heart ached for Severus' embrace to help me feel better.

Suddenly, it was all over again. Severus snapped out of his thoughts and averted his gaze. A hard expression appeared on his face and he pressed his lips in a thin line. Then he nodded once more and raised a questioning eyebrow. I exhaled a long breath, trying to ease the increasing anxiety. Finally, I nodded and straightened my shoulders.

The sounds of laughter and talking grew louder when we approached the kitchen. The clanking of dishes and pans was audible in the background. Everyone fell silent, however, as soon as Severus entered the kitchen with me trailing behind him. Used to the spiteful glares, he headed straight for the potions' cupboard, leaving me alone in the entrance.

Anxiously, I bit my bottom lip and glanced through the kitchen. The Weasley's were all there along with Hermione and Harry. Sirius and Remus sat at the very same places than the evening of the truth's revelation. To my utter dismay, they were all looking at me. My heart sank lower in my chest, desperately urging me to flee.

_"__Arya, my dear."_

Mrs. Weasley greeted me with a warm, sorrowful smile and rushed over to me. I didn't even have the chance to move before she had already placed an arm around my shoulders. I couldn't suppress the slight wince but if she had noticed it, she didn't show.

Almost automatically, my gaze flickered briefly to Severus who was arranging some vials in the kitchen cabinet. For a short moment he returned my gaze and nodded subtly. Gulping, I tried to suppress the uncomfortable feelings of guilt and shame. I took a deep breath and forced a smile on my lips. It felt like the worst grimace I could do.

_"__You came right on time. We'll be eating as soon as I'm done preparing dinner."_ Mrs. Weasley let go of me and looked at her husband with a tired smile. _"We're happy to have you with us."_

A heavy pit in my stomach wiped the smile away. My whole body felt wobbly and weak all the sudden. It took all my willpower to suppress the stitching of my eyes. My fingers began fidgeting and I glanced at the people around me. I managed a sad smile at Ron's mother before biting the inside of my cheek.

_"__Thank you…"_

My heart was aching with guilt. A part of my mind was screaming that I shouldn't have told them the truth. It merely resulted in the people I cared for being hurt…

_"__Thank you for your help, Professor."_

My head snapped up at Mrs. Weasley's genuine words. Severus became rigid and closed the cabinet before turning around. The air grew thick with an awkward silence. Severus' impassive face didn't betray anything when black orbs fixed the Weasley matron. Although she didn't break the gaze, I could sense her uneasiness with the seemingly emotionless man in front of her. After what seemed like an eternity another voice cut through the heavy tension.

_"__What's there to thank for?"_ Sirius' voice was laced with disdain. Instantly, my smile vanished again and a spark of annoyance lighted in my heart. Severus clenched his jaw and his eyes became even darker with flaring hatred.

_"__He's only here because Dumbledore told him to. As if he'd give a damn about Arya or anyone else in this room."_ Sirius spat coldly and glared at the man in question. Goose bumps erupted on my arms when Severus' features contorted with a spiteful, yet triumphant expression. Thin lips curled in a provocative sneer. His voice was quiet but terribly waspish.

_"__Why else should I set foot into your… home? Ah… It must be frustrating… especially for someone with your arrogance to sit and stay whereas the Headmaster chooses everyone else for essential tasks."_

Sirius jumped up from his chair. His face was contorted with fury. My friends and the Weasley children watched the scene with various feelings. I couldn't help my growing anger with their stupid arguing. My guilt and sorrow had been forgotten when I clenched my teeth and scowled at the supposed adult men. I could feel the headache increasing irritatingly fast.

_"__Get out of my house, Death Eater!"_ Sirius roared with mutual loathing. As he attempted to approach Severus, Remus stood up and gripped his arm tightly. My heart sank lower when Sirius shook him off and came even closer. Now he was standing a few steps to my right while Severus remained frozen on the spot next to the kitchen cabinet.

_"__You should not try to command me, Black… As it happens, I will return as soon as possible."_ Severus snarled viciously.

_"__For what? You're unwelcomed here and of no use anyway."_ Sirius replied with bared teeth.

The most derisive expression appeared on Severus face; his voice laced heavily with malice. Black eyes flashed triumphantly, only increasing my anger. _"Of no use – is that so? Yet the Headmaster asked me to speak with Jackson and not you. One might wonder why…"_

Sirius growled and darted forward before Remus could hold him back. Instinctively, I stepped in his way. Sirius stopped dead in his track and glared down at me. I watched him unimpressed, a deep frown on my face. When I turned to scowl at Severus, he was watching me with a similar expression.

_"__Stay out of this, Arya."_ Sirius growled, barely able to contain his hatred. His burning gaze flickered back to Severus. Again they were glaring daggers at each other; their gazes as murderous as possible.

_"__Ironic…"_ Severus snarled venomous. _"For once I agree with you."_

_"__What did you do to her, Snivellus? She's not stupid enough to trust you. Did you hex her? Poisoned her? Or maybe you threatened her to obey your commands…?"_

Severus' sallow features turned into the familiar mask of cold indifference. Obsidian eyes flashed dangerously, his voice hard and cold as ice. _"Not everyone is a coward, Black. I have no desire, nor the need to lower myself to your level of incompetence."_

_Oh, shut up! Please just shut up! _My blood was boiling in my veins. At the same time cold shivers ran repeatedly down my back with his murderous silence. My head throbbed painfully now. _Why can't you both grow up and be at least somewhat civil with each other?! Is that so hard to-_

_"__My incompetence? I'm not the Death Eater here, Snivellus…" _A wicked expression contorted Sirius' features. Although Severus seemed impassive, the burning fury in his eyes was clear for everyone to notice. I shuddered when my fairy senses noticed the intense and genuine wish for revenge around him.

_"__If I recall, it was your own stupidity and mistrust that almost killed Jackson. Your arrogance and pride were-"_

_"__Stop this nonsense!"_ Annoyed, I threw my hands up which merely resulted in my headache to increase even more. Anger and desperation were raging in my heart as I scowled half-heartedly at them. _"We're all on the same side."_

Two pairs of burning eyes glared down at me. Whilst Sirius looked at me as if I were insane, Severus seemed incredibly annoyed with my interruption. I knew he would most certainly never stop blaming Sirius for the werewolf's attack… and whatever had happened during their time in Hogwarts. Defeated, I let out a deep breath and lowered my head. Tiredly, I stepped to the table and slumped down on one of the chairs. I leaned my elbows on the wooden table and buried my face in my hands.

_"__I just should have stayed in my room."_ I muttered under my breath. Slowly, I raised my head and looked wearily at them. They were still glaring at each other. I scoffed and instantly Severus' gaze flickered to me.

_"__Watch your tongue elb. As I told you before, you do not command me."_ Severus' low growl interrupted the loaded tension.

It wasn't the warning undertone that caused my sleep clouded mind to wake up. It seemed as if Severus' form of address had increased my friends' dislike. Harry and Ron narrowed their eyes at the Potions Professor whilst Hermione watched him with a deep frown.

Severus didn't seem to realise as his features changed to the familiar mask of cold indifference. His eyes lost every trace of overwhelming emotions, black staring at me hard. He squared his shoulders and clenched his jaw tightly.

_"__This week, Jackson. Remember our agreement."_ Severus' voice was devoid of all emotions but I understood the true meaning nonetheless.

I let out a deep breath and bit the inside of my cheek. Warmth spread in my heart, flooding the rest of my body as well. The heavy pit in my stomach dissolved as fast as it had appeared. My heart pounded loudly in my chest when I remembered that Severus knew the whole truth now… and had promised to stay by my side.

_"__Thank you… sir." _I fidgeted nervously with my fingers, trying to control my overwhelming emotions. I glanced up and my lips twitched into a small smile. Obsidian eyes bore intensely in mine and send a tingling sensation through my whole body.

_"__If I should find you in a weakened state again, I won't hesitate to impose the intake of a sleeping draught. Hopefully you won't be foolish enough to waste my time…"_

My cheeks hurt from trying to suppress the grateful expression. So, instead I gulped and bit my bottom lip. Inwardly, my heart was almost jumping out of my chest with happiness. Whilst everyone else merely heard a subtle insult, I had understood the meaning behind his words. Severus wasn't angry with me or else he would have stormed off after my thanks.

One last glance at Mrs. Weasley and Severus strode past me. Black swaying hair and equally black billowing cloak were the last things I saw before he had finally left the kitchen. For a short moment, I felt the strong urge to run after him. Shaking my head with a small smile, I turned back towards the table and met the gazes of my best friends. Instantly all my anxiousness returned and I gulped down the forming lump in my throat. I felt terribly insecure and rather helpless as to how I should behave now. Neither Hermione nor the Weasley children were aware of the truth…

_"__The git didn't hurt you, did he?"_ Sirius asked in a cold voice. His gaze flickered from the door back to me.

I sighed annoyed and opened my mouth to snap at him. However, as soon as our eyes locked, I saw something I had never seen before. Not that I had spent much time around Sirius, but I saw genuine concern on his face. His eyes flashed with empathy and anger beyond the hatred between him and Severus. Although I felt tired, I sensed the overwhelming waves of a protective instinct radiating off Sirius' body. For some unknown reason, it reassured me and set me on edge at the same time.

Closing my mouth again, I narrowed my eyes and scowled half-heartedly. _"Of course not. He's on our side, Sirius. So I'd appreciate if you pulled yourself together. Your bickering's pretty exhausting."_

_"__Bickering…? Well, I don't trust him and I'm really surprised you do."_ Sirius let himself fall back in his chair and folded his arms firmly across his chest. His voice was less venomous however, so I leaned my chin into the palm of my hand and observed him lazily.

_"__I trust him as well…"_ My gaze wandered to Hermione who was watching us with a thoughtful expression. Sirius raised his eyebrows at her and Remus smiled slightly to himself. _"I mean, I know he's quite… rude at times… but Dumbledore trusts him so I think we should as well."_

_"__Maybe… but he's still acting like a git Slytherin."_ Ron muttered loud enough for us to hear. _"He's just as annoying and bad as Malfoy."_

_"__Ronald!"_

Ron shrank in his seat under the stern glare of his mother. Warningly, she raised the cooking spoon in her hand before turning back towards her steaming pots. Harry and Ron exchanged short grins, earning them an eye-roll from Hermione.

The normalcy of the entire situation let my thoughts wander to the time before I had learned the truth. Everything had felt simpler and less complicated. Absentminded, I smiled at my memories before reality returned in the blink of an eye.

_"__I share your opinion, Hermione. Dumbledore's a great man who knows Severus better than we do. He trusts Severus' judgement."_ Remus cast my best friend a reassuring smile. A spark of sympathy erupted in my heart and I bit my bottom lip to hold in my words of gratitude. Instead, my mouth chose to blurt out the next best thing that came into my mind.

_"__Albus Dumbledore may be a powerful wizard but he's a terrible man…"_

The following silence was only interrupted by Mrs. Weasley's cooking. I could feel everyone's eyes on me and licked my dry lips nervously. Slowly, I leaned back into my chair and stared down at the table. I knew nobody here shared my opinion because no one knew the real Albus Dumbledore.

_"__Why terrible? We all have good and bad traits and habits, Dumbledore is – by all means, no exception. But nobody could ever say he's a terrible person."_ Mr. Weasley sounded confused and curious at the same time. When I raised my head in his direction, blue eyes were observing me questioning.

For a long moment, we simply stared at each other. I was at a loss for words since I didn't know what to say. There was nothing I could say without revealing my own past… and the truth about Severus or Draco. The hate in my heart wanted to make them see reason and realize the truth. My mind knew that Dumbledore was on our side but I simply couldn't cope with all the mistakes he had done. The worst about him was the way he treated those he deemed lower than himself. Every Slytherin – no matter how innocent – was a disgusting being in his eyes not worth of being saved. Dumbledore considered himself a Gryffindor but had all the traits he despised most in apparently every Slytherin. While the four houses were meant to bring people together, the rivalry and mistrust between Slytherin and the other houses had developed into an unhealthy, highly unfair obsession and sense of judgement. As a man with magical power and respect of most people, Dumbledore had way too much influence. Instead of putting an end to the fights and hatred, he merely encouraged it with his actions…

_"__Well, he's certainly no fool." _I replied vaguely and bore my nails deeply into my forearm. My fairy senses felt the penetrating feelings of doubt and slight mistrust. My heart clenched painfully in my chest. Never before had I felt so uncomfortable being with all these people… with my friends. My feet itched to stand up and leave. Ever muscle in my body was strung to breaking point.

_"__Careful, everyone. Food is coming."_ Mrs. Weasley interrupted the heavy silence.

Pots and bowls loaded with food flew onto the table. While I didn't process as everyone began moving and chatting again, I flinched when a pot landed suddenly next to me. When I glanced around, I noticed Remus watching me with a thoughtful expression. Concern dominated his soft features. Uncomfortable, I lowered my gaze to my plate and felt the nagging hunger in my stomach returning at once.

With a heavy heart, I sighed and began eating. I couldn't bring myself to look up once during dinner, although the mood had shifted back to the usual banter, talking and laughing. I knew my friends would ask me about the Order meeting eventually. As soon as I would be back to my old self by tomorrow, I would lie and keep the truth from everyone I tried to protect. This knowledge was whirling endlessly in my mind; each heartbeat merely increasing my nagging guilt…


	63. Chapter 63 - The Patronus (Part 1)

63\. The Patronus (Part 1)

Everybody flinched as the front door opened rather brutally. The banging sound resounded awfully loud in the hallway. Harry and Ron abandoned their chess game and glanced at each other. Hermione had dropped her book on the table in surprise at the sudden noise. Suddenly, everything went quiet again. My fairy senses, however, had recognized the powerful yet calm aura of the intruder. The corners of my mouth twitched and my head turned towards the door.

_"__Snivellus, what an unwelcomed surprise."_ Sirius drawled as soon as he had spotted his nemesis. Obsidian eyes wandered quickly through the kitchen before settling on a very grim looking Sirius.

_"__Such an unsurprising welcome, Black."_ Severus' lips curled into a spiteful sneer. Before the other man could reply anything, his dark eyes spotted me sitting at the opposite side of the table. I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from grinning. I couldn't do anything against the slight blush on my cheeks, however when cold eyes pierced me.

_"__Jackson, follow me."_ I nodded curtly before placing the bookmark on the opened page. Snapping the book close, I picked it up and hurried towards the door.

_"__What do you want from her?"_ Sirius snapped irritated and stood up as well. The malicious expression on Severus' face was enough to send a cold shiver down my spine. I could see him tensing from head to toes.

_"__Not that it's any of your business but I'm here on the Headmaster's orders… as her teacher."_

Sirius' features contorted with barely suppressed anger as he stepped closer. The same moment the spark of happiness in my heart went out again; being replaced with sadness and disappointment. _"To teach her what? The Dark Arts or maybe how to become a Death Eater?"_

_"__Once again, I'm astonished with your arrogance and ingenuousness, Black. A small amount of talent on the Quidditch pitch makes you think you're cut above the rest of us… But it hasn't brought you far now, has it? Unless it has always been your secret desire to end up trapped in your own house."_ Severus spoke quietly, his voice as sharp as a blade.

Sirius was fuming now. Dark eyes flashed dangerously but Severus didn't even flinch. I noticed, however, when Sirius' hand wandered towards his wand. To my horror, Severus had his hand clenched to a fist in the pocket of his frock coat. The murderous expression in his eyes and tightly gritted teeth made him look more frightening than I had ever seen before.

_"__Sirius… just… drop it."_ Remus gentle voice interrupted the loaded tension.

_"__No…"_ The man in question growled sharply. _"Or do you truly trust him not to try anything on Arya? We both know you're a far better teacher than he could ever be."_

_"__Please, is this really necessary?"_ Mrs. Weasley asked annoyed and scowled at the two men. A motherly stern expression on her face made everyone shift uncomfortably. Neither Sirius nor Severus payed her any attention though. _"There are more important matters than this nonsense!"_

I rolled my eyes and sighed when neither of them budged. My heart couldn't decide whether I was annoyed, disappointed or sad about the entire situation. I remembered the discussion Severus and I had had in my third year. Back then, Severus had refused to stand down whenever it came to Sirius. The deeply rooted loathing was a matter for itself and wouldn't be solved easily – if ever.

_"__Jackson."_ Severus called harshly, snapping me out of my thoughts. Without even casting me a glance, he whirled around and stormed out of the kitchen. A spark of annoyance made itself known and I scowled at his retreating back. Then I hurried after him, my book clutched tightly in hands.

A very grim looking Sirius caught my arm when I passed him. A freezing shiver erupted under his hand and rushed through my whole body. Irritated, I pulled away from his grip and cast him a dark glance.

_"__Don't touch me, please."_

Sirius stared at me for a while before exhaling deeply. _"Be careful around him. He's as manipulative and selfish as any other Slytherin. I know you want to trust him but he's not a good person. You don't know him, Arya."_

I clenched my jaw and averted my gaze. Anger rushed through my whole body and it needed all my willpower not to blurt out the whole truth about their precious Dumbledore. Then I glared up into concerned dark eyes.

_"__She's more than capable to protect herself, Sirius. Trust me. You haven't seen her do what I have."_ Remus interfered. I scoffed and glanced shortly at him. Everyone was watching me but I didn't care. I pierced Sirius with pure anger. The knuckles of my hands turned white due to my tight grip on the potions book.

_"__Tell me, Sirius. How many times did you have an actual conversation? Yes, he can be selfish and manipulative but so is everyone else. I do trust him with my life… But still, I don't take lies or manipulations lightly – from no one. I don't care about the hatred you share because it doesn't matter – not to me and not to anyone else. My father is the real threat here."_

Roughly, I pulled up my sleeve and exposed the Dark Mark. A wave of revulsion flooded through my whole body and left an awful taste in my mouth. My voice was laced with a pain and bitterness I had never heard from myself before.

_"__This! This is what he wants. This is what he does. He destroys lives and enjoys it. And while the Ministry stands down and does nothing, my father grows stronger every day. But if we start fighting amongst ourselves, we've already lost… I didn't endure his tortures or bear this mark for nothing!"_

Clenching my jaw, I averted my gaze. So many thoughts were whirling through my head. My heart was throbbing painfully under the weight of the truth. When I focused on Sirius again, I had somewhat gained back control over my overwhelming emotions.

_"__We're all on the same side, so I expect you to work together. Nobody's asking you to like each other. Nobody expects you to trust each other on a personal level. I know in your eyes I'm merely a child. If I'd grown up with my people, I would've started weapons training two years ago and received a proper education in magic. My magical and physical strength is pathetic compared to every younger elf's power… Yet here I am… I'm merely asking to focus on the main reason the Order members have gathered again. My father destroys lives and spreads Dark Magic like a disease. It's essential that we work together to destroy him… So look me in the eyes, Sirius, and tell me your mutual dislike is worth innocent people's suffering and death. That your personal dislikes are more important than the outcome of this war."_

Sirius frowned deeply at me. I caught the glints of confusion, surprise and respect in his eyes. Suddenly, his lips twitched into an amused grin and he raised his eyebrows at Remus. I watched Sirius with cold eyes.

_"__Impressive speech. Has anyone ever told you that you have quite the talent of persuasion? Dramatic but effective."_

I narrowed my eyes at him and straightened my shoulders even more. _"I might not be as strong as other elves but I am still the daughter of a Queen. It has to be of some use in the human world."_

_"__A Princess. Now, that's even more impressive. How come nobody knows this about you?"_

Sirius watched me with pure curiosity now. Although I tried to hold on to it, I could feel my anger fading. The constant throbbing of annoyance remained however.

_"__Because it doesn't matter – never has and never will. I didn't ask for it, nor do I care about my status… Muggle, muggleborn, half-blood, pureblood, magical ability or not, royal family or not… Nobody can choose their blood so why should I care about a useless title?"_

_"__Hm… you've got a point… But still, Princess Arya. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"_ Sirius grinned.

I gulped down the lump in my throat as a cold shiver crept up my spine. My voice was ice cold, my eyes piercing him hard. _"No, it hasn't… So don't ever call me that again."_

Of course he didn't know that I had called myself Princess repeatedly in the safe solitude of my room. Every single time, I had not seen my mother the way I remembered her. No, I had had a clear vision of my father – the heir of Slytherin. How ironic that I had the right to claim the title of a Princess. I had never seen myself as Princess of the Elvish folk, rather than the daughter of Tom Riddle, the heir of Slytherin. I would always link my title with him…

My head turned towards the door when Sirius whirled around. Severus stood in the doorframe with his arms folded firmly across his chest. The black attire merely added to his intimidating and frightening posture. How much he had heard I couldn't say but the loathing radiating from his body felt terrifying.

_"__Amusing though it is to watch you being put in your place by someone half your age, Black, I suggest you refrain from pestering my student any further. Unlike you, I don't have unlimited spare time."_

Obsidian eyes flashed dangerously at an irritated Sirius. Severus' gaze flickered to me before he stepped aside and motioned me to move. I couldn't even react before his piercing glare had focused on Sirius again.

I bit the inside of my cheek in annoyance and stormed past him. I didn't hear Severus following but I could sense the barely suppressed rage behind me. I opened the door to my room with more force than needed. I stepped inside and threw the book onto the bed, muttering darkly under my breath.

_"__Why does he have to act so terribly annoying and immature? I mean, what's so difficult about keeping himself out of other people's business and focusing on the matter at hand? Who does he think he is? Telling me who to trust when he's too arrogant and blinded to set aside his prejudices… As if there've never been Death Eaters in Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or even Hufflepuff…"_

_"__Took you long enough to notice."_ Severus replied drily.

I turned to him with a grim expression. He stood near the open door, both hands behind his back. An eyebrow raised in response to my scowl. Frustrated, I folded my arms across my chest and turned back towards the window again. I sensed the aura of magic behind me as Severus locked and warded the door. The following silence was interrupted by my whirling emotions leaving a chaos in my mind.

_"__Is there any particular reason for your choice of book or do you simply enjoy a pleasant bedtime reading?" _Severus drawled icily. Guiltily, I bit the inside of my cheek and turned around. Severus held the Potions book in one hand and watched me with furrowed eyebrows. His lips were pressed in a thin line. _"'The Dark Potions' – this book contains very advanced and dangerous information about the Dark Arts…"_

Heat and cold run down my spine at once. I didn't dare looking at Severus and frowned anxiously at the buttons of his frock coat. _"I found it in the library… and thought it could be useful…"_ My voice became quieter with every word. While the reason for reading it in the first place had seemed justified, I wasn't so sure anymore. Not with Severus glaring down at me and becoming more irritated by the second.

He let out a deep breath before throwing the book carelessly on the desk. I flinched as the dull noise sounded awfully loud in my ears. A wave of dread froze me on the spot as Severus snarled in a dangerous, cold voice.

_"__Useful… For what?"_

_"__To learn what we're fighting…"_ I said quietly and raised my head. _"If I want to be able to help, I need to know how the Dark Arts work. I know I'll never become a qualified healer but I want to use the magical abilities I have to cure injuries caused by Dark magic. I want to find the loopholes to heal what no potion or spell is capable of. But to do so I must know what damage they cause."_

Severus stared at me for a long moment. While the anger had vanished there was still a disapproving frown. The longer the silence lasted the jumpier I became. Guilt and fear were overwhelming my mind and left my body tense. My heart almost jumped out of my chest when Severus' gaze flickered to the book. Instantly, his expression hardened before his gaze rested on me. A thick lump formed in my throat.

_"__No." _Confusion took control over my whole body. I gulped and stared at Severus with a questioning frown. Unimpressed, he stared at me with a disgusted expression clouding his features.

_"__You won't engage in the Dark Arts any further. You can't. Studying Dark magic is a dangerous task. Many witches and wizards have intended to do the same – fools, underestimating the power of their emotions. They may have had noble intentions but the Dark Arts are tempting. One moment – all it needs is one moment of weakness."_

A heavy pit in my stomach made it impossible to look at him. _"So you think I'm foolish and weak."_ There was no sympathy left in his eyes when he spat out his next words with great disdain.

_"__You're a fool, if you believe studying the Dark Arts will help you. They will make you weak. The fear of losing control would tear you apart. Your soul would shred to tiny pieces until you couldn't recognize yourself anymore. Only when you begin to realise it would be too late. The Dark Arts are many, varied, ever-changing and eternal. They follow no rules, have no sense – they bring only destruction. You want to find a cure for that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible… Furthermore, I believe I don't need to emphasize how sensitive your body reacts to any kind of Dark magic…"_

Severus' words resounded loudly in my mind. Of course, I had heard or read all this before. I knew the risks and yet I was willing because there was nothing useful I could do. Piercing, cold eyes made it difficult though to keep justifying my plan. I sighed defeated and averted my gaze.

_"__What would you have me do instead? Sit around and wait for anything to happen?"_

_"__Do something useful, more promising and study Healing magic."_ Severus folded his arms and cast me a pointed look. _"Which is, if I recall, what you have always wanted. And not wasting your time learning about the Dark Arts."_

I blew out my cheeks and let out a long breath. _Apparently, my mind's gone crazy over the summer. _I thought. _Maybe the result of the many Dark magical objects surrounding me… _A shiver ran down my spine when a thought came into my mind. The reason I had not turned around as soon as I had realised that there were mostly books about the Dark Arts in Sirius' library. The reason I had pulled out one of the promising books in the first place and begun reading it. Forever branded in my arm. _I'm weak and I'm a fool…_

Pointedly avoiding looking at Severus, I stepped towards the desk and stared at the worn, old book. I didn't even need to concentrate hard to sense the slight trace of Dark magic on the binding. In the library must have been a very powerful Dark artefact to leave the trace on another normal object. I curled my lips when I realised that I had carried that book with me the last days. It had laid on my nightstand while I had been sleeping. I shuddered inwardly.

_"__Disgusting… Purely disgusting."_ I muttered under my breath and clenched my jaw. If looks could kill, if books could die, I would have killed it a dozen times by now. _There's no cure for my curse. There'll never be a cure._

I gulped and straightened my shoulders. Determined, I raised my hand and held it over the wooden desk. I snapped my fingers and a green spark lit in the palm of my hand. As if the spark itself were Floo Powder, a crackling, green flame came to life when I let it fall on the desk. In fact, elves were capable to conjure a transportation fire with pure willpower and magic. I didn't need apparition or the floo network.

I tore my gaze from the hypnotising flame. With a heavy heart, I picked up the book and finally threw it into the fire. A tongue of flames engulfed the book until I couldn't see it anymore. A loud crackle and the book and fire were gone, leaving nothing but a lightly burned smell. Thoughtfully, I stared at the spot where the reason for hope had been…

_"__You're right. I'm a fool and I'm weak…"_ I said quietly. _"Next time I get the stupid idea to open a book about the Dark Arts, remind me." _Slowly, I turned towards Severus. His eyes had softened as he watched me cautiously. _"I'm sorry."_

Severus nodded curtly before silently taking off his cloak. Not really knowing what to do or say, I watched when he placed it on the desk. Although, his hair partly hided his face, I saw when his eyes lingered on the spot where the book had been. An undefinable expression ghosted over his face before he turned to me.

_"__You know why I came here."_ Whatever had been going through his mind, his voice was as steady and soft as always. Obsidian eyes watched me with their usual guarded expression.

The corner of my mouth twitched into a smile. My mind pushing aside the current, depressing thoughts. _"Yes. Of course I do. The Patronus Charm."_

Severus rolled his eyes and raised one eyebrow. _"Did I ask you a question?"_ I flashed and narrowed my eyes as his lips twitched into a smirk. _"Didn't think so. Now, come here."_

I scowled at his back when he strode towards the door. _"Of course I do."_ I replied overenthusiastic and followed him. _"Bossy Slytherin…"_

With a slightly irritating cocky expression, Severus flicked his wand and the bed suddenly moved closer to the window. I stared at the space he had created before raising my eyebrows in faked surprise.

_"__I didn't know casting a charm would require moving my furniture."_

_"__Your furniture?"_ Severus asked drily and indicated that I should take out my wand.

_"__Well, it's my room, isn't it?"_

_"__Howsoever…"_ The familiar expression of the stern Potions Master appeared. Severus folded his arms across his ebony clad chest. _"The Patronus Charm is highly advanced magic – well beyond Ordinary Wizarding Level. When cast correctly, it conjures up a Patronus – a magical guardian which acts as a shield between you and the Dementor. The Patronus is a positive force, a projection of all your most positive feelings, and of the very things that the Dementor feeds upon – hope, happiness, the desire to survive – but it cannot feel despair, as real humans can, so the Dementors can't hurt it."_

_"__What does a Patronus look like?"_ I asked curiously.

_"__Each one is unique to the witch or wizard who conjures it. There are two types of Patronuses: corporeal which means a Patronus with a particular shape and form and incorporeal Patronus. Incorporeal Patronuses have no particular shape and do not protect against Dementors the way corporeal Patronuses do. The__incantation is 'expecto patronum', which will work only if you are concentrating on a single,__very happy, very powerful memory…"_

_"__Expecto patronum?"_ Severus nodded and changed his position to clear the space. Quietly, I repeated the incantation several times to make sure I would say it right.

_"__Now close your eyes and look at your past. Choose a positive memory. Recall as exactly as possible the positive feelings."_

As soon as I closed my eyes to find a happy memory, my lips twitched into a smile. Like it was yesterday, I remembered when Severus had confessed his love to me. The memory itself was more than enough to make me forget for a moment where I really was. I couldn't stop the small smile when I raised my wand.

_"__Expecto patronum."_ Something whooshed suddenly out of the end of my wand; it looked like a wisp of silvery gas. I watched as it vanished again and turned to Severus. He nodded approvingly.

_"__I didn't expect you to do it first time. Concentrate again, Arya. The memory only. Allow it to fill you up… lose yourself in it… then speak the incantation. Expecto patronum."_

I closed my eyes again and tried to push everything else out of my mind. Soon my body felt as if it were floating with the overwhelming happiness and love. Even when I opened my eyes again, I only saw Severus dancing with me on the Astronomy tower. His eyes flashing with pure love and happiness.

_"__Expecto patronum!"_

Out of the end of my wand burst a blinding, dazzling, silver animal. Although there were many thin darker shadows, it was shining as brightly as the moon. I screwed up my eyes, trying to see what it was. The Patronus was bounded silently through the room. Suddenly, it turned gracefully and approached us.

A tigress.

I watched mesmerized as she slowed and came to a halt in front of me. She was huge; its head easily reaching my stomach. Dark eyes watched me before the silver tigress turned towards the window and increased her pace. Then she soared through the window and vanished in a smoky cloud. I needed a moment to collect myself. As realization dawned me, a strong wave of joy rushed through my body and I whirled around.

_"__Did you see it too? It was a tiger. Or tigress, I think. And she was beautiful!"_ I beamed at Severus who watched me with a pensive smile.

_"__Indeed… Many witches and wizards are unable to produce a full, corporeal Patronus."_

_"__Can you conjure it?"_ I asked curiously. Severus nodded curtly. _"What does yours look like? Or is that a personal question to ask?"_

_"__Well, people certainly don't strut around shouting out their Patronus. Whether it's a personal information or something you wish to share is your decision…"_

I saw it in his eyes when he became suddenly guarded. His expression changed to cold indifference and he tensed from head to toe. I furrowed my eyebrows and watched him thoughtful. I knew this sort of change from Severus. He felt insecure, which left him feeling extremely vulnerable so he automatically hided his emotions.

_"__If this is because you don't want to tell me, it's alright, Severus. It's your decision – like you said."_ I smiled reassuringly and stepped closer. Black eyes were looking at me but he didn't seem to see me. Suddenly, something snapped in the depths of his eyes and he blinked.

_"__I don't wish to frighten you."_ Severus said softly. Although he tried to hide it, I saw the flicker of frustration in his eyes.

_"__Frighten me…? Why? What aren't you telling me?"_ I felt more than confused and furrowed my eyebrows.

Severus clenched and unclenched his jaw several times. Obsidian eyes observed me closely as he spoke again. _"I can't tell you but… I will show you – if you wish."_

An uneasy feeling grew in the pit of my stomach when Severus' voice turned even quieter. Undefinable, dark eyes watched me. I desperately reflected our conversation if I had missed something that could explain his behaviour. As far as I could see, I hadn't though.

_"__Yes, I do."_

Severus clenched his jaw and averted his gaze. His features relaxed all the sudden; his eyes turning soft and flashing brightly. _"Expecto patronum."_ The incantation was barely more than a whisper but the power of the spell gave me goose bumps.

From the tip of his wand burst a graceful and gleaming silver animal. My heart skipped a beat when I recognized its form. Mesmerized, I watched the prideful tiger as he landed on the floor, bounded once across the room and soared out of the window. I watched him fly away, and as his silvery glow faded, I turned slowly back to Severus.

_"__Was… Was that a coincidence? The same Patronus?"_

My brain couldn't quite understand what I had seen. Although, my heart was already beginning to interpret it farther than I dared to accept. Severus put his wand away and remained rigid. He shifted slightly before watching me with an unreadable, cautious expression.

_"__No, it wasn't… The corporeal Patronus generally takes the shape of the animal with whom they share the deepest affinity. You may suspect, but you will never truly know what form your Patronus will take until you succeed in conjuring it… A Patronus is able to change under special circumstances; a serious psychological trauma or emotional upheaval."_

I was left speechless as my brain processed his words. My eyebrows settled in a deep frown. _"So we both share our deepest affinities with a tiger? What's a tiger's affinity?"_

Severus smiled softly. _"It's strange, isn't it? What comes from within… Well, let's see. There's self-confidence, ambition, honesty… powerful personality, strong aversion for hypocrisy and falsehood… determination and smartness."_

I chuckled and raised my eyebrows. _"You're quite full of yourself. You know that?"_

Severus raised one eyebrow. _"There's nothing arrogant about knowing your characteristics. Whatsoever… I was merely enumerating those we have in common."_

_"__Powerful personality? You noticed, you listed mostly Slytherin traits…" _I asked sceptical. Severus nodded with a blank expression. Amusement flashed in his dark eyes though.

_"__Obviously, a tiger is more similar to a Slytherin than a Gryffindor."_ He took out his wand and pointed it at the bed. His lips twitched into a triumphant smirk. _"Imagine what Minerva would have to say about this."_

I muttered quietly under my breath before I realised what he attempted to do. _"Wait. Don't move the bed."_ Severus' eyebrow disappeared under his hair when he cast me a critical look. _"I rather prefer it like this."_

Severus stared at me with a blank expression. Then he shook his head and muttered something incomprehensible. I bit my bottom lip to stop the grin that threatened to break through. A warm feeling rushed through my whole body when I remembered the silver tigress I had conjured before. With a beaming smile I looked up at Severus.

_"__Does the same Patronus has to do with our… relationship? I mean… Two different animals would be sort of strange, don't you think?"_ I blushed and averted my gaze. Anxiously, I played with my fingers.

_"__Apparently, our deepest affinities make us quite… compatible."_ Severus responded drily but his lips twitched into a smirk.

The heat in my cheeks increased and I averted my gaze. _"Slytherin…"_

Severus chuckled lowly in his chest. _"Of course… tigress."_

My head snapped up so fast, I heard something crunching in my neck. Trying to ease the stinging, I massaged my throat and scowled. _"Don't even think about it! Not now. Not ever. I won't be addressed with some mundane, human nickname because of my Patronus."_

_"__Duly noted, Gryffindor."_ Severus drawled, apparently not the slightest affected by my words. I groaned to myself.

_"__When do you have to leave?"_ Anxiously, I glanced at him through my eyelashes. Severus remained rigid as he stared at me with his features as impassive as always.

_"__I presume, I could stay for a short while. Unless you wish me to leave now."_ Obsidian eyes pierced me unwavering. His expression betrayed nothing except cold indifference but I heard by the tone of his voice that he meant what he said. Whether he wished to stay or not, I couldn't say though. But it was my choice and I knew what it meant. Severus didn't do anything half-way nor did he accept it from anyone else.

_"__No…?"_ I scolded myself for sounding so insecure under his gaze. Nervously, I gulped and bore my nails deeply into my sleeve covering the Dark Mark. Then I raised my head and looked him straight in the eyes. Although, I felt the blush return I tried to sound more resolute. _"I want you to stay."_


	64. Chapter 64 - The Patronus (Part 2)

64\. The Patronus (Part 2)

_"__I presume, I could stay for a short while. Unless you wish me to leave now."_ Obsidian eyes pierced me unwavering. His expression betrayed nothing except cold indifference but I heard by the tone of his voice that he meant what he said. Whether he wished to stay or not, I couldn't say though. But it was my choice and I knew what it meant. Severus didn't do anything half-way nor did he accept it from anyone else.

_"__No…?"_ I scolded myself for sounding so insecure under his gaze. Nervously, I gulped and bore my nails deeply into my sleeve covering the Dark Mark. Then I raised my head and looked him straight in the eyes. Although, I felt the blush return I tried to sound more resolute. _"I want you to stay."_

As if searching for a confirmation, Severus furrowed his eyebrows and his scrutinizing gaze wandered all over my face. Obviously satisfied with whatever he seemed to have found, he nodded curtly. With shaking legs I crossed the room to my bed and sat down.

Admittedly, I felt a bit helpless sometimes with Severus in the same room. Everything felt so complicated and made it difficult for me to act. Recent events hadn't made things easier, especially since I had seen how devastated it had left Severus. Neither of us knew how to approach or deal with my death sentence, nor truly wanted it for now.

Very cautious, as if to give me more time to overthink my decision, Severus approached and sat next to me – still keeping a small distance between us however. I lowered my gaze when his large hand enwrapped mine and squeezed it reassuringly. My lips twitched into a grateful smile. Slowly, I moved further to the middle of the bed. Severus raised one eyebrow when I smiled warmly, indicating for him that it was alright for me. The flicker of insecurity vanished in his eyes when he finally slid closer.

To my surprise, he simply laid down next to me. I heard him breath out deeply through his nose before he closed his eyes. That left me feeling even more awkward. Sitting frozen on the comforter, I stared at his face. Severus frowned and shifted to get more comfortable. When he opened his eyes again, the familiar, mischievous sparkle had returned.

_"__Well, at least the bed's acceptable. About the only thing in this lousy, rotten place."_ He said snidely and turned his head. Taking in my entirely moveless position, Severus' lips twitched into a smirk and raised a questioning eyebrow.

The uncomfortable feeling in my stomach decreased instantly now that Severus was back to his usual witty Slytherin self. Ripped out of my frozen state, I shook my head and averted my gaze. With a contented sigh, I finally laid down as well. I bit the inside of my cheek to hide my smile when he turned on his side and propped himself on his lower arm.

_"__How long exactly is a short while?"_ I tried not to blush as I felt my stomach tingling with the question. Severus' intense gaze was enough to provoke goose bumps all over my body.

_"__Don't expect me to stay for dinner. I would rather drink every poison in my store than spending more time than necessary with this-"_

_"__Ah, yes. I got it."_ I rolled my eyes at Severus' irritated rant, earning myself a dark glare but I didn't care. The rather offended expression on his face made me chuckle since I knew precisely that he was more annoyed with Sirius. _"Sometimes he's an arrogant and selfish idiot."_

Severus' eyes flashed irritated and he clenched his jaw until his muscles twitched. I sighed defeated and snuggled closer to his chest. When I looked up again, obsidian eyes watched me intensely with a thoughtful gaze. I couldn't avert my eyes from his soft features and unguarded expression; dark eyes flashing vividly and filled with eternal trust.

Severus cupped my cheek with his hand. As if I could break under his touch, his fingers caressed my skin tenderly – leaving a tingling sensation. My heart and body warmed up when Severus didn't avert his gaze. I became suddenly hyperaware of the gentle rise and fall of my chest – my eyes flitting to his lips and then quickly away. Severus' gaze gentled, taking in the vulnerability in my eyes, the fear in my face.

_"__Severus."_ I whispered quietly. As if under a spell, my gaze was drawn to his parted lips and the sound of his shallow breathing filled me with a fierce longing. In slow motion, Severus bent down, his lips against my cheek, brushing it lightly—and still that light touch sent shivers through my nerves, shivers that made my whole body tremble.

_"__If you want me to stop, tell me now."_ he whispered softly. When I said nothing, he brushed his mouth against the hollow of my temple. _"Or now."_ He traced the line of my cheekbone. _"Or now."_ Severus' lips hovered above mine, making me inhale his breath – and I suddenly lost the last part of my self-control. _"Or-"_

I brought my fingers up to his hair and the rest of his words were lost against my mouth.**I felt his lips against mine, soft and scorching and tender, so gentle I could almost believe it was the kiss of a breeze.**

He kissed me gently, loving, but it wasn't gentleness I wanted, not now, not after all this time. I knotted my fists in his hair, pulling him harder against me. With a low growl in his throat, he cupped the back of my neck and kissed me deeply. His fingers twined in my hair, caressing my sensitive skin.

**I had never felt as I did now, exploring the taste of him. Inhaling potions and his own smell. My** body melded to his and I moaned against his lips. The many layer of clothes he was wearing made it difficult to find any exposed skin. With shaky fingers, I began unbuttoning his frock coat.

Severus tensed almost instantly. With a heated shudder, he gripped my hands and pushed me back, his breathing ragged.

_"__We can't do this."_ Severus dropped his hold and exhaled, gouging shaky fingers through dishevelled hair. I gulped and played nervously with my fingers. A spark of fear grew in my heart.

_"__Why?"_

Severus groaned lowly and closed his eyes. _"I've never been a person who asks twice, but I don't want you to feel obligated to anything…"_ He sounded as if he had wanted to say more but then he merely opened his eyes again and cautious eyes bore deeply in mine.

I shifted, suddenly feeling coy and nervous again and averted my gaze. _"I know what I want. I would never allow anyone to force me to do something against my will… Determination and ambition, right?"_

I felt his burning gaze and lifted my eyes as the silence grew to heavy. Severus was staring at me with a scowl set on his features. _"Obviously. However, note that there is no chance for you to reach very far in this matter. Argue as much as you like, but this is the wrong place to spend time with me."_

A blush crept on my cheeks, yet I couldn't suppress the bubble of awkward laughter to escape my lips. _"I… uhm… I don't mean…"_

_"__So much for your determination and ambition."_ Severus interjected without spite though and his eyes softened. _"I understand what you meant, Arya, and I assure you that I have no desire or any intention to cross your or my limits."_

_"__I know, nor do I." _My gaze wandered to the ceiling whilst my thoughts drifted slowly towards my annoyance and frustration. It surely wasn't the first time in my life that I cursed Severus' trait of accuracy, although I was very well aware of the fact that he was merely trying to protect me.

_"__Look at me."_ Severus soft voice made me turn my head but I didn't dare looking into his eyes. Almost automatically, my gaze flickered to his lips. They twitched into a small smirk and he run his fingers provocative light over my cheek. His touch was more than enough to distract my whirling thoughts. My cheek tingled, my skin was covered with goose bumps and my breathing turned shallow.

A satisfied smile surfaced as his gaze wandered over my face and finally focused on my lips. Very slowly, he lowered his face, his mouth hovered just above mine while his voice trailed to a whisper. _"Tell me to stop, Arya."_

_"__No."_ I breathed out.

In a catch of my breath, he crashed his lips on mine. A faint moan escaped my lips and every frustration burned away by the heat of his touch. His mouth roamed at will, no longer gentle as his lips pressed against the smooth curve of my throat, the soft flesh of my ear.

No longer under my control, my hands worked on the remaining buttons of Severus' frock coat. When I attempted to push it off his shoulders, he slowed his kisses and looked me deeply in the eyes. Never before had I felt so lost in his presence. He never broke the gaze as he finally took it off, revealing the white button up shirt.

I moaned when he sucked my sweet spot whilst my hands went back to work. This time he didn't interrupt me, instead his lips travelled over every inch of my exposed skin and his hands roamed my body. Even though his hands remained on my clothes, they left a burning sensation on my skin.

Severus froze when I had finally unbuttoned his shirt and placed my hand on his bare chest. His lips hovered over my throat, his shallow breaths caressing and tingling my bare skin. Mesmerized by the feeling of his soft and warm skin under my hand, my fingers explored his pale chest. Severus let out a shaking breath when I teased his skin lightly with my fingertips. His whole body trembled and he groaned in response when my hands brushed the hardened, cool scars on his back. Gently, he went back to caressing and kissing my skin. I couldn't get enough of his touch and kisses. My skin was burning and my blood boiling in my veins. Never before had I felt so alive…

_"__Severus. I-"_ I moaned when his lips kept working on my sweet spot. He groaned in response and caressed my cheek. But I wanted more. I needed more. I needed him closer… I took Severus' hand and guided it under my shirt. He tensed at once and pulled back. Heated black eyes watched me cautiously, almost frightened.

_"__Arya, are you… are you sure?"_ Severus murmured and his eyes bore deeply in mine.

I sat up very slowly and cast him a short glance. I took a deep breath and thought about the gentleness of his touch and how he could make me feel only by looking at me. My hands were shaking when I took off first my sweater and then my shirt, leaving me only in my bra. I didn't dare looking at Severus as I laid down, instead my gaze was focused on his white shirt hanging loose around his thin chest. My heart was pounding loudly, I was sure Severus heard it as well.

_"__Look at me."_ Obsidian eyes reflected my love and light fear when our gazes met. Severus placed his warm hand on my upper arm, then it wandered upwards, over my bare shoulder to my throat and cupped my cheek.

_"__Please…"_ I whispered and placed my hands on his body. Severus shivered and lowered his face, his lips brushing mine for a sweet kiss before slowly wandering over my jaw and throat.

My skin was burning, my heart pounding rapidly in my chest, my entire body squirming under Severus' gentle hands and soft lips. I had lost track of time, I didn't know where we were anymore, nor cared that Dumbledore would most certainly not approve of the way Severus was misusing his visit.

I let out a shaky breath when his hair brushed my bare skin in new places. Warm gentle fingers began exploring my upper body and his lips followed. His touch and kisses left a burning trail of tingling skin; from my throat down to my collarbone. The new feelings he sent through my body with caressing parts of my skin no one had ever touched before left me moaning. I inhaled a sharp breath when his hands wandered agonizingly slow down my waist, his lips teasing the bare skin around my bra. My hand in his hair tightened, scratching his scalp and provoking a deep growl against my skin. My fingers became bolder and gripped his shoulder firmly, pressing my fingers in his pale skin.

I came slowly back to my senses as Severus' kisses slowed down. When I opened my eyes, I felt incredibly lightheaded and needed a moment to adjust to our surroundings. Severus finally lifted his head and stared at me. Obsidian eyes bore deeply in mine and I blushed. The corner of his lips twitched and his eyes softened. Severus propped his head up; the other arm rested lazily on my stomach and warm fingers caressed my arm tenderly.

_"__Well, this wasn't what I had in mind when I pondered on how to approach the Patronus charm, but I certainly won't complain."_ Severus' voice sounded raspy and he smirked. I couldn't suppress the chuckle and rested my hand on his arm. _"You're… I didn't hurt you, did I?"_

I averted my gaze and bit my lip to keep from grinning. My eyes flickered briefly over his bare chest and back up to his eyes. The sheepish, almost guarded expression on his face startled me – I had never seen it before, but he looked so insecure and adorable. Instantly, my cheeks heated up even more at my thoughts.

_"__No, of course not._

_Merlin, if I ever tell him that he looks adorable, I can as well go and dig my own grave. _I chuckled lowly and Severus raised a questioning eyebrow but I shook my head dismissive. Smirking, he lowered his face and warm lips ghosted over my cheek. I grinned when I felt his breath tingle my skin and squirmed under his touch. Severus nuzzled my neck and kissed my skin, provoking a long, contented sigh from me. He chuckled triumphantly and kissed his way up to my lips. His warm, soft gaze wandered over my face when he finally lifted his head.

_"__I must leave. If I'm correct, you're expected downstairs soon enough. And I would preferably not stay here until someone appears to fetch you and finds your room heavily warded."_

I laughed when the picture of my friends standing on the other side of the door whilst I was partly undressed in bed with our Potions teacher came into my mind. _"They'd assume the worst."_

_"__Ah… they would surely attempt to murder me if they knew what I've been teaching you…"_ Severus' eyes flashed mischievously. I chuckled but couldn't stop the blush creeping up my cheeks.

_"__Yes, they probably would, but then I'd gladly teach them a few things myself. I'm not as weak as I was in first year anymore… Although, I'd be much stronger by now, if I had regular training."_ I replied pensively.

_"__Well, I'm afraid your magic is an issue I can't assist you with. I could, however, inform myself about unused old classrooms in Hogwarts. Perhaps, that would give you a chance to practice without spying eyes and interruption."_

I beamed up at Severus who looked rather thoughtful into space. _"That would be perfect. Are you sure I'd be allowed to practice without someone surveying me? I mean, we're not even allowed to practice Defence outside of class either and I'd definitely not only focus on how to protect myself."_

Severus' impassive face turned to me, an eyebrow raised innocently. _"Who told you to ask for permission. You're partly Slytherin for Merlin's sake, so act like it."_

Warmth radiated through my whole body when my lips twitched in an impish smile. _"Duly noted, Slytherin."_

Severus rolled his eyes but couldn't suppress the satisfied smirk. _"In case you might have forgotten what it means to be subtle – this conversation has never happened."_

_"__Just shut up." _I growled embarrassed. Severus watched me with increasing amusement.

_"__You might consider practicing refinement as well. You're lacking subtlety."_ I scowled but Severus merely chuckled. With a quick move, I pushed him and he fell on his back. His dark eyes were sparkling with mirth I hadn't seen for a long time. My heart pounded stronger in my ribcage when I simply kept watching him.

_"__However, it's time for me to leave."_ Severus said after a while and sat up. His expression was one of cold indifference again, but burning eyes wandered slowly over my exposed body as if he tried to memorise every smallest detail. My cheeks heated suddenly and a lump formed in my throat.

Awkwardly, I shifted and sat up as well. Instantly, his eyes flickered back up to mine and I noticed the overwhelming admiration. His lips twitched in a small, loving smile and I scooted closer. Severus wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head against his bare chest. I felt his slight shiver as my exposed body pressed against his bare skin. I knew how difficult it was for him to get used to physical contact, especially direct skin contact. Just because he was willing to embrace and kiss me didn't necessarily mean that he was always as relaxed as he seemed. Although he tried to leave it behind him, his past was still haunting him sometimes – not that he would ever admit it though.

_"__You won't return for the rest of the holidays, right?"_ I mumbled against his chest and he took a deep breath.

_"__No, I don't think so. For the Order's safety it's prudent I come as seldom as possible. It was the truth earlier – I don't have much time to spare."_ Severus placed a soft kiss on top of my head before releasing his embrace. Not lacking his usual grace, he got on his feet and held out his hand. Smugly, he raised one eyebrow and smirked inviting. His cocky behaviour made me laugh but I took his hand nonetheless.

Severus quickly let go of my hand as soon as I was standing. With a wordless spell, he summoned my shirt and sweater and I watched him questioning with raised eyebrows. His face was as expressionless as ever but his eyes flashed with something I had never seen before, they were burning with an unreadable emotion. Severus tried to sound somewhat cool, yet he failed gravely.

_"__Just… get dressed."_ He snapped slightly annoyed. It took me a moment to notice that he was pointedly avoiding my gaze – or my exposed body parts, for that matter. I desperately tried to cover my laughter as a cough, but Severus' glare at my reaction was making it impossible.

When we were both finally dressed, I had managed to calm down again but I couldn't stop myself from smirking to Severus' embarrassment. Settling for his intimidating teacher posture, he glared at me; arms folded firmly across his ebony clad chest and narrowed eyes.

_"__What?"_ I asked chuckling and shrugged my shoulders. _"I would ask why you believe you're allowed to embarrass me in front of other people and I shouldn't mock you when we're alone… but that would require that I actually mock you, which I'm obviously not."_

Severus muttered something inaudible under his breath and his expression softened to an almost pouting scowl. I bit my bottom lip and stepped around him towards my desk. With a sheepish grin, I approached Severus with his cloak in hands. Avoiding my eyes, he grabbed it and put it on over his frock coat. Only then he lifted his gaze again and watched me with an unreadable, thoughtful expression.

I moved closer and wrapped my arms around his torso. For the first time this summer, I realised that I had grown quite a bit since the end of last year. My forehead was on the same level than his lips now; if I straightened and raised my head, I could look over his shoulders. Smiling to myself, I buried my face in the crook of his neck and closed my eyes. Severus wrapped his arms around me and rested his cheek against my forehead.

_"__Promise me to be careful."_ I cast him a concerned look when he stepped out of my embrace. Although his face remained impassive and cold, his eyes softened slightly.

_"__I promise."_ Severus replied and returned my pleading gaze with a long, piercing stare. _"Perhaps – after careful consideration, it's safer to keep the shape of your Patronus to yourself for the time being. Only few know my previous Patronus and might grow suspicious if they – by any chance, should find out about its new shape and your own."_

I nodded slowly, my mind already thinking further than Severus' request. His tone made it quite clear, however, that he didn't want me to ask the questions I had in mind. I shook my head to clear my whirling thoughts and hesitated before blurting out my other question.

_"__Does… Does my father or any Death Eater know you're capable of conjuring a Patronus?"_

_"…__No. Only a handful of people know but now it's even more important for no one to find out."_ Severus spoke softly. I nodded reassuringly and he cocked an eyebrow. In less than a heartbeat, Severus was back to his familiar, sneering teacher act as he took out his wand and turned towards the door to lift the protection spells. _"For that matter, nor should anyone find out what else I've been teaching you."_

I blushed deeply when I heard Severus' mocking comment. _"Blasted Slytherin."_ I muttered darkly under my breath but he heard it anyway.

I found myself on the receiving end of a very triumphant, smug expression. _"Incidentally, you should cover your neck. Some people might grow suspicious or refuse to believe you're suffering from a sudden skin disease."_

_"__As if I'd see my own neck…"_ I mumbled and scowled at him. Severus chuckled and came closer. The amusement in his eyes vanished, however, as he repeated the same healing spell several times before finally letting out a long breath. My skin tingled when his fingertips traced lightly over the spots where his love bits had been mere seconds ago. A sad, yet longing expression flickered over his face, making me smile. _"You know, I expect that you replace them another day."_

Severus' hand stilled and dark eyes flickered to mine; his lips twisted in a dangerous smirk. _"Don't tempt me, elb."_

I grinned and shrugged my shoulders. A tingling sensation in my stomach made me feel light and carefree all the sudden. _"Well, I mean it."_

Severus' eyes flashed and he lifted my head with a gentle hold of my chin. My legs felt flabby when I saw the burning heat in his eyes. When Severus spoke, his soft voice held a warning edge. _"Arya, you might be convinced my self-control is unwavering – it might be true for most of my actions; as I said already, I would never hurt you – but I can't control the way my body reacts. I will never allow my body to control my mind, if I deem it inappropriate – which doesn't mean it's easy to overpower myself. Therefore, I ask you to meet me with the same respect and patience I'm showing you."_

I couldn't move or say anything, his dark eyes held me frozen on the spot and made any coherent thoughts impossible. Surely, he could hear my heart pounding loudly against my ribcage. Severus spared me an answer though, as he lowered his face and placed his lips on mine. I sighed as they moved against each other; the kiss slow and gentle.

_"__You're a beautiful woman if you haven't noticed as yet. My expression might not betray anything, but I'm always aware of your presence. I must remain focused, so I beg you not to make it more difficult for me than it already is."_

Automatically, I nodded in response and Severus smirked. The arrogant expression that settled on his features, ripped me out of my trance. I cleared my throat and blinked several times, desperately trying to disguise my embarrassment. Of course, Severus saw right through me and sneered irritatingly. Unimpressed by my struggle to act normal, he opened the door and I followed him reluctantly.

Severus stopped abruptly when we reached the ground floor. His gaze flickered only briefly towards the kitchen but instantly his eyes turned darker with revulsion. He clenched his jaw and turned to me. There was nothing except plain coldness in his features.

_"__I have restocked the cabinet with potions and pastes; minor healing potions, several dreamless sleep potions, antiseptics. If you should find yourself in need to use them – one shelf contains potions that are only for you. You will find the exact dosages on the roll of parchment."_

_"__Thank you."_ I smiled softly and bit the inside of my cheek. Loud footsteps on the stairs made him look up and tense immediately. My friends, along with the twins and Ginny were laughing and talking when they made their way down. The good mood faltered as soon as they spotted their Potions Professor. Harry scowled and observed Severus closely, his eyes wandering from him to me. Severus narrowed his eyes at him before letting his gaze quickly scan them.

I had to avert my gaze and press my lips in a thin line to keep myself from smiling. Severus was obviously annoyed about the not very unsurprising interruption. After all, we weren't as alone as he would have preferred. _Things would definitely be different if that was the case._ I barely suppressed my chuckle and thought back to our earlier activity.

_"__Now, the Ministry may be run by a bunch of fools, but it doesn't mean that you – and speaking of which, nor you Potter – are particularly safe to stroll around imprudently. Despite your large hero-complex, Potter, I expect that even you understand the danger you and Jackson are facing. You're not only the main targets of the Dark Lord but the Ministry as well. While I don't care what happens to you, I take no pleasure in spending the little leisure time I have tending to Jackson because of your idiocy."_

Harry's green eyes were darkening with hate. With for him surprisingly strong irritation, he glared at Severus. I shivered when I sensed the tension between them until Severus broke the gaze, looking terribly impassive and bored. He nodded curtly at me before rushing to the door with only a few strides. His black cloak billowing wildly around his legs was the last thing I saw when the door closed with a loud bang.

When I turned to my friends and saw their confusion and unimpressive scowls, I finally started chuckling. Here they were and would surely be close to dropping dead right on the spot if they knew what I had been up to in my room. Shaking my head to myself, I ignored their questioning looks and quiet talks before making my way towards the kitchen.

_"__Alright… Arya has definitely lost her mind."_ Ron spoke quietly and I heard Harry hum thoughtful. Grinning widely, I turned my head and saw that Hermione was smiling to herself.

_"__I don't think so. Or perhaps I have… I honestly don't know." _I laughed and entered the kitchen. I felt so energetic and happy that I couldn't wipe the smirk off my face. I politely ignored the curious smiles the adults in the room exchanged when they noticed my genuine good mood.

That didn't prevent the sharp sting in my heart though. Nevertheless, today was a good day.


	65. Chapter 65 - 12 Grimmauld Place

65\. 12 Grimmauld Place

The mood lifted rapidly when Harry returned from his hearing. Apparently, the Ministry had deemed it fit to judge him in front of the entire Wizengamot. The Minister hadn't seemed happy – as Harry told us afterwards – that Dumbledore had interfered and acted as his defence. It was more than obvious that Cornelius Fudge had had every intention to strive for Harry's expulsion from Hogwarts. Of course, the newspapers used the hearing as a new source to spread rumours and false information about Dumbledore, Harry and me. The Ministry was desperate to increase the loss of our credibility concerning the events during the last task of the Triwizard Tournament.

Hermione and – to everyone's surprise – Ron had been chosen as Prefects for Gryffindor. To my amusement, Hermione was already thinking about her new duties and how to successfully achieve them to the best of her abilities. Ron, on the other hand, seemed more thrilled about the fact that his entire family – except perhaps the twins – was celebrating him. Harry, however, had strange mood changes I couldn't quite associate with the current events. He didn't seem particularly happy about Ron's Prefect badge. His mood would change drastically during mere seconds – it was more than confusing. Especially, since no one else could tell when he was only pretending.

I pressed my lips in a tight line when I refilled my cup with butterbeer. The kitchen was crowded with the guests of Hermione's and Ron's celebration; Bill Weasley had joined us for the evening, the young auror Tonks was provoking laughter now and then with her abilities of a Metamorphmagus, several other people I recognised from the Order meeting were present as well. Naturally, Severus wasn't there – much to my regret – although, I had known he wouldn't attend or be invited in the first place.

While the party lifted everyone's spirit, Harry and I seemed to be the only ones who couldn't enjoy ourselves. I for one, was ignoring the short glances I received from the Order members when they thought I wouldn't notice. However, my mind was far from the celebration – I was worrying about Draco's wellbeing. Since the first of September wasn't so far away anymore, I was afraid and eager to see him again. He had made it perfectly clear with our fight that he didn't want any contact. It had taken me a while but I knew I was mainly to blame… If it hadn't been for me to provoke and push him away, he never would have punched me.

_"__You all right, Jackson?"_ I jumped when I heard the low growl of Alastor Moody. Suppressing a quiet curse, I placed the cup roughly on the table. I scowled and shook my hand to dry the splashes of butterbeer.

_"__Oh, I'm feeling peachy."_ The sarcastic remark was out before I could stop it. Moody laughed shortly and I finally turned around. A contorted expression masked his scarred face.

_"__I bet. So, Sirius told me Snape's been giving you lessons. Not introducing you in anything dangerous, is he?"_

I tensed and clenched my jaw. Moody seemed unimpressed by my glare. _Well, that depends if you define kissing him as dangerous._ _"Why does everyone believe that? Dumbledore told him to teach me and you trust the old man so why does it even matter?"_

_"__Hm… It's true then. You don't trust Dumbledore."_ Moody narrowed his eyes and my blood began boiling in my veins. I averted my gaze when his false eye fixed me directly. Harry stood on the other side of the table – looking a bit lost next to the laughing twins – and watched me. There was a strange flicker in his eyes that I couldn't identify. I gulped and snatched my filled cup, downing the butterbeer in a few gulps.

_"__Why the bloody hell does it matter? What's it to you anyway?"_ I snapped at the limping man, making some heads turn in our direction. I saw Tonks slowly changing her face back to her usual self, watching us with a curious expression. My glare fell on Moody. _"No, I don't trust Dumbledore and if you want to know why you should go and ask him. Yes, I trust Severus Snape – with my life if you must know. And I would gladly give my life for him if that means that we win this war! I know it's difficult for you and everyone else to understand but Professor Snape's a human being just like you. He hates Voldemort as much as you do. He's willing to fight and risk his life like everyone else. I told Sirius already, we're all on the same side."_

My heart beat rapidly in my chest with anger. I had not expected that much distrust towards Severus to be honest and it annoyed me terribly. Growling, I threw the empty cup on the table. The clatter sounded awfully loud in the quiet room but I didn't care. Without looking at anyone else, I squeezed myself roughly through the crowded kitchen. My lips pressed together when I felt the pain of my nails digging painfully deep into my palms. How did they dare to mistrust Severus when he was the one who had to endure the worst? Severus was the one who was working as a spy. He was risking his life every time he went to a Death Eater meeting. He most certainly had to commit crimes and cause suffering to keep his cover. His soul was slowly ripped apart by the cruelty of my father's dark magic. The Order knew what he was doing and yet they dismissed it as if Severus wanted all this.

_"__Riddikulus… RIDDIKULUS!"_

I halted abruptly when a sobbing voice interrupted my thoughts. Slowly, my legs turned and walked in the opposite direction towards the staircase. Curiously, I climbed the stairs as the voices grew louder. I could hear several loud cracks.

_"__What's going on?"_ I saw Remus and Sirius running into a room and followed them. I stopped dead in my track – an icy shiver ran down my spine when I saw Harry's dead corpse lying on the ground. A sobbing Mrs. Weasley was kneeling next to it with her wand loosely in one hand.

A wave of dread filled my whole body when I couldn't tear my gaze from my pale and dead looking friend. My feet moved closer to the horrible sight. A voice was screaming in the back of my mind that this wasn't real – that it was merely a boggart. But I couldn't move or think. I remembered the boggart I had faced in my third year.

Slowly, Harry's green eyes changed to the darkest black. His hair was longer now, his features much older. The dark school robes changed to an ebony frock coat and equally black cloak. I was looking into Severus' dark eyes but they were lifeless and cold.

_"__No."_ My voice was barely more than a whisper. I blinked slowly – and drew a sharp breath. Horror washed through my entire body when I saw Draco's corpse. Expressionless eyes stared at nothing; blond hair was stained red with blood. Draco was dead. My brother was dead.

_"__Arya."_ I shrieked when a heavy hand rested on my shoulder. I flinched away from the touch and flickered my gaze to Remus. His warm eyes were narrowed with concern. Something told me that he knew what I had seen instead of my best friend's lifeless corpse. _"Everyone's all right, Arya. It was just a boggart. Nothing more. You hear me?"_

Automatically, I nodded but my heart was still beating loudly in my chest. My hands started shaking at my sides when I looked back at Mrs. Weasley. The boggart was gone and she safely in the arms of her husband. A deep longing awoke at the sight of them. My heart was aching for Severus' comfort. I needed him…

Without anyone noticing, I slipped out of the room and made my way to my bedroom. My eyes were prickling with unshed tears and a cold grip of dread held me firmly. _Draco's all right… Draco's fine… Severus would know if anything would've happened to him… He would tell me immediately…_

Like a mantra I repeated the same words over and over again but to no avail. The picture of Draco's and Severus' corpses made their way back into my head. I closed the door aggressively and slumped down on the edge of the bed. Exhaling a deep breath, I rested my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands.

_"__Bloody hell." _Growling, I tried to take even breaths to slow my heartbeat. _"What the bloody hell am I supposed to do with you, Draco? You're my brother for Merlin's sake…"_

_Should I even tell you about the curse? And what about Blaise and Derek? What will happen if I do? What will you do then, Draco? _I shook my head and laughed coldly. _Don't fool yourself, Arya. As if you wouldn't know how devastated it would leave him. As if you would remain cool and relaxed if you were in his position…_

One swift move and the lamp on the nightstand flew across the room and crashed loudly against the wall. I glared at the shattered pieces and stood. My hands were trembling when I ran them through my hair. Slowly, I walked around the bed and leaned heavily against the window frame.

_"__Help me, Draco. What do you want me to do? Will you even listen after our horrible fight?"_ I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled tiredly. _"A fight that was entirely my fault. Oh, for fuck's sake, I screwed up."_

_"__Are you all right, Arya?" _I flinched when I heard Remus' voice behind me. When I turned my head, I saw him approaching me. I returned my gaze to the dirty window, watching but not truly seeing the muggles outside.

_"__What am I supposed to do?"_ My voice sounded desperate and exhausted. Severus was the person I needed but I knew I wouldn't see him again before returning to Hogwarts. Remus shifted and stood next to me. I could feel him gazing down at me but I ignored it. The warmth radiating from his body soothed my heart a little. I pointedly ignored the darkness I could sense in his aura – he never chose to be a werewolf and was a good man.

_"__Well, if you want to tell me what happened, I might be able to help you. You're not alone."_ Remus' said gently. Conflicted, I clenched my jaw thoughtfully and we both remained silent for a long moment.

My voice was barely more than a quiet muttering when I spoke again. _"In third year – when you found me with the boggart – who did you see?"_

_"__Hm… I remember Severus' shape and Harry's… There were Hermione and a few Weasley's, I think… I've to admit, I always wondered why the boggart took the shapes of Draco Malfoy and Blaise Zabini."_ Although quiet, his voice was laced with curiosity and confusion. Remus' stare was practically burning into my skin. I gulped and pondered whether I should tell him or not. I knew, Remus was trustworthy and what harm would it do if he knew part of the truth. It wasn't as if he didn't know more than most already.

_"__Draco's not like most people believe and nor is Blaise. They're good people with good hearts. They don't care about blood purity and hate my father as much as we do."_

Remus shifted slightly and I could see how he opened his mouth several times only to close it again. He cleared his throat and frowned. _"We're talking about the same Draco Malfoy here, aren't we? The Malfoy junior who uses every chance he gets to insult every non-Slytherin around him?"_

I sighed and my shoulders slumped down in defeat. _"Is there any other Draco Malfoy? Yes, Draco can be a real pain in the ass sometimes. But he was born in the wrong family. He's not a bad person and merely trying to protect himself."_

_"__I'm sorry, Arya but I fail to see the logic. Your words completely contradict his behaviour. I mean, he has insulted your friends uncountable times in your presence. He picks on students because of their origins."_

_"__Have you ever noticed that Slytherins mostly pick on Gryffindors and Ravenclaws?"_ If Remus was confused by my choice of topic, he didn't show it. Instead he watched me with warm eyes.

_"'__You might belong in Hufflepuff, where they are just and loyal, those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid of toil. Or perhaps in Slytherin__you'll make your real friends, those cunning folks use any means to achieve their ends.' Those were the Sorting Hat's words in my first year… Gryffindors and Ravenclaws are loyal and defend those they love. But they're also quick to judge because they don't know their limits. On one hand, they'll say they'd do anything to protect those they love. But if it came down to it, they wouldn't. Hufflepuffs would never give such a vague answer, knowing their limits better than anyone else."_

_"__Have you ever wondered why Slytherins are considered evil? Except for the obvious reason of blood purity of course; not every Slytherin believes that rubbish anyway. Slytherins know they have no limit when it concerns loyalty. If a Slytherin tells you they'd do anything to protect someone, you can be sure that they'll truly do everything. That doesn't necessarily mean they enjoy whatever means they're using…"_

_"__Draco's doing whatever he can to protect himself and others, including me. He always knew Lucius would never turn his back on my father when he returned. Therefore, Draco also knew if his father ever heard about him being close to me, Lucius wouldn't wait one second to tell his beloved Master… It's a vicious circle, honestly. Because if Draco wouldn't have acted like a Pureblood fanatic, his father would've heard about it. My father would've heard about it by now and would use Draco against me…"_

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Remus folding his arms across his chest. A thoughtful expression settled on his features and he gazed absentminded out of the window. After a while, he turned his head to look at me.

_"__So, you truly care for Draco Malfoy."_

I sighed and unfolded my arms. Then I turned and faced Remus properly for the first time. _"I love him, Remus. I consider him my brother, my twin. Draco's my family and he's as important as Severus… They both need to survive this war… But my curse is making everything much more complicated…"_

Frustrated, I threw my hands up and shook my head. Once again, my fingers bore deeply into my marked forearm without me even noticing. Remus' expression softened and he watched me shifting insecurely.

_"__I know, we don't see eye to eye and probably it's none of my business but how did Severus take it? I noticed, he fled the house as soon as possible that evening. I saw him and tried to talk to him but… well, it's Severus… Not one to discuss his feelings and very hard to read."_

I gulped and my heart throbbed painfully in my chest. Avoiding his gaze, I leaned my shoulder against the window frame. _"Not well… Not at all…"_

_"__That explains your outburst during the meeting, I suppose…" _Remus turned back towards the window. _"Would it help him to have someone to talk to? I mean… after learning about your curse… surely, you'll understand how difficult it's for all of us to accept it. We're talking about it more often than not and Molly's devastated, although she's trying not to show it."_

I felt my heart growing heavier with every word. Yet I couldn't suppress the half-hearted scoff and scowled. _"Oh, Severus is more than devastated, I can assure you. Yet, he'd rather rip your head off first before talking to any of you. Although, he could use somebody who takes care of him – someone who isn't me, that is…"_

My eyes prickled when I turned to Remus. I watched him with my unguarded desperation and fear. _"It destroyed him inwardly, Remus. Severus is one of the most loyal and trustworthy souls I've ever met. He'll do what is necessary to bring my father down, but in doing so, he'll break the promise he made to my mother – to protect and keep me alive. So – when the time comes – he'll have to let me die, he'll leave my friends to die if his work as a spy is more effective for my father's destruction than their lives. Severus gave me his word not to risk his cover or life if not absolutely necessary – he's very important in this war and for the Order… This is what I meant when I said true Slytherins are willing to do everything. Severus downright refused the promise to try and survive this war and Draco would most certainly do the same…"_

_"__You know Severus. He can be an __infuriating, annoying, petulant, sadistic git – I'm very well aware of it. You'd need a lot of patience and probably would've to endure his entire range of insults. But if you remain just as persistent, he might talk to you. I know, it doesn't sound promising, but I'd be forever grateful if you tried nonetheless."_

_"__I honestly don't think Severus is willing to talk to me out of all people, but I'm willing to try."_

I blinked rapidly to keep my tears from falling and my lips turned into a bitter smile. _"Who else would talk to him who knows how to deal with his temper? Severus is a very complex and private person, we both know that."_

Remus chuckled and nodded. _"The most complex person, I've to admit. But I'll try."_

I let out a long breath and nodded shakily. _"I appreciate your help, Remus. Thank you."_

He nodded again and smiled sheepishly. _"Well, I suppose the change of topic is my fault. We were talking about Draco Malfoy… I heard you blaming yourself for a fight when I entered earlier…?"_

Sighing, I crossed my arms and bit my bottom lip. Suddenly, I felt like a scolded student again. _"Yes, well… Draco and I had a huge fight… I provoked him until he snapped and punched me in the middle of a crowded corridor."_

Remus straightened and cleared his throat. He raised his eyebrows until they disappeared under his hair. _"That's… surprising to hear. I never would've taken you for the type for physical fights… I assume Professor McGonagall wasn't pleased?"_

_"__Of course not. She wanted to put us in detention but Severus convinced her not to… He believed time apart over the summer would be enough to make us see reason."_ I bit the inside of my cheek and pointedly ignored Remus' stare. Severus had been right. I regretted the fight but I didn't know if Draco would be willing to listen to me. _"What am I supposed to do? During our fight he told me that he'd reached his limit and wouldn't bother to talk to me ever again… And to be honest it was my intention when I started the fight but now… I don't know."_

_"__You were trying to push him away because of the curse?"_ Remus asked frowning and I nodded curtly. _"I think, I dare say that I understand your motive, Arya. But wouldn't you prefer knowing the truth if – lets assume Severus were cursed? Would you accept if he lied to you about his impending death to protect you?"_

A long, heavy silence followed his question. My thoughts were whirling wildly in my mind but my heart knew the answer already. _"No, I wouldn't."_ I muttered quietly.

Remus smiled reassuringly and his voice sounded gentle when he spoke again. _"You know when… when James, Sirius and… Peter went to Hogwarts with me, I lied to them. I made all sort of excuses for my behaviour, stupid really. I felt terrible about lying to my best friends. I loved them… When they finally learned the truth, I felt so relieved. My friends supported me more than I had ever dared to imagine… Suffering from lycanthropy… is horrible… but with my friends by my side I knew I could cope with it…"_

_"__Although, I have difficulties imagining Draco Malfoy as a kind person – forgive me for that – you care a great deal for him. Tell him the truth and I promise you'll feel much better… After all, it helps that Severus knows the truth, doesn't it? Even Sirius noticed that you respond differently to Severus. After the last meeting, Molly even went so far as to ask Severus why he had such an influence on you."_

The corner of my lips twitched upwards and I chuckled. _"Did you hear his response?"_

Remus grinned and his eyes sparkled with mirth. _"Ah, yes. About everyone in the room heard it since Molly's question silenced the entire room. I suppose everyone was interested in his reaction – myself included. After all, Molly Weasley can be as impressive and intimidating as Severus if need be…"_

_"__Did you know that Mrs. Weasley is one of a handful of people who can actually silence him? Severus would never dare to disrespect her with a sharp or sarcastic reply."_ I smirked up at Remus.

_"__Hm, that probably explains it… Merlin help us if Severus suddenly began to openly acknowledge someone's efforts, but he did express his respect for your intelligence and competence – in his own way of course. I was surprised to hear that he has apparently adapted his expectations of you to your existing knowledge about Potions. And by Minerva's and Dumbledore's expressions, I think they didn't know either. Either way, Severus stated his adequately high expectations and support were the reasons he has earned your respect. And that he earned your trust by treating the health concerning issues since your first year."_ Remus chuckled and cast me an amused look._ "I bet half of the Order members were questioning Severus' mental state at this point. He's a very challenging man and throwing out praises isn't like him."_

I laughed and nodded in agreement. My heart warmed with Remus' words though and I couldn't hold back the beaming smile. Severus' answer was undoubtedly the highest praise someone could get – and I was the one he had been referring to. Remus shifted slightly and folded his hands.

_"__Well Arya, I believe it's time for me to leave. It's getting late and I'm quite exhausted to be honest. I hope, my help was enough to allow your mind a proper rest."_

My smile faltered and I watched Remus cautiously. _"Alright. Yes, you were a great help. Thank you. Except for Severus, I don't really have anyone to talk about- You won't tell anyone, will you?"_

_"__Of course not. Even though, I'm curious. Who else knows about Malfoy?"_

I bit the inside of my cheek before answering him. _"Severus, Professor McGonagall, Dumbledore, Blaise, his mother, his adoptive brother… and Hermione…" Too many people, _I added silently. _Too many people causing too many risks._

_"__Hermione? How did that happen?" _Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise. I unfolded my arms and scowled at my nightstand.

_"__I suppose we became reckless last year when Blaise's brother was with us at Hogwarts. It was the first time in years that the four of us have been together again… Isn't she the brightest witch of her age…"_ I added sarcastically and Remus chuckled.

_"__I suppose she is, yes."_

My head snapped up and I watched him intensely. Remus knew my secret as well now. Although, I doubted he would tell anyone, I knew my father could easily invade his mind if he got the chance. I could feel the increasing pulsating magic in my veins, my heart – ancient magic – binding Remus in a way he couldn't possibly imagine.

_"__Do you give me your word that you won't tell anyone about my brother? No one can know. If my father should ever hear about our connection, he will use Draco against me. And honestly Remus, the thought frightens me as much as knowing that Severus returns to my father regularly, because I don't know how far I'd go to protect him."_

Remus stared at me for a very long time. His brown eyes flickered with something I couldn't define. Finally, he nodded. _"I promise never to tell anyone about Draco Malfoy or Severus."_

I gulped when the swirling magic in my body burned painfully. Then it vanished, leaving nothing more than the usual faint pulse of blood and magic. I averted my gaze when I realised what I had just done. Remus was bound with ancient magic until I released him, his or my death. Even if he wanted to, he would never be able to breathe a word about my connection to Severus or Draco. The moment he tried, the knowledge would slip his mind for as long as necessary.

_"__You can talk to no one about it except for those who know already." _I added as an afterthought. Remus nodded, not understanding the true meaning of my words. What would Severus say if he knew?

_"__Alright. I'm leaving you to yourself then. I wish you a restful night, Arya. I'm sure, we'll see each other again before you all return to Hogwarts."_

I smiled sheepishly and nodded. Only when Remus closed the door behind him did I dare to exhale shakily. Did I even have the right to create a magical vow without his consent?

The next days passed terrifyingly fast and yet annoyingly slow. We weren't allowed to go to Diagon Alley to buy our new school books. Apparently, Dumbledore didn't want us to walk out in the open by ourselves. Although it irritated me to be patronized by the Headmaster again, I knew Severus would be more than relieved.

My conversation with Remus was constantly whirling around in my mind. I couldn't wait to get back to Hogwarts and see Severus. Yet, I felt terrified about meeting Draco again. I knew – my heart constantly reminded me – I knew I had to tell him the truth… but I didn't want to. In my mind, I was thinking back and forth about whether I should really tell him. It went so far that I couldn't even concentrate on my surroundings. My friends – well, mostly Hermione and the Weasley's – had to snap me out of my thoughts regularly. Harry seemed to brood about his own problems… only adding to the list of thoughts I was trying to solve.

_Severus smirks and runs his fingers provocative light over my face. My cheek tingles, my skin covers with goose bumps… Severus' soft velvet voice making it impossible to think… "Tell me to stop, Arya." …His lips pressing against the smooth curve of my throat, the soft flesh of my ear… His lips hovering over my throat; his shallow breaths caressing and tingling my skin… Severus' bare chest feels warm and comforting under my fingers… My skin is burning; Severus' hair teasing my exposed skin in new places; warm gentle fingers exploring my upper body and lips following… Obsidian eyes – flashing with love and desire, boring intensely in mine…_

_"__Arya Jackson, for Merlin's sake."_

I blinked and froze on the spot, although my body was burning with my recent thoughts. I realised that I was still holding my robes in hands. I dropped them absentminded in the opened suitcase. A shiver of desire rushed through my body; my stomach was still tingling with the strong feelings of Severus' hands and lips… So gentle, yet enough to provoke a burning sensation – not allowing any coherent thoughts.

_"__Arya?" _I heard the amusement before I saw it. I lifted my head and found myself on the receiving end of a very cheeky grin from my best friend. My cheeks heated up suddenly, a deep blush creeping to my face. My heart was hammering rapidly in my chest. For once, I had not been thinking about Draco or my father… I bit my bottom lip but to no avail. The corners of my lips twitched into a secretive smile.

_"__What thoughts did I just interrupt?"_ Hermione asked and chuckled when I turned towards the wardrobe to hide my glowing cheeks. _"Ah, come now. You can tell me, Arya… Were you thinking about your boyfriend?"_

_"__Boyfriend? I didn't know you have a boyfriend."_ I whirled around horrified when I heard Ginny's voice. She looked from Hermione to me with a curious expression and a soft smile on her lips. The second she spotted my deep blush, they widened to an equally amused smirk.

_"__That was the point."_ I muttered under my breath but couldn't stop smiling nonetheless. _Thank you, Severus, for managing to embarrass me even without your presence… Although, I enjoyed the afternoon with you… _If possible, my blush grew even deeper and my lips turned into a very triumphant smirk.

_"…__confessed their love to each other the evening of the Yule Ball."_ I heard Hermione somewhat distantly. I desperately tried – truly tried to focus on the actual conversation but the thoughts of Severus' touches couldn't be pushed back.

_"__Well, who would've guessed that our conservative fairy could be so romantic. Do you know the lucky guy?"_ Ginny plopped down on my bed next to Hermione. I scowled half-heartedly when they started giggling.

_"__Conservative? I'm not conservative!"_ With a little more force than necessary, I threw my books into the suitcase. Another memory of me boldly undressing myself in front of Severus came into my mind. And during my night in his quarters last year, I had merely been dressed with Severus' shirt and my underwear. I smirked mischievously and looked at my giggling friends with gleaming eyes. _"No, I'm most certainly and definitely not conservative."_

Hermione's expression changed rapidly from amusement to shock. Ginny – as always, the fiery redhead – laughed at the both of us. When Hermione cast her a stern look, she tried to calm down but to no avail. I chuckled, a warm sensation growing in the pit of my stomach and continued packing.

_"__Did you… honestly… You didn't… did you?"_ Ginny asked eloquently, pressing a hand to her lips to hide her chuckle. Inwardly, I was debating with myself – Draco would have been proud. My smirk widened at Hermione's expression when I merely looked from Ginny to her before resuming to arrange the contents of my suitcase.

_"__Arya, stop smirking and tell us the truth."_ Hermione demanded, snapping out of her shock only to cast me a very stern look. I packed the last book and a set of robes into my bag for the train ride.

_"__You know, perhaps you two should grow up a little."_ I chuckled and collected the few leftovers. My best friend growled disapprovingly. _"I'm not conservative."_ My gaze rested on the bed – the pillow where my head had rested while Severus had kissed me uncountable times. I felt myself relax and smiled, my heart warming with thoughts of the man I had fallen in love with. _"But no. We didn't." _I chuckled softly and looked at a less terrified Hermione. _"Believe me, he wouldn't even be willing to think about the possibility of sharing a bed if I brought it up, let alone discuss the possibility or any further thoughts."_

Ginny had calmed down by now, but an amused smirk was still on her lips. _"So you found yourself a matching conservative boyfriend. Well, to be honest, you never struck me as the type to sneak around and snog guys in dark corners or random classrooms anyway."_

_Not random classrooms, actually. _I furrowed my eyebrows and scowled. _"I'm still not conservative though and neither is he. And by the way, I don't snog – not with any guy or my boyfriend. I have decency and don't wish to get involved with just anyone. I do respect and value myself."_

Ginny grinned and even Hermione chuckled amused. She cast me an apologetic look and tried to contain her laughing. I raised my eyebrows and watched them questioning. As far as I knew, there hadn't been anything funny in my reply.

_"__But you don't know before getting involved if you'll grow close or not. I mean, I'm not one to throw myself at guys but how are you supposed to get to know someone – to know if you like someone, if you don't open up to them?"_ Hermione tried to explain. Ginny snorted and cleared her throat, casting Hermione a cheeky grin.

_"__Like Viktor Krum?"_ Hermione blushed and cast Ginny a dark look. With her reddening cheeks it didn't look impressive though. I ignored her comment and frowned at my best friend.

_"__By spending time around them, obviously. Observing, listening, talking."_ I couldn't understand what she was trying to tell me. Hermione was contradicting herself. Confused, I picked up a Potions book I had found in the library and stared at her. We were frowning at each other while Ginny tried to suppress a laugh.

_"__So you get involved with them."_ Hermione stated matter of fact. I shook my head and chuckled in confusion.

_"__Hermione, you're not making any sense. I just told you, I don't get involved with anyone." _I crossed my arms and leaned against the bed footboard. Hermione and Ginny stared at me as if I were some strange magical creature, they saw for the very first time.

_"__If you speak with somebody – and I'm still talking about guys – you're automatically getting involved with him and opening up."_ She sounded slightly frustrated. I sighed and shook my head.

_"__So you claim in order to know if I like somebody, I have to tell him private matters about myself and open up, as you call it?"_ I raised my eyebrows and watched her amused. Now it was my turn to laugh at their confused expressions.

_"__Well, yeah."_ Ginny answered instead. _"Because you only know if you truly like somebody, if you know more about him than just the basics."_

_"__So in your opinion, we can only pass the basics if we tell each other private matters? I have to tell the other person things about myself so that they tell me things about themselves?"_ I laughed and rolled my eyes. _"If you want to trade with your secrets, it's your decision. I certainly won't. Honestly, if that's how humans form relationships, it sounds quite… disturbing… and sad, actually."_

I smirked to myself and watched my friends' expressions. Their confusion had become worse when they exchanged glances. Hermione opened her mouth several times only to close it again.

_"__Well, how do you form relationships? And what do you mean with 'humans' as if you would act differently? We know you're a fairy but you're not very different from us."_

My smirk vanished and I stared at her. A cold shiver ran down my spine. In the back of my mind, I heard Severus' voice in a very vivid memory. So many times, I had ended up crying when I had been around other muggle children of my age – not because they didn't know magic, rather than their behaviour. Children hitting each other, children screaming at each other, children teasing each other, children tormenting insects and other smaller animals until they died, parents lying to their children, adults lying to each other… The lack of respect… Being barely more than a child myself, without enough control of my magic to shut it all out, I had felt it all – every lie, every pain, every death. For years, I had hated going out with Severus because wherever we had gone, there had been pain in all existing shapes… Every time I had ran back to Severus and begged him to go back home, he had taken me aside and explained the psychological principles of human beings – why they acted selfish and without respect for those surrounding them. And I had always had difficulties to accept these principles because Severus was different. He didn't lie nor did he ever intentionally hurt me – if it weren't for my father, he would be allowed to show his true self to everyone and wouldn't have to act so terrible. He rarely allowed himself to act disrespectful. Admittedly, last year we had been close to crossing these limits, but I was convinced it was because of our changing relationship…

Speaking of relationships – my friends were still watching me expectantly, waiting for an explanation. I bit the inside of my cheek and sighed. That was a conversation I had dreaded for years, knowing it was inevitable, yet I had hoped I wouldn't have to bring it up. All traces of amusement had left my features and my voice was quiet.

_"__I am not human, Hermione. I'm a fairy, elf, elb – however you wish to call me, it means all the same. My father might be human but fairy blood dominates, although the power decreases with each generation. Half-fairies don't exist so I'm as much a fairy as you're a human. You're humans and a witch or wizard, I'm a fairy. Magic exists since the beginning of time; fairies exist since the beginning of Magic – we are Magic, pure magical creatures."_

Hermione and Ginny were staring at me in a trance like state.

_"__I don't tell anyone private things about myself without a reason – without trust. My way to get to know new people is by watching their behaviour when they're alone or with others, listening to their words and reading their expressions. I was merely a child when I learned about human motives and psychology. In order to lay low and not attract any attention, I adapted my attitude as much as I could without completely betraying myself. And yet, there are still so many things about human convictions and conducts I don't understand… and probably never will."_

I pushed myself of the bed footboard and smiled sadly. _"There are so many things I could tell you about myself that you don't know. But I don't particularly feel like explaining the way I think about everything at the moment. There are more pressing matters and things to worry about."_

I unfolded my arms and gazed at the Potions book in my hands. _Like worrying about Draco or Severus or my father…_

_"__GINNY, HERMIONE, ARYA. DOWNSTAIRS, NOW."_ We were interrupted by a distantly shouting Mrs. Weasley. The heavy silence broke when Ginny chuckled and jumped off the bed.

_"__Well, we better hurry before Mum wakes the portrait of Sirius' mother. I'm not keen to listen to her screamed insults."_

Hermione caught my arm before I could leave the room. She pierced me with an insistent look. _"But you will tell us, right? I mean, I would love to know more. Until now, I didn't see that much difference between you and myself."_

I sighed and scowled at the ugly tapestry in the room. _"Of course, I will but we have to be careful about it. People still don't know who or what I am and I'd prefer if it stayed that way for as long as possible…"_

Hermione released my arm and grinned satisfied. I smirked to myself as she turned away. Sometimes, it was predictably easy to make her happy.


	66. Chapter 66 - Return to Hogwarts

p class="MsoNormal"!- [if gte mso 9]xml  
o:OfficeDocumentSettings  
o:RelyOnVML/  
o:AllowPNG/  
/o:OfficeDocumentSettings  
/xml![endif]-!- [if gte mso 9]xml  
w:WordDocument  
w:ViewNormal/w:View  
w:Zoom0/w:Zoom  
w:TrackMoves/  
w:TrackFormatting/  
w:HyphenationZone21/w:HyphenationZone  
w:PunctuationKerning/  
w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/  
w:SaveIfXMLInvalidfalse/w:SaveIfXMLInvalid  
w:IgnoreMixedContentfalse/w:IgnoreMixedContent  
w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderTextfalse/w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText  
w:DoNotPromoteQF/  
w:LidThemeOtherDE/w:LidThemeOther  
w:LidThemeAsianX-NONE/w:LidThemeAsian  
w:LidThemeComplexScriptX-NONE/w:LidThemeComplexScript  
w:Compatibility  
w:BreakWrappedTables/  
w:SnapToGridInCell/  
w:WrapTextWithPunct/  
w:UseAsianBreakRules/  
w:DontGrowAutofit/  
w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/  
w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/  
w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/  
w:OverrideTableStyleHps/  
/w:Compatibility  
m:mathPr  
m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/  
m:brkBin m:val="before"/  
m:brkBinSub m:val="-"/  
m:smallFrac m:val="off"/  
m:dispDef/  
m:lMargin m:val="0"/  
m:rMargin m:val="0"/  
m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/  
m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/  
m:intLim m:val="subSup"/  
m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/  
/m:mathPr/w:WordDocument  
/xml![endif]-!- [if gte mso 9]xml  
w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false"  
DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"  
LatentStyleCount="375"  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 7"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 8"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index 9"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 7"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 8"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 9"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Normal Indent"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="footnote text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="annotation text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="header"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="footer"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="index heading"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="table of figures"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="envelope address"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="envelope return"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="footnote reference"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="annotation reference"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="line number"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="page number"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="endnote reference"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="endnote text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="table of authorities"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="macro"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="toa heading"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Bullet"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Number"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Bullet 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Bullet 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Bullet 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Bullet 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Number 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Number 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Number 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Number 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Closing"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Signature"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text Indent"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Continue"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Continue 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Continue 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Continue 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="List Continue 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Message Header"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Salutation"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Date"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text First Indent"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Note Heading"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Block Text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Hyperlink"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Document Map"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Plain Text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="E-mail Signature"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Top of Form"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Normal (Web)"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Acronym"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Address"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Cite"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Code"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Definition"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Keyboard"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Preformatted"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Sample"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Typewriter"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="HTML Variable"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Normal Table"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="annotation subject"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="No List"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Outline List 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Outline List 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Outline List 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Simple 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Simple 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Simple 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Classic 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Classic 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Classic 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Classic 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Colorful 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Colorful 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Colorful 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Columns 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Columns 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Columns 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Columns 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Columns 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 7"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Grid 8"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 7"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table List 8"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Contemporary"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Elegant"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Professional"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Subtle 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Subtle 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Web 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Web 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Web 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Balloon Text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Table Theme"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"  
Name="List Paragraph"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"  
Name="Intense Quote"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"  
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"  
Name="Intense Emphasis"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"  
Name="Subtle Reference"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"  
Name="Intense Reference"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"  
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"  
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"  
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"  
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Mention"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Smart Hyperlink"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Hashtag"/  
w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"  
Name="Unresolved Mention"/  
/w:LatentStyles  
/xml![endif]-!- [if gte mso 10]  
style  
/* Style Definitions */  
{mso-style-name:"Normale Tabelle";  
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;  
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;  
mso-style-noshow:yes;  
mso-style-priority:99;  
mso-style-parent:"";  
mso-padding-alt:0cm 5.4pt 0cm 5.4pt;  
mso-para-margin-top:0cm;  
mso-para-margin-right:0cm;  
mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt;  
mso-para-margin-left:0cm;  
line-height:115%;  
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;  
font-size:11.0pt;  
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;  
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;  
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;  
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;  
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;  
mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";  
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;  
mso-fareast-language:EN-US;}  
/style  
![endif]-/p  
h2span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"66. Return to Hogwarts/span/h2  
p class="MsoNormal"The train was gathering more speed, so that the houses outside the window flashed past. My heart was hammering in my chest by now. I was on my way back to Hogwarts. I would face Draco and Blaise sooner or later. During the next few days, we would find out who believed the truth about my father's return and who had swallowed the lies from the Ministry. I closed my eyes briefly and took a shaking breath. emI will see Severus again. I will see him tonight. /emMy heart wasn't into cheering myself up though. If possible, my anxiety became even worse./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Hi Luna."/em Ginny greeted a girl in an otherwise empty compartment. em"Is it okay if we take these seats?"/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"I ended up taking the seat opposite to the other girl. When I lifted my head to look at her properly, I found myself unable to breathe. I didn't know her but apparently, she was in Ginny's year. Yet it was her looks that froze my entire body. Pale skin, like Draco. White blonde hair, like Draco. Blue eyes, almost similar to his. Blue eyes were staring at me./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I blinked and drew a deep breath. The girl – Luna – was staring at me with curiosity; her bright blue eyes fixing me without blinking once. Then her gaze wandered to Harry. I shook my head slightly and gulped. I stared out of the window instead. My hand scratched my marked forearm as my thoughts drifted away to my brother. Worry and fear were battling, merely increasing my suppressed panic./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"You're Aryanna Jackson."/em Luna's dreamy voice ripped me out of my thoughts. I glanced at her and found myself once again, fixed by an unsettling stare. I didn't care to correct my name and merely turned back towards the window. I didn't see the passing trees or mountains. All I saw was a pale blonde with ice blue eyes glaring down at me with a very furious expression./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I turned again when somebody nudged my arm. Harry was glancing from my eyes down to my arm. His eyebrows furrowed with concern. Slowly, I released the claw-like grip on my forearm and fidgeted nervously with my hands. I attempted to smile at him but it felt more like a grimace. Sighing, I bit the inside of my cheek and shook my head. Then I grabbed my bag from under the seat and busied myself searching it. When I could no longer feel my best friend's stare, I pulled out a Potions book Sirius had allowed me to take. Of course, it had nothing to do with the Dark Arts. Since Severus had discovered this one book in my room, I had persistently pushed every thought of a cure to the back of my mind. However, I couldn't forget about it…/p  
p class="MsoNormal"My thoughts were interrupted once more, when Neville presented his newest gift – a plant that squirted thick, slimy liquid as a defence mechanism. Since he was sitting on Harry's other side, I was mostly spared. A quick cleaning spell and the evidences of the accident had vanished. To Harry's misfortune, Cho Chang – the Ravenclaw seeker – appeared the moment he was covered from head to toes with the green liquid. Only half interested, I found myself trapped in my own mind again./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Well, there are two fifth-year prefects from each house. Boy and girl from each."/em Hermione and Ron had returned from their meeting. Hermione looked slightly disgruntled and cast me a dark look./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"And now guess who are the Slytherin prefects."/em Ron scowled. My heart clenched painfully in my ribcage. I knew the answer already. Subconsciously, I had known since Ron and Hermione had received their badges./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Malfoy."/em Harry spat with disdain. I gulped and my gaze flickered to Hermione. She was fixing me with a glare, similar to the one she had shown me last year when I had told her the truth about my brother and Blaise./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I shuddered and felt my panic increase all the sudden. emAm I betraying them? There are so many things about me that my best friends don't know… Draco… What am I supposed to do? How can I tell him the truth? How can I tell him that I'll die? /emThe conversation between my friends was forgotten and my mind elsewhere. My body turned colder and colder as I absentmindedly watched the passing landscape./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I flinched when the compartment door opened with a banging noise. My body froze in my seat, my heart stopped and I was sure everyone could see my panic. Flanked by Crabbe and Goyle, Draco stood in the doorway with a cold smirk on his lips. He looked different – he had grown, obviously. But it wasn't just that – he resembled Lucius more than ever. It was frightening how his features had sharpened so much like his father's. A cold shiver ran down my spine. Draco pointedly ignored me, staring straight at Harry instead./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"What?"/em He said aggressively, before Draco could open his mouth./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Manners, Potter."/em He drawled coldly. em"You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"His voice sounded muffled in my ears. I couldn't move, I couldn't avert my gaze, I could barely breathe. Draco seemed to be alright. I couldn't sense any kind of Dark Magic on him which meant that he had not been in my father's presence. I let out a deep breath and snapped out of my trance like state when my friends laughed about something Harry had replied./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Tell me, how does it feel to be second best to Weasley, Potter?"/em Draco taunted loudly. I narrowed my eyes but my lips seemed to be sealed together. Although, I knew, I wouldn't be able to say anything against him anyway. My panic was too intense to allow me clear thoughts./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Shut up, Malfoy!"/em Hermione snapped angrily and cast me an expectant look which changed instantly to a disappointed glare when I didn't react. I met her eyes, my mind entirely blank before I stared at a sneering Draco. My heart felt as if it was cracking when Draco caught our quiet exchange and cast me a withering look. His lips twitched into an awful, malicious smirk./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Well, Jackson. How does it feel to be second best to someone like Granger?"/em I could feel their gazes. I could feel Hermione's burning glare on my face, expecting me to say something, to defend her and prove that I didn't agree with his behaviour. But I couldn't open my mouth when ice blue eyes pierced me painfully. em"It truly must be disappointing although, it wouldn't be appropriate if you were Gryffindor's Prefect. I mean, you, out of all female Gryffindor's."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"I stared at him. My mind was empty. My heart felt empty. My body was cold. The only thing I saw was the burning anger in my brother's eyes. And then suddenly, he was gone and the compartment door closed. Yet, I couldn't tear my eyes away from where Draco had stood mere seconds ago. He was still angry./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"You alright, Arya?" /emGinny asked with furrowed eyebrows. Again, all eyes were on me. I couldn't respond. The heavy pit in my stomach was growing rapidly since Draco had appeared. He was still angry. Wordlessly, I turned towards the window without even seeing the landscape./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Would you please explain what happened?"/em Hermione whispered angrily. She had pulled me back a little as we were walking towards the carriages. I sighed annoyed but refused to look at her. I also pointedly ignored the whispering and pointing around myself and Harry./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"You were there, Hermione. Just ignore him. Malfoy's have the tendency to be a pain in the ass."/em A thick lump formed in my throat when I heard her disapproving snort. As if I had chosen that things were the way they were./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"I could say the same about you, Jackson."/em Draco knocked my shoulder and sneered coldly. em"A nutter like you shouldn't roam about Hogwarts. I'm surprised the Ministry's still letting you walk around free."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"I gulped when I felt Draco's body heat. My skin was covered with goose bumps and my heart was pounding in my chest. I was utterly speechless. Draco smirked provocative at Harry, Ron and Ginny who were glaring daggers in return. Then he turned away and passed us. Blaise, walking next to him, turned around and glanced briefly in my direction. While his expression seemed bored, his narrowed eyes were showing his confusion./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"This is what I'm talking about. You're not even saying anything."/em Hermione sat next to me in he carriage, her loud voice attracting my friends' attention. The grip on my bag tightened. I pressed my lips in a thin line and frowned./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Yes, because the last time I said something, it ended in a fight."/em I replied aggressively and blew out my cheeks in frustration./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"You're not afraid of him now, are you? I mean, it's Malfoy. He's the nutter."/em Ron said, exchanging a look with Harry. He nodded and watched me with raised eyebrows./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I let out a deep breath, trying to find some patience. emThere we go again – Draco, the evil person and son of a Death Eater. "Only a nutter would be afraid of him. No, believe it or not, I feel guilty for provoking the fight. If I hadn't taunted him, he wouldn't have snapped completely. He punched me, yes, but I'm the one who pushed him so far." /emSeveral pairs of eyes stared me as if I had grown a second head. I rolled my eyes and scowled at my bag. em"Just forget about it…"/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"I didn't attempt to join their conversation for the rest of the ride. Annoyance had settled in my heart. Why my friends couldn't understand my point of view was beyond my comprehension. Then again, they seemed terribly blinded by their emptions sometimes./p  
p class="MsoNormal"People put their heads together to whisper when Harry and I passed them to enter the Great Hall. When the five of us – Neville had joined us – sat down next to Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown, they gave us an airy, overly-friendly greeting. I rolled my eyes at their poor attempt to act as if they hadn't been talking about Harry, and most certainly about me as well. While I simply averted my gaze and ignored them, Harry seemed to have more troubles. He clenched his jaw and glared at nothing in particular. When I carelessly looked around, I saw several people staring in our direction. I chuckled as they hurriedly turned away from my gaze./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Every seat was taken at the staff table. My lips twitched into a smile when I spotted Severus, looking as uncomfortable and gloomy as ever. There was a new edge of annoyance in his expression though. Seemingly bored out of his mind, he let his gaze wander over the students. A warm feeling erupted in my stomach when his eyes found me. I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling, then Severus broke the gaze./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Harry looked more and more uncomfortable. His previous excitement had vanished completely with the accusing glances and whispers in our direction. I nudged his arm and green eyes turned to look at me. I raised my eyebrows and smirked amused, only to annoy those sitting close enough. I made sure to speak clearly for the eavesdroppers surrounding us./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Just ignore them, Harry. They've all been brainwashed by the Ministry and the Daily Prophet. In fact, you should pity them for being incapable of using their brains. I've been told, that feigned ignorance is a bliss. Although, cowardice is more like it."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Speaking of the Ministry – what's that Umbridge woman doing here?"/em Harry narrowed his eyes at the staff table. We turned around and I spotted the new face./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Who?"/em Hermione asked confused. em"Do you mean the woman sitting next to Dumbledore?"/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"She was at my hearing, she works for Fudge."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"A cold shiver ran down my spine with his words. Thoughtfully, I observed the new staff member. She wore an appalling pink cardigan, matching the pink bow in her short, curly, brown hair. She was rather squat with a flabby face and a very wide, slack mouth. Scowling, I pressed my lips in a thin line, my index absentmindedly tracing my lips. emA Ministry employee at Hogwarts. This can't be good…/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Hermione muttered something inaudible under her breath and looked grim. Our eyes locked and I knew she was thinking along the same lines. The Ministry and Hogwarts had always remained independent from one another./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Finally, Professor McGonagall arrived with the new first-years. She was carrying a stool on which sat the ancient Sorting Hat. The buzz of talk faded away as our head of house placed the stool in front of the new students, then stood back. Then the rip near the hat's brim opened wide like a mouth./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"In times of old when I was new/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emAnd Hogwarts barely started/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emThe founders of our noble school/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emThought never to be parted…"/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"The Sorting Hat sang the story of Hogwarts' founding. It explained how the four houses had meant to bring peace and unity, like the founders' friendship. Since Salazar Slytherin had left Hogwarts and abandoned his friends, Slytherin house had been shunned by the others. Amazed, I listened to the song that was so very different from the previous years. When the words turned more serious, goose bumps erupted on my arms. Instinctively, I rubbed my marked forearm./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"…Oh, know the perils, read the signs/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emThe warning history shows,/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emFor our Hogwarts is in danger/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emFrom external, deadly foes/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emAnd we must unite insider her/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emOr we'll crumble from within/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emI have told you, I have warned you…/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emLet the Sorting now begin."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"I was lost in thoughts when the Sorting Hat ended its song. Mutters and whispers punctured the following applause. As far as I knew, the Hat had rarely ever given warnings before. It unsettled me to hear an actual advice coming from the old Hat. Nothing and no one had a stronger connection to the castle than the Sorting Hat./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I turned in my seat. I had pointedly chosen to turn my back to the Slytherin table or else I wouldn't have stopped staring at Draco. Surrounded by his Slytherin followers, he acted as snobbish and taunting as always. My heart dropped and I turned back to my plate. Sighing deeply, I began loading my plate with food. emWhat if he's not even willing to meet me…?/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"My attention was snapped away from my thoughts, when Dumbledore finally got to his feet. Talking ceased immediately as all turned to face the Headmaster. I was feeling slightly drowsy now after the satisfying meal. Even though, I listened half-heartedly to Dumbledore's words, my gaze wandered over the staff table and rested on an indifferent looking Severus. My lips twitched into a warm smile, then into a smirk when I remembered our time at Grimmauld Place. Deeply lost in thoughts about our matching Patronus – I would never forget the beautiful shape of my tigress – and the very interesting time with Severus, I stopped listening. My thoughts and feeling were more interesting at this point than the usual, boring speech./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I was snapped out of my thoughts however, when a high-pitched, breathy and little-girlish voice replaced Dumbledore's. My eyebrows furrowed deeply and I frowned as my eyes flickered to the Ministry employee. I felt a powerful rush of dislike that I couldn't explain to myself. All I knew was that I loathed everything about her. I scoffed when she gave another little throat-clearing cough. My fairy senses didn't deceive me./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Dolores Umbridge gave a despairingly dull speech. My dislike increased even more when she began speaking condescendingly as though we were five-year old children. I had a sudden memory of the playground where Severus had taken me as a child. Parents had spoken to their children the same way and I had been overjoyed that Severus wasn't like them. During her never-ending speech, Umbridge essentially stated that progress in Defence Against the Dark Arts would be limited from now on. The quiet that always filled the Hall when Dumbledore was speaking was breaking up as students put their heads together. Umbridge didn't seem to notice the restlessness of her audience. The teachers, however, were still listening very attentively. Severus was scowling at her. Hermione seemed to be drinking in every word the Ministry employee spoke and, judging by her expression, they weren't at all her taste./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"… The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizard of vital importance. Although each Headmaster has brought something new to this historic school. Progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected and prune practices that ought to be prohibited."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Umbridge sat down and Dumbledore clapped. The staff followed his lead, though I noticed that several of them brought their hands together only once or twice before stopping. Very few students joined. I pressed my lips in a thin line and wrinkled my nose in disgust. I definitely didn't like Umbridge at all./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"It certainly was illuminating."/em Hermione said in a low voice. I scoffed sarcastically./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Illuminating? What a load of waffle!"/em Ron turned a glazed face towards Hermione./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"It explained a lot though."/em I crossed my arms and leaned them on the table./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Did it?"/em Harry stared at us with a surprised expression./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"There was some important stuff hidden in the waffle."/em I replied absentminded, my gaze fixed on the newest staff member./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Yes, how about: 'progress for progress's sake must be discouraged'? Or how about: 'prune practices that ought to be prohibited'?" /emHermione snapped when she saw Harry's and Ron's confused expressions. em"It means the Ministry's interfering at Hogwarts."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Dumbledore had obviously just dismissed the school, because everyone was standing up ready to leave the Hall. Hermione and Ron left Harry and me to ourselves when they led the first-years to our tower. Some of them looked petrified when they spotted the two of us walking past them. I pushed Harry further down the Hall when his expression changed quickly from amusement to anger. I sighed but at the same time, I felt just as annoyed as he was. Although Harry seemed more affected by the actual whispering, staring and pointing, I felt furious for their ignorance and the Ministry's cowardice. The threat was real. My father had returned and he was getting stronger by the minute. Yet, the Ministry did nothing except making themselves easy prey./p  
p class="MsoNormal"The moment I climbed through the portrait hole into the common room, I felt a warm sensation of relief flooding my body. The room looked as welcoming as ever. I smiled and looked around. I was home. My friends were here. Severus was here. My brother was here. Everyone I cared about was here with me for the next few months./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I chose to wait for Hermione and made my way to the fire place. A few people were warming their hands by it, leaving the couch unoccupied. I groaned quietly when I fell into the soft cushion, my lips twitching into a happy smile. I was home./p  
p class="MsoNormal"The happiness vanished rapidly when the few students near the fire place spotted me. They cast me frightened looks and hurried to leave the common room. I followed them with my gaze, my eyebrows furrowed deeply. I groaned frustrated and buried my face in my hands. This was even worse than I had expected./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Bloody naïve idiots."/em I muttered under my breath and stared into the crackling fire. em"Brainless, stupid cowards."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"When I finally entered the girl's dormitories following Hermione, I felt suddenly exhausted. All my worries about Draco, the Ministry, my father vanished as I walked straight to my bed. My senses picked up on the growing tension in the room and I scowled. This year would certainly be difficult./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Is there a problem?"/em I turned around and looked hard at Parvati Partil, Lavender Brown and Fay Dunbar./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Parvati glanced shortly at a very tense looking Lavender before casting me a small smile. Fay Dunbar looked rather disinterested and shook her head before turning back to her own bed. Hermione was busy unpacking her bag but her head was inclined in my direction. My eyes settled on Lavender Brown. Her brown eyes glared darkly at me before her hands started shaking with anger./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"You shouldn't be here! The Ministry never should've allowed you and Harry to return to school."/em I cringed inwardly at her girlish voice. She reminded me of Umbridge. Nevertheless, I raised my eyebrows and feigned surprise./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"And why's that?"/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"Lavender's face contorted with rage. em"Because nobody should be forced to share a dorm with someone like you or Harry. You're liars, the worst people I've ever met! Making up lies about You-Know-Who. It's disrespectful towards Cedric and all those who died in the first wizarding war because of him."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"My insides turned to ice and an intense rage burned in my veins. It took my entire self-control to keep my voice calm. em"I am the last person who disrespects the dead! I'm not the one who claims that Cedric Diggory's death was an accident. I'm not the one who closes their eyes to the truth. And for your and everyone else's sake I won't keep my mouth shut just because you're a brainless bunch of cowards!"/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"How dare you, you arrogant, heartless cow!"/em Lavender screeched, her face turning red. She seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment. Then she stalked fuming to my bed and grabbed my bag. I narrowed my eyes but forced myself not to move. em"I don't want you in my dorm. I don't want to share a dorm with a stupid nutter like you!"/em With that she threw my bag at my feet./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"That's out of order, Lavender."/em Hermione appeared and looked coldly at the other girl./p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Out of order, am I?"/em Lavender pointed at me with a disgusted expression. em"So you believe all the rubbish and lies she's telling about You-Know-Who?"/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Yes, I do."/em Hermione snapped./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Lavender wrinkled her nurse and laughed disdainful. em"Of course, why wouldn't you? You're best friend with her and Harry. And you've been chosen as our Prefect. The annoying bookworm and Gryffindor princess, friend of liars and cheats is the new Prefect."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em"Lavender, as you so wisely pointed out, I am a Prefect. And I won't tolerate any kind of insults. So shut your big mouth and leave them alone."/em Hermione glared warningly. Lavender scoffed./p  
p class="MsoNormal"Before she could say anything, I stepped forward. em"Your problem is with me, Lavender, not Hermione. I suggest you remember that for the next time."/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"There was a moment of silence. Then the fuming girl turned around and went back to her bed. Parvati and Fay Dunbar had watched our argument from the safety of their beds. Lavender ignored us when she disappeared under her blanket. With shaking hands I pulled my pyjama out of my suitcase and left to use the loo./p  
p class="MsoNormal"I lay back on my pillows while Hermione bustled around the next bed, putting her things away. Although I had never liked Lavender Brown much, I felt shaken by the argument. How many people were going to suggest that Harry and I were lying? For a moment I felt pity for the Headmaster. Had he suffered like this all summer when the Wizengamot and International Confederation of Wizards had thrown him from their ranks?/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emThey'll know we're right in the end./em/p 


	67. Chapter 67 - The new DADA Professor

67\. The new Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor

The next morning, Lavender dressed at top speed and left the dormitory before I had even prepared my bag for classes. I scoffed and shook my head in disbelief.

_"__Does she thinks she'll turn into a nutter if she stays in a room with me too long?"_

Hermione snorted to herself and glared at the closing door. _"Well, she's just believing The Daily Prophet's rubbish, I suppose."_

I sighed and followed Hermione out of the room. Lavender seemed indescribably angry and my intuition warned me that it wouldn't get better soon. Ron and Harry were waiting for us in the common room. The latter looked really angry about something. Apparently, Harry had had a similar encounter with Seamus, accordingly was his mood. I rolled my eyes and watched him with a calculating expression.

_"__Let me guess. Seamus believes you're lying about Riddle?"_ Harry merely clenched his jaw and scowled at me.

_"__Yes, Lavender thinks so too."_ Hermione added gloomily.

_"__Been having a nice little chat with her about whether or not I'm a lying, attention-seeking brat?"_ Harry said loudly. A cold shiver ran down my spine, followed by burning anger. I gripped his arm and whirled him around to face me. Our faces were only inches away from each other.

_"__You're my best friend, Harry, but I swear if you should ever say something like this again, I'll slap you. I was there with you. I was there and I saw everything, so don't ever dare to speak to me like that again!"_

_"__And it would be quite nice if you stopped jumping down our throats, because in case you haven't noticed, Ron and I are on your side." _Hermione said calmly. I let go of him and continued our way.

There was a short pause. Harry let out a deep breath and bit his lip. _"Sorry."_ His voice was almost too low to hear. Hermione shook her head thoughtfully.

_"__It's all right… Do you remember what Dumbledore said at the last end-of-term speech?"_

I laughed sarcastically and shook my head. _"'Lord Voldemort's gift for spreading discord and enmity is very great. We can only fight it by showing an equally strong bond of friendship and trust…' Honestly, Dumbledore should act on his own advice first before telling others what to do."_

Harry shot me a pointed look before turning his attention back to Hermione. _"This sort of thing is exactly what Dumbledore was talking about. You-Know-Who's only back two months and we've already started fighting amongst ourselves. And the Sorting Hat's warning was the same."_

Ron frowned. _"And Harry got it right last night. If that means we're supposed to get matey with the Slytherins… good luck with that."_

I gritted my teeth and stared straight ahead. _Of course everybody wants peace but nobody's willing to make the first step. Slytherins are evil. Slytherins are our enemy. Slytherins have no hearts. What about you? Not even Hermione truly seeks peace, it appears._

_"__Well, I think it's a pity we're not trying for a bit of inter-house unity."_ Hermione added crossly. I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at her with disbelief.

_"__Because you're trying so hard, aren't you?"_ I snapped before I could stop myself. Hermione turned with a hurt expression.

_"__Excuse me?"_

I gritted my teeth and shook my head dismissing. _"Just forget it."_

Before Hermione could say anything, a tall black girl with long braided hair had marched up to Harry. Angelina Johnsons, the new Gryffindor Quidditch Captain. My mood decreased even more when she gave Harry short instructions about the tryouts this week. I couldn't enter the team… With a heavy sigh, I slumped myself on the wooden bench at the Gryffindor table. _Banned from Quidditch because of the bloody imposter…_

During breakfast, my gaze wandered several times over to the Slytherin table. Draco was surrounded by a couple of classmates, Blaise amongst them as well. For a short moment, piercing grey eyes locked with mine. Draco's expression was unreadable but before I could do anything he turned away. Biting my bottom lip, I attacked my breakfast unnecessarily brutal with my fork. Remus' words were constantly whirling around in my mind. I should tell Draco the truth… but I was scared.

When I returned my attention to my friends, I realised that Fred and George had joined us. They were arguing with Hermione about their newest inventions. _"You'll be singing a different tune soon enough, Hermione. You're starting your fifth year, you'll be begging us for a Snackbox before long."_

I chuckled to myself and watched as Hermione's eyebrows twitched into a deep frown. _"I'd never approve, you know that, Fred. And if I should ever see you trying to sell it to anyone, I'll interfere."_

George muttered something under his breath. I caught the few swear words however, and grinned. Amused, I watched when he and his brother left us to ourselves. Hermione glared at their retreating backs and shook her head.

_"__Do you reckon it's true? This year's supposed to be really tough because of the exams?"_ Harry asked concerned. The change of topic left me speechless suddenly. With all the worries about my father, I had hardly thought about the O.W.L.s. Severus had once told me that they were the basic to the final exams before graduation. They significantly affected the jobs we could apply for after our N.E.W.T.s.

_"__Do you know what you want to do after Hogwarts?"_ Harry asked us when we left the Great Hall and set off towards the History of Magic classroom. My blood turned cold and I felt an increasing panic settling in my heart. Would I really get the chance to apply for a job in the first place? Would the war truly last this long? Even if it did, would I waste my time with another education instead of fighting?

_"__Arya? Have you thought about your time after Hogwarts?"_ Hermione urged me. I gulped and gripped my bag harder. I pointedly ignored her gaze and stared at the door to our classroom.

_"__I always enjoyed the thought of becoming a Healer. Learning Healing magic – spells, potions and herbology – has interested me for a long time now."_ I finally answered. Hermione hummed absentminded, the wheels in her brain turning with my response.

_"__Yes. Yes, I think that's the perfect job for you. You'd be a great and empathic Healer."_ If she noticed my discomfort, she didn't show it. I caught Harry's short glance in my direction. I forced a smile on my lips before entering Professor Binns' classroom.

History of Magic was as dull and boring as always. Whenever I sat in Professor Binns classroom I couldn't help the growing annoyance. I would certainly learn more about Wizarding History if I read it in a book myself. This class was nothing but a waste of time.

My friends cast me strange and amused looks when I jumped up at the end of the lesson. With enthusiastic strides I lead our way into the Dungeons. Potions was next. I would see Severus again.

_"__What do you reckon Snape will set us today?"_ Ron asked gloomily. His good mood fading more. I smirked at my friends.

_"__You don't expect Professor Snape to hand out easy tasks, do you? He'll most likely try to catch us off guard after the holidays. I mean, it's predictable. It's the Head of Slytherin house, after all."_

_"__You're mad, Arya. You only enjoy his lessons because brewing comes naturally to you."_ Harry muttered loud enough for us to hear. I chuckled and shook my head.

_"__Not naturally. I learned about Potions just like you do now. The only difference is that I learned reading with books about Potions, Herbology and Anatomy. I read Potions books before I could understand the written instructions."_

We rounded the last corner to the Potions classroom. My smirk vanished as soon as I spotted my brother in the corridor. Guilt sneaked its way into my heart the longer I watched him. Again, he ignored me completely when he looked at my friends with a disgusted expression. I couldn't care about them at the moment. My heart was aching to talk to him although we had only been back for a day. I wanted to embrace him, talk to him and see his softened expression.

_The truth will make him return to you. _A velvet voice spoke in my mind. It sounded awfully like Severus. I averted my gaze and shook my head to clear my thoughts. _Not today._

I filed into the classroom behind Harry and followed him to our usual table at the back. My mood brightened when I ignored Draco sitting in the first row. With the dim light and light vapour in the room I could blend him out if I didn't focus my eyes to much. Instead I found my gaze drawn towards the intimidating tall person clad in black. Severus let his gaze wander slowly over every student. His expression was one of cold indifference. It needed all my will-power not to smile or betray myself in any other way. Sometimes, I hated these hiding games…

_"__Before we begin today's lesson, I think it appropriate to remind you that next June you will be sitting an important examination, during which you will prove what you have learned about the composition and use of magical potions. Moronic though some of this class undoubtedly are, I expect you to scrape an 'Acceptable' in your O.W.L. or suffer my displeasure."_

I hided my smirk behind my hand. As strict and unfair Severus was most of the times – not that he necessarily had to be unfair – he had told me once that the average grade in Potions was higher than at any other school. Not many schools could say they had a Potions Master to teach the subject. Severus' demeanour did the rest.

Goose bumps erupted on my arms when I heard Severus' voice changing to one of pure admiration. I could listen to him talking about Potions forever. His strong passion for this fascinating art had always caught my attentiveness. It was a main part of the Healing Magic.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when Severus instructed us to brew the Draught of Peace, a potion to calm anxiety and soothe agitation. Again, my lips twitched into a smile; I knew the potion already in theory and had quite the gifted hand when it came to brewing. I enjoyed the challenge of the difficult and fiddly potion. The ingredients had to be added to the cauldron in precisely the right order and quantities. The mixture had to be stirred exactly the right number of times, firstly in clockwise, then in anti-clockwise directions. The heat of the flames on which it was simmering had to be lowered to exactly the right level for a specific number of minutes before the final ingredient was added. One tiny mistake and the potion was useless or would render the drinker into a heavy and sometimes irreversible sleep.

Severus didn't say anything when he inspected our potions with cold eyes. Obviously, he couldn't find any mistakes to criticise. I barely suppressed the triumphant expression when I suddenly remembered his high praise. Never before had he ever said something alike about anyone else. I had gained the most challenging teacher's respect and recognition. The flagon in my hands almost dropped when it needed all my willpower to keep a straight face. I bit my bottom lip hard and avoided looking at Severus as I brought it up to his desk. Nevertheless, I could almost feel his raised eyebrow with an equally scrutinizing gaze.

Not even his unfair behaviour towards Harry could dampen my good mood when we reached the Great Hall for lunch. I was busy imagining returning to the Dungeons later to meet Severus properly. I could finally be alone with him again. Of course, I had to occupy myself during my free period first whilst Hermione would have Arithmancy and Harry and Ron would be heading to Divination. Then we would meet Dolores Umbridge in Defence Against the Dark Arts. I was curious and dreaded her class at the same time. My sense for fairness forced me to think about her class without any prejudices, but the fact that she was working for the Minister made it difficult. As if she would actually support the idea of my father's return…

_"__Consider yourself lucky."_ Ron said to me when we made our way to Defence Against the Dark Arts. Harry nodded in agreement. Hermione and I cast them questioning looks. _"The first day of classes and we've got so much homework already. Binns and Snape set us essays and Trelawney wants a month's dream diary. Fred and George weren't wrong about O.W.L. year, were they?"_

I chuckled and smirked at a whining Ron. _"Well, you chose Divination. I warned you. You didn't listen though. Your loss."_

_"__You should've chosen Arithmancy. Then you'd actually learn something useful."_ Hermione interjected and cast them a stern look. Ron muttered something inaudible under his breath while Harry merely shook his head.

When we entered the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom I was still smirking. It vanished as soon as I spotted Professor Umbridge wearing her awful pink cardigan with a matching bow on top of her head.

I kept a blank face when she suddenly locked eyes with me. Her sweet smile made me feel nauseated. Her pouchy eyes didn't left me when I followed Hermione to our usual table. Each step made me feel more and more uneasy. I was sure she knew who I was. Most teachers knew about me but chose not to talk about it. I sighed when I found myself sitting right behind Draco. Sadly, I stared at the blond hair in front of me. _I definitely need to talk to him… Get a grip on yourself, Arya. Either you tell him or you'll lose him for good. If he doesn't learn the truth from you, he'll hear it from someone else anyway._

_"__Good afternoon."_ Professor Umbridge's sickening voice ripped me out of my thoughts. Her lips twitched even wider. A shiver of disgust made me press my lips in a thin line. _"Wands away and quills out, please."_

I frowned and many of the class exchanged gloomy looks. I shoved my wand back inside my bag and pulled out quill, parchment and ink. With a flick of Umbridge's unusually short wand, words appeared on the board.

**Ordinary Wizarding Level - O.W.L.**

_"__Ordinary Wizarding Level Examinations. Study hard and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so and the consequences will be severe."_ It was difficult to keep a blank expression. Every word had increased my dislike. Apparently, I had been right with my first impression yesterday. Another flick of her wand and books began flying to every student, landing on the desks with quiet thuds. I gulped and stared at the cover. So the Ministry was truly going through with their plan.

**Dark Arts Defence – Basics for beginners**

_"__Your teaching in this subject has been rather disrupted and fragmented, has it? But you will be pleased to know from now on you will be following a carefully structured Ministry approved course of Defence Against the Dark Arts."_

Professor Umbridge's introduction to this class was desperately dull. Even so much that my concentration slid away. I simply couldn't take her serious. This was the Ministry working in Hogwarts, brainwashing students to believe the spread lies. If Umbridge was the Ministry's mean to be successful, I wouldn't approve or support her.

Umbridge instructed us to read the first chapter. She left the blackboard and settled herself in the chair behind her desk, observing us with those pouchy eyes. I turned the book to the requested page but my gaze constantly wandered towards my brother. However, I turned to Hermione with an amused frown when she didn't even open her book. Instead she was staring fixedly at Umbridge with her hand in the air. Never before had she resist the temptation to open any book that came under her nose. Umbridge was staring as resolutely in another direction.

_"__Yes dear?"_ When half of the class was staring at Hermione and Umbridge, she couldn't ignore her student any longer. Slowly, she stepped closer to our desk.

_"__There's nothing written in here about using defensive spells."_ Hermione said bluntly.

_"__Using defensive spells?"_ I cringed inwardly at Umbridge's voice of determined sweetness. _"I can't imagine why you would need to use spells in my classroom." _I narrowed my eyes at the short woman. Umbridge smiled still more widely. Hermione averted her gaze and frowned thoughtful. She knew as well as I did what Umbridge was attempting to do.

_"__We're not going to use magic?"_ Ron exclaimed loudly. Umbridge turned to him.

_"__You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way."_

_And make ourselves easy prey for my father at the same time. _I thought to myself as anger flared in my veins. But I wasn't the only one.

_"__What use is that? If we're going to be attacked, it won't be risk-free."_ Harry's temper was bubbling under the surface, I could feel it as well as my own. Umbridge stalked back to her desk, her features masked with an icy expression.

_"__It is the view of the Ministry that a theoretical knowledge will be sufficient to get you through your examinations. Which, after all, is what school is all about."_ Umbridge spoke dismissively. I hissed under my breath and shook my head. I closed my book with a loud snap and glared at the Ministry employee. She was provoking and riling Harry, that much was obvious.

_"__And how is theory supposed to prepare us for what's out there?"_ Harry exploded when Umbridge merely smiled wider. On one hand I wanted Harry to continue whilst another part of myself wanted to get up and leave this ridiculous useless class.

Umbridge replied in a horribly honeyed voice. _"There is nothing out there, dear. Who do you imagine would like to attack children like yourself?"_

_"__Oh, I don't know. Maybe… Lord Voldemort?"_ Harry said in a mock thoughtful voice. I smirked with malicious glee, immensely proud about my best friend's retort.

Hermione's head snapped around to him and Ron gasped. I couldn't help the chuckle when Lavender Brown uttered a little scream. Draco and Blaise shifted slightly in their seats, exchanging a short glance. Umbridge was staring at Harry with a grimly triumphant expression. My satisfaction vanished instantly. My heart beat loudly in my chest. If she lied now, I wouldn't keep quiet for another moment.

_"__Now let me make this quite plain. You've been told that a certain Dark Wizard is at large once again. This is a lie."_

_"__It's not a lie. We saw him."_ Harry almost yelled.

_"__We fought him – Harry and I. We saw him return." _I snapped loudly and glared at Umbridge. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Draco and Blaise turning in their seats.

_"__Arya, no!"_ Hermione whispered in a warning voice, tugging at my sleeve, but I jerked my arm out of her reach.

_"__Detention Mr. Potter, Ms. Jackson."_ Umbridge shouted coldly and turned away.

I straightened up in my seat and pierced her back with a furious glare. _"According to you and the Ministry, what happened to Cedric Diggory?"_

_"__Did he dropped dead of his own accord?" _Harry stood up, his voice shaking. H H There was a collective intake of breath. Neither Harry, nor I had talked about what had happened on the night Cedric had died.

_"__Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident."_ Umbridge spoke coldly. I jumped up so rapidly that my chair fell over. My hands were balled into tight fists, my nails digging deeply into my palms.

_"__It was murder. Voldemort killed him."_ Harry was visibly shaking, his face drained of all blood. I finally snapped, my voice icy and dangerous.

_"__A tragic accident?"_ I spat sarcastically and contorted my face. _"Only yesterday I have been accused of disrespecting Cedric Diggory's death. You weren't there! I can give you all the names of the Death Eaters who answered to Voldemort's summons-"_

_"__Enough, Ms. Jackson!"_

_"__\- some of them are working at the Ministry, laughing about the Ministry's incompetence. If the matter wasn't as serious as it is, I would laugh about the Minister's cowardice as well. Cornelius Fudge is a fool and twisted with fear, drawing in his horns and hiding away in his-"_

_"__Enough!"_ Umbridge interrupted me loudly but I ignored her.

_"__You disgust me! The Minister disgusts me! Lord Voldemort has returned but if you don't accept the truth now and start on our defences, it will be too late."_

_"__Twenty points from Gryffindor, Ms. Jackson. You and Mr. Potter come here."_

I was slightly out of breath after my outburst. The entire class was deadly quiet. All eyes were on Umbridge, Harry and me. Draco was watching me with a blank expression and Blaise shaking his head absentminded.

Umbridge's face was quite blank. Harry kicked his chair aside and strode up to the teacher's desk. I followed him and we watched when Umbridge scribbled something on a pink role of parchment. We were both glaring daggers at her hunched back. My blood was boiling in my veins. I wanted to shake her and everyone else in this classroom. To my own surprise, my anger had mixed with deep hurt about having been called a liar. I rarely ever lied and I would never lie about something concerning my father.

_"__Take this to Professor McGonagall, dears."_ Umbridge held out the note for one of us to take. I didn't move, merely stared straight into her eyes. Harry snatched the note out of her hand and whirled around. I clenched my jaw and cast her one last withering look before walking back to my desk. I snatched up my bag and left without looking at Hermione, my brother or Blaise. With a flick of my fingers, the door magically banged shut behind me.

_"__Why aren't you in class?"_ Professor McGonagall pierced us with a stern expression when she opened her office door.

I scoffed and stared pointedly over her shoulder. _"We've been sent to see you."_

Harry handed her the note and she opened it with a deep frown. Her eyes narrowed more with each line she read. She motioned us inside her office and took a seat behind her desk before summoning two chairs for us.

_"__Is this all true? You shouted at Professor Umbridge?"_

_"__Yes,"_ Harry answered. I remained silent and stared at our Head of House. My anger was safely bottled up again, cold determination calming my body.

_"__You called her a liar, Jackson?"_

_"__It's the truth."_ I replied drily and the elder woman cast me a stern look.

_"__You told her He-who-must-not-be-named is back?"_

_"__Nothing but the truth."_

Professor McGonagall frowned at me for a long moment. Patiently, I waited for her next words. I honestly didn't care what punishment awaited me. If Umbridge wanted to brainwash people, I would do everything in my power to disturb her.

_"__You must be careful. Misbehaviour in Dolores Umbridge's class could cost you much more than house points and a detention. You know where she comes from… It says here she's giving you detention every evening this week, starting tomorrow."_ She looked down at the pink note again.

I gritted my teeth and looked out of the window. _I don't care. I don't care! She can do whatever she wants, I won't bow to the Ministry._

_"__For heaven's sake, Potter? Do you really believe this is about truth or lies? It's about keeping your head down and your temper under control!"_

Obviously, I had missed a part of their conversation. After another short exchange between them she ushered him out of her office with a last warning. Sighing, she sat behind her desk again and eyed me irritably. Unease settled in the pit of my stomach when I realised that I was alone with her.

_"__Do I want to know what you said that made her take Gryffindor twenty points?"_ Professor McGonagall sniffed and observed me closely.

_"__How should I know?"_ I muttered and lowered my gaze.

_"__Don't be ridiculous."_ She snapped. I lifted my head and shot her a dark look.

_"__It's the truth."_

_"__For Merlin's sake, Jackson. You're just as irritating as Severus."_ Professor McGonagall straightened her glasses and pierced me angrily. I raised my eyebrows and laughed quietly. She shook her head disapproving.

_"__Well, usually Elves don't use linguistic devices such as rhetorical questions simply because they're unnecessary. I am an Elf!"_ I watched her with a serious expression and glanced shortly at Umbridge's role of parchment. _"I meant every word and if I end up being expelled then so be it."_

_"__Jackson – Aryanna, is this truly about the Ministry or about… the curse?"_ Professor McGonagall's tone of voice was low and anxious. Her eyes betrayed her concern. I sighed and bit the inside of my cheek.

_"__It's about my father. It has always been about him… Hogwarts has been my home since I first walked into these halls. Severus is here, my brother's here, my friends are here."_ I stared absentminded through the narrow window. _"I have yet to tell Draco the truth but Remus helped me to set my mind. Our fight last year… I intended to push him away and succeeded, but it's only making things worse."_

I looked straight at Professor McGonagall. She observed me with a softened expression, her usually stern eyes watching me sadly.

_"__I promised Severus not to throw my life away and I won't. Nevertheless, I will do everything in my power to keep this castle and its inhabitants safe. I… I will die… I know that. And I'm scared. But I won't run away. I can't. I'm an Elf and have it in my heart to fight Dark Magic. It's my duty."_

Professor McGonagall nodded and watched me with teary eyes. _"This war… It will be worse than any nightmare… Aryanna, I'm truly sorry you are forced into this role. Nobody should have to endure what you are going through – especially at such a young age."_

I gulped and stared at my hands. _"Yet I have the easier part…"_

_"__I beg your pardon?"_

I closed my eyes. A coldness had settled in my heart. _"The mere thought of losing Severus or Draco… They are my family now."_ I shivered and looked at my Head of House. _"I can't lose them. I need them by my side as much as they need me."_

Another long silence followed during which I was lost in thoughts and Professor McGonagall obviously pondering my words.

_"__If you should find yourself in need of someone to talk to – besides Severus and Mr. Malfoy, you're very welcome in my office."_ She smiled wearily.

_"__Thank you. I appreciate your support." _I couldn't return her smile though. My thoughts were busy with my brother and Severus.

The thought about meeting Severus after dinner lifted my mood however. Pushing my worries into the back of my mind, I walked through the empty corridors with a smile on my face.


	68. Chapter 68 - Meeting my Slytherin

68\. Meeting my Slytherin

Word had spread rapidly about Harry's and my outburst. During dinner people weren't even trying to be subtle. Nobody cared we could hear every word – some of them not the friendliest. We ignored them as best as we could.

My lips twitched into a smile as I walked through the dimly lit corridors in the Dungeons. My friends had returned to the common room. I had merely told them I needed to take a walk. Harry had looked at me suspiciously and so had Hermione, for a very different reason though. I left them with one last smirk.

I knocked firmly on the office door. It opened by itself, revealing Severus' gloomy office. The shelves lining the shadowy walls were occupied by large glass jars. There were more than last year, I noticed. The flickering candle light reflected mysteriously in the many jars. I jumped when strong arms encircled me from behind. My lips twitched in the widest smile possible. I turned in his arms and stared up in soft onyx eyes. Severus' gaze wandered slowly over my face until we finally locked eyes. My heart flattered in my chest when his intense stare pierced me with mixed emotions.

We looked at each other for a long time, deeply lost in our relief to be with each other again for an entire year. Forgetting the events of last year. Forgetting my fate. Forgetting Severus' role in this war. Forgetting about Draco. Concentrating on nothing else than the feeling of Severus' arms wrapped around my body, the way our bodies fitted perfectly together, these dark almost unreadable eyes only inches away from mine, the warmth of his breath gently caressing my skin.

_"__Are you all right?"_ Severus spoke quietly, the low voice rumbling in his chest. I snapped out of my trance and gulped. _How am I doing? _I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My heart had calmed down. My thoughts had slowed and settled.

I opened my eyes. _"Yes. Yes, I am now."_

Severus nodded curtly and relaxed noticeably. I didn't miss the flicker of pain in the depths of his eyes though. I had lived through the very same pain the entire summer and at Grimmauld Place. It was still darkening my heart and mind although, I tried to ignore the looming shadow of death. Severus lowered his face and rested his forehead against mine. I sighed and closed my eyes.

_"__Severus?"_ I whispered softly. He hummed and goose bumps erupted on my arms. _"I'm glad I'm back at Hogwarts."_

_"__So am I, love."_ I pulled back and chuckled. A light blush crept onto my cheeks. Severus' eyes flashed satisfied at my reaction and a soft smile played around his lips. _"I heard you had quite an intense disagreement with the Ministry puppet today."_

I frowned. _"How do you know about that?"_

_"__Teachers talk."_ Severus rolled his eyes, then smirked triumphantly. _"They enjoy an entertaining gossip once in a while. Most of these dunderheads would sink into the earth out of sheer embarrassment if they were aware of their teachers' activities behind closed doors."_

_"__And I always thought you were better than that."_ I shook my head and averted my gaze when a smile threatened to break my reproachful expression.

Severus released me and strutted back to his desk. His robes rustled when he sat down smoothly. Then he shrugged and his face turned blank. _"Teaching is terribly dull and frustrating. Creating competitions between staff members ensures at least one reason to enjoy my post."_

My head snapped up, my eyes wide with horror. _"You place bets on students?"_

Severus chuckled at my expression, remaining unimpressed with my darkening scowl. _"Not necessarily."_

_"__Tell me this wasn't your doing. I know Slytherins love gambling but this… this is out-of-line. As teachers you're supposed to support your students and not use them for your own amusement, Severus!"_

_"__There is nothing wrong betting on Quidditch games, cups or house points."_ Severus sneered. _"Occasionally a staff member."_

_"__And Professor McGonagall dares calling me irritating…"_ I muttered gloomy. Severus raised a questioning eyebrow. Annoyed, I stepped closer and leaned against the table. I crossed my arms and stared out of the window behind him. _"Have you spoken to Umbridge yet?"_

Severus tilted his head at my change of subject but chose not to comment. _"Whatever for? This woman has nothing important to say therefore, I prefer not involving myself apart from occasional necessities."_

I sighed and smiled half-heartedly. _"Well, I did."_

Severus snorted and scowled at me. _"So I heard. I thought you smarter than that."_

It was my turn to roll my eyes. _"I crossed a line, I know but I don't like being called a liar."_

_"__Did you or Potter snap first?"_

_"__I don't see the relevance."_ I smirked. _"She was quite irritated though. It's not everyday somebody calls the Minister a coward and a fool."_

Severus growled something inaudible and shook his head. Then he pierced me with a scrutinizing gaze. _"Ah, so it was Potter… And I always thought you were better than that."_ His lips twitched into a wide smirk. I scoffed but laughed inwardly. If he wanted to play games…

_"__Well, I'm not a simple person."_ I cast him a triumphant expression. _"You said it yourself. Oh, and you swore to it with a very unconventional choice of words."_

Severus clenched his jaw and averted his gaze. I chuckled when I saw his embarrassed glare. His usually pale cheeks had turned a very light, yet noticeable shade of pink. Severus had never meant for me to hear his words when we had waited outside of Dumbledore's office at the end of last year. I bit my bottom lip but couldn't suppress the smile. A long pleasant silence followed. I found myself lost in my own thoughts, wondering about my impending detentions.

_"__Concerning your magic training, I found an adequate place."_ Severus stood up and crossed the office towards one of his cabinets. I pushed myself off the desk.

_"__So soon? I was convinced you would try harder to keep me from rule breaking."_ I chuckled and stared at his back. I heard his snort before he turned around with a role of parchment in his hands.

_"__Don't be ridiculous."_ He snapped and returned to his desk. Severus came to a halt next to me and stared me down with an almost intimidating expression. I sighed and looked questioning at the parchment in his hands. He held it out for me but when I intended to take it, he swiftly jerked it out of my reach. I bit down a snappy comment.

_"__This parchment will be destroyed as soon as you have memorized its content. You will never speak about it to anyone nor mention my assistance."_ Severus raised an insistent eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes at his overexaggerated stern expression. _"I give you my word, Severus."_ This time he didn't pull back when I attempted to take the parchment. He had made me more than curious. Whatever was written on this role had to be valuable or else he wouldn't have warned me so impressively.

Under his watchful eyes, I unrolled the parchment on the table. I frowned when I scanned it. It was a simple drawing with connected lines, squares and circles. Confused, I looked up at Severus, wondering if this was supposed to be a joke – then again, he wasn't someone for pranks. Black eyes flashed with amusement, his features expressing smugness. He wouldn't help me unless I asked for it.

_Arrogant irritating Slytherin!_

I growled quietly and turned my attention back to the strange drawing. I narrowed my eyes and took a closer look at the different shapes. They seemed awfully familiar yet I couldn't say why. _Come on. Think! Severus wouldn't give me this if he thought I'm not capable to figure it out._ And then it dawned me where I had seen a similar drawing – far more detailed and obvious though.

I straightened with a smug expression and chuckled. _"Now I understand your secrecy. Any Slytherin would want your head for this map."_

_"__Understandable, after all the Dungeons are their refuge from the other houses." _He turned his attention to the map and pointed at one square. _"This is my classroom. The room I chose is located here. As you can see it's almost at the end of the Dungeons, as far away from the Slytherin common room as possible. It is twice the size of my classroom which should be sufficient space for magical experiments on a medium scale."_

I nodded absentminded and traced the way from his classroom to the deserted room with my eyes. Severus hadn't drawn the entire Dungeons. That would have needed much more than one parchment. The corridors to find the way to his chosen room were accurate enough. Junctions were marked but only the needed corridor was drawn entirely. Doors to other rooms were marked with small circles.

I couldn't help admiring Severus for his work. Sure, he had told me he would look for a room, but I hadn't expected it to be so soon. And the accuracy of the Dungeons' floor plan was proving Severus' ingeniousness. Undoubtedly, he had drawn the map from his memory. I knew the Marauder's Map was only covering about one third of the Dungeons. But I had never seen the corridors and rooms from Severus' map on Harry's before.

I glanced at the man standing next to me and a warm feeling settled in my body. My lips curved into an absentminded smile. Severus' sharp eyes were flickering over the map. His hair was hiding half of his face. The shadows softened his thoughtful expression. He was beautiful. I knew not many people would agree but they couldn't see what I saw. They didn't have the elvish eyesight. They didn't know Severus. They couldn't cope with the complexity hidden in these black eyes and his impenetrable mind. They merely cared about superficialities.

_"__I prepared the room as much as possible with various protection spells. Although I doubt the castle needs it, I strengthened the entire room in case you loose control. However, I would prefer if you do not blow up the Dungeons. Silencing spells, an anti-tracking shield, several locking charms." _Severus looked up when I didn't react and noticed my stare. He straightened his back and frowned. In a heartbeat, I snapped out of my daydreaming. I shook my head and turned my attention to the piece of parchment. I felt his burning stare on the side of my face. My lips curled into a soft smile.

My thoughts were forgotten when I realised something else on the map. I chuckled quietly and shook my head at my own thoughts. Then I turned and looked at Severus' carefully guarded expression. _"The choice of this room in particular doesn't have to do anything with the location of your private quarters, does it?"_

_"__A necessary precaution." _Severus smirked smugly.

_"__Of course. Very thoughtful. Because an empty classroom closer to the Hospital Wing wouldn't have done it."_ I muttered to myself and turned back towards the map. Severus chuckled and folded his arms.

_"__Well, the Matron certainly won't be capable to treat you. I am the only one who detects your magic and loose of control. Furthermore, there is nobody else who knows about your training."_

I ignored his statement and focused on the parchment on the desk. I stared at the map, memorising every corridor, every turn and every door I would pass on my way. The straightest way was indeed passing Severus' private quarters but it was too risky. Slytherins or staff members came this way occasionally. So I needed to take a detour and pass the corridor that leaded to the Potions classroom.

_"__All right, I'm done."_ I straightened up and turned to Severus. Obviously, he had been staring at me because he quickly averted his gaze. He nodded curtly and snatched the parchment from the table. A few long strides and the map was thrown into the crackling flames.

Instead of returning, he remained still and stared at the fire. Quietly, I walked over to him and stood next to him. His face was impassive but his dark eyes flickered vividly with the flames' reflection. For a while we simply stared into the fire. A pleasant silence flooded the room.

_"__Thank you, Severus. For supporting me with my training and everything else. I never told you how much I truly appreciate and need you…"_ My voice was quiet yet loud enough for him to hear. For the first time since my father's return I felt truly at ease. _"Yet I feel as if I must apologize for all the pain I cause you. I know, if I didn't follow my friends into every danger, if I simply started being myself – my real fairy self, I wouldn't get hurt that much and cause you so much distress… I cannot explain myself to my friends. They don't accept what they cannot understand, most people don't. You do. And Draco, Blaise and Derek."_

_"__Obviously, I don't. If I did, I would have listened to your warning concerning the imposter."_ Severus muttered quietly. I sighed and turned to him.

_"__You did listen or else you wouldn't have proposed the compromise. Yes, it took you some time but you listened nonetheless."_

Severus clenched his jaw tightly. A cold shiver ran down my spine when an icy expression masked his features. When he spoke his voice was low and hard. _"The dark aura around Crouch Junior, can you sense it around me?"_

_"__No!" _I stepped in front of Severus but he refused to look at me. I reached for his left forearm but he yanked it away from my touch. Dark eyes filled with self-loathing were piercing me brutally. _"His aura was dark because he believed in the Dark Arts. He was proud of his Dark Mark. He has killed and tortured uncountable times out of sheer amusement. It's not the mark that defines a person's aura – it's their heart. And you have a good heart, Severus. That will never change. Whatever my father or Dumbledore force you to do, you will never be a bad person."_

Severus snorted half-heartedly and averted his gaze. Annoyed, I pushed up my left sleeve and lifted the marked forearm into the light. A shiver of revulsion rushed down my spine but I pointedly stared at Severus. _"There. I have a Dark Mark. Does that make me a bad person?"_

Very reluctantly, he lowered his gaze until he was fixing my mark. Various emotions flickered rapidly over his face; hatred, revulsion, sorrow, guilt, fear. He was lost in a turmoil of emotions. Then Severus looked up and stared straight into my soul. My heart hammered in my chest when I saw his unguarded features. His overwhelming desperation and longing covered my entire body with goose bumps.

Severus turned to face me properly. He grabbed me by the waist, pulling me up close against his chest. His hand gently glided through my hair, as he looked at me in a way he had never looked at me before. Severus cupped my cheek and lowered his face until our noses were almost touching. I felt his warm breath tingle my skin.

_"__I love you, Arya Jackson."_

Before I could respond he had crashed his lips on mine. One hand on my lower back steadied my body. The one in my hair prevented me from pulling back – not that I wanted to. I relaxed into the kiss and allowed Severus to take the lead. His tongue traced the seam of my lips and I parted them slightly to intensify the kiss. My hands wandered towards his neck and into his hair.

Something was different though. The small spark of insecurity in my heart never flared up. I didn't want to waste my time with useless emotions anymore. I wanted to keep Severus with me. I needed him by my side. I wanted to stay in his arms – until my death.

I moaned and clutched a fistful of his hair when his lips travelled over my jaw and down to my neck. I was too wrapped up in the passionate sensation to notice that Severus was slowly pushing me backwards. His lips never stopped their teasing and sucking. I gasped when he lifted me up, but relaxed when I found myself sitting safely on the table. Severus pressed himself between my legs and pulled me as close as possible. He was gripping me for dear life, his hold almost painful but I didn't care.

I moaned when he licked and sucked my sweet spot deliberately slow. I was sure he felt my heart beating against his chest. My insides were burning. My hand wandered from his hair down to his neck. My fingers caressed the soft warm skin under his collar. Oh, I wanted to touch his skin again. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and whimpered quietly. Severus growled in return and attacked my skin with his teeth. The hand on my lower back gripped my robes firmly and the hand in my hair pressed me even closer.

I wanted to feel Severus' skin and by the way his hands clenched I knew he wanted the same. Yet we both knew it wouldn't happen even if we had been at a safer place. Physical passion was not an elvish trait. There was too much desperation, too much passion, too much fear. There was too much pain.

We were both out of breath when Severus pulled back. He cupped my face in his hands, his forehead leaning against mine. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.

_"__I love you too, Severus Snape."_ I mumbled tenderly.

Severus placed a long kiss on my forehead. I sighed and lowered my arms. When he intended to step back however, I wrapped my hands loosely around his torso and buried my face in the crook of his neck. Severus chuckled lowly in his chest and encircled me with strong arms. He rested his head against mine and exhaled deeply.

_"__There is something I need to tell you."_ Reluctantly, I broke the silence and lifted my head. Severus took in my torn expression with unreadable eyes. Silently, he stepped back and I jumped off the table. Anxiously, I turned towards the fireplace and stared thoughtfully into the fire. I took a deep breath and faced Severus again. His expression was one of cold indifference, black eyes flashing with concern.

_"__Something happened at Grimmauld Place."_ Instantly, Severus features hardened as he clenched his jaw tightly. His eyes were burning with barely concealed anger. My heart dropped and I gulped. _"Remus found me in my room when I was rather… frustrated. So we had a talk and I told him about my fight with Draco. Even though he couldn't truly understand my affection for him, he helped me see reason. I made him swear not to breathe a word to anyone about Draco and – well, I wasn't thinking and created a magical vow without his knowledge."_

Severus tensed and a thoughtful expression masked his features. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came to my mind. A strong unease was settling in the pit of my stomach. Severus frowned and observed me with a scrutinizing gaze.

_"__This vow, how does it work?"_

_"__Remus is bound with ancient magic until I release him, his or my death. He won't be capable to breathe a word about our connection or Draco. The moment he tries, the knowledge will slip his mind for as long as necessary. Not even Legilimency can reveal the truth."_

Severus folded his arms and traced his lips thoughtfully. I watched him, cautiously observing his expression. _"Have you ever performed a vow before?"_

I shook my head. Sighing, I raised my hands. _"I shouldn't have done it. I mean, I should have told him or released him right then. I had no right to bind him."_

Severus' lips curled with disgust. His voice was laced with loathing. _"If you truly wished, you could release him. Although, I must admit, I suggest you do not and keep him in the dark instead. It might not be as remarkable as Black's, but he possesses an equally infuriating trait of impulsiveness. Gryffindor's are all the same – provoke them long enough and they spill their secrets to defend their honour."_

I thought about his suggestion. I knew, Severus wouldn't miss a chance to annoy Remus or Sirius, but he would never use me for his purposes. I cast him a dark look. _"You know, just because you are right doesn't mean you are allowed to insult me."_

Severus rolled his eyes and approached me. _"You are no Gryffindor at heart."_

I scoffed. _"No, I suppose I'm not."_

His expression darkened all the sudden, the increasing annoyance obvious. _"He helped you see reason."_

My amusement vanished, replaced with frustration and a tiny spark of guilt. Absentminded, I stroke my forearm and stared at the many jars on the shelves. _"He compared my curse to his… I want to tell Draco. I just don't know how I'm supposed to do that."_

Surprise flickered over his face before he regained control over his expression. _"Good."_

I groaned and shot him a disapproving glance. _"You are as reassuring as moaning Myrtle."_

_"__Don't compare me to that nerve-wracking ghost!"_ I chuckled when he glared in my direction.

_"__Well, you certainly share the fascinating self-depreciating trait of brooding."_ Severus' expression turned hard, cold eyes glaring dangerously. Another word and he would snap although, I couldn't be sure why he was so annoyed in the first place. I watched him closely. He clenched his jaw and averted his gaze. Barely concealed anger and pain were radiating from his body. Then it dawned me.

Severus would hide it more often than not, but he had always been a possessive and protective man. I, on the other hand, had never truly understood jealousy. Elves valued every living creature and would never claim a person, nor risk peace for a material object.

_"__I know you hate him, but Remus helped me, Severus."_ Annoyed, I turned away from his glare. I approached the fireplace and stared hard into the dancing flames. _"You have no right nor any reason to be jealous. Others are allowed to help me. I don't need your permission to ask someone for assistance."_

The following silence was tense, neither of us moving. Inwardly, I was torn. I knew, I couldn't expect Severus or anyone else to think and act like an Elf. I was capable to sense emotions in others, they couldn't. I valued honesty, but not even my friends were always telling the truth. I respected my counterpart even if I didn't agree with their demeanour – unless I snapped, but to my relief I had stopped myself from seriously insulting Umbridge. But on the other hand, I hated if others disrespected me. Although, I had seen disrespect since the day I was born, I was desperately trying to remain loyal to myself and who I was. It was difficult though.

_"__I know."_ Severus muttered quietly from behind me. I turned around and exhaled deeply when I noticed his cold expression.

_"__I told you once before that it is up to you how you deal with your emotions. After what happened last year, you have my word that I will never give you any reason to doubt me again. But I won't be dictated who to spend my time with."_

Severus remained quiet but his softened expression was enough. I bit the inside of my cheek and scowled absentminded. _"I just need to think about telling people who I really am to feel exhausted. Do you think I could ever act and speak the way I think if they knew the truth?"_

_"__Of course you could."_ Severus sneered and I rolled my eyes. _"Although, I do not advise you to express every thought. Some matters will easily be mistaken as arrogance on your part. Not to mention, their lack of understanding concerning your abilities and parentage."_

I nodded wearily. My eyes protested painfully when I pinched the bridge of my nose. This was exhausting. Most certainly, I would never have the chance to be my true self anyway. If I wanted to protect people, I needed them to trust me. Severus was right. If they knew about my father, they would turn their backs on me. Why did humans had to make everything so difficult and be so terribly complicated?

A warm hand on my cheek ripped me out of my gloomy thoughts. I looked up and saw a soft smile on Severus' lips. Sighing, I closed the gap between us and rested my head against his chest. Severus wrapped his arms around me.

_"__Despite our regular minor frictions, I must insist you don't get the foolish idea to hide yourself from me. After all, I didn't take you to the nearby playground to learn how you are expected to act – or punish you although, it has always been beyond my imagination why you thought that in the first place."_

I grumbled in embarrassment and raised my head. Severus chuckled as soon as he noticed my sheepish expression. I bit the inside of my cheek when he stared at me. _"I needed you to learn that, unlike Elves, humans differ far more from one another. They might have bad or good intentions nevertheless, they all make mistakes, are dishonest and cause harm."_

I shook my head in disbelief and chuckled. Severus raised an eyebrow. _"I always knew you were different."_

Severus sneered down at me. _"Which obviously turned out to my advantage."_

A deep blush crept on my cheeks. I groaned and fixed the buttons of his frock coat. _"Hm, so I'm an advantage now?"_

My heart sped up when he lowered his mouth to my ear. The low grumble of his voice made me shiver in his arms._ "Would you prefer if I called you a detriment?"_

I felt his smirk against my jaw. His lips were brushing my skin teasingly light. Goose bumps erupted on my arms. I squeezed my eyes shut, my hands gripping his frock coat for dear life. I didn't trust my legs to hold me steadily anymore.

_"__I would prefer if you stopped teasing me, Slytherin."_ I breathed out somehow. A shaky breath escaped my lips and I chose to give in. I dropped my head against his shoulder and tightened my hold around his torso.

Severus' growl vibrated against my chest. His lips hovered over my jaw. His warm breath rolled down my neck, the proximity driving me insane. Some coherent thoughts were wondering how he had managed to tear down every single one of my defences, leaving me yearning for his embrace and the feel of his bare skin. Elves weren't usually so open to touches, not even fairy-loves. I hated being touched by just anyone – never would I think of shaking somebody's hand, not to mention to hug a person I didn't trust. But Severus… Severus was different. Even after all these years, I couldn't understand why he was so different from any other human being – his mind, his behaviour, even his movements were so different from any human I had ever met…

I snapped out of my thoughts when Severus pulled back, only to tenderly place his lips on mine. I sighed and relaxed. The strong burning in my body decreased to my relief. Left was only a tingling feeling in my stomach, light enough to ignore. My heart however, was hammering against my ribcage. Severs moved his lips slow and gentle, provoking a different heat to flare in my heart. No words would ever suffice to express my love for Severus.

Suddenly, he raised his hand to my cheek in a motion so delicate and gentle, it made me feel as if I was the most precious thing on earth. His rough fingertips just barely brushed the skin on my flushed cheeks. Severus' lips were parted. Obsidian eyes gazed at me intensely, provoking my heart to skip a beat. He looked at me like I was the only thing in the world that mattered at that very moment. I smiled loving and his hand cupped my cheek, nothing more but a whisper of a touch as if this fragile moment could shatter beyond repair.

Slowly, I raised my hand to his face. Severus remained still when I brushed his warm skin with my fingertips. Softly, I traced his features; from his temple downwards over his cheekbone to his flushed cheek. I followed my fingers with my eyes when I realized that Severus wouldn't pull back. He wouldn't retreat from my touch as he had done so many years ago. His unwavering burning gaze remained fixed on my eyes when my fingers followed his jawline. I drank in his features as if this was the last time I would see him.

I stood on my tiptoes and placed a chaste kiss on his lips. The intense yet fragile moment was broken. What remained was a pleasant quiet understanding. Accepting and enjoying each other's touch was a greater sign of shared trust than any word. Two people, usually distancing and hiding themselves from other's, were revealing their deepest thoughts and feelings to one another.

Severus placed a long kiss on my forehead. I feared the moment he would pull back, since it would end our time together. I sighed when the softness of his lips left my skin and my cheek turned cold without the touch of his hand. Reluctantly, I lowered my hand and looked up into carefully guarded eyes. It was time for me to leave.

_"__Good night, Severus."_

In the blink of an eye, Severus straightened and the usual expression of cold indifference masked his features. Although, the very familiar sneer was playing around his lips. _"Try not to get caught. I refuse to cover for you."_

I chuckled and shook my head. _"Wouldn't want you to. If you haven't noticed as yet, I can take care of myself."_

_"__Leave my office, Jackson."_

_"__If you ask so nicely, Slytherin…"_ I smiled happily when the office door banged shut behind me.

I had been stupid to push him away – utterly and embarrassingly foolish, but I had him by my side again. Severus would not leave my side again and I would do everything in my power to keep him with me. Tomorrow, I would think about how to get my brother back – I needed him.

I returned to Gryffindor tower with a new skip in my steps. The wide smile was plastered on my face until I closed my eyes. Everything would be all right. Severus, Draco and I would be all right.


	69. Chapter 69 - Detention with Umbridge

69\. Detention with Umbridge

**Dear Draco,**

**I know you are mad at me and I totally understand**

**We need to talk, it's very important! Please meet me down by the lake and I will tell you everything.**

**Draco, I know the fight we had was entirely my fault. I'm sorry! We need to talk, please.**

With a frustrated growl, I crossed out the last line as well. My fingers curled around the piece of parchment and crumpled it into a tiny ball. It followed the previous attempts into my bag. I glared at the collection of crumpled parchment that was stuck in between my books.

During the lunch break, I had left to the library to get my homework done and to write a letter to my brother. The essay on the properties of Moonstone and its uses in potion-making for Severus had been the easier part. The twelve inches of parchment had been quickly written. I had barely been six or seven years old when Severus had read to me about all kinds of gemstones used in potion-making. Back then, I had been extremely fascinated by the cover of the book; it had shown various sparkling gemstones. For some unknown reason, they had provoked a feeling of calm and peace. They had looked so strangely familiar although, I still couldn't figure out why.

The problem was, I didn't know what to write in my letter. I couldn't even be sure Draco would actually be willing to meet me. Although, Blaise was my friend, I didn't know if I should include him or not. If I didn't tell him, Draco would have to deal with the truth about my impending death by himself. Then again, if I asked Blaise to come and told him the truth I could as well tell my Gryffindor friends.

_Don't be stupid. Of course you cannot tell them. They would act all Gryffindor and try so desperately to help me that sooner or later people will know the truth by accident. Better not to tell them. Blaise… Blaise…_

_"__Oh bloody hell."_ Groaning, I banged my head on the desk and closed my eyes. The happiness and hope from yesterday evening had vanished into thin air the moment I had written the first line.

I jumped when the bell ripped me out of my gloomy thoughts. My heart jumped in my chest when I remembered where I was supposed to be. As fast as possible, I stuffed the blank roles of parchment and quill into my bag and swung it over my shoulder. I almost knocked the chair over in my haste but chose to ignore the librarian's scolding glare. I was late for Care of Magical Creatures. By the time I reached Hagrid's hut, I was panting heavily.

_"__Ms. Jackson, how good of you to join us. Five points from Gryffindor for your tardiness."_ Instead of Hagrid, I was greeted by a very grouchy looking Professor Grubbly-Plank.

_"__I'm… sorry… Professor… I'm afraid I missed the bell."_ I rushed out. Her lips curled unpleasantly and she motioned me to join my friends. As I threw my bag onto the ground next to Harry, Hermione watched me sternly.

_"__Where have you been?"_ She snapped. I pulled out a fresh piece of parchment and took a deep breath to calm my rapidly beating heart.

_"__The library."_

Hermione narrowed her eyes but chose to drop the matter for now. My gaze flickered down at our table. We were supposed to draw the sketch from a Bowtruckle, tree-guardians usually living in wand-trees. For some reason, Harry's grip on the poor creature tightened by the second. I was about to tell him before the Bowtruckle would defend itself when a familiar clear drawl reached my ears.

_"…__Father was talking to the Minister just a couple of days ago. The Ministry's really determined to crack down on sub-standard teaching in this place. So even if that overgrown moron does show up again, he'll probably be sent packing straightaway."_

The quill snapped in my hand. I glared at the smeared picture of what had been a rather poor looking Bowtruckle. Inwardly, I was seething with my brother's words. I couldn't even tell if he was purposefully being an idiot to irritate me or provoke Harry. As soon as I turned around to him, Blaise and the rest of his group, a sharp sting in my heart made me forget my anger. Draco was sneering and laughing with them as if they truly were his friends. His grey eyes were flashing with mirth but his features were hard and cold. With shaking hands, I stuffed my distorted Bowtruckle picture into my bag. My feet were itching to walk over to my brother. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, that I regretted our fight. I wanted my brother by my side.

_"__Arya what's wrong?"_ Hermione asked when we were marching up the hill, back to the castle. Of course, she did not miss how fast I had left to get away nor my teary eyes.

_"__Nothing. I'm fine."_ Lies, lies, lies. I felt sick with myself all the sudden. I pressed my lips in a thin line and glared straight ahead. Lying was something I despised as much as disrespect. Yet here I was, back at Hogwarts, lying to my friends and betraying the supposed unwavering bond of friendship.

_"__Sure. And I'm not a muggleborn…"_ Hermione muttered to herself. She grabbed my arm when we reached the nearest greenhouse. _"Tell me. You've been all cheery and bouncy the entire morning. And now what? It's our second day. Is it because of your detention tonight?"_

I rolled my eyes and quickened the steps. _"Thank you for reminding me. No, it's not because of Umbridge although, I know a much more pleasant pastime."_

Hermione raised her eyebrows when I smirked suddenly. I chuckled quietly and bit my bottom lip as a blush threatened to heat up my cheeks. My best friend laughed and pushed my shoulder. Instantly, my mood lifted when I saw genuine mirth in her eyes.

_"__You're so infatuated, aren't you? I mean you're practically glowing every time you think about him."_

Sheepishly, I lowered my gaze. With shaking hands, I adjusted my bag. Hermione merely laughed louder when she saw my shy smile. _"I'm not infatuated. I love him."_ I mumbled under my breath, but of course she heard it.

_"__What are you talking about?"_

To my utter embarrassment Harry and Ron had caught up with us. They watched us with questioning expressions. Before either of them could say anything, Harry's focus was drawn to Luna Lovegood who was spilling out of the door along with Ginny and a few other fourth years. As soon as she spotted Harry and me her bright blue eyes bulged excitedly and she made a beeline straight for us.

_"__I wanted to tell you, I believe He Who Must Not Be Named is back and I believe you fought him and escaped from him."_

Harry and I exchanged a short look before staring into her prominent eyes. I gulped and felt suddenly unpleasantly nervous. To my relief, Harry answered her. With a wide smile and a dreamy expression on her face Luna said her good-byes and left towards the castle. Lavender and Seamus were standing only a few steps away from us. Lavender glared at Luna's back before settling her offended glare on Harry and me. Seamus looked terribly confused and defiant.

We had merely walked a few steps when another student blocked our way. Ernie Macmillan, a Hufflepuff in our class, strutted in our direction. I had to suppress a snort when I saw the resemblance with Draco's idiotic attitude. Like Draco, Ernie was a pure-blood and also born into one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight families. He puffed out his chest and watched us with a boastful expression.

_"__I want you to know, Potter and Jackson, that it's not only weirdos who support you. I personally believe you one hundred per cent. My family have always stood firm behind Dumbledore, and so do I."_

I pressed a hand to my mouth to keep myself from smirking. The pompous attitude reminded me so much of Draco.

_"__Thanks very much, Ernie."_ Harry sounded taken aback, but his features showed his satisfaction. I bowed my head respectfully in the Hufflepuff's direction and cast him a grateful smile. Ernie nodded curtly before turning around and strutted back towards his friends.

I entered the greenhouse with a warm feeling in my entire body. Hermione did not see it, but when she was listening attentively to Professor Sprout making her speech about our O.W.L.s, I smiled at her. I had Hermione on my side and students had openly declared their support. The day was getting better again.

During the entire lesson of Herbology, I pondered about how to approach my brother. He was not in this class which spared me the pain that flared in my heart whenever I spotted him. By the end of the lesson, I had at least settled my mind on telling Blaise as well. I still did not know how to tell them however. Tired and smelling strongly of dragon dung, we trotted back up to the castle. None of us was talking very much; it had been another long day.

_"__Can you believe it? Professor Flitwick expects two rolls of parchment by Friday and Professor McGonagall an essay about the various types of Vanishing spells by Thursday."_

Hermione complained when we reached our dormitory. Carelessly, I threw my bag next to my bed and began to search my trunk for a fresh set of robes. I truly wanted to listen to Hermione's words but my mind was elsewhere. My first detention with Umbridge was in less than an hour. I took a quick shower and changed into clean robes. The warm water did not help the slightest to ease my increasing panic. I had not liked the way Umbridge had looked at me yesterday. I didn't like her!

Sighing, I looked into the mirror and frowned when I took in my dark expression. Determined, I raised my chin and a blank expression masked my features. _"I can do this. It's just Umbridge, nothing to worry about. One week of detention for telling the truth. Who cares? It doesn't matter… I know I'm not a liar. I'm honest and respectful. I won't let her provoke me again! I'm better than that!"_

Hermione was sitting on my bed when I returned from the bathroom. I passed her and threw my dirty robes into the laundry bag. A frustrated groan escaped my lips when my heart wouldn't slow down. All I could see was Umbridge's toad like bulging eyes and her sickening sweet smile. My fingernails bore deeply into my palms and I gritted my teeth with forced resolution. I despised Umbridge.

_"__Arya."_

I jumped when Hermione's voice interrupted the wild storm of emotions. I turned around and froze on the spot. My best friend was glaring at me with barely contained anger. I narrowed my eyes when she got to her feet and hurried to the door. The loud bang of the closing door snapped me out of my frozen state.

_"__What's wrong?"_ I asked confused. Hermione approached me and her usually warm eyes were glaring daggers at me. I lowered my gaze to her hand and saw that it was clenching a wrinkled piece of parchment.

_"__This, Arya. This is wrong."_ With that she tossed the parchment at me before folding her arms across her chest.

Coldness rushed through my entire body as I recognized my own writing. My eyes flickered to my bed and I saw a small bunch of paper balls. My schoolbag had been turned upside down, my quills, inkwell and books spread on the coverlet. Hermione had read the various letters that had been meant for no one but Draco.

Burning fury erupted in my heart and I crumpled the parchment in my fist. Without looking at my best friend, I rushed towards the bed and stuffed my things back into the bag. I tossed it on the floor and glared at the remaining paper balls. I imagined how they would look like if they burned. I thought about the smell of burning parchment and with a snap of my fingers they light up. Hungry flames destroyed them rapidly until there was nothing left except a fuming pile of ash.

_"__You're right, Hermione. This is wrong."_ I snarled at my best friend and pointed at the ash. I wanted to scream at her for invading my privacy. I wanted to cry for her betraying my trust. Instead, I glared fiercely although, my lips were trembling with suppressed hurt and fury. _"How dare you touch my stuff without even asking me! Did you find what you were looking for?"_

Hermione bit her bottom lip but her composure didn't change. Instead, she unfolded her arms and pierced me with cold eyes. _"Is this what you were doing in the library earlier? …Honestly Arya, I don't even understand why you take blame for the fight you had. I mean, you can't be serious! He attacked you and he punched you. It's only our second day of classes and Malfoy has already insulted Harry, Ron and me. And, if you haven't noticed as yet, he insulted you as well. After everything he did, why do you still care for him?"_

_"__Because he is and will always be my brother, Hermione! He's behaving like a git, I cannot deny it, but he's hurt and really angry with me. I practically betrayed him and pushed him away since my father's return."_ I clenched my jaw and turned away. It had been ridiculous to believe Hermione could ever understand my relationship with Draco. There was too much bad blood between them. My brother had insulted and tormented them for too long.

_"__I told you this summer there are many things you don't know about me – about fairies. Well, let me tell you this; as a fairy I am capable to identify lies. I know whenever Draco lies to me. I know whenever you or Harry or Ron are lying. I know you meant your promise not to tell anyone about Draco. I trust you, Hermione and ask for your trust in return."_

Aggressively, I grabbed my bag and swung it over my shoulder. When I turned to Hermione, she was watching me with a dark expression. I bit the inside of my cheek but refused to look away. My heart was pounding with anger.

_"__Now excuse me or I will be late. I'm not keen for another week of detention merely because you had to interfere with my private matters."_ My cold voice cut the tension sharply. Hermione stared after me when I left our dorm. The door closed behind me with a loud banging noise.

I didn't say a word when Harry and I climbed through the portrait hole and set off for Umbridge's office on the third floor. I could sense Harry was not in a better mood than I was. Our footsteps echoed in the empty corridors, rapidly increasing my panic. Gone was my firm determination.

Harry and I exchanged a short glance before he finally knocked on the office door. A shiver of revulsion made me shiver when Umbridge' sugary voice invited us in. I gulped and froze in the doorway when my eyes fell on the collection of ornamental plates, each decorated with kitten of all races. They were so hideous that I stared at them, transfixed, until Professor Umbridge spoke again.

_"__Good evening, Mr. Potter, Ms. Jackson."_

My head snapped around to the source of the voice. Umbridge was watching us with a very triumphant blatant expression. I shuddered and automatically averted my gaze. The many pink decorations in this office were painful to look at. I did not greet her and wordlessly sat down at a small table draped in lace behind which she had drawn up a straight-backed chair. My bag plumped on the pink carpet ungracefully.

Confused, I stared at the blank parchment on the table, apparently waiting for me. Umbridge was not paying me any attention as she was currently listening to Harry's words with narrowed eyes. Even before he had finished his question, he seemed to realize that it was pointless to ask Umbridge for a favour. He had wanted to attend the Quidditch tryouts on Friday for Gryffindor's new Keeper…

My stomach was clenching threating when Umbridge smiled widely. _"Oh, no. This is your punishment for spreading evil, nasty, attention-seeking stories, Mr. Potter. You and Ms. Jackson will do your punishments as planned until the message has sunk in."_

The blood surged to my head with her words and I narrowed my eyes. So we told 'evil, nasty, attention-seeking stories' now, did we? Neither Umbridge nor I missed the hesitance in Harry's movements as he took a seat. Umbridge stood in front of us and observed us still with the wide smile on her face. A sickening feeling settled in the pit of my stomach.

_"__Now, you are going to be doing some lines for me."_ She said sweetly. Harry bent down to open his bag. _"No, not with your quill. You're going to be using a rather special one of mine."_ With that she handed each of us a long, thin black quill with an unusually sharp point.

A sharp pain shot through my entire body as soon as my fingers touched the quill. With a quiet shriek, I pulled my hand back and dropped it. I ripped my eyes wide open and a thumping noise exploded in my ears. This quill was Dark Magic.

_"__Is there something wrong, dear?"_ Umbridge' soft voice ripped me out of my shocked state. Slowly, I raised my head and stared at the woman who provoked a claw-like feeling of dread in my heart. Anxiously, I gulped but couldn't say a word. Obviously, she had noticed my panic, although she surely couldn't know its reason.

_"__I want you to write 'I must not tell lies'." _Umbridge continued untouched. Her satisfied gaze wandered from me to Harry. A small laugh left her mouth and she smiled sweetly.

_I was wrong,_ I thought as my heart hammered strongly against my ribcage. _I don't know how I'm supposed to get through with my detentions. I cannot write with this… thing! I can't! _Harry's voice sounded muffled in my ears when he asked how many lines we were supposed to write. By the time he called attention to the missing ink, my lungs were only working with half of their capacity.

_"__What are you waiting for Ms. Jackson? You are going to stay until I allow you to leave."_ The expression on Umbridge's face was almost malicious. Her lips curled into a sadistic smile when she kept watching me. Harry was watching me as well, genuine concern in his green eyes.

My mind was desperately trying to keep my hand from moving towards the quill, but it seemed to have a will on its own. I took a shaky breath to steel myself for another wave of pain – it never came. My trembling hand gripped the quill until I was convinced it would break any second. Then I placed the point of the quill on the parchment.

**I must not tell lies.**

I let out a gasp of pain. The words had appeared on the parchment in what appeared to be a shining red ink – my own blood. At the same time, the words had appeared on the back of my left hand, cut into my skin. Yet even as I stared at the shining cut, the skin healed over again, leaving the place where it had been slightly redder than before.

**I must not tell lies.**

A searing pain shot from the back of my hand upwards to my forearm. I closed my eyes tightly and bit the inside of my cheek to suppress the terrible sound of pain. My Dark Mark felt as though it was seething under my skin. For a moment, I was seeing my father in front of me when he revealed the mark on my forearm. My skin was burning; my veins were bursting; my nerves were set on fire. The Dark Magic in this quill was successfully attacking my own body and counteracting the pure Ancient Magic in my soul.

**I must not tell lies.**

Darkness fell outside Umbridge's window, yet I forced my entire concentration on the quill in my hand, forming the words which ironically represented a fairy's greatest trait – honesty. Pearls of sweat were slowly rolling down my neck. My left forearm had become numb, my left hand was twitching to get away from the pain. I felt my own magic rushing rapidly through my entire body, constantly pushing back the new waves of Dark Magic in my hand. Yet I wrote the words on the parchment again and again.

After what seemed like hours, Umbridge commanded us to stand up and show her our hands. My mind felt terribly dazed, my legs were shaking, my left arm felt lifeless and numb. I couldn't process the words Umbridge was saying but suddenly Harry turned towards the door. My feet worked on their own, automatically following him.

_"__Arya. Arya!"_ The voice of my best friend sounded muffled in my ears. Very slowly, I came back to my senses. We were in some empty corridor. I was leaning against the wall and taking shallow breaths. Persisting green eyes kept piercing me with great concern.

_"__I'm all right."_ I mumbled quietly. My brain was fuzzy. A soft groan escaped my lips when I thought suddenly of Severus. He would be furious. My left arm felt so much heavier than usual when I lifted it.

_"__You sure as hell are not. You think you need to go to the infirmary? I mean, I'd rather not but if you must, we'll go. Madame Pomfr-"_

Harry stopped speaking when we both stared down at my arm. In the flickering light of the candles lightening the corridor, the back of my hand looked grotesque. My skin was glowing red, the words were crusted. I squinted my eyes close as the throbbing pain remained. The Dark Magic of the quill had provoked and flared the Dark Mark. It was ferociously fighting my soul's purity and there was nothing I could do about it. Dark Magic was my greatest enemy.

_"__I'm fine."_ I croaked out and pushed myself off the wall. Wearily, I looked at my best friend who extended his right arm. A sigh of relief escaped my lips and I took a firm hold of his arm. _"Thanks…"_

The next morning, I barely made it to Transfigurations in time. Although, I had slept through the entire free period this morning, I felt very tired. My left hand looked as healthy as always though. Nevertheless, my mood was not the brightest when I rushed into Professor McGonagall's classroom just as the bell rang. I had not had time for breakfast, I was starving and frightened about the second detention today. The disapproving stern gaze of my Head of House was merely adding to my bad morning.

I made weak excuses whenever Hermione attempted to talk to me. I avoided looking at the Slytherin and staff table at all costs, although I was sure my brother would not bother checking on me. Severus was another matter though. I did not want him to find out about the pain Umbridge inflicted on me nor the danger the flaring Dark Magic caused to my health. I wasn't exactly sure why I didn't want to tell him what was happening in Umbridge's detention: I only knew that I didn't want to see his look of horror.

The second detention was just as bad as the previous one. The skin on the back of my hand became irritated more quickly now and was soon red and inflamed. My forearm was burning; my veins were bursting; my nerves were set on fire. Every line provoked a new seething pain in my hand. My body was fighting the constant intrusion of darkness.

_"__Harry, I need a favour. It's important!" _On shaking legs, I walked next to my best friend as we made our way back to the common room. It was way past midnight, the corridors were deserted. Harry furrowed his eyebrows and nodded slowly. Concern masked his features when he waited for me to continue.

_"__If I should faint when I have a detention with Umbridge, I will need Professor Snape's help. Madame Pomfrey cannot help me, you know this. But I will need him as soon as possible. No one else is able to help me."_

_"__Alright. Alright, I'll make sure he's there but what aren't you telling me? What's happening to you in there, Arya? You're barely holding yourself upright and I've seen the lines you're writing. You only write half as many as I do. So what's going on?"_

I tried a sarcastic laugh but only managed a short exhale of breath. My vision was turning darker again. I was freezing and so tired I could fall asleep right on the floor in this corridor. My body was trembling and my head throbbing painfully.

_"__This quill we are writing with, it's Dark Magic. I absolutely refuse to tell anyone about what Umbridge is doing to us. But the Dark Magic is draining me, Harry, much faster than anticipated I must admit. It's only the second detention out of four and I already feel as if I could sleep the entire weekend."_

Harry's eyes widened and a hard expression settled on his features. _"You mean this quill is poisoning you?"_

I rubbed my eyes and sighed half-heartedly. He was right. I was being poisoned, kind of. Severus would explode with fury as soon as he knew. _"I can handle the detentions. I'm just telling you in case I get more in the near future. Something tells me I will have quite a few more detentions to endure…"_

The next morning, I woke up early with an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I climbed out of bed and swayed badly when I stood on my feet. The edges of my vision blackened and my stomach clenched painfully. I stumbled into the bathroom and barely made it to the sink in time before I started vomiting. My head was throbbing and my body felt as if it were burning. Somehow I managed to drag myself into the shower. Freezing cold water alternating with boiling water was pouring down until I felt my body again. When I finally turned off the water tears were rolling down my cheeks. I hated Umbridge! And I absolutely hated Dark Magic!

Thursday passed in a haze of tiredness. I had no strength left to even think about Draco nor wonder if Severus suspected something. I dragged my exhausted body from class to class, a throbbing headache as my constant companion. Anxiously, I pulled the sleeves of my cardigan and robe over my left hand. I kept my head low when I entered my last class for the day – Potions.

It was by far the worst class today. While I could at least support myself on a desk in every other class, I had to stay on my feet for the entire Potion's lesson. If that wasn't exhausting enough already in my weakened state, I had to use both my hands for the brewing. I had great difficulties to coordinate the use of my hands. My usually fluid movements were pathetically slow and clumsy. My left arm felt as if it weighted several pounds. The muscles in my left hand were overstrained with the easiest tasks. My tired eyes were stinging with the fumes in the room. And my head felt heavier and dizzier during the lesson.

Stirring, waiting, cutting and crushing the next ingredients, stirring, adding an ingredient, waiting, stirring… My mind monotonously repeated the instructions like a mantra while I was staring at my cauldron with narrowed eyes. The purple liquid was bubbling quietly – it was supposed to be blue by now. Lazily, I picked up the Potions book and quickly read the instructions for the at least tenth time today. My brain was useless. I read a line and forgot it as soon as I turned my focus back to the potion.

Frustrated, I pinched the bridge of my nose and groaned lowly. I closed my eyes to get a few seconds of rest and instantly lost my balance. Just in the last moment, I managed to steady myself by leaning heavily on the table. The knife clattered on the floor next to me. I couldn't distinct the darker edges of my vision from the dimly lit classroom. I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood, yet it helped to focus my mind again. Inwardly, I was pleading that Severus wasn't paying attention to my very untypical clumsiness.

The lesson dragged on and my potion remained as blue as Ravenclaw's crest. I was caring less and less for I needed all my willpower to stay on my feet. Severus was slowly rounding our table, closely examining each cauldron. He looked down his hooked nose at Hermione's potion without comment, which meant he could find nothing to criticize. I wasn't worried about my potion – I was too exhausted to care. So I half-heartedly continued the attempt to fix my potion. I wasn't surprised as he examined Harry's potion with a sarcastic remark on his lips.

Severus was turning towards Ron's side of the table when he suddenly froze in his step. As if a bucket of ice cold water had been emptied over my head I awoke from my numbed state. Severus' eyes were unreadable when he stared at Harry's left hand with a cold expression. I wanted to avert my gaze before he caught me staring but I couldn't. I was frozen on the spot. Harry had noticed the unmoving presence of the Potions Professor as well and looked up. He followed Severus' gaze before uncomfortably trying to hide his hand.

Green and obsidian eyes flickered to me at the same second. My throat felt dry all the sudden and my lungs were squeezing all air out of my chest. While Harry was watching me with a knowing expression, Severus was observing our short exchange. He didn't even bother to comment on Ron's potion as it was emitting bright green sparks. Then I felt his looming presence close behind me. I could feel his piercing stare on the back of my hand. There was no point in hiding it anymore.

I squinted my eyes close and supported myself heavily on the table. The potion and instructions were forgotten. My body was terribly weakened by the last hour keeping myself in a standing position. The throbbing headache was getting worse. My left arm felt as if it would give away under the weight of my upper body. All I wanted was to lay down and sleep. I wanted to stay in bed until the sickening feeling of the Dark Magic was out of my system.

_"__Jackson, stay behind after class."_ Severus snapped coldly. His voice sounded muffled in my ears. I groaned and let out a breath of defeat.

_"__I have detention with Professor Umbridge, sir."_ I said loud enough for him to hear. It was no lie – merely fairy honesty at its best. I had almost an hour after class before it was time for detention.

_"__Then I suggest you show up in my office tomorrow or you may add another detention to your list."_ With that he swept to the next table. I sighed tiredly and rubbed my eyes. Despite my weakened state, I felt Severus' growing annoyance. He was obviously pondering about what was happening.

By the end of our third detention drops of blood were smeared on the back of my hand. The words _'I must not tell lies' _did not fade but remained scratched there. It was still early since we had been allowed to leave after merely two hours. I was barely able to stand on my feet when I left the office. It was only with Harry's help that I managed to stumble agonizingly slow through the dimly lit corridors. I could not move my left arm anymore. I did not feel anything except for the inexorable seething waves of pain.

Since I refused to go to the Hospital Wing as long as I was still conscious, Harry dragged me all the way to Gryffindor tower. People were watching us, some of them pointing, some whispering indiscreetly. I didn't care. I couldn't. I was desperately trying to stay on my feet. Somehow, I climbed through the portrait hole. My legs were shaking badly. Somehow, I passed all the Gryffindor students. Pearls of sweat were rolling down my neck. Somehow, my feet brought me somewhat safely to my bed. My left arm was throbbing, numb, cold and burning at the same time. Somehow, I kicked off my shoes before finally giving in to the penetrating exhaustion. Still fully dressed I collapsed on my Gryffindor-red blanket. My vision turned dark.

Hermione and Ron had found out about what Umbridge was doing to us. They had confronted Harry the same evening after I had dragged myself so ungracefully towards my dorm. They wanted us to go to Dumbledore but of course Harry refused. I did not know his reason but I knew something was wrong. Whenever Ron and Hermione mentioned the Headmaster, his expression would turn darker.

Friday passed in a blur. Again, I had vomited in the morning. Hermione had found me sitting in the bathroom half-asleep. She had intended to take me to the infirmary but I had talked – or more likely, shouted her out of it. I had promised she could escort me to the Hospital Wing if I was not feeling better in the afternoon. I did not go to Severus' office. I would endure this last detention without complaining. My left hand did not stop trembling the entire day. My blood was rushing loudly through my ears, making it difficult to hear the teachers' lectures. I dozed off several times in class. I could not even cast a single spell in Transfigurations and Charms. Obviously, my concentration was not existing today. Yet I succeeded to escape Hermione when our last class was over. The last hour before my fourth and final detention, I stayed in an old unused classroom near Umbridge's office. I was dozing with my back leaning heavily against the cold stone wall.

At five o'clock that evening Harry and I entered Umbridge's office, hopefully for the last time. Without casting Umbridge another glance, I steeled myself for the sharp seething pain before writing the line again and again. It felt as if the Cruciatus Curse had been restricted on my hand and forearm. My vision blurred while the edges of my vision turned darker at a frightening pace. Left was nothing more than a tunnel vision on the lines I was writing. My left forearm had become numb, my left hand was twitching to get away from the pain. Yet I wrote the words on the parchment again and again.

**I must not tell lies.**

My heart was thumping very hard and fast when we were finally allowed to leave. Searing pain shot from the back of my hand upwards to my forearm. My skin was glowing red, the words were oozing blood. My Dark Mark felt as though it was seething under my skin. My skin was burning; my veins were bursting; my nerves were set on fire. Speaking was impossible all the sudden.

The quill had served its purpose even better than Umbridge had expected.

Suddenly, I found myself kneeling on the cold floor, my upper body bent over. Whimpering, I clutched my throbbing forearm to my chest. My whole body was shaking badly, sweat pearled down my forehead, my cheeks tear-strained. Never before had I felt so exhausted and weak. I squinted my eyes close and twitched to get away from the great agony. I wanted to faint. I wanted to get rid off the agonizing abominable poison called Dark Magic which was pulsating through my entire body.

_"__Harry… Snape… Need Snape."_ I breathed out before darkness engulfed me.


	70. Chapter 70 - A long weekend

70\. A long weekend

_"__Tell me, Potter. How is it that – after four years of your so-called friendship and learning about the impact of Dark Magic on Jackson, you consider yourself above any professional medical opinion?"_

A very familiar muffled voice was the first thing I heard when my mind began working. Although quiet, the voice sounded awfully loud in my ears. I opened my eyes with great difficulties. My eyelids felt so heavy. Another voice reached my ears sharply but I was too concentrated to keep my eyes open to hear what they were saying. I blinked confused and tried to recognize my surroundings. The last thing I remembered was stumbling out of Umbridge's office.

A low whimper escaped my lips as a vivid memory of the burning pain came into my mind. Did I even want to know what the back of my hand looked like? A swirl of black in the corner of my eyes caught my attention. I tried to turn my head but winced when a sharp pain shot into my head.

_"__Do not move, Elb, or you make it worse."_ I flinched when his drawl reached my ears. Black eyes scanned my face with a dark expression. Had his voice always been that loud?

My head throbbed painfully as if someone was repeatedly stabbing my brain. I groaned and closed my eyes again. The surface I was lying on was hard and uncomfortable. Scents of dozens of potions, moisture and cold stone left my mind spinning. My senses were overwhelmed with the surrounding impressions. I was definitely not in the Hospital Wing. Judging from the dim light and low ceiling I suspected we were in the Dungeons.

_"__Potter, get out."_ Severus missed my wincing when he glared to the other side of the room. Automatically, my eyes searched the direction for my friend. Harry was standing only a few feet away from me. His lips twitched with barely concealed dislike when green eyes flickered to Severus.

_"__Do not say a word about this incident to anyone. And twenty points from Gryffindor for being an arrogant brainless fool. Now leave."_

I let out a deep breath as my eyes closed again. The longer I was conscious, the more I actually felt the pulsating unpleasant pain in my entire body. The nauseating feeling of pure evil magic left a taste of bile in my mouth.

Suddenly, a warm hand took a gentle hold of my left forearm. A sharp pain shot through my veins and I tried to pull away. My breathing turned shallow; my eyes stung with unshed tears when Severus applied a cool salve on the back of my hand. My skin turned colder and colder before a seething heat exploded as if flames were burning my hand. I whimpered but still, he did not release his grip.

I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from doing any more sounds of pain. However, as the burning mercilessly wandered towards the Dark Mark, I moaned and turned my hands into tight fists. Desperately, I tried to pull my arm out of Severus' relentless firm grip. I heard a low growl from him but other than that he remained quiet. My heart pounded rapidly against my ribcage. First tears rolled down my temples and cheeks. This was worse than the Cruciatus Curse. Then, suddenly, the pain vanished. Left was only the dull throbbing of blood in my veins. I let out a shuddering breath in relief. My entire body was shaking.

An entirely different heat was quickly replacing my physical pain. The air was thick with rage all the sudden. My eyes snapped to Severus who was glaring at my hand with a seething expression. His body was shaking with anger. With a loud growl of frustration Severus hurled the tube containing the healing salve across the room. I heard glass shattering. I shut my eyes tightly, my chest clenching tightly. Then a chair scraped noisily over the floor and Severus slumped down ungracefully. My heart ached when he leaned back and still refused to look at me. His murderous dark eyes were focused on my hand.

_"__Why did you not tell me? Dark Magic, Arya. I cannot heal your skin. My salves are useless."_ Obsidian eyes locked with mine and I gulped seeing the fury in them. _"The crone might be a Ministry employee, nevertheless her punishment methods must comply with legal requirements."_

With great difficulties and Severus' assistance I managed to sit up. The room was spinning around me. If I had not clutched his arm firmly, surely I would have fallen off the table. My vision was blurred; my head pounded painfully; my entire body trembled; my left hand was itching and burning terribly.

Severus kept my arms in a tight grip to prevent me from falling. My left arm fell numbly to my side since my hand could not even muster enough strength to hold his arm. Suddenly, my stomach clenched, the nauseating feeling returned stronger than before. Groaning, I pushed myself off the table much to Severus' annoyance. Bile was rising in my throat and my knees gave away. Severus had just settled me down in a kneeling position when my stomach emptied itself. The repugnant taste of Dark Magic seemed to burn in my throat and mouth. I whimpered in disgust – and more so, in embarrassment.

Severus kneeled in front of me and pressed a cup with water into my trembling hands. A swift flick of his wand and the vomit vanished. I emptied the cup before it slipped out of my weak grip and clattered loudly to the floor. Warm hands cupped my face. I wanted to pull back, get away from his touch but I had no strength left. I felt weak, angry… and filthy.

_"__I am not a liar. I'm not!"_ The fingers of my right hand were digging in Severus' arm. Desperately, I looked up in his blank face. Rushed words stumbled out of my mouth. _"How can anyone be so cruel? Using Dark Magic against students. Why does the Minister allow such treatment? I would never lie about my father. I am not a liar. I hate lies. How can they not understand?"_

Severus stayed quiet. He wrapped his arms around me and I buried my face in his chest.

_"__There are many virtuous people, Arya, but only a mean mind makes them truly dangerous. Neither of us has the power to make the Minister see reason."_ Severus pushed me back gently. Instantly, my grip on his arm tightened in fear he would pull back. Obsidian eyes bore deeply in mine, their intensity leaving a trail of gooseflesh on my arms. _"Do not provoke Umbridge any further. Stay away from her and do not interfere if Potter loses his temper again. I beg you!"_

Single tears rolled down my cheeks. I whimpered when I heard the barely concealed fear in his plead. I was frightened myself. Never before had I been exposed to the pure brutal force of Dark Magic. I had suffered the Cruciatus Curse, but never before had darkness taken residence in my own body. The Dark Mark was an entirely different story.

_"__I promise… I promise, Severus."_ I clenched my jaw when anther seething burn wandered through my left arm. Moaning, I shut my eyes and the fingers of my right hand dug deeply into my forearm. Yet I felt when Severus shifted and I found myself sitting in his lap with strong arms holding me firmly against his chest.

_"__I am supposed to help you but I don't know how… I am sorry…"_ Severus whispered in my hair. As I pressed my face into the crook of his neck I wanted to tell him that he was already helping me, that his embrace was enough to make the sharp cruel pain more bearable. But all I could do was whimpering weakly into his coat.

There was no way for me to tell how long we had been sitting on the floor in his office. My left arm was numb and heavy, the pain nothing more than a dull throbbing. The warmth and safety of his embrace, the gentle fingers buried in my hair, the soft thumb caressing my cheek slowly lulled me to sleep. My body was too exhausted from days of constant exposure to Dark Magic. All concerns about my fight with Draco, Hermione discovering the letters, Severus' safety, my training and my father had been pushed to the very back of my mind. I needed time to rest…

_"__Arya… You need to wake up…"_

I woke as Severus shifted and loosened his embrace. Gentle fingers pushed strands out of my face. My eyes fluttered open, my face still resting comfortable against Severus' chest. My head was throbbing with a dull pain and I groaned grudgingly. I did not want to move.

We were still sitting on the floor. I realized that whilst my position might be very comfortable, Severus could not possibly say so for himself. I did not know if he had stayed in this position for mere minutes or if I had slept longer.

_"__I'm sorry."_ I mumbled when I uncurled my heavy limbs and slipped off his lap to the cold floor. I winced at the sudden coldness. Severus must have cast a warming charm over the both of us. I felt more than grateful because my body had obviously not enough strength to counteract the Dark Magic in my system and keep myself comfortable. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my cheek on my knees. My eyelids threatened to close.

It was only then that I spotted the back of my hand. With difficulties I lifted my itching hand and blinked wearily at the irritated skin. It was still red but the cuts had closed, leaving neat scars of the words I had written with my own blood. I sighed in weakened disgust and averted my gaze.

_"__Look at me."_ A warm hand under my chin pushed my head to face him. Sharp obsidian eyes flickered over my tired features. My heart ached to be back in his arms, to rest against his warm body and close my eyes. But Severus was having none of it as he took a firm grip of my shoulder when my body leaned in his direction. Though not painful, his hold was enough to send a jolt through my chest. I groaned when my head shook without balance.

_"__You must return to your dormitory. Or I am forced to escort you to the Hospital Wing. You need proper rest."_

_"__No… Not the infirmary."_ I muttered quietly. _"Umbridge mustn't know how much she affected me. I don't want her to know…"_

A short silence followed. Severus' eyes narrowed angrily, nevertheless he nodded. He released my chin and took hold of my upper arms instead. With a blank expression he pulled me to my feet. The room swayed around me. A sharp pain shot to my head and I winced. Severus summoned a chair and pushed me down. I merely noticed the waving of his cloak before he disappeared. I leaned the elbows on my knees, my hands pulling my hair painfully. The throbbing pain in my head did not ease nor was it increasing. My entire body was tense with the sickening feeling of Dark Magic flowing through my veins.

_"__Drink."_

Severus' sharp voice made me blink. A tiny vial sparkling the purest white appeared under my nose. I had seen it before yet could not remember where. Without further hesitation, I downed the potion. I sighed in relief when the pain eased to a bearable pressure. Severus offered me his hand and helped me up. My legs were shaking, my body terribly heavy and stiff. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to take the first steps towards the door.

Severus shot daggers at every portrait who dared to complain about the bright light. I did not miss his clenched jaw nor barely concealed rage. I wanted to tell him that I would be fine after a few more hours of sleep but I knew it was a lie. My body would need some time to get rid of the Dark Magic in my system. Severus knew it and he was scared.

Severus had witnessed the worst effect Dark Magic could have on fairies. He had seen how my mother had suffered with the darkness of the Dark Mark. How she had died because of it. Even though I had asked Severus about her death several times, he had never said a word. Instead the thick cold walls of Occlumency would snap up, shielding his mind along with his emotions. A blank expression would remain and an emotionless voice telling me that he would not talk about it. Over the years, I had learned to understand that he was hiding and partly even suppressing his fear and pain. As not to become insane, he released his emotional pressure through anger and biting sarcasm. But he could not hide himself from me anymore.

Pearls of sweat were covering my forehead when we finally left the Dungeons. My legs felt as exhausted as if I was wading through a dangerous water flow. My hold of Severus' arm had loosened rapidly so that he had had to grip my upper arms firmly. I was leaning heavily against him though he did not seem to notice. Half pushing, half dragging me, Severus slowly brought us closer to Gryffindor tower.

_"__You. I know for sure you're no Gryffindor." _The Fat Lady greeted Severus with an annoyed scowl. My not so quiet footsteps had woken her obviously. Severus sent her a dark glare which she returned with a piercing frown. He ignored her quiet muttering and turned to me.

_"__Thank you."_ I said quietly and cast him a weary smile. The moving stairs had not helped with my increasing dizziness. Severus' eyes were cold when he looked down at me. His hands gripped my upper arms tightly to keep me from swaying or falling.

_"__Remember your promise. Skip breakfast in the morning if necessary. I expect you well rested by Sunday evening or you will stay the night in the infirmary under surveillance."_

I winced slightly. His tone was as hard as his features. Obsidian eyes bore deeply in mine.

_"__I feel more like skipping breakfast and lunch…"_ I mumbled. My vision darkened around the edges, Severus' face blurring slightly.

The man in question growled lowly. _"I don't give a damn if you sleep through dinner as well. You are a Fairy, not some hormone driven ever-starving adolescent."_

_"__Language!" _The Fat Lady threw in sharply. Severus closed his eyes briefly and took a long breath. Anger was radiating from him. The events tonight had cost him even the last bit of self-control and patience.

_"__Mind your own business, Madame." _Severus snapped coldly before opening his eyes. The Fat Lady huffed and narrowed her eyes. _"Go now."_

I nodded and suppressed a yawn. I felt too exhausted to say or do anything else – not that it would have been wise in front of all these paintings anyway.

_"__You're a Slytherin!"_ A sharp jolt shot through my head when the Fat Lady suddenly shrieked. With wide eyes she watched Severus whose lips curled menacingly. _"Yes, yes. I recognize you. You're that Slytherin boy who spent an entire night in front of my portrait, begging for entrance after you had harassed that poor-"_

_"__Enough."_ Severus hissed, his eyes flashing menacingly at the portrait. _"Unlike others I do not make empty threats. Keep that in mind, woman."_

_"__Please, Madame, just open the door."_ I mumbled when the Fat Lady glared daggers at Severus. His lips twitched dangerously, black eyes hard as ice. For a moment I thought she would not drop their little squabble. Then the portrait swung open. I had no strength left to even look at Severus, so I dragged my heavy body through the portrait hole. It needed all my willpower to keep myself from falling and sleeping on the floor in the common room. I fell asleep even before my head hit the pillow.

The weekend passed in a blur. I had come back to my senses before dinner started on Saturday. Even then I had not been entirely awake. My entire body had itched and burned – not to mention my forearm. I had almost dropped the shirt I had been holding while changing when my tired eyes had accidentally fallen on the mark. The usual black was gone – instead my Dark Mark was putting Gryffindor's red crest to shame. The snake was winding under my skin. In response, my body had trembled and I had barely been able to stand on my legs. My stomach had clenched painfully before I had vomited blood and bile.

I had been glad the dorm had been deserted. If anyone would have seen me in this state, they surely would have told others until Umbridge would have heard as well. It was better if nobody knew about this. People would only start asking questions. They could not know who I was.

Attending dinner had been a problem in itself. By the time I had finally reached the end of the many stairs, my body had been ready to return to bed. For it had still been dealing with the direct effect of the Dark Magic, sleep and food deprivation. The overwhelming scents however, had left my stomach growling loudly and woken my weakened limbs. My friends had tried to include me in their conversations – Harry was more than glad that our detentions were finally over – but bringing the fork repeatedly to my mouth had been enough of a challenge.

Nevertheless, I had felt the pairs of eyes on me the entire time. A short glance in direction of the staff table had proven me right; Severus, my Head of House and – to my annoyance – even Professor Umbridge and Dumbledore had been watching me now and then. The sharp obsidian eyes had been the most relentless ones however. Then there had also been the heavy piercing glare of unreadable eyes. Draco had kept an eye on me from the second I had entered the Great Hall.

I had ignored them all.

On Sunday I had slept through breakfast as well. When I had made my way to the Great Hall for the second time in two days, I had felt the spark of new strength in my body. Although magic was still pulsating through my veins and fighting off the Dark Magic, my mind was cleared again. The Dark Mark still stood out a bright red against my skin.

A nagging feeling was left in the back of my mind however. The penetrating coldness of fear was constantly eating away at my determination. I was afraid of Dark Magic to an extent I had never been before. It felt like illness, poison and death. I was afraid for myself. I did not want to die a slow painful death when the time came. I wanted to live!

_"__Arya, you really should go to the infirmary."_ I was ripped out of my heavy musing when Hermione nudged my arm. It took me a moment to orientate myself. Lost in thoughts, I had been scratching the last bits of vegetables off my plate.

_"__No, I don't."_ I snapped and glared at the fork in my hands. My hand was trembling from the simple effort of holding it. _"Besides, the nurse cannot help me as I have told you uncountable times. If you actually listened to what I was saying, you would realise that your advice is useless… But why would anyone listen to me! I'm a liar and a nutter."_

If Hermione found pleasure in telling others what to do, I did not know. But it was annoying nonetheless and I was still angry with her for sticking her nose in my private affairs. A small part in the back of my mind told me to keep my mouth shut, not to blurt out what I was truly thinking. That most people could never remotely understand how my mind – a Fairy's mind, worked.

Hermione watched me with furrowed eyebrows. I did not miss the short exchange of glances with Harry and Ron who had become silent. _"I know, I know. Merlin, there's no need to lash out on me. I just mean that you should get some rest and perhaps a Pepper up potion or something alike."_

I sighed and rubbed my face. Then I looked up and tried not to show the burning annoyance but without success. _"Well, I mean that you shouldn't just hear my words but also listen to what I am saying. Harry and Ron might accept your nerdy behaviour but honestly, it's annoying me. You pretend to understand me but in truth you don't."_

_"__Then help us to."_ Hermione replied angrily and set down her cup. _"You know, you're not really telling us much about you either." _

In a heartbeat my annoyance multiplied. I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to suppress the strong hurt. _"Why would I? Why should I tell you something about myself if you refuse to listen to me? The few times I did you acted like brainless fools. Judging me for things you don't know anything about. Refusing to trust me with my decisions and opinion."_

_"__That's not true! How dare you turn this against us. We're your friends and we've always been on your side."_ People were looking in our direction now. Hermione had come to her feet and glared down at me. Refusing to be scolded like a little child, I stood up as well, although my body protested. The conversations around us died down when the students noticed our postures.

_"__I am not turning anything against you."_ I kept my voice quiet, but I could not keep the hard edge out of it. _"I am merely saying that you don't listen to me. You only see what you want to see, only believe what you want to believe. You only see two sides, judging people by their behaviour without questioning. You are blinded and controlled by your emotions. I asked you not to lie to me, yet you are still lying. I told you how much I value privacy, yet you searched my belongings. I warned you of danger several times but still you refused to consider the truth in my words. Now, tell me why I should try to make you understand, if you are incapable to think about anything I say without your emotions going haywire!"_

As soon as the last phrase left my mouth my entire body tensed. Hermione's eyes narrowed and her hair seemed to crackle with electricity. Instinctively, I clenched my hands to tight fists, my weakened magic pulsating rapidly into the tips of my fingers. A light tug at my sleeve made me look down. Harry shook his head with a very confused expression.

_"__What has gotten into you, Arya? Since this summer you're acting strange. And now you dare scolding me as if you never make any mistakes? You lied to us as well. With the many secrets you keep, you could probably fill a book. Did we ever complain about it? Did we ever force you to choose between our friendship and your secrets? No, because we trust you… Do you even trust us?"_

That remark hit me. Forgotten was my body's pain and weakness. All I could feel was an overwhelming coldness in my heart. I refused to avert my gaze. I wanted to leave but my legs would not obey. After a long silence, Hermione sighed annoyed and looked away. I gritted my teeth, not knowing what to do. She was right, I had lied several times and I kept many secrets. Was that already too much for a friendship with humans? Then again, if I expected honesty from others, I should not lie either – Fairy or not.

_"__It is true. I lied to you and for that I apologize."_ My voice was as hard as a rock but my remorse was honest. I folded my hands behind my back and looked straight at Hermione. Her brown eyes pierced me with a stern gaze. My gaze flickered briefly to Ron and Harry who stared at me as if they had never seen me before.

_"__It is also true that I have more secrets than others. I cannot apologize for being a coward, although I truly hate it. There are a handful of people who know my secrets and I apologize that you are not among them. I truly wish the result of my O.W.L.s were my only problem but it is the last on my list and you know why. I also wish I could share some of my secrets with you. I trust you as much as I know you. There is nothing wrong with following your emotions but you should know when to control them and listen to the voice of reason instead. All it needs is one outburst, one moment when control slips out of your hands. You are my friends but I cannot risk other people's lives by revealing my secrets to you."_

The straightened posture made my legs tremble. There was so much more I wanted to tell them but I could not. The heaviness of Dark Magic hit me full force. My forearm grew hotter and I felt the snake curling under my skin. I gritted my teeth to prevent myself from groaning when a throbbing pain rushed through my entire body. I had used all the remaining energy that was left in my body.

On shaking legs, I dragged my body past my friends. The edges of my vision darkened slightly. Pearls of sweat rolled down my neck and my heart pounded loudly against my ribcage. My nails were digging deeply into my forearm. I heard nothing but the blood in my ears, leaving a strong headache. It seemed like an eternity when I finally stepped through the entry of the Great Hall. Before I could turn towards the staircase however, a tight grip on my arm pulled me in another direction. I hissed as a sharp pain shot in my head.

_"__What the hell is wrong with you now?"_

_"__You do realize she looks like crap, right? I doubt yelling at her will help…"_

I held my pounding head and leaned heavily against the back of a chair. I felt so terribly annoyed… and exhausted. My heart warmed suddenly, merely adding to my annoyance. My own emotions betrayed me.

_"__Kindly postpone your squabble to a later date and tell me what you want."_ I lifted my gaze. Draco stood tall in front of me with his arms folded firmly across his chest. The Prefect badge attached to his jacket flashed visibly in the light. Grey eyes glared down at me, his sharp features set in a very cold expression.

_"__Hm, let me think. I want a Firebolt but Father refuses to buy me one even if that makes me slower than Potter. Oh and a girlfriend would be nice. Parkinson is getting on my nerves. Ah yes, my own residence would be satisfying as well."_ Draco sneered at me. I groaned and rolled my eyes. I groaned again when my vision blurred at the small movement.

My body would not even allow me to express my growing impatience at my brother. The one person I had missed terribly over the summer, the one person who knew me better than almost everyone else. The one person I had desperately wanted to talk to again. The one person who was lowering their face to mine with a bitter smirk.

_"__But we don't always get what we want, right?"_

I winced when I noticed the pain in his eyes. I could not bring myself to return his gaze so I stared at my hands instead. This was all my fault. I had lied to him, pushed him away and risked a fight.

_"__Stop being so dramatic, Draco."_ Blaise' unmistakable light voice made me look up. I gulped when warm dark eyes looked down at me. Suddenly, my legs gave away. I tried to grab the back of a chair but my reflexes were pathetically slow.

_"__Woah. Slow down, will you."_

Together, Blaise and Draco helped me in a sitting position on the floor. I pulled my legs to my chest and rested my forehead on my knees. My hands grabbed fistful of hair. My body felt numb but my heart felt so much worse. I could not bring myself to look at them.

_I'm such a coward. Always pushing everyone away, just so that I don't have to deal with their pain._

_"__What happened?"_ To my surprise it was Draco who interrupted the heavy silence. My hands were shaking, my heart pounding against my legs. My mind wanted to say something but my heart twisted the words that came out of my mouth to the bitter truth.

_"__Umbridge."_ I muttered. The hands in my hair tightened their grip.

_"__What did she do?"_ My brother spoke in a waspish voice. I cringed inwardly. _"As far as I know, you were stupid enough to talk back to her. It was quite obvious that she wouldn't let it slide. You brought this on yourself… Just like everything else…"_ He mumbled the last part but I heard it anyway.

_"__I know."_ I dared to glance up. Grey eyes were burning straight into my soul. I averted my gaze quickly. _"I know."_

_"__Well? What did she do?"_ Blaise asked curiously. He waved a hand in front of my slouched position. _"This pathetic posture… is obviously not normal."_

I wrapped my arms around my legs. I was conflicted. Finally, a long sigh escaped my nose and I made sure to keep my gaze on my knees.

_"__She made us write lines."_ I muttered quietly. An annoyed sigh was audible.

_"__Lines? Really. Safe this crap for your friends, Arya, and tell the truth or I'm leaving."_ My brother spat venomously. My fingers dug deeply into my skin. Slowly, I lifted my head and glanced up. Draco's eyes were burning with anger.

_"__It's true. She made us write lines… just not with our quills."_ I bit the inside of my cheek when I remembered the first time I had touched Umbridge's quill. _"It was a Black Quill."_

Blaise drew in a sharp breath and exchanged an incredulous look with Draco. My brother pressed his lips in a thin line and clenched his jaw.

_"__Show me!"_

Reluctantly, I raised my hand and held the grotesque wound for them to see. I flinched when a cold hand grabbed my wrist. I could not look at the back of my hand. I shut my eyes and turned my head away.

_"__How many detentions did you have?"_ Draco's voice was quiet. I could have cried with relief when I heard the concern in his voice. My head snapped around and I stared at him. So he still cared.

_"__Four… the last on Friday."_

Draco released my hand and it fell weakly in my lap. I thought my heart was about to explode. So many emotions ran through it. I just wanted to throw myself into my brother's arms and tell him everything. Guilt was constantly nagging at my heart. Guilt for the fight I caused, for lying to them and for pushing them away. I had missed them so much. I needed them for they knew me better than my Gryffindor friends ever would.

_"__I am sorry."_

The words tumbled out of my mouth before my mind could stop them. Instantly, the mood shifted. The worrying spark in my brother's eyes vanished and was replaced by a coldness that sent shivers down my spine. His features hardened and he stepped back. Blaise reacted similarly, only that his curious gaze wandered back and forth between Draco and me.

I pleaded quietly for my brother not to run away, for I had no strength to possibly follow him. My throat clenched tightly. I was incapable to speak.

_"__You're sorry."_ Disbelief flickered over Draco's face before anger and pain settled on his features. I flinched but there was no turning back. _"That's it? You're sorry? You turned your back on me when I tried to help you. You left when I needed you by my side. You left me alone to deal with this entire damned situation. And now you think a simple blurt of emotions and apology would fix this?"_

My eyes stung when he glared down at me with burning anger. His features were contorted with rage. His pale skin turned a light pink. Frustrated, he turned away and ran a shaking hand through his hair. My heart was sinking lower with each passing second. With all my willpower I lifted my heavy body to stand on my feet.

_"__I know, nothing I say could possibly set this right. I screwed up! But I didn't want you to find out the truth. I wanted to protect you, Draco. Just listen to me, please! You don't have to talk to me ever again, but please, hear me out first!"_

Draco whirled around, a piercing glare making me wince. He was shaking with anger. _"Yes, you always want to protect everyone. That's your damn problem, Arya. You make decisions for others that are not yours to make. You feel responsible for things that have nothing to do with you. You let your poor excuse of friends manipulate you only to end up in the infirmary every damn time. And now you've chosen them over me again!"_

I was frozen on the spot when he stepped closer. Grey eyes flashed with pain and rage as he spat his words into my face. _"I'm done with your poor excuses, Arya. I'm sick of your lies and paternalism. I would say go to hell, but you don't know what it's like to house the Dark Lord in your home."_

He swept past me. My heart stung as if he had thriven a dagger into my chest. An overwhelming coldness crept up my spine. I swayed when I forced my body to turn towards my brother. Helpless, I stared at his retreating back.

_"__Draco, please. Let me explain. I beg you!"_

He stopped and turned his hands to tight fists. Slowly, he faced me again. A whimper escaped my lips at his hard expression.

_"__No, Arya. Safe your excuses and lies for Snape or whoever actually cares. Just stay away from me."_

My brother whirled around and strode towards the exit. He threw the door open, banging it loudly against the wall. I remained frozen on the spot. As soon as the meaning of his words had entered my mind, my legs shook stronger than before and I fell on my knees. Sobbing, I hugged my knees to my chest. I had really screwed up this time!

I barely noticed when someone pulled me to their chest. Desperately, I clung to their strong defined arms. My pained mind recognized the unmistakable scent of Blaise. Comfortingly, I buried my face in his chest. He rested his cheek against my forehead.

_"__Well, I can't say his anger isn't justified. You really were a pain in the ass before summer."_ Blaise' commented lowly. Another wave of sobs shook my entire body. Blaise squeezed me in his arms before chuckling to himself. Biting my bottom lip, I raised my head. _"He'll come around. Give him some time and he'll want to hear you out… But he has a point though. You really have to stop patronising us, Arya. We might not have your magical power, but we're capable to protect ourselves."_

Carefully, he pushed me back. He cupped my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. Dark eyes pierced straight into my soul with the hard spark of reality. _"Draco and I have grown up surrounded by the Dark Lord's followers. We know better than anyone else what it means to be caught right in the middle of it. It's too late for us to leave now. Protect your Gryffindor friends if you must, but we deserve – must know the truth to defend ourselves. You understand me?"_

Blaise released my face and I nodded. I gulped several times to clear my throat before finally daring to speak. The words rushed out of my mouth and I pleaded desperately. _"I am truly sorry, Blaise. I was – am not myself since my father's return. I cannot excuse my behaviour, I knew what I was doing the entire time, but I was frightened. You have to believe me."_

Dark eyes watched me with an unreadable expression. Blood rushed loudly through my ears when the silence became almost unbearable. My throat was tight and my heart heavy with shame. Blaise' scrutinizing gaze pierced me unwavering.

_"__Did you tell Snape?"_ He asked quietly. I lowered my gaze to my trembling hands.

_"__He forced me to."_ Blaise raised his eyebrows and snorted. I managed a half-hearted glare at his amusement. _"Half of Dumbledore's Order was present when he pushed me into a corner. By that point, I was sick of all the lies and the burden of… of this pain." _I mumbled the last part. Blaise narrowed his eyes.

_"__And your Gryffindor lot, do they know as well? Are Draco and I the only ones who were left in the dark?"_

My head snapped up and I cast my friend a pleading look, ignoring the throbbing in my head. _"No. I mean Harry knows, he was there. But he is the only non-adult who knows, I swear. The Order members have been forced to secrecy about it. Professor McGonagall was there and Dumbledore, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley as well, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and a could of people I barely know."_

Blaise nodded slowly. He lowered his head and sighed loudly. He closed his eyes before rubbing his face. I wanted to say something, anything, but my mind was blank and my body exhausted. I drew a surprised breath when Blaise raised his head again. Tired yet warm eyes watched me.

_"__You know, I'm still pissed off… But you look even worse than Draco did after Granger punched him, which is almost impossible. I mean, you're practically rivalling with Parkinson at the moment."_ His lips twitched in a crooked smirk.

I chuckled half-heartedly. My glare did not impress him the slightest. Blaise' look fell on my trembling hands and he held out his own.

_"__Now, move your lazy ass, Gryffindor. It won't do you any good to fall asleep here. Not that I care, but your boyfriend would give me quite the lecture if I left you where nobody would ever run into you. The corridor should do though. Mrs. Norris will find you sooner or later."_

Annoyance and exhaustion made me groan, nevertheless I grabbed his hand. With a mischievous smirk, Blaise pulled me up. I had no strength left to answer or react and he knew it.

Always the friendly snake from Slytherin house…


	71. Chapter 71 - Hogwarts' High Inquisitor

**71\. Hogwarts' High Inquisitor**

_"__Hermione, could I talk to you?"_ Hesitantly, I approached my friend's bed. Hermione was stuffing her bag with books and parchments. Her hand paused for a second before she closed it and turned to me with a questioning expression. She folded her arms across her chest, but her eyes were not nearly as cool as her posture.

_"__Look, Arya. I get it. I shouldn't have read your letters. I understand. But that didn't give you the right to lash out on us. We've always been by your side and we've always trusted you. I mean, where's all this suddenly coming from what you said yesterday?"_

I sighed defeated. In this moment I wished I could tell her everything. I wanted her to understand what was truly happening. Why I had become so snappy and irritable. Why I had been lying. Why I thought I had to protect them.

Sleep had not wanted to come yesterday. Draco's words had shook me to the core. At first, I had been angry with him. In the darkness of the night, I had argued with myself. He did not know what I was going through. How much it pained me to see the Dark Mark on my forearm. Or how afraid I was. Then again, if it was true that my father was using Malfoy manor as headquarter, I could only pray to every keeper of Magic that Draco would never meet him. I could not imagine what it was like to house my father, the Darkest wizard of all times.

I hated when decisions were made for me without my knowledge or consent. Why did I ever think I could make decisions for others?

I hated lies, so why should I have the right to lie to others?

I cleared my throat to swallow the forming lump. Defeated, I stepped closer to her bed and sat down. My shoulders slumped down. I blinked away the itching in my eyes. _"I am sorry, Hermione. I truly am! What I said… it was what I think. But I had no right to announce it to you the way I did. You were right, I am lying to you… almost all the time and I hate it. I trust you. I trust you with my life! If I didn't, I would never have followed you into danger. I hope you know this."_

Scratching my forearm anxiously, I stared at my friend with great concern. My heart was pounding in my chest. Hermione bit the inside of her cheek. She stole a glance at my forearm before her gaze wandered thoughtfully through the room. When she finally looked at me, her expression had softened.

_"__Why, Arya? I'm trying to understand, but why would you lie to us? We're your friends. You can talk to us about anything. Why are you always distancing yourself whenever it concerns something more personal? You said a few times now that you're different from us but refuse to tell us in which ways. And then you blame us if we draw wrong conclusions with the little information we have."_

I lowered my gaze to my hands, forcing my fingers to still. My heart was hammering in my chest. A sad laugh escaped my lips. A deeply rooted sorrow came painfully to the forefront of my mind. _"I suppose you are right… You know, when I was a little child, I could never quite believe when I was told that all the other children are not like me. With my mind as a child, I was convinced that were merely stories to intimidate me. Although I heard the truth in the words, I thought these children were only a minority group… I believed in the good in others…"_

_"__And now you don't anymore?"_ Hermione asked confused.

I frowned. _"What do you mean?"_

_"__Malfoy? And Zabini? By the way, you're defending Professor Snape's ruthless and unfair behaviour more often than not."_

_"__I never said they were in the right. I merely make an effort so that you get the smallest of understanding for human psychology. You cannot judge anyone without knowing their side of the story. Without knowing the reasons for their actions… I remember when you said you would like to try for inter-house unity. Quite a difficult task if you ask me. Every house holds prejudices against the others. Ravenclaws are book-obsessed theorists. Hufflepuffs are weak-willed without considerable magical power. Slytherins are Dark Magic-loving pureblood fanatics and Gryffindors are impulsive and attention-seeking troublemakers. If you wish inter-house unity, you and everyone else must at least respect your counterpart and have an open mind."_

_"__An understanding of human psychology? What are you? A muggle psychologist?"_ Hermione huffed and shook her head. _"It's easy to say all this and act as if everyone else is at fault."_

I groaned quietly. This was not going the way I had expected. _"It is my way of thinking, Hermione. I am trying to explain why I distance myself and not instructing you."_

Hermione sighed annoyed but motioned for me to continue. She let herself fall on her bed next to me. I gulped and averted my gaze to the nearest window.

_"__As a child I believed in the good in others until reality taught me the truth…_ _Children hit each other, screamed at each other and teased each other. Children tormented innocent animals until they died, parents lied to their children, adults lied to each other. I saw and felt the lack of respect… So many times I begged to return home, because I could not stand all this pain around me."_

I laughed bitterly. _"I was taught the psychological principles of human behaviour, although I struggled to accept them, because I didn't understand that I had been taught by someone who was the ultimate exception."_

I turned to Hermione and cast her a sad smile. _"The truth is, I am a coward. Lies are so much easier and comfortable to live my life. I don't even try anymore to make people understand my way of thinking, because there are only very few who understand. It is wrong, I know. I hate these hiding games more than you could imagine, Hermione. But you have to understand that every personal information about myself only leads to more questions I cannot answer. And if I learned something over the years, then that humans have difficulties to accept what they cannot understand. So I keep pushing everyone away to avoid being the reason for mistrust."_

My friend hesitated, nervously playing with her fingers. Discomfort was obvious in her expression. I furrowed my eyebrows, ignoring the unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach.

_"__What?"_

_"__Well…"_ She glanced at my left forearm. I took a sharp breath and a cold shiver ran down my spine. _"Is that why you… because you thought no one could help you?"_

_"__No…" _I gulped several times and clenched my jaw. _"I did what I did, because I know that no one can help me."_

Hermione opened and closed her mouth. A very cautious expression warmed her eyes. _"But Professor Snape helped you, didn't he? You seemed pretty upset when you arrived at Grimmauld place…"_

_"__Yes, he did." _My lips twitched into a small smile. The thought of Severus' support warmed my heart. _"He healed me." In so many ways. And taught me so many things. He opened my heart to experience the most beautiful love._

_"__Can I – Can I see it?"_ Hermione asked quietly. The warmth quickly left my body, my smile faltering.

_"__I remember you saying that fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself."_ I spoke coldly – not because of Hermione though. With a shaking hand, I slowly rolled up the sleeve of my left forearm. I glared daggers at my movements. _"It, as you call this, is a Dark Mark. Nothing I do or say will ever change that so I prefer if you simply called it as what it really is. A disgusting, reeking, filthy Dark Mark."_

I stared at the blank ink. It stood out grotesquely against my skin. A shaking breath escaped my lips and I lifted my gaze. Uneasiness, repulsion and fear flashed though Hermione's eyes as she stared at my branded skin. A wave of disgust and shame overwhelmed me, so when she reached out to touch my arm, I pulled it back. Gulping, my gaze rested on the mark.

_"__I'm sorry."_ She whispered.

I forced my sleeve down to cover my forearm. _"Me too."_

I stood up and turned towards my friend with a weary expression. Hermione cast me an insecure smile. _"Listen, Hermione. I am sorry for lying and pushing you away. I had no right nor did I mean to do so."_

_"__Yes, well… I suppose, I'm still trying to understand this entire situation."_ Hermione sighed and stood up.

_"__You are not alone."_ I muttered quietly.

_"__Can I ask you something else?"_ She grabbed her bag and turned to me with a cautious expression. It was my turn to sigh then I nodded. _"This person who taught you about humans, is it the same you were living with before you were brought to the Malfoy's?"_

For a short moment, I was at a loss for words. Hermione was too smart for her own good sometimes. With an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach I nodded again. She furrowed her eyebrows and watched me with a thoughtful expression. I chuckled to myself before turning my attention to my own prepared bag.

_"__Don't even bother to ask who it was, because I honestly cannot tell you." _I smiled when I noticed her pouting expression. She was too easy to read. _"Not if you want to keep your memories."_

_"__Fine. But will you tell us one day?"_

My jaw clenched and a cold shiver ran down my spine. With more force than necessary, I swung my bag over my shoulder. Hermione followed me to the door.

_"__I will if I survive this war."_

_"__Don't be ridiculous. Of course you will. "_ Hermione snapped behind me. I scoffed but refused to say anything else. An overwhelming coldness had wrapped itself around my heart.

_If you only you knew, Hermione…_

I felt relieved when she finally changed the topic, obviously noticing my reluctance and discomfort. We joined Harry and Ron in the common room. My apology was not as detailed and long as the previous one, but they accepted it, nonetheless. Harry was still absentminded and brooding most of the time anyway. I sensed that something was not right at all. My father's return had shaken him as much as me.

Ron had received a letter from his elder brother Percy the night before. The redhead had been truly annoyed by his brother supporting the Ministry. He had giving him the advice to distance himself from Harry and me. But Ron had simply cursed his brother and torn the letter into pieces before throwing it into the fire. Percy Weasley had also advised him to read the Daily Prophet this morning 'to get a good idea of the way the wind was blowing'.

We had expected to have to comb Hermione's Daily Prophet carefully to find the article Percy had mentioned in his letter. However, the departing delivery owl had barely left when Hermione let out a huge gasp and flattened the newspaper to reveal a large photograph of Dolores Umbridge.

**Ministry seeks educational reform – Dolores Umbridge appointed first ever High Inquisitor**

_"__Umbridge – High Inquisitor?" _Harry asked darkly, his half-eaten piece of toast slipping from his fingers. _"What does that mean?"_

I glared at the smiling photograph of our Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. There was no word to describe the overwhelming feeling that made my blood boil and want to lash out at everyone who dared to support the Ministry. I did not even notice when my shaking hand knocked over my cup, spilling pumpkin juice everywhere.

Apparently, Umbridge was appointed High Inquisitor since the Ministry of Magic believed that Albus Dumbledore was slipping in keeping order and preventing lies being spread about Lord Voldemort returning. I rather suspected the position only came to be due to Minister Fudge being paranoid of Dumbledore attempting to take over the Ministry and assigned Umbridge to keep an eye on the situation.

Whilst Hermione read the article aloud, my gaze wandered to the staff table. Whether it was my imagination I could not say, but I noticed a satisfactory smile at the corner of Umbridge's lips. Professor McGonagall looked incredibly annoyed by the other staff member and Severus seemed as stoic and untouched as always. Although, I knew that he was probably more annoyed than every other teacher.

_"__So now we know how we ended up with Umbridge! Fudge passed this 'Educational Degree' and forced her on us. And now he's given her the power to inspect the other teachers."_ Hermione was breathing fast, her eyes flashing with anger. _" I can' believe this. It's outrageous!"_

_"__I know it is."_ Harry said and stared at the back of his hand.

My gaze wandered to my own hand. The faint white outline of the words Umbridge had forced me to cut into my skin was left. I clenched my hand to a tight fist, watching with burning hate how the scars contorted with the moving skin. Today we had another Defence against the Dark Arts lesson with Umbridge. The tiny spark of fear began to nag at my heart. I still remembered the effect of the Black Quill very vividly. Even though, I did not want to end up in another detention, I knew I would not be capable to listen to her brainwashing for too long.

_"__Arya, you coming?"_ Hermione asked gently, ripping me out of my thoughts. Blinking, I tore my gaze away from my hand and nodded towards my friend. With my dark thoughts still in the back of my mind, I followed her. My dread grew with each step. I desperately hoped, Umbridge would not inspect any of our lessons today. It was more than enough already that I would see her in the afternoon class.

Despite my growing tension, I could not prevent myself from stealing a glance at the Slytherin table. My heart clenched painfully when I spotted my brother's unmistakable white hair. He was sitting with his back to me. Blaise was laughing at something he had said. I gritted my teeth and needed all my willpower to tear my gaze from them and follow my friends out of the Great Hall.

Umbridge was not inspecting our History of Magic lesson which did not help my anxiety, however. Nor was she in the Potion's classroom when we arrived for double Potions. I kept my head low to avoid spotting Draco or Blaise anywhere. My body was trembling with all the suppressed nervousness and dread. I wanted nothing more than to leave to get as far away from everything and everyone. I did not want to hear the whispering wherever I went. I wanted to forget about my father.

I flinched when a role of parchment landed in front of me. The usually calming scent of Severus filled my nostrils when he passed our table, forcing me back into reality. I gulped and unrolled my marked essay. My mind was empty, I could not process the writing. A large, spiky black 'O' was scrawled in an upper corner. No joy, no excitement warmed my heart this time. Instead, I laid the parchment back on the desk and played anxiously with my fingers.

_"__I have awarded you the grades you would have received if you presented this work in your O.W.L."_ Severus spoke as he swept among us, passing back our homework. _"This should give you a realistic idea of what to expect in the examination."_

He reached the front of the classroom and turned in our direction. I lowered my gaze to my hands, refusing to draw any attention on myself. My mind was far away from the Potions classroom.

_"__The general standard of this homework was abysmal. Most of you would have failed had this been your examination. I expect to see a great deal more effort for this week's essay or I shall have to start handing out detentions to those dunces who get a 'D'."_

I noticed Hermione looking sideways to see what grade I had received. As soon as she spotted the teacher's ink on my parchment, she pulled it in her direction with a thoughtful frown. I merely stared when my essay moved away from myself.

I had great difficulties concentrating on today's potions; the Strengthening Solution. I read and reread every line of instructions on the blackboard at least three times before acting on them. Finally, I delivered a flask, filled with the precise clear turquoise shade, to Severus' desk at the end of the lesson with a feeling of mingled defiance and relief. Although his gaze did not linger longer than a few seconds, I felt Severus' gaze like a heavy weight on my mind. I could only imagine how concerned and annoyed he was about recent events and the fact that I would face Umbridge after lunch.

_"__Do you mind if I have a look at your essay, Arya, to compare it with mine? I can't find my mistake or what essential information about moonstones I've left out."_ Hermione asked on our way to the Great Hall.

_"__No, help yourself."_ I shrugged and pulled the role of parchment out of my bag. Hermione beamed when I handed it to her, her eyes instantly scanning my lines.

_"__Well, that's definitely new. Do you need help from Arya now?"_ Ron grumbled, loading his plate with food. Hermione's head snapped up, casting him a dark scowl. I kept quiet, reluctantly taking some food. I was not very hungry. In fact, I felt as if my stomach would burst with the tiniest bite.

_"__I didn't expect the top grade, not if he's marking to O.W.L. standard. Obviously, I'd have been thrilled if I'd got an 'O'. But we've got plenty of time to improve and the grades we're getting now are a sort of baseline, aren't they? Something we can build on…"_

_"__Alright, stop boasting. If you want to know our grades, you should just ask. I got a 'P'."_ Ron said.

_"__Well,"_ I jumped when Fred appeared next to me and sat down with his brother and their best friend Lee Jordan following. _"There's nothing wrong with a good healthy 'P'."_

My lips twitched into a smile at his enthusiastic reply. Hermione, however, looked confused.

_"__But doesn't 'P' stand for-"_

_"__Poor, yes. Still better than a 'D' though, isn't it?"_ Lee Jordan interrupted her. I raised my eyebrows when Harry suddenly stared coughing, his face growing red. Shame was radiating strongly from him. It was not hard to guess his grade. I cast him a soft smile.

_"__So top grade's 'O' for 'Outstanding'."_ Hermione continued. _"Then there's 'A'-"_

_"__No, 'E'."_ I said, pushing my plate aside. _"'E' for 'Exceeds expectations and then it is 'A' for 'Acceptable'."_

_"__Which is the last pass grade, isn't it?"_ Hermione asked. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Only Hermione could oversee Harry's and Ron's discomfort when talking about grades.

_"__Yes. Then you have 'P' for 'Poor' and 'D' for 'Dreadful'." _George answered her.

_„__And then ‚T'."_ Fred added with a wide grin.

_"'__T'?" _asked Hermione, looking appalled. _"What on earth does 'T' stand for?"_

I rolled my eyes at her dramatic scene and rested my chin on my hand. Automatically, my gaze flickered towards the Slytherin table but my brother was nowhere to be seen. I let out a deep breath and let my gaze wander. Draco had to forgive me. I missed him, his embraces, his jokes, his laugh. I wanted to tell him the truth. I had to. I could not lose him!

Speaking of which, I knew Severus was probably waiting for an explanation for our scene in the Great Hall yesterday. Surely, he would also be pleased to know that I had made my decision and that Draco had chosen to make the first step.

Umbridge was humming and smiling to herself when we entered the room. Harry and Ron told Hermione and me about how Umbridge inspected their Divination class. Apparently, it had not gone very well for Professor Trelawney. Although, I did not particularly like her, I felt a spark of sympathy for the strange and insecure woman. From what I heard, Umbridge had given her a rough time. But we all knew it was only the beginning.

A heavy lump grew in my throat when Umbridge called the class to order and silence fell. I closed my eyes shortly and took a deep, calming breath. My heartbeat slowed, yet the goose bump remained. I was not scared, but I felt more than uneasy under her bulging eyes. The back of my hand itched irritatingly. My eyes flickered through the front rows and to my utter annoyance, I did not spot Draco or Blaise. I could really use my brother's recognizable blonde hair in my sight. Even if we were not on speaking terms, knowing that he was there would have helped me.

_"__Wands away, please. As we finished Chapter One last lesson, I would like you all to turn to page nineteen today and commence Chapter Two."_ Umbridge instructed us with a smile. Those people who had been hopeful enough to take their wands out, sadly returned them to their bags. Lazily, I pulled out my book and opened it at the requested page. The headline was enough to put one to sleep and promised another dull lesson. My gaze flickered to our Professor when she cleared her throat.

Umbridge folded her hands, still smiling her wide, self-satisfied smile. A cold shiver ran down my spine when her eyes landed on me. My entire body tensed when I froze on my chair. Umbridge moved to the desk closest to hers.

_"__Mr. Smith, I'm afraid you must change your seat for this class."_ Zacharias Smith furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Instinctively, I gritted my teeth. My senses suddenly sharpened, ready to fight. Something was very wrong and it had all to do with Umbridge.

_"__Why? I didn't do anything."_ The Hufflepuff protested annoyed and glared at our teacher.

_"__You can thank Ms. Jackson."_ Umbridge looked to me, as did the rest of the class, with a sickening smile on her lips. Her sweet voice provoked an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I gulped and straightened in my seat. Umbridge did not break our gaze when she tapped the desk with a role of parchment.

_"__I would like you to sit here for the rest of this lesson." _

I kept myself under control, although, I was already seething quietly. _"Why?"_

_"__I want to keep a close eye on you. After your uncontrolled outburst last week, I hope being separated from your friends might help you."_

I stared at her with cold eyes. Umbridge did not seem impressed. Something was wrong and not only because my marked forearm began burning in this moment.

_"__Ms. Jackson, I ask you to pack your things and move to this desk so that Mr. Smith can take his seat next to Ms. Granger."_ Again, she tapped the wood with her parchment.

I did not want to listen to her. I knew, my entire being knew that she had an entirely different motive, yet I could not detect a lie in her words. The tiny spark of fear in my heart was treacherous, however. Umbridge would use any misbehaviour as an excuse for another detention. And I never wanted to feel the terrible effect of Dark Magic ever again. So I slowly packed my things and reluctantly walked to the front desk row.

Smith cast me a dark look and stuffed his material into his bag. Meanwhile, I stood tall, facing Umbridge, and stared at her with an annoyed expression. The corner of her lips twitched satisfied and I wanted nothing more than to wipe the smile off her face. She had won for now.

_"__I hate her."_ I said darkly and folded my arms across my chest to strengthen my point. My glare could have burned a hole into the cold stone floor.

_"__As you said twice already."_ Severus drawled as the quill in his hand continued correcting a student's essay with merciless fastidiousness. Some students would definitely end up crying as soon as they saw their grades. None of them truly understanding that Severus was an ambitious man with a brilliant mind who did not accept sloppiness.

_"__Yes well, I just do."_ I leaned back further into my seat and crossed my legs.

Severus sighed deeply and pushed the parchment aside to the other marked essays. Then he leaned back in his chair, rested his elbows on the armrest and raised one eyebrow.

_"__How about you skip this farce you chose to burden me with for the last twenty minutes and tell me instead what is bothering you?"_

I huffed and glared at the small window on the other side of his office. _"Fine, I lost the central theme. But I haven't been ranting to you for the last twenty minutes. Besides, you didn't give the impression as if you listened anyway."_

_"__Hm, you are right. Your tirade began twenty-five minutes ago."_ Severus replied drily. My head whipped around in a heartbeat. His eyebrow merely rose higher when I cast him a dark look. _"Well?"_

_"__Well what?"_ I grumbled and unfolded my arms. Severus curled his lips in annoyance.

_"__Playing dumb doesn't suit you, nor does your childish ranting."_

_"__Fine, I got it!" _I sighed and felt the familiar weight of sorrow wash over me. Although, there was still a tiny spark of annoyance left. Therefore, I muttered the next words to myself. _"Honestly, what's gotten your wand in a twist? If I'm annoying you, you could've told me right away."_

Severus sighed and stood. With only a few steps, he had rounded his desk and towered over my chair. I bit my bottom lip as a wave of guilt crashed down on me. I was not the only person who had to deal with stress and problems.

_"__I'm sorry."_ I lowered my head.

_"__Stand up."_ Severus' velvet voice gave me goose bumps all over my body. Surprised, I looked up and stared into dark tired eyes. Then I followed his request. His expression was unreadable as he stared at me. I just wanted to close the small gap between us when Severus stepped back and motioned towards the door.

_"__There… is something you must know."_

Speechless and with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, I stared at him. What I was searching in his eyes, I did not know, but I surely did not like the waves of defeat and sorrow that radiated from him. Then I followed his quiet request.

He led me out of his office and through parts of the Dungeons I had never seen. My gaze flickered to him every few seconds but his expression remained stoic and unreadable. My beating heart was the only noise in the deserted corridors. It was only when we had turned a few corners that I somewhat understood why I felt as if I knew our way. I had memorised this way to reach my training room without crossing any Slytherins.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt the unmistakable burning of powerful magic. The corridor looked like any other. Its end losing itself in darkness. Severus came to a halt in front of an inconspicuous wooden door. The air around it was pulsating with invisible magic. Severus took out his wand and pointed it into the corridor. I did not understand what he muttered under his breath before he scanned the dimly lit corridor with great concentration. Obviously satisfied, Severus turned back to the door and extended his hand in my direction.

Obsidian eyes watched me. With furrowed eyebrows, my gaze flickered from the door to his hand and finally rested on his face. Still, there was not a trace of emotions in his cold eyes. It bothered me to feel Severus' growing anxiety.

Gently, I placed my hand in his and allowed him to lead me closer. Severus guided my hand towards the handle. Only mere inches away, his gaze flickered to me as if calculating my reaction. Then he placed my hand, with his guiding me, on the door handle.

I drew in a sharp breath as my senses were suddenly overwhelmed with the force of uncountable spells and charms. My entire body pulsated when a powerful wave of electricity seemed to rush through my veins. It did not hurt but it was more powerful than any magic I had ever conjured or felt before.

Severus watched me closely, his firm grip making sure that I could not pull my hand back. I had to blink several times to orientate myself when the magic suddenly vanished out of my body. My ears registered a faint click in the door. Instinctively, my hold on the door handle loosened and Severus pulled his hand back. My blood rushed loudly through my ears whilst my heart hammered strongly against my ribcage. Severus took hold of the handle and finally opened the door.

The room looked just like any other in the Dungeons. It was twice the size of Severus' classroom and had no windows. A small fireplace was the only source of warmth aside from the many torches lighting up the room. Two chairs and a small table stood next to the fireplace. A few more tables were pushed against the wall. Part of the stone floor was covered by an old carpet.

All my previous insecurities had vanished the moment I had felt the magical power in this room. This room was the unmistakable proof that Severus Snape was a powerful wizard one would not like to have as an enemy. The finesse in the way he had integrated the many spells was as dangerous as it was brilliant. He had combined all protective charms and spells in one net of magic instead of simply placing one over the other. No witch or wizard would ever be capable to undo this entangled magical net since no one knew in which order Severus had integrated the single spells and charms. Unwavering concentration and refinement, profound knowledge of magical theory, magical talent and many years of experience were necessary to produce such a powerful magical shield.

My eyes were wide when I slowly turned back to Severus. No one had ever astounded and amazed me more than Severus in this very moment. Surrounded by his magical art, I felt so much smaller and weaker. The man in question, however, could not have looked more diffident. His arms folded firmly across his chest, Severus watched me with an unreadable expression. His nervousness was clearly palpable. Shily, I stepped closer and cast him a warm smile. I chose my next words carefully.

_"__Thank you! This room… it's perfect. Much more than I ever hoped for."_

Something flickered in the depths of his eyes before he turned his head away. I simply watched him, knowing very well how uneasy he felt with any kind of admiration. Severus had never been one to boast or care for other people's acceptance. He had been used too many times for his knowledge and talent, teaching him to mistrust any sort of kindness. Therefore, I was not surprised when he fought to keep his emotions hidden behind the mask of cold indifference. I sighed, however, when he turned around and walked away.

_"__I told you there is something you need to know."_

Severus ignored my previous words and expression entirely as he came to a halt in front of an old chest. Curiously, I followed him and stood next to him. The chest looked old and new at the same time. Subtle ornaments were engraved in the wood. The hinges were shining white and formed to beautiful flowers. One special ornament on the chest's top caught my attention. It was a simple star-shaped flower.

A cold shiver ran down my spine. I could not avert my gaze from the chest when I stumbled back. My hands began trembling as I stared at the elvish symbol. For the very first time in my entire life I actually saw something that came from my mother's folk. My folk. And it scared me to no end…

_"__What is this?"_ I whispered anxiously, not breaking my gaze. _"Severus, what is this?"_

_"__It was your mother's. The only possession she brought into the human world. She wanted you to have it." _Severus replied quietly.

My mother's possession. My mother had left something for me. She had left me something else aside from her ring and the vault at Gringotts. Blinking, I processed the piece of information and was suddenly overwhelmed by a sharp stinging pain.

_"__You knew all this time? All these years, I struggled with my true identity and you kept this from me?"_ Accusingly, I turned to Severus who watched me with a defeated expression, his shoulders slouched forward.

_"__I wanted to protect you, Arya! Your mother warned me about the content of this chest. Apparently, it contains powerful information about the entire extent of your heritage. She told me that, as soon as you obtain this knowledge, you will be involved in this war."_

With trembling lips, I turned back towards the chest. So many emotions and thoughts were running through my heart and mind. Involved in this war? Had my mother known about the curse? The Dark Mark on my arm? Did my father knew this chest even existed? That my mother was still trying to fight him in her death by passing on her knowledge?

_"__You must understand that all I ever wanted was to keep you safe!"_ Severus pleaded quietly. _"I can't… I cannot lose you."_

His words stung terribly as the hard truth shattered my accusations. Drawing a deep breath, I crossed my trembling arms and bore my fingers deeply into my skin. Defeated, I lowered my head and blinked away my tears. I felt so lost and helpless.

_"__Arya…"_ Severus whispered and stepped in front of me. I raised my head and looked into broken darkness. Gently, Severus pushed back strains of hair, his fingers lingering on my cheek.

I closed the gap between us and buried my face in the crook of his neck. My hands clasped his robes tightly. Severus wrapped his arms around my smaller frame and rested his cheek against my forehead.

No words were needed as we found comfort in our warm embrace. We knew the pain the other was suffering. We both knew hope for a happy end was a luxury we could not afford. This war would be the only life we had together.

_"__I don't want to open it now."_ I whispered after a long silence.

Severus tightened his embrace and buried his face in my hair. _"Whenever you feel ready, it will be waiting for you here." _Severus pulled back a little and I looked up. He wiped the few tears away. _"I don't know what is inside if you were wondering. And I don't expect you to tell me. This chest is your property now."_

Warmth flooded my body and calmed my heart. Slowly, I nodded and cast him a soft smile. Severus placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. The soft smile still on my lips, I rested my head on his chest and closed my eyes.

This war would be the only life we had together, but I would not waste the short time.


	72. Chapter 72 - The point of no return

"Ms. Jackson, please stay behind."

I groaned inwardly and rolled my eyes. Hermione cast me a supportive smile before leaving the Transfiguration classroom with Harry and Ron. Sighing, I turned around. I jumped when I found myself only inches away from my brother. My breath caught in my throat. Draco looked just as shocked upon facing me as I was feeling. We had not been that close to each other since… I could not even remember the last time we had spent time together without arguing.

I did not dare to move one finger. I could only stare in his freckled ice blue eyes. My heart was beating furiously in my chest. Never had I felt the fear in Draco's presence that was stabbing my heart over and over again at this very moment. All because I could not tear my eyes away and step aside. This intense yet fragile moment held more power over my heart than our last argument. Only one word, one wrong move from Draco was everything it would take for my heart to shatter. I hated feeling so vulnerable.

"Hurry up, Mr. Malfoy. I haven't got all day," Professor McGonagall called loudly.

It was less her voice that snapped me out of my frozen state, rather than Draco's reaction. Grey eyes turned from unfazed coldness to painful desperation. Softened features contorted with burning anger. Suddenly, he looked so much taller as he was towering over me, although I was merely three inches shorter than him. He made one step forward, forcing me to stumble back as not to land on the floor. I swallowed the forming lump in my throat, staring at him with wide eyes. My brother's face turned even darker.

"What the hell do you want from me," Draco spat dangerously. My mouth felt dry and I opened it to say something – what, I did not know.

"Draco, I-"

"Twice you've pushed me away and now's the second time you return to me crying for forgiveness. I'm done with your games.

"Mr. Malfoy, that's enough," Professor McGonagall interrupted him sharply. "If either of you starts another fight, you'll both face severe consequences."

Draco ignored her and sneered at me. "I'm wondering how Snape could bear your bipolar mental condition for so many years."

My heart missed a beat. Draco smirked coldly and pushed past me, bumping my shoulder with full force. My body grew hot with sudden frustration. I gripped my brother's arm and whirled him around. Anger and months of suppressed pain surfaced at once when I glared at Draco, mere inches left between our bodies.

"You don't know what I had to go through. You have not the slightest idea how difficult it was for me since his return," I spat in my brother's face. "I know what I did was wrong but I had a damn good reason."

Draco's face contorted with anger as he raised his voice. "And what reason would that be? Except that you simply enjoy to live out your Gryffindor hero complex, of course. I bet your precious Potter taught you since you spend so much time with him. I'm too much of a Slytherin, is that it? One Slytherin's already enough in your life?"

I gritted my teeth and felt as my heart clenched tighter in my chest. My eyes watered. Our breathing sounded awfully loud in the deserted room. My lips trembled slightly and by the flicker of satisfaction in Draco's eyes, I knew that he had noticed my defeat. Not taking my eyes off his, my hand fumbled clumsily with the button of my sleeve.

"This," bitterness laced my voice when I pushed my sleeve up. "This is my reason."

My brother's breathing stopped. His body tensed.

Silence.

Draco stared at the Dark Mark with an unreadable yet vulnerable expression. A freezing shiver ran down my spine. My heart pounding was the only sound in the deserted room. Neither of us moved.

"Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Jackson", Professor McGonagall's voice had softened when she appeared next to us. Nevertheless, I flinched and Draco blinked. Hastily, I pulled down my sleeve, my hands shaking visibly. I lowered my head, refusing to look at anyone. This was what I had feared the most – telling my brother the truth – and now there was no return.

"I understand there are important matters for you to settle, but I advise you to do so outside my classroom. Now, I would like a word with you, Jackson."

I could not look up. I did not want to. Anxiously, I pressed my fingers in my forearm. With a sinking heart I watched as Draco's legs moved out of my sight. His steps were much slower and quieter than usual. My eyes followed his retreating figure and I took a deep breath when the door closed behind him.

"Ms. Jackson."

I swallowed the forming lump in my throat and blinked. Then I turned to my Head of House. She was watching me with sad eyes. A throbbing pressure in my mind made it difficult to think. My brother was all I could think about. After seeing my Dark Mark he would surely hear me out, would he not? He had to.

"I merely wanted to inform you that next term all fifth-years are required to attend a short meeting with their Head of House to-" she was interrupted as the door of the classroom opened noisily.

"Severus."

My head snapped around. A comfortable warmth calmed my still trembling hands when Severus came to a halt next to me. The familiar and pleasant scent of potions enwrapped me and I took a deep breath. Severus' curious gaze flickered from Professor McGonagall to me before he nodded in her direction.

"I brought you the requested potion. I advise not to take more than two drops at once or the potion might make it worse. " Severus presented a small vile and she took it with a warm smile.

"I thank you, Severus. These headaches are truly terrible if one has to teach classes the entire day."

Severus' lips twitched slightly and he raised an eyebrow. "Understandable, especially if one must teach Potions to mediocre and incompetent students."

"Oh, don't be so hard on them. We both know you actually enjoy teaching," my Head of House replied and smiled smugly.

Severus curled his lips in annoyance. "Whatever. I also need to discuss one of your student's performances. The failing grades are alarming and her brewing has become disastrous over the summer. I fear she might blow up my classroom if she continues like this."

"Very well. I only need a moment with Jackson," Professor McGonagall replied before turning to me. Severus nodded curtly and folded his arms across his chest. Calculating black eyes flickered from her to me. Quickly, I tore my eyes from him and looked up. My Head of House cleared her throat and folded her hands.

"Well, as I said, all fifth-years must attend a meeting with their Head of House to discuss their future careers."

A pulsating, rushing noise exploded in my ears and made every coherent thought impossible. I could only stare at her. "Not interested."

Professor McGonagall sighed, her lips twitching. "I'm truly sorry but I'm afraid – As long as your situation hasn't been made official… you have no choice but to attend, Jackson."

"No."

"Ms. Jackson, I understand your resentment, but this career advice is obligatory for all fifth-years. It's important to discuss your N.E.W.T. classes."

A sudden burning frustration snapped me back to my senses. "I have no future."

The following seconds of silence were earsplitting. I bore my nails deeply in the palms of my trembling hands. My body was frozen in the relentless grip of coldness, leaving me to listen to my furiously beating heart and watching as Professor McGonagall desperately tried to hide her sorrow.

"We will merely discuss your choice of classes for the next two years.", she replied softly but her words failed to reassure me.

"Which depends on my choice of career."

"This meeting is mandatory to be admitted for the O.W.L exam.", Professor McGonagall cast me an apologetic look. "So, unless you wish to leave Hogwarts this year, I expect you in my office for your appointment."

I frowned at my Head of House as the seething feeling of betrayal burned my pounding heart. Desperately, I tried to keep control over my features but my lips began twitching. My gaze flickered to Severus but strains of black hair were hiding his face.

"Would you like me to bring a drawing of my preferred coffin or should I rather prepare an epitaph?" My voice was laced with heavy irony. "We might have enough time to discuss the appropriate kind of stone as well."

I cast her a dark look and grabbed my bag. Without another word, I stormed out of her classroom. _Career advise..._ I scoffed and muttered to myself. "That's so ridiculous. Humans and their beloved bureaucracy. Brainless bureaucrats hiding behind roles of parchments, without caring about the real world. No wonder someone like Fudge ended up as Minister. Just a bunch of imbecile cowa-"

"Ms. Jackson," a sweet voice called from behind me.

I froze in the entry of the Great Hall. Several heads turned in our direction. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. A fluffy pink cardigan appeared in front of me, covering a smiling Umbridge.

"Yes, Professor," I replied sarcastically and folded my hands behind my back. Apparently, Umbridge did not possess the ability to identify sarcasm since she did not even blink at my almost disparaging tone of voice. Instead, her smile widened and she tilted her head.

"Did I just hear you insulting the Minister for Magic?"

The closer voices and clattering died down suddenly. Despite my anger, amusement flared in my heart. A new goal dominated my thoughts. I would wipe this smile off her face and make her angry, really angry – if not today then someday this year.

"You must have misunderstood my words."

A satisfactory gleam flashed in her eyes and she puffed out her chest. "I don't think so. You're aware that without the Ministry and the Minister for Magic there would be no school for you to attend? So, I believe calling the Minister an imbecile is highly inappropriate."

I wanted to laugh, roll my eyes and scoff at the same time, but the conviction of her words truly surprised me. Nobody could be this daft… except for Umbridge, it seemed.

"Last I checked there was no decree against the freedom of opinion or expression."

"So you admit having insulted the Minister? Because there's well a law stating that defamation is a serious crime." Umbridge's attempt to sound strict was as successful as convincing a House Elf to accept clothes. I resisted the urge to cross my arms in a defensive manner. This woman would not break my self-control. I would not end up in detention again – never again.

"Correct me if I'm mistaken, but words can only be defined as defamation if the speaker is aware of their falsehood." I could not suppress the provocative smirk.

Umbridge's smile faltered instantly. Obviously, she had not missed the hint in my words. Trying to keep her composure, however, she raised her head a little and showed me a trouble-promising smile. The same she had worn when she had forced me to change my seat in her class. I clenched my jaw and stared at her with cold eyes.

"I almost pity you, Jackson. Be careful, I keep an eye on you." Umbridge wrinkled her nose. Then she turned and left with short, confident steps. I rolled my eyes at her back. I found my friends only a couple of steps away sitting at the Gryffindor table. A deep breath escaped my lips when I sat down.

"You should be careful with her, Arya.", Hermione said frowning.

"I know what I'm doing.", I muttered and piled some food on my plate.

"So what did McGonagall want?", Harry asked curiously. The fork I was holding clattered on the table, my hand frozen in the movement. Heat and coldness rushed through my body. For a moment I had actually forgotten about what had happened in her classroom.

"What happened?" Hermione watched me with a worried expression. I clenched my jaw and refused to look at them.

"Nothing important."

"Arya.", Hermione sighed.

I had lost my appetite. My head was itching to turn to the Slytherin table but I ignored it. If the cup in my hand had been made off glass, it surely would have burst with my firm grip. I frowned at the swirling pumpkin juice.

"She just informed me about the career advice next semester.", I said scarcely audible.

"Career advice? We'll have one this year? I thought it was supposed to be in sixth year.", Hermione asked confused. I scoffed to myself and emptied the cup.

"It isn't. It's mandatory to write our exams, apparently." I looked up to see Harry watching me carefully. Concern filled his green eyes. I felt worse all the sudden and averted my gaze.

"Arya!", Hermione whispered loudly. An alarming expression had settled on her features, brown eyes wide open.

I frowned at her. "What?"

"Your arm." Confused, I looked down and a shiver ran down my spine. "Please, tell me you didn't…"

The button of my sleeve was still open. My jaw clenched and an invisible hand was slowly closing around my heart. With shaking fingers I fumbled to close the button. I did not dare to look at them. I could feel their eyes on me. I knew what they were thinking.

I desperately wanted to turn around to the Slytherin table but I knew I should not. These grey eyes, usually sparkling with vivid amusement, had looked so frighteningly vulnerable. I had seen it in my brother's eyes, his face and his body. I had sensed it all around him. Seeing the Dark Mark on my forearm had shaken him to the core. Hogwarts had always been his safe home but now I had ripped him out of his state of ignorance. There was no denying the hard truth any longer.

My gaze flickered to the staff table although I knew Severus was not there. I still had to tell him about my encounter with my brother and Blaise. And also about showing Draco my mark although I was sure Professor McGonagall had told him already. I could not help the persisting urge. Before I could stop myself I was turning to the Slytherin table. My eyes wandered over dozens of students, searching for one in particular – Draco was not there. Blaise was sitting with a couple of Slytherins but he did not seem to listen to their conversation. My heart dropped when I took in the deep frown and thoughtful expression. So Draco must have told him.

Suddenly, his eyes shot up and I was staring in thoughtful black eyes. My breath hitched in my throat and I swallowed the forming lump. Blaise narrowed his eyes at me. Draco had definitely told him. Quickly, I averted my gaze and turned around. The shaking in my hands had become worse. I found it extremely difficult to breathe.

"Are you alright, Arya?", Hermione interrupted my inner monologue. She looked as if she was questioning my sanity – not that I blamed her. I did not even know myself how sane I truly was. _Probably a lost case._

I shook my head and blinked at her. "I'm completely fine. But we should probably leave. If I'm coming late for Care of Magical Creatures again, Professor Grubbly-Plank might give me detention."

Ron seemed oblivious of my faked smile, but Hermione and Harry exchanged a look. My body was tense when we walked out of the Great Hall. I did not look to the Slytherin table again and made sure to stay close to the Gryffindor table, using Hermione as sight protection from Blaise. Still, I felt his eyes on my back. As soon as we had left the castle, I let out a long breath. I could not relax. Draco and Blaise would be in this class as well. And my brother was the last person I wanted to face – not in front of all these people.

p class="MsoNormal"My heart could not have sunk lower when we reached the Forest. Umbridge and her clipboard were waiting for us beside Professor Grubbly-Plank.

"You do not usually take this class, is this correct?"

"Quite correct.", said Professor Grubbly-Plank, hands behind her back. "I'm a substitute teacher standing in for Professor Hagrid."

Harry exchanged uneasy looks with Hermione and Ron. But my mind was not even close to worrying about what Umbridge's visit would mean for Hagrid. Instead, my gaze flickered to the bunch of Slytherins that were whispering heatedly to each other. Draco was not among them. My heart could not decide if his absence was a good or bad sign.

"And do you feel you receive enough support from the school management?", Umbridge questioned her further. Professor Grubbly-Plank beamed at her.

"Oh yes. Yes, I'm very happy with the way things are run, very happy indeed."

Umbridge looked politely incredulous and made a tiny note on her clipboard. Then she nodded and turned to the group of Slytherins. "Now, I heard there have been injuries in this class?"

Goyle gave her a stupid grin, but before he could open his mouth Parkinson hastened to answer the question. "That was Draco. He was slashed by a Hippogriff."

"A Hippogriff?", Umbridge asked confused and looked around. With a deep frown that made me clench my jaw she turned back to Parkinson. "And where is Mr. Malfoy now? Shouldn't he be in this class?"

An icy shiver ran down my spine as my gaze flickered to Blaise. He stood next to Parkinson with his arms folded firmly across his chest. The corner of his lips twitched and his voice sounded cold with annoyance. "He wasn't feeling well after our last class, so he decided to get some rest."

Umbridge turned away to speak with other students and Professor Grubbly Plank continued her lesson about Porlocks. But I was distracted. Blaise did not seem to listen either since he was occupied glaring at me with a thoughtful frown. My body was not under my control anymore under the burning stare from my once closest friend. A thick lump was forming in my throat, bringing tears to my eyes. I blinked when my lungs felt as if they were about to explode. Quickly, I averted my gaze and swallowed heavily. My skin was itching, however, and I knew Blaise had not turned away from me…

The sound of my footsteps echoed in the deserted corridor. Where I was heading I did not know. Thoughts were whirling wildly through my mind since we had returned to the castle. I could not even remember the excuse I had made to get away from my friends. Blaise's gaze had been on me the entire time, driving me slowly to panic. My muscles were aching as I climbed uncountable steps. Again and again, I saw my brother's reaction to my mark. And every single time made my heart clench tighter in my chest.

I stopped abruptly when I reached the top of the stairs. My feet had lead me to the Astronomy tower. On shaking legs – not only from the many stairs – I approached the railing. My hair was blowing in the fresh autumn wind. A long breath escaped my lips when I leaned against the barrier. If Draco and Blaise were already reacting like this to my Dark Mark then how would they react hearing of my death sentence?

"You ought to be more vigilant of your surroundings," my body tensed and I whirled around, "If you wish to stay out of trouble."

"Severus.", I sighed relieved and cast him a small smile. For a moment, I felt liberated from my heavy thoughts. Severus stood a couple of steps away from me, hands behind his back. Black robes were billowing around his tall figure. The unwavering stare of his obsidian eyes gave me goosebumps. Then he stepped closer with effortlessly graceful steps that made every other person look like an uncoordinated gawk.

I was captivated by the indescribable intensity in his dark eyes. It needed nothing but Severus looking at me to lift the crushing weight on my mind. Our bodies were mere inches away from each other. Slowly, I closed the gap and rested my head against his chest. Instinctively, my eyes closed and my heartbeat slowed. Severus wrapped his arms around me. His quiet, warm breaths were tingling my skin.

After a long comfortable silence, I finally exhaled deeply and raised my head. "Did she tell you about Draco?"

Severus nodded curtly, a frown settling on his features. "But there is more to it." He released me but did not step back.

"Yes." I felt nervous all of a sudden. I knew I should have told Severus about my encounter with Blaise and Draco. I closed my eyes briefly and took a deep breath. Then I told him about the day I had had the row with my friends in the Great Hall, how my brother and Blaise had pulled me in an empty classroom and how the conversation had gone downhill from one moment to the other.

"You should have seen Draco's face," I said quietly, my voice thick with fear. My next words were tumbling out of my mouth. "He looked so… so shaken and truly shocked… I know him. I mean, I know he will expect an explanation at some point. I just don't know when. And what if he and Blaise… I don't know – What if they – What will happen if they learn the truth? What if they do something stupid or reckless. I don't want them to get hurt. They can't! Even if it would cost me my life, if there is anything helpful in the chest my mother left me, I will use it. They said they could protect themselves, but they have never met him. They don't know what they are up against."

I had not even closed my mouth again when Severus took a step forward. Since our bodies were still touching, it forced me to step back. I flinched when my back collided with the railing, but my eyes were on Severus. He placed his hands on the railing, caging me between him and the cold barrier in my back. His shoulder-length black hair was blowing in the wind. A frightening serious expression had settled on his features. My heart was hammering against my ribcage when I stared in Severus' burning eyes.

"Protecting them from your father isn't your job. I promise, as long as I'm alive I will keep them safe, but I can only do that if I know for sure that you're staying here, at Hogwarts, in safety." I nodded curtly but his expression did not soften. Instead, he lowered his face to mine and watched me with hard eyes. "We both know Draco Malfoy loves you. You know he and Zabini will ask for the truth and you must give it to them. They can protect themselves much better than you think. They are strong and promising wizards – strong enough to handle the truth and survive this war, but only if you trust in their abilities."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded again. My hand was trembling when I pushed strains of hair behind my ear. "I know… Draco… said practically the same thing. I just want them to be safe."

For a moment, we stared at each other, neither of us moving while the wind was increasing and blowing our robes against each other's legs. Severus sighed and his body lost its tension. I let out a deep breath when I saw the change in his eyes, my fear slowly being replaced by comfortable calm.

"Thank you," I said quietly and bit the inside of my cheek. My heart felt so heavy in my chest. "It's just… I know you have other problems to deal with and I cannot help you. That's frustrating and I just… I love you."

"I assure you, Elb, you are my most important problem.", Severus replied drily and raised one eyebrow. A light chuckle escaped my lips. He raised a warm hand to rest on my cheek and a small smirk graced his lips. "I just love you as well."

A heatwave seemed to burn through my heart, leaving my legs to feel wobbly all a sudden. I could not tear my eyes away from Severus'. My hands were no longer trembling when I rested them on his ebony clad chest. I felt Severus' hand releasing the railing and wrapping around me instead. The other hand wandered teasingly slow from my cheek to my jaw.

My breath hitched in my throat when Severus lowered his face to mine. I could smell the sweet spices of potions ingredients as I pressed myself even closer. My stomach tingled as his nose brushed mine before I closed the gap between our lips. My mind turned blank as dozens of indescribable feelings overwhelmed me. I did not feel my body any longer, only a trail of burning skin where his hands held me firmly against his warm body. Severus kissed me softly at first, and then with a swift gradation of intensity that made me cling to him as the only solid thing in a dizzy swaying world.

Only one thought crossed my mind when his lips left mine and traced burning kisses to my neck; this was the man I loved and needed, the man I wanted to spend a life with I could never have. Even if I was considered a child in the human world, my heart understood the true and deeper meaning of fairy-love. My elvish mind was older than any seventh year's, my senses sharper and my magic stronger.

A moan escaped my lips when Severus' lips attacked the skin under my jaw with gentle passion. My eyes closed in bliss and I whimpered softly in his hair. Yes, Severus was the man I wanted to give myself to, the man I wanted to call my family and see every day until the very last day of a long, fulfilled life together.

A life that would forever remain a sweet, painful dream…

"Look at me," Severus breath ghosted over my face and ripped me out of my thoughts. I blinked rapidly but he had already seen my quiet tears.

I chuckled sadly and lowered my head. "I'm sorry… I never wanted to be one of these overemotional human women. Still, all I do is burying myself in my own darkness and ending up crying. Pathetic."

"No, you are not." A gentle finger under my chin lifted my head. I lost myself in the depths of those black eyes that were so much darker than the black lake. "There is no spark of darkness in your heart."

"And what about my soul?", I whispered defeated. "I had dreams, wishes, and hopes… and now it has been ripped away from me, although I am trying to forget about the curse and live what life I have left."

"Perhaps…" Severus cupped my face in his hands and looked me deeply in the eyes. "Perhaps you should stop trying to forget."

"I cannot… I can't." My voice broke as I tried to make him understand.

"Why?"

"I might lose myself. I- There is no darkness in me, not yet, but I fear what will happen once I give in to my desperation and pain. I am afraid of the darkness in my thoughts and dreams, more so than of the curse itself."

The trembling in Severus' hands against my skin was hardly perceptible, but it woke a cold fear in my heart. It was not like him to allow his emotions to control him. Yet I found myself staring in the hopeless eyes of a man who had suffered his entire life.

"Let me help you, Arya. I will protect you from yourself. You have always trusted me. Show me now that you still do," Severus said softly despite his hard features. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and stared at him.

"How?", I pleaded weakly. "How could you possibly help me?"

"You are not alone, Arya Jackson. We are in this together and I will stay by your side."

"I'm afraid, Severus," I whispered.

Severus tilted his head and rested his forehead against mine. I gripped his forearms for dear life. I was breathing faster as I tried to inhale more of his soothing scent.

"So am I, love." Severus' quiet words were barely audible as the wind continued whistling in my ears. A shiver, colder and sharper than ice, rushed through my entire body and paralyzed my heart. Never before had I heard a confession of fear from him.

For a long time, I held his forearms as if an invisible force, hiding in the wind, would attempt to tear me away from him. Only his hands cupping my face and the overwhelming scent of spices and potions kept my thoughts from roaring wildly in my mind. At some time the relentless grip of fear loosened and my heartbeat calmed.

"What am I to do?" At first, I thought Severus had not heard me but then he sighed and raised his head. He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again the familiar mask of cold indifference had settled on his features.

"Stop fighting what… what neither of us can change… I will help you. And perhaps it is time for you to open your mother's chest. You might find something useful in it that might help you."

I swallowed again before taking a deep breath. Slowly, my hands loosened their grip on his forearms and fell lifeless against his chest. I lowered my head in Severus' hands and closed my eyes as fear began clawing my heart once more.

"Alright."

"I'm here, Elb," Severus whispered against my forehead. I felt his lips on my warm skin and instinctively my hands clutched the front of his robes.

"I know… I trust you."

This evening I found myself alone in the common room. It was past midnight but fatigue would not come. Instead, I was sitting on the fluffy couch facing the fireplace and staring in the dancing flames. My hand was caressing the spot Severus had kissed with so much care and passion. A small smile was creeping on my lips as I remembered the safe embrace from the man I loved. The way his arms had held me close to his body. How the scent of potions had engulfed and brought me to an entirely different world of peace and life.

A familiar tapping sound interrupted my thoughts I turned my head. Confused, I frowned at the bird sitting on the window ledge and glanced at the clock. It was definitely too late for mail. I opened the window and the beautiful eagle owl hopped over the frame. Orange eyes blinked at me before the owl held out its leg. As soon as I had untied the small letter the owl turned and flew off into the dark night. I frowned at the spot where it had been mere seconds ago before closing the window.

I unfolded the small piece of parchment and drew a sharp breath. My mind had turned blank as my eyes scanned the words several times. The letter contained only three words – three words written in my brother's handwriting.

**_Friday afternoon. Lake_**


	73. Chapter 73 - My family (Part 1)

**73\. My family (Part 1)**

My gaze fell on the sickly smiling Umbridge when we entered her classroom. I forced my features to a cold expression although I felt more than uneasy under her bulging eyes. My attention was suddenly drawn elsewhere when Hermione sat done at the table next to Draco and Blaise. My heart jumped in my chest and I quickly took the seat that was closer to my brother. A small smile was tugging at my lips. Before I could stop myself my eyes were flickering to the left. Neither paid me any attention but I could not have cared less. Knowing that they had agreed to meet was filling me with endless joy.

"Why, Ms. Jackson. I believe I told you to sit in the front row last week, didn't I?"

The happiness in my heart evaporated in thin air and I stared at our teacher. Heads turned in my direction and I felt my brother's eyes burning in the side of my head.

"I am certain you did not," I replied. Umbridge cleared her throat and smiled sweetly.

"Pity. But then I'm informing you now. You will sit in the front row for the rest of this year."

A cold shiver was running down my spine. The nagging feeling of dread filled my body as my mind was working rapidly. "And why if I may ask?"

"As I told you already. I am keeping a close eye on you."

I scoffed coldly. "I asked for an adequate reason."

Umbridge chuckled and folded her hands in front of her. "Oh you know why, dear. The very same reason every teacher keeps an eye on you of course."

My body froze with icy fear and blood rushed loudly through my ears. She could not mean my father, could she? Most teachers knew who I was. Did she know? My heart was hammering in my chest. Then the Ministry knew as well. And if they knew about me…

Burning anger replaced coldness and ripped me out of my thoughts. I narrowed my eyes at a smiling Umbridge. The blood was boiling in my veins and I felt like exploding. The Ministry – and therefore also Umbridge, were free to make my parentage public whenever and however they wished.

I gritted my teeth and glared at the woman clad all in pink. A sick smile tugged at the corners of her lips, making my stomach clench in disgust. Aggressively, I snatched my bag and grabbed the book from the table. My feet wanted to turn towards the door but my mind interfered. Ignoring Umbridge and the rest of the class, I walked towards her and sat down at the table in front of her. I kept my burning gaze on her desk as not to express my anger. It would only end up in detention.

"Wands away, please. As we finished Chapter Two last lesson, I would like you all to turn to page thirty today and commence Chapter Three," Umbridge' instruction reached my ears. I clenched my jaw and opened my book. I wished nothing more than to burn this waste of paper in front of me. Little did I knew that this was only the beginning of Umbridge's harassing games.

Harry had had another detention with Umbridge this evening. Apparently, he had received it during Care of Magical Creatures but I had been too distracted by a certain blonde to notice. It was nearly midnight when he climbed through the portrait hole. His hand was bleeding so severely now that it was staining the scarf he had wrapped around it. I shivered with disgust when I remembered the terrible feeling the Black Quill had provoked. Slowly, I stirred the strained and pickled Murtlap tentacles in the small bowl to a yellow liquid. Surprisingly, Severus had not hesitated to give them to me when I had asked him after dinner. Since it was for Harry, I would have expected at least one remark.

"Here," I said and looked at Harry. I pushed the small bowl to him when he cast me a questioning look. "Soak your hand in that, it's a solution of strained and pickled Murtlap tentacles, it will help."

Harry placed his bleeding hand into the bowl and he let out a deep breath of relief. "Thanks." I cast him a smile and he grinned.

"I still reckon you should complain about this," Ron said in a low voice. Harry's grin vanished and I scoffed.

"No," replied Harry flatly.

"McGonagall would go nuts if she knew-"

"She probably would," I cut him off and crossed my legs. "But how long do you believe it would take Umbridge to pass another decree saying anyone who complains about the High Inquisitor gets sacked immediately?"

Ron opened his mouth to retort but nothing came out. Harry nodded and watched as the blood mixed with the Murtlap solution. "Do you think she was speaking about… him today? That she knows who you are?"

A spark of anger flared in my heart and I glared at the vivid flames in the fireplace. "I truly hope not… I mean if she does, she can blurt it out whenever she wants."

"She's an awful woman," said Hermione in a small voice. "You know, I think we've got to do something about her."

"Do you want to poison her?" Ron asked hopefully and a small smirk was tugging at my lips.

"No… I mean, something about what a dreadful teacher she is, and how we're not going to learn any Defence from her at all," she replied and I nodded slowly.

"I agree," I said quietly and stared at the flames once more. Absentminded, I rubbed my marked forearm. "Fudge won't change his mind so Umbridge is staying at Hogwarts. But with every day that passes my father is gaining more power. All these disappearing muggles, they are nothing but toys for him and the Death Eaters – living toys to abuse, torture and kill."

When none of them said anything I looked up. They were staring at me with strange expressions. An uneasy feeling settled in the pitch of my stomach and a cold shiver ran down my spine.

"Is something wrong?" I asked carefully and glanced from one to the other. Hermione cleared her throat with a cautious expression.

"Well," anxiously, she folded her hands in her lap, "you just made that up, did you? I mean, that can't be what's happening to them."

I furrowed my eyebrows when I realized my mistake. They were Gryffindors and had never had a proper conversation with someone who knew Death Eaters. Perhaps this was my chance to show them the real world – my world. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I straightened my back and stared at my forearm. After a long silence I looked back to my friends.

"What do you believe is happening to them? That they are being tortured once or twice and set free again?" Coldness flooded my body when I saw the horror in their eyes. "There is a reason why he is called You-Know-Who. He is the darkest wizard and greatest monster of all time."

"How do you know this? I mean, who told you all these things you know about him?" Harry asked quietly. Hermione narrowed her eyes and I knew who she had in mind.

I averted my gaze when confusion clouded my mind. "I don't know," my voice was barely more than a whisper. It was true. I had no answer to his question. There was no memory in my mind about someone telling me. I frowned at the dancing flames. How did I know these things?

"Well," Hermione said tentatively. "You know, I was thinking today…" she shot a slightly nervous look at Harry and me and then plunged on, "I was thinking that – maybe the time's come when we should just – just learn Defence against the Dark Arts ourselves."

Now it was my turn to stare ungracefully. Hermione Granger wanted to break the rules to learn how to fight? A smile tugged at the corners of my lips as pride warmed my heart. Perhaps I had been wrong to judge them in the first place.

"We can't do much by ourselves," Ron replied in a defeated voice. "I mean, all right, we can go and look jinxes up in the library and practise them, but-"

"No, I mean we need a teacher, a proper teacher, who can show us how to use spells and correct us if we're going wrong."

Thoughtfully, I traced the bottom lip with my index. "And who do you have in mind?"

Hermione heaved a very deep sigh. I froze when her gaze flickered from me to Harry and left my skin itching. "Isn't it obvious? I'm talking about you"

My hand fell lifelessly in my lap. There was a moment's silence. A light night breeze rattled the windowpanes behind Ron, and the fire guttered.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows. "You want us, Harry and I, to teach Defence against the Dark Arts?"

"That's the idea," Ron answered for her. Harry looked as flabbergasted as I was feeling. Hermione smiled at Ron. I unfolded my legs and cast them a dark look.

"No, certainly not." Hermione opened her mouth but I interrupted her. "Do you even know what you are saying?"

"Of course we do," Hermione replied excitedly, making my stomach clench.

"No, you don't," I got to my feet and approached the fireplace. My dark gaze wandered from Hermione to Ron. "I'm not even a witch. I haven't been born to use magic with a wand in my hands. I'm the enemy's daughter. What do you think will happen if people should ever find out?"

"I'm not talking about test results or who you are, Arya. Think about what you've done!"

"How do you mean?" Harry asked exasperatedly.

"Well, let's think," Ron said concentrated, "first year – you saved the Philosopher's stone from You-Know-Who."

"But that was luck," Harry exclaimed, "it wasn't skill."

"Harry's right," I said annoyed as Ron opened his mouth. "And if you had listened to me, we would have asked one of the teacher's for help and then they would-"

"Second year," Ron interrupted, "you killed the Basilisk and destroyed Riddle."

Anger rushed through my veins when Ron and Hermione continued listing our encounters with Darkness. How Harry had fought off dozens of Dementors at once, how I had managed to calm a raging werewolf, how we had survived the night at the graveyard. The night I just wanted to forget.

"I refuse to be a teacher for anyone," I said loudly and glared at them. "I understand why you want Harry as your teacher. People call him the Chosen One, the Boy-Who-Lived, the boy who defeated Lord Voldemort, fine. But I am Lord Voldemort's daughter, daughter of the darkest wizard of all time, the very wizard nobody, not even you, dare to call by his real name. Don't you think people will start asking questions as to why I returned with that portkey? Umbridge is obviously watching me and I don't need stupid students spreading gossip about me that will provoke her further. I hated these detentions more than the Cruciatus Curse, so I won't allow anyone else to give her a reason. If I end up in detention again, it will be by my own choice."

Fear had mixed with my anger at the thought of somebody else being the reason for a detention. No, I would not give them any possibility to ask questions. I did not want students gossiping about me in the corridors. If the wrong people heard it, I would end up hurt… again.

"We're talking about You-Know-Who. Since when do you refuse to fight?" Hermione asked confused. I did not even feel the heat from the fire as I stood frozen on the spot. It was Harry who answered since I remained quiet. I was torn between leaving and exploding. Umbridge's treatment in class today had brought me to the edge.

"That Black Quill… well… it's kind of poisoning Arya."

I scoffed disgusted and averted my burning gaze. "It is poisoning me, Harry. Dark Magic is poison for me. This quill is Blood Magic, infusing Dark Magic straight into my system and attacking my own magic along with my body… You don't know how it feels to have lethal darkness pumping through your veins instead of pure warm magic. So no, I will not teach anyone."

One last glare and I whirled around to leave to my dorm. I gritted my teeth and climbed the stairs as quickly as possible. I wanted to scream, to run and get rid of this frustrating anger. Since I had learned about my curse I felt so unstable. I could not even remember the last time I had truly been happy or enjoyed myself – except during the time with Severus…

My thoughts were whirling around Hermione's idea for Harry to teach Defence against the Dark Arts. My steps sounded muffled with the carpet that was covering the corridor's floor. It was out of question for me to teach anyone. I was a fairy with ancient magic running through my veins. I could not teach wand-magic nor did I want to. I needed to avoid attention by standing in front of students and telling them things about their enemy. They would only ask questions as to how I knew what I knew.

Letting out a deep breath, my hand wandered into the pocket of my robe. The rough feeling of parchment under my fingertips calmed my mind. Originally, I had intended to go to the room Severus had prepared for my training. But my feet had taken the way to his office instead and I found that I did not mind seeing him. I was not focused enough to explore the content of the chest anyway.

I raised my hand to knock on the door. Barely a few seconds later it opened by itself and I entered. The door closed behind me with a clicking sound. When my gaze fell on Severus sitting behind his desk I suddenly doubted whether coming here had been such a good idea. Not that I did not want to see him but the reason I had come for was not the most pleasant one. And I did not want to hurt him.

Severus looked up when I stepped closer. Obsidian eyes made me forget about my inner turmoil. A smile tugged at the corner of my lips. Warmth flooded my body, nevertheless I felt nervous and averted my gaze. I sat down, fiddling with my left sleeve.

"I assume you have a reason for coming," Severus stated but it sounded more like a question. Of course he knew, he always did. I shifted in my seat and pulled Draco's message out of my pocket. Severus' gaze flickered to my trembling hand as I pushed it to him. He frowned at me before unfolding it.

A moment of silence followed in which Severus stared at my brother's words with an unreadable expression. I bit the inside of my cheek when the silence became unbearable. My mind was calm, but my entire body felt as if every nerve was burning with energy. Although he tried to hide it, I saw the flicker of pain in his eyes. Sighing, he lowered the parchment on the desk and looked up.

"Tomorrow then," Severus said softly. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and nodded. "You know he cares for you."

I remained silent and stared at the piece of parchment. Severus let out a long breath.

"He won't turn his back on you, Arya. This message is indubitably the proof."

"I know," I replied quietly and cast Severus a worried look. "But what if this is too much for him? What if-"

"We discussed this already." Severus stood up and moved his chair so that he was facing me without the desk between us. His features softened and warm eyes bore deeply in mine. "I know you are afraid, Arya. But this – telling them the truth, is important for the three of you to learn how to cope with this war. And as long as it remains calm, as long as the Dark Lord doesn't chose to make his return known, you still have time to find a suitable way of how you wish to proceed from here."

Severus' words extinguished the last spark of fear when the truth reached my heart. Sighing, I raised my head and stared at him. He relaxed slightly when he saw my curt nod. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. He was right, I knew that. But I had needed to hear the words again. My muscles relaxed, my heartbeat slowed, my mind calmed when everything fell in place. I would tell Draco and Blaise the truth tomorrow. I actually wanted them to know. I needed them in my life – I always had.

I opened my eyes. For a moment we merely watched each other. To my utter confusion, Severus' eyes suddenly flashed with satisfaction and his lips twitched into a smirk. I narrowed my eyes, trying to decipher the reason for his change.

"Now, this is why you are a strong and dangerous woman, Arya Jackson," Severus stated darkly, his smirk widening. The conviction in his words struck my heart with the wild power of a lightning.

"What do you mean?" I asked hesitantly, trying to tame the wildfire of pride in my mind.

Severus got to his feet and extended one hand. The smirk was still in place when I took it and stood as well. To my surprise he bowed his head and placed a light kiss on the back of my hand. Then he straightened his back and folded his arms across his chest.

"You are one of merely a handful of people who are entirely honest about their emotions and yet capable to control them if need be. One moment you are driven by your emotions and in the next you have calmed them with indubitable reason." Severus' raised his hand and gently nudged my chin higher until I was looking straight into obsidian eyes. A hard expression settled on his features. "You are a natural fighter, Arya… Perhaps you cannot see it yet, but one day you will. Knowing yourself – your strengths and especially your weaknesses – is the greatest power you could possibly possess."

I nodded shortly and averted my gaze. A calming warmth had settled in the pit of my stomach. I stepped towards the window. The lake glittered silver in the faint light of shining stars. Thoughtfully, I stared at my own reflection.

"Do you know if Umbridge was told about me?" I asked quietly and folded my hands behind my back.

"Why are you asking?" He drawled coldly.

A sigh escaped my lips and I shook my head. "Intuition… I suppose it doesn't matter though."

"The same intuition you developed last year perhaps?" I heard the rustling of his cloak when he came closer. A smile played around my lips as I imagined Umbridge wearing nothing but black.

"I can assure you, she is no Death Eater."

Severus scoffed. "You don't say. I'm wondering whether this woman has any natural gifts except being painful on the eyes."

Chuckling, I looked at Severus who returned a small smirk. "Well, she doesn't seem to be naturally rude or insensitive."

He frowned at my reflection and grumbled. "Merely a naturally irritating imbecile."

For a moment we stared at each other's reflection. Severus was watching me with an unreadable expression. My lips turned into a smile when I turned to face him. "Thank you."

Severus rolled his eyes and glared softly at me. "Stop thanking me for everything, Elb. It's unnerving."

My smile widened. "I am entirely honest about my emotions – your words."

Severus' eyes darkened but a smirk was tugging at his lips. Two strides in my direction forced me to step back and I found myself trapped between him and the bookcase's sidewall. I straightened my back and smiled smugly.

"I never said you had to express them verbally. You are an open book to me despite the elvish trait to keep things to yourself." Severus raised a hand and caressed my cheek.

"You know me better than anyone else. But you are an open book to me as well," I said quietly and placed my hands on his chest. "So I will express my gratitude when I want to and you need to understand that I mean you no harm. I'm not thanking you to buy your help."

Severus placed his hands on the wooden wall on either side of my head. He lowered his face to mine and my heart flattered when I saw the vulnerability in his black eyes. "I know this, Arya. But I honestly don't understand why you must thank me for the things I do."

I swallowed the forming lump in my throat. My heart felt suddenly very heavy in my chest. My voice was barely more than a whisper. "All the things you do for me – I don't take them for granted, Severus. You are helping me in so many ways without even realizing, but I want you to know how much I appreciate your support – and you."

"Do you really believe I wouldn't know?" Severus' features softened as pleading eyes bore intensely in mine. "I would do anything for you without questioning, but I don't want your gratitude for my feelings. You are my partner and I want to take care of you."

"Then accept my gratitude for your care," I muttered stubbornly. For a moment it seemed as if we were looking into each other's soul. Amazed, I stared into Severus' eyes, filled with so much love and care.

"I do," Severus said softly. Although quiet, his voice made my heart jump in my chest. I raised my hand to his jaw, enjoying the feeling of his warm skin under my fingertips.

"I love you," I whispered. Severus lowered his hands to cup my face. My body felt as if the blood in my veins was on fire, leaving every nerve burning with energy.

"Thank you," Severus said almost too quiet to hear. Although his eyes were soft, I noticed the feelings behind them, as if he were longing for something.

I could not help the smile. "For what?"

"For being yourself."

Severus leaned his head closer to me and I closed my eyes. His lips brushed mine. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. In this moment, my senses had been seduced and I could no longer think straight. "Arya," he whispered slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savour them. I smiled, my heart fluttering at his voice as I buried my hands in his soft hair. Severus put his hand on the back of my head, pulling me closer to him. Never before had my name ever felt so wonderful.

Severus leaned his forehead against mine. His breaths were caressing my lips and making my skin tingle. His hand was still holding my head close, the other wrapped securely around my waist. My heart was hammering against my chest. I laid my head on Severus' shoulder and even though I was still filled with the warmth from our kiss, I shivered. My lips stretched into a smile as I closed my eyes.

"It's time for you to leave, Arya. Curfew begins soon," Severus muttered into my hair. I lifted my head to rest my forehead against his and sighed. The hand entangled in my hair tightened its hold and a shaky breath escaped my lips.

My stomach was tingling with sparks of fire when Severus pressed his lips against mine once more. He moved them demanding, as if he were desperate. I felt myself being pushed against the wall of the bookcase, Severus's body pressing against mine. My arms reached up and tangled around his strong neck. My fingers gripped his hair, pulling him closer. That provoked a deep growl in Severus' chest. A cold shiver run down my spine, leaving goose bumps all the way. Moaning, I clutched the collar of his robes.

Suddenly, he pulled away and stared at me with a bewildered expression. His breathing was heavy and shaking. Slowly, he released his hold on my hair and the hand fell to his side. My legs felt wobbly and my mind was trying to understand what had happened. The furious heartbeat in my chest was not helping to calm my nerves.

"Severus?" I whispered quietly.

My voice snapped him out of his frozen state. Letting out a deep breath, Severus closed his eyes and his body relaxed instantly. Then he raised his hand to my cheek. His gaze wandered over my face with so much care that my insides almost melted away.

"You are an adult soul in a much younger body," Severus said softly, making me shiver. "You think and speak more mature than any seventh-year. It confuses me… I am in love with a woman yet everyone else sees an immature, hormonal adolescent."

My body relaxed when my mind processed his words. This was not about his past, but the differences between human and elvish views. Although, I understood the reason for his thoughts, there was still an itching pain in my heart. I placed my hands on his shoulders, my thumbs gently caressing the bare skin of his neck.

"Age is but a number, not a state of mind or a reason for any type of particular behaviour. I have heard and read this line a few times now… But most people live with conventions which make it impossible for them to truly believe in it."

Severus shook his head with a pained expression and closed his eyes. Concern made my heartbeat fasten as I tried to ease his troubles by raising a hand to his cheek. Tenderly, I brushed the corner of his lips with my thumb.

"I love you, Severus Snape," I said insistently, silently praying him to open his eyes. "I don't care about my or your age. I only care about you and I would never wish for you to be anyone else."

Severus' eyes snapped open and I found myself staring into perturbing frustration. A cold shiver rushed down my spine and I lowered my hand to his chest. Swiftly, he placed the palms of his hands against the bookcase. Flashing eyes were boring into my soul and multiplied my worries.

"You don't understand," he growled angrily, although it was more to himself. "I… I tend to forget how young… unexperienced you are – I have never – I treat and think of you as a woman, lose myself in my own feelings, but then I pull back and see that my partner is also my student…"

Numbly, my hands fell to my sides when a cold sensation ran through my veins. Burning heat quickly replaced the cold and I frowned. Severus was watching me with a blank expression, but I knew he was hiding his uncertainty.

"Is this your way of telling me that my appearance makes it difficult to think of me as a woman? Do you see an immature, hormonal adolescent when you are looking at me?" I asked coldly and glared up at him. His face was so close that I saw my reflection in his eyes – black eyes that were flashing with annoyance.

"Do not put words into my mouth," Severus snapped. "It isn't your appearance that is bothering me rather than you being my student. I am your teacher and that is everything I can ever be. I will never have the right to offer you what you desire… what you deserve."

"My father saw to the problem of what I deserve quite well," I muttered lowly and averted my gaze.

"Arya, I-," his soft voice made me look up. His features turned blank but black eyes were sparkling with fear. "Have you ever envisioned your future?"

My heart clenched in my chest. I could not breathe. Suddenly, an old memory overwhelmed my mind, clawing painfully in my soul. I had been standing in front of the Mirror of Desire – it had been in my first year. The mirror had shown me myself as an adult with Severus and Draco by my side. The way I had been leaning into Severus, the way he had been holding me and kissing my hair… Even then, as a first-year, I had not seen a future without my brother and Severus. Although it had confused me terribly to see us together, obviously in a relationship. These last years, I had always imagined a life after the war with Severus and my brother – even more so since the Yule ball last year.

"Yes," I whispered shakily as I felt the cold trace of a single tear rolling down my cheek. Icy fear enwrapped my heart and was spreading through my veins. "I saw us… in the Mirror of Desire. It was in my first year. I wanted you and my brother in my life… Last year, the picture in my mind changed and I – I wanted you ever since."

Fearfully, I looked into black eyes. Severus was staring at me with an unreadable expression. His entire body had tensed and his chest stopped moving. My heart was hammering so loud, I was sure he heard it as well.

"I promised your mother… I swore to myself to protect you," Severus' voice was thick with emotions. His breaths were caressing my face and leaving my skin tingling. A pressure was building in my neck and freezing my entire body. Obsidian eyes were piercing into my soul.

"I wanted to take care of you… for as long as you would have allowed me to," said Severus softly. "I wanted to provide for you. I wished – I wish to be by your side, be the man to protect and support you. I wish to love you and be with you. I-," a shaking breath escaped his lips and fear flickered over his softened features, "I want to devote myself to you."

No air seemed to pass my lips. An immense pressure was clenching my lungs. My heart was furiously pumping hot blood through my veins. The pulse was rushing loudly through my ears. All I saw was the mesmerizing sparkle in Severus' black eyes.

"You… want me?" I whispered mesmerized. Since I had learned the truth about my non-existent future I had not dared to think about what life Severus had envisioned for himself. Only now, when I was staring into his genuine eyes, did I understand why he refused to promise me to survive this war. I was his future. A future he would never have.

Severus cupped my face with his hands and rested his forehead against mine. His breath tingled my skin and a low groan escaped his lips. "Despite your impressive mind, you are capable to be frustratingly stupid, Ms. Jackson."

I chuckled and wrapped my hands around his strong neck. "I admire your trait to wrap praise and insult in one sentence. Very intriguing at best."

"Which might possibly be the reason I question your sanity at times," Severus sneered and ran his hands down my back.

I pulled back to look into his flashing eyes. A wide smile was tugging at my lips. "Although, I believe it to be more beneficial for my health to simply declare you as hopeless."

Severus' lips stretched into a dangerous smirk. "I sometimes wonder if you know who I am."

"Oh, I know who you are, Severus Snape."

"I very much hope so," he drawled. "It would be a shame to have my heart lost to an imbecile."

I chuckled and shook my head. "Perhaps you could at least stop tantalising those who are trying to help you."

"No, I would get bored," Severus stated blankly and cocked a black eyebrow. "Furthermore, no trait reveals as much about one's loyalties and personality as anger does. Anger brings one's deepest convictions to the surface – whether it is suppressed or not."

I tilted my head as I was thinking about his words. It was true that anger could not be faked. People tended to lose control in their annoyance. My absentminded nod snapped me out of my thoughts and I smiled. "You are hopeless with a lot of things, or most things in fact but occasionally, quite by accident, you say something useful."

Severus' lips stretched into a smirk and a warm feeling spread in the pit of my stomach. "How… human to lie so bluntly to my face, Elb. Try not to make it a habit or I might find you just as irritating as anyone else."

"It's reassuring to know that we share the same values, although I'm probably not as obstinate as you seem to be when it comes to avoiding people," I said with a mocking frown.

"Nonsense, I love people," Severus drawled unenthusiastically. I chuckled and his eyes sparkled with mirth.

His gaze flickered over my face and he raised a hand to brush strains of hair from my forehead. I shivered as gentle fingers teased my skin and my smile faltered. My heart flattered in my chest when my thoughts returned to his tender yet cautious declaration of feelings. Nervously, I lowered my head as my thumbs brushed the soft skin of his neck. I knew what I wanted. I knew what I was feeling for him. Never before had I felt the urge of possessiveness, but I wanted him to belong to me. Perhaps it was because of my curse, facing my impending death, or because he was my fairy-love.

Severus lowered his face to the crook of my neck. A shaky breath escaped my parted lips when I felt his hot breathing against my sensitive skin. My fingers wandered into his hair and I tilted my head. Passionate lips were kissing and sucking my skin, evoking a moan from me. His hand buried deeply in my hair and I shivered in his arms.

"Be honest with me, Arya," he muttered against the sensitive skin under my ear and I pressed my nose deeply in his hair. "Did my words frighten you?" To my utter dismay, Severus' lips left my skin and he raised his head until his nose was brushing my cheek. My body was melting in his arms with his hot breath on my face, the pounding heart in my chest.

Tenderly, I placed my lips on his for a loving kiss. Then I looked up into the unguarded, caring darkness of his eyes. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against his. For some reason I felt afraid but also confusingly content.

"No," I said anxiously and swallowed the thick lump in my throat. "I know I love you and not just as a meaningless crush. There is this indescribable pull in my mind, in my heart. I know I'm young and inexperienced, but I know that you are my fairy-love. I – I want you. There is this powerful possessiveness in my heart and it scares me… I – I want you to – to belong to me. I want to be your woman – give myself to you – your Elb."

I was trembling, my body tense and my eyes squeezed shut. Rapid, shaky breaths left my mind spinning. Although I felt relieved to finally have spoken it out loud, even though Severus had been honest about his intentions, I felt scared that my words were too much.

Severus turned his head and pulled me into a soft kiss. It felt as if the weight lifted from my soul. I sighed against his lips and relaxed. I pressed myself even closer against his chest when his hand entangled passionately in my hair. My heart was racing. The growling moan in his chest provoked my body to burn with passion. I loved Severus Snape and I knew he loved me. Nothing else mattered, no one else existed as we were losing ourselves in one another. His gentleness felt like heaven. So many promises, so much care were lying in our kiss. Now that we had expressed our deepest feelings, this kiss felt more intimate than any other and let us explore each other more fully.

When Severus pulled back to rest his forehead against mine we were both breathing heavily. Obsidian eyes stared into my soul with an intensity that I had never seen before.

"Let me love you," Severus whispered against my lips. My heart was racing and my knees became too weak to support my whole frame. "I promise, one day, we will consume the feelings we both share, together. I will illustrate my love to the fullest extent that I am able to give if you will have me."

I pressed my lips against his once more as my emotions overwhelmed me. My lungs were not getting enough air. I felt a pressure in my head yet it felt lighter than ever. Blood had turned to a burning liquid, heating my body but leaving my skin freezing.

"Yes," I whispered and laughed softly. My entire body was trembling with excitement and joy. "Yes, dozens of yes. My heart is already yours, Severus, and one day my body will be yours as well. I promise."

Severus cupped my face with his hands and stared intensely into my soul. "I have never deemed your body to be unworthy of your soul, Arya Jackson. I am in love with a woman and I will never treat or see you as anything less."

I nodded and tightened my hold on the back of his head. My lips stretched into a satisfied smile. "I love you."

Severus pressed his face into my hair and I buried mine in the crook of his neck. I felt the racing heartbeat in his chest against mine. "I am yours, Arya. I have always been since the day I first met you. This pull you feel, this possessiveness, I felt it all these years."

Warm joy filled my heart and every nerve seemed to explode with energy. I smiled and placed a kiss on his neck. "Thank you."

Severus chuckled into my hair. "What for this time?"

"For being yourself," I repeated his words and pressed my face into his skin. The scent of Potions and fresh herbs in my nose made me feel dizzy. I wanted to touch his skin. I wanted him to kiss me the way he had kissed me at Grimmauld Place this summer. Our bodies could not get closer than they were in this moment but I felt still too far away from him. I shivered in his arms.

Severus moaned lowly against my ear. He raised his head and let out a long breath. "You ought to go now, love."

I inhaled his scent one more time before reluctantly pulling back. Almost instantly Severus stepped back and watched me with an unreadable expression. The pull was back and looking at him was enough to turn my legs wobbly. My entire body, my heart, my mind were yearning for his embrace. It took all my willpower to ignore the almost aching power that was seducing me to step closer to him.

Severus clenched his jaw and turned away. A dark expression settled on his features and he grunted in annoyance. He crossed the room to his desk and rustling of parchment reached my ears.

"Is something wrong?" I asked confused and stepped closer.

"It's past curfew and Umbridge is responsible for today's rounds," he growled lowly as he wrote furiously on a small piece of parchment. A cold shiver ran down my spine, relentlessly replacing the comfortable warmth of Severus' embrace.

"You aren't writing me a slip, are you?" I frowned at him. Placing the quill aside he stood and pushed the note in my direction.

"Take it," Severus commanded and folded his arms.

I cast him a dark look and took the note. It was indeed a slip, excusing me being outside my dorm after curfew… because of detention. "No, I won't."

Annoyance had settled on his features as he cast me a hard look. "You will. I won't let you end up in detention with this woman because I lost track of time."

I scowled at him and shook my head. "If she sees this, McGonagall or the Headmaster will know as well. I don't want you to run into trouble for abusing your status."

Black eyes were glaring as fiercely and he curled his lips. "I will be admonished, nothing more. They can hardly do anything else."

I frowned at him as he cocked an eyebrow to his hair. Unfazed by my gloomy expression, black eyes kept burning into mine, daring me to object. I clenched my jaw and pushed the note into the pocket of my robe.

"If you get in trouble because of this, I won't come after dinner again," I muttered half-heartedly.

Severus sneered. "Tell yourself whatever you need to sleep at night."

"Remind me to curse Umbridge once this school year is over," I frowned thoughtfully.

"Yes, remind me to remind you to get in line," Severus' lips twitched as a dark satisfaction flickered over his pale features.

A chuckle escaped my lips and I shook my head in disbelief. Although a small part of me would not have been surprised if he had already envisioned cursing her. Then again, he was certainly not the only one.

"Well, I really should take my leave now," I sighed and smiled slightly. Severus nodded curtly and stepped closer. Raising one hand to rest reassuringly on my shoulder, he placed a tender kiss on my forehead. My eyes flattered close against my will as a warm tingle flared in my stomach.

"Arya," Severus said sternly and I hummed questioning. "Don't even think about renouncing this note if you should cross her."

My eyes snapped open and I found myself looking into dangerous eyes. The authoritarian power that was radiating from him enwrapped my smaller frame and I nodded automatically. As soon as my mind snapped back to work, I averted my gaze and frowned at myself. Since when did I subordinated to his authority? Probably my feelings' fault…

"Well," his emotionless voice reached my ears. The mask of cold indifference had settled on his features as he stepped back. "Then you may leave my office now."

"How generous," I rolled my eyes and walked to the door.

"There are a few matters I need to tend to which require preferably undisrupted silence," Severus drawled before nodding pointedly at the door.

I nodded and cast him a mocking smile "Well, don't brood too hard. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

"Insolent brat," Severus growled half-heartedly as he returned to his desk.

I smirked at my hand on the doorknob. "You do realize I can hear you."

"You do realize I don't care," Severus snapped annoyed and I chuckled to myself, "now get out, Jackson."

"Petulant, very petulant, Slytherin," I mumbled tenderly and closed the door behind me.

Luckily, I did not need the slip Severus had given me so I burned it as soon as I arrived at the Gryffindor common room. My heart felt much lighter after having spent time with Severus who had successfully given me all the strength I needed to face my brother and best friend tomorrow. I would tell them the truth about my curse…


	74. Chapter 74 - My family (Part2)

**74\. My family (Part 2)**

"What you must remember," said Professor McGonagall grimly as she stood in front of the class, "is that these examinations may influence your futures for many years to come. The Vanishing Spells are, as I told you, among the most difficult magic you will be tested on in your O.W.L. So today, we will proceed to vanishing mice."

My attention drifted away as our Head of House explained the difference between vanishing snails and mice. My heart was flattering in my chest and my eyes constantly flickered towards the window. I knew Draco and Blaise were sitting behind Hermione and me. My fingers would not stop playing with my wand. Every nerve was tingling, making it impossible to sit still.

I jumped when suddenly a white mouse was placed on my table. The small animal was sniffing the air for danger and its moustaches were trembling. My lips twitched into a slight smile when I carefully raised my hand to caress it. The white fur was soft and comfortingly warm. Pitch black eyes were sparkling vividly.

"Ms. Jackson," a strict voice made me flinch, "this is a classroom, not a petting zoo."

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath. The hand holding my wand was shaking when I opened them again. The mouse was looking around and cautiously approaching my hand. A freezing coldness radiated from the small body, fear. Suddenly, I found myself transported back to the memory when I had faced the bloodthirsty werewolf. I had felt its emotions, its overwhelming brutality. Enwrapped by its emotions and instincts my mind had calmed and brought out my elvish self. I had spoken an old language to tame the wild beast.

The very same calm was slowing my heartbeat and thoughts as I was staring into the perfectly round black eyes. I wanted to open my mouth and reassure the small animal that I had no intention to inflict harm.

"Is there a problem, Jackson?" Professor McGonagall appeared and frowned down at me.

I blinked and suddenly the muttered spells and sounds of annoyance around me seemed much louder to my ears. Glaring at my wand, I massaged my temple and shook my head.

"Well then, what are you waiting for? I expect this mouse gone by the end of the lesson."

One look into these beautiful black eyes of the innocent animal and I lowered my wand. I sighed and my heart felt suddenly as if it was imploding. The pressure in my chest grew the longer I was staring at the little creature. I could not make it vanish. I could not bring myself to raise my wand at it and make it vanish, eliminate its entire existence. The mere thought hurt my soul. A sharp pain shot through my head all the sudden. Groaning, I squeezed my eyes close and the wand clattered on the wooden desk.

What was happening to me? This was similar to the burning forearm the year prior only that it was my head or heart or soul. I could not say what it was. I did not want to raise my wand to eliminate a life. The blood in my veins turned to a boiling liquid. The inner heat and pressure left my mind spinning.

My head snapped around to Hermione when my senses perceived the instinctive angst of her grey mouse. The blood in my veins was suddenly turning cold. With wide eyes I stared at the trembling animal.

"Evanesco," Hermione said clearly and flicked her wand. The freezing fear vanished into thin air as did the living furred body. It was gone. Dead. Never existed.

Icy terror flooded my heart and penetrated my mind. I could barely breathe. With shaking hands I grabbed my wand and my fingers clenched around my bag. I jumped up from my seat and turned to the door. My legs were trembling.

"Ms. Jackson, where do you think you're going?" the bemused voice of my Head of House ringed in my ears.

Out. I needed to get out of here. Away from the feeling of a vanishing life. Away from death that was not truly death yet a death sentence.

My legs were carrying me far away from her classroom through the empty corridors. My heart was flattering furiously in my chest. The edges of my vision darkened rapidly. My mind desperately tried to forget what I had just witnessed. The mouse had been more than afraid. Was this how my father's victims felt when he raised his wand against them?

My bag fell out of my shaking hands and landed on soft grass. My legs had brought me to the Black Lake. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat as my legs gave away. I fell hard on my hands and knees as tears stung in my eyes. I knew the Vanishing Spell was not death, was not even comparable. And yet it erased lives. It was not Dark Magic yet it had made a soul disappear into nothingness.

Breathing heavily, I pulled my legs tightly to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself. Why did it suddenly bothered me to see this kind of magic doing its work? The mere thought of having transformed snails, mice and owls into lifeless objects left me feeling nauseated. My stomach was clenching painfully and I coughed.

What was happening? My body was trembling when I laid on the cool grass and closed my eyes. The calming scent of nature filled my nostrils and my heartbeat slowed. I wanted to stay out here and never witness such a spell again – not on a living being at least. It felt like death…

I did not know how long I had been outside but Transfigurations was surely over by now. It was Friday. Draco and Blaise would arrive sometime. I would have to tell them the truth. Absentminded, I was staring at the lake. My body felt numb with cold fear.

I whirled around when footsteps became audible. Neither Draco nor Blaise were looking at me. My brother had his hands deeply in the pockets of his jacket and kept his eyes on the ground. A thoughtful frown masked his sharp features. Blaise' face gave nothing away, the usual mirth in his eyes had been replaced by a hardness that scared me. Sometimes, he reminded me of the Weasley twins with his light and playful mood. But it were moments like these that showed how mature he truly was.

A thick lump was forming in my throat when they stopped a couple of steps from me. A cold shiver ran through my entire body. My heart was hammering in my chest. This was the moment I had been waiting for and it frightened me to no end. Severus had lost a great part of his hope hearing about my fate. And now my brother and best friend would have to go through the pain as well.

For a moment, they just stared at me. Nervously, I lowered my head and pressed the marked forearm to my stomach. An uncomfortable pressure had settled in my mind and I knew it was only a matter of seconds when my heart would feel heavy with desperation once more.

"Well," Draco said coldly, "I suppose you know why we're here."

I bit the inside of my cheek as his voice made my eyes water. Blinking rapidly, I gripped my arms tighter. My legs felt wobbly all the sudden. I turned towards the lake and sat down, hugging my knees to my chest as if that would keep my emotions from overwhelming me. My insides were shaking. Draco and Blaise sat down facing me. My brother still refused to look at me but kept his gaze on my forearm. Blaise' unwavering stare felt like a knife in my heart.

"I am sorry," I said quietly, "for everything I did and said. I – I wanted to protect you."

Draco gritted his teeth and rested his elbows on his thighs. Hard eyes were boring in mine. "And from what exactly – What the hell happened to you that you… you have this… thing… on your arm?"

Nervously, I licked my lips and pressed my fingers deeply in my legs. My entire body was tense. Then, suddenly, the words were just tumbling out of my mouth – the truth I had kept so long from my brother and anyone else.

"That night on the graveyard… when he… when he returned… he tortured me. He said he wanted to bind me to one of his Death Eaters like – He used my mother. He told me the truth. He had somehow bound her to him, leaving her in the belief that he was her fairy-love – I told him that I had already found mine and he tortured me to know his name but I refused. He threatened to kill him, to kill Severus… And there was his body… Cedric Diggory… his body was lying next to me. His eyes were still open…

He told me that he had marked me… after I had been born… with this mark – It faded away the day he vanished… And he brought it back, he reactivated it… It doesn't have the powers of the true Dark Mark. One of its purposes… is to mark me as his child. Everyone is supposed to see who I am so that it drives those away from me who are fighting against him…"

My voice broke and tears were rolling down my cheeks. In between sobs and gasps for air the words rushed out of my mouth. "I am sorry, Draco. I am so sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to protect you… I… He was there, your father. If he hears that we are speaking to each other my father will use you against me and… I – Dark Mark… it's supposed to… to assure my loyalty to him – My choice – This war – I have no choice – No choice – Severus – Just wanted to protect you – I'm sorry, so sorry-"

"Arya. Arya, calm down," my brother cut me off and knelt in front of me. Concern was evident in his eyes and voice. He attempted to wrap his arms around my shoulders but I grasped his sleeves and clenched them in my fists. Whimpers left my rocking body as I pressed my forehead against Draco's chest.

"I'm sorry. So… so terribly sorry. I'm so sorry, Draco." I started crying. My mind was still fighting about the truth. It wanted to speak the words – the truth, but my heart wanted to keep both from being hurt.

"Calm down, will you. It's alright…" Gently, Draco released my grip on his arms and cupped my face in his hands. "The things I said to you – I punched you… I'm sorry, Arya."

I closed my eyes when he rested his forehead against mine. Instead of relief, a clawing coldness took possession of my heart and froze my sobs.

"You don't understand… The mark… It's the mark…," I forced out with the little air I had left in my lungs and lifted my head. Draco furrowed his eyebrows in confusion but it was Blaise who spoke this time. He had crouched next to us and was watching me through narrowed eyes.

"What do you mean with you have no choice? What choice, Arya?"

I whimpered and closed my eyes. My heart felt as if it was drowning in desperation, sinking deeper at a rapid pace without any possibility to return to the surface. I took several shaky breaths and opened my eyes to stare at my worried brother. I wrapped my arms around my legs, my fingers pressing deeply in the covered flesh.

"I… I… He wants my loyalty… He cursed me. The mark is a curse," I whispered frightened and gazed at my brother who had turned rigid at my words. "I will die… The curse binds me to his life. I won't survive this war unless he lives. I won't live."

The blood rushed loudly through my ears when I closed my mouth. Freezing coldness had settled in my heart and prevented me from moving when I saw the change in my brother's eyes. The controlled mask had vanished. His features had relaxed and his eyes turned dull. He was kneeling in front of me like a lifeless apathic statue.

"To win this war you must sacrifice yourself," Blaise muttered shocked. He blinked but his eyes did not focus. "Everyone who fights him is killing you as well."

"No, Blaise," I whispered defeated. "Severus said the same but it's my father… My father is killing me, no one else."

"No," my brother said softly. Never before had I heard so much pain in his voice. "He isn't killing you. He won't. I won't lose you…"

"Draco," my voice broke.

"I can't lose you. I can't," Draco muttered to himself. "There has to be another way. Surely there's a cure. You're a Fairy. You're stronger than-"

"Draco," I cried and cupped his face in shaking hands.

That seemed to snap him out of his trance. His features contorted in anger. Silver eyes were darkening in pain. He clenched his teeth to prevent his lips from trembling. Cold hands took a hold of my wrists and pushed them down.

"You will not die!" Draco got to his feet and glared down at me. "I haven't fought three years to get you to talk to me again for nothing. I won't… I… No." His expression softened and his eyes became distant. Slowly, he turned away and approached the lake. The helpless, defeated expression on his face made my heart flatter with fear.

A new wave of sobs left my body shaking. I pressed my forehead on my knees, my hands clutching fistful of hair and pulling brutally. But the pressure in my heart only grew stronger by the second. My hands relaxed their grip when I finally started crying. Fear and desperation overwhelmed my entire being and controlled my soul. I was crying because of Severus' pain. I was crying because of the pain I had just seen in the eyes of my beloved brother. Because of Blaise. Because of Derek. Because of my shattered dreams and hopes.

Buried deeply in my agony did I realize only now that I had always had a real family. Severus was an essential part of it, so was Draco. Blaise and Derek were my best friends and knew me so much better than the Gryffindors. They had learned about me by observing and listening to me, something the Gryffindors had never truly done. No one in my small family had ever lied to me nor had I lied to any of the four of them.

A part of me was crying because I wanted for this agonizing pain to end. I did not want to be the reason for my family's suffering. I wanted to have my own life – not the terrifying shadow of an axe looming over me wherever I went.

I was clutching my hair when my body curled up. My knees were sinking into the cold grass, my elbows cutting off the blood flow by pressing deeply in my thighs. But all I felt was a numbing yet agonizing pressure in my heart, my soul and body.

I was mourning my family, my life and my death.

Hands on my shoulders pushed me up. My hands were being pulled out of my hair and they fell lifeless in my lap. Somebody kneeled in front of me, their thighs touching mine. Arms pulled me in a tight embrace and I buried my face in my brother's shoulder. Draco's body was trembling against mine. He was pressing his face in my hair and taking shaky breaths.

It took me some time to realize that Blaise had wrapped his hands around mine and that his forehead was resting against my shoulder. My hand tightened and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

Time passed yet neither of us was willing to move. No words were needed to understand each other. We had grown up and lived together only for a few years but the bond we were sharing ran deep. We were part of the same family. We were suffering the same pain…

"So that's it then. You're just giving up?" Draco grumbled icily.

"No, I'm not. But there is nothing I can do," I responded quietly and shifted my head in his lap. My body lay curled up against his outstretched legs.

My brother scoffed but I heard the pain lacing his voice. "You don't know that."

"Yes, I do," I muttered softly and relentless coldness ran through my veins. "I cut my mark this summer."

My brother's legs tensed under my head and I practically felt his stare on my face. "What?"

I closed my eyes and buried my face in his thighs. I felt Draco's hand on my shoulder when my body began shaking. "I wanted to destroy it although I knew it was useless. The physical pain… made my fear and this pain more bearable… Every day, I was cutting my arm… I didn't want the curse to be true because… because then I would have to accept that I have no future."

"And now you do?" Blaise asked quietly and looked down at me. He was sitting with his arms resting on his knees, his back leaning against my legs.

I sighed and swallowed the thick lump in my throat. "What choice do I have when it's the truth?"

"And what does Snape say about this? Is he playing along with your defeat?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I muttered darkly and my heart grew heavy in my chest. Draco ran his hand up and down my upper arm.

"Do you know we're supposed to attend a career advice with our Head of House?"

A deep sigh escaped my lips. "Yes… Professor McGonagall told me the last time she called me back after class. Apparently, she wanted me to know in advance as not to get the idea to skip it. The mere thought is appalling though."

Blaise shifted against my legs and frowned down at me. "What happened in Transfigurations today anyway?"

Reluctantly, I lifted myself into a sitting position between my brother and best friend. Although my heart felt heavy in my chest I felt embarrassed all the sudden. I pulled my legs to my chest and stared at the dark water. "I just didn't want – couldn't perform the spell… It felt so wrong when I had this mouse in front of me, feeling its curiosity and fear."

"I thought you learned to turn it off by now," Draco said confused and raised his eyebrow at me. "And it's just a Vanishing Spell. Nothing serious."

I whipped my head around and glared at him. "Yes, well you didn't feel what I felt when Hermione vanished her mouse. One moment there was the soul of a living being on the table and the next… gone, nothing left."

"Let me guess," Blaise said wearily, "you compare this vanishing to killing, don't you?"

I bit the inside of my cheek and stared gloomy at my feet. "It feels like it."

My brother groaned and leaned on his arms. He rolled his eyes and sneered. "And where do you think McGonagall got these mice from? Chased them in the castle perhaps?"

I let out an annoyed huff but remained silent. Of course I knew that she transfigured or conjured the animals we used in class. But it didn't change how vanishing a living being felt for me. "What does it matter anyway? She will merely tell me again that the Vanishing Spell is required for the exam and that I have no choice. Just like the stupid career advice, my life, my father… I never have a choice."

"You just told us the truth. I suppose that could count as your choice," Draco muttered coolly. Sad grey eyes looked at me. A cold shiver ran down my spine at my brother's defeated expression.

"I suppose, yes. Although, I probably should have told you sooner," I mumbled sheepishly and bit the inside of my cheek.

"Yeah, you're a blundering idiot. Nothing new," my brother said drily but a smirk played around his lips. A warm feeling settled in the pit of my stomach when the heavy weight lifted from my shoulders.

A sudden push on my shoulder made me lose my balance and fall on my brother. "Hey," I exclaimed and glared at Blaise.

A smug expression masked his features as he stared at me without a care in the world. "That's for leaving me alone with Draco's grumpiness and mood swings."

My brother pushed me off his lap and cast our friend a half-hearted glare. "You know, you got a lot of nerve for a wimp."

Blaise chuckled and smirked provocative. "I may be a wimp, but at least I'm not a nerve-wrecking, brooding drama queen."

I failed to suppress the laugh but tried to hide it with a cough. Draco's jaw twitched and I knew he wanted to say something else, but then he grunted and averted his glare. Blaise laughed triumphantly and I smirked at him.

"In a huff now?" I teased and chuckled when my brother cast me a warning look.

"You don't make it easy to love you, sister," Draco sneered.

I smiled smugly. "And yet you are obstinate in your desire to do so."

"You seem very sure about this," my brother teased and my heart flattered in my chest when I saw the mirth in his eyes.

"I never doubted you," I said and frowned thoughtful. "Alright, maybe I did, but it was your own fault. Your act of the cold-hearted, spoiled child was too convincing sometimes."

Draco rolled his eyes and smirked to himself. "That was the point. How else should I have succeeded in breaking your resolve to ignore me? You brought this upon yourself, Arya."

"I know it's hard for you to understand how I feel," I huffed mockingly, "but I care a lot about the lousily styled hair on top of your head. I could never forgive myself if this coiffure would be messed up because of me."

"Too late for that," Blaise snorted. "Do you know how many times this arrogant moron ruined his hair, all the while going on and on about Gryffindors? I was so close to locking you into a broom closet to sort this out, but then I found my time too precious to waste it with detention."

"Don't expect my gratitude now," my brother smirked smugly. "I would have hexed you before detention though."

"There you are," a new voice exclaimed annoyed. The three of us whirled around. Hermione was approaching us with quick steps. Her glare was fixing Draco and Blaise. My heart was beating furiously in my chest as we stood up to face her. The tension was palpable in the fresh air around us.

"What happened?" I asked cautiously and frowned at her.

"Professor McGonagall asked me to tell you that she's expecting you in her office as soon as possible," Hermione huffed and cast my brother and Blaise a disgusted look.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Great."

"Well, you ran out of her classroom," Draco stated drily. A blonde eyebrow cocked when I stared at him. "What did you expect?"

"Not helping, Draco. So not helping," I grumbled and he chuckled.

"Anyway, she's awaiting you so you should go," Hermione interrupted our squabble and watched me pointedly.

"Of course." Sighing, I turned to my brother who was watching Hermione with a calculating expression. "Draco?"

My brother snapped out of his state and blinked. Then he nodded at me, unbothered coldness masking his features. "Let's go."

Three sets of eyes flickered to him with mixed emotions, but he merely kept looking at Hermione. Confused, I furrowed my eyebrows and touched his arm. "What are you doing, Draco?"

"Coming with you," my brother replied casually and frowned.

"Impressive, you got a sense of humour that isn't building on insults," Hermione snapped icily and glared at Draco.

Grey eyes turned cold. "You don't know me, Granger."

"Obviously," she replied disgusted, "otherwise I would've to question Arya's sanity."

Before I could say something, my brother approached her. "Hate me as much as you like, but if you have only half as much brain as everybody believes, you won't question my sister's loyalties, Granger. As disappointing as it might be there are many things you can't learn out of books. How life works is one of them."

"Draco," I said solemnly and watched him with warm eyes, "now isn't the right time."

My brother turned his head and sneered darkly at me. "Sure, there will never be the right time. And while your Gryffindors deem it amusing to drag you in all kind of dangers which always end with you in the Hospital Wing, I have to stand back and watch. I'm sick of this, Arya, and I'm sick of these do-gooder."

"Sure, claim to be better than what you truly are, Malfoy. Because you're such a good person," Hermione hissed angrily and glared at my seething brother.

"I rather prefer pretending to be a heartless snob instead of an openhearted know-it-all who claims to be so faultless," Draco snarled dangerously. "Enlighten me, Granger, can you look me in the eyes and say that you would have been willing to befriend my sister if she would have been sorted into Slytherin? Can you tell me that you never doubted anything she said or did because of who she is?"

I wanted to say something to calm my brother but I found myself frozen on the spot as Hermione and Draco were glaring at each other. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as I stared at Hermione, waiting for her to answer in my favour. The tension grew thicker and my heart heavier by the second. Hermione's softened gaze flickered to me. I felt as if my lungs were imploding and my body turned cold.

"I suppose that means no," Draco said sharply, his voice as hard as the steel-grey eyes. "She's good enough to help and risk her life for you but if it concerns trust, you suddenly feel legitimated to doubt her? That's spineless and disgusting, Granger – not my definition of friendship."

Hermione swallowed and I suddenly felt uncomfortable under her unwavering stare. There was a silent plead in her eyes but I could not ignore the pain of betrayal that had nested itself in my heart. My veins felt as if they could burst any moment, leaving an aching pressure in my mind.

"I suppose I should go then," I muttered hurt and averted my gaze from her. The blood was rushing loudly through my ear as I turned around and looked for my bag. All the sudden, Blaise was standing in front of me with the bag in hand. A reassuring smile was playing around his lips but concern flickered in his eyes.

"You aren't alone with this anymore. Don't forget that."

I nodded curtly and swung the bag over my shoulder. My eyes were itching and I bit the inside of my cheek. Draco had turned his back to the other Gryffindor and closed the gap between us. I sighed when he wrapped his arms around me.

"I won't leave you, Arya. Just don't push me away again," he said lowly in my ear and I nodded against his cheek.

"I won't. You have my word," I pulled back and smiled sadly, "brother."

Draco hesitated before resting his forehead against mine. My eyes closed automatically and my hands wandered to his shoulders. To my surprise, Draco cupped my cheek with his warm hand and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. Warmth filled my veins and eased the pressure in my chest. My brother's expression was unreadable when he pulled back but a vulnerability I had never seen before flickered in his eyes. Smiling warmly, I leaned closer and kissed his cheek.

"I will see you soon," I cast them a smile before turning and walking past Hermione without looking at her. I heard her loud steps behind me and clenched my jaw.

"Arya, wait," she said urgently and appeared next to me. I ignored her and simply stared ahead as I marched back towards the castle. "Look, what Malfoy said-"

"I don't want to hear excuses or lies, Hermione," I snapped angrily but refused to look at her.

"You're one to tell," she huffed and exhaled deeply. "But would you at least listen to me?"

"I said I didn't want to hear excuses or lies, not that I wouldn't listen," I said coldly.

"Just stop being so difficult for once," she exclaimed desperately and I felt her pleading eyes on me. "About what Malfoy said, how can anyone know what would've happened if you had been sorted into Slytherin. Although, it's a very disturbing thought to be honest. But you must admit that you being who you are leaves some questions. The thing you said about You-Know-Who's victims – about what happens to them, for example. I trust you, Arya. We trust you but how do you know this? How do you know all these things about him if your mother died when you were so young?"

"You trust me yet you couldn't answer his questions with a simple yes," I stated sarcastically as I whirled around to her. We were standing in the entrance of the Great Hall. Ignoring the students around us, I glared at her.

"And why is that? Because it would have made a difference if I had been sorted into Slytherin. Because my origin means that I must have a spark of darkness in me or that I must at least have a tendency for being manipulative, a liar or cold-hearted. You know what Ron said during our first train ride to Hogwarts? All Slytherins are evil and that there is no Slytherin who hasn't become evil. You want to fight for House unity? Then put your prejudices aside instead of only speaking about it. But how could you possibly try if you cannot even trust your friend. I didn't chose my father-"

"Ms. Jackson," drawled a familiar velvety voice from behind me. We turned around and I found myself under Severus' unwavering cold stare. His gaze flickered from my angered expression to Hermione. "Your Head of House is expecting you in her office, certainly your friend told you by now."

I clenched my jaw and nodded curtly. Severus stared at me and I saw the confusion in his eyes. My heartbeat calmed as his scent enwrapped me in a soothing embrace.

"We can talk about it later," Hermione said quietly and I cast her a dark look.

"There is nothing to talk about. I am who I am and either you trust me or you don't. Quite simple if you ask me," I muttered and clutched my bag tightly. "And please don't tell me you trust me if you don't mean it."

"Jackson, if you are quite done," Severus growled and annoyance filed over his pale features, leaving his black eyes flashing even darker. He lowered his voice so that only Hermione and I could hear him. "If I were you, I wouldn't speak about this matter in the middle of the corridor. Now run along before I change my mind about abducting house points."

Without another glance at Hermione I whirled around and left towards Professor McGonagall's office. My heart grew even heavier when I thought about having to explain myself to her. Why did things have to be so complicated? At least my brother and Blaise knew the truth now and I knew for sure that they would not pity me. I had seen the eyes from the Order members on me and they had been too sympathetic, too pitiful. As terrible as the curse was, I would not give in and end up in another depression. I would fight but I could not do that if the Gryffindors knew the truth. When their sorrow followed me everywhere I went.


	75. Chapter 75 - Inheritance

**75\. Inheritance**

"So," Hermione muttered thoughtfully as I was writing my Potions essay. We were sitting at the Gryffindor table and doing our homework. Ron and Harry had left for Quidditch practice.

"So what," I sighed and pulled the book about Healing Potions closer.

She placed her quill down and turned to me, but I kept my eyes on the list of ingredients. "I was wondering if you would come to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Not to… do anything but to be there and see what's happening. Harry agreed to come, and it would be great if you'd be there as well. As our friend," she added the last part quietly.

I did not answer at once. Instead I pretended to be perusing the brewing instructions of the Lung Clearing Potion. Apparently, Hermione had told a couple of people about the idea of a study group for Defence against the Dark Arts and planned to meet in a pub in Hogsmeade the following day. I had given the matter a great deal of thought. Sometimes it seemed an insane idea to involve myself, but then, I had found myself thinking about practicing useful wand spells.

"Well," I said slowly and paused in my writing, "I suppose I could show up and hide somewhere in a corner." Although I was not looking at her, I felt Hermione's beaming expression and excitement. A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips and warmth settled in the pit of my stomach.

"Brilliant. So, will you accompany us to Hogsmeade?"

"Yes," I muttered as I turned my attention back to my essay. The scratching of the quill filled the following silence until Hermione leaned closer to me.

"What are you writing there anyway? I thought you already finished your Potions essay," she frowned at my work. "This isn't even our Potions book…"

"Explaining how the Lung Clearing Potion works," I said absentminded and turned a few pages back to check the brewing instructions.

"Lung Clearing Potion," Hermione asked confused. "Why would you need to study that one? And for whom are you writing this essay if not for class?"

With a satisfied smile I wrote the last sentences of my conclusion and lay down the quill. Excitement rushed through my veins and left my skin tingling. This was the first time that I had been assigned an essay instead of only reading books. "It's for Professor Snape. An extra assignment about Healing Magic."

Hermione's eyes widened incredulously, and I chuckled at her enthusiastic expression. Only studying could evoke this reaction from her. She snatched the book I had borrowed from the library and stared at the cover. "You got Professor Snape to give you an extra assignment? I've never heard that he is giving extra assignments. I mean, I asked him once and he simply brushed me off, saying that he had enough work to do with the regular homework."

I smirked to myself and rolled up the four pieces of parchment. "Well, I'm not writing this essay to get a better grade. I asked him if he could recommend books about Healing Potions since I am interested in the subject. He gave me a list with three books to read and assigned me this essay when I was through with them." I packed my few belongings into my bag and took the thick roll of parchment. Then I cast the baffled Hermione a smile. "Actually, I'm leaving to hand it in now. Wouldn't want to annoy our Potions Professor too late a Friday afternoon."

The memory about Severus' and my intense coming together flashed through my mind and my heart suddenly flattered in my chest. A voice in the back of my mind – that sounded surprisingly like Draco, teased me that Severus would surely not mind at all if I came by later in the afternoon. My cheeks felt warm and I chastised Draco's voice. How unelvish-like and improper to think this way.

"Do you mind if I'm coming with you," Hermione asked excited but had already stuffed all her things into the bag. Brown eyes were casting me a questioning look. I chuckled and shook my head. The smirk stayed plastered on my face when I replied to Draco's voice. Under no circumstances would there be any kind of improper behaviour with Hermione trailing behind me.

"Hermione," I asked as we were descending the stairs into the Dungeons. She hummed and I continued slightly more nervous now. I cast her a short look, but her focus was on the stairs. "I'm sorry for snapping at you the other day. You know, when we returned from the Black Lake."

A surprised yet happy expression settled on her features and she smiled softly. "Oh, don't worry about it. I suppose, I was a bit too harsh as well… Although, I truly can't see what you could possibly see in them."

I rolled my eyes but chuckled, nonetheless. "Well, you don't know them. If you would try to see past the supercilious attitude, you would understand that their condescending jokes are actually nothing more than harmless banter."

"Since when are insults harmless banter," Hermione grumbled and frowned as we passed a few Slytherins.

"I'm not talking about insults but since you are mentioning it," I explained patiently even though my insides were itching with happiness. This was the first time that she – or anybody, was truly willing to listen to my opinion. "Do you remember when I told you that I can sense lies? Well, to be honest, from all the conversations I've had so far, the ones with Slytherins turned out to be the most honest. They don't necessarily speak their minds, but they are not afraid to say their opinion. Yes, their insults are indubitably disrespectful and a waste of time, but I must admit that I prefer genuine insults to meaningless courtesy. Somebody who insults me is honest whereas most people use phrases of courtesy without actually meaning them. And I sense them as lies."

"Right, you prefer honesty. But doesn't it bother you if their insults hurt others? Because I do recall several times when I just wanted to hex Malfoy and nothing you say could've changed that," Hermione said agitated.

I sighed wearily. "Of course, it does. They are idiots sometimes. Idiots who are trying not to attract attention with un-Slytherin like behaviour. They need to protect themselves since they don't have the support you, Harry or especially Ron has. Most Slytherins have been taught that showing emotions is a weakness. To keep others from getting too close to them, they make sure to keep them at a distance. Is that so hard to understand? In my opinion, it's logic. They don't know any other way since they have been raised with certain beliefs. And if they see how easily others can be riled up, they certainly won't show themselves as vulnerable."

Hermione remained quiet but since we had reached Severus' classroom, I chose not to say anything else. I knocked firmly on the door and it opened by itself seconds later. Hermione hesitated to enter but finally closed the door behind her. Nervously, she stood in the middle of the classroom and looked like a house-elf waiting to be punished.

"Ms. Jackson, to what do I owe this displeasure," Severus drawled sarcastically as he stood from behind his desk and approached us. His hard gaze flickered to an anxious Hermione and his lips twitched with amusement. Hermione must have taken his slight change of expression for impatience or annoyance since she quickly straightened her back and clutched the bag tighter to her chest. It took all the self-control I possessed not to chuckle as Severus seemed to savour her rapidly growing insecurity under his unwavering stare.

"I finished the essay about the Lung Clearing Potion, sir," I decided to save Hermione by drawing his attention back to me. Severus' features remained impassive except for one black eyebrow that cocked arrogantly. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from smiling when he snatched the role of parchments out of my hand. Under his hawk-like gaze, he unrolled it and scanned the essay.

"Have you read a published essay or article about the development of a potion before," Severus frowned at my text as black eyes moved rapidly over the pages.

"No, I haven't," I answered confused and stared at him. I knew, he would probably explain his question sooner or later, so I waited patiently. The silence stretched and I could not help my wandering thoughts. The way his hair framed his concentrated features made him look younger. Without the usual dark scowl or wrinkles of annoyance he looked so innocent and vulnerable. There it was again – the burning pull in my chest, seducing me to close the gap with a few steps.

"Well," he raised his head and passionate eyes were burning in mine, "what made you structure this essay differently than your homework?"

A cold shiver ran down my spine, ripping me out of my daydreaming. His intense black eyes were incredibly distracting, and I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. An insecure "I don't know", that sounded more like a question, escaped my lips without my consent.

"If you expect me to spare time reading this, I will need a more qualified answer, Jackson," Severus sneered and smirked when I cast him a dark look. Annoying daydreams, coming when it was the least appropriate.

"I deemed it to make more sense," I explained when my mind had jumped back to work. "The thesis referred to the different effects of the potion evoked through minimal changes in the measure of certain ingredients. So, to start with a research report about the ingredients before presenting the essay seemed more logical instead of overloading the arguments with analytical facts. That makes it much easier to read, in my opinion."

Severus stared at me with an unnerving expression. His eyes were burning into my soul, yet he looked as if he was contemplating something. After a long silence – during which I had refused to be intimidated again, his lips twitched, and he lowered his hands.

"Henceforth, I expect the same quality and effort in your Potions essays. The essay will be the length I'm giving the entire class but in addition I want a detailed research report about the primary ingredients of the concerned Potions. If you have already presented an ingredient in a previous paper, you will either go further into detail or chose a secondary ingredient."

I smiled widely as pride left my heart fluttering. Severus cast me a stern look and raised the hand that was still holding my essay. "I won't grade this one, but your homework will be graded differently from now on. If you should find yourself struggling with the additional work, you will tell me. If I don't hear complaints or that your grades are falling, I will resume with correcting your papers with a higher scale. Is that clear?"

"Yes, of course," I beamed and felt my legs turning wobbly. I wanted to embrace him so badly. "Thank you."

Severus cocked an arrogant eyebrow and sneered down at me. "We will see in a week if you still feel like thanking me. Now, run along and take your stray friend with you." Hermione shifted and huffed to herself. I felt so happy that I could not even show him a glimpse of a warning. Without another word, Severus turned around and stepped to his desk.

"Professor," I asked when a question came to my mind. Severus turned to me with a questioning eyebrow. "Why did you ask if I read published potions articles?"

"The same structure can be found in academical writing or published research papers, as such in the field of Potion Studies."

I nodded, then frowned nervously. "And could you recommend new books about Healing Magic or Potions? Since I finished the others already."

Severus nodded curtly before turning to his desk. He scribbled something on a piece of parchment before returning to us. He hesitated thoughtfully and handed me the parchment. My heart leapt with joy when I saw four new book titles. "Thank you."

"Don't make me regret this decision, Jackson," Severus said dramatically.

"I won't sir," I said with an overenthusiastic smile. He rolled his eyes and cast me a scowl.

"Out," Severus growled and the door opened with a flick of his wand. Without another glance he whirled around to his desk and I found it hard not to smile at his retreating back. My stomach was tingling again and a sigh escaped my lips. Why had I agreed for Hermione to come?

"Sir," spoke up Hermione as we had almost reached the door. Surprised and curious, I looked from her to an obviously annoyed Severus. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep myself from smiling but with no success. Luckily, I was standing behind her.

"What now, Granger," Severus drawled and cast her a dark look. I folded my arms and pressed the back of my hand against my lips to prevent myself from smirking.

"Well, I was wondering if…," she started nervously and glanced cautiously at him. Severus curled his lips but by the mischievous gleam in his eyes I knew that he was enjoying her anxiety. And for some reason I found it amusing to watch their reactions to each other.

"Spit it out, girl," Severus snapped impatiently, and black eyes pierced her relentlessly.

"I wanted to know, if it were possible for me to have an extra assignment as well? I would be interested in studying more, especially with the exams coming up. And I think it would be quite interesting to learn more about Potions," Hermione's voice rushed out of her mouth. Her eyes widened and her entire body tensed as if she expected Severus to curse. Curiously, I raised my eyebrows and smirked behind my hand. She was brave enough to ask him such a question, but not to keep eye-contact with him. I found that highly contradictory, yet also amusing.

A black eyebrow cocked to his hair. Severus stared at her with a blank expression. "No."

Hermione frowned and wrinkles of frustration appeared on her forehead. "But sir, I asked you in third year and you refused and now Arya is allowed to-"

"As you have certainly noticed by now, I don't like know-it-alls, Granger," Severus sneered darkly and stepped closer. I rolled my eyes as he completed the intimidating teacher pose by folding his arms. "If you want to quench your thirst for knowledge, go to the library but do not mistake me for a talking book."

"But I'm not-"

"I will not spare my precious time to improve your self-esteem, Granger. I have more than enough work to fill my days," Severus cut her off harshly. Genuine irritation had replaced the previous amusement. My smirk had been wiped off my face with his severe expression. We both had the true reason in mind why he was willing to teach me.

I cleared my throat when I saw fierce determination settle on Hermione's face. I closed my eyes to brace myself for what would end in a disaster if she continued. Some people clearly had difficulties to accept a refusal.

"But I'm your student, sir. Teachers are supposed to support their students in their education. It's not fair that you're teaching Arya but no one else," argued Hermione angrily. The temperature in the room sunk the same second. If it had not been for Severus' terrifying, hard expression, I would have found her childish ranting amusing. Instead, a cold shiver ran down my spine.

Severus unfolded his arms and crossed the distance between them with two long strides. I felt annoyance radiating from his body as black eyes glared daggers at her. "Yes, Ms. Granger, I'm your teacher and as such I warn you about questioning my decisions. It may come as a surprise, but grades clearly aren't everything. Life is neither kind nor fair, therefore, I recommend you drop this arrogant, naïve attitude if you truly wish to work with me."

Hermione scowled and clenched her jaw. Severus' glare flickered to me before boring into Hermione's averted face. I sighed tiredly and played with my fingers. I knew he was angry because Hermione had returned the thoughts of my curse to the forefront of his mind. And I could not chastise him since I would have reacted the same. The thing that left my insides clenching was the knowledge that I would certainly never live to tell my friends and everyone else the entire truth.

"Get out," Severus spat before rushing back to his desk. I did not miss his hands that were clenched to tight fists. My heart ached when I had no other choice but to follow my friend out of his classroom. The feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach was growing and causing an uncomfortable pressure. I wanted to turn around and be in his safe embrace, but the closing door wiped the thought from my mind.

The following day passed fairly quickly as we spend most of the time in Hogsmeade. When Hermione pulled me along into the Hog's Head, a dodgy bar which was almost empty, I chose to stand in the darkest part of the room. Anxiously, I listened and watched the scenery as it unfolded. My thoughts whirled between regret of coming in the first place and curiosity as the students continued pestering Harry about my father's return. To my surprise most of them believed in his return. Soothing relief was slowly settling in my body and easing my mind a little. Before parting, we had all signed for 'Dumbledore's Army' – the secret Defence Against the Dark Arts group. Perhaps, this had not been such a bad idea after all.

It was on Sunday afternoon that I chose to go to the Dungeons, but not to visit Severus. In the morning, I had worked on my Transfigurations essay. The last lesson had come to my mind and since then I had constantly been thinking about my mother. I had wondered if my mother had been capable to conjure and vanish living beings without hesitation. She was a fairy so naturally she would have perceived animals' feelings as well. It was only when Harry had appeared in a much lighter mood that my thoughts had drifted to my mother's chest. It was still waiting for me in the Dungeons. So, after lunch, I had excused myself from my friends, telling them that I wanted to spend some time alone. Whilst Harry had looked at me with a quiet understanding, Hermione had frowned upon my vague excuse and obviously concluded that I was meeting my brother.

Why were they all so quick with concluding things they hardly knew anything about?

I closed my eyes as the powerful magic of the wards on my training room rushed through my body. The lock clicked softly as I closed the door behind me. The torches on the wall sprang to life and flames started dancing in the fireplace. My gaze flickered to the wooden chest. Subtle, elegant ornaments were engraved in the wood. The hinges were shining white and formed to beautiful flowers. A warm shiver rolled down my back at the sight of the star-shaped flower on the chest's lid. My heart hammered against my ribcage as I kneeled in front of it. My hands were shaking when I attempted to open the chest. There was no keyhole, yet I could not lift the lid.

I frowned and let my fingers run over the front side. No keyhole. A thought came to my mind and I concentrated on the tingling feeling of magic in the palm of my hands. A blinding white light struck my body like a lightning bolt and I groaned as the pain lit every nerve in my body. I scowled at the innocent, still closed, chest and massaged my temples. My blurred eyesight took some time to sharpen. Then I froze and squinted my eyes.

The centre of the star-shaped flower on the lid formed a circle, thin-lined deepening with an odd form. The deepening was irregular. I had seen it before. My gaze flickered to the silver ring on my right ring finger. Several pieces formed like ranks of Devil's snare joined to form a ring. When I took it off I suddenly felt incomplete. Since my first year, I was wearing this ring every single day. Hesitantly, I placed it into the deepening on the lid and turned it until the ranks snapped into the right place.

Warmth flooded my body when I leaned back and watched the chest with an excited smile on my lips. The ring light up shortly before a faint click was audible in the chest. The light vanished. Absentminded, I put the ring back on my finger before lifting the lid.

I could not prevent the frown of confusion when my gaze fell on the miniature objects organized neatly in rectangular bowls. The elegant vial with a swirling white content caught my attention. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat as I stared at the cloud of memories. They could only be my mother's. What would I see if I watched them? Severus had said that the content of this chest would involve me in this war. Of course, I was already in the middle of it, but a feeling of dread filled the pit of my stomach when I realized that watching these memories would take the possibility to turn around. But was that what I wanted?

I gritted my teeth and took a deep breath. No, I wanted to fight. I shook my head to clear my mind. I wanted to know more about who I was. This was my chance to learn about my folk and my mother. I was a fairy. I uncorked the vial and the sparkling white cloud soared slowly in direction of my head…

I found myself standing in a wide glade. My breath hitched in my throat when I noticed a tall woman staring thoughtfully into the forest. The twittering of birds reached my ears. It was a peaceful place. My attention was attracted by the woman. Her long, green dress – too flawless and elegant to have been made by human hands, was hugging her slender form. My insides were trembling with excitement as my legs brought me closer. The woman's hair had the same hazelnut colour as mine. Pointed ears peaked through long strains.

I inhaled sharply when the woman finally turned her head in my direction. Several impressions bombarded me at once. This woman had my hair and the same bright, blue eyes. Everything about her was undoubtedly flawless and graceful – the way she moved, her confident posture, the striking beauty. Although this was only a memory, the woman radiated an authority and kindness that made me stare at her in awe. As her lips stretched into a sad smile I felt as if all my doubts and fear vanished, leaving a calm feeling of inner peace.

"Ever the sun traces its path from horizon to horizon, and ever the moon follows, and ever the days roll past without care for the lives they grind away, one by one. Try though they might, no being escapes death forever, not even the elbs or the spirits. To all, there is an end. If you are watching me, Arya, then my end has come and I am dead."

Warmth flooded my body as her clear, bell-like voice hummed through my entire body. The elvish woman folded her arms behind her back and turned her body in my direction. An elegant sheath was attached to the belt around her waist. She was not looking at me but I knew that this memory was a message for me alone.

"My beloved daughter," happiness flickered over the woman's face and my body froze in shock of the obvious truth. "My beautiful Arya, I wish that you and I could have this talk face to face. If you see this, Arya, I hope that you are safe and happy, and that Tom is dead. However, I realize how unlikely my most wishful thought is. It's a pleasure like no other for me to watch you grow up, but also a torture like no other because I force you to live your life surrounded by darkness."

A severe expression settled on my mother's features. Tears welled up in my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. For the first time in my life I felt understood although this was a mere memory.

"There is much you don't know about who you are, my daughter. To survive this war, you must learn about yourself. There isn't much time to teach you through my memories. You must have many questions therefore I hope to answer them."

"In the pursuit of brevity, I shall assume that Severus has already told you how we met. I feel a cold creeping into my limbs the likes of which has never troubled me before. Dark Magic is surrounding me every day and I wish I could protect you from it. I know it's now your turn to fight. There is much I still hope to accomplish, but none of it is for myself, only for you, and you shall eclipse everything I have done. Of that, I am sure."

"Your name, your true name, is Arya Evandar. Arya is a rare name in the human world, so I presented you as Aryanna. My true elbish name is Leya Evandar. I chose the most common human family name when I came to this world – making me Leyanne Jackson," her lips twitched with disgust. "Admittedly, it's an insult to who we truly are, but it's necessary for our, but especially your protection. Always remember who you are, Arya. You are my daughter – Arya Evandar from house Thranduin."

"We belong to the so-called Ancient folk – the elbs. There exist tales about our folk in the wizarding world although we are falsely referred to as fairies or elves. But elves are the poor creatures that humans have made their servants by taking advantage of their kindness and loyalty and fairies are wild, magical creatures. Witches and wizards have changed our existence to a mere story for children, but one day they will wake up from their ignorance and must face the truth."

I wiped the tears from my eyes and watched as my mother gazed at the sky. "I have my share of regrets, but you are not one of them, Arya. I am proud to have you as my daughter, prouder than you will ever know. I never wished that future upon you but seeing you every day is my greatest gift."

A reassuring smile graced my mother's lips as she turned in my direction with unguarded affection. "I had a vision about the future the day of your birth. It eased my guilt of ignoring my closest friend's advice and falling into Tom's trap… Listen to your heart, Arya, for it will show you the way to the happiness I saw in your close future. Don't despair if you believe nobody understands you. Humans tend to categorize more than other thinking beings. They fear what they cannot understand. They distinguish children from adults by age although age is but a number, not a state of mind or a reason for any type of behaviour."

My mother grasped the hilt, the veins prominent on the back of her hand. "You possess great abilities that most human minds cannot understand, Arya. Greatness inspires fear and envy, envy engenders spite and spite spawns lies… Your magic is stronger for you control Ancient magic. Your body is adapted to the lifespan of Elbs in strength, speed, and agility. We are naturally adapted for fighting since we must protect the purity of magic. I will teach you to understand who you truly are and to use your abilities to protect yourself and those you love."

Although my mother was not looking at me, her gaze felt as if she was staring straight into my soul. My throat tightened as I fought the urge to tell her that I was there. I wanted her to see me. I wanted to see her and not just in her memory.

"Whatever you do, protect those you care for, Arya, for without them, life is more miserable than you can imagine. You must realize that Tom Riddle is your greatest and most dangerous enemy. Until he is dead, neither you nor Severus will ever find peace. My greatest desire, Arya, is that you and Severus will live long and fruitful lives, free from fear of Tom and his followers. I wish that I could protect you from all of the dangers that threaten you, but that is not within my ability. All I can do is give you my advice and teach you while I am still here…"

An expression of peace settled on my mother's features and she smiled. „Whatever happens, know that I love you. May good fortune rule over you and peace live in your heart. May the stars watch over you, Arya Evandar."

Coldness enwrapped my racing heart when an invisible force tore me away from the glade. I found myself kneeling on the stone floor. My eyes focused on the wooden chest, but my thoughts were far away from the Dungeons. My life seemed to have changed in the short time I had watched the memory. With shaking hands, I corked the vial when the swirling white cloud of memories had returned into it. For a long moment, I stared at the vessel, lost in my whirling thoughts.

My name was Arya Evandar. I was sure that my mind had intuitively known or why else would I have asked to be called Arya instead of Aryanna. And the name Jackson had been supposed to link me to the human world. But I was a fair- an elb. I was an elb, not a fairy nor an elf. I was Arya Evandar from house Thranduin.

"I am Arya Evandar," I whispered to myself and a cold shiver ran down my spine. "I am Arya Evandar from house Thranduin."

Warmth flooded my entire body and every nerve in my body felt like burning. I smiled at the vial as more tears dropped on my shaking hands. My magic was rushing vividly through my veins and making my skin tingle. A soft chuckle left my lips before it turned into a relieved laugh. The flames in the fireplace roared louder. The torches on the walls shone brighter as the truth of my origin settled in the core of my soul, connecting with the entire power of my magic. I felt the shift in my magic. Suddenly, it was everywhere and burning stronger than I had ever felt before. It felt right.

"I am Arya Evandar," I laughed with tears in my eyes. I felt like exploding with happiness. Jumping to my feet, I shouted into the empty room. "I am Arya Evandar from house Thranduin. I'm an elb. I'm Arya Evandar."

Grinning, I closed my eyes and dwelled in the knowledge of finally genuinely feeling who I was. So many doubts and questions had vanished with the few, but essential information my mother had given. I finally felt it in every bone of my body, my magic, and soul. I knew who I was.

I glanced at the vial in my hand, then at the open chest. It was the first time in my life that I made a decision without questioning whether it was a wise thing to do or not. I put the vial back in its place and closed the lid. I would inspect the content of the chest another day. I was beaming inwardly as I rushed through the Dungeons with bouncing steps. I wanted to run through the corridors, laugh and shout with happiness.

The door to Severus' office opened like a gunfire as my joyful burst of magic banged it against the wall. I skipped inside and by the time the door locked behind me I had already crossed half of his office.

"What the hell do you think you're doing," an irritated Severus appeared in the door that lead to his private quarters.

My smile widened and my heart was burning with overwhelming emotions. I rushed to him and threw my arms around his neck. Laughter bubbled in my chest and new tears ran down my cheeks as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. The scent of fresh herbs filled my nose, provoking an entirely new haywire of sensations in the pit of my stomach. Hesitantly, strong arms came up and wrapped around my back.

"What happened, Arya," Severus asked slowly, the confusion evident in his voice. I chuckled and pulled back. The expression on Severus' face morphed to one of utter confusion and helplessness as more tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I am Arya Evandar," I beamed and gripped his upper arms.

Severus frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

"I am Arya Evandar. Arya Evandar. My name is Arya Evandar," I said laughing.

"If I wouldn't know any better, I would think you've been drugged," Severus muttered, and his inquiring gaze wandered over my face.

"No, no, Severus," I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I am Arya Evandar, not Aryanna Jackson. I'm Arya Evandar from house Thranduin. I'm an elb, not an elf or a fairy, just an elb. My mother told me. She told me, Severus. I saw her memory – I saw her. I am Arya Evandar, the daughter of Leya Evandar."

Realization flickered over Severus' face and his body relaxed against mine. "Arya… Evandar?"

My smile widened as I nodded excitedly. "Yes. And I can feel it, Severus. For the first time I can truly feel who I am. My magic – I felt when the knowledge settled in my soul. I still feel the burst of magic burning in me. It feels as if I finally belong somewhere or that I know where I belong now. I know where I belong because I know who I truly am. I am Arya Evandar."

Severus stared at me with an unreadable expression that sent goosebumps down my spine. My heart was racing with excitement as I looked into the black eyes of the man who was holding my heart. Then his lips twitched into a smile and he cupped my cheek with his warm hand. "Arya Evandar… sounds more elvish than Aryanna Jackson."

"Elbish," I chuckled softly and tightened my hold on him, "it's elbish. I'm not an elf."

Severus let his fingers graze gently over my cheek, an amused sparkle in his eyes. "My apologies, elb."

My heart made any coherent thought impossible as the powerful love for him raised my head. The moment our lips touched the world vanished around us. My eyes fell close, and all I could feel was Severus. His warmth, his touch, his being. The usually distant man lost himself to my touch and turned into a passionate lover. It was a feeling of trust, something so pure, so innocent. It brought emotions up inside me that I did not have a name for. My heart skipped a beat when his hands cupped my cheeks and pulled me even closer, taking in this embrace, this kiss of joy and love. My whole body craved more, craved him, wanted to feel him closer.

"Severus," I whispered shakily when he pulled back to look into my eyes. The intensity of the unguarded feelings in these black eyes made me shiver in his arms. His lips hovered over mine as he stared at me. His hold on me tightened, the hand in my hair keeping me pressed against him, yet it felt not close enough.

"I love you, Arya Evandar from house Thranduin," Severus whispered huskily.

"I belong with you, Severus. I love you. I always did but now I know who I truly am. I belong with you as Arya Evandar."

Before I could say anything else Severus' lips crashed against mine with unbridled passion. A low groan rumbled in his chest and if it had not been for his safe hold, my knees would have struggled to keep my melting body standing. I was intoxicated – he was intoxicating me, but it did not matter. Nothing mattered except Severus' lips setting my blood on fire. His hands, that kept me possessively close to his body and evoked so many emotions that I could hardly catch my breath. My hands were clutching his collar and hair, my fingers scratching his scalp. My heart was aching for more, much more. I knew who I was, where I belonged. Now I wanted to belong to the man who had my unconditional trust and love. But my mind reminded myself of whom I had fallen in love with. Severus was a protective man who would not risk getting me in trouble.

Maybe time stopped when Severus' lips silenced every thought, but the flutter in my body only intensified. My heart pounded in my chest as my knees turned weaker. I could only focus on how soft he felt against me, how addictively he invaded all my senses. Every breath I took smelled like fresh herbs and forced my heart to skip a beat. Soft noises of pleasure escaped my lips, out of my control, but I hardly noticed them. There was raw emotion in the way Severus' fingers curled in my hair.

Slowly, Severus raised his face and brushed his nose tenderly against my cheek. Heavy breaths were rolling down my face and left my stomach tingling. For a moment I had to concentrate on my breathing to fill my tight lungs with fresh air. Severus' intense stare made my heart pound faster against his firm chest.

"I have never seen someone as beautiful in my entire life," I said with a soft longing in my voice. "So strong and… good. The way she was speaking and standing there," I smiled sadly, "I felt understood without saying anything."

Absentminded, I stared at the collar of his coat. Severus' slow breath rolling down my face comforted me. Gently, his thumbs wiped my tears away. "She was indeed a remarkable woman."

The fluttering sensation in my stomach brought me to look into his eyes. For a moment I was contemplating whether I should tell Severus the truth about how my mother came to be with my father. The secret about him having cursed her as well was nagging at the back of my mind. Pushing the feeling of guilt aside, I chose not to ruin the moment.

"She said that she had had a vision about me," I smiled softly as her words replayed in my mind. Severus tilted his head and watched me curiously. "I think she saw us together. Her words weren't clear, but she was speaking about you as well… She wanted to protect us." I frowned slightly and closed my mouth as a thought itched in the back of my mind.

"What is it," Severus asked.

"I don't know," I muttered and shook my head. "Something she said caught my attention… She advised not to despair if I felt misunderstood. That humans categorized more than others… The day I showed you Draco's note you told me I was an adult soul in a younger body."

Severus nodded with thoughtfully furrowed eyebrows. My lips twitched and I beamed as realization dawned me. "She told me that most humans distinguished children from adults by age although age was but a number, not a state of mind or a reason for any type of behaviour."

"You told me the same thing," Severus said softly and raised a questioning eyebrow. "I fail to see the importance though."

"Importance," I chuckled and shook my head at my own thoughtlessness. "The importance is that it was her way of expressing her support for our relationship. I'm sure she implanted this knowledge into my mind to make sure I would follow my heart instead of human conventions."

Severus snorted and cast me a doubtful look. "I highly doubt that. But even if she had done so, I dare to believe it was for an entirely different reason."

"And what reason would that be," I asked confused.

Severus smirked. "Me."

"You?"

Severus curled his lips and drawled. "You aren't the first one to call me stubborn or even petulant."

I was at a loss for words as Severus sneered at me with a condescending expression. Then I shook my head and smiled widely. "Right, that you are. Then there is no doubt that it was her way of subtly hinting her support."

"Anything else I need to know about you, elb," Severus smirked.

I tilted my head and stared at his amused expression. "I will write you a list."

Severus chuckled and brought his hand up to caress my cheek with the back of his fingers. The tender touch made my skin tingle. "I never told you that your mother lacked a sense of humour."

I frowned at him. "I find that hard to believe."

"Well, she wasn't as flawless as she looked," Severus stated softly.

"I know, I know. I mean you taught me everything I needed to know about human behaviour. Humour isn't particularly elbish, but I thought that she learned from you."

"You grew up here, Arya, she didn't. You learned to find a connection with those around you and how to overlook people's behaviour, but she struggled to understand their reasons. You aren't any less an elb for having been born in the human world."

I swallowed the forming lump in my throat. "Really?"

"Yes, I have a reason for calling you elb," Severus grunted impatiently and rolled his eyes. "You can be frustratingly thick sometimes, Ms. Evandar."

My heart fluttered in my chest and I smiled. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and closed my eyes. Radiant happiness flared in my heart and overwhelmed my nerves once more. Severus placed the gentlest of kisses to my temple, the loving gesture laying his heart bare in a way that words never could.

"Thank you," I muttered and took a deep breath of Severus' comforting scent. "If my mother had no sense of humour, would she have taken your words as an insult?"

"Oh yes," Severus chuckled darkly, "which is why I'm infinitely grateful that you developed an understanding of humour."

A chuckle escaped my lips and I felt Severus tense in my arms as my breath caressed his warm skin. "I can imagine how difficult it would be if I hadn't."

"You are and will always be an elb, Arya Evandar," Severus said softly and smirked against my temple. "In fact, my elb."

My smile widened as I hummed happily into his frockcoat. "You are a wonderful man, Severus."

Severus snorted. "That is most certainly not an adequate attribute to characterize me."

"You understand and read me better like one else, you are honest and blunt, hold true to your word, smarter than anyone else I know, invitingly eloquent, strong-minded-"

"Is there a particular reason for your rant," Severus growled annoyed.

"Honesty, loyalty, respect… You value the same traits as I do – as elbs do, but when people don't take them as seriously, you become grumpy. You understand me because we share the same values. You seek to understand and don't judge me unlike everyone else. So, what does that make you if not wonderful?"

"Less stupid than others," suggested Severus drily.

I sighed and lifted my head, a smile pulling at the corner of my lips. "You are wonderful, Slytherin."

Black eyes scowled without spite when Severus took a deep breath. "If you say so, stubborn woman."

I beamed at him and rested my forehead against his. "I love you, stubborn man."

Severus cupped my face with his hands and placed a kiss on my lips. I felt his lips stretching into a heart-fluttering smile but before he could say anything a firm knock on the door ripped us apart. The comfortable warmth in my heart was replaced with burning frustration. The mask of cold indifference settled on Severus' features in less than a second and he stepped away. The door opened and I saw my Head of house, followed by Professor Flitwick. With a bemused expression his eyes flickered from his younger colleague to me.

"I expect your essay next week, Ms. Jackson," Severus' cold voice drew my attention. "Do you have any more questions?"

"No sir," I smiled and straightened my back. "Thank you."

Severus nodded curtly and folded his arms across his chest. Black eyes pierced my back when I turned to leave. Leaps of joy hammered in my chest and a comfortable humming sounded in the core of my magic. I felt good, better than I ever had in my life.

"Jackson," Severus' sharp voice halted me in my steps, "five points from Gryffindor for breaking into my office." Feeling utterly bewildered at his words, I whirled around. Severus had a provocative gleam in his eyes when I glared at him. The stubborn Slytherin simply had to be dramatic about it, as usual.

"Ms. Jackson is that true," asked a confused Professor McGonagall. The irritating smirk on Severus' lips dared me to protest.

Reluctantly, I tore my gaze from him to look at my Head of House. Her stern eyes bore into mine, impatiently waiting for an explanation. My mother's words were ringing in the back of my mind and gave me the reassurance I needed.

"No, it isn't," I said calmly and folded my hands behind my back. Severus' lips twitched when he noticed my gloating. "But some say the truth lies in the eye of the beholder."

Sighing, Professor McGonagall shook her head. She cast Severus a disapproving look, obviously assuming that this was another meaningless banter not worth her energy. Professor Flitwick looked slightly lost next to his tall colleagues. A thoughtful frown had settled on his features.

"Leave now, Jackson," Severus sneered, "before I change my mind and give you detention."

I wanted to laugh, but with the Head of Ravenclaw present, I could only smile at him. "I wish you a good afternoon, sir."

Severus raised a black eyebrow before his sharp gaze flickered briefly to the door. My lips stretched into a beaming smile when I finally left his office. Confident, bouncing steps betrayed the happiness and peace that had settled in the depth of my soul, lighted me up inside, gave me a serenity I had never felt before. It was like the breaths I had taken until today had not been full, like the smiles I had smiled had been incomplete somehow.

Just being in the same room with Severus was my favourite place in the world. It was him that created the warmth in my soul, him that filled me with love and kept the fire burning in my eyes. If that was not pure happiness I did not know what was, so I would let it be my own definition, the one I kept with me always.


	76. Chapter 76 - Uncomfortable disagreement

76\. Uncomfortable disagreements

"Welcome to the Room of Requirement," said Harry quietly when the highly polished door closed behind us. The four of us stared into the spacious room lit with flickering torches. The walls were lined with wooden bookcases and instead of chairs, large silk cushions were on the floor.

Ron prodded one of the cushions with his foot and nodded enthusiastically. "These will be good when we're practicing Stunning."

Hesitantly, I folded my hands behind my back and stepped further into the room. Goosebumps left my skin tingling as I pressed my lips in a thin line. "There is everything we need here. You truly owe Dobby a gift, Harry."

"And just look at these books," Hermione said excitedly, running a finger along the spines of the large leather-bound tomes. Amused, I shook my head. It was obvious that the presence of hundreds of books had finally convinced her.

Absentminded, I scanned the titles, my thoughts wandering to my mother's memories. A part of me believed that it could be useful to practice spells, whereas the other was constantly arguing that I did not belong here. I was an elb and born to use Ancient magic. I was not like them. There was a gentle knock on the door that ripped me out of my thoughts. I chose to stand back and watch as more people arrived.

When everyone had found a seat, Hermione interrupted the excited tension. "Well, welcome all of you! First, I think we ought to elect a leader to make it more formal."

A thick lump formed in my throat and I felt relieved that I had chosen a seat in the back. An uncomfortable feeling was slowly creeping up my spine. My mark was itching suddenly. I did not raise my hand when Hermione waited for votes but nodded instead. I did not know what to think of Harry being the so-called leader of our group. I loved my friend, but he was too impulsive and narrow-minded at times.

The discussion quickly flared again when Hermione suggested to choose a name for the group. I scratched my mark and shifted on my seat. Unease and doubt spread in my body as unwelcomed memories came to the forefront of my mind. Did I truly want to be here with my name signed on a list? For an unknown reason, it irked me to officially fit in this hierarchy.

"Can we be the Anti-Umbridge League," asked Angelina hopefully.

"Or the Ministry of Magic are Morons Group," suggested Fred and I suppressed to roll my eyes. That were names for rebels and not a defence group.

"I was thinking," Hermione frowned at Fred, "more of a name that didn't tell everyone what we were up to, so we can refer to it safely outside meetings."

"The Defence Association," said Cho Chang, pushing her hair behind her shoulder. "DA for short, so nobody knows what we're talking about."

"Yeah, DA's good," Ginny added excitedly, "only let's make it stand for Dumbledore's Army, because that's the Ministry's worst fear, isn't it?"

I frowned at the people in the room as a good deal murmured appreciatively. Were they truly that thick? Hermione kneeled up on her cushion, speaking too bossily for my liking. "All in favour of the DA? … That's a major-"

"I must object," I interrupted her loudly. All eyes turned to me, but I kept a blank expression. "Or what do you think will happen if Umbridge or the Ministry somehow hear about this?"

"I thought you agreed to be a part of this group," said Cho at once, looking at me as though I was mad.

I sighed, silently questioning my sanity for agreeing in the first place. "What I mean is that neither Umbridge nor the Ministry will take it lightly when they hear about Dumbledore's Army."

"Well, they won't hear anything," Zacharias Smith grumbled annoyed and stared at me, "unless someone rats us out."

"For Merlin's sake, are you that thick," I pressed my lips in a thin line and took a calming breath. "The Ministry is already trying to demote the Headmaster. Now, if the Minister hears that he has an army, Dumbledore will be accused of treason."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at me. A thoughtful expression settled on her features. Annoyed, I rubbed my forearm when more doubtful glances were cast in my direction.

"Again," Smith rolled his eyes and folded his arms, "how are they supposed to know if no one says a word?"

"Umbridge might be repulsive but she is certainly not stupid," I said icily. "The last Educational Decree prohibited every student organisation. I'm not speaking about treason here, but recklessness. To call this group Dumbledore's Army will make it much more than just a study group."

"But that's just the point, isn't it," Ron exclaimed with raised eyebrows, "to learn how to fight You-Know-Who."

"Of course, but is such a powerful name for this group truly necessary to learn spells? Yes, a name promotes the feelings of team spirit and unity, but it will also give the Ministry a target," I looked around and into concentrated expressions. The expected comprehension failed to appear, however. Not even Hermione or Harry seemed to understand my point.

"I think Dumbledore's Army sounds perfect," the dreamy voice of the blonde Ravenclaw – Luna Lovegood, interrupted the silence. Helplessness settled in my heart, quickly followed by anger when everybody nodded. I had no words to describe the emotions that were running through my body. It was as if I was sitting on my own broom, watching how they flew blindly and at full speed, failing to make them see the hard, massive stone wall in front of their noses.

"As you wish," I stood and cast my friends a hard look. "I cannot risk someone else's life for my amusement."

"But we aren't-" Hermione called after me, but the closing door cut her voice.

I felt like exploding. The blood was boiling in my veins when I rushed through the corridors. How could they be so thick and reckless? They were either too blind or ignorant to see the severity of the defence group. For them, it was nothing more than a little rebellion, but their ignorance prevented them from realising the true meaning. Perhaps it was merely a game for them. They still believed themselves to be safe in the castle which they probably were, but I knew it was only a matter of time until my father would show himself to the world. And with him would come danger and death.

"Merlin, help me," I sighed tiredly and took a seat in an alcove. I let my head fall back against the wall and closed my eyes. As sudden as my anger had grown it subsided now.

"And what's Merlin supposed to do," a snarky voice interrupted my quiet thoughts.

Sighing, I opened my eyes. "Lost your way, Slytherin?"

Blaise grinned and folded his arms. Making sure we were alone he leaned his slender form against the wall. I was almost blinded by his smile when white teeth flashed at me. "Nah, I'm exactly where I want to be. You, however, obviously not so much. What happened?"

Coldness crept into my body and I smiled wearily. "Just a disagreement."

He cocked one perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Oh, did the other cats stole your milk again?" I did not bother with a reply and averted my gaze. I could hear the smirk in his voice. "Dear diary, lion cubs tried to steal my food today. I told them to get lost. That disrespect will haunt me… probably forever."

A chuckle escaped my mouth and my lips twitched into a smile. Then I looked up and cast my friend a doubtful look. "How you couldn't persuade Cho to be your girlfriend by now is a mystery to me."

Blaise snorted and rolled his eyes. "Believe it or not, Arya, but I haven't even tried yet. Usually, girls just can't resist my good looks, my style, my charm, and my unflinching talent on a broom."

"It truly is surprising how you can lift off the ground with this massive ego," I replied, my heart feeling much lighter with his jokes.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are beautiful," Blaise furrowed his eyebrows thoughtfully. Confused, I stared at him. He unfolded one arm and lazily pointed at my body. "I mean, surely you must know that most girls in this school envy you for your looks, and boys… well."

"Yes, I do have somebody who reminds me now and then," I chuckled and raised my eyebrows. "Other than that, I see no reason to call myself more beautiful than others, simply because everybody is beautiful. Pansy Parkinson for example. She might have a nasty behaviour, but she is still very beautiful."

Blaise stared at me with a blank expression. "Pansy Parkinson… beautiful? You do realize I'm trying to teach you the truth about yourself, right? That every girl here envies you, even Parkinson. You can't imagine how many times I've heard boys talking about you." My best friend smirked. "Well, and as much as boys talk about you girls admire me."

"Your charming and humble personality never ceases to amaze me," I groaned, but could not keep myself from smirking at him.

Blaise shrugged. "It's quite funny, you know. You and Draco are so alike. Whenever I look at him, I see myself… only a less dashing, less intelligent version."

An ungraceful snicker escaped my nose before I started laughing. My best friend grinned. "See, I'm irresistible."

"No, you are merely delusional," I chuckled and came to my feet.

Blaise laughed lowly. "And of ravishing beauty."

"There is no point in fishing for compliments, my friend. I know exactly who you are," I smiled mischievously and folded my hands behind my back.

"Well," sneered Blaise, "that's unfortunate. Because it means you have to put up with my charming and humble personality, whether you like it or not."

I chuckled to myself and nudged his shoulder. "If it's any consolation, you are charming and humble… sometimes… during your monthly period."

"I truly want to say I hate you sometimes," Blaise scowled down at me and folded his arms across his chest. Making sure that the corridor was still deserted, he nodded in direction of the staircase and raised his eyebrow. I nodded and followed at his side.

I smirked and glanced at him from the corner of my eyes. "It would be a blunt lie."

"I know you hate lies and avoid lying to others," Blaise retorted coolly. "I respect you for that."

"Why, thank you."

"But I hate you sometimes."

When I looked at Blaise, I caught the genuine smile on his lips. Warmth filled my stomach and I smiled at my best and oldest friend. I felt glad that I had told them the truth. It made everything so much easier.

"So," Blaise sneered when we reached the entrance of the great hall. The familiar mask of the condescending Slytherin had settled on his features once more. It took all my willpower not to smile at his demeanour. Mocking, he lowered his face to mine – making sure to attract people's attention by speaking loud enough for them to hear. "See you tomorrow then, Jackie."

"As charming as ever," I replied coolly and followed a few steps after him to find a seat at the Gryffindor table. How badly I wanted to sit with him and Draco. As if he had read my thoughts, the latter flashed me a mischievous smirk.

Before I could sit down, I saw Blaise turning his head in my direction. A devilish smile graced his lips. Then he winked at me. I shook my head and took a seat. Always the charmer…

"Arya," Hermione greeted me at breakfast the next morning and took the seat next to me.

I merely hummed in return. After the sleepless night I had had, I was not in the mood for a discussion, which I knew was inevitable. My friends would require an explanation for my outburst during the first meeting of the so-called Dumbledore's Army.

"Did you see the new Educational Decree," Ron asked darkly and filled his plate with even more food than usual. Gone was my blissful silence. I nodded.

Harry carelessly pushed his plate aside, apparently not very hungry. Instead, he glared up at the staff table where Professor Umbridge mastered eating and smiling sickeningly at the same time. My stomach clenched at the sight of her and I had suddenly lost my appetite.

"This isn't a coincidence," he said, his hands forming fists. "She knows."

"She can't," muttered Hermione and cast Harry a warning look.

"Well, someone must have blabbed to her," Ron said.

"They can't have done," Hermione replied in a low voice.

I scoffed and raised my eyebrows. "You are naïve. Just because you are all honourable and trustworthy –"

"No, they can't have done, because I put a jinx on that piece of parchment we all signed," my best friend said grimly.

A cold shiver ran down my spine with her words, followed by burning annoyance. "You jinxed that parchment," I asked coolly.

Hermione frowned and nodded. "Yes, whoever dares to betray us will make Eloise Midgeon's acne look like a couple of cute freckles. Why are you so agitated about it? And why did you leave anyway? I thought you wanted this."

I did not get to answer her, because at that moment someone bumped my shoulder painfully hard. I frowned at my carelessness at having let my guard down.

"Oh, I'm so sorry."

I gritted my teeth at the outright lie in the person's sweet voice. When I turned around, I found myself looking at Cho Chang's Ravenclaw friend from the day before. She stared at me with a dark scowl on her face which looked as intimidating as a house elf's stare. I could only guess what she was thinking.

From the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of blonde hair and suddenly my annoyance vanished. It was replaced by amusement. I owed Draco so much more than he would ever realize.

"Yes, me too. I honestly don't like to be touched by liars," I replied drily and stared at her. The girl glared at me, but when I did not avert my gaze, she shifted and looked away.

I smirked and made sure she saw it before I turned back to the table. Yes, without Draco I never would have learned to take people's disrespect in this world with humour. I probably would have snapped at her – a reaction that nobody would have understood or taken as exaggerated at best.

The quiet voice in my head warned me, however, since most people were too sensitive to accept the truth. They would rather turn their anger against whoever dared to tell them the ugly truth, instead of dealing with it.

Instinctively, my head turned towards the staff table. I knew what Cho's friend was thinking – that I had betrayed Dumbledore's Army. As if I were a traitor…

Obsidian eyes were observing me when my gaze trailed over the staff table seat. Severus was watching me with an unreadable expression, but there was something else. Something was wrong although I could not deceiver if it was because of the new Decree or something else. Luckily, I had Potions today… after Defence against the Dark Arts.

"Arya, are you alright," Hermione frowned at me when we made our way to Defence against the Dark Arts. She had pulled me back from where Ron and Harry were discussing the new Decree and how it would affect Quidditch.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?"

She snorted. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you ran out without an explanation yesterday?"

"I changed my mind due to obvious reasons," I replied and cast her a hard look.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Look, we get that you don't like the Headmaster, but don't you think you acted a little… well, childish?"

"Childish," I laughed incredulously and shook my head. "Obviously, you didn't get my point. This has nothing to do with whether I like Dumbledore or not. I never wanted to be a part of a group that uses the same organisation as my – as Riddle's Death Eaters."

"But we're not harming anyone nor are we forcing anyone to do anything," Hermione insisted quietly when a group of students passed us.

"Of course not, but honestly, Hermione… a leader who shouldn't be in a leading position since we both know how impulsive he can be. A communication system that is clearly based on the Dark Mark. Did you know that Riddle can punish Death Eaters through the Mark? That is exactly what you did with that jinx, but I don't want to be a part of this."

"How can you even live like this? To be so mistrusting and doubtful all the time," Hermione grumbled and clutched her books tighter to her chest. I scoffed to myself. If only she knew about the reasons why Severus was so mistrusting and pessimistic.

Surprisingly, it was Umbridge who saved me from answering when we entered her classroom. The sickening sweet smile on her lips was enough to make my insides clench with anxiousness. She seemed even happier than usual with the satisfactory gleam in her eyes. Her smile widened even more as soon as her eyes landed on me.

"Ah, Ms. Jackson, would you please take your seat in the front."

The room dropped a few degrees when I froze on the spot. I clenched my jaw and bit down a remark which would certainly have earned me another detention. My pride forbade me to throw my bag on the stone floor when I sat down in the assigned place. I would not give her the satisfaction.

"Well," Umbridge could not hold back and smiled almost spitefully, "I'm glad you recognize your place. After all, we both know it's better if somebody keeps a close eye on you. Not that you cause any more troubles."

My body turned cold with her words. Despite my best efforts to keep a cool expression, I could not stop the glaring. How much I hated her…

"What the hell did you do to this woman," Draco ripped me out of my thoughts. I turned my head away from the black lake. Lazily, my brother pushed his hands into his pockets as he strolled in my direction. A cocky smirk was plastered on his face.

I rolled my eyes and turned back to look at the seemingly never-ending rain. Although it was only afternoon, the sky had darkened with black clouds. Now and then a flashing lightning light reflected in the dark water, closely followed by a rumbling thunder.

Draco sat on the window ledge, facing me. "Well?"

"Well, nothing," I muttered annoyed. As soon as my gaze landed on Draco's smirk, the cloud of anger vanished. I smiled to myself and pulled my legs closer to my chest.

My brother groaned. "Please, don't tell me you had an encounter with your boyfriend recently. Do you know how strange it is to see him staring at you in Potions?"

I chuckled and shook my head. Excitedly, I pushed myself up and crossed my legs. I could not keep the wide smile off my face. "You won't believe what I found out."

Draco smirked mischievously and folded his arms behind his head. "Gossiping about your boyfriend now?"

"Idiot," I gave his legs a strong push, but Draco kept his balance.

A condescending expression settled on his features. "Do tell."

My hands took a firm hold of his suit jacket, making his lips curl. "I saw my mother's memories. I really resemble her. I mean we have the same hair, the same eyes and I'm almost as tall as her."

Draco's smirk faltered, but since it apparently lied in his genes to look in control at any time, he stared at me instead. "Your mother's memories? How did you get a hand on those?"

"Severus," I said excitedly and grinned. "My mother gave him a chest with everything she wanted me to have when I'm old enough. She left me memories to learn how to fight, how to use my abilities."

Draco lowered his arms and leaned closer with a curious expression. "You're becoming a warrior?"

"No… yes," I laughed and shook my head. "I mean, yes, but I haven't started the training yet."

"Why not," Draco frowned. "Is your study group taking up all your time?"

Slowly, I released my hold on his suit. "How do you know about that?"

My brother sneered and cast me a dismissive look. "Please, do you think I'm stupid? The worst liar in this school is obviously Granger. Whenever she's doing something against the rules, she looks like a scolded house-elf which she does a lot lately."

I gritted my teeth. "Yes, well. I'm not part of this group… not anymore."

"What happened," asked Draco.

"It doesn't matter. Just a disagreement," I muttered.

"Hm," Draco responded lazily and cast me an incredulous look. "Anyway, I heard some Ravenclaws arguing about a study group in the library. Potter was mentioned as well, so I figured you'd know."

"Who was it," I asked, but Draco merely shrugged his shoulders.

"Don't know, but your friends should be careful. I'm sure Umbridge came up with the new Decree, because someone blabbered to her. Do you even trust all of them?"

I snorted and raised my eyebrows. "Are you really asking me this?"

My brother chuckled lowly. "No, I only wanted to make sure Potter hasn't gotten into your head with his stupidity… Doesn't matter, I suppose… Tell me more about your mother?"

My heart jumped in my chest and a wide smile came to my lips. "My name isn't Aryanna Jackson."

This time, Draco lost control over his expression and his jaw fell. "You… what?"

I shifted closer to him until he was pressed against the wall. My hands took hold of his suit and I laughed. "I'm Arya Evandar from the elbish family house Thranduin."

My brother mouthed the name quietly, his grey eyes not breaking our gaze. My chest was thrumming with happiness while I watched him process the new information.

"Wow, well… great. That's great," Draco sneered at my excitement, a mocking gleam in his eyes.

I growled and before he could react, a firm push brought him to the floor. It was my turn to smirk down at him. "Sheilven."

Draco scowled and grumbled to himself when he excessively brushed the dust off his suit. "You're such a grinch sometimes, Jac – oh my apologies. Of course I meant Evandar from house Thranduin," he sneered loudly and bowed mockingly.

I chuckled and shook my head. Casting him an apologetic look, I shifted back to my side of the windowsill. Draco sat down and turned to me with a confused expression. "What does shal – shilven mean?"

My lips stretched wider. "It's sheilven."

My brother rolled his eyes. He had never enjoyed being treated with arrogance. "Whatever."

"Hm… in two words," I asked pensively.

"Yes," he sighed and raised his eyebrow.

I smirked. "Draco Malfoy."

My brother muttered something inaudible under his breath, but the glare spoke volumes. Amused, I watched while he pointedly avoided my gaze. Then he grumbled. "What does it mean?"

"It's the Ancient language."

Grey eyes rolled at me. "I figured."

I smiled widely. "Careful."

"Since when are you so easily riled up? What does it mean," childish frustration dominated his voice.

"Careful," I repeated and smirked wider. "As in walking on thin ice, watch it. Idiomatic speech. Ring a bell?"

"Oh please," Draco sneered, "I'm an expert in idioms. I know them like the front of my hand."

I chuckled and pushed myself off the window ledge. Casting my brother a warm smile, I motioned to the door. "Come."

Draco frowned. "Where to? If you haven't noticed, the weather is apocalyptic. And everybody's going to be inside."

"Into the Dungeons," I smiled mischievously. Before he could protest, I turned towards the door. "There is something I wish to show you."

"I'm not interested in your boyfriend," his condescending voice followed me. I chuckled and a warm feeling settled in the pit of my heart.

"Meet me in the corridor behind Severus' office," I smirked over my shoulder. "And don't dawdle, háno."

"If you want to effectively insult people, you should use a language people actually understand," Draco said snidely.

I conjured my magic, envisioning the room I wanted to show Draco. "I'm not insulting you."

"Right," Draco sighed tiredly. "So, what does it mean?"

A green spark light up in the palm of my hand and I threw it in front of my feet. The moment it hit the ground a roaring green flame exploded. When I looked up, I noticed Draco's incredulous expression.

"Don't you dare leaving me to walk all the way downstairs," my brother whined warningly.

I chuckled. "You're a Quidditch player. We must keep you in shape."

Draco glared defiantly and raised his chin. "I swear, one day I will force the Sorting Hat on your pretty, little head again and watch with glee when it declares you a Slytherin."

"Háno means brother, you dramatic blondie," I smirked before making a step into the green fire. One last annoyed look from my brother, then the flames engulfed me.

Chuckling and with a warm feeling in my chest, I landed in the training room Severus had set up for me. I would show Draco where it was located if he ever needed a safe place in the Dungeons. The decision had been spontaneous, but it felt right, nonetheless. Perhaps, one day, I would show him my mother's memories and tell him more about elbs.

Draco was my háno after all, my brother, my family. I would show him that family meant to be a part of something wonderful, something greater. I would make up for keeping the truth from him. As painful and cruel as it was, it had been unfair to leave him in the dark. But I would make up for it by showing that my family was my life, and that everything else came second as far as what was important to me for as long as I lived.

My family was the ultimate proof of my freedom and I wanted my brother to feel the same. My father would never take this from us. We were free in this world – as one family.


	77. Chapter 77 - A lesson in Ancient Magic

**77\. A lesson in Ancient Magic**

Never before had I felt so nervous in my life. My heart was racing in my chest. My mouth felt dry as I stared at the wooden chest in front of me. Today was the day I would examine its content and watch my mother's memories. While my friends had left for another meeting with Dumbledore's Army, I had chosen to use the time of their absence.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the wooden lid. Absentminded, I ran my fingers over the smooth surface. The delicate carvings of star-shaped flowers in the naturally white wood caught my attention. My lips curled into a smile.

The chest was divided into three parts, three smaller boxes. One contained the vials with my mother's memories. A trembling hand reached for the box filled with elbish fabrics. My mouth opened astounded when I felt the smooth texture. It felt nothing like the clothes I was wearing now or had felt before.

My awe quickly subsided as I pulled out a green miniature dress. It was only slightly bigger than my hand. Confused, I stared at the tiny dress. My gaze flickered back to the box. What I had mistaken for pieces of fabric turned out to be uncountable pieces of clothes. Dresses in all colours, long-sleeved shirts, trousers, boots and robes. Carefully, I laid the green dress on the carpet and pulled out my wand.

"Engorgio," I said and flinched as the dress grew rapidly.

My breath caught in my throat when my eyes wandered over the flawless, beautiful elbish dress. Amazed, I ran my fingers over the soft texture. It felt perfect. The richness of the green reminded me of the forest. The neckline was decorated with silver stitching. The dress itself was modest yet the most elegant I had seen. The dress I had worn during the Yule Ball would surely look ridiculous compared to this one. I knew that elbs were modest beings. They wore and did whatever they liked without caring for other people's opinions. I suspected that this was the reason I had never liked wearing short-sleeved shirts or skirts. I felt uncomfortable when my skin was exposed for everybody to see. It left me feeling vulnerable and naked. Additionally, it made hiding the mark much easier since I would not accidentally wear anything less than long sleeves.

With a sad sigh, I shrunk the dress again. As long as nobody knew who I was, I could not wear any of these clothes. They would only attract unwanted attention and raise questions. Letting out a long breath, I placed the dress back inside the box and took the third one out. Without thinking, I pointed my wand at the box and enlarged it.

An involuntary gasp escaped my lips. The box had grown larger than the chest. If I had not been staring at the content, I would have expected a broom in the box. Instead, I stared at the objects with wide eyes. My heart nervously leapt in my chest. All sorts of weapons were arranged neatly in prefabricated forms. Swords, knives, a bow, arrows and two weapons I had never seen before. But the weapon that caught my attention was the sword in the middle. My mother had carried it with her in her memory.

Hesitantly, I took it out of the box. It was lighter and bigger than I had expected. My fingers wrapped itself around the wooden hilt. It fitted perfectly into my hand. With one smooth movement, I pulled the curved sword from its sheath… and almost dropped it.

The blade was made off shining iron. Beautiful silver carvings decorated it from the hilt to the dangerously sharp point. The core of my magic was humming contently as it connected with the magical iron. Yes, this weapon had been forged with Ancient Magic. A smile crept on my lips and excitement light my body like fire.

I jumped to my feet and experimentally swung the sword. It felt like an extension of my arm. The rest of my body, however, felt as if I had lost the ability to walk. I felt uncoordinated with the weapon in my hand. Although I felt the connection to the sword, I knew I had no idea how to swing it.

"Ouch," I gasped and instinctively dropped the weapon. With a loud, clattering sound, it landed on the stone floor. I hissed as I stared at my leg. The blood was staining the black trousers even darker. "Barzûl," I cursed under my breath. In my enthusiasm, I had accidentally cut my calf. I had momentarily forgotten that this weapon was meant to harm, to kill.

Grumbling, I sat on the floor and examined the burning wound. It was not deep. Closing my eyes, I focused on my magic. Then I watched as the skin grew back together, leaving an uncomfortable throbbing. Frowning, I pointed my wand at the fabric.

"Reparo." A second spell vanished the blood. "Very smart, Arya. No inkling of weapons, but you simply have to act like a brainless first-year."

More careful now, I placed the sword back where it belonged. Then I levitated the entire weapons' box to one of the tables. I would take a look at them when I had seen my mother's memories. Thoughtfully, I clenched my jaw. Did I want to use a weapon in a fight? Was I truly capable of stabbing somebody or attack a wizard with a sword? With a shake of my head, I turned away. I would not face this question today. I had come for another reason.

My hands had stopped trembling when I opened the second vial containing a memory. I held my breath when the foggy substance floated in direction of my forehead…

I found myself standing on the same clearing. A light wind was rustling through the trees. I raised my head to glance at the darkened sky. The scent of rain was almost perceptible. When I looked around, I found my mother sitting on a tree stump. My heart clenched painfully in my chest when I stepped closer. She truly was the most beautiful woman. Her hair was braided elegantly and left soft shadows on her face.

Slowly, I sat down in the grass. My mother's calm concentration was on the piece of wood in her hand. With smooth movements, the knife in her other hand carved an unrecognizable form. I folded my legs and watched fascinated as she worked with enviable patience and accuracy. The steady sound of her carving calmed my excited heart.

"What is magic," my mother's bell-like voice sounded as perfect as she looked. I was snapped out of my trance and listened attentively. "Magic is the art of thinking, not strength or language. Sound itself has no control over magic. It exists since the beginning of time. It was hard to control, however, for it was then only controlled by thought and not bound to a language. A magician nearly destroyed the world when they used a spell improperly. To ensure that such an event never happened again, the Ancient folk – the elbs, bound their language, called Nyanja, to magic. It made the use of magic much easier."

"Magic is the art of thinking. A true master of Nyanja can use the word for water and create something that appears to be entirely unrelated, such as a gemstone, though the relation would be clear in their mind. A spellcaster's abilities are limited only by their inventiveness: the smarter the spellcaster, the more they can accomplish with one word or do without the structure of the Ancient Language. Most magic users, however, continue to speak words aloud, ensuring that stray thoughts don't disrupt the spells they cast."

My mother smiled to herself, her eyes glittering with saddened happiness. "Perhaps you have witnessed Severus' magic by now. He might be a wand user, but he possesses a natural power that not even Tom could possibly understand. Severus' magical abilities are unique and pure, but it is his extraordinarily sharp mind that allows him to cast various spells at the same time. Precision, speed and intelligence are his key to power… and the fear of losing control over himself, sometimes over others, is what tends to hold him back. We all have strengths and weaknesses, Arya, and they will never leave us for they are one and the same. All depends on how you see the world and what you think of yourself."

"When it comes to a duel with magic, intelligence is even more important than strength. The way to defeat another magician is not by battering blindly against his mind. No, in order to ensure victory, you have to figure out how your enemy interprets information and reacts to the world. Then you will know his weaknesses, and there you strike. The trick is not inventing a spell no one else has ever thought of before – the trick is finding a spell your enemy has overlooked and using it against him. Slip underneath or around the barriers. No one is omniscient, Arya. Always remember that! Tom may have immense power, but he cannot anticipate every possibility. Whatever you do, you must remain nimble in your thinking. Tom is mad and therefore unpredictable, but he also has gaps in his reasoning that an ordinary person would not. If you can find those, Arya, then perhaps you and Severus can defeat him… I hope you do."

My mother's features hardened, but the blade in her hand continued working with the utmost care and patience. "You must learn how to use your magic, Arya, learn Nyanja. You need to know your strengths and weaknesses, how much life energy you have, how to distinguish instincts from emotions." For the first time, my mother looked up and I swallowed the thick lump in my throat when I saw her expression. The softness had vanished. Instead I looked into the hard eyes of a warrior. "Never forget that magic is the power of nature. Elbs are meant to protect and treat it with the utmost respect. Magic can save you… but it can also demand your life."

"Magic depends upon the caster's life energy. A spell beyond your capability will kill you, whilst a spell close to the limit renders you unconscious. Also, once the magical energy is released, it cannot be undone. Thus if you formulated a spell so that there can be only two options, success or death, and a stronger adversary could prevent the spell from succeeding, you would invariably die. This can be circumvented by formulating spells as processes which can be cancelled at will. Never forget this, Arya."

For a long moment, the chirping birds and rustling of leaves were the only sounds. Curiously, I watched as my mother gently wiped the dust off her carving. A tender smile came to her lips as she placed the wooden figure at her feet. My heart leapt in my chest and an involuntary gasp escaped my lips. It was a tiger.

"There was a time – long before I was born, when elbish ambassadors crossed the borders between this world and ours regularly. They used magic to help humans survive with their rapidly growing population. Elbs treated diseases and taught them how to live peacefully for many centuries… until the most unexpected happened. The first elb found her soulmate in a human woman. They fell in love, but the time they were living in was a time when unions of the same sex were frowned upon. Fearing to be ostracized by her own people, the human woman married the man she had been promised to. It broke both their hearts, so the elbish woman yielded to her beloved's wish and left the human world. Before she left, however, the elb gifted her one seed of the magical tree Methuselah, the oldest tree existing in the human world. The first wand, used by the human woman to debug her field, was a simple stick from the Methuselah. And with her three children, the ability to use magic passed on in her family, slowly increasing the number of witches and wizards in the human world."

"Humans discovered that magic could be used for more than just healing and tilling their fields if they bound it to language. Yet, despite the hunger for power, the exclusion of those who possessed no magical abilities until the International Code of Wizarding Secrecy, one can still find traces of the very first magic in pine wood. A pine wand always chooses an independent, individual master. It enjoys being used creatively, and unlike some others, adapts unprotestingly to new methods and spells. It is one of those that is most sensitive to non-verbal magic."

"Magic has manifested itself in the human world, Arya, which is why Dark Magic is so dangerous. It has the power to destroy not only the magic here, but also nature. And while human beings are responsible for their use or misuse of magic and must bear the consequences of their mistakes, the magical creatures, the innocent animals, every plant and every tree – they would suffer as well. Dark Magic has spread so far that no elb can survive in the human world, which is why you are on your own, my daughter. I don't know what sort of magic Tom used to bind me, but when the spell broke I had not enough power left to flee this world and return to my own."

"My greatest mistake was not falling for Tom's trap but believing that I knew my weaknesses when I came to this world. I thought I knew everything about humankind, but I was wrong." My mother smiled at the wooden tiger. "I have no regrets though for I have a beautiful daughter. I have made my peace, Arya. I am fighting him… for you. So, know that I love you more than anyone else." She picked up the fist-sized carving and gently ran her fingers over it. "I must leave now, my daughter, and so do you. Never forget who you are, Arya Evandar. You are my daughter and you carry nothing but light in your soul. Atra du evarínya ono varda. May the stars watch over you."

My heart was crying out for her to stay a little longer, but my body remained frozen in its position. This was nothing more than a memory, a distant image of my mother. My eyes itched when my eyes landed on hard stone instead of grass and trees. On wobbly legs I walked to the fireplace and sat on the carpet. My gaze settled on the dancing flames, but my mind was far away from Hogwarts.

It was obvious that my mother had not known about my curse or that I was supposed to die. Nor had she known how my father had bound her to him. Tears of anger burned in my eyes as I glared into the crackling fire. My father had taken my mother from me. He held power over Severus, over my brother, my friends, my future… my life. His hold on my life was frightening, but I found comfort in the thought that he would never control my heart. My life was bound to him, but he could never control my soul nor my heart. As long as I was free to make my own choices, to fight for what I believed in, he would not win…

I pondered over my mother's words for a long time until the burden of the truth became too much to bear. The hope for a peaceful future in her words began pulling me back into the spiral of dark, depressing thoughts. I knew I could not think about the future I would never have if I wanted to keep fighting. Without further ado and a troubled heart in my chest, I left the room to talk to Severus. But I found myself incapable of uttering a single word when I was finally facing him. Instead I closed the gap between our bodies.

"Arya," Severus muttered confused when I wordlessly laid my head on his chest and wrapped my arms around him. I frowned when he flinched under my touch before his muscles slowly relaxed. I took a deep breath of Severus' soothing scent and closed my eyes.

A gentle hand wandered into my hair and blocked the light from shining through my eyelids. My mind slowed, my whirling emotions coming to a stop when I found myself in the embrace of the man I loved. The scent of potions and old books slowly brought me back to my senses.

When I raised my head, obsidian eyes watched me intensely. Our faces were so close that our noses almost touched. I felt the warm caresses of his breathing on my skin. His gaze flickered over my face, reading me like a book.

"Something has changed," he muttered softly and tilted his head. Concern settled on his features as he wordlessly stared at me. A thick lump formed in my throat and I nodded.

"I watched one of my mother's memories," a sad smile came to my lips. "She didn't know about my curse… Instead she taught me how to use my magic and how to fight him… so that we can defeat him… together."

Severus swallowed audibly and I saw a flash of pain in his eyes. My heart felt uncomfortably heavy in my chest. When he finally spoke again, his voice sounded raspy. "We will fight him… together."

Shaking my head, I lowered my gaze. "No, we won't… We will never face him together." I clenched my jaw and scowled at his chest. "Not unless you stop your work as a spy or until I join you."

Almost instantly his entire body tensed. A deep growl rumbled in his chest. "No," he pushed my shoulders back to glare in my eyes. "No, Arya. I would rather leave this country and run from the war than watching you join him and being tortured."

I tightened my hold on him and he flinched again, but Severus kept his hands on my shoulders. His features were contorted in frustration as flashing eyes burned down at me. Annoyed, I raised my voice. "And what about you? Do you think I haven't noticed that something is wrong? You usually come to the Great Hall to eat and not because you enjoy staring at the students in front of you without touching your food. And since when do you flinch when I hold you?"

Severus snarled and confirmed my suspicions. He pulled his hands from my shoulders and stepped back as if he had been burned. "What I do is not your concern."

His words felt like a knife to my heart, but I knew better than to show him. He was acting on instincts like an injured animal – he would strike if I gave him the chance. I raised my chin and cast him a hard look. "Show me!"

Black eyes glared at me. His features contorted to a dangerous expression. "This is none of your business, Arya."

I kept my features cool although I was seething inwardly. "Oh yes, Severus, this is precisely my business. Now show me your injury."

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus hissed.

"You know perfectly well that you would never let me leave your office if I was injured and I intend to do the same. I care for you and what I care the least about right now is your pride, Slytherin. So, please, let me tend to your wound, Severus."

"I might not be a healer, but I can take care of myself. And this has nothing to do with my pride, Gryffindor," Severus snarled warningly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Then what is this about?"

"I can deal with it perfectly fine," Severus growled.

I glanced at his ribs. "Then why haven't you healed yourself yet?"

"As I said, this is none of your business, Arya. If you cannot accept that, see yourself out of my office," spat Severus in my face before whirling around towards his private quarters.

"Severus," I snapped warningly and gripped his arm.

He whirled around in the blink of an eye, a furious expression on his features. "Do you ever listen to what someone tells you or has Potter gotten so far into your head with his-"

"Yes, I do and no, he hasn't," I interrupted him icily and pulled my hand back. "Show me your wound, Severus… Please, let me help you."

I saw it in his eyes before he spoke, the infuriating stubbornness. His lips curled to a cold sneer. "You truly believe I would undress myself in front of you? Here?"

I ignored the painful clenching in my chest. "Yes, you will. You will show me your injury and I will treat it."

"No, Jackson," Severus replied coldly and stared down at me.

I closed my eyes briefly to control my growing anger. He was too stubborn for his own good. Then again, so was I. I cast him a hard look and raised my chin. "Let me help you."

"I don't need your help."

"You are hurt, Severus," I motioned to his ribs.

"Since this is my body, I believe I know best what I can or cannot endure," Severus replied coldly and folded his arms across his chest.

"I don't want you to endure pain, Severus. You don't have to be in pain."

"I have endured worse," Severus sneered. "This is merely a scratch."

An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of my stomach and I narrowed my eyes at him. "You have endured worse?"

"Are you deaf? Yes, this is nothing more than a scratch," Severus rolled his eyes in frustration. "Can we drop this nonsense now or do you intend to waste my time further?"

I stepped closer and cast him a warning look. "What do you mean you have endured worse, Severus? I kept an eye on you since the start of this year and you have never shown any unusual behaviour. Why now if this is merely a scratch?"

"For Merlin's sake, elb," Severus snarled. "This was done by Dark Magic and simply needs more time to heal."

"Then why won't you let me heal it," I asked frustrated and motioned at his torso. "If this is just a scratch then why are you refusing to show me, Severus? I'm trying to help you."

"I don't need your help," Severus snapped loudly, and I flinched inwardly. "This is just a small scratch induced by Dark Magic. There is nothing for you to worry about. I'm fine!"

"Then show me," I growled through gritted teeth.

Severus shook his head and sighed loudly. "No, Arya. This is nothing you can heal, and I won't have you worry more than you already are just by taking a look at it."

"You don't even know that," I snapped coldly and glared at him.

"Of course, I do. It would only look suspicious if you healed it," Severus replied annoyed and turned in direction of his private quarters. "Now leave before curfew starts."

"Wait," I whispered warningly, but he did not stop. "Why would it look suspicious if nobody here knows what you are doing?"

Severus froze, his back visibly tensing. He did not move, and I knew instantly that I had caught him. There was something he was keeping from me, something important enough for him to push me away instead of telling me.

"Arya," Severus' voice was soft and quiet – and sounded tired. "I can take care of myself."

"What aren't you telling me, Severus," I muttered at his back. My mind was working rapidly. It had to be something I would not like to hear. He was obviously trying to protect me and keep me from worrying about him.

"Arya," Severus repeated sharper and turned around. His expression was unreadable, his voice devoid of any emotion. "I can take care of myself."

"Nobody here knows that you are a spy and Dumbledore would ask you to heal yourself," I muttered and stepped closer to him, ignoring his warning glare. "The only people who know about your injury are–"

I closed my mouth as my thoughts came to an abrupt halt. Shock froze me on the spot as realisation dawned me. Then I felt burning hatred at my father and anger at Severus' infuriating stubbornness.

"How many, Severus?"

He furrowed his eyebrows. "It was just one curse."

"No," I snapped icily and glared at him with unguarded anger. "How many meetings did you attend since the beginning of this school year? Since when do you have this injury?"

Severus remained impassive and kept staring at me. Pain replaced my anger when I stepped closer and gripped his upper arms. "How many, Severus? What did he do to you? What did they do?"

"Arya," Severus sighed and raised a hand to cup my cheek. First cracks appeared in the mask of cold indifference. Black eyes shone with a turmoil of emotions when he tenderly pushed strains of hair from my face.

"Please, Severus," I closed my eyes and shook my head. My chest constricted almost painfully. "Tell me."

A long, warm sigh rolled down my face and I felt suddenly afraid to look into his eyes. I knew they would show his pain and I did not know how I could possibly accept that my father was hurting him.

"Six… the last meeting was on Tuesday," Severus said softly.

A cold shiver ran down my spine when I raised my head. My heart suddenly weighted as much as a bludger in my chest. My voice was nothing more than a whisper. "But… we are only November now… And Tuesday… one week… Severus, I…"

Severus remained quiet and gently pulled me against his chest. I swallowed as the familiar scent of potions made my lungs constrict tightly. Severus had left the castle almost every two weeks since the beginning of this school year. The question of why he had not told me burned in my heart although I knew the answer.

"You will still be injured when you attend the next meeting, won't you," I muttered against his frock coat. Severus swallowed audibly and rested his cheek against my forehead.

"Most likely, yes."

Hesitantly, I raised my head. My eyes followed the line of his features, the way his hair framed his face until I stared into the darkest eyes I had ever seen. I cupped his cheek with my hand and my heart fluttered with the simple touch. It was a small touch, but for us it meant everything. Tenderly, I caressed his warm skin with my thumb.

"She carved a tiger," I said and smiled sadly, "while she was speaking. She said that you were special… intelligent, gifted and powerful… and I couldn't agree more."

Severus huffed half-heartedly. "That is because you are delusional."

"She also said that you were stubborn," I cast him a warm smile.

"Which served me quite well in the past," Severus smirked and raised one eyebrow. "I have given up on giving up a long time ago. I found it to be nothing but an insufferable affliction, keeping me from getting what I want."

A tingling sensation rushed through my body when I saw the affection in his eyes. His words, however, left me frowning half-heartedly. "Please tell me you have designed a stronger method to keep my attention than using ridiculous phrases."

Severus scowled. "Don't insult me."

"You insulted me first," I mumbled, but refused to look away.

Severus rolled his eyes and sighed. "This is ridiculous."

"Indeed," I laughed quietly and lowered my face.

Suddenly, Severus' low laugh vibrated against my hands and when I looked up, I could not keep the smile off my face. It had been a long time since I had heard him laughing. With a lazy smirk, Severus lowered his face and rested his forehead against mine.

"I wish it could always be like this," I whispered shakily. The words hurt in the deepest part of my heart. I had never voiced this wish before. Severus' warm hand cupped my cheek and left my skin tingling. His eyes burned intensely into my soul.

"I love you, Arya," said Severus huskily. The powerful emotions in his dark eyes flared a storm of affection and love in my heart. It pounded loudly against my chest and I was sure he heard it as well. My entire body felt as if it were on fire, yet I felt a blissful peace in my soul.

"Gen melin, Severus Snape."

The words left my mouth on their own. They held the most powerful truth I had ever voiced in my life for I loved this man with all my heart, my soul and body. For the first time in forever I felt not only Severus' body relaxing but also his mind and soul. The truth of my words spoken in Nyanja, the Ancient Language, had reached his heart.

Severus closed his eyes and I watched him as he savoured the moment, never loosening his hold on me. In that moment there were no expectations upon him, no deadlines and no schedules to meet. I smiled and let the happiness soak right into my bones. I felt it pass through me like a warm ocean wave, washing away the stress of my faith.

Then I felt his lips on mine. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than I remembered and I opened my mouth with a low moan. Severus kissed me and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. His hand rested below my ear, his thumb caressing my cheek as our breaths mingled. I ran my hand down his back, pulling him closer until there was no space left between us and I could feel the beating of his heart against my chest. He began nuzzling my neck with delicate kisses – so faint, they were mere whispers. My body began to tremble uncontrollably and my heart fluttered in my chest.

When we broke apart for air, I rested my forehead against his and gathered some much-needed oxygen. His expression told me everything and I smiled back, sinking into his arms.

"Promise to be careful," I asked quietly. When I raised my head the smile washed away, the short moment of happiness almost forgotten.

"Always," said Severus softly. His face remained impassive, hiding his feelings, but black eyes were treacherous. His hand on my back tightened its hold as the overwhelming intensity of his gaze kept me frozen.

I swallowed nervously. "Please, tell me when you leave the castle."

His body tensed against mine and he shook his head with a resolute – almost guarded expression. "Certainly not!"

"But I want – I need to know," I pleaded.

Severus clenched his jaw. "No, you don't," his tone was sharp. A dark frown had settled on his features. "You're in enough danger as it is. There is no use in losing sleep over me and worrying yourself for no reason."

I pushed lightly against his chest and huffed incredulously. "For no reason? Your life is in danger whenever you see him – them, and you expect me to stand by and do nothing?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I expect you to do," Severus snapped harshly and pulled away from me. My hands dropped to my sides, my lungs constricting tightly. He gritted his teeth and glared at me. "Everything I'm doing – My work is complicated and difficult enough as it is. My life is at stake, yes, but so is yours, so don't you dare waving this in my face."

Severus curled his lips and turned away. A low hiss escaped his teeth when he opened and closed his hands. My heart sank further when he rested his hands on the desk and lowered his head. His next words were nothing more than a frustrated growl, laced with heart-clenching pain.

"I don't care about injuries or the lives I might save. The only thing I care about is the one life I can't save… Is it so hard to understand that I want to keep you safe?"

I bit my bottom lip and approached him with quiet steps. My heart was aching in my chest and I could feel how the overwhelming helplessness of my curse came to the surface. I stepped around him until I could see his face, but Severus kept his hard gaze on the rolls of parchment. Soft pain had settled on his features and betrayed the vulnerability he desperately tried to hide from those around him. Gently, I placed my hand on his and gave it a light squeeze.

"No, it isn't," I spoke softly and watched his face, "but I care about what happens to you, Severus. I cannot keep you from leaving the castle, I understand that. But I must – I need to know that you return… to me."

Suddenly Severus pulled his hand away and whirled around. He took my arms in a tight grip, his fingers pressing into my skin. I flinched when a biting snarl left his lips. "And what about me, Arya? Do you even realise what you are doing to me? The Headmaster informed me whenever you ran off with Potter and every single time I was worried sick about you. I know what I'm doing, I have done it before. I know I will return, but you? You follow these dunderheads although your instincts tell you not to. You ignore the fact that you could call for help and prefer risking your life instead. Has any of that ever crossed your mind?"

Angrily, I clenched my jaw and narrowed my eyes at him. I felt my patience diminishing under his unwavering glare. "Of course I have thought about this. I don't like running into danger and I certainly don't enjoy being ignored by those who call themselves my friends. They don't leave me enough time to call for help before running Merlin-knows-where even if I warn them not to. I hate their ignorance and arrogance as much as you do, but what do you expect from me? I cannot turn my back on people who need help. I won't!"

Severus' expression contorted with anger, his fingers boring painfully deep into my skin. "There will always be stupid people who need help and Potter – oh, Potter will always be one of these people. Damn it, Arya, I know you're smarter than this! Why can't you stay away from him – all of them?"

I felt my blood boiling in my veins and ripped my arms out of his grip. Severus hissed lowly and stepped back. Although the anger was still obvious in his eyes, I noticed the frustration about his loss of control. I averted my gaze and swallowed several times. I felt angry, so angry that my heart felt as if it were on fire.

"Where is this suddenly coming from," I asked quietly and watched him calculating. "Obviously something happened and I want to know what it was. Preferably before you leave the castle again."

Severus folded his arms across his chest and stared at me with an unreadable expression. "Potter."

"What about him," I suppressed rolling my eyes at Severus' stubbornness.

"Do you know that he formed a secret group for students?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head incredulously. "Wow, you lash out at me because you cannot bring yourself to ask me this one question? … No, I'm not part of this group… not anymore. I'm sure that would have been your next question."

I sighed and folded my hands behind my back. "Do you have any more unspoken accusations to share or will you write me a list? Because I will not leave this office until you tell me why we are even arguing in the first place. I don't care if curfew has started or if Umbridge gives me detention. I know you could be summoned anytime so I refuse to leave until we talked about this. I won't let you put yourself in even more danger by being unfocused and–"

The next thing I knew, Severus had slammed his lips to mine and nearly knocked all wind from my lungs. The kiss obliterated every thought and evoked a wild swirl of emotions. It was over before I could relax against him. When he pulled back, I stared at him with wide eyes. Our faces were so close that our breaths mingled. His scent of potions entered my nose and clouded my mind even further.

"I hate this," I whispered shakily and stared into his sparkling eyes. I felt vulnerable and frightened all of a sudden. The pain and desperation in Severus' eyes kept me frozen on the spot. I only noticed that my hands were clutching his cloak when they tightened their hold.

"I hate that my father is the reason for all this. I hate that we have arguments because of him –because we are trying to protect each other from him. I hate that we must hide and lie to everyone. I hate it, Severus. I'm so sick of the lies, the hiding and all the pain. I hate this so much!"

"I know," said Severus lowly and placed his cool hands below my ears. My body was shaking with the overwhelming wave of emotions that rolled through my heart. I gasped when I saw the same emotions in the black eyes in front of me.

"I know," the pained whisper shattered my heart. The strong and ever-controlled man was succumbing to his pain in front of my eyes. Although I stood mere inches from Severus, even though his warm breath caressed my face, I felt how the pain stole the last warmth and left me freezing.

My eyes itched suddenly as I could do nothing but watch the scene in front of me. Fear clenched my lungs until breathing became almost impossible. Severus' trembling hands fell to his sides. Shallow breaths escaped his parted lips and black eyes turned dull. Then he fell and I snapped out of my frozen state.

"Severus," I called fearfully and gripped his shoulders.

He was kneeling in front of me, his face sickly pale. His eyes seemed distant and when I lowered myself to my knees, he did not look at me. I cupped his face with my hands.

"Severus, please look at me."

His body was trembling when I pressed myself closer. I caressed his cheek, ran my hand through his hair and wrapped my arms around his neck, but he did not react. I was holding the shell of a broken man in my arms. And it was only in this moment that I realised how much pain he must have had endured in his life. Seeing him now was the most terrible and frightening thing I had ever witnessed in my life.

"Forgive me," whispered Severus against my ear.

I inhaled sharply and pulled back to look at him. My hands took a fistful of his hair to keep him close. Obsidian eyes were shining with tears when he finally looked at me. Hesitantly he wrapped his arms around my body, watching me carefully as if he expected me to pull away. When I pressed myself closer against his chest something snapped in the depths of his eyes. Single tears rolled down his cheeks when he pulled me even closer. He clutched me to his body for dear life.

"Forgive me," he repeated even lower than before and I shook my head. More tears spilled from my eyes and I bit my bottom lip. Seeking comfort in his warmth, I pressed my cheek against his.

"This isn't your fault. None of it," my voice was shaking.

Severus took quickened breaths and buried his face in my hair. "I wish I could give you more than this. You deserve so much better."

I wanted to lift my head, look at him and tell him how wrong he was. I wanted to look into his eyes. I wanted that he saw the overwhelming emotions I held for him in my heart and my soul. But Severus buried his hand in my hair and desperately pulled me closer. I gasped when his barely audible words reached my ear.

"I want more than this."

The words were simple, but they meant everything for Severus. They expressed his deepest vulnerability. They gave voice to his desire for a better life than he had had. All the suffering, the rejections, solitude had left him to accept his life as it was. All the bad experiences had left him to believe that pain was inevitable – that there was nothing he could do about it – therefore he had endured it quietly.

Until today.

"Meleth nîn, my love," I whispered into his hair. The pain in my heart was almost unbearable and I swallowed the forming lump in my throat. "You will have more than this. One day you will be free to leave and do whatever you desire. You can–"

"Don't," Severus pulled back and frowned half-heartedly. "I don't want to hear this."

"Severus, I beg you," I spoke quietly as first tears rolled down my cheeks. I placed my shaking hands on his shoulders. "You can have a life. You can be free – free of my father, free of the Headmaster when the war is over. You can live your life in peace."

Severus stared at me for a long moment. Then, with the gentlest of touch, he wiped away my tears and pushed a single strain of hair behind my shoulders. His fingers ghosted over my cheek and left my skin tingling. When his gaze met mine again, I saw nothing but pained resolution.

"I will make every promise you wish the day you give me your word to survive."

I opened my mouth, but no sound left my lips. I pressed my forehead against his and closed my eyes to keep more tears from escaping. "This isn't fair."

Severus' hand curled in my hair. "Then don't ask me to make promises I can't keep." I was at a loss for words. There was nothing I could say that had not been said before. Severus had set his mind and nothing would change it.

"Arya," Severus muttered quietly and raised his head. Black eyes wandered over my face and I felt my stomach flutter when our gazes met. The swirls of emotion I saw there made my heart race. The powerful desire in the depth of his eyes was slowly overshadowed by sadness.

However, before I could ponder about it further, Severus sighed and the familiar mask of cold indifference controlled his features once more. "You must return to your dorm now."

His words felt like a knife to my heart and I briefly closed my eyes. An annoyed sigh left my nose as I watched him move fluently to his feet. A pale hand appeared in front of my eyes and I swallowed the rising frustration. Our situation was not Severus' fault. I gripped his forearm and he pulled me to my feet. I noticed the flicker of hesitation in his eyes before he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. My eyes closed instinctively. I had no wish for Severus' tender kiss to end. But, of course, it had to.

"Good night," his quiet voice broke the fragile moment and I opened my eyes. The spot where his lips had lingered mere seconds ago tingled with the loss of his touch. My breath hitched in my throat when I saw a heart-warming, shy smile ghosting over his lips.

"Good night," I whispered. My stomach was tingling and I cast him a warm smile.

Severus did not move, his black eyes watching me with an intensity that made it almost impossible to turn around. Although he remained quiet, I felt his eyes on my back until I closed the door behind me. Even then, when I walked through the deserted corridors with a smile plastered on my face, I could still feel the warm tingle on my skin.


	78. Chapter 78 - Nagini's Dark poison

78\. Nagini's Dark poison

The dim light reflected on a smooth moving surface. Shining metal bars and dark stone came into view… A hiss behind me made me turn… I was trapped between never-ending darkness and the flashing eyes of Nagini. Slowly yet inexorably, my father's snake moved in my direction… It was dark, yet I could see objects shimmering in strange colours around her slithering body… Nagini turned her head… At first glance the corridor was empty… but no… a man was sitting on the floor… Panic rose at once… Nagini put out her tongue as unrelentless coldness overwhelmed me… The man was stirring now. He towered over Nagini, wand in hand… She hissed once more… Nagini reared high from the floor and struck once, twice, three times… Fangs ripped open his skin. Blood was splattering on to the floor… The man yelled in pain and slumped backwards against the wall… Despite the dim light, I caught a glimpse of his face…

I opened my eyes. Every inch of my body was covered in icy sweat. I was panting heavily when I sat up in bed. My hands were trembling. I had seen Mr. Weasley. I had seen Nagini attacking him. Every fibre of my body told my mind that this had not been a dream. It had felt like the dreams I had had about the graveyard last year.

"Severus," I whispered to myself. Frantically, I climbed out of bed. I needed several attempts to put on my slippers. My hands were trembling and my feet were so cold that I could not even feel them. On shaking legs, I left the dorm and stumbled down the stairs. My heart was hammering against my ribcage.

It was freezing cold in the castle. My drenched shirt and thin pyjama trousers provided no warmth in the cold winter air. In my panic, I almost fell down the stairs. There were so many, they did not seem to end. Again and again I saw how Mr. Weasley was attacked. He was gravely injured. Nagini was lethal, not only because of the snake venom but also because my father had altered her poison with Dark Magic.

I was trembling with fear when I finally reached Severus' office door. A shaking hand grabbed the handle but the door was locked. Panting, I leaned my heavy body against it and banged my numb hand against the wooden door. The sound of it resounded awfully loud in the silence of the night but I could not have cared less. The door was ripped open and my freezing body stumbled into the room. I fell hard on my knees but no pain rushed through my legs. The door shut loudly behind me.

"Arya," Severus asked confused and crouched in front of me. I tried to get back on my feet but Severus gripped my arms firmly. He frowned when he saw my panicked expression. "What happ-"

"Mr. Weasley – I don't know where, but – There's been an attack – Nagini - He needs help or he'll die," I grabbed Severus's forearm, my fingers digging in his sleeve. My voice was shaking with fear. "Please, help him! He can't die, he can't."

"You need to calm down, Arya," Severus urged me, but my mind refused to listen.

"No, he needs help now. Nagini is lethal and she bit him… several times. I saw it. I just saw it," I pleaded him to understand. Severus furrowed his eyebrows and raised one hand to cup my cheek. I panicked even more when Severus' face showed no sign of distress. Instead a stern expression settled on his features.

"Listen to me, Arya. No, listen to me," he said as I attempted to interrupt him once more. "Tell me what happened."

I took a shaking breath but my nerves did not calm so I closed my eyes briefly. Parts of the brutal attack flashed in my mind. Whimpering, I opened my eyes again and cast Severus a pleading look to understand the urgency.

"Mr. Weasley… I had a dream. Nagini attacked him and now he's severely injured… You have to believe me. I don't know where or why but this dream… it was like those I had last year about my father's return," I clasped the front of Severus' frock coat with shaking hands as icy tears ran down my cheeks. "Please, Severus, you must believe me. You refused to believe me last year but I beg you to trust me now. Please!"

Severus cupped my face with his hands and black eyes bore intensely in mine. "I believe you, Arya. I trust you."

"We must help him or he dies, Severus," I whispered frightened and a shiver rushed through my entire body. Severus nodded curtly and pulled me to my feet. Anxiously, I bore my nails deeply in my marked forearm when he pointed his wand at me and cast a non-verbal spell. Instantly, my body turned warmer but my bones still felt like ice.

"Come, we must go to the Headmaster," Severus urged and placed a hand on my back to guide me towards the door.

"I don't know where he is – Mr. Weasley I mean," panic evident in my voice, I turned to Severus who pushed me out of his office. My breaths emitted steams in the chilling air and I forced my numb legs to move faster.

"I do," Severus said grimly and led me all the stairs up to the Headmaster's office. My emotions whirled wildly through my heart. Fear that it could already be too late had settled in my bones and rendered Severus' warming charm useless. And why did Severus know where Mr. Weasley was if he knew nothing about the attack?

I was so overwhelmed by my emotions that I walked into Severus when he came to an abrupt halt. Feeling utterly confused, I blinked when his hand on my shoulder propelled me back to my senses. The serious expression on Severus' face frightened me, but before I could even open my mouth to apologise, he had already turned back to the stone gargoyle guarding the entrance to Dumbledore's office.

"Fizzing Whizzbee," snapped Severus sharply. The gargoyle sprang to life and leapt aside. The wall behind it split in two to reveal a stone staircase. Severus' gaze flickered to me before he climbed the steps and I followed as fast as my frozen legs could carry me. Without hesitation or bothering to rap the knocker, Severus opened the door to the Headmaster's office.

"Severus," said Dumbledore, sounding slightly confused at the unexpected visit in the middle of the night. The Headmaster's lips tightened when his eyes fell on me. I found myself at a loss for words when I saw Harry and Ron sitting at Dumbledore's desk. Why were they here? With wide eyes, I noticed that Harry looked just as dishevelled and shocked as I felt. Was it possible that–

"Headmaster," Severus interrupted my thoughts and swiftly moved closer towards his employee. I hurried to follow him, my eyes flickering from Harry and Ron to Dumbledore and back to my confused friends. "Ms. Jackson witnessed–"

"An attack on Arthur Weasley," interrupted Dumbledore him sharply. Piercing, blue eyes flickered to me and I nodded. Surprise and anxiety turned my body even colder. "Yes, Harry has witnessed it as well. Mr. Weasley has been found and brought to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries."

"How is he," I asked quietly and wrung my trembling hands. Before the Headmaster could reply there was a flash of flame in the very middle of the office, leaving behind a single golden feather that floated gently to the floor.

"Ah, it is Fawkes' warning," muttered Dumbledore and turned to Severus with a hard look. "Minerva left to wake the other Weasley children. Professor Umbridge must know they're out of their beds… Severus, go and head off – tell her any story."

"What about Ms. Jackson and Mr. Potter," asked Severus softly. Although he did not look at me, I could see the concern in the way he pressed his lips in a thin line.

"They will leave the castle as well," the Headmaster said calmly and cast Severus a stern look.

Nervously, I glanced up and saw how he clenched his jaw. He clearly did not like the idea of me leaving so spontaneously because of an attack that my father had ordered. I suspected that our last discussion concerning my father was still at the forefront of his mind. My heart ached to step closer to Severus, to wrap my arms around him and to tell him not to worry.

Instead I had to watch how he nodded curtly at the Headmaster and turned around. Our eyes met for a short moment and I saw all the worries and fears in the depths of his gaze. My soul was reaching out to him, but before I could react Severus rushed past me. I closed my eyes briefly as the feint scent of potions washed over me. If I had felt cold before, the temperature in my body dropped even further when the door closed with a click. I felt terribly alone all the sudden – alone and frightened.

I remained quiet as Dumbledore said something to us. My ears perceived his words, but my brain could not process them. Concern settled in my heart when I was waiting for anything to happen. I wrapped my arms around my body as flashes of the dream replayed in my mind. Mr. Weasley could not die. The mere thought froze the blood in my veins. He did not deserve to die. The Weasleys did not deserve to lose their father. He was a kind and good man.

I was lost in thoughts when I extended a hand to touch the Portkey that would bring us to Grimmauld Place. I had not even listened as to why we were going there nor why Harry and I had been allowed to leave Hogwarts if our safety had been so important during summer. The rest of the night dragged itself while we were sitting in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. Sirius and Harry were casting each other glances now and then. Ron, Ginny, Fred and George remained quiet and dozed off in their seats. At some point our luggage arrived, allowing us to change. Again, we found ourselves waiting for anything to happen. My mind bombarded me with the sound of fangs ripping Mr. Weasley's skin open, with the splashing of blood and Mr. Weasley's cries of pain…

I became suddenly away of my surroundings when we were finally allowed to go to St. Mungo's Hospital. Mrs. Weasley had sent a message saying that Mr. Weasley was in a critical state despite the Healers' attempts to heal him. The letter had only added to the clawing fear in my body and all I wanted was for Severus to be with me. The thought that I might not see him again until after Christmas left me slightly nauseated.

"You alright there, Arya," Tonks appeared at my side and smiled comfortingly. I swallowed the thick lump in my throat and forced myself to nod. I had not said anything since I had arrived at Grimmauld Place nor had I answered any questions concerning how I had known about the attack.

I followed the group of people in front of me, led by Mrs. Weasley, through a narrow corridor. Alastor Moody was flanking Harry's left side while Remus Lupin followed quietly at my side. Despite my dread, curiosity peaked as my gaze trailed over the many portraits of famous Healers. Witches and Wizards in lime-green robes walked in and out of the doors they passed. A foul-smelling yellow gas wafted into the passageway and I wrinkled my nose. Every now and then I heard a distant wailing.

"Ah, Mrs. Weasley," a wizard wearing lime-green robes greeted her tiredly. Upon stepping closer I noticed his concerned expression and the curiosity about this place quickly vanishing.

"My name is Mr. Smethwyck's. I'm the Healer-in-Charge," the middle-aged man shook Mrs. Weasley's hand. Then he pulled the clipboard from under his arm and his face darkened. Mrs. Weasley wrung her hands nervously. The fear in her eyes was overwhelming enough to make my eyes sting.

"I'm afraid your husband's condition has become worse. Snake poisons are usually something that can be treated, but this poison is laced with Dark Magic which counteracts every potion and spell we use. It's of an unusual kind that keeps his wounds open. We have Magizoologists and Potioneers currently studying the poison, but for the time being there is nothing we can do except reducing Mr. Weasley's pain."

Coldness enwrapped my heart and I could no longer listen to what the Healer was saying. So Mr. Weasley's life was in danger… because of my father. Thoughtfully I watched the Weasley children as they took in the bad news. Mrs. Weasley was holding Ginny tightly at her side, the younger girl's eyes wide as she stared at the Healer. The twins were standing close, their shoulders touching as if seeking comfort in each other's presence. Ron looked sickly pale and I noticed that his hands were trembling slightly. A sigh left my nose and I swallowed. What if Mr. Weasley– No. I could not think about the possibility. I suddenly remembered the boggart Mrs. Weasley had faced at Grimmauld Place this summer. It had taken the form of Mr. Weasley, dead. Surely the Healers could help him somehow. They had to.

"Arya," Mrs. Weasley's voice broke. My head snapped up to see the group of Weasleys and Harry heading in direction of the door to Mr. Weasley's room. Hesitantly, I followed them.

The room was small and rather dingy, as the only window was narrow and set high in the wall facing the door. Mr. Weasley was alone in the room although there were two more beds. I swallowed when my gaze fell on the sickly pale figure that was propped up on several pillows. The closer I came, the lower sank my heart. The darkness radiating from his body was palpable.

"Hello Arthur," Mrs. Weasley said, bending down to kiss his cheek and looking anxiously into his face. His eyelids fluttered open and he smiled lovingly at his wife. I could not help but smile at their genuine affection.

"Mollywobbles, it's good to see you," Mr. Weasley sighed relieved. His tired eyes wandered over the people that accompanied her and his smile widened. Despite the pain, his eyes reflected nothing but happiness and sparked a soothing tingle in my stomach. This was how a family was supposed to be – loving and unconditional.

"Thank you, Arya, Harry," I was snapped out of my thoughts. Mrs. Weasley encouraged the two of us to approach him. "Without you, I wouldn't be here."

A trembling hand reached for Harry and he shook it with a relieved smile on his lips. Blue eyes flickered to me and I raised my hands to wrap them around Mr. Weasley's. The moment our skin touched I flinched. Coldness filled my body and enwrapped my racing heart. My mouth felt dry and I swallowed the thick lump in my throat. The unbridled darkness in his body was frightening and left a disgusting taste on my tongue. It took all my willpower not to pull my hands back. I could not smile anymore as the true meaning sank in.

Anxiously, I waited until Mr. Weasley was occupied with his family. I felt Harry's eyes on me as I slowly turned towards the door. My heart was hammering in my cold chest. My hands were trembling. As quietly as possible, I left the room and closed the door behind me. I felt dizzy and closed my eyes. Shaking breaths escaped my mouth.

I jumped and whirled around when a hand suddenly touched my shoulder. Lupin gazed down at me with a concerned expression. I looked at him yet my eyes refused to see him. My mind was pondering about the terrible feeling the touch of Mr. Weasley's hand had sparked – the feeling of pain and death. Arthur Weasley was dying.

"Arya, what happened," Lupin asked softly. Tonks' gaze flickered briefly to the closed door before she stepped closer.

My hands were trembling at my sides. Bile rose in the back of my throat when my mind chose this moment to provide me with a very vivid memory of the sickening feeling of Dark Magic in Mr. Weasley's body.

"I – I," my voice broke and I swallowed. "I need something to drink. Is there – Do you know if there is a tearoom somewhere?"

"Yes, fifth floor," Tonks threw in and unfolded her arms. "Well then, I shall accompany you." She cast me an encouraging smile and I nodded. I could not have cared less whether I was going alone or not. The feeling of dread hindered me from feeling anything else.

"Alastor, would you mind if I…," Lupin asked in direction of the Auror. A growl of approval reached my ears so I followed Tonks with Lupin by my side. I had the vague suspicion that I was the reason why the wizard had insisted on coming with us – and on accompanying us to the Hospital.

"There we go," Tonks exclaimed, trying to sound cheerful although the wavering in her voice betrayed her sadness. It unsettled me to see the usually beaming witch so concerned.

I sat down at the table. When Lupin returned with three cups of tea floating behind him, I had not said a single word. Absentminded, I started stirring the tea, watching hypnotised as the fluid reflected the sunlight. It was too bright for my mood.

Mr. Weasley was dying. His body could not cope with the power of the Dark magic that had mixed itself with his blood. He would die. No matter how many Healers, Potioneers and experts of the Dark Arts worked on analysing the poison, they had not enough time.

The moment I had shaken Mr. Weasley's hand I had known that I could not heal him. It was as my mother had said – this was undoubtedly magic beyond my powers. It would kill me before I could possibly do Mr. Weasley any good. If the Healers' spells did not work, then my untrained Magic would definitely fail. I frowned at my cup, wondering what Severus would say if he were here. He knew more about the Dark Arts than anyone else willing to share these pieces of information. As a devoted Potioneer he would probably stress on the importance of patience and perseverance if one wished to create a new potion or spell. And developing a spell or potion to extract the Dark Magic from Mr. Weasley's system would take more time than he had left–

That was it! The Healers could not extract the poison nor the Dark Magic from Mr. Weasley's body, but I could. Using Healing Magic, forming the magic to counteract the Dark Magic would cost me an impossibly huge amount of energy. But if I merely moved the Dark Magic from one living shell to another…

My gaze fell on my covered forearm. I bit the inside of my lip and rubbed the spot of the Dark Mark. I was cursed, was I not? I would die… A sudden calm washed through my body and left me hyperaware of my senses. I could suddenly hear my heart pumping the blood through my veins. I felt the air entering and leaving my body. The awful taste of Dark Magic settled on my tongue and I swallowed.

There was only one way to save Mr. Weasley now, was there not? If I failed, what difference would it make? If I misjudged the amount of energy needed, I could die. But I would die by the end of the war anyway… Severus would never approve of this, a quiet voice sounded in my mind, and nor would Draco. I did not want to die, but I would never make it out of this war alive. Did it matter how I died?

Yes, it did… I could either sit around and do nothing or use the life I still had to save an innocent. Mr. Weasley was innocent and the Weasley family did not deserve this. No, he most certainly did not, but life was not fair. Nobody deserved to die whether they were innocent or not. A life was a life, was it not? If I saved Mr. Weasley, I would save an honourable, kind-hearted man–

"What do you think," Tonks ripped me out of my thoughts. I looked up and found myself at the receiving end of very concerned looks.

Lupin frowned and leaned slightly forward, resting his arms on the table. "What happened earlier? I mean you seemed… ah… quite distracted when you visited Mr. Weasley. But now you're as pale as a ghost."

His eyes wandered down to my forearm where my right hand was tracing circles on my sleeve. I took a deep breath and chose my course of action. "I will be right back," I excused myself and approached the elder, grim-looking lady hiding behind her counter. I asked her for several rolls of parchment, a quill and ink. With a sceptical expression, she handed me the requested supplies, her gaze flickering to Tonks and Lupin who were watching me with curious and confused expressions from the other side of the room.

A deep sigh escaped my lips when I sat at the table closest to Tonks and Lupin. Trembling hands uncorked the inkpot and dipped the tip of the quill into the black colour. I took a deep breath and focused on the parchment under my hand. Then I lowered the quill and started writing.

_My beloved Severus…_

More and more words filled the empty parchments as I allowed my heart to form the sentences. I felt it aching as the words of farewell left the quill. The mere thought of never seeing him again, of causing him such pain, frightened me more than the thought of death. If this went wrong, I would leave him alone. I would leave my brother alone…

Tears had formed in my eyes when I finished the last letter. My hands were shaking stronger when I wiped at my eyes. Gently, as if the parchment felt my touch, I folded the letters. I wrote the corresponding names on the folded parchments before placing them in the envelope the elder lady had given me. My heart pounded in my chest when I closed and sealed it with a rather simple incantation. I muttered the words under my breath, careful not to let anyone hear that I was speaking in another language.

"May this envelope be sealed until my death. May it be protected from the elements – no fire, no water, no air or earth shall affect this sealed envelope. My death alone may allow the seal to be broken by the chosen keeper."

I returned the quill and ink before I took my previous seat again. Tonks and Lupin were exchanging concerned looks. Whereas Tonks was mostly watching me with curiosity, Lupin' face masked confusion.

"Arya, don't you think you should tell us what happened," looking a bit helpless he motioned to the envelope in my hand. "What's this?"

I took a calming breath and forced a controlled expression on my features. I could do this – I would. Hesitating I turned the envelope around and placed in on the table for Lupin to read.

"Ah, why did you write me a letter," the wizard looked up and frowned. Tonks leaned forward to read the name on the envelope.

I folded my legs and crossed my fingers in my lap. To my surprise, my voice sounded controlled when I spoke. I glanced shortly at the envelope before watching Lupin with a steady gaze.

"Mr. Weasley is dying. I felt it when I shook his hand." Tonks bit the inside of her cheek and Lupin's frown darkened.

"Are you sure," he asked quietly.

I nodded and looked around for possible unwanted listeners. Then I looked back at Lupin. "I need your help."

Lupin nodded slowly and folded his arms on the table. I pointed at the envelope in front of him. "I need you to keep this envelope safe and out of other people's reach. For now, you cannot open it, but it will open at the right time. There are several letters inside."

Lupin's nod was more reluctant now. Before he could say anything, I continued.

"As I said, Mr. Weasley is dying… I need you to distribute these letters since I won't be capable to do it myself."

"Now you're actually scaring me. What's that supposed to mean," asked Tonks quietly. The expression of Lupin's face showed me that he was wondering the same. But there was also the spark of fear and disbelief in his eyes and I knew what he was trying not to think off.

"I will try to help him with my own magic," I answered softly.

Tonks drew in a sharp breath. Lupin on the other hand stared at me as if I had grown a second head. "You mean to tell me that you don't know if you'll survive this."

"The chances that I survive what I intend to do are slim, to be honest. I have never attempted such an… operation before," I sighed and swallowed the forming lump in my throat. The heavy pressure in my heart had suddenly returned. "My life, my future is not in my hands – it never was. But I can choose what to do with my remaining time."

"But – What – Arya, this is a very… brave decision, but do you truly believe Mr. Weasley would want–," Lupin stuttered.

"What I do with my life is my choice, is it not? I can give my life to whomever I wish and if there is only the slightest chance that I can save him then I want to try. My death is certain, but Mr. Weasley can survive if I help him."

Lupin opened his mouth only to close it again. Tonks leaned closer and cast me an unreadable look. "Well, you truly are brave… and right about the choice you have. No one but yourself should control your life."

For a moment we just looked at each other. When the tea lady passed our table with astounding speed, I averted my gaze to Lupin. "I will need your help with more than just these letters. And I need your word for it."

The expression on his face was more serious than I had seen before. "But have you thought this through, Arya? You made this decision just now. I mean– Have you thought about your friends and… well… Nobody expects you to give up your life."

I smiled sadly. "At Grimmauld Place this summer, I promised Professor Snape not to throw my life away. But that is not what I'm doing here nor am I giving up my life. I know what I'm doing. I want to and will do this for the Weasley family but also for myself. And I need your help. So, will you help me?"

The silence stretched as he stared at me. Various emotions flickered through his eyes until he finally nodded again. I cast him a small, grateful smile. "I cannot say in what state I will be once I finish the procedure. I might still have enough strength left to return to Grimmauld Place or I might not. Anyway, I need you to take me back. Whatever the Healers here might say or want to do, you must bring me back. The only person who might be able to help is Professor Snape. Take me back to Grimmauld Place, do not give me any potions or use any Healing spells and contact Professor Snape as soon as you can."

"He'll be furious," Lupin said softly and cast me an insisting look. "Is he even aware that you're here?"

His words sparked a deep longing in my heart and I lowered my gaze. My fingers played with the elbish ring on my hand. My eyes stung suddenly and I had to bite the inside of my cheek as not to lose control. How much I wanted to see Severus again right now.

"Yes, he knows," I muttered and sighed. I raised my head when my heart sank lower in my chest. I straightened in my seat and cast Lupin a hard look. "Promise me that you will bring me back to Grimmauld Place and contact him the moment we arrive."

Lupin nodded thoughtfully. "You have my word."

For a moment we stared at each other. The quiet urgency in my words was not lost on the man in front of me. Lupin swallowed and nodded again, wordlessly accepting and respecting my decision. Then he took the letter reluctantly and I watched it disappear in one of the inside pockets of his robes.

I took a deep breath to compose myself, reminding myself of what I wanted to do, trying to forget about who I was leaving behind. These thoughts and feelings would merely distract me in my task. I forced the dream about Mr. Weasley's attack to the forefront of my mind. I reminded myself of the feeling of the Cruciatus Curse and all the cruelties my father committed. He would not win today. A small satisfactory smile crept on my lips. No, he would not. Mr. Weasley would live. I would make sure of it.

When my fingers took a hold of the cup they were no longer trembling. I took one last gulp before coming to my feet. I raised my chin and felt how the overwhelming determination calmed my body. My heartbeat slowed, my senses sharpened and focused on the calm waves of magic in my soul. Soon enough the quiet, regular movements would turn to a raging storm. As we made our way back, I could feel the dread and anxiety wave off Tonks' and Lupin's bodies. They remained quiet, however.

"If you don't mind, I'll come with you," Lupin glanced at the closed door. I nodded once, my gaze flickering from a nervous Tonks to a very grim looking Moody. The Auror was observing me with his magical eye and, for a second, I feared that he could read my thoughts, that he knew what I was about to do. Then I followed Lupin back into Mr. Weasley's room.

The Weasley family sat around Mr. Weasley's bed. Mrs. Weasley's head snapped around when she heard the door opening. The flicker of hope in her eyes vanished as quickly as it had come. Obviously she had expected someone else – maybe a healer who would declare that they had found an antidote. Never before had I seen the twins looking so lost. Ginny's eyes were red as if she had been crying. I recognised the eldest child, Bill Weasley, leaning against the wall with a very exhausted looking Harry next to him.

I approached the bed and found my gaze fixed on the pale face of Mr. Weasley. Pearls of sweat had formed on his forehead and the hand that Mrs. Weasley was holding trembled slightly. Mr. Weasley's dull eyes flickered in Lupin's and my direction and despite the pain in his eyes the corners of his lips twitched into a small smile. I glanced up at Lupin to see him already watching me with great concern in his eyes. It was at this moment that I became fully aware of what I intended to do. Instead of fear, however, I felt a peaceful calm filling my heart. I showed Lupin a small smile and after a moment he swallowed and nodded.

"George," I addressed the twin with a small smile, "may I borrow your seat?"

George blinked at me several times before he shrugged his shoulders. His twin watched me with a slightly confused expression but remained quiet. I pulled the chair closer to the bed until my knees touched the mattress. Mr. Weasley's head turned slowly in my direction, dull blue eyes watching me. I smiled warmly at him although my heart clenched painfully in my chest. It was wrong to see the usual twinkling eyes and vivid features so sick and exhausted.

"Mr. Weasley," I spoke gently and carefully took his cold hand in mine. A cold shiver ran down my spine when the feeling of darkness and death grew even stronger with the touch.

"You can feel it too, don't you," Mr. Weasley's voice sounded coarse and strange. I nodded slowly.

"Feel what," Mrs. Weasley's hold on her husband's hand tightened and her frightened eyes flickered to me and back to her husband. I heard the rustling of robes next to me and for a short second my mind imagined it to be Severus.

"Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley, may I speak to you alone?"

Mrs. Weasley frowned but nodded, nonetheless. The creases of worry on her forehead deepened even more when she turned towards her children. Mr. Weasley glanced at his children, his eyelids almost closing with the draining effort.

"What – But mum–," protested Ginny frustrated and looked from her father to me. "What does this mean?"

"Bill," Mr. Weasley spoke quietly. His son pushed himself off the wall and sat on the bed. "Take your siblings and Harry out of here, would you?" A trembling hand reached for his son's hand and a weak smile appeared on his lips.

"No, we want to stay. We want to hear what's so important," exclaimed George from behind his twin. Fred looked just as frightened and upset. "Yeah, we're of age. We want to hear this."

"Listen to your father," Mrs. Weasley raised her voice although it held nothing of its usual energy. She threw her eldest son a sad smile and he nodded in return. More protests arose, but under the stern gaze of their mother, they reluctantly left the room. I felt their eyes on me until Bill gently pulled Ginny out of the room and closed the door. Lupin sat down next to me and folded his hands in his lap.

"What is it that you feel, Arya," Mrs. Weasley's scared eyes settled on me. I looked from her to Mr. Weasley, leaving her question unanswered for the moment. I did not want them to know about the risk I was taking since I knew they would certainly not agree.

"The mixture of the snake's poison with Dark Magic is something that no spell nor potion can counteract. Dark Magic is not an illness therefore there exists no cure for it and it renders every antidote more or less useless. However, I think I know a way how to help you which is why I wanted us to be alone. With your permission, I would like to treat you, Mr. Weasley."

"But – What do you mean," Mrs. Weasley paled even further and stared at me with wide eyes. "You mean Arthur's…"

Mr. Weasley looked from me to his panicking wife and back. "Is this safe? How can you heal something that's incurable?"

"My magic, Ancient Magic, works differently than wand magic. I cannot explain it in detail, but its use is not bound to defined spells which allows me to form it at will… to a certain extent."

Mr. Weasley exchanged a long look with Mrs. Weasley before the witch looked up again. Her lips curled into a tired smile. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Well, Arya… I – We don't doubt you, but are you sure? You don't have to do this. I mean, this is not your fault if you should feel responsible for some reason…"

"I want to help you, Mr. Weasley. I want to do this for you and I know that I can do it," I insisted and gave his hand an encouraging squeeze. At least I hoped I could help him…

Mr. Weasley closed his eyes for a moment before he finally nodded. I smiled wearily and nodded. Lupin placed his hand on my shoulder and I turned to him. Warm eyes filled with nothing but concern watched me intensely. No words were needed as he silently communicated his support. I nodded gratefully before turning to the Weasleys once more.

"Please, release his hand, Mrs. Weasley, and whatever happens, don't touch him," I instructed quietly as I took Mr. Weasley's hand in a more comfortable position. I placed my other hand on his chest and felt the weak beating of his heart against my palm.

Then I closed my eyes and focused. I focused my mind on Mr. Weasley's body. I reached for the calm lake of magic in my soul. I felt the shift as movement came in the quiet force. Waves pushed the energy through my veins, into my heart and into my hands where I was connected with Mr. Weasley. The second the magic reached my palms, I became suddenly hyperaware of his body – and the darkness within. It was spreading like a disease, gradually yet inexorably destroying nerves, vessels and magic. It was the complete opposite of my magic. Where Ancient Magic was pure, light and life, the Dark Magic in Mr. Weasley's body was purely destructive and lethal.

I used my magic to detect the darkness in his body. Suddenly I understood why Dark Magic was so dangerous. It was obviously there, in his body, and yet it was not. It had no form or shape like the snake poison that attacked Mr. Weasley's somatic cells, nerves and muscles. The darkness moved without shape, without logic through his body. It was unfixed, mutating and indestructible. As if one tried to catch smoke with their bare hands.

There were no words to describe what I was doing yet the sentences spoken in Nyanja left my lips without hesitation. I felt the natural resistance of my magic to mingle with the darkness that was within Mr. Weasley's body. Yet I continued and pushed my magic into his body, forced it to flow through every vein, every vessel, nerve and fibre. The hand on Mr. Weasley's heart kept a blending light of magic in the weakly beating organ to keep it pulsating. Where purity collided with relentless darkness, it rose against my magic before vanishing into another part of Mr. Weasley's system. It was strenuous but I guided my magic with a calm, patient perseverance. I knew the most difficult part was yet to come.

Slowly, in a tedious process, I had finally encircled the formless darkness in Mr. Weasley's arm. It could no longer spread, and it was then that I felt its entire power. Dark Magic reared against my incessant magical barrier that forced it closer and closer to where our hands were connected. Dark Magic existed to destroy, not to be destroyed, and a human body was weaker than that of an elb.

My magic shone brighter than ever before as the darkness was rising one last time, its foul energy bombarding my magic with the brutal force of death. I gathered all my strength and threw one last powerful blow against the dark wall. I lost control of my magic when the sheer, unbridled force filled my body. Then I felt a huge shadow falling silently, like a horrible evil spirit, over my soul.

I opened my eyes… and saw only darkness. I felt nothing as if I had somehow lost my body. Then I was falling and flashes of light passed in front of my eyes. My soul was burning. The blood in my veins, every fibre of my being felt foul. My body was not my body anymore. Gasping, I ripped my eyes wide open.

"Arya," somebody called loudly.

Softness and warmth were under my hands. I blinked several times and slowly my eyes focused on the red-haired man. A seething, sharp pain rushed through my veins and paralysed my muscles. I gasped for air, but it brought no relief. On the contrary, I felt as if every intake of fresh air was contaminated by the foul darkness in my lungs. I gagged as the disgusting taste filled my mouth and nose.

"Arya, can you hear me," I identified Lupin's concerned voice.

The touch on my forearm felt as soothing as it made me feel filthy. Dark Magic was residing in my body. It was everywhere. I felt it, tasted it, smelled it, breathed it. The seething pain was unbearable and made me whimper. My magic was rising against the intrusion of Dark Magic – of death. My hands clenched to fists on the mattress as I frantically tried to keep my mind awake.

"Lupin," I groaned.

"I'm here, Arya," I heard him. His voice came from everywhere and nowhere. A hand took a firm grip on my upper arm.

My eyelids threatened to close as I turned my head to him. My body was shuddering, my muscles no longer under my control. I saw a blurred mess of brown hair and a pale face with no eyes. The edges of my vision darkened too fast.

"Tell him I'm sorry."

Suddenly I was surrounded by darkness. The face of an angry Severus ghosted briefly through my mind, then I felt nothing but sweet relief.


	79. Chapter 79 - The fight against darkness

**79\. The fight against darkness**

Several heads turned towards the entrance of the kitchen when the front door banged open. Ginny had been half-asleep in a chair but jumped visibly as the noise ripped her out of a light slumber. Not even a moment later, Severus swept into the room with his cloak billowing around his legs. His expression was unreadable, black eyes flickering over the few people.

The Weasley twins were sitting at the table, exchanging glances now and then. For once, their faces showed not the slightest trace of amusement or mirth. Dark rings stood out in contrast to light blue eyes. Sirius Black was sitting at the head of the table, staring at the worn-out wood with creases of worry lining his features. Remus Lupin had raised his head from his hands and watched the other man with a weary expression, usually lively eyes looking rather dull. His shoulders slumped as soon as their gazes met.

"Severus–"

"Why am I here," Severus asked coldly. Again, he let his gaze wander through the room. His lips curled when he found his presumption confirmed. Arya was not there.

"Dumbledore didn't tell you," Lupin sighed and looked at the seemingly emotionless man. A muscle in Severus' jaw twitched and he narrowed his eyes slightly. Nobody noticed the subtle change in posture as Severus' body froze on the spot, the cold claws of fear slowly creeping into his heart.

"Didn't tell me what," Severus' voice had lowered to an almost threatening tone. Before anyone else could say anything, another door opened and Ron stepped through with a bowl in hands.

"Mum needs fresh water to–," he froze on the spot when he noticed his Potions Professor standing in the middle of the kitchen.

Severus was ripped out of his moveless state and flashing obsidian eyes flickered back to Lupin. The latter stood up from his seat with a heavy heart beating in his chest. He knew that Severus was by far not as untouched as he pretended to be. Lupin had not known how to send for Severus without raising any suspicions. So, he had contacted the Headmaster instead, stressing Arya's wish to send for him immediately. But, apparently, the Headmaster had not informed Severus of her condition. Lupin found himself at a loss for words under the intense glare of his former colleague. He did not know what to say without revealing the other man's secret. Before he could open his mouth, however, Severus rushed past him without another glance.

The dark-haired man was seething inwardly when he stepped into the living room but forced himself to remain as collected as possible. Severus stopped dead in his track when his gaze fell on the scene in front of him. Harry was sitting in an armchair with his elbows resting on his knees and his chin on his folded hands. With a defeated expression he kept staring at the crackling flames, seeming deeply lost in thoughts. Severus' gaze flickered briefly over the hunched figure of Hermione who was sitting on the floor next to Molly Weasley.

Severus' heart dropped when he looked past Mrs. Weasley to the couch she was leaning over. The older woman was muttering something inaudible, but he could not focus on her. The only sound was the blood pulsating loudly through his ears.

There, on the couch, laid Arya. And she was not moving.

Automatically, his legs brought him closer and only then did Hermione notice him. Startled she turned her head to the rustling sound of robes. Severus flinched inwardly when he noticed the tears on her face. A heavy lump formed in his throat as the relentless coldness of fear spread faster and clenched his lungs. Breathing became suddenly very difficult and he felt terribly light-headed.

"Professor," Mrs. Weasley watched the younger man with a defeated expression. Her fist was clenching a dark cloth. Severus straightened his back and stared at the unmoving body on the couch. For once in his life, he was at a loss of what to do. He could not do what his heart so desperately wanted – not with them in the same room.

"Can you help her," Harry asked quietly, his gaze fixed on Arya's motionless form. Severus' gaze flickered to his student, his features contorting with pure disdain. Black eyes burned with sudden anger.

"Get out," he spat. He looked from Harry to Hermione who shrank visibly in her position. Severus' anger multiplied when he saw that Harry opened his mouth to argue. The boy was shorter than his Professor, nevertheless, he stood up and faced him with an infuriating determined expression.

Severus curled his lips, his body moving without his mind's consent. In less than a second, he had reached Harry and grabbed the front of his sweater. His eyes flashed dangerously, the darkest black Harry had ever seen and for the first time, he felt scared of his Potions Professor.

Time seemed frozen when Severus' fist gripped the fabric. He felt his hand tremble as he glared at his childhood enemy's child. How much he wanted to give in. His conscience tempting him with how easy it was to harm the boy in front of him. The boy who was the main reason Arya always ended up injured in the hospital wing. The boy who was certainly also the reason why Arya looked so terrifyingly lifeless.

Severus growled frustrated and pushed Harry brutally in direction of the door. The boy stumbled and barely managed to keep himself on his feet. His expression contorted with uncontrolled anger but Severus cut him off once more.

"Get out of here, Potter, or your godfather can scratch your body from this carpet."

With that, he turned to Hermione, but no more words were needed for her to understand the genuine threat. Wiping her cheeks, she cast one last look at Arya before hurrying to Harry and pulling him out of the room. The door closed behind them, a clicking sound locking the door.

Severus' heart was hammering furiously in his chest. Letting out a shaking breath he felt his fear surfacing as an overwhelming force once more. He whirled around and stepped to the couch. He ignored Mrs. Weasley who had moved to the head of the couch. His gaze fell on the cloth in her hand. What he had believed to be a dark fabric turned out to be stains of blood. Coldness overwhelmed his entire body when his mind was desperately trying to process what his eyes were seeing.

Arya's skin was deadly pale and her eyes closed. A thick blanket was covering her shaking frame. He cringed inwardly when Arya took a strained breath and coughed weakly. Her features contorted with pain before she took more rattling breaths. His eyes flickered over her body but he could not see an open wound nor any blood on her skin that could have explained the blood on the cloth. Without taking his eyes off Arya, Severus kneeled in front of the couch.

"Jackson," Severus said quietly, watching her face closely. Arya sighed and a muscle twitched over her jaw. "Jackson," he repeated louder this time. Seconds passed, seconds which felt like an eternity to Severus' heart. He remained frozen like a statue without blinking, not even daring to breathe.

But then, very slowly, Arya opened her eyes and blinked. A weary sigh escaped her lips and she furrowed her eyebrows. Another cough escaped her mouth. Severus felt his heart skip when he saw the young elb move. He wanted to hold her, tell her that he was there and would do everything to help her. His hand was itching as he wanted nothing more than to caress her cheek and hold her close to his body. But he could not. Not here. Not now.

"Look at me," Severus clenched his jaw, hating himself for what he was doing. Arya deserved so much better than being surrounded by all these useless people when she was obviously suffering. She needed someone by her side who truly knew her – like him or her brother.

Arya's blue eyes widened when she finally recognized the dark figure next to her. She drew in a deep breath that stopped abruptly when she coughed stronger this time. Her face contorted into a pained expression and the following breaths were torture for Severus' ears. Arya shifted with great difficulties, trying to untangle her arms from the blanket. Her eyes never left his face.

Severus did not see Mrs. Weasley's surprised look when he gently helped Arya to release her arms. For a moment the older woman forgot about all the worries concerning her husband, their children and Arya's brave deed. Her heart warmed when she saw the cold mask of the usually emotionless Professor falter slightly. Suddenly, there was warmth in these pitch-black eyes. Genuine concern had softened the usual hard, intimidating features. Neither did she miss the relief in Arya's dull eyes.

"I'm sorry," Arya said quietly, her eyes starting to water. Her pleading gaze never left Severus' face.

"Don't. There is no reason to apologise."

Severus' hand twitched in his lap and before he could stop himself, he was pushing strains of hair from her sweaty forehead. The tips of his fingers brushed pale, burning skin. Severus found that he did not care if Mrs. Weasley saw it. In fact, he had almost forgotten that she was there. He would deal with her later.

"I had to try. I needed to," Arya continued weakly, completely ignoring his words. Sighing, Severus pulled his hand back and Arya let out a frustrated breath. Another wave of coughs burned her lungs and made breathing almost impossible. There was so much she needed to tell him, but her body would not listen.

Severus' attention was suddenly drawn to her lips. In one corner of her lips had appeared a crimson drop that forced his heart to stop beating. But before he could do anything Arya was licking her dry lips, leaving them – to his utter horror, covered in blood. She had an internal bleeding. Mrs. Weasley reached out and gently cleaned her lips.

Arya did not seem to worry or care as she took several shaky breaths and started again. "I couldn't stand by… watch how my father destroyed another family… I'm dying anyway… The Weasley's… they're good people… The Wizarding World needs more people like them."

"I know," Severus replied softly. Every single word had hit him like the worst torturing curse. He swallowed the thick lump in his throat. He could not do anything but drink in her soft features, the way her hair framed her face, the pain in these blue eyes. Although she looked heartbreakingly sick, she was still the most beautiful being Severus had ever laid eyes on.

"I'm sorry," Arya whispered, her eyes closing against her will.

Severus cursed himself for letting his emotions take control over his mind. She was suffering and here he was, not doing anything to help. His jaw clenched and black eyes turned hard. With great difficulties, Arya opened hers again. It took her longer this time to focus but when her gaze flickered back to Severus, she felt frightened with the cold expression on his face.

"Why are you bleeding, Jackson?"

Arya's body trembled and she pressed her lips in a tight line. She averted her gaze but not before Severus had seen the flicker of pain in her eyes. He furrowed his eyebrows at her reaction, an uncomfortable feeling was settling in the pit of his stomach – a feeling he recognised to be growing dread.

"I know this serpent and I know the effects of its venom – internal bleeding is not one of them so answer my question, elb," Severus pushed further but a quiet whimper was the only answer he received. Severus hissed as his fear threatened to come to the surface. "How did you heal Arthur Weasley?"

Arya did not answer and Severus felt more and more frustrated and helpless. What was so terrible that she would not tell him? He did not dare to touch her – too afraid that his touch would free the emotions he was desperately trying to keep hidden. His gaze flickered rapidly over her face, trying to think of any reason that could frighten her so much. He clenched his hands to tight fists to keep himself from touching her.

"Damn it, Jackson, look at me," Severus growled but the young elb closed her eyes. Instead, he felt the confused gaze from Mrs. Weasley on him.

His heart was hammering so loudly in his chest that he almost missed the whispered words. Next to him, Mrs. Weasley drew in a sharp breath. Severus frowned at Arya's face, asking himself whether he had not perhaps misunderstood her or the Headmaster's words concerning Arthur Weasley's condition.

"What did you just say," he asked softly and stared at Arya's shaking form. Something bothered him about her condition – it seemed so awfully familiar, yet he could not say why.

"I didn't," Arya interrupted his thoughts, her voice barely louder than before. Only then did she turn her head with great difficulties. Her pleading eyes were staring straight at him as if they wanted to tell him something. Severus swallowed the forming lump in his throat, his thoughts rushing through his mind and trying to make sense of this entire situation.

"What do you mean you didn't heal him," Severus asked sharper this time as frustration flooded his mind. "According to the Healers in the hospital, the venom has vanished from his system, although it was quite obviously your doing. So, what are you imply-"

With wide eyes, Mrs. Weasley stared at the Professor who had turned rigid in less than a second. Fear settled in her heart when she saw the appalled expression on his face. Arya felt as if she had to vomit, so hard were her insides being clenched by an invisible force. Severus looked as if he was facing his most terrible nightmare. Arya would have sobbed if her body had had the strength to do so when his eyes suddenly met hers – black eyes filled with so much fear and pain that she hated herself for being the reason.

"No… No, this cannot–," Severus whispered softly as coldness enwrapped his body like a second cloak. Memories flashed through his mind – memories of another elb he had met many years ago. The brief images stopped and his mind sharpened. The next breath hitched in his throat as he stared in Arya's pained eyes. "Tell me you didn't transmit the Dark Magic to your body."

Arya closed her eyes and groaned as a new wave of burning pain rushed through her body. She wished she would lose consciousness as not to see Severus' pain.

Severus furrowed his eyebrows, forcing himself to remember the symptoms Leya had shown after she had been forcibly given the Dark Mark. She had lost her strength in only a few days. Like Arya, she had had a fever, cold sweat and had suffered immense pain. But there was one symptom that Leya had not shown.

"Jackson, why do you have an internal bleeding," he asked again. This time, Arya did not turn away. She opened and closed her mouth several times. The fear in her eyes turned Severus' insides to burning flesh. Desperation overwhelmed his soul and his expression softened. This could not be happening.

"I'm sorry. I'm… I'm so sorry," Arya whimpered quietly, single tears were rolling into her hair. Her entire body was trembling as her eyes searched for Severus'. "I… I tried to stop – Asked them not to – I couldn't–"

Severus' heart clenched when he saw the desperation in her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to pull her to his chest and tell her that everything would be alright soon. But that was a lie. Arya would not be alright. Her mother, Leya, had died because of the Dark Magic in her system. His mind snapped back to focus on the young woman in front of him as she kept whispering the same words.

"Potion… Bleeding… It's a potion."

Severus' entire body grew tense. His mind seemed to have woken from its numbness and was sharper than it had been the entire day. The one word was enough for his heart to shove every feeling that would prevent him from thinking rationally back behind his cold mask. His fear and pain were replaced by blazing fury as he glared at Mrs. Weasley.

"What potion," Mrs. Weasley frowned at the rapid change of emotions. Severus narrowed his eyes at her and snarled. "Who gave her this damned potion?"

A mere whisper cut through his rage like a knife. Severus looked down at Arya only to find her staring at him with a very pained expression. "Sirius."

His fury seemed to multiply upon hearing the name. Anger and hatred were raging around his consciousness, leaving him in the quiet eye of his internal storm. Severus looked down at Arya with a hard expression.

"You will not close your eyes or even think about sleeping, Jackson," Severus said coldly. "I swear I will curse you if you aren't awake when I return."

"Where are you going," Arya furrowed her eyebrows, panic evident in her eyes. She moved one shaking hand in his direction.

He could not reply. His heart felt as if it was being twisted agonisingly slow. Arya was struggling to keep her eyes open. Pearls of sweat had formed on her forehead. Frozen with fear, he watched as Mrs. Weasley wiped them away. Severus swallowed the thick lump in his throat and forced his emotions back behind the hard mask of cold indifference.

"Stay awake, Evandar," Severus' voice dropped lower with barely concealed fear. He looked into her eyes, drank in the pale features before standing abruptly. Then he turned to Mrs. Weasley, his features and voice more frightening than she had ever witnessed before. "Keep her awake – at any costs!"

There was no need for any more words. Molly Weasley understood the true meaning of his words. Without another word he whirled around and left in direction of the door. Never, in his entire life, had anything been more difficult than leaving the one person he loved the most. His body moved by itself whilst his mind was desperately trying to keep the horrifying picture of Arya dying – alone, without him by her side – out of his mind. She would not die! She could not!

The gentle clicking sound of the closing door behind him ripped him back to reality. Quickly, he was thinking about what Arya would most certainly need. His legs brought him to the kitchen cabinet where he stored his potions. He clenched his jaw when he felt the burning gazes from Harry and Black on his back. His frustration grew when he realised that the most important potions were not there. He had never brought Arya's elbish potions…

Growling, he banged the cabinet close and turned to the shelves. His eyes flickered over the different bottles before he finally grabbed the Firewhisky and a cup. A flick of his wand cleaned the bowl Ron had left on the table. Severus curled his mouth at the boy's lack of reliability. With every passing second, his annoyance and anger grew. He loathed them all so much. He would have loved to curse them if only that were Arya's cure. He could not fail her.

With shaking hands, he placed the cup, flask and Firewhisky in the bowl. His dark gaze flickered to the relaxed Sirius Black who was watching him with furrowed eyebrows. Severus' hand clenched around the wand in his pocket as he glared venomously at the other man.

"Which potion did you force her to drink, Black?"

Sirius tensed and his expression twisted to anger. "I didn't force her to do anything."

"Jackson told me otherwise," Severus spat dangerously. "Was her name written on the label of the flask or not?"

Sirius looked confused. "No, why should it? Do you keep count–"

"I will curse anyone who dares to touch this potion," Severus pointed at the flask he had taken out and glared at Lupin. The other man nodded which Severus took as his cue to leave.

"And where are you going now? Arya's in the living room," Sirius called him back. Severus whirled around, his entire body as tense as an arrow.

"Why Black, did you truly believe I would leave my valuable potions in your house? You cannot even read a label properly." Obsidian eyes turned darker with hatred.

Sirius' lips twitched and he glared at the other man. "We were just trying to help her. Which is much more than what you're doing at the moment."

"Sirius, that's enough." Remus interfered sharply and shook his head. Sirius raised his head and glared at his friend. With a dismissive hand-movement in Severus' direction, he let out an annoyed breath.

"He's in my house. I can do whatever I want. And I don't like him here or anywhere near Arya," Sirius snapped.

"Yet she's suffering because of you. I wonder who is the actual threat here," Severus replied waspishly. A provocative sneer appeared on his lips when Sirius jumped up. Turning around, Severus moved swiftly in direction of the door. Sirius' hands were clenched to fists at his sides and his eyes narrowed at the other man's back.

"And I wondered for years why you even care what happens to her. But now–," Sirius' expression darkened, black eyes flashing with burning loathing. "Why don't you admit that you're just keeping her alive to gain our trust. Arya might've been stupid enough to fall for it, but I know who you truly are. You're the reason her mother's dead. I'm sure you never told her the truth. Why else should she trust you!"

Severus had stopped dead in his track at the mention of Leya Evandar. His fists clenched painfully at his sides. The only sound was the loud rushing of blood in his ears. It took all the self-control Severus had ever mustered to keep his raging emotions from exploding. Muffled voices reached his ears.

"I don't care, Remus. Snape's never bothered to look after anyone else but himself. Lily and Leyanne, they both ended up dead because of him. Why can't you see that he's also using Arya? And now–"

Severus was seething with anger when he whirled around. He grabbed the front of Sirius' coat and threw him against the wall. Several surprised shrieks and scratching chairs were audible in the background but Severus ignored it. Sirius grunted at the sudden pain when his back collided brutally with the stone wall. Severus tightened his hold. A menacing expression had settled on his features.

"You don't know anything about me, coward. While you enjoy your unlimited free-time, I make sure your friends' sacrifices weren't in vain. You seem to have forgotten but your arrogant godson and his foolish friends are still breathing because of me."

Sirius growled and tried to get out of Severus' iron grip but he merely curled his lips.

"Would you two stop this! You're adults for Merlin's sake," Tonks exclaimed loudly and glared at the pair of them. "This is not the right time nor place for this nonsense. Aryanna needs help now!"

Severus felt his heart skip a beat when he processed her words. Arya was waiting for him. She was suffering whilst he was wasting precious time. Disgusted with himself and the other man, he pushed Sirius away from him and glared furiously.

"Right, you're the hero. Tell yourself whatever you need to sleep at night, Snivellus," Sirius spat in his face. Severus snarled venomously but turned away to leave. "You shouldn't forget that it was Arya who saved Arthur, not you. Now leave and do what you supposedly do best. And better make sure Arya doesn't end up like Leyanne or her sacrifice would've-"

Before anyone could react, Severus' fist collided hard with Sirius' face, crashing him onto the floor. Severus' rage held all the power of a wildfire. They could all see the flames of unbridled rage roaring in his eyes, ready to ignite anything that he came in contact with.

Instinctively Sirius raised a hand to his face and groaned. It turned into a threatening growl when he looked at his fingers, covered in blood. Severus squatted in front of him, grabbed Sirius' throat and pinned his head against the wall once more. It took Severus all the self-control he possessed not to choke the man. Nevertheless a dark satisfaction overwhelmed him when he saw the spark of panic in Sirius' eyes.

"Severus, stop," Severus could not remember that the wolf had ever raised his voice in anger before. "Severus!"

Sirius felt the grip on his throat tighten and growled with pure loathing. He fumbled for his wand but Severus was faster. With a menacing snarl, he pulled Sirius' wand out of his jacket and pressed the tip into the other man's cheek. A brutal, ferocious expression had settled on Severus' features.

"You know nothing, Black! I was there when Leya begged Dumbledore for help to escape the Dark Lord. I was there when she died. I swore to protect her daughter and until this day, I haven't broken my word. Pray you aren't the reason to change that because if Arya Evandar dies, I won't hesitate to wipe your poor existence from this world. And no one will get in my way to save your worthless life."

Flashing, black eyes with the promise of death glared in burning eyes. Severus lowered the wand threateningly slow before releasing Sirius' throat. With the grace and confidence of a predator, Severus stood and dropped the wand of the defeated man. Then he whirled around, not caring about his robes brushing Sirius' bloody face, and stormed out of the kitchen. He had wasted too much time!

The people in the kitchen stayed quiet for a long moment. Harry helped Sirius to sit at the table and Remus fixed the broken nose. Ginny and Hermione dropped themselves on the nearest chairs, fidgeting with trembling hands. Tonks flicked her wand to clean up the blood on the floor before taking a seat. To say that they were shocked was an understatement. Even Lupin had been surprised by Severus' reaction, although he could not deny that his best friend had stepped out of line with his provocative remarks.

For the very first time, they all understood how Severus Snape had been capable of being a Death Eater. Of course, the Weasley children, Harry and Hermione had experience with the cruel Potions Master. He was a man who knew how to use words as a weapon. Yet they had never been convinced that he could aim his wand to kill. But the terrifying murderous expression along with the carefully chosen words had changed their opinion. Severus Snape was a dangerous man one did not want as their enemy.

Remus sighed and stared at his friend. Sirius was pressing a bloody handkerchief against his nose. A deep frown had settled on his features as he glared at the wooden table. Remus knew him well enough to know that he was suffering – not only because he was imprisoned in the one place that he despised the most, but also because he was alone most of the time. And Severus had always been a suitable target for Sirius to torment in times of boredom during their time at Hogwarts. Although Severus had adapted over the years and learned to give as good as he received, Remus knew that Sirius and James had started the entire rivalry. He had seen nasty spells coming from his Gryffindor friends and the inconspicuous Slytherin – neither of them could claim themselves to be innocent. After everything his best friend had suffered these past years, Remus understood Sirius' mood swings.

Nevertheless the provocations Sirius had thrown at Severus had been lower than anything he had ever said before. While he did not agree with Severus' reaction either, Remus understood why the other man had snapped. He had seen Severus' anger more often than not but this darkness had been new to him. Just as it had been new to him during his short time as a teacher that Severus had not been as lost in his aggressive temper as he had suspected.

Sometimes, when he was facing the cold man, he was still wondering if his imagination had possibly tricked him that night. But then Severus would do or say something, imperceptible to those who would not know what to look for, that showed a glimpse of his real self behind the impenetrable mask – the Severus Snape who cared and loved. Yet Remus did not doubt that Severus would keep his word. Aryanna was everything that mattered to him, he had seen it in Severus' eyes. If she died in this house, Severus had nothing left to lose. Which was the reason why Remus needed to talk to his best friend…

Night was falling around Severus as he hurried back to the castle. Although his face gave nothing away, he was more agitated than ever. It was not for the first time that he cursed the apparition wards. Two meetings he had attended since the start of this school year – two meetings with the Dark Lord and his followers and twice he had had to drag himself across school ground with slashing wounds or shaking limbs. Until now he had successfully hidden his nightly disappearances and after-effects of torture from anyone, except for the Headmaster and – to his utter grudge, Arya as well.

Severus clenched his jaw and forced his legs to move faster. No, now he felt certainly no desire to face Albus Dumbledore or anyone else for that matter. The strong urge to hex his employee was overpowered by the mighty fear in his heart. If only the Headmaster had told him why he was needed at Grimmauld Place Severus could have taken his supplies with him. Now he was wasting precious time – time Arya certainly did not have.

The black cloak was billowing wildly behind him as the sound of his hastened steps echoed in the empty corridors. Severus let out a breath of relief when he finally saw the door to his office. Swiftly he flicked his wand to lift the protection ward. An annoyed growl rumbled in his chest as he felt that someone had invaded his office.

"What do you want," he snarled without casting the unwelcomed intruder a glance. Instead he rushed through his office and into his private quarters. Annoyance settled on his features as he ripped his potion cabinet open and quickly scanned the labels on the many vials.

"Severus, what is happening," Minerva McGonagall had followed her younger colleague into his living room. Confusion was apparent in her voice. "The Headmaster informed me that Arthur Weasley was well-tended and out of danger. But now-"

"I have no time for this, Minerva," Severus spat venomously. His hands were shaking when he pulled out various vials and pushed them swiftly in his pocket. "And I don't give a damn about what the Headmaster said."

The grip on his arm that forced him around was surprisingly strong for a woman of her age. A deep frown had settled on Minerva's face but her eyes showed great concern. Severus found himself unable to move as her sympathy released a wave of agony in his soul. Briefly, he allowed himself to close his eyes before turning his head away to keep his emotions from bursting to the surface. He knew the elder woman had not missed the shudder rushing through his body.

"What happened, Severus," Minerva released his arm and fumbled nervously with her hands. She knew there was only one reason why Severus would possibly lose control over his emotions. "Is something with Jackson?"

As the name reached his ears he snapped back to his senses. In the blink of an eye, he had pushed every slipped emotion back behind his cold mask and glared at his colleague.

"She's dying. This foolish woman is willing to give her life to save Arthur Weasley but Dumbledore didn't even see fit to tell me," Severus snarled down at her. He clenched his jaw at her confused expression and hissed in disgust. Without another word, he pushed himself past her and returned to his office.

Once more, he found himself being stopped by a firm grip on his arm. Minerva stared at him with hard eyes. "Dying? What do you mean she's dying, Severus?"

Severus growled threatening as seething anger lit every nerve in his body. "What I mean," he ripped his arm out of her hold and spat through gritted teeth, "is that your Gryffindor mutt Black has signed his own death warrant by giving her the wrong potion."

Seething hatred rushed through his veins and a throbbing pressure rose in his temple. Severus curled his lips and clenched his jaw. Then he whirled around to escape the other woman as fast as possible. He felt so angry he wanted to scream and hit something… or better someone. Severus' lips curled into a cold sneer. Dark satisfaction filled his heart when he thought off Black's face covered in blood. Oh, he knew curses that the mutt could not even imagine – curses to which there existed no protection charms or counterspells, curses meant to torture until death. And he would use them. Whether it was on Black or some low-rank Death Eater who would not be missed by anyone, yes, he would use every single one of these curses if he lost Arya.

Shaking his head, Severus cleared his thoughts from the overwhelming and so very tempting darkness. The same darkness that had driven him to enjoy being a Death Eater so many years ago – the rush of power, the power that came with the loss of fears and self-doubts, the feeling of belonging and being a part of something bigger. He had been so blinded by the power offered to him that he had never questioned its price. He had lost a part of himself in exchange for darkness and he would carry it with him forever.

Severus took a deep breath and lifted the magical wards on the gates. As soon as the last protection was down, the gates opened quietly and he stepped through. He waited until the wards had rebuilt itself, then he thought of his destination and apparated with a loud crack into the starless night.


End file.
